0063. Sidney Gantt, Maddi Mays, and Miranda Meadows

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico's Morning Zoo — Episode 0063

Guests: Sidney Gantt, Maddi Mays, Miranda Meadows
Date: November 21, 2025
Location: New Orleans (post-Skank Fest)

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo brings together comedians Zac Amico (host), Sidney Gantt, Maddi Mays, and Miranda Meadows for fast-paced, chaotic morning banter. Broadcasting from New Orleans just after Skank Fest, the group dives headlong into wild workplace stories, fast food lore, disaster job tales, cross-cultural bathroom adventures, open defecation in India, and the ever-evolving pooping predicaments every adult faces. With their trademark blend of filth, candor, and sharp comics’ wit, the conversation careens from McDonald's mishaps to deep-dive digestive talk, and even to life advice from retired porn stars. As always, the Morning Zoo is “everything your morning radio show shouldn’t be—but way more fun.”

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Skank Fest Recap & Introductions

[01:00–03:05]

• Zac greets the audience from New Orleans, fresh off Skank Fest, and introduces his rotating zoo crew for the episode.
• Special thanks to SDR Show for studio time.
• Guests: Miranda Meadows (from Spookshow/Shenanigans), Sidney Gantt (World War Fun podcast), and, soon after, Maddi Mays.

Tone: Friendly, exhausted, post-festival camaraderie.

---

2. Fast Food Fiascos: The McDonald’s Diabetic Incident

[03:19–07:04 | 07:28–08:03]

• Zac shares a viral video of a McDonald’s manager reportedly "napping" due to a diabetic episode. Guests riff on the likelihood of drugs versus diabetes and joke about communal fast-food fantasy scenarios.
• Sidney: "That's the only time you can get poor people to work—when they're not supposed to be at the place.” [05:26]
• The panel muses over why people only want to work when it’s forbidden, sharing stories of exploiting seasonal job perks (e.g., teenage Zac’s friends getting Roy Rogers jobs for cowboy uniforms).

---

3. Worst Jobs & Service Industry Blunders

[09:49–15:36]

• Guests swap horror stories about terrible jobs:
  • Maddi: "I worked at a really shitty sports bar where the owner would gamble all the money away. There'd be days where we didn't have ketchup or fries—nothing." [09:51–10:35]
  • Sidney: No ketchup or bags in Atlanta McDonald's; Maddi details "grass wall" brunch spots with abysmal service but occasionally spectacular Hennessy-glazed chicken.

---

4. Authentic Fried Chicken & Cultural Markers

[15:00–17:17]

• Iconic soul food spots—a Jersey KFC clone with bulletproof glass, rolling papers at the counter, and chaotic late-night hours.
• Zac: "It was perfect. The soda fridge had orange, pineapple, and grape up top, Pepsi at the bottom. It was almost like they sent in me as a racist set decorator..." [16:33]

---

5. International Bathroom Adventures: Open Defecation in India

[20:38–32:22]

• Miranda regales an extended, hilarious story of pooping outdoors in Kerala, India due to fear of clogging her host family’s weak plumbing system.
• The experience involves climbing down walls, surprising local farmers, a coconut souvenir, and eventual family-wide knowledge of her "incident."
• Notable moment: Miranda’s uncle, after a family stand-up show: “Miranda, I saw you pick that coconut.” [22:04]
• Sidney: "India leads the globe in open defecation—and I fucking help that statistic." [24:27, Miranda]

Cultural reflections: The crew trades stories of global and immigrant bathroom norms—hoses, flowerpot bidets, and bagged toilet paper—contrasting with American customs.

---

6. The Bristol Poop Chart & Ultimate Honesty

[40:05–41:38]

• Zac introduces the Bristol Stool Chart for discussing types of poop with comedic precision.
• Sidney: “Every part of them looks painful,” riffing on the bodily toll of hard labor jobs. [49:39]
• A moment of pure Zoo: “We leave the bottom of the toilet seat looking like Morgan Freeman.” — Zac [25:22]

---

7. Chronic Pain, White Women's Disease & Medical Privilege

[46:52–50:28]

• Segue from porn star Jenna Jameson's health redemption to a debate on “chronic pain” among different demographics and medical gatekeeping.
• Miranda pulls no punches: “White women are fucking liars. … We play shit up so hardcore—it’s impressive." [48:02]

---

8. Sex Work, Porn Era Stories & Bachelor Party Economics

[45:23–58:44]

• Quick rundown on Jenna Jameson's pop-cultural legacy—her transition from porn icon to finding Jesus.
• Group considers rates and real talk about “bachelor party” sex work offers ("What’s your number?"). The scenario: seven blue-collar dudes, one Jenna Jameson.
• Maddi: “Probably like 500,000… definitely can’t go lower for a bunch of cops.” [58:17]
• Zac: “Do I have a vagina in this scenario, or am I… me?” [59:18]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On service industry jobs:
  “I worked at a really shitty sports bar… There’d be days, they're like, ‘Can we get ketchup?’ We're like, ‘We don’t have that.’” — Maddi [09:51]

• On open defecation:
  “India leads the globe in open defecation—and I fucking help that statistic.” — Miranda [24:27]

• On chronic pain narratives:
  “White women are fucking liars. … We play shit up so hardcore—it’s impressive.” — Miranda [48:02]

• On fried chicken shops:
  “It was perfect. The soda fridge had orange, pineapple, and grape up top, Pepsi at the bottom. It was almost like they sent in me as a racist set decorator…” — Zac [16:33]

• On toilet etiquette:
  “We leave the bottom of the toilet seat looking like Morgan Freeman.” — Zac [25:22]

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• Show Start / SkankFest Recap / Introductions: [01:00–03:05]
• McDonald’s Incident Video & Fast Food Power Fantasies: [03:19–07:04]
• Worst Job Stories / Grass Wall Brunch and Chicken: [09:49–15:36]
• International Chennai/Kerala Fried Chicken Story: [18:41–20:36]
• Miranda’s India Shitting Adventure: [20:38–32:22]
• Discussion of Global Toilet Habits & Plumbing: [32:48–39:00]
• Poop Talk & Bristol Stool Chart: [40:05–41:38]
• Chronic Disease & White Women's Pain (including notable quote): [46:52–50:28]
• Jenna Jameson / Sex Work / Rates Game: [45:23–58:44]

---

Closing & Tone

The hosts wrap up with plugs for personal projects, recalling more wild anecdotes, and zany hypotheticals ("Seven lunch ladies, 10,000 and square pizza!"). The episode delivers the off-color, uncensored stream-of-consciousness chatter that defines Morning Zoo: irreverent, brutally honest, and unafraid to dive deep into the taboo, all while riffing and razzing with infectious glee.

---

Further Listening

• Miranda Meadows: @mirandameadows (send her your wildest shit stories)
• Maddi Mays: @maddimays (please, no shit pics)
• Sidney Gantt: World War Fun Podcast w/ Ryan Shaner (link)
• Host Zac Amico: @zacisnotfunny, dates at punchup.live/zac-amico

---

For fans of wild radio, depraved giggling, or those nostalgic for the chaos of old-school drive-time, this episode delivers peak “Zoo” energy: nothing sacred, everything fair game, and always, always funny.

Transcript

[A]

Oh, hey, welcome to gift wrapping. Whoa. So is Saldana.

[B]

Hey, can you wrap these please?

[A]

Wow, iPhone 17s. You splurged at T Mobile.

[B]

You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

[A]

I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

[B]

Well, it's better than socks.

[A]

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[B]

No, AT T Mobile. There's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[A]

Incredible.

[B]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa.

