0054. Doug Uram and Mike Sicoli

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo (Ep. 0054) – Doug Uram and Mike Sicoli

Date: October 19, 2025
Podcast: GaS Digital Network
Guests: Doug Uram, Mike Sicoli
Host: Zac Amico
Main Theme:
A chaotic, comedic morning radio-style show dissecting weird news, stories from theme parks and fast food brawls, degenerate habits, and the comedians’ unfiltered perspectives on American society, food, and animal encounters, all with Zac Amico’s signature irreverence.

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Episode Overview

This episode is pure Morning Zoo: irreverent, offbeat, and jam-packed with black comedy. Zac welcomes New Jersey comedians Doug Uram and Mike Sicoli (Prom King) for a rollicking ride through Disney tragedies, culinary abominations, Jersey crime, barfly traditions, “Murder Dogs,” conspiracy theories about beef, and a tour of “Prison Connect” – a dating site for inmates. If you love disturbing news, crude truths, and laughing through society’s underbelly, this is your episode.

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Table of Contents

• 1. Disney Disasters and Theme Park Darkness
• 2. Sneaking Food & Booze (Everywhere!)
• 3. Bizarre Booze Stories & Bad Bar Shots
• 4. Dogs, Babies & the “Murder Dog” Segment
• 5. Angry Fast Food Fights & Drive-Thru Chaos
• 6. Jersey Shore, Parking Scams & Neighborhood Gentrification
• 7. The Comedy Show Fundraiser Hellscape
• 8. Prison Connect: Inmate Dating Profiles
• Notable Quotes
• Memorable Moments

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1. Disney Disasters and Theme Park Darkness

Timestamps: [03:00] – [11:00]

• Discussion opens with the recent news of a woman dying at Disney’s Haunted Mansion and a rare Disney suicide connected to the monorail.
• The crew riffs on how Disney quietly manages on-site fatalities, refusing to let anyone "die at Disney" (Zac: “They will carry you off the premises” [03:03]).
• Story Deep Dive:
  • Monorail suicide: speculation on whether it was caused by monorail, a jump, or a cover-up.
  • Doug: “You're not going to go on a ride better than that now.” [04:00]
  • Zac: “If you die at Disneyland alone, that's just the depression of being at Disneyland alone.” [07:41]
  • Mike: “I just wanted to see one thing... now you have to go buy toys and you spent about $5,000. You're not going to pay the mortgage. Your kids had a great time at Disney World. There’s the monorail.” [08:07]
• Bizarre “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” ride accident—kid ejected, survived with lifelong injuries, died years later.
• Rides with brutal reputations: Space Mountain (heart attacks, seizures), bad theme park food ("meatball corn dog" ad) and the unhealthy guests themselves.

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2. Sneaking Food & Booze (Everywhere!)

Timestamps: [10:45] – [17:30]

• Sneaking Food into Disney:
  The panel discusses Orthodox Jews sneaking food into Disney, with Zac and Mike debating whether the "kosher excuse" holds water. (“Turkey legs are kosher, go fuck yourself.” [09:36])
• Sneaking Liquor/Cigars:
  • Childhood memories of hiding beers in coolers to get through stadium security (Herbie biker story).
  • Doug: “It’s like a bear in a circus. It’s the same thing.” [14:26]
  • Cruise ship ‘booze bladders’ and using tampons for cigar smuggling.

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3. Bizarre Booze Stories & Bad Bar Shots

Timestamps: [17:40] – [23:00]

• Ingenious and disgusting ways to sneak or serve illegal/terrible booze:
  • Sunscreen bottles, hairbrushes, umbrella flasks, listerine/nyquil for Jagermeister (Pantera band legend).
• Bar Traditions:
  • Malört (Chicago’s notorious bitter liqueur)—Mike: “It tasted like you bit a table that had bug spray and liquor on it.” [21:31]
  • Absurd bar shots: "Coney Island Whitefish" (used condom shot), Jersey Turnpike (bar mat), and shotgirls' bachelorette circuit stories (Shannon recounts being a shotgirl once [23:13]).

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4. Dogs, Babies & the “Murder Dog” Segment

Timestamps: [24:00] – [30:00]

• This recurring segment features questionable “cute” dog videos—this week, a toddler motorboating a Rottweiler’s jowls.
• Doug (sarcastic): “Videos like this should be used as evidence against parents.” [26:09]
• Mike and Zac debate the line between responsible pet/child interaction and stupidity.
  • Zac: “You see it on the internet—morons letting their kids poke, prod, and bother dogs that are clearly giving warning signs…” [26:29]
• Wild animal fandom: Mike admits he’s always the one wrestling/taming any animal, no matter the risk. (“I am a hulking retard when it comes to animal. I want to scratch his big belly!” [29:35])
• Discussion of video clips of tigers attacking their owners and the fallout.

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5. Angry Fast Food Fights & Drive-Thru Chaos

Timestamps: [47:54] – [54:47]

• Extended play-by-play of viral fast-food restaurant brawls (Whataburger, Sonic, McDonald’s, Waffle House).
  • Zac: “Every time there’s a fight...somebody has to yell the name of the place.” [49:08]
  • Sonic anecdote: Zac describes building tension at a Sonic, anticipating the coming fight.
• Crackdowns at Jersey/NYC fast food—everyone has a tale of seeing violence or insanity explode at drive-thrus.
• “Dinner and a show” at the infamous West 4th Street McDonald’s in NYC.

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6. Jersey Shore, Parking Scams & Neighborhood Gentrification

Timestamps: [59:29] – [62:27]

• Asbury Park and Long Branch gentrification: luxury homes facing off with chaos, homelessness, drugs, and drive-bys.
• Parking ticket scams: Doug’s saga with accumulating over 70 parking tickets in Asbury, the nightmare of virtual court.
  • “I didn’t pay for parking for a year and they let them build up, then your license is suspended...just pay for parking.” [61:20]
• Other towns with brutal parking enforcement (Weehawken, Hoboken) and the irony of local politics.

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7. The Comedy Show Fundraiser Hellscape

Timestamps: [64:04] – [67:02]

• Horror stories from comedians working VFWs, Elks lodges, firehouses—especially as part of somber fundraising events (sick babies, house fires).
  • “There’s nothing worse than being on a flyer and the dinner is bigger than your name. It says, like, spaghetti and meatballs, which would be our comedy duo.” – Mike [65:25]
• Tone-deaf show organizers and surreal happenings:
  • Doug: “Some lady walks over and just starts licking and sucking his tits. And we're like, what the fuck is going on in this place?” [65:02]

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8. Prison Connect: Inmate Dating Profiles

Timestamps: [69:10] – [74:52]

• The panel reviews “Prison Connect,” where inmates post videos/photos seeking pen-pals or romantic connections.
  • Zac: “I haven’t heard one [success story]. There’s a lot of, ‘...and then I got murdered.’” [69:34]
  • The comedians riff on the sketchier and more bizarre profiles, poking fun at wild backstories, appearances, and suspect gender presentation (“That looks like one of those Mexicans that look Asian. Filipino, I’ll guarantee.” [72:11])
• Mike: “That’s a girl that will fuck your life up. She’ll burn down your brand new apartment.” [70:33]
• Doubling down: Zac, Doug, and Mike riff on every odd inmate profile, from “Meryl Streep on a rough day” to missing teeth and marks of rough lives.

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Notable Quotes

• “You’re not going to go on a ride better than that now.” – Doug Uram ([04:00])
• “The same people who took over Harry Potter took over Hocus Pocus. Some fat, miserable dyke.” – Zac Amico ([11:33])
• “Videos like this should be used as evidence against parents...involuntary manslaughter.” – Doug Uram ([26:09])
• “It tasted like you bit a table that had bug spray and liquor on it.” – Mike Sicoli on Malört ([21:31])
• “Every good, like, day off starts with fast food breakfast.” – Zac Amico ([43:35])
• “There’s nothing worse than being on a flyer and the dinner is bigger than your name. It says, like, spaghetti and meatballs, which would be our comedy duo.” – Mike Sicoli ([65:25])
• “I haven’t heard one [success story]. There’s a lot of, and then I got murdered.” – Zac Amico, re: Prison Connect ([69:34])
• “That’s a girl that will fuck your life up. She’ll burn down your brand new apartment.” – Mike Sicoli ([70:33])

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Memorable Moments

• [12:18] – Zac’s “fat, miserable dyke” Hocus Pocus rant, raising raucous laughter.
• [21:31] – Mike’s vivid hatred of Malört: “Tastes like you bit a table.”
• [26:09] – Doug’s faux-PSA against parents who let “Murder Dogs” interact with their babies.
• [29:35] – Mike’s love for wrestling dangerous animals: “I want to scratch his big belly so bad.”
• [43:35] – Zac’s Sunday breakfast philosophy and descriptions of legendary day-off farts.
• [49:08] – “Every time there’s a fast-food fight, someone yells the name of the place.”
• [61:20] – Doug’s parking ticket hell tale and cursing the Jersey parking mafia.
• [65:25] – “Being on a flyer, the dinner is bigger than your name…spaghetti and meatballs.”
• [72:19] – Zac: “That’s one of those Mexicans that look Asian. Filipino, I’ll guarantee.”

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Episode Tone

• Raw, raucous, unfiltered, openly politically incorrect.
• Heavy on blue-collar nostalgia, Jersey/New York attitude, and the absurdity of everyday American chaos.
• Absurd, self-deprecating, stories that swing wildly from dark humor to vulgarity to slices of ethnic, barroom, and trash culture.

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Final Thoughts

If you thrive on comedians letting loose without a filter—riffing on pop culture horrors, urban decay, wild social interactions, and the upside-down logic of America—this episode is a must-listen. Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo keeps the mayhem constant, the observations sharp, and the shock laughs coming in a variety of flavors, from “meatball corn dog” to “Prison Connect heartbreak.”

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts. Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[Mike Sicoli]

Well, I dig the mattress and I.

[Zach Amico]

Want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me. So, Dana. Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system. Wow, impressive.

[Mike Sicoli]

Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best.

[Shannon]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Mike Sicoli]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on.

[Doug Uram]

Us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Zach Amico]

So what are we having for lunch? Dude, my work here is done.

