0080. Maddy Smith and Alex Tomaselli

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico's Morning Zoo

Episode 80: Maddy Smith and Alex Tomaselli
Recorded: January 18, 2026 | GaS Digital Network

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Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo is classic drive-time chaos: Zac, with guests Maddy Smith and Alex Tomaselli, dive headfirst into twisted takes on weird news, personal stories, wild benders, and their signature blend of comedian banter. The tone is irreverent, rapid-fire, and openly “unhinged,” with dark humor and authentic moments coloring discussions about grave robbing, food routines, viral headlines, and some deeply personal and hilariously inappropriate stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

01. Canadian Comedy Trip & Food Talk

[00:38 – 05:14]

• Zac and Alex reminisce about a comedy trip to Toronto, focusing mainly on an epic poutine crawl – pastrami, butter chicken, tater tots, and more.
• Venues discussed include the Bovine Sex Club (not a strip club, but a heavy metal bar) and Catacombs Cabaret, a small, intimate 60-seater that doubles as a seance/magic venue.
• Zac recounts a "boys trip" with classic food excess and "stone decisions" like adding tater tots to poutine.
  • Quote: “What a boys trip... So much poutine. Honestly unadvised.” – Alex [02:40]
• Zac shares a story about a late-night live podcast at the cabaret with circus acts and a mishap involving stapling his own forehead:
  • Quote: “Had to take my fingernails and dig in my forehead again.” – Zac [06:17]

02. Grisly True Crime: Skeletons in PA & Serial Killers

[06:25 – 17:36]

• Shannon brings in one of the week’s weirdest (and grimmest) news stories: Over 100 human skeletons found in a Pennsylvania home—potentially a "horror movie come to life," with possible ties to grave robbing.
  • Zac riffs on the logistical nightmare for police (“like doing a fucked-up jigsaw puzzle” [08:50]) and compares it to Ed Gein’s case.
• Related headlines:
  • Body parts, including a skull, found off the Coney Island boardwalk—possibly tied to an active NYC serial killer.
  • A mayor’s body, missing for 20 years, washing up in Washington State.
  • Discussion about how bodies decompose and true crime misconceptions.
  • Callback to West Memphis Three’s case, wrongful convictions, and the role of animal bites in confusing forensics.
• Maddy and Zac’s “dry food” vs. “wet food” conversation emerges from this segment—a recurring bit about road snacks and self-preservation while touring.

03. Food Fads, Diets, and Childhood Meals

[11:10 – 26:29]

• Zac discusses drinking only zero-sugar beverages and “dry food” (trail mix of mixed nuts, raisins, sunflower seeds) to avoid junk on the road.
• Maddy admits her own late-night frozen pizza habit; Alex and Zac debate brands.
• “Wet food” is explained as Zac’s guilty comfort—canned chili mac, mac and cheese with hot dogs, and even eating it cold (“It’s perfect nourishment” – Zac [25:05]).
• Riffing about the CEO of Campbell’s disparaging his own product (“basically that it’s for poor... extremely poor people” – Maddy [22:37]; “He said, don’t eat Campbell’s. We don’t even know what we put in it anymore.” – Alex [22:28])
• Air fryers vs. microwaves: unanimous praise for air frying leftovers and frozen foods.

04. Morbid Tech & Odd Apps: “Are You Dead?”

[28:09 – 30:43]

• Shannon describes the new Chinese “Are You Dead” app—single users must check in every 48 hours or alarms alert emergency contacts.
• Panel laughs about American and Chinese habits (everyone agrees they’d forget to check in quickly) and how it exposes aging and loneliness, particularly in China.
• Zac tries (and aborts) a dark “Mulan” joke, reflecting the show’s “edgy but aware” style.

05. Comedy Scene Gossip & Industry Realities

[31:06 – 35:39]

• Panel dishes about NYC/NJ comedy festivals, unpaying gigs, and "scammy" bookers dangling future spots.
• Anecdotes about comedians using “Wolf of Wall Street” extra appearances as credits, plus the grind of low-level standup.
• Maddie teases an upcoming horror movie appearance and the surprising drudgery ("It’s a long day, laying in blood” – Zac [35:53]).

06. Rooming on the Road & Sleep Stories

[36:01 – 39:30]

• Zac and Alex describe sharing hotel rooms as adults: snoring, sleeping positions, Italian modesty ("Never see each other fully naked,” – Alex [37:02]), and random sleepwalking poses.
• Zac’s tendency to fall asleep in bathtubs results in mild self-injury and concerns (“If my wife finds me, my fat arms and legs sticking out with my whole ass in the tub.” – Zac [38:13])
• Relationship banter—accommodating snoring, giant beds, and the comedy of domestic routines takes center stage.

07. Neighborhood Characters: Life in Bay Ridge

[55:56 – 57:29]

• Zac shares about life in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, among multi-generational residents, “ultimate guido” neighbors, and old-school habits.
• The generational divide: old residents hate “all these Amazon boxes”; panel riffs on the absurdity of the new delivery world.

08. Headline Rapid-Fire:

A. Sinister Package in Reservoir [40:37 – 42:14]
Uncovered after eight feet of water receded, the package contained brass knuckles and an old handgun—likely decades old, possibly “the one that got Jimmy Hoffa.” B. OnlyFans Models Arrested on Flight [42:49 – 46:31]
Two models boast about being arrested after refusing to move out of first class, documenting their drama on social media.
- Zac: “That is such hot bitch privilege.” [45:20] - Discussion on the disparity in treatment compared to if a man had done the same. C. Alcohol, Planes, & Trump Prohibition Rumor [47:02 – 50:06]
A fake TruthSocial post about Trump supporting prohibition circulates; Shannon debunks it on air. D. Drugs, Punk Friends, & Living Off-Grid [53:04 – 54:46]
Tales of wild friends hiding heroin, crossbows, and Mein Kampf; the odd paths “couch-surfing” misfits can take. E. Mattel’s Autistic Barbie [58:12 – 60:33]
Discussion (with jokes and genuine skepticism) about Barbie’s new “inclusive” model—flappy hands, fidget spinner, avoiding eye contact.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the PA Skeletons Case:
“It’s gotta be like doing a fucked-up jigsaw puzzle.”
—Zac [08:50]

On Ed Gein:
“Not serial killer vibes. No, he was more just a little freak. Grave robber. Collecting vulvas...”
—Maddy [07:57]

On "Dry Food" as a Touring Comic:
“I buy the big can of mixed nuts from Amazon and I put in raisins and sunflower seeds. Now it is my dry food on the road so that I don’t buy crap.”
—Zac [12:23]

On Rooming While Touring:
“We’re both Italian, so we never see each other fully naked.”
—Alex [37:02]
“My new one... If I can’t sleep, I’ll put on the hot water and sit on the edge of the tub. But then I fall asleep and fall backwards.”
—Zac [37:37]

On the Old Neighborhood:
“Oh, dude, when I moved in, the joy on old white people’s faces was like, ‘A white person!’ They were so excited.”
—Zac [56:15]

On OnlyFans Models Arrested at the Airport:
“That is such hot bitch privilege... Especially if that’s your seat and they just got their pussy juice all over it.”
—Maddy [45:22]

On Food Realities:
“I eat them out of the can cold... My wife says it looks like when Daniel Stern got arrested in Dennis the Menace.”
—Zac [21:58]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment/Event | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Toronto Trip & Food Recap | 00:38–05:14 | | The Great Stapler Incident | 05:18–06:17 | | 100 Skeletons in PA House | 06:25–10:36 | | Serial Killers & Decomposing Bodies | 17:01–20:32 | | Zero Sugar Drinks & Dry Food Routine | 11:10–12:37 | | “Are You Dead?” Chinese App | 28:09–30:43 | | Comedy Festival Scams | 31:06–35:39 | | OnlyFans Models Booted From Plane | 42:49–46:31 | | Trump’s (Fake) Prohibition Post | 47:02–50:06 | | Mattel’s Autistic Barbie Banter | 58:12–60:33 | | Zac's Brooklyn Neighborhood Life | 55:56–57:29 |

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The Morning Zoo Tone

The episode is a whirlwind of R-rated banter, quick-witted dark humor, and wildly candid personal stories, leaning on camaraderie and lived comic experience. Zac is self-deprecating, “degenerate-positive,” and gleefully irreverent. Maddy is sharp and down-to-earth, with no patience for bullshit; Alex brings dry, slightly world-weary humor. The result: pure chaos, deeply entertaining for anyone who loves comedy’s rougher edges.

Transcript

[Alex Thomas]

Fill her up.

[GAS Digital Network Announcer]

You're listening to the GAS Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre. Morning Zoo. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

[Zach Amico]

Hello, hello, hello. It's a Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Miko, saying thank you so much for joining us. Thank you to the crew, thank you to the producers, thank you to my guests, and thank you to Jorge for giving me Godfrey soundboard.

[Alex Thomas]

Interesting. Okay, there it is. Huh?

[Maddie Smith]

All right.

[Zach Amico]

We on the Godfrey Show. Top 10 on the board. We asked people, will Godfrey be mad that Zach is doing this type of accent on the show? 10 answers between 1 and 10, yes to extremely. Yes. We've got. He won't be mad. We've got. He'll be a little mad. We think he got. He thinks Zach is a fat racist. It's on the board. Black pan. All right, got them all. I think I got it out of my system. I am joined by two wonderful people today. From Super Sally Joe's, it's my good friend Alex Thomas. Ellie, how you doing, buddy? I'm well, dude.

[Alex Thomas]

Good to see you again.

[Zach Amico]

I can change it over. I knew how to do. I knew what I was doing.