[C]

Forget that.

[B]

Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[A]

Sounds like my family drama.

[B]

Oh, I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with.

[A]

Hey, where are you going? To T Mobile. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 monthly bill.

[D]

Credits and 4 eligible board ins on essentials for well qualified customers. Bought a paypal with taxes fees and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off early or cancel. Contact us finance agreement Twitter fee 56 gigabytes. $830 required.

[A]

Visit t mobile.com Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go Zack Amico's got a show Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting don't be shy Stretch your legs and to the sky Grab a copy and join the crew It's Zach Amico morning too. Hey, how are you? It's a Monday and it's me, your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amica welcome you to another edition of the Morning Zoo here on the Gas Digital Network. Pull the curtain aside. I'm in the wonderful city of New Orleans currently. We just wrapped up Skank Fest last night and I believe all three of us did so. And we have one more guest joining us. I apologize. This one's going to be just about an hour because we have a hard out. SDR was nice enough to let us use the studio well past our regular time. So I want to thank them and thank everybody at Gas for being accommodating. And we have one more guest joining us. But for right now from the Shenanigans live show, it is our friend Miranda Meadows. How are you?

[B]

Hello. I'm good. Thanks for having me back.

[A]

Thank you for being here. Miranda just did Spookshow. This week we watched Hell House llc.

[B]

Incredible movie.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I gave it a half star on letterboxd.

[A]

It was a movie and we saw the shit out of it. And next to me, one of my favorites. You guys know him from World War Fun it is. Sydney Gantt. How you doing, dog?

[D]

Good, man. Happy to. I'm in the big boy seat today.

[A]

Yeah, buddy, I'm pumped. Way to fucking be here. And we have one more guest joining us. So we'll wait for her to arrive to do plugs, but let's get some stories in. And Sid, I saved this one for you.

[D]

It's either gonna be racist or gay.

[A]

Just so you know.

[B]

And probably both.

[A]

Doesn't mean not both. No, it's for me and you. Cause it's racist and fast food related. Um, so I originally had seen this video and it said that the manager was on that fence. But later, McDonald's has put out a statement, I believe, saying the manager of this McDonald's had a diabetic episode and went into a nap. A stand up nap.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

And the community, of course, assisted her and acted appropriately, Right? Wrong. Let's watch the video.

[B]

Classic McDonald's.

[D]

Dude, he did not wash his hands.

[A]

So that's the manager. She is having a what? Man, you're supposed to do better than this.

[D]

Yeah, that's not a diverse.

[A]

You a pillar of your community, getting their free meals in, man. Teamwork made the dream work. She don't work neither.

[D]

I know.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

Oh, she's doing a good. She's shaking. She's properly shaking the fries though.

[A]

We live at the McDonald's on Linda, man.

[B]

Gotta shake them.

[A]

I'm out this check in.

[D]

Look at my boy on the fries. This is an odd, like make a wish situation. Like everybody who doesn't work fast food want, like they had this like fantasy of them going back there working at McDonald's and absolutely crushing it.

[A]

Yeah. Or at least going back there and filling up their own bags and having their own fantasy. Like, oh, man, I just walk back there, take whatever I want.

[D]

Dude, everybody wants that power. No one man should have all that power though.

[A]

No, that's why you need a manager.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Who knew that it was that easy to get that community to all want a job? Yeah, but that's the crazy part.

[D]

Cause none of them clocked in.

[A]

No.

[D]

You know, that's the only time you can get poor people to Work.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Is when they're not supposed to be at the place.

[A]

Yeah, maybe that's. Should we start using reverse psychology?

[B]

Yes, 100%. I would. Dude. I would work.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm supposed to work my day job.

[A]

Keep talking like that.

[D]

She said I would work. But if he's reversed psychology, I would 100% work.

[B]

You would not catch me here. I would be somewhere. Like, if I could steal a Gucci bag, dude, you'd catch me stock of those shelves.

[D]

Yeah, I'm just going to go steal jobs.

[A]

Well, don't they have that issue with certain places that have seasonal items? People will apply for jobs just to get that and then immediately quit.

[B]

Yeah, definitely.

[D]

Yeah. I think it would be a lot more exciting to even apply for an interview for a job if you knew exactly the person whose job you were taking.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, if you actually got to take another person's job, I might get pumped to work.

[A]

Oh. If you had to, like, debate them on whether or not you should have their job. Roast battle. Yeah, roast battle for your job. Cause I remember when my dad told me when I was a kid that him and his friends all wanted to be cowboys for Halloween. So they all went and got jobs at Roy Rogers, got their uniforms and quit.

[D]

Dressed for the job you want, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. Because they gave out cowboy stuff to work there at the time.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So they all went, got jobs there and then quit and kept them.

[D]

Oh, so they let Roy Rogers basically subsidize their fit.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's pretty sick.

[A]

As opposed to when I. Hello.

[D]

Hey.

[A]

Thank you for joining us. We have the wonderful Matty Mays. Thank you for being here.

[C]

Double M. Double M. Hey.

[D]

Let's go.

[A]

Welcome.

[C]

Happy to be here. How is everyone?

[A]

Thank you. I apologize. We had a start. We had a hard out.

[C]

Hey, you're fine.

[A]

So thank you very much. Now, when I worked at the movies, they made us buy our uniforms, which sucks. When your first week of work, you're working to pay off the polos that.

[B]

You had to buy and they're so shitty.

[A]

Oh, fucking horrendous. So we were just watching a video and we'll show it again because now that you've joined us, I like videos. So McDonald's. A McDonald's that I would assume is in a low income area, really, the manager is having what McDonald's referred to as a diabetic incident. You the manager, man, you supposed to.

[D]

Do better than this.

[A]

And the community all decided to pitch in. Everybody just getting their free meal and help themselves to McDonald's.

[C]

Wait, diabetic incident? How do we know it's a diabetic incident?

[A]

That's what McDonald's says.

[C]

It's because she fat. That's crazy.

[D]

No, we know.

[A]

I think she's on drugs.

[D]

I mean, two things can be true at the same time.

[A]

Yes, that can be true.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

She's hitting the Fentany. Yeah, she's doing this.

[A]

That's. So when I saw the video originally, it said the manager doing the Fentolin.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But McDonald's, I guess, you know, they don't want to make their employees look bad.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So that was a diabetic incident.

[D]

Yeah. She could be on fentanyl and also need a bagel.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, like, there's.

[A]

If your blood sugar is low in McDonald's, though.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

You have no excuse. Yeah.

[A]

You could just bite in any direction. You can lick the floor.

[D]

Well, actually, that's not the case. The floor in McDonald's is one of the cleanest floors in any fast food restaurant. Supposed to be. You have. You have to clean it, like, all the time. You're constantly cleaning the floor at McDonald's. That's why if you ever notice it's slippery back there, they're on ice skates back there. They don't lift their feet. They just, like, shuffle in the back of a McDonald's.

[B]

Did you work?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I worked at McDonald's.

[A]

I assume that was from Greek. From fry grease.

[D]

Nah, it's from the floor. Constant. It's always wet.

[C]

Yeah, the same way. That was a diabetic incident.

[A]

I have not worked. I worked the movies, and I guess that was close because we also had crappy food.

[B]

Okay, it was a lifeguard. That was my shittiest job.

[D]

Yeah, I worked at McDonald's and Wendy's. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Simultaneously. No, but were you a double agent?

[D]

I did work at foot locker and McDonald's for a little while at the same time.

[A]

Okay. Did you ever accidentally show up to McDonald's as a referee?

[D]

I never even accidentally showed up to work. I barely showed up to even one of those jobs, man.

