0069. Sonia Z. and Miguel Silva

Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo – Episode 0069

Guests: Sonia Z. (Yo That’s Weird podcast) and Miguel Silva (Dork Court podcast)
Release Date: December 12, 2025
Network: GaS Digital Network

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Episode Overview

This lively and distinctly unfiltered morning show delivers its trademark “twisted takes” on the week’s strangest news, raucous stories, and unpredictable comedic chemistry. This episode, Zac is joined by guests Sonia Z. and Miguel Silva, and together they riff through celebrity meltdowns, chaotic family histories, bodily disasters, cartoon conspiracies, and delightfully grotesque personal anecdotes. Listeners can expect shameless, sometimes crude, but always sharply funny banter that veers from the absurdities of American pop culture to the too-real foibles of daily life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tara Reid's Hotel Incident

Segment Start: [04:18]

• Zac brings an update to a previous story about Tara Reid being stretchered out of a hotel after claiming she was drugged.
• Discussion reveals CCTV showed her drinking multiple glasses of wine rather than the single glass she claimed.
• The panel jokes about the "hotel bar drunk," sharing stories about their own experiences.
• Notable quote:
  • Zac: “Hotel bar drunk is its own category of drunk. Especially when you’re going, ‘I just need to make it to the elevator.’” [07:58]

2. Family Drama & the Rule of Threes

Segment Start: [09:10]

• The conversation veers into stories about back-in-the-day stand-up comedy, old crowd work bits, and their own chaotic family trees.
• Discussion of comedian Jackie Vernon (voice of Frosty the Snowman) and his multiple families—naming sons in each relationship ‘Ralph.’
• Sonia and Zac contribute their real-life “rule of threes” stories—Sonia sharing how she found out about a secret sibling, Zac on parental marital history.
• Notable quotes:
  • Zac: “There’s just confused young men all over going, ‘Why does Frosty sound like my only memory of my father?’” [18:37]
  • Sonia: “You don’t have to be anybody to have a secret family. My dad was a used car salesman.” [19:38]

3. The Batman Effect: Social Experiments in Kindness

Segment Start: [23:35]

• A study found that people offer seats to pregnant women on trains more often if someone dressed as Batman is present, even if they don’t ‘notice’ Batman consciously.
• The group jokes about increasing social order by flooding public transit with Batmans, while noting the comic possibility of inadvertent supervillains.
• Notable quote:
  • Miguel: “Every cop should dress up as Batman. Just have mad Batmans everywhere.” [26:12]

4. Baby Born in a Clothing Store

Segment Start: [27:40]

• The crew reacts viscerally to a viral video of a woman giving birth in a baby clothing store. Sonia and Zac share stories of friends having unceremonious, store-bought labor.
• Real talk on the bodily fluids and casualness of fifth-child labor.
• Jokes abound about naming the child after the store or the flooring: “Linoleum.”
• Memorable Moment:
  • Entire cast’s horrified/amazed reaction to the speed and messiness of the birth on tile—"Smashed its head on the tile!” – Sonia [28:11]

5. Bathroom Habits, Anal Fissures, and Gross-outs

Segment Start: [30:29]

• The crassly honest segment where Zac and friends discuss bowel habits triggered by coffee, books, Walmart trips, and airplanes.
• Zac details the perils of butt injuries, fissures, and the over-sharing of bodily trauma among friends—bleak but hilarious.
• Notable quotes:
  • Zac: “Toxic masculinity is bleeding out of your ass and then blaming someone else.” [33:14]
  • Sonia: “Every gay guy I know has had anal fissures.” [33:42]

6. Cartoon & Cultural Conspiracies

Segment Start: [34:57]

• Zac floats (and Shannon fact-checks) the internet theory that “Popeye wasn’t eating spinach, he was taking meth/amphetamines or cocaine.” Ultimately debunked—he was eating spinach, but the can resembled certain vintage pharmaceutical packaging.
• Secondary tangent on blackface roots of cartoon gloves and mannerisms.
• Notable quote:
  • Zac: “It’s one of those things where Zach read something on the Internet and I’m about to present it as a fact...” [35:18]

7. Wild & Morbid Crime Stories

Segment Start: [41:18]

• News of a man who stabbed his parents in their Long Island deli, possibly while under the influence or mental duress; sparks guests to share true crime-adjacent personal stories.
• Miguel relates a shocking tale of a former teammate stabbing his own mother.
• Panel discusses how many deceased sexual partners they've had, with Sonia quipping about outrageous exes and a boyfriend who "liked to drink pee" and possibly suffered a cellphone-induced brain tumor.
• Notable quotes:
  • Miguel: “Now that she’s dead, I feel like I could have done her a service...” [43:58]
  • Sonia: “I have two (exes) that I know are dead... One drank pee and slept with his iPhone under his pillow every night.” [45:22]

8. Butt Stories: Piercings, Lost Jewelry, MRI Disasters

Segment Start: [53:04]

• Zac regales the group with his (apocryphal) Prince Albert piercing origin story to woo women, debunked as pure myth.
• Delights in disastrous stories of lost genital jewelry, including a ball bearing left inside his partner post-coitus and staged ‘rescue missions’ to retrieve it.
• Group discusses MRI safety warnings, sharing the infamous true story of a woman’s “all-silicone” butt plug with a metal core being shot through her body during an MRI.
• Memorable quote:
  • Zac: “You really gotta have a talk with the Lord if your butt plug schedule is so full that you went—‘Hey, listen, I gotta get an MRI today, but I don’t wanna lose my progress.’” [61:05]

9. How to Poop in the Morning

Segment Start: [64:49]

• Shannon presents standard health advice for morning regularity—fiber, hydration, movement, and yoga.
• Zac, Miguel, and Sonia offer their own “solutions” (nicotine, caffeine, vapes), and debate whether this applies to consistency or urgency.
• Notable Moment:
  • Sonia: “If you don’t cop to it, it might seem gay, because every gay guy I know has had anal fissures.” [33:42] (carried thread from earlier bodily function chat)

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Standout Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “Hotel bar drunk is its own category of drunk… It’s like getting drunk in bed. Practically.”
  – Zac Amico [07:58]
• “There’s just confused young men all over going, ‘Why does Frosty sound like my only memory of my father?’”
  – Zac Amico [18:37]
• “You don’t have to be anybody to have a secret family. My dad was a used car salesman.”
  – Sonia Z. [19:38]
• “Every cop should dress up as Batman. Just have mad Batmans everywhere.”
  – Miguel Silva [26:12]
• “Toxic masculinity is bleeding out of your ass and then blaming someone else.”
  – Zac Amico [33:14]
• “You really gotta have a talk with the Lord if your butt plug schedule is so full that you went—‘Hey, listen, I gotta get an MRI today, but I don’t wanna lose my progress.’”
  – Zac Amico [61:05]

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Notable & Memorable Moments

• The cacophonous, grossed-out laughter over the “It just comes out!” video clip of a baby born in a clothing store. [28:00-29:00]
• The recurring “rule of threes”—both in comedy and in their families’ bizarre marital/relationship histories. [14:44–18:00]
• Zac’s confession to having fabricated origin stories for his penis piercing as an excuse to talk about his junk—with a deadpan delivery that blurs the line between prank and folklore. [53:04–54:00]
• A horrifying discussion of what happens when you become “that friend who stabs their mom,” interwoven with true stories from the hosts’ acquaintances. [43:40–44:23]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [04:18] — Tara Reid’s hotel ordeal & hotel bar drunks
• [09:10] — Family drama, stepmoms, secret siblings, and the “rule of threes”
• [16:09] — The secret triple life of Frosty the Snowman’s voice actor
• [23:35] — The Batman Effect (kindness in public acts)
• [27:40] — Woman gives birth in a baby clothing store (with video)
• [30:29] — Bowel habits, airplane dumps, fissures (“toxic masculinity” bit)
• [34:57] — Popeye the methhead conspiracy & cartoon blackface origins
• [41:18] — News: Son stabs parents in Long Island deli; guests’ adjacent true crime stories
• [53:04] — Piercing tall tales, genital jewelry mishaps & MRI disasters
• [64:49] — How to poop in the morning (and why)

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Summary Tone

The episode maintains Zac Amico’s signature chaotic, gleefully inappropriate, and freewheeling morning show energy. Guests riff unfiltered, embracing oversharing and grotesque realness, while deploying sharp comic timing throughout. Despite the gross-outs and taboos, camaraderie and good humor keep the mood light. This installment brims with bizarre anecdotes and off-kilter “life advice” underscored by the hosts’ willingness to find the absurd in anything—from hotel bar drinking culture to generational family dysfunction, cartoon lore, and the shared indignities of the human body.