[Alex Thomas]

I ruined my intro, dude, you will be punished later.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you, buddy. Thank you for being here. Thank you for a great weekend in Toronto.

[Alex Thomas]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Zach Amico]

What a boys trip.

[Alex Thomas]

What a good time.

[Zach Amico]

Out, out hanging out, eating poutine.

[Alex Thomas]

So much poutine. Honestly unadvised, but yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Brought home a lot of poutine in the Tupperware.

[Alex Thomas]

It's all gone.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, hell yeah, dude. And next to him from the Madhouse podcast here, right on the network. She is effervescent, hilarious, beautiful and brilliant. It is Maddie Smith.

[Maddie Smith]

Thank you, Zach. I'm blushing.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, thank you.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm a little bit of a poutine myself.

[Zach Amico]

You boy. I had a whole poutine video section on my computer, but I deleted it because the FBI called.

[Maddie Smith]

Right? Yeah. Very suspicious activity.

[Zach Amico]

We did have some delicious. What was the first one? I had, like, pastrami on it.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, well, yeah, pastrami was the first one. Then the other two. One had popcorn chicken, one had, like, lemon chicken, stuff like that.

[Zach Amico]

And then the other one, and then I got the pulled Pork butter chicken.

[Alex Thomas]

And then I got tater tots on top of which it was a really stone decision.

[Maddie Smith]

Did you do a flight or just went around a bunch of different places?

[Alex Thomas]

No, the one spot had a bunch.

[Zach Amico]

The first one was I. The classy one.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. The second place, Rosemary and such.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Fresh fish and chips was the first one. Second one was Smokey's.

[Zach Amico]

Smokes poutine. Smokes poutinery. Where? And I will tell you, Indian butter chicken on top of poutine.

[Maddie Smith]

I believe you.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Good.

[Zach Amico]

God damn.

[Maddie Smith]

Game over.

[Zach Amico]

After a nice bottle of Canadian royal whiskey throughout the evening.

[Maddie Smith]

You can butter my chicken, I'll tell you that much.

[Zach Amico]

Suck that boy up.

[Maddie Smith]

That's right. Poutine.

[Zach Amico]

Shout out to the Bovine Sex club for hosting us.

[Maddie Smith]

Strip club.

[Zach Amico]

No, it was just a heavy metal bar.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, okay. Cool, cool.

[Zach Amico]

And shout out, of course, to Catacombs Cabaret. Having us their opening weekend. A lot of fun fire.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, Shout out sounds great.

[Maddie Smith]

I love Canada.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude, you gotta check this rates. I mean, you're doing way too good for it.

[Maddie Smith]

How was that? How many people?

[Zach Amico]

It was. It was small.

[Maddie Smith]

60. Yeah, yeah, we'll do that.

[Zach Amico]

And it's a little. Little basement.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm on my little room, little room vibe right now.

[Zach Amico]

Nice little basement. Low ceilings, concrete walls. Just. Everybody's packed in there.

[Alex Thomas]

Sacrifice. You sacrifice a child down there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was. Yeah. So they do magic and seances and shit during the day?

[Maddie Smith]

Hell, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then they do comedy on the weekends, at night.

[Maddie Smith]

Hell yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I got to tell you, perfect size venue for your boy because I ain't pushing tickets.

[Maddie Smith]

60 is perfect. Well, 60 to 80.

[Zach Amico]

Enough. Enough came on Saturday that I bought the entire audience shots.

[Maddie Smith]

12 shots.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. That's pushing it.

[Maddie Smith]

Let's go.

[Alex Thomas]

I stapled your forehead with the wrong. Not my fault. The wrong staple.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Curves and stuff. So we hosted a. They did a podcast late night on Saturday that was essentially like an interruption mic. But it wasn't just for comedy. You could go do whatever you do. Song. And a guy did circus.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he asked for a stapler. And I was like, I'll do it with you. Whatever money I get, I'll give to you.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then, yeah, the stapler they got was so the ones I use to go in, like vampire teeth.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

They gave me one where the staples.

[Maddie Smith]

Curve like a piece of paper. Like a stack of pile of papers. Right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But thick.

[Maddie Smith]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

And it got stuck.

[Maddie Smith]

No way.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I had to go to the back and have. I had to go to the back and give myself a pep talk while I unbent it.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, bruh, it was on your head.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. It was a little on my forehead.

[Alex Thomas]

I don't know if those. Those two little dots.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I got it. Got. I. Yeah. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, because it hooked on both sides.

[Maddie Smith]

You're wiling.

[Zach Amico]

So I had a. I had a dig in my. I had to take my fingernails and dig in my forehead again.

[Maddie Smith]

Tears coming out of your eyes?

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no, I got through it.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Sounds fun. It was very fun. Shout out to everybody out there. Shout out. Rob Mayo, the man. All right, Shannon, I've been waiting all week to do this. Thomas Ellie, perfect person to have here. 100 skeletons inside a Pennsylvania home, described by the Delaware District Attorney as a horror movie come to life. I saw this, Shannon.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Okay, so I have a couple different things I can play. This is their, like, cop guy explaining the situation. So I'll start here.

[Police Officer (News Clip)]

Human skeletons were recovered, and that's in part at this point.

[Zach Amico]

I am one of them.

[Maddie Smith]

How many of those are complete and.

[Police Officer (News Clip)]

What exactly we are looking at? A separate storage locker was found to be in Mr. Gerlach's possession that also was in Ephrata. We found there eight more human remains. Very simply, detectives have recovered an awful lot of bones at this point, and we are still trying to piece together who they are, where they are from, and. And how many we are looking at. And it's going to be quite some time before we have a. Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Is this like, Ed Dean, Truly literal.

[Police Officer (News Clip)]

Sense of the word.

[Zach Amico]

Horrific.

[Alex Thomas]

Rave. Got grave robbing.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so what we've got is this guy was caught in the act of grave robbing. Go back to his house. They're putting about a hundred bodies.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, God damn.

[Zach Amico]

Now it could. So when Ed Gein first got caught, they thought they had basically caught the most prolific murderer.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Of all time. Because they didn't realize he was a grave robber.

[Maddie Smith]

Right. He only killed, like, what, two people. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Three if some people think he killed his brother.

[Maddie Smith]

Right, right. But not serial killer vibes. No, he was more just a little freak.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Grave robber. Collecting vulvas and then.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And then shooting fat ladies.

[Alex Thomas]

He also turned their skin into, like, lampshades and stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And a suit. He had a lady.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So this. I guess they already know the guy's a grave robber, but you don't know. There might be some fresh ones mixed in there.

[Maddie Smith]

Right. Yeah. He could be, you know, covering up that he is a grave robber, you.

[Zach Amico]

Know, or that he's A grave.

[Maddie Smith]

That he's a murderer with being a grave robber.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But I just love that there's an entire, like, team of FBI guys sitting on the floor. Crisscross applesauce in this guy's apartment. Like, football's connected. All right, guys, we got one piles.

[Maddie Smith]

So put the full bodies over here.

[Zach Amico]

It's gotta be like doing a up jigsaw puzzle.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You gotta figure out who's. Who's what.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah. Sort them by bones first. So it's like femur's here, you know, whatever. This yellow over here.

[Zach Amico]

You just figure out how big they. I guess you gotta figure. I guess you just go with height. Yeah, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, if a long femur probably matches.

[Alex Thomas]

Along sizes of skulls.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, well, that could also be. Yeah, that's. That's how I would rank them in a different way, but. Yeah. Well, you got more on a Shannon.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

So just a little bit more information about it. So how they found him is he basically left everything behind while he was going to the cemetery to steal the bodies. He left behind monster energy drinks, liquid death cans. Nos energy cans and cigarettes behind.

[Zach Amico]

At least he's sober.

[Alex Thomas]

He's a fan of the show, too.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And a litterer.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Yeah. Yes.

[Zach Amico]

How much do you want to bite bet? How much do you want to bet they were white monsters? The white monster, to me is the sign of.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, it's like black air force ones.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. No, no, no. Like, the white can of monster is specifically like the. Like, I'm abusing.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm abusing caffeine.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

I thought it was like this person's.

[Zach Amico]

If you've ever seen.

[Maddie Smith]

I thought it was like a gas digital fan.

[Zach Amico]

If you've ever seen a trucker. Yeah, they double fist what like, they'll have. They'll come out of the gas station with two white monster cans in one hand. In their big man hand.

[Maddie Smith]

Yep. Big man hands.

[Alex Thomas]

I don't know if Pete ever did, though.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Pete is Pete. Oh, boy. If there's one way I was going describe Pete Angelo, it would be a white monster. And. Yeah, those knots. That's. That's just. Now you're what's nice.

[Maddie Smith]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

It's another energy drink.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah, yeah, those are y. That's jet fuel.

[Zach Amico]

I've been drinking the. The bangs man. Those are fucking strong. And they come in such childish flavors. Like what, Cotton candy, Swedish fish. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they have, like, collaborations too. Yeah, yeah. They have like, a birthday cake. I've been drinking. It's. I can't figure out if I like it. I'm almost done with a case of it. The Liquid death Fruity Pebbles.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay, I haven't had those, but I kind of like all their flavors.

[Zach Amico]

I don't like the ones that are fake soda. They don't do it for me.

[Maddie Smith]

I would prefer a seltzer that's flavored.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I don't like soda. The fake sodas, they do just don't hit.

[Maddie Smith]

I know. I'd rather have a real soda.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I've been doing zero sugar everything.

[Maddie Smith]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

Feel good. I'll tell you the mug. Root beer, zero sugar.

[Maddie Smith]

It's not bad.