[A]

What's your. What's your worst job?

[C]

Oh, I worked at a really shitty sports bar. It was, like, one of the ones where, like, the girls were, like, a little too young and a little too attractive. Yeah, I was mad young working at this place.

[B]

They got the best wings, dude.

[C]

Wings were phenomenal. They would do buy one, get one basket Tuesdays, it would go crazy. But it was bad because the owner was on bar rescue and his name was Sean, he had cauliflower ears because he used to do mma. And anytime a customer come in and talk to the girls crazy, he was like, do you see my fucking ears? Do you see my fucking ears? I'll fuck you the fuck. I would go crazy on them. But it was bad because they. The owner, older, his name was Sammy, he would gamble all the money away. And so there'd be days, they're like, oh, can we get ketchup? We're like, we don't have that. Yeah, we don't have the French fries. We don't have that. It would be like a whole. It just. It was. Yeah, it was bad.

[D]

Yeah, I got. I got. I went to a McDonald's in Atlanta one time and I asked for ketchup. They didn't have ketchup. We don't got no ketchup. And then they gave. They gave me my food, like, on a tray. I got it to go. They gave it to me on a tray. And I was like, can I get a bag? She's like, we ain't got no bags.

[C]

But that's Atlanta, though. You know what? The grass wall brunch things. You know the grass wall brunch spots? You know what I'm talking about? Just the really, really ghetto ones where it's just like the wall. There's one grass wall, but that they're like, you got to do. There's a two hour wait and you don't get service until an hour, 45 minutes into your thing. And then they're like, there's karaoke going on. There's like, oh, you want that Hennessy glazed chicken? You're like, sure. But then you don't get it. And then you end up having to leave before it's even time.

[A]

I have no idea what any of you. I want you to tell me so bad. You lost me at grass wall.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[D]

I mean, you kind of got me back at Hennessy glazed chicken. I was very curious about that.

[C]

There's two of us in this room who might know what I'm talking about.

[A]

If you go around the table this way, it does look like Hennessy glaze and chicken are our favorite things.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So what is a grass wall brunch spot? Brunch spot.

[C]

There's. There were a bunch of brunch spots that opened up, like, I think, like post Covid, where they would have a fake grass wall. We have these in L. A.

[A]

Like a. Like, like. Like AstroTurf.

[C]

Yeah. But it'd be on the wall. Like, you could.

[A]

They.

[C]

You could see them online, but they have terrible service. It's very much like the, like, oh, we got to support black owned businesses. No, we don't sometimes.

[A]

Now, would the food be excellent or would the food be meh.

[C]

It depends on how the chef is feeling that day. Because the food's always going to be rel. Is their heart gonna be in it every day? Most likely not.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

When it first opens, a heart is in it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then it gradually opens as the.

[D]

Chef gradually becomes sick at its fucking job.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[D]

The food becomes less desirable.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

Gotcha.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Because I, I, when I, whenever I order what I would call black centric food, I base how good it's gonna be on how long it takes to get to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And the longer it takes to get to me, the more I'm like, this is going to be a good one. I ordered, I was at a hotel in Houston and I ordered from a soul food place across the street from the hotel. I was looking at it from my room and it took two hours to get to me. And when I say they didn't have to cook it, everything was scooped.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That was the extent of the work they had to do. Everything I ordered was scoopable. It was red beans and rice, Frito pie, anything that'll kill me.

[C]

Oh, you were shitty.

[A]

Yeah. And then I think I got seafood gumbo.

[B]

Ooh, nice.

[C]

Yeah, you were shitty.

[A]

And dude, I watched the delivery guy stroll to the hotel. I'm sitting in my window watching because I'm tracking the order and it's across the street.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I watch this guy slow walk across the street.

[C]

He's one of these.

[A]

If he was walking any slower, he'd have been moonwalking in the opposite direction and slow. And then just not give a shit. Leave it in the lobby. Not call me, not text me. Loved it. And it was perfect. Yeah, it's as good as good. Got.

[D]

Yeah. Too many black owned businesses, especially in the food industry, use drug dealer etiquette when they're delivering you your food. Like, you need this. I'll get this to you when I get this to you. I'm gonna play a game of Madden first.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna smoke.

[D]

Yeah, I'm a smoke. I'm gonna get on the phone and argue with a couple baby mamas. Not mine, other people's baby mamas.

[C]

I've seen somebody. There was a, as you say, that someone had like a plate business where they would buy, they would sell plates and stuff. They're doing breakfast and they bagged Syrup for the pancakes. Like it was a dime bag. Like they bagged it up. Like, you know, whenever you take it and you tie it like a knot around it.

[A]

Oh, they made a bindle.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

And they give it to you in a handshake.

[C]

Yeah, but it was maple syrup.

[D]

Yo, I got the syrup.

[A]

That's what that manager needed. Yeah, she needed a hit of that maple syrup. That would have got her going again.

[C]

She would have back up. Back alive. When were you in Houston?

[A]

I've been there a few times. I did the secret group.

[C]

Oh, no there. You should go to Frenchies.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's a chicken spot.

[A]

I will check it out.

[C]

You know, it's good because the first time I ever went there was like the windows were shot down, so it was just a plastic thing flying. There was a spot where the TV used to be. And food is same thing. You wait forever. It's the greasiest shit you've ever had in your life. But it is so good.

[A]

For me it was growing up in Jersey. Any place that was a kfc and the K was not Kentucky. So Kings, Kennedy, anything like that.

[C]

Korean.

[A]

And there was one we used to go to. And I apologize if I'm being area specific, but we used to. My band that I played when. Used to play play in Patterson, New Jersey.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And Patterson is tough. And there was a candy fried chicken by our rehearsal spot that had bulletproof glass. Nothing but bulletproof glass with shots in it.

[D]

Gotta try.

[C]

That's how you know it's bulletproof.

[D]

You gotta try.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm not gonna believe your glasses. Bulletproof.

[A]

They had rolling papers at the counter, which I love. Their. Their hours were like noon to 5am which is also. They might. Their hours might as well have just been when they're awake. And then they. I. And it sounds like I made this up. The soda. The soda fridge had orange, pineapple and grape up top and Pepsi at the bottom.

[C]

Top shelf.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was so perfect. It was almost like they sent in me as a racist set decorator. Like, hey, could you really make sure we pull this off? And I went, hold on. I know. And it was just. It was perfect. And I just remember the first time we went in there, one of our band members again, he was very dark skinned, Dread's whole deal. And he was welcoming us into this place. And the guy at the counter goes up to order chicken. The guy behind the counter goes, man, when'd you get out? That was the opening conversation.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Damn, that was good chicken.

[C]

So you know He's a regular man.

[A]

Hey, guys. This episode is brought to you by Prize picks. You and I make decisions every day, but on prize picks. Being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this sports season on prize picks. Whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or both, it always feels good to be right. Just pick more or less on at least two player stat projections. It takes less than 60 seconds to turn your hot takes into cash. Want to pick more on a projected stats on a QBs pass, yards, rush yards and touchdowns. With prize picks stacks, you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. Hey, I don't know a lot about sports. I am not what you would call savvy or a real man. But my friends that do enjoy this type of thing, they love prize picks and they've been helping me out and I've been getting in on the fun. Prize picks even lets you follow other players directly on the app and copy their lineups in one click in their all new feed tab. Download the prize picks app today and use the code Zoom to get $50 in lineups. After you play your first $5 lineup, that's code ZOZO Z O O to get $50.00 in lineups. Check it out and let them know I sent you prize picks. All right, let's get back into the show.