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For Anyone Who Missed This Episode:
Tune in for hilarious true stories and hot takes you wouldn’t hear on corporate morning radio—a potent mix of pop culture deconstruction, bodily horror, and personal chaos that’s as gross as it is addictive.

Transcript

[A]

Fill her up.

[B]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laugh is waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the CRE It's a miko morning too Wake up, wake up, wake up. Hello, hello, hello. It is a Monday morning here at the Gas Digital Studios. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amica, welcome you to the Morning Zoo. My apologies we're starting a little late. That New York holiday traffic has gotten the best of myself and my guests. A couple times coming up, I will try and leave a little earlier for the rest of the holiday season. I truly apologize, but thank you for being patient. Across the table from me, from the yo that's Weird podcast, it's our good friend Sonia Z. How are you?

[C]

Hey, Zach, how are you?

[B]

I'm wonderful, thank you. It's great to see you.

[C]

It's great to see you again.

[B]

And thank you for being here. And next to her from Dork Court, it's our buddy, Miguel Silva. How you doing, dog?

[A]

What's up? Thanks for having me, man.

[B]

My pleasure. Enjoying a little BL in the morning. Nothing wrong with it.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta. I gotta get ready. I gotta have a nice exciting time.

[B]

There's nothing wrong with it. I support it. Let's knock plugs right out of the way. Sonia, what do you want people to check out?

[C]

You can see me this Sunday, December 14th, 7pm Punchline Philly.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[C]

With my dating game show interactive competitive comedy dating game show Fooling around. And then January 4th, I'm back at Punchline again for 51st jokes. 7pm Check out all my details on my website, thatchicksonia.com I'm that chicksonja all over the Internet.

[B]

Fantastic. Mr. Silva.

[A]

I got door court. Check it out YouTube.com or check it out on Twitch TV light Kool Aid.

[D]

The.

[A]

The girl, the Courtney that has Door Court on Twitch will not give it to me. So you can actually look up Door Court. You'll find it. It's like Kool Aid, though, like Koolaid on. On Twitter and Instagram and also Door Court on Instagram and Tick Tock. We got a lot of cool episodes coming up soon, so tap in.

[B]

Very, very cool. Hey, guys, you want to see me on the road? Go to Punchup Live. Zachamiko got a bunch of Dates coming out very soon. But this New Year's Eve weekend, I will be in Columbus, Ohio on New Year's Eve with Luis J. Gomez doing a stand up show and then a live real ass podcast going into the new year. And then after that, we're at Bricky's Comedy Club for two different nights. And if you want to come hang out, I would appreciate it. I enjoyed my time there very much last time. I know we got a lot of really cool fans in the area. I'll also be out on the road this month and next month with Juggalo Championship Wrestling doing commentary. And hey, if you love this show, and we know you do, do me a favor, head on over to Gas Digital Dot use that promo code Zoo. You get yourself a little money off your subscription. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives, thousands of your favorite Gas Digital shows. And most importantly, you get the Friday episode. We get. We do three of these a week. And you only get Friday if you're subscribed. So if you want the full experience, please subscribe. I was very excited about this outfit. I made Shannon. Check it out. Made Shannon smell me because I have new cologne. I was going for Punk Tony Soprano. And now that I see myself, I realize I got White Dave Blunts. But I'll take it. I'm comfortable, I'm happy, and I think we're having some fun today. We have an update on a story that we've already covered and I'll fill you guys in. Did you see Tara Reid have to get stretchered out of this hotel?

[C]

No.

[A]

No.

[B]

So, Terry, I just rewatched the second American Pie when she's still real. Top of the game, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Everybody in that movie is pretty all, all. The girl real, real toit. And I gotta say, out of everybody, Allison her might still be the cutest.

[C]

I agree. I actually tend to agree with that.

[B]

So she got blackout drunk at a bar, claim that she was drugged. They had a wheelchair her to her room and then stretch her out.

[C]

Okay, maybe I did see a headline for this, but I didn't watch the video. Oh, God.

[B]

And in her claims she had one glass of wine, went out, smoke a cigarette, came back and there was a napkin over her drink that she did not place there. And she said she was drugged and even, I believe, accused a gentleman who was at the bar of doing it. Well, and this is a hotel bar. This hotel bar has provided all of the security footage. And believe it or not, that was not her only glass of wine.

[C]

Oh, you couldn't. You wouldn't say.

[B]

Shannon, please update us.

[D]

So there still isn't any evidence at all of her of there being, like, drugs in her blood draw or anything like that. We don't even know that she had a blood draw done specifically. They said right now there is no evidence of a crime. But we do have is some CCTV footage of her drinking at the bar. And I'll start it here. This is her.

[C]

Okay. In the fur. Yeah.

[B]

Mm.

[C]

Fur and a beanie and drinking wine. You're overheating immediately.

[A]

What's better than catching a dumb in the act?

[C]

Chugged that one. She just chugged her first glass.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. There was no. She didn't swirl it. She didn't sniff it.

[C]

Do any decanter. She's like, fill it up.

[B]

By the way, this is a lady who's had her own TV shows, her own movie franchises, and she is sitting getting hammered at a hotel bar with what looks like union dock workers.

[C]

He's just. Definitely just your regular guy. Regular Joe on the end trying to hit on this younger girl in the Adidas tracksuit here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or this well put together older woman, depending on what day you catch her on.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That looks like Mike Rainey at the end of the bar.

[C]

It was a definite. Just regular. Now she's Tara, I feel like, has been struggling since she got the botched boob job, as we're probably. Do you think that's.

[B]

I would say even before that, I'd say she was a disaster when she had the Taradise show.

[C]

That's true. I forgot that existed until you just.

[B]

Said, I don't know if you remember that she had a show on E. Yeah. That was called paradise, and it was essentially Insomniac with David Tell. Right. But just with a sloppy party slut.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And who accomplished nothing and learned nothing.

[A]

I'm sold.

[B]

It was. It was. It was good. It was a good time to be whatever age I was and catch some drunk sluts.

[C]

Yeah. It was like, right off the tail end of the American Pie movies. Right. Like, she's famous. She's like, okay, they're gonna give her her own show. It didn't last that long.

[D]

Right.

[C]

One or two seasons.

[B]

I don't remember it. Going nuts.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, like. And I will, in her defense, because I'm not here to call anybody out. Hotel bar drunk is its own category of drunk. Especially when you're going, I know I have to make it just to the elevator.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hotel bar drunk is probably top three. I mean, it's. It's below airplane drunk. But I mean, it's gotta be one of my favorite ones.

[B]

Well, airplane drunk, you gotta get where you're going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hotel drunk, you're at your destination, you're home already.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like. I mean, it's like getting drunk in bed. Practically. It's as easy as it gets.

[A]

And the thing is, you probably spent all day somewhere that you hated and you're just making up for it at the end of the night.

[B]

Chances are you're traveled. Yeah. You've got a flight. Whatever it is.

[A]

Yeah. That you're stuck at a convention.

[B]

You jet lag. That's what I meant. Yeah. You're stuck at a con all day. You're off your schedule.

[A]

Yeah. You're not. You're not going to sleep without five glasses of wine.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

To the head to five to eight glasses of wine.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Six to nine.

[B]

And I will say as so. And then, you know, as someone whose career has led them to quite a few hotel shows, a lot of. A lot of hotel conference rooms turned into comedy clubs.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm doing well. The drunk people get after those shows. And I will say that is probably the most fun I've ever had with. My mother is getting shithoused at a.

[A]

Hotel, slipping her roofies at a hotel bar.

[B]

Somebody's talking to this lady.

[A]

Yeah. Drugs she gets.

[B]

Now that was for some reason. When my mom sees that a club has a two drink minimum, she takes it way too seriously. And first of all, this is a conversation we have a lot. Zachary, that bartend is trying to get me drunk. I go, what'd you get? She goes, a Long island ice tank. I go, yeah, you ordered all the liquors. Or I'd be like, zachary, your aunt didn't want to have a second drink. And I knew there was a minimum, so I had to have four. And I'm like, that, that doesn't math. And then also I'll be like, but you guys got food too. Yeah, but Zachary, we didn't know if that counted. I was doing it. I was opening for who's now dead? Angel Salazar.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Are you familiar?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

From Use Chichi and Scarface.

[A]

Yeah. All right. Yeah.