[Zach Amico]

Pretty goddamn good.

[Maddie Smith]

I think that's one of the best zero sugar drinks out there.

[Zach Amico]

And they also make.

[Maddie Smith]

Diet Dr. Pepper is also fire.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, it is. They also make an ice cream sundae. Mug, root beer.

[Maddie Smith]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Zero sugar. That is pretty good.

[Maddie Smith]

Pretty good. Trust me. I've had all the diet sodas. White girl alert. Every low calorie. But yeah, that ice cream sundae one.

[Zach Amico]

And Thomas, Ellie can vouch I was a water drinking boy all weekend. I had my big jug of water, my big jug of ice water and my dry food.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, yeah. Honestly, surprised how little you ate over the weekend.

[Maddie Smith]

What's that? Dry food? Kibbles. What are you eating?

[Zach Amico]

So I call it my dry food when I go out on the road now so that I don't buy shit at gas stations and bodegas and stuff. And yeah, have fucking iced honey bun and fucking Swedish fish or whatever I would usually have.

[Maddie Smith]

Me too.

[Zach Amico]

I buy the big can of mixed nuts from Amazon and I put in raisins and sunflower seeds. You Zach now it is my dry food on the road so that I don't buy crap.

[Maddie Smith]

I like how you call it dry food.

[Zach Amico]

It's my dry food.

[Maddie Smith]

Very appealing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's what I tell. When we were on New Year's Eve, it was like two in the morning and I was gonna order Wendy's and I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna have my dry food and.

[Maddie Smith]

Go to bed the year with my dry food.

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna start the year with my dry food and go to bed.

[Maddie Smith]

Sugar free nose.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And hit the hay.

[Zach Amico]

That is exactly what I did. I had a. I had a seltzer in that and went to bed.

[Maddie Smith]

That's great.

[Zach Amico]

Sober on. Well, soberish on New Year's Eve.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

I had two drinks on New Year's Eve.

[Maddie Smith]

I had a glass of champagne.

[Zach Amico]

It happens.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

I Did a lot on New Year's Eve. Yeah, yeah, shrooms. Drink, Smoked.

[Zach Amico]

It was.

[Alex Thomas]

I puked a lot. The next.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, rough.

[Zach Amico]

I did edible. Oh, no. I mean.

[Maddie Smith]

I mean, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that doesn't. That. None of that counts. I thought there was a homeless guy outside the loft Airbnb we had in Ohio. And because Dom and Seraphina, our producer, stayed there the first night, I think he saw Seraphina go in. So he was very curious. Hoplong, girl, that works here now. And he was up our ass trying to walk into the Airbnb.

[Maddie Smith]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

And fucking Tristan, Lord love a duck, tells him it's an Airbnb. I would have been like, just, we live here. Leave us alone.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, leave us alone.

[Zach Amico]

And he keeps going, hey, man, can I come up to the Airbnb, man? I can come and visit. A lot of people hanging out up there, right?

[Maddie Smith]

It's funny. Is it like a hanger? I didn't know which Dom you were talking about, and now I do.

[Zach Amico]

Is it like a hang up there?

[Maddie Smith]

No, it's not a hang.

[Zach Amico]

Can I come up, man? It's cold. Like, no. But then every time we're out, he's like, what's going on up there? And then I. Somebody handed me some very nice edibles at the show and I did them. And then I was alone in the Airbnb and it was on top of a bar, so I could hear everybody. And I convinced myself he was breaking in all night.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

So I was just terrified. Locking doors.

[Maddie Smith]

That happens to me when I decide it's okay to smoke inside a hotel room, which, you know, I've never gotten in trouble. But the problem is you sit in your hotel room and then you think every person walking by is the National Guard. That's the only reason you smoke outside.

[Zach Amico]

One time we were in Vegas and it was me and Paco in run room and Louis and his girlfriend at the time, and another, and he comes into our room to record something and he's like, dude, it's crazy. They have an alarm, a ding dong alarm that whenever you smoke you can hear it. So you know they know. I'm like, that's crazy. So then he immediately lights a joint and somebody rings our doorbell to tell us to put it out. And he goes, that's the alarm again. I was like, louis, that's the doorbell. He goes, oh. He thought it was a pleasant smoke alarm.

[Maddie Smith]

A little signal in case you started smoking. Don't do anymore. Put that out. That's funny.

[Zach Amico]

That's the alarm. That's the alarm.

[Maddie Smith]

Yep, that's the alarm.

[Zach Amico]

I told you.

[Maddie Smith]

That's a tiny housekeeper telling you to stop, sir.

[Alex Thomas]

It's so hard to clean.

[Maddie Smith]

It's so hard to smell.

[Zach Amico]

And we were good. We left. We left the girl. 30. Yeah, 30 Canadian. I don't know what that is. $8.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Literally.

[Alex Thomas]

We didn't, like, destroy the room, but it was definitely.

[Zach Amico]

No, I destroyed the room in Vegas. And I left. I left that lady 60 real dollars.

[Alex Thomas]

Nice.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, one. It was one skank fest. I destroyed. I threw up all over my room. I left, like, a pair of shoes there.

[Alex Thomas]

What?

[Maddie Smith]

Kangal bucket hat, destroyed.

[Alex Thomas]

You didn't go make it to the bathroom?

[Maddie Smith]

Nope.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, geez.

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes I've done. There.

[Alex Thomas]

I've done it.

[Maddie Smith]

I looked up in my throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't make it to the bathroom.

[Alex Thomas]

No, it's just all over the room, too.

[Maddie Smith]

It's. Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

You picked different spots.

[Maddie Smith]

They sent me some sort of updated, like, folio with charges on it. I didn't even look at it. I was like, I'm too ashamed. Just charge me. I'll pay it off. Probably, like, thousand dollars.

[Zach Amico]

I usually leave a 50. I think one skank fest. I really wrecked the room. I left 100.

[Maddie Smith]

100 is good. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But it was. It was 50 in chips for that casino, though.

[Maddie Smith]

Not bad, though. Just go down.

[Zach Amico]

But I think that's the same as regular cash for them. Right?

[Maddie Smith]

And I think a lot of people leave chips.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think that's. I leave a lot of kinds of chips all over the place. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Chocolate chips.

[Zach Amico]

It's disgusting. All right, so, yeah, we have this guy. And not only that many bodies being discovered around the country. Human skull, arms, and other skeleton remains found off of Coney island boardwalk.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, fun. Took a little too hard on the cyclone.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So they found. Is it related to this guy?

[Zach Amico]

No. I'm like, we have.

[Maddie Smith]

We're just doing it.

[Zach Amico]

Looks to be multiple serial killers are active right now. They think there's definitely an active one in New York.

[Alex Thomas]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

Because there's been similar bodies found in all five boroughs in the last few months.

[Alex Thomas]

I like that.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

So there's somebody going around right now and doing the damn thing. I think they say at any given point, there's a few dozen active serial killers in the country. In the country.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, wow.

[Zach Amico]

But New York definitely has one right now. Shannon.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

So it was December 10th. I believe that they found some of it. And a few days later, they found the rest of what they believed to be the same body. They haven't identified the body, but obviously they're saying how sad it is that the body was there for so long that it's just skeletal remains now and nobody saw. The medical examiner has not shared the cause of death. And yeah, that's it so far.

[Zach Amico]

And then also I believe a body washed ashore somewhere recently and it was the mayor of a town that's been missing from for 20 years.

[Maddie Smith]

What? You're kidding.

[Zach Amico]

I was just reading today, if you want to Google. It was not near here, but somewhere, somewhere else. Shannon, if you want to Google it. I believe it was a lost mayor's body washed up.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And that's like a 20 year. I can't imagine what a 20 year spooky. A 20 year waterlogged body looks like.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Wouldn't it just be the scout clean at that point?

[Zach Amico]

Picked clean.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Fish, crabs.

[Maddie Smith]

Skeleton.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

It was in a wash. A beach in Washington.

[Alex Thomas]

Crabs eat that.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

And yeah, it was their mayor that was presumed dead while on a fishing trip. And the Coast Guard launched an extensive search that was suspended on 2006. Just a day after he vanished. They gave up.

[Maddie Smith]

They called it. There was a man missing. They're like cool like that.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, it's a woman who's the mayor who smoked crack?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, the Canadian, what was his name? Rob Ford.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, legend. Legend. Real ass dude.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's gonna be Tim Dillon's like when. Whenever he like cools down, he's gonna be in the Rob Ford movie.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then he's gonna become an actor. Like a big actor.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, that'd be fire. That'd be fire.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry, what was I just gonna. I'm sorry, I was just thinking something.

[Maddie Smith]

Washington has those Dungeness crabs.

[Alex Thomas]

So they definitely up burrowed his eyes out quick.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't they have that with the. The West Memphis Three or whatever? The Memphis, the. The kids, Damien Echols, they got accused of killing kids and they realized that it was animal bites.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Maddie Smith]

I never heard of that.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, is the Memphis three or the.

[Maddie Smith]

West Memphis, of course. No, the Central Park Five.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, that does sound like an R B group.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, for you I will.

[Alex Thomas]

Hey girl, let's go to the park.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I'm talking about, right?

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Yeah, it is West Memphis three and it's at. Just trying to. Oh yeah, they did a movie about it. Paradise. There's a bunch of.

[Zach Amico]

There's three docs. Paradise Lost 1, 2 and 3. And a bunch of bands got together to like raise money to get them out. Yeah, basically a bunch of kids got. Three kids got killed in the swamp area, and they arrested the only goth guy in town for being a creepo.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like, I didn't do it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. His name was Damian. God. Oh, insufferable.