[B]

I went to a KFC in India in South India and Kerala fried chicken. And I knew it was going to be good.

[D]

What? Kundalini? What kind of fried chicken was that?

[B]

Kerala, which is a place in South India.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And I knew it was going to be good because the other half of the building was demolished and it was on the third floor and I was freaking out the whole time, but it was fucking awesome. It was after like a long car ride and my friend John had just thrown up and he fucking reloaded and then threw up again after eating.

[A]

Wait, when you say it was on the third floor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of a demolished building.

[D]

The building next to it was demolished.

[B]

Like the building. You know, like how they have those joint, like gas station kfcs. Yeah, it was like. Or Taco Bell. KFC at a gas station. It was like if Taco Bell was demolished and the KFC was still like.

[D]

Taco Bell couldn't make it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

He was a guy in the diary. Taco Bell.

[A]

This sounds like a level in like a Ninja Turtles where you have to jump over the construction zone.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

To get your pizza.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

So like, and it wasn't a perfect cut either. Like it Was like, there must have been walls in there to like.

[A]

And they. Well, we can't pay. We got it. We got to destroy half this place.

[B]

Yeah, it was fucking awesome.

[A]

Did they have regular KFC or was it.

[B]

No, it was like. I'm pretty sure it was called Kerala Fried Chicken.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, so it was kfc, but it was Kerala based.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds. That sounds like a one.

[B]

It was awesome.

[C]

It was South India.

[B]

Yeah, like India.

[C]

India.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, 20, 23.

[A]

What were you doing over there?

[B]

My roommate is Indian and we just. He was there for a wedding and actually jp, who you met yesterday. Yeah, the other day. And we. They went for a wedding and then me and my two other friends took a 24 hour plane trip and just did two weeks in India.

[A]

That's a long time in India.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How was the pooping situation? That's my first.

[D]

Did you do it? Did you poop outside? You did.

[B]

Stop. I have a whole 10 minute story. I could tell it to you guys. It's really fucking long. But pretty much I just went on a walk by myself. And that's how it happens, you know. You know when you're traveling and you get scared to go.

[D]

When in Rome.

[B]

When in Rome. And then. Okay, so basically I took a shit outside. And then. And then later in the. At the end of our trip, we ended up doing a stand up show for JP's family. And, you know, it was up and down. I was bombing, I was crushing. I was bombing, I was crushing, you know. And then at the end of the show, his uncle was like praising us in Malayalam, which is the language they speak. And then in English he goes, you know, Miranda, oh. Because when I took a shit, I like picked a coconut after and, you know, brought it home and was like.

[C]

I found a coconut.

[D]

You know, it's like, leave a penny, take a penny.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[A]

And then leave a brown thing. Take a brown thing for sure. Stole somebody's baby.

[C]

That's such a crazy thing. They're like, I'm gonna take a shit and you come home with a coconut. It's crazy.

[B]

It was awesome.

[A]

And I think I'm constipated.

[B]

Best shit ever. Anyway, so then at the end of the standup show, he's like, oh, like, Miranda, like, I saw you pick that coconut. And then everybody laughed.

[A]

That means he watched your shit.

[B]

I think so. And then I Forgot that like, JP's family all lives around. It was horrible.

[C]

But, you know, so you pooped in the backyard. That's basically what you're saying, no, I pooped out somebody great.

[A]

There's an alien family that are like, have you heard how disgusting white women are? They in the backyard like animals.

[D]

She took a short in a. In a courtyard.

[C]

Go sit in the shit hole in the shit. Go sit where we're supposed to See.

[B]

I know. I give them a good goddamn story. And then after that, I was like, you know, trying to get back home. And I was like, completely white because I just. Shit. And I was like, lost.

[A]

Were you down a quart when you were white? You get whiter when you shit.

[D]

She should have melanin out.

[C]

She had a hemorrhoid.

[D]

That's why she grabbed the coconut. She was trying to replace brown with brown.

[B]

And I dropped down this wall, like this 10 foot wall to get down to this other rice paddy because I saw two people working in the field. And, dude, these guys were like, ha ha. They were, like, more scared of me than I was of them.

[D]

Wait, what? You just went down to see what.

[A]

They were up to?

[B]

No, I had to get home. I, like, didn't know how to get home.

[D]

Oh, okay. I thought it was.

[B]

I was like, I'm looking for this family.

[D]

I thought you were doing park curiosity.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[A]

You should have taken a little shit every 10ft and hanselled and dreadled your way back.

[C]

That's what she was in India. Just curious. I'm just gonna wander around. I have to get back to the rice patty.

[D]

What did you do?

[C]

Vrbo's last minute deals make chasing fresh mountain powder incredibly easy. With thousands of homes close to the slopes, you can get epic pow freshies first tracks and more. Find last minute deals with the last minute filter on the app. Book a private vacation rental [e-mail] with your.

[D]

She just left it open air. You didn't do anything to it. Did you dig a hole first?

[B]

Dude, I facetimed my brother. I used data. I showed him.

[C]

And the shit.

[B]

Hell yeah, dog.

[D]

Was that your first time seeing your human shit not in the toilet? Yeah, that's pretty sick.

[B]

It was, dude. It was. And the thing is, they have problems with that in north India, but not south India.

[D]

It's like I felt they're okay with it in south India.

[B]

Yeah, maybe.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Did they have toilets?

[B]

Yes, but here's.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. They had toilets? No.

[B]

Okay, here's the other half of this fucking story.

[A]

Okay, dude, no, this is going great. Don't rush it. Have fun with it. Much like this shit. Take your time with it. Let it all come out naturally because we're having a really good time.

[D]

And can I put out a statistic really quickly? India leads the globe in open defecation.

[B]

Yeah. And I fucking help that statistic.

[D]

The majority of the people in the world that shit outside are in India.

[B]

And let me tell you, it was the best motherfucking shit of my life. Okay?

[D]

This house meant to be.

[C]

Did you, like, squat? Did you, like, how did you.

[B]

Of course I squat. What did I say?

[D]

That was a crazy question.

[C]

Like the Vietnamese squad. Did you do, like. Did you bend and hold the knees? Like, what was your.

[A]

I feel like I would want back support. Like, I would want to squat and then put my back to a wall.

[B]

Smart. Yeah, smart man.

[A]

Like, I was getting punished in basketball.

[D]

Yeah, but you don't. You don't want to.

[A]

You don't want a splashboard.

[D]

Do you know what I mean? You don't want something splashing off of something back.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You don't want a backboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So pretty much what had happened was I. Yeah.

[D]

You don't know how we shit.

[C]

Yeah. We talk about chicken and nasty.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We leave the bottom of the toilet seat looking like Morgan Freeman.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

With the raisins.

[B]

Drink after that. God damn it.

[C]

I saw you pick it up. I was like, yeah, that's okay. We talk about liquid shit, and then you drink the liqu. So you pooped outside.

[B]

Okay, okay. Okay.

[A]

So Asian squat, flat foot. Asian squat. Yes. That's hard to do.

[D]

That's good ankle flexibility.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I stretch flat.

[C]

Stretched easy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like that, and it was fucking awesome. It was best. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. To meet people in India.

[A]

You probably had a shit. Really bad and with also, like, the relief. And you probably had great posture for it.

[B]

Oh, it was awesome, dude. And I gave him a good story. Come on now.

[A]

First question. Wipe.

[B]

Okay. So no.

[C]

The answer is no.

[A]

That was way longer than.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

That was so much longer than. Of course I would always.

[C]

I always.

[B]

So I would. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[A]

I'm sorry. We don't beat the gang up.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Cause before you. I'm gonna question. When you're shitting like that, do you even need to. Does it come out perfectly? Because that's the way. God.

