0082. Geo Perez and Anthony Zenhauser

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 82

Guests: Gio Perez, Anthony Zenhauser
Date: January 25, 2026 | Network: GaS Digital

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Episode Overview

This unruly episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo brings on comedians Gio Perez (On the Gate podcast) and Anthony Zenhauser (Uncle Rico Show, Shuley Network) for a morning ride filled with wild banter about punk legends, animal invasions, bizarre news, comedy scene gossip, and darkly hilarious takes on society’s underbelly. The crew’s unique chemistry delivers a blend of crude humor, genuine insight, and over-the-top storytelling, all wrapped in the show's signature unfiltered tone.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. G.G. Allin – Punk Rock Icon and Macabre Memorabilia

00:08 – 06:51

• Zac shares his latest prized possession: a wake photo of notorious punk singer G.G. Allin.
  • Zac: “I posted that photos from GG’s wake were for sale from his brother ... a fan said, hey, pick one. And it showed up.” (03:04)
  • The group discusses Allin’s legendary onstage antics, including nudity and coprophagia, and how he was buried exactly as he died—filthy, barely dressed, bottles of bourbon in the coffin.
  • Anecdotes about Allin’s relationship with John Wayne Gacy:
    Zac: “John Wayne Gacy lived on top of 30 dead bodies and he complained about the way G.G. Allin smelled.” (06:45)
• Laughs over Ari Shaffir’s “micro-penis” comparisons and punk’s shock value legacy.

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2. Bird Invasion News Story

07:35 – 18:02

• The Zoo delves into a news video of 1,500+ birds invading a California home:
  • Zac: “This is birds swarming a house ... a thing that I think if it happened to me, I would crumble emotionally.” (08:35)
  • Group jokes about creative (often violent) solutions for removing birds and how “a house filled with bird shit isn’t inhabitable.”
  • The birds are believed to be crows – launching riffs about ‘murders of crows,’ revenge (crows holding 17-year grudges!), and slapstick “weapons of choice” in a bird-swarm scenario.
• Memorable quip:
  • Gio: “I say buckets of hot boiling grease and see how many you can cook midair.” (15:57)
  • Anthony: “Maybe I grab a bat—just makes me feel like how we used to settle problems.” (15:46)
  • Zac: “If you killed about 30 of them shits… now you’re at war with the crows.” (19:46)

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3. Drunken Wildlife & Animal Attacks

10:40 – 11:24

• Quick aside on animals eating fermented fruit, referencing viral “drunk monkey” videos and news about a rampaging elephant in India.
  • Zac: “We’ve shown (a video) before—like hammered elephants and monkeys, it’s hilarious.” (10:40)

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4. The Comedy Scene: Skankfest, Sober Comics & Drug Tales

12:19 – 14:11

• Recollections about substance-fueled days in comedy clubs, the blacked-out bathrooms of the Comedy Store designed for covert drug use.
  • Zac: “It’s always, the bathroom at the Comedy Store is black. Everything is jet black—so you couldn’t possibly lose coke in here, right?” (13:39)
• Noting the prevalence of sobriety among modern comics.
• Jokes about Skankfest’s “snow apocalypse” (coke), and the ever-present subculture of excess.

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5. Encore: Animal Mayhem, Revenge Logic & Weaponry

14:45 – 21:06

• Extended riffing on what happens after a bird massacre—crows come for revenge, referencing scientific studies about avian memory:
  • Zac: “Crows hold a grudge ... a crow can remember you for, like, 17 years.” (20:20, confirmed by Jorge at 20:57)

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6. Monkeys, Money, and Prostitution: Wild Experiments

21:06 – 23:15

• Zac details a real experiment in which monkeys introduced to currency quickly invented prostitution.
  • Zac: “The first thing the monkeys did with money was invent prostitution.” (22:12)
  • Anthony: “That sounds like an old school guy would be telling you ... world’s oldest profession.” (22:18)
  • Group riff with Cat Williams–style impressions and ancient “banana-for-sex” exchanges.

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7. Maury Babies & Staged Reality TV

23:28 – 29:12

• The group discusses the phenomenon of people realizing as adults they were featured as babies on Maury’s “Who’s the daddy?” episodes.
  • Gio: “Just to like, watch the video and see your mom with a panel of four guys and three of them dance ...” (25:33)
  • Conversation turns to the fakeness of daytime TV, comics gaming judge shows for easy payouts, and insider info from show producers.
• Quote:
  • Zac: “There’s a group of friends ... they would just take each other to small claims court and split the money every time.” (27:44)

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8. Comedy Gossip: Naked Roasts, Podcast Bl*wjobs & The Edge of Comedy

29:31 – 37:24

• Discussion of comics pushing boundaries, from performing naked to receiving oral sex on podcasts.
  • Zac: “There’s a line. ... Now I’ve done porn.” (33:32)
  • Anthony: “The most amateur porn is always very awkward to watch.” (33:58)
  • Comparing stunt-based comedy (stapling things to their genitals) to crossing into actual sex acts for shock value.

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9. True Crime: "He Almost Got Away With It" – IRS Agent, Au Pair & Murder Plot

38:16 – 46:20

• A convoluted, darkly comedic true crime story where an IRS agent tries to orchestrate a double homicide to be with his nanny.
  • Zac: “He begins a slow game … creates a BDSM profile for [his wife], saying her fantasy is for people to break into her house and rape her ... so that he can walk in on it and kill them both.” (38:53)
  • The group analyzes the plot, motivations, reviews photos, and jokes about “just leasing out a new aupair.”
• Anthony: “That’s definitely a white guy crime ... that’s some calculating...”

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10. Corrupt Cops & The Criminal Underworld

47:00 – 50:13

• Stream-of-consciousness stories about real-life corrupt NYPD cops (documentary “The 7 Five”), drug dealers who turn informant, and how “the federal government is the worst gang out there.”
  • Zac: “The person you owe that money to—that’s another problem for another day.” (50:02)
  • Anthony: “Being a cop back then was awesome ... $30,000 or 30 years in prison. Which one do you want?” (49:43)

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11. The "Guinea Podcast" Subculture & Italian-American Stereotypes

50:38 – 56:26

• Zac seeks clarity on comedy scene personality Mario Bosco, launching a candid discussion of “whack pack” acts, living with developmental differences, and their place in the weirdo comic circuit.
• Heavy riffing on Italian-American podcast culture:
  • Zac: “There’s like this, like guinea podcast culture that I hate.” (54:03)
  • Anthony: “They're subhuman. They're a bunch of knuckle-dragging apes.” (54:18)
  • Stereotype-laden riffs invoking pasta, tracksuits, “chubby Italian broads,” and Jersey shore drama.

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12. Chefs Behaving Badly: Food Network’s Dark Side

57:00 – 59:18

• The conversation veers into gossip about celebrity chefs (Mario Batali, Bobby Flay) and rampant sexual harassment in restaurant culture.
  • Zac: “I think restaurant club [culture] is very predatory.” (57:32)
• Chef crushes and the realities of aging “food celebrities."

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13. Edible Overdoses, Death Anxieties, & Final Wishes

59:20 – 61:13

• Zac recalls his first time touring with ICP and getting too high on edibles—terrified he’d die and be remembered as a cliché.
  • Zac: “I was convinced I was gonna have a heart attack and die … no one was gonna feel bad for me because everyone was gonna assume I was on drugs, like real drugs.” (60:26)

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14. Dick Jokes, Bionic Penises, and Trans Surgery Tangents

61:22 – 68:43

• The guys dive headlong into penile implant tales, FTM gender-affirming surgery, and sci-fi prosthetics.
  • Zac: “He had a pump on his hip ... like the Nike Pump ... and it would get hard and the other hip was a release.” (64:08)
  • Gio: “I’d give up my actual forearms ... just have a forearm dick!” (65:49)
  • The show concludes on a truly unhinged note: the mechanics of constructing a penis from a forearm, how vaginoplasty works, the arduous dilation process, and “how to finger a trans woman.”
  • Anthony: “It’s like an adapter ... like you, just ... that's crazy!” (69:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “John Wayne Gacy lived on top of 30 dead bodies, and he complained about G.G. Allin smelling.” – Zac (06:45)
• “If you killed about 30 of them shits ... now you’re at war with the crows.” – Gio (19:46)
• “Crows hold a grudge... a crow can remember you for, like, 17 years.” – Zac (20:20)
• “The first thing the monkeys did with money was invent prostitution.” – Zac (22:12)
• “To watch the video and see your mom with a panel of four guys and three of them dance.” – Gio (25:33)
• “Now I’ve done porn.” – Zac reflecting on crossing comedic boundaries (33:32)
• “He begins a slow game… creates a BDSM profile for [his wife]... so that he can walk in on it and kill them both.” – Zac, on the IRS agent plot (38:53)
• "There’s like this, like guinea podcast culture that I hate." – Zac (54:03)
• “I was convinced I was gonna have a heart attack and die … no one was gonna feel bad for me because everyone was gonna assume I was on drugs, like real drugs.” – Zac (60:26)
• “I’d give up my actual forearms ... just have a forearm dick!” – Gio (65:49)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• G.G. Allin & Punk Stories: 00:08–06:51
• Bird Invasion Video: 07:35–18:02
• Crows Hold Grudges: 19:46–21:06
• Monkey Economy Experiment: 21:06–23:15
• Maury Baby & TV Fakery: 23:28–29:12
• Comedy Pushing Limits/Naked Roast: 29:31–37:24
• IRS Agent, Au Pair Murder Plot: 38:16–46:20
• Corrupt Cops & True Crime: 47:00–50:13
• Mario Bosco & Guinea Podcast Satire: 50:38–56:26
• Restaurant/TV Chef Scandals: 57:00–59:18
• Drug Overdoses & Tour Life: 59:20–61:13
• Bionic/Trans Genital Surgery: 61:22–68:43
• "How to Finger a Trans Woman": 68:44–70:03

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Tone & Style

The tone remains fast-paced, irreverent, crass, and playful, peppered with inside jokes, dark humor, and references only road comics could land. The group openly mocks cultural taboos while providing oddball insights and anecdotes from the comedy world.

