0067. Joe Gorman and Kelly Taylor

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 0067: With Joe Gorman & Kelly Taylor

Date: December 5, 2025
Guests: Joe Gorman, Kelly Taylor
Podcast Network: GaS Digital Network

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Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo delivers a hilarious and unrestrained dive into the weirdest and wildest news of the week, with signature dark humor and chaotic energy. Zac welcomes comedians Joe Gorman and Kelly Taylor for a freewheeling conversation about bizarre crime stories, dangerous NYC neighborhoods, absurd animal fights, crazy bar policies, wrestling’s wildest moments, and more. The trio mines the line between shock and laughter, riffing on everything from homeless vigilantes to wrestling heels to workplace mishaps. As always, nothing is off the table in the Zoo!

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Dangers of the Citizen App

Timestamps: [03:06]–[07:18]

• Zac recounts his first night using the Citizen app, which devolved into a stream of terrifying local crime notifications: "Now I’m just getting notifications of horror." — Zac [04:09]
• The group riffs on the exponential increase in machete attacks, with Zac revealing, "Last night was a machete attack in my neighborhood." [04:28]
• They discuss bizarre social media trends like a man handing out machetes to homeless people in Austin — “Did you see this guy going around giving homeless people machetes? Like an influencer.” — Zac [04:34]
• Joe jokes, "We're getting close to a real life purge coming up, man." [04:48]

Insane New York Stories & Bouncer Dress Codes

Timestamps: [07:19]–[11:56]

• Zac reminisces about gas stations with heavily armed guards, sharing this story:
  “There was a guy running at the store with a machete. Somebody just went, ‘He’s back again.’” — Zac [07:52]
• Conversation moves to racist, exclusionary dress codes at music venues:
  "It’s like, no saggy pants, no jerseys... Basically explaining every single Juggalo. This list only applies to certain evenings, I guess." — Zac [08:54]
• Joe and Zac trade stories of being denied entry at bars over "dress codes" and getting kicked out for not drinking.

Unfiltered NYC News: HIV Spitting & Street Justice

Timestamps: [12:05]–[16:17]

• Ongoing update about a local man spitting (possibly with HIV) at women and being released with an ankle monitor:
  “They picked him up and released him immediately. It seems like street justice has happened.” — Shannon [12:35]
• Kelly delightfully chimes in: “On behalf of bitches, we thank you. Stop violating!” [13:23]
• Group discusses vigilante beatdowns and the "revolving door" of justice in NYC:
  “How can you get three assaults in a day and get out? Is it just overcrowding?” — Zac [14:30]

Outrageous Subway Incidents

Timestamps: [16:50]–[19:58]

• Conversation includes stories of people getting set on fire in the subway and even necrophilia attempts:
  “There was a guy who got caught violating a corpse on the subway”—Zac [17:17]
  “He found out in real time he was a necrophiliac.” — Zac [18:19]
• Joking about old wives’ tales: “Now that we know his lower half was on fire, was he in fact a liar liar?” — Zac [19:41]

Drunk Alphabet Challenge

Timestamps: [20:03]–[22:16]

• The crew plays a viral video of a woman attempting (and failing) to recite the alphabet for a sobriety test, inserting countless H's:
  “When you’re on your third H in the alphabet, you go, I think you got me.” — Zac [20:54]
• They debate whether it’s drunkenness or dyslexia, riffing on police field sobriety tricks:
  “That’s the tricky part, you can’t sing it.” — Joe [21:04]
• Zac: “If I can see them D’s, that’s... how she’s gonna get out of it.” [22:28]

Banning Solo Drinkers at Bars

Timestamps: [23:00]–[30:02]

• England bar bans solo customers after 9pm to 'prevent trouble'; hosts extrapolate:
  “If you come to a bar alone in a trenchcoat, rubbing your hands together, you’re probably up to no good.” — Zac [23:38]
• Kelly notes “This has to be specific to men,” and Zac agrees, “The bar scene in Britain is pretty slimy.” [23:31]
• Discussion detours to drinking habits, college days, and the pain of hangovers:
  “Now if that were to happen to me, I’d be so scared.” — Kelly [27:39]

Underground Cockfighting in Connecticut

Timestamps: [31:12]–[34:12]

• Police bust a cockfighting event; roosters are euthanized.
  “What’s the fucking point of breaking up the fight? At least they’re serving a purpose.” — Joe [31:49]
• Lively debate over which animals are most compelling to watch in a fight (deer, moose, elephants, scorpions):
  “I’m selling myself on a fight, man, I’m getting excited.” — Joe [34:36]
  “[For bugs] I feel like...scorpion could probably take a lot.” — Kelly [35:15]

Watching Animal Fights (Scorpion Fights Edition)

Timestamps: [36:07]–[40:22]

• Shannon cues up scorpion vs. tarantula, then toad vs. scorpions — to Kelly’s visible discomfort.
  “Whoa, that was intense!” — Kelly [37:29]
  “Is he doing the John Cena taunt at the other—‘You can’t see me’?” — Zac [38:30]
  “Imagine you have to fight three large pizzas. So you eat one and then you’re like, okay, I can’t handle it.” — Joe [40:03]

Pro Wrestling Madness: Heels, Fans, and Real Danger

Timestamps: [40:37]–[51:44]

• Viral wrestling moment: Paul Heyman pushes a fan — “That’s not a shove. That’s nothing. That’s people trying to cash out.” — Zac [40:38]
• Wild tales of fans storming the ring, wrestlers retaliating:
  • “If you get in the ring, they’re allowed to do whatever.”
  • “Jim Cornette...used to carry a tennis racket with a horseshoe in the carrying case.” — Zac [46:08]
  • “In Puerto Rico and Mexico...people would put bleach in water guns and try to shoot you in the eyes.” — Zac [46:51]
• Emotional and comical heel stories:
  “Getting hated by little kids and letting them kind of one-up you…rules.” — Zac [51:05]

Women’s Stress & Men Relaxing at Home

Timestamps: [51:44]–[55:35]

• Study claims women are most stressed when partners are relaxing at home:
  “I get into something called cleaning mode…I prefer when Joe is just on the couch because I can be in full cleaning mode and he won’t get in my way.” — Kelly [52:33]
• Zac traces his vacuum anxiety back to his mom’s cleaning habits:
  “I get anxiety when I hear the vacuum cleaner. I’m like a cat; I hide when I hear the vacuum cleaner.” — Zac [53:03]
• Tales of weird childhood home routines and strict parents.

Neighborhood Oddballs & Childhood Anecdotes

Timestamps: [55:36]–[60:32]

• Zac describes his neighborhood’s “retarded mom and crazy dad” house — the freewheeling, poorly supervised hangout for local kids.
  Kelly: “Every town has the sit-on-a-chair and wave-at-people lady.” [58:37]
• Stories about fundraisers, candy bar sales, and the immigrant kids out-hustling locals:
  “Immigrants taking our fucking jobs, I can’t believe this shit.” — Joe [60:19]

When Office Parties Go Wrong: The $850K Christmas Party Fiasco

Timestamps: [60:33]–[65:46]

• Senior partner at an Australian firm loses his job after drunken sexual advances and tangling with a bar manager, despite a Miami Vice theme:
  “Christmas party is a mulligan. Were they under the mistletoe when it happened?” — Joe [62:09]
  “Maybe he was in character, a sleazy coke dealer.” — Kelly [62:24]
• Reflection on the wild days of comedy club Christmas parties and how times have changed.

Notable Closing Quotes & Moments

• “Getting hated by little kids and letting them kind of one up you...rules.” — Zac [51:05]
• On the wild Creek in the Cave parties:
  “If those walls could scream rape...” — Zac [63:34]
• On heart attacks from wrestling:
  “I would love to give somebody’s mama a heart attack. That would be the crowning achievement of my career.” — Zac [49:33]
• On losing out to immigrant kids with fundraisers:
  “But I’m blood!” — Joe, on relatives preferring to buy from other kids [60:16]

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Memorable Segment Timestamps

• [04:34] — Homeless machete distribution in Austin
• [13:19] — “Stop violating these females out here!” street justice clip
• [18:19] — Discovery of “unintentional necrophilia”
• [20:18, 21:46] — Drunk woman’s alphabet test (with extra H’s)
• [40:22] — Toad vs. three scorpions animal fight
• [46:08] — Jim Cornette’s horseshoe racket story
• [51:09] — The joy of being a heel in pro wrestling
• [62:05] — Australian Miami Vice party disaster
• [65:45] — Random homeless man spends all night at a comedy party

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Tone & Style

The tone throughout is raucous, irreverent, brutally honest, and peppered with insider comedy and wrestling references. The hosts and guests spare no one, including themselves, gleefully riffing on the absurdities of modern city life, social chaos, and their own checkered pasts.