[B]

It did come out perfectly. But I do travel with little tissues.

[D]

Oh, that's what they made fun of.

[B]

So I. Yeah, so I had kind of a bougie experience.

[D]

Yeah, that's what they made fun of. Is she out there wiping her butt?

[C]

That's funny.

[D]

What a weirdo. And then she picked a coconut and didn't wash her hands. I don't want your shitty ass coconut.

[C]

I don't think they care about that. I think they were like, ugh, she white. Not with banana leaves. White women.

[A]

I think in India you could just use scratch off techniques tickets.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That's why they come on the roll like that.

[C]

Just lost scratch off tickets the same way all the clothes that you donate, like, go to, like, a pile in Africa.

[A]

All the lost scratch off tickets go there.

[C]

They find their way back.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This was great, guys.

[A]

So you walk by then.

[B]

So that's so the reason why I. Okay. Because.

[A]

Because there were toilets.

[D]

Cause you had to shit.

[B]

So JP's family is like, you know, they're doing well. Like, the boys shared a room. And then I got my own room with my own shower and my own toilet.

[D]

Mm.

[B]

But here's my issue is that I. I hadn't shit since getting there. I hadn't gotten sick. But when I did go to the bathroom, I guess I had flushed too much toilet paper down.

[A]

Okay, so weak plumbing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you clogged it.

[B]

And I clogged it. But I was too afraid to tell anyone because I thought they were gonna think that I took a huge shit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So then we went up five hours to Munar, and I told JP while we were there, and he goes, why didn't you tell me this earlier? Like, we could have had this figured out by the time we got back. So when we got back, he told his family. So then John brought his podcast equipment, and we started podcasting outside while it was. The sun was going down. It was awesome. While we were podcasting, they. The two guys in the community that unclog toilets sling up a ladder on the side of the house. We're looking at them, they're looking at us. We're podcasting. They're cleaning my fucking toilet paper that they think is a shit. They climb up to the outdoor plumbing, and they do just see them throwing toilet paper over the fucking side of the house. And then JP made me shake their hand after, and that's why I took a shit outside.

[A]

So you took a shit outside not because there was no toilet, because you were embarrassed. Yes, I get it.

[D]

I have.

[A]

I have Hispanic relatives, and many of them, you have to say when they're old school Cuban, you have to say, it's okay, you can flush toilet paper here because. And I don't think it's a. I think it's a economic thing where a lot of people like. So I have a lot of Cuban family and the neighborhoods they grew up in in like North Bergen and stuff have shitty plumbing because it's lower income housing. So like at my Cuban grandpa and grandma's, when we used to go there, if you went to the bathroom at their house, you could only flush your poop. The paper had to go in a grocery bag and they get tied off and taken outside.

[C]

Like tampons. Like tampons in a separate bag.

[B]

Yes, absolutely. But see, I didn't know that in. And then they also have like hoses next to the toilets.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you're supposed to. Instead of wiping. Yeah, right.

[D]

You're supposed to hose a drink from.

[B]

But like.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Then you put your pants all sweeping.

[A]

Wait, was it a hose or was it like the flower pot thing?

[B]

I had both, Okay. I had both options. I had three buckets to shower and a hose to wipe.

[A]

Lap luxury.

[B]

Yeah, it was honestly pretty fucking sick.

[C]

It is very funny though, that you shit outside, right? And then they're going to clean the toilets and then they just throw the toilet paper outside.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So for them. You know what I mean?

[B]

Could've used that when it's tied up.

[C]

Somebody might.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You wasted all that goddamn toilet paper.

[B]

Yeah, that was my back.

[D]

How do you decide the location to sh. I'm. That's.

[A]

Did you find a spot and walk in a circle for a minute and sniff it?

[B]

Started digging.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You scratching a wall when you're done?

[C]

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[A]

No, I just kicking dirt behind you.

[B]

They have like giant fields of rice paddies. And in between the fields, there is like reverse ruts to like walk on top of where they have like thick ass palm trees. You know, they're pretty big ruts and I just had to go.

[A]

I would call having a shit outside a pretty big rut. I'm in a big rut. I gotta shit outside a rut row.

[B]

And it was. And it was.

[C]

But you know what this means, right? During monsters monsoon season, when it started to rain, all that go. Go down to the rice.

[B]

Here's the thing.

[C]

And they go get E. Coli.

[A]

No, no. It's gonna be like fertilizer. It's gonna help grow it.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It's gonna be a great. It's gonna be a great harvest this year.

[B]

It's gonna be a fantastic harvest.

[D]

Oh, they're growing white women now, right?

[C]

The pale faced goddess came and blessed us.

[D]

Yeah, you seeded India.

[A]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at Small batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Guys. Having a nice cigar in the house is a sign of affluence, a sign of class, a sign of good taste. And Small batch Cigar has you covered. They've got free shipping on every order with almost every order arriving within two to three days in the continental United States. It's the most thorough packaging in the industry. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly. So go to smallbatchcigar.com today. And most people click the new button first to shop their newest arrivals. And we have a discount code for you. That's right, gas 10. Gas 10 gets you 10% off plus those 5% rewards points. So check them out today. Small batch cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Let's get back into the show. So they had a bidet and the flower pot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Because. So I have a friend from Pakistan. The first time he stayed at a white kid's house, they had toilet paper and he didn't know what it was for. And he went and asked where. They have a word for it, but it looks like something you would water plants with. And essentially it is a handheld bidet. And that's how they wipe.

[C]

That's so freaky. Yeah, that's so freaky.

[A]

And he didn't know. He had no idea.

[C]

You know, is it more wasteful to use toilet paper or to use the water?

[A]

Definitely toilet paper. That's a tree.

[C]

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because going with. Because I have my Cuban grandma. My aunt and uncle have assimilated. They're practical. I mean, they're Cuban. That was as close as the white you get for Spanish.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

If you ask them. My Cuban grandpa put white down on his fucking census from. Dude, he was in Cuba in jail under Castro. And he goes, well, I'm not Hispanic. I'm not from Spain. He was. I am white. And we were like, all right, Emilio.

[C]

That was his name, with a thick ass accent.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Ama White.

[A]

Oh, my God. Dude, they got a golden retriever.

[D]

His.

[A]

One of his kids got a golden retriever and took it to visit him and he opened the door and the happiest dog in the world jumped on him and he goes, oh, my God, is that Diablo? So my aunt, uncle, they had their like older family come visit and one of my uncle's uncles was like, hey, Can I use the bathroom where we go, and my ankle's in there, and she's like, why is there a bag of shit in our bathroom? Cause he took all his. He only flushed the poop. But then his, like, first few wipes, he just put in a plastic bag and left in the garbage in the bathroom.

[D]

Man, I wonder if I would wipe differently if that is how I was getting rid of the toilet paper. Because right now I'm trying to make sure all the toilet paper I use can be flushed down a toilet.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like if I was putting it in a bag or something.

[A]

Yeah, you're going big scoops.

[D]

I might go big scoop. I might go fucking full mitten. You know what I mean?

[A]

Oh, I, I.

[C]

You say full mitten?

[D]

Yeah. Oh, dude, I can never go full mitten on my plumbing.

[B]

Hold on.

[C]

Full. Wait, Defy. Full mitten. Hold on. I need to walk through this visual. Okay. Like, when bad bitches got long nails.

[A]

And they wrap around complete wraparound. Oh, yeah, I do that, dude. I fucking wipe my ass like I'm a bear trying to get honey out of the jar. I go full mitten and I dig. I'm terrified.

