0076. KP Burke and Molly Vivent

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo #76

Guests: K.P. Burke & Molly Vivant
Date: January 4, 2026
Network: GaS Digital

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Overview

Episode 76 of "Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo" dives into classic morning radio chaos: weird news stories, bodily mishaps, degenerate history, and unsparing clowning between comedians. Zac is joined by KP Burke (of the “American Loser” podcast) and comedian/esthetician Molly Vivant for an unfiltered romp across bizarre news, crazy personal stories, scam exposés, and wild interactive games. As always, the tone is anything but morning-friendly, combining rowdy humor, candid confessions, and deep dives into America’s weirder corners.

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Key Discussion Points & Timeline

1. Introductions, Plugs, and Show Banter

[01:39-03:30]

• Zac welcomes KP Burke (“American Loser” podcast) and Molly Vivant, both regulars on the GaS Digital scene.
• Plugs for their socials and upcoming shows (Molly: Instagram @howdidIgetsosexy; KP: @kpburkesucks).
• Zac updates on his tour schedule and how to access more content via Gas Digital with the "ZOO" promo code.

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2. World Star Home Invasion Clip & Dangerous Dating Apps

[03:31–10:58]

• Zac introduces a viral World Star video: an old man is nearly robbed in a home invasion by a 'young girl and her entourage.'
• Dissects the setup: "He invited a young woman over. She said, ‘Can my friend come?’ He went, ‘Oh, I'm about to get two pieces of pussy.’ Not knowing, they were probably casing him."
  — Zac Amico [05:28]
• Molly discusses the hazards of apps like Sniffies (a GPS hookup app for gay men):
  • Her friend’s horror story (hooking up with a man, discovering he has no toes, and still pressing on in the hookup):
    "So I sucked this guy's toeless feet."
    — Molly Vivant [08:36-08:37]
• KP and Zac riff on the absurdity and riskiness of extreme open-mindedness in dating.

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3. Body Mishaps: Toeless Feet, Injuries & Masculinity

[10:09–13:35]

• Panel describes the physical consequences of missing toes and shares personal injury stories.
• Zac recalls working after breaking his toe (“I had to pour the blood out of my shoe like I was a frat boy doing a shoey.” — 10:58)
• Molly and KP muse about generational attitudes toward work and "when men were men":
  • "No man should be proud of working 40 hours a week. That's the bare minimum. It's 50 or 60 if you care about your family."
    — Zac quoting his father Paul Amico [12:44]
  • "I miss when men were men. I need one."
    — Molly Vivant [12:56]

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4. Injury Tales: Broken Bones & Drunken Mishaps

[13:36–16:47]

• Molly: Childhood story of breaking her arm and being disbelieved due to “dramatics.”
• KP: Broke his ankle drunk and had to walk home (“I had my Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant moment..." [15:04])
• Zac: Story about breaking his foot after drinking and the painful result: “I just stood in the middle of my room and took a full piss in my pants.” [15:31]
• General theme: bodily disaster follows drunkenness; men tend to weather discomfort out of stubbornness or shame.

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5. Bathroom Habits: Pissing Misadventures & Bidet Innovation

[16:48–26:26]

• KP admits to once drunkenly peeing in his own backpack; discussion about men’s odd bathroom habits while drunk.
• The crew discusses innovations in bathroom tech:
  • Molly mentions a bidet with a camera to check one’s cleanliness (“I think the bidet should have a camera so you can adjust and you can see your own asshole to make sure it's completely clean.” — Zac Amico [25:00])
  • Molly volunteers to wax Zac’s ass for science/comedy (“I can 100 do that… I used to be an esthetician.” [26:20])
  • Recurring joke about the ethics of recording gross podcast stunts on the shared studio table.

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6. Body Harm by Appliance & Food-Related Mishaps

[19:49–24:39]

• Molly discusses accidentally “shaking kidney stones” loose using a vibrating plate (“I shook it out of me.” — Molly Vivant [20:52]) and recommends it for constipation.
• Zac describes his cheese and moonshine holiday binge and the intestinal consequences, including clogged toilets and the need for a bidet.

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7. Fun with Childhood Celebrity Photos – Guessing Game

[29:26–33:39]

• Shannon introduces a game: guess the celebrity from childhood photos.
• After banter, Zac correctly guesses Bob Ross.
  • “Not science. Bob Ross.” — Zac Amico [33:09]
• Everyone marvels at how unrecognizable he is before his iconic perm.

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8. Minnesota Somali Daycare Scam Scandal

[33:57–49:37]

• KP (whose podcast covers American scandals) breaks down the high-profile scam:
  • Fake daycares and “learning centers” (often Somali-owned) are allegedly taking millions in government funding but aren’t serving children.
  • Molly: “They should open a mattress firm.” [35:07]
  • Panel watches viral YouTube exposés of empty “learning centers” and interview snippets with employees who refuse service and deny seeing any children.
  • Zac: “I have a feeling money is being laundered.” [35:54]
  • KP: Points out that “pirate daycare” is fitting, referencing Somalia’s pirate reputation and the odd ties back to pop culture. [36:00]
  • Molly and Zac riff on whether this fraud is a "real American dream" and question why Minnesota is a hotspot.
  • The crew discusses the subsequent backlash and how authorities respond ("Tim Walls desperately defending himself against ... allegations" [39:53]).
• Panel reacts to surveillance showing parents checking in (then immediately exiting with) their kids, and kickbacks being handed out—Nathan Fielder-level fraud.
  • Zac: "It’s the amount of flagrant, not giving a shit to even try and make it look like you’re doing the thing." [46:54]

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9. Autism, Piracy, and "American Dream" Tangents

[47:04–49:43]

• Molly and KP take irreverent swipes at the intersection of autistic services scams, immigrant ingenuity, and American capitalism.
• Zac: “White people are scamming just as hard... but at least they're scamming with a better story than 'no kids here today.'" [47:41]

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10. Kid’s Toys: The “Loud Cup” and Beverage Mischief

[49:44–53:01]

• Zac introduces his latest obsession: the “Loud Cup”—a water bottle that emits blaring noises at sports games (and at home, to his wife’s dismay).
• Jokes about kids using the loud cup to wage psychological war in classrooms.
• Side story about teenagers getting tipsy on vanilla extract in school.
  • Molly: “Middle schoolers have just as easy access as getting like an airplane bottle of alcohol. That’s crazy.” [51:39]

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11. Cops, DUIs, Extract Scandals

[53:15–59:54]

• Panel watches bodycam footage of a clearly drunken woman found with 21 bottles of vanilla extract in her car.
  • Zac: “21 bottles of vanilla extract. Take one down, chug it on down.” [58:08]
• Discussion of how kids and adults alike find creative ways to skirt anti-drinking rules.
• Segues into Irish stereotypes, the offensiveness of drink names, and pub humor.

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12. Police Stories: Traffic Stops, Privilege, and Sketchy Pills

[65:37–73:20]

• Shannon plays bodycam footage from a McDonald's parking lot: Mom is stopped; her son’s backpack contains drugs (likely prescription meds for someone else plus weed).
• Discussion devolves into how to behave during a traffic stop, using parent’s addresses to dodge DUIs, and debriefs on law enforcement’s “gotcha” tactics.

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13. Fake Viral Videos & Internet Gullibility

[63:10–65:17]

• The panel debates which viral videos are obviously fake—and which kinds they always fall for anyway.
  • Zac: “I am dumb as shit. I fall for everything.” [64:53]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Molly on Sniffies:
  “This made me homophobic for, like, two months.” [06:55]

• KP on Foot Fetishes:
  “What is it? They have otters in the community and bears, obviously. And then I guess this guy's a Lieutenant Dan.” [08:52]

• Zac on Work Ethic:
  “No man should be proud of working 40 hours a week. That's the bare minimum. It's 50 or 60 if you care about your family.” [12:44]

• Molly on Men:
  “I miss when men were men. I need one.” [12:56]

• Zac on Bidet Tech:
  “I think the bidet should have a camera so you can adjust and you can see your own asshole...” [25:00]

• On Somali Daycare Scam:
  “I have a feeling money is being laundered.” — Zac [35:54]
  “They're laundering booty.” — Molly [36:00]
  "It's the amount of flagrant, not giving a shit to even try and make it look like you're doing the thing." — Zac [46:54]

• Zac on the Loud Cup:
  “That's me at home watching wrestling on the couch.” [50:01]

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Fast-paced, irreverent, and filled with gross-out humor and personal anecdotes.
• Panel exhibits classic blue-collar skepticism—critical of authority, amused by scams, and always quick to turn pain into punchlines.
• The episode moves effortlessly from vulgar anecdotes to genuine social commentary, all wrapped in comedic derision.

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Suggested Segments to Listen For

• Home invasion video & online hookup horror stories: [03:31-10:58]
• Bidet inventions & bathroom tech: [24:14-26:26]
• Somali daycare scam investigation: [34:16-49:43]
• Guess the Childhood Celebrity (Bob Ross game): [29:26-33:39]
• Vanilla extract DUI & Irish Car Bomb jokes: [53:01-59:54]
• Discussion on fake viral videos: [63:10–65:17]

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For Listeners:

If you enjoy wild morning-radio energy, gross-out comedy, true crime scams, and comedic insight into trash culture—with a heavy helping of working-class New York snark—this episode is prime Morning Zoo. The blend of viral video commentary, personal disaster stories, and ‘you-can’t-make-this-up’ news is delivered with sharp comedic timing by a panel that never pulls a punch. Even if you missed the show, this episode represents what GaS Digital chaos is all about.

Transcript

[Molly Vivant]

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[Zach Amico]

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Choke some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laugh is waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and Jo join the crew It's Zach Amico morning too. Hello, hello, hello, hello. It is a wonderful wacky Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo. It's your other boy, the international superstar, Zach Amico. Let's have some fun today, huh? Across the table from me, two very funny and talented people from the American Loser podcast right here on the gas digital network, it's our good friend, K.P. burke.

[K.P. Burke]

Love you, buddy. Happy to be back.

[Zach Amico]

Lovely to have you, my friend. You are the best. And next to him, speaking of lovely, very funny, very talented, Molly Vivant. How are you?

[Molly Vivant]

Amazing, thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Great to see you. Thank you. Let's get plugs out of the way. Kp tell people what to check out, baby.

[K.P. Burke]

The show American Losers Act's been on. We're here on gas digital nowadays, folks. Also, my Instagram is apburksucks. We got those weird condensed 90 second history videos everybody likes. And then also just added March 14th, I'll be at the Dojo because it's March, so that's when Irish people get to be headliners.

[Zach Amico]

All right, Molly, what do you want people to check out?

[Molly Vivant]

Just follow me on Instagram. How did I get so sexy?

