0077. Dru Montana, Dulce Mac and Matt Maran

Summary

---

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo

Episode 0077: Dru Montana, Dulce Mac, and Matt Maran
Release Date: January 9, 2026
Podcast Network: GaS Digital

---

Episode Overview

This wild and irreverent episode of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo brings together comedians Dru Montana, Dulce Mac, and Matt Maran for a freewheeling, hilarious conversation. The crew dives into twisted news, fast food absurdities, personal anecdotes, and the week's weirdest viral stories with trademark sarcasm, dark humor, and genuine camaraderie. Expect chaotic energy, sharp banter, and NSFW punchlines.

---

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Houston Snowstorm & Travel Calamities

• [02:12–04:44]
  • Zac and Dulce reminisce about being stranded during the rare Houston snowstorm, referencing the "Ted Cruz Cancun" debacle and survival tactics, like living off vending machines and Lewis "robbing" a closed Cheesecake Factory (“He just walked in, helped himself, and left money on the counter.” – Zac, 03:28).
  • Power outages led to awkward encounters; Zac recounts buying beer at a bodega that thought he was going to rob them:
    • "Power goes out, mag flashlights on all of us... They thought I was gonna try and run for it." – Zac [04:12]

---

2. Sensationalized Preschool News: 'Sleepy Stickers' Panic

• [05:09–12:38]
  • The crew analyzes a viral news story about “sleepy stickers” allegedly drugging preschoolers.
  • Investigation reveals they're just essential oil patches (e.g. lavender, mandarin)—no drugs, just aroma.
  • Notable Moment:
    • "This is some sensationalized horseshit. I think some parents trying to make a quick buck." – Dru [12:04]
  • Side discussion on allergies, immune system theories, and school snack paranoia.
  • Funny Quote:
    • "I used to eat my boogers until I was like 25 and I never get sick." – Dru [14:08]

---

3. Strange Fast Food Weddings & Drunk Food Lore

• [27:41–34:48]
  • Taco Bell launches a $777 wedding package with hot sauce bouquets and Elvis impersonator. Crew debates the value (and taste) of such a celebration (“That’s nuts. For $777, I need everything Taco Bell’s ever been affiliated with.” – Dru [28:15]).
  • Other fast food weddings: McDonald's in Indonesia (100 chicken sandwiches, 100 nugget packs for $200), and personal anecdotes about post-wedding food choices.
  • Zac shares his own wedding after-party plans: Bear Burger catering (“Not that bad, moneywise... Bear Burger did us for like 23 [dollars] a person.” – Zac [31:32])

---

4. Fast Food Mishaps: Earbuds & Deep Fryers, Legendary Dirty Oil, and Viral Mouse Videos

• [37:35–42:01]
  • Story of a McDonald’s employee burning their hand fishing out an earbud from the deep fryer. General skepticism over whether the earbuds survived: “I think you take the hit.” – Zac [38:29]
  • Wrestling lore: Dallas’s Sportatorium never changed their deep fryer oil—full of mouse skeletons (“That’s what all the food is being cooked in, and was the food good? They said it was the best fries you’ve ever had in your life.” – Zac [40:05])
  • Mouse-jumping-into-fryer viral videos get debated; existential horror at how often this seems to happen.

---

5. McDonald's Crime Corner

• [42:27–47:41]
  • The viral story of a McDonald's employee returning to stab her manager after being sent home early.
  • Crew discusses her widely shared “rant video” and psychoanalyzes her big-eyed delivery (“You infamously snap on people.” – Dru [57:01]).
  • Zac: “She looks like a black version of Wendy. She’s just working in the wrong place.” [43:29]
  • Tangents on how working the graveyard shift at NYC fast food joints warps people.

---

6. Notorious NYC/Crime Stories: Bernie Goetz & More

• [44:23–53:23]
  • The infamous subway shooting by Bernie Goetz and the later criminal records of his would-be muggers (“He shot him retarded. That's a good shot.” – Zac [53:27])
  • Ethical gray zones of NYC vigilante justice and news media spin.

---

7. Fantasy Football League: Painful Punishments Only

• [60:58–62:44]
  • A fantasy league where the “winner” simply escapes the bizarre punishments the losers must endure (e.g., living in a tent in second place’s yard, working a Burger King shift, auditioning for a Peter Pan play, attending a WNBA game stone sober, and more).
  • “If you get the part [in Peter Pan] that would be crazy,” laughs Dru [62:27].
  • Matt recalls epic “make your friend do standup” open mics as league punishment.

---

8. Comedy Hustle: Open-Mic Life, Documentaries, and Clout

• [64:33–66:39]
  • Everyone riffs about young comics bringing videographers to open mics just for social media clout (“I thought ‘stunting for the Gram’ meant taking pictures for your grandma—I am that white!” – Zac [64:26]).
  • The panel pokes fun at comics making “journey” documentaries too early in their careers, referencing now-deleted projects.

---

9. Celebrity Meltdown: The Tara Reid “Drugging” Incident

• [67:07–72:51]
  • Zac walks through Tara Reid’s recent bar incident where she claimed to be drugged; surveillance showed nobody tampering with her glass and speculation points to overindulgence or mixing medication and alcohol.
  • “It sounded like pills, though. Like her in the background on the phone… that sounded fucked up.” – Dru [72:39]

---

10. Arm Amputation Funeral – Dark Humor Done Right

• [76:24–80:42]
  • A young woman holds a proper funeral (complete with mortician-prepped arm) for her amputated limb. The crew finds it both morbid and hilarious.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “She got the nails done on it… This is a fun goth.” – Zac [77:11]
    • “You gotta know her boyfriend was like, ‘Come on, yeah just one, just one’.” – Zac [81:06]
    • “Users hand job… get jerked off with the dead hand, right?” – Matt/Dru [81:09–81:12]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Sleepy Stickers Panic

  • “This is some sensationalized horseshit. I think some parents trying to make a quick buck.” — Dru [12:04]

• On Fast Food Wedding Packages

  • “For $777, I need both the white sisters and the baby that they took. I need everything Taco Bell’s ever been affiliated with.” — Dru [28:15]

• On Vigilante Justice

  • “He shot him retarded. That’s a good shot.” — Zac [53:27]

• On Open Mic Life

  • “He goes, ‘I ain’t gonna do no Tom. I’m just stunting for the Gram.’ …I thought that meant taking pictures for your grandma.” — Zac [64:26]

• On Drugging Stories

  • “It sounded like pills, though. Like, her in the background on the phone there. Yeah, that sounded fucked up.” — Dru [72:39]

• On the Arm Funeral

  • “My funeral will be by Taco Bell—but not by their choice.” — Zac [77:44]

• On Sensible Safety

  • “If you’re really that afraid… stop coming back and talking to me.” — Zac [76:22]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Start Time | |-----------------------------------------------|:----------:| | Houston Snowstorm & Cheesecake Factory Story | 02:12 | | Sleepy Stickers School Scare | 05:09 | | Fast Food Weddings (Taco Bell, McD’s) | 27:41 | | Deep Fryers, Earbuds, Mouse Stories | 37:35 | | McDonald’s Stabbing & Rant Video | 42:27 | | Bernie Goetz/NYC Crime Tangents | 44:23 | | Fantasy Football League from Hell | 60:58 | | Clout Culture & Comedy Open Mics | 64:33 | | Tara Reid Incident | 67:07 | | Funeral for an Amputated Arm | 76:24 |

---

Tone & Style

• Playful, sarcastic, NSFW, and honest
• Banter is fast, witty, and profane
• Dark humor and wild digressions are common
• Panelists often riff off one another with one-liners, callbacks, and playful roast-style comments

---

Takeaway

Episode 0077 is classic “Morning Zoo” chaos: comic storytelling, internet absurdity, and fast food culture collide in a stream-of-consciousness, never-predictable hang. You’ll come away laughing at the world’s stupidity — and maybe rethinking your next McDonald’s run or comedy doc project.

---

Transcript

[A]

Wix. It's where website creation meets AI and where your boldest ideas become real. It just takes one platform to build a site that looks great and does everything you need it to. And it just takes one person you to start taking care of business. Like a 10 person team with AI tools for creating an entire website from scratch or testing new ways to make money. WIX is there with you from day one. Try it out [e-mail] fill er up.

[B]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show Animals are here to play Choke some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre It's a Miko morning too. That's right, wake up, it's time to go. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zack Amigo. And welcome to a Monday here on the old Morning Zoo. It's a packed house here at the Gas Digital Studio. Before I introduce those wonderful people, thank you to everybody that came out in Ohio at Brickey's Comedy Club as well as the Attic in Columbus. Super fucking fun and thank you so much. We had a fucking blast. I am joined by three very funny people. Right next to me from Comedy Fight Club, it's our old friend Matt Marin. How you doing? Doug, what's up?

[C]

How you doing?

[B]

I'm wonderful. Great to see you. Glad to have you on the show. Across the table from me from Durag and the Deer Tag and Digital Bazooka, it's our boy, Drew Montana.

[D]

Hello, everybody. Thank you for having me. Zach.

[B]

Of course. And next to him for her first time on the program, it's our friend Dulce Mack. How you doing?

[E]

What's up? Thanks for having me.

[B]

Thank you so much for being here. Dulce and I have known each other for a long time. Since I was in. Since I was at the Secret group.

[E]

Yeah. And there was a winter storm.

[B]

And yes, we. My story of getting snowed in in Houston and we hung out as. As well as Grace.

[C]

Was that the Ted Cruz and Cancun snowstorm?

[B]

Yes. It was nice. What I would refer to as a light dusting.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

But in all fairness, it fucked that city up.

[D]

Yeah. I was going to say, how bad of luck do you have to go to Houston? The only time it snowed, dude, we.

[B]

Were trapped for we were stuck for days.

[D]

Damn.

[C]

Because snow itself Wasn't that bad.