[Maddie Smith]

Is that fucking hotel.

[Zach Amico]

And then, like, the other guy they got. It's like, one. It's like a making a murder situation where they're like. And his retarded friend probably was there, and they. You know, this kid's got, like, a below 70 IQ. They're like, you do it. That's, of course, the one that confesses, right?

[Maddie Smith]

Of course. With drool coming out of his mouth.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's good for us.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Happy Meal.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. They're popping them full of Cokes and cotton candy.

[Alex Thomas]

Sweet and sour.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

That's all you want.

[Zach Amico]

Stop giving them snacks, God damn it.

[Maddie Smith]

Dry food only.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Alex Thomas]

I don't want nuts. If they threw dry food, he'd be like, I'm not talking for this.

[Maddie Smith]

I didn't do it.

[Alex Thomas]

What the hell is this?

[Maddie Smith]

What the hell?

[Alex Thomas]

You said ice cream.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, I. You make fun of my dry food all you want.

[Maddie Smith]

If it's working for me, I'm support. I make fun of it because I support it.

[Zach Amico]

No, it is. It is. I understand the funny way to. Then I call it my dry food.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, it's funny as fuck. You're a little hamster.

[Alex Thomas]

Your wet food is like Domino's.

[Zach Amico]

My wet food is poutine. The food. Yep. No, my wet food is. My wife makes fun of me for eating. It's hot dogs, Mac and cheese in a can.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Jack, come on up.

[Maddie Smith]

You're fucked up.

[Zach Amico]

That or they make a hamburger one or chili Mac.

[Maddie Smith]

You're fucked up.

[Zach Amico]

And I eat them out of the can cold. My wife's like. She says it looks like when Daniel Stern just got arrested. Prostitution is the bum or not Daniel Christopher Lloyd is the bum in Dennis the Menace, and he's just eating cans.

[Maddie Smith]

Hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

We'll come home. And I'm in the dark.

[Maddie Smith]

What about Chef Boyardee? You like that?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's too much salt. I mean, Campbell literally said that this is not food you should be eating.

[Maddie Smith]

Salty is fine, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Shannon, could you bring that up? I believe it was the CEO. Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Caught recording it.

[Maddie Smith]

Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

He said, don't eat Campbells. We don't even know what we put in it anymore. I'm not sure it's meat. Yada, yada.

[Zach Amico]

He said basically that it's for poor. He insinuated it's for.

[Maddie Smith]

He was like extremely poor people.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, I've had Campbell's. Not recently, but I've had it.

[Zach Amico]

There's nothing. There's nothing. That's. How else are you gonna make certain you need Campbell's cream of mushroom. Cream of mushroom for certain things.

[Alex Thomas]

Now it's probably the same, though.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm. I'm sure it's a negligible difference. It's just all the. They have to put in it so that it stays good forever.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And that probably can't be good for you.

[Alex Thomas]

Well, it gets. It cures my cold.

[Maddie Smith]

It's an ultra processed food.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, really? I order Chinese soup when I'm sick.

[Alex Thomas]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Cuz they figure it's all fresh, you know, that's real. Yeah, Well, I mean, they made it that day because they got to get rid of it.

[Maddie Smith]

True.

[Alex Thomas]

I never trust the child.

[Maddie Smith]

The same amount of sodium as Campbells.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, I love. I love. I love a Chinese chicken noodle or hot and sour soup.

[Maddie Smith]

Hot and sour soup. Fire when you're.

[Zach Amico]

That'll get you put a few extra hot sauces in there, really clear you out.

[Maddie Smith]

Game over, Shine.

[Zach Amico]

Did you find the thing the Campbell's guy said?

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Yeah. So he said, who buys our shit? I don't buy Campbell's products barely anymore. It's not healthy now that I know what the fuck's in it. Bioengineered meat. I don't want to eat a piece of chicken that came from a 3D printer. It also said they allege Campbell's employees were talking about Indian heritage.

[GAS Digital Network Announcer]

And.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

And this guy said, fucking Indians don't know a thing. Like they couldn't think for their fucking selves. And then he also said that, you know, this stuff was made for poor people.

[Alex Thomas]

What race is this owner? I want to know right now. The way he's. This is a good inflection on it. I could even tell through. I want to know what race he is.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think he's good with Indians.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[News Reporter]

Right now.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, he's definitely white.

[Alex Thomas]

I think so.

[Zach Amico]

J. We've looked up my. My chili Mac and the, the, the. The. The Mac and cheese and hot dogs for.

[Maddie Smith]

I want to see the hot dogs.

[Zach Amico]

I want to see. It's a sad occasion for me.

[Alex Thomas]

Just get some craft even.

[Zach Amico]

No, I do that.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, exactly. Yeah, that's him.

[Maddie Smith]

Exactly.

[Alex Thomas]

All right.

[Zach Amico]

I do that as well. But sometimes in the middle of the night, I do not want to go through all the process. So I have a little section of canned food that is a quick, easy thing before I go to bed.

[Maddie Smith]

Campbell's Fancy Feast.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly.

[Alex Thomas]

Make the other one in abundance. Keep it in the fridge or freezer.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's exactly it.

[Maddie Smith]

There's the chili, Mac beans, macaroni, pasta and meat.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, it's Campbell's Chunky, too. Jesus.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, man.

[Alex Thomas]

That's rough.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Maddie Smith]

Old.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I bet it's Boston.

[Alex Thomas]

You're not a factory worker from 30s.

[Zach Amico]

So good. Coming home from a show and you don't feel. You just. You're dead. You're zapped. That is perfect nourishment.

[Maddie Smith]

I can't judge. I have a frozen pizza once a week. I digiorno.

[Zach Amico]

I keep breakfast burritos in the freezer.

[Maddie Smith]

Fire. What brand do you do?

[Zach Amico]

I can't. Is it.

[Maddie Smith]

You don't do Amy's, though?

[Zach Amico]

No, those are too nice. Yeah, yeah, no, it's like the big pack.

[Maddie Smith]

What's that big breakfast brand? Mr. Something.

[Zach Amico]

No, these are. These are the same brand as the, like, microwavable burritos.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, Jimmy Dean's, something like that.

[Zach Amico]

It's. They're great.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, they're great.

[Zach Amico]

You air fry them?

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, game over.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I don't microwave. I don't. I don't microwave. I air fry now, baby.

[GAS Digital Network Announcer]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

How long does a burrito take in the air fryer?

[Zach Amico]

Six minutes.

[Maddie Smith]

Not bad.

[Zach Amico]

But it's good.

[Maddie Smith]

Not bad.

[Zach Amico]

It's microwaving is. Is of the past.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If you got that air fryer, especially because you could put the. The little thing in it. The. The. Or. Yeah. But they also make, like, paper things, so you can keep it super clean.

[Alex Thomas]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, those are. That's.

[Alex Thomas]

I've been using it for probably a decade now.

[Zach Amico]

I love them. Oh, you've been on it that long?

[Alex Thomas]

A long time. Yeah, dude.

[Maddie Smith]

Really? Yeah, really. Investor?

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It would drive me nuts now if somebody microwaved me leftover pizza.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Come on, dude. We're beyond this. Yeah, we know. So much better.

[Maddie Smith]

Grow up.

[Zach Amico]

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[Maddie Smith]

Oh, nice little potato.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's like a rubber separator divider.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Zach Amico]

All right. More morbid shit. Morbid. Are you dead? App is the new panic button for lonely singles afraid of dying alone.

[Alex Thomas]

Sign me up, Shannon. Right now.

[Zach Amico]

Start it up, Shannon. Tell us about it, baby.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Okay, so this is only in China right now, obviously.

[Maddie Smith]

It's always in China.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

And it's. So it's basically an app that requires users.

[Zach Amico]

Like that's what Chinese parents say when you call, are you dead? You're never on.

[Maddie Smith]

You get apps, you're dead. You're dead.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, I'm sorry to interrupt you.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

So it's an app that requires users to click a giant green button with a ghost on it every two days to verify that they're still breathing. And so basically if you don't do that, then it emails your emergency contacts on the third day to inform them that there could be trouble.

[Alex Thomas]

The party comes and busts down your door.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay, so it's similar to, you know, old people, like life alert. Yeah, yeah, but it's like a check in daily.

[Zach Amico]

I would totally forget after a week.

[Alex Thomas]

Me too.

[Maddie Smith]

Me too.

[Zach Amico]

I don't have that Chinese mentality.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like when you get a new planner, you use it for a week and.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I'm not touching that thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, no, it's not happening.

[Zach Amico]

Do they call you first to make sure you're not dead and you're like, oh, I forgot the app?

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

No, just through the app.

[Maddie Smith]

So now your wife's getting contacted family.

[Zach Amico]

It would be cool to just make a random person you're.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I would. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh my God. I Need to get to this guy. He's dead.

[Maddie Smith]

So. Mirando. Kurt Metzger.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Lagamin.

[Zach Amico]

I guess that is a very. Because there's a lot of single dudes in China. Right? I would assume that's what it's for.

[Maddie Smith]

Single old.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because if you don't have kids there, you don't really have anybody to take care of you. They don't have a support system for the elders.

[Maddie Smith]

And there's like, too many men there.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. So. And they. Yeah. Japan loves the elderly.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

They'd be taking care of shrines for them and everything. Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Mulan. Is she Chinese?

[Maddie Smith]

Chinese.

[Alex Thomas]

Anyway. Oh, well.

[Maddie Smith]

And a cartoon.

[Alex Thomas]

My bad. Anyway.

[Maddie Smith]

But yeah, there's like, just too many people in China, too. I mean, their cities are like 30 million people. It's nuts.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I want to repeat a joke so bad.