[Zach Amico]

Very cool. Hey guys, follow me on Instagram at Zach is not funny this weekend and this evening I will be in Columbus, Ohio with Luis J. Gomez doing a live realized podcast and Stand up. We're back there doing stand up on Friday and then we're at Bricky's Comedy Club in Miamisburg, Ohio on Saturday. The following week I I am in Toronto doing a live spook show as well as Stand up and that is going to be at the Catacombs Cabaret. You can get tickets for that at Punchup Live Zach Amico. And hey, if you like the show, head on over to gas digital.com use my promo code, Zoom. You save yourself a little bit of money off your subscription, your episodes early ad, free and uncensored. You get access to the live chat. You get access to the archives, thousands of episodes of your favorite guest digital programs. And you get the Friday episode. That's right. We do three of these a week. And if you want that third one, you got to subscribe. But regardless of how you consume the show, thank you. I really appreciate it. And thank you to everyone that comes out the live shows. It really means a lot. All right, before we get into the news news shit I want to do, let's start with a fun video. Old head invited a young girl over and her whole squad tried to run a home invasion on him at 4:00am this is from CNN. I'm kidding. It's World Star.

[K.P. Burke]

I really could believe that.

[Zach Amico]

It's World Star. It's World Star. Shannon.

[Molly Vivant]

Thursday morning.

[Zach Amico]

I was just there holding my door and where they couldn't be able to get in, but I had to hold my door with force to keep from trying to break in. My break.

[Molly Vivant]

In my house, you can still see that damage left behind, including chips in.

[K.P. Burke]

The front door feet.

[Zach Amico]

When you open the door and try.

[Molly Vivant]

To come inside, you could see cracks.

[Zach Amico]

In the door frame from where the.

[Molly Vivant]

Suspects tried to kick the door in. So nails are in place as a temporary fix.

[Zach Amico]

Well, yeah, she brought her. Her. One of her friends with her and. And I said, we're just hanging out watching tv, videos. And Jones and his kids were all.

[Molly Vivant]

At their home on Northwest 5th Street.

[Zach Amico]

The subject had to get up early for work at his barbecue and foot massage center.

[Molly Vivant]

Invited a woman to celebrate the holiday with him.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, plus one. And an entourage waiting for the perfect time to strike. They were going back and forth in and out my door, and I was figuring something wasn't right. So. Good outfit. I got a ringtone, a ring, ring camera. And they were.

[Molly Vivant]

They got a ringtone.

[K.P. Burke]

My ring camera came on and setting.

[Zach Amico]

Up to be able to break in my door with the. With the entourage she had with her around 3:40am pause. I think that's called an entourage.

[Molly Vivant]

He invited this woman over.

[Zach Amico]

I think he met a young woman, invited her over. She said, can my friend come? He went, oh, oh, yeah. I'm about to get two pieces of pussy. Not knowing. They were probably casing him. And they had people come. They probably like, he has this, this and this.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah. Trying to hit A lick.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Trying to. Yeah. Which I get. That's almost like, do you think they.

[Molly Vivant]

Met on Tryst or something?

[Zach Amico]

I hope. Well, there is a. There is a black dating site called Soul Swipe, which is crazy because I thought that was Shang Tsung's fatality, but it's called Soul Swipe, which is hilarious.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Which is almost as funny as if there's a gay one called Sniffles.

[Molly Vivant]

That's the gay one.

[Zach Amico]

Sniffies. I keep reading it as Sniffles, and I'm like, that's a very different website.

[Molly Vivant]

No, but Sniffies is really intense. It's like Grindr on steroids.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Sniffles. Your weight goes down every. Every time you log in.

[K.P. Burke]

That's end stage dating.

[Zach Amico]

Someone for the last stage of your life. Sniffles. But yes. No Sniffies. Sniffies is like, almost like, who's near you now? Like, when you log into it. It's like, how many gay guys are within, like, distance?

[Molly Vivant]

No, I have a nightmare story about Sniffies.

[Zach Amico]

Let's go. A hundred percent.

[Molly Vivant]

This made me homophobic for, like, two months. Okay. This gay guy was telling me about Sniffies the first time I ever heard about it. And he's like, yeah. You know, it tells you within feet how. How close in feet you are to someone. I'm like, okay. They really have everything, the gay people.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Molly Vivant]

At their fingertips. So this guy tells me that he was at a bar, he was on Sniffies. He found a guy that was like. Like next door in where he lived. So he shows up, and the guy told him, just come in. And the guy is on a mattress on the floor, just sitting there, like, tweaking out, probably on meth.

[K.P. Burke]

He did some Sniffies of his own before.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah. And so he gets in there, they start hooking up, which I'm like, that's already crazy. Like, if I come into a little squatter's den and this guy is on meth, he's like. But he's like, okay, whatever. I'm gonna hook up with this guy.

[Zach Amico]

Don't. Squatters Den is a different website you used to work for. Times were tough when I was doing the Squatters Dead videos.

[K.P. Burke]

Bring your own glass table for.

[Molly Vivant]

And then so he goes in and they start hooking up. And he looks down, he realizes the guy has no toes. Oh, zero toes.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's. That's the heron. Or that's injecting. Right.

[Molly Vivant]

And so he looked at him and he was like, did they take your toes? And the guy was like, yeah. And I still don't know who they is. Yes, in this context. But he was like, yeah. And he goes, but I'm really romantic. I romanticize everything. So I thought like this is the time to see if maybe I have like an amputee fetish. Like it's of kind. Kind of romantic. And so I sucked this guy's toeless feet.

[Zach Amico]

You know what, you were right.

[K.P. Burke]

There's such a thing as being too open minded. That's where we've come to.

[Molly Vivant]

And that's why I was homophobic for.

[Zach Amico]

Two months, by the way. The ambition. Cuz that's just sucking a foot. Yeah, that's a lot.

[K.P. Burke]

I think. What is it? They have otters in the community and bears obviously. And then I guess this guy's a lieutenant Dan.

[Zach Amico]

That is. Yeah, no toes is a lot.

[Molly Vivant]

That's like a platypus. Platypus?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, a ducktail platypus.

[Molly Vivant]

Like a slimy round thing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's Johnny, can you bring up pictures of feet with no toes? Because I can't even think of what it would look. Does it look like a croc?

[K.P. Burke]

I'm interested. It's gotta be like trench foot, right? Like the soldiers used to get. Yeah, that's kinda what I'm picturing.

[Zach Amico]

I'm picturing. Yeah, I'm picturing like an ugg or a crocodile.

[K.P. Burke]

I'm not gonna lie to you guys there.

[Zach Amico]

Oh God, that's right.

[Molly Vivant]

But honestly, maybe fits in the mouth better.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe.

[Molly Vivant]

I know I spread my toes when a man's okay putting them in his.

[K.P. Burke]

I've. I won't lie, I've put a girl's toes in my mouth before. But walking without toes should not be possible.

[Molly Vivant]

I'm so foot positive, but may have been really easy out of it.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Normally functioning ankle joints and as much foot as possible. With a lot of hard work through recovery, she's able to balance, stand and even walk around her home without braces. If you passed her on the street.

[K.P. Burke]

You might not suspect a thing. Check.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I wouldn't suspect the thing. She's got shoes on.

[K.P. Burke]

That's okay.

[Zach Amico]

Now I will tell you, walking with even a broken toe sucks dick.

[K.P. Burke]

Sure does.

[Zach Amico]

I dropped a fucking speaker on my foot when I was a janitor and the corner of it landed directly on my big toe. And I was working for my dad's friend Tommy and he saw me do it and I went, tommy, I just fucking broke my foot. And he goes, yeah you did. I go, I got it. He goes, no, keep the shoe on. Until by the way, Very talented of my dad and his friends. He goes, now you got to keep it on till the end of the day. I went, what? He goes, you can't go home. We got work to do. And I'm like, tommy, I just destroyed my foot. And he goes, yeah, we got a lot of work to do today, though. And he goes, if you take it off and see how bad it is, it's gonna hurt worse.

[Molly Vivant]

That's true.

[Zach Amico]

Which was probably correct.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah. The lies to tell you that, like, oh, if you take it off, it's gonna swell up, and then you can't get your shoe back on. That's the polite lie you say. Not like, hey, dude, we got. There's so many floors that we haven't waxed yet.

[Zach Amico]

When I tell you I went home and had to pour the blood out of my shoe. Like. Like I was a frat boy doing a shoe. A shoer.

[K.P. Burke]

Which toe did you break?

[Zach Amico]

Big toe, the worst one. And when I went home that day, the. The nail fell off.

[Molly Vivant]

That's happened to me a couple times.

[Zach Amico]

So now I just.

[K.P. Burke]

And that lady's nails came off.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And I'll tell you a couple times, when my toe was, like, up like that for that week, I would just face plant. You'd be walking and. Because, like. And it would hurt real. But, like, all of a sudden. And I guess you must really use that to, like.

[Molly Vivant]

It's like, balance. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was up to not have it. It really with your ability to walk in a straight line, stay upright. Like, I was just fucking.

[Molly Vivant]

You probably couldn't pass, like, one of those sobriety tests.

[Zach Amico]

I was falling. You ever watch people the first night of a cruise when they don't know how to drink on a cruise yet?

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they just bash their head into walls.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's how I was walking when I broke my toe.

[K.P. Burke]

Did you go to work the next day?

[Molly Vivant]

Of course.

[K.P. Burke]

You really are the man, Zach. I don't know if you know that.

[Zach Amico]

No, I can't. I can't not. The dude, the. The. The work over everything that was fucking instilled in me. I can't not do shit like that. Like, it takes me. I feel bad if I call out for anything. I get a guilt complex.

[K.P. Burke]

It's that we share that we're kindred spirits.

[Zach Amico]

My dad told me a no man should be a real. Was Paul Amico. No man should be proud of working 40 hours a week. That's the bare minimum. It's 50 or 60 if you care about your family.

[Molly Vivant]

I miss when Men were men.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Molly Vivant]

I need one.

[Zach Amico]

And, yeah, when my dad was working for my grandpa's welder, his torch went through his hand. So he burned a hole through his hand out the back.

[K.P. Burke]

So the acetylene torch. The actual.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the torch. And he showed my grandpa, and my grandpa went, put your hand in your pocket. And he goes, what? He goes, we're not done working. And my dad's like, I have to go. There's a hole in my hand. And my grandpa went, put it in your pocket. Work with one hand for the rest of the day. We'll stop at the hospital on the way back. We work hourly.

[K.P. Burke]

Dude, that one's next level. Because I thought I had one to tell you, but, no, you've already won. This is just my Miss Congeniality version of the story. My auto shop teacher in high school, his wife went nuts on him because their daughter broke her arm. And so the dad left school to pick her up to take her to the emergency room on his motorcycle.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Just made it.

[K.P. Burke]

Right, With a broken arm on the back of a motorcycle.