[B]

It was a light. No, it was a light. It was flurries.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But there's no insulation, so everyone's water froze. Everyone had to keep their sinks running.

[E]

No power.

[B]

No power. Airport shut down. We all stayed at Andrew's house.

[E]

Yeah. And. Well, I stayed at the Secret Room and a hotel in Andrews.

[B]

Yeah, I tried the other hotel, the Red Roof inn. Went from 200 to $600. And we were. Every restaurant closed, so we were eating out of vending machines. Lewis robbed the Cheesecake Factory.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

How do you rob a Cheesecake Factory?

[C]

That was before. That was before it snowed, actually.

[D]

What is he, a raccoon?

[B]

It was closed. It was closed. That he just walked in, helped himself and left money. He did leave money on the counter.

[D]

Did he cook his own food?

[B]

No, he just took it out of like the rack in the front.

[D]

Okay. Yeah. I thought he like, whipped himself up a Louisiana chicken farm, but it was.

[B]

Super fun and I had a great time. Were you with us when the power went out in the convenience store across the street from Andrews?

[E]

No, but I was there when every time Lewis would walk in, the power would go out.

[B]

Yes. And we went. I felt bad. There's a ton of comics. We're all staying at this guy's house. And there was a bodega across the street, like an Indian store. And I'm like, let me buy two cases of beer for everybody. We walk in and the power goes out. These fucking biptis. I think they thought I was gonna try and run for it.

[E]

They got robbed a lot.

[B]

I would assume they did do the second the power went out. Fucking mag flashlights on all of us. They're like, no, I'd move. So then I'm like, dude, just ring me up. Like, do it on your phone. Like, I'm gonna pay you. Would you, asshole. Put tax on it.

[F]

Still.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

On a cash app on a. I was paying him in cash.

[D]

Yeah. That's insane.

[B]

And he was doing the math on his phone.

[C]

Oh, and he's still got to calculate.

[B]

To add the steamed. All right, let's have a fun day. Shannon, are you sure Lewis doesn't want to do this Indiana Jones thing later on? Rap?

[F]

I. I don't know. We can. We can skip. We have a lot of stories.

[B]

I want to save that. And then the sleepy stickers I think might be for rap too.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Because he's got a kid.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Actually, I'll get your guys opinion on it real quick. I think we can talk about it on both, right Shannon?

[F]

I think so.

[B]

All right, so bring up the sleepy stickers thing. So Mrs. Amico is a preschool teacher and I sent her this video and I want you guys to watch the video first. It's parents complaining about something that happened at a preschool. It's not rape, don't worry. And from the way the video portrays this, I think it seems much more nefarious than what's actually happening. Shannon, did you look into the, the, the what does it actually is?

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Do you feel the same way? There's a bit sensationalist.

[F]

Yes. And, and the, the story is from a year ago and they never. I couldn't find any follow up on it. So I'm pretty sure it was ridiculous and unfounded. But we could watch the video first.

[B]

Yeah, I would love. Yes, please let me. I don't let your guys opinion. And then we'll go into what's actually happening.

[C]

Here is four year old Lane Louviano. She's the one that broke this case open in September when she snuck one of her sleepy stickers out of the classroom.

[B]

She kind of pulled up her little shorts and said, mom, look, this is my sleeping sticker.

[C]

I was like, when Lane's mom, Lisa saw the sticker, she thought it was strange and asked her daughter about it. And the teacher gives it to you.

[B]

Where she put it in my life.

[D]

And what's it look like?

[E]

Sleeping.

[C]

Lane's dad says he's known something was wrong since school first started.

[F]

They never notified the parents.

[C]

So Lisa took matters into her own hands. She reached out to the other parents in Lane's class and sent them pictures of the patch to see if their kids were getting the stickers too.

[G]

I showed it to my 4 year old and she said yes, that's, that's the sleepy sticker.

[B]

And if you read the ingredients on them, it has a lot of.

[G]

I mean it's just things I've never even heard of.

[B]

And they're giving them drugs to make.

[C]

Them sleep to keep him quiet. Najala Abdullah tells us she'd noticed changes in her son who told her he'd been getting the stickers too. She says he'd been crying, stopped eating and was bringing home lunches that he hadn't touched. You think it could be a farm?

[B]

Most definitely.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

This is okay.

[D]

Old Lane, I mean some of them are like one month old babies, it looked like. And then others are like four years old, so.

[B]

And also like, yeah, they're like passing out.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Obviously you cannot give kids anything unless you are have a permission slip and you are qualified and you have a degree. You know, you work. You can't give a kid an Advil without the parents knowing.

[D]

You can't give them an Advil.

[E]

No, you can't.

[B]

You can't give. You can't give a kid a goddamn unless they come in with the medicine and like the parent meets with the teacher and they're a little kid and they need the medicine and there's like paperwork involved.

[C]

Okay, what about fentanyl?

[B]

It would get him to sleep. Yeah.

[E]

That's a surprise.

[B]

Yeah. Unfortunately, George Floyd didn't make it through preschool. Right.

[C]

Yeah. The fentanyl stickers.

[B]

This seems pretty in effect that whatever this is, it's almost like a patch. And it's given drugs to make kids sleep.

[C]

Yeah. Made me wonder where they like got it from. Like, is it just a thing they sell in stores?

[D]

Kid friendly on it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, here's the thing. I went on Amazon and I found the product. Shannon. They're essential oils. There's no melatonin. There's nothing in them. And it goes on your shirt. Oh.

[C]

So how would it even get into your, like, body?

[B]

It's like when you write, it's like when you light lavender to make the cats calmer.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like some people light like a lavender or like have essential oils.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just a smell.

[D]

It's very Muslim of them. It's like we're also giving. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's completely non narcotic.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's literally just an essential oil sticker. In fact, I bet because they're little kids, they probably just assume that they're going to like, it's almost like Pavlovian. Yeah. With like, oh, if I get the sticker, I go to sleep.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they've kind of trained the kids.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And some of those videos they do look like they're passing out. But overall my first thought was that's just stock footage. Yeah.

[B]

Of sleepy children.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Cause overall my thought is, I'm like, I don't know if you're a parent. It's like, it's crazy. Crazy. My 4 year old just keeps taking naps. I'm like, that's what four year olds do. I think that's because of the sticker.

[B]

And I understand you probably still can't do that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You probably can't. Even though it's essential oils, that there's some fucking parent. But to me now, the way she's like, the ingredients are stuff I've never heard of.

[D]

Lavender, Mandarin.

[B]

Yeah, literally. That's the ingredients. Shannon, you want to bring it up again?

[C]

One of the moms saying it's a crime to give this to my child.

[B]

Read the product description to us, Shannon.

[F]

100% natural content and chemical free sleepy patches use a specifically crafted formulation of essential oils to bring on sleep. The sleepy patch is designed to help calm the nervous system, the mind, and stimulate an overall relaxed sensation.

[B]

And in the active ingredients, please, Mandarin.

[F]

Lavender, sweet marjoram and vetiver essential oils.

[D]

Mandarin, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese.

[B]

So, yeah. And by the way, this also sounds like some fucking horseshit.

[D]

Yeah, it does.

[B]

It seems like a thing that for like, that doesn't work.

[D]

Come on.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You know what this reminds me of is did your parents ever like try and put like classical music on for you to fall asleep?

[C]

My dad's a classical musician, so that was like all I heard growing up. Dude trying to go to sleep.

[D]

Yeah. From. I remember from time I was like maybe like three to like six or seven. Like when I was old enough to be like, turn this shit off. It sucks. It's also. It's just Beethoven, which is like scary music. Yeah, just like. And I'm like seven just staring at the ceiling. But I never bought into that. Where my mom's like, this is making you smarter. Yeah, you're like learning. What am I learning?

[C]

No, I mean, my dad is a classical musician from Juilliard, so I'm proof that you can hear all the classical music and still not.

[B]

You came out of his ball still retarded. Well, actually, what I like, I know a lot of things do like lullabies and like kids versions of like good music now, but it'll be like system of a down lullabies. Yeah, that to me kind of baller.

[D]

I don't hate that.

[C]

Let's have my kid go to sleep to a nice version of violent pornography.

[B]

Yeah. Shannon, could you look that up and see if it down Lullabies. But. So, yeah, overall, what's our opinion on the sleep? This is some sensationalized horseshit. And I think some parents trying to make a quick buck.

[D]

I agree with that. I think it's a.

[B]

And I understand once again, you cannot give kids a thing.

[D]

Right. But can you light. Can you light lavender in the room with a kid, help them go to sleep?

[B]

I bet a lot of school, especially a hoity toity school, some parent would claim an allergy or some type of thing against it. Yeah, I think that's like the number one thing. You got to be careful for now. If You're a teacher. Is some parent trying to fucking trump.

[C]

Up some bullshit complain about something?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

For a payday.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I ate a. I had a banana one time in preschool and I was the only time I've ever eaten a banana in my life. And my throat closed up and I found out I was allergic to them and they had to take me out in an ambulance. Like 4 years old.

[B]

You had never had a banana before that?

[D]

I don't think.

[B]

So did your parents pack you a banana to try it or did someone give you a banana?

[D]

I don't remember. But I do remember just eating the banana and then being in an ambulance. I was more of an apples kid, I guess.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

That is like a big thing because I. I coach youth sports and when I'm in schools, they're like, no. Kids have their own snack they're not allowed to share with any other kid because no one, just no one will know what they could be allergic to or not.

[D]

But I. I swear I went to preschool before peanut allergies were big. Yes, I'm sure it was like a thing. But like, we definitely shared snacks and there was no, like, are you allergic to this? Like, we're all eating cookies today. It was that.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I wonder how many of those deaths back in the day that were just like, they just called cholera. Yeah, like a peanut allergy or something. Yeah, everyone. There was just so many. Consumption, dysentery. They just had no idea what people were actually dying from.

[B]

Yeah, I would assume.