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For New Listeners:

This episode is both chaotic and comedically raw, spotlighting everything absurd, grimy, and fascinating about the fringe worlds of punk rock, reality TV, animal chaos, and underground comedy. It’s a window into the wild side of morning radio—definitely “everything your morning show shouldn’t be, but way more fun.”

Transcript

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Fill her up.

[Zach Amico]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter waiting don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre. It's Akamiko Morning soup. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Well, good morning. Good morning, good morning. It's a Wednesday here at the Gas Digital Studios. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico saying welcome to the morning zoo and thank you so much for tuning in. I am a lucky little boy today because I am joined by two wonderful guests from the on the Gate podcast here on the network. Very funny, Very wonderful. Gio Perez. How you doing, my friend?

[Gio Perez]

I'm doing good. I'm doing good. What's up with that?

[Zach Amico]

I'm gonna. I'll tell you in a minute. We have a new addition to the desk. But first, let me introduce our guest from the Uncle Rico show on the Shuley Network, one of my. I don't mean this about your. A. One of my longest friendships in comedy.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Anthony Zenhauser.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's good to be here, buddy.

[Zach Amico]

How you doing, man?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Fucking awesome, dude. I love you in your little velour tracksuit. You look like all the cast members of the Sopranos got glued together.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, I was going for punk Tony Soprano. I got White Dave Blunts instead.

[Gio Perez]

So that reminded me of every velour suit I stole from this Chinese Boost. Chinese boutique store from Long Island.

[Zach Amico]

They're so comfy. I've been wearing these to the airport. Oh, it's like. It's. It's luxurious.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It looks great.

[Zach Amico]

It's luxury. It's. They're real. Yeah. Real comfy. So let me explain. Gia. One of my favorite artists of all time is a guy named Gigi Allen. He was a bunch of punk bands, 80s 90s. Died in 92, I think.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

AIDS.

[Zach Amico]

Heroin overdose.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, I was gonna say too big for aids.

[Zach Amico]

Heroin overdose at a party. And people did not. They thought he was just asleep on the floor. His brother still tours with the band, and whenever they go on tour, sometimes he sells some of their possessions. For instance, all the baby pictures, everything. He. He's. There's all whole documentary about it called Al and the Family.

[Jorge]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

And I had posted that photos from Gigi's wake were for sale from his brother and a fan shout out.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

He.

[Zach Amico]

I don't Know if he wants me to say his name. If you do, message me on Facebook and I'll give you a shout out. But a fan said, hey, pick one. And it showed up. So this is a picture of an actual picture? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a straight up, like from the old school point and click camera.

[Gio Perez]

It's got a jock strap on.

[Zach Amico]

And that is. They buried him. What? He died in a jock strap. His leather jacket and that's it. And he's got bottles of Jim Beam, his microphone flyers for the band. I believe they put a headphones on him playing his favorite music when they closed it, but the whole band took pictures with him. And. Yeah, they didn't clean him or anything. He's still covered in shit and puke and everything. Because he had played a show the night he died. They made it, I think, two songs in before they shut it down.

[Gio Perez]

That. So they just like. It looks like they just took him right off the stage and then just threw them on. With everything that was thrown on stage.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Did he.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

He's like. It's like when they do a Jewish funeral, they don't embalm you.

[Zach Amico]

They didn't do anything.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Throw you a la carte right on the. In the coffin. Did he?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But, yeah, that's my new prized possession is a picture with a note from his brother. So this is my new prized piece of murder. Billion show. You can show Geo a little ggl. Jorge. Show them. Uh, if you can find a little, uh, live GG Allen. He. He used to poop.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Every once in a while, he was known for duty in. Or getting naked. He had a micro penis.

[Gio Perez]

So basically, Ari stole his whole act from him.

[Zach Amico]

No, Ari's got a giant tick of balls.

[Gio Perez]

I meant from the shit.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that like. I don't even know if Ari's got a huge dick. It's just his balls are so much.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, yeah, his ball. Yeah, they're. They're ridiculously blazed. Like, the ratio from, like, dick to balls. It doesn't make sense.

[Zach Amico]

It doesn't. Hey, can we make sure Zen's all good too?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I think having a little wardrobe malfunction.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you'll figure it out, big dog. Don't worry about it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

This is like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you'll figure it out. You put the puzzle together.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This is Corey in the meantime. There we go.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

So why would. Wait, this was. That's him.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

So why is he. Why does he look like you in the picture?

[Zach Amico]

Wait, is this loaded and dead.

[Gio Perez]

So this is the night he died.

[Zach Amico]

No, this is. This is around the time he died. And he used the, like attack, like. Yep, this is it. Nice.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Even in death, he wasn't a poser, bro. He. He kept it punk. Oh, so he just. That's what he does. He just stay. He stays in his underwear, like in the.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

A lot. Being filthy.

[Gio Perez]

And she started dancing right after, so, you know, she liked it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Don't wash me when I die. Well, I want.

[Zach Amico]

I like that you assume he's British, from New Hampshire. Is he now? He's from New Hampshire, is he?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It used to be a Hampshire, though.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, he gets out broad.

[Gio Perez]

Had a pull up by a hair.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. He would go in and attack people. He would say he was going to kill himself on Halloween every year and then magically get himself arrested. Like the week before when he met. He used to go see the serial killer, John Wayne Gacy. He used to visit him in prison. And the quote John Wayne Gacy had was, nice guy, but he stinks like piss.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

This guy scares me. Can you get him out of here, please?

[Zach Amico]

John Wayne Gacy lived on top of 30 dead bodies.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he complained about the way Gigi Allen smelled. All right, let's get plugs out of the way. Gio. What do you want people to check out, my friend?

[Gio Perez]

Check out my podcast on the gate on YouTube. All platforms. If you're already subscribed to Gas Digital, just swoop on over and watch one of our bonus contents and shit like that. And that's it. Follow me on Instagram geoparez86.

[Zach Amico]

Excellent, Mr. Zenhauser.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yes. Please follow me on the Shuli network. Every night we do the Uncle Rico show. And you can catch. Catch my special on that network, Leticia. It's my first comedy album. It's out. It's on the Shuley network, at the Zen Comic, on Twitter and Instagram for all my dates.

[Zach Amico]

Fantastic. Follow me on Instagram at Zach is not funny. All my dates. Punchup live. Zack Amico. And if you love the show, use the program, the promo code. Zoo Z o o. Get yourself a little bit of money off your subscription, your episodes early ad, free and uncensored. The live chat, the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite gas shows. And our bonus Friday episode. That's right. We do three of these suckers a week. And if you want the third one, you gotta subscribe. All right, so this is the zoo. We do love animal videos. Not always where the animal wins. Sometimes people win, sometimes animals win. This is, I would say, Animal win one of the scariest. God. A thing that I think if it happened to me, I would crumble as a. Emotionally, I don't think I could handle how scary this would be. This is birds swarming a house. And it sounds not that bad until you see it. Jorge, if you want to bring that up for me, this is somehow worse than the movie. Birds swarm a house.

[Gio Perez]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Then they do something amazing. They fly. It's an invasion.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They go into the chimney place where.

[Zach Amico]

The birds made entry into the home. They flew in by the hundreds and left a wave of chaos.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And you notice they're black birds. So they're just breaking.

[Zach Amico]

It's a flash mob.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, yeah. How we know these are not like.

[Zach Amico]

Massage rooms themselves to the ceiling?

[Gio Perez]

There were birds coming out of every drone.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It was insane.

[Zach Amico]

Carrie lives in the home in Torrance, California.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

She said nature could kill us any minute.

[Zach Amico]

They wanted to, but the birds wouldn't budge.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And they were just bouncing off your head. They were on the curtains.

[Gio Perez]

What if they have, like, Havana syndrome? Just don't know.

[Zach Amico]

It took Patrick three entire days to remove more than 1500 birds by hand. And they left quite a mess. Incredibly, the same thing just happened.

[Gio Perez]

Wait, was that Asian lady capturing those birds?

[Zach Amico]

Harry and Meghan.

[Gio Perez]

I wonder what she did with the. With the bird she caught.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

I think we know what happened to the bird she got. Wings are small this week.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You want the Pathway soap.

[Gio Perez]

For some reason. This orange chicken's a little more tender.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, that's another variant of COVID coming out.

[Zach Amico]

My orange chicken has feathers in it. Black feathers. Weird. This is hot pepper.

[Gio Perez]

This one has a message on it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

How they decided to pick one house is they just. They pinpointed one place to all fucking swoop into.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I think the story with. Because the Birds, the movie the Birds is based on a real news story. And I'm pretty sure it was something like a bunch of birds ate either something fermented or rotting and essentially it fucked them up.