[Molly Vivant]

That's awesome.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah. That's no welding torch through the hand, though.

[Molly Vivant]

I broke my arm, both bones, when I was in third grade, and no one believed me for a week.

[K.P. Burke]

Believe all women, guys. All right, come on.

[Molly Vivant]

I know. I've been saying that since the third.

[K.P. Burke]

Grade, feeling more progressive.

[Zach Amico]

And then this arm thing happened. How did you break it?

[Molly Vivant]

I fell off a scooter. A razor scooter. I tried to, like, jump over a branch after a hurricane in South Florida, and I fell on it wrong. And I remember I was in a lot of pain. My brother was, like, circling around me on a bike, like, laughing and pointing. And I was, like, a dramatic kid, which is why no one believed me, because I was always in pain or whatever, but I was so dramatic. Even though my arm was broken, I, like, crawled all the way up the driveway back inside even though my legs were fine.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Molly Vivant]

And I think that's why no one believed me.

[Zach Amico]

That'll do it, then.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a tough one when you're not. Also, whenever you hurt yourself and there's no one around. Oh, yeah, that's the worst one, where you're like, I had my Leonardo DiCaprio in the Revenant moment when I broke my ankle drunk and had to walk home on it.

[Zach Amico]

I thought you said you got raped by a wolf.

[K.P. Burke]

I mean, it was a long way home. No, I did. I was so drunk, I got into bed, and I was like, all right, I made it. And then I woke up in the middle of the night to piss, and I forgot I broke my ankle, and that's the foot I went down on. The loud thud was there, and then my dad had to come to my apartment and help me put underwear on to get me to the hospital. Giants beat the Vikings that day, though. That's my one takeaway when I broke.

[Zach Amico]

My foot two years ago when I was drinking tequila with Vega, and I broke my foot taking my shoe, trying to silently take my shoe off without waking my wife up by getting in bed. And instead, I fell and broke my foot. I did the same thing where I woke up to piss and I forgot. And I found out that if you have to piss really bad and you stand on a broken foot, you're gonna piss anyway. So I just stood in my pajama pants. I had, like, basketball shorts on, and I just stood in the middle of my room and took a full piss in my pants. Oh, my God. Like, not, like, a little came out. It was one of those where, like, once it started, it was going to.

[Molly Vivant]

Men just pee, though, when they're drunk, like, in a room. Have you noticed that, like, girls don't do that. They don't just piss anywhere. Like, I know a lot of guys that get drunk, wake up and go, like, piss in the corner of the room. Why?

[Zach Amico]

I've never been that guy. I've heard of it.

[K.P. Burke]

Some Gatorade bottles, well placed around a.

[Zach Amico]

Room can be, yeah, Gatorade or a big iced tea.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah. Like, in a bottle is fine. But. Yeah. I've known so many guys to just wake up drunk and go piss in a corner instead. I've never done the bathroom.

[K.P. Burke]

I did piss in my own backpack once. That one did happen. That was a Soul Joel gig out in, like, the.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it is.

[K.P. Burke]

I was. We were in the Ohio section of Pennsylvania, if you know what I mean. And my buddy Kevin.

[Zach Amico]

I believe that's referred to as Pennsyl Talkie.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, it's. It was one of those weird towns where the. The girls were all younger than us, but they're like, oh, yeah, we're all old moms and stuff like that. And I was like, hang on. I'm two years, like, older than you, and you're telling me you're on, like, your fourth kid? Like, it was. There wasn't much that outside of the Steelers, but, yeah, I pissed in my own backpack. When I woke up in the hotel room, the guy was sharing the room with Kevin Israel. He's in a different room, and he gave me the greatest, like, Bob Saget talk ever. So I called him. Hey, dude, where are you at right now? We gotta get ready to leave. He goes, so, buddy, we're not gonna tell Joel about this, okay? So you're safe. But do you remember anything you did last night? And I was like, no. And he goes, you pissed in your own backpack, buddy. And it was like a full house moment for me where I was like, all right, I really got to work on myself. And he just goes, yeah. And anyway, so don't wear any of your clothes in your backpack. Try to dry out the ones you're wearing because your backpack is still soaking wet in the corner. And then Joel stopped booking me for some reason. I'm not. I never pieced it all in. Maybe Kevin didn't keep his promise.

[Molly Vivant]

Maybe you pissed in other places besides your backpack.

[K.P. Burke]

I'm sure it was a show. On my way back to the room, I think you're.

[Zach Amico]

You made two big. The first, your second biggest mistake was pissing at your back. Your first biggest mistake was trusting someone with the last name Israel.

[Narrator/Reporter]

But he.

[K.P. Burke]

Changed it to Israel. The original last name was Netanyahu.

[Zach Amico]

I would have said something way worse. Oh, boy, did I have a few queued up. Hey, guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone, packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and, yeah, in the bedroom, too. And it's not just about tea. Body Brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity, and mood, thanks to Lion's Mane, Ashwagandha, and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body Brain Coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm, and locked in, all while supporting your natural testosterone levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset, and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code [e-mail] that's Z O O [e-mail] powerbraincoffee.com Power your day. Feel your drive. Let's get back into the show.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, I saw this one the other day. It was a doctor named Ashkenazi.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, boy.

[K.P. Burke]

I was like, what did that. Does that fool anybody?

[Zach Amico]

I would call him Doctorzy. Hey, Dr. Z.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, I accidentally shook kidney stones out of myself the other day.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah. You know those. You see it on like Tick Tock or Instagram. They're like vibrating plates. You like stand on it.

[Zach Amico]

My. My nephew has one. Yes.

[Molly Vivant]

So I. Someone that I live with got one and I kind of got really into it and it goes all the way up to level 99. And so one night I went to level 99 and I was kind of on it for a long time. I was like, I'm good at this. And then I Woke up at 7am or earlier in like the worst pain of my life and had to go to the emergency room and basically have beginning stages of appendicitis. And they're like, you're. You don't have a kidney stone. But we think maybe one or two, like came out really fast because your ureters really. Whatever. And I didn't even think about the vibrating plate. I like shook it out of me.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, that's crazy. Maybe that's a secret.

[K.P. Burke]

I wanted to. I wanted to hit the plate and just make like a ding sound like when you give a homeless guy change. I was kind of hoping that was what you're.

[Zach Amico]

Here's the question. Have you sat on the plate?

[Molly Vivant]

Of course. That feels amazing. But if you sit on it a certain other way, like you kind of lean on one side with your ass, it will make you yourself.

[Zach Amico]

Challenge accepted.

[Molly Vivant]

No, I've been recommending it to everyone. I know that has constipation problems. I don't, but I know that it like truly challenges. It's amazing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That's the last thing I did after the amount of you. My sister in law made me a baked brie.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, I love baked brie.

[Zach Amico]

And I think two people tried it. And then I ate half of it. And then in the middle of the night had the other half. With coquito.

[Molly Vivant]

With coquito.

[Zach Amico]

And I just sat there and ate. No crackers. I just ate brie.

[Molly Vivant]

With a fork.

[Zach Amico]

With a fork. And I had Mac and cheese with it.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And then I woke up. Oh, excuse me. I had. I'll tell you, I had. As a special Christmas treat, I bought Jimmy Johnson's Midnight moon cookies and cream moonshine milkshake.

[K.P. Burke]

Where do you get that?

[Zach Amico]

The liquor store.

[K.P. Burke]

Okay. Fantastic.

[Zach Amico]

Jimmy Johnson was a famous racer.

[Molly Vivant]

Zach, I'm worried for your health in a real way. Like, I Never was. I never was.

[Zach Amico]

That was a Christmas special. I would never usually have that much cheese.

[K.P. Burke]

I hear Jimmy Johnson, I think Dallas Cowboys. So he's a racer.

[Zach Amico]

He's nascar.

[K.P. Burke]

Nascar. Got it. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And he was. Because NASCAR is offshoot of the moonshine industry.

[K.P. Burke]

Right on.

[Zach Amico]

Because they used to soup up cars so they get away from the cops. So now he has gone back to his roots and he sells jars of moonshine at liquor stores that are pretty in. Pretty hard to finish that. Some of them are great. Some of them are the worst thing I've ever had. They have a cherry one that's a strawberry one that's really bad. And they have a pickle one that I thought was going to be great because I love picklebacks.

[Molly Vivant]

Me too.

[Zach Amico]

Only the pickle bar and this was awful. Maybe the one of the worst things I've ever bought.

[Molly Vivant]

I'm not kidding. That food description just made me queasy.

[K.P. Burke]

It's. Yeah, it's a lot, man. I was trying to think what.

[Zach Amico]

I clogged the toilet. The next day I had to call my wife and ask where his sister kept the plunger.

[Molly Vivant]

I feel like you overflowed it like that. If I had that food and that.

[Zach Amico]

Drink, I think it was.

[Molly Vivant]

It would have came over the brim.

[Zach Amico]

It was. I should have flushed first before starting to use paper. It was. It was not the combination of the two. Not at that house.

[Molly Vivant]

You need a bidet every day.

[K.P. Burke]

Aren't they life changers? Yes, the bidet is a life changer.

[Molly Vivant]

One of my best friends is the engineer at Tushy Nice Designs them. I went to his house the other day and I guess he was researching something for bidet stuff and another company already came out with this thing that he was working on, Kohler, where when you go to the bathroom it takes photos of your piss and like as soon as you go, it starts flashing in the.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, like a traffic camera.

[Shannon]

That's.

[Molly Vivant]

Yes, exactly like that. You fingerprint down it. It registers your fingerprint. So it knows the difference between different people's piss and shit. And then it goes straight to your phone and tells you your gut microbiome.

[K.P. Burke]

Information, your hydration levels and CC to Jim Norton's email.

[Zach Amico]

I was going to say, can you set it up that every time you shit it just sends it to your friend who you are going to send the picture to anyway.

[Molly Vivant]

No, it should do that.

[Zach Amico]

That would be a great. Dude, that would be so funny.

[K.P. Burke]

You see fake his phone going off. Sorry. My buddy Zach's shooting again.

[Zach Amico]

So what want with a bidet is I think you know how cars have like the parallel parking camera on the back?

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think the bidet should have a.

[Molly Vivant]

Camera so you can see if it's fully clean.

[Zach Amico]

So you can adjust and you can see your own asshole to make sure it's completely clean.

[Molly Vivant]

I'm going to bring this to my engineer friend that makes it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, please. From your. Oh, nothing would make. Do you have great. It would be to just. Because sometimes you're like, what the fuck is going on in there? And I'm not setting up a mirror system, but if I had a little camera, I feel like I could really get that. I feel like I could really get some problem areas taken care of.

[K.P. Burke]

You think it's going to be like. Like that scene from Aliens when they have the handheld cameras on their helmets or whatever?