[F]

Sorry. There is a theory as to why certain allergies are more prevalent now. And it's because this past generation, after noticing that people were allergic to peanuts and stuff, they stopped introducing it to their babies and their young children. And so because they weren't introduced to it into later in life. And now everyone's allergic to it, dude.

[D]

That's what I. I used to eat my boogers up until I was like 25, and I never get sick, dude. And it's fucking.

[B]

It's because of that you've built up your immunity by eating boogers?

[D]

Yeah, the old me.

[C]

But yeah, I didn't do that. That's why I'm allergic to boogers now.

[B]

That's why my family used to give me a droplet of aids. Come.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, fine.

[D]

For one day, this will be worth it.

[C]

That's why parents let me get by gay men. My whole child build up an immunity.

[B]

Bananas. Really? Yeah. I think that would be something that they would test for or that you didn't have any banana in your baby food?

[D]

Maybe it was like a banana flavored thing or so. I don't know. Is real baby food? Is baby food real?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, can you eat?

[B]

I'm pretty sure that's what it has to be.

[C]

Can you eat like a banana starburst?

[D]

I've been scared ever.

[C]

You haven't even done any banana flavor or anything.

[B]

Are you sure you just haven't been a wigger since you're little? You're like, no, that sucks. Hot dogs.

[E]

You.

[B]

He's allergic to hot dogs, bananas, and ice pops.

[C]

I'm allergic to eating corn the long way.

[E]

Is there a banana here?

[B]

Did you guys know? And this is. I've brought this up before and it's very uninteresting to everyone but me. So watch. No one give a shit. Did you know? So you have not had banana candy, but other two friends here?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, guys. This episode is brought to you by our friends at prize picks. The action on prize Picks is hotter than ever, with playoff matches every weekend and elite hoops action almost every night. Just follow your instincts and pick your lineup, guys. Whatever sport you want to place your bet on. This is so much fun. I am learning so much. I am not someone who would usually be in this world, and a lot of my friends here at the gas Digital Network have been walking me through how to do it. And it is so much fun. Fun. Prizepix actually now has early payouts. Cash out your winnings before the game even finishes. Prizepix even lets you see your friends lineups. Send them your picks or copy and paste their picks into your lineup. Download the prize picks app today and use the code ZOO Z O O to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's right. That's code ZOO to get $50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 LINEUP. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Let's get back into the show. You know, like, banana candy doesn't taste like banana at all. It's like a completely different, like a chalky, sweeter flavor. Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're like this. If you think about it, like, it's not what bananas taste like, right?

[E]

Mm.

[B]

That's because that's what bananas used to taste like.

[E]

What do you mean?

[B]

So bananas get a chance. Is it a fungus or. It's like some type of predator? Something happens to bananas that wipes out the crop. And they need to grow a new kind of banana because once that kind of the banana gets infected, they're done forever.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So what people used to think bananas were where used to be smaller, sweeter, and chalkier. And we've never had. Our generation has never tried what bananas used to be.

[C]

I've heard about that with foods in general, that in order to still make them, you need some kind of chemical. So, like, the version we're tasting of this is like a Instagram channel. I follow. It's like someone goes back and takes, like, old US Presidents and eats, like, the food they ate.

[B]

I've been watching that as well.

[C]

Yeah. And then you'll see them talk about it. And, I mean, none of the food sounds good, but some of it, I'm like, I wonder if it had to, like, their version of whatever it is tasted different than what we're eating.

[B]

No, but some of them awful.

[C]

Some of it sounds awful.

[D]

No. That's what you got to send me that. That's very interesting. I want to know what Grover Cleveland was exactly.

[B]

The Taft one was the one I was in for. And oh, boy, Our boy enjoyed a smorgasbord meats.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But, oh, who's somebody's lunch night? It's so awful. What was like, it was cottage cheese with, like, a one. Yeah.

[C]

There's so, so many weird. He's like, well, here I am, Benjamin Harrison. It's going to be all Spam and eggs.

[B]

We. Some of, like, some of the funniest is when it's still okay to drink at lunch.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And some friends be like, yeah, he. He lived a very healthy lifestyle for gin martinis at lunch.

[D]

Like somebody's grandma.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

There's also a page I've seen where they make, like, every president's favorite drink, which is over time, it's like Theodore Roosevelt's like, a mint julep, and then eventually it just becomes like, whiskey.

[B]

Yeah. Have you seen Cody do the Cody Rhodes talk about the Okerland at that golf course? No. Forgive my nerdiness. So you know who Mean Gene Okerland was? No. He was the announcer. The bald announcer with the mustache and old wrestling.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

He used to be the guy that would, like, stay with, like, Andre. Yeah, whatever, Hulk. Let me tell you something, Mean Gene. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Or whenever there was, like, a bad guy going off, he was the one who's like, oh, my God. God, how could you say that?

[B]

Me, Gene like to party and Cody Rhodes do an interview, and he talks about there's a golf course that me used to play at, and to this day, they still have an Okerland. And when you order it, it's a 20 ounce cup of vodka with three drops of cranberry juice in it. And they said he used to pound two of those and play 18 holes.

[D]

Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, 40. A 40 ounce vodka.

[D]

Just a big 7 11. Literally full of vodka.

[B]

A 711 cup of vodka. And when they say cranberry they're like, I think they whisper to it what cranberry juice is, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It's crazy to think if you watch back 80s wrestling like Ultimate War and all these guys who are just giant cokeheads and crazy partiers and you see like the, the announcer who's the most normal of them and when you realize how much of a crazy partier he was, it's like, God, what was everyone else doing? If Mean Gene was partying, what was Ultimate Warrior doing?

[B]

And I've only, I probably only drank on a plane a few times. Playing drunk seems so fun. I just don't know how you do it.

[D]

I don't like it.

[E]

Yeah, I don't like it either.

[C]

I like playing edible.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

More than playing drunk. Like get like maybe a little buzz and then kind of nap. Watch a movie a little. But, but edible feels more like I want to chill on the plane.

[B]

I get afraid with edibles that I'm of a panic attack on the plane or that I'm going to feel trapped but drunk. I don't have to get up and piss.

[D]

Yes, that's always the problem. And yeah, I feel like I always get tired when I'm drunk, but I can never sleep on planes. So I'm just like in this constant like half sleep thing. Yeah, I don't like it.

[B]

I feel like back in the day you used to be able to like really stretch what you could drink on the, like, you could order a few cocktails.

[C]

Yeah, it feels like the old story, the older stories. Everyone's like getting drunk all the time now. It's almost like I feel a little bad getting like, let me get it. Can I get a Jack and Coke on this flight? Oh, I'm being bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But yeah, they make you feel like, like it you, it feels like they used to just go up and down being like, you want liquor, don't you?

[D]

Yeah, they don't do it as much anymore.

[B]

Yeah, well, I, I, I've only flown first class, I think twice now. And both times I've had to convince the person next to me to drink with me.

[E]

Yeah, I had a guy throw up next to me in like the last long flight I was at. He had three wine cups like this big and Two Xanax.

[C]

Yeah, that guy's flying.

[E]

Threw up.

[B]

That'll do it.

[E]

They were overpouring, everyone. I was like, what's going on here?

[D]

It was a one hour flight.

[B]

I feel like I've only been on planes where they hand you the little plane bottles.

[E]

No, these bitches were.

[B]

Oh, they were making. They were making drinks.

[E]

I was in first class. I was like, right behind. First class.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Like comfort.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Business premium or whatever.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I would like to. I feel like old. Like when you see, like the old school. Everyone's in a suit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a carving station.

[D]

Yeah. It's like the idea of, like, I remember being younger and always hearing, like about mile high club and like, people fucking on airplanes and, like, it seems literally impossible. I don't see how it could possibly happen. Every plane, there's only two bathrooms and there's always a line. And then the pilots always like, everyone sit the fuck down. So I don't know how you sneak off with somebody else and go fucking there.

[C]

I do like the idea of everyone doing this in suits. I feel like before art, everyone used to just on the outside, present very professional, and on the inside they were all psychos.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And now we all present like slobs, but we're actually way more chill than they ever were.

[B]

Did you see that there? Some airports are changing the rules so that people who aren't flying can still meet people at the terminal.

[D]

I don't like that they used to do that.

[B]

Yeah, well, back in the day, pre craziness. Yeah. You used to, like, be able to, like, go pick up somebody. Like, you know, you see in movies, like, somebody's got like a sign and they're like, you know, you see your husband as you get off the plane.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But it takes 10 minutes to walk to the baggage claim. Let me gather my thoughts before I got to go fucking.

[B]

Oh, I think baggage claim is more than fine. Yeah. I feel like if anything, it's going to enable codependent people.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Can you pick me up right at my gate?

[D]

Right.

[B]

Because that sounds like a. Imagine going through security, parking your car, going through security, doing all that, finding the gate just so that you can walk back through for nothing.

[C]

Yeah. It's just gonna be annoying when you're, like, picking up your girl a baggage claim and then she's like, well, John's boyfriend picks him up.

[B]

I didn't want to make it that thing, but that's 100% what I meant.

[E]

Yeah, I could see that happening.

[B]

Now I have this fucking Night. Now the note that we are allowed to wear shoes again, which I'm thrilled about.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I have a fucking metal ankle. So they make me go back through again every time with my shoes off. But now it's just a black lady yelling at me to keep my shoes on. So I'll go through.

[D]

You're like, I've been through this.

[B]

They'll go, please go back and take your shoes off. And the second my fingers hit my shoelaces, sir, please keep your shoes on. So no, you keep your shoes on now. Every single. And then I'll go, that man said that. He said what? And then they're just screaming at each other across the thing. Yep.

[C]

Yeah. Cut to Drew just going to pick up random people at the airport just so a black woman can yell at him.

[B]

Let's get plugs out of the way. Hit that plug. Music in the booth. Dulce Mack. What do you want people to check out?

[E]

I'm on everything. Dulce Mac Comedy.

