0066. Allie Mae and Alex Tomaselli

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 66: Allie Mae and Alex Tomaselli (Nov 30, 2025)

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Episode Overview

In this raucous pre-Thanksgiving episode, Zac Amico welcomes comedians Allie Mae and Alex Tomaselli from "Super Sally Joe's Podcast" for a characteristically chaotic and hilariously unfiltered roundtable. The trio riff on bizarre news stories including the Slender Man attempted murderer’s escape, weird world records, fast-food horror stories, and viral oddballs in adult diapers and cheese fetishes. Littered with offbeat humor, unexpectedly insightful asides, and wild personal anecdotes, this episode brings a blend of dark comedy, pop culture, and real-life absurdity—just as the Morning Zoo fans love.

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1. Introductions & Plugs

Timestamps: 01:03–05:00

• Zac apologizes for being late due to traffic and phone distractions, teasing his ongoing “curse” with commutes.
• Guests introduced: Alex Tomaselli and Allie Mae, both hyped for their own podcasts/standup gigs.
  • Alex: Shout-out to “Super Sally Joe’s” podcast and his dad’s vinyl tech alumni listening in the comments.
  • Allie: Plugs her standup show "Drip" at The Stand, promo code for ticket discounts.
• Zac plugs upcoming Toronto shows, explains GaS Digital subscription perks, and the return of "Real Ass Podcast."
  • “We are only adding to the lineup. Sorry, Shannon.” (05:00, Zac)

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2. Slender Man Stabber Escapes: A Twisted Tale

Timestamps: 05:15–19:20

The Story Recap

• Zac recaps trying to explain "Slender Man" urban legend to a confused friend.
  • “She didn't understand the concept... she thought they were supposed to be more lore.” (06:05, Zac)
• News story: One of the convicted girls in the Slender Man stabbing case cuts off ankle monitor and escapes, is caught with an older, transgender companion (who’s not the original conspirator).
• The podcast plays and mocks police bodycam audio of the apprehension:
  • “Hi. I’m Jessica. Not stabby.” (07:31, Zac impersonating the escapee)
  • Allie: “They really did get out of school before they learned how to lie.” (07:16)

Commentary & Comedy

• Nicknames: “Slender Ma’am” for the transgender accomplice, riffed throughout the segment.
• Jokes about the escapees' inability to lie, psych profiles, and group home dynamics.
• Discussion of the two's relationship (met at church; older trans woman helped her escape).
  • “Was this like a Romeo and Juliet?” (16:12, Allie)
  • Zac speculates about emotional control and “mimicking what they think a dumb bitch would do,” drawing parallels to personal anecdotes about trans friends’ emotional expression.

Additional Revelations

• Shannon reports restraining-order allegations and disturbing Facebook messages involving the accomplice.
  • “People are so creative about being disgusting.” (58:35, Allie – reused later as a running joke)
• Group relates the challenge of bad actors in marginalized groups causing negative broad stereotypes.
  • “That’s how I feel when I see fat people eating on the bus.” (23:35, Zac)

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3. Weird News & World Records

Timestamps: 25:16–38:47

The Fart Record

• A man attempts to break the world record for longest fart; panel debates techniques and authenticity.
  • “I think he's opening his asshole and collecting more air.” (26:57, Zac)
  • “Literally, more smoke.” (27:53, Allie)
• Side tangent: Polyphonic or “two notes at once” singing; brief attempt to demonstrate and debunk.

Extreme Body Feats

• Bazoo the Clown’s (friend of Zac’s) world record for most staples to the body, and why Guinness doesn’t officially recognize it due to bodily harm.
  • “I thought about it, but I don't… I think I might go into shock.” (33:20, Zac)
• Anecdotes about tattoo pain, body modifications (penis splits, hanging objects from piercings).
• “Your dick probably looks like the thing from Stranger Things.” (39:17, Zac)

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4. Fast Food Horror Stories

Timestamps: 39:51–46:39

• Study: 50% of ice samples from fast-food restaurants contain fecal bacteria.
• Allie’s behind-the-scenes stories from her McDonald's teenage years:
  • “I used to hand the food through the window and be like, ‘I wouldn't eat it.’” (40:44, Allie)
  • “They mopped up the [feces] with a mop... and then also mopped the children's place with it.” (42:21, Allie)
• Zac: Taco Bell meat “comes as a liquid.”
• Wendy’s chili made from yesterday’s burgers; comparing with croutons and canned chili stories.
• Frito Pie Origin Story
  • Binging with Babish / King of the Hill’s Peggy Hill recipe
  • Zac: “You go down south to a soul food place, a little Frito pie set you right.” (44:49)

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5. Thanksgiving Traditions & Food Tangents

Timestamps: 46:39–54:42

• Discussion on Thanksgiving meal timing and Italian-American traditions. Lasagna and meatballs as appetizers, multiple cheese options, and late-night turkey sandwiches.
  • Allie: “In my dream world, food would be ready... around one or two. And we would leave it out all day and just eat all day long.” (51:22)
• Zac: “I'm the two o'clock [meal]... My Cuban grandpa would show up with a bib and a knife and a fork.” (51:17)
• Zac recounts “infamous broccoli incident” with Alex on their comedy road trip (cold broccoli and hotdogs for breakfast).
• Odd food habits in greenrooms: “He just started taking already peeled hardboiled eggs out of his backpack….” (48:50, Zac)

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6. More Viral Oddballs & Fake “Crimes”

Timestamps: 54:43–64:43

Thanksgiving Parade Balloons

• The group spins on the absurdity of standing at crowded parades and new balloon floats.
  • “I would pay not to do that.” (55:48, Zac)
• Diapers worn to avoid losing a spot in Times Square crowds.

Diaper Man, Cheese Masturbator, and Odd Fetishes

• News: Texas man arrested for wearing a diaper in public, yelling "Goo Goo Gaga,” and demanding women change him.
  • “If he had a little camera and a ring light, people would just be like, he's doing his content.” (57:22, Allie)
• Flashback: Philly’s “Swiss cheese masturbator” – offered to pay women to use cheese in sex acts, with mugshot.
  • “Philly cheesedick.” (58:48, Zac)

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7. Man Cosplays Dead Mom for Pension Scam ("Mrs. Doubtfire gone wrong")

Timestamps: 59:30–64:50

• Panel reacts to a real-life Mrs. Doubtfire: a man who dressed up as his deceased mother for years to collect her pension.
  • Shannon reveals he collected $183,000 before getting caught.
  • “That’s just a 90s comedy. Don’t Tell the Government My Mother’s Dead.” (64:54, Zac)
  • “He should have just had his mother's ID. Would have been super simple.” (64:43, Allie)
• Jokes about mummification, old age, and wigs not matching neck wrinkles.

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8. Closing Remarks & Callbacks

Timestamps: 65:00–65:50

• Zac thanks guests and plugs their shows once more.
• Preview: "Real Ass Podcast" is coming back, Mondays at 4pm.
• General tone: freewheeling, irreverent, with plenty of late-episode inside jokes and ball-busting.

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Notable Quotes

On the Slender Man escape:

• “Chicks who killed their friends, right?” (05:46, Alex)
• “She really did get out of school before she learned how to lie.” (07:16, Allie)
• “We've named this person Slender Ma’am.” (09:30, Zac)

On fast food:

• “Nobody should eat at McDonald's. I used to hand the food through the window and be like, I wouldn't eat it.” (40:44, Allie)
• “The meat at Taco Bell when he worked there came as a liquid.” (43:20, Zac)
• “Wendy's chili? Yesterday's burgers.” (43:39, Zac)

On world records:

• “I think he's opening his asshole and collecting more air.” (26:57, Zac)
• “I thought about it, but I don't… I think I might go into shock.” (33:20, Zac, on beating the staple record)

On being part of a crowd:

• “I would pay not to do that.” (55:48, Zac, about parade crowds)
• “It really shows you, like, how retarded people are.” (55:54, Allie)

On Adult Diaper Guy:

• “If he had like a little camera and a ring light, people would just be like, he's doing his content. But he didn't have all that, so they're like, he's a sex offender.” (57:22, Allie)

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Memorable Moments

• Slender Man Stabbing Update: The panel’s wild speculation and nickname gags about the transgender accomplice, with constant riffing.
• Fart Record Attempt: Live reaction to a 40+ second “world record” fart. Extended physical comedy.
• Stomach-turning Fast Food Stories: Allie’s tales from behind the McDonald's counter, with uniquely grotesque inside details.
• Real Life "Mrs. Doubtfire": Morbidly comic reenactment of a man collecting his dead mother’s pension in disguise.
• Cheese Masturbator: The surrealism (and mugshot) of Philly's Swiss cheese predator prompts a fusillade of puns and disgusted laughter.