[Zach Amico]

Yes, 100%. It's going to look like the journey movement. It's going to make the journey to the center. It should be in predator vision.

[K.P. Burke]

Will you do color coding? Is that possible?

[Molly Vivant]

I don't know. I have no idea.

[K.P. Burke]

You had a heat seeking pattern on this.

[Zach Amico]

You know, just so you could like see be like, oh, I gotta, you know, two clicks to the right.

[Molly Vivant]

No, I agree completely. I'm gonna bring this to them.

[Zach Amico]

Or you know, like, just make sure you got the whole area.

[Molly Vivant]

Especially if my asshole's not waxed it. It's harder to make it clean like when you're wiping with a hairy asshole. Like men. Y' all should start waxing your. Because it really changes the game. It's way less wipes.

[Zach Amico]

I Way less wipes opposed to it. I just don't want to put anyone through that.

[Molly Vivant]

I'll do it for you. I'm not kidding. I used to be an esthetician and wax and.

[Zach Amico]

All right, Shannon, we're gonna have a special episode in the next few weeks with you.

[Molly Vivant]

I might need some helpers.

[Zach Amico]

Sure. Of course.

[K.P. Burke]

That sounds like a Friday episode to me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I would say that's a Friday.

[Molly Vivant]

I can 100 do that?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, of course. And I. We. And we have the bidet here. So I will be in tip top shape.

[Molly Vivant]

Okay, I'm down. We need baby powder.

[Zach Amico]

We'll figure it out. We'll get. We're. We'll get it all. We'll get it all. We'll make a. We'll make a treat of it on this table.

[Molly Vivant]

On this table.

[Zach Amico]

We had a promise. We did have to promise to stop doing horrible things on this table.

[Molly Vivant]

Why?

[Zach Amico]

Because SDR tapes here and There were a few instances.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, yeah, once his face was here.

[Zach Amico]

Some ladies were not.

[Molly Vivant]

Fuentes was here. We can't.

[Zach Amico]

That was.

[Molly Vivant]

Respect him that way.

[Zach Amico]

Of course we have.

[Molly Vivant]

That's what I've seen.

[Zach Amico]

By the way. If you want to. If you wanted to do it. My wife's whole family turned on me on Christmas Eve. It was great. And I totally just. I poked the bear. I knew it was coming and I was just like, let me like this. I was like, I just saw it count. I was like, I'm gonna burn this whole thing. I'm gonna burn this conversation to the ground. They were talking about how much they hated rfk. And I went, you know, I met him, I thought he was great. And they went, what? I was like, oh. He shook my head. I was like, there's some of that Kennedy charm, man. Like, I don't agree with him on a lot, but man, the second I met him, I loved him. I thought he was fucking really personified. So nice to everybody. He spoke, you know, he looked you right in the eyes. He made you feel heard. I was like, I really, really liked him. Oh, boy. Did you know what my teacher wife, her college professor sister. Yeah. Oh, boy.

[K.P. Burke]

So you're not the only blue hair in that family then, huh?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude. When I'm with.

[Molly Vivant]

They make him look like.

[Zach Amico]

When I'm with my side of the family, when I'm with my side of the family, I am a communist. When I'm with my mom and that side, I am the craziest liberal they've ever met. When I am with my wife's family, I am wearing a MAGA hat and a who farted? T shirt.

[K.P. Burke]

You got range, dude.

[Zach Amico]

You got range. I do not know. I don't change any of my opinions. I just somehow I am.

[Molly Vivant]

Isn't that scary.

[Zach Amico]

I am whatever people want to hate. I'm everything that's wrong with both sides of America. And people just assign what they think I think to me based on my face.

[Molly Vivant]

I love you. I could never hate you.

[Zach Amico]

They just. Oh, my God. They just started screaming at my. My mother in law was screaming at me. My sister in law goes, well, I hope he dies.

[K.P. Burke]

That's when you say, he did die. I'm talking about his son. I met his son, right?

[Zach Amico]

Why would he act the way he acts? I went, I don't know. He walks CIA kill his whole family.

[Molly Vivant]

That's. That is real.

[K.P. Burke]

There's a little. Yeah, there's something in on that.

[Zach Amico]

It is Kevin Israel. Yes. That's all right. I want to. You know what? I haven't ruined my life. Actually, before we do that, let's do the guess of the celebrity thing. Shannon, you've tickled my interest.

[Shannon]

Okay, so I just. Hold on. Don't open anything yet. So I just happened to find this on Instagram randomly, and I couldn't tell who it was, so I was curious if you guys would be able to. So I'm going to show you.

[Molly Vivant]

Wait, hold on. I cannot hear here. The volume is so low.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay. You can turn your volume up on your.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, right here.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no. File on your box.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, duh.

[K.P. Burke]

I think we're good.

[Shannon]

Better.

[Zach Amico]

Can you hear Shannon now?

[Shannon]

You can hear me now?

[K.P. Burke]

I keep it low for a nice asmr.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, great.

[Shannon]

Okay, so I'm going to show you.

[Zach Amico]

Celebrity young pictures of a celebrity. We're going to try and figure out who it is.

[K.P. Burke]

She's such a sweet person. Here, that's. That's your box. I was trying to show you on this one. I'm sorry. That's my fault.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, can you hear Shannon now?

[Shannon]

Hi. Can you hear me?

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon]

Okay, so I'm gonna show you two pictures of a celebrity while they. When they were younger, and you have to try to guess who the celebrity is. So here's one.

[Zach Amico]

Kp, thank you for showing Molly how to fiddle her box. Okay, that's one.

[K.P. Burke]

What's his name? The redhead dude from csi?

[Shannon]

Nope.

[K.P. Burke]

Damn.

[Zach Amico]

He's a little John Cena in the face, but I'm trying. Oh, I know it's not John Cena. This is an old, old picture, so I'm assuming this is an elderly person now.

[Shannon]

Do you want me to answer that, Joe Biden? No.

[Zach Amico]

Can we see the other photo?

[Shannon]

One second. Here's the other one.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, very interesting. Give us a clue. What do they do?

[Shannon]

I don't. I don't think I can tell you that. But I'll tell you. They are no longer alive.

[Zach Amico]

Okay?

[Shannon]

And it is. It is an icon. It's not like any of you will not know who it is. It is an iconic person, but not. Not necessarily like an actor or singer.

[Zach Amico]

Okay?

[Shannon]

You're never gonna get it.

[Zach Amico]

Give us another clue.

[K.P. Burke]

Shannon, while you're giving hints, can you pop bubble wrap for me real quick? I'm in a place right now.

[Shannon]

I would love to pop bubble wrap. So his hairstyle is definitely not what you're seeing here. His recognizable hairstyle is very different than what you're seeing in these pictures.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, let's see the other one again.

[Shannon]

His hair is completely different in the famous version of him than what you're seeing here.

[K.P. Burke]

He's American?

[Shannon]

I believe so.

[Molly Vivant]

I don't know this white man.

[Zach Amico]

We're gonna figure this out. Hold on. Known for his hair.

[K.P. Burke]

I'm thinking he's gonna be like a punk rock guy that he actually. Because the hair's long enough.

[Shannon]

Nothing. Not having to do with music.

[K.P. Burke]

Nothing. I'm colder than science.

[Shannon]

But I would say the arts.

[K.P. Burke]

The arts.

[Shannon]

Can you click away just for one second? Sorry, I just want to prepare the next one.

[Zach Amico]

One moment. Arts.

[Molly Vivant]

Is it Andy Warhol?

[Shannon]

No.

[K.P. Burke]

Is it Andy Dick?

[Shannon]

No.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon. I got nothing.

[Shannon]

Okay. Do you want me to just reveal it to you?

[Zach Amico]

Show us a small piece of them.

[Shannon]

Hold on. I don't know if I can do that. It's something that you probably watched as a child.

[Zach Amico]

Mr. Rogers?

[Shannon]

No, but you're getting there.

[Zach Amico]

Beekman. No. Hair.

[Shannon]

Hair.

[Zach Amico]

Children.

[Shannon]

Not necessarily children.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon]

But you probably watched it as a kid.

[Molly Vivant]

Well, I'm 29.

[K.P. Burke]

It's not Bill Nye the Science Guy.

[Shannon]

Nope, 0 for 4.

[Zach Amico]

But we were close with science.

[Molly Vivant]

But in the arts.

[Shannon]

At the arts.

[Molly Vivant]

In the arts.

[Shannon]

Not science.

[Zach Amico]

Not science. Bob Ross.

[Shannon]

Yes. You could share this now.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, Az.

[Shannon]

And I'll click through.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, my God. You should have said squirrel and I would have known.

[Zach Amico]

I gotta tell you, I'm giving it to me on that. I'm giving it to me.

[Molly Vivant]

You were great.

[K.P. Burke]

I had nothing.

[Molly Vivant]

So wait, is there another one I want to try again?

[Shannon]

No, that's the only one.

[Zach Amico]

That was super fun. Thank you for bringing that to the show, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Unrecognizable, though, right there is just there.

[Zach Amico]

He looks like completely different.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Look at the nose, even.

[Shannon]

And he must have got a. Gotten a perm somewhere along the way.

[Zach Amico]

I would assume so.

[Molly Vivant]

Ethnically ambiguous with age. Wow, I'm in shock.

[Zach Amico]

You know what? Look at that.

[K.P. Burke]

Those photos, they were like just before he made his first black friend.

[Molly Vivant]

I do in fact, know this white man.

[Zach Amico]

There we go. Look at us learning. All right, so kp, you. You host a history podcast. Yes. And I usually don't do political stuff, but I have been very interested in what is ever is going on in Minnesota.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, it's.

[Zach Amico]

It's a story, Ma. Are you familiar at all with what I'm talking about?

[Molly Vivant]

What's happening?

[Zach Amico]

So there is a great increase in Somalian people showing up to live there. And people are realizing that they're opening what appear to be fake businesses that get funding. For instance, one video I Saw I had a guy. It was one building with 13 different health care centers in it. And each one a guy walked in and asked every single one, hi, can I apply for health care? What are your rates? And all 13 of them told him to go away, that they don't take.

[Molly Vivant]

Customers, they should open a mattress firm.

[Zach Amico]

And much like leave. So my block in Bay Ridge is very Middle Eastern. Every single thing that has been on the block has closed since I've lived there. And now they are all jewelry stores of which I've never seen someone enter or leave. I've never seen them open. And the whole block it identical jewelry. They all have the same in the windows. And I've never seen somebody walk in one or leave one or the doors be open. I have a feeling money is being laundered. Laundered.

[Molly Vivant]

But what are Somalians known for?

[Zach Amico]

Like, what's their pirates?

[K.P. Burke]

So he's right. He's right on that.

