0068. Ryan Shaner and Sidney Gantt

Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo – Episode 68: Ryan Shaner & Sidney Gantt

Podcast: Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo (GaS Digital Network)
Date: December 7, 2025
Guests: Ryan Shaner, Sidney Gantt

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Episode Overview

This episode captures the unfiltered, raucous vibe of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo, where Zac, Ryan, and Sidney launch into wild stories about public urination, infamous pranks, and the societal chaos of sexual misconduct. The trio—high-energy and unapologetically crude—skewer everything from bodily fluids to criminal behavior to the genetics of inbred royal families. Packed with outlandish anecdotes, lively debate, and impromptu stand-up riffs, the episode offers listeners both hilarity and moments of surprising sincerity, always with an irreverent edge.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pee Cups, Piss Bottles, and Gross Confessions

• Guests share stories about public or car urination:
  • Zac and Ryan swap tips on pissing in Gatorade bottles in vehicles (“I form a vacuum” – Zac, 03:10)
  • Ryan confesses to peeing into bottles as a lazy teen and hiding “like 50 bottles of just fermented pee” under his bed. (03:51)
  • Zac jokes his girlfriend discovered “multiple bottles of something that had to go because they were gallons.” (04:14)
  • Sidney wryly chimes in: “It’s a parfait.” (04:39)
• Moral:
  • Sometimes laziness leads to household punishments, like having to “pour them out” instead of simply throwing them away (Ryan, 05:03).
  • The group bonds over the universal indignity of having to relieve oneself creatively while on the road or at home.

2. Pranks and Accidental Consumption

• Wild Stories:
  • Zac recounts peeing in a friend’s hat out of jealousy in eighth grade (13:20)
  • Sydney describes participating in a prank where a friend mixed pee into an Arnold Palmer served to a woman: “She only took a sip… I had to leave the room… I threw up three times on our walk home.” (10:31)
  • Memorable prank gone wrong: Ryan once watched a friend unwittingly drink pee from a 40 bottle during a party (07:41)

3. Sexual Boundaries, Requests, and Pee Kinks

• Lines People Draw:
  • Zac tells a college story: A woman offered to let him pee on her in the tub, but wouldn’t accept cum on her chest: “All I thought was: I was gonna pee so much more than I was gonna cum on you.” (12:35)
  • Sidney draws the line at pee “in the mouth”: “But gargling piss is disgusting.” (11:15)
  • The group debates the strange boundaries some people keep regarding body fluids and sexuality.

4. Viral Video Breakdown – The 'Multiverse' Man at QuickChek

[17:29 – 28:36]

• Video Analysis: Zac introduces a viral video of a disoriented man asking women for sex in a convenience store.
  • “I’m the baddest in the whole multiverse!” (19:00)
• Speculations:
  • The crew considers if the man is in a manic episode, high, or fulfilling a dare/gang initiation.
  • They comment on the loneliness, “human contact,” and possible incel influences on his behavior.
  • Shannon: “I think this is some incel bullshit where he just thinks he is owed this.” (23:51)
• Funny Observations:
  • “You don’t want to fight a horny Asian. That’s how you catch it.” – Sidney (23:34)
  • “He could have just switched places with another Asian if they don’t in the store. Switch hats and nobody would know, dude.” – Zac (28:08)

5. NYU Butt-Slapping Assault Story

[30:06 – 36:42]

• Reviewing Security Footage:
  • The panel watches and reacts to a news report about a man with 16 prior arrests aggressively slapping an NYU student’s butt, then pulling her hair.
    • “That’s a wind-up, dude.” – Ryan (30:37)
  • They discuss the escalation, the assailant’s criminal history, and how the victim’s social media connections helped catch him.
• Societal Riff:
  • Discussion about whether behavior like this ever “worked” in past generations, and lamenting the lack of consequences for repeat offenders.
  • “We gotta do something. We gotta streamline some kind of thing. 16 priors is nuts. …We got a meat grinder somewhere.” – Ryan (34:51)

6. Handling Sexual Predators & Rehabilitation

• Serious Interlude:
  • Zac tells of a family acquaintance put in a psychiatric facility for extreme offenses.
  • “If you are attracted to children…I think it’s just a bullet in the head.” – Zac (40:41)
  • Ryan discusses the (rare) individuals who voluntarily commit themselves, comparing it to taking a “gun off the street,” and calls it responsible/heroric (44:00).

7. Royal Family Inbreeding & Genetics

• History Deep Dive:
  • Zac asks for examples of royal inbreeding, citing a Spanish king with catastrophic genetic issues due to incest (47:00).
  • “His parents were uncle and niece.” – Shannon (48:02)
  • The hosts joke about arranged marriages and depict the king as a tragic, deformed ruler—a cautionary tale about preserving “the bloodline.”
  • They tie this back to modern communities and discuss how inbreeding could be contributing to lower IQs in highly religious, isolated cultures (53:53).

8. Amish Inbreeding, Dwarfism, and 'Sick Bodies'

• Quirky Facts:
  • Ryan and Sidney share rumors about a prevalence of dwarfism in Amish communities, supported by Shannon who cites Ellis Van Creveld syndrome: “short stature, a heart defect, and an extra finger on each hand” (63:17).
  • Pennywise banter about mini-horses, midget beards, and stereotypes:
    • “Amish midgets probably grow way better beards than me.” – Zac (65:41)
• Sidney claims: “I also heard the inbreeding keeps the women with sick bodies—like, they don’t get fat.” (61:53)
  • Shannon debunks this: “The idea that Amish women don’t gain weight is a myth.” (63:33)

9. Janitor Pissing in Water Bottles at Doctor’s Office

[66:03 – 69:18]

• News Story:
  • A janitor in Houston is sentenced after urinating into staff water bottles, transmitting herpes and hepatitis A.
  • He targeted some workers, was caught on camera, and claimed to have a “sickness.”
  • The crew guesses his ethnicity before the reveal (“Lucio Catarino Diaz”), then cracks up at the “aggravated assault with a deadly weapon” charge, referencing his penis: “That’s almost worth it, just so you can tell people your dick’s a deadly weapon.” – Zac (69:09)

10. Cousin Kissing & Family Taboos

• Both Ryan and Sidney recount close calls in childhood with second cousins, analyzing state legality and folk wisdom about “keeping it out of the bloodline.” (58:04)
• Sidney: “I was told from an early age to keep it out of the bloodline.” (55:33)
• Ryan: “In the great state of Pennsylvania… I’m going by Pennsylvania Dutch law, dude.” (57:50)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I form a vacuum." — Zac Amico on optimal bottle-pissing technique (03:10)
• "I found like 50 bottles of just fermented pee." — Ryan Shaner’s adolescent hygiene confession (03:51)
• "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." — Ryan Shaner, riffing on the persistent store heckler (19:54)
• "You don’t want to fight a horny Asian. That’s how you catch it." — Sydney Gantt (23:34)
• "You believe in come karma?" — Ryan Shaner, on cosmic comeuppance for grave misdeeds (41:35)
• "If I woke up one day and had that feeling and I didn’t have the balls to kill myself, I would beg someone to kill me." — Zac Amico, on the incurability of pedophilia (40:45)
• "Amish midgets probably grow way better beards than me." — Zac, lamenting midget facial hair (65:41)
• "That's almost worth it, just so you can tell people your dick's a deadly weapon." — Zac Amico, on the janitor's criminal charge (69:09)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [00:49] Show start; introductions, pee stories
• [03:51–05:12] Ryan’s “fermented pee bottles” confession
• [10:31] The Arnold Palmer urine prank story
• [12:35] Zac’s college “pee in the tub” anecdote
• [17:29] Viral ‘multiverse’ man at QuickChek video breakdown
• [30:06] NYU student’s butt-slapping assault; criminal history discussion
• [36:42] How to deal with serial sex offenders — ‘sex predator island’ bit
• [47:00] Royal inbreeding, Spanish king
• [53:53] Inbreeding in modern religious communities
• [61:53] Amish inbreeding/“sick bodies” myth
• [66:03] Houston janitor pee-bottle story
• [70:00] End plugs and promotions

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Language & Tone

• Crude, irreverent, and darkly funny.
• Frequent banter—one-upmanship, gallows humor, and playful vulgarity.
• Uncensored, open dialogue on taboo and controversial subjects, blending shock comedy with genuine takes.

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Guest Plugs (End of Episode)

• Ryan Shaner:
  • Book: Solomon (Instagram link; Shopify site; book signing at Helium Comedy, Dec. 8)
  • Podcast: “The End with Ryan Shaner”
  • World War Fun (co-hosted with Sidney)
• Sidney Gantt:
  • Instagram/Twitter: @sidneygantt
  • Appearing at Helium Comedy for the Solomon signing/show

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This episode delivers a potent dose of chaotically funny, uncensored morning talk—equally suitable for bad influences, those nostalgic for radio shock jocks, and anyone with a strong stomach and a dark sense of humor.

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

Fill her up. You're listening to the gas digital network.

Wake up, it's time to go.

[Ryan Shaner]

Zach Amico's got a show.

[Zach Amico]

Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day. Till the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter.

[Ryan Shaner]

Waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a cold bear and join the cre.

[Zach Amico]

It's a Miko morning too.

That's right. Wake up, it's time to go. It's the Morning Zoo with your other belated international superstars, Zach Miko. And welcome all, one and all, and thank you for tuning into the GAS Digital Network. Across the table from me, these guys are as funny as it gets. From World War Fun, it's Ryan Shaner and Sydney Gant.

How you guys doing today?

[Ryan Shaner]

So good.

[Sydney Gant]

I'm feeling good.

[Ryan Shaner]

So good, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you guys for busting your ass to get here. I know there was a lot of traffic.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

But we're here, we're having fun. We're pretty close to on time.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

You really busted your balls, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

I passed three and it was like I wanted to stop. And you never run past something or walk past something. You're like, I gotta take a picture of this. There was a dude trying to. In a 711 cup. Trying to in it. And I was like, I gotta like, everything was like, stop and take a picture of this. Stop, take a picture of this. I was like, okay, I got it naked.