[C]

Y' all look. Every time. You look every time.

[A]

No, I have an idea. I feel like I'm an adult. I have an idea. I'll look the last few.

[B]

I look the last few.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I'm about to say, like, to not look is very presumptuous.

[A]

No, no, you gotta look. But I feel like the first few, you know, are just gonna be, you.

[C]

Know, what's about to be.

[D]

I sometimes check the first one just so I know what the color I'm dealing with.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And then the last few.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

The first one, just to be like. Okay, okay, okay. And then. Cause you gotta know what color you're even. You gotta even know when you're taking the last few. You gotta know what you're looking for.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[A]

The last few. I'm just hoping it's not red.

[C]

Yeah, I feel that. I feel that one. Wait, so when you say color, what should we be eating? What's your diet consist of?

[D]

I mean, whatever I want to eat, so, you know. You ever eat a full box of Oops. All Berries?

[C]

I don't even know what the hell that is.

[D]

Oops.

[A]

All berries, Captain Crunch.

[D]

Only the berries.

[C]

All berries.

[D]

Only the berries.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I've never done just berries, so. Yeah, but I would.

[D]

If you don't know it turns. It turns your defecation, like, lime green.

[C]

I will not Be eating upsal berries, bro.

[D]

It's like a shade of green, you know, doesn't even occur in nature.

[B]

Brat Summer.

[A]

You know what I mean? I've had this conversation before. So I. When I was a boy, a young. A young baby. Zach. My mother called the pediatrician because I was shitting like, a neon forest green. And the document. What did he eat today? And my mom went, an entire box of blueberry cereal.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And he went, that's the purple dye. And I later revisited that when 711 came out with the Darth Dew, pitch black, Mountain Dew Slurpee.

[B]

No.

[A]

Which made me a radioactive green.

[C]

You know, we think about the foods and things that are illegal in the United States.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And then you look. Why. Why are they. And then you. Colors. You not supposed to.

[A]

It can't be good.

[C]

You is nickelodeon slime, bro. Yeah, you is. Sure. You the ooze.

[A]

Well, the scariest is. Have you ever taken Pepto Bismol and not remembered?

[C]

Nah.

[A]

No, you black.

[C]

What? Hey, man, what color have you not shit?

[D]

Brown.

[A]

Something's wrong with me.

[C]

A healthy brown.

[A]

Yeah. Those dyes will. I think everybody's kind of different, though. I think it's how your body processes them, too.

[C]

True, true.

[D]

So you've never shit a color?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I've. You know, I've definitely had some green moments.

[D]

Got some hues in there.

[C]

Yeah. I've also had some diarrhea moments where that. Maybe a little more on the yellow side, you know, over there.

[D]

Human bile.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. You're shitting out your inside.

[C]

Yeah, I've had that before. Been sick, done that. I've also definitely bled a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[C]

That'll freak out. You shit too hard. And then you're like, oh, my God. You're like, why is it so. And then you're like, oh, it's blood.

[A]

You know what's the worst is when you feel like you're really dropping one. And then it was like a pebble. And you're like, oh, no. When you feel like you gotta, like, bite your lip and hold onto the towel rack, and you're like, man, I'm really dropping. And then it's like, nothing. And you're like. Like, oh, man, something's wrong with me.

[C]

When you gotta hold both sides for some reason. Holding. And you turn your body a certain way and you're like, okay, it's gonna be easier. It's gonna be easier. Like, this fiber's important.

[A]

Got a lot of. I mean, we've done it before. But of course, of course. At this time, AJ Please bring up the Bristol poop chart.

[B]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[A]

And we can go over.

[D]

I was gonna put one of those in my bathroom.

[A]

Dude, I have kids. This thing is so useful. Are you familiar with the Bristol chart?

[C]

I'm not.

[A]

B, R, I, S, S, T, O, L. This is so useful.

[D]

You don't know anything. How many consistencies of, like, before. Before you bring the chart up?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

How many consistencies of poop do you think exist? Or do you do.

[A]

Can you name if you had a Categorize. Yeah.

[B]

Gun to your fucking head.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Describe all the different types of poops.

[D]

Yeah, describe one.

[C]

I mean, there's your healthy poops.

[D]

What do they look like?

[C]

Like a. You know what a healthy poop look like? It's just a.

[D]

You don't know my life.

[C]

Smooth locks.

[B]

Soft.

[C]

Soft. Soft. But like, soft, servy, kind of not too crazy.

[B]

Mr. Poo from South Park.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Classic poop. Yeah, yeah. And then there's obviously the diarrhea ones where it's a little bit runnier because the seats a little more on the other side. There's the baby shits, the green baby shits that are real, you know, real envelope, you know, and then.

[D]

Didn't get that reference.

[C]

But you know when you. When you open up some. That, like, you fold it and then you're like, oh, yeah, like, I gotcha.

[D]

You're opening a Pamper.

[C]

Or just like, you know, like. Like.

[D]

Like you're opening a poop.

[C]

We know whenever, like, you open up like a taco and like, all the stuff kind of sticks. Like, that kind of consistency. There is also when you have internal bleeding and it's grainy. I learned that anytime I've ever been, like, mom, I shit some blood. She goes, is it grainy? That means you have internal bleeding. And I know that it's instilled in the background.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[C]

Yeah. So if it's like dark and grainy that like coffee groundsy, I know that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I'm sure there's plenty of other consistent.

[D]

They're pretty good.

[A]

Yeah. So there's seven on the Bristol chart, I believe. Here we go. So this is the Bristol chart. So every single day, I tell my wife a number. If I walk out of the bathroom, I will announce my number.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

So we've got one, separate hard lumps, two, lumpy and sausage, like type three sausage shape with cracks in the surface, which I feel like that's what my dad used to like whenever My dad clogged the toilet and my mom would scream and have to go get a wooden spoon and break up my dad's giant man dump. That was always a 3.

[C]

That's a real crocodile shit.

[A]

That's a real 4. The healthiest. Like a smooth soft sausage. 5. Soft blobs with clear cut edges, which is the theme of my wedding. 6. Mushy consistency with ragged edges.

[B]

Me. Yeah, yeah, me as a person.

[A]

The ragged edges were my band in college. And at type 7, liquid consistency with no solid pieces, I will add to 7. Usually 7 changes the temperature of the room.

[B]

Oh, fuck, dude.

[A]

Usually a 7 makes the room hotter.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You are not wrong about that. Well, your butt feels spicy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I feel like a 7. A comes out with more like water pressure and then usually the PH of the room changes.

[D]

Yeah, your body temperature typically is rising. When you are trying to release a seven, it's your whole entire physiology changes.

[B]

Sorry. I love these images. It's like, you know when, like, fast food has, like, really nice pictures of their food? This is what that is.

[A]

This is a doctored up.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's not true. That's actually glue and thumbtacks. Yeah, there's a lot of inedible stuff in that poop.

[D]

You could probably put a fast food place next to each one of these to match the shit they give you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You could Taco Bell at the bottom.

[C]

If you just change the colors of this. It reminds me of like the molecule science thing where you said what they.

[A]

Call, like, Mr. DNA from Jurassic Park.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, you just change the color. If it just wasn't sepia.

[D]

Yeah. Number one is covalent bonds.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

It was ionic bonds.

[A]

All right, well, I think we've had a lot of fun talking about poop, so let's get plugs out of the way. Miranda, what do you want people to check out?

[B]

Go to India. There's a rice patty. You should Visit my Instagram's arandamedows with two S's. Follow me. Hit me up. Slide in my DMs. Send me a picture of your shit. I don't give a fuck.