[Molly Vivant]

They're laundering booty.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a. Well, it's a weird one. It's all the pirates, like the. I was in the Navy and our counter piracy ops were all against Somalis. And then. So that was always interesting. And then my favorite thing I've learned in the last year or so was they ranked all the military movies most accurate and least accurate. They said the most accurate was Black Hawk Down. I don't know if you ever saw that one. No, it's a great movie. Black Hawk down is one of the most accurate.

[Zach Amico]

No, but she's going down on Black Horse.

[Molly Vivant]

I think I've been there.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a. It's a different kind of ashy penis we're talking about on this particular. But this one crazy thing was that they finally let the people in Mogadishu, the city where Black Hawk down went down, they let the people watch the movie and they were upset that no real Somalis were cast. So they know how to play the game and be like, oh, we don't feel represented in this movie about us. So you should have had Somali actors. We all could have been playing like, you know, little characters in your movie. So we, you know, feel like you owe us some money. And a little tiny byline underneath was the video that they were able to watch the movie finally about 10 or 11 years after it came out. Pirated copy.

[Zach Amico]

So now there is an issue where there's all these daycare centers opening up or schools for autistic kids and people have been going and making videos where they show up and there's no one there. Except like one person at a desk. And when they say, hi, I'd like to sign my kid up for daycare, they say, no. Or we don't, you know, go on our website. One lady said, I need your business card. We'll call you. He's like, no, I need your business card. You're the business, I'm the person.

[Molly Vivant]

But why Minnesota?

[Zach Amico]

I think it's just a pick a place. They picked, like, I'm sure, like, they're like, people are moving their family. I'm sure somebody, a couple families move there and they're like, hey, this is a great spot to scam people. And they started moving their families here.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a von Thunian thing. I forget what that. I think that's the title of. But it's like, wherever your inner city is, when you first start a city, people always move out. So then the original part of the city becomes the worst part. And that's why people are able to move in and get cheap rent. Eventually that turns into gentrification or whatever. But it's also ripe for scam artists. Yeah, I mean, what they pulled off is it's. You're almost. It's like that thing with the mafia where you find out like something that you're like, I don't know, that's kind of cool.

[Zach Amico]

So, Shannon, do we have the. One of the guys saying, I, I want to sign up little Joey.

[Shannon]

I. I believe that's this one.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, cool.

[Shannon]

Let me see. Just look at it first.

[Molly Vivant]

Do you think they're going to get accents?

[Shannon]

Was it this one? The New York Post one?

[Narrator/Reporter]

Yes.

[Molly Vivant]

Okay.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, Somalis with Minnesota accents. Yeah, I like it.

[Zach Amico]

What do you guys think about the fraud that's taking place here in Minnesota?

[Narrator/Reporter]

A bombshell viral video purports to have cracked open a crucial part of the alleged Somali aid scheme. Minnesota. As federal investigators say as much as $9 billion could have been stolen in fraudulent schemes within the state. The aftermath has since garnered intense backlash aimed at state leadership, with Minnesota governor Tim Walls desperately defending himself against ever growing allegations. Here's everything you need to know. On December 26, YouTuber Nick Shirley shared a 42 minute video of himself and a Minnesotan named David traveling around Minneapolis and visiting multiple child care and learning sites allegedly owned by Somali immigrants and receiving millions in taxpayer dollars. 1.604 million in fiscal year 2025. This place right here. However, the pair discovered that many were either shuttered entirely with blacked out windows despite signage indicating they were open, or were helmed by staff who refused to participate in the video.

[Zach Amico]

Can I speak to a manager?

[Narrator/Reporter]

Most of the sites which claim to be licensed for dozens of children each, had no children inside whatsoever.

[Zach Amico]

Can you tell us why there are no children?

[K.P. Burke]

Have you ever seen children at this child care center?

[Zach Amico]

Doesn't know if she's ever seen a child here.

[Narrator/Reporter]

One infamous location called quality.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, it's the best.

[Zach Amico]

So people keep saying this is the Derek Zulu school for kids who don't read good. And it really makes me laugh. But yes, go ahead.

[Shannon]

Sorry. Learning is also spelled incorrectly, correct?

[K.P. Burke]

It's the leering center.

[Zach Amico]

The leering center. That's what I've been doing Every time Molly's got her head turned.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Plays a misspelled sign reading quality Leering center also features blacked out windows. The center is supposed to account for 99 children. However, a local resident of eight years revealed he's never seen a child go in or out of the building. Where are the children?

[Zach Amico]

I don't see them. I've been here since 2017. I haven't seen anybody like that.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Never seen a child here. Shirley even asked multiple sites if he would be able to have his child join only to be denied at the door.

[Zach Amico]

Can I get paperwork or anything to submit my son little Joey to come in here to daycare? Would my son little Joey have friends to play with here? No.

[Narrator/Reporter]

The mega viral video has since spread like wildfire on social media.

[Zach Amico]

Like Let me eat my Cinnabon.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Uses the big weekend show. Shirley joked that the alleged scheme was so obvious that a kindergartner could figure out there was fraud going on.

[Zach Amico]

So there better be changed because like I said, we work way too hard.

[Narrator/Reporter]

To be paying taxes.

[Zach Amico]

We work way too hard to be not knowing where our money's going. And at the end of the day, the people in the government, they work for us. We don't work for them. And so it's their responsibility to hold these people accountable.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Minnesota governor Tim Walz has since faced intense scrutiny over the alleged fraud. Republican Minnesota representative Tom Emmer wrote on x $4 million of hard earned tax dollars going to an education center that can't even spell learning correctly.

[Zach Amico]

Pause cared. In all fairness, he put $4 million of hard earned tax dollars going to and and education together. So everybody's a retard.

[Molly Vivant]

He could have gone there.

[Zach Amico]

He needs to go to the learning center. And Lear had a spell.

[K.P. Burke]

Do you think the Somalis saw a purple rain and they were just like, we must go to where this man comes from?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Mecca.

[K.P. Burke]

That's right. That's their version of Mecca. They went and saw a prince.

[Molly Vivant]

That's kind of sweet. It makes me like.

[Zach Amico]

So keep it going, Shannon.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Explain this one. Tim Walls. While New York Representative Mike Lawler called for people to be arrested and prosecuted, as well as for Walls to be held accountable for the scandal. In a statement to Fox News, a spokesperson for Tim Wall said the governor has worked for years to crack down on fraud and ask.

[Zach Amico]

All right, you can pause the Shannon. So yeah, this guy's going all around. They. Every single person that answers these. Fuck. I watched the whole thing. Every single person is like, no. He's like, can I get my son childcare here? And they're like, no. And they're like, and there's no gun. They always go, the kids, I guess they are supposed to say, the kids don't get here till late their hours. And some of them are 2 to.

[K.P. Burke]

10Pm I saw that it was 1 7am to 10pm and I was like, we feel bad if we leave my stepson out till six like that. That we're like, we're terrible people. That we didn't pick them up yet.

[Shannon]

I have the more like extended video of him speaking with the lady.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that would be great.

[Molly Vivant]

I want to know what they're doing.

[Zach Amico]

I would like to see if I could bring little Joey, my son, little Joey here. Is that paperwork? Can I check out the daycare? No. Why can't I check out the daycare? Okay, but if I can't get paperwork or anything to submit my son, little Joey to come in here to daycare. We'd really like to put Joey in this daycare. We've heard great things. Business card? No, I would like your business card, actually. We'll talk to you. Okay. Can I speak with somebody? Where are the children at? Are there children here?

[K.P. Burke]

Brand new iPhone.

[Zach Amico]

No children. Yeah. Why are there no children? Would my son, little Joey have friends to play with here? No, no. No friends for little Joey. So obviously don't speak much English. And they just have her sitting there all day so that there's somebody in the building, which is what I assume. Right.

[Molly Vivant]

So they're not even using the buildings for, like, illegal activity.

[Zach Amico]

I think they literally. They're empty. Or somebody sits there all day and they collect these places and they have 99 kids in them.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a fair assessment that it's not going to be the nicest part of Minnesota or Minneapolis, rather. So, like, I think this is like, they're just under the radar kind of thing. So It's. I mean, think about it. There's so many places that could be selling kratom. You know, honest, good kratom, old fashioned, American crate.

[Zach Amico]

The good stuff. All right, wait.

[Molly Vivant]

And they're saying Tim. Tim Walls is saying it's white supremacy.

[Zach Amico]

He claimed that it is racist because they're trying to go after Somalian owned business. Immigrant owned businesses.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

Don't mess with Tim Waltz. He's friends with school shooters. Heard him say it.

[Zach Amico]

And now. So the news we saw today, Shannon, I guess the learning center was full today. And they have. Did we have that?

[Shannon]

Shannon, hold on one second.

[Zach Amico]

Apparently the learning center has been packed with kids today who were all. They described it as trucked in. And the neighbors are. All the neighbors are like, we've never seen these fucking kids before. That means somebody had to get on the horn.

[Shannon]

It's not letting me expand the video. So I'm gonna have to just kind of play it in a weird way right here.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[K.P. Burke]

They're communicating with each other via burning piles of tires. Send in the children qualify for child care assistance funding.

[Narrator/Reporter]

These surveillance videos are from a case.

[K.P. Burke]

Prosecuted by Hennepin County.

[Zach Amico]

They show parents checking their kids into.

[K.P. Burke]

A center, only to leave with them a few minutes later.

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes no children would show up, but.

[K.P. Burke]

Either way, the center would bill the state for a full day of child care.

[Narrator/Reporter]

This video from that same case shows.

[K.P. Burke]

A man handing out envelopes of what.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Are believed to be kickback payments to.

[K.P. Burke]

Parents who are in on the fraud. Where was the money going?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know exactly where it went.

[Molly Vivant]

This feels like a Nathan for you situation.

[Zach Amico]

It really does. It's the amount of flagrant, not giving a shit to even try and make it look like you're doing the thing.

[K.P. Burke]

You know, it's gonna take them down too. It's gonna be mothers of autistic children because they played heavy into that.

[Zach Amico]

They're playing heavy on the autism thing.

[K.P. Burke]

And when you can get mothers of autistic children riled up, they are. It's like cat people where they just.

[Zach Amico]

They go, well, they're excited to get out of the house, to be honest.

[Molly Vivant]

But you know what? Good for these Somalian people because it's the American dream. You come here and you can make something and you can make money.

[Shannon]

That's.

[Molly Vivant]

That's capitalism.

[Zach Amico]

I hate it. I hate it so much.

[Molly Vivant]

White people are scamming just as hard. They are, sure. Rich people. Rich white people are scamming the market, of course.

[Zach Amico]

And I'm saying. I'm not saying that's right. Like, that's also wrong. Yeah, but at least they're scamming with a fucking better story than no kids here today.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, I want like no show jobs.

[Zach Amico]

Give me some. Give me some razzle dazzle with my scam, you know, Give me try.