[Zach Amico]

I'd be happy to get it on the green with that one dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

He was putting from the roof the whole.

[Zach Amico]

That's tough.

[Sydney Gant]

Could you. Could you imagine doing a constipation prayer over a 711 dude?

[Ryan Shaner]

It was wild and it was. What was crazy about it was that he was in front of like a.

[Sydney Gant]

A.

[Ryan Shaner]

Not a faux place, but like a ramen place. And people were trying to just get in and out of there. And this guy was like, no, this is where I'm doing it. In front of the window in the little garden holding a 7 11.

[Sydney Gant]

It was to go.

[Ryan Shaner]

It was to go, dude. And he was trying to get it in there. I didn't see any poop connect. I think that's why I was so conflicted. I wanted to see if he made it and I. I didn't. And now I'm morally remor. Missed that. I miss it out of everything that's happened in this great city.

[Zach Amico]

So I will say I am a big fan of pissing in cups and bottles on the road.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I. I've said this a million times. I'm pretty sure Gatorade's entire business model is, you are going to buy one of these and chug it so that you have something in the car to pass.

[Ryan Shaner]

The wide mouth is perfect. It's like they designed it for that. It is. It is such a. And it's also. The old Gatorade bottles were shaped like a stubby dick.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

That ridge on the top with the helmet.

It was a. It was a rib dick.

[Zach Amico]

The wide mouth. And then I'm a big fan of. If I've got a large cup, I literally just put it over. Dick and balls.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh. All the way in.

[Zach Amico]

If I'm in the car. Because then I'm like, no spillage.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I form a vacuum.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's smart. I put my dick all the way. I put. I take the. The Gatorade and put it all the way in. Yeah, I take it all the way. And I don't try to, like, jostle my.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, that.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's all the way in there.

[Sydney Gant]

I don't.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't.

[Zach Amico]

I've noticed recently, no matter what size cup I use to piss in, it's gonna hit. That's how much piss I have in me.

[Ryan Shaner]

Have you ever overflowed?

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. That's my biggest fear, too, is when you have a Gatorade bottle and you're like, this is 32 ounces. I've got this. And then it starts getting. Dude, the. The fear.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You hear the music.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's never.

It's never good, dude. Yeah. And the worst is, like, I used to, like, when I would go to sleep at night, I didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom. So I'd pee in bottles while I was in bed, and then I'd roll them under my bed and just forget about them until, like, I had to clean my room, and I found, like, 50 bottles of just fermented pee.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's called sun tea.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, it was.

[Zach Amico]

So when Mrs. Amico moved in, I had multiple bottles of something that had to go because they were gallons.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, dude. And it's weird how I would get.

[Zach Amico]

A gallon and I would give it. I would get really close to the top.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, the separation of the. Whatever's in your pee, like the ammonia and whatever. There's, like, a weird, like, sediment at the bottom. I've never.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's like one of those layered shots.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't know what. I don't know what it is. It's so Gross.

[Sydney Gant]

It's like a parfait.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it is. It is gross. And then when you pour them out, like, I. I'm pretty good with, like, gross smells.

[Sydney Gant]

Why are you pouring them out? You throw that whole bottle away. You put the cap on it, and you throw the whole bottle away.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sidney, it's called recycling.

[Sydney Gant]

Shut up.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it's called green thinking, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Nobody loves. Grow up.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, first of all, if it's green, that's your problem.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I wanted to throw them away, but my mom was like, you're pouring those. Those out. It was more of a punishment than anything. I had to go in the back basin in the basement and bore them all out.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, she found them.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, she definitely knew. She was like, what is this? And I was like. She's like, you're disgusting. You're pouring them out and then you're throwing the bottles.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, because she probably thought you were keeping them from some for some weird activity.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I think she just found out I was lazy. She was like, the bathroom's right. It was more like if I told her I was keeping for an experiment, she'd be like, explain me the experiment. And if it was good enough, she'd buy it. But she knew that I was just like, I'm not walking five feet to the bed. Like, I'm laying in bed.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I've done that on the tour bus because, like, the amount of maneuvering it takes me to get into a tour bus bathroom. Yeah, I'm peeing, and I'm peeing in a bottle and throwing it when we get to the next stop.

[Ryan Shaner]

But tour bus bathrooms, aren't they, like, if they're moving, that's like. That's a pain in the ass to.

[Zach Amico]

The whole thing sucks.

[Ryan Shaner]

That sucks. They tell you to sit down, put.

[Sydney Gant]

Your dick all the way in a.

[Ryan Shaner]

Tell you to sit down on the Mega Bus. If you go into the Mega Bus bathroom, it says. It doesn't say stand to pee. It says sit 2 pee. Because you'll get it everywhere.

[Zach Amico]

By the way.

[Ryan Shaner]

Never done that.

[Zach Amico]

You just piss in the sink on those?

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, if you're going to stand, pee in the sink.

[Ryan Shaner]

I stand on the toilet and pee in the sink.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, pee in the sink, Dude.

[Sydney Gant]

I would rather wedge my head and legs into the corners than sit. There's no way.

[Ryan Shaner]

Disgusting.

[Sydney Gant]

Wedge as hard as I can. Yeah. I always wonder, like, if, like, how your mom discovered you had all those bottles of piss. I always wonder how many times white parents see their white kids do, and they're like, white People.

[Ryan Shaner]

My mom called me a cracker on several occasions. She's like this dumb vanilla face in fucking house, pissing in bottles. I saved so many. So many pee bottles.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Harrington had a clean up. Not clean up, but handle a full, full Starbucks cup of piss at Second Naked Roast. Because I had a piss so bad. And they were about to put me on stage and I was like, buddy, I'm sorry. I'm gonna need a cup, dude, that's crazy. And I filled and I. But then I came back and it was still there and had. He's like, oh, forgot that. So there was just a Starbucks cup filled to the top. And I mean, a big one. Yeah, I took a venti.

[Sydney Gant]

Dude, that's. That's rockstar status, being able to hand off your cup of.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did he put a lid on it?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, there was a lid on it. There was a lid on it.

[Sydney Gant]

He had a tray. He had a tray that he put it on.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did you have one of those green things you put in the top of coffee so it doesn't spill out? It's like, I gotta get rid of this.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

I had no idea Zach had so much white pistol.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did you take your dick and make like a leaf on the top of the phone? Did you get all decorative with it?

[Zach Amico]

I just. Happy face. I kept it easy. I did this gag face.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, that's.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, that's.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

That's classic.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, we. We had a party once. Pissed in a 40 bot. Like, my buddies and I were like, taking turns peeing in a 40 bottle. And then we lightly hammered the cap back on and put it back in the fridge that was in my buddy's room. And my buddy Bobby ended up breaking it open and drinking some of it. And we had a good laugh.

[Zach Amico]

Good for you.

[Ryan Shaner]

Good laugh, man.

[Sydney Gant]

I. The only time I was ever in a situation where somebody consumed my piss, I couldn't handle it.

[Ryan Shaner]

What do you mean?

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, me and my cousin Trennis were going to this lady's house and she was like, hooking up with him. She. And we were there to possibly run a train on her, but I bitched out of that. And then.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did you say Trennis?

[Sydney Gant]

No, his name was. Yeah, his name is Trennis.

[Ryan Shaner]

Trennis, yeah. Who's running a train?

There's anybody who's going to run a train on. It's Sydney.

[Sydney Gant]

And Trent is the train conductor. Yeah, for sure. So we went over. So she was nice enough to like, make him.

[Zach Amico]

This is our friend Thomas.

[Ryan Shaner]

Ew, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So then I missed the Conductor.

[Sydney Gant]

No, he. He was. He was definitely the conductor. Afterwards, she asked him to make her an Arnold Palmer in her kitchen. And he was doing. He was like, yo, let's piss in this.

And like, I. I tinkled a little. He filled it up like a quarter of the cup. And then he, like, did, like, the lemonade iced tea, put ice in it, and then gave it to her. And she is.

[Zach Amico]

As a punishment for.

[Sydney Gant]

Dude, I don't know. It was so.

[Zach Amico]

It was just about being disrespectful.

[Sydney Gant]

It was so disrespectful. I couldn't believe it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Like, Trennis. The most disrespectful.

[Zach Amico]

No Trennis.

[Sydney Gant]

I know my most diabolical cousin. I've never met a person more diabolical than Trevis. Do he. This could have been his arc. His, like, villain arc or her villain arc.

[Zach Amico]

Most of his family members are diabetical.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Also true. He was. Of all. He was. He was. He was. He was the diabolical one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Trent is the diabolical and intravenous.

[Ryan Shaner]

The diabetical Trennis's family tree is limbless, basically what it is.

[Sydney Gant]

I mean, a lot of people were missing toes. That's. That's for sure. It's a. It's a totalist community.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Like, he points at you like this because he has to.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

The family reunion has no sandals. Not a sandal in the bunch. So everybody's walking with a limp, but not because they're cool.

[Ryan Shaner]

So wait, did this lady drink the.

[Sydney Gant]

Dude, she. So I thought she was gonna feel the warmth of the cup and be like, nah, you guys pissed in it. She was like, this put ice in it. But it was still like. It's layered, though, because it's like piss goes to the bottom. So the bottom of the cup was still warm. She' it warm. And he goes, that's why I put ice in it. And she's like, oh. And then she just. She only took us like, she knew something was up and she took a. Like, what is this going to be? Sip and that alone. I was just like.

D. I had.

[Ryan Shaner]

To leave the room. Keep it together, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

I threw up three times on our walk home. I couldn't believe somebody only.

[Ryan Shaner]

Only for pee.

[Sydney Gant]

Dude threw up for pee. I'm not you.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm not blow. Don't be Trentis with me right now.