[B]

And when I say it's a sad, he was a sad. It was a terrible night to be a comedian. It was probably fun for the audience. I think they had a good time. But when I say his act was so old, it had to be the same act since the 90s.

[A]

Yeah. He.

[B]

He had pre written crowd work, but he did not have the people he needed for those jokes. Like, he needed a black guy for different callbacks.

[C]

He needed an armless man.

[B]

So he just pointed at a guy in the crowd and went, can you be black? And then he would be doing a bit and be like. And then chicken. The black guy over here, right? And then his clothes.

[A]

Which, by the way, the best kind of crowd work is just assigning a person being black.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Hey, sir, Tonight you're black.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Honestly, Matt Ra should pick up that one.

[B]

Yeah. His closer was. And I've seen this done in a funny way. This was not it. He did a, I guess, compilation of famous songs, okay. Where he had a box of costumes, but all his references were so outdated that he had to sadly say who he was being. And he was just this little old man. And he would shuffle up to the microphone and put a purple wig on and then get nothing. And he would go. And then he would shuffle back to the box. And I remember he was doing the Bruce Springsteen like, jeans butt dance. And then it ended with just him and tighty whities on stage. And then he's gotta pick up all the shit.

[A]

He didn't have an assistant.

[B]

An assistant or a helper, I guess. I was opening, so it should have been me, but I was busy getting drunk with my mom, so he had to, in his tighty whities, shuffle around the stage and pick up all his props to not to silence.

[A]

Hey, black eye.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, then me and my mom got drunk. I mean, we got. We tore up to the point where she gave me her phone and let me go on her dating apps and threw her text and start trying to fish for dick. And oh, boy, did I have fun. And I also got to see the conversation she was already having.

[A]

And that's good for you.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It was so fun.

[C]

That's a very fun thing to do. Whenever I have a dating app, I'll give it to my one best friend and be like, here, look at these. And yeah, start replying.

[B]

He's.

[A]

He's texting guys. He's messaging them in the app, being like, and by the way, you're a black guy tonight.

[B]

Yeah, you're. Well, my dad's on my third stepmom, so I'm trying to get my mom to catch up.

[A]

Nice. Yeah.

[C]

Every dad that has multiple wives, it's always three usually.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to. When my parents first split up, we still had a landline. And whenever people called and My mom wasn't home. I would pick up the phone as a black guy.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Like, hey, nah, Alice ain't home right now. All right, I'll let her know you called. All right. Yeah.

[A]

Let me ask you what number you call?

[B]

Yeah, and my Cuban grandmother called my uncle. She was. Oh, my God. I just called Aris's house and a black guy, he answered the. I think. Don't tell nobody. She with a black eye. All right, so we got any more on T. Re or she just. She just got hammered, Pretty much shattered.

[C]

Where was that? What city was it?

[D]

Seems that way.

[B]

And do we know where it was?

[D]

Yeah, one second.

[A]

It's nice to know that the rule of threes is hereditary.

[B]

Yeah. Family. Yeah, it's.

[C]

I've seen it documented many times.

[D]

Chicago.

[B]

Chicago. All right, well, God bless her. I hope you know. Well, rule of threes. Here's another one. Hey, guys, turn those holiday blues around with in the cloud. In the cloud is your online dispensary. Grab your favorite gummies and pre rolls and check out the all new with zero sugar, zero calorie THC sodas. All in the cloud products are federally legal thc. And every item is DEA certified and lab tested. Guys, they sent me some of their soda gummies. I absolutely love them. They are the perfect amount. They don't get you too high in my opinion. And you're not fiending for another one an hour later. I think they have an amazing product. So, guys, if you're 21 or older, visit inthecloud co. That's I n d a c l o u d.co and use my code ZOO for 25 off plus free shipping. That's InTheCloud Co promo code ZOO for 25 off and free shipping and enjoy responsibly. Thanks so much to indicloud for sponsoring the show. And let's get back into it, huh? I don't know if you guys saw this. You guys know who Jackie Vernon is?

[A]

No.

[B]

Jackie Vernon was the voice of Frosty the snowman.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

And it was recently revealed that while he was at the height of his fame, he had his family and three secret families running simultaneously.

[A]

Frosty the ho man.

[B]

Yeah, Frosty was out getting it done. The amount of stress this sounds like, but I guess back then, no, it.

[C]

Wasn'T as much stress. You didn't have cell phones.

[B]

Yeah, true. You just got to go a town over.

[C]

You just disappear for a day. Nobody knows. That's okay.

[B]

Yeah, I'm on a gig.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a working Man. Yeah, I got. I got voices to do.

[C]

I got voiceovers to record.

[B]

Shannon, what do we know about it?

[D]

Okay, so I don't know that they're all necessarily happening concurrently, but there is some runover amongst the three different families.

[B]

Excellent.

[D]

So the story was told by one of his sons. His name is David Vernon. And he said what he remembers happening is that one day when he was a kid, a girl, a woman knocked on the door and had, like, an older, like, a teenage son and asked to speak to his mother and was asking to speak to his dad, Jackie, and then he overheard a conversation, and it seemed that this was a previous family that he had, but that he just, like, up and left them one day and moved on and just started a new family.

[A]

Oh, so he wasn't maintaining all of his families at the same time. He was moving on.

[C]

He didn't have to. It was 1940.

[A]

Faking his death.

[D]

It also seems like he had sons in each of the relationships, and his. His, like, real name is Ralph, and so he named one boy Ralph in each of the relationships.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Wild.

[A]

The Foreman Method.

[C]

So ego. That's the George Foreman Method.

[B]

That is so cocky.

[C]

Wow. Wow.

[D]

And it does say, though, just to put, like, a happy ending at the end of the story, that it says in his final years before his death in 1987, is when he is. When he did Frosty's voice. And his son said, one of his last memories. He remembers Christmas. They were all watching it together, and he was so proud of it.

[B]

He.

[D]

He enjoyed it. He laughed at it. He was so happy he had done it and became a very warm spot in his heart. And I loved seeing that for him. So I think he ended his life happy that he did Frosty and forgot about all the people he hurt along the way.

[C]

I mean, Silver lies that are.

[B]

There's just confused young men all over going, why does Frosty sound like my only memory of my father?

[A]

If you. If you found out that your dad had two other kids with the same name as you, you'd have to fight them. Right?

[C]

You. It's like Highlander. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or start a club.

[C]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Like, and have a band.

[B]

A traveling family band.

[C]

Oh, wait a minute. That's really good.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They were musical.

[B]

Yeah. I was sure they had talent.

[C]

Do you think chicks liked when he was like, oh, put my nose on, like, I don't know.

[B]

Well, what was he before he was.

[A]

Put that magic hat on me. I'm going to come alive.

[D]

It does say that he worked as a Stand up comedian.

[B]

Yeah, because he was like. Shannon said he was only frosty, like, late in life, but.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, it's all that.

[B]

He was on the road getting some sneeze. What are you gonna do?

[A]

He's not making money. That's gonna support three families. I mean, you gotta start abandoning them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you gonna support all of them?

[A]

Let him get on food stamps or something.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

You know, my dad was a used car salesman, and I found out I had a sister I didn't know about a couple years ago. So you don't have to be anybody.

[A]

Is her name Sonya?

[C]

No, it's Francine.

[A]

Do you still think about fighting her for the right, for the. For the claim to the throne?

[B]

Was he across town? Was he in another city?

[C]

It was. It was in, like, Trenton, New Jersey, and I lived, like, across. I live across the bridge in Pennsylvania, so that tracks.

[B]

Yeah. Was one of the cheeks.

[C]

Yeah. What are the chances?

[A]

Was he keeping both families?

[C]

Well, that wasn't a family. That was. As she said, my. My mom and your dad were friends, and they just used to do a lot of drugs together. And I was like, cool. And then. So it's her, like, she's by herself. That's her mom and her stepdad, whatever raised her. And then there's me from my mom and my dad.

[B]

Is there.

[A]

Is there a name for a female bastard?

[C]

No, because we don't have any rights or title in ancient times, when kings were in charge.

[A]

Just a slug.

[C]

They just killed us. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's no bast. Herds.

[B]

Yeah. An oopsie.

[C]

No, you just marry an oopsheet. You marry the housekeeper.

[A]

There it is.

[C]

Yeah. And then my dad left, and then I have brother and sister after that.

[A]

But you've got. You've got plenty of housekeeper blood in your line. Right?

[C]

For sure.

[D]

By the way, bastard isn't a gendered term.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

So you. Yeah, you're a bastard still.