[Molly Vivant]

I mean, actually, I think it's kind of a good story. I mean, we're talking about it on this podcast because it's kind of silly.

[Zach Amico]

It is silly.

[K.P. Burke]

How do you tell the difference between a Somali child and an autistic child, though? Like, they're just like a. What are the signs? Like, does he makes a lot of clicking sounds when he's talking?

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, yeah, I guess you'd have to understand Somali.

[Zach Amico]

It's the kid chooses not to eat.

[K.P. Burke]

Well, the whole. You know what, by the way, those kids, even though they're being trucked in, I want them to have as many good years as possible before they're forced to serve in a child army back home.

[Zach Amico]

Before they have to have a machine gun and a T shirt for whatever team didn't win the Super Bowl.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, they got a. They got a Kansas City Chiefs super bowl champion shirt and an AK and tuxedo shoes.

[Molly Vivant]

Why don't we just teach them how to do a real business here?

[Zach Amico]

I'm fine with that.

[Molly Vivant]

Like, we shouldn't even punish them. They're just doing what they know how to do. They're like.

[Zach Amico]

Pretend to do daycare.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah, a pirate ran daycare center. That is the dream for most kids though.

[Zach Amico]

That's Peter Pan. That's literally the story of Peter Pan.

[Molly Vivant]

That's really good for autistic people. Yeah, autistic kids probably love pirates.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I don't know. The hook might scare them.

[Molly Vivant]

Like boats?

[Zach Amico]

No, they like trains.

[Molly Vivant]

They like modes of transportation.

[Zach Amico]

You know what they do? Like modes of transportation.

[Molly Vivant]

Like trains are obviously up there.

[Zach Amico]

Trains are pretty high up highest.

[Molly Vivant]

They're like God tier motive transfer.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, to show that I also am definitely a bit of a momo. I bought the loud cup. What is that Shannon? Can you google the loud cup? I promised her it was for the show, but it was just to annoy her. And I woke, she's like, are you gonna take that in the fucking studio yet? And I literally bought it to annoy my wife.

[K.P. Burke]

Poor Shannon.

[Zach Amico]

It's technically, I believe, for sporting events.

[Shannon]

Do you want to play one of these videos?

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[K.P. Burke]

Is it like a Vuva Z?

[Shannon]

Oh my God.

[Zach Amico]

That's me at home watching wrestling on the couch.

[Molly Vivant]

No one should give me one of Those.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, it's. And it's watchable. It's like a Stanley too. So you have, you have your delicious cocktail.

[Molly Vivant]

I thought it was gonna be like a shake and it's like a cowbell or something.

[Zach Amico]

No, he's just like play another. It's so I've been driving my wife nuts.

[K.P. Burke]

This is called the loud cup.

[Molly Vivant]

This guy's void.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Wow. But your kid scores or does something good. I don't know how. Well it's a boat horn. But this thing is loud as hell. Fucking awesome. So not only that, I realized you could. I do like. Like I'm rolling my R's so it goes.

[K.P. Burke]

You do it every time John Cena comes to the ring.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I do it constantly.

[Molly Vivant]

He just did. For the last time.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's mostly Walter.

[K.P. Burke]

Sad, right?

[Zach Amico]

It's mostly my. My boy. My boy Valter.

[K.P. Burke]

Dude, what a great cup too. Because first of all, you know, kids are going to get their hands on it for school. This is going to be something banned in schools. First the kids are going to get in. I think that's a safe assumption. But what a great thing to make. Really loud and then scream live shooter right after.

[Zach Amico]

You could. So all kids have water bottles now, right? Or cups?

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

Actually I heard this one very recently that they banned vanilla extract from school.

[Zach Amico]

Really?

[K.P. Burke]

Kids were putting. They would order coffee and then pour a full thing of vanilla extract into it because there's alcohol content.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

And kids were just like 14 year old kids are just drinking their Starbucks, getting a little tipsy at school. I don't know what. Yeah, it.

[Zach Amico]

I've heard the vanilla extract has.

[Molly Vivant]

Well yeah, I've heard that too. So does kombucha or like if you drink an entire bottle of vanilla or Listerine. But those middle schoolers have just as easy of access as getting like an airplane bottle of alcohol. Sure. You know what I mean? That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Sure.

[Molly Vivant]

This sounds like.

[K.P. Burke]

What's the opening line from that one? So that one came from a. My one apartment down the Jersey shore. I lived with two women and one of them was a school teacher and she's like, yeah, we had to ban vanilla extract from the school. So it was. I trust my source on that one.

[Zach Amico]

It would be to drive a teacher crazy with that cup. If everyone in the class knows not to tell on you. And every time they turn their back you go. Because now everyone just got cups.

[K.P. Burke]

How different is it from a recorder? Can they just play Hot Press Buns.

[Zach Amico]

And it's so fun. My cat hates it. I'm just creating chaos in the house.

[Molly Vivant]

This is how you need to use it. Like, I used to have this. Like, it was like a dumb gag gift. It was just like a goat. And when you press it, it screams. Like a screaming ghost.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Molly Vivant]

And whenever I was on the phone with my ex boyfriend and he'd annoy me, I would just put it to the speaker and, like, hit it. It wasn't that loud in person, but if you put it right next to the phone, like, it hurts someone's ear. You should do that whenever someone's pissing you off on the phone.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I got my loud cup.

[Molly Vivant]

It's going to hurt their ears.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I love it.

[Shannon]

Zach, I'm not sure if you want to stay on this or if it's fine if you want to move away, but when you mentioned vanilla extract, it reminded me of a body cam video that I watched 100%. So it's obviously very long, but I'm just going to show you a little bit of how girl is. Is acting and then what they discovered in her car. So here's the. This is her. Them pulling her over.

[K.P. Burke]

Please, please be a trunk full of it.

[Molly Vivant]

What was that?

[Narrator/Reporter]

You don't know.

[Zach Amico]

You don't know what happened.

[K.P. Burke]

Okay.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Do you have your driver's license on you?

[Shannon]

Doesn't know what planet she's on.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Do you have your registration and insurance at all?

[Zach Amico]

Is she in a parking lot?

[Shannon]

No, I think she's, like, at a light.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Can you grab it for me?

[K.P. Burke]

I want to know what's on her arm.

[Molly Vivant]

I think it's, like, diabetes. It's for insulin.

[Shannon]

Yeah. She's at a light.

[K.P. Burke]

Oh, boy.

[Narrator/Reporter]

My name is Stephanie Price.

[Shannon]

I'm gonna skip forward a little bit.

[K.P. Burke]

Yes.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Can you step out of the car for. Can you step out of the car for me, please?

[Molly Vivant]

This is how I looked when Big J gave me Molly. I'm not kidding.

[Zach Amico]

I was gonna say, this is me getting out of Harrington's car in natural.

[Shannon]

I feel like it's dangerous to ask her to get out of the car.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Are you understanding what I'm asking you? You do. Okay, you don't understand.

[Molly Vivant]

She has an apple watch. She's a nice white lady. Just don't make her get up.

[K.P. Burke]

I'm trying to drop my kids off at Somali daycare, so that involves turning.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Your legs all the way outside the.

[Zach Amico]

Car with the cop? Has to. By the way, how much nicer can we be to white people, cops? So if you're explaining how he's like, you turn your legs when there's a black eye on the ground, there's three people yelling, cross your legs. And one person yelling, don't. And whatever he does, he's getting tased.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, this is Florida. That's. That looks like pbso.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Do you mind performing that task I asked of you?

[Zach Amico]

Please. This is the nicest cop I've ever heard in my life.

[K.P. Burke]

Palm Beach? Is that what you're thinking?

[Molly Vivant]

No, it's not Palm beach, but that is where I'm from.

[Shannon]

I'll skip a little more.

[Molly Vivant]

I can't tell. It's definitely Florida.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Can you exit the vehicle for me, please?

[Molly Vivant]

She's making cute squeaks.

[Shannon]

Holding his hand.

[Molly Vivant]

Is that a wig, do you think?

[K.P. Burke]

Anyway, I'm Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical.

[Narrator/Reporter]

So at this moment in time, I am going to inform you of something, okay? So I am changing hats. Oh, no, there's no need to hold my hand. Okay. I wanted to inform you that I am changing hats, okay? From a civil traffic crash investigation into a criminal DUI investigation.

[Zach Amico]

Okay?

[Narrator/Reporter]

Subsequent to that, I'm going to inform you of something. Okay?

[K.P. Burke]

This is now a chef's head to remain silent.

[Shannon]

But she's trying to hold on to something so bad.

[Narrator/Reporter]

You have the right to have an attorney present now at any time during questioning.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry, this is a. This is a visual joke, but I apologize. Pause. I will now be changing my hat again. It is a beret. I am a mime.

[Shannon]

I'll skip forward a little more.

[Molly Vivant]

Oh, my God, I love her and I feel bad for her.

[Shannon]

We're ten minutes in. She. I don't think I've heard her say a word.

[Zach Amico]

She made some squeaks.

[Molly Vivant]

My Floridian sister.

[Narrator/Reporter]

You mind taking a look at me? How much alcohol have you consumed today?

[Shannon]

Oh, she's hiccuping.

[Narrator/Reporter]

How much alcohol have you consumed today?

[Shannon]

Is she, like, trembling?

[Molly Vivant]

Like, why aren't they not putting her in an ambulance to perform a circle.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Series of standardized field sobriety exercises in order to dispel my fears that you did operate a vehicle within the state under the influence of an alcoholic beverage, controlled substance or chemical faculties?

[Shannon]

No, I think it's eight. In the United States.

[Narrator/Reporter]

It's a yes or no question.

[K.P. Burke]

Where the spring break stuff goes on, they lower it. Maybe that's how they got my ex.

[Molly Vivant]

I hate police. Just put her in an ambulance. Why are you even doing.

[Shannon]

Because it's their procedure, Molly. They're just following procedure.

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah, she looks like she needs help, though.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Like, step back out for me, okay?

[Zach Amico]

You have to realize Shannon pounds her Clam to police brutality videos.

[Shannon]

Not the br. Not always.

[K.P. Burke]

Jesus Christ.

[Shannon]

Okay, then here. This is about where they're going to.

[Narrator/Reporter]

All the way in.

[Molly Vivant]

Okay.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Vanilla extract.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Narrator/Reporter]

What, 14?

[Zach Amico]

15.

[Molly Vivant]

But she's an adult. Why would she do that?

[K.P. Burke]

18.

[Shannon]

I believe what it was is that she's had so many DUIs in the past that she's not. She can't actually buy liquor or something.

[Narrator/Reporter]

21 bottles of vanilla extract.

[Zach Amico]

21 bottles of vanilla extract.21 in the back seat. Take one. Damn. Chug it on down.