[Sydney Gant]

You're the one. You're being a real trend.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't know. Just pee. Pee's not that gross.

[Zach Amico]

It's.

[Sydney Gant]

It's gross. It's not pissed to like, it's. It's not. It's not gross to have it come out of your body. It's not. It's not gross to have it like hit your belt as you're trying to piss and then you have to put your belt back on because you have a piss covered belt. That's not gross. Obviously it's not gross to have a little bit of piss dripping out of your penis when you put your underwear back on and now your underwear is soaked. That's not gross. But gargling piss is disgusting.

[Ryan Shaner]

I think you've never clearly peed in someone's mouth.

[Sydney Gant]

No, no.

[Zach Amico]

Cancer. I have.

[Ryan Shaner]

Jack, you strike me as the type of guy who's peed in a mouth before.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I do too.

[Sydney Gant]

I understand. I thought.

[Ryan Shaner]

I thought the only minority here was gonna be Sydney.

[Sydney Gant]

You for sure have mouse, pith or energy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

I've had the request.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, but you never followed through on.

[Zach Amico]

It, and I politely declined.

[Sydney Gant]

Why? So, because you didn't want to kiss her afterwards, right? Or have anything to do with her mouth? Because I. I don't even want that. Whisper me secrets.

[Zach Amico]

It was many moons ago and I was hanging out with a big group of people and I think it might have been my birthday, but this is like college age. And a young lady and I went back to my room to some. One of those bullshit excuses like we're going to get a movie or something. And we went into the bathroom and she took her top off and she's like, do you want to get me to get in the tub and you can pee on me? And I was like, I'd like a blowjob, though.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, great compromise.

[Zach Amico]

And she's like, okay. So she gave me a blowjob on the toilet and I went to come on her test and she goes, I don't do that.

And all I thought was like, I was gonna pee so much more than I was gonna come on you.

[Sydney Gant]

My piss is so much worse than my comment. I promise you that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I was like, I wasn't. I wasn't gonna destroy you with ropes, lady. Yeah, I'm a nice guy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm doing my best out here. But I was gonna piss so much more.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it is weird when you meet somebody who's like, they do draw.

[Sydney Gant]

Not a.

[Ryan Shaner]

Not a weird line, just a line. They're like, no, I won't do that. But like, you just asked me to pee all over you. Where's the line in my head? I'm like, you're down for anything. Anytime excrement's involved in the. In a sex act. My idea is all bets are off. You can kind of do whatever.

[Zach Amico]

I've only two pee pranks. One time, I peed in a guy's hat.

Matt Kilroy. You peed eighth grade.

[Sydney Gant]

You basically filtered your piss, so.

[Zach Amico]

No, he had. It was one of those fitteds, like the Fred Durst style.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, no.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

And it was sweaty. And I. I put it in my. Took my friend's bathroom and I peed all along the inside, so it was just continually sweaty.

[Sydney Gant]

You filled up a 7 and 3 8.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swirled it.

That's crazy, because he was hooking up with a girl that I liked, and I was jealous, so I peed in his hat because I had no other way to express myself.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

You're spread.

[Zach Amico]

And the other time is kind of fucked up. And I can say, because the person knows I did it already.

The first part of this is worse than the p. Oh, boy. It's hard to explain. I. This is the only person I've ever known that done this. And I found out later in life an inadvisable thing to do.

But when I was a kid, because my dad had the welding shop downstairs, my mom was so nuts about him, like, washing up after work that my dad used to.

Scrub his entire body with rubbing alcohol every day when he got out of the shower.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Which I later found out is horrible for your skin and your pores.

[Sydney Gant]

Ridiculous. There's no way he wasn't ashier than any black person you ever met.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Like, what a. Where did he come up with that?

[Zach Amico]

Like, beats me.

[Ryan Shaner]

That is insane.

[Zach Amico]

Until I mentioned it to people as an adult, I thought it was just a thing some people did.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Never heard of something. So.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's not right.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's beyond nuts.

[Zach Amico]

It's crazy. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And also huff spray pain when I get out. It's good for my respiratory.

[Sydney Gant]

Literally everything is wrong with that.

[Zach Amico]

That is. It's so not good.

[Sydney Gant]

That's crazy.

[Ryan Shaner]

And also, what is your rubbing alcohol budget? Like, that's like. If you rub yourself down, like, what do you got? Like, maybe one or two showers. If you're doing that every day, you.

[Zach Amico]

Must have, like, he was going through big bottles.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

He's got to invest in the company.

[Zach Amico]

We had a big rubbing. Rubbing alcohol budget, I think.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. That's why Zach didn't go to college.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Shopify's point of sale system helps you.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person. We've got you covered. How about card readers? You can rely on anywhere you sell.

[Sydney Gant]

Thanks. Have a good one.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yep, that too.

[Sydney Gant]

Want one place to manage all your.

[Ryan Shaner]

Online and in person sales?

[Shannon]

That's kind of our thing wherever you sell.

[Sydney Gant]

Businesses that grow grow with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 a month [e-mail]. listen.

[Ryan Shaner]

Shopify.com. listen.

[Zach Amico]

I went to college.

[Sydney Gant]

Well, I know you went to college, Zach. Wow.

[Zach Amico]

One time, my dad, I can't remember what it was, but did something that just made me so mad. I had no way to express myself, so I pissed in his rubbing alcohol because I figured it would dissipate.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then he would just rub his pee all over me for a while.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or my pee all over him.

[Sydney Gant]

It probably deactivated.

[Zach Amico]

That's what I mean. I did not want. Well, that was Freudian. That way, my dad would rub his piss all over me just like I wanted, because I was an angry boy.

[Ryan Shaner]

I never peed on anybody, but I got my own pee rubbed on me by my father.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I got it all adding up. Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

What did he use to rub? Did he use, like, cotton swabs to rub it all over his body?

[Zach Amico]

Paper towels.

[Sydney Gant]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Paper towels.

[Sydney Gant]

Double waist Crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Even he could have poured it on him. Like he won a championship every time, you know?

[Ryan Shaner]

No, that's too Tibetan monk boring. Pouring rubbing alcohol or something like that. That's too much of a problem, dude.

[Zach Amico]

And he. I told my dad years later that I did that, and he's like, ah, you got me.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, well, that's good. Sunrise, sunset on that.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, it probably didn't hurt at all.

[Sydney Gant]

It probably deactivated the alcohol. It probably made it healthier.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it's probably. Probably a smoother rub.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This. It's a disinfectant now. Like when you piss on a jellyfish thing, it's clean.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's clean. It's sterile.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's sterile, dude. All right, we got a bunch of silly stories to get to, but this is the one I really want to get to because I tried to get Shannon to find this video. I couldn't describe it correctly, and she was unable to find it. And thank God WorldStar put it up. This is a man trying to get some pussy, and I don't think he really knows what he's doing.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, I know this. I think I know this.

[Zach Amico]

My only two guesses are he does not speak English well, and people were very cruel and telling him how to Speak to women.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or he is on either a massive amount of something or having what I can only describe as a extremely manic episode.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, he kind of reminds me of a person that Ryan and I mutually know. Name Oliver Yu. Like, oh, no. Watch this. This is early Oliver Yu. Just keep that in mind.

[Zach Amico]

Can I guess. Is it you, Yu?

[Sydney Gant]

Yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I'm gonna say I don't even know this one. Yeah, and I'm gonna go. This has got you written.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This is all you, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Heavy you.

[Ryan Shaner]

Heavy you.

[Zach Amico]

So shadow. Let's check it out, baby.

[Ryan Shaner]

What do you say? Score My house and.

[Shannon]

Are you okay?

[Sydney Gant]

I take etg.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I'm not okay.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know him.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm not okay. I'm the baddest in the whole multiverse.

Come on, let's go. Okay, this is a little uncomfortable.

Dude, get the out of here. I swear. Call the police on me. Yeah, I will.

[Shannon]

What the.

[Ryan Shaner]

Who the are you? Let's go.

[Sydney Gant]

Him and we.

[Zach Amico]

You can call the police for raping me or whatever.

[Ryan Shaner]

It doesn't matter. Are you okay? No, I just want to go.

You come this way. What the.

Dude, get away from me. Let's go.

[Zach Amico]

All the police, whatever.

[Ryan Shaner]

Let's go right now. No, get away from me. Yeah, let's go right now. Get away from me. Dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Go to my house.

[Zach Amico]

What are you doing? No.

[Ryan Shaner]

Get away.

[Zach Amico]

What the.

[Sydney Gant]

You want to go?

[Shannon]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Sydney Gant]

No. I. Like.

It'S a numbers game.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Pause.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

You miss 100% of the shots. You don't take every.

[Zach Amico]

No. Gets you close. One step closer to a yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

So this is two things. I think when you said episode, the way his mannerisms are, it seems like he's just, like, kind of totally out of it. But then the other thing I've noticed, the way he's reluctant to ask, this is maybe gang initiation. Like the Wing Kong from Big Trouble in Little China. He wants to get in the gang. The way he was saying it was like, yeah, we can just, you know, like, the way it almost seemed like a dare that he had to, like, own up to something.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, like, like in the movie with it falling down where he had to wear that sign that said the N word on it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, that was. That was Die Hard. Die Hard.

[Sydney Gant]

Die Hard.

[Ryan Shaner]

That was Die Hard.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be like, a Die Hard thing.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's what I kind of see. I don't think he's on drugs. I think he's. I think he's.

[Sydney Gant]

Well, I also think he's like, at least first generation American. Like, that guy was born in America. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

He definitely said multiverse. He knew about. He knew about the mcu, but the.

[Sydney Gant]

The Asians invented the multiverse, so that could be. That's not necessarily a clue.

[Ryan Shaner]

The other reason I think it's a dare is he looked directly at that cop and said it. He's saying it to everyone. He wouldn't have. I don't think he would have done that while he was on drugs. He probably would have, like. Ah, get the. Away from me.

[Zach Amico]

All right, can you rewind it just a little?