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For New Listeners

If you missed the episode, expect rapid-fire comic banter, unfiltered real-life horror stories spun for laughs, and sincere camaraderie among the hosts and guests. The discussion jumps wildly between NYC street survival, drinking culture, wrestling violence, and the glory days of debauched comedy club parties. The humor is dark but underlined with a real affection for finding the absurd in everyday madness.

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Guests’ Podcasts:

• Joe Gorman: Super Celly Joe’s
• Kelly Taylor: I Feel Fat Today

Zac's Instagram: @zackisnotfunny

Promo Code for GaS Digital: ZOO

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“Stop violating!” — The unofficial Morning Zoo mantra. [13:19]

Transcript

[A]

Fill her up.

[B]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

Wake up, it's time to go.

[A]

Zach Amico's got a show Animals are.

[B]

Here to play Choke some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a cold bear and join the cre.

It's a miko morning too.

Well, good morning. Good morning, good morning, good morning. It is a Monday here on the Gas Digital Network. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zack Amico, welcoming you to another week of wonderful sillies and follies here on the Morning Zoo. Across the table from me are two of my favorite people to podcast with from the Super Celly Joes. He is our good friend, he is our lover, he is our confidant. It's Joe Gorman.

[A]

Oh, my God, Zach, thank you so much for having me, man.

[B]

Thank you very much for being here. And right next to him from I feel fat today. Very funny, very beautiful, very intelligent. Kelly Taylor.

[C]

Hello, Zach.

[D]

Thanks for having me. I'm great. Excited to be here.

[B]

It's going to be a great day, guys. Thank you so much for being here. Let's knock plugs right out of the way. Kelly, what do you want people to check out?

[D]

Yes, please listen to my podcast, I feel Fat today. It's wherever you listen to podcast and on YouTube. Please subscribe to the YouTube and follow me on Instagram at. Hello, this is Kelly.

[B]

Fantastic. Mr. Gorman.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Well, you can find me online at Joe W. Gorman. That's on all platforms. I also have my podcast, I do with Alex Tomaselli. It's called Super Celly Joe's. It's on YouTube, Spotify, anywhere you get your podcast. Please subscribe or trying desperately to monetize. I want to quit my job. Let's make this happen.

[B]

Let's make it happen for the boys. Hey, guys, you can follow me on Instagram at zackisnotfunny. You can see all my dates on Punch up Dot Live. Zach Amico. I will be announcing Toronto very soon, possibly Buffalo. Just got an offer for something in Massachusetts. I'll be all over the place. I will be on the road with the Insane Clown Posse for JCW this month. I believe we're doing three Lunacy tapings. And you can watch Lunacy every Thursday night for free on YouTube at 7pm and hey, if you like this show, and I know you do, go to gas digital.com today. Use my promo code ZOO. Z O O. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives, thousands of episodes of your favorite gas shows. And most importantly, you get our bonus episode on Friday. That's right. We do three of these a week, and you only get two if you subscribe on YouTube or Stitch or any of that. So if you want the full zoo experience. Promo code zoo. Try it out and let us know what you think.

All right, guys, we have an update.

First of all, I made a mistake last night.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I got the citizen app.

[A]

Oh, can't do that, dude. Big mistake.

[D]

Yeah. Especially for your neighborhood.

[B]

Relax, buddy.

So we. We. Last night, my Internet went out.

And sometimes that's my fault because I play fetch with my cat and he runs and gets his toys and he barrels into where our recycling is, like it's leaves. And sometimes he knocks the Internet out. And then it is a fight of who's gonna get up and try and fix it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I assume that happened. Check. Internet's fine. And then I get a text. You're out of service. And then my wife's like, oh, yeah, well, there's a fire five doors down. I was like, how did you know that? And she has sent us an app up, and I'm like, I gotta get it.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And now I'm just getting notifications of horror.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you get the one today about a man being lit on fire at Grand Central?

[B]

That is in my camp. I got man set on fire while sleeping on the subway. And then multi car accident on the highway I was on while I was in traffic for it. I was like, I can't know this much.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I believe last night was a machete attack in my neighborhood.

[D]

Yeah. Lots of machetes in New York City. Surprisingly, there's a.

[B]

It's a big. So there's. Did you see this guy going around giving homeless people machetes? Like an influencer.

[A]

Oh, great.

[B]

I think he's just trying to like, speed up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whatever's happening.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And have them armed.

[A]

Yeah. We're getting close to a real life purge coming up, man.

[B]

Shannon, if you could look that up for me. There's a guy who's just walking around giving homeless people new machetes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, hey, defend yourself.

[D]

He was paid by a pack to make Mandani look bad.

[B]

Oh, no. He's doing it in Austin.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

The word tracks. The scariest ones because they cook.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, like, the homeless in Austin are like a different level.

[D]

I know. How angry I get when I'm too hot.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Now so hot.

[B]

Yeah. And they're literally, like, baking in the sun.

[A]

Damn. Well, don't worry, dude. Joe Rogan's not going to let anything bad happen. He'll get him.

[B]

Hell, he has machete defenses.

[A]

He's got. He's got two big guns to stop them, and he'll get him in.

[D]

He has a bigger machete.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The only thing to stop a. A bad guy with a machete is a.

[B]

Is a good guy with a bigger machete.

[A]

An incredibly hilarious comedian with a massive.

[D]

Machete and a massive platform.

[B]

Shannon, did you find.

[C]

Yeah. So it seems like he's been handing out cigarettes, booze, and machetes to the homeless. I have a video here from his TikTok.

[A]

They can choose one.

[D]

Creating a vibe.

[B]

Let's feed the homeless.

[A]

Today I'm going to be making something.

[B]

Special for people in need.

[A]

Because of the government shutdown being in.

[B]

Effect, there are a lot of struggling people out here. Everyone, in all fairness, very grateful to be able to. Great choices.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

No, literally, the cigarettes are killing me. That's so funny.

[A]

I love the music, too.

[D]

That is truly helping the homeless.

[B]

By the way, this is what my mom gives me. Like, my mom gives me a bag of little fireball shots for Christmas and stuff. Yeah.

[A]

There have been times where, like, you're off. Like, you have, like, go back.

[B]

That was Austin, right?

[C]

I believe so.

[D]

How are the cigarettes not breaking?

[A]

Yeah, hold on.

[B]

Pause and I'll tell you one.

Pause, never mind. I thought it was Jake Flores.

I was like, what a great update that would be.

[C]

So it doesn't show in that, but in this one here, he's handing a machete.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, great.

[D]

He looks so happy.

[B]

Yeah, well, he's one with that machete for a long time.

[A]

Yeah. Based electricity.

[B]

I don't know if you guys remember, we watched a number of machete fights here on the show, and they are brutal.

[A]

Yeah, I could.

[D]

Yeah, they're really bad, I would imagine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. Yeah, I think he's. I think he's just going full apocalypse, it seems.

[A]

I mean, he's on the right track.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's awesome. Yeah. Fill him up with some fireball, have a couple smokes, and then go out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Machetes, they're not just for Mexicans anymore.

I saw Machete, probably. Where were we? We were somewhere. I was on the road at icp and we stopped at a gas station. The wrestler stopped at a gas station. And it was a convenience store, but it had Its own armed security guard. And when I say armed, I mean like ak, like automatic.

[A]

He's got the straps on and everything.

[B]

And then he had a full bulletproof. I mean, this guy definitely jerked off to the Punisher.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like that.

[A]

Look.

[B]

And there was a guy running at the store with a machete. And somebody just went, he's back again.

And he was yelling. He kept yelling, I will unalive you.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And that was the same town, whatever we were in, where the club had those same secure type of security guards.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they all had patches on that said, fuck around. Find out.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Where was this again?

[B]

Somewhere fucking disgusting.