[Molly Vivant]

Damn. Another thing that they're just gonna lock up at the store that you have to buy now.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not allowed to see my daughter. 20 bottles of vanilla extract.

[Molly Vivant]

That was so Sad.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so 21. Yeah. That's how much alcohol is in those. Enough that it's like a little shot.

[K.P. Burke]

I thought it was, like, 11% or something.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. So it's like a little wine.

[K.P. Burke]

So these kids are doing it like one that they're squeezing into, like, the top of a coffee. So you're essentially making an Irish coffee or I suppose a, you know, a French coffee or something.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I've only heard a quote, by the way, that is not good for Irish people, that adding liquor to something just makes it Irish.

[K.P. Burke]

It's. You know, I try to fight the stereotype sometimes as, like, nothing but Irish, but then I remember reading the.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I see you made an Irish meatloaf. Just pouring whiskey on meat.

[K.P. Burke]

It's. I wish the culture was a little more sophisticated, but it's not. Zach, you ever read these symptoms of fetal alcohol syndrome? You're vaguely describing me and Colm.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You just have five carrots in a bottle of vodka. Sorry. I'm making Irish carrots.

[Molly Vivant]

Wait, is it true that Irish people hate the. The name Irish Car Bomb? That's what someone said.

[K.P. Burke]

Well, it's named after terrorism in a.

[Zach Amico]

Way, but it is not advisable to order one in Ireland.

[K.P. Burke]

No.

[Zach Amico]

It would be like walking and ordering a 9 11, which. We had that conversation.

[K.P. Burke]

Dude, if you had the 911 burger, though, you could heal the nation. If there was a place that had.

[Zach Amico]

One, it's two burgers.

[K.P. Burke]

It's a. Well, there's a third burger, but you're not allowed to eat it.

[Zach Amico]

They take it. That third burger is eating in a back room in front of no one. Then we Talked about the 911 shot, wasn't it? Oh, what was. It was a bush. The chaser was a bush. Me, you, and Faga figured it out.

[K.P. Burke]

That must have been a Protect our perks episode.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it definitely was.

[Shannon]

I look, it looks like white ale with a float of grenadine and blue Curacao and a shot of fireball. Was that sound.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, we didn't come up with Fireball.

[K.P. Burke]

Fireball works.

[Zach Amico]

It was a fight. Was. Or was it a fireball and a steel reserve?

[K.P. Burke]

Let me tell you one thing, though. If you got like an outside patio at this bar. Can't serve it. No inside job. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then we saw, of course, Faga doing the Irish Truck Bomb classic.

[Molly Vivant]

What's a truck bomb?

[Zach Amico]

It's an Irish Car bomb, but a pitcher and you drop a rocks. Glass of Jameson in it. And we. They did it in the kitchen with Badlands.

[Molly Vivant]

That sounds so nasty.

[K.P. Burke]

Time has to be on your side with that too, because supposedly the. The whiskey will make it curdle. Yeah. So you got a Faga's. We're not as concerned about fake as we should be. Just as his friends. That's just.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, because I'm the other guy in the room.

[K.P. Burke]

It's.

[Molly Vivant]

It's like liquid poutine.

[Zach Amico]

Let's. God damn. That was a lot of. Fuck that. That vanilla extract thing me up.

[Molly Vivant]

I want to find her.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Does it have anything else? Is she okay?

[Shannon]

No. Yeah, there's no.

[K.P. Burke]

There's no real pretty girl with a DUI. There's an open mic set of hers somewhere on YouTube. Let's be honest. Okay.

[Shannon]

I didn't. I didn't.

[Zach Amico]

It's just her for five minutes.

[K.P. Burke]

Do you guys ever have. You guys like. I like baking.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. She comes on stage and your next comment comes on the stage. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You'll stop. All right, let's do one more and get out of here. Hey, why not? Grown son catches mom in wild ass situation. Put her on blast for all to see.

[K.P. Burke]

Now we're talking.

[Zach Amico]

This is npr. No one's an end. The other's a pr.

[K.P. Burke]

Which means one of them is both.

[Zach Amico]

I just came home unsuspecting. I heard some crazy stuff coming from this room.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Lord, don't walk.

[Zach Amico]

Let me walking to smoke. Oh, Lord. Mama, what's going on? What is this? This is fake. What is this? Don't come back. No.

[K.P. Burke]

What?

[Zach Amico]

Who is this? Don't come back. William. Don't play with me. No, don't play with me. Come on.

[K.P. Burke]

Who you are? You're Carmen San Diego.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God.

[Molly Vivant]

That's exactly how she moves in church.

[K.P. Burke]

When they bop her on the head, she goes all Pentecostal.

[Molly Vivant]

I love that.

[Zach Amico]

That could be real, that could be fake. I enjoyed it regardless.

[Molly Vivant]

I love black.

[K.P. Burke]

I get sad when. I get sad when the guys I work with will watch the clearly fake videos and say, dude, this is crazy. I can't believe I was like, you can't. Come on, guys. A little AI is already causing us enough problems. We don't need to be faked by just a drama school at an institute.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like the videos I always assume are fake are the airplanes where you can see the LED lights, like, in the corner. Okay.

[K.P. Burke]

No, that would check out.

[Molly Vivant]

I never even thought about that.

[K.P. Burke]

There's some good.

[Zach Amico]

So there's a ton of airplane videos. It's airplanes and classes, like people having.

[Molly Vivant]

Freakouts on a plane.

[Zach Amico]

I very. Shannon, those are the ones we always look at right there.

[Shannon]

There are a lot that you show me that I think are fake.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like there's. It seems to be the same classroom for a lot of them. And there's a style of plane in some of the videos where it looks like they have strung up LED lights in the corner where they're supposed to have the safety lights. That's made me question the validity of a lot of plane videos.

[K.P. Burke]

The one that almost got me was. It was a white lady yelling at a black couple for refusing to move a seat or something like that. And she's getting real nasty with him. She actually smacks the shit out of the guy. And then the guy starts moving towards her like he's gonna hit her. And then I swear to God, like this. This, like, cool Urkel looking black dork kid just pops up. He goes, so this was a scene, but what would you have done in this scenario? I was like, yeah, we don't need. Come on, man. I don't need this to be talking.

[Molly Vivant]

No, but the learning moment that to, like, realize, like, this is not real. Like, so many people think are falling for fake stuff on the Internet.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah. And then they can just clip out the fake part there before his little.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no. I'm the. I fall for everything. I am dumb as the amount of shit I sent Shann.

[Molly Vivant]

Animals jumping on trampolines and stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Like, you're like, oh, how canon has to. Dude, I thought the King Kong drone thing was real. I'm dumb as I fall for everything black.

[Molly Vivant]

Ey. Cutting in is for you.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, it is for me.

[K.P. Burke]

I stand corrected. I stand corrected. I'm not ashamed of it.

[Zach Amico]

I am that stupid. All right, let's do one more thing. Shannon. We have enough time to do one more thing, right?

[Molly Vivant]

I bet you're wondering how I got here.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I am interested in this. Mom's late night McDonald's run turns chaotic after police find something wild in her kid's backpack.

[Shannon]

Okay, so we're gonna have to like click through this a bit. This is like a longer body cam footage, but. Great, we'll click through it.

[Zach Amico]

Awesome.

[K.P. Burke]

Ice cream machine's broken.

[Narrator/Reporter]

An officer with the Orlando police department after noticing they had their high beams on.

[Molly Vivant]

On.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Hi.

[Zach Amico]

How's it going?

[Molly Vivant]

I was just taking my son for McDonald's real quick.

[Zach Amico]

All right. It's the reason you're driving with your bright lights on.

[Molly Vivant]

Because I just came all the way from Miami.

[Zach Amico]

You drive with bright lights on in Miami?

[Molly Vivant]

It was just dark. You know, the light.

[Zach Amico]

The roads are dark.

[Molly Vivant]

That's true. The tr.

[Zach Amico]

You know that you actually have to turn those off with oncoming traffic the other way. If you don't, you can actually be stopped cuz it's doing more damage. Looks like Shannon Michael Jackson and. Or someone else. Okay, so you got your license, registration, insurance on you?

[Molly Vivant]

Please, I don't have.

[Zach Amico]

She's not bad though. Oh, some titties on it.

[K.P. Burke]

The Mustang sedan thing.

[Zach Amico]

An id.

[Narrator/Reporter]

Okay, Driver's license.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Molly Vivant]

No, I just left there. I'm telling you, I just left there. My.

[Zach Amico]

My cousin was right around the corner. That's fine.

[Narrator/Reporter]

That's fine.

[Shannon]

Right around.

[K.P. Burke]

Okay. Is the car registered to you?

[Zach Amico]

It's a rental.

[Narrator/Reporter]

This is a rental car?

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah, a rental car. She's so skinny.

[Zach Amico]

All right. Do you have any information?

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah, I'm just.

[Shannon]

Skip ahead a little bit.

[K.P. Burke]

I have my son.

[Molly Vivant]

I have my.

[K.P. Burke]

My.

[Molly Vivant]

My son.

[Zach Amico]

My cousin. T. T, hurry up and come.

[Molly Vivant]

Please.

[Zach Amico]

Hurry up and come.

[Molly Vivant]

My baby's coming. My baby's here.

[Zach Amico]

Do me a favor. Just keep it there, okay?

[Molly Vivant]

Can I call my family?

[Zach Amico]

No, don't touch the phone. So what, she in trouble for stealing the car?

[Shannon]

It doesn't seem like she's identified herself.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, a failure. Identify yourself.

[Shannon]

I think so.

[Molly Vivant]

No problem.

[Zach Amico]

I have my son.

[Molly Vivant]

Please, is she gonna be able to pick up my. She is from Miami.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man. I would say give this kid a take. Hey, you take him to McDonald's. I'll be with her for 10.

[Molly Vivant]

Like this is.

[Zach Amico]

Then we'll switch again.

[Molly Vivant]

Sorry, Shannon, but I hate. Like, what are they doing? Wrong ears were on. And then she doesn't have her id.

[Shannon]

It seems like she. It seems like if she's not providing her id, chances are her license is suspended.

[Molly Vivant]

It's not.

[Shannon]

Not okay. And she has children.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, Shannon, quick question. When you kiss boots early, do you also floss with the laces?

[Shannon]

I just. I believe in following the rules. Everyone else has to have a license. Why don't you have to have a license?

[Molly Vivant]

I've never jumped a turnstile, and I wouldn't. And it's mostly because I believe in following the rules, but also because I don't trust my knees.

[Zach Amico]

I was gonna say, could you have little legs?

[Molly Vivant]

But I really. And I do believe. But I just think cops. It just.

[Shannon]

It seems like usually if somebody does, like, a stupid up thing, like waiting at the light, missing a stop sign, these little things, it usually leads to something else. Like, if they're up in this one thing, chances are their license is suspended or they have a warrant for their arrest or whatever.