[A]

Hey, that's very progressive of them.

[B]

Hey, who knew? So your dad had three.

[C]

He has. He's. He was on his third wife when he passed away.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the move.

[C]

That's the move.

[B]

Yeah. I think because you do one because.

[C]

You'Re young, you're like, I need to get married. It's the right normal thing to do.

[B]

And then you do one with the younger woman.

[C]

That's.

[B]

Yeah. You know, so that's the crazy thing. My dad's number two was an older woman.

[C]

My dad's number three is the older woman.

[B]

Yeah. No, number three is the one I like.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And she's good for him.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

She. She's. So number two is very religious.

[C]

Number three is religious on my dad's side.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, no, he went through the religious thing for a while. He lived on the property of a church.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And he was the maintenance man for the church in the cemetery.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It was a very gomer pile. Like, he was, like, the town handyman, and I hated that.

[A]

I hear it sounds like she was the town handy woman.

[B]

Yeah, no, she was. And she was, like, old. Old. And they lived in the cemetery. And I kept just joking that one day he was gonna have to throw her out the window, but she sucked. She was mean. She. When my wife met her, she was like, who was that? I was like, that's. I said her name. She's like, that was one of your stepmothers. And that was. That was how she said hello to you at your grandmother's funeral. I was like, yeah, just fucking cold people. It was the funniest, maybe the most. You do like church giggles. Like when you want to laugh, stifle it. My grandmother's funeral, I'm there with my wife and my mother. My dad's there with his partner, and then.

[A]

And his mom. Technically.

[B]

Technically, yes. And wife number two shows up, and they're all there at the same time in different corners of the room. And my Uncle Rob. Lord love a duck. Shouts over the funeral, hey, Paul. They're all here. It made me laugh. Cause we all knew everyone was tittering.

[D]

Zach, I'm sorry. Can you check your messages from Louis, please?

[B]

Oh, no, I can't. I do not have my cell phone, but if you could bring it.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Is everything okay?

[D]

I don't know. He said to make sure you check it.

[B]

Okay, yeah. Can somebody bring me my. My bag with my telephone? I'm sorry. I hope everything's okay.

[A]

Hey, doggy. Don't do the Tara Reid bit. I want to save it for later.

[B]

No, no, no. I don't think so. I think everything's okay. All right, while we do that, while we get my phone, let's do this new story, the Batman effect. Shannon, tell us about it.

[C]

She's in two places at once.

[D]

So the picture.

[B]

Sorry.

[D]

Is something you need to address right now.

[B]

I probably have to, but yeah, let's do the Batman thing first, okay?

[D]

Okay. So apparently, they did this study in 2025, where researchers found that when a woman who appeared pregnant boarded a train, passengers offered her. Offered their seat more often if someone dressed as Batman was also in the Carriage. And they explained this, that the authors suggest that unexpected events snap people out of autopilot and make them more aware of others around them, boosting pro social behavior. The wild part. Almost half of the people who gave up their seat later said they never even noticed there was a Batman there at all.

[B]

See, I misinterpreted this. As when people see that Batman's there. Yeah. They feel the need to be kinder or more courageous.

[C]

That's what I was thinking. Yeah. They have to have like. Or he's gonna kick your ass. Yeah.

[A]

Rachel needs to sit down.

[C]

Batman might body slam if I don't give this pregnant lady a seat.

[B]

What if people just offered Batman the seat?

[C]

That's what I was thinking. It was going towards. I was thinking it was gonna be.

[A]

Like they were sample size. Were they. Were they putting Batman on trains?

[C]

They.

[A]

To test this out?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. No, they were. So they had a guy in the Shannon. They have a guy in the rubber suit.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Without the mask.

[B]

Without holding the mask. And they said. Yeah, it was. They were more likely. Yeah. 67.21% to 37.66%.

[C]

Did you know you can opt out of winter with VRBO? Save up to $1,500 for booking a monthlong stay. When thousands of sunny homes are waiting for you. Why subject yourself to the cold? Put the snow shovel down, put the parka back in the closet, and don't you dare scrape another windshield. Slip into some flip flops. Consider a sunless tan. And use the monthly stays filter to save up to fifteen hundred dollars. Book your warm getaway at vrbo.com.

[A]

Vigilantes do work.

[B]

So maybe we just need a Batman on every train.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Get rid of the SEPTA police or whatever.

[B]

What are we doing with cops? Get a Batman.

[A]

Every cop dress up as Batman.

[C]

Just have mad Batmans everywhere.

[B]

That's gonna be a problem that we're just asking for. Super villains.

[A]

Joker was always a symptom of Batman being there.

[B]

Yeah, and how many of them already have purple suits?

[A]

You're gonna get on that train and they're gonna be like, I don't know what to do, lady. You have to stand up.

[C]

Look, I recast you as the Penguin any day.

[B]

Dude, that hurt my feelings so bad. One night at the stand, I was Paul Bearer and there was a Batman. It was all the comics were Batman. And somebody came up to me and they're like, your Penguin costume is great. And I was like, oh, man, that really hurts my feelings.

[C]

Damn it.

[B]

All right, so we learned about B All right, moving on. Oh, this is exactly what I wanted. Thank you. Pardon me, Louis. I will bring it up. Don't worry. Baby. Okay. Woman gives birth in baby clothing store. I don't know if this is this lady's first kid. I don't know if it was a small baby. I don't know if she really had to make a baby. It looks like it was easier than. I've taken shits that look harder than this birth. You have to see this fucking kid pop out.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

By the way, do you know the answer to that? And this is her fifth child.

[B]

There we go.

[C]

That slid right out of there.

[D]

I'm gonna play it from this news article.

[C]

This gets out of the tube.

[D]

I might have to mute it because none of it's in English, but it's just a longer version than was on Instagram.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine.

[C]

Oh, yeah, she got this.

[A]

All right, I see this lady. Fifth, but not last.

[B]

You can put the. Put it on.

[A]

It's not gonna be the. That's not gonna be the final baby.

[C]

You can see it's already halfway. The head is already poking. Oh, my God. Smashed its head on the tile.

[B]

Dude, they weren't even ready yet.

[C]

That was projectile. That was like when you were talking about the popping the ping pong balls out of there. Sweet.

[A]

It just comes out.

[B]

Wait, go back to the. Was the floor covered in poop?

[C]

I didn't see any poop, but. Oh, maybe. Maybe that might have been a turd. I don't know.

[B]

Wait, wait for it. No, no, no. Let it. Yeah, let the baby come out. So they throw down what looks like a washcloth. Then they're like, don't waste that washcloth.

[C]

It's neck just snaps.

[B]

They should.

[A]

They should skip the miracle of birth video in, like, health class and just show this.

[C]

Oh, that's poop.

[B]

That's poop is up. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[C]

It happens.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, in a Brazilian grocery. Yeah, that's regular market.

[B]

That. Yeah, that was. We got another baby and I'll try. Dude, that was crazy. Like, that was. That looked like they laid her down and she would hold on.

[A]

Do you think she was hoping that they just give her some free clothes?

[B]

Yeah. Hold on. Dress the baby on your way.

[A]

Give these babies. Yeah.

[B]

You have to name the baby after the clothing store, Right. Or name it, like, Linoleum.

[C]

It's a beautiful name. I wonder what she was in there buying baby clothes. Just baby clothes.

[B]

Shannon, do you have more or no?

[D]

So it says that. Yeah, that she was there buying baby clothes. She's. She's 28 years old, fifth child.

[B]

She's like all cheap. Man, I'm gonna have this baby. But he ain't got no clothes. I gotta go to the store first. And then, oh, I'm gonna have this baby here, man.

[D]

It said in less than. She started having strong contractions when she got there, and in less than five minutes she gave birth there.

[A]

That means her water was already broken before she got into the store. She knew she was having the baby there.

[C]

Water doesn't always break every time.

[A]

Well, I didn't know that. Yeah, well, I actually, this. I. I've already exhausted all my knowledge about having babies and I was proven.

[C]

Side note to that is I actually have a trashy friend who. Her water broke in a Walmart while she was waiting in line to check out. She was way past her due date and she just was like doing.

[A]

Stuck it out.

[C]

She was doing stuff to try to like just get it out of there. And she's like in the Walmart and her water broke and she didn't have the baby like that minute.

[B]

Is that like how they say bookstores make you have to.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Walmart's make you have to have a.

[A]

Trashy baby, like eating spicy food.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Make you pop out a kid. Yeah.