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Useful Timestamps

• [05:37] — Start of Slender Man stabbings escape case
• [25:16] — World fart record segment begins
• [39:51] — Fast food fecal bacteria study and horror stories
• [54:43] — Thanksgiving parade/holiday tangents
• [56:43] — Adult Diaper “Goo Goo Gaga” criminal
• [58:12] — Philly Swiss cheese masturbator
• [59:30] — Man cosplays dead mom to collect pension
• [65:00] — Show wrap-up and next episode info

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Tone & Language:
Highly informal, darkly comic, riff-heavy, and laced with gallows humor, sharp roasts, and off-color analogies. The hosts are quick with callbacks, irreverent social observations, and personal digressions about their own weird experiences.

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For Listeners:
Even if you missed the episode, this summary captures not just the topics but the wild, kinetic Morning Zoo spirit—the sick jokes, high-energy derails, and moments too gross, weird, or real for “regular” morning radio.

Transcript

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You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up. It's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes are guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touc the sky Grab a coffee and join the crew It's a morning too. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, wake up. Oh, good goddamn wake up. It's Wednesday. We're late again. Again, my fault. Major traffic. I sincerely apologize. The more I have this seat, the more incidents I'm in, the more traffic I'm in. I have inherited the curse and I sincerely apologize. Shannon, I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier. I didn't realize I was in deadlock traffic because I was playing on my phone. But hey, we're here now. Across the table from me, two very funny people from the Super Sally Joe's podcast, one of my favorites, Alex Tomaselli. How you doing, buddy?

[A]

I'm well, buddy. Good to see you as always.

[B]

Happy holidays, sweetheart. And next to him, one of our favorites. Beat me here by 30 seconds and tried to gaslight me that she's been waiting, but Shannon was keeping me updated. I got a mole in this. It's Ally Mae. How are you, babe?

[C]

I'm good. How are you?

[B]

I'm wonderful. It's great to see you. I'm hurting, but I'm gonna get through.

[A]

Would you do.

[B]

No, I'm just fucking beat, man. I haven't had a day off since Gag Fest.

[A]

Oh, God damn.

[B]

But it's gonna be a great day. Let's get plugs out of the way. Mr. Thomas Alley.

[A]

Hit it, guys. Just check out my podcast, Super Celly Joe's. I do it with Joe Gorman. It's a lot of fun. And also shout out to the vinyl tech alum in the comment section there. My dad used to be a teacher and they're all like welders and electricians now and they listen to the podcast.

[B]

So that's awesome.

[A]

They said what up in the comments, so I'm saying what's up? Yeah.

[B]

Thank you for listening. Ali. What do you want people to check out?

[C]

Drip, my show at the stand. It's the first Wednesday of every month. That means the next one is Wednesday, December 3rd. You can use my code Drip and save almost half off tickets. It's a fun time. I hosted Naim Ali and I'm default programmer on Instagram.

[A]

Oh yeah, silly, silly on Instagram too. Thank you.

[B]

Please check out Ally Mae show the Drip. Super, super funny show. She always puts together a great lineup. And if you want to see great stand up during the week in the city, it is a sure bet. Hey, follow me on Instagram. And Zach is not funny. All my tickets go up on Punchup Live. Zach Amico. I am booking shows and it's looking like Toronto happening in January. And that'll be two stand up shows and two live spook shows at a theater. So it's something that I was supposed to do about two years ago and I had to rebook it. So check it out. That's coming up. And if you love the show, and we know you do, go to gas digital.com today. Use that promo code Zoo. You get a little bit of money off your subscription. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite Gas shows. You get the live chat and you get a bonus episode on Fridays. That's right. We do three of these a week and the only way to get Friday is to subscribe. And hey, the real ass podcast is coming back. But that don't mean we're doing Any less of these. That's right. We're adding to my plate, as usually is the case. So we're gonna do this show Monday, Wednesday, Friday with Real Ass podcast, Mondays at 4. So a whole new show. You're not going to miss anything. We are only adding to the lineup. Sorry, Shannon. All right, guys, let's get into it. We have another update. I spent most of Monday trying to explain the concept of Slender man to Chloe LeBron, who looked at me like I. She couldn't have not gotten.

[A]

It's like a man who's slender.

[B]

Yeah, it was. She was so confused when I said creepy. Pasta meme. Every single thing.

[A]

Chicks who killed their friends, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Or stabbed. They killed her?

[B]

No, they stabbed her. She survived. She just stared at me like she's.

[C]

In a different tax bracket. They don't have. They don't do Slender man in those parts. They don't do something.

[A]

Tell her who the hat man is. And it's like that, without drugs.

[B]

And she didn't understand the concept. She didn't understand the idea of, like, an Internet urban legend. She thought they were supposed to be more lore. She wanted a backstory. It was a lot.

[A]

Creepy guy in the woods.

[B]

Anyway, so one of the girls that committed the Slender man stabbings in Wisconsin a number of years ago escaped and was recently caught. She cut her ankle bracelet off and made a run for it. She has been caught, but she has been caught with a friend who I believe was helping her and. Very interesting, Shannon.

[D]

Yeah. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna play the video first, and then I'll show you some pictures.

[C]

I didn't know she was caught.

[B]

That's fine. Okay. And we got called here for a call, so just be honest.

[D]

This is her phone.

[B]

I want to make sure that you're not missing. As long as you're not missing.

[A]

You go.

[B]

You can go on your way. Are you missing from somewhere? Then just give me your name and date of birth and you can be on your way.

[C]

I'm 19.

[B]

Huh? I'm 19.

[C]

19.

[D]

That's fine.

[B]

You're still an adult, so. Yeah. So what's your last name? No way.

[C]

I don't want to give you my name.

[B]

Okay, well, then we're going to arrest you and take you an id. We're going to hold you an id. Pause. Yeah, she really did get out of school before she learned how to lie. Yeah, no wonder she got caught. Jesus Christ.

[A]

I just keep looking at the person.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

S, M, I, T, H, first name, anything? Yeah, not my name. Not Slender Man. Killer. Hi. I'm Jessica. Not stabby. Keep it going.

[A]

I'm waiting on the person in the background. They're rummaging a lot.

[B]

Give me your name and date of birth. You're not wanting for murder, right?

[C]

Right.

[B]

Well, then you hang. I have a problem with that. I promise you. Okay. It's. You're making a bigger deal than what it is. Get her name.

[A]

Get his. Get her name.

[C]

Whatever.

[B]

Were you ever issued an ID or any? Anywhere you were. Okay.

[A]

Are these the people who killed Charlie Kirk?

[B]

Is this.

[A]

Is this who we're fearing?

[B]

Mine was you out of Wisconsin. Okay. And what's your last name, Ma'? Am? Things are not looking good for the left. If these are our strong. This is our. This is the strongest we're putting out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Now you did something wrong. Cuz it's come back. No record on files. Isn't it? And that means you're lying to us about your name. Okay, so now that's obstructing. I'm gonna give you one more chance before this.

[A]

How has this not been oblivion? Just that image right there. The blue, the pink.

[B]

Be honest. Pause. Can we please start calling her transgender friend? Slender, ma'. Am. It's Slender ma'. Am. Oh, God. I. I really wish my brain didn't work it that way, but now I have to say no.

[C]

It's.

[B]

We've named this person Slender Man.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait till you see him. By the way.

[A]

Even better Deal.

[B]

You're making a bigger deal.