[Gio Perez]

Got drunk the brain up.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So, yeah, well, you see, we've shown the show before, so we don't have to do it, but like, yeah, sometimes fruit will fall from trees and all the animals of the jungle will eat it. And it already fermented and it's just like hammered elephants and monkeys. It's hilarious. Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, you saw that there was like an elephant loose in India that killed like 10 people.

[Zach Amico]

20. We did that. Yeah. We're going to cover that on Friday.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Still on the loose.

[Gio Perez]

That's Crazy. Like, what do you do at that point? Because the type of gun you need to put down that.

[Zach Amico]

It was like an elephant.

[Gio Perez]

100 caliber gun.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's also, like 50. He's probably hitting, like, the shittiest little villages, though.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's not like, if it ran into a city, they would just throw, like.

[Gio Perez]

Flip flops at it.

[Zach Amico]

No, they would, like, put it down a spike strip and, like.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, a spike strip.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody would have a gun. Gun.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah, that's funny. The elephant stomping around India looking up and going, did I just step in?

[Gio Perez]

No.

[Zach Amico]

He's mad because his nose is so long.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God, you guys stink.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I smell extra. This is crazy.

[Zach Amico]

What are you. What aisle are the peanuts in? Hey, Habib.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hey, hey. Hey, Ed. Did you step in? No, it was.

[Gio Perez]

It was, like, fermented body odor.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

If I see one more person stirring soup with their arm, I'm going crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Hey, could you guys not stir my soup with your foot with long fingernails?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, you want to. You want to have a great time. And I know you've seen this, guys. You just watch hours of Indian street food videos.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, yeah. I've done that for years.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You see the guy making pancakes with his armpit?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

He's just making, like, these biscuits, and he throws them in the fryer. I don't care how long you fry those for. That. That has your armpit hair, your chest hair, whatever the fuck you use to do that.

[Gio Perez]

Some of those are like, I. The videos are getting crazy with. I saw one with the snow in Russia, and then it turns out that was actually real.

[Zach Amico]

Was it the guy jumping out the house where.

[Gio Perez]

It was just, like, hundred feet of snow, but it was because, like, the wind pushed it up.

[Zach Amico]

So Russia's got, like, a snow apocalypse going on right now. And there was a video of a guy jumping out of his window to get out of the house, and he. He. He had to be on the second or third floor, and he just lands in the snow.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Like, that's hilarious. By the way, snow apocalypse is the nickname for Skank Fest.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, very good. Depending on. Yeah, depending on which. Depending on if you're in the sober room or not. Yes.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Well, on a Saturday night, every. Every room is a snow fest.

[Gio Perez]

I think there's probably, like, 30 people at Skank Fest. Like, 30 sober people.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

In the whole Skank fest.

[Zach Amico]

Well, there's a comic you got.

[Gio Perez]

That's what I mean. I feel like everybody else.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Comedians, of course. Yeah. When I started doing comedy and when Bizak started doing comedy. That's when everybody started getting wagon, right? For the most part, yeah. Mostly they're getting off. Getting off because they tell you all about all these great stories that they have about how it used to be, and you're like, well, that sucks. I could have been there for that.

[Zach Amico]

It's always, the bathroom at the Comedy Store is black. The floor is black, the toilets are black, the sinks are black. Everything is jet black. And you're like, what a weird motif for a comedy bathroom.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And you're like, oh, right.

[Zach Amico]

And so you couldn't possibly lose coke in here. Right.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Makes perfect sense.

[Zach Amico]

All the. Oh, dude, there's razor blade marks all over the sinks.

[Gio Perez]

Top of the. The toilet bowl.

[Zach Amico]

Top of the toilet bowl.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Dana Carvey getting his sucked while he's. He's chopping up a.

[Zach Amico]

God damn, that must have been fun. But, yes, I'm glad we. I'm glad we saw the. A hundred. Fifteen hundred birds in your house. I think you just leave, right? You leave the door because they're shitting everywhere.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Now you quit. You fucking. You put that house up for sale. You're done.

[Zach Amico]

That's.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's a demon house.

[Zach Amico]

1500. Yes. I'm afraid that there's something attracting those birds. Yeah. And, yeah, I think. What do you. Because that means 1500 birds shit in your house.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, and they knocked everything over.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. There's no way it's inhabitable. Right.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I mean, eventually, you can probably spend thousands of dollars and. And getting it cleaned up. But. But why would.

[Gio Perez]

Your house insurance would probably cover that.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know, man. And do you get animal cruelty if you just, like, take a baseball bat?

[Gio Perez]

No, that's literally what I was just picturing. I'm like, oh, I'm taking line drives. Just see how many I can hit.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's kind of. It's like the bonus level in the Super Smash Brothers. You get free carte blanche. Yeah, it's carte blanche.

[Gio Perez]

What's that machine where they throw, like, money at you and you have to catch it?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, one of those.

[Gio Perez]

Bird and a bat.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I mean, that's your chance, right?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, that's a purge. That's. That's something that you're able to do. It's a once in a lifetime.

[Zach Amico]

What weapon do you grab? House full of birds. Bat.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

The bat is a great idea.

[Gio Perez]

I think a machete would be fun seeing, like, showing it hard enough, you will hit something and cut it in half.

[Zach Amico]

Give me your blood everywhere.

[Gio Perez]

But it's cool. Like a samurai movie.

[Zach Amico]

It is.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. I like the idea of smacking them with a bad. Maybe because I'm Italian. It just makes me feel like I'm thinking. Thinking, like how we used to settle problems. No, but I think that's the best way to do it.

[Gio Perez]

I say buckets of hot boiling grease and see how many you can cook in midair.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. What about if you took a laundry bag and put it on a stick.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And just catch them like. Like a butterfly. Like butterfly.

[Zach Amico]

Like a giant butterfly net.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Then what do you do with them?

[Zach Amico]

You burn them outside.

[Gio Perez]

Burn them all?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No, you want to make them suffer. I think if you hit a couple of them, the other ones will get the. The hint. They'll run out, get the ring later.

[Gio Perez]

Did they say what kind of birds it was?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. Did they say what kind of birds it was?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

If you say blackbirds, they was Blackbirds.

[Gio Perez]

They were Ms. 13.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Like, was it America? It had to be an American story, right?

[Zach Amico]

So then I think it was in California.

[Jorge]

Yeah, it was in California.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Crows.

[Jorge]

And it looks like. It looks like crows.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Crows. Yeah. That's fucked up. A murder of crows is what they call those dark wings.

[Gio Perez]

Dark words.

[Zach Amico]

All right, second question. If you have a water gun, what do you fill it with to shoot them with? You can't be shooting. You can't be shooting a gun in the house.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hot sauce.

[Gio Perez]

A flamethrower.

[Zach Amico]

You bring your house down.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

A flamethrower.

[Gio Perez]

That's possible, but at least it looked cool just watching those things fly around on fire. They're already up your house.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Get fire insurance, so you fill it with fire. Like. Like, you make it like a little gasoline tour. We get, like. Maybe get like, a thing. Aquanet. And a lighter.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I was gonna say hairspray and a lighter.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, just them up.

[Gio Perez]

You can only go so long with those before. Yeah, burn the lighter out.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. I don't know. Is there any. I mean, when it's that magnitude of birds coming at you, nothing you do is gonna make a difference.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like a rake would be good.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They're not attacking you, right? Like, they're not coming after you.

[Zach Amico]

No, but they're you in. They're in your space, dude. They're gonna be bouncing around.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Chainsaw.

[Gio Perez]

You're gonna be getting hit with, like, flattering winds and.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, sure, I'm in. Bird and. And claws and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think you call everyone, you know that has a dog, right?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Or a cat.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you go, everybody, this is Thanksgiving.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

What Would your cat. Do you think your cats would go. They would have a ball. They would run away.

[Zach Amico]

My cat would be a fuck. I would come home to him on a pile, dude. Like fucking ash and evil death. He would be asleep on a four foot pile of birds. He is a cock. Soccer.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

We put on birds. We put on videos for cats on YouTube when we leave. And there's a red bird that's in some of these videos that he hates.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

The second that bird shows up, he's fucking up. I've seen him look behind the TV for him.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or every once in a while a bird will land on my fire escape and he is in the window like full, like trying to eat it. Like he will. Oh, I've told you that I've had two mice ever. And this was seven years of this apartment. They did not make it. I never saw them. Yeah, because he fucking beat the shit out of him and brought him to me. Brought him to be dead, dead, dead Ski.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

So proper cat. So you maybe five cats. Five cats would clear that whole place up. Five of your cats.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, maybe I would get a couple big ones. I would get a couple Maine coons.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Careful.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I'm waiting for it.

[Zach Amico]

Careful. I would get a couple big.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Was it in Maine?

[Zach Amico]

No, they don't have those. Yeah, that's almost an ox. That's like jumbo shrimp. All right, here's a fun one.

[Gio Perez]

You know what? I. I just remember too? I. Me and my cousin shot a crow in his backyard with. With one of his pellet guns. And for like dates, there was just crows flying in around the backyard right off of one crow, one dead crow. So now imagine you killed about 30 of them shits. They keep coming back. Now you. Now you're at war with the crows.

[Zach Amico]

Because I think crows remember they're smart. I just read something Corey fact checked me. Crows hold a grudge.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they remember your face. And I want to say they tested it. It's something crazy. Like 17 years.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. They'll remember you.