[A]

Hell yeah, Maddy.

[C]

Yeah, don't send me a picture of your shit. My ad is maddymayes. M A D D I M A Y S. Yeah, you can find me on that on almost all platforms. Yeah, links, whatever, shows all on there. So, yeah, hit me there. Please don't send me your. Please don't send me your.

[B]

Send it to me and I'll send it to Maddie.

[A]

Fantastic.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I want to get in on this group chat of Miranda and Maddie. So send that to Miranda. She'll send it to Maddie, she'll send it to me.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

And if you. If you're digging what I'm doing out here, man, check out my podcast, World War Fun, what I do with a very funny guy, Ryan Shaner. And I have to also say this. My co host, Ryan Shaner wrote a book, book called Solomon. It's a pandemic era horror story, Comedy horror story. Check it out. Like, just get to know that a guy like him can actually write a book.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Very fun. Follow me on Instagram. Zach is not funny. Get all my dates at Punch up that live. Zach. Miko. I will be at Skank Fest after Skank Fest. The weekend after, I will be in Detroit for Juggalo Championship wrestling doing commentary. And then if you would like, like to support the show, and I know you would, go to gasdigital.com today. Use the promo code ZOO Z O O. You save money off your subscription, you get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives. That's right. Thousands of episodes of all your favorite gas shows, and we do three of these suckers a week, and only two of them go out on YouTube. So if you want the third bonus episode, you gotta subscribe. But regardless of how you consume the show, thank you so much. Please tell a friend, and if you see me out in public, give me a smooch. All right, here's a fun one. Jenna Jameson is helping others find Jesus after being known for her previous porn lifestyle. Aj, tell us about Jenna Jameson and her weird fucking face. All right. Jenna Jameson is embracing her faith. The former porn star shared an Instagram reel Sunday about the transformative personal journey that she's on. After decades of being known for my body and sin, getting baptized, and helping others find Jesus too. Now, am I wrong? Wasn't she, like, nearly paralyzed a couple years? Like, she was so sick she couldn't move. So maybe that was part of her finding Christ. Are you guys. You guys are a little younger than me, so Jenna Jameson's probably before your. Yeah.

[B]

Who is she? Can you pull up a picture of her?

[A]

Jenna Jameson was like an old picture.

[D]

In a new picture.

[C]

Let's pull up like a. Maybe a video reference.

[A]

Full frontal nudity was like the porn star of the 90s.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

So, like. Yeah, Like, Yeah, but let's. Huh. She was. Yeah. When she was big, she. This was like mid-90s, man. And she was like. She was into the Howard Stern movie. She was on wrestling. That kind of like. She was like, pop culture fuck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, she would be in, like. It was. She was one of the first porn chicks to, like, be on TV and stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like an IT girl.

[A]

Yeah, very much so.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

And then, yeah, she dated Tito Ortiz, the fighter. And that went poorly, believe it or not. What?

[C]

She was gay, too?

[D]

Wait, hold on.

[C]

Dana Ortiz.

[D]

Hold on, hold on.

[C]

Is that a girl?

[A]

No, no, no, no. Tito.

[B]

Tito said, don't open a jar you can't close, baby.

[D]

Danas can also be men, by the way, and so can Sydneys, just to put it out there.

[A]

Very true. I remember a few years ago, she was, like, very ill. So maybe she found Christ. Is that part of it? Aj, she was. She's a rare neurological disorder that caused temporary paralysis and extreme muscle weakness in 2022. Okay.

[D]

She's in a cock.

[A]

She was an organ chair and she couldn't walk, but now she can.

[D]

She can't stop coming.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If.

[A]

If I may, and this is gonna sound rude.

[B]

No, please, anything.

[A]

There are certain conditions I refer to as white women disease, because I have never met a Mexican with chronic pain disorder. Yeah. They just work through it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or I would call it maybe, and this is going to be rude housewife disease. I feel like it's only. I met a girl recently who's got. But literally, like, a chronic pain disorder. And when you ask, I don't know, it's just. It happens. And it happens to flare up whenever she's angry.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Or not getting her way.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's crazy. It's crazy how accurately this chronic pain, which she referred to as worse than cancer, she was a joy to be.

[B]

Around as a white woman.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Finally. Finally I can finally speak.

[D]

Tell him this is your space.

[A]

This is your moment.

[B]

White women.

[A]

Pretend you're outside in India and just let it loose.

[B]

White women are white. Are fucking liars. As one who. I've dated a white woman. I've been birthed by a white woman. I am a white woman. We.

[A]

Oh, the trifecta.

[B]

The holy trifecta. We play shit up so hardcore. It is honestly, it's impressive because some people. And you find those people who will believe it and who will give you what you want, and then you fucking latch onto them and you never let them go because you are crazy. I mean, I love my mom. I hate my ex, but, yeah, I do. If I'm in pain, I will let everybody know.

[A]

And I hate to say a white Women, disease. But chronic pain, the ones that are. What's chronic fatigue? Oh, yeah, I'm sleepy all the time.

[B]

It's real. It happens.

[A]

Yeah. The manager at McDonald's had it. That's chronic. Well, no, that's fatigue from the chronic.

[B]

I'm tired right now.

[D]

And I also say this, this is gonna also sound a little fucked up, but even though you've never met a Mexican with chronic pain, it looks painful to be a Mexican taken.

[A]

They do have hard working jobs.

[D]

You know, they look. They do a lot of jobs.

[A]

They do a lot of left.

[D]

I don't even think they're short genetically. I think their spine is just compressed over time for all of the hard labor.

[C]

Well, they've been working so hard, their fingers be looking like. Their hands be looking like type three where it's all cracked on the sides. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Every part of them looks painful.

[C]

But here's the thing is like, when you have access to things, you can get anything diagnosed.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I mean? You can get anything. You're like, oh, I feel the same. Well, you just chronically have pain, baby. It's like you just feel like that. Like, oh, I feel tired. Well, you just are chronically tired.

[A]

And I believe it's called doctor shopping. Doctor is what people do really to get. Yeah. If you go to one doctor and they won't give you benzos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just keep going to doctors until somebody will give you whatever you're looking for.

[B]

Well, I will say my mom had a really bad chronic back pain. And then she recently shout out my mom and shout out this surgery. She got a hysterectomy and now she doesn't have back pain because she had so many. Hey, I will.

[D]

Thank you very much.

[B]

But yeah, now she doesn't have really any like back pain or like it doesn't hurt when she pees. So like it kind of like she had like fucking. Her fucking ovaries were fucked up.

[C]

Up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But.

[A]

So everything she grew inside her was horrible.

[C]

Dude, that back pain is real though. But that's just from getting hit from the back, man. That's just from getting justice. Doggy style. Getting your disc, you say?

[B]

My mom was getting her back.

[C]

My mom too. She got fucked up discs too.

[B]

And your mom is hot, dude. Your mom is a baddie, dude.

[D]

Yeah. Chronic back pain comes from pathological doggy style Pretty much.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. When you got ass, people think, oh, they're can. They can do this.

[D]

Okay, so I was going to ask you a question. Earlier when you talked about that sports bar that you worked at, was it cleavage focused or ass focused?

[C]

It was a cleavage focus.

[A]

Okay, focus.

[C]

Well, it's more body focused. Cuz we wore shirts and we weren't allowed to wear shorts, so people wore just like the leggings and stuff. So it's more of the silhouette thing.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, it wasn't pulling titties.

[A]

There was a bootleg Hooters near where I grew up and it was called Bazookas and Bazookas. It was the Hooters outfit, but like neon pink.

[C]

Yeah, Bazookas is hilarious.