[A]

Are they doing the like. If we close into ourselves, everyone goes away type thing?

[B]

Yes. Can we please let her go? So you did. By lying to the officer.

[A]

Lie to cops.

[B]

Which is a class A mis. That's arrestable offense. Therefore, you can be placed under arrest for that. Both of you. Because you lied and you lied. And give me your real name. How bad are you?

[C]

Just one more minute of cuddling.

[B]

Okay, so it's not a big deal. What is your name? Don't make us arrest you and do all this extra stuff that we don't need to do. I know. We got way more serious things to worry about than this. It's a. There's an attempted murderer on the loose. Yeah, when we print you, they're just.

[A]

Shuddering in the car. This is crazy.

[B]

Until your PRs come back before we. So you'll be in our custody until we can release you. If you want to sit in the cell all day, that's fine. And your prince might come back before him. So then that means that he would still stay at the station and you might get released. Might as well just avoid all of that and tell us your names. Look, if you want to stay in a cell for three days, by all means we'll go this route. Going up at this point.

[A]

Is this where they throw them on the ground?

[B]

Go then. Then give him your name. I did something wrong.

[C]

She doesn't know what I did.

[B]

Okay, that's fine. I. Let me talk to you again. Okay. I'm putting. Run.

[C]

I did something really wrong.

[B]

What? 47 and C. What did you do wrong? 4, 7 and 6. It's not that. Nothing. They can't be that serious. One bat.

[A]

This used to be. Is this. This is just as annoying as like. Like a BLM riot where they're screaming in faces or like.

[B]

I think I rather watch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'd rather watch some woman with. With a bald head scream. I didn't do nothing 85 times. Then watch this. Fucking. God.

[A]

This hurt.

[B]

Shivering animal.

[A]

I was. This is awful. I can't.

[B]

It's like they're interrogating a gerbil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jesus Christ, lady.

[C]

This is very bad.

[B]

Move it up. Keep it going. You stink. What is your name? What? What's happening? We don't want problems with you. Okay? We just want need to ID you.

[A]

I've worked with kids. This is exactly. It's like working with kids. You're like, yo, just. Just tell me.

[B]

Not a 19 year old.

[A]

No. Who's killed someone that almost killed someone.

[B]

Almost like you think they can't get anything done. Finish your thing. Yeah.

[A]

You think you'd have some fortitude or something or at least be like you cop. I'm not telling you. Eat my ass. My name's You. Where's this again too? What states this take place in?

[D]

I believe it's Wisconsin.

[A]

They're gendering them pretty well for Wisconsin, I'd say. I don't know what the demographic is here.

[B]

Right. Okay.

[A]

So it's. They keep calling that. The one in the blue. A woman that.

[C]

They keep calling that a woman. I promise she did not know G.

[B]

E Y S E R. And then what's your.

[C]

May 16, 2002.

[A]

Didn't even see 911. Dude doesn't get it. Go ahead and put your hand.

[B]

I will let you. You guys go into the same place. Okay.

[A]

Someone who saw 911 different.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Well.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Let's see. Let's see. Slender ma'. Am. The nefarious partner.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay. That was way older than it looked. Than they looked on a second. Jesus Christ.

[C]

Hold on a second.

[B]

It almost looks like they're transitioning piece by piece.

[A]

Yeah, this is like Johnny Knoxville doing a sketch.

[C]

Johnny Knoxville meets Sonic the Hedgehog.

[B]

It's so funny. I think. I think he looks like Steve O meets Steve.

[A]

Oh, true. It's a few of the Jackass guys.

[C]

Meets your mom.

[A]

A librarian.

[B]

It looks like they're doing a half and half Halloween costume.

[C]

It's crazy.

[A]

I thought they were the same age. This person's a decade at least 20, 20 years older.

[C]

This is an advertisement for not freeing the titty. I think.

[B]

Like, okay, I'm aware of what I look like. I go out the house like it every day. But I don't expect anyone that would be like, if I walked in the room and wanted everybody to be like, hey, skinny. Unironically, like, come on, what are we doing here, Zach?

[C]

You're looking. You're looking so thin.

[B]

Yeah, pick a thing. Pick a thing.

[C]

Yeah. Crazy. Take the next 30 seconds to unwind and enjoy relaxing music.

[B]

Saint. Any other info, Shannon?

[D]

That's. That's it. Right now I'm trying to find another picture of the other person.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

So that's this one.

[B]

So that's a. Oh, that's them. Night of.

[C]

Okay, that makes what a thing to do. You're on house arrest. You have a ankle monitor. You cut it off. Guess what? Now you're going to jail.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, home was bad. Get ready. You're about to get raped with a broomstick. Like, I'm sorry, but my whole life growing up, my parents would always be like, you're gonna go to jail and get raped with a broomstick.

[A]

A broomstick.

[C]

Yeah. So I know that that's what happens there.

[B]

Why a broomstick?

[C]

I don't know. That's just what they say.

[A]

That's what they have. They snap it off.

[B]

And how they clean.

[C]

Yeah. A broomstick.

[A]

A broomstick. That's a woman's jail too. So it's even. That sounds more violent. Yeah, that.

[B]

So is that. My question is, did they escape to be with this person? Because then that means.

[C]

Oh, was this like a Romeo and Juliet? Like, the parents were like, there's no fucking way.

[B]

Well, I think it's also because they. They probably can't date in the fucking halfway house or whatever. And it's probably frowned upon to have a. So if this girl's 2002, that makes her 23.

[C]

Uh huh.

[B]

So that means this person's 43.

[A]

Nice.

[D]

It's the only other thing I have is that the other Person goes by Charlie said that they met in church, developed a strong relationship, and over time, Charlie was cleared to meet with Geyser at her group home. And the two met almost daily. Mecca, which is Charlie. Her visitation rights were going to be removed, prompting Geyser to want to flee. Mecca. Charlie was unaware of that until after two. Until after the two fled. She said I was unaware of what?

[B]

That she wasn't supposed to see her anymore.

[D]

Said I was scared, I was nervous. I still chose to flee with her for my friend who I knew wasn't going to make it on her own.

[A]

It's a church with a band that allowed this. There's no way a regular church with a band. Church with a band was like, you in the back, Charlie. You go hang out with whatever name the murdery chick.

[B]

Yeah. You can stab me.

[A]

Yeah. Ring a. Dang.

[D]

Dang.

[C]

Why did Charlie have their rights removed?

[B]

I would assume to visit. I would assume that they fucked up. I would assume that they either brought them something they weren't supposed to bring them or pulled some type of a. Believe it or not, in my experience, sometimes, and this is not an overall assumption, nor am I trying to stereotype.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

In my experience. And just. Just me. Sometimes trans people have poor understanding, emotional control and understanding of how to work a room or situation.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And will mimic what they think a dumb bitch would do in this situation.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Sometimes when I see what a trans woman decides is what a woman is, makes me think they didn't like women that much, 100% before they made the switch.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Why is every trans woman I've ever met a cunt on the Internet? Other than the fact that they were like, man, I can't wait to get rid of this thing so I could just be mean to people.

[C]

Yeah, you are onto something with that. You are onto something with that. With that.

[B]

And then I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say somebody's got a touch of the tism.

[C]

I think they both might.

[B]

Which I think there's also quite the.

[A]

Venn diagram of ever expanding according to comics too.

[C]

You are? Yeah.

[B]

There's a real. You know, I can think of a certain comic of him and his girlfriend break up. He's about to say, start missing somebody. That's the next thing. Oh, yeah, that's next.

[A]

We're all figure that.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

We're all talking about the same thing here.

[B]

Shaving, a haircut. New. The hottest. The hottest young female comedian on the scene. Oh, God. So I feel like maybe they probably Like, I knew a trans girl who was a very talented artist, very cool, but every time they got a job, something would happen that was so fireable.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And they would be flabbergasted. Yeah, they would be like, I had a panic attack at work because they gave me too much paperwork. So I threw myself on the floor crying.

[C]

Yeah. Everyone saw my pussy because I was wearing a short skirt.

[B]

And then you're pussy.

[C]

I mean, penis.