It's really funny to me to watch how the clubs react to ICP fans when they have what I can only refer to as no black people dress codes. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, no. No saggy pants. You can't wear, like, you know, no jerseys.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

No face tattoos. Basically explaining every single Juggalo. And then they let them all in. And I'm like, oh, well, I guess this is really a. This list only applies to certain evenings, I guess.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Certain acts.

[B]

Yeah. It's like no backwards hats, no durag. It's very obviously a no black people side.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You'll see those every once. Oh, what? Continental had that before they destroyed Continental.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like, you can't wear, like, just all, like, the things that, like, you know, excess. Like the do rags, tattoos and, like, no loud. Just all kinds of fun.

[B]

I wasn't allowed in off the wagon once.

[D]

Really?

[B]

They said I did not meet the dress code because I had a sleeveless T shirt on.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I was so hurt. I've seen the biggest pieces of shit in that bar. They must have been busy or had something or something.

[A]

It's like they only enforce those when they want to, you know. Yeah.

[B]

Make sure Continental was. So. They were the net. Continental's the only bar that I got kicked out of for not drinking at when I was 19.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

Cause they used to do free shows.

And I sat down to talk to my friend, and the bartender came over and said, if you're gonna sit, you need to get a drink. I went, oh, I'll just come up to the bar in a minute. Cause that's when they had five shots of anything for 10 bucks. I was like, yeah, I'll do it in a minute. And she's like, no, you need to get a drink now. And I'm like, I'm literally gonna come right over. Then the owner came up to me and I don't know if you guys. He used to walk around the city all the. This is probably before your guys time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was a guy used to walk around in like a raiden hat.

He owns a couple places. And he walked up to me and he goes, get out of my bar, you cheap piece of shit.

[D]

Oh, God.

[B]

And I'm like. And I'm like, what? I was like, I'm gonna go buy shots. He's like, no, you don't sit down at my bar and not order a drink. He was, I'm not going to have these fucking bands much longer because of people like, you don't spend money.

[A]

Damn.

[D]

Decidedly aggro.

[A]

He was right.

[B]

Yeah. No, I was totally going to spend $10.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That was one of the only bars I could afford.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Because I used to host the mic at Bar None.

[A]

Okay, nice.

[B]

I would host the mic at the stand, then walk to Continental, do five, or if I was feeling luscious, 10 shots of Jaeger, then I would go host the show at Bar None.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome, man.

[B]

When I was like every Tuesday that was run probably like2012.

[A]

Damn. The go. I was. I didn't move to New York till 2018.

[B]

It was. Oh, no, it was when the stand was open. So it was a little after that because I hosted at CBs. It might have been around then, like 14 main times whenever the stand opened.

[A]

Oh, nice. Yeah. That's like 14, 15.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because I used to. The first six months of the stand, I stood outside and barked people in. And then I would. I would. I would trade people for their New York Comedy Club tickets. I would give them free stand tickets. I would cut them off with the pass.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And show them our lineup. And I go, I'll trade you the tickets.

[A]

Oh, smart.

[B]

And they don't book me.

[A]

I mean, you got. I mean, what can you do?

[B]

I'm still a ticket guy to a lot of them. Yeah. Any Hoozlebees?

We've been following a story of a guy.

And I believe.

He may have the hiv. Oh, and he's been spitting and shooting blood at people. Is that correct, Shannon?

[C]

I know the spitting. I don't.

[B]

Oh, no. I'm thinking there was. There's a guy with him who's been shoot. Squirting blood at people in hospitals.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

This is just the guy who's been spitting at white women.

[A]

Yes. Okay.

We've all Been there.

[C]

Oh, sorry. I thought you were going to say more about it.

[A]

So.

[C]

So they like, they picked him up and then they released him immediately. And it seems like street justice has happened. So here is a video of. He's believed to be getting beaten up by people in New York City.

[B]

Man, he spit it the wrong way lately.

[D]

No, literally, spit is disgusting thing. So I don't allow it.

[B]

Was he beating him with a cam?

[D]

Yeah. I was like, was that a brick up?

[B]

Stop violating these out here. Stop violating these females out here.

[A]

You heard?

[B]

We tired of that. You're making us look bad. Next time we're going to drill you so bad you're going to be stressed. Stop violating.

[A]

Stop violating.

[B]

Pause. If that's not a T shirt.

[D]

No, literally, on behalf of bitches, we thank you.

[B]

Stop violating. N word.

Is such a great shirt.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the intent is beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The wording.

[D]

It's called meeting people where they're at.

[A]

But it stays with you. It stays with you.

[B]

I gotta be honest. I would wear one that just says, stop violating.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, why not? I like. He also, like. Then he corrects himself and goes, females, which is also funny. And then he goes back to. Yeah.

[B]

Keep it moving.

I heard you. I heard you. I went to jail. Jail.

[A]

We worse than jail.

[D]

Not long enough.

[B]

Up.

Ass.

[A]

Street justice works.

[B]

It reminds me of all the Simpsons when they showed the escalator. The.

[A]

The escalator to nowhere.

[B]

No, the prison. The. The prison with the swinging doors.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, the revolving door.

[B]

The revolving do.

[A]

Spitting.

[B]

Somebody's assault, right?

[D]

Yes, 100%.

[B]

How can you get three assaults in a day and get out? Is it just overcrowding?

[D]

It must be over.

[A]

It has to be some kind of overcrowding. This is in New York and I think.

[D]

And that probably there was like some bail reform a few years ago. It's been getting people.

[C]

It says he was released with an ankle monitor. The following day that he was taken in.

[D]

They should release him with the muzzle.

[B]

Yeah, I completely agree with that.

[A]

That's wild.

[D]

I would. I would go to the hospital if someone spit on me. Like legit.

[B]

My friend Patricia got bit by a homeless guy on a field trip.

[D]

You gotta get a rabies shot and.

[B]

No, we were afraid she could turn into a homeless guy.

[A]

In the next full moon, she starts asking for change.

Hey, man, you got any change, man? I just need to. I just need. I gotta.

[B]

You know where I can get $5 worth of weed?

[A]

I'm just trying to, you know, get money for a train ride. I'm just Trying to get back to Seattle.

[B]

I don't know why your homeless guy is Josh Attenboy.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Hey, man, I'm just real hard on my luck, man.

[A]

Come on, man.

[B]

Come on.

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Having a nice cigar or two in the house is a sign of a classy individual with great taste. And I am none of those things. Luckily, I have my friends at Small Batch Cigar to help me out. They have free shipping on every order, with almost every order arriving within two to three days in the continental United States. It's the the most thorough packaging in the industry, and they all come with that Boveda pack. So everything you get is super fresh. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited, and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly with your purchase. So go to smallbatchcigar.com today. And most people click on the new button first to shop the newest arrivals and use the discount code GAS10.GAS10 to get 10% off your order plus those 5% rewards points. Small batch cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Let's get back into the show. All right. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Beat the Shaz more.

I hate to call for vigilante justice. Yeah. But they're giving these people machetes. We got to do something.

[A]

Yeah, we got to do something. And you know what? That's what New York's all about. It's like, if you just don't spit and violate bitches, no one's going to fucking beat your ass, usually. Unless you fall asleep on the subway. Then we'll light you on fire, apparently.

[B]

Yeah, that's the top one. Do you think now, do you think that was a person who their whole life has wanted to set somebody on fire? And, like, this is my shot. Or did this person really piss off somebody and, like, I'm gonna wait till he falls asleep and set him on fire?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

Can you look up if there's any news about that?

[A]

Yeah. Was it premeditated?

[D]

It has. Or it's maybe something like the devil told me if I didn't set this on fire.

[B]

Yeah. Well, if you remember, there was a guy not too long ago, a few months ago, they got caught violating a corpse on the subway.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

[A]

There's been a lot of stuff on the subway this year.

[B]

And they didn't say what he did.

[D]

I think we know.

[B]

I would assume he put his dick in their mouth.

[D]

Yeah. I thought in a different orifice.

[B]

So here's what I think.

I think that guy was obviously a fucked up dude. I think he thought he saw somebody sleeping.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Probably put his dick in their mouth. Thought he got away with it the next day. Check the news.

And was like.

[A]

How weird.

[B]

Man fucks corpse.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And looks at it and sees him and it was like, ah.