[Doug Uram]

The 24 month bill credit is on experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge. Credits ended, balance due if you pay off earlier Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oaklove Speed Test Intelligence Data 1H 2025 Visit t mobile.com Fill her up.

[Mike Sicoli]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach, Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and jo the crew. It's a morning. Well hello and how diddly do. It's Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo and it's your old pal, international superstar himself, cousin Zach saying welcome to the Morning Zoo here on the Gas Digital Network. Across the table from me two very funny, very capable, very handsome gentlemen from no offense with Doug Uram. It is my good friend and yours, Doug Uram.

[Zach Amico]

Hi guys.

[Mike Sicoli]

How you doing, bud?

[Zach Amico]

Zach, how are you?

[Mike Sicoli]

I'm doing well.

[Zach Amico]

That's such a sweet compliment.

[Mike Sicoli]

I hear your men's. Men's men.

[Zach Amico]

Very capable.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. And very funny guys. And thank you for being here and new to the show, thank you so much for hanging out with us. From his YouTube special, Prom King Mike Sicily. How you doing, buddy?

[Doug Uram]

I'm good man. How you doing? Thank you for having me.

[Mike Sicoli]

Thank you for being here, buddy. Appreciate it. Let's have some fun. All we're gonna do is talk a bunch of shit, watch some videos, do some news stories and we'll keep it light. In the beginning, another Disney death after a lady apparently dropped dead in the Haunted Mansion. Unconfirmed whether or not somebody was strapped next to her for the entire ride. And you're not supposed to die at Disney. They will carry you off the premises.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

You could lose your head. And they will blow in the mouth.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And go. We're gonna resuscitate him. And the second they get over the line, like, ah, he died outside of Disney.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like that scene in American Gangster when they like keep his fucking eyes open and just wheel him out, you're gonna think he's alive. Well, God bless Disney. Still.

[Mike Sicoli]

We've got a Disney suicide.

[Doug Uram]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Mike Sicoli]

Very rarely precedented, very rarely reported on Shannon.

[Shannon]

Okay, so this happened at a hotel that's right outside of Disney.

[Zach Amico]

That's why they could say it's connected.

[Shannon]

By a monorail to the Magic Kingdom. What's interesting though is they shut down the monorail while they were investigating the crime scene. So I'm wondering if, if the death had to do with the monorail, if they threw themselves in front of it or something.

[Mike Sicoli]

I read, I think they either jumped in front of it or they jumped out of their window or they put them there and landed on it.

[Doug Uram]

You're not going to go on a ride better than that now.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, that's as good as it gets.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

There's a bunch of. He's gone through this. I went on a deep dive about why they took the who Framed Roger Rabbit taxi out of the la, the California one. And it was bad.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, what they do that for?

[Mike Sicoli]

The ride didn't have fucking sides.

[Doug Uram]

Uber really taken over.

[Mike Sicoli]

It was open on. It was the know in who frame Roger Rabbit where they're like going toown in the taxi. It was that you were on a track, it just had open sides and.

[Zach Amico]

People would just fall out to the taxi cab, get big like he does in the.

[Mike Sicoli]

No, but it was a lady and two kids and they hit a turn and her ass pushed the kid out the other side and he got pinned between the ride and the track for like 11 minutes.

[Zach Amico]

No. Oh no. Oh no.

[Mike Sicoli]

And then lived.

[Doug Uram]

But imagine if that's at the part you picture gets taken.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think. Yeah. Oh, dude, we said that about the Haunted Mansion. Oh, dude, how great.

[Zach Amico]

Drop a cab on somebody's head and yeah, they.

[Mike Sicoli]

The kid, I think didn't have oxygen going to his brain for like eight minutes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Usually does it. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Up. Yeah. And all I think is like, Roger Rabbit's not a character you see every day.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Mike Sicoli]

But I bet you see him just enough that it really haunts you.

[Zach Amico]

I would.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's gotta be like seeing Pennywise if it killed your brother.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

He's not there every day, but every once in a while there has to be a Roger Rabbit.

[Zach Amico]

That is true. I don't think there's one time I scrolled through Amazon to find a movie where that movie doesn't pop up. So that'd be great. If you're watching a movie every time and you just see that happy smiling face, grumpy detective. And then you remember your brother turned into a vegetable. Your poor ride.

[Mike Sicoli]

And then I've heard that Space Mountain was famous for heart attacks.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And seizures because of the lights. Yeah. And I think that was like an inside Disney thing too, that they called it like Heart Attack Mountain or something.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, but also, do you see the condition of the people that go there? Yeah, it's not that great.

[Mike Sicoli]

No.

[Zach Amico]

You know, so you can't. How much is it the ride or the giant deep fried corn dog meatball sandwich you just had before the ride?

[Mike Sicoli]

Is that really. I feel like Disney's more like treats. I don't feel like they have like channel. It's not like a county fair.

[Zach Amico]

No, but remember they had, they. They had that big advertisement of the meatball corn dog.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it looked fantastic. It really did. It sounds good right now, but it really does. Like a meatball fucking corn dog sounds. Absolutely. But then people were having heart attacks.

[Mike Sicoli]

I feel like that's how I would describe you.

[Doug Uram]

Especially after I bomb.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

This guy who killed himself, was he by himself?

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't know. Shannon, is there any more details there?

[Shannon]

No, they're still investigating it. I do have something though. I'm not sure. I'm sorry if you already said this, but the kid, that 4 year old you said in the Roger Rabbit ride. So he actually died nine years later. Did you say that?

[Mike Sicoli]

I said that he survived the ride.

[Shannon]

Okay, so he died nine years later from complications regarding those injuries.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

At 13 years old.

[Zach Amico]

Nine years. That's a long time to blame on the ride though.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, no, he got hit by.

[Zach Amico]

In between.

[Mike Sicoli]

He got hit by lightning from a cloud shaped like a lion.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Mike Sicoli]

Just Disney was out for him. Everything the light touches is yours.

[Doug Uram]

That's weird. If like you go with your family and your dad jumps in front of the monorail. It's like how long before you go on a ride and enjoy. Like you got to at least do a little bit.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's the thing. Like if he did that and he was by himself. That's just depression of being at Disneyland alone. Yeah. And you jump in front of the monorail, like that's. That's what.

[Mike Sicoli]

Either that you're done with your family. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You just had enough. Your kids keep screaming they want to buzz light your toy.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You've just had it.

[Mike Sicoli]

All you want to do is go to that fudgeing Star wars thing.

[Zach Amico]

That's it. Yeah. You just wanted to see one thing and you can't.

[Mike Sicoli]

You're going to miss it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Now you have to go buy toys. And you spent about $5,000. You're not going to pay the mortgage. And you're like, you know what? My kids had a great time at Disney World. There's the monor. That's exactly what happened.

[Doug Uram]

It makes. It makes more sense to think that he probably did go with his family. A lot of those parents look like they want to kill themselves.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. No. Anytime I've ever been there, and I've only been there twice, all the parents look completely miserable being there with their children. Same thing with Six Flags. Any parent that's there with their kids, they just look like these miserable fucking parents.

[Mike Sicoli]

I disagree. Sometimes Mexicans look like they're really enjoying.

[Zach Amico]

It, but they look happy doing anything. When was the last time you seen a Mexican look miserable or depressed?

[Mike Sicoli]

But they look like they have, like, cholos. Look like they have a great time.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Like they're having a blast. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

You don't have to look tough in Disney. There's no real threats other than monorails.

[Mike Sicoli]

There's a few brawl videos.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, you're right.

[Mike Sicoli]

I have seen.

[Zach Amico]

That's right. You know, outside of Magic Kingdom, it's starting to look like a Carnival cruise line. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's getting a little.

[Zach Amico]

Starting to look a little.

[Mike Sicoli]

A lot of. A lot of matching family reunion T shirts. Have you ever seen the video? It'll be like. I've seen it with Orthodox Jews. I think some other cultures, they'll do how to sneak food into Disney.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I wonder who like how to make.

[Mike Sicoli]

Sandwiches and like sneak it in your shit. Shannon, can you. There's. There's one that was a big Jewish family and it was so funny because they were doing under the guys if there was nothing at Disney they could eat, which is like bull bullshit.

[Zach Amico]

Turkey likes a kosher. Go fuck yourself.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, says it right there. You are a liar.

[Zach Amico]

And then they turn back on. Well, Walt Disney hated. So there's no kosher meals. It's like this you guys spend a lot of money.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. Liar, liar, Ancestors on fire. Is there anything you can find of the how to sneak food at Disney?

[Shannon]

I'm still looking. I don't see, like, very obviously Jewish people.

[Mike Sicoli]

I mean, that. I'm sure that's just a video that is in my timeline because of what I watch.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Usually Jews are the most obvious there is. If you're not seeing them obviously there, then they're probably not Jews. They're just hicks.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. Okay. Or they're Amish.

[Zach Amico]

That, too, also, depending on what.

[Mike Sicoli]

Amish with a perm. I don't think. I haven't tried Disney I want to do because I think. Are they getting rid of the Simpsons soon? That's something I think I would like to have experienced because I love Simpson shit. Other than that, stars would be cool. I really. I want to do that Mario Land that they've got. Yeah, that looks fun. And now they're building the Donkey Kong universe. Yeah, I want to do the.

[Doug Uram]

The Harry Potter one.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. That looks kind of. That looks pretty cool.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think I've never been into. I know. I have no judgment of people who are. I don't care. I do it never. It never.

[Zach Amico]

Harry Potter. Oh, man.

[Doug Uram]

It's more of a nostalgia. Like, I don't watch them now. Like, wow. Like, these are incredible. It's like more of a nostalgia thing. Rick. Right around Halloween. They're great holiday movies. I remember. Remember ABC Family?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

They used to just be on a loop every single day that were.

[Zach Amico]

Hocus Pocus started. Wasn't that an ABC Family movie?

[Mike Sicoli]

I thought it was. It was in theaters, but it was.

[Doug Uram]

Just a movie that was always on Halloween.

[Zach Amico]

This whole time. I thought that that was an. That just, like, gained a huge following.

[Mike Sicoli]

No, no. That was a pretty big movie. I think you hate Hocus Pocus.

[Zach Amico]

No. Hocus Pocus I like. That's nostalgic.

[Doug Uram]

I like that one, too.