[B]

No, that's true though. Library. Excuse me? Libraries and bookstores.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Something about the smell of books and usually because bookstores have coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Makes people have to dump my mom.

[C]

When we were kids, anytime we went to the grocery store, she would have to take a. And we'd be like, mom, what is wrong with you?

[A]

Like putting the gross in grocery store.

[C]

But they always had the fresh ground coffee at our grocery store. Like the little stand where you could grind up your own coffee.

[A]

And I always have to on a plane.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, I think for the same reason. I hear that I smell them brewing the coffee and I go, well, I'm gonna go ruin someone's trip.

[C]

I don't think I've ever on a plane.

[B]

I think I.

[A]

Great way to pass time.

[B]

I don't think I have. I mean, not that I could. I don't think I have the option.

[C]

It's a tight squeeze.

[B]

I also don't eat like eight hours before I fly.

[A]

Oh, I'm. I try to eat right before if I can. I. I like to. If I can get there early enough to eat at the airport.

[C]

You want a plane? You're like working.

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna be in the plan for five. Let me spend an hour shitting. Don't spend an hour shitting, you will walk out the door to have a line of people being like, what the hell, man?

[B]

I. My issue is I. If I shift for too long, my legs fall asleep. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You're not supposed to be there for 10 minutes or more.

[B]

I put my. Well, what I do is I sit on my phone and I put my elbows on my thighs.

[C]

Everybody does that.

[B]

And then I get two dead legs. And then I have to, like, practice standing up like Bambi.

[C]

You're. You're like in Kill Bill.

[B]

Well, I get afraid because I want to bring. I have, like, a little video game emulator.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't want to bring it in there because Kevin Smith tore his asshole because he used to play Game Boy on the toilet, and he got an anal fissure from it, and he said it was the worst pain of his life. And then I have a buddy who I used to live with who got an anal fissure when Domino's came out with the bacon wrapped deep dish.

[A]

Understand?

[B]

Not Domino's. Excuse me. Little Caesars.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The square bacon wrapped. Because we were getting it, like, every other day.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

And I had a skinny in shape friend.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Who was eating it with me.

[A]

And one day he came back metabolism. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spraying.

[B]

And. Yeah, he. He came back from urgent care. He went to City MD because he tore his hiney hole.

[C]

Oh, Lord.

[A]

No, you just. You just deal with it. You just do that. And then you don't tell anyone about it, and you're just angry all the time. That's how to be a real man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's toxic masculinity is bleeding out of your ass. And then, like, blaming other people, being like, I guess some bitch had her period in there.

[B]

I occasionally have a bad one. That's.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, it happens to the best.

[A]

I'm drinking Bud Light in the morning.

[B]

It happens. It happens to the best of Sonia. I won't. I won't. I. I won't accuse you or make you comment.

[C]

All I'll say is I feel.

[B]

I will keep your pristine in my mind.

[C]

I feel like if you. If you don't cop to it, it might seem gay because every gay guy I know has had anal fissures.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Well, that makes sense.

[C]

You know, but that's. So then it makes sense, right? So it's like you keep it. Well, no, I ate the deep dish. Little seizures, like. Yeah, you were taking it in the butt.

[B]

I've been eating Popeyes. I've been made Popeyes two Things one, keep it a pin and Popeye, because I have another thing I want to talk about. Don't gay guys show each other. Was it like their blossoms or their roses?

[C]

Some of them, like, that's a thing. Like my friend on Grindr, there's certain pictures that they. That's. Oh, they'll just jump in your DMs and just show you the blown out. Like rose.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Is it rose they call it? Well, I've heard loss on my friend.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think of a real baboon behavior.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, it makes me think of what's the John Waters movie where they. The inverted at the end with pink flamingos. Pink flamingos?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, the whistling.

[C]

Yeah. So it's like a version of that.

[B]

I remember in Party Monster in the book, somebody's falls out and they had to push it back in. Oh, it was Michael and DJ Koki.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And I think Michael's fell out and they put it back of him with a pencil. Anyways, you.

[A]

Popeye put the pin and pop.

[B]

Makes sense.

[C]

Popeyes.

[B]

I read a thing that Popeye does not eat spinach.

[C]

I think I heard this recently, too.

[B]

Okay. And Shannon, you gotta fact check me, because it was one of those things where Zach read something on the Internet and I'm about to present it as a fact, when in fact, I've done no research other than I saw a thing and I'm now sharing it with people.

[C]

I'm famous for that.

[B]

Among other things, the Navy gave their. They. They would give out meth containers, like a legal version of methamphetamine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it's the exact size and shape of the cans Popeye would have.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It takes about five seconds to kick in. It would give him euphoria, energy.

[A]

Like.

[B]

He was on meth, and then he would crash out. So, like, he's on meth.

[A]

So Popeye was really just Adolf Hitler?

[B]

More. Well, everybody. Well, yeah. The Nazis were super math that. Yeah. You see there's videos.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're like tweaking. But, you know, everybody was like, that's how they got the Germans through. Like, they were just pumping them full of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think we were dealing it, too, and we don't talk about it. Shannon, am I correct or am I crazy?

[D]

Just. Just to confirm, what you want me to look up is that Popeye himself was not consumed.

[B]

He's Popeye on meth.

[D]

Okay. So when you just. When you just look up that question, the answer is no. He was eating spinach. But there are conspiracy people online that's.

[B]

Exactly what I wanted. Crazy people.

[D]

Yeah, that.

[B]

Well.

[A]

Cause when have you ever seen spinach in a can?

[C]

Used to come like that? They used to actually have a Popeye brand at the store.

[A]

Like cream spinach or like green.

[C]

Just green ass spinach. It was in a Popeye brand. Every vegetable used to be canned before. Like, for a long time. I feel like before they had techniques. We always grew up on shitty. Just like the cheap Pathmark brand or whatever. Canned.

[A]

I mean. Yeah.

[B]

Corn shop, right?

[C]

Can. Can. Yeah, it just popped in my head.

[A]

Never mind, then. She's just been eating spinach.

[C]

Well, you're from. You're from the West Coast. Maybe they don't do that there.

[A]

I don't know. Yeah, we just have fresh.

[B]

You have Mexicans to bring it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're giving it to us in our car at the stop.

[C]

It has to get trucked here.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. They need a can.

[A]

You have to tell them no. Gracias.

[B]

Shannon, did you find anything with what I said? Wait, did I kind of nail it?

[D]

Yeah. I'll play this one here.

[B]

Thank you. Classic cartoons in one minute. Actually, Popeye. Oh, I love these drugs. And the creator showed an addict as a healthy hero. Frame 1,329. The can Popeye opens has a specific red and white striped label. It's not random design. It's the exact pattern of pharmaceutical cocaine packaging sold legally until 1922 in the United States.

[A]

Put on Popey the Sailor Man.

[B]

Okay. You remember? That's good. There we go.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Now we learned a thing about a thing.

[A]

It actually makes a lot of sense that that is what was going on, that they made the can. And then someone at the studio was like, all right, can we call it spinach?

[B]

Well, there's another thing. Why Mickey and Bugs Bunny and all those characters have white gloves because that's what blackface performers wore.

[A]

Oh, sick.

[B]

And it was specifically to. So that your hands would pop in front of your face and in front of the background so you could kind of do, like, hand acting.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Jazz hands or whatever.

[B]

But back in the day, cartoons used to be part of. They would bring a projector out at vaudeville.

[A]

Jazz hands now. Sounds pretty racist.

[B]

Yes, he does. Now I don't want my daughter going out coming home with jazz hands, if you know what I mean. And they would bring a projector to vaudeville. So a cartoon would just be one thing, but then there would be acrobats, there would be a comedian, and usually there would be a blackface act, and they Were the most popular. So a lot of cartoonists started designing their characters to take on the personalities of popular blackface acts. Which is always a very mischievous.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Not lazy, but like getting out of work, getting one over on the man type character, which is 100% what Bugs Bunny is.

[C]

Right, true.

[A]

And Daffy Duck and a little bit. Well, I guess Porky Pig was more.

[B]

The look at Mickey's. Just everything, everything about him is kind of blackface.

[A]

Especially Steamboat Mickey.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Steamboat Willie. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or Willie, yeah.

[B]

If you had a friend named Steamboat Willie and he wasn't black, that would be crazy.

