0059. Damien Speranza and Kelly Taylor

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico's Morning Zoo — Episode 0059

Guests: Damien Speranza & Kelly Taylor
Date: November 7, 2025
Host: Zac Amico
Network: GaS Digital Network

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo brings together comedian Damien Speranza and podcaster Kelly Taylor for a wild and energetic dive into the chaos of entertainment, reality TV, bizarre news, animal tales, pro wrestling, and the strange rules of everyday life. Zac and the guests mix irreverent comedy with first-hand stories from showbiz and beyond, delivering the trademark GaS Digital mix of twisted news, honest conversation, and degenerate humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Zac’s Return from Wrestling Tours & Vince Russo News

• Zac returns from touring with Juggalo Championship Wrestling, now working for wrestling legend Vince Russo, described as "the most polarizing figure in the world of wrestling."
• Quote [03:02]: “When somebody’s called polarizing, that’s just a nice way of saying jerk off.” – Zac Amico

2. The Endurance of Celebrity Dads (Kelsey Grammer Figure)

• Jokes and discussion about Kelsey Grammer, who just had his 8th child at age 70.
• Comparisons to other older celebrity dads like De Niro, Pacino, and Baldwin, leading to banter on why men keep having kids in their 70s.
• Quote [06:05]: “There’s something... it must make them feel alive to know they can still just ruin ladies’ lives.” – Zac Amico
• Reality TV stories involving Kelsey’s appearance on Real Housewives, old guy parenthood, and the gifts Zac brings his wife.

3. Behind the Scenes of Reality TV

• Zac and Kelly share insider perspectives on reality TV – how fights are staged, how certain cast members are “planted” to provoke drama.
• Discussion of “designated expositional fat friend” roles and the intense manipulation by producers.
• Quote [11:20]: “Every girl has, on every reality show, a girl who’s usually a little chubby... her job is to be the conduit between that girl and whatever the producers want discussed.” – Zac Amico
• They also touch on the limits of “reality,” legal review, and the unseen side of behind-the-scenes footage.

4. Trash TV Gems: “Balin Out Loud” & Tourette’s Representation

• Damien enthuses about “Balin Out Loud,” a reality show following a woman with Tourette’s.
• The group considers the humor and boundaries of shows focusing on people with neurological disorders. Questions are raised on what hits the cutting room floor.
• Quote [12:58]: “She’s got like a jack dad who works for the government... her boyfriend’s a closet case ‘cause his shorts are way too short and tight.” – Damien Speranza
• Debate on whether people with Tourette’s would assign “bad words” differently if raised without swearing.

5. Relationships & Attraction

• A lengthy, self-deprecating tangent on celebrity crushes (Boston Rob from Survivor, Bad Bunny), attraction, and how partners’ tastes can bewilder you.
• Quote [23:02]: “She told me she thought Bad Bunny was handsome... should I just leave? If that’s who you find attractive... there is no way.” – Zac Amico

6. Harrowing (& Hilarious) Road Stories

A. Comedy on the Road:

• Touring comedians’ stories from dangerous towns, shady motels, and clubs in places with rampant gun ownership.
  • “Everyone went, yup, and the whole bar took out guns.” – Zac [34:01]
  • Comedy clubs in Memphis, horror-movie-like Yonkers motel, and theory that some venues are money laundering operations.

B. Bar & Club Sketchiness:

• Kelly and Damien recall clubs charging for coat check with only a handful of customers, and motels literally surrounded by barking dogs, giving off horror-movie vibes.

7. Fighting, Drunk Fans, and Audience Boundaries

• Zac tells of fans trying to get into the wrestling van and into the ring, reflecting on the weird “alpha” urge of some men to challenge big guys.
• "Don't go behind the counter" rule: anyone who goes behind a service area (ring, counter, bodega) gets what’s coming to them.
• Quote [29:01]: “If you get behind the counter, I am of the opinion anything that happens to you is your fault.” – Zac Amico

8. Guns & Comedy

• Experiences as performers in regions where nearly everyone is armed.
• Discussion on the difference in attitudes between North and South, including the wild practice of Uber Eats as a drug-dealing disguise.

9. Animal Stories & New York Living

• Segment on cats as rodent deterrents, especially in rat-infested New York.
• Both guests share stories about their cats and their violent pride in presenting dead vermin.
• Cultural differences in animal ownership (notably, that people from some ethnic groups do not keep dogs as pets).

10. Parental Lies & Childhood Myths

• How parents perpetuate generational fibs like, “You can’t turn the car light on while driving—it's illegal!” and how these often go unchallenged for decades.
• Quote [67:31]: “All our parents collectively lied and said, we’ll get pulled over if you turn the light on in the car, we’ll get pulled over and I’ll go to jail.” – Zac Amico

11. Amusing & Absurd News Stories

A. German soccer player’s kid bites referee’s testicles

• School carnival ride malfunctions, with the crew fixating on the sketchiness of mobile, church, or “family fun” amusement rides.

B. Clifton Bar’s Age Restriction & Wildness

• The bar’s sudden policy switch to 30+ age due to unruly crowds; debates if bars can legally enforce age minimums over 21.

12. Sex Dolls & Adult Toys

• Zac jokes about the fate of a stolen life-size sex doll from their studio, ideas for turning dolls into alcohol luges, and Shannon’s hypothetical price for a mold of her butt.
• Quote [75:39]: “You have to put its hand on your, like, neck if you really want to..." – Zac Amico

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [03:02] Zac: “When somebody’s called polarizing, that’s just a nice way of saying jerk off.”
• [06:05] Zac: “It must make them feel alive to know they can still just ruin ladies’ lives.”
• [11:20] Zac: “Every girl on every reality show has a girl who’s their friend who is usually a little chubby... her job to be the conduit between that girl and whatever the producers want discussed.”
• [23:02] Zac: “She told me she thought Bad Bunny was handsome... there is no way. Should I just leave? Because if that’s who you find attractive…”
• [29:01] Zac: “If you get behind the counter, I am of the opinion anything that happens to you is your fault.”
• [34:01] Zac: “Everyone went, yup, and the whole bar took out guns.”
• [67:31] Zac: “All our parents collectively lied and said, we’ll get pulled over if you turn the light on in the car, we’ll get pulled over and I’ll go to jail.”
• [75:09] Zac: "No, I need something. I was working in the lab. You know what I would want to try? You know the ones that are just butts?... I feel like I could really do some damage on that."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:32–03:25: Zac’s return, wrestling talk, Vince Russo news
• 05:22–06:52: Kelsey Grammer’s new baby & “old celebrity dads”
• 06:55–12:22: Reality TV inside scoop; “fat friend” expositional trope
• 12:23–15:41: “Balin Out Loud” & Tourette’s, off-color reality show humor
• 23:02–24:00: Partners’ unexpected celebrity crushes (Bad Bunny)
• 29:00–34:47: Don’t go behind the counter, wrestling fans, violence at shows
• 34:01–42:49: Comedy in gun towns, Uber Eats as cover for drug dealing
• 42:54–47:25: Cat stories, animal instincts, cultural differences in pet-owning
• 54:55–57:10: Uber ride horror stories
• 58:41–60:37: German soccer child bites referee’s testicles, parenting/behavior
• 61:06–63:34: Carnival ride malfunctions, fear of traveling carnival rides
• 66:58–68:11: Generational lies parents tell (car lights, going to comedy clubs)
• 70:10–74:19: Clifton Bar’s 30+ age policy uproar, rowdy bar crowd phenomena
• 75:09–76:38: Sex dolls, studio shenanigans, and jokes about adult toys

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Tone & Language

Chaotic, irreverent, and hilariously brazen—true to the “Morning Zoo” format and GaS Digital’s edgy comedy ethos. The trio bounce between inappropriate jokes, deadpan observations, and sincere, relatable moments about jobs, pets, partners, and cultural oddities. The conversational tone regularly veers into the absurd, but the underlying rapport keeps things lively and engaging.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is a tornado of real-life comedy, industry secrets, and crazy anecdotes. If you enjoy comedians riffing about the hidden side of reality TV, the perils of touring life, and the absolute weirdness of humanity—plus a healthy dose of wrestling, animal stories, and sex toy jokes—this is one of the more representative and entertaining entries in the Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo catalog.

No topic too taboo, no joke too dark—just pure unfiltered fun.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

If you pay off early or cancel contact us. Fill her up.

[A]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes are guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a in and join the crew It's Zach Amico. Morning suit. Hello, hello, hello. It's a Monday, and it's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico. And I'm back, baby. That's right. I have returned from another mighty tour with Juggalo Championship Wrestling. Now, is this streaming live? No. Are we here? Yes. Unfortunately, we are having streaming issues. So it is about 12:30. I couldn't push the show back anymore because there are other shows that have to record here. But we thought we would get it in the can. Whenever it does play, it'll play. For those of you subscribed, we'll get it right to you. And thank you so much for being patient. I apologize that last week we did have a short episode. I had planned on doing some stuff on the road. However, I was getting four hours of sleep at night and nobody was really in the mood to talk much. I apologize. I will do some long episodes coming up to make up for it. And today's episode is going to be a lot of fun. Why? Because I'm joined by two great people. Our good friend. No podcast, I guess. But hey, you know what? Handsome, funny and supportive, it's our friend, Damien Speranza. How you doing, Bob?