[D]

No.

[B]

He's like, what a bad morning.

[D]

Yeah. And he's like, I gotta cue curb outro.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

And he. He found out in real time he was a nectrophiliac.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Unintentional. I think he's like, I thought I was just a horrible pervert.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What an awakening.

[B]

Not for the dead guy. What if we find out that's how to revive people.

[A]

That's the only way to bring them back.

[B]

Shannon, do you have anything about somebody getting set on fire on the train?

[C]

Yeah, so it just said. Or talking about that lady. The 33 year old lady that was set on fire.

[B]

No, it was this morning.

[C]

Oh, sorry, sorry. I was going back to that one with the immigrant that set him on fire. You're talking about the old man.

[B]

No, it was on my. Yeah, my citizen app.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I woke up today.

[A]

Yeah, we get the. You got it. You got.

[B]

I believe they were on their way to Times Square.

[A]

It was at. Yeah, it was at the Times Square. It's usually like Times Square where. Shit.

[D]

I mean, that's where the guy was punching. Punching bitches in the face.

[A]

It's just such a hub, you know, because like almost all the trains go there.

[B]

So it is a nightmare place.

[A]

Yeah, it's tough. Like you go there once and you take photos and it's like, I never need to do that, you know?

[C]

Yeah. So it was a. It's a 55 year old man. The lower part of his body was set on fire. Happened at 3:00 clock in the morning on a Harlem bound 3 train. Oh, the victim exited the train. It doesn't look like they have him at this time.

[B]

The victim.

[C]

Oh, sorry. The suspect.

[B]

Okay, now the guy whose lower half was on fire, was he in fact a liar liar?

[C]

Unknown at this time.

[B]

Unknown at this time. If he was a liar liar.

[A]

Inconclusive.

[B]

Because that makes a big difference.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Now that we know his lower half was unfollowing.

[A]

Right. It could have just been spontaneous combustion.

[B]

Shady. Can we show this drunk Alphabet thing?

Sometimes I send Shannon just because it made me laugh.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I love this one. I've seen similar ones a lot.

[B]

Take the Alphabet from start to finish without singing it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Whenever you're ready.

[D]

Acb, D, E, F, G, S, H, I, F, N, G, H, I, C, K, L, M, N, O, P, H, Q, E, F, F.

H, Q, E, S, I, T, E. Okay.

[A]

All right, all right, all right. I love how the cop, like. All right, great. That's just what I needed.

[B]

So many H's. When you're on your third H in the Alphabet, you go, I think you got me. Now my question is, is she really fucked up.

Or is she kind of up and very unfamiliar with the Alphabet? Because I feel like if you're dyslexic enough, you could get that thrown out.

[D]

I, dyslexic.

[A]

That's why I can't do the Alphabet without singing it. That's the tricky part, too.

[D]

Yeah. Without singing, I think, is tough in general.

[A]

Well, I know, like they say, like you're supposed to say. Like when the cops say. Say the Alphabet backwards. They say that to try to get the person to say, like, I can't even do that sober. And then they're like, ah, got. Yeah.

[B]

Ah, I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would say sing the. You do the album, but you can't sing it. But you can do it to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

It's the same. Yes.

Can we watch that one more time? Just. I want to count the H's.

[A]

The.

[B]

Alphabet from start to finish without singing it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Whenever you're ready.

[D]

A, C, B, D, E, F, G, S, H, I, F, N, G, H, I, C, K, L, M, N, O, P, H, Q, E, F.

[B]

H, Q, E, S, I, T, E. Okay, I got five H's.

[A]

Yeah, four I got. But she kind of stood.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like, back to back. So I would say. Yeah, I'd say five.

[D]

Yeah. It's funny how her muscle memory was gonna get her home driving drunk but not remembering the Alphabet.

[B]

I'll tell you what. Not to Harvey Keitel this situation, but bring her back up. I don't care if she knows the Alphabet. If I can see them D's, that's.

[D]

How she's gonna get out of it.

[B]

Oh, boy, she was ready to party.

[A]

Yeah. Where was this?

[B]

I don't know. I just said it to Shannon because it. Boy, it made me giggle. Yeah.

I'm trying to think if I've been. I've been in a bad way, but I don't know if I've ever been. No Alphabet. Bad way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or at least since, like, my 20s. Like.

[D]

Yeah. In my 20s, having a house down the shore in Jersey. Like, yeah. Cite the Alphabet to get into a bar. Like, I've been tripped up a few times.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, then I would love your opinion on this next story. Bar owner won't apologize for banning solo drinkers. Shannon.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

So.

So it's. It's only after 9.0pm at this particular bar when it gets, like, clubby on the weekends. Because I feel like people that are wandering in alone on a busy bar night are either looking to start trouble or people that kind of don't know.

[A]

How to act or they want to get laid.

[D]

This has to be specific to men.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, this is. Single men are not allowed in the bar.

[B]

If you. If you come to a bar alone in a trench coat, rubbing your hands together, watching women's drinks. Yes. You probably up to no good, Shannon. Where is it?

[C]

It's. This is in England.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Pip pip, Greater Manchester.

[D]

There's no freedom.

[A]

I just want to rape a little woman here.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, stop violating these bitches.

[A]

Just trying to get a little violation here. What's all this? What's all this?

[B]

What's all this then?

[A]

All right, I'll be violating you now.

[B]

Praise yourself, love.

[A]

That's. That sucks, man.

[B]

No, I get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If it's a busy, busy bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's mostly groups, and it seems.

[A]

Like more of, like a club kind of.

[B]

Yeah. Which I. I get it. I feel like a lot of clubs just have a no single dude bouncer, so they're just kind of being more transparent.

[A]

Like, sorry, bro, you can't get in.

[D]

Yeah. You can't get into, like, a frat house party.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Single dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got to bring women.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And the bar scene in Britain is pretty slimy.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So I could, like. I thought there was a darkness to going out in London.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I felt very.

[A]

The.

[D]

The darkness is that it closes so early. I'm like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then you just go to pool halls.

[A]

Yeah. I would go to, like, a pub or something.

[B]

Like. No, they all close early. I couldn't believe how early.

[A]

That's why.

[B]

Because, like, then you can go get booze at a pool hall.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Which is super weird.

[A]

It's because it's such a drinking culture and.

[D]

Well, that's why. Checks and balances.

[B]

Yeah. It was. I felt like I saw a lot more fights.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

In London. Like, I felt there was a lot of. A lot of hooligan action.

[A]

Ah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of scary dudes. It seemed like they went out to fight. Yeah. And. Yeah. I thought it was Just a. Something I didn't like about London. The nightlife part, at least. And I could see. And plus, like, I kind of get this. Like, if your bar. If you're. Look, first of all, I am a store. The owner's rights. And I believe anyone has the right to refuse service because I own the fucking place. If you don't like it, drink somewhere else. Yeah, that's called the fucking economy. That capitalism, baby.

[A]

Yeah. Free enterprise.

[B]

If that's the rules, that's. That's the rules. Go make a friend.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Not that hard.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And the part is why, like, I wouldn't want to be at a bar. I didn't want to. I wasn't welcome.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll just get drunk at home. That's the. That's the move right there, dude. Just get a little hammered in front of your dog. That's.

[B]

I've never been. Of a group of guys that were like, all right, we're gonna go out and try and get some pussy.

[A]

Like, really? That was like, all like. I don't know. We do that and then we go to, like, a strip. This is like, in college. But, like, we go out and, like, it's like, we're gonna get fucking chicks. And then we go to, like, a strip club in North Beach. And then we'd be home by, like, 3:00am Completely blue bold.

[B]

I've never. We've gone out to go out, but I've never gone out with the intention of, like, trying to meet women.

[A]

In college. It was more of, like, my. I had, like, more fratty kind of roommates where it was like, we. We. We would drink Taka vodka and, like, go to Taco was like that. And just like, that big plastic jug of vodka. And we polish off a handle of that. And then, like, we would just, like, go out and, like, try to, like, pick up chicks. And, like, the. The local college bars, we used to drink Georgie.

[B]

And by we, I mean me. Yeah. And I would combine it with country time lemonade mix.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Like five times the amount you're supposed to use. Taste the vodka. If you want to talk about a bad hat. The worst, because it was just sugar and vodka.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I can't even process.