[B]

Yeah. And then you're like, you threw yourself. You can't say I threw myself on the floor. Yeah, because that means that's not. I collapsed.

[C]

No, you were wearing a child.

[B]

You're mimicking like a child the behavior of what you think a woman does.

[A]

Let's what women in 1950s movies do. Did when they're like, oh, yeah, like, all dainty.

[B]

So I have a wild assumption and this again, I could be projecting my own experiences.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I bet somebody acted a fool in the group home or yelled at someone for having a maga hat.

[C]

Yeah, it's really hard to really be acting a fool in that type of situation. You know what I mean?

[A]

You have to really stand out.

[C]

Everybody is a fool in the group home.

[B]

Yeah, but the visitors. Yeah, I'm saying they probably broke some rules or yelled or had an outburst that made the staff feel like they were not a good addition to this person's life.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Again, this is complete conjecture. I'm completely.

[C]

I mean, a group home is a crazy place. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, I'll take your word for it.

[C]

I haven't. I haven't been in one, but, like, I had a friend who died in a group home, and they didn't know she was dead for like, three days.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Yeah, so it's like. What's that?

[B]

They thought she was asleep.

[C]

I guess so. But people came in the room, robbed her. Like, you. Like, a group home is like, you have to. I can't even imagine what you would be doing to flag. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, can't imagine.

[A]

I've did a lot of group homes that are for people with mental, like, mentally challenged. But. Yeah, nothing like. Like that. But those are pretty bad, too, because.

[C]

You'Ve been in a Mentally challenged.

[A]

I've worked with them, and I've also. I had friends, family members, like, their moms who worked with them, and they would. We'd get, like, dropped off there and have to, like, hang out for a little bit with them. It was terrifying as a child, but you learn a lot.

[C]

You learn a lot, Zach.

[D]

I Found some more information about this trans person. All right, so again, that last name is Mecca. Just so you know. A civil case shows a judge granted a temporary restraining order of a woman against Mecca. Court showed she claimed Mecca was sexually assaulting her child inside her home while Mecca and the adult child temporarily lived there. He's been in my house without my knowledge or permission. The woman wrote in a request for a restraining order. He's message messaging me through Facebook and I want no contact with him. He's taunting me that he has been in my house for the past week. Yeah.

[C]

DMing her from the other bedroom.

[D]

Yeah, I'm just trying to find more.

[A]

Information about DM is coming from inside.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

That'S it. That's all I found so far.

[B]

Not a great look.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How Buffalo Bill started, Dude, this is.

[B]

This has to be for regular, well adjusted, trying to do it right, trans people. The way I feel when I see fat people eating on the bus.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like, you're making us look really bad guys.

[B]

You're really. Or like if you're just a regular, like, run of the mill black dude and you see a dude with like gold teeth and angel wings tattooed on his forehead. Crip. Walking down the street, you're like, come on, man.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

We've come so far.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like white dudes with shorts on in like December.

[B]

I got that one.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on, dude.

[B]

Like, I say this specifically because one time I was on a bus and I watched a fat guy eat a cheeseburger like an otter. He put it down on his belly.

[A]

No.

[B]

And it mortified me so much because I would be like, man, they're going to think we all do that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Only at home, man. Only at home.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Behind closed doors, freaks.

[B]

Yeah. So I got it. It's got to suck for just fuck your average run of the mill trans person. Yeah. Just trying to make it on their own.

[C]

Trying to do the right thing.

[B]

Not trying to rock the boat, just trying to live their life and be who they are.

[C]

Right.

[B]

It's gotta suck. Cause they're like, oh, no, they're crazy.

[C]

They're in the news again.

[B]

And then they're like, oh, great. No. Oh, no. Of course they're barely doing it. And they're like, well, I hope they don't fuck you. Ah, fuck. Son of a bitch. It's like when you find out a mass shooter's white. A white guy. Ah, son of a bitch. They got us again.

[C]

They got us again.

[B]

All right, well, God bless. Let's keep it moving. Let's lighten the mood. I wanted you guys to see this because this made me happy today. A man reportedly shattered a Guinness world record today, and I want you guys to be able to watch it farting, please.

[C]

No.

[B]

Shannon.

[D]

Yeah, sorry, one second.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. It. Yes.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

Yes. I get something right on every podcast. This is crazy. Translate, jorge. Translate. Grande.

[C]

This is a health concern. This is not a record.

[A]

It's still going, man. Is that what they're saying? Jorge? Let's go speak it. Tell us what they're saying.

[B]

I.

[A]

Impressive. How old's this guy?

[B]

Shannon, if you could look it up.

[A]

That haircut's throwing me off.

[B]

Yeah, the Edgar. Impressive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How many times has he tried this and accidentally. Shit.

[C]

Imagine being his girlfriend. No, like, he's like, wait, babe, I think I got it this time.

[A]

He's doing the fart thing again. All right, you guys don't get it.

[B]

So my guess is that's not a continuous fart.

[A]

It's, like, jutted out.

[B]

I think he's opening his asshole and collecting more air.

[C]

Oh, you think he's cheating?

[B]

I don't think he's cheating. I think he's working the system.

[A]

You think he's got, like, a vortex going on?

[B]

I think it's like when an opera singer can sustain a note.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh.

[B]

Without breaking the note.

[C]

A singer sings two notes at once.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're like, how the hell are they doing that?

[B]

I just watched a video of that. That was crazy.

[C]

Me, too. Yeah, Nice.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't even know. Know that could happen.

[B]

Dude, it's really wild. Shannon, can you look that up? There's a lady who's very famous for it.

[A]

So this guy's got multiple chambers blasting off at once.

[B]

They're going different ways. I think he's reloading as he's finishing.

[C]

Right, Right.

[B]

And it's an unbroken. Like, I feel like there's probably a pause. We don't notice.

[A]

It's like a video game reload where you're shooting, and then you click, click, click.

[C]

There's a little bit of smoke and mirrors going on here.

[A]

Literally, more smoke.

[C]

When I purposely pee during sex just to make them think, oh, my God, she's kidding.

[B]

That's what I wanted in the first place. Just pee out. Hey, we didn't have to. If you were gonna pee on me in the first place, I just let.

[C]

You know I was just here for pee.

[B]

You could have saved yourself a lot of embarrassment. You could have saved yourself a fucking body. Shannon. We have any info?

[D]

Yeah. So, first of all, when I was searching the longest fart, I don't know that that 42nd one is real. Not that it's not real, but that it's the longest one because it says. Some sources state Bernard Clemens holds the record at 2 minutes and 42 seconds.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

That guy was just 40 seconds. And so this guy.

[B]

2 minutes and 42.

[D]

This guy is his name. It says his known as Igui of Africa.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

And so now I'm trying to find out his. No, that's a different.

[A]

I just want to point out to the viewers that if you rewind to.

[B]

When Shannon said, what's the Latin root for of Africa?

[A]

When Shannon said, I was researching the world's longest fart, you saw her die a little. Like, in her eyes, if you rewind, she's like, fart. And when she says fart, look at it.

[B]

There's a moment where Shannon goes, oh, God, we're adding another one.

[D]

So it says right now the official status is neither of these claims have definitely, definitively been confirmed by Guinness World.

[B]

Because Guinness probably doesn't send somebody out for that.

[D]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

That's a. Harassment.

[D]

And then the other thing you were talking about was a person singing two notes at once.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, so this one. This person claims they're doing it. So we'll do it here. And then I have another video of someone saying, you can't do it.

[A]

Turning Chinese.

[B]

That's crazy, dude. Yeah.

[A]

That's wild, dude. She's kind of cute.

[B]

Yeah. And then somebody said, that's impossible.

[D]

Yeah, one second. So this person says, you can't sing two notes at once. Oh, wait. Maybe that's just the name of the song.

[B]

Oh, it's can sing two notes at the same time.

[A]

Watch.

[B]

Shannon didn't watch the video first. We're asking too much of her to do it once by herself. She is swamped and probably not in there. Okay, cool.

[D]

Do you want to. I can just try from here.

[B]

We're working too hard. Shannon works too hard, and we're keeping making a lookup.