[B]

Fantastic. Anything out dates, Anything.

[E]

Not right now.

[B]

No problem, Drew.

[D]

Guys, just do Rag in the Deer Tag podcast, please, and Digital Bazooka. And then I'll be at Souljols this weekend with Naim Ali January 10th and a bunch of fun stuff in April. Coming up, I'm in Cincy. I'm in Toronto. Windsor for the first time. Going to Canada. Where else? Detroit and Raleigh. Goodnights.

[B]

Very, very good, Mr. Marin.

[C]

Comedy fight Club Roast Battle show every week. Sunday night in New York City at Lucky Jacks. YouTube.com comedyfightclub for new episodes every Thursday. And coming up on the 21st, I'm gonna be at Rodney's Comedy Club. And the next month, on February 18th, I'm gonna be at Waterline Brewing Company in Wilmington, North Carolina.

[B]

Fantastic. If you guys want to see me on Instagram, it's zachisnotfunny. If you want to see me live, go to Punchup Live. Zachamico. This weekend I am in Toronto at the Catacombs cabaret on the 9th, stand up show and a live midnight spook show. And then after that, on the 10th, I am in Toronto as well. All those with my good buddy Alex Thomas. Sally. After that, I will be on tour with Juggalo Championship Wrestling the whole end of the month. Looks like I'm gonna be out nine days straight with the clowns. So please come hang out. We're gonna be all over the place. Reno, Denver, Vegas. We're doing all of all that part of the country, 10 days straight. So please come out, see some wrestling and see some Rapping clowns. And if you love this show, head on over to gas digital.com today. Use my promo code, Zoo. You save a little bit of money off your subscription, get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite GAS shows. And you get our bonus Friday episode. We do three of these suckers a week, and if you want all three, the only way to get that Friday episode is by subscribing. But regardless, thank you so much for sharing the show, listening, and all your nice, positive comments. We appreciate you greatly. All right. Something near and dear to my heart. Taco Bell unveils wedding package for $777 in Las Vegas with Elvis tacos and hot sauce bouquet. Shannon.

[F]

So that's. That's most of it. It's. The package includes the hot sauce packet, packet, bouquet, a taco 12 pack, cinnabon delights, cake and wedding swag. Like T shirts and champagne flutes. And it said the event lasts about. The event lasts 30 minutes. And the couples can invite up to.

[B]

25 guests, but they don't get food for everybody.

[F]

Well, the just. Just in this package of 777 is the 12 pack and the Cinnabon's Delight.

[B]

That's nuts.

[D]

12 tacos and cinnabons and shirts.

[B]

That's nuts.

[D]

For $777, I need both the white sisters and the baby that they took. I need everything Taco Bell's ever been affiliated with.

[C]

I want to see what the Taco Bell wedding merch looks like.

[F]

I'll show you in one second. But you also get the Elvis impersonator Showgirls and.

[B]

Okay, so really, it's the ceremony. Okay. And is it like the cantina or whatever?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

They don't. They don't provide booze. You have to provide your own booze.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Taco Bell.

[E]

That's the ugliest merch I've ever seen.

[B]

It is really bad.

[F]

Is the champagne green?

[C]

I don't know.

[F]

Why? That.

[B]

That's Baja Blast.

[C]

Baja Blast, dude. Baja Blast Champagne would be sick.

[D]

Is that antifreeze in the champagne glasses?

[B]

Listen, Baja. If they made Baja Blast Champagne, I'd be a champagne drinker. I love a good Baja Blast.

[D]

Yeah, I know.

[E]

Honestly, that sounds really good. You should have one.

[B]

I get it if you and your. Your partner love Taco Bell and you want to have a kitschy kind of thing. Right? But it seems like you could do better with your money.

[C]

Yeah, they do make Baja Blast margaritas. Now? Yeah, The Taco Bell by Yankee Stadium. I went to a Yankee game earlier this year beforehand. We went there and got top like Baja Blast Margaritas.

[B]

Yeah, the cantinas have booze now.

[D]

Yeah. I feel like if they're not, like, they're not officiating the wedding or anything, right?

[B]

No, no, they bring the out. They have an Elvis who does the wedding.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[F]

Yeah, they just. You have to bring your marriage license, but they. They'll officiate it.

[D]

So the Elvis does the wedding. I thought he was just there eating tacos with us.

[B]

You gotta give him a taco.

[D]

Yeah, I don't even like Elvis that much.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Impersonator.

[C]

Yeah. It's like, do I have a friend who's an ordained minister now? Let's get Taco Bell to do it. It's. It sounds like Mad Libs getting Taco Bell to get an Elvis impersonator to officiate a wedding.

[B]

Like, so I thought it was gonna be. I thought it was gonna be a kind of a catering thing too. Shannon, if you could look it up, I believe McDonald's has one now.

[E]

In and out has one. I would prefer that.

[B]

And I don't think that's what you should get at the wedding. Right. But if it was nuggs and like McDoubles on the way out of a wedding.

[D]

Yeah, that's a good move that if.

[B]

Everyone'S leaving because what we did at my wedding, we went to the after party. The bar had free pizza with every drink.

[D]

That's awesome.

[B]

And that was. It was Alligator Lounge.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[B]

That was where we went after my wedding. So then, like. Because I think you should provide people with a. Soak up the booze something on the way out.

[D]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. And I think the McDonald's is like a move.

[F]

The. The McDonald's is also a wedding package, but it's only available right now in Indonesia. But it's. It's $200 and you get 100 chicken sandwiches and 100 packs of four piece nuggets.

[B]

Yeah, that's great. That's.

[D]

Yeah, not bad. How cheap is Indonesian chicken? That's crazy.

[B]

Well, like, that makes sense the way. So Bear Burger catered my wedding. And that was fucking awesome.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

No one complained about. So what we. It was on the invitation, it said, when you rsvp, do you want a beef burger, a turkey burger, or a veggie burger? And it was like a fun theme. And then. Yeah, dude, not that bad, money wise. Like.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Every place was quoting me seven to eighty dollars a person. I think Bear burger did us for like 23. And that was with like Brussels sprouts. Like, not just fries, right?

[C]

Not bad.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

I came and set it up and everything. They did it. They brought the sternos. They did everything.

[C]

Just Popeyes do this. My favorite soak up My favorite soak up the alcohol food is a biscuit from Popeyes that does clock.

[D]

Yeah, they do at some Taco Bells now you can get bottle service. You can like rent out a whole booth and they'll have like strippers bring you over alcohol and a Taco Bell. Shannon, look up if this is real Taco Bell bottle service.

[C]

Is this a dream?

[D]

Drew had this like, AI video I got fooled on. But, dude, Taco Bell was popping in this one video I saw. Yeah, they had the bottles with like sparklers in them.

[B]

And it does sound fun.

[D]

It was like a lady with a.

[B]

Sign being like, t is a great post drunk meal. I would say Taco Bell.

[C]

Taco Bell. Yeah.

[B]

Pizza. Sicilian pizza especially.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Like a thick one. Yeah.

[C]

Taco Bell is good because you're actually. You don't eat that much.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

It's like you're eating like it's drunk food, but you didn't actually do as much damage as you could have done.

[D]

Problem with Taco Bell is the fire sauce is so good. But every time I get fire sauce and then I open my taco up to put the fire sauce on, I'm like, oh, no. I just hate seeing the inside of the taco. Does that make sense? The inside of a Taco Bell taco will really make you hate everything about it. I don't know that I'm not expecting it to be great, but it literally just looks like a cat threw up. And they put cheese on it and let it A bunch of lettuce.

[B]

Too much. Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, guys. Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Small batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Having cigars in the house is a sign of class, elegance, and affluence. Three things I have never had. But Small batch cigar has got guys like me and you covered. They have free shipping on every order with almost every order arriving within two to three days. In the continental United States. They have the most thorough packaging in the industry. They come with that Boveda pack, so everything you get is super fresh. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited, and hard to find cigars. And you get 5% rewards points instantly. So check out smallbatch cigar.com today. And most people click the new button first to shop the newest Arrivals and you can use our discount code. Gas 10. Gas 10 for 10% off. Plus those 5% rewards points. Small batch cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Let's get back into the show. What is your go to drunk food?

[D]

I don't. I don't eat McDonald's that often. Definitely, like rarely sober unless it's like a highway stop. But I do love a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

[E]

The large fry chicken nuggets for sure. I order it while I'm still at the bar.

[B]

I pulled that as well. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go. Those are all great. In Buffalo, they make something called a stinger cheesesteak with Buffalo chicken fingers. Whoa. And that with oil and vinegar and lettuce.

[D]

I've only seen those in pictures, dude.

[B]

And there's another place in Buffalo called Mighty Taco. And they do big, almost Taco Bell style, but way better. Mighty Taco, those burritos. That to me is ultimate drunk food.

[C]

I saw a video online. I wonder if it's true. It's one of those. I saw like a TikTok. So it may or may not be true, but apparently there's like Taco Casa in like the Southwest that apparently was like the original Taco Bell. And then the. I think when Taco Bell was bought by either like Pepsi or Coke, they changed something. And the two people who ran Taco Bell split and one guy went and did Taco Casa and that's like, what original Taco Bell.

[B]

Well, they say it's like. It's what Taco Bell used to taste like.

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, I've seen that as well.

[C]

Okay, so I didn't. It isn't just a fake video or it's a fake video we both saw.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

AI, Taco Bell is full.

[C]

There's a lot of Taco Bell propaganda out there.

[B]

Strippers, gun to your head. Taco Bell or Del Taco Taco Bell. Really?

[E]

But I. I haven't had that much Del Tacos.

[B]

Okay. Do you guys fuck with Del Taco when you're on the road?

[D]

I haven't had a lot of it either. Maybe once or twice.

[C]

Yeah, I've had it a couple times. It's one of those things where I've just had Taco Bell my entire life and Del Taco would have to be like, far superior for me to be like, okay, no more Taco Bell.