[Sydney Gant]

I don't know if he said it to the cop or there was a chick that was there and then the cop.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, it looked like.

[Sydney Gant]

It looked like he said it to the cop.

[Ryan Shaner]

Looked like he said it. Right.

[Zach Amico]

It was so hard to take an Asian serious.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's wild.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's so hard. Look at him.

[Ryan Shaner]

Look at that. Look at him.

[Sydney Gant]

This is why he's choosing the direct approach at this point. Like nothing else is. Word like you.

[Zach Amico]

Like you said, he's been so desexualized as a male.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That his only way of being scary.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

You can call for rape or whatever.

[Zach Amico]

Whatever.

[Sydney Gant]

He's trying to be a bad boy.

[Zach Amico]

Is to just Michael Myers his way into a store.

And stare you down. All right, Keep it moving. Watch.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm telling you.

[Sydney Gant]

Get away.

[Zach Amico]

What the.

[Sydney Gant]

You want to go? No.

[Zach Amico]

What you want to do?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, no.

I heard the.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Sydney Gant]

Now, if you see that the cop. I like how the cop, like, stood there for a second just to see if it worked.

[Ryan Shaner]

Are you serious?

All right. What are you doing?

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Sydney Gant]

The cop doesn't even want to touch him.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, that's a weird. That's a weird defense. Whatever that is. Whatever is going on here. He must be like.

[Sydney Gant]

He just needs to press his body against another.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

He's just trying to press.

[Zach Amico]

I've been trying to figure out what store that is.

[Ryan Shaner]

What. What store?

[Zach Amico]

What store it is.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, that looked like a. Almost like a quick check.

[Zach Amico]

That. That's what I was thinking.

[Ryan Shaner]

Looks like a quick.

[Zach Amico]

The Willy Wallabies licorice display made me think. Oh, a quick check or not a Wawa.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it's definitely not a Wawa. There's too much green in there. That's a quick check, I think.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Sydney Gant]

Yo, this. He just needs human contact, man. I kind of.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the green above the freezer does screen.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's quick check. That's quick check.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe you thought it was called quick.

I Go in there as.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's a quick, He's a very quick. Yeah, I think that guy's just a quick chick. I, I think he's.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Nuts.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's up. Definitely up. Definitely nuts. But I don't know if it's. I don't want to blame drugs. I don't want to blame drugs.

[Zach Amico]

Shake your thoughts.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't want to blame drugs.

[Sydney Gant]

Again, I, I, I, I blame, you know, feminism. Obviously it's making it a lot harder for young Asian men to go out there and get physical contact from human ladies. And he's doing the best that he can. You can see at the end he was, he wasn't even trying to fight the cop. He was just trying to press chest to chest.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

He was lean and to feel loved.

[Sydney Gant]

Do you know what I mean?

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

And I, and the cop is doing the right thing. You don't want to fight a horny Asian. No. That's how you catch it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

It was spread horniation all throughout the city. It's gonna be an outbreak.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's gonna have to put rubbing alcohol. He's like, I knew this was a thing I heard somewhere.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, what do you think?

[Shannon]

I think this is some incel bullshit where he just thinks that he is just owed this and all he has to do is say fuck me. And a woman is gonna say, of course I will.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So do you think he may be read.

Like some incel shit or like some that real social dynamics kind of shit?

[Shannon]

I think so, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he was like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go to quick check and demand it and demand pussy. Because that's what an alpha would do.

[Sydney Gant]

Shannon, you also kind of sound like a lady who has experienced a guy going, well, maybe this will work.

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

It used to be Sunday, Wednesday, Friday.

[Shannon]

Now just Monday.

[Zach Amico]

For a coup.

[Sydney Gant]

You're sick of it.

[Ryan Shaner]

No. Well, I can say, Shannon, do you, do you kind of maybe feel bad for someone who's. Now look, I'm not saying bad for the situation. This kid is so desensitized to everything. He read some other asshole's work and was like, I'm just cashing it all in and doing whatever. I'm sure this kid doesn't know this is the right way, but he's grasping at straws. I know he's also an adult. When I say kid, I don't mean like, you know, a fucking 13 year old. This kid this clearly of age. But like I don't think he wanted. Not that he didn't want to do it. I don't think he was. I don't know of sound mind at the time. He basically had a falling down moment, like sitting had said, only he mixed up the movies. He just snapped.

[Sydney Gant]

Thank you for pointing that out.

[Ryan Shaner]

And he's like, you know what? Now I need. I need it.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like he draws pictures of himself. Very muscular.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, yeah, that tracks.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like he draws a lot of either muscular or in full dusters.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. And his penis is always ejaculating in.

[Zach Amico]

His pictures or at least dripping. Dripping like a Mr. Coffee.

[Ryan Shaner]

And he is holding it like a baby.

[Sydney Gant]

Bourbon. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's over his shoulder with a swaddling.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So, Shannon, did we find out anything? This guy get arrested or. We just saw the video.

[Shannon]

I don't. Just that video.

[Sydney Gant]

No, that cop was like, yo, how about me and you go to the club picking up chicks?

[Ryan Shaner]

So we don't. We don't even know how old this idiot was.

[Sydney Gant]

I would say in his late 30s.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, he.

[Zach Amico]

Let's see him one more time.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say late 20s.

[Sydney Gant]

Hit. Gray. He had gray in his beard.

[Ryan Shaner]

I've seen people with gray in their beard. No, he's. I think that's just.

I mean, maybe 30, late 30s.

[Zach Amico]

Really hard to clock there. Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm gonna say early 30s. I'm gonna say 32.

[Sydney Gant]

You can count the rings in his eyes. I think it's how you tell all the nation is.

I don't know him.

[Ryan Shaner]

I'm not. Okay. I'm the baddest in the whole multiverse.

[Shannon]

Okay, this is a little uncomfortable.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, that's mid to late 30s, man.

[Ryan Shaner]

Get the out of here, man.

Yeah, I will.

[Shannon]

What the.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, there's my dad's rubbing alcohol.

[Shannon]

Man.

[Ryan Shaner]

Are you okay?

I mean, this is really unfortunate, and I feel bad for every employee involved, but it is like. You know what's wild about this is that this used to be a thing where if this happened, of course this guy's career or whatever job he had has is ruined. However, that is one drop in the bucket of how many times this is happening. That, like, he's kind of going to get lost in the salt, like lost in the ether. You will forget about this guy. If he ever moves somewhere, he's got to register as, like a sex offender or something. He's. He could fly under the radar and just be asking anybody they want to fuck at any point in time. He'll never.

[Zach Amico]

He'll never be if he works somewhere and someone thinks they recognize him, they're probably going to be too afraid to be wrong.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What are the chances that you have an Asian co worker? You're like.

[Sydney Gant]

Especially.

[Ryan Shaner]

That was.

[Sydney Gant]

You think that was support? Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You think I would. That's disgusting.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

He's not even the right kind of Asian.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, that is an ultimate out. Like, you think we all look alike, don't you? This is up.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's how he gets away with it.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, you could have just switched places with another Asian if they don't in the store. If you switch hats with him and nobody would know, dude, you move for.

[Ryan Shaner]

A month, come back with a longer haircut. No one, no one under. No one knows you. No one knows you. That guy's got it in spades. It's just like now you'd think, like, yeah, that's going to ruin whatever. You know it support job he's got, but give it 10 months, he'll be fine. But that's the crazy.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, Asians bounce back.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

You can't keep an Asian.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, it's impossible.

[Zach Amico]

He'll be fine.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Zach Amico]

He'll be married.

[Ryan Shaner]

They're the warrior class, dude. They're.

Not going to stop, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Very honorable.

[Zach Amico]

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[Shannon]

Okay, so.

Hold on one second. I'll show you the video, then I can tell you a little more about it.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. By the way, I didn't think it was going to be NYU the way.

[Ryan Shaner]

You said that.

Right before it all happened. So I circled where I'm walking. I just crossed the street and I'm.

[Zach Amico]

Walking down the right side of Broadway.

[Sydney Gant]

And then you can see that he.

[Ryan Shaner]

Literally followed me across the street. And that's him right there. And he literally targets me and approaches.

[Zach Amico]

Me and does this.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, jeez. He assaulted her.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's a wind up, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. That's not an ass.

[Zach Amico]

Literally everyone around is literally in shock.

[Ryan Shaner]

These girls, like, don't know what to do. It was. It's so terrible.

[Zach Amico]

And then they thankfully helped me up.

[Sydney Gant]

He put her to the ground with it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Did she fall.

With an ass?

[Shannon]

It says that he grabbed her by the hair and grabbed her to the ground.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, what a piece of.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, that's a piece of. That's a piece of.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Sydney Gant]

But still, you never know. It might work.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's also like, look, I've seen a lot of amazing asses in my life.

[Sydney Gant]

Huh.

[Ryan Shaner]

Nothing that I've crossed the street, followed and then assaulted, though.

[Sydney Gant]

There's no way he did that because that was an amazing ass. He probably followed her for blocks thinking it was an amazing ass. And she finally he got cat asked and he was.

[Ryan Shaner]

So he got up there, he's like, this is not.

Yeah. I could have had happen that way.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

But I also don't think like, ass fished.

[Sydney Gant]

I should have said ass fished.

[Zach Amico]

We do.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. Yeah, you got ass fished. It just sounds like something my wife wants to do to me and I will not let her do.

[Ryan Shaner]

You just could have been crack.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. She's been pushing it for years. I will not let her ass fish me.

[Ryan Shaner]

I just think the windup is what really kills me. Like, he like, look again, not justifying anything this dude did. He could have done it and gotten away with it, but he fucking had to go Mark McGuire on this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Try and knock it out of the park. And I don't know why.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. He was trying to dislocate her hips.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's insane.

[Sydney Gant]

He bent his knees. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

He really.

[Sydney Gant]

He dug into the earth so that he could put her on her pelvis. That's crazy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, that's. I wonder how long he had been preparing for that.