[D]

So here at. Here, at this point here, they bring up this little scale thingy. So let's try this here. Maybe that was her attempt and she can't do it.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

I like, go back to the white chick, Shannon. Back to the white chick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Poor woman. She tried, but I'm telling you, that lady could do that.

[C]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

I looked up the world record for staples.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

5,000.

[C]

Beat it.

[B]

I Thought about it, but I don't.

[A]

Thousands, Right.

[B]

The person who claims to have. There's two people that claim to have it and I know one of them and I saw him at the gathering is my friend Bazoo the Clown. Okay, Shannon, if you want to look him up, I believe it's B, A Z, O, O or O, U. Yeah.

[D]

I found it and I found the number.

[B]

It's 350 something.

[D]

Oh, I have 738.

[B]

Oh, is that his 13 something. And then. Yeah, 738 was his.

[A]

How close are they in secession or, you know, whatever. I use that word, right?

[B]

I don't fucking know. Yes, 738. But the Guinness. The Guinness won't give him a title because they say they don't do anything involving bodily harm. Hey guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee, it's coffee with purpose. Specifically testosterone packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and yeah, in the bedroom too. And it's not just about tea. Body Brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity and mood, thanks to lion's mane, Ashwagandha and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body Brain Coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm and locked in, all while supporting your natural testosterone levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code [e-mail] that's Z O O 15. Bodybraincoffee.com powerbraincoffee.com power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the show. Yeah. 7:38 is too much.

[C]

That's too many staples.

[B]

Yeah, I thought about it. I was thinking if I had four people going, I could probably. I think I might go into shock.

[C]

Four people stapling you?

[B]

Yeah. At the same time.

[A]

That'd be awful.

[C]

What if you were like on drugs?

[B]

You know, that doesn't count.

[C]

No. Oh, you have to do it sober.

[B]

In my head. Yeah. It doesn't count. Yeah. No. I think if you take. I've never even Used numbing cream when I got a tattoo.

[C]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Some people do. Some people use a lot.

[C]

Those people are.

[A]

Some people have no tattoos.

[B]

Well, that's different. That's fine. I'm saying some people use a lot of numbing cream. And I've never tried. I be honest. I don't want to try it.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I also think it definitely doesn't count. I hate when people are getting themselves put. Put to sleep.

[C]

They're doing that.

[B]

Yeah. There's rappers when they get, like giant back pieces.

[C]

No way.

[B]

They get put to sleep.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

And they have like four artists working on them at once.

[C]

That's crazy.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I. I do not understand.

[B]

I don't think it counts. You didn't earn it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You didn't earn it.

[A]

You ought to sit there and watch Cheers in the background.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You got to listen to whatever bad band the artist puts on.

[A]

This is my cousin.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How can you convince us that you're a gang banger? You couldn't even sit through your fucking tattoo.

[B]

That's what I think.

[C]

How can you.

[B]

And I don't even have any of that or that bad. But, like, I have enough that I.

[C]

Think my, like, really big pieces in my belly. Let's see. Okay. How long did that take?

[B]

4 and a half hours. Ah, dude.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All one shot. One shot by the end. That one really hurt.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Shannon, do you have any footage. Can you find any footage of Bazoo? He's really cool. He's a really nice guy. I did shows with him years ago.

[A]

I want to know if you got him like all on the back along the arms. That's in the chest.

[B]

I would assume he had to spread them out a little bit.

[A]

Well, I guess they had.

[B]

I saw Bazoo years ago. He did. I've talked about him before. He's a. He. He's a contortionist, too. And he did the thing where people go through a tennis racket once. Put his body through a tennis racket like he. It.

[A]

Was it a big tennis racket or.

[B]

No.

[A]

Smashed it over his head.

[B]

No, no, it's got no strings in it. There we go.

[C]

Oh, I could do this.

[A]

Oh, okay. Oh, the world famous wrestler.

[B]

That's Cody. Yeah.

[A]

T Pain. Rashida. Wait, what's her name?

[B]

I think this is the show. Bert Host.

[A]

Rashida.

[B]

I saw him do this completely naked.

[D]

Yeah. This is a bird show.

[A]

What's her name?

[C]

Does it have barbed wire on it?

[A]

The girl from Kids. Is that her? Oh, it is burnt there.

[C]

He Is so. I previously said I'd be able to do this if I had barbed wire. I would need the hat. Okay.

[A]

My butt cheeks are tingling. Solid.

[B]

There's gotta be a better way to do this.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay.

[A]

Just please say it's stuck.

[B]

Rip them off. Rip the bandaid out, man. Ah, okay, okay. That's pursue.

[A]

The girl from Kids didn't even blink.

[B]

A little bit differently. Okay, boozy, what are you gonna do?

[A]

Rosario Dawson. I got it, audience.

[B]

Oh, Bazoo, you didn't have to do.

[A]

This on live tv. Oh, that got her.

[C]

Oh, is this going on his penis? No way. I don't know what's about to happen.

[A]

No, God, you don't have to. This isn't for me, Zach.

[C]

This is. Kids are watching you like this.

[A]

Oh, black eye.

[B]

Oh, hell no.

[A]

Oh, this man done up his nuts. What you do you think about that? Rosario Dawson from Kids and Sin City.

[C]

The black guy takes a sip.

[B]

Hell yeah. Bazoo the black.

[A]

That gay, bro. Look at that. Hey, with that gay.

[B]

The.

[A]

T. Pain's cool though. He's in entertainment, so you know he's seen a lot of gay.

[B]

Cody loved it. Cody was all about it.

[A]

Did he get up and move?

[C]

I can't understand people who put things dragging their private parts.

[A]

Haven't you done this?

[B]

Yeah, I did the lantern. I've done an iron. What? I've done a six pack.

[C]

Why?

[A]

How long does it take to heal? Like what? You know what I mean. Have you ever had any complications?

[B]

When I first got it pierced, they said it was like. It takes a few weeks.

[A]

Well, after like hanging stuff off.

[B]

Oh, no, that's. You gotta just do it slow. How? I mean, first of all, you gotta get a thicker gauge or else it's just gonna rip through.

[A]

How much. How much damage can a penis take? Like that?

[B]

I know there was a guy, I think it's the Enigma. He used to tour with Jim Rose Sideshow Circus. He used to open up for nine inch nails on Manson and he would lift stuff with his dick. And he tore his dick in half.

[A]

Oh, gee, no.

[B]

And he has a fork dick now.

[A]

Okay. All right, whatever.

[C]

When people do a split time.

[B]

Yeah. It split the head in half.

[C]

No, that might not. That might be onto something.

[B]

I don't know. It's a lot of blood. That's. That's up, dude.

[C]

I mean, it doesn't work up, but when it heals, you might like.

[B]

Does it make it that much of.

[C]

A. I don't know. What if he had a skinny dick before now? It's A little.

[A]

Oh, you're saying a little bigger?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The scar tissue could make it girthier. Interesting.

[C]

You can make a lot of money on only fans.

[B]

Yeah, probably. But your dick probably looks like the thing from Stranger Things.

[C]

Yeah, I don't want to see it, but somebody might.

[A]

I. You know, I'm just curious. I want to see the.

[B]

Oh, I've. I just read about it.

[C]

Damn, dog, you getting hard?

[A]

I just want to see it.

[C]

I just really want to see this guy's dick.

[B]

Oh, hey, Ralph.

[A]

Well, I just want to see if it goes back after.

[B]

If it. All right, well, we gotta. We got another story here. We got two gross things. So let's do the one that's more gross to us in our life at the moment.

[C]

In another life, it would be okay.

[B]

50% of all ice samples from fast food restaurants contain fecal bacteria.

[A]

Oh, it's great.

[C]

I believe it. I believe it.

[B]

Shannon, tell us about this fecal bacteria.

[A]

How.

[D]

Okay, so this particular study was done amongst 30 fast food restaurants in the UK, including McDonald's, Burger King, and KFC. More than half of the samples were said to contain fecal bacteria, and some allegedly showed notable levels. Experts claim this type of contamination may occur when, obviously, employees handle the ice with dirty hands. And similar issues have been reported in the United States in the same chains.