[Zach Amico]

A crow can remember you. Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So yeah, if you killed. That's some kill, Bill. That's like the bride versus the crazy 88.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

Eventually a big crow like those crows babies are gonna come find. They're gonna pull up in the wagon.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. They're coming for retribution.

[Gio Perez]

I like to picture them more like the crows from Oz. Just cool black guys. Just.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I was thinking Dumbo.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, that's the one I met the race.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jorge]

Zach was money. They do remember faces. Either positive or negatively for up to 17 years.

[Zach Amico]

Is that fucking crazy? Yeah, they're like the little bird brains.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They do these crow, there's crows, there's those other animals that they know how to like put rocks and water to make the water rise in order to take a drink. Like they, they know how they figured that shit out.

[Zach Amico]

Well the funniest is when they tried to teach monkeys currency. No, I'm dead serious. I'm not doing a joke. I'm not doing it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

Do you know the experiment I'm talking about?

[Gio Perez]

No, Black Wall Street. I know what you're talking about.

[Zach Amico]

So they took all these monkeys.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They haven't gotten it right yet, I'll tell you that much.

[Zach Amico]

They introduced a currency system, right. Where if they did certain tasks they would get stones and they could trade those stones in for stuff, for fruit. Fruit and treats.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know what they immediate what immediately happened?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They started. Oh, I think I know.

[Zach Amico]

Monkey prostitutes.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Monkey prostitutes. The female monkeys would charge the guys.

[Zach Amico]

Started charging the guys rocks to fuck them, right?

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then they would go get the treats. So every guy just started doing the tasks.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they immediately invented process. The first thing the monkeys did with money was invent prostitute.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That sounds like an old, like an old school like, like I hate to say brother, but like an old school guy would be telling you like man, that shit is as old as fucking time, man. In the monkey, the monkeys be hooking world's oldest profession.

[Gio Perez]

Cuz a pimp knows like it doesn't matter what species a it's going to be.

[Zach Amico]

It don't matter if it's white black Asian monkey are going to sell. It is going. The scientists all bought fur coats.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's a Cat Williams bit waiting to happen. Oh don't get me wrong.

[Zach Amico]

Them bitches, bitches be selling pussy as long as there's been pussy in time since the end. Since the history of pussy and selling.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Since we crawled out of the sea we was as soon as we grew legs.

[Gio Perez]

Bring me my bananas before I crack you in the face.

[Zach Amico]

Hoes be hoes charging a pomegranate for some.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That gotta be some good for some pomegranate.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's a fancy fruit.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

How much for that dragon fruit?

[Zach Amico]

Fun little. Next topic. I was a Maury baby. The dramatic experience that changed my life forever. This is a girl who found out in adulthood that she was on a who's the dad episode of Maury Jorge. Tell us about it.

[Jorge]

Well, so yeah, so this woman said that you know, growing up relatively normal life until One day her parents, they admitted to her that when she was a baby, they took her on to the show to see. To do a paternity test to see whether or not she was the child of the father.

[Zach Amico]

And is this. It's an article though, right?

[Jorge]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Here, bring her out.

[Gio Perez]

Here's the.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hold on.

[Gio Perez]

How terrible must that be? Just thinking like, your family has like a. Like a nice background. Oh, God. Wait, which one's the mother? Which one's the mother?

[Jorge]

This is the child, right?

[Gio Perez]

That's the child that.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No, that's not. Is it?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, we got. I got switched at birth with her.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Gio, I totally thought that you were making a joke, but holy.

[Gio Perez]

I think I could tell afterwards, cuz the. The literal one had.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You have eaten the father.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. You are the fatter.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Fantastic.

[Zach Amico]

I brought this in just for these jokes.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Now. Wait, did. So are they still together? The guy who isn't the father for that kid?

[Zach Amico]

I believe so.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

So that's crazy. Like.

[Zach Amico]

No, he is. They said that he was.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, he was the father, but they.

[Zach Amico]

Weren'T sure whose kid it was. Exactly.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, I'd be holding that. I'd be holding that over my kid's head their whole life when they go, I wish I wasn't your daughter. I wish you were my father. Oh, yeah, we'll have a seat.

[Zach Amico]

I would be holding it over the mom here.

[Gio Perez]

I present to you, Maury, episode 1305.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, that's got to be.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah, That's a bargaining chip.

[Zach Amico]

Especially if you took care. If you've been taking care of that kid.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Dude, that's insane.

[Zach Amico]

If you. If you went to fucking Lamar's with her and fucking built the crib.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right?

[Gio Perez]

That just to like, watch the video and see your mom with a panel of like four guys and then three of them dance.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, three of them are dancing because they don't have to raise you.

[Gio Perez]

It's three guys that.

[Zach Amico]

Don'T. Groceries. I dance too.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, that's. That's insane, man.

[Zach Amico]

Were you guys all as surprised as I was that she was white?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. Or just at least half. I knew she was gonna be half white. I didn't think she'd be totally white.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, it's gonna be. It's either going to be fat, white, or just any kind of black.

[Zach Amico]

And I mean, most of those shows are bullshit. Like, of course.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah. A lot of it stays there.

[Zach Amico]

If you do. If you go back and watch Jerry Springer's. So many indie wrestlers.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Are fake fighting or like, it's like the, like, real low rung, trashy deathmatch guys from the 90s and 2000s. Yeah. Are constantly reused on Springer.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, sure.

[Gio Perez]

I mean, I met the executive producer of Vinnie Fusco, who does. He does Maury, Jerry Springer, and the Steve Wilko Show. He did all three shows. And he said it was most of it a stage, a lot of it. They add to it. They tell him what to say, and then, like, he'll just say he was like. You just see the craziest people in the studio. Like, one guy, one time, he saw a guy who had only. He had only the top torso, and he would travel on a skateboard like he was a Sid Toy from Toy Story. Like he was just seeing a guy stroll by.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it's a.

[Gio Perez]

It's a nut house.

[Zach Amico]

I bet you can figure out who's.

[Gio Perez]

His kid was a dj. His son's a dj.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, good. Yeah, he puts him on the turntables.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I'm getting dizzy, son.

[Zach Amico]

Where's my down?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, I'm grounded. Just take away your skateboard.

[Zach Amico]

And speaking of grounded.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Taking away my skateboard. How about your skateboard away? Yeah. Until I got into comedy, I didn't realize that those judge shows were fake.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And you're watching, then all of a sudden you see, like, people, you know, on the show, and you're like, two.

[Gio Perez]

Of my friends did them.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Judge Judy. The people.

[Zach Amico]

I'm pretty sure there's a group of friends.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That have done all of the shows, and they were roommates, and they would just take each other to small claims court and split the money every time because they would get paid to do the show. But I want to say these guys have been on, like, 10 shows, and they would just make up a new. It was like a thing they did as roommates every year. They would just get on a new show. They would sue each other for, like, $250.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Because the show pays you out.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It pays you out what you owe.

[Zach Amico]

It pays everybody's everything.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's great.

[Zach Amico]

That's how. I think that's how they get people, is they pay your lawyer fees, plus if you lose, they cover it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Because it's all small claims, so.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, not like a TV show.

[Zach Amico]

No, no.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Like small. Oh, okay. But I mean, I never see a lawyer on that show. It's just always the people.

[Zach Amico]

Just if you had legal fees to deal with it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Gotcha. I see what you're saying.

[Zach Amico]

They would cover everything.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right. That's great.

[Zach Amico]

And it was just a prank. They did Every year.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's a great idea. That's like sending like your friend to go to. To the ER like with your symptoms and you find out what he just get antibiotics from. Oh, that's great.

[Gio Perez]

They need to do like a people's core, but like a S. SVU edition where it's just all sex crimes.

[Zach Amico]

I did not know that they should do that.

[Gio Perez]

I mean, they should. That's. I mean that they. I don't think they've ever had that. But that's just. Just seeing a bunch of like rapists.

[Zach Amico]

And probably pretty sad. Yeah, it would probably stop being fun after a few episodes.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's one I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to do. I wouldn't want to do that.

[Zach Amico]

Now judge Steve Harvey.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hey, didn't that guy kids and then you're gonna say what to that 12 year old?

[Gio Perez]

You did.

[Zach Amico]

You did what?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, no, I didn't actually. Really? The kid. It's just. It was a joke.

[Gio Perez]

I pretended to the kid like it's all AI pictures. It's not real. I heard Uncle Laser got blown by like a. There's like video of him getting blown by like a 14 year old down syndrome girl or something.

[Zach Amico]

She's of age. She's a porn chick.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, wait, how old is she?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. She looks young.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's all you need.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, hey, look, she looks young. I believe it's Coco Love.

[Gio Perez]

Coco Love.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I can't believe a guy named Uncle Laser would do something nefarious.

[Zach Amico]

Well, he did Naked Rose, so I do feel like I was a slippery slope for him. Oh, yeah, because he realized how fun it is to have your dick, like.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oiling up a Chinese person.

[Gio Perez]

It's a gateway. Naked roast is a gateway drug to porn.

[Zach Amico]

Who knew? Big dick Decent. Yeah, decent hog on him.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's good.

[Zach Amico]

But yeah, I guess he's on a podcast and they talked about on skank, so I won't go too much into it, but yeah, I guess he caught a beach. Good for him. I guess I. I give people, I.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Don'T know credit for those Naked Rose because I was privy to only one and I just the amount of small penises that you see on that on that roster.