[Sydney Gant]

He was probably so upset that he didn't knock her over, that's why he pulled her hair. Bummer.

[Zach Amico]

Or he was like, how do you tell a girl you like her.

[Sydney Gant]

As an adult?

[Zach Amico]

As an adult.

[Sydney Gant]

As an adult.

[Zach Amico]

As an adult, what's a great way to get a lady's attention? Say I like you.

[Ryan Shaner]

That. Yes. No, Maybe on paper. Doesn't work anymore. I gotta go out and just slap a chick's ass on the, on the sidewalk. I just.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Honestly, again, I think it's just a collection of crazy people who are out in the street.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

So we can call it that, but we can also look at it as these guys not knowing completely how to do it or trying to bring the 90s back. When you can go up to a girl and be like, hey, you want to fuck? Or like give a little tap on the butt.

[Ryan Shaner]

Ever happened in the 90s?

[Sydney Gant]

That was the 90s.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't remember.

[Zach Amico]

I think the tap on the butt was discouraged. I think definitely you were a little. You could be a little more forward.

[Shannon]

You had.

[Zach Amico]

This is like. We're talking like 56.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, that's. I think if the tap on the button, the 90s was someone you loosely knew, like you may have seen every now and again you can kind of like, what's going on?

[Sydney Gant]

You're trying to escalate.

[Ryan Shaner]

This lady was walking to school and this guy, this guy was assailant. Dude, he fucking came out of nowhere on this bitch. This is a totally different thing. I don't think that's ever worked in this.

[Zach Amico]

Get arrested, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yes. So the guy's name is James Rizzo. He's 45. He has 16 prior arrests.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, wow.

[Shannon]

Including one in 2023 for forcible touching. When police said he groped a 33 year old woman in Greenwich Village and said, oh, you want more?

And apparently I saw another article that the girl that was slapped is like somehow knows Megan Kelly and like she posted the video somewhere and that helped for them to catch the guy. But this is what the guy looks like and they did get him.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, he looks like a serial assailant.

[Ryan Shaner]

And you said 16 priors.

[Shannon]

16 prior arrests. Not, not all this, but yeah, but either.

[Ryan Shaner]

Were they all in the realm of sexual assault?

[Shannon]

It doesn't list all of them.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, he does look.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Possibly homeless.

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's. He's lacking homes, definitely. But I will say it's like at that point, 16 priors and one of which you groped a lady and then were, you know, verbally so we gotta do. We gotta.

[Shannon]

It all says he was released from state prison in September after serving two years on a conviction for persistent sexual abuse.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude, we got to do something. Yeah, we gotta do something. I don't know what, but that's.

[Zach Amico]

I understand the prisons are crowded.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Come on.

[Zach Amico]

But I don't know, man. Maybe we gotta start making priorities, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

We gotta do something. We gotta streamline some kind of thing. Like, 16 priors is nuts. Can we just. We. We got a meat grinder somewhere. We've got a grinder somewhere, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, I. I kind of feel hypocritical trying to comment on what this man has done, because last night I tried to grope my way into sex with my sleeping wife, and I caught at least two of his 16 priors.

[Ryan Shaner]

So here's the thing. You are. You are biblically bounded. You are biblically bound, and you have a home. You're kind of like.

[Sydney Gant]

That's fair.

[Ryan Shaner]

You're not out on the street just causing problems. You're not running amok.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, she just turned away from me, and I was like, okay, that's a no.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, that's a clear now, you know? Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

I didn't. Keep going. I didn't say, you want some more.

[Ryan Shaner]

You didn't say, I'm the most badass in the multiverse.

[Sydney Gant]

You'll come. Come suck my multiverse, damn it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I don't know. It's kind of like when you hear someone has 16 prior arrests and they're all for. Or majority of them, sexual assault. There's got to be. We got to get an island. Can we get an island? Do we have a. Like.

[Sydney Gant]

I think we tried that.

[Ryan Shaner]

We tried that, but it was a different. No, no, no. It could go well. We could rebrand, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Ryan Shaner]

Surviving the game.

[Sydney Gant]

We tried it twice.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't England try that? Yeah, it was Australia. All right.

[Ryan Shaner]

They failed where they failed. We will prevail, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. What's Haiti? Isn't that a try? Didn't we try something with.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, we don't. We don't try anything.

[Sydney Gant]

Okay.

[Ryan Shaner]

We don't try anything in Haiti. No, we. We gotta. We can.

[Sydney Gant]

Didn't.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wait, didn't Dubai make their own islands?

[Zach Amico]

No, I don't know. Some.

[Ryan Shaner]

Somewhere in Saudi. Saudi Arabia, they made their own islands. We can make a island somewhere.

[Sydney Gant]

I think those are, like, Epstein Ish.

[Zach Amico]

Islands. Islands.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, they're. Well, that's the thing.

[Sydney Gant]

They have different rules.

[Ryan Shaner]

Well, these islands would have.

[Zach Amico]

You're saying, make Alcatrazes, basically.

[Ryan Shaner]

Basically an Alcatraz. But like, it's. There's. Yo. If you wanna. It's kind of like surviving the game. You kind of drop these people off.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And they're to. They can do whatever they'd like. But there's.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You've been sentenced to sex predator island.

[Ryan Shaner]

Sex predator.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And maybe there will be a king of the sex predators. But you really. I just think, like, if you have 16 prior, that's like, you're not. There's no rehabilitation anymore.

[Sydney Gant]

So you want to create an expose their penal colony.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Very good.

[Ryan Shaner]

Thank you. I love how you sat the whole time.

[Sydney Gant]

I waited. I waited. I waited for my time.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. So I know there's facilities you can be sent to where it supposedly.

A program.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But if you are.

Up enough or deviant enough, they can basically never approve your release.

So you're there like Debbie, you'll probably be there for six months. In reality, you're gonna die there.

[Ryan Shaner]

You can be sure.

[Sydney Gant]

Chronically horny is what you're saying.

[Zach Amico]

I'm trying to figure out how to word this.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, maybe pathologically horny.

[Zach Amico]

I knew a older couple who played music sick. And they were friends with friends of mine. And we would all meet at bars. And this older couple was kind of weird. And they were fine. They were nice people. But they had a kid who was probably in his 20s.

And all of a sudden they deleted every. They deleted all of us on all social media. Right. And they like, basically like scorched earth all their friends.

And we didn't know what happened. I was like, I wonder if we offended them or something or what happened. Because I knew she had had an argument with a mutual friend of ours. But I know what happened.

Because I knew people.

In law enforcement and in that friend group, there were people that were in the fire department and a few other things. They got to look up their son. Oh, no. And yeah. He had a naughty boy hard drive.

[Ryan Shaner]

Naughty.

[Zach Amico]

A extreme.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was gonna say. How naughty was.

[Sydney Gant]

I think we know a.

[Zach Amico]

No coming back from trading back and forth.

[Ryan Shaner]

Whoops.

[Zach Amico]

Creating oops and selling double whammy, I believe.

[Sydney Gant]

Triple.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

You left out a whammy of, you.

[Zach Amico]

Know, the worst thing.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The worst thing. And I know they moved to, like, be near the facility he was put in because it wasn't a jail.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. They put him in a. Yeah. Like a state hospital.

[Zach Amico]

It was like, it was supposedly presented as like, a rehabilitation.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, dude.

[Zach Amico]

But it's like, from what we were told, it is essentially, you go there and you're there forever.

[Sydney Gant]

It's a concentration camp.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

Now I think.

And this is a bold statement, if you are attracted to children.

[Sydney Gant]

Children.

[Zach Amico]

And I want to say children. I don't mean fat tits on a teenage. Because those are fat tits. Fat tits are fat tits. And I don't care if they're on the. They're evergreen girl or if they're on a tree.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If I saw a tree with cash me outside, girls tits on it, I would go. I want to titty that tree for sure. Okay.

[Sydney Gant]

You're barking up the wrong creep.

[Ryan Shaner]

Human nature.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I'm saying. Prepubescent.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes. Child. Children. Children.

[Zach Amico]

If that's what gets you going.

I think it's just a bullet in the head.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. You can't.

[Zach Amico]

And I think honestly, if I woke up one day and had that feeling and I didn't have the balls to kill myself, I would beg someone to kill me.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because I think it's incurable. You're. Something is dramatically wrong with your brain chemistry.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That is making you the worst thing.

[Sydney Gant]

So think you're a monster from another life. That you got reincarnated into a dude that likes kids like that.

[Zach Amico]

Or somebody did something up to you.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, Very, very, very much so.

[Sydney Gant]

I mean say that's very much a possibility.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You got grandfathered in. Yeah. Or uncle.

[Sydney Gant]

Then do I think the universe grandfathered you in? I think like you got. You were such a. You were such a horrible person.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was molested by God, dude.

[Sydney Gant]

You were such a horrible person in your last life that God put you in a place that. To get diddled as a kid.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wow.

[Sydney Gant]

Do you know what I mean?

[Ryan Shaner]

You believe in Come karma. Sure.

[Zach Amico]

Karma.

[Ryan Shaner]

You believe.

In fu. That's fine.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. No, that's. That, that's. That's retribution. That's retribution from the universe.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I think if you were.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Attracted to kids, I think you would want to die.

[Ryan Shaner]

I think. Well, here's what I. I will think.

[Zach Amico]

Cuz I heard. I would hope.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. That's. That's. That's a hellscape. Unless you're born into royalty. Do you know what I mean? If you're an average person that likes kids, like God hates you. If you are like a Persian prince that likes kids, like God kind of has your back.

[Zach Amico]

I just saw it. But we'll put. We'll come right back to Shannon. While we're talking. Can you please look up the British king who was born with a giant head and he was illiterate and couldn't speak awesome.

And why they. I. It was, I think, 150 years straight of protecting the bloodline. And it was when they were like, ah, we gotta stop this.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's like the mutant from Midsummer, just.