[B]

Good man. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it.

[A]

Thank you for being here. And next to him from the I Feel Fat Today podcast, it's our friend, Kelly Taylor. How are you?

[C]

I'm so good. Thanks for having me.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for being here. I really appreciate it. I have been part of a whirlwind in the world of pro wrestling. It means nothing to either of you two. But I'm very excited because now I work for a man named Vince Russo. It means nothing to you guys?

[C]

No.

[B]

I feel bad, but I do like wrestling.

[A]

So, I mean, that's Vince Russo is who wrote the attitude era.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And see that now and then he fucked over WWE and went to WCW and made himself the champion. He's the most you ever heard. When somebody's called polarizing, that's just a nice way of saying jerk off. Yes, the most polarizing figure in the world of wrestling has become the investor and on screen authority figure here in my company. And boy, it's been fun.

[B]

Oh, I'm sure. I don't blame him for going to wcw. Everybody chased the money there.

[A]

Well, this has been pretty goddamn fun. It is a new. A new world. And I got to hear some of my favorite wrestling podcasts complain about me and I really feel like I'm part of it. I'm fucking pumped. But let's knock plugs out of the way. Damian. What do you want people to check out, my friend?

[B]

Check out my website, damien speranza.com. i got all my shows on there. Next week at the comedy festival. New York Comedy Festival, November 12th will be at the stand doing comedy for a good cause. We're going to be raising money for tunnel towers, which is a 911 thing. Lineup is crazy. Mark Norman, Jim Florentine Vecchion. I mean, crazy lineup. So, you know, get tickets to come to that. That's a big one.

[A]

Very, very cool.

[C]

Kelly, check out my podcast. I feel bad today on YouTube and anywhere you listen to podcast episodes come out every Friday and hit me up on Instagram. Hello, this is Kelly. I'd love to do your show.

[A]

Fantastic. Hey guys, you can find me on Instagram at zackisnotfunny. All my dates on punchup live, Zach amigo, and most importantly, I'll be at skank fest. So thank you so much. And if you love the show and we know you do, go to gas digital.com today, use my promo code zoo. And you get your episodes early ad, free and uncensored. You get the live chat, get the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite cast digital shows. And most importantly, you get the Friday bonus episode. Yeah, that's right. We do three of these a week. But if you want that Friday show, you gotta subscribe and you save a little money off your subscription. Thank you guys so much for tuning in and for being patient with me while I was on the road. 98% of you were the fucking best and the 2% of you that are a little, little mean. I get it. It's cool. I'm just glad you watched the show. Thank you, Shannon. I can't remember if I sent this to you or not, but we do have to celebrate. One of our favorite people on the show is a dad again. And I want to congratulate the great Kelsey Grammar.

[B]

Had a baby.

[A]

His eighth child.

[B]

Isn't he 80?

[A]

Shannon, give us the stats. Kelsey Grammar knocking up his new bitch again. This guy can't stop.

[C]

He sucks, dude.

[A]

This guy can't. He really fucking know.

[B]

I don't care about that part. But why do you want to have a baby?

[C]

I know.

[B]

Like, I'm 43. I don't want another one.

[A]

He is. It's just these old guy. You got your De Niro's.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You got Pacino. Like, they're just.

[B]

Just dumping it.

[A]

They. Baldwin.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

These guys, they're just. There's something. It must make them feel alive to know that they can still just fucking ruin ladies lives.

[C]

Yeah. One of my favorite things about Kelsey Grammer was. I forget what year it was, but it was the first season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And he was. He was dating or he was married to Camille Grammar. I don't remember her, you know, maiden name. But he was like, yeah, go do this little show in Beverly Hills. I'm going to go do Broadway in New York. And it was also that she was distracted in California while he liked, bangs his mistress in New York and has.

[A]

A whole life get kicked out of her own place.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And she's like, I'm Mrs. Graham. And they're like, no, you're not. Like, there was another woman that they. The building knew as his wife.

[B]

That's balls.

[A]

On tv.

[C]

On tv.

[A]

On camera on a reality show. Who's gonna see this? I'm Kareem. I'm Frasier bitch.

[C]

Yeah. This is why when people talk shit about reality television, I'm like, you have no idea what you're missing out on. Like, it was the best.

[A]

I will say Mrs. Amico. Big housewives fan her. I try to do at least one present every time I'm on tour.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And this, this tourist present was a mug with all the mug shots of the housewives who've been arrested.

[C]

You're the best.

[B]

That's genius.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Sabrina Piper had it on Instagram and I immediately poached it and said, where.

[B]

Did you get that?

[A]

I'm buying it right now.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

I don't know if I would do it. Like, I Don't know. If someone came to me to do a reality TV show, I was like, hey, we watch it. I don't know.

[C]

I know I dream about it, but then I think how I am with my actual friends, and I'm not really. Like, if someone tells me a piece of information, I don't run to my other friend to tell them. And you have to do that on.

[B]

Reality tv, You've got to be the biggest, like, asshole.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

To get the.

[A]

As someone who has worked in that world and seen very much how the sausage is made. It's enragingly set up.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Very produced. And the women know.

[A]

But then the fights are pretty, like.

[C]

Yeah, because you get a lot of.

[A]

Raw footage in my day, and it's pretty. Like, I've seen the. I've seen the shit that they can air for legal. Re. Like, I've really seen.

[C]

I know. I want, like, the Girls Gone Wild, Real Housewives edition.

[A]

Oh, dude. The shit. I guarantee you. Because a lot of what, especially the ladies get in later seasons. And what I've noticed in shows I've worked on, they get a lawyer to include that. They get to see the episodes and approve everything. So however bad you think they look.

[B]

It could have been worse.

[A]

They cut. Yeah, they cut some gnarly. Well, you know, I mean, first of.

[B]

All, there's security in all those sets. Right?

[C]

Right.

[B]

So, like, you know, when the fight is happening, somebody is there, like, waiting. Hold on. Don't, don't. Okay, now break it up, you know, letting it go a little bit before they send. So it's all, like, calculated in some way. Thing up for titty came out. Now go, like, get her, you know?

[C]

Yeah. But the unfettered access to alcohol will always give you a good show.

[B]

That's the other thing. I don't drink, so I'd be boring on all of these reality shows because I don't get, like, fucked up and then make poor decisions sober on tape.

[A]

Yeah, there's been a few I. Shit I've witnessed.

[B]

Just work.

[A]

When I. That was one of my old jobs. I worked on a show that we do not mention out of somebody signed an NDA doodar dudar. What?

[C]

To rhyme with.

[A]

You would know what it was and the amount of shit that got cut that me and my friends quote to this day. My favorite. I'll try and be as vague as possible.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

I worked on a show with a bunch of girls that had a bunch of kids.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's all you got?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Gotcha.

[A]

And we all had opinions. Man, I was so mean. I was just talking so much.

[B]

No, it's shocking.

[A]

And there's one girl, one of her sons was just. I'm not saying I think the kid's gay, but I'm saying he's. He's auditioning for the part of a gay man every time he speaks. And cute kid. Like, nice. Really sweet. In a world of little monsters, he was the sweetest kid on the show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But she. Very sure. And the baby dad definitely were aware of what might be coming down the pike. And I don't think either of them were thrilled about it. And there was a time where she had like a new house every fucking year because they're great at spending money.

[B]

Nice. And.

[A]

Her son was designing his own bathroom in the house. Her, like 8 year old, 10 year old, whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he was going through tile samples.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And what was. She had a friend that was doing the, you know, the fake conversation with her and she's talking about. And the friend's like, oh, maybe he'll grow up to be an interior designer. And she's like. Or a construction worker.

[C]

Yeah. A foreman. Yeah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So there's what all those shows have. Kelly is what I refer to as the designated expositional fat friend.

[C]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

So every girl has. On every reality show has a girl who's their friend who is usually a little chubby. All right. And it is her job to be the conduit between that girl and whatever the producers want discussed.

[C]

Yeah. And she's just happy to be there.

[A]

And she's just a fucking leech. Yeah, of course. And they. They trade them out once every two years because they either get hot with their money. Yep.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And they don't want to be on camera with someone hot.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or they. A lot of times they start selling secrets to the blogs and shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or they start. They're like, I have another friend and it's this girl who has a podcast about the show.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm just gonna hang out with her all the time and accidentally leak information and. Yeah. Those girls are the fucking mods. Those are the. The leech monsters.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And they'll always be, this is my stylist. They're like, this is my this. And it's just some fucking lady.

[B]

Well, I will say for reality tv, I am. I don't know if I should say embarrassingly hooked on Balin out loud.

[A]

Okay. The girl with the Tourette's we've discussed.

[B]

I mean, first of all, she's hot.

[A]

Yes. I mean bombs, but like tap that wiener. Tap that retard.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean it's.

[A]

Oh hell no. It's John Cena.

[B]

She is fant. I laugh and I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh at the whole thing because it documents her journey, but it's fucking hilarious.

[C]

No. Yeah.

[B]

And she's got like a jack dad.

[A]

Who works for the government.

[B]

It's like a super mystery like what he actually does for the government. And I'm pretty sure her boyfriend's a closet case cuz his shorts are way too short and tight.