[B]

Yuck.

[D]

Also, like, mold and debris. I mean, I'm sure. I'm sure you've seen before, Allie. Like the ice. The ice bins.

[C]

I worked at McDonald's, Shannon. I've seen it all. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wretch. Is the ice awful?

[C]

Everything is awful. Nobody should eat at McDonald's. I used to hand the food through the window and be like, I wouldn't eat it. I. It was so disgusting.

[B]

What's the. Some of the worst stuff you've seen?

[C]

I. There was an older lady that I worked with that would do the ice cream and it would. For the cone, and it would be dripping down her fingers, and she would lick it and hand it off, like, with her back turned to the person. Just give it a little lick and hand it off. I saw that same person fucking all this nasty sludge. So fucking gross. She wiped it on the underside of a piece of cheese, then put the cheese down and wrapped up the sandwich. Like, so fucking disgusting.

[B]

Gross.

[C]

So fucking disgusting.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Oh, one time. One time. They were like, well, first off, I tried to quit this job, like, so many times. And they were like, you can't quit. Like, you're the only person that cleanse. And I was like, oh, okay. So. And I was like, a teenager, so I. And I just kept working there, but every time I tried to quit, they would, like, not let me quit. And one time they were like, oh, Ali, you have to clean the bathroom. So I went into the bathroom, and someone had taken a. In the bathroom, like, not in the toilet. And I was like, I'm not cleaning that up. And they were like, it's part of your job. And I was like, no, that was not in the job description. I'm not doing that. And so finally, they had someone else clean it up. They mopped up the. With a mop. And then you would think they would throw the mop head in the garbage.

[B]

But instead they cleaned the floor with it.

[C]

They ran it. They just ran it underwater. And then also mopped the children's place with it.

[B]

Oh, good. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So honestly. Yeah. McDonald's is so foul. All the fast food is so foul. We shouldn't.

[B]

KFC especially.

[C]

Oh, I would imagine KFC smells like a wet dog to me.

[A]

The one near the murder.

[B]

I was saying because you said it was foul.

[C]

Good. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Get it. You get it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's Zach, Mika. That's humor.

[C]

You're on Zoomer.

[B]

That's that Zoomer that we all tune in for.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why I make the big bucks here at Gas Digital. Yeah. Okay. I can see it being pretty bad.

[C]

It's disgusting.

[B]

My friend worked at Taco Bell and had some horror stories.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I love Taco Bell.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I like McDonald's. Subi, you've made me wean off it for at least another two weeks.

[B]

He said the meat at Taco Bell when he worked there came as a liquid. Ew. Which I don't understand.

[C]

Yeah, I can understand it. There's some sort of science. And then you throw it on a grill or something, it starts becoming solids.

[B]

Yeah. And then when I found out what Wendy's chili is, it made me so sad.

[C]

What is it?

[B]

What's that? Yesterday's burgers.

[C]

Oh, that makes sense. It's like a crouton is just stale bread.

[B]

I just watch a video of a guideline. Buy, like, three buckets of KFC chili and put it in a crock pot and enter it in a chili contest and win. Wow, that's so funny. And his wife, like, made chili all day and was furious.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

God damn. That's.

[B]

And then he says at the end of the competitor, just so you guys know, this was Wendy's chili.

[C]

Yeah, Wendy's. After he won and did they strip him of his title?

[B]

I believe so.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I just bought cans of wolf chili because I want to make Peggy Hill's Frito Pie.

[A]

I'm not familiar with it. I'm not a king of the hell like that.

[C]

Do you know what Frito pie is?

[B]

No, Shannon.

[A]

I'm assuming it's Fritos and pie.

[B]

No, Shannon, can you specifically look up Peggy Hills Frito pie?

[A]

You're saying Frita or Frito? Frito. Like the chip.

[B]

Like the chip.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a crunchy pie right there.

[B]

Dude. Frito pie rule. When you get. If you go down south to a soul food place, little Frito pie set you right.

[D]

Okay, so it's. Do you want me to give you, like, the ingredients?

[B]

I think there should probably just be a YouTube. I think binging with Babish did it. Who binging with Babish? Chan and I's Internet are very different. To me, binging with Babish is like a huge celebrity. He's the guy that recreates all the movie and TV foods. Shan. We watched him do the breakfast from Twister.

[D]

Oh, okay. I remember that one.

[A]

That is a pretty.

[C]

Never heard of this guy.

[B]

Breakfast I watch. I have a much fatter YouTuber algorithm than you.

[A]

Does he do the Pulp Fiction burgers?

[B]

I think he does, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I said.

[D]

Okay. I found the King of the Hill special.

[B]

Huh. I just ordered this chili, so I can make it wolf chili.

[D]

See where you want me to start here?

[B]

No, Right there. It's fine.

[A]

You said I made it just the way you like, AKA with Hank's favorite cheese. But then again, Peggy is incredibly stubborn and stuck in her ways. In the end, I gotta go yellow American. It's what I think she would use. Do I recommend? Oh, okay.

[B]

I would use cheddar or pepper Jack.

[A]

Anywho, we were starting. So there's chili. And a half of our chili, I think I have had, followed by half our Fritos. This is half of our cheese. Five slices. This is going to give the Fritos some degree of protection against the final.

[B]

Layer of chili during what would seem.

[A]

To be a pretty unnecessary stint. 375 for 20 minutes according to every.

[B]

Recipe I could find.

[A]

20 minutes later, and it emerges, looking darker. And at this point, we are applying one final layer of cheese.

[B]

And this doesn't look like a great day.

[A]

Just to get everything.

[B]

Shannon is horrified.

[D]

Actually, I feel. I think I may have made a version of this at some point in my life.

[B]

It's kind of Just chip and dips.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not terrible in a. Chips and artisanal in a bowl together.

[C]

It's good. But I would like one more layer of cheese on top.

[A]

Not opposed to that being really gluey and dry. So bring it to your next coward potluck. But do yourself a favor and use cheddar.

[B]

Next up. Yeah, I was going to say I would probably not use American cheese. I would use like shredded cheddar.

[C]

Yeah, Shredded cheddar goes hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then maybe like chili relleno's.

[C]

You live in. You live in Bushwick. You said you could. You could take. Take the L train down to Williamsburg. Go to the Levy. They have Frito pie.

[B]

The Levy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll add it to the list. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you could use maybe some jalapenos.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Some chili relleno. Something resembling a vegetable.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Might go a long way with that.

[C]

No, I would not have pegged you for someone who would be like. More vegetables, please.

[B]

Okay. Legitimately, one of my favorite things is broccoli.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Really love broccoli. We're both broccoli. But we've had this conversation.

[C]

We're broccoli boys.

[A]

Are you going to bring up my infamous broccoli incident?

[B]

It's fine. It's not a big deal.

[C]

What happened? What happened?

[A]

You brought broccoli on the road, but I ate it cold or something.

[B]

Okay, how did I.

[A]

You. You explain it better. I didn't think this was weird.

[B]

It's. It's not weird.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

It's just.

[A]

I was being healthy.

[B]

Yeah. It's just something. So Alex and I go on the road together and I offered to buy him breakfast, and he's like, no, I have something in the car. And he just had stinky ass old broccoli.

[A]

I made it that day, but it.

[B]

Was like steamed, so it's. And didn't you also have something with hot dogs in it?

[A]

The little mini hot dogs probably.

[B]

Yeah, he had mini hot dogs and broccoli. And he just opens it. I was like. We were driving to Maine.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So he just opens up these Tupperwares, like In the first 20 minutes of the ride.

[C]

Incredible. You're a freak.

[A]

Yeah, that was weird.

[B]

It's not weird. Those are perfectly prominent things to eat.

[C]

It's giving Gianmarco Cerese vibes.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Your boy got in my car with like, I'm not kidding, three different meals and it was all like fucking lima beans.

[A]

All right, it's not that bad.

[B]

But still, one time I Was in a Jurassic Park.

[A]

My bad.

[B]

I was in a green room with Shang Wang.