[Zach Amico]

Scribbling that paintings of him are. Because, you know, they shushed him up.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, they had to. Yeah, they tried.

[Zach Amico]

And he's horrified.

[Ryan Shaner]

Look at his.

[Zach Amico]

But he kind of looks like the head from mtv. Oh, really?

[Ryan Shaner]

I just think it. So there. I. I read a while ago, because I watched this ridiculous.

Documentary called Chicken Hawk, which is all about NAMBLA, which is wild, and it's on YouTube. It's free. And it's horrifying in the way that one, it's free to the content, and three, after you watch it, you think you're on some kind of list. It is beyond nuts. But they were talking about some people who had voluntarily checked themselves into, like, a mental institution after, like, being like, look, I don't understand why I'm attracted to children. I just. I'm. I'm taking myself off the street. And apparently, allegedly. I don't know if this is true. Those people who voluntarily check themselves into a mental institution for pedophilic thoughts are studied and taken care of better than other people who are placed there from the state. It's almost like they're like, I know I'm a gun, and I know I'm gonna kill people.

[Sydney Gant]

It's heroic.

[Ryan Shaner]

I have to take myself. I wouldn't. I wouldn't know. You are.

[Sydney Gant]

You're a hero. I don't know if you're taking out. You're taking a villain off the street.

[Ryan Shaner]

I would say it's. It's. It's honorable.

[Sydney Gant]

It's definitely.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's honorable.

[Zach Amico]

I think it's responsible.

[Ryan Shaner]

Responsible. There you go.

[Sydney Gant]

Definitely responsible. I still say. I still say it's a little heroic.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Because that's got to be hard for them.

[Zach Amico]

Just remember, guns don't fill.

[Ryan Shaner]

You want them to have a plaque.

[Sydney Gant]

Sydney, they deserve something. They deserve something.

[Ryan Shaner]

They're just, like, a lot of fingers on a.

[Sydney Gant]

Think about how many kids they passed on the way to that place to check.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, how many kids were spared? Yes, that is one thing.

[Sydney Gant]

That's crazy.

[Ryan Shaner]

But, yeah, when you. When you figure that. That someone's like, yo, man, something is clearly up, and I'm making a point to take myself out of the equation. Yeah, that's. That's commendable. But it's also, like, there is no fixing it. There's no. There's no fixing it. Like, and Even with all the electroshock therapy they've had, and they've tried to, like, you know, hypnosis and a bunch of, like, that. There's. Yeah, I don't think there's any.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, it seems like I don't think there's anything. Once your body decides this is how I want to come, like, you can't. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

You can't reverse the trajectory of calm.

[Sydney Gant]

No, it's impossible.

[Zach Amico]

It's only gonna get worse.

[Ryan Shaner]

Exactly.

[Zach Amico]

Nobody's fetish disappear, dissipates.

[Sydney Gant]

Fetishes only evolve.

[Ryan Shaner]

And that's why they also. I think it was either Finland is one of the. One of the netherland countries. They were developing those companion dolls that were children that also had orifices, which everyone was like, why are you making these things with orifices? And someone's like, well, no, it's to supplement people who have, like, you know, these thoughts. They can just have this. And it's like, what a slippery slope. It only. It can only go to, like, one thing.

[Sydney Gant]

It's like tofurk.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, you're gonna be like, now, Now, I've had this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's like giving a murder or.

[Sydney Gant]

A pillow to stay.

[Ryan Shaner]

Exactly. It's wild.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. You're getting practice.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. And nobody wants to be the. Like, the most.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Practicing on that and be like, I'm the best. I know.

[Zach Amico]

Exactly.

[Sydney Gant]

You would much rather be the Allen Iverson of pedophilia.

[Ryan Shaner]

No. You don't want to be the practice.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Practice.

[Ryan Shaner]

Practice I can step on.

[Sydney Gant]

Not the game. Yeah, not the game where I give my life.

[Zach Amico]

They did say Michael Jordan fucked a lot of kids that one time he had the flu. It was amazing.

[Sydney Gant]

It was the guilt game.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, did you find the king I was talking about?

[Shannon]

So I have two possible ones that you might be referring to. Here's one of them. And then this is where, like, the Habsburg jaw thing.

[Zach Amico]

I believe this might be him that's a transgender.

[Shannon]

And then this was the other one that I found this guy here.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I think it's the first one. Can you read us his ailments?

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay. Give me one second.

[Zach Amico]

If he's illiterate, that's the one I'm talking about.

[Shannon]

Okay. So. But this guy was from Spain.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Shannon]

And hold on one second.

[Zach Amico]

When I was wrong about England.

[Shannon]

But there, it's. It's like a similar. That Habsburg jaw thing.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Shannon]

I think goes through them. So Habsburg jaw is a pronounced underbite that makes chewing difficult. Large tongue, difficulty walking Epilepsy, impaired mental capacity, childlike and senile. Infertile.

[Ryan Shaner]

Well, damn.

[Zach Amico]

And do you. Can you read us his bio?

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, these dudes, they're mules also.

[Ryan Shaner]

Shannon, can you read it the way he would read it?

[Zach Amico]

This guy sounded like such. All I thought of was Paul Rubens on 30 Rock.

Because they literally, like, this guy couldn't feed himself. He was so up, and they still had to make him king. How old a lady? Like, he had a wife.

[Ryan Shaner]

Man, what a time.

[Shannon]

So it said he was known as the Bewitched for his poor health, physical disabilities, and intellectual limitations, which are the result of generations of inbreeding within the royal family. He ruled from 1665.

His parents were uncle and niece.

[Sydney Gant]

Of course.

[Ryan Shaner]

That'll do it.

[Shannon]

He crowned. He was crowned king at age 3.

[Ryan Shaner]

Now, that's irresponsible. That's crazy.

[Shannon]

He died in 1700 without a male heir because he couldn't have kids, leading to a major European crisis.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, that's like making a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. You know, it's gonna break down.

[Shannon]

You can't keep doing that. The successor that he named was his grandson and his half sister. Grandson of his half sister. Sorry.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay. I was like, wow, these are. This is a wild family.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But, yeah, they said he basically was mentally handicapped. He couldn't move around. He couldn't feed himself.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he had a big time. He couldn't talk or.

Fake or read.

[Ryan Shaner]

So, wait, what was. So he. He did get married. Jesus Christ.

Freddie Mercury.

[Sydney Gant]

He almost kind of looks like Lionel Richie.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, a little bit. Oh, man. So wait, he. He had a wife, you said. Now, isn't it with, like, royalty? Don't they try to, like, unify one kingdom with another? I don't know if I've learned anything.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

From Robin Hood. Robin Hood, Prince of thieves or something.

[Sydney Gant]

That does happen at times.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Okay. So they clearly had to take, like, a princess from, like, another family and be like, hey, we're gonna.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Good news, bad news.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, you will be a queen. Bad news.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. They. They grabbed a chick from the house of hoes. Yeah. Do you want him?

[Zach Amico]

Bad news.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. He usually wears his wig backwards, like, cousin it. And puts his eye. It's like, he's pretty. He's such a fun guy.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Would you, if you were in that position, say you were a prince? Because you are a prince.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Ryan Shaner]

And then they're like, you have to marry this princess, but she's beyond. And how do you think you'd Go around.

Like. I'm trying to think of, like, how could you bring yourself to Banga?

[Zach Amico]

I don't think so.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I don't think I could either.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh.

[Ryan Shaner]

I mean, I do it.

[Sydney Gant]

It was a different time, guys.

[Ryan Shaner]

I know. It's a different time.

[Sydney Gant]

We didn't have the same sort of, like, standards exactly. Or hesitations that we have now, I think.

[Ryan Shaner]

Show me this guy again. Shannon, can you please show me this man again and tell me, like. And look, try to put yourself in a woman's shoes for three minutes.

[Sydney Gant]

What I'm doing is putting fat tits on that face.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay.

[Sydney Gant]

And imagine that's a lady. And I'm like, at that time.

[Ryan Shaner]

Thank God. At that time, dude, no amount of. There would have to. You'd have to have, like, a. Like, the greatest body in the world also.

[Zach Amico]

Now, please assume, like I said, that's a royal portrait. Yes, that is.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's someone.

[Zach Amico]

That is the Photoshop of the time. Yes. That was the best possible portrait of him. They were getting out. I'm sure the reality.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, man.

[Zach Amico]

Was so much worse.

[Sydney Gant]

Don't we.

[Ryan Shaner]

Don't we have, like, a way to. Because I've watched things on. On that Internet about how, like, they take pictures of people from, like, the Renaissance and they make AI. Make them all look real. Don't we have, like, the technology to, like, project about what. What they could possibly.

[Zach Amico]

I would love to say there's gotta.

[Sydney Gant]

Be a way, because he probably had, like, cysts and open sword.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, there's no. He probably, like Rocky Dennis. I swear to God, it's got to be some kind of weird gigantism or the guy that, like. Did you ever see the dude, the. The one wrestler. Oh, my good Lord.

[Shannon]

This is. If he made it to 35, this is what they say he would have looked like Jesus.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, he's.

[Zach Amico]

Yikes.

[Sydney Gant]

An alien.

[Zach Amico]

Oh.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, my. You know Shannon.

[Sydney Gant]

Yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

All right. He's got a good body. He approaches you. Approaches you in the bar, Shannon, and he goes.

[Zach Amico]

He's a. He's a Kiltonee golden ticket winner.

[Ryan Shaner]

Golden ticket winner. He goes.

[Zach Amico]

Hang on.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's all you call the bar. I think, actually he's tall.

[Sydney Gant]

He's kind of a bad boy.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's got a really sick tribal chest tattoo. He actually came in third place in a powerlifting competition just recently.

[Sydney Gant]

He paints.

[Zach Amico]

He's never lifted anything before.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's just so jacked.

[Zach Amico]

Would you.