[Zach Amico]

At least in the videos that go.

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. Because that's also like, whenever you meet somebody whose significant other is in jail and they're like, what did he do? She's a probation violation. No, what did he. You know what?

[Molly Vivant]

I asked the original.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I wanted to know?

[Molly Vivant]

Yeah.

[K.P. Burke]

Isn't that everyone's DUI thing? They all say, like, yeah, I was asleep in the car, but I still had the keys in the engine, so that's why they got me. No one ever admits, like, yeah, I was just driving all up.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[K.P. Burke]

No one wants to own it.

[Molly Vivant]

I will say I. I have been a snitch, and I do call. When I see drunk drivers, I will call the cops.

[Zach Amico]

I have no problem if they're noticeably drunk.

[Molly Vivant]

No. When they're veering over lanes, I'm like, I'm calling the police every time now.

[Zach Amico]

Like, KP as a man who used to imbibe, and me as a man. A man who enjoys a good time. We all know that. We have certain friends that we trust to drive drunk.

[K.P. Burke]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

And friends that we don't.

[K.P. Burke]

Nailed it.

[Zach Amico]

And I don't mean wasted, but, I mean, we have a friend.

[Molly Vivant]

We've had a couple drinks.

[Zach Amico]

You know, we all know somebody that. Within reason.

[Molly Vivant]

But just call an Uber. Like, don't.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Nowadays. Yes. Call an Uber. But I'm talking. We were. When we were in. In our. Our adolescence, we all had. The friend we knew could drive.

[K.P. Burke]

My one buddy. He's.

[Zach Amico]

He's dead now. Car accident.

[K.P. Burke]

But we had a couple of those, too. But there was no. My one buddy was a cop, and we used to. We used to drink in the car on our way to the bar or whatever. And I remember we were in Newark one time, and he just go, I Was like, oh, I'm done with this. Like, what do we do with it? And he goes, I got you. I'm thinking, like, you know, I'm still. Essentially. I'm a sweetheart of a person. I don't want to pollute or litter. I'm like, I'll drink while we're driving, but I'm not going to pollute. And he just. Boom. Right out the window, smashing shit on the. So drunk driving with a cop might be the closest I've ever been to that feeling of being untouchable.

[Zach Amico]

That's fun.

[K.P. Burke]

It's.

[Molly Vivant]

And then that person is doing that. You know what I'm saying? It's like, we could cut him more.

[K.P. Burke]

Breaks, but now everything's on camera now. Now people are snitching on the cops, man.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. All right, so I want to see what's in this kid's bag before we get out of here.

[Molly Vivant]

I told you, I left the big bottle at home.

[Zach Amico]

But that has my.

[K.P. Burke]

That's my meds.

[Molly Vivant]

I could call my pharmacy, like, the. The pharma.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, those drugs in the bed, I feel like they're.

[Molly Vivant]

Turn around. I want to see your bbl.

[Shannon]

I saw them search it. Yeah, sorry, hold on. I thought I had it right there.

[Zach Amico]

I have not dealt with somebody that is. That is.

[K.P. Burke]

I don't know who. I don't know who you think are.

[Zach Amico]

I have never. I have not dealt with somebody that is. That is, like, acting this way in a. A lot of years. Ma', am, you are very entitled. You think you're in control. This is a traffic stop. You keep telling me how to do things and. Hey, don't touch this. Don't do this. Hey, let me go. Let me go. You need to let me go. Ma', am. Ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, slow down, okay? I'm. I'm serious. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. But the thing is, you keep telling us what and how this is going to go, and you're dictating everything. I was going to. Just show us what it is, actually. This is the process. Go. Let the process.

[K.P. Burke]

She's not yet telling.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's the process.

[K.P. Burke]

No crying either.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, just two. All right, Chant, tell us what was in there.

[Shannon]

Yeah, it was. It was drugs. It was. It looked like pills and marijuana.

[K.P. Burke]

All right, now shake slowly back and forth to see if anything else comes up.

[Zach Amico]

All right, Three. Three jumping jacks.

[Molly Vivant]

Wait, did you guys see that body cam footage of the girl that gets, like, pulled over or something for drunk driving? And she's trying to. The cop. I watched that for so long, it's like a really long video.

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure it's come across our. Our docket. If not, we'll put it on for Shannon if you find it. We'll watch it eventually next week.

[K.P. Burke]

Do they say what she had on her, though? I was curious what was in the. The green pill bottle.

[Shannon]

I. I would have to skim through the rest of this. I believe it was a prescription that didn't have her name on it.

[K.P. Burke]

I can go, who's DK Metcalf?

[Molly Vivant]

I have that, too, but it's just Peranall beta blocker. Would I get in trouble for that?

[Shannon]

A prescription without your name on it? If they're tr. If, like, they can if they want to.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You could always.

[Molly Vivant]

Blood pressure medication.

[Zach Amico]

You could always say. I would just say, oh, my friend left it at my house. I'm bringing it to them.

[Molly Vivant]

I would do that with my handicap locker. That is my friends, too. Yeah, I actually did do that when my car got totaled when I wasn't in it. And they were like, why was it parked in a handicap? I was like, oh, my friend was with me.

[Zach Amico]

That'll work.

[K.P. Burke]

It worked. It worked. No, I think if it's not narcotic, you can actually. They can. I'll tell you, if they want to be dicks, they can be. I always got good advice. When you get pulled over, just be very cooperative and pleasant. Turn the lights on in your car. So far, she's not being an active asshole, so I agree with what you're saying.

[Zach Amico]

I always just smile.

[K.P. Burke]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Every time. Every. I got pulled over a couple times.

[Molly Vivant]

As a kid, and I was quite in smile.

[Zach Amico]

I was just like, hey, how are you, Bamboo? Talk to him like a person. In my. In my experience, even when I had a giant mohawk and piercings and I got yanked out of a car in Palisades park, and they said, we know you're smoking. And it was just me and my friend who were loser. I had never even smoked weed in my life. And two cop cars pulled us over and said, listen, we know you guys have weed in here. We said, we have. You've been being followed. And they saw you smoking a joint. I had never had weed in my life.

[Molly Vivant]

You're like, I've never been this important before. What do you mean? I'm being followed?

[K.P. Burke]

And then it's a good one. It's a great feeling when you know they have nothing.

[Zach Amico]

They pulled me out of the car. Like, they yanked me out and searched Me. And then they yelled at me and told me how to pull up my pants.

[Molly Vivant]

You were sagging because I.

[Zach Amico]

My butt was out.

[K.P. Burke]

We got pulled over once. Week one, Giants versus Cowboys. This is how my memory works. Giants beat the Cowboys. And then I'm hammered. I can't go home. I was in the navy at this point. I was way too drunk. I could have walked home, but it was, you know, sizable enough. So my buddy gets me in the car, he's driving me home. We cut through the middle school so that we're not around any people, and there's like an old grumpy cop getting close to retirement. He's sitting there in the parking lot, pulls us over, but we'd already seen his car and turned around. We weren't speeding or anything. We get like almost three houses away from my buddy's house to pull back in there. I'm like, dude, I'm just gonna walk. And so we think we're about done in. Almost in front of his house, we get pulled over for a dui and the guy's just not getting it. It's. He's giving us a hard time or whatever. And my buddy's all scared and nervous, as you should be. And then finally he just goes. He goes, alright, listen, I'm gonna cut you a break.

[Zach Amico]

You.

[K.P. Burke]

You. You live around here, don't you? And he goes, yes. Like, he's literally holding his license, like, so it's. The house number's 18. And it says on his license, 18. Like, literally the house number behind him is 18. He goes, I'm gonna cut you some slack. Call your dad and have him come over here and have him come down here and pick you up. And then we literally make the phone call. We see his dad's light turn on in his house and he sticks his head out the window. Instead of coming, he goes, what the fuck are you guys doing? And he walks downstairs in his night robe or where he walks over and he goes, he goes, what'd they do? And he goes, well, I'm gonna let them go, but, you know, if they told me they lived this close, I would have just let them park and leave. But we actually got out of my buddy getting a DUI because of that. Only because at that point, like, how do you. He probably would have looked stupid to the guys downtown were like, hang on, so you pulled him over in his driveway? Is that how you got him for the Dewey? And so sometimes the cops fuck up, they overplay a hand, and obviously your cops overplayed a Hand.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[K.P. Burke]

We know you got weed in here, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I later found out that Palisades park has a curfew.

[K.P. Burke]

All right?

[Zach Amico]

And they. So I think any kid, they were gonna. Any. Any teenagers, they were gonna stop. And because we didn't live there, we couldn't enforce the curfew. So I think their idea was just to harass the living shit out of us so that we would not come back.

[K.P. Burke]

Kind of what Point Pleasant does to.

[Zach Amico]

Everybody, more or less.

[K.P. Burke]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

My favorite. We were playing. We were still janitor. It was our last day of work. We were playing Kings. Drink game. And we were being sloppy doppy. We were not in good shape. And we were driving to somebody else's house. And we're in our friend's truck, and I'm on the passenger side, he's driving, and our friend Rick's in the middle. And we are a block from the police station, which is now on Paul Amico Way in Seacocks. We're on Patterson Plank Road and Rick's telling us a story, sitting in the middle of the truck, and he stomps his foot in the story and just hits the gas. And we just fucking rear ended this Mexican in front of. I mean, crunched him, right? It was so egregious. And we're all 17, 18. We're like, oh, God, maybe a little 19. Oh, God, we're all going to jail. Like we are. So we couldn't be closer to the police station. It's, by the way, 4pm we started playing Kings at noon.

[K.P. Burke]

It's like that scene from the Wire when they have the DUI stop at 8am for the longshoremen.

[Zach Amico]

And dude, this fucking guy gets out of the car and we go to tell him, how are we gonna get out of this? Thank God. He goes, hey, no policia. No policia. And I went, oh, thank God he's illegal. And he was no police here. I go home. I go home and we're like, all right, buddy. And he's gotten his fucking crushed up. We his car up and ours was fine. And he just got in his broken ass car and fucking hightailed it.

[K.P. Burke]

Got to honor that guy. Pour a little tequila out of the.

[Zach Amico]

Ground, shout out, brother, he needs to.

[Molly Vivant]

Open up a fake daycare.

[K.P. Burke]

And we told him, we said, when your son. When your son Jorge is of age, we will get him a job at Gas Digital.

[Zach Amico]

And look. Look at now how far we've come. Excellent episode. Thank you to my great friends KP Burke and Molly Vivant. Please support them. Thank you to Shannon and Jorge in the booth. And we'll see you this Friday here on the Morning Zoo. Goodbye. Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down just like your favorite OB Smile, Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's Akamiko morning too. It's Akamiko morning too.