[Zach Amico]

But again, the same people that took over Harry Potter are the same that took over Hocus Pocus. Some fat, miserable dyke. It's the same people.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's so annoying.

[Mike Sicoli]

I bet going to Salem in October sucks dick.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, it sucks dick. I've been there, dude. I just went.

[Mike Sicoli]

I went in the summer one year, and it was fun.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, I went.

[Mike Sicoli]

I'd imagine. Oh, boy.

[Doug Uram]

During COVID Okay, so it sucked. There's all these kind of restrictions, and there was a curfew and everything.

[Zach Amico]

So it wasn't. It wasn't masks. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

It was fun, though. There's, like, this part where you walk around and they tell you on these stones and stuff how these witches were executed.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

And one was like pressed to death and they just kept putting rocks.

[Zach Amico]

That's how Giles died. Brian Giles. No, that's the football player. Giles Corey. Corey. What? The. The famous dude who got pressed to death in.

[Mike Sicoli]

In Salem.

[Zach Amico]

Brian Giles is the football player Giles Corey. Shannon, what's the name?

[Shannon]

That's the one. Giles or Giles Corey?

[Zach Amico]

Giles Corey. Yeah, I know he got pressed the.

[Shannon]

Salem witch trials in 1692.

[Mike Sicoli]

I thought you're talking about the band that did Centerfold.

[Zach Amico]

It was rattling around there in my brain somewhere and I couldn't figure out something.

[Mike Sicoli]

Giles.

[Zach Amico]

It's the only part I knew.

[Mike Sicoli]

Shannon, did you find any sneaky food into Disney? Nothing worth it.

[Shannon]

Nothing worth it. Just like, you know, little tiny snack packs and stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Nothing fun like peanuts and stuff.

[Shannon]

Yeah. And like little like trail mix and stupid little things.

[Mike Sicoli]

I remember being a kid and going to the horse track at my dad's friends trying to figure because you couldn't. You could bring a cooler full of soda but no beer. And it was them trying to figure out how to strategically hide beers.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

To get into.

[Zach Amico]

Back then, it was so easy to do. We'd do that same thing in like Meadowlands and go like the football stadiums. Like, pretty much you just needed a Big Gulp cup.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you're just like, yeah, this is. It's a soda that I keep refilling from my pocket. And that was it. Nobody said anything.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. They would hide him at the bottom and so that if the guy didn't want to reach all the way to the bottom.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Mike Sicoli]

I remember my dad's friend Herbie already.

[Zach Amico]

You already know. He's sneaking in whiskey or something.

[Mike Sicoli]

Herbie took a bike to work.

[Zach Amico]

Like motorcycle or bicycle.

[Mike Sicoli]

Herbie was a very large man who worked at the ice cream parlor. And he took a bike across town to work at a. Like a Huffy. And I mean, it couldn't screen. You know, when you see somebody on a bike and it just. It might as well just say dui.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

It cans hanging off the back of.

[Zach Amico]

It with a trading card, like closed pinned to the frame.

[Mike Sicoli]

He's got an AA chip the spokes.

[Doug Uram]

Especially, because he's a big guy taking a.

[Mike Sicoli]

He'd just be huffing. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's like a bear in a circus. It's the same thing.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, I remember her. The guy tried to reach into the bottom of the cooler and Herbie just grabbed him by the wrist.

[Zach Amico]

Those are the same guys that used to measure trips by beers that they would drink on the trip. Like, how long does it take to get to Albany? That's about 12 beers.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zach Amico]

I like those guys.

[Mike Sicoli]

Channel. Did we ever. Did anybody ever invest in those things where you could sneak liquor onto the cruise ships? You know what I'm talking about? They're like, almost like pouches.

[Shannon]

Yes. Hold on, let me find it.

[Zach Amico]

Like the bladders.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like the old wine bladders.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. And then there's ones that fit on you. Like, almost like a belly. Oh.

[Zach Amico]

Like. Like when you go hiking and you put like the water packs. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. Because that's like the one thing that if you don't get, like a drink deal on the cruise. Yeah, yeah, those.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. And you put those in your suitcase. Yeah. You see, you get like two good. You get like, couple big bottles in there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's right next to tampons. And.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, no, you put hard liquor in there.

[Shannon]

Yeah. These. Yeah. Other ways you can hide your booze through tampons. Yeah. These aren't. They're not real tampon things.

[Zach Amico]

You were, like, bringing them out into the fucking glass.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, wow, look at that. That's good for a shot, right?

[Doug Uram]

Oh, that is a good idea.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. That'd be good for joints.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Mike Sicoli]

My grandma smuggled cigars back from Europe and she went and bought tampons and put them in the tampon box, which, first of all, my Grandma was like 60. Taking tampons on an airplane already.

[Zach Amico]

That's a red flag right there.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, hey, you don't do this no more. What's the name?

[Mike Sicoli]

What up? What other stuff do they have to sneak? Boo. Shannon. That's fun. Hey, guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone. Packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and, yeah, in the bedroom, too. And it's not just about tea. Body Brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity, and mood, thanks to Lion's Mane, Ashwagandha, and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body Brain Coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm, and locked in, all while supporting Your natural testosterone levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code [e-mail] that's Z O O [e-mail] powerbraincoffee.com power your day, feel your drive. Let's get back into the show. It's a sunscreen bottle.

[Zach Amico]

Shampoo bottle would be a good one. That could hold a lot. Those big Pantene Pro V bottles.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, right there.

[Zach Amico]

Look at that.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, that would make sense. I've that umbrella. Oh, wow. Oh, that's great. The umbrella is brilliant.

[Zach Amico]

That really is. Who's going to ever check the umbrella? Let me see.

[Doug Uram]

It's like at that comb.

[Zach Amico]

Look at that. Yeah, there's a comb or a hairbrush. Ice pack. That is a brilliant one. Yeah, Ice pack. You're never checking that.

[Doug Uram]

Like at the head shops, they have those cans of Mountain Dew that you just hide your weed.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Which in this day and age, who's still hiding their weed?

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, if you have to hide it from. If you're a kid.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's true. That's a good point.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, fuck. There was a thing years ago with Pantera how they snuck booze onto planes, and I think it was Listerine bottles. And you could. If you put the plastic and taped it back on, and I think they would fill Listerine bottles with Jagermeister.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, isn't that a dead giveaway, though? Because it's brown, dark.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, it might have been something. It was some. But they would diet, it looked like whatever it was supposed to be. And maybe they. Oh, you know what it was. They put Jagermeister in nyquil, I think.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Because you can't see through those Robitussin bottles or the NyQuil bottles.

[Mike Sicoli]

And NyQuil is the same color as Jagermeister.

[Zach Amico]

That's a very good point. Even tastes like it too, believe it or not. God, it tastes like maple syrup. I hated it.

[Mike Sicoli]

The coffee Jagermeister is good too.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that. Well, that was great. The coffee one was great. When you would do Jaeger bombs with the Guinness with the coffee Jaeger, it was fantastic because it was so smooth with the Guinness. And then it was like the nice, cool, like, Cafe fucking Drop Shot.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like a fucking delicious. Yeah, it was amazing.

[Mike Sicoli]

I've always been a Jaeger boy. I think it's like mother's milk to me.

[Zach Amico]

But that's Straight Jaeger.

[Mike Sicoli]

It never. It. Now, I've never had a bad. I've never felt sick off of it. Never not. I think vodka was. My vodka used to be really, like, certain stuff I know I don't with.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Jaeger's got such a distinct taste and.

[Zach Amico]

A smell for me.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's. I don't like rum.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Rum. Nobody can do rum. Everybody's had a bad experience with.

[Mike Sicoli]

And I think it's because the amount of soda you drink with it, and you get so hungover from the sugar.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Well, you couldn't drink 151 without something chasing it.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It would light on fire.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was absolute hush.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, yeah. We're the same age, so that 151 was big, dude.

[Zach Amico]

It was every high school party you would go to every. And then 151 and fruit punch. Exactly. Jungle juice.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. How old are you guys?

[Mike Sicoli]

Dog, I'm 38.

[Doug Uram]

You're 36, 37, 33.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. We had jungle juice.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. 151 was huge. And then I remember in college, we started getting Everclear.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Everclear was garbage. Oh, God, the smell of that. It was just like rubbing alcohol. And you would smell. No matter what you mixed Everclear with, it still smelled like fucking Everclear. And if you left it on wood finish for too long, it would start.

[Mike Sicoli]

Did you ever try Malort in Chicago? Somebody brought me Malort recently.

[Zach Amico]

Really?

[Mike Sicoli]

You know what I'm talking about. I don't know what Malort is. Shannon, you ever got a Malort shot?

[Shannon]

I have not. But on the SDR show, Ralph Dove and TJ Miller went through an entire bottle of Malort.

[Mike Sicoli]

I cannot fathom it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Sicoli]

It tastes like wood and shit and fire.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

It shank you. Look at what? The flavor profile. So it's a shot that they buy you in, like, Chicago. The Chicago area, I think. Right. Extremely bitter, earthy and herbal taste dominated by warm wood, followed by lingering bitterness. Though some may find subtle notes of grapefruit, lemon, and chamomile before the bitterness.

[Zach Amico]

I never remember chamomile ever being a part of that at all.

[Mike Sicoli]

It was fucking or. It tasted like you bit a table. Oh, and there was. It tasted like you bit a table. That was. Yeah. Had bug spray and liquor on it.

[Doug Uram]

And people. People like this or this is like a fun.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's a. It's a shot. You buy other people, like, hey, welcome to town. Let me buy you a shot. One Malort for my friend here.

[Zach Amico]

You watch a Choke.

[Doug Uram]

People love to doing that. You ever see the one, like, the special ones they do at bars where they'll, like, put a helmet on you when you order the shot and they'll just beat the. Out of you?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

There you go.

[Zach Amico]

Here's.

[Doug Uram]

Here's some vodka.

[Mike Sicoli]

There's a book. There's the. The hemorrhage shots. The curdle.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, where.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh. Duffs has the Coney Island Whitefish shot.

[Zach Amico]

What the hell is that?

[Mike Sicoli]

The Coney Island Whitefish is a used condom.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Jesus.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, they make some type of shot that looks like.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, like. Like rumchata and fucking.