[D]

You know what I had in. In Puerto Rico. So my friend who's from Puerto Rico told me, he's like, when you go down there, you have to get Burger King and I was like, I'm from. Like, where I'm from is like a small town. That's all we had was Burger King. So I'm like, I've had enough Burger King. He's like, dude, you have to get it. And it's so good down there. I don't know what it is. They call it La Casa del Whopper.

[B]

All right.

[D]

So good, dude. The. The chicken fries. Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm in.

[D]

I missed them.

[B]

I'm in. That sounds great.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Next time you're in Puerto Rico, I will remember, but.

[B]

So I like that taco a lot, but I'm very biased because my favorite thing for Mexican is just a bean and cheese burrito, no rice. And that's okay at Taco Bell, but Del Taco really does it good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So that to me is why I'm Bob. But much prefer, like, there's a. Just a shitty taco stand across the street from mother show. That does really good. Be the cheese. Be the cheese burritos.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm biased on that. But you also have to fend off the homeless with a sword while you wait for your food.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, five different people come up to you and ask you to buy them food.

[D]

You have to get another one at first to throw it down the street and watch them all run after it while you get your real order.

[B]

Yeah. Like you throw a steak when this dog chasing you. All right, we're going to keep it moving. Let's keep the McDonald's moves. This is my show. Let's keep the McDonald's news coming. McDonald's employee drops their airbud into the deep fryer.

[C]

Oh, earbud. I think it's an airbud.

[D]

I see what you're doing here, Zach.

[B]

McDonald's play drops their earbud. Now I'm going to keep saying their earbuds ate the deep fryer. Shannon, what happens?

[F]

They put their hand in it to get it out and got very burned.

[B]

And are they suing? Are they. What's the deal?

[F]

No. And. And they're. They haven't ident. Like, they're not releasing who the person is or giving additional information on, like, how badly they were burned, but they were taken immediately to the hospital and treated.

[C]

Did they get their headphone back?

[B]

I don't think it would work.

[E]

It wasn't charged, Probably.

[B]

Yeah. I would take a wild guess and say if you dropped a headphone into boiling oil. Yeah.

[D]

Headphones fried hard.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think it would work anymore.

[D]

I don't think so.

[B]

I think you take the hit on the. I think you take the hit.

[D]

It is funny to be like. But they're waterproof.

[C]

Wonder if it was someone. Like, they were listening to Nick Fuentes. And I gotta get this out so no one else hears.

[B]

Did you guys see the video of the mouse falling?

[D]

Yes. And he tried to jump out.

[B]

And he tries to jump.

[D]

It was crazy.

[B]

Holy shit. Shannon, can you try and find that it remind actually to give another fucking dumb wrestling story. Have you heard Cornette and Paul Bear talk about the deep fryer at the Sportatorium?

[C]

I don't think so. That sounds like there's a very famous.

[B]

Wrestling venue in Texas called the Sportatorium where they would have wrestling. It was huge.

[C]

Yeah. It was in Iron Claw. That was like the main place they wrestled.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Very good. That's very good context. Thank you. And they. They're talking about the fries and how they just remember growing up around the food there. Right. And they were there the day closed. They had never changed the oil the entire time. The place. Decades. Because the guy that owned it, Fritz Von Erich.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Was essentially the May. What town was it? It was Dallas.

[C]

Dallas.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Could have been the mayor of Dallas.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So the health department would literally just show up and be like, hey, we were here. Right. So they drank. They had never, ever. And they said that's why the food was so good, because they never drained the oil.

[D]

I believe it.

[B]

They drained the oil the last day. The entire bottom of it was mouse skeletons.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Because they said there was pipes over it and rats and mice would crawl over it because they would smell the food cooking, but it would be slippery because of the oil. And they would fall in it and just sink to the bottom and get disintegrated. And that's what all the food is being cooked in. And was the food good? They said it was the best fries you've ever had in your life.

[D]

I believe it.

[B]

Shannon, did you find the video of the mouse flown in the fryer?

[F]

I'm seeing a lot that I don't know what's real and what's not. You're saying that it jumps back out of the.

[D]

He tries to.

[B]

He tries.

[D]

He breaches the surface, though.

[B]

Yeah. He makes a. He gets out. He free willies himself and then goes right back in.

[F]

Okay. I'll show you a couple of the ones that I found.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Let's get a few of these up.

[F]

Here's one. I think some of them are fake.

[D]

Not this one.

[B]

Yeah, this is not the one I saw.

[F]

This one. I don't think he makes it back out. He's right there.

[D]

Oh, just grab him. What are you doing, lady? That was her fault.

[F]

Yeah, he's. He's done. And then. Hold on. Hold on a second. I've seen there. A lot of them are horrible and they don't live. Here's another one. I gotta restart it.

[D]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

Oh, that's not real.

[D]

Fake.

[B]

That's fake because it wasn't breaded when it went in. Yeah, I know. Listen, I fall for some shit that. That mouse wasn't breaded.

[D]

It's not this one.

[B]

That's real. The one I'm thinking of. It literally is like a. No, it's like a close up on fries. But maybe it's just there's way too many of these.

[E]

Yeah, this happens too much.

[D]

I think it's. It might be this one.

[B]

Oh, no.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Well, I'm not thrilled about how much this happens.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It seems like every day.

[B]

Oh, good.

[G]

More and more fast food employees are jumping into sinks.

[B]

Don't do that. All right, all right. Hey, we looked. That's what was important. We gave it. We gave it a college try. All right, well, you know, we have one more McDonald's story. McDonald's employee kills manager after getting sent home early.

[D]

Oh, is this the black lady?

[B]

I'm gonna assume. I'll take a fucking take if I had to put money on it.

[D]

I was talking about the manager. No, it's Shannon.

[F]

Okay, so apparently this chick and her manager had an argument. The manager sent her home, she left, she came back with a knife, and then she stabbed the manager.

[D]

Today I saw this lady.

[B]

Do we have any photos?

[D]

Do you have the video of her? She. She does a video in her car after she gets sent home early. And it's just her with the big eyes. You know how when a lady has huge eyes, you're like, oh, she's crazy. It was one of those. She had the big eyes out and she was like, just spazzing about McDonald's. And then I guess she went back later that day and killed her.

[F]

Oh, my God. So here's a picture of her. I'm going to say, I know the video you're talking about. I didn't realize that was the same person. Just give me a second. I'll try to find it.

[C]

All the things to motivate you to murder, getting sent home early from your McDonald's job.

[B]

The funny thing is, she kind of looks like a black version of Wendy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She's just working in the wrong place. Yeah. Oh, man. That's. That's where that happens, though, right? Yeah, that's. You're on your last leg of tolerating life's bullshit.

[C]

Honestly, I think not enough people knew this, but Curtis Sliwa, his, like, first job. One of his first jobs, he was a nighttime manager at a McDonald's in the Bronx.

[B]

Yeah, that'll prepare.

[C]

That's exactly how you get that guy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like, when people would say, oh, yeah, he's, like, fun and entertaining, but, you know, he's actually pretty racist. I'm like, it's impossible not to be racist after working nighttime shift at McDonald's in the Bronx.

[B]

It was white cast. Our White Castle manager, Bernie Getz.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's still alive, I think. Isn't that nuts?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a few guys you randomly just see, like, oh, by the way, Dick Cavett's 90, and he's still alive. You're like, whoa.

[B]

You guys know who Bernie Getz is, right? Mm. Bernie Getz is a very famous story. What was it, 70s or 80s?

[C]

I think, like, early 80s.

[B]

And he was riding the subway. He had a job where he had to move a lot of cash and electronics, and he got robbed a few years before that on the subway. So he was a little jumpy and through. After this news came out and there was trials, turns out he used to drop a few terms that at the time were not encouraged and now very not encouraged. Right. So he was on the train, and a group of four young gentlemen approached him. Now, in their version of the story, they were just asking him for money nicely. And they had screwdrivers on them, not orange juice and vodka. The tool.

[D]

Right, right.

[B]

Because this was their defense. They were going to go rob an arcade.

[E]

With screwdrivers.

[B]

They were going to pry the machines open and steal the money out of them.

[E]

I see.

[B]

The plan, which was. That was their plan, which is why they said they all were carrying flathead screwdrivers. Well, Bernie was denied when he went to go get a gun in New York. So he went to Florida and got a gun and on the subway, shot all four guys.

[D]

Jesus.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did not kill any of them, but he paralyzed one and had to go to try. He. He ran out of the back of the train and got away. Turned himself in later. He only wound up doing, like, eight months.

[C]

Yeah. It was one of those stories that.

[B]

Like, a vigilant is very joker.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

It's like one of those stories now, you see all the time where regardless of what actually happened, everyone just relates it to a personal story of theirs, right? Where if anybody ever was robbed on the subway, they're like, he was defending himself. And if anybody was ever mistreated, if.

[B]

Anyone was ever black on the subway.

[C]

Yeah, they were like, oh, yeah, I'm on their side. He abused. He shouldn't have done that.

[B]

So what apparently got him in trouble is the one guy he shot in the back.

[F]

He was sentenced to six months in jail, and it says he was convicted of illegal gun possession. So I don't know, what.

[E]

What's his version of the story that they.

[B]

They were gonna rob him, okay. That the. The four of them. So their thing is that they walked up to him and asked him for $5, but he said he saw the screwdrivers in their pockets and thought they were gonna stab him, so he freaked out and shot them all but one was on the ground, and he said, you look like you're doing okay. How about another? And shot him.

[D]

Six months is crazy.

[B]

Six months.

[D]

Dude, who's this guy? He's like running for governor now or something.

[B]

He tried to run for mayor.

[D]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But he. I think he wound up going to jail for selling wheat, basically. The guy he paralyzed got him in civil court for like $40 million, right? So he just declares bankruptcy every few years.

[D]

Now he sells.

[B]

He's never paid it. He's.