[Ryan Shaner]

And he's like, you know, I just want to make you my princess. Would you give him. Not a shot? But Would you entertain a conversation with the man?

[Shannon]

I just feel like if his speech is the way that you are making it, I don't know that I could, like, get like. That would take you out of it.

[Ryan Shaner]

Bring him back up real quick.

[Zach Amico]

So let him back up real quick.

Zoom in on the bald one.

[Shannon]

It's not a great quality.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, well, it's not. No, it's not.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, no, no. Bring it back up. Bring that exact photo.

Command. Just go to Jamaica with me. I will make nothing. You're in Jamaica. You will be the happiest man you ever been. I am the king of this castle. I will bring you to Jamaica.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, man. Well, what if he had, like, a really, like.

[Sydney Gant]

Like, eloquent.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

Like, hey, let's go back to my place and fuck what's going on?

[Zach Amico]

Go back. He's the baddest.

[Ryan Shaner]

He's the baddest motherfucker in the multiverse.

[Zach Amico]

So I. I've been on a kick lately. The reason I was so interested in this. I've been reading numbers on how many people in the world right now are inbred and what communities that's a problem in.

[Sydney Gant]

Boy, some. Some that you wouldn't think. But it's definitely a problem.

[Ryan Shaner]

You know what? I'm not.

[Sydney Gant]

There's some. There's some, like, communities that you wouldn't think.

[Zach Amico]

Inbreeding is how bringing down the IQ downs. The IQ of certain.

Highly religious cultures.

[Ryan Shaner]

You don't say.

[Zach Amico]

And that the average. Whatever an average person's IQ is. I think something below 70 is considered mentally handicapped.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

And how every generation of these.

Cultures that marry off cousins still, they're getting closer and closer to an average IQ of 70. They're gleaming the cube and that they're gonna start out fucking us.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, no.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, this is. We're in the prequel to Idiocracy straight up.

[Zach Amico]

And it's gonna be.

Because they tend to not be too weirded out by the cousin thing still.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I think in some places it's encouraged.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they're making angry retards, man.

[Sydney Gant]

Dude. It's got to be kind of hard in heterogeneous cultures to see. To look at somebody and tell that they're not from your family.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Sydney Gant]

You know what I mean? So it's like, what am I. Am I not gonna. Because she might be my cousin. That's crazy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

So I grew up in a small town with a big family. Two times in my life, I kissed two different cousins.

And didn't find out until so the. The last one I didn't find out, she was my cousin. We used to go to a park and make out all the time. She asked me to walk her home and her dad answered the door and I was like, huh, that's my dad's cousin.

[Zach Amico]

So that's not a cousin. That's a.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's a second cousin.

[Sydney Gant]

It's a second cousin.

[Zach Amico]

And it's not good.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, it's not good. But in the state of Pennsylvania. Fair game.

[Zach Amico]

Above board. Fair game.

[Ryan Shaner]

Fair game, dude. Fair game.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Which all the Pennsylvania buzzer beaters. Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

No, I was. I was told from an early age to keep it out of the bloodline.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. I think it's funny you had to be told in an early. It'd be told at all. I think most people were like, hey.

[Sydney Gant]

You gotta let people know.

[Zach Amico]

Don't.

[Ryan Shaner]

Don't. Your cousins.

[Sydney Gant]

That's not common sense. It's not common sense. Not because they're. They're close to you and they're like, hot. Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

They get to know you, you know what I mean?

[Sydney Gant]

And they accept you.

[Zach Amico]

I know.

[Ryan Shaner]

We've all been in that situation.

[Sydney Gant]

It's tough.

[Ryan Shaner]

I had a cousin, Amber, that when we were.

[Sydney Gant]

Amber sounds hot.

[Ryan Shaner]

When we were kids, we would wrestle all. We were the same age. I think we were either. Yeah, we were second cousins and we would wrestle all the time. She would, like. She was the same height as me and like, I was a small kid and we were same age. We would wrestle all the time. And this went on for. Anytime we would see each other was happening, we would go like months to a year without seeing each other. But every time we did, we would like throw down wrestling. My dad and his cousin would laugh. They'd be like, this is so funny. This is so fun. And then a couple years went by and Amber developed very fast. And I was in around seventh grade and I saw it. I was like, oh, yeah, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I'm like limbering up to, like, pouring alcohol over.

[Ryan Shaner]

Dude.

Destroy this chick.

[Zach Amico]

And I remember your leg up on a window.

[Ryan Shaner]

I actually put on Tim. I was ready to fuck this up. And I remember we started wrestling and at one point she was on top of me and, like, I grabbed her waist and, like, kept her straddling me. And I was like, trying to, like, get her over.

[Sydney Gant]

You pulled mount, dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

I remember her being not yanked.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

But, like, swiftly pulled off of me by her dad and my dad. No, you guys can't. You guys can't be wrestling no more. I'm like, what I was like I was about to win. She's like. She was also like very confused. Like, this is just.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

And then I realized I had blasted my entire canyon river blues so hard with. With calm.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, no, no. But I was so. Damn it. No, I was super hard, though.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was super hard.

[Sydney Gant]

And I. I mean, that's the problem.

[Ryan Shaner]

I didn't know.

[Sydney Gant]

Well, is getting hard from your cousin. The things she's.

[Ryan Shaner]

Second cousin. Second off.

[Sydney Gant]

That's a cousin.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's. Look again. In the great state of Pennsylvania in the Commonwealth. I'm going by Pennsylvania Dutch law, dude. Yeah, I'm. I'm all good.

[Sydney Gant]

My first.

[Zach Amico]

Now that's another community I think we got to probably take a look at.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

The Mamishes.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Because I don't know for people that don't. My family used to drive to Pennsylvania Dutch country a lot because I don't know, my mom likes looking at trinkets and likes wasting day. Wasting a Sunday, of course. You know, not like driving four hours to look at nothing.

[Ryan Shaner]

Nothing.

[Zach Amico]

And then four hours back and. Yeah, just waste a whole day. If I get rid of a whole day. That's my. That's my goal. And you would see some of those. The Amish and they're sitting on the back of those buggies staring. And it is deliverance.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's wild.

[Zach Amico]

It is straight up, big head.

Beady eyes.

[Ryan Shaner]

They also have a huge midget population in the Pennsylvania.

[Sydney Gant]

Interesting.

[Ryan Shaner]

I did not know that is rarely ever talked about because they already so homage.

They don't. They don't. So the Amish is as much as they are like, you know, they keep.

[Zach Amico]

Themselves six of them to raise a doghouse.

[Shannon]

Ah.

[Zach Amico]

Mighty fine piece of work for the day. It was.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's actually four stacked in big overalls trying to do it, but they don't. So the Amish, as much as they are closed off to regular, you know, society, they also are aware that like, they live in communities that border regular towns. So they're already seen as like, ooh. Like, they're like, oh, what's up with this community? Nobody really knows anything about them. So they try to keep the midgets like away from people because they don't want more gawkin, they don't want more stairs.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But what happens when go out on Rumpelskin Springer.

[Ryan Shaner]

Allegedly, they don't. So. And again, I don't know if this is true or not. The midgets of this community, they. It's not that they're not allowed to Go on Rum Springer. They usually decline it.

[Sydney Gant]

They have to be this tall to go on.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, there's certain rides they can't do. No, they usually. They tell them like, like, look, you can, you can. But like, people are. They kind of scare them. Like, look, you're already a different thing here. If you go out in society, you're not gonna be accepted the way this person will be. Like, you won't be able to assimilate into like, whatever you're doing right now with everything else. So they kind of scare them into not doing.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, you might end up a cast member of Jackie.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, it's kind of sad in the way, but, like, apparently the he who.

[Zach Amico]

Cannot see above the rose.

[Ryan Shaner]

Children of the baby corn.

Dude, it's. It's a bummer. But, like, I don't know, if I saw a group of Amish midgets get off a bus on Rumspringer, I'd be like, what is.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, the hills have little guys.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, you can't, you can't, you can't.

[Zach Amico]

Can you look this up? Is this there. Is there a. An Amish midget infestation we're unaware of? Because that's fascinating.

[Ryan Shaner]

There's. So there's also an Amish market. So Danny, my producer, he. He goes to this Amish market. He's like, dude, I don't know what it is. Every, every year that I go, there's more and more Amish midgets, more and more of them. He's like, and I don't know what's going on. Like, dude, it's the inbreed. It's like, they don't allow people into their religion and they only have so much. And like, especially in Amish communities, they try very hard to have mixers where they bring in other communities to like, marry off and stuff like that. They also, as of recently, they've been bringing in people that are like, lax, like Mennonite.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Ryan Shaner]

To then like, hey, we know you're not full blown Amish, but if you are, like, kind of close to this, maybe you can convert to full Amishness and we'll let you in and do all this stuff. But yeah, they're really grasping.

[Sydney Gant]

I also heard that the inbreeding keeps the women with sick bodies. Like, they don't get fat because of the inbreeding.

[Ryan Shaner]

You think inbred women are.

[Sydney Gant]

That's what I hear about the Amish. I hear.

[Ryan Shaner]

Did you know when you say, you hear that, did you make that up.

[Sydney Gant]

When you say, no, no, no, I Read this. I read this somewhere. That Amish women, their bodies, they don't get. Like, there's a gene that causes people to stack on weight. And because of the inbreeding, they don't have that gene. So they just stay sick.

[Zach Amico]

Either that or it's just bred out of them. Like. Yeah, yeah, like no fat cheeks, says I.

[Shannon]

Okay, so I found.

[Zach Amico]

We raised cat. You don't sleep with him. J.

[Ryan Shaner]

No pigs.

[Zach Amico]

Ah, I see brother Jacob has gone hogging.

[Sydney Gant]

Now.

[Ryan Shaner]

Don't talk about that.

[Sydney Gant]

In the morning, there's probably just a shed with fat women and midgets. They keep them all.

[Zach Amico]

The best place ever. I would. I would move there now. I'd never be happier.