[A]

Looney tunes is a pretty crazy name then.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was one of my favorite old roast battles. The verzee triplets battled the wave and they called the waves the looney coons. Oh, look at us learning about shit. Hey guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at small batch cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Having a cigar in the house is like having a nice bottle of wine, some fine cheese, and I'm not that educated about stuff like that. But our friends at small batch cigar have got guys like you and me covered because they have free shipping on every order with almost every order arriving within two to three days in the continental United States. It's the most thorough packaging in the industry, including that Boveda pack. So everything you get is super, super fresh. They have an amazing selection of rare and limited and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly with your order. So head on over to smallback cigar.com today. And most people click the new button first to shop their newest arrivals. And you can use our discount code. GAS10. GAS10 for 10 off plus 5% rewards points. Small batch cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Let's get back into the show. A strange son stabs and kills his parents at Long island deli.

[D]

Okay, so, so this, this guy is 30 years old. I have a picture of him here if you want to see him. Apparently he had been estranged from the rest of his family because he got into a physical altercation with a sibling and they had a no contact order. And then he showed up at their deli, they got into some sort of rain. Verbal disagreement. And then he grabbed a knife and stabbed his 62 year old mother and 70 year old father with a deli knife. With a deli knife?

[B]

Oh man.

[C]

What if it was like a bread knife that's not even sharp.

[B]

Yeah, he had to pull the guts out like song.

[D]

He also before he went to this deli it says that he's reported to have gone to a local coffee shop and slapped a female worker.

[B]

Oh, so he was on one?

[C]

Yeah, he was on the Popeye spinach.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he was all.

[C]

He was all spinached up at 11am on a Tuesday or whatever.

[B]

Oh, man, they probably can't use that knife anymore. Imagine that's your good knife.

[C]

Like my grandma. Where's my knife? Where's my good knife?

[B]

I still have all my. All my silverwares from CB's Comedy Club. I have all, all my knives. All my. Is from there. Still moving on.

[A]

I. I'm sorry, this, that reminds me. I know a guy. There was a. A friend of mine. Well, a guy that was on my rugby team in college, eventually went on to stab his mom.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Who had flirted with me at our like rugby banquet.

[B]

She.

[A]

It was, she was a very interesting woman. She was like Russian woman. And she showed up in like a short black dress, like slip dress and like long like knee high black boots and was just like flirting with all this guy's friends. And then I found out years later that he stabbed her to death. And what the news was claiming was happening was because she wouldn't give him money to support. He wanted to run for like state senator or something like that as like a 29 year old guy. And the claim was that she wouldn't give him money for him to make this run. But what I heard from his friends was that he was claiming that she was trying to poison him. See, that she was Munchausen by proxying him.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And that he had to kill her to get out of it. And so he's in jail right now.

[C]

She's putting bleaches. Coffee?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, if my friend had a hot rush with mom, I'd give her a Munchausen.

[A]

She was trying to get one.

[C]

She was probably trying to get with all a little bit. Bit.

[A]

A little bit. I regret it.

[B]

You know, you should have.

[A]

You know, now that she's dead, I feel like I could have done her, you know, a service at one point.

[B]

Then you get a great story.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's still a pretty fun story.

[B]

Yeah. You know, you got to have some fun.

[A]

You know, if you know our boy Vlad.

[C]

Yeah, I like the way you worded it. Like when you were like. He eventually went on. I thought you were gonna say to like win the. No.

[B]

Do you have any bodies on you that have you slept with somebody who's dead now?

[A]

Oh, no, I don't think so.

[C]

I have two.

[B]

I Got two or three. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I got definitely two that I know of.

[B]

I think I got three.

[C]

Yeah. Two X's, like dated. So I. There could be hookups that they're gone.

[B]

And I. Oh, yeah. You would never know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything good?

[C]

One was self inflicted overdose at the memorial for his deceased brother who he got addicted to heroin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

So it was a big show of how guilty he felt. I guess we weren't dating at the time.

[B]

Or the fact that he just had heroin for two now.

[C]

Yeah. You know, he basically left him for dead. Was what happened.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like he. They just left. And then the other one was really sad. He was like, found what he thought was coke in his brother's drug addict brother's bedroom, but it probably wasn't. He did a big ripper and just like never woke up after a party one night. But then it turned out they did a autopsy and he had a brain tumor that was a quarter of his brain. And I tell this on stage sometimes. Like I have a joke format of it, but it's like he used to also like to drink pee and he slept with his iPhone under his pillow every night. And I was like, whoa, what. What was the P or the iPhone that caused the brain tumor? I don't. I still think about it.

[B]

I feel like it's the iPhone.

[C]

I think it's the iPhone. I think it's the iPhone.

[A]

Cuz the P was just making him stronger, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Because we don't hear about like brain tumors in Germany every day.

[C]

Every day. Yeah, daily.

[B]

Yeah. We don't hear about like R. Kelly's.

[C]

Yeah, like he's fine.

[B]

Yeah, he's completely fine.

[A]

You've got some really interesting taste in men, I'm finding out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huge drinking pee. But I guess the cell phone was a problem.

[C]

I don't. I mean, I still.

[B]

Now this is unfortunately a great opportunity to bring up what Lewis wanted me to ask.

[C]

Okay. Segue.

[B]

Now. I'm gonna ask this in the nicest way possible.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

If you don't want to answer, you don't have to. And we will cut it if you want.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Lewis wants to know if you guys slept together.

[C]

He tried. I had Covid or something. It was. It was a long time ago. It was during. It was January of 2020.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

We.

[B]

I wouldn't. I would cut the date.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Just in case. Because I don't know. Hey, I don't like messing with other people's timelines.

[C]

True, true. That's just how I remember.

[B]

It was a Time.

[C]

Well, it was. How I remember it is. Because Covid wasn't. They didn't announce it yet.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It wasn't out, but I was. So.

[B]

So it was Covid. So it could have been any of the years before or after.

[C]

Covid could have been anytime.

[B]

Anytime in the last decade. But it was Covid.

[C]

But no, I was.

[B]

And we're back.

[C]

Yeah. And I was so. I was sick. I couldn't breathe out of my nose. I was drinking, like, stingers or whatever they're called. Like, the hot lemon whiskey drink. I'm just crushing them. Getting super tuned up at the Murphs bar in Philly that everybody goes to after Punchline. And I don't know how much I should say, but we didn't have sex.

[B]

Okay. Okay, cool. Because I guess there was a rumor that you had said you did.

[C]

Yes. I love rumors about myself. I'm adding that one to the list.

[B]

That is not the case now. We are cleared up.

[C]

I definitely, definitely never said that.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

But honestly, if there would have been a good time to do it, it's when you weren't able to smell.

[B]

Believe it or not, to be with Louis, you do not need to breathe through your nose.

[C]

I mean, he was. I think what I said was, I haven't shaved in, like, a month. And he was like, oh, perfect, doggy.

[B]

Well, I hope that was the answer. And of course, we can cut all that.

[C]

I politely.

[B]

Or if. Or if you want to cut, just text Shannon.

[C]

I politely turned him down. And I thought he always hated me because I turned him down. Okay.

[B]

I don't think. I don't think that was the case.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But I'm glad we got it out there, and now we're moving on. I saw. Speaking of horrifying things. I saw. I follow a few medical Instagrams.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And every once in a while, something will come up that really gets me. And this is one. Which is why you have to wear pants while riding a motorcycle. And we're going to learn a very important lesson here today, guys. When you're riding your motorcycle. Boots, Jeans.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

At least.

[C]

Yeah. You don't want to burn your legs.

[B]

Because this man was wearing boxers and Crocs.

[C]

Not good. Crocs is already. I feel unsafe walking in my house. In.

[B]

And Shannon. Whoo.

[A]

Shit.

[B]

This guy was riding his motorcycle in his underwear. And Crocs. You can click forward, right?

[D]

I think that it's just more about.

[B]

That he crashed his bike into the woods alone and had to walk one and a half mile to the Main road and do they have one? It should be what it looked like after.

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Two months in the hospital. Full thigh skin graft.

[C]

He looks like a basketball now.

[B]

That looks horrendous.

[C]

How did he not black out? Like, from the. That's his. That's his tendons.

[B]

So it looks basically like it exploded.

[C]

Yeah, I thought it was his intestines fell out. At first I thought he got disemboweled, but that is.

[B]

How lucky is he that his dick and balls were that close, are fine and made it out? I would assume pretty okay?

[A]

I don't know if I would assume that. I. I feel like that guy's probably going to be dealing with some sort of dysfunction. Yeah. In the future.

[C]

I mean, as long as they didn't hit the femoral artery. I don't know. He seemed okay. He seemed like it was a lot.

[A]

Of ligaments in the same area. I feel like. Yeah, true.