[Zach Amico]

Plus we had a girl. And I think almost every battle this year, really, I think almost every battle was guy versus girl, except one was girl versus girl or trans girl versus girl.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, even better.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, I remember.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Best of both worlds.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. Oh, it's the best.

[Zach Amico]

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[Gio Perez]

The industry on the outside, but if.

[Zach Amico]

She'S sure blowing comedians on a podcast, her days are numbered.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Depends on the podcast, though.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. I don't know. There's certain.

[Gio Perez]

It's the first time I've ever heard of the podcast. I don't even. I can't even remember the name.

[Zach Amico]

Jorge Felician.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

If you're on the Rogan Sphere, go ahead, go for it.

[Jorge]

This is her Coco Love lock.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, dude, I don't know.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's.

[Gio Perez]

I mean, if you're dabbling, you're dabbling a little bit. What's her age? But go. She's 18, 17 and a half.

[Zach Amico]

No, I don't want to be mean. She does look like when they make special needs dolls.

[Gio Perez]

Autistic Barbie.

[Zach Amico]

No. And they make like down syndrome bar down syndrome dolls.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah. She's got a bit of a downy face.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, I'd say.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I'm not. She's a beautiful woman.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

God bless. But there was just. I don't know, there's something about. Wait, because I've Shown myself the extra.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Chromosome off a trailer.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Jorge hasn't confirmed the age yet, so it's not allegedly.

[Jorge]

She's 26.

[Gio Perez]

20.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Allegedly. I don't want to. I can't. I can't make a decision on allegedly.

[Zach Amico]

There's certain. And I. And I've had my dick out in movies. I've taken my dick out on podcasts. Something about having a sexual act performed to me, it stops being funny and, like, it's past the line of, like, oh, I'm doing a funny thing now. It's like, oh, now I've done porn.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. The most amateur porn is always very awkward to watch.

[Zach Amico]

Like, like, what was it? Was it Ron and Fat?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Was it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Na. Or Ron and Fez, when. Who was a black Earl where Fez blew everybody? I think it was. His name might have been Black Earl. Black Earl that's jerked off by. Oh, who's the one that dated Charlie Sheen?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, from. From the movie Wild Things.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no. She's a porn chick.

[Jorge]

Brie Olson.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Is that correct, Jorge? I think he got truck. He, like, prematurely ejaculated, too. It was a quick one.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's great.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, nice.

[Zach Amico]

And, like. Yeah, that's funny. And that's cool that you got, like.

[Jorge]

Yeah, it was Ron and Fez and you got some.

[Zach Amico]

Some from a porn.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

What's your problem with it?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know, man. I. I think I would have an issue. And not that I'm judging other people. I have friends that do porn or in the industry, and they're cool, but I. I wouldn't want to go home with that info. Well, maybe.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Maybe because you're a comedian and it's. It. It's outside the realm of what you feel like is like, I know your pride.

[Zach Amico]

When Norton first started doing. Oh, and a. They would have him, like, almost be like a little stunt boyish. And I think Colin said to him, hey, you're funnier than that. You don't have, like, don't let a fucking hooker pee on you on the radio.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Be funny on the microphone.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And he was like, let.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And I think from there on, he kind of would talk about doing that stuff, but he's not gonna, like, do it on the air.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I just think 20 years down the road, Is that what you want out there?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

As a guy, maybe now you're established, maybe you have a family. Maybe you have, you know, some sort of cachet with his family.

[Zach Amico]

He does have his nieces and nephews, apparently.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

What if Nate Bargazi started out as a dirty road comic and was just like, having people piss on his face. Now he wants to be who Nate Bargazi is now.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, well, sometimes you just gotta get blown, man.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hey, everybody. Hey.

[Zach Amico]

My balls were full.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I don't know if it's always clean comics.

[Gio Perez]

That fool you.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Likes his ass eating.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So I just. I don't think it's something I would. And I'm not judging, you know, But I do think it almost like it goes beyond, like, I'm not funny for funny sake. Now I'm being shocking because how many.

[Gio Perez]

Comics are out there with videos of them getting blown?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right. But this is from the guy who staples stuff on his dick.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I know. I'm well aware. Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Of the hypocrisy you're drawing. That moral borderline. I will not do that. No.

[Gio Perez]

All right. I won't argue with that one, because he does make a lot of money. But the skewers, that's unnecessary, man. That's. That's just painful. I. I was walking once. He's like, yeah, now this time I'm gonna use a splintered chopstick. And you're like, ah, nah, man.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Well, he likes. I mean, again, where does. Where does your personal interest. Yeah. Start, Cuz if you really like that. If it's almost like it's a kink for you.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah. But I think. But I think that it's more of just like a. Ah. And it fits like the punk rock thing. But then getting blown on stage now it turns into like, wow, now my dick's hard.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Gio Perez]

At a roast.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I just also think it's. You're taking. You know, we shouldn't be taking advantage of these women like that. Like, they do what they want to do. That's their business. And if other people get paid to do it with them, that's their business.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, I was picturing a guy blowing him.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, whatever. Guy too. Guy too. But if. But if you're doing it on a podcast later on in life, she could be lucky. I didn't really. I wasn't cool with that. And you're like, now I'm a. Now I'm.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That is a nerve wracking thing.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. Because that happens like 20 years down the road. They can be like, you know, I was.

[Zach Amico]

They gave me drugs or alcohol.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. The craziness goes away. Or the pills go. Well, the craziness never goes away, but the pills go away and they're like, I don't feel comfortable. Then I felt like that was taken advantage Of. And. And that happens all the time.

[Gio Perez]

So it's like that girl who's getting her hair pulled in that video by.

[Zach Amico]

By Gigi. Oh, no. He went to jail. Jail a few times. He was. He did a few stints.

[Gio Perez]

He was like the white af. He.

[Zach Amico]

He. He caught a few charges. He was. He was a bad boy.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

He lived like the way he's supposed to.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. On a bus smelling like piss and poop.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's what he likes.

[Zach Amico]

All right, moving on. In today's edition of. And he almost got away with it, IRS agent plans rape fantasy in order to commit double homicide so he could run away with his au pair. I said, Shannon, multiple stories about this. So basically, and Torre, if I get it wrong, correct me. This guy falls in love with his hot Spanish nanny.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Understood.

[Zach Amico]

He says divorce is not an option from his wife.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

So he begins a slow game, the. The long game, and creates behind her back a BDSM profile for her, saying her fantasy is for people to break into her house and rape her.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Amico]

So that he can walk in on it and kill them both.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Wow.

[Gio Perez]

But I'm guessing the guy he sent the rape her dad didn't know he was gonna get killed.

[Zach Amico]

No, he was. So the idea. And the nanny was helping.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I had my head.

[Zach Amico]

I cleaned up after he clean. The idea was I clean. That they were going to have the guy come in, tell him, my fantasy is that you wake me up in the middle of the night, beat me, and rape me. They were going to kill him and then make it look like he had killed her.

[Jorge]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

So that they could then move away together. Jorge, did I get any of that wrong?

[Gio Perez]

Oh, shit.

[Jorge]

Yeah. You got it. All right. The nanny was.

[Zach Amico]

Bring it up.

[Jorge]

Hard to bring up the picture of the two of them together. So the nanny was hired to take care of what was at the time of death, the four year old. But this is a picture of them, the guy and the nanny. On her story.

[Zach Amico]

She had posted this a few weeks before.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

First of all, she's an au pair.

[Jorge]

3.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That is not. I've seen au pairs that are stunning.

[Zach Amico]

They're au pair shaped.

[Gio Perez]

Wait, so who's. Who in the situation? That's.

[Zach Amico]

That is the guy and that is the nanny.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah, that's the nanny. Is that. So that picture was taken before the whole thing happened before. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she had Snapchatted that in her private story.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No.

[Zach Amico]

So now they have evidence that they were together.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Holy. Hi, Karamba.

[Zach Amico]

And what else did I do? You have any other info or photos Jorge.

[Gio Perez]

So you got to be careful with these side man.

[Jorge]

Here's the regular family.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, his wife's, like, way hotter than that chick. It was definitely. That's definitely a white guy crime, though. I knew it was a white guy as soon as he told me. That's some diabolical. Oh, yeah, that's some calculating.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the story wasn't. So he came home and killed her.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No. Go back to the blackout. Had the decency just to break in and raise you. Just leave and leave.

[Gio Perez]

My brain thought it said more coke.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Says more cock. More.

[Zach Amico]

What a nice title over that.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, hey, man.

[Zach Amico]

Nice, nice fat mom tit over that tray.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's what I'm saying. Like, work it in. Like, why can't. If you can think of all that.

[Zach Amico]

If you can be your wife. Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Or just have a threesome. Hey, listen, honey. She likes you too.

[Jorge]

So this is them practicing target.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, Jesus.

[Jorge]

So they did all these activities, and she basically ratted herself out. Once you look back at it, she.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Reading a book that says how to murder somebody, somebody's wife.

[Gio Perez]

Explain again, because I'm lost. Because I was thinking two guys, one girl. So it's two girls, one guy, two girls.

[Zach Amico]

So it is a one cup gentleman, right? His wife, right? And the nanny and the nanny gentleman and the nanny become lovers.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, they got the little affair going on.

[Zach Amico]

The husband said divorce is not an option.