[A]

But her family's in on. Her family knows. It's funny though. I feel like they're other than the.

[B]

Airport when she screamed I have a gun.

[A]

Yeah. When she couldn't stop screaming I have a gun.

[B]

That was my favorite moment. I was like, she's going to get tased and it's going to get worse.

[A]

Can fix it. The brain is going normal.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, she's beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. She's hot.

[A]

Yeah, dude, she's. She has a good sense of he, like the fun like when she's like trying to like make eggs and, and she can't help but like smash them and.

[B]

But she's also getting rich. It's kind of hard to have a bad sense of humor about something that's making you a lot of money.

[A]

She was on Sam Roberts and she took his hat off. She kept going, you're bald. Bald. Part of me is like, you know, she has to know. She just has carte blanche to, to say.

[C]

Really to get mad at somebody and say a slur.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Well, that's. I've thought about this. They don't really ever drop end bombs, do they?

[B]

I bet you there is one.

[A]

Oh, I'm sure they just don't make it on tv.

[C]

That's on the cutting room floor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's one of those ones you were hearing that you were talking about. We're never gonna see the light of day. But it's.

[A]

There has to be that like just with. Because I feel like they're, they're, they have intrusive thoughts and they have to enact intrusive thoughts.

[B]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

And like I have to keep that one in. Well, I can't imagine having Tourette's.

[B]

The self control of like having to not say the one thing you know you're supposed to not say. It's like. I know I want to say it.

[A]

I've always wondered if a person with Tourette's was raised in almost like an experimental way where they never heard curses. What they would. If they would interpret certain words as bad words or they would make their own bad.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like an Amish person with Tourette's. Like, what they're actually saying fiddlesticks.

[A]

But no, she's not. And she's so cute. It doesn't matter.

[B]

She's pregnant now, I think. Good.

[A]

For good.

[C]

Oh, my God, that labor is going to be intense.

[B]

I also think they loud because they asked the boyfriend, like, I can't believe I'm getting this in depth on fucking trash reality tv. They. They asked the boyfriend, like, does she have ticks during sex? And he's just like, no, nothing. I'm like, you're not that amazing.

[A]

You're not curing her.

[B]

Tourette's. For the seven minutes you're inside her, she's gonna say some wild shit and you just don't want to admit it.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

There's no way.

[D]

By the way, it says that she. At least she's claiming she is not pregnant. That she involuntarily said, I'm pregnant, but she's saying she is not pregnant.

[A]

Oh, she did. On the. On the show, in front of his parents, right?

[B]

Oh, I don't know.

[A]

I just remember on the show in front of his parents yelled, I'm pregnant. And she wasn't, but I think she was having a tick.

[B]

All right, well, again, thanks, Shannon.

[C]

Just blame it on that.

[A]

Yeah, of course I would. That's gotta. I'd imagine taking her to the right neighborhood, you could really get some fucking.

[B]

Yeah, I just had a wrong thought that. I'm not gonna joke.

[C]

It was like a deadline, 2020. What would you do? Just put her like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Could you intervene this white woman screaming slurs now, Caitlin. Today's about Caitlyn and Compton. It's like, what the hell?

[B]

Was it the Bruce Willis movie Die Hard. Die Hard, where he's wearing the sign.

[A]

Artie Fuqua is in that scene.

[B]

Is he?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's one of the. The black guys on the stupid Wild Boy.

[B]

Yeah, Wild Boy. He had his.

[C]

He's everywhere.

[B]

He had his. Was it like Louis Vuitton or Gucci little, like, fanny thing that he carries around. Showed me one day what was in there. I was like, you could hurt some people.

[A]

Like, you really got.

[C]

That's why he has it.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but it's like pulling it out of a Gucci bag seemed a little bit much, you know?

[A]

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[D]

Yes. So he is 70 and this is his eighth child.

[A]

And then how old's the partner?

[D]

Hold on, I just opened up a whole bunch of other things. One second. Sorry. Okay. I believe. Oh no, that's his child's age. One second.

[A]

I think she's 12.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

I thought it was 37, but I lost it. Hold on one second.

[C]

I mean, even she's a little old.

[B]

That's wild. If he goes another 10 years without having a kid, he's gonna have one every decade he's been around.

[D]

Yeah, she's. She's 46 years old.

[B]

Damn.

[D]

And this is his fourth child with this wife.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

They must have tried then. Yeah, science had to intervene.

[A]

I would assume so.

[C]

You know, I don't want that to be true, but yeah, it is the case.

[A]

Wow, that's good hay. If there's anything we love on this show is respect and admiration for Kelsey Grammar. I mean, she was a hero.

[C]

She must be mentally ill. What are you doing at 47 having a child?

[B]

She has to basically just sitting on top and doing all the work at that point. Like he's not doing anything.

[C]

No, but I mean, just. Just waking up and having a newborn, like, I can't imagine.

[A]

Well, I'd imagine they're at a point financially.

[C]

Oh, true. That someone else is raising the child. I forgot. I did forget. We're talking about a Latino woman is just Fraser fame.

[A]

He's got frame, Frasier and Cheers money.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And X Men money.

[C]

Yeah. All these ex wives have to be draining him. No.

[A]

Yeah. They look related. They kind of look alike a little bit.

[C]

Oh, she's pretty.

[A]

Yeah. But yes, my Mrs. Amico. Also not a fan of Mr. Grammer after the way he treated his lady on reality tv.

[C]

Yeah, he sucks.

[A]

I don't know. But that's also like. There's a 50. 50 shot. All that shit happened off camera and it was recreated.

[C]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, true. But I. I like. Camille's attitude on the first season was so uppity. She really thought she was so better. So much better than everybody. And then, you know, towards the end of the season, it all started to kind of. It actually happened in between seasons where a lot of stuff went down and she came back just completely humbled and like a broken woman.

[A]

And that's tv.

[C]

That's television. That's Bravo, baby.

[A]

That's exactly what I want. Yeah, I watch. Shannon and I are obsessed with traitors.

[C]

So, so good.

[A]

That's our. Yeah, they're doing auditions, right, Shannon, I.

[D]

Thought that they started filming that already.

[A]

No, they did the. The one with civilians.

[D]

Let me. Let me double check. Because didn't it start out that it was kind of a mixture between civilians and celebrities?

[A]

Yeah, But I feel like now there's going to be a season that's all civilians again.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know the show either.

[A]

It's just the game Mafia in a mansion.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

It's. Yeah. And then there's tasks and there's. There's people that are actively working against. So people are trying to steal all the money at the end.

[B]

Gotcha.

[D]

Yes. It looks like they. They started casting in August. Yeah. For the civilian cast.

[A]

I would have.

[D]

No, boring.

[A]

Oh, no. I don't know. They might. I would like to see interest if they send it up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because there's been a few. Like, I didn't know who any of the British people were.

[D]

That's true.

[A]

Like, they. They didn't occur to me.

[C]

I think I would enjoy it. Yeah, I would enjoy it. I think television is always better, especially for reality, when it's not like, people who are trying to be influencers or, you know, people that have done Survivor or something that, you know, build a career off of that.

[A]

I found out the other day my wife is attracted to Boston Rob. Oh.

[C]

I mean, what woman? What. How old is she? She has to be 30 something years my age. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Like, really?

[C]

Because we watched when we were, like, in going through pub, like, young, hot Boston Rob, and you've watched him age and. Yes, like a fine wine, Shannon.

[D]

He's not my thing.

[B]

I don't know what he looks like.

[A]

Bring him up. We'll see if Damian wants to talk.

[D]

I'm trying to find an older version of him.

[B]

I'm so bad at tv.

[C]

I mean, young Boston Rob was. Honey, Survivor.

[B]

Oh, that's him.

[C]

Look at that guy.

[B]

He just looks like a landscaper.

[C]

He also was, like, demonic on the show, which makes him, like, hotter.

[A]

Oh, was he? Very.

[C]

He was. He's like an insane competitor.

[B]

Bad boy thing.

[C]

He's a bad boy, and now he's, like, a girl dad. So it's like, you know.

[B]

Shannon, is that your type right there?

[D]

No, no, I. I didn't. I didn't have the same attraction, but I also didn't, like, watch Survivor, so maybe it's different for me, but I. I didn't dislike him on Traders. I just didn't want to, like, bang him.

[A]

And, dude, my wife came out one the other day as somebody that she thought was attractive, and I wanted to turn around and be like, I've never.

[B]

Wanted to hit you before.

[A]

No, I wanted to be like, should I just leave? Because if that's who you find attract, like, there is no way. She told me she thought Bad Bunny was handsome.

[C]

I mean, objectively.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna defend your wife. So you can't appreciate different people being attractive.

[A]

No, I do, but if that's. I feel like that's such another end of the pendulum.

[C]

Yeah, but I mean, so no one ethnic.

[B]

No, you're just mad he was brown.

[A]

That's all that was.

[C]

And it's one of those things where it's like. It doesn't have to just be a picture. Like, it's swag. You know, it's his whole I don't give an f attitude.

[A]

For me, like, I know what's coming my way. Which if a girl's like, action Bronson, I'm like, I got. I Got a Schottzky but bad bunny that's like. That's fucking nuts.

[C]

I hear you.