[Maddie Smith]

Do it.

[Zach Amico]

It's so. It's so awful.

[Alex Thomas]

Dude. Do it for Godfrey.

[Zach Amico]

Dude. Yeah, that's exactly. Who would not like this joke.

[Maddie Smith]

Do it.

[Zach Amico]

No, I said just because they're doing a liveaction. Mulan. Oh, yeah. They're making her black.

[Maddie Smith]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

It's called Molin. Oh. Oh. He would not think that was funny. He might. He's got a good sense.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's a guy I really like. He's a sweet guy.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. He's serious.

[Zach Amico]

He is.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I saw him go back and forth with a comedian who used to do these shows a lot. Should not be named.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Who? I think you know who I'm talking about.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Who looks like the Denver Broncos mascot and that. Shane said that years ago. I don't want to take credit for it. And he gave a very serious response to her.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

And it's a girl that used to be in our circle more, and now she's kind of gone full January 6th grifter.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Nice.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Was there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And was just. Was posted a bunch of black people statistics.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Just not funny at all.

[Maddie Smith]

Never could. Never was booked.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Still.

[Zach Amico]

And Godfrey was literally like, yeah. Say that shit in the club. And the mic ain't the only thing getting dropped. Comedy's just straight up threatened to punch a woman. I loved it.

[Maddie Smith]

I love it.

[Zach Amico]

Which, by the way, I love it. Justified.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. For that bitch.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That is just. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Could never get booked. Actually, we were on the Meadowlands Comedy Festival and she was on it.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, we were.

[Maddie Smith]

Remember, I don't know if you remember me being there, but I remember you.

[Zach Amico]

And whatever version of Dan Lamort was at the time. It was fat fun. Dan Lamort.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, so, so vibrant. It was so vibrant.

[Zach Amico]

Fat, Fun. Eye contact making. Dan Lamort.

[Maddie Smith]

God. Just life of the party.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Nicest guy. Sorry? Nicest.

[Maddie Smith]

At the Cellar.

[Zach Amico]

So much fun.

[Maddie Smith]

Baseball. Like a baseball player.

[Zach Amico]

Nice guy. Yeah, right. Athletic.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Former athlete. Fat party guy.

[Maddie Smith]

Y.

[Zach Amico]

Wild. Wild.

[Maddie Smith]

Huge.

[Alex Thomas]

I've only met bigger than autistic Dan, so.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, hey. He's like. He's like Madonna. He reinvents himself for every album.

[Alex Thomas]

I like it.

[Maddie Smith]

He's Ariana Grande.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Next up is Glinda.

[Zach Amico]

But, yeah, that we were all. I forgot. I forgot you were on.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, Jersey. This Jersey comedy festival in Secaucus that was from.

[Zach Amico]

Well, were you on the one in the hotel?

[Maddie Smith]

No, I only did the bar. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So they did one year at the bar and all the kids I went to high school with used to go to. And then the next year.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, Zach had a whole crew there.

[Zach Amico]

The next year they did it at another bar, but that bar wouldn't let us in, so we wound up doing it at another venue.

[Maddie Smith]

Call it. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It was like we went a few doors down. But this guy to this day, every year will be like, hey, Comedy festival. And it'll be like. So, you know, weekday shows don't pay.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But you know, you bring a lot of people, so I'd love to have it. And I'm like, oh, well, then pay me.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, exactly. That's the only way I get out of my house is when I'm being paid.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I fell for being paid for the show.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

I fell for. He told me if I did good on the one show that he would book me on the Sunday best of show.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. He holds. He dangles it over your head.

[Zach Amico]

So I got that and I brought people to that and didn't get paid.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And to this day he'll share like Mattie Smith at the Meadowlands Festival in 2017 or whatever.

[Zach Amico]

And some who won it. So there was a thing that happened in shitty Tri State comedy called the Wolf of Wall street where every single, like, okay, looking chick got booked to be in the gang bang on the plane scene.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, nice.

[Zach Amico]

You know the scene where they're all fucking planes, but it's like they go by 800 fucking people.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

A bunch of like open mic. Just nothing. Like hot lady comics all book that.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So that for years before it came out. And then while it was out, it was just. They were all closing shows because they go. Well from the Wolf of Wall Street.

[Maddie Smith]

Wolf of Wall Street.

[Zach Amico]

That's hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

That's Funny.

[Alex Thomas]

I'm gonna go rewatch that scene though now.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That guy, Jeff. What's his name, was in the Irishman. What's his guy? No, no, no, another guy. Garland, a New Jersey comic. He was. It was another. It was a younger. Not a younger, but not a famous guy Jeff.

[Alex Thomas]

No, I know because there were a bunch of comics in the Irishman.

[Zach Amico]

Jeff Paul.

[Maddie Smith]

Maybe Jake Paul.

[Zach Amico]

No, I can't remember. Anyway, everyone was using Wall street as a credit because they were all extras. And it drove me and. But then people were like, wow. Yeah, it's a big deal.

[Maddie Smith]

It's a big deal. Big area in the movies.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

It looks like it is Jeffrey Paul.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. It is Jeff.

[Maddie Smith]

Jeffrey Paul. I don't know him.

[Zach Amico]

Nice guy. I worked with him up in Pennsylvania a few months ago.

[Maddie Smith]

I want to get in a movie.

[Zach Amico]

It's fun. Yeah. I want to get murdered in a long day.

[Maddie Smith]

It's a long day.

[Zach Amico]

A long day.

[Maddie Smith]

I think I'm gonna do a book for a horror movie in next month.

[Zach Amico]

Nice.

[Maddie Smith]

In Massachusetts.

[Zach Amico]

Hell, yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Do you know?

[Maddie Smith]

No. Because I read this. I didn't read the script, but I told him I'm in, so.

[Zach Amico]

Hell yeah, dude. I've done that a bunch.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. They're like. And the guy's like, how's the movie poster look? I'm like, looks great. It's the sort of thing where they're waiting on funding still, so they've been pushing back for a while, but hopefully it goes soon.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah. I want an epic death in a horror movie. That'd be great.

[Zach Amico]

It's a long day. Laying in blood.

[Alex Thomas]

I'm okay with.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Playing around.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of laying around.

[Maddie Smith]

Back to craft. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of not being able to move because you're covered in blood and you can't track it over the scene.

[Alex Thomas]

One in Leave It Alone. I know they don't allow that.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of. A lot of politely begging for a sandbag so you can put your head on something. Anything on concrete for fucking anything. 13 hours.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, we just remembered. Zach's over there.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. It's not a movie that I'm in until I've fallen asleep during a take and ruin someone else's dialogue, which I have snoring on every single film I have ever been on.

[Alex Thomas]

You're snoring?

[Zach Amico]

I have snored through nuts.

[Maddie Smith]

House shaking.

[Alex Thomas]

I brought earplugs. I have earplugs. I have a whole regiment.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he. I was really fucking.

[Maddie Smith]

You guys shared a room in Toronto.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I'm not doing that good?

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, my God.

[Alex Thomas]

Not doing good. Yeah, it's. But, yeah. And.

[Maddie Smith]

You guys were walking by each other in towels.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm gonna use the shower. Is that okay?

[Alex Thomas]

We're both Italian, so we never see each other fully naked.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He'll never.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. What are you putting our clothes on in the bathroom?

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, I put them on in the bathroom with the steam and everything.

[Maddie Smith]

Just wet all day.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, but he was weak because I was. I was very stoned. The one night and he was just waking up to me. Yeah, that was one.

[Alex Thomas]

This is his pose in sleep. Then he goes. He's like.

[Zach Amico]

At one point, I was just sitting on a chair. I was, like, perched on a chair because I kept getting up and I fell asleep in the chair.

[Maddie Smith]

Hilarious. Fell asleep in the cock chair?

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, yeah. Fully like. Like, hands on the knees.

[Maddie Smith]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Dead asleep.

[Maddie Smith]

Funny.

[Zach Amico]

My new one I've done a couple times at home is if I can't sleep, I'll go steam. Like, I'll put on the hot water and sit on the edge of the tub.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Zach Amico]

But then I fall asleep and I fall backwards into the tub.

[Maddie Smith]

Crack your head open for sure.

[Zach Amico]

And I blasted the back of my head on the soap dish. And I was like, oh, if I died because I fell asleep.

[Maddie Smith]

I was trying to fall asleep with the steam.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. If my poor wife finds me. By the way, I fell in ass first. So it's just my fat arms and legs sticking out with my whole ass in the tub.

[Maddie Smith]

Zach.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Soup.

[Alex Thomas]

Did your wife have to help you?

[Zach Amico]

What? Did your wife have to help you? No, I wound up lodging myself.

[Maddie Smith]

She always has earplugs, high point noise. She's not hearing anything.

[Zach Amico]

She was like. My wife seems like daft punk.

[Alex Thomas]

Exactly.

[Zach Amico]

No, she's pretty good. She has her meditation stuff, and she. She's. I know I'm being. Bless her, very active if I wake up, because usually she's, like, in the middle of the bed. If she's all the way on her side, that means I've been throwing bows.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, for sure.

[Zach Amico]

I've been. I've been straight up.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, what size bed you guys have?

[Zach Amico]

King.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay. I got a full.

[Zach Amico]

Well, which size will we need it? Yeah, yeah, we need California King. Yeah, we did. We choose very ample in the backside.

[Maddie Smith]

Feel that David Dobrik has.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. If you've ever. Yeah, she's very ample in the backside and likes to sleep on her side. So there are times where I will wake up with my feet on the. With I will wake up with my feet on the floor.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, got it.