[B]

I would be hungover for days.

[D]

Yeah. I can't believe that. Like, in college, my girlfriends and I would be like, we're going to black out tonight.

[B]

Right?

[D]

Like, we'd go out. No, like, with the goal of blacking out. And now if that were to happen to Me now, I'd be like. I would be so scared.

[B]

I'd be mortified.

[D]

So mortified.

[A]

The idea of even doing something after 10pm is like, oh, Jesus. And I got a blackout, you know.

[B]

I don't have the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I'm too busy of a boy.

[A]

I got.

[D]

No, I got your day wasted.

[A]

And like, you, you lose the next day. Yeah, that's the thing. Like when you. I don't know, in your 20s, it's easier because like, you. I would like get blackout drunk until like, you know, four in the morning and then like, get up for my job at 6.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like, whatever, I'm good, man. You know? And now you feel it more. You feel every action.

[B]

Oh, my God. I used to be so hungover on Tuesdays because we would get drunk and watch Monday Night Raw. I had a Tuesday morning class called the Art of Listening because I went to liberal arts school and it was like music theory and shit. And dude, I would just walk in sweating boots.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I would smell like hungover.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I would take a shower and I would still. And brush my teeth and I would still smell like it was like coming out of my pores.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

It's just ridiculous.

[D]

Yeah. Worst feeling ever.

[A]

God.

[B]

I've also not been a single guy who went to. I feel like I could probably count less than 20 times in my life I ever walk into a bar by myself.

[A]

I did a lot, but I was kind of an alcoholic in San Francisco. Like, I would just like my friend.

[B]

I've met people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, if I'll know the bartender, maybe. Oh, I think I've ever gone.

[D]

And just like before, I did comedy. Yeah. In my neighborhood, I would go to bars alone.

[A]

The Mucky Duck in. In the Sunset District of San Francisco. If that bar is still open, they. And hopefully they'll still let you smoke inside after midnight. That's what I would go. I would go there and they would just pour drinks and then he would hand out packs of cigarettes and you could just like smoke a Marlboro Red. That's a beer. And I was like, this is heaven. Like, I wouldn't like now it's just turns my stomach. But like, back in the day, I was cool, you know, I'll do it.

[B]

You know, I take it back. I'll do it on the road. If I have to check out of my hotel and my show's not for like another five hours, I will bring a book to a bar.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And that's pretty Sad.

[A]

But I don't know, there's something like, oh, a guy reading at the bar. I don't know, there's something, like, mildly, like.

Almost like tormented writer type thing, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's almost like you're peacocking a little bit if you were trying to find a woman.

[A]

I just can't, you know?

[D]

Performative.

[A]

Yeah, I can't. I tried to read sometimes when I'm, like, drunk, but then I'm, like, just staring at the same page, and I'm, like, I'm not retaining.

[D]

I have to go back and reread.

[A]

It's like I'm just gonna watch whatever game is on the screen right now at the bar.

[B]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at Yo Kratom, home of the $60 kilo stop. Go to bodega smoke shops and gas stations. Get a little bit of Kratom at a time, and you barely know what's in there when. Yo Kratom has the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network. I can't thank Yo Kratom enough. There's no promo code needed.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because it's already the best deal in the world of Kratom. Don't start taking Kratom on my account. But if you use it for one of its many benefits, Yo Kratom.com is the only place to do it. Yo Kratom.com home of the $60 kilo. Let's get back into the show. All right? Let's keep it moving. West Haven police arrested seven people they all say are tied to an underground cockfighting event. Shannon.

[C]

Okay, so they found. When they arrived here, they found rooster spurs.

[B]

And where is West Haven?

[C]

Connecticut.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Rooster spurs and blood everywhere.

Police went out to a nondescript West Haven garage.

[B]

So it's either cockfighting or S and M rooster party.

[C]

Yeah, this is the place where it was. And they found a bunch of people yelling roosters crowing. Once they walked in, everybody ran in different directions, took their roosters with them, and then whichever ones they didn't take with them, they. They took the roosters and euthanized them.

[A]

Well, what's the fucking point of breaking up the fight? At least like they're serving a purpose.

[D]

Like, I never understood that.

[A]

Well, also, it's like, you know, roosters are gonna get. You know, it's like, we don't give a shit about foul, you know, eat chickens. We have farm, factory, at least, like, they're getting some use. Like, if you're going to be against fighting, you're going to be against horse racing. What's next? Dog fighting's bad. Come on, man.

[B]

I mean, also, they're not walking into KFC and saying, stick them up.

[A]

Right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's like, what it is as long as you eat the. The. The rooster that dies.

[B]

I don't think they do.

[D]

Yeah, they don't.

[A]

I would. I want the. Lou. I hope that one loses.

[B]

I have a really dumb question.

I think I've asked this before, so I feel really stupid.

[A]

How. You know what?

[B]

I feel like we eat. I don't think girl chickens because they have the meat.

[A]

No, I think we do. No, I think. I think they separate boy chickens.

[B]

Yes. Roosters are eaten often a source of meat, especially in commercial settings. Both males and females are raised for consumption. The meat could be tougher than hen meat if not cooked properly. Do they, like, say rooster meat on the package, or is it all just chicken?

[A]

Well, they separate the chicks in the farm factory, and, like, the females are kept for breeding. And I assume, like, the males are just immediately, like, ground up into, like, nuggets or something.

[D]

Like dog food?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I thought they were just alarm clocks.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, they used to. So growing up, we used to go to my uncle's family's house in North Bergen, and there were train tracks that would always have garbage bags full of rooster bodies. And when I was a kid, I thought it was witches like Sania.

And only when I was older did I find out they were just dumping the bodies from fighting.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Would you attend a fight?

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

I. I feel like I would only be at a fight if I accidentally showed up at one. You know, you didn't, but if you're.

[B]

There, you're not going to stay for.

[D]

Like, one.

Morbid curiosity would have me, like, watch the initial one, but I can barely get through the naked roast. There's no way I can watch.

[B]

That's a much worse version of cock fighting.

[A]

Yeah, those are a little different.

[B]

Yeah, I do. I am going to start putting spurs on people, though.

[A]

Humanely euthanize the loser of the naked roast.

[B]

That's almost happened a few times.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Mainly not even now because they. They put on them, right? Don't they, like, put knives and on.

[A]

Yeah, they have, like, little, like, switchblades or something on their feet. Dude, that's sick, because, like, I mean, roosters already are. Have, like, sharp beaks and, like, they.

[B]

Yeah, but we're looking for action.

[A]

Yeah. I Mean, like, they can kill a fox. Like, they're meant to protect the hens and the coupe from foxes and predators and stuff. So they're capable of killing something, like, much larger than they are. So I. Man, now I'm, like, selling myself on a five. Man, I'm getting excited.

[B]

Dude, I gotta tell you, I don't know. There's a lot of animals I want to watch fight. Yeah. Especially another one of them.

[A]

Maybe monkey fights, scorpion fights.

[D]

And, you know, I was thinking, I don't think there's any animal fight I would watch, but scorpion fight, I feel like. Because I see them more as, like, bugs. Bugs.

[A]

I could see deers fight, like, two powerful bucks going at each. Or a moose fight. That would be pretty cool because they're so big.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

An elephant fight, that would be nuts to see.

[D]

Do elephants fight?

[B]

Oh, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Each other.

[B]

Yeah, definitely, like, alpha.

[A]

All. All, all animals fight in the animal.

[B]

Kingdom, you know, I feel like the money is on different animals.

[A]

A bear, a grizzly bear versus, like.

[B]

A different, like, versus a silverback gorilla.

[A]

Yeah, that would be cool.

[B]

For example, like, scorpions. Like, I want to see scorpion versus other shit.

[D]

Yeah. Like, a scorpion could probably take a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I bet once you get rid of the tail, they're kind of fucked.

[A]

Yeah. But they still have their pincers.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And those are big.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like most things could figure out how to. Shannon, we're looking up scorpion fights.

[A]

There we go. Yes.

[B]

I feel like I've definitely seen shit like this. And I feel like the scorpion doesn't do as well as you want it to, though.

[A]

You think? I think, like, they look. It's more physically intimidating, but, like, they don't have this. They're more reliant on, like, their shell.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They could probably take birds, like, things with hollow bones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shannon, you got any scorpion fights?