[B]

Or you could take it as a compliment that that's what she's into. But you were so charming.

[A]

Yeah, I really did try my way, you know? Cat pictures. Yep, cat pictures.

[B]

Whatever works, man.

[A]

Baltica and Disco Fries. That's what got me that one.

[B]

Disco Fries, yeah. So good. I actually been watching. I forgot I watched this the other day. I was on a binge about you talking about different kinds of reality shows. What's that one? Special Forces, where the celebrities are going through, like, special force training. I love it so much because they're not used to being disrespected because they're celebrities. And all of these drill sergeants, like.

[A]

Shut the fuck up.

[B]

Shut. Don't look at me like. And you just see all of them fighting back this rage, but they can't do anything because these guys are trained killers. So they just have to sit there and take it. And I went to high school with that, with Jussie Smollett, so no way. Seeing him on there was wheeled was weird. Wild.

[A]

Defend yourself better, boy. This isn't a subway 4 in the morning. This is happening.

[B]

This is happening.

[A]

Just put on two MAGA hats. I. I don't have it in me. I don't. I would walk away to do that, to even get yelled at by a drill sergeant, I would be like. I would. It would be one of those things where I'd be like, yeah, well, no, but I'd be crying like, I don't have it. I don't have it.

[B]

I had to go through the fire academy, and in the fire academy, that's what they do. They yell at you for no reason to kind of, like, test you. And one guy called me a. And I dropped my pack and I was gonna go fight him, but luckily there was this guy I shot out. Pete Morado, Bridgeport Fire Department. Guy was a power lifter back in the day. Literally, as I'm beelining for this other guy, Pete picks me up. My feet are, like, off the ground like this. And he turned me around, held me in front of. Goes, it's not worth losing a 20 year career. Just fucking go. And, like, wouldn't let me get. Yeah, I've never been treated like a child before. Like, he lifted me up, feet dangling, told me three words, and I just was like, all right, I'm out.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not tough. I can't fight. But if you yell in my face like that, I'm like, you're a jerk.

[C]

No, the people pleaser in me is, like, don't be mad at me. I would just feel bad that everyone was mad at me.

[A]

I would probably. If I know me, I would be such a cunt about it that I would probably try to start breaking him down mentally. I mean, like, how bad is your. What happens at your house that you have to come here and be like this? Yeah.

[B]

That's a worse assault to me than fighting.

[A]

I would really probably get cruel and then get my ass. Like, just beat the shit out. Like, I would get.

[B]

I would rather fight Lewis than deal with you because you'd have me in the corner and be like, he's right. I didn't have a dad.

[C]

Mental warfare.

[A]

Like, I shouldn't be a father.

[B]

He's right.

[A]

That's what's happening right now. Like, I. It's funny being around the wrestlers on these tours. It's so weird how drunk dudes see it as a challenge to, like, walk up to some of the guys I'm in. These cars with are fucking enormous.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And they've got cardi. Like, what? People realize, like, these guys have fucking cardio.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like, they're.

[B]

They can go.

[A]

They can go, right? Even if they're not. They're not trained fighters or whatever. They're big and they're strong. They've got wind. And there's a bunch of us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, yeah, we were getting in our van in Denver, and there's, like, we're in an alleyway behind the. The venue, and these drunk dudes in Broncos jerseys try to get in the van as we're loading in, and they're like, where are we going? And I'm like, oh, guys, hey, we're in a rush, but you guys have a great night. We got to get to the next stop. And, like, oh, you guys are the wrestlers. We got a wrestle. We're going to wrestle. And like, oh, hey, man. Yeah, but we got it. We got to get out of here. Thank you so much. And I closed the van door on them, and they started free you. We'll fucking fight you guys. Punching our wit, trying to punch the windows in and shit, all because I said, please don't get in our van. And then, I mean, there was a very large man outside the van who bitched them all out, of course, but it was just such an insane. Like, I don't get the ic and, like, I'm a big guy. I don't see another big guy. And my brain goes, oh, obviously, we need to fight, Right?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, Like, I don't. I have no chance. There's none of that. That doesn't live in me. So I just don't get it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The whole alpha thing, like.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. Like, I've been in fights, but I don't ever look for them for that same reason. It's just not the instinct of, like, to go challenge somebody and pick a fight.

[A]

And I also. I can't believe the amount of people that try and get in the ring.

[C]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[A]

Every tour I'm on, somebody gets drunk and tries to roll and then get surprised.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just when they get their head kicked in and arrested.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're like, I didn't do anything. It's like, yeah. Cause we have a rule on this show. Don't go behind the counter. And that's for like, any video of, like a fast food place. If you're starting shit. If you get behind the counter or a bodega.

[C]

Yeah. You're wrong.

[A]

If you get behind the counter. I am of the opinion anything that happens to you is your fault.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Sans a child or.

[C]

Right, right, right.

[A]

Mentally disabled person who doesn't. Who's not being malicious.

[C]

Yeah. Not a drunk asshole. I get you.

[A]

But if you're. If you're in an argument with somebody and then you get behind the camera, now you have entered private space, and whether they pick up a pipe or they have a gun or a knife.

[C]

Yeah, I get off my lawn.

[A]

You have now entered their space.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the amount of people that see wrestling hop the barricade and go, I'm just going to roll in the ring and have some sillies.

[C]

I don't know. It's like they want to, they. It's like the alcohol gets them uninhibited. So they can just like, oh, I want to perform. Like, I want to get on stage. It's like someone putting their foot on stage in the audience, you know?

[A]

So I, you know the video, the guy hitting the guitar comic just fucking destroying the guy that tries to get on stage with him. And the crowd turns on him.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

There's a guitar comic on stage and a guy tries to fight him. He gets on stage and he just takes off the guitar and knocks this guy's dick in the dirt.

[C]

Probably felt so good to do that.

[A]

And the whole crowd gets shocked. And they're like, you'd have to hit him.

[C]

And he's like, yeah, people suck.

[A]

I always, I'm of the opinion we live in a post Dimebag Darrell world where if anybody's getting on the stage, mark them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

But that.

[A]

This is it. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I guess if you were gay, you'd be in Oklahoma. Kinda like this guy, you know? No, really, don't mess with me. Cause I don't come down to the bus station and slap the dick out of your mouth when you're working, do I? Very, very, very shitty stock line.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but it is, it is worse. Said with a guitar though.

[C]

Oh, he got on stage.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry, man. The guy came at me. What do you think, folks? No. Okay, sure.

[C]

That was unnecessary.

[A]

We should just go in the crowd.

[B]

Start hitting more people.

[A]

Yeah, give me, give me my next guitar.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, yeah.

[B]

Also to be insulted by a guy with a harmonica around his neck. I mean it's all just emasculating.

[A]

Yeah. I've watched a few people like Roland, Lorraine, I watched one girl do it and they couldn't. They, they were very gentle with her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But a few times I've watched guys do it now and the second your head goes under the rope, they see you coming. It's just soccer kicks. Yeah. God, it's the best.

[B]

But I don't know, I think there is something to this whole. Because I feel like any spectator sport activity has that right where like people will streak the soccer field, the baseball fields, like it's like, oh, we're not supposed to be there, but I'm going to be the one to get in there. The difference is when they do it on, like, the, you know, soccer or whatever, football, it's usually security that'll handle it. But what you're talking about is, like, these jacked guys are like, oh, I don't need security. I'm just going to ruin my.

[A]

My. What I always say. Because we had security guards get mad at the one at one of the events because I was screaming at him, get. Get this fucking guy out of here. And they're like, that's not our job. And I was like, obviously, it is your. I don't care that there's a guy in the ring. I am very comfortable knowing that the people in there can deal with this.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't know what that guy has on him.

[C]

Yeah, fair.

[A]

That's why I'm very much a proponent of knock him out. Then we'll find out what he has on him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, now, if he has a blade, if he has something, that's a very different story. And I more and more realize a lot more people have weapons than I realize.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It is common practice for a lot of people to have stuff these days because they. Rather than, like, learn how to fight, they're just like, well, I'll just have a weapon and be the, you know, the equalizer in the situation.

[A]

I did a show in some middle of nowhere, and I'm sitting at the. It was a dive bar, and I, by the features, started making a joke about where they were. And he's like, I bet you guys all have guns. And everyone went, yep. And they all show. I mean, the whole. The whole bar took out guns.

[C]

I'm out.

[A]

And then I gotta do 40. And I'm like, sweet, they're armed, dude. And dude, I swear to. In the front row was a black guy in a kilt with a leg harness or whatever. He had a full, like, rifle down his leg just to his dick. What?

[B]

You sure that wasn't his dick?

[A]

I made that joke.

[B]

So I did a show in Memphis, the club. I don't think it's open anymore. Chuckles in Memphis. And I was hosting for a comic, and I just was trying to do crowd work. And I spoke to this guy in front. It was like a couple. And I go, how long have you guys been together? And the guy leaned back, lifted his shirt, just showed me his gun. Didn't answer the question. And I was like, we don't have to talk anymore. Yeah, Like, I'm good. We can just move on.

[C]

Yeah. I immediately want to make that guy my friend because I'm so scared. It's a matter of self preservation.

[A]

It is a crazy thing to be. Well, honey, we're going to the comedy show tonight.