[C]

Bernie gets tried to run for mayor or. Oh, I know Curtis Lee would.

[B]

I believe Bernie Getz tried to run for mayor in the 90s or 2000s.

[C]

Oh, wow, that's really funny.

[B]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by yocratum.com, home of the $60 kilo. If you do Kratom, if you don't use it, don't start on my account. But as you use Kratom for one of its many benefits, there's only one place on earth to get it, and that's yocratum.com stop going to Bodega's smoke shops and gas stations, getting a little bit of Kratom at a time, and you don't even know what's in there. When yocratum.com has the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network. There's no promo code needed because it's already the greatest deal in the world of kratom. 60 bucks for a whole kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door. So check it out. Today, yocratom.com, home of the $60 kilo. Hey, let's get back into the program. But then the funny thing is, like, it's one of those. And I hate to be this guy, but it's one of those things. Like, they were just boys.

[D]

Yeah, Right.

[B]

Being silly. And then when you look up what happened to all four of them, and you're like, no, they're probably all pretty bad dudes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Shannon, would you look up the. The.

[C]

All their future.

[B]

Wikipedia, it will have, like, aftermath or something. And I want to say three out of four were not. Did not lead stellar lives past.

[C]

And they're all kind of like, God damn, the one time I wasn't trying to rob someone, I got shot.

[D]

I want to tell you, life of crime.

[B]

One went right back to jail for rape. One got caught, I think, in a murder for hire plot. Shannon, if you could look it up, it's across the board. 8. It might not been the right day. Yeah, well, he shot the right guy.

[C]

Like finding OJ Guilty for stealing his own autographs.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. For something. Yeah.

[C]

Al Capone for tax evasion.

[B]

Shannon, did you find it?

[F]

It's. It's so ex. That there's so much here. I'm just trying to skim through all of it. There's a lot on this in Wikipedia.

[B]

No problem. It probably should be its own tab.

[F]

It is. That's. That's what I mean.

[B]

No problem.

[D]

Bob, I feel like a murder for hire. It has to be. You have to be so dumb to get caught in one of those. You know what I mean?

[B]

I don't know. I'll ask Tony Yayo when he's on real life podcast.

[D]

Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I think that'd be my first question. Be like, are you a cop?

[B]

Didn't the lady just kill herself because she got caught trying to hire a guy to kill her husband?

[D]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[B]

I feel like it was a big news story recently. I think she either jumped off a building or shot herself because they were coming for. Because she got caught trying to kill her. Hire a guy to kill her husband. I feel like if you go on. There was even, like a website that was like, assassins, and it was just a sting.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And you just got arrested when you tried to hire somebody.

[D]

That it's got to be that every single time. I don't know any. Like, I'm sure there are hitmen out there.

[B]

They don't have a website.

[D]

Yeah, I think 99 of them, especially the ones with websites. And phone numbers are probably the feds.

[B]

It's like going on childporn.com. like, this is not. You gotta. You gotta circumvent it. You gotta download like an app or something. Yeah, you gotta go to the Dark Web for that.

[C]

I don't even. There's no ad. You're not going to Google Play store and be like, oh, here's my child porn app. That's not working either.

[D]

Amazon. Hitman.

[B]

Shannon. Did you find it?

[F]

So I found the records of each of the people. Is that. Do you want to hear? Okay, so one of the one that was shot in the arm and the chest by him. Before he was shot, he had a record of offense, multiple juvenile offenses and theft. He was arrested for faking his own kidnapping, and then he was convicted of rape, sodomy, and robbery of at gunpoint.

[D]

He's one for two on funny ones.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Faking your own kidnappings, Hilarious.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Sodomy at gunpoint, not funny.

[B]

The one I believe, and forgive me if I'm wrong, Shannon, up until a certain year, oral was considered sodomy.

[D]

Really? Like a. Getting your.

[B]

Like a blow job with sodomy in some states.

[E]

I think you're right.

[B]

I think anything other than, like, wouldn't.

[D]

They have a different name for it?

[B]

You would think that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think it all fell under one.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Umbrella.

[F]

It's like, under the definition, it typically includes anal, oral, and bestiality.

[D]

Well, that's.

[B]

By the way, that's not. Okay.

[D]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

The last one's elite.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And by the way, very cruel to women.

[C]

Yeah, that's hilarious. If you like a dog and you just get called the same thing that somebody else is because they got a blow job, I'd be so mad.

[D]

I'd be like, no, no, no, I just got my dick sucked.

[B]

Yeah. We got for the other three, Shannon.

[F]

The one who was shot in the back, was arrested for snatching a gold chain and then went to jail afterwards for violating probation. One that was shot in the chest pled guilty for stealing coins from arcade machines and then spent time in a drug rehab center under a court order. The one who was paralyzed, I believe he OD'd. I don't have that here. I'm not sure. You could be. And then the one that was paralyzed and suffered severe brain damage, had an armed robbery charge pending at the time of the shooting and then did not have a criminal record afterward. I think because he had brain damage and was paralyzed, he has the mental.

[B]

Capacity of a six Year old. I think he got him good.

[C]

So all these people.

[B]

He shot him retarded. That's pretty. That's a good shot.

[D]

Thinks he's a cowboy now.

[C]

This is what all of them did before. We haven't got to what they.

[B]

No, no, they did.

[C]

That was all after.

[B]

Some before somewhere after.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I think of the four of them, everyone but the one that was paralyzed, all went back to jail. If not if I think one OD and the other two went back to jail for like.

[C]

We got to get Candace Owens on this. Figure out the truth.

[B]

All right, well, we got.

[F]

Sorry. Before I go into the next thing, I found the video of that chick that killed the manager. That.

[B]

Yes, thank you.

[C]

The videos yesterday.

[G]

I got sent home early today by the same person. I'm telling you, she's a bully. This isn't funny. She needs to understand that just because she's a mother and got children doesn't mean that she can come in. In this store, you know, disrespecting people, talking to them like everybody's beneath her. She has no respect.

[D]

See what I mean about her eyes?

[G]

They just look at all like, seriously, man, I got. I gotta take care of. And she keeps sending me home early. It's not funny.

[D]

I keep dropping rats in the fryer.

[B]

That sleepy time sticker on her face is not working. She is alert.

[C]

I like the idea she thinks the reason her boss is sending her home is because she's a mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

She's like, just because you're a mom doesn't mean you can send me home.

[B]

I like that she's such a good McDonald's employee. She has dyed her hair.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Ronald McDonald color. Yeah, that's what you want to see.

[E]

That mug shot is from a different day.

[B]

Also a different wig. At least.

[E]

At least.

[B]

But I. Yes, I would assume that is a different arrest if this was the day she stabbed her.

[D]

Yeah, right.

[G]

You've sent her a little racial shit. And then throughout the day, she keeps on, like, putting negative energy in there. Talking about people, gossiping about people. It's not funny, man. That gonna have to stop. She's a bully. I'm telling you, she's a bully. She. She brings a lot of negative energy in there. She always panic when. When there's a lot going on. And then she tried to manipulate that and make it seem like we ain't doing something right, but we are working really hard and doing great. It's just the fact that she panicked. And I caught her a few times making a mistake, and she Tried to hurry up and play it off, you know, Nobody's perfect. It's McDonald's. It happens. You know what I mean?

[B]

That should be the. That should be their slogan.

[D]

Nobody.

[B]

It's fucking McDonald's. It happens.

[C]

Some of the things she's complaining about, I'm kind of like, yeah, it does sound like an annoying boss. Do you need to make a video about this and put it online?

[B]

How sick is some dude of hearing this from this lady? Yeah, bitch, you work at McDonald's. What, did you. What, do you go complain to HR? I guess, yeah.

[D]

I'm just imagining the guy who was working on Drive Thru that day as his manager's getting stabbed. He's like, hold on one second.

[B]

Yeah, dude. How her family, friends and significant other are furious hearing about this. Oh, yeah, somebody went, I don't know, go stab her. What do you want me to tell you? Is there more to a Shannon or is that it?

[F]

Yeah. Is that another maybe minute?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Come on.

[G]

Get confused. So it gets busy. Yeah, but she needs to stop playing. Like, she, like she'll be making mistakes. I'd be catching her. I'd be catching her. So her, all the animosity and does she keep putting in air and stuff, then trying to tell me I'm always snapping on people. No, that's false. No, I don't snap on people. I don't go in there doing that. I tell her, no, I make peace. That's what I'm doing. I've been creating.

[B]

She made her into pieces.

[D]

Yeah, you infamously snap on people.

[G]

Get in there and try and manipulate it. No, that's going to stop all that negative she's saying about, you know, she.

[B]

Does look like she snaps on people and claps between syllables. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's got to be so hard to clap while you're on FaceTime.

[G]

Personal life, all of that. No, she's bringing all that in there and then playing games. Since you want to take her belt off and beat somebody. Y' all act like my kids in here. No, we ain't. Your kids respect us. Stop talking to us like that. That is crazy. I'm telling you. But to get sent home two days in a row, man, and I came in on my off day to make up my time and she still sends me home early. It's not funny. Somebody wants to do something about that. It's not funny. It's not fair. It isn't funny at all. So, you know, she could keep being a bully if she wants to, but that is going to catch up to her.

[B]

Does she have a crossing guard vest on?

[C]

That's what I was thinking also. Yeah.

[D]

She's going to her other job.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That is a reflective vest, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

That's not McDonald's wear.

[D]

No.

[C]

She's still wearing the McDonald's hat, though.

[B]

Yeah, she's rocking the hat. Yeah, the wig sewn into the hat.

[C]

Yes. That's like. My boss thinks we're immature. I'll show her. I'll stab her.

[B]

I'll stab her over a brief work thing.

[E]

She probably tried to clock back in after she stabbed her too.

[B]

I'm gonna get my hours.

[E]

Yeah, it was a mistake.

[B]

I'm already here, Shannon.

[F]

That's the end of it.