[C]

Not yet. One second.

[A]

I bet, like, a lot of it's hard to. I bet, like, a lot of that is, like. Because I. I've looked up, like, fights, animal fights before, and sometimes they have, like, 3D generated, like, speculation on, like. Well, based on scientific research because, you know, an orangutan has this larger reach. It would have an advantage over fighting a boa constrictor, which, you know. But I don't know.

[B]

I think I've said it for this. There's some channel I watch where there's something in the tank that's got, like, a real snap to it and it fucks up everything that put. They put in there with It. But it'll knock like. Like a crab will come at it with the big claw. Yeah, they'll just go clock. Yeah, the claw is gone.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And then the crab is just like. I'm out of options.

[A]

All right, well, I'm out of here.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I have a little bit of a Scorpion versus tarantula.

[A]

Oh, here we go.

[C]

I hate this so much.

[D]

Yeah. Creepy.

[A]

Close your eyes, Shannon.

[B]

Oh, please. Sham. Oh, you hate it, Cuz it's Bob.

[D]

Oh, and there's a beetle.

[A]

Oh, what the is. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, what are you guys fighting for?

[A]

Whoa.

[D]

Whoa.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

Sweet.

[A]

That was pretty intense.

[D]

And now I feel like I have things crawling on me.

[B]

All right, that was pretty gnarly.

[A]

That was intense.

[B]

All right. WWE exec Paul Heyman sparks fury after shoving young fan away from Logan. Paul, I saw this. I didn't think it was a big deal. I thought he was obviously being silly. But, Shannon, let's look at the. Are people upset about this?

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

Before we do that, I have a toad versus scorpion.

[A]

Oh, we gotta see that course. Oh, that's a big ass three on one. But he's gonna them all up.

[B]

He's one up. If he doesn't up all three, he's got the weight.

[A]

He's also, like, unbothered by all of it. Oh, look, the scorpions are fighting amongst.

[B]

Themselves, Infighting scorpion on scorpion. Violence is a real problem.

[A]

He's just gonna. Yeah, he's just gonna chill.

[D]

The toad's a cop. He's just watching it.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

That was insane. Insane how fast that was. They're so fast when they want to be. It's so funny.

[B]

Is he doing the John Cena taunt at the other. You can't.

[A]

You can't see me. That's wild.

[D]

Damn.

[A]

It's so wild how they. How fast they can move.

[D]

That be a lesson, dude.

[B]

That rules. Is he still trying to bite him from the inside?

[D]

That's what I'm thinking.

[B]

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

[A]

Ooh, this is spicy.

[D]

It's like when you get a fish bone.

[B]

Why is it so spicy?

[A]

God damn.

[B]

Now the other two are shook.

[A]

Yeah, they're like, oh, I'm good, actually. But now he's got a taste for scorpion.

[D]

Is he gonna throw up? He's just trying to digest.

[B]

Oh, my tits, my tits, my tits.

[A]

He's like, easy, easy. Like it's not even puncturing him.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's got that. He's got that extra eyelid to protect his eyes.

[B]

I feel like those noises are added.

[D]

Yeah, you think?

[A]

Yeah. Unless they have, like, a microphone.

[D]

I feel like he might be. Mike.

The venom's in the tail, right?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah. But, like, is he. Would it even affect the toad? I wonder if he's built up like an.

[D]

Yeah, he probably has, like an enzyme.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Either that or they're just tripping balls right now.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I just want to see if he gets another one. No, that's it. He's full.

[B]

That does seem like a lot.

[A]

Yeah, that's. I mean, like, that was like. Imagine you have to fight, like three large pizzas. So you eat one and then you're like, okay, I can't handle it.

[B]

I can fight three large pizzas.

[A]

It takes a little nap afterwards.

[B]

I could definitely fight three large pizzas.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude, do Domino's.

No way.

[A]

A Domino's Large is like any other pizza restaurant. Medium, I would say. Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's see this Paul Heyman clip.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's not a shove.

[A]

That's not a show.

[D]

That was nothing.

[A]

But.

[B]

Yeah, that was a. That was a hold. Yes. The other person grabbed that. Yeah, he put no effort into that. That was somebody grabbing that.

[D]

That was like a wrestling shove. It looked like he shoved him, but really it was pulled.

[B]

Yeah, that's nothing. That's people trying to cash out.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Every once in a while in wrestling, somebody fucks up a little.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then that person, they basically send an executive down with like, man, you look like you could use a lot of T shirts.

[A]

Yeah, well, like, remember that one where the. This is like an old ass one, but like, a fan gets on the stage at WWE and like, Shawn Michaels, like, him up, like, actually fucks him up.

[B]

Oh, well, yeah, you're supposed. So.

With my involvement in wrestling, I'm not particularly savvy, but I will say if somebody goes through the ropes, if it's a dude. Yeah. You're getting your. You're getting your dick knocked in the dirt.

[D]

Damn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you're trained to soccer ball kick you the second your head goes through the ropes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're not there to beat you up. They're there to hold you down while security comes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's been a bunch of wrestling things where people, like, tried to get in the ring and just gotten walloped.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every once in a while.

They will realize it is a special needs person and someone is like, I'm going to help you.

[A]

John Cena.

[B]

I know Shawn Michaels. That kid ran in to help Shawn Michaels, and Shawn Michaels, like, got the kid and, like, put his Arm around him and walked him back into the crowd.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

I've seen it a couple times at live events and it never goes good. Yeah.

There'S a couple. Kit. WCW had it for a while. And there's one. Fuck. Oh. Stone Cold came out on the fucking atv.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This. It was like this year or last year.

I'm not going to accuse him of being drunk because that's not the Steve Austin I know.

[A]

He's just cracking a couple Steve Wisers.

[B]

But he comes out and he gets his ATV stuck way before he's on camera. He drives to like, three things, and then he definitely crashes it into the barricade and knocks a lady over.

And she's gone for the rest of the broadcast. And you see a WWE executive go over to talk to her. So I'm. Because what they want you to do is sign paperwork that you won't sue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if you leave the building without signing that, they know they're fucked.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So they're going to offer you backstage passes, meet a wrestler, merch fucking box seats. Anything to get you to sign that you're not going to sell.

Because. I don't want to say. A friend of ours noted that after Austin did that, because they were at WrestleMania.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Someone came and escorted him back to his hotel so that there was no footage of him being maybe inebriated post riding around on that, because then they would have been responsible for letting him drive around.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, but that's. It's. It's Steve, man.

[B]

Shannon, can you look up fans storming the ground and wrestling. There's a few. I know it was a Triple H Austin house show. And Triple H just picks this guy up and Germans him. He just fucking sends him through the mat.

I know. Macho man beat up somebody. Eddie Guerrero beat up somebody I can think of. There's a bunch. Shannon. Any. Any. Any compilation.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Gets too rowdy. Like this dude who tried knocking Eddie off. That's crazy.

[A]

That's wild.

Yeah. I think this is the one where I was talking about where he's like, I'll fuck him up.

[D]

I mean, it. It feels next to impossible to decipher who could be mentally deficient.

[A]

It's. It's hard.

[B]

I. I remember one where. Sean, can you look up the one that's Triple H and Steve Austin? Because that's the one where I'm like, oh, boy. Triple H could go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

It's. It's. Damn, it's cool. Imagine getting your.

[B]

Oh, here it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was a baby face at the time. And Triple H was a hill. You're always looking out for your guys back. Triple H, stand up, cat. He picked that dude up, slammed God damn lights out. And he's yelling to the security guard, get your ass in here. And the security guard didn't know where to shed a wind his watch. He was confused so fast. And I couldn't do anything. You know, I couldn't help beat the guy up. I love the ref. Just stopping him in the spine, too, watching my back. And he beat the snot out of that guy. So I believe the deal is if you cross the barricade, it's one thing, but if you get in the ring is when they're allowed to, like, do.

[D]

Whatever, what do you think is gonna happen? Yeah, this is where people get hit.

[B]

Because back in the day. So I love Jim Cornette, who's a manager, and he used to carry a tennis racket, but in the, like, carrying case. Because he had a horseshoe in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because back in the day, you get attacked a lot. Yeah. And he had to fight his way to the back. So he just had a horseshoe on a stick.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And he's cracking people with it. And he got a show. Somebody punched him in the head from behind and he went like this and split him down the middle far. And it was a guy with down syndrome.