[C]

Might as well stay strapped.

[A]

What. What. What gun should I bring?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, someone talks to me, someone.

[B]

Asks a harmless question. How do I not answer it?

[C]

Sir, you must not be on social media. This is how this goes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I will say that town where everyone was armed, probably correct, because that was a dump.

[B]

Well, Memphis, too.

[A]

It was. I remember the. The hotel I was at. I was woken up by gunshots twice.

[B]

What's. You remember the name of the. The town?

[A]

We were somewhere in Illinois, but it was a. I remember that. And I remember most of my stories revolve around my UberEats experience for that town.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I remember I ordered food. It took forever. And there were two, not that this matters, just for description sake. Two black guys in the front. Both in the front seat of the car. I waited in my hotel. They didn't even take in the lobby. They sat in the car. I had to come out. They handed me my food through the window of the car, and they went, yo, big man, you got a cigarette? And I went, nah. And they went, fuck you, and drove away. And I was like, what poor customer service? And I mentioned it to the feature, and he's like, you ordered Uber eats here? I go, yeah. He goes, oh, no, no, no. Drug dealers do Uber eats here so that they don't get pulled over for being black guys in a nice car. So they'll pick up your food and just take it on a trip Nice. While they make their deliveries. And then eventually, when they get close to you, you get your food, and then they'll pick up another order. That way, as they get pulled over, they're just doing Uber eats.

[C]

Pressure makes a diamond. That's innovation.

[B]

It's just a win that you got your food, like, got there.

[A]

It was just small miracles that just happened to be near where somebody was buying drugs.

[B]

It's amazing where we'll all go to perform. It's like, even that Chuckles club, they had a second one in Jackson, Mississippi, and I did that one, and I remember asking the door guy, I was like, hey, what's there to do after the show? He's like, nothing. Go back to your room. There were six people shot across the street last night.

[A]

I was like, all right.

[B]

But you put a comedy club in the middle of this? Just awful. It's like, I don't want to be here. I want to make it out.

[A]

What Was the fucking. But we did the. That fucking club in Yonkers. Fucking.

[B]

Yeah, the guy I'm pretty sure is washing money through the comedy club.

[A]

It's a beautiful giant club.

[B]

It was.

[A]

Well, the bar was. No, the bar is huge.

[B]

But the club was.

[A]

And there's no one there. Yeah, there's no humans in attendance. I've never seen anyone say pack show. Yeah, they. And they're just fleecing people. They fucking. They charge you like what's automatic coat check fee?

[B]

Yep, that was great.

[A]

There was five people in a 40 person room. I'm like, I think they can just put their coat on the chair. Next. Yeah, no, a mandatory coat check. All this shit. They wouldn't give me a drink at the bar. They wanted me. They charged me for my fucking angry orchard.

[C]

$12.

[A]

And it was just far enough that it wasn't worth going back and forth. So I found a motel and loose dropped me off there. It looked like there had been an art department working on creepy ghetto motel for a month. Like, you know, like the letters were out Motel. The. The no, like flashed no vacancy. And when I googled the motel, of course I bought. This is the cheapest one I could find. I buy it immediately. I google it to try and find where like what it's near. And it's. The first thing is three drug dealers shot in, police sting. And dude, when I got there, I'm telling you, first of all, whenever you check it to a motel and one dog barks and then all the other dogs in the motel start barking at it, you know you fucked up, right? And when I tell you these guys played music loud till nine in the morning, I mean this was such a. We're gonna buy a room here and sell crack out of it all night hotel.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Damn. It was a good deal though.

[C]

Yeah. You could just pay for six hours of sleep.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I do. And I just, I always need to treat myself. And then I see the deal and I go, ah, like money, money, money, money, money, money.

[C]

Treat yourself.

[A]

I always say I'm gonna get a better spot.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then I always fucking do it. I'm just such a fucking miser.

[B]

You go into it like I'm go somewhere where the door does not face the parking lot. Like that's my goal. And then.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm not.

[C]

I'm gonna stay here because I just want to break even.

[A]

Yeah. Yep, yep. Every time.

[B]

Yeah, that would piss me off.

[A]

I. If I'm by myself, I could justify it. The only time I won't. If I'm with my wife. We have to stay somewhere decent.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because her comfort is more important than yours.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

I do this every other week.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, she doesn't get to, like, travel and do shit.

[C]

Right.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

So that's when I have to spend. That's when I really spend money.

[B]

And that is why she's with you and not bad bunny.

[A]

I bet he spends money. He's a bad bunny. He's not named good bunny. Palais, tout francais. Hablas espanol? Parli Italiano?

[C]

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[A]

All right, let's get to a story or two. Shannon, I don't remember saying this. What is this cat and rat thing? Oh, is it the guy in the wheelchair?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you got. I says, this just cracked me up.

[D]

I wasn't sure how to describe it to you.

[A]

Yeah, so we're on this. We love animal videos here on the zoo. And I just wanted to show this to people because it really made me laugh today. Oh.

[B]

Why is he screaming like a woman?

[A]

He's had a rat in his mouth. No, no, I. I get the rat.

[B]

But where'd the bass in his voice go? Just because the rat is there, he lost all testosterone.

[A]

Have you ever had a rat on you?

[B]

No, not a rat. Mice. I found a mouse nest I had to get rid of, and that was startling. But I didn't get a high pitch scream out of it.

[A]

Oh, well, I think I definitely my. My cat Gus a few years ago because he plays with little, like, furry mice, right? And that's his favorite. He plays fetch all day and he has like a hundred of them. But one day my wife wasn't home, so obviously. Shit. With the door open and I just see him running at me. It's like the way Kramer runs with soup. Like he can't hold. And he's running at me. I go, oh, you got a mouse. And Then I'm like, when did we buy you a realistic rubber mouse? And then I realized, oh, he's got a dead mouse. Yep. And I slammed the door closed, and I'm like, phew. And then I just feel. He pushed it under the door onto my foot, and I let out that noise that that man did.

[C]

They're so proud.

[A]

He was so proud. And then I found out my body's reaction to mouse on foot is shit. Violently. So thank God I was already on the toilet.

[B]

Are you a cat person?

[C]

Oh, am I. My cat just passed Bring down the show.

[B]

You could have just said, yes, person.

[C]

Well, I have to, in honor of the bass is. I mean, he was such a good mouser. Like, no issues with mice in my apartment, which had issues before. And you got to get a street cat. Like, you got to get it. He was from Patterson, and he was in a hoarding situation.

[A]

By the way, this is also Lewis's backstory.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So Louis died.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And. Yeah. And so. But the jubilation they feel when they find they need to share a mouse.

[A]

We've had two mice in seven years in this apartment, and he has gotten them both within the day.

[C]

Yeah. And, like.

[A]

And by the way, the street outside my apartment at nighttime, when garbage is out, I would say there's, like, 40 rats going at all times.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell me again why people want to.

[A]

Live in New York and do not make it up to us. No, he is just. Fuck it. He's a fucking. And I'm sure there's ones I'll never find.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That he is eliminated on his own.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, they. They want you to see when they get one, do they eat them, or.

[B]

They just kind of kill him and leave them?

[C]

The best us would taunt them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He would, like, put his paw on their head and, like, kind of suffocate it and then, like, let it go and bring it back to life. Like. Yeah. Like.

[A]

Like a serial killer.

[B]

Yeah. Sadistic cat.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. No, a lot of my. My roommate's cat, Loomis, would bat him around. Like.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Bat him around just out of them.

[B]

And. Don't you have cats? Do your cats do this, too?

[D]

I. I'm scared to jinx this. I haven't had an experience with mice, really. But they. They. They do play fetch, but they don't. There's nothing to kill, really. Thankfully.

[A]

They're little killers, dude. I thought I had. Gus has been a killer since day one, so. Because he was a street cat, and I always. I. I am very I am a proponent of the. The cat selection system that you don't go shopping for cats. A cat will find you when it is time.

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Or we'll find someone in your life and they will say, hey, do you need a cat? Cats are. I don't. I. When people buy a cat, I'm like, you know, cats don't call. That's like, crazy to me.

[C]

Crazy to me. To buy, to spend any amount of money.

[A]

Cats don't. Unless you need a kitten or you're like, I want something that looks just like this cat.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Cat. Cats are free. They're everywhere. And all my cats have been just street boys. And he. We. When he had moved in the fir. When we first got him, I had a taxidermy bat on my wall. And every day I would see him just stare at it. I'm gonna kill this motherfucker. And one day he knocked it off the wall. He gutted it and ate its face.

[C]

Good boy.

[B]

Are you disturbed by this?

[A]

You guys are like, no.

[B]

Giggling, laughing.

[A]

And I'm like, I leave. I leave videos on for the cat when we leave. Like, if we're gonna be gone for a day, we'll leave like a 14 hour YouTube loop of, like, birds or squirrels and shit. And every once in a while I'll see him and like, there's a red bird that he hates. There's a red bird in these videos. And I've seen him, like, hear it and be like, that fucking red bird. And then he'll look behind the TV to see if it's back there because he doesn't quite get the TV yet. Right, right, right. Yeah. Dude, they're little monsters.

[C]

They are.

[A]

They're little assassins.