[Sydney Gant]

So they turn all their butter.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, they should.

[Shannon]

Okay, so I found that in isolated groups, due to founder effect, this version of dwarfism is referred to as Ellis Van Crevelt syndrome. And it's a genetic syndrome which can cause short stature, 40 to 60 inches, a heart defect, and an extra finger on each hand.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Shannon]

And that this is particularly in the old order Amish groups.

[Ryan Shaner]

That is awesome. I didn't know that. I knew about the midgets. The extra finger on it.

[Sydney Gant]

Dude, that's crazy.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's awesome.

[Sydney Gant]

Shannon, can you also look up if they. If the women have sick bodies because it's inbreeding.

[Shannon]

So when I looked up Amish women don't gain weight. And the first thing that came up, it says the idea that Amish women don't gain weight is a myth. So I didn't go further than that.

[Sydney Gant]

But I did read it somewhere.

[Shannon]

I believe you.

[Sydney Gant]

Whether it's wrong or not.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, I've seen some. I've seen some fatty Amish.

[Shannon]

They also, like, don't eat like, garbage.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, they don't eat garbage like us.

[Shannon]

And working with their hands and like doing physical stuff.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, they just stay. They stay like, you know, they got stuff to do.

[Zach Amico]

You know how much funny it must be to watch a midget trying churn butter? It's probably goes too high and his little feet start kicking.

[Sydney Gant]

They jump every time.

[Zach Amico]

You gotta hold on. We're all six fingers.

[Ryan Shaner]

There's got to be like. Then again, it's also like, maybe we don't hear about the Amish with their midgets. Because when accidents happen, it's gotta happen happened. Like, you know, if you're bailing hay in a whole bale of hay falls on like a regular guy. That's maybe a broken leg.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Maybe a few cracked ribs falling on a. That's a death Sentence.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

You know, there's got to be a lot of midge graves in the Amish graveyard.

[Zach Amico]

You think they have ponies and buggies?

[Ryan Shaner]

That the miniature horses.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

Bring them around.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like little Sebastian.

[Sydney Gant]

The other little red wagons.

[Ryan Shaner]

So here's the other thing. With all the Amish midgets that I've seen, I've only seen Amish men. I haven't seen any women, which also makes me feel weird. The more I think about, I'm like, I've only seen Amish midget men.

[Sydney Gant]

You can't let those go out into the real world.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. I would take one of those like a football.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'd run out the front door for sure. Mine.

[Ryan Shaner]

That's a delicacy. Yeah, you can't do that. But those guys got to get married. Do you think they're marrying tall ladies or just midgets?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. We. It's whatever. Are their marriages arranged?

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Well, not arranged, but there. There are no. There's no such thing as an Amish bachelor. They don't. They. That's very frowned upon. Like, if you reach a certain age and you're not married, you're not shunned completely, but you're like, yo, let's get on.

[Zach Amico]

We'll.

[Ryan Shaner]

We'll make this work for you.

[Zach Amico]

You know how much it hurts my feelings that Amish midgets probably grow way better beards than me?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, definitely, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it hurts my feeling so much.

[Ryan Shaner]

Amazing looking.

[Sydney Gant]

That's why you can't tell that there are Amish women. Ladies. They also grow beard.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, they all just look like. Has disguise.

Dude.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's freakish. It's freakish when you see them.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we'll do one or two more things and get out of here.

You know, stuff we talked about pissing and things. Houston janitor who urinated in water bottles at doctor's office, sentenced to prison. Why was that, Shannon?

[Shannon]

Because part of it was that he was spreading STDs to the workers.

[Zach Amico]

What did he give?

[Shannon]

Herpes simplex 1 and hepatitis A.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wait, so wait, he was peeing in the water bottles?

[Shannon]

Yeah. So what happened was he was peeing in the, like, the water cooler. So there were, like, a couple of women that would, like, go to pour their water from it and be like, oh, this smells weird. I'm just going to get water from somewhere else. All right, so through there. But then also there were a couple of women that would leave their, like, water bottles at their desk overnight.

[Zach Amico]

Their Stanley's. Yeah, yeah.

[Shannon]

And then come back the next day, and it would be, like, cloudy or weird or something. And so one of the women put, like, a little camera on her desktop. And then that's how they found out that this janitor had aimed at a few people. And he admitted. He admitted.

[Sydney Gant]

Targeted a few people.

[Shannon]

He admitted to doing it and said he has a sickness. Doesn't know how many times he's done it or to how many people, but they did. They arrested him. He got a six year sentence. He has to serve at least two of those years before he gets parole.

[Ryan Shaner]

Okay, here's.

[Sydney Gant]

Here's.

[Ryan Shaner]

Here's my question.

[Zach Amico]

Here's my Chinese.

[Shannon]

I'll show you. I'll show you his picture.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I do want to show the picture. Ryan, what does he look like?

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, what does he look like?

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Ryan Shaner]

So I'm gonna say he's either a white man in his mid to late 40s.

[Sydney Gant]

Okay.

[Ryan Shaner]

With a ponytail, with, like, top, like, balding and a little bit of Apache beard.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Or scarlet.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. Scullet. Or black male, frail. Oh, 60s, 60s.

[Sydney Gant]

My black man was less than frail. He wasn't.

[Ryan Shaner]

No, no, this is. This is like a frail, like, you know, like. Like, black male, frail, in his 60s, with, like, a little bit of, like, a beard on the front, like a tuft.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, my black eye for this looked like, remember Rock? Like the show rock. Yes. That's my black eye. Like, almost Forrest White.

[Ryan Shaner]

Almost Forrest. So you mean the groundskeeper from Rudy.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see that. I see that, too.

[Zach Amico]

I'm going old black.

[Ryan Shaner]

Old black. I think that might be it.

[Shannon]

Okay. This is his picture. His name is Lucio Catarino Diaz.

[Sydney Gant]

No.

[Ryan Shaner]

Wow. We did not. You know, now that I see the picture, it should have known.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah, that's that guy. That's for sure. That guy.

[Ryan Shaner]

Damn it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, you know what? You live and you learn.

[Ryan Shaner]

You know what?

[Zach Amico]

But live and you learn.

[Ryan Shaner]

So wait, Shannon, you said that he got six years.

[Shannon]

Yeah, six years.

[Zach Amico]

He's got to serve two before he's up for parole.

[Ryan Shaner]

What was his. Did he have any priors?

[Shannon]

So here. I don't see that, but I don't. I feel like. I don't know if this is a typo. This seems. I don't understand this, but it said that he pled guilty to aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

[Sydney Gant]

Well, if you're pissing out herpes.

[Ryan Shaner]

Yeah. If you have a disease. Yeah, that could be. I could see that being classified as such.

[Zach Amico]

That's almost worth it. Just so you can tell people your dick's a deadly weapon.

[Ryan Shaner]

It's Bruce P. Yeah.

[Sydney Gant]

I had to register these hands and die. This dick has a deadly weapon.

[Shannon]

His attorney did release the following statement. Mr. Diaz was remorseful for his actions and did not. Did not want to go to trial and put the complainants through that process as well. He accepted responsibility for his actions and accepted the negotiated plea offer.

And.

Yeah, and. And he just. He. Yeah, he apologized, and then they did a.

[Sydney Gant]

That's why he's arrested.

[Zach Amico]

They couldn't get the pen.

[Ryan Shaner]

You think he went to appeal at court?

He's going to appeal it.

[Zach Amico]

E. You got to go to the penal system.

[Sydney Gant]

Oh, he's in there. He's in there deep.

[Zach Amico]

All right, guys, we're going to call. Go ahead.

[Ryan Shaner]

I was. I was going to say he probably was going to get judged by a jury of his peers.

[Shannon]

I.

[Ryan Shaner]

You know, I. I tried.

[Zach Amico]

Well, thank you guys so much for tuning in. This has been the Morning Zoo. Thank you so much to my guests. Ryan, Shayna, Cindy. Can't please listen to World War Fun. Anything else you guys want to plug real quick?

[Ryan Shaner]

Yes. I wrote a book called Solomon. If you go to my. My Instagram, there's going to be a link there. Please check it out. I've sold over 200 copies. I've gone international as of recently. Please check it out. There's deals on the Shopify website. And also check out the end with Ryan Shannon. Please call the hotline, 833-443-5300. Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Excellent, Chad.

[Sydney Gant]

So along with World War I, the greatest podcast known to man. Also follow me idneygant on Instagram and what is it? Twitter X. And then on December 8th, I'm gonna be at Helium Comedy doing a show for the book signing of Solomon.

[Ryan Shaner]

Oh, yeah, for him.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, very cool.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. So December 8th, please come out to that show. It's gonna be sick. If you already have a book, bring it. If you don't have a book, you'll be able to buy one there. Ryan will sign it. He'll draw a penis on it for.

[Ryan Shaner]

You if you want him to Schmidt penis on there.

[Sydney Gant]

Yeah. And then other than that, guys, you got to check out all we're fun. Ryan and I are really taking the podcast medium to a whole nother level. So great. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Well, thank you guys so much for tuning in. It's me, your other boy, the international superstar. Follow me on Instagram and Zach is now Funny Punchup live for tickets, and I will see you on Friday here on the morning, Zoo. Bye bye.

[Ryan Shaner]

The fun's begun.

[Zach Amico]

No sleeping in.

[Ryan Shaner]

Noon is morning time to him, Papa Mako. Chug it down just like your favorite old beast.

[Shannon]

Clown.

[Zach Amico]

Grab a coffee and join the crew.

It's Acamiko. Morning, Sue.

It's acknowledging Aco. Work Work Morning.

[Shannon]

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[Ryan Shaner]

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[Shannon]

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[Zach Amico]

Pit for cozy nights with friends.

[Ryan Shaner]

Or if you're not a sweater person.

[Zach Amico]

We can call it corduroy weather.

[Ryan Shaner]

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[Shannon]

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