[Gio Perez]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

We need to get my wife out of the picture. So he, behind her back, starts taking photos of her and uploading them to a hardcore BDSM dating site with the information that she wants to be have her house broken into and raped, woken up, beaten and raped with him planning it as her. So he's gonna tell the guy, I'm gonna fight back, so you really gotta hurt me.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All unbeknownst to her, who she would have just thought somebody was breaking in and was trying to rape her, right? With the plan being he was gonna come in because he knew, shoot the guy and then make it look like the guy killed his wife.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, genius.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Here's my other problem with this. And this is why I, I, I think this way. It's an au pair, all right? At some point, her visa is going to run out. She goes home. It's a trip here. Why not just have that system where you just keep banging your au pair and then you can just lease out a new one? It's, it's perfect. It's like, it's like, it's like a car. It's like, you got it for two years. Cheat. You trade her in for another one. You get another hot. A foreign chick to come in. Because apparently this guy, he's not a looker. He's a three. Two.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe he's got money.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, he's got money. So that's, that's hot. So like, and you've seen au pairs. They're all hot. They're all young, well fed, European or foreign girls that have been eating non GMO food for their whole life. So they're. They got healthy tits and great asses and their beautiful skin and they're just great. And that's your. That, that's the, that's the scam. Just keep banging these like, young, hot chicks.

[Zach Amico]

How about you bang these hot chicks and then you fucking have ICE on speed dial.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, there you go.

[Zach Amico]

And, and she gets out of line. Yeah, I got a hot tip. There's one in my house.

[Gio Perez]

I knew this drug dealer that he would like, put on younger guys, have him run for him, and then snitch him to like give him up to the cops. So it looked like he was giving the cops information to stay out in the street.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Gio Perez]

But he was just kind of farming these guys to send them off to jail.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, I mean, it.

[Zach Amico]

Was he an informant? Like, did he have a relationship with the cops?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure that worked well in prison.

[Gio Perez]

A lot of my friends, old friends, turned informant, really fed him. Yeah, because once the feds come for you, you're not. There's nothing you could do for that.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Jesus Christ.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, if they've got recordings and the.

[Gio Perez]

Feds, when they come for you, they. Especially now with the technology, they probably don't even have to do investigations. They probably have an AI program listening to everything that like, builds up a case and just like, oh, we flagged this guy sit out of his, you know, you know, set up surveillance outside of his house.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I mean, yeah, departed was really based on that guy. He really was, I think, an informant for like, he worked with the FBI decades.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they let him keep killing. Like, there's guys that they just straight up let you kill people.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

They. Or they turn a blind eye and say that you definitely killed people.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

He wasn't supposed to. The problem was the guy he was reporting to in the FBI was an old neighborhood childhood friend of his. So it was only going up to that point where he was like, they were. He was turning a blind eye while this guy was still murdering people. But the FBI wasn't asking questions because they kept getting all this information about the. The Italian Mafia, and they were putting people away, so they were doing their job. But then this guy wouldn't say, oh, by the way, he's, like, killing a lot of people like that. He never brought that up. So that's why he. He got. He went down, too, for it. But, yeah, it was kind of like a cheat. A cheat code.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

For, like, getting to do whatever you want. It was. It was great. It was a great plan, but it doesn't last forever. Like, eventually you get. You get. He was on the land for a while.

[Gio Perez]

The whole thing is you. If you're gonna keep committing crimes, you have to keep informing, because if you don't give them information, they come and put pressure on you again.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah.

[Gio Perez]

All right, get back out there.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They're the worst gang out there is the federal government.

[Zach Amico]

They're.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They're. They're the ones that always get you in the end. They always win the house.

[Gio Perez]

Dude. I hate when people complain about, like, the government getting away from shit. Getting away with shit. But I'm like. I mean, if they're willing to shoot you in the face, they can get. You can get away with anything.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Sure.

[Gio Perez]

If you're willing to kill somebody, you could do whatever you want.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

And if you can get away with it.

[Zach Amico]

It's like, I had friends that lived in Philly that were. Lived in a punk house, and a couple of them were, like, real radical, like anarchists or type.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Sure.

[Zach Amico]

And they bought a bug detector for phone line back when everybody said landlines.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they used to go to neighborhoods and find bugs in telephone poles.

[Gio Perez]

They don't have to do that no more. You got a bug right here.

[Zach Amico]

They said that you would go to, like, houses where, like, they would go to, like. Like, really. They would go to, like, communist meetings and shit like that. And they said any house they went to, the whole block was tapped, of course. Or our friend Bassem was in a Muslim punk band, and every time he called, it would double. If you would hear the echo in the beginning, and I was like, oh, because your landlines are all tapped.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

His dad was also, like, a professor who, like, spoke about, like, Muslim rights and. And this was very close to 9 11. But anytime he called from the house, it would be hello, hello, hello, hello.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, it was fun. I had friends that was just like. They always thought their phones were tapped. And I'm like, you move an eight ball a week, nobody's tapping your phone.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Gio Perez]

Nobody cares about you.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the thing it's like, it has to be worth their while, too. You got to be. Because back in the day, even like, if you were marijuana, if you were dealing weed, like, how illegal that really was, especially if you. If you're coming up. If you're driving back up from Harlem with, like, two pounds of weed in your car. Yeah, you're done. You get. You get caught. Caught by the cops with two pounds of weed. You're.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What is the documentary we were watching, Gio, on the Dirty Cops? Were you there with me?

[Gio Perez]

I don't know if that was me. Was this on Midnight Spook?

[Zach Amico]

No, we were watching around to be in the living room in the. The lobby.

[Gio Perez]

I don't remember. I don't think that was me.

[Zach Amico]

Jorge, can you look up? There's a documentary on Tubi. And I want to say it's whatever the. You know, not like Brooklyn 9 9, but it's like the 76 or the 7 4.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, yeah, yeah. The 7 5.

[Zach Amico]

The 7 5.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

The one with the crooked cops in east Brooklyn.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gio Perez]

All right. Derek told me about that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, maybe I watched it with Derek.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Mike. Mike Downs, I think his name.

[Jorge]

Mike Dowd.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Mike Dowd. Thank you. Yeah, he used to be on Compound Media a lot. Used to. Come on. He was. He was chucking a book around. Like, those mafia guys, they. They leave that. That's their new life. Like, they just sell merch, and they just go on and they do. And they do talks and stuff and stuff. It's like part of their whole parole thing. But, yeah, that was crazy.

[Zach Amico]

It was so good when they talked about arrest that they. That the lady comes in for battery, and she's like, I just want to get my stuff.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they go. And they go. He goes. We go up. Boyfriend, Rastafarian guy. So I go, hold on. Let's look around. Trash bag full of weed, right? I go, we go cuff him. Look out there. We find 30,000 in cash, and we go, it's your lucky day. He goes, we're gonna leave all this. We want the cash.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

We're gonna take.

[Zach Amico]

And he went, deal.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, dude, being a cop back then was awesome.

[Gio Perez]

That's how it should be.

[Zach Amico]

I have no problem with that. You got got. You know what?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You were playing in traffic.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You got. Got $30,000 or 30 years in prison. Which one do you want now?

[Zach Amico]

The person you owe that money to.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's. That's another problem for another day.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

At least you get. At least. At least you have.

[Zach Amico]

Because you're still gonna owe them that money.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, we'll go back for sure.

[Gio Perez]

We'll just be in debt, though. Yeah, you'll be in debt.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You guys ever watch the Deuce on hbo? The Deuce was a great show that's about this, about the life in the 70s, 42nd street with the pimps and the hoes and all that. The cops had a great. What a great system that was.

[Zach Amico]

So I have a question for you guys, because I feel like you might know better than me, especially using. Because you've been around. You've been around the block. Who or what is Mario Bosco?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, you might be able to answer this question better than me because I.

[Zach Amico]

See them pop up on podcasts. They always. It's.

[Gio Perez]

It's the. The 14 year old down syndrome girl that had that blue uncle laser that's.

[Zach Amico]

Like, they're always comedy adjacent. Or they say they're a comic or I'll see them on flyers.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You say they. Are you talking about. Because you don't know what that person is. Like a him. Her.

[Gio Perez]

You think it's trans?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's a him.

[Gio Perez]

No, it's a him. But so what I.

[Zach Amico]

From what I understand, they have like a good developmental. Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

He doesn't have a pituitary gland or some.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Gio Perez]

So he never hit puberty. So that means he doesn't have pubes.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

He's like 60 years old. Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Like, I don't think his dick can get hard. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. But he has like. He's just a baby with wrinkles.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Gio Perez]

Or like a teenage. He's like a pre. He's stuck in preteen.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right. He looks like from, From. It was like Rhea Perlman from Cheers.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Oh, I always thought he was like Carla.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, I thought it was a Pee Wee Herman puppet come to life.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, there's a comic that. It reminds me of him. I can't remember. I'll.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hey, Mozo Mozzarella. He talks like this. He's been in like.

[Gio Perez]

Welcome to Peewee's Playhouse.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Welcome to Pee Wee's Playhouse.

[Zach Amico]

Part of this, like, guinea worship.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

These podcasts that's like, all right, we're gonna blind rank pastas today, right? Yeah. And like, I'm like, who is. Hey. They say they're a comic. I've never seen them go up once.

[Gio Perez]

A month to their own people.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Or I know people that are like, they hit them up to book them.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

But it's like, it's like, it's like a novelty act. It's like, when you.