[A]

Sounds made up. I know he's the real.

[B]

And he just started taking already peeled hard boiled eggs out of his backpack.

[C]

No, it's illegal.

[B]

And I'm like, what are you doing?

[C]

Illegal. Call the cops.

[B]

Very Asian. And he goes, oh, I went to mother's house today and she gave me some.

[C]

Ew.

[B]

They. So I'm like, so they've just been in your backpack?

[C]

No.

[B]

All day. And he's like, yeah. And he's just eating these smelly eggs.

[A]

That's a common thing on the subway.

[B]

You are the most Chinese man. That's so right on earth right now.

[A]

I've seen that on the subway a lot.

[C]

Report directly to jail.

[B]

The only way to be more Chinese than that would be to be gambling while squatting and smoking, et cetera.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

On a. On a milk crate.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Not sitting on a milk crate. Squatting on a milk crate. Like a. Like a bird.

[A]

Shouting while he does it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Shouting good, bad, doesn't matter. Smoking and gambling.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, whatever. I like broccoli.

[B]

I'm not. And I'm not judging, but yeah, no, I love. I. I think most underrated pizza is white pizza with broccoli.

[C]

Okay. It's pretty good. Do you like broccoli, Rob?

[B]

Yes, I do.

[A]

I don't like broccoli, Rob. I didn't like.

[C]

I'm going to a very Italian thanks to Thanksgiving.

[B]

Lucky. Yeah.

[C]

And I'm so excited for the broccoli rabe. That's my favorite part.

[A]

They're doing lasagna.

[C]

I don't know if they'll do. I've been there many times. I can't remember if they do lasagna. I don't even go for it because there's so much good shit. Why am I gonna.

[B]

Okay, well, so I asked some of our guests this before, and this is our pre Thanksgiving episode. What time does Thanksgiving start in your growing up? What time did people come over and what time was the food?

[A]

They'd come over anywhere from like 11 to 1. And then food was at 4.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Usually.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

My family has never once hosted a. I guess my dad's having Thanksgiving at some point, but I don't know what time anything starts. I wake up, food starts.

[B]

I mean, that's probably for the best. Your dad's terrible at hosting. His meal's gone like a half an hour longer than it should. Let's get to dessert already, mister. Sorry.

[C]

Oh, no, no, sorry.

[B]

I had to bust balls A little bit.

[C]

Got a busting balls.

[B]

I feel like I beat every. I'm the two o'. Clock. My family was fucking people over at one meal on the table. Like we're moving at two. My Cuban grandpa would show up with a bib and a knife and a fork.

[C]

In my dream world, food would be ready to be eaten around like one or two. And we would leave it out all day and just eat all day long.

[B]

Yeah, I would love that too.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Well, so now if we're getting technical, it's like when we show up, there's hors d' oeuvres. And then around 2ish. Like lasagna, meatballs, the.

[B]

Oh, that's what I want.

[A]

That's what I mean. And then later, Turkey between 4 and 5. That time is when the turkey gets out and then you're right in between that, it's all left out. So you just pick at it.

[C]

Yeah. I don't like when you go to a Thanksgiving and they like, you know, the food gets cleared, you know, fast. Yeah, not fast, but, you know, and then they're like, okay, dessert time right now. Get the.

[B]

Out of my house. I am a big prone of the turkey set. The. The. The 9, 8, 9 o' clock movie and a turkey sandwich, which is, in fact, because I'm staying home this year because I'm a busy boy.

[C]

Busy boy.

[B]

Also, I had to record all day and I did not want to go to Grand Central tonight if I had to.

[C]

Guess what you're going to eat for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm going with Wawa Gobbler.

[B]

I don't think there's a Wawa that I can get to.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But there is a similar sandwich at a place by me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think I'm going to order it tonight in case they're closed tomorrow for tomorrow.

[C]

Got it. Smart.

[B]

And then I think I'm going to order mozzarella and tomatoes and peppers and olives and shit and make myself a little Italian charcuterie.

[C]

Okay, very nice.

[B]

I'm writing on something right now, and I have to have a meeting tonight and a meeting Friday, so I couldn't go to my wife's family's house. Yeah, I feel very bad.

[C]

Sounds like your Thursday was wide open. But what do I know?

[B]

They live in Poughkeepsie.

[C]

I have something Wednesday, something Friday.

[B]

Well, they live in Poughkeepsie and I'm not going.

[C]

I'm just kidding.

[B]

I don't think I could get there tomorrow with the parade.

[C]

What parade?

[B]

The Thanksgiving Day parade. The Giant parade that goes through New York City every Thanksgiving. Are you serious?

[C]

I forgot about the parade. But also, you live not in New York City.

[B]

I live in Bay Ridge.

[A]

Oh, not the city alley.

[C]

I don't know where Bay Ridge is.

[B]

Brooklyn.

[A]

That's Brooklyn.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So I couldn't get. How the fuck am I going to the Grand Central?

[C]

For some reason, I thought you lived in Jersey City. I don't know why I thought you lived.

[B]

Like, I don't. I don't even know how I would get to Grand Central to go to Poughkeepsie.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If with the parade. So.

[C]

Okay, fair enough.

[B]

And then I would have to get up. I would have to wake everybody up at like 6 in the morning on Friday so somebody could drive me to the train because they live like an hour from the train station.

[C]

Maybe you can join the parade.

[B]

Sure. As a float string. Yeah. Let's look at. Do we have any new floats this year, Shannon? I think they have a couple giant Labubu, I think. Let's check it out.

[A]

I think so. A giant Charlie Kirk.

[D]

There's seven new floats.

[B]

Let's see him.

[A]

He's on my mind.

[B]

I don't know why there's a big hole.

[A]

His teeth just shooting around.

[D]

Can I tell you them first? Then I'll find pictures.

[B]

Of course.

[D]

Okay, so first one is Bricktastic. Water Mountain by Lego.

[B]

Don't Care.

[D]

Friendsgiving in Pop City by Pop Mart. I don't know.

[B]

Are these floats or balloons?

[D]

Seven new floats, it says.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

That's not what you're interested in? Okay. What do I write for? Do I just write balloons?

[B]

Balloon floats.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I bet you it's giant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Parade, balloons.

[D]

Okay. Got it. So let's see. Buzz Lightyear.

[A]

Okay. Classic.

[D]

Derpy Tiger from K Pop. Demon Hunters.

[C]

Derpy Tiger.

[A]

The retard tiger from that.

[B]

He's retired.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And then Mario from Nintendo.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Pretty sweet, my boy.

[C]

We should cra. We should crash the Thanksgiving.

[B]

I would never want to do that with a giant.

[C]

With a giant inflatable of you.

[B]

Can't it just be me? Can't you guys just.

[A]

We'll make it happen.

[B]

Yeah. Just tie strings to me.

[C]

Staples through your nipples. Through your dick.

[B]

I would hate. I can't imagine it's one of those things like the New Year's Day you go to.

[C]

Is there a parade for New Year's Day?

[B]

No, but it's like going to New Year's Eve in this. In Manhattan. Like, Manhattan. Like, can't imagine wanting to stand like.

[A]

No.

[B]

For The Thanksgiving Parade. I would pay not to do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, that sounds it.

[B]

Really horrendous.

[C]

It really shows you, like, how retarded people are.

[B]

What could be the fun in that?

[C]

None.

[A]

It's cold, it's loud, it's crowded as fuck.

[C]

There have to be some people that strap on a diaper to do that.

[A]

They do.

[C]

They're like, I don't want to lose my place.

[A]

I've heard of that.

[B]

Yeah, that. Dude, I never got why people would want to be in Times Square for.

[C]

I never want to be part of a herd, because I'm not.

[B]

I got out of one, and I'm never going back.

[C]

I'm not a piece of cattle.

[B]

Yeah, I hate. I hate that idea.

[C]

Yeah. Horrible.

[B]

Imagine not be like, I don't even. Like, at my age, I don't like being in concerts where I can't walk around.

[A]

Yeah. You ever been smushed, like, at a concert, you can't move. It's terrifying. I'm not. Yeah. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not dying in Times Square.