[B]

Oh, that was it. Okay. Well, we have been following this for a while. Lots of Disney suicides recently.

[D]

Goofy, Mickey.

[B]

Yeah, not a goof.

[C]

Goofy suicide.

[B]

A lot of, like, crazy Disney people like, like weird Disney adult suicides. And it looks like we've got another one, Shannon.

[F]

So this happened in Disney Springs Orange Garage on East Buena Vista drive at approximately 9pm Friday evening. Wait, where do you want me to say that whole thing again?

[D]

Is that a real place? Disney Springs Orange Garage.

[F]

Yeah, that's the location. It's a garage.

[B]

It's probably like color coded so you remember where you parked your car. Ah, okay. Remember we're in the scratchy lot.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm imagining. The Woody parking garage.

[F]

And so it says that the cops got a call that somebody was like, passed out or down, and then they reported that the person died. But they don't have the cause of death at this time, but they said there was no foul play, so they don't know if it's a suicide or not yet.

[B]

I like the idea of no foul play. You just see Donald Duck. All right, we'll keep an eye on it. World's worst Fantasy Football League all punishment, no reward. Matt, I thought you would dig this one.

[C]

All Punishment.

[A]

Your business is one of a kind, so your website should be too. With wix, it's easy, almost too easy to create a website that's perfectly yours. Just tell AI what kind of site you want to build or choose from. Thousands of templates, change whatever you want, whenever you want and get everything you need to start running your business your way. No matter what you sell or what you aspire to be, you can do it all yourself on wix. I don't know about you, but when I'm using AI for my business, I don't need it to tell me what to do. I know what I want. I just need help making it happen. With Wix, I finally have an AI tool that gets things done the way I want. I just have to describe the type of website I need and it's ready. I can even ask it to manage my inventory, plan my next marketing campaign, or help out my customers. Wix gives me AI wherever I need it. Try it [e-mail].

[B]

So this is a fantasy football league where the winner all you get is that you don't get one of the allotted punishments for the other five places. Shannon, do you want to read off what each person has to do?

[F]

Yeah. So second place has to camp outside the winner of the league's house for four days, Thursday night to Sunday morning.

[B]

You have to live in their backyard in a tent.

[D]

For second place.

[B]

For second place.

[F]

Third place is. The winner has to spend 12 hours in Florida wearing a ski suit in July. The loser of the game has to bucket drum in the French Quarter of New Orleans until they earn $50 from donations on the street. Fifth, sixth place, game. Sorry, this is written ridiculously. The winner has to audition for a role in a local Peter Pan play. Six and seventh place have to spend their own money, Fly to a WNBA game in another city, buy a courtside seat, watch the game without drinking, then immediate fly home. Immediately fly home without enjoying anything in the city at all.

[B]

So you're not allowed to stay. You have to without a drink, fly by courtside, WNBA tickets. So you're at like $35. You're not allowed to have any alcohol on the trip. And then the second the game's over, you have to go back to the airport.

[D]

The Peter Pan one sounds like a nightmare.

[B]

What if you get the part, the last one is work at McDonald's or Burger King, right?

[F]

Yeah. Get a job at Burger King and work one shift. They must interview, get the job offer and work one shift and then stab.

[C]

Your manager on the way out.

[D]

That is very funny.

[B]

Yeah, that's hilarious.

[C]

Yeah, I did. I did a comedian's fantasy football league years ago. It's like, you'll see, like, all the time at, like, open mics. Someone's like, you making their friend do stand up the best. That we did. Last place had to do a set the rest of us wrote for them.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And this is like, years ago was. We did like, was when there were Friday night open mics at now the comedy shop at the Village Lantern, and they would bark people in for the mic. So it was like, Friday night, 8 o'. Clock. So it was like a room of actual audience. And we had. I don't know if you know Andrew Wolford. I don't believe he doesn't do comedy anymore, I don't think. But he's light skinned black guy. And we had him open his set by saying, when I fuck white bitches, I'll be like this. And he had to hump the stool for 20 seconds. We had him. He had to take out his phone, tell the take a selfie with the crowd in the background, say it was a big night for him, and then say it was his mom's birthday and lead the whole crowd and singing happy birthday to his mom while recording it. Put his phone away and say, just kidding guys, my mom's dead. And then point to someone in the front row and say, this guy knows what I'm talking about. It was, it was me and a few of the other comics in the back from the league laughing so much. And by the end of the set, the audience like, I don't know what we're seeing, but I guess this is fun.

[B]

That is so not that different from so many young black guys. Open mics. Yeah, I've had. When I used to host the mic at the stand, I used to have guys buy the drink, pay the money, and then not do stand up. They would bring a photographer and just get pictures of them on stage at the stand in front of the logo. Wow. That's how I learned the term stunting for the Gram.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Which I thought meant taking pictures for your grandma because I am that white.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I would have guys be like, no, I'm just stunting. He goes, I ain't gonna do no Tom. I'm just stunting for the Gram. And I was like, what? He goes, this is my photographer. And of course be like some nerdy white guy who's following this black open micro around as like his intern.

[D]

Yeah, dude, there's a lot of those. I don't know if you guys have seen this in the, in the New York scene, but there was a few people in the Philly scene that they were maybe like two years into comedy and they were like, I'm making a documentary. And they just had some nerdy white guy follow them around to open mics while they bombed.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And they somehow made like a 30 minute movie about it called the Journey or some corny shit like that.

[C]

You haven't seen Levfer 20?

[D]

That's a real thing.

[C]

Levfer did a documentary like a year.

[B]

He was gonna do one every Year.

[C]

Like, follow his journey.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And luckily, Lewis and Tim Dillon bullied him into deleting it. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, you can't find it anymore?

[B]

No, it was way gone. Yeah. Yeah. They bullied him into taking it down. They.

[C]

Yeah, I remember. It was a lot.

[B]

It was a lot.

[C]

And they played the video of the documentary and then overlaid videos of 9 11.

[B]

Yes. That was definitely a thing that people.

[C]

Were trying for a little while.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll get kids that come do, like. When I say kids, I mean younger comics that come do, like, spook show. And it'll be like a hood dude. And he'll have an entourage or at least like, two whites.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Recording him at all times.

[D]

It's crazy.

[B]

It's a little. How unambitious do you, like, you think you're a loser if you're, like, a dude who follows around an established girl comic?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

As her.

[D]

Like.

[B]

No, not like that. Excuse me, Established girl comic. You're not fucking.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Ever, ever, ever.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And you're just her fucking bitch boy.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's sad. That's some sad dude.

[D]

Yeah. Also Whitney or Rachel Feinstein if you need an opener. I'm free.

[B]

Hey, listen, there ain't nothing wrong with that, buddy.

[D]

Yeah, I'll do it, dude. I've realized that most. Most feature work is now going to camera guys. It's like dudes who. They were just bad at comedy, but now they're featuring because they have a camera and they film everybody's set.

[C]

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, the person who edits someone's clips is their opener now.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, no. I. I would never call Dylan out for that. You know I love you, buddy. And I do. Dylan's the best. All right, one or two more things we're getting out of here. Oh, let's do the Tara reap. Are you guys familiar with happened to Tara Reid?

[C]

No, no, but I'm a big American Pie fan.

[B]

I just rewatched the second one. Yeah, Holds up.

[C]

Yeah, it does.

[B]

Really funny. Tara Reid, a few weeks ago now, was stretchered out of a hotel bar. She claims, because the video is not good. It's them trying to walk her back to her room. She can't stand. She can't talk. She claims she had a glass of wine, went out for a cig, came back, and there was a napkin over it that she did not put there over her glass of wine, finished it, and she claimed she was drugged.

[D]

Well, how'd the drugs get in there if the napkin was there?

[B]

The hotel released the footage unedited. Nobody touched her drink.

[C]

How did the napkin get. Did she put the napkin on?

[B]

I would assume so.

[D]

It blew in like the forest.

[C]

I do. I do love that. Like, they think a rapist plan will be thwarted by a napkin.

[B]

Would have been in that. Cause I actually want to talk. Something happened to me at the secret group that I was talking about. So she. Apparently she called 91 1. Shannon.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

So she called 911 and. About her possibly being drugged, by the way, she went to the hospital. They did not do a test. So I'm pretty sure when she got there, she's like, nah, I'm fucked up. Yeah, let's hear this. 911 call. Exactly what happened. We have a guest here that is really inebriated and she needs to.

[F]

Sorry, I thought it was her hospital. She's in the background, can barely stand.

[B]

She can barely sit in a wheelchair.

[D]

Pull up Terror Reed News.

[B]

Sometimes she's giving unresponsive answers. Everybody's checked in. Everybody's good.

[F]

Ms. Reed.

[B]

Ms. Reed. Yes. Pause. She sounds like when Mini Me was drunk pissing in the corner. Oh, this is real life. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try to keep it going. Okay. She's a celebrity. Just so you know, kind of celebrity.

[D]

Well, she was.

[B]

Okay. So is she responding normally? No, she's not. She's laying on the floor in the hallway.

[C]

Damn. She's still got it.

[B]

We don't want her to hit her head if she gets up. We just want to make sure she's all right. Absolutely. Is she breathing normally? She is breathing normally. Okay. Is she bleeding or vomiting blood? No. Okay. And did she. She can't walk.

[C]

You may have seen her and.

[B]

All right. It's just that we don't want to leave her in the room. And then she gets up and she falls and does something to herself really bad. No, I understand. They're on the way. I'm sending the prayer now. Stand the line. I'll tell you exactly what to do next. Reassure her the help is on the way. From now on, do not let her have anything to eat or drink. It might make her sick or calls for the problem. Yeah, no, we're not going to. Yeah. Okay. Just got a little water. Okay. Let her rest in the most comfortable position and wait for help to arrive. Okay. Watch her very. I want you to watch her very closely. If she becomes less awake as quickly lay her on her side and before the responders arrive, have someone wave down the paramedics. If she gets worser Anyway, call us back immediately for further instructions. Okay, okay. Okay. Tell me exactly what happened. All right. She did not sound well.