[C]

Well, it's like that you get that adrenaline thing sometimes, like they say, when, like, a woman will, like, lift a car up or something to save a kid or some crazy rush of adrenaline. You got to be close to blacking out when you're in that much pain from that.

[B]

Yeah, I would assume so. Yeah. But I know what you said. Isn't there a certain thing where, like, certain injuries can lead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Issues.

[A]

I. I assume so. I mean, I actually honestly don't know.

[B]

If I think there's some. With, like, certain injuries in certain, like, parts of, like, your nervous system and your blood that can, like, affect it.

[A]

In your pelvic girdle.

[B]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

It is. I mean, there's a lot of artery.

[C]

Runs through there, and that's the main blood flow for everything in your lower body. So if you cut that, you nick that, you start bleeding out.

[A]

He's at least gonna have, like, Peyronis or something. Luckily, he hangs the other way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, he was on the other side of his pants.

[B]

That's. I've heard that referred to as dressing. Do you dress to the right or the left?

[C]

Oh, I never heard that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Left.

[B]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at Yo Kratom, home of the 60 kilo. Stop. Going to bodega smoke shops and gas stations, getting a little bit of Kratom at a time, and you don't even know what's in there. And neither are the people that work there if you use Kratom. Now, if you don't, don't start on my account. But if you Use Kratom for one of its many benefits. The only place you need to go is yocratum.com they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the Gas Digital Network. There's no promo code needed because it's already the best deal in the world of kratom. That's right. 60 bucks for a full kilo. Holy macaroli. So give them a try, guys. Let them know that we sent you. That's yecratum.com home of the 60 kilo. All right, back into the show. So this is when I first got my Prince Albert. This is what I would tell girls when they asked about. I said it was because Prince Albert was a prince in England, and at the time, the trend was extremely tight pants. And they would ask you, do you dress to the left or the right? And he had seen a penis piercing on, like, safari or something, and he came up with to get it. And then they would put a hook in that side of the pants so that he could then hook his dick and get even tighter pants than everybody else. Then whatever princess or queen he slept with liked it. And that's why it's called the Prince Albert. And that's what I would tell girls. That is all made up. Every single part of what I just told you. That's a falsehood, is a complete falsehood that I've told so many women so that I have an excuse to talk about my dick. It is such a lie. I mean, I know I heard the lie and then I just wrote it to death. Everywhere I went, that story got out.

[C]

I mean, I almost believed it for a second, but I was like, I don't know. I almost fell for it.

[B]

It's pretty. It's just dumb enough that you would probably not question it. You would Google it later if you remembered.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It's not bad enough. They would be like, bullshit.

[A]

I mean, it makes sense that there is a reason that it's named after a guy.

[B]

Yeah. I think it's just. I think it might just be you just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Because there's a bunch of other piercings. They're just not as popular.

[C]

Yeah. Someone just came up with it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Piercer. When they first started doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I wanted an amphaling. I've thought about, but I don't think I have it in me. I. I'm out of the game.

[C]

I. I don't get them anymore.

[B]

I. I can't. Because I just even like. Because I, I, I Undid my.

[C]

My.

[B]

I. I went back to like a regular size ring instead of the two.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It was just cumbersome. Shannon, do you want to show them what an amphalang looks like? A M P H A L L A N G.

[C]

I'm interested to see.

[B]

I have a friend who has a few different ones.

[C]

I had the nape of my neck when I was younger. I like that one. But when you go like.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

Oh, you get the tattoo of the.

[B]

Well, no, I mean, I wouldn't make it look like Bullet Bill.

[A]

Yeah. What's the swamp on the chain?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's. It goes through the bottom and out the top. And that's always. Wow, that's gotta suck. I would be worried about getting it caught in a lady.

[C]

Not in a lady in jeans.

[A]

Well, if she has like an iud.

[C]

You know, I mean the head would touch the iud. That's not really. That thing's in the cervix. You're not getting in the cervix or whatever.

[B]

I would be worried about like sideways sex.

[C]

Yeah. Different positions. I'm. Although you know what? No. Because like I've used Benoit balls. You. And they don't. You can't lose anything in a. You can lose things in an. You could definitely listen to anything in a. You could scoop out later.

[B]

I. I'm aware. So. Well, because the. The has a finite amount of ends.

[C]

It stops at the uterus. Like you can't. The uterus is sealed off from our stomach. It doesn't go further, but the just goes forever.

[B]

Dude, I saw one of those other medical anomaly things. I thought it was a guy who had a double ended dildo.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And he put it in sideways and he got it stuck.

[C]

Oh no, dude.

[B]

It looked like it was under his rib. Oh. So basically instead of putting it in.

[C]

He folded it head first. Yeah, he folded it band like a tent prop. Like when you pop a tent.

[B]

He put it in sideways and then it. It popped open in him. But yes, I know the. You could live. So there we go.

[C]

Yikes.

[B]

With.

[A]

This is.

[B]

Amico and I were maybe together for a couple years early in our relationship. I had my four gauge Prince Albert, but the. It was a captive bead ring and the ball was loose because now that's a small ball on a four gauge. It's not that bad.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And it would pop off sometimes, but I kept it loose so that I could take the ring out to get blown. And then one day we were drunk, making sweet love about three in the morning.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She's on top. We're both done. Miraculously where I'm done. And she's a liar. She gets up off of me, and I realize it's gone. I have no decorating. So she stands up and immediately. Dung. The ring falls right out.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And we're like, oh, thank God. I didn't want to go to the hospital with this.

[C]

Not a good time.

[B]

And then I realized the ball was still in there.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So now you have to roll her.

[A]

Up like a toothpaste.

[B]

Step on her belly really hard. No. What I did was I had her stand up on the bed, and I went two fingers in.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But I will tell you, nothing dries up a woman quicker than. I think I lost something.

[C]

Rescue mission.

[B]

Then we might need to go to the hospital. So I went from completely lubed up regular sex vagina to fucking.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had to find the ball. And then Jim Jeffries does a similar joke about losing an egg in his ass where you can't grab it because it just forces it further. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I've got the ball, and I.

[C]

Can'T pincher it, so I had to.

[B]

Put two fingers on it and walk it down the wall until it came out. And then the next day, I was like, I'm gonna go get a new Pierce. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get a new ring.

[A]

It's like one of those traps where the thing that you have to get out of it makes your hand too big to.

[B]

Yeah. Like when those agents try and get a bar of gold out of a plastic box. It's exactly like that. Yes. Yeah. I called 40 Asian guys over, and none of them could get it. They tried everything.

[C]

Yeah. No, that is, like. Even though it's a big size for a piercing gauge ball, it's like a roll compared to the internal.

[A]

You get one of the extendo magnets and just from the outside, like, drag.

[C]

It down like in an escape room.

[B]

I had to get an mri and I almost forgot to take it out. And I Now I think. Because. Did you see the girl that had the butt plug in?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

No, I didn't see that.

[B]

So there was. And Shannon again. This is another thing where Zach might be lying.

[A]

This is just called podcasting.

[B]

So a lady sued a company, as far as far as I know.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Because she bought what was called a 100 silicone butt plug. And to come to find it had metal in it. Because she got an MRI and it gave her severe internal damage because essentially, it turned into a missile. Going through her body. Because for people that don't know, MRIs are super magnetic. You guys take out any metal you have in you. Yeah, yeah, because it'll get stuck to the wall of it. And apparently it went from up her butt through her body.

[C]

Upper button, around the corner. Yeah, true.

[B]

And once again, this could be an Internet legend or a story I heard because I just say things.

[C]

Yeah, well, that other guy died or whatever. Just. Or got really injured. Like he had a chain on. Anyway.

[B]

Okay, first of all, that was like a ten pound.

[A]

Yeah, he had like a workout.

[C]

Ice on chicken.

[B]

No, no, it was a workout thing.

[C]

Oh, it was.

[B]

And he wasn't supposed to be in the room.

[C]

No, he was like a visitor and he walked in.

[B]

But I. I heard he was trapped for like a handful of an hour. That thing him up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. Oh man, there's something. There's something about that. Like the other people wouldn't go in the room because it was dangerous. And they're like, you could have saved this man's life by going and turning off the thing. It's like, that's his fault.

[C]

It is his. That was 100% his fault. Like, I don't even like going in. I had to get it.

[A]

I'm not gonna go sacrifice myself to get in the MRI room with the guy who's now an ied.

[C]

No, that's, that's, that's his bad.

[B]

So I guess it was his wife was in the thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he ran in and got.