[Zach Amico]

Because her ass has moved me.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Across the entire bed. But I will say a small price to pay.

[Maddie Smith]

She's a good wife.

[Zach Amico]

A small price to pay for a giant butt in my life. I know.

[Maddie Smith]

One million percent. God.

[Zach Amico]

I said this on the live rap, but for some reason, at my sister in law's house, there's a lot of static electricity. I. I don't know if it's her carpeting, if it's the wiring or whatever, but every once in a while, when you touch a doorknob, you get zapped.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So we were here at Christmas and I went to Gooser because she had on pajama pants, and I went to just touch her butthole and I accidentally zapped it. And dude, I almost could see the little electricity.

[Maddie Smith]

She turned into a skeleton for a second.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, she jumped. I have never seen her move like that. She fucking jumped. A foot in the air.

[Maddie Smith]

Internal electricity, new kink unlocked.

[Zach Amico]

And then, not only that, her family was in the next room and heard it and they heard the pop of the shock. Oh, they're like, what the fuck did he just do? What the fuck? I'm like, I think I just shocked her. She's like, you shocked my asshole?

[Maddie Smith]

Sounded like a fly flew into one of those.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's exactly what it sounded like.

[Maddie Smith]

That's funny.

[Zach Amico]

All right, Shannon, tell us about the sinister package wrapped in tape, uncovered after NYC reservoir drops eight feet.

[Maddie Smith]

Whoa.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Okay, so this happened in Staten island, so surprise.

[Maddie Smith]

You can.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

You can probably guess what they found in there. They found brass knuckles and a gun.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, original.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

They said here this picture of it.

[Alex Thomas]

Starter pack, literally.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah. Any Happy Meal look at the gun from 1950.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Yeah. So they're. They're trying to investigate to see what they could pull off of it, to see if there's evidence from a crime that was committed. But so far, yeah, they found this.

[Zach Amico]

Aren't there certain places that are really famous for being places where they dump guns? East River. Yeah, because people go with magnets now. They do like, they take giant magnets on chains and they do magnet fishing. And it's like a. It's like people do it on, like, TikTok and shit to get stuff out, like.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then you pull it up and usually it's bullshit. Yeah, usually it's like fucking nothing or a bottle or something. But a lot of people, if you get a gun, you have to call the cops.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, you have to. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But people will pull up wild Shit that's just been dumped. And I love a lot of weapons.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this reservoir is in Staten island, where they found it.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Yeah, it's. I believe that it's a place that they. They closed it down. So they. For a while, they were topping it off with fresh water, but they stopped doing that. And so it's fenced off. And you're not really supposed to go in there, but this guy.

[Zach Amico]

Perfect spot.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Yeah, this guy kind of snuck in there and he found it.

[Maddie Smith]

Could be many years old.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that gun looked old. It could be just waterlogged. But I have a feeling that was an older crime.

[Maddie Smith]

It's something from the mid century.

[Zach Amico]

Might be the one that got Jimmy Hoffa.

[Maddie Smith]

Exactly. Teamsters line up.

[Zach Amico]

Do you think we'll find out? He's in Giant Stadium?

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's the obvious.

[Alex Thomas]

So he was part. They sewed. Put him in the walls or whatever.

[Zach Amico]

They put him in the concrete. Yeah. Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, he's in there.

[Zach Amico]

I would say. I think that makes the most sense. He didn't disappear. No.

[Alex Thomas]

No. He's dead.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that is. All right. What else we got? Boom. Only fans. Models arrested kicked off American Airlines flight as they put on viral spectacle at. I saw this, of course. Florida airport.

[Maddie Smith]

Of course. And I. I think I saw this video. Wind chills are going to be. Be surprised if some.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

One second. Sorry.

[Zach Amico]

No problem. Shannon is a safe space.

[Maddie Smith]

We are not Lewis. We are not Lewis.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Here he goes.

[Maddie Smith]

For reals.

[Alex Thomas]

Unacceptable.

[News Reporter]

Models were kicked off an American Airlines flight in Miami after refusing to leave first class seats they weren't assigned to. But instead of being mortified by the cringy incident, they happily posted these videos boasting about it. Sonia Blanchard and Jordan Lantry caused a viral scene before takeoff, as seen in the viral videos they uploaded to their Instagram, shouting at airline staff as police were called on board. Embarrassing scene.

[Zach Amico]

No, we don't.

[Maddie Smith]

Obviously we're drunk and you guys don't.

[News Reporter]

Want to deal with us.

[Maddie Smith]

We don't have a boarding pass.

[Zach Amico]

That would be cool. Look at us. Look at us.

[News Reporter]

Both were charged with misdemeanor trespassing and booked in Miami's Turner Night Jail.

[Zach Amico]

But if that's crazy. If that was a guy in a turban.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I know.

[Zach Amico]

Sitting in first class, yelling that he's drunk.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, of course. I don't have my good. I don't have my boarding bows.

[Zach Amico]

I'm drunk. And then rolling around in the aisle.

[Alex Thomas]

Air Marshall on the ground.

[Zach Amico]

That guy would be under the fucking.

[Maddie Smith]

Airport with no lawyers in the concrete at Giant Stadium.

[Zach Amico]

He would be so gone.

[Maddie Smith]

Gone.

[Zach Amico]

What? Hot lady. Privilege to announce you're drunk on the plane.

[Maddie Smith]

I kind of like them.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know.

[Maddie Smith]

Is probably like this for them.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Some sort of crazy antics.

[Zach Amico]

I. I don't know. I think it's got to get old quick.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Definitely.

[Alex Thomas]

I cannot hang.

[Maddie Smith]

I would never hang out with them.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

I passed like a group of people like that. I'm like, I'm so glad I'm not with them.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

But still bringing up the lips, dude.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[News Reporter]

Let's atrocious on deaf ears after they're released. The pair bragged about it online.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, God.

[Zach Amico]

They had good. They're pretty solid mug shots, dude.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I know. They look good.

[News Reporter]

Entering their booking photo and calling their arrest iconic.

[Maddie Smith]

I don't know. I like them.

[News Reporter]

Is far from an isolated case. Adding to a troubling trend of drunken disruptors at airports.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude, they're gonna ban booze from planes.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

They also just real quick at the beginning. I don't know if they said this, but they. How they started acting up was they sat in first class.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

And they did say that. And then when they asked them to move, they refused.

[Maddie Smith]

Got it. Also, they weren't in first class.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they were. They. That's so. That's already makes me mad.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's such hot bitch privilege.

[Maddie Smith]

Especially if that's your seat and they just got their pussy juice all over it. Oh, fuck off. Hot bitch privilege for sure. Every day is probably like that for them.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. I'm sure it's a. Just a constant wake up, have a cocktail. Yeah, they probably work out the hangover. Yeah, they probably do crazy workouts to get rid of the hangover. They wake up completely naked, puking, disgusting.

[Maddie Smith]

And then they.

[Zach Amico]

I've watched this happen with hot porn chicks before. They get hammered and pass out. Then they work out like animals.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Don't eat. Maybe a little Adderall or something at five in the morning just to get the day going.

[Zach Amico]

Just to get the day moving.

[Maddie Smith]

Maintain hotness, repeat.

[Zach Amico]

That makes me nervous the way they even. I'm very remember. Or when you hear people tell stories about drinking on planes back in the day. Yeah. Used to be able to just order a couple cocktails. Now I feel like almost like it's weird to order a drink on a plane. Like, especially if you're not in first class.

[Maddie Smith]

There's like this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. They give you the little airplane bottle.

[Alex Thomas]

Mad ice.

[Zach Amico]

I'm just Nervous that. That incidents, like the more and more drunken incidents, they can make like breathalyze you.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Too drunk to fly.

[Alex Thomas]

Too much going through the fucking.

[Zach Amico]

I don't. So I don't talk about T Bird a lot on the show because I try not to politicize Trump. I try not to politicize the show too much because I know I don't necessarily agree with everybody. But that doesn't mean that we all can't laugh together.

[Maddie Smith]

We all just want to have a good time here at Zach Amico's morning zoo.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I don't want to make anybody feel not welcome.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

And I don't want to divide people, but did you see the thing he put up on? What is it? Truth social. Truth social about alcohol. No, Shannon, bring it up because this is. This is scary.

[Maddie Smith]

Prohibition. Let's go.

[Alex Thomas]

Oh, boy. Can't do that again. Just because your brother died, bro.

[Maddie Smith]

Has nothing to do with literally, like, get over it.

[Alex Thomas]

Because then they're coming for weed again. I can't have that.

[Zach Amico]

Well, no, he turned weed into class three. Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Change the.

[Alex Thomas]

Is that bad?

[Zach Amico]

No, better. It's closer to like Tylenol.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Makes it easier for dispensary.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he made it a. A less egregious thing.

[Alex Thomas]

Toronto, there was 24 hour weed spots.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Every street.

[Maddie Smith]

So ahead of us in Canada.

[Alex Thomas]

Loved it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you got it.

[Maddie Smith]

I think Trump's going to use weed as another diversion from Epstein.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Here. I'll show it to you, unless you want me to read it.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, I want you to read.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Okay. I don't know if this is real, but really, I'm not sure. Let me just.

[Zach Amico]

God damn it. No, no.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

I don't know that it's not real. I just haven't double checked it yet. But this is from an article because I saw a Snopes thing above it. A very disturbing thing is happening all across our once great country. Raging alcoholics everywhere. Bars packed, bottles flowing, nobody working, nobody focused. Weak leaders allowed it to spiral completely out of control. Families destroyed, productivity gone, Street's a mess. Nobody wants to say it, but I will. If this continues. Maybe it's time to seriously look at the 18th amendment. Prohibition to ban alcohol permanently. America was stronger, safer, and sharper before the drinking culture took over. We don't need hangovers. We need greatness. Let's make America sober again.