[C]

Yeah. I have a dog and a cat. And Finny, my dog, would try to mess with Bubastis. And he just had this, like, cool, quiet confidence about him where it's just like, oh, my God, like, if Bobastis really wanted to, he could, like, like, gouge Finney's buggy eyes out, you know, like this. They're sinister.

[A]

Doesn't Silva wanna.

[C]

Yes, he needs to be Radzar. Yeah, he really does, because he has a plan of putting feral cat colonies at the end of blocks to, you know, keep the rats at bay.

[A]

Yeah, I'm fine with it.

[C]

I'm fine with it. That's awesome.

[A]

I. Because Trump was shitting on him for liking cats and, you know, I'm fine with T Bird most of the time. I'm not a fan, but I get it. I get why 50 I'm not, I'm not the guy that's going to be mid. I go, hey, it's not my thing. But 50% of the people agree with this guy. I don't want you shitting on cats, man. No, there's no, there's no reason for it. Especially. Especially when they're going to take care of business.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because he got rid of what you call it. Was there a couple? The White House has always had cats, I think. I don't like the fact he doesn't have a dog.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's weird. Do you have animals?

[B]

I had a dog. I had put him down.

[C]

Oh, wow. I would have put. To bring the show down.

[B]

Well, I'm trying to match your energy.

[A]

Well, I think it's weird because every president, like, it's almost like tradition that you have a dog, and that's the White House dog.

[C]

It like humanizes the war criminal, you know?

[A]

Yeah. By having something, you know, something for a character that kids are excited to meet. If the president's not always fucking dogs here. It's very weird.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's very, like, I don't get. It's very like, clinical and like, not fun. Like when you fight. Like when you find out certain cultures don't like dogs.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or they eat them.

[A]

Yeah. Well, we found out in India they have a fucking whole festival where they just beat dogs to death in a pit.

[B]

Wow, this is really taking a left turn, guys.

[A]

It's gonna get weird and racist. That's my show. I never get, like.

[B]

If you don't.

[A]

Like it, like, I feel like there's like an emptiness to people that don't like animals.

[B]

You don't have that capacity.

[A]

Not that you need to have one.

[C]

I get that maybe you didn't grow up with them. So you don't get it. Like, you know, I've. I've dated people that like, didn't grow up with animals and then like, you know, all of a sudden they're introduced to my animals and like, oh, this is the best ever. But yeah, I don't know.

[A]

I grew up in that situation.

[C]

Right. Where like, you don't have.

[A]

We had a dog, but it was for my dad's welding shop. So the dog was not allowed in the house.

[C]

The dog had a job.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The dog lived in a. It's house was in the shop protected basically into. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And my, you know, when I was. This is a very. My dad thing. My dad would say to me when I was a kid, like, if people had like A little dog. Exact dog's a tool. It's to protect the house. The little dog just have a fucking rat. What's the difference?

[B]

All right.

[A]

My dad was always very. It was all tool based.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When I was a little kid, I tried to wear my hat backwards because Bart Simpson did. I'm like, exactly. The hat is a tool to keep the sun out of your eyes. You wear your hat backwards, you use it a tool.

[B]

Wrong.

[A]

In this family, you use your tool right or it goes in the fucking garbage.

[C]

That's like, what?

[B]

It's hard to argue.

[C]

I mean, I guess, but like. Yeah, food is fuel, but it also is.

[A]

You know, the hat thing makes sense though, because what if your hair looks bad that day?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you could spend five minutes and comb it. I'm just trying to take your dad's side here as a father. Try to take the father's side here.

[A]

Well, you don't have to worry about a bad hair day.

[B]

I don't, but I have kids that do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if my son's a ginger, he better get his shit right. You can't be a red headed kid and not have it look good. It's crazy.

[A]

What, did you have sex with one of the fires? Yes.

[B]

Out came this little ginger kid.

[C]

Do you have a firehouse dog? Are those things?

[B]

We don't because we have some vaginas that are allergic to dogs.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Get rid of them. Fire.

[B]

I know. I feel like it's a prerequisite.

[C]

Yeah. That's part of getting through the academy.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Is passing the allergy test.

[B]

Although after hanging out with actually with.

[A]

Dogs, it's a prerequisite.

[B]

Was it? Jesus. But I'm after being here with you guys, though, and Shannon a couple times, I feel like I need to get a cat now. I feel like I should just get a cat.

[A]

Dude, they're so rewarding.

[C]

They really are. They pay rent. They really do.

[A]

Yeah. They. They. Everything you've heard about cats, that's on the person who has them. My cat meets me at the fucking door. He hears me get off the elevator and he's at the door when I'm there, he follows me around like he. They're so affectionate.

[C]

Yeah. Animals are a reflection of your energy, like 1,000%.

[A]

Yeah. If you've ever met a lady with a dog with anxiety, she's got. If she doesn't have anxiety, I'll eat my hat.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Everything. Every disease a dog has, it's just their owner's disease and they've assigned it to Their animal through their actions.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Osmosis kind of sounds like abuse. Yeah. 100%.

[C]

Yeah. You ever meet shitty people?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Abused?

[B]

No, there's never been shitty.

[A]

Or when people have, like, a fucking autistic dog or whatever the fuck they have.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You fucking got a weird one.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You fucking. You probably did some weird shit to it. Or there's something. There's a lot of tension in your head. Oh, he gets nervous.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

Have you ever read, like, when people. The. Another UberEats thing, would they write the instructions, the UberEats driver, where it's like, I have a dog who has anxiety. Please leave the food three blocks down the street, don't turn on your lights, turn off your radio, or my dog will eat my child.

[B]

It's funny that some of the Uber drivers with the cultural stuff that you were talking about. So I used to go on a row with a comic who would bring their dog and we would call an Uber and sometimes the Uber would show up and it was a little, like, thing. It wasn't a big dog, but, like, it was from one of those cultures that thought dogs were just dirty and feel. Immediately the Uber driver's like, oh, I can't. I can't take. You're not allowed to bring a dog. And it was always an argument. It's like, well, it's a service animal. Like, you can't say no. Like, but you would see the disgust in their face and just makes you hate them as a person. You're just a bad person.

[C]

I just call.

[A]

Ever met an Indian guy with a dog?

[B]

Fair point. Fair point.

[A]

Never met a Middle east. Like, just an Arab guy who loves his dog.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Just a weird. I think it's just a cultural. Yeah.

[B]

And that's who usually it was.

[A]

I got in a fight with an Uber driver coming out at leaving Detroit.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I got in a I'm not backing down fight.

[B]

So I'm at.

[A]

This is what made me mad. I was at Airport Hilton. Like, for the one on, like, you know, five minutes from the airport. Yeah. Guy pulls up. I go to put my sock and bag in his trunk. He goes, oh, my friend, Airport. I go, yeah. He goes, no. I go, what? He goes, I don't go Airport.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I was like, you're an Uber driver.

[C]

Why would I be staying here?

[A]

Well, a. You came to pick me up.

[B]

You saw the destination.

[A]

Yes, it's there at the Airport Hilton. I bet there was a good shot. I'm going to the airport.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And then he Goes, no, no, my friend. I don't. I don't do airport. And I'm like, dude, I'm giving you money. You're driving me there. He goes, no, no. I went, if you can explain to me in English why you won't go to this fucking airport, I will not get in your car right now. And he goes, no, this is. No, it's bad airport. Too many cars at the airport. And I went, you're taking me to the airport. And I went out and I shoved my bag in his truck and slammed it. And I went, we're going to the airport. And I told him my hairline. And I went, and we're going. And he. We just drove in silence while I was steaming, and he drops me off fucking empty. Yeah, no, literally, it was a 1pm flight. And he goes, I'm sorry, my friend. GPS sometimes send me wrong way. So I generally say no to all airport ride. How the fuck do you make money doing an Uber?

[B]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He just didn't want to say there's a no fly list, so he just couldn't get anywhere near the airport.

[C]

Yeah, he doesn't have a passport.

[A]

I was so fucking like. That's one of the crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I've had Uber drivers in Newark tell me they won't go to Brooklyn, Which.

[C]

I get, I get. I get.

[A]

Because if they don't have a New York license plate, they can't pick people up.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Now, do I write a Karen email and get money back from Uber for every time that happens? Sure, why wouldn't I, right? One time a guy wouldn't cancel, he tried to charge me, and I put both my hands on his hood and wouldn't let him go.

[B]

This sounds more. He's into more conflict than he let on earlier when he was just like, I don't want. Now he's like, I'm fucking holding cars down.

[C]

Well, when it comes to matters of money, yeah.

[A]

I mean, also, just be nice if the guy said to me, hey, you know what, Dude, I'm so sorry. If I go into New York, I can't get rides. It's gonna screw up my whole night. Would you. I hate to be this guy, but I gotta turn you down. But let me cancel it so you don't get charged.

[C]

Easy done. Don't care.

[A]

And I would go, oh, yeah, I'll wait.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you treated me like another human. When you go, no, get out, buddy. No. All right, then. You're a fucking asshole.

[B]

Yeah, delivery does have a lot to do with conflict.

[A]

Yeah, just be nice. Yeah, that's all I want.

[C]

You know Secrets in Ocean City, Maryland.

[A]

No, tell me about it.