[B]

Yeah. It just sounds awful.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

All right, what else we got today? Here we go. Texas man and diaper arrested after yelling Goo Goo Gaga at women and asking them to change him.

[C]

What's the crime?

[D]

Unfortunately, I'll tell you the crime, but unfortunately, the pictures are not of him in his diaper, which really bums me out. But here's his face.

[B]

Oh, good. All right. Yeah.

[A]

Stereotype.

[D]

And they charged him with disorderly conduct and harassment.

[A]

Someone spit a bad baby.

[B]

He's like, that's tough, because if that guy had a little bit of money, he could really just hire.

[C]

What's crazy about it is if he had, like, a little camera and a ring light, people would just be like, he's doing his content. But he didn't have all that. So they were like, he's a sex offender.

[B]

I'm sure if he really wanted to put away money and get a chick to do it, I bet part of his thing is the, like, disgusting them.

[A]

Well, yeah, the voyeurism thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's probably. Yeah, it's probably the. The bothering people that gets his dick hard more than the baby thing.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Wasn't there a cheese masturbator in Philly? Shannon, could you look? I'm pretty sure there was a guy, and I want to say it's the Philly area, who was, like, out for a while, and he would pull up to women and open his car door, and he would be jerking off with Cheese.

[A]

Oh, God damn.

[C]

Was he putting his dick through, like, Swiss cheese holes?

[D]

It's Philly's Swiss cheese masturbator. It was Swiss cheese?

[C]

Hell yeah. Hell, yeah.

[B]

Do we have him?

[D]

So it says, displays a piece of Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it.

[B]

Do we have his photo?

[D]

Hold on, hold on one sec.

[C]

People are so creative about being disgusting.

[A]

That's just Philly too, right there. Like they take. It goes up another notch every time. Just a little bit.

[B]

Philly cheesesteak.

[A]

Philly cheese dick.

[B]

Yeah. You know what that one clocks?

[C]

His eyes are going crazy on the right.

[B]

Yeah, he's all cheated.

[C]

Yeah, he's cheesed up.

[B]

He's all shattered up, baby. Yeah, he's bricked up.

[A]

His eyes are even yellow too. You can see.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's a cheesy masturbator.

[C]

It's like in porn when a girl's giving a blow job, she goes cross eyed. That's what he was doing.

[B]

He followed. You just see the smell lines with a finger that beckons you and he floats, but it tickles his dick.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Before we get out of here, man cosplayed his dead mother in real life. Mrs. Doubtfire, pension scam. I just watched Ms. Doubtfire yesterday on the TV here, and John, who works here, had never seen it, and that shocked me.

[C]

That's insane.

[A]

First 40 minutes of that movie are not funny at all.

[C]

Sean had a bad childhood. If he never saw Mrs. Doubtfire.

[A]

First 40 minutes or so I was watching that. Like, when's the funny stuff happen? This is just a man getting brutalized by his ex wife who's like, I don't want you to see your kids.

[B]

You know, it's so funny. I feel that way about Hook I never solved. Hook is such a sad, boring movie when you watch it. As I remember as a kid, it being all Peter Pan shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I watch it now, I'm like, this is mostly him as a sad grownup.

[C]

Oh, is that true? Because I don't remember either of these movies being sad. I'm like, These were great, Ms. Doubtfire.

[A]

The first 40 minutes is just him being like, I just want to see my kids.

[B]

It's just him just being fun. And Sally is Sally Fields. Sally Fields being mean. And then she leaves him for Pierce Brosnan. And you're like, well, yeah, yeah, come on, dude.

[A]

And this is like shredded abs, golden eye, Piers Bronson.

[B]

He is fucking. He's got A fucking mankini on and he's got abs for days. With a happy trail.

[A]

The great accent. Like just.

[B]

Yeah. And then. And then Robin just tries to kill him.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Just straight up attempted murder.

[C]

Yeah. Good for him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then he's fighting. He's fighting for what he wants.

[B]

And I guess it is a tough sell in this day and age because the sun catches him pissing standing up. He's a he.

[C]

She. She's a he.

[B]

He's a he. Yeah. Look at that.

[A]

That's a normal child response, by the way. That's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God damn, dude. I'll one day look like that.

[B]

That's what you're gonna look like when you grow up.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[D]

I.

[C]

You know what, to be honest with you, if I was a woman and I was cheating choosing between Robin Williams and this guy, I would choose Robin Williams.

[A]

It's because you're in the head, Ally.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Really? After he invited a whole petting zoo into your children's house?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And was. And was jumping on the furniture to jump around.

[C]

Okay, I like how ridiculous a petting zoo is, but you're right, I'm not really a big animals person.

[B]

Yeah, he's. He's always. He's up to no good. He's really irresponsible.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he's just sad. And then. Yeah, and then he's a woman and he's trans.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

Yeah. This sounds like people I've dated.

[B]

Oh, hello. Deanny, let me sneak out of your group home. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to today's. Actually, let's do a story. What's the one? The. The pension scam.

[A]

Oh yeah, we didn't even.

[D]

So this guy's mom passed away. They believe of natural causes. They don't think that he killed her. This is what the mom looks like. And so after she died, she. He went to the pension office to continue to collect her pension for years. And this is what he looked like.

[B]

Oh, not bad.

[C]

Yeah, not bad.

[A]

He didn't get her neck.

[B]

So did she die? Did he just have her body in the house?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[D]

She was mummified when they found her. She would just like.

[B]

If it was the father, would he been dadified.

[D]

So. But he did get away for it. Get away with it for years. He collected over $61,000 a year. And then eventually someone found it a little bit. Something. I don't know, something struck someone as weird and so they asked him to come into the back to go over some paperwork. They double checked his Identification. And the cops came in, and then that's when they busted him.

[B]

Yeah, dude, that's gotta be a bad day.

[C]

That's gotta be a bad day.

[B]

Especially for three years.

[C]

Cop comes in, for three years, you've.

[B]

Been walking into the pension office going, dude looks like a lady. These dummies. He's going, ma, I got another check. Hanging up. Another air freshener. Oh, very good, son. I think that's probably on the pension people too, though.

[A]

Yeah, they're not looking hard enough.

[C]

I'm telling you, in this day and age, it's. It's a dangerous thing to try to. You don't look enough like a lady or whatever.

[B]

I guess if it's a new person, maybe.

[C]

Plus, I think as, like, men and women each get older, like, men start to lose their masculinity.

[B]

Men softer.

[C]

Women start to become more masculine.

[B]

Yeah. No, I've met Italian.

[C]

A little bit of a mustache.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

A thick, fiery hair growing through the mole.

[B]

We call those granny hairs in my house.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you have a one long one.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We call that a granny hair.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My grandma gets those.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. I could see it then. You know, that's got to be like, man, we need to see somebody. He should have just had his mother's id.

[C]

Should have had the mother's id. Would have been super simple. He didn't have it.

[B]

I wonder how bad that stinks.

[C]

For the first time, they probably tried to, like, cops tried to finger.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like what? You have a penis.

[B]

This is a hilarious comedy, by the way. This is just a 90s comedy. Don't tell the government my mother's dead.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The Christina Applegate returns.

[C]

I respect this guy. I love a good scam.

[B]

I'm fine with it. I think if he pulled it off. He pulled it off.

[C]

He made a hundred and however many times. Six times three is 180080 something thousand dollars.

[B]

I thought it was 61,000, Shannon.

[A]

That's good.

[D]

Well, I can't do 61,000 a year. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. So six. Yeah. So that's $183,000.

[C]

Trying to embarrass me. That kind of math.

[B]

It's not that bad. Don't worry about it. We weren't. We weren't going. We got it. 183. There we go. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. This has been the Morning Zoo. I am your host, Zach. My guests were Ali Mae and Alex Tomaselli. Please support them. Go see their comedy. Go see the drip at the stand.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And start next week. Real ass podcast 4pm on Mondays.

[A]

By.

[B]

Noon this morning, time to hit Papa Mako. Chug it down just like the favorite OB Clown. Grab a call bear and join the crew. It's AO Morning Suit. It's a.

[A]

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[C]

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