[Maddie Smith]

It's not happening. You can't even try. NFL.

[Zach Amico]

If I got fooled by that, I apologize.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Oh, I say. I'm sorry. It does say underneath it, the Screenshot is fabricated. Donald Trump has not proposed reinstating Prohibition.

[Zach Amico]

Damn it. Whoever did it.

[Maddie Smith]

Complaining about alcohol.

[Zach Amico]

Whoever did it did a really good job of talking like him in short sentences.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He just blasts off and insulting presidents before him for no reason.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So even though I got got. I wanna compliment the person.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Good job.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

Okay. Also, on the flip side, it says his administration recently killed a proposal to lower alcohol consumption limits and removed specific drink limit guidance in favor of moderation.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, I'll take it.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

It seems like they're on the side of the alcoholics.

[Zach Amico]

Good for him. Well, he's never had it.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, he doesn't really. He's not a big drinker.

[Zach Amico]

He's never had a drink. He says that's.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But I think he's Adderall up to.

[Maddie Smith]

The Gill, like, 150 milligrams.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I think he's snorting it.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Like, all day.

[Zach Amico]

There's people that said when he worked on Apprentice, he was flying.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. So it doesn't drink, but he's with.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And they also said that he. That's almost weirder that he went to all those parties sober. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That's how I feel.

[Zach Amico]

Because he would go to, like, tunnel and he would go to, like, nightclub every night.

[Maddie Smith]

Crystalia.

[Zach Amico]

That's weird.

[Maddie Smith]

Never had a drink in his life.

[Zach Amico]

That. But that's kind of like. To go, like. Why would you want to go to, like, even, like, big. I mean, guess. Gallons and shit. So the show Face.

[Maddie Smith]

He loves that shit, though. He loves, like.

[Zach Amico]

He loves being him, being around.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But that's still like, oh, imagine going to that shit and not having anything in you.

[Maddie Smith]

If I'd be twisted, there's definitely.

[Zach Amico]

I've read people that PA on Apprentice that there was at least one or two occasions where they had to clear the boardroom because the host made a duty. Yeah. Made a chance. Made a duty. They had to clear the room before he would get up.

[Maddie Smith]

Ew. He wasn't even old then.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Hey, I.

[Alex Thomas]

He looked old.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Shan, could you look that up?

[Maddie Smith]

He was an apprentice. He was, like, 65. My mom's not shitting her pants.

[Zach Amico]

Your mom's not taking Adderall all day.

[Maddie Smith]

True. She was for a little bit.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, so Adderall, when I took it, I was just like, oh, this is speed.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

100% felt. Because I used to take. Every once in a while, some Dexedrine came across my way. It felt exactly the same.

[Maddie Smith]

It's no different than Requiem for a Dream.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Maddie Smith]

I'll be on the television.

[Zach Amico]

That was a class. That was a Houston Skagfest story. After one of the big showrooms got out, somebody found an Altoid tin on the ground, and it had two gummies and an orange pill in it. And they went, I wonder what this orange pill is? And from across the room, I went, that's dexogen from the 90s.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, take it.

[Zach Amico]

And I went, put it on pill finder. And they did. And I nailed it.

[Maddie Smith]

Fire.

[Zach Amico]

I nailed the ears.

[Maddie Smith]

That's so funny. You take it.

[Zach Amico]

I did.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, you took it. Yeah. Hilarious. Yeah, it's speed. It's like meth. It's in smaller amounts.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I knew. I knew there was a. I had a gentleman friend that used to sell it.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The scariest guy I know. Or one of the scariest guys I know.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He lives behind a garbage can.

[Maddie Smith]

Oscar.

[Zach Amico]

It was in a punk house, but he lived behind where they kept the garbage.

[Maddie Smith]

Got it.

[Zach Amico]

His place smelled when he got him. And my other friend got taken in for jumping a turnstile. And they went to go run their warrants. And he says it was my friend. Call him Igor because I don't want to say his real name. He says, the Igor. He goes, hey, I need you to take my bag because I'm definitely going to jail. I have a lot of warrants. And then swallowed 10 bags.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Of brown powder. She's handed my friend the bag.

[Maddie Smith]

What's a brown powder?

[Zach Amico]

Horse. Yeah. Heron. Heroin.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, duh. I never knew it was brown.

[Zach Amico]

And then. No, no, that was white.

[Alex Thomas]

That just means you've lived a good life.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zach Amico]

Swallows 10 bags and hands my friend his bag. As he's about to get arrested, my friend looks in the bag. It was a crossbow and a copy of Mein Kampf.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And that guy. He did not get arrested. They let him both go. He's like, I can't believe I swallowed all that heroin.

[Maddie Smith]

It's high as fuck.

[Zach Amico]

No, it was in bags. He's gotta go shit it out. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, he swallowed the bags. All right. So he can maintain. Get back to business the next day. I know.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. If they rupture, it'll kill you.

[Maddie Smith]

You're fucked.

[Alex Thomas]

Swallowing heroin.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Risk.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Or in April.

[Zach Amico]

And that guy, every couple years now, goes missing.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And his family will be like, where.

[Maddie Smith]

They circulate his image.

[Zach Amico]

Circulate his image. And you'll find out he's just living under a different name with some new bitch. He'll leave a chick and just Have a new. And then. But then he'll be like, oh, yeah, I've been fine. I just deleted it. I destroyed my phone.

[Maddie Smith]

You didn't.

[Zach Amico]

Got a new chance.

[Maddie Smith]

You didn't report yourself as alive on the Chinese app.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

It'S like kind of an appealing lifestyle, isn't it? But you have to go full in on.

[Zach Amico]

But, yeah. And he'll go like across the country.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then just meet. But he's. Oh, they're never tens. No, but somebody takes him in. Always.

[Maddie Smith]

It's not really about the 10.

[Alex Thomas]

There's always a lady couch.

[Maddie Smith]

A woman.

[Zach Amico]

No, it's a bed to hold you.

[Maddie Smith]

And to care for you until it's a bed until you off again.

[Zach Amico]

And he.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Been very consistent. He is, I don't know, a little.

[Maddie Smith]

Bit of a Dr. John. Dirty John.

[Zach Amico]

Alex, as I told you, it was. He was at the Beauty Bar one night when we were all out and the cops came because there was a big fight in the back. And he walked up to me and said, zach, I need you to hold this. And he had a gun. And I went, no, no. And he's like, come on, dude, I have so many charges if I'm gonna go get for the rest of my life. He goes, it'll be like probation for you.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm good.

[Zach Amico]

And I'm like, first of all, no, this is New York. I can't have a gun. And so that's like a ten year minimum. And I'm like, no. So then I went up to my best friend Seger and I went, andy, fuck it. I'm. Fuck it. I went, andy has a gun. We need to leave.

[Alex Thomas]

Andy Malafarina.

[Zach Amico]

And he looks up at me and he goes. And he says the full name. I go, yeah. He goes, oh, let's go.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we left the party. Irish goodbye to everybody. Because the idea of this guy walking around a bar with a loaded gun was scary.

[Maddie Smith]

Let's go to IHOP down the street. Oh, yeah, get a short stack.

[Alex Thomas]

You just got him excited.

[GAS Digital Network Announcer]

Yeah, you did.

[Zach Amico]

I finally found a place by me that does chicken fried steak.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, nice.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, boy, was I happy.

[Maddie Smith]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

It took an hour to get to my house and it was still worth it, really.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, you ordered at delivery.

[GAS Digital Network Announcer]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That's funny as fuck.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Zach left to go. He walked to get the chicken fried steak.

[Zach Amico]

It was. It is. It was far. Far. It was like Harlem. Not Harlem. No, it was like not Harlem. Excuse me. It was like off the 2 train. It was like, it would have been.

[Maddie Smith]

A trip, you had it delivered from Manhattan to Jersey.

[Zach Amico]

Not Manhattan. No, I live in Brooklyn.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm sorry. Oh, I thought you were in Jersey.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no. I got delivered from Brooklyn to Brooklyn.

[Maddie Smith]

Where in Brooklyn are you?

[Zach Amico]

Like, I'm in Bay Ridge.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow. I thought you were in Jersey this whole time.

[Zach Amico]

No, I live right where Chrissy D and Giannis used to live.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

I live over by there.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I like Bay Ridge. It's a cute little town. Got some funny people who've lived there their whole lives that's never left Bay Ridge.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude. When I moved into my building, the joy on white people's faces was like a white person.

[Maddie Smith]

Come on in.

[Zach Amico]

They were so excited.

[Maddie Smith]

Come over if you don't need a cup of sugar.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude, I get so many. Hi. How are you? They're just there. It's a joy to see me.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Very old school.

[Zach Amico]

I am very nice to old people, though. A lot of. How is your day? Holding doors. I'm very kind to the old people.

[Maddie Smith]

Me, too. I got a guy who lives next door to me. He's always giving me a dumb, dumb Popsicle or lollipops and nice girls love can. Yes, yes, yes.

[Zach Amico]

No, I just. I have. I have ultimate guido that lives across from me. And he's just always yelling.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

At some broad.

[Maddie Smith]

Yep. Always yelling.

[Zach Amico]

Who I've never heard speak. Yeah, he's just screaming all the time. And then he asked me if it's hot in our apartment. He goes, hot in your place? Fucking boiling. Fucking boiling by me.

[Maddie Smith]

Fucking boiling.