[C]

So it's. It's the. It's a trash bags paradise. It's like, you know, you just get drunk in the water all the time, you know, so you leave stopping wet. And I called an Uber there or from there. And the guy was like, are you guys wet? And I was like, yes, we're coming from secrets. Like, we're in wet bathing suits, you know. And he tried to charge me a $250 cleaning fee because when he. We got out of the car, his, like, seats were wet from it. And I said, I try to avoid any kind of Karen emails, but it was. I was getting my money back, like for the. For the ride and the cleaning.

[B]

It's ridiculous.

[C]

I know. You were picking people up from a place that. It's like, this is the place in the neighborhood. You know, you're in water all day.

[A]

I had a friend who the Uber driver thought he was drunk. And I have this issue too, because sleep apnea boy over here falls asleep a lot. They soothe me.

[C]

Yep, I get that. Yeah.

[A]

And Uber drivers will think I'm passed out drunk, so I'll get to my destination. It goes, my friend, time to go. Like, they're, like, scared that I'm passed out, that they have to, like, wake me up.

[B]

It's a very gentle way to wake up.

[A]

And I had another friend who was a big boy, and he fell asleep, and the guy thought he was like, my friend. You drunk? Do not throw up, my friend. No, man, I'm just tired. So then he sees that he got a fee with 250. Whatever, vomit cleanup fee. Dude, the guy just had food in the car. The Uber driver, right? And he dumped it all in the back seat and stirred it. Oh. And it was literally like ramen. And like a couple. Like, you could tell it was not puke when you looked at it, right? But he sent that picture in to Uber.

[C]

Oh, man.

[A]

To try and bilk to it. Because I think they think with you're drunk, you're not gonna remember or you're.

[C]

Ashamed, so you're just like, okay, I'm not gonna.

[A]

Because I've definitely had friends whose, like, girls puked in the car and they gotta eat the fucking thing, right?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But yeah, because he's just assumed he was drunk. He tried to fuck him.

[B]

That makes me want to blow up his car.

[A]

Give it time. It might do it.

[B]

On.

[A]

All right, we got one or Two more things to go here. Oh, here's a fun one. German soccer player's child bites referee testicles. Shannon.

[D]

Yes. So it was a German soccer match between fc. I can't say. I can't say these two teams. It was canceled because. Let's see. The referee was checking player identifications when a young child, reportedly the son of one of the players, approached him and bit his testicle. He described the incident, stating the child was warming up alongside the players, came closer and suddenly delivered a sharp bite to his left testicle. He had so much pain that they decided to pause the match for another time.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

So many questions.

[C]

Got a kid. Are your kids biters?

[B]

No.

[C]

Were they biters?

[B]

No. No. My kids are their mouthy in a different way. Like, they just have the attitude. Assault, like, physically, but their mouth is rough. Yeah, but they don't bite testicles. That's crazy.

[A]

That's. That's Pre planned.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think he was like, I'm gonna bite this man on the front of his leg and missed. That kid knew how to bite the child. I would have to assume young, right?

[D]

It doesn't. It doesn't say.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I mean, he can't be that. I don't even think he's. Because that's.

[A]

He's. Testicle height.

[B]

I was gonna say based on the height.

[C]

Yeah. Testicle height.

[B]

I don't know, man. That's. Where do you learn that? Like, to target that area.

[A]

Hey, those soccer hooligans, they're nasty. That might have been. That might have been Pre taught that you go for the nuts in a fight.

[C]

It sounds like a case of affluenza. Like, how wealthy are these soccer players? Like, is it like a rich, snobby little kid that's just like, I'm gonna go around biting balls, like, I don't.

[A]

Really care, you know, I would say it. Maybe he thought the referee was the opponent.

[C]

Maybe. Yeah. And he wanted dad to win.

[A]

Yeah, that would be my.

[C]

That's actually kind of cute.

[A]

Was that he thought the referee.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a positive way to look at it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gay in training like that other kid.

[A]

And that's just how he's just really just learning how it works.

[B]

It's like.

[A]

Like this.

[C]

He hasn't been told not to use teeth yet.

[A]

Come on, buddy.

[B]

See? Bad parenting on his mom's part. That's what that is.

[A]

All right, we have a few. Oh, this is a fun video. Carnival ride malfunctions during school family fun day. Some of our favorite videos here on the show, which is the. It's never a ride at a park. It's always a family fun. It's always a fly by night type of ride that a meth head had to put together.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And let's watch it, Shannon. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Yo Kratom, home of the 60 kilo. If you do Kratom, if you don't, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many benefits, only get it from one place. Yo kratom.com because they have the best trains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network. Stop going to bodega smoke shops and gas stations. Getting a little bit of Kratom at a time, and you barely know what's in there. When you go to yocratum.com there's no promo code needed. Why? Because it's the best deal in the industry. 60 bucks for a whole Kratom delivered right to your effing door. Yo kratom.com home of the 60 kilo. Let's get back into the show.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, good. It's still going. Yeah, it's gonna wrap around. Alarming video shows.

[B]

The moments a ride malfunction. A school carnival Friday in the Pico Union neighborhood. You can see some of the carriages falling and slamming into each other on.

[A]

A ride known as the Zipper. This was during Bishop Canatti, Our lady of Loretto High School's family fun day. Witnesses say some of the riders were trapped for more than an hour. No injuries have been reported. How?

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Did you even notice when they showed the employees in the blue shirts? They weren't panicked at all.

[C]

Not at all.

[B]

They just were standing there like, oh, this kind of sucks for those guys. Like, there was no panic.

[A]

Exactly. Yes.

[C]

It was like, oh, this is going to be annoying to deal with.

[B]

Also, it did look like the one that came loose was actually laid down very gently as it came around.

[A]

Yes. It didn't slam. Yes. But still, that's a frightening.

[C]

I love that. It was a church carnival fundraiser.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I've been to many of those in my life.

[A]

Those are the scariest rides.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

A shitty roller coaster is so much scarier than a great roller coaster.

[C]

Oh, 100%.

[A]

Like the one that you feel like you can slide out of at any moment. So fun.

[B]

Do you remember how old you were when you realized that the crackhead letting you on Was the same guy in charge of putting the thing together.

[C]

Yeah, I was much older.

[B]

Yeah. I finally hit me one day and I was like, I'm taking my life in their hands. Like, I put it in their hands every time I get on one of these things.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's awful.

[A]

I was never scared of big roller coasters because my dad would work on shit like. Like, my dad's a welder and he knew people that designed those. I'm like, oh, these guys are like putting research and shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And if it's not Six Flags, where the ride just fucking doesn't work sometimes.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Because they got too ambitious. I was a kingda ka just would not work half the time.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I was like, oh, this is pretty safe. It's the ones where like, oh, we put this together this morning at four in the morning with like the IKEA tools. Yeah.

[B]

Any ride that came down 95.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then was put together in someone's lawn outside of a church building. You're like, is anybody testing these?

[A]

Or they're just kind of like, that.

[B]

Looks like it's how it's supposed to be. Yeah.

[C]

The permits have expired.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no permits for those people.

[A]

But, dude, those Gravitrons, that's so fun.

[B]

Is it the Circle One that just keeps going?

[A]

Yeah. The Himalaya. I still. That's funny.

[B]

I don't do any of them.

[A]

Were you?

[B]

I don't. I don't trust them.

[C]

Really. Did you see that movie? Was it called Roller Coaster where the guy bombs the Cyclone or whatever and all the people die on the roller coaster?

[A]

Now I'm unfamiliar. Shannon, look it up.

[C]

Like an 80s movie, I think.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Terrifying. I forget. It's like, escapes me the who the psychopath was. But I think it's called Roller Coaster and that didn't scare me off from roller coasters. I was still. Still.

[A]

Final Destination will get you Final Destination.

[C]

Yeah, that was, you know, because that was like a big coaster that, like, shouldn't have fallen apart.

[A]

And then. Well, then also, like, there's that meme that people talk about. Like, our entire generation is afraid to drive behind log.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Valid because that was so. Yeah. Scary.

[C]

Yeah. Tanning beds, log trucks, workout equipment.

[A]

But I feel like there's real life cases of people dying with all those things.

[C]

Oh, 100.

[B]

Yeah. But that's where they get the ideas. I mean.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

This thing too. I mean, Disney and Universal in the last six months have each had, like.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Three deaths.

[C]

What is going on at Disney Yeah. People are, like, killing themselves at Disney.

[B]

I'm convinced that Universal leaks the Disney deaths and Disney leaks the Universal deaths just to make sure everyone finds out how bad it is.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. That one. That last lady, I think jumped out of. She landed on the monorail, which pisses.

[B]

Everybody off, because that's how you get around the fastest in that place.

[C]

I pay for a fast pass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're delaying everything.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But the one at Universal, I think the guy's head was, like, getting smashed around on the ride or something. Like, he passed out then. Too many. Blunt force.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think is what it was.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't get. I don't want to get corrected by Shannon again.

[A]

There's.

[B]

I think.

[A]

Was it Norton that talked about it in one of his specials? A guy lost his hat on a ride and he went to go find it, and it was one of those suspended coasters where your feet are dangling.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And the person broke their leg. They decapitated them so hard.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

You imagine hitting a field goal with a guy's head while you're on a roller coaster, and then, like, you have to wear a cast. People are like, what happened to your leg?