[Zach Amico]

Because I was just looking at a. Like a celebrity autograph convention and they were one of the celebrities and I'm like, for.

[Gio Perez]

For what?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right. The best way I can describe it is like. Like a whack packer from the Stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Like, yeah, it's just like a. Kind of a weirdo who. They do. They happen to do stand up comedy and it's horrible.

[Zach Amico]

And I've also heard them say that they, like, live on a couch at their sister's house.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Really? Oh, maybe. I mean, it tracks. He. He used to do a lot of. Like, he was in. I think he was in a lot of the NYPD stuff. Sopranos. Like, he used to do shows.

[Zach Amico]

Like, he used to be like, why don't they. I believe I've heard them say that they were stand in for Macaulay Culkin, I would imagine.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I think they've been around that long.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, he's about. He's almost 60, that guy.

[Gio Perez]

Industry plants hori.

[Zach Amico]

Do you know who I'm talking about?

[Jorge]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen him go up at a couple places before, but.

[Zach Amico]

How'd they do?

[Jorge]

All right. Like, nothing.

[Zach Amico]

Was it a lot of, like, me mouth sauce?

[Jorge]

Yeah, no, it was more. More subdued than that. More just like, regular joke telling? No, like, nothing really theatrical. At least from what I saw.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's a lot of political satire. I'm like Bill Hicks over here.

[Gio Perez]

What's the matter with these Palestinians?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hey, Always throwing rocks. I got news for you. It don't do nothing.

[Gio Perez]

Palestine. What's that? A kind of pasta.

[Zach Amico]

I just can't figure, like, the whole, like. I guess because I think a lot of people are rediscovering or watching Sopranos for the first time.

[Gio Perez]

I tried doing that.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I watched, I watched. I just rewatched it.

[Zach Amico]

There's like this like, guinea podcast culture that I hate.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, it's not good.

[Gio Perez]

You gotta realize that Italian people are.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yes, yes.

[Zach Amico]

They're subhuman.

[Gio Perez]

It's just easy to entertain them.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

And that's coming from two Italians. We totally.

[Zach Amico]

They're subhuman. They're the dumbest people.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They're a bunch of knuckle dragging apes.

[Zach Amico]

Pasta monkeys.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, dude, like, go like AC Back in the day. Like, they would be. They would unironically be wearing, like, tracksuits, but not as nice as that. Like real deal old school track suits. Like the.

[Zach Amico]

When I used to go to the. I went to the Jersey shore when I was still, like, in high school and I had A big Mohawk. And I remember a bunch of Italian kids coming up to me, and they go, take it down. What? They go, it's disrespectful to the shore to wear your hair like that. They told me I was disrespecting the Jersey Shore.

[Gio Perez]

I lived in Yonkers until I was 14 and then moved to Long Island. I've been around Italian. I've only dated Italian. Like, a good chunk of. Of the.

[Zach Amico]

No, that's what he calls them good chunks.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They get chunky as the years go on.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, they don't know who their father is. They found out it was on the Maury Show.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right. Is that the mom or the. Or the daughter?

[Zach Amico]

There's a chubby Italian broad on Instagram that I love. I can't remember her name right now. I have to my chubby, like. Like, size.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I'm chubby.

[Zach Amico]

Not. No, not like ssb. Not like fucking Scooter fat.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right? Scooter fat.

[Zach Amico]

But she's just accent. And she was Ginny Sack for Halloween.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, that's hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

And, oh, dude, she's so fucking hot. She makes fudgeing desserts.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, you got to give it to me at the end of the show.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, my God. I was. You know who I really, honestly am attracted to, and this is a sign of me getting older. Chef Alex from the Food Channel.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Chef Alex. I know you're talking about. All right.

[Zach Amico]

Bring her like an older lady.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

The one that, like, judges a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I know there's something about her where I'm like, this lady. Dude.

[Gio Perez]

Rachel Ray was the.

[Zach Amico]

Rachel Ray was so her. And fhm, back in the day, bending over, putting the brownies in the oven.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's a good example of how an Italian girl ages, though.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You watch her, like, at 19, 20, and she is perfect. And then you hit C40. She's. Ugh.

[Zach Amico]

Something about Chef Alex.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Can you look her up with pigtails?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You're nuts.

[Zach Amico]

No, man.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You're crazy. That. That she has the.

[Gio Perez]

She looks like the mom from the Moore Show.

[Zach Amico]

I don't care, man. She's like.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

She should be under a bridge, dude.

[Gio Perez]

That's. By the way, that's every woman in Long Island.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

She was hot when she was younger, too.

[Zach Amico]

I think I might be watching reruns.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, she was hot. A lot of these people, they. They. Because they're on the Food Network. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe it is because they eat all the time, but they just blow up. They just.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

All right.

[Gio Perez]

Multiple takes.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I'M not saying I wouldn't. Her face. I'm just saying that I probably.

[Zach Amico]

You heard it here first. Chef Alex.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Chef Alex.

[Zach Amico]

I would not. Your face.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I would not. Your face.

[Gio Perez]

Hey, she definitely got a fat ass.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Dude. The Food Network has such a nefarious history. Like, you go to any Food Network chef and they. They were just big pieces of like.

[Gio Perez]

They just got the biggest.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

But I mean, like, charges. Like sexual harassment charges.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, that's. What's his name, the guy that they said looked like a shaved lion.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Mario Battalion.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

But also Bobby Flay got hit up with those charges. Elton Brown got hit up with, like, hitting on interns and stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I think that's restaurant culture.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I just know. It's just not.

[Zach Amico]

I think restaurant club is very predatory.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But I remember, so.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, for sure.

[Zach Amico]

When we used to work at CBs, one of the bartender's girlfriends was like a hostess at a very high end Italian restaurant.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Is that our buddy that passed away?

[Zach Amico]

Not. No, not Rick. Laz.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, Laz. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Laz's girlfriend told us one time that Mario Batali. I think it was her. I apologize. It might have been Rick's girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure it was last that Maribetali came and did like a thing at her restaurant. And they took all the hostesses and waitresses in for a meeting before, and we're like, don't be alone with him.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

If he asks you to come in, if he asks you to go somewhere, say you're busy.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I think they straight up were like, don't.

[Gio Perez]

Isn't that what they do, the interns, when they hire him here?

[Zach Amico]

No, they have. No, they sign a paperwork to say they're okay with it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

How do you feel about getting your own podcast? No, but it's. It's. It is in the culture. But then even the women were having like, like, like all of that Italian girl, Giada. She's like, known as like the blowjob queen of the Food Network. She just sucked everybody's dick.

[Zach Amico]

I did not know that.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, look it up.

[Zach Amico]

Well, didn't that one lady just kill herself that we called her guy, Gal Fieri.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

The. The lesbian. Right, with the.

[Zach Amico]

No, she had a husband.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

The. She was Mario Batali's sous chef for a long time, actually. Which is funny that. That all kind of.

[Zach Amico]

But yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Didn't she.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't she just kill herself in the shower with pills?

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Pills. Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

That could have been accidental. Yeah, they could have been accidental.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You have a few cocktails, you forget how many pills you.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Sometimes you just od because you just. You forget how many pills you take.

[Gio Perez]

If they're like, oh, we found 100 pills, but yeah, that's suicide. But they're like, yeah, we found 20. I might. Nah, man. They had a problem. They just had a problem.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And today was the day.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah. Yeah, dude, that. That would have me all the time. Well, I was just like, take a bunch of pills. And I'm like, oh, yeah, this is it. I'm dying. And I was like, no, I just nodded off. And I'm like, sitting there, I'm like, I should text my daughter that I love her.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Had a sad ending.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, it's like 30 different. I'm sorry, baby. I love you. Remember that. And I wake up in the morning, pill, cigar.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Was fun.

[Jorge]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Never mind. Scratch that.

[Gio Perez]

Never mind. I made it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's why I like taking an edible. And I feel like, you know, it's like, George, not as dire. You're just. You're not going to make any of those. Yeah, maybe. I guess if you take too much, you're still making those. I love you. I'll miss you. Calls to people.

[Zach Amico]

I get afraid if I get. If I get too high on edibles. Now I convince myself I'm having a heart attack.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You're done.

[Gio Perez]

No, you can die. You can die.

[Zach Amico]

And I very much. And then I go, well, that's not good. When I went out the first time I went on tour with icp, I was sleeping in their RV and they had the hotel or one of them, and I was sitting and I had a. Like, three different people gave me edibles.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Sure.

[Zach Amico]

I was up, right? And I was convinced I was gonna have a heart attack and die. And I was gonna be. And that no one was gonna feel bad for me because everyone was gonna assume I was on drugs, like, real drugs.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Well, you got the best part right.

[Gio Perez]

They're gonna be like, well, look at him. Of course he's gonna have a heart attack.

[Zach Amico]

I was convinced that I was gonna be like a Icarus thing. Like, Zach finally got the tour with Insane Clamp posse and he did coke. Those heart exploded. But in reality, it was just me scared in an RV by myself.

[Gio Perez]

You scared yourself to death.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's great. Zach's thinking what kind of a burden it would be that they're gonna have to move me out of this place.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah. They'd have to take this all the.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Back off a reinforced gurney to get me out of here.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it Would be the worst. That's.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

But that's great. That's. I would want to do a big you death.