[Mike Sicoli]

I can't remember what it was. And then I've heard of bars that do the. They ring out the. The bar rig.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, the bar mat shot.

[Zach Amico]

The.

[Doug Uram]

The one in Jersey. I used to work in a bar in Jersey. They called it the Jersey Turnpike.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

It was just a dirty bar mat.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

With, like, olive juice and grenadine, and they didn't know what was in it. French fry salt.

[Zach Amico]

Jersey bars were always good for, like, those weird, disgusting shots that everybody would drink. And some Jersey Shore with, like, leathery tit girl would always.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, man. Yeah. Brain hammer.

[Mike Sicoli]

Shannon walking through a bar with a thing full of test tubes full of.

[Zach Amico]

Blue liquid shots for you boys.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, Shannon, is that making you nostalgic?

[Shannon]

I was only a shotgirl once.

[Mike Sicoli]

Okay.

[Shannon]

Bartender the rest of the day.

[Zach Amico]

Like, one day.

[Shannon]

One day.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon]

I did one job because I worked for this, like, a company that did, like, tastings, and they were like, oh, you want to do the shotgirl thing? So a friend of mine and I went. It was like a couple hundred bucks for the night.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's not bad. And you're pretty. You deserve. You deserve easy jobs like that.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Was that a pain in the ass or.

[Shannon]

Nah, I was young. It was just, like, fun. Stupid thing. It was just a couple hours.

[Doug Uram]

This is in Jersey?

[Shannon]

No, in the city.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I thought it was Staten Island. The same thing.

[Mike Sicoli]

All right, let's. Let's keep moving. Let's get a little Murder Dog action. Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

Hey.

[Mike Sicoli]

Murder Dogs.

[Zach Amico]

Yo.

[Doug Uram]

Stop.

[Mike Sicoli]

So here on the Morning Zoo, we do like to keep abreast of what dogs are up to, because, you know, I don't trust some of them.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Mike Sicoli]

Some of them. And listen, it's not all the dogs. It's only some of the dogs. Those dogs you got to keep your eye on.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And, Shannon, I believe we have a new submission from a one Luis J. Gomez.

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Mike Sicoli]

And I know the show.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Mike Sicoli]

For sending it in. We really appreciate you watching and yeah, he sent us this the other morning.

[Shannon]

I do want to just preface it by saying, like there isn't a huge reveal necessarily. It just kind of like the discomfort as it plays out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Nobody's getting hurt.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Mike Sicoli]

If you go get it, get it. Grab it.

[Zach Amico]

Giving it to you.

[Mike Sicoli]

He literally giving it to you. Grab it.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think he's giving it to.

[Mike Sicoli]

Him like his man motorboat hunt. He was literally giving it to you. This is great. Nothing wrong with this is adorable.

[Zach Amico]

It's the way you bring your kids up properly. Oh, God. It's called whale eye. I just learned yesterday.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's me looking at you for.

[Zach Amico]

Oh my goodness.

[Doug Uram]

Rottweiler's patient but not taking it. Is that that baby instinct?

[Mike Sicoli]

What kind of motorboat do you have?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Your motorboat Sounds like a 70 year old smoker throwing up. Y' all probably gonna see that. But he's giving it to the fisher.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I don't see that. That's weird because I don't see that. Videos like this should be used as.

[Doug Uram]

Evidence against parents who allow their children.

[Zach Amico]

To interact with dogs behaving like this. The charges, endangering the welfare of a child, child neglect, failure to act and protect. And God forbid that child is killed. Involuntary manslaughter.

[Doug Uram]

See that kid in the background.

[Zach Amico]

I genuinely understand why people allow this.

[Doug Uram]

To happen over and over again.

[Zach Amico]

You see it on the Internet. Absolute morons letting their kids poke, prod and bother. Dogs that are clearly giving warning signs, signs of discomfort, signs that they just.

[Doug Uram]

Want to be left alone.

[Zach Amico]

The death. I didn't notice that. Children are allowed to sit there literally.

[Doug Uram]

Inches away from disaster.

[Zach Amico]

And here's the thing. Everyone's always busy talking about licensing dog trainers. And sure, this guy's a blowhearted asshole.

[Mike Sicoli]

I have mixed feelings about this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Because yes, it is like letting your baby play with a crocodile. Sure, but that dog was being super fucking patient.

[Zach Amico]

He was. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And he was being gentle. He wasn't snatching the ball. That's a. I can see that those noises are scary.

[Zach Amico]

But Rottweilers do that, don't they? They call that the Rottweiler purr. They're scary that they're just do that even when they're comfortable, like. And it sounds terrifying my mom. But apparently Rottweilers have that part to him.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's just the Rottweiler. Oh, see, there we go. You're being addressed. Hold on. And please. If you're one of the saying it's just the Roddy growl. People don't speak. The ignorance is not received well here. Oh, you ignorant.

[Zach Amico]

Well, listen, okay, Fuck you with his salt and pepper beard. Yeah, that's just what I heard.

[Mike Sicoli]

I just. I. I don't know if that one was. I could get. I would. I take a baby away from that situation.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, but then the dog might get possessive.

[Mike Sicoli]

But I also don't know that baby and I don't know that dog.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

If he knows that dog really good. I'm not 100% against this, Shannon. Am I being. Am I. Am I a hippie dippy lefty?

[Shannon]

So here's the thing. I feel like where it cut off, like maybe this guy is like, you.

[Zach Amico]

Know, maybe missing a leg.

[Shannon]

No, I think this guy cut it off to maybe save us from seeing where this turned left a little bit. Because at the very end, the dog does go for the kid's hand and we don't see like if the dog bit the kid or just took the ball back. So. So it did get like worse at that last moment.

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't know. To me, it just like the dog was really tolerating the kid pretty good. Yeah, I guess they do that until they don't.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's just. The dog had enough of this kid's.

[Doug Uram]

My mom had a rottweiler and they. She would get that way, but she would like jump. They were really bad with her. Like, they kind of did all the wrong things. You're not supposed to keep them in one room. Like, I got very possessive of a room and them. You're not really supposed to sleep with them, I heard. But yeah, dude, this dog would jump up and like I would go. Go get water and it was in its room and it would jump up on the gate and just go nuts. And it was scary as fuck.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, dude.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

I. I slept in a room with a pit bull in a cage that would not let me get up and get water. It would start, it would wake up the whole house go. And it was huge.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, boy.

[Mike Sicoli]

And it was a sweet to the next day. I hung out with it all day. And we were fucking wrestling and like, I am a hulking retard when it comes to animal. I will I first of any cat people be like, that's my cat.

[Doug Uram]

He's mean.

[Mike Sicoli]

Don't go near him. I'm like, son of a. Yeah. And I will get scratched and bit to hell. And I don't get mad. Big dog people like, is my dog. He's real Big a bit cool. And I am on the floor with that dog immediately, like, yeah, I love animal to a fault. Like, I watch so many videos, people like cuddling with, like, tigers and shit. And I'm like, I would love to. I really want to. I want to scratch his big belly. I want to scratch his big belly so bad.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

And you watch one video of it going wrong, though.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it's always an Indian guy getting mauled by the. Pose it for Pindayo. Just can't take it in his nostrils anymore. Get out of Seacock.

[Doug Uram]

You always see that awkward.

[Zach Amico]

That family houses on a one family lot.

[Doug Uram]

That awkward moment when they first get them and they don't want to react right away and look like, embarrassed. So they're kind of smiling through, like, the first bits of being attacked.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug Uram]

That's my worst fear.

[Zach Amico]

Imagine if that's what stops the tiger problem in India. They just start showering and the tiger's like, oh, all right.

[Mike Sicoli]

Where'd they go?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly. They just had enough with that pungent smell in it.

[Mike Sicoli]

A specific reason for my racism against Indian people. Everybody. And it's not cultural. Yeah. It's my. There was an Indian family like five houses down from my grandma and I went to school. Grammar school, maybe three blocks from that house. So then I would walk to my grandma's house after school. And these Indian kids. Sorry, it's not. I get real hung up on this. If we ever had a fundraiser, we had to sell like, chocolate bars or.

[Zach Amico]

They tried to bargain.

[Mike Sicoli]

No, you know what I mean? Where you had a self stuff to, like, raise money for a trip or whatever. Coupon books.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

These little Indian would run to my grandma because I always had chorus or like a thing after school. They would go sell to my grandma before I could get. Because that's who you go. That's your. That's your whale. When you're a kid doing fundraisers, immediate family, these little fucking hippity dibbities would fucking dip, dip, dip all. They would skip all the houses to go to my grandma's house to beat me there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And then I would come home with a fun range. Oh, I just bought these from the little Indian boy down. Down the street. They beat you.

[Zach Amico]

That's what they do. They undercut everybody.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. They would fuck me every time on every goddamn fundraiser.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And there was fucking 85 of them in one house. They had all sports cars and they were all on the free lunch program. God damn it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't never figure it out.

[Zach Amico]

Jews Get a bad rap for being cheap and bargaining everything down. But if you've ever worked in sales and had to deal with Indians, they bargain you down to the last half a cent until they get everything they want. Like they'll try. They'll come up with some ridiculous price like selling car. Like cars. 15. I want 10,000 and then I want 40 or warranty. And you're like that's impossible. We'll lose money. You can't do that. And they'll. They'll walk and it's just like wasting your time every time. But again it's like what you say, that's not racist to say when that happens all the time. Yeah, exactly.

[Mike Sicoli]

I was gonna say when I worked, when I worked on the thuman's truck.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And we would go to delis like, dude, the price of something could go up by. And it's a fucking market. So sometimes, you know, you get a fucking roast beef, it costs this. Sometimes it caused that.5 cents.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And they'd be fucking screaming.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Pointing their finger at the truck. You fuck me. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

For every penny they try to fucking kill you on. And they act like everywhere they go is just some open air market in Istanbul. Everything could be negotiated. It's like, dude, this is a corporation.

[Mike Sicoli]

This is what by the way, These are the conversations I hear. Yeah. Because my uncle owns a provisions business and he. All I hear about is just the price of beef right now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

There's him and my. Him and my aunt just fucking.

[Zach Amico]

Well, they're not buying that.

[Mike Sicoli]

What?