[A]

But I think, I think it was like, like a half an hour or something before they were able to turn it off. Like it was too dangerous for them to go hit the time to shut down.

[C]

And it doesn't like just turn right off. Cuz it's a million magnets like spinning in there.

[D]

Shannon, the butt plug story was true. It got pulled through her anal area up into her chest cavity. And it said she survived with quote, major injuries. But it doesn't say exactly what the injuries are. But yeah, it was that. She thought it was silicone, but there was a metal core.

[B]

Okay, look, we. Look at us learning.

[A]

That's. That's just a punishment from God at that point. That's. You're being too sinful, stupid. The hell are you doing with the butt plug in them are MRI machine.

[B]

In all fairness, you really gotta have a talk with the Lord if your butt plug schedule is so full that you went, hey, listen, I gotta get an MRI today, but I don't want to lose my progress. It's like before you could save Nintendo games. Yeah. And you would just leave it on all night. It's like, listen, I don't want to lose all this progress I made.

[C]

Been playing this for 13 hours.

[A]

No, Mom, I can't just pause it.

[B]

There's no path. I'm not up to the save point.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not do. I'm not doing this board again.

[A]

Buy me the memory card.

[B]

And I get the idea of walking around with a butt plug in. Sure. If you have a partner. And that's your kink.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And you like knowing when your chick sitting there or your dude sitting there, they got a little party in their butt. Especially if you get a little remote control or something. Yeah, I get it.

[A]

Doing it at the doctor. Then you're involving someone else in your kink and that's.

[C]

That's consent issues for me.

[B]

Yeah, 100%. Or they. She just really didn't want to. Like she had big plans after this MRI.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

She was like, this is only to say 15 minutes. I gotta be somewhere.

[A]

This a small part of my schedule.

[C]

Just put it in the locker.

[A]

I got big plans for tonight.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. They give you a locker.

[C]

They give you a locker. You put all your stuff in there.

[B]

Pop it out real quick.

[C]

I found out the hard way you can't wear microfiber underwear. And I didn't realize until I was already in the machine. And it felt like my stuff skin was on fire. It's. It's cuz it's plastic and metals can't both like the certain type. Like the poly fiber that's in microfiber, it's like heats up. And it was felt like my skin was burning and they were like you can get 300 degree burns. And I was like reading the flyer afterwards. Nobody mentioned that.

[B]

Good, good. Great. Grand, wonderful. So have you mri? It's the.

[A]

I've been in mri like for my hip, but I didn't have I guess microfiber underwear.

[B]

Were you in head first or. No.

[A]

Legs first. It's still. I mean it was hard to breathe.

[B]

But your head was out.

[A]

I think I was all the way in it, but I. My head was closer to the head.

[C]

Yeah, that's how you go. You always go like casket style into the. In the Scrooged scene when they put the casket in. You know, when they burn his brother. It's like always feet first. I feel like in the MRIs.

[B]

No, no, I went head first.

[C]

Did you?

[A]

Well, they were trying to check out if you were fucking nuts.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it was a brain thing. It was. Yeah, that was bad.

[C]

Anytime. I've always gone feet first. But I had a. I had a neck one when I was younger, and.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's probably the scariest. By. My therapist referred to it as a trauma event because I hit the emergency because I went into, like, fight or flight.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And I was convinced I was gonna die. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.

[C]

I believe that.

[A]

Well, they say that, like, I couldn't breathe, and I thought that I was having, like, my first ever, like, episode of claustrophobia or something, but it turns out that being in the machine, it makes it hard for whatever reason because of it. Makes it hard to breathe. Yeah, makes it hard to get a normal breath. And so I was kind of panicking a little bit, but.

[B]

Did you have your head in a thing or.

[A]

No, I'm pretty sure I was all the way in, like.

[B]

I know, but did you have a cage on your head?

[A]

No. No.

[B]

So when you get it for your brain, they have to put a cage on your head.

[C]

That's horrifying. That's like a saw.

[B]

Oh, dude. It's nuts. It's my one thing in movies right now. It's. Well, I always hate leg breaks. I hate anything with eyes.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

And now MRIs are like. If there's an MRI scene in a horror movie, I'm out.

[C]

Did you watch the new Final Ass Nation?

[B]

Yes, I had to. And it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, I did enjoy it.

[C]

I liked how that happened to that guy with the chain the same week that happened.

[B]

That is crazy. That's good advertisement. That's better than the lady at the baseball games during Smile.

[A]

Guerrilla marketing.

[C]

Marketing is on point.

[A]

I don't know if you're allowed to call it guerrilla marketing when.

[C]

Well, it's spelled differently.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. We got it. All right. We're going to get out of here soon. But real quick, how to make yourself poop regularly in the morning before going to work. Now, I know the answer to this. Coffee and nicotine. I don't know how else everybody else does it. Yeah, I would go caffeine, nicotine. Those are the things. Maybe go to a bookstore. Who knows what else do they say?

[D]

So none of these are like. These are all just, like, overall health things. I don't know that they necessarily point to pooping in the morning, but I'll give you them anyway. So step one is get more fiber. Which step to hydrate. And it Says not a cup of coffee to actually drink water. Get moving. If your body moves, your gut moves. And then it also says yoga. So you go that there are certain yoga positions that can help your body move.

[A]

Well, that's the thing. Are they saying regular as in not liquid or they're just talking about timing wise.

[D]

I think they mean like a healthy.

[C]

The people who can't. Diarrhea doesn't count.

[B]

If you can't go, oh, then I.

[A]

Haven'T taken a shit in fucking 12 years.

[B]

I have to shit immediately when I wake up.

[A]

Yeah, but, but it's, I'm squirting a lot of the time.

[C]

I have like medical like pills that I take in the morning and they may, I feel like I have to go every morning, like before work immediately, like before I leave the house.

[B]

I, I, well, my wife has a zacho shit alarm at 5:45.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Because she has to get up at 6:15.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So we give her time for me to, and then time for it to kind of air out so she's not showering in the swamp.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then usually when my alarm goes off at 9, I have to again.

[C]

Yeah. Mine's like 8:30.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it sucks because I gotta leave at 8:40 for work.

[B]

Oh no, Impossible. So you're trying to beat the clock.

[A]

Impossible. You better. I better have my alarm at 8 if I have to be out by 8:40. Are you nuts?

[C]

I literally tried taking my pills.

[A]

Be in the toilet the whole time.

[C]

No, I set my pills a half an hour earlier because I thought it was like, okay, I take my pill at 8:30. It must just be making me like have to go immediately. It's like, no, I pushed it back to 8 o' clock and it's, it was 8:42 the other day and I had to go, I go, damn it, I gotta go.

[B]

Is it a suppository?

[C]

No.

[B]

That'll do it. You would think that'll do it.

[C]

You know, it makes me vapes.

[D]

Thc.

[C]

Vapes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Huh. That one's new to me.

[C]

Yeah. In the morning, like instead of cigarettes because I don't smoke cigarettes anymore. If I, if I take a hit of the vape, like, oh, I got.

[B]

For me, it's a big iced coffee and when I used to dip. Dip, really?

[C]

That'll, that's stimulating some nerves in there.

[B]

Yeah, that'll get you moving. Before I quit dip, I did booform just to try it.

[C]

Yeah, that go.

[B]

It tingled.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It worked. It wasn't better than regular.

[C]

It didn't make you poop more.

[B]

No, it didn't, like, affect. It didn't. I thought I was going to have, like, a euphoric asshole like rainbows coming up. Yeah, I thought it was gonna be. I thought it was gonna feel good. It just felt like I had a thing in my butt before.

[A]

A castle. Name of the episode.

[C]

You could have lost that in there. You're lucky that came out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It could have been gone forever.

[B]

Shannon, was there any more?

[D]

Well, the. If you want to know what the yoga poses are, of course. Seated Spinal twist.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Forward fold.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Seated forward fold. And yoga squat. Bringing knees to the chest.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. All right. So yeah, basically the squatty. Potty.

[C]

Potty. But you just go all the way to the floor.

[B]

All right. Well, we learned a lot today. We learned about each other. We learned about life. It's been a great day here on the Morning Zoo. And I want to thank my guests, Sonia Z. And Miguel Silva. Please check out the yo that's Weird podcast. Please check out Dork Court. And we have two more shows this week on Wednesday and Friday. And we will be pre recording so that you're not going to miss any shows during the holidays. Thank you so much. And we'll see you on Wednesday here on Zach Nico's morning. Zoom it down just like your favorite Obi's clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's Acamiko morning, too. It's Miko morning. Do.