[D]

Oh, no.

[B]

But they also used to have. There's something called granny bags. So old ladies in England used to put a brick in their purse and swing it at the guy's heads.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

So they said you always had to watch out for granny bags. And then in Puerto Rico, in Mexico, they would piss at water in water guns and try and shoot you. Or they would put bleach in them and try and shoot you in the eyes.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[D]

I got.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Oh, yeah. When you watch all wrestling with the cops, used to walk them out and back to the locker room because there wasn't, like, the entrance ways. So people were just. I'm fully attacking.

[A]

I remember, like, jbl, like, he was. There was like, a lot of. When he was, like, fighting Eddie, feuding with Eddie Guerrero.

[B]

Well, he really gave Eddie Guerrero's mom a heart attack. Wait, no, no, no. He did. Oh, they were supposed to do a bit in the ring saying Eddie Guerrero's mother. And they were in El Paso, where he's from, and his mother got nervous, really had a heart attack.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

And I believe JBL had to be escorted out of Texas. Texas.

[A]

That's why I. I thought that was just like, damn, this kayfabe is good.

[B]

Like right, Shane, if you could look it up. I'm pretty sure she had a real meta. If she didn't have a heart at a real medical event.

[A]

Damn. A lot of that. I remember when. What, what was it?

That announcer had the heart attack on air too.

[B]

Oh, Jerry Lawler, he was snoring.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he was like out, man. Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, the Freebirds, they said used to have to park their cars at the police station, get a police to drive them to and from the arena and then driven out of the county. And then they would leave them at county lines and say the next police department have to pick them up.

[D]

Oh my God.

[B]

But here, this should be it.

Move forward to those.

I know she did go to the hospital.

[A]

Oh my God.

More relevant now than ever before.

[B]

Oh, dude, this JBL was at the border chasing Mexico.

[A]

That's what try. He was like turning them around.

Damn.

[B]

See, this is where I think I know it's real in my head. Cuz she went to grab her heart in a bad performance and then grabbed her arm in a real. Oh my God, I can't feel my arm.

[A]

Oh my God.

Poor little Vicki. Dude.

[B]

Excuse me.

Dude, that's awesome.

[A]

That's powerful. Damn.

[B]

I would love to be able to give somebody's mama heart attack.

That would be the best. That would be the, the crowning achievement of my career.

[A]

Damn, dude.

[B]

Oh, I would love.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Ah. You stop it.

[A]

Oh, damn.

[B]

That would be my greatest joy if I gave somebody's mama heart attack.

[D]

But she lived.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That was my always when I was been a bad guy. Getting to really piss people off is my favorite.

[A]

Yeah, you have more fun as a heel.

[B]

Oh, it's so much fun.

[A]

But you get the cheers of being a face.

[B]

I remember a dead silent fucking room. It was just like a beat down and everyone was quiet and I was yelling about something. I just heard a lady go, this guy's a real fucking asshole.

I went, and you paid to see it, you stupid bitch. Oh, she hated me.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[B]

Oh, I've done this line in the haunted house too. Whatever you yell in a kid's face, their. Their natural instinct is to say like, your breath stinks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had a kid do it to me and went, that's because I've been eating your mother's pussy. What? And she was standing behind him and I looked up and went, nice to see you again. And I know I just ruined this kid's everything.

[D]

He hates Halloween Now.

[B]

Oh, he hates everything about it. But I will say.

Getting hated by little kids and letting them kind of one up you.

[A]

Yeah, Rules. Yeah, it's always fun, like cowering.

[B]

Like, I'll start a fight with a kid in wrestling and then back off.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Or let them scare me or something. Oh, that's the coolest.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

There's a guy named Larry Sweeney who died a couple years ago, and he was the greatest manager ever. And I watched him do a 20 minute segment where he challenged a kid to an arm wrestling match in the ring. And it was a real kid out of the audience. And he took 20 minutes. He kept restarting, making the ref check the kid for weapons, everything.

And then he just walks up to the kid and goes like this.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

And beats him and starts celebrating. The kid was crying. It was the best. All right, very excited to have Kelly here for this next one because I would love your opinion. Is this something I feel in my household happens? Women feel most stressed when their partner is home relaxing on the couch?

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

Oh, my fucking God, Shannon.

[C]

So it said researchers have found that women are not only stressed at their jobs when they're home. And it seems like it's because when women get home from work, they still have to do other things. House chores, cooking, childcare. And men get home and just kind of switch off and chill out. And that's what.

[D]

Yeah, that's exactly the case.

[B]

What wrote this?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, I think so. But I have to say, I. I get into something called cleaning mode. And it's when I like. I like, grow spikes. And you. If you touch me, I. I freak out. And so I kind of prefer when Joe is just like, on the couch or at his computer, because then it's like I can be in full cleaning mode and he won't get in my way. Because I think what's worse than just sitting on the couch is getting in my way when I'm trying to finish the couch.

[B]

I get anxiety when I hear the vacuum cleaner.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm like a cat. I hide when I hear the vacuum cleaner.

[D]

Not him.

[B]

No, he's in your way. You're tripping over him.

[A]

He's good.

[B]

He's doing figure. He's walking figure eights between your ankles. Hey, what are we doing? What are we doing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I freak out because when I was a kid, if I heard the vacuum cleaner, it usually meant my mom was going clean. Was cleaning the whole house.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And was furious.

[D]

Yeah. So mad.

[B]

And the way my House was growing up. So I. I've told this a lot of times, I never. Door.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

So I have my bedroom, no door. Living room. Then there was a dining room, kitchen. And you had to go. That was like tile floor. And if you went through that, there was a back addition that was my parents bedroom and what we called the back room. And that's where my computer and the video games were.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my mom would clean the house and make me pick a side of the house I was allowed on because she didn't want me walking across the wet tile floor.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Now the back room had the computer in the video game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My room had all the movies and access to a bathroom.

So it was a real game time decision.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And every time I would just hear the. My mom would clean her way out of the house every morning. So my mom wouldn't. My mom would be getting out of the shower and I would. Zachary, put your shoes on. And I would have to sit at the bottom of the stairs while my. And I would listen to my mom vacuum her way out of the house and clean the floor. She would scrub the floor and vacuum her way out of the house. So I guess in case a burglar came in the 10 minutes she was gone, the house was pristine. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I used to have to sit at the bottom of the stairs with my shoes on. Then she would come downstairs and make me stand outside while she put her shoes on because she said she didn't like me being there when she was tying her shoes. But what sucked was I wasn't allowed to play with the kids on my block. They would all hang out. So I would just have to awkwardly stand outside of my house.

Pretending like, just chilling, just. But with nothing.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Waiting for my mom to put her shoes on and finish cleaning while I was just being taunted by neighborhood kids. Really? How you make this.

[D]

Why weren't you able to hang out with the kids in your neighborhood?

[B]

Well, didn't like them.

[D]

Bad. Bad group.

[B]

A poorly supervised group. I think some of them were bad kids.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But complete transparency. The people across the street from me. The mom was.

Mentally disabled, like.

The one you're thinking.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh shit.

[B]

Which you don't see all the time. You don't see a lot with kids. And the dad supposedly had a metal plate in his head, but he.

And it's funny because she was a kid when my dad was a kid. And my dad remembers when that guy used to take her out on dates. And by dates he would pick her up drive her to the parking lot behind the house and her in his car. And he said all the kids would jump on the car and laugh at him for having sex with a retarded girl.

Her kids, they. Her and her kids live there. So a lot of people hung out at that house.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Because.

[D]

Yeah, a lot of nonsense.

[A]

You could just do whatever.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

There was like freedom, I would say. More than freedom.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Anarchy.

[B]

Yeah.

Yeah. That's where, like that's where it was going if you were going to get away with something.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It was retarded mom and crazy dad.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Crazy dad used to walk around town with a fishing pole, not towards a body of water.

And he's like, where are you going to go fishing? Like where? Fishing. Like, he just. He was just always going fishing and I never saw him fish.

[A]

Oh, shit. Oh my God. That's.

Well, you know, maybe. Maybe little Zaki Amico could have been a positive influence.