[Zach Amico]

Oh dude. I've literally said to people before if I ever decide to kill myself hotel room tub so that it's the least cleanup. Because I feel so bad with burdening.

[Gio Perez]

People to get a very, very small tub and wedge yourself in there.

[Zach Amico]

I'm so upset with the idea of burdening someone with my corpse.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Gio Perez]

Oh dude. You know how. You know it'd be funny if you just like covered yourself in crazy glue and wedge yourself in a tub.

[Zach Amico]

So I have to take the tub with.

[Gio Perez]

They wouldn't have.

[Zach Amico]

I guess we're going to save on coffin. We'll just get another tub and put it on top.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I just think about when I die. They. They have to. You know they're doing the autopsy on you and just. Just a bunch of black guys just looking at how small my penis is and making fun of it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that would suck. They bring in interns that day.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah. God damn. Cuz you know it's like at the orderlies come in. You know, they got to be in there like God damn, look at that. Look at that small baby dick that white guy has.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I would be afraid it would be like a class of 19 year old girls.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, that's lyrics. Giggling the Asian.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah, that's what stops me from getting blown on a podcast. That'd be every comment under.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I was talking to a chick online.

[Gio Perez]

He's brave.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Who does a peen hair. She's a nurse. She's a surgeon's nurse for penile implants and stuff. And I said that's insane. I said you must. I mean. Or just in general. Just surgery. And most a lot of it's like penis related. And I'm like, you must just see huge all the time. She's like. And really, really small dicks. It's just a come like there's got to be a narrative there. A conversation between nurses and doctors. When you come in like you come in, do you get surgery done? You know you're naked.

[Gio Perez]

Yeah.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They just put a thing over you. But they got. They strip you totally down naked. When you're. When you're out, that thing gets taken off of you. So now they're just sitting there like, look at that. Oh, look at that little baby dick. He's got. Look at that little bit. You're dying. Like you don't make it off the table. The last thing you might.

[Zach Amico]

I'd imagine there's not a lot of average dicks in surgery. Because I feel like if you have a regular dick, you're nervous and it shrinks.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

And if you've got a big dick, it's just lame.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's just. It's average. Because it's cold in there. They got to keep it cold for germ purposes. So your dick's shriveling up no matter what, Your dick's getting small. So now I think of myself having this out of body experience. I'm going towards the light, and as I'm looking down on my body, last.

[Zach Amico]

Thing you hear is.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That little, tiny, little.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that would.

[Gio Perez]

He didn't make it. Yeah, but like, I. How funny would it be if somebody just walked in there to get like a consultation and he just pulls out like a 13 inch. He's like, can you make it 15?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. What do we got? What do we. Let's test the limits on this thing because.

[Gio Perez]

You sure you want to do this?

[Zach Amico]

Well, then I've told you before that when my dad worked for the. The ferry system, his boss had the implant.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, I didn't hear that.

[Zach Amico]

He was an old, old guy. He was old.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They can pump it up. The thing. They can pump.

[Zach Amico]

It was on his hip. So it was like the Nike pump.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was a saline thing that would pump up and on his one hip you could press it and it would get hard and the other hip was a release.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

That's hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

He was like. He was Mr. Burns old.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

And he would just have young.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, so gross.

[Gio Perez]

There was an article that I read that there was this Indian billionaire who lost his. His dick in. In a car accident. So he got a bionic penis. And that. That was the headline. I'm like, I got to read this. It was like a smoking.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Make his dick stronger, faster, better.

[Zach Amico]

It was have you unplug your penis and put it back in.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, I t. This is Bob. How can I help you? What is wrong with your.

[Zach Amico]

This is Matthew. How can I help you?

[Gio Perez]

I said do not redeem. Do not redeem your.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No, don't do that. Do not do that.

[Gio Perez]

But they said the mechanics was like that they took like skin from his back and his leg and it just made. They called it a bionic penis.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

You ever see sometimes when Lego bionic penis. When F to M trans people get their dick?

[Gio Perez]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, sometimes.

[Gio Perez]

Oh yeah, right.

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes you'll see them post a picture of them with a big hole in their forearm.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, yeah, it's just like different color.

[Zach Amico]

Jorge, can you Bring that. We'll end on that.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, you will. There's really nowhere to go after that.

[Zach Amico]

They'll post and be like, I got my bottom surgery, and it's just them with, like, a fucking divot in their forearm. Which. Listen, if I was getting. If I had the option of turning my forearm into my dick, I'd fucking take it too.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Sure.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, yeah, dude. I'd. I'd give up my actual forearms. I just go from hand to hand. Even just one arm, just to just have a forearm.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I want my dick to have a hand that works on it. Just kind of grab.

[Zach Amico]

That would just be my microphone hand. I could probably make that work.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Hey, everybody. How's it going tonight?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no, I was thinking just the hand where your elbow is.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

You probably. You could probably. Yeah.

[Gio Perez]

Or just one of your bones. Because isn't your forearm two bones? Okay, just take the thicker one.

[Zach Amico]

But hey, there's not a bone in your dick.

[Gio Perez]

It will like a hyena. Don't like, hyenas have, like, bones. It's just like a hyena's bite.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I don't know how it works.

[Zach Amico]

Jorge, do you have any pictures of. Oh, wait. With the hole in their arm?

[Jorge]

I have one with before and after for surgery.

[Zach Amico]

Sure, let's do it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No, thank you. Holy shit, man. I'm healthy. I have a healthy mind.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, God.

[Zach Amico]

The. God bless the miracle of science.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's pretty tasty.

[Gio Perez]

The whole dick is made from the forearm itself.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, well, it's the skin.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I think they take the meat, but then I think they actually. So when they make a. Out of your dick, they use your dick. They, like, invert your dick.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

They. They slice it in half and they're like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they butterfly it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, they turn like a poppl. Just turn it into a. Oh, like.

[Gio Perez]

When you split a hot dog and boil it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Butterfly it and then tuck it in.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

A Japanese treat.

[Zach Amico]

So I'd imagine they use some of the vagina. Sensitive. Sensitive parts.

[Gio Perez]

Break the nerves.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, you know what? We live and we learn.

[Jorge]

Beautiful world.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Here's the thing. I train. I have no problem with trans people. But you know what? Why don't you feel like a woman? Keep that, man. Just keep the dick. Everybody's happy. You know, some people like dick too. Why do you gotta, like, mutilate yourself down there? I'm not making a political.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like a lot of. In what I've been told, a lot of people that transition that way, I think your asshole still does a lot of the heavy Lifting, Right. Probably because I don't think it's like you gotta like dilate your fake your new. You gotta like. It's like an open there.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's just an open wound. It's not like, like because vaginas are naturally like self cleaning. There's like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they're like an oven.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, it's all. Oh, yeah, you set it.

[Zach Amico]

They're like the kitty litter box. It's like the kitty litter that cleans itself.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gio Perez]

But don't they like that? You're saying they cave in if there's nothing there?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they gotta put dilators in there for a while to keep them open.

[Gio Perez]

Like your gauges.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

No offense.

[Zach Amico]

No, they look like dildos.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

I hear it kind of like it smells like color coded. It's kind of.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's an open wound.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, yeah, but I mean like, it smells like. Like literal.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay. So before we leave, we'll end on this. Jorge, if you could look up fingering a trans woman. I read an article that was all about.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

You're telling me how to finger a trans woman?

[Zach Amico]

Finger trans woman. But you go basically on the side below the balls to find the prostate.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yes. Right.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, in an ass finger.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

In the net.

[Gio Perez]

No, no, the fake.

[Zach Amico]

No, through the ball. You push the balls in.

[Gio Perez]

That seems like it hurts.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's called the Tokyo Drift.

[Gio Perez]

I'm scared. If I watch this video, I'm gonna.

[Zach Amico]

Try, but no, I don't want a video. I read an article about like, that's how you finger.

[Gio Perez]

Do we have like a picture diagram, A step by step.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

But isn't it easier to go in your ass and do it like your prostate's easier to get there? From you to your ass. That's how they milk your prostate when you.

[Gio Perez]

Is the cleaner version. Version.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

It's the. It's the guy, it's the crew. It's the version I like.

[Zach Amico]

Yes, this is exactly it.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, come on.

[Gio Perez]

Oh, like under your pelvis bone. Yeah, that seems too painful.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Come on. It's like an adapter. It's like you just. That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

I was like, you go to England to think or somebody.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Yeah, it's a different voltage system.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's exactly it. Thank you, Jorge.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Oh, God damn.

[Zach Amico]

Jorge. Would you.

[Jorge]

What was that?

[Zach Amico]

Jorge, could you. Would you. Would you. Would you finger some balls?

[Jorge]

Oh, of course. Why not?

[Zach Amico]

If the girl was hot enough.

[Jorge]

Yeah, I have.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Jorge]

I can completely separate 2 and 2. If there's. If there's tits. I don't care.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man. Great. Horn Ale. Fuck me. All right, we're gonna call it there. Thank you so much to my guests, Anthony Zenhauser and Gio Perez. Please check out the Uncle Rico show on the Shuley network and Anthony's special on there. Leticia.

[Anthony Zenhauser]

Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

And please listen to on the Gate with Geo Perez here on the network and support them and what they do. And thank you so much. And we will see you this Friday if you're subscribed, and if you're not subscribed, we'll see you on Monday. Goodbye. Peace. Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down Just like your favorite obese clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew. Morning too. It's a Miko morning too.