[Zach Amico]

No, that's one market. They're.

[Mike Sicoli]

No, but they're. They're. Because right now the price of beef is fucking out of control.

[Zach Amico]

Oh yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Because they had supply line. I think they might have had a disease thing. Have you.

[Zach Amico]

Which the conspiracy dumb.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh yes.

[Zach Amico]

Is that. That is planted by the government because they had that big push in that big false documentary about cow farts ruining the fucking thing. Meanwhile the government's buying up all the cow farms to pretty much starve everybody out. So if you come up with this disease that you release on your own. People are afraid to eat beef. The cattle farms go down and what happens is that land is pretty much useless. The government comes in, oh, we'll buy it. No more beef for you, for anybody. So that's the conspiracy about this disease that's going on right now is that the government released it.

[Mike Sicoli]

I didn't know that. And I'm glad I know that now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

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[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, I was thinking, I. I asked my mom the other day, what was a pound of roast beef at like the deli or like the grocery deli counter when we were kids? Seven bucks. Yeah, eight. Dude, I ordered Food Town the other day. Pound of roast beef, 1950.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, what the.

[Doug Uram]

I was gonna say.

[Mike Sicoli]

And not like a Gristee, not like a nice grocery. Like a food town.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, and it's not like they're cutting it off the prime rib. It's the shitty part of the cow that nobody likes.

[Mike Sicoli]

Shannon, go on, like Uber Eats or Instacart or whatever. What's a pound of roast beef at a grocery store? And you're here. I just. It's so fucking much now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's ridiculous. Ma'. Am. And again. That's why. And again. I don't mean to put out my tinfoil, but it's all true. It's all.

[Mike Sicoli]

It'll probably slide off.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it doesn't stick. I have to put a double sided tape. That's why it's not on right now.

[Mike Sicoli]

You got to rub a balloon on your head first.

[Zach Amico]

I have to rub it on my sweater first. But that's the conspiracy theory with beef, it's pretty much. So if you buy out all the. If you buy out all the cattle farms and the land becomes useless because if you can't make any money, pretty much that whole dairy farm, which. A dairy farm. I don't know if you've ever seen them. Fucking gigantic tons and tons of machinery. That again. You saw the documentary, we all saw it. That cow farts are polluting the area, the.

[Mike Sicoli]

The world.

[Zach Amico]

And that's all. It's not true. It's pretty much. Yeah, exactly. It's just.

[Mike Sicoli]

I like just stopping Doug in the tracks when he's really got momentum. Well, he's really got something to say. Yeah, I like to just interject and bring him to a screeching halt because.

[Zach Amico]

It'S always like a little pun that you throw out that doesn't hit me because like you said, I'm on a fucking freight train. And then I was like, oh, wait a second. I see what you did there.

[Doug Uram]

Why cal farts, though? Why not all animals? Farts?

[Zach Amico]

Because it's all bullshit. Because pretty much, again, they want.

[Mike Sicoli]

They fart methane.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly. They fart methane. And apparently there was a documentary, I don't know if it's still on Netflix, that they make up, like, 50% of the population, 50% of the air pollution that's destroying the ozone layer, and it doesn't go good with your Green New Deal and all this other bullshit cow shit. So then what they do is that, again, they release a disease, that property becomes useless, the government comes and buys it up, and they do what they want with the farmland. China's been doing it a lot, too. Been buying up farmland and pretty much the starve of a population. It's.

[Mike Sicoli]

I'm of the belief that it's all right there. Bill Gates is working with the government to buy up all the land that will be left after the catastrophic event that makes the oceans rise.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Because if you look at the map of the land Bill Gates has been buying and the map of what America would look like if the ice caps fully melted, he's buying all the farms that will be left.

[Zach Amico]

South Dakota.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think he knows something's coming. Or he's like. He's got, like, a supercomputer that's like, hey, not necessarily in your lifetime, but in your family's lifetime. Like somebody's lifetime coming up. We're not like that. Those ice caps are going.

[Doug Uram]

Damn.

[Mike Sicoli]

And we're losing both coasts.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That's what they kept saying, but we were all supposed to be underwater by 2014. That never happened.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's right.

[Doug Uram]

You know, supposed to have aliens here.

[Zach Amico]

In a few weeks, which I think that's what will stop all the division in the country. The aliens, an alien invasion. What's left? Hate these fucking gray bastards taking our women. Yeah. Taking our women in our land.

[Mike Sicoli]

Seven foot, great jobs.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. That's fucking crazy.

[Mike Sicoli]

Isn't that crazy?

[Zach Amico]

Even Oscar Meyer, the shittiest.

[Mike Sicoli]

Not the Hillshire farm or whatever, but. Yeah, from the deli counter.

[Zach Amico]

That's shop, right, too Black Bear.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. Boris had roast beef 21.

[Zach Amico]

Fuck me, man.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's fucking wild, right?

[Zach Amico]

Awful. Awful. But, yeah, that's the conspiracy theory around beef prices going up. That's it.

[Mike Sicoli]

Listen, you've got me 100. Have you. Have you ever watched the videos of where the cow will be, like, full of gas and they have to poke a hole in it? Yeah. Yeah. But then they light a fire next.

[Zach Amico]

To it and it shoots out the fucking flame burner.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. It's fucking wild.

[Zach Amico]

It looks Like a smokestack.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

I've had some nights where I feel like I could do that.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh that's what.

[Zach Amico]

Oh yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Does that look like it? Pierogi.

[Zach Amico]

White Castle.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

So I just got recently for the first time in years.

[Zach Amico]

So.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. You take a pen knife like you're doing a tracheotomy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly. I just. They fucking Chinese food. And it never ceases to amaze me that after you shit out Chinese food, it's never a solid shit. That whatever those chemicals are that make up that food your is always a mess. Even if you eat the vegetables, there's no like real fiber in it.

[Doug Uram]

Wet leaves.

[Zach Amico]

That's all it is. It's just like it looks like you're fish food. That's the only thing that it becomes. It's not even real, dude.

[Mike Sicoli]

For me I got a like old school giudali pastrami sand like the big stack pastrami sandwich.

[Doug Uram]

Spicy mustard on that.

[Mike Sicoli]

Dude, I feel like I. I thought I a bowl full of pastrana you hit was the most pastrami garlic.

[Zach Amico]

That is great that when you. When you. After you eat the food and your smells exactly like the food.

[Doug Uram]

Oh my God. Everything bagels.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Nothing.

[Zach Amico]

No process at all. It didn't go through your liver, it didn't go through your intestine. It just went right the through you.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, I just saw.

[Zach Amico]

That's a good point. Is that. Does that mean that. Is that bad for you when that happens? I never even bothered to look that up.

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't know. They don't tell you not to eat corn.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah but corn you're just out the shell. You're not actually out like the actual corn inside it. You're just now and it's soluble fiber. But you know, I never really looked into like your is probably not supposed to smell exactly like the food you just ate.

[Mike Sicoli]

Probably does that to me though.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Sometimes I'll take a shit and it'll smell like not good coffee. But it smells like old coffee. And it kind of ruined like the coffee machine we have. I don't know if it's the machine that's doing it. And like maybe I got to change it.

[Mike Sicoli]

Maybe I change the filter.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, well, my coffee machines right by a window. So like the filter sometimes gets green like a fish tank because it's right by the sun. So like if that's. I think that's just fucking me up. But I'll just like rinse that out. And still sometimes there's like a distinct note that you could still smell in the shit. The notes of your shit.

[Zach Amico]

Can we look that up real quick?

[Mike Sicoli]

We have Shannon here. I mean, it's what she was born to do.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, look up. She had it. Can you look up?

[Mike Sicoli]

What are your worst like? Because obviously White Castle goes on the list.

[Zach Amico]

Taco Bells up there, too.

[Mike Sicoli]

Taco Bell doesn't get me that bad.

[Zach Amico]

No. Taco Bell breakfast. Me royally one time.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's different.

[Zach Amico]

Not royally.

[Mike Sicoli]

White Castle bags. Yep.

[Zach Amico]

I Love White Castle.

[Mike Sicoli]

McDonald's breakfast is my favorite thing.

[Doug Uram]

That's my favorite, too.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Mike Sicoli]

And. And, yeah, that's a bad one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

McDonald's breakfast. Broccoli. And then I love broccoli.

[Zach Amico]

That's a hell of a.

[Mike Sicoli]

And then my bad one. Pierogies.

[Zach Amico]

Pierogies.

[Mike Sicoli]

Get you pierogies.

[Zach Amico]

Like a certain kind.

[Mike Sicoli]

I had a girlfriend ban pierogies.

[Doug Uram]

Wow. What about ravioli?

[Mike Sicoli]

Nope.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Mike Sicoli]

No pierogies.

[Doug Uram]

What are you eating with the pierogies? Like, what's with them? You eat too much garlic kielbasa.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Kabasa make.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, Yeah, I think that'll. That'll do it for me. But, yeah, if I do McDonald's. When I was a little more out of control by my fry, if I had a day off day off where I have shit to do, my favorite thing would be McDonald's breakfast. A screwdriver.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Or get McDonald's Coke and like a Jack and Coke and then like a tall boy and have McDonald's breakfast around 4 o'. Clock. That. I mean, see, I got that at 10:30, around 3, 4 o'. Clock. Like the kind of farts where, like, your chick comes home and when she gets to the front door, she winces. She's like, are you farting?

[Zach Amico]

That is true, though. Every good, like, day off starts with fast food breakfast.

[Doug Uram]

Absolutely.

[Zach Amico]

Because you're never normally up in time or you got something to do.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, Or I'm not gonna get up. Yeah. If I had a commute, maybe.

[Zach Amico]

Right. Yeah, that's a good point. Commutes and good days off always started with fast food breakfast.

[Doug Uram]

I have to have nothing to do, though.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. I'm not having a McGriddle and doing something and then going to work.

[Zach Amico]

What's your.

[Doug Uram]

Your breakfast order at McDonald's, though?

[Mike Sicoli]

Sausage, egg and cheese McGriddle.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Yes, yes.

[Mike Sicoli]

Excuse me. Bacon, egg and cheese McGriddle. Sausage, egg and cheese McMuffin.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, very good. The sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.

[Doug Uram]

You get a hash brow on there.