[D]

No, didn't sound good. I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Wouldn't the bar know that she had more than just a glass of wine? Also when she says.

[B]

I mean, she could have shown up.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Could have been drinking in the room, could have been drinking somewhere else.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which it does look like she goes from zero to. Because the footage she's like sitting at the bar talking to people and then she goes out and comes back in. I want to take a wild guess, Shannon, and you can. Shannon, you have experience with drunk people from other jobs in your life at times, right?

[F]

Yes. And this job.

[B]

That too. I forget. I for. I forget you work with me. I have a feeling she took some Pilskis.

[E]

I was gonna say she took something she forgot. It happens to everyone.

[B]

I think she's on something and it makes bad Shannon.

[F]

It's. That could be it. But I also. I think I mentioned this before, that she was recently on that reality show Special. Special Forces. And she is so frail and it seems like she has a hard time just like walking around in regular life. She's like so skinny and frail that maybe she did just like we watch in that video. Like, she like downed that wine. So it could be that she just drank too much and didn't eat maybe.

[B]

It could be very much so.

[E]

Yeah. Skinny people can't drink. They throw up.

[D]

It sounded like pills, though. Like her in the background on the phone there. Yeah, that sounded fucked up.

[E]

That's happened to me. I have like a drink and I'm like, now I'm blacked out. I have to drive home.

[B]

Yep, there you go.

[E]

I'll leave my car downtown.

[D]

Right, Right.

[B]

I got. I will say when I was not doing so great, the Friday of Skank Fest. It's definitely because somebody forgot to take their Zoloft until 6 o' clock at night and then started drinking on an empty stomach with Zoloft in it and. Whoa, boy. Yeah. Oopsie Doodles, that'll do it. Anyway, so this is what I. This happened to me at the. The Secret Group. Not the snow time, but the last time I was there, big bar, great. Very great place to hang out. And I'm sitting at the bar and it was just me and a seat or two down from me, cute, chubby girl, glasses. And I'm not bugging her, I'm not talking to her. And she started talking to me and I'm just holding the Conversation. She asks, you know, there was a comedy festival. She asked about that. She asked about comedy. And then she's like, hold on, I have to go to the bathroom. And she goes to the bartender, can I please put my drink behind the bar? And we're the only two people at the bar, so that's really. It felt very accusatory.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, not only do I not want to get raped, I don't want to get raped by him.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which I get.

[F]

Who.

[B]

Who would.

[D]

Yeah. Do you have anyone else that can put something in my drink?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I remember one time when I first started doing Santa, being at an open mic, and a girl asked me to watch her drink for her, and I was like, you just met me. You should, like. And that was when I had my, like, long, long hair. I'm in a tank top in a bar, and this girl's like, I trust this guy. I just met him. Like, you have bad judgment.

[B]

Well, so we hang out. I hung out. I was sitting there for, like. I had time to kill before my show. She came back, went back to the bathroom, asked again. So then she comes back, and I'm like, oh, this girl's, like, creeped out by me or something. So I went, hey, you know, I can, like, go sit anywhere else if I'm bothering you. Or, like, I don't want you to think. Like, you have to. Like, I can go. And she's like, oh, why? We're having a really nice conversation. And I'm like, okay. And she's like, hold on, I have to go to the bathroom. And again, she was. And it's only the two of us. And I'm like, lady, am I gonna rape you or not? Stop coming back.

[C]

Did you ever find out what it was?

[B]

I think she was just overly cautious. I'm sure maybe something happened to her or a friend recently.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. I mean, it also looks kind of insane to just leave your drink out. It feels insane as a girl.

[D]

I get that.

[B]

I get it. I feel like you just take it.

[C]

Just take.

[D]

That's what I do. I just bring it in the bathroom.

[E]

Oh, yeah. Usually I just bring it in.

[B]

Yeah. Like that to me to leave it, then to ask to go behind the bar with it. She then at the end, because she told me she was in a comic, and at the end of the conversation, she's like, actually, I'm trying to do comedy, and I know who you are. And I just wanted to ask questions. And I'm like, okay. What a weird fucking. I don't know. The whole thing creeped me out and also made me very glad I'm not single.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

You're like, I'm not Louis. I'm the other one.

[B]

It just seems like a lot, you know?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I get it. It's a scary thing. But when I'm the only other one at the bar, it really did hurt my feelings.

[E]

Yeah. If there's no one in there, like.

[B]

Yeah, if it's packed, of course. But, like, dude, stop having. If you really are that afraid. Come on, man. Stop coming back and talking to me.

[D]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[B]

Let's do one more and get out of here, and we'll keep it easy. Woman has funeral for her amputated arm Shannon.

[F]

So this woman had cancer.

[B]

Arm cancer.

[F]

Since she was 19. And. Hold on, I'm just trying to find the video. Here we go. And so she tried to lighten up the process of having her arm amputated. So she had a funeral for it. So I have some images and I have a video.

[B]

I gotta tell you guys, this has a good sense of humor. Yeah, these really made me laugh.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

That's so funny.

[C]

That's very funny.

[B]

To even get the doctor to keep the arm.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So that she can get a photo shoot with it. That's a funny lady. Oh, the.

[D]

Yeah, the one hand looks up the.

[B]

The one they cut off. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, I like that she got the nails done on it. Yeah. Yeah. This is a fun goth.

[C]

Yeah, I like this. This is fun.

[D]

She rules.

[E]

No one else was at the funeral.

[F]

I have a. I have a. I'll show you the video.

[E]

Just click.

[F]

Wait.

[C]

They get the funeral done by Taco Bell? They just do. They just do weddings.

[B]

My. My funeral will be by Taco Bell, but not by their choice.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Tick tock.

[B]

It looks mummified. Oh, my God. I mean, talk about lemons into lemonade.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I love this. This chick is laughing.

[A]

This is my arm that's on the table right now.

[B]

I feel many things. Well, except my arm.

[G]

My name's Ally, and I feel.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

Isabelle.

[B]

And I'm having the time of my life. My name's Sasha, and this is. Oh, and all her friends dressed up. That's hilarious. My name is Dale, and this is actually happening.

[E]

My name is Christina, and I'm happy.

[B]

That it brings some closure.

[G]

Yeah, she's awesome.

[B]

Did you put the dub in the shot? Yeah, that's hilarious.

[D]

That's cool.

[C]

That was the funeral. Two thumbs up. I mean, sorry.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's. They made A party out of it. That's hilarious.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The question is, do you get to keep it?

[C]

I mean, if you're doing the whole funeral for it. I mean, I feel. What do you think?

[B]

In a shoebox in the backyard.

[C]

I mean, I can't imagine, like, the doctor asking for it back after they, like, I'll loan it to you for a day, and then we gotta throw.

[B]

I don't think. I feel like that's almost like medical biohazard. Like, you're not allowed to keep that, I think.

[C]

Yeah. I asked them when I had the brain surgery if I can keep the thing they took out and just put it in a jar. I was gonna, like, bring it to fight Club and have it as on the stages, beneficial. And they took a picture for me, but they said they couldn't get it for me. But that's also. It was like a clump of blood vessels. Yeah.

[B]

Shannon read this to us.

[F]

It says, yes, you can generally keep an amputated limb as long as it's considered your. As it's considered your property, but you must arrange for its collection from the hospital as hospitals classify it as medical waste and can plan to dispose of it unless instructed otherwise.

[D]

If you're going to throw it in the dumpster, give it to me.

[B]

Does this just go in the medical. Like, Kobe. Like, they just.

[F]

And she did have this, like, prepared by a. What do you call those people?

[D]

A mortician.

[F]

Mortician, yeah.

[B]

Oh, she had a kind of, like, stuff then.

[F]

Yeah. Yes.

[B]

Oh, that's awesome. You definitely keep it in the house then, right? You put it on the wall or do you do something hilarious with it? I mean, definitely. You know the. The. The Halloween treat buckets that, like, grab your hand? Yeah, I would definitely do that. I would put it. I would put it in the bowl of Halloween candy.

[D]

That's good.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, put it in the fridge and just have it reaching out at you every time or.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Whenever you open a certain door to the room, the hand comes down.

[D]

Yeah, I like that.

[E]

I'll make a back scratcher.

[B]

Perfect. That's it. That's the move. Because I bet she does have parts of her body she needs to scratch now.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's nothing quite like that. Your own somebody else scratching your back always feels better.

[E]

Yeah, true.

[B]

And now you get the benefit of your own hand and that. And you gotta know, her boyfriend was like, come on. Yeah, just one. Just one.

[D]

Just the dead arm in me.

[B]

No, that's. No.

[C]

Users hand job. Jerk.

[B]

Get jerked off with the dead hand, right?

[E]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You grab it by the wrist.

[D]

I'm trying to get fingered by the dead hand.

[B]

You want the whole nub.

[C]

Whatever. That. That's definitely got to be sodomy of some sort.

[B]

I mean, that is. That chick does it. Only fans.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Only hand. Calling it there. Thank you guys so much. I want to say thank you so much to our guests. Matt, man, check out Comedy Fight Club. Drew Montana. Check out Durag and the Deer Tag. And Digital Bazooka. And our new friend, Dulce Mac. Very funny. Please support her, see her live. And thank you so much to everybody here at Gas Digital. We'll see you on Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo. Goodbye. The fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down. Just like your favorite old beast, Clown. Grab a cold bear and join the crew. It's actually Akamiko morning, too. It's a Miko morning too.

[A]

Say what you want about AI, but it's here and it's helping businesses get more done in a day. Wix's website builder is infused with AI so you can stay ahead. Create a beautiful, functional website just by describing your idea. Track how your site appears in AI search results, create custom images on demand, or launch an entire campaign in a matter of minutes. WIX gives you AI wherever you need it. Try it now for [e-mail].