[A]

Anyway, so Jenna Jameson was in a wheelchair. Saved her.

[C]

Speaking of bazookas.

[A]

Sure. Dated an MMA fight. Believe it or not, women still get surprised when they date a guy who punches for a living and it turns out he's violent.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And hey, that's. So I had heard a Jenna story pretty recently from a porn friend that they. Because they all do like the porn conventions where Indian guys and tucked in T shirts pay to take pictures with them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And apparently she got paid in cash at this convention and just stayed.

[D]

Wait, what do you mean stayed?

[A]

Yeah, like the hotel. Like just. I think she. The story I had heard was that she made like 25 grand for the appearance, but got paid in cash and just stayed in the hotel till that money was gone.

[B]

That's baller.

[A]

Which I think is what a lot of them do.

[B]

Yeah, I would. As a white woman, I would.

[A]

Which is also says. So I had a.

[C]

She could leave. She had crowded, fatigue and this is.

[A]

Again, all too tired. You're saying stories. I'm not claiming any of this to be true. So I don't want to. I don't want to. This is all a legend.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I had a substitute teacher during the like, stock market crash. And he had been a stock bro, like a wolf of Wall street. That kind of like spending that kind of money. And he would just tell us these stories about like millionaire parties and. Because I got kicked out of school and.

[B]

For what?

[C]

Yeah, for what?

[A]

Yeah, stealing a golf cart.

[B]

Sick. One of the schools.

[A]

Yeah, me and my friends got kicked out of school for two months.

[B]

That's so.

[A]

And I had to go to alternative education. And our. Our. Our tutor was this guy who. And we didn't learn a goddamn thing.

[B]

Was it like machines and shit and you just had to fix that golf cart?

[A]

No, no, we had to go take our classes.

[D]

How many pregnant chicks in that class? Your alternative learning?

[A]

No, it was just me and my two friends.

[C]

They put you on a fucking oil rig they were just like, yeah, just fucking get the wheel rig.

[A]

It was in, like, a random building in a different part of town. And it was me, my two friends, and then two kids who had got caught taking a BB gun to school. And it was just the five of us in a room all day.

[D]

Dennis the Menaces.

[A]

And funny enough. So then they brought in another kid named Rocky, and his name was Rocky because he had hit somebody with a big rock during a fight. And Rocky had hyperactive disorder. So I could convince him to do crazy shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I've always been manipulative and evil. So I would convince him to, like, suck in air with his butt and try and fart.

[C]

So this was like a tear. This is a. Like, a nightmare. Blunt rotation of people, bro.

[A]

And it was me, my friend Lenny, and my friend Justin. And this is a real thing connecting the stories. So we had one computer in the room, and the teacher went to search something that started with Jay, and she wrote who searched Jenna Jameson. And we blamed Rocky.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I am convinced that we partly ruined Rocky's life because he got an extra punishment for that. But there was three of us and one of him.

[D]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no. You convinced him to try to suck in air in his butthole and then fart. Yeah, his life was ruined.

[A]

I also convinced him to put him.

[D]

Not going up for that.

[A]

I convinced him to put his dick in a hole in the wall.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And were you on the other side? Suck.

[A]

And there'll be a girl over there. I'll be right back. Hey. How was she?

[B]

She was great, man.

[A]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at Yo Kratom, home of the $60 kilo. If you do Kratom, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many benefits, there's only one place on earth to get it from, and that's yocratum.com they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at Gas. So stop going to bodegas, smoke shops, and gas stations, getting a little bit of Kratom at a time, getting ripped off, and you don't even know what's in there. When you go to yocratum.com and get a $60 key lockdown, there's no promo code needed because it's already the best deal in the world of kratom. Yo kratom.com, home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into the program. But that teacher told us that he had gone to a really, like a CEO's bachelor party. And Jenna Jameson was on the rise at the time, and she was the entertainment. And he gave us a number on what they pooled together for the bachelor to take full advantage of the situation, which I Wanna say was 50 grand.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Those are real friends, dude.

[C]

Okay, so let's say someone said, all right, we got a whole bachelor party here. We'll pay you this much money for them to do whatever they want. What's yalls number?

[D]

Pardon me?

[B]

Yeah, you heard.

[C]

You're Jenna Jameson.

[D]

I'm not Sydney gang.

[C]

You're.

[A]

If you. If you're six Dominican girls. There's something on the gas bank account from my bachelor party. If you're six Dominican girls, two of which had burns.

[C]

What?

[A]

One of the girls at my bachelor party was covered in burns.

[C]

Yo. What, y' all be fighting these hoes? That's funny.

[A]

It was a service. I don't know.

[B]

Uber up, dude. Who gives a fuck? I think mine would probably be like. Like, bro. I mean, if it was a girl from every country and super hot and then also a guy from every country.

[D]

That's what was tripping me up.

[B]

Give us a group of. Give us a group of men. Sure.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Let's just call them seven financial advisors. Seven upper class wealthy guys, but not like, not crazy rich, but have, you know, nice car, own their house, and they got money.

[D]

Oh, can I can it? I mean, because you really. You really bumped her out when you said financial advisors. So how about like, seven guys who are at the end of like a fantasy football league and they're all pulling together.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

All right, all right.

[D]

But they're normal guys. We're normal guys.

[A]

Longshoremen and cops. Union guys. Cops. Blue collar.

[D]

Do you back the blue or not?

[B]

Are they in uniform?

[A]

No, but they all have like 911 memorial shirts on.

[B]

Okay. Probably like 500,000. I definitely have to do it for half a million.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Definitely can't go anything lower to a bunch of cops. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's a gift from the city. You know what I mean? Like the city. You are gifted. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. I mean, I can't go lower than half a mil. If you do a half of it, I can't go lower than half a mil.

[D]

But what was your number going to be before? She said.

[C]

Said that though a meal, but you know.

[D]

Yeah, you lowered your number because of her.

[C]

No, I'm saying I'm between have a million mil, bro.

[D]

I'm not.

[C]

I'm not. It's a bunch of cops.

[A]

Am I a lady in this situation or I may. Do I. So that's not a situation I particularly am sexually attracted to. Do we assume the situation that I am, or am I repulsed?

[C]

I mean, it's up to you.

[B]

I think you're, like, into it because you're the money and you're like, one night.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

When you're like, let's just fucking get this done. So I could walk away and be.

[C]

Like, yeah, the money gets you wet.

[B]

Yeah, the money gets you wet.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, do I have a vagina? Or I'm me. I'm me with a dick. Balls. An asshole. And I gotta. My asshole's gotta do a lot of heavy lifting. Yeah.

[D]

Cause you said, I got to be Jenna Jameson the first time. Now you're moving to Goalpost saying that he has to be Zach.

[C]

Do you want to be a girl Ver? Would you rather be a girl version of you in this story, or would you rather just be you?

[D]

I would have to be no version of me. I'll be Jenna Jameson.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't want this tied to my identity in any way, shape, or form.

[C]

Okay, how about this? It's. It's seven lunch ladies.

[D]

Come on. What, I gotta pay them? Yeah.

[A]

10,000. 10. 10,000. And square pizza. The band is here, so we gotta wrap this up, everybody. Thank you so, so much for coming in. Thank you to my wonderful guests, Maddie, Miranda, Sydney. Thank you guys so much. I apologize. We're 55 minutes in, but SDR's got to record, so thank you guys, so, so much. And we'll see you on Wednesday. Thank you.

[D]

Bye.

[C]

Bye.

[A]

Favorite ob. Join the crew. It's Acamiko morning, too. It's Acamiko morning, too.