[Mike Sicoli]

I'll do. I'll do Hash brown. And then I'll. I'll raise you this. You get the big chicken biscuit and put grape jelly on it.

[Zach Amico]

Get the. Oh, that sounds.

[Mike Sicoli]

Or syrup I could do.

[Doug Uram]

I think I do syrup before I do jelly.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. The jelly like syrup sounds like you could do that anytime. But the jelly. That sounds like a curved ball. That sounds good.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's real nice. And I will tell you highly high. Not. Not very popular anymore. When you get chicken nut, Chicken McNuggets. Maple syrup or honey.

[Doug Uram]

I could see that little chicken and waffles vibe.

[Mike Sicoli]

Maple syrup and hot sauce. Little sriracha. Maple. Yeah, there we go, baby.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Hot sauce and watermelon. Anything hot sauce and sweet is hot sauce and watermelon. Watermelon. Do it. So you'll never guess those are the.

[Mike Sicoli]

Two hookers you got last night.

[Zach Amico]

It tasted salty and sweet and kind of like.

[Mike Sicoli]

It tasted salty and sweet and left a. And left a wig in my truck, Shannon. Did I. What we were. I don't remember what we were talking about.

[Zach Amico]

Your smelling like the. Exactly like the food you ate.

[Mike Sicoli]

Anything, Shannon.

[Shannon]

So.

[Zach Amico]

Something up in her hesitancy and she'll start out like, okay, so.

[Shannon]

So it's. It's really just like leaning towards very foul smelling poop. And yeah, it just says like, different foods are broken down differently. I do know that if you eat something with too high of a sugar of a fat content, that you can actually like poop out the fat, like undigested. So maybe that's. That's part of like what you were smelling is maybe there was too much fat in it.

[Mike Sicoli]

Do you remember when munchos came out and everyone had the oily shits?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I still would love to have munchos, though. It was so good.

[Mike Sicoli]

I feel like they sell a different version of it now.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Do you remember Muncho, Shannon?

[Shannon]

I do. Yeah. And also, what was it? The. The Lays with the olene.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, they. Yeah, it was. They were super cheap and they were, I guess, lower calorie. But the people, they gave you loose and oily stools.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And you would take a shit and then in the top of the water, they would just be like. Like when you pour olive oil and balsamic on a plate.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And yeah, there's like a pool and then like dots of the, of the balsamic in the, in the olive oil.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

It would have like a film on top of the water.

[Zach Amico]

Like a bad fish tank.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I just took methylene blue for first time and I Cannot wait to see what that looks like.

[Mike Sicoli]

Wait, what is that?

[Zach Amico]

It's like pretty much it's an organic dye that Reoxin. What's the word? Oxygen.

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Oxinates.

[Mike Sicoli]

Tell me.

[Zach Amico]

It adds oxygen to your cells pretty much. And it causes like your cells to have more oxygen in it and multiply easier. And it's an organic blue dye and apparently what it does that it turns your piss blue and your blue. So I cannot wait to see what happens later.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's like toy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, pretty much. I want to see what's going to happen. I'm still waiting for the blue piss. Hasn't happened.

[Mike Sicoli]

Is it a pill or.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's in an eyedropper.

[Mike Sicoli]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, and it's supposed to do it. I took it. What a fun thing. There it is right there. Dude. I took it this morning. And it does give you energy within five minutes. Gave me great energy. I feel like a little bit less cloudy and no jitters. It's fucking fantastic so far. It's only day one, but I can't wait to see. I'm waiting for the blue piss. I want to see.

[Mike Sicoli]

No jitters is a sign Doug has on his property. All right, here we go. Order mix up sparks. Bloody 7 person brawl inside Texas Whataburger.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I could already see it. There you go. I knew it. You didn't even have to say it.

[Mike Sicoli]

But it. I knew it's called what a burger, not what a surprise Doug.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, God. Did not have to. How does this cause a fist, right? Man, I just don't understand. He looks like he's about to hit her. He probably was.

[Mike Sicoli]

The funniest thing is that every time there's a fight, like a ghetto fight in a fast food place, somebody has to yell the name of the place.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

You just heard a girl go, we in the Whataburger.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

But nobody Taco Bell. They in the Waffle House. Things are wild in the Waffle House tonight.

[Zach Amico]

She gotta get wild at the Burger King.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, Burger King.

[Zach Amico]

That's why I should be getting wild. Y' all taking way too long for a couple drumsticks. And that's the thing. It's like I try to be open minded, be like, maybe not, but it always this. I already know it's three in the morning, it's a fast food joint after the club. And of course it's always.

[Mike Sicoli]

Could be those subhuman Italians.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

But in my neighborhood, that's it never.

[Zach Amico]

Was like Italians for like. I've watched that and it always gets close, yes, but it never happens. But I've been in the McDonald's. I've been in the Sonic. Sonic was probably my favorite fucking fight I ever watched in my life. Elaborate. It was seven black dudes, right? And of course, the order was taken for. And there's one of those drive through lines where the fuck's tails and knuckles.

[Mike Sicoli]

Dr. Robotnik up in this.

[Zach Amico]

Why ain't you blind in one eye?

[Doug Uram]

All the gold rings that would just.

[Mike Sicoli]

Be flying off of them, they're real gold rings.

[Doug Uram]

They're picking them up and running away.

[Zach Amico]

Melting them down, making grills out of them.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, we in the Green Hill zone now.

[Zach Amico]

I remember I was there and I'm with a girl, and I hear. And dude, I already kind of knew it was gonna happen. And I lean over to the ground like, watch this, watch this. I go, I guarantee you there's gonna be a fight. Meanwhile, that's the dude playing. Yeah. Start doing a rain dance. So I'm like, watch this, watch this. And then, sure enough, I hear this, right? And this is always how it's done. Yo. And I'm like, here we go, here we go. Hurry the fuck up. And I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. All of a sudden, I'm nudging her. I'm like, watch this, watch this. He starts yelling at the employee, right? And then there's another black girl. And then it's always the black chick that fucking amplifies everything, right?

[Mike Sicoli]

And it's Sonic, which I will not to interrupt you may be consistently the worst service always of any.

[Doug Uram]

Absolutely.

[Mike Sicoli]

No matter where you are.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

If you get Sonic, it is terrible. Now, not only are you putting up with this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Half of your staff is on wheels.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly. And the other half are on their phones.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Like, have you ever went to the Sonic drive Thru and just looked in? There's at least three just sitting there like, yep. Like. And there's their eyeball. They're looking straight at you, and they're just like, yep. Sending a text. It's like, come on already. Can we. I want my Coney island dog with the stale bread. Let's go already. I fucking need the. So then the guy goes, yo, Harry the Up. Or he's like, where's my. And then, of course, a black woman just has to egg him on and be like, why don't you shut the up? We're all waiting here, too. And I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no. And then, sure enough, he draws back at her. She's with the dude and a fight. And I'm just sitting there watching it. The drums are getting louder, the dreads are flying. Oh, my God. You ever hear what a shield sounds like on tile?

[Doug Uram]

That's like one of the. You really probably learn a lot about yourself after you fight in like a fast food dude.

[Zach Amico]

It was like, I gotta change. And like I said, I was even saying, I'm like, I hope, like it doesn't happen, but I want it to just to watch.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think if you're you and you're in a corner and you could. Your peripherals are taken care of.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

My instinct would be to go, yeah. Because I am very hittable.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

From all angles.

[Zach Amico]

But that's the thing. It's like, you know that you could catch a straight punch and like all it takes is somebody bumping into you for you to get into the mix.

[Mike Sicoli]

All it takes is for me to go, who just yelled the N word? Oh, me. That guy's. I would go to laugh. That guy's funny. And then the just. It's a mirror. Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

When you point, I think it was that guy. It's just you pointing at your reflection.

[Mike Sicoli]

Get him. Look at him.

[Zach Amico]

He's a racist.

[Mike Sicoli]

He's that racist son of a.

[Zach Amico]

Do you ever see a drive thru fight? Like somebody jawing at the.

[Doug Uram]

Yes.

[Mike Sicoli]

I've seen people get pulled out of the window.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's a good. That I've never seen in person.

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't think I've seen it in person. I've seen it. I've seen it in video. The funniest drive speed thing I ever saw wasn't a drive through. It was a Mexican broad selling. Or Mexican guy maybe selling roses on the highway in North Bergen. And we were driving to my Cuban grandparents house and we were on the side of the road and a guy had all these dozens of flowers and a pickup truck pulled up to him, rolled down the window, come here. Can I smell him? As the light was turning green. And he just leaned into the bouquet and ate one and drove away. But he ate it like a horse. Like. Yeah, he like lipped like. It was so funny, Shannon. It was just like the way the horse ate the baby chick in the video that I'm obsessed with. He literally just like he donkey lipped it and then just ate it. Squatted hole. And the guy was screaming, did he.

[Zach Amico]

Drag him out of the fucking car? No, he just hit the fucking car.

[Mike Sicoli]

Gas and he drove away.

[Zach Amico]

This is my what happens if you eat a flower?

[Mike Sicoli]

I don't think this is the one. I mean, I'm sure I will also find this funny. Oh, man.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no.

[Mike Sicoli]

Hello, friend.

[Zach Amico]

It's like a.

[Doug Uram]

Ate it like a Skittle.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God. That would be good dipped in honey.

[Mike Sicoli]

Wow, there's a bunch of. Dude, those made me laugh really hard. Did you never think of a horse? Just be like, no.

[Doug Uram]

Sauce or anything. Anything.

[Mike Sicoli]

Is there any more to that fight, Shannon?

[Shannon]

No, that was the end of it. And then what?

[Mike Sicoli]

They.

[Shannon]

They said just a little bit more.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, the order was wrong.

[Shannon]

Yeah. No, it wasn't. The order wasn't wrong. It's the. They brought the. They gave the wrong food to this other table. And then the issue is that the restaurant, the place said to them, instead of being like, oh, we messed up. I'm so sorry. Like, let me get your food for you, or let me make you new food. They were like, they have your food.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, no.

[Shannon]

That's all they said. So they kind of set this whole thing into motion.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, no, that's a lawsuit for the restaura. They said, come and. They said, come and take it. Darkies. I don't know. I just work here. I don't know why. I mean, if you ask me, very rude.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Very uncalled for. Is that kid right there in the gray T shirt? He said that? That's what he said.