[B]

And you're like, you should see the other guy.

[A]

Because that's the first. Every time you see somebody with a broken bone, your first instinct is going, oh, what happened? And then now, every day, every hour, they have to relive decapitating a man and shattering their foot.

[C]

Oh, God. My friend swears that at Six Flags on the Superman ride that her dad's thing became unbuckled and he had to, like, hold it. Because on Superman, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're flat.

[C]

Yeah. Which is, like, I think, very scary. She swears that he had to, like, hold it. Hold it tight to his.

[A]

That could have just been a dad story.

[C]

I know, I know. I feel. I was like, I feel like he's lying to you. She goes, no, no. He was, like, freaking out.

[A]

That doesn't make sense either. Wouldn't he just fall Right.

[C]

Because at that velocity, how do you.

[A]

That's. I think your friend's dad is a fibber. Yeah. He's making a few tall tales for the kids. I was just talking. We were talking about that on the road, how it was an entire group of people, and we all were convinced, up until I had this conversation with Naim as well, that driving with the light on in the car was illegal.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know where I learned that or Where I was told that parents are.

[A]

All our parents lied and said, we'll get pulled over. If you turn the light on in the car, we'll get pulled over and I'll go to jail.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

And all of our parents collectively lied to. And I'm sure all their parents collectively lied to them and told them that too.

[C]

Yeah. It's a beautiful allegory of generational trauma.

[A]

Because I was explaining I didn't go to a comedy club till I was 21 because my whole life, my mom told me it was 21 plus to see comedy because they serve alcohol and it's just like a bar. So I moved to the city when I was 17 and I never went and saw comedy because I was convinced I had to have. I had to be 21.

[C]

Wow, that's so funny.

[A]

And then I went, started working at comedy clubs and there's like 11 year olds coming in with their parents. I'm like, this. Just didn't want to see comedy. Lied to me. Lied to my goddamn face.

[B]

Scarred you for life, by the way. You speak very intelligently.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I feel like you're way smarter than I am.

[A]

Kelly's very eloquent.

[C]

I'm very smart presenting.

[A]

Yeah, I know that feeling.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah. Because then we both have. Probably have imposter syndrome about it.

[C]

Oh, 100.

[A]

Like I'm a idiot. I do that all the time. I'm the dumbest person I know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And every IP people see right through me. I'm such a fucking pontificating shithead. Oh, I do that to myself constantly. All right, Shannon, did you get the story of this Clifton bar?

[D]

I did find a little bit about.

[A]

Seems like some real shenanigans went down.

[D]

Yeah. So the one thing. Let me just pull up your. Your thing here real quick. And then so I found. I found here. Yeah, that's okay to share. This is. For the first time ever in eight years, our Instagram page is now public. Follow if you'd like. Unfollow if you'd like. We don't give a. It's time for everyone to see that we are not the problem. So what I saw was apparently year. Eight years ago, they had a pool inside the bar. And it was upcoming holidays, like Labor Day and. And one other holiday and they had New York versus Chicago and they had. You bet on how many shootings there would be in either. In either city.

[A]

And where is this bar?

[D]

Long Island.

[A]

Excellent.

[D]

Nice patchog. Yeah. So it seems like that's. And then they're. They're like an industry bar. So it's like, you know, people that work in the service industry, they're open really late. But yeah, it seems like they just kind of. They do like, you know, funny stuff that I guess isn't politically correct, but they open.

[A]

So basically they've been posting specifically something happened on Halloween, right?

[D]

Oh, hold on, I didn't see that.

[A]

Yeah, go back to. It's they, I guess there they had at the last minute change their policy to 30 plus.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

That's so funny because they were roaming groups of people partying and destroying bars or something like that. Shannon, if you go back to their page, it should be like the second or third post.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

And then I think they were like, we're gonna show videos of what was happening, right? Yes. Halloween night was one of the worst animals of public behavior we have ever witnessed in downtown Patchog Village. Like to thank the Clifton customers for understanding that we had to change our door policy Last minute to 30 plus in order to protect ourselves and our customers from what we can only describe as a mob of some of the most disrespectful people on Long Island. Impressive. Please be safe out there the remainder of the weekend. But I would keep in mind that this is patroc. And so now they've been posted like go to the X that out. Shannon. Some fan submissions from Friday. They're literally telling people, sell your house, sell your car, sell your business, get out of patrock. Yep, that's long ass one out.

[B]

Let him rock out.

[A]

All right, go back. Oh, there you go. There we go. Come back.

[B]

Send it to the wrong person.

[A]

Yep, yep. Everybody running. Oh, it's never good when you see a bunch of fat girls in tight clothes running. That's never a good sign. All right, go back. Shouted to their just regular page. Yeah, there we go. Go down. Yep. How to be a 30. Oh, here we go.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

No, no, that's great.

[B]

Got our first patch up stabbing of the night.

[A]

Yeah. So basically this bar is just a problem. It's got a problem. Pm got some police tape. All right, great, great, great, great. Scroll down a little. Let me see. Yeah, it looks like that our bars.

[C]

Legally allowed to enforce like a. Because I remember there was a bar in hoboken that was 25 plus and people would be like, you can't do that. Oh my God, look at that.

[A]

But okay, now imagine me. It'll come back up. You guys know this is here. I had no idea what the is going on. Oh, that's a doll.

[C]

Oh, Okay.

[B]

I was like, wait a minute.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

That might have.

[C]

That got me at first.

[A]

Robbie Burns thing might have kicked that out of his passenger seat. So I've heard. I know we had one of those here and it went missing. Oh my God.

[D]

That is. That is correct.

[A]

And that was the suspect numero. All right, thank you, Shannon. That was suspect numero uno, Robbie the Fire Bernstein, who we believe. We believe may have snuck away with such and such. It was a. It was a life sized person, so it had to be a hilarious getaway. Yeah, like that's a lot. You have to put it like in the front seat.

[C]

Are they. Do they have the weight of a person like Shannon?

[A]

It was pretty heavy. Was.

[D]

It was really heavy, but it was just like the. The torso. Like torso kind of area of it. But yeah, it did disappear.

[A]

Yeah. It didn't last long here.

[C]

Yeah. Maybe it was just.

[A]

And knowing how quickly booze leaves here, I would imagine it left. I'd imagine it left with a few DNA samples in it. I'm gonna take a wild guess, Shannon, and say that that thing left with a few loads in it. What do you think?

[D]

I. I think that's true.

[B]

So it was heavier than.

[A]

But at least.

[D]

At least the last person to potentially use it got rid of it. I think that's a good thing.

[C]

Multiple people using it. That dummy needs to fill out a police report. It was violated.

[A]

I wonder if there's a way to do like to turn it into like a luge. Like. Like you know how they do ice luges.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I wonder if there's a way to like pour liquor in the mouth of it and it comes out the pussy.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sure that you got a drill. You probably. Yeah. You probably need some tools.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because we did on Skanks the other night. I got a guy to drink juice out of his fleshlight. What I got. He had his fleshlight on his desk. I was like, you should pour a drink in it and drink it in front of us.

[C]

I just can't with fluids. It's so gross.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Would you. Would you bang a life size doll?

[B]

No, probably not. Not. It's not judging. I just noises. I'm into moans. That's what's like kind of turned out. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, I need something. I was working in the lab. You know what I would want to try? You know the ones that are just butts?

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We just lay it there.

[A]

They're just big and they're. But they're flood. So you can put them like a desk.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I feel like I could really do some damage on that. Yeah, I feel like that would be like a leverage. Like I really. Yeah, I would. I would give that a try before the whole person.

[B]

Yeah. Because then it's weird. Like you have to put its hand on your, like, neck if you really want to.

[A]

Yeah, there it is. I could give that a spin.

[B]

Shannon, how much would have. Would you charge somebody if they want to do a mold of your butt to turn it into that so they could have their own fun without you being there?

[D]

Well, here's the thing. It costs a lot to do that, so they must have a lot of money, which means I can ask for more. But it wouldn't be a crazy amount. Maybe like 500 bucks.

[C]

I was thinking way higher.

[D]

There's no proof that it's mine.

[A]

Would you sign it?

[C]

Yeah, sign it.

[B]

The tramp stamp could be your signature on the lower back.

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

No, we'll do a thing is tramp stamp. Ding. Shannon, you should sell that.

[C]

Yeah, put it on the gas digital shop.

[A]

Yeah, just high end. It'll be made to order.

[D]

I could just sell this one and.

[B]

Pretend, I guess it's not the same.

[C]

It's black.

[B]

The special order.

[A]

Shannon's big black ass. Shannon, get out of here. Your black ass.

[B]

It's all about the special order. That's what makes it worth the money.

[A]

Shannon's ass keeps stealing from Sephora. All right, I think we are about done. My friends, thank you so much to my wonderful guests, Damien Speranza and Kelly Taylor. Please check them out, support their comedy and I will be back here on Wednesday. Thank you so much to the staff and everybody here at gas. I love you guys very much. Shannon, Jorge, you guys do a great job, but I'm very lucky. And we'll see you on Wednesday here on the Zoo. Bite favorite Obey and join the crew. It's Acamiko morning too. It's Acamiko morning too.