[B]

No, no, no. I would have been a little street urchin like that. Yeah, they were. They. In retrospect, we're not bad kids, but they definitely had a lot going on. Like it was pro. My parents were making the right decision in the wrong way.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I don't. I grew up. My dad was in the army. So like all my childhood was in Leavenworth, Kansas. Right by Fort Leavenworth. So like every kid I knew was just like a little military brat. Okay. So it's like that's just. So that the idea of. The idea of like a wild house with like a mom and a complete carte blanche, do whatever just seems like, oh, whoa, cool. Like the most I had was like, oh, my friend has a Sega, you know, and I can. I can fuck with that because I'm mostly Nintendo.

[B]

Yeah, no, she was. She used to. The only two things I really ever saw her do because we lived on a one way street. She would chase cars with her purse when they went the wrong way and swing her purse of cars. Or she sat outside of the drugstore and waved hello to people all day. And that was like her post.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[D]

Yeah. I feel like every town has the. Sit on a chair and wave at people.

[B]

Yeah. And that was. She was pretty good at it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I almost. It's almost not the same without her.

[D]

Yeah. No, they're like these like neighborhood fixtures.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But then she would also get caught like being a bad person, like stealing and stuff, which you don't see a lot of evil ones or. Or malicious ones.

[D]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

So she would, like, get caught, like, stealing at the deli. And I remember she got caught stealing powdered donuts at the deli because there was powder all over her face.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And they were like, are you stealing donuts? She's like.

One time she went door to door asking for money because we were selling chocolate bars for a fundraiser and she ate them all. And she said, I thought that was. I just. I didn't know they cost money.

[A]

Oh, geez. Yeah, that must have been a lot. She must have owed a lot if she ate all the chocolate.

[B]

It was like a whole box. Yeah. Holy.

[A]

There's like five bucks a pop.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. She was desperate for that money.

[A]

Oh, no. Damn. I hated doing those fundraisers. Selling can. I'm selling candy for my school. Yeah. It's like you get like, you sell like a hundred bars and you get like a book or something. But it was always like the kids whose parents would take it to their office and sell it. Yeah, yeah. The numbers. I could never do that.

[B]

I've said on the show before. But I would get so mad because it was a Indian family down the street from my grandma and they knew I had after school stuff, so they would hit my grandma's house first before I could get to her.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So every time I had a fundraiser. Oh, I just bought this from the Indian kids down the street.

[A]

It's like, but I'm blood.

Immigrants taking our fucking jobs, dude. I can't believe this shit.

[B]

That's all my family talks about when I'm home now is how many Indian people there are in seacon.

[A]

Too many Indians.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's pumped. It's their fucking setup. Yeah.

[A]

Fuck, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They're having a takeover. All right. How? Christmas party cost senior partner his $850,000 job. Shannon.

[C]

Okay, so it's a little bit of a clickbaity title because it wasn't entirely just the Christmas party, but the Christmas party happened in 2022. It was. They had a Miami Vice dress up theme fun at this party. And he made combat comments to one of his employees saying that she was beautiful, he wanted to sleep with her. And. And then she said to him that she was married. And he said most of his affairs are with married women. And then. And then kind of like kept pursuing her afterwards. She made a complaint about it. He said that. That none of this. That it wasn't real, that he was just. That he asked her out for dinner, but it was like, nothing sexual. So they gave him a warning and they told him. This is your one and only warning that we're giving you. And then a couple years later, there was another work event where he had an issue with the manager of the bar, and he ended up pushing the bar. The manager of the bar. And after that, they had another, like, hearing about it, and they were like, this is it. And then he claims that has nothing to do with, like, him as a managing partner. That's just him and his personal life. But they said that I try to.

[B]

Fuck anybody this time, Just fucking keep a little ass.

[C]

And so, yeah, that's what they ended up giving him the boot for. The two things together, Two strikes.

[B]

You can't do that. I feel like Christmas party, you get one.

[A]

Christmas party is a mulligan. Were they under the mistletoe when it happened?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's very true.

[D]

Why is the theme Miami Vice? Right.

[A]

Like, it's fun to dress up and.

[B]

Like, it's probably just a. A more specific way of saying 80s.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. True, true. Maybe he was just in character.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Of like a. Yeah.

[B]

Maybe he was a sleazy coke dealer.

[A]

Let's go do a little.

[B]

A couple lines in the Miami Vice. The party does sound like it. Excuse to do Coke at your 100% corporate thing.

[C]

Like, if it helps, this is Australia.

[B]

It's a new show.

[D]

That does help. Yeah.

[B]

They just got it.

[A]

The airwaves finally hit them in Australia.

[B]

I get it.

[D]

I was gonna say this does sound like pre pandemic behavior. So it's funny that it's Australia because the. The corporate office parties before the pandemic, like, where they really are a fixture of the past. But they were fun, and you partied and you got wasted, cut loose. You really cut loose.

[A]

It was like open bars.

[B]

We missed out on that, huh. For the comedy club. That used to be a big deal. The comedy club Christmas party.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, we had the Creek in the Cave Thanksgivings back when.

[D]

Yeah, the cave parties were fun.

[A]

My first year in New York, it was like the Creek in the Cave, like, really helped me out because I. I just didn't know anyone, you know, it's always, like, a great resource. I met. I met my girlfriend Kelly at the Creek in the Cave. You know, it all. It all happens. So shout out Rebecca. Shout out Creek in the Cave.

[B]

If those walls could scream rape.

[D]

Talk about doing drugs at a party.

[B]

Oh, boy. Yeah. Huh?

[A]

Yeah. That was actually the first time I did ecstasy was.

[D]

No way.

[A]

Yeah. They gave me. A friend of mine gave me a little E to do, and I was like, all Right.

[D]

It's, you know, our may planner. She's really funny. She has a. She's also a corporate.

Comedian. Like, we have corporate day jobs. And she was saying how before the pandemic. I forget where she worked, but someone on her team sent out a company memo to the entire company right before the office party, being like, who's got the blow? And he didn't get fired. It was just.

[B]

That was so sweet.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. And it was like, yeah, who does?

[A]

Well, if you add a little smiley face emoticon at the end, it's like, I'm just goofing. We're just having a. We're just having a ball.

[B]

I would send the snowflake emoji.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That way, if people like, what's this? I'd be like, I was wondering who had warm clothes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I was warning people it might be cold out.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, it's a little chilly in here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does anyone have any apparel for this?

[B]

I feel like the comedy club Christmas partners used to be wild.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The last one I heard about was in the one where Voss kicked the guy sternum in.

[A]

Oh, where was that?

[B]

I think it was Caroline's.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Some guy was drunk, talking shit to Voss, and he said something about Voss's daughter. And Voss squared up and fucking front kicked him and fucking sent him to the hospital.

[A]

Oh, shit. Yeah, dude.

[B]

Voss rule. People forget false rules.

I'm trying to think if I ever. I mean, the creek ones were. The last night at the creek we did after they closed. We had a legion of skanks there. And we hung out, I think, till like, sunrise. And as we were leaving, there was a guy who was just partying with us all night. We're like, where are you going, dude? He goes, I'm homeless.

And we were like, who do you know here? He's like, nobody.

And we're like, what happened? He's like, I just walked in. Cause I saw you guys here, and then there were free drinks and drugs. So I stayed all night. I'm like, so we were just partying with a random homeless guy. He's like, we thought you were a fan of the show.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

He's like, I'm gonna look it up.

[D]

That's like an oasis in the desert.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Making Legion escapes, making homeless fans.

[A]

That's awesome, dude. One night at a time, you know? And. And that night, he had a family, which is awesome.

[D]

Gorgeous.

[A]

That's beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. What did you want him walking by, like, Christmas Story?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Just sees all of us inside smoking balloons.

[A]

Yeah. He has his hands pressed up against the window like urchin child from a Dickens novel place. I want a little toot.

[B]

All right. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Thank you to my guests Joe Gorman and Kelly Taylor. Please check out Super Sally Joe's and I feel fat today. Support them, let them know you love them and we'll see you on Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo. Goodbye.

[A]

To him.

[B]

Pop baked.

[A]

Chug it down just like your favorite obese clown.

[B]

Grab a coffee and join the crew.

It's Akamiko morning too.

It's Akamiko Morning Zoo. Woo woo.

[D]

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