[Doug Uram]

One of my favorite videos of all time is at McDonald's. And there's. There's two people beating the shit out of each other. And then the guy who's filming it is just putting his order in and just checking in on the fight every now and then. I love that. Dinner in a show. Dude, that's awesome.

[Mike Sicoli]

It is. I mean, the best McDonald's was the one by the salad.

[Zach Amico]

I was just going to say that on West Fort. That was amazing.

[Mike Sicoli]

Asylum.

[Zach Amico]

You could stand outside by the 711 and just count down the minutes as people start filing in. You're just like, all right, here we go. Here we go. Yeah, let's see what happens here. Remember when was that there that the homeless guy slapped the piss out of the woman? Was that that McDonald's?

[Mike Sicoli]

It might have been.

[Zach Amico]

I think so. She was, like, drawing at the guy. And like, first of all, the guy's homeless. He's already out of his. Why are you yelling at him? Okay. Got nothing to lose. Yeah. Nothing at all. And she's just. And without Warren. He didn't even stand up. He just like, she's yelling and he Just goes whack and smacks her across the face. I think it was that McDonald's. That video. I don't know if it's. If it was, it's gotta still be out there.

[Mike Sicoli]

He just put in West 4th Street McDonald's fight. I wonder how many hits we'll get.

[Zach Amico]

A lot.

[Mike Sicoli]

You think?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But also, you got to believe that. That.

[Mike Sicoli]

And it's not counting decades of people not having.

[Zach Amico]

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. If you have to remember that place. Been there for fucking ever. We had flip phones when those fights were breaking out that you would just watch it.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was so much fun to watch.

[Mike Sicoli]

Just people living in the moment.

[Zach Amico]

Black people fight. It was like, this is great. Hey, this is fantastic. As I'm eating a bakery stick from 7 11. Yeah, it was the most fun to. And I don't even know why.

[Mike Sicoli]

Like, the kind of McDonald's. Somebody's selling sneakers out of the back.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, right by my house. I have so many places like that.

[Zach Amico]

He's near Neptune, dude.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, okay. There's a 711 by me that's notoriously bad. And I went in there one day with my roommate. I needed, like, a pack of water. So I'm holding this pack of water, and this. The Indian dude behind the counter, he's got a bat in his hand, and he walks around, and he's, like, freaking the out, like, looking through the store, and he's staring at this guy, and. And he's like, get that sandwich out of your pocket. And it was just crack. He was all cracked out. And he was like, I don't have a sandwich. I don't have a sandwich. He was watching him, I guess, in the back on the cameras and started. He didn't care. He started beating him up with the. With the bat. And the sandwich started coming apart and flying out of his jacket. Eating the shit out of this guy. And I'm just standing with the waters. And the Indian guy was, like, crying because he was, like, so worked up. And he, like, went into, like, this whole monologue. He's like, I don't work hard. And he's like. And we're like, yeah, whatever. Like, hit him again. It's all good. Like, it was so crazy. And we see shit every day. Day. Like, there's this. The church across the street from our house. The priests are. Or the father. I don't know what they are. They're outside, and they're always handing out, like, pamphlets for the church. And I was like, you know, I was second guessing moving there and I was like, oh, they got church people here. And then like, I look over and there's a. A homeless woman punching him in the chest. Like one of the guys like handing out the newspapers. And I was like, man, it's just.

[Zach Amico]

Even.

[Doug Uram]

Even when they're trying to.

[Zach Amico]

Good.

[Doug Uram]

No good deed.

[Mike Sicoli]

No good deed undone.

[Zach Amico]

No, dude, to. And that's the thing. It's like with Asbury, it was like we were saying outside. Yeah, just that one strip ship along the boardwalk is nice.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But everything behind it is absolute.

[Mike Sicoli]

Is there a boardwalk that isn't horrifying around it? No.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. In Asbury.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Mike Sicoli]

No. Yeah, it's down like Jersey Shore.

[Doug Uram]

Well, Long Branch is getting nice.

[Zach Amico]

Not really Long Branch. That. And that was where they had the big riots over there.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, they did. Someone did just get shot there too.

[Zach Amico]

But it got shot.

[Doug Uram]

They're like branching out now. Like, Asbury moved down a little bit to where like the gentrification kind of spread. And now it's like a little bit nicer in town. But there's still like the other side of the tracks. I've lived there five years. There's been a drive by the tracks.

[Zach Amico]

Is another on the other side of the corner. Yeah, like the way Asbury's broken up, it's like you have like these multi million dollar old colonial style houses and literally right across the street, check cashing plays. Fucking bunch of homeless dudes screaming, no.

[Doug Uram]

Home with the railroad tracks right there.

[Zach Amico]

That's how, that's how it works there.

[Doug Uram]

It's cool though, because, man, how you.

[Mike Sicoli]

Gonna have a caboose?

[Zach Amico]

It's.

[Doug Uram]

It's spread a lot into like where we live, where it's kind of getting better. We used to like, not like hanging out, out front because there's all drug deals and there still are, but not as many. But it's. It's still great living there. Like, the town is awesome, but they build it up so fast because of the parking. Like they're. Oh, I have like 76 parking tickets in Asbury. And they're just like, they, they'll. It's crazy because you go. You go to the virtual court for the tickets and they have to read each individual ticket. You have to plead guilty and there's people. There were like 105 tickets.

[Zach Amico]

Scam.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, dude. And then he'll be like, ticket 101 and you're like, guilty. Ticket 102, guilty. You're there for like three hours just pleading guilty.

[Zach Amico]

Scam. That's so Ridiculous. Because they know you're gonna pay it. Because who the fuck is gonna sit there and dispute it?

[Doug Uram]

They let him build up. I didn't pay for parking for, like, a year. And they let them build up, and then they're like, all right, well, your license is suspended, so you want to, you know, take care of this, and then it's. You got to wait, like, two weeks for it to get reinstated. It's a fucking nightmare. Just pay for parking.

[Zach Amico]

It's fucking nuts, man.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, they get everyone. They get everybody.

[Zach Amico]

It's such a scam because you have to pay it and there's nothing you could do. Yeah, it's fucking horrendous.

[Mike Sicoli]

I mean, like, back in the day, you just hope the cop didn't show up.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly. And a lot of times he would miss it.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, but now they have that digital shit where they could just see who paid in the. In the bank.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And if your license plate doesn't pop up, you're fucked right in the ass within five minutes.

[Doug Uram]

In Asbury, you're getting a ticket. Like, if it takes you long to.

[Mike Sicoli]

Pay, if you just wait till.

[Zach Amico]

Is that, you can't park in that town. Right. And it was the same thing with Weehawken, that if you're parked there for over a minute and you don't belong there, you don't have the badge, they fucking hit you with a ticket. But those same bastards were preaching for open borders. I always found that completely and utter ridiculous, that if I park an inch over West New York, I get hit with a ticket. But you wanted open borders. But you like that money coming in. When you're fucking hitting me up for $50 every goddamn.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think Hoboken was fucking impossible.

[Zach Amico]

Hoboken's worst. Hoboken was the absolute worst. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

When I used to do shows there, it would be fucking impossible for anybody to find parking.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was horrible.

[Mike Sicoli]

I.

[Zach Amico]

There was a girl I was dating who lived in. I lived in Weehawken. And just because I would drive over there, because it's not that far, but it's far enough where you're like, fuck, I don't know.

[Mike Sicoli]

I want to walk.

[Zach Amico]

That's like a half hour, 45 minutes, fine park, and you just. You want to shoot yourself. There was never anything there at all. I hated Hoboken.

[Mike Sicoli]

I used to. When I worked for the provisions company, we would deliver over by the path in Hoboken. That was always fucking pa. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But even now, like, you see the bars, the kids don't Go out the bars anymore. The streets are.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's ridiculous.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. That used to be fucking party central, huh?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, party central. And the fights that would break out at 3am it was fucking amazing. But now I go there and, like, if I want to go get pizza, because the pizza is still fucking fantastic.

[Mike Sicoli]

Bagels.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, bagels too. Nobody. Nobody's out there anymore.

[Mike Sicoli]

I did a. Were you on that show at the VFW with me?

[Zach Amico]

I don't think so.

[Mike Sicoli]

Out there. Fuck. It was vfw or an elks. It was something.

[Zach Amico]

Probably the elks.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was giant fucking elkhead.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yes. That's. That is. It definitely was.

[Zach Amico]

A bronze elk is outside picking up four parking spaces.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. Oh, boy. Was it a bad night for comedy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, it was. It was giant. Like, it was like. It felt like playing in a cathedral. And anything resembled. Like, a laugh would just get stifled into this. Like, you just hear, like, have those.

[Zach Amico]

Ever been good, those elk shows? I've never done one good one in my life.

[Mike Sicoli]

If they're hammered and they want to have a good time.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

If they're hammered and they don't want a show.

[Zach Amico]

Right.

[Mike Sicoli]

They're the worst.

[Zach Amico]

You always know it's gonna go bad. When they had the open buffet, and then they go stand up in five minutes, you're like, oh, great. While they're eating. That's gonna be fun.

[Doug Uram]

I did one of those one time. We walked. It was a firehouse.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

And we walked in, and they had all these hibachi guys just set up. Like, four hibachi guys and their flat top set up, and they're cooking for the firefighters, and they were trashed. So drunk. And then I forget who was on stage. Somebody we started. The show was horrible. They're like, all right, we're gonna get started. And, like, not everybody was in there. They all eventually got in. It was a mess. Everyone's, like, yelling and talking. And then this guy, like, lifts up his shirt, I guess, to be funny and has his tits out. And some lady walks over and just starts licking and sucking his tits. And we're like, what the is going on in this place? But that's usually like. It's usually something like that at a vfw.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them are really fun, and some of them are just nightmares.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

You gotta ingratiate yourself.

[Zach Amico]

You have to. But at the same time, it's like, it's so miserable knowing the circumstances. You're gonna go on up in between that. It's hard to ingratiate yourself while you're in such a bad mood as, you know, you're cutting off the salad time. It's so hard to do that.