[Zach Amico]

Eddie hates packages.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

Old people in Brooklyn buildings hate Amazon.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, they hate the uptick in just boxes everywhere.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they hate it.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's a lot getting all these boxes. What are you doing at all?

[Maddie Smith]

You used to get, like, one package a year. You see one package a year now, people, daily.

[Alex Thomas]

It's insane. I have a roommate every time I come home, like, boxes never home. I'm like, what are you doing?

[Maddie Smith]

Doing Right, right.

[Alex Thomas]

You don't live here.

[Zach Amico]

I, I, I do a lot of Amazon purchases. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I mean, I go up and down. I'll have months with no new purchases, and then like, a week of just boxes everywhere.

[Alex Thomas]

I have the regular. I get, like. I get certain things off Amazon.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Every month.

[Maddie Smith]

What kind of stuff?

[Alex Thomas]

Like the air fresheners. The Airwick.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

Little disposable Airwicks.

[Maddie Smith]

You have automatic shipments.

[Alex Thomas]

No, no, I, I'm not.

[Zach Amico]

You just got to buy again.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah, I go to buy again.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, let's do one or two more. Meet Mattel's autistic Barbie doll who carries a fidget spinner and avoids eye contact.

[Maddie Smith]

Howdy do.

[Alex Thomas]

It's a doll. So the eyes are just like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they look away from you. Yeah, they look away from you. Everybody.

[Maddie Smith]

Nervous energy.

[Zach Amico]

It should be.

[Maddie Smith]

Where's the autistic Barbie at?

[Alex Thomas]

Is. Is her like playset just a train station?

[Maddie Smith]

So she's a hot autistic.

[Shannon (Producer/Researcher)]

It's a video. They're going to explain the features.

[Maddie Smith]

She's a T who talks about autism.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, she's got flappy arms.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. She's definitely got movement in there.

[Zach Amico]

Mattel has launched its first Barbie doll designed to represent autism.

[Maddie Smith]

I certainly like autism now, I'll tell you that much.

[Alex Thomas]

Is. Is this real autism or the like? Yeah, sorry.

[Zach Amico]

Doll's eyes look slightly to the side, reflecting on how some avoid eyes.

[Maddie Smith]

They don't look to the side at all.

[Alex Thomas]

She's fake autistic.

[Maddie Smith]

She's a hot girl who's like, I'm being so autistic.

[Zach Amico]

Articulated joints and acknowledge stemming while soft clothing reduces sensory strain.

[Maddie Smith]

What? I'm out on the autistic Barbie. Of course.

[Zach Amico]

This is just. This is. This is. This is just Barbie with TikTok who's.

[Maddie Smith]

Convinced herself she's retarded, who's posting like 5 race. You can tell if you're autistic.

[Zach Amico]

Noise canceling headphones, a fidget spinner and a communication tab. So she's not verbal. She's non verbal Barbie.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. That.

[Alex Thomas]

There you go. That's fine.

[Zach Amico]

That only works if she has the string on the back and nothing comes.

[Alex Thomas]

Out or like that.

[Zach Amico]

Or it or the reflection. The release reflects a wider push for inclusion in children's toys.

[Maddie Smith]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

So I think the one thing that I thought was representative is the hands on it. Go like this. And a lot of autistic kids have the flappy hands.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because they have like motor skill issues.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I guess that. But can't you just put headphones on a regular Barbie?

[Maddie Smith]

That's what I thought. And say my Barbie's autistic.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Seems like a stretch.

[Alex Thomas]

Take a candle to Barbie's head. Say no.

[Maddie Smith]

Melt her a little bit.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah. Melt her a little bit.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

It's autistic.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. I mean, technically the autistic Barbie should just come with all the other Barbies and all the accessories and she's obsessed with everything. Barbie. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Alex Thomas]

There you go.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Barbie.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I love Barbie.

[Alex Thomas]

I Bobby's my best friend.

[Zach Amico]

I had a Ken doll when I was a kid that was dressed like a king. And I remember being very much told how and when to play with him. He was. He was for. He did man stuff.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

He did not play house. He did.

[Maddie Smith]

I grew up with out there changing the oil.

[Zach Amico]

I grew up around, like, we would. All the people my parents take me around were little girls. And I do. The amount of times I remember my parents just trying to steer me away from gay.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Zach, can you show the commercial for the game Pretty, Pretty Princess?

[Maddie Smith]

I love that game. I love.

[Zach Amico]

I knew I was gonna get it, so I played it when I was. I was four.

[Maddie Smith]

We should do a video of us playing Pretty Princess.

[Zach Amico]

I would love that. I was like four and I played it with two girls that were like, you know, family friends. And my mom came in and I had, like, the earrings on and shit. She goes, zachary, when you play, it's pretty, pretty prince. You're not a princess.

[Maddie Smith]

You're not a princess.

[Zach Amico]

You're a pretty prince.

[Maddie Smith]

You look gay. Take the earrings off.

[Zach Amico]

Father's gonna say, I'm making you gay again.

[Alex Thomas]

Again.

[Maddie Smith]

Did you ever play this game?

[Alex Thomas]

No.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, you gotta get all the jewelry on. Actually was fire. It was the cutest game ever. Grand prize.

[Zach Amico]

Oh.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah. The black ring's bad.

[Zach Amico]

You don't want that.

[Maddie Smith]

You don't want the black.

[Alex Thomas]

Never see this one, dude.

[Maddie Smith]

It's so cute. You can't do it.

[Zach Amico]

You gotta get the black ring.

[Alex Thomas]

And the blonde white chick wins.

[Zach Amico]

Dude.

[Alex Thomas]

The purest. The black chick got the least.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I remember having the necklace. I remember having the necklace and the earrings on.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And my mom running in.

[Maddie Smith]

So funny. Really? The earrings really lock it in.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Thomas]

My mom, to this day, just don't get earrings because it's gay.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, she's.

[Maddie Smith]

And where are you from? Are you from Jersey?

[Alex Thomas]

Connecticut.

[Maddie Smith]

Connecticut. Yeah. New England.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I can see because your mom's very conservative.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Stuck in a time period where gay. I think a man having an ear piercing could be.

[Maddie Smith]

She's like a tiny tattoo.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah. She doesn't like tattoos, but she understands them. But she really doesn't like earrings.

[Maddie Smith]

You're right.

[Alex Thomas]

She's like a feminine man.

[Maddie Smith]

No. Yeah. It doesn't make sense to her at all. It's her brain break.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because when we were kids, what did they say? Left ear, straight, Right ear was gay.

[Maddie Smith]

Wait, I think the left was gay.

[Alex Thomas]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, is it?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. I had both.

[Maddie Smith]

There you go. So there you go, I had Cool Shaving Ken. And you could. He would grow a beard, and then you would shave it off.

[Zach Amico]

That's sick.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I don't know if Shannon can pull up a Cool Shaving Ken.

[Alex Thomas]

What was the hair?

[Maddie Smith]

It was like. I also had Scuba Barbie, so her legs would turn black. So it was like in the doll, a beard would grow on. I know, right? Then her face turned black. I'm like, oh, I got the defect.

[Zach Amico]

You got Drowning Barbie. Oh, he grew like a. A ground stamo.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And then you. How you shave it. You lather it, and then it would, like, come off like. It's like in the dog.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

Actually. And then you grow back. Oh, he's so cute. Kissing him twice.

[Zach Amico]

So he. Here's my question.

[Maddie Smith]

Cool Shaving cat.

[Zach Amico]

Can you give him a Hitler mustache?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, you could. I think you could. And you could do a Probably chin strap, or if you go in very.

[Zach Amico]

Finely, you would put it on the Gas Digital account.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You would probably need a tool bigger than the little shaver that it came with.

[Maddie Smith]

You would need like a. You know how people write on pieces of rice?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You would need some sort of tool.

[Zach Amico]

But you could technically give can of Hitler muscle. Like a little dab.

[Alex Thomas]

Little metal dab thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah, you definitely could.

[Alex Thomas]

Shannon, put it on the. The Gas Digital bill.

[Zach Amico]

We're making Hitler Hitler.

[Maddie Smith]

Ken, address it to here. Pretty, pretty princess.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we're gonna call it there. Thank you guys so much. Please support my wonderful. Wait, did we want to plug anything real quick?

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, sure.

[Alex Thomas]

Super Celly Joe's. I do his podcast with Joe Gorman and follow me on Instagram at silly Selly. All S's, no spaces I at the end.

[Maddie Smith]

Hey, does this come out today? Is this.

[Zach Amico]

It's live on.

[Maddie Smith]

Hey. Hey, what's up, fuckers? Catch a new episode of Madhouse out today with Sean Murphy, who just put a special out on Mark Norman's YouTube. So that shit's funny as fuck. And I'm doing New York comedy club every month residency, so catch me there tomorrow. If you live in the city. Maddysmithcomedy.com all tour dates, Creek in the cave and next weekend.

[Zach Amico]

Fantastic. Please support Maddie. She's a fucking killer. Hey, just go to Punchup Live Zachnico for all my dates. I have a bunch of shit to announce coming up very soon. And thank you for watching the show. If you enjoyed it, use that promo code Zoo. When you go to gas digital.com, you get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the archives thousands of your gas favorite gas digital productions. You get the live chat and you get our Friday bonus show. We do three of these suckers a week and if you want all three, you gotta subscribe. But regardless, thank you for supporting the show. I love you. Thank you to our friends in the booth. And we'll be back on Friday here on the Morning Zoo. Goodbye. Peace.

[GAS Digital Network Announcer]

The fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him pop may go chug it down just like your favorite OB clown. Grab a call back and join the crew. It's a me go walk morning too. It's Acamiko morning too.