[Mike Sicoli]

There's nothing worse than being on a flyer. And the dinner is bigger than your name. It says, like, spaghetti and meatballs, which would be our comedy duo. If it's like spaghetti and meatball buffet. And then your name little. And it's like. Yeah. And. And the comedy stylings of Zach Amico opening for Rich Voss.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Mike Sicoli]

No, by the way. Example of someone.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

And I don't mean that Voss does shitty shows. I mean, Voss will do shows anywhere because he's a fucking road dog.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Do a fundraiser and then they have a sick person talk before the show.

[Zach Amico]

That's the fucking worst. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

I did one with Eli years ago, and it was for a sick baby, and they brought the baby on stage in between.

[Doug Uram]

We did one in Karlstadt and it was for this family who lost their. Somebody died in a fire in the family. And they were like, well, we're gonna have a comedy show to support it. And the feeling in the room, it was like, it just happened three hours ago. Like, it was obviously a tragedy and this should not have happened. And then it was like, not the best people on the show either. So it was like they were kind of getting screwed.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, man, it was. It was hard. It was a hard. It was a hard night. And then the father, like, I guess the father showed up with the kids and it got even more sad. I could not wait to get.

[Zach Amico]

Why does a comedy show. Why is that the idea?

[Doug Uram]

Because someone they knew was like, I gotta get up and do time and no one's booking me. Oh, yeah, wife died. Let's have a show. I'll do 20 minutes.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's 100% one of those.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

If they don't have any friends to play guitar.

[Zach Amico]

That's true. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

All right, let's get out of here on one more thing, actually. Let's get plugs out of the way. Jorge, hit that plug.

[Doug Uram]

Music.

[Mike Sicoli]

Mr. Yurm, what do you want people to check out?

[Zach Amico]

Follow me on Instagram at the Doug Uram. I'll be at the Church of Satire in November. I run a show every Thursday at the grizzly pair at 10 o'. Clock. Come on out to that one. And I post more of my dates up there. And also, what was I just doing? Can't remember the name of the podcast, but I just did one with Ryan Foster.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, cool. The end.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking fantastic. So go Check that out. Check that out. Fun.

[Mike Sicoli]

Very fun. Not Foster. Ryan Shannon's the end. Foster. Some. Another show.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Well, then. But he does it with this dude, Matt Tubbs.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, yeah. That's a different show.

[Zach Amico]

God damn it.

[Mike Sicoli]

What the hell?

[Shannon]

Workforce Titans. Workforce Titans.

[Zach Amico]

Workforce Titans. Go. Check that out.

[Mike Sicoli]

That was a fun one, Mr. Sickly.

[Doug Uram]

I got you. Follow me on Instagram at the Mike Sicoli. I got a half hour special on YouTube called Prom King and I post all my dates on Instagram so you can check them out.

[Mike Sicoli]

Very cool. Follow me on Instagram. Zach is not funny. Punch up that live Zach. Miko. And I'll be on tour the whole last week of October with Juggalo Championship Wrestling. I believe I'm starting out in Riverside, California on the 24th. Going all the way from California to Detroit in a bus. Attaboy. With my good friends who are hip hop wrestling clowns and a bunch of wrestlers. And it should be really fun. So if you want to hang out on any of those dates, message me. And hey, if you love the show and we know you do, go to gas digital.com today. Use that promo code. Zoo. You save a little off your subscription, you get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the archives thousands episodes of your favorite Gas shows. You get the live chat and you get the Friday episode. That's right. We do three of these a week, and you don't get that Friday one unless you're subscribed. So check it out and thank you for enjoying the show. And with this, I thought we would take a look at two ladies today to end the show.

[Zach Amico]

And we'll.

[Mike Sicoli]

We'll. We'll see how we feel about them. And this is from one of my new favorite ways to look at ladies online. A little website called Prison Connect.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Where ladies and gentlemen have the opportunity to post photos and videos and find some friends while they're all locked up to hopefully pursue a relationship when they get out.

[Zach Amico]

Any success stories with those? I haven't heard one.

[Mike Sicoli]

I bet not. There's a lot of. And then I got murdered.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And then they stole my watch. Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

So we got two. Shannon.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, I'm in.

[Mike Sicoli]

So I don't. That's got to be a stripper picture.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. There's no lockers in prison.

[Mike Sicoli]

Not bad, though.

[Doug Uram]

Not bad at all.

[Zach Amico]

That's the same girl.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah. I mean, that's a strip. That's a stripper show. Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

I say phenomenal.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Which. Wish we would know what they were in for okay. And let's look at our other one, the other girl. Yeah.

[Shannon]

Okay. Here you go.

[Mike Sicoli]

This angel. Oh, yes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. With the tattoo on her forehead and all.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, does she have one on her for.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, is that what that was I was looking at? It's funny how they're both strippers.

[Doug Uram]

It's just a bruise.

[Mike Sicoli]

It's a target.

[Doug Uram]

She's not bad.

[Mike Sicoli]

That is a girl that will fuck your life.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, for sure. She'll burn down your brand new apartment.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, dude.

[Zach Amico]

She'll key your car.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's a girl that'll cut the cord on your refrigerator.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, for sure.

[Mike Sicoli]

That's a girl who will destroy electronics.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's the one who yell outside your apartment at 3. He beat my ass.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And that's a. That's definitely like a wigger chick too, man.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, that's a brick. That's a brick through your windshield, that's for sure. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

What do these get posted to that? They could hook it up after Shannon.

[Mike Sicoli]

You want to show them Prison Connect.

[Zach Amico]

I thought that said Sea Caucus.

[Doug Uram]

I'm gonna get on this. This app.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, there's definitely some sugar.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know what the that is all the way.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think that's a guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Mike Sicoli]

Or maybe a lesbian.

[Zach Amico]

That looks like.

[Doug Uram]

I wasn't expecting them to look so, like, put together.

[Zach Amico]

Some of them are pretty.

[Mike Sicoli]

Pretty.

[Zach Amico]

All right, let's find some monstrosities. There's got to be because all these are hot.

[Doug Uram]

Who do I want to see?

[Mike Sicoli]

Okay, let's take a look at Sharon. So if that is you and you're.

[Shannon]

An older gentleman, feel free to hit me up.

[Mike Sicoli]

Please do not add me if you're not going to talk to me.

[Shannon]

I don't want games, chaos, or drama on.

[Zach Amico]

Anyway, I look forward to getting until she gets out.

[Doug Uram]

I hope y' all hit me up soon.

[Zach Amico]

Thanks.

[Mike Sicoli]

Have a great day.

[Doug Uram]

Meryl Streep's just having a rough time.

[Mike Sicoli]

You're right.

[Zach Amico]

That's spot on. It really does look like that.

[Mike Sicoli]

Oh, all these girls must look at her.

[Doug Uram]

What's she looking for up there?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

I don't think it's.

[Shannon]

Which one?

[Doug Uram]

The middle. The one in the middle.

[Mike Sicoli]

The bending over.

[Zach Amico]

That's definitely a Mexican.

[Mike Sicoli]

Why would you have to say it?

[Doug Uram]

Like, the comments are so funny. Like, this guy's like, I think she's gonna broad.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, for sure. Oh, that is a hardcore chola. Really?

[Mike Sicoli]

I think she's Asian.

[Zach Amico]

No, that's one of those Mexicans that look Asian. That look too Filipino. A Filipino, I'll guarantee. Do we have a video of her talking?

[Shannon]

No, this is a. This is.

[Doug Uram]

No, the cartel cut her tongue out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's a Mexican dude.

[Mike Sicoli]

Can we wait? Can we see the girl right underneath her? That's what I'm talking.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, see, that scares me. That looks like it might be. It could be a dude.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, surprise, surprise.

[Zach Amico]

It still could be pretty great. She's got lasagna stomach. That vertical called me Garfield.

[Mike Sicoli]

I hate Mondays. I also don't like the day.

[Doug Uram]

All right, that dude came out of nowhere.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, right. That middle one might be a dude.

[Mike Sicoli]

Excuse me. What y' all look at? Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, we gotta see.

[Zach Amico]

What is that? Yeah, right there. What is that?

[Mike Sicoli]

Lily, you can go ahead and get a hold of me on GTL. My inmate number is. Is 153393. I can't wait to hear from you. What up, girl?

[Doug Uram]

She seems sweet.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, that's a fun one.

[Zach Amico]

With her chapped lips from burning them on the crack pipe. Oh, look, Justin Bieber.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, the one in the middle there.

[Mike Sicoli]

I think that might be Looking for a lady.

[Doug Uram]

Looks like Tommy from Power.

[Shannon]

Hi, my name's Alyssa Nicole Frank.

[Mike Sicoli]

I'm sweet and personable.

[Doug Uram]

I have 19 piercings, a few tattoos.

[Mike Sicoli]

And I'm a Christian. Oh, good. Wait, go back. I want to.

[Zach Amico]

I want to see my same values.

[Mike Sicoli]

The twink on the left here. Yeah. Hey, what's up? My name is Al.

[Zach Amico]

She missed a tooth.

[Mike Sicoli]

Excitement and some entertainment. I want to have some hot and spicy conversations, you know? Yeah, find some. That's intriguing. Play the cards I've been dealt. You can find me on Getting out dot com under alicia haro. Adios. 144503. Meet me there.

[Doug Uram]

That missing tooth looks like. She looks like the Ready to Rumble characters after they lose.

[Mike Sicoli]

Yeah, that lady eats with a knife.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, there's a out there with a tooth in it somewhere.

[Mike Sicoli]

Excuse me. Later. All right, we're gonna call it there. Thank you so much for watching. This has been the Morning Zoo. Please support my guest, Doug Uram and Mike Sisoli with his new special Prom king. And we will see you this Friday here on the old Morning Zoo. Huh? Sleeping noon is morning time to him, Papa Baco ch. Just like your favorite old beast, clown. Grab a call bear and join the crew. It's Akamiko morning too. It's Akamiko morning too.

[Zach Amico]

Your business is one of a kind. So your website should be too. With wix, it's easy, almost too easy to create a website that's perfectly yours. Just tell AI what kind of site you want to build or choose from thousands of templates, change whatever you want whenever you want and get everything you need to start running your business your way. No matter what you sell or what you aspire to be.

[Shannon]

You can do it all yourself on wix.