0093. Dru Montana and Kyle Regan

Summary

Summary: Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo #93

Guests: Dru Montana & Kyle Regan
Date: March 6, 2026
Host: Zac Amico (GaS Digital Network)

Overview

In this raucous episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo, comedian Zac Amico welcomes Philly comics Dru Montana and Kyle Regan to dissect the wildest corners of lowbrow internet culture, swap debaucherous personal stories, and riff on masculinity, guns, jerking off, and the art of making python dumplings. The result is a hilarious, uncensored morning show bursting with irreverent energy, raunchy stories, and sharp takes on everyday absurdities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Intros & Plugs (00:00–04:13)

• Zac welcomes Kyle (Garth's Gear Garage/Friendly Boys Club) and Dru (Digital Bazooka, Do Reg and the Deer Tag), both well-known in Philly’s comedy scene.
• Zac plugs his own upcoming half-hour taping with Tim Butterly in Austin.
• Memorable banter: Dru joking he’s “giving up on everything else I got going on. I'm really just riding the Kyle Reagan train right now, brother.” (02:40)

2. Breaking Down ‘White Crimes Matter’—Viral White Trash Fights (04:33–14:00)

• The trio reviews and provides commentary on viral Instagram fight videos featuring “garbage” white people.
• Zac: “This is a collection of garbage.” (05:00)
• Drew: “These are two high-level wigger fits… The jeans with the running down Adidas stripe is a tough find.” (05:50)
• The discussion humorously dissects the archetypes and sartorial choices in the clips (teddy bear slippers, early 2000s vs. modern wiggers).
• Extended recurring “National Geographic” metaphors: “It’s like a very National Geographic situation.” (06:19)
• Banter evolves into jokes about weird custody exchange locations and the crumbling fabric of American family life: “A custody battle with the… In the backdrop of a Piggly Wiggly…” (09:45)

3. Guns & Self-Protection in Philly vs. New York (14:00–21:05)

• Conversation shifts to gun culture, with Drew explaining how easy it is to get a gun in Pennsylvania versus strict NY laws:
  • Drew: “I went in to buy my first handgun… it was like a 30 second application that you easily could lie on if you want to.” (13:47)
• Zac muses about the impracticality of guns for self-defense at home, especially with an unhelpful spouse:
  • Zac: “If anybody ever broke into my house and I had a weapon but my wife was between me and that weapon, we’re both going to die.” (15:14)
• The group jokes about the bleak “gun mouthfeel” and what it’s like to contemplate suicide, darkly reflecting on the responsibilities toward whoever would find their body/disaster post-mortem.

4. Hotel Room Etiquette & Pillow Strategies (19:08–23:27)

• An extended, comedic discussion about using hotel beds and pillows for eating, masturbating, and maximizing personal comfort:
  • Zac: “One bed is for jerking off and eating messy food. Yeah. I’ve eaten buffalo wings without a napkin, sitting in the other bed and just wipe my mouth with the sheets.” (19:25)
• Guests compare decadent hotel routines, with Drew confessing to falling asleep with a chocolate, leading to a messy, confusing wake-up.

5. Awkward Masturbation Stories & ‘Fleshlight’ Product Review (24:21–35:49)

• All three comics share mortifying tales of being walked in on while masturbating—by parents, roommates, even Zac’s wife.
• Zac’s vigorous endorsement of the ‘Quick Shot’ Fleshlight:
  • “It felt so good to put my dick in it… I literally felt like I was cheating… Thank god I have no refractory ambition because I used it like three times and it went in a drawer and now it’s covered in cat hair and I’m never going to fuck it again.” (32:12)
  • Extended riffing on ‘docking,’ shared masturbation implements, and multi-person techniques: “I guess if you timed it… we’re see-sawing the quick shot.” (35:30)
• The segment blends humor, candidness, and a measure of gross-out camaraderie.

6. On Race, Boxing, and Album Names (37:05–41:08)

• Brief but sharp riff on why no major boxer has launched a ‘fruit punch’—“How much CTE do you have to have to miss the most obvious marketing thing right in front of you?” (36:38)
• The hosts muse about conservative subcultures among Cuban and Asian Americans, referencing black and Asian family conservatism in the U.S.
• Discussion of naming children after classic albums:
  • “The Black Album Montana,”
  • “Dark Side of the Moon Montana,”
  • “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Montana.” (39:12–39:44)

7. Pop Culture: Movie and TV References (40:49–45:23)

• Drew shares that he recently watched “The Last Dragon” and loved it.
• Zac discusses his love for blaxploitation films with martial arts crossover, and rare Jackie Chan movies (“City Hunter” with a Street Fighter parody, 41:40).
• They dissect the cult classic prank-doc “Windy City Heat” (42:10–44:40) and riff on Jimmy Kimmel’s entertainment career trajectory from “ruining a guy’s life” to politics.

8. Buying Booze Underage & Childhood Mischief (46:44–51:12)

• The comics recount stories of acquiring alcohol as minors, with recollections of friends who looked middle-aged while still teens.
• Zac admits to blaming “local black children” for breaking a window to cover up their own underage drinking mishap:
  • Zac: “I had to blame local black children. And I went, I’m gonna take the lead on this… I don’t feel good about it.” (49:54-50:47)
• Laughter and self-critique soften the cringe of teenage moral failures.

9. Reporting a Subway Masturbator to NYC Police (51:24–56:27)

• Zac details the time he reported a “large homeless black gentleman” slow-jerking on the subway platform with a “graphite” penis, only for the cops to bureaucratically involve him—demanding ID and threatening to make him fill out a report.
  • Zac: “There’s something about my voice coming out of my face, on my body that when you hear me say to a cop, ‘the black guy’—It’s not a good look for me.” (54:26)
  • “A lot of bureaucracy involved to get a guy just to put his cock away.” (56:32)

10. Public (and Car) Masturbation Tales (57:20–64:52)

• The panel talks about weird public sex encounters—people seen giving blowjobs on the street, or even masturbating/messing around while driving.
  • Drew: “I beat off in the car like almost every time I hit the highway, brother.” (61:24)
  • Stories about near-accidents caused by driving while masturbating—Drew hits a mailbox and has to lie about it.
  • Zac on the logistics: “What’s the wheel hand? Noon and 6.” (63:11–63:14)
• The episode maintains a tone of hilarious honesty about these private vices.

11. Python Dumpling Cooking Video Review (65:03–68:36)

• Zac introduces a TikTok video of a man making dumplings from an invasive Burmese python:
  • The group marvels at the “zesty ass python hunter” (66:51) and note the professionalism in something so primal and weird.
  • Kyle: “When you said a guy was making python dumplings, I 100 percent assumed he was Asian… That’s Asian ingenuity.” (68:30)

12. Riffing on an Uber Interview Meltdown—Fake or Not? (68:47–73:13)

• Zac plays a viral video of wrestler Darby Allin being kicked out of an Uber for doing a speakerphone interview.
  • Opinion on authenticity splits:
  • Shannon (producer): “It seems staged.” (72:40)
  • The group debates the “cadence of an autistic person” and the believability of the driver’s reaction.

13. Closing Compliments & Plugs (73:13–end)

• Drew praises Zac and Tim Butterly: “You and Tim are two of the funniest people to ever try to do comedy or to do comedy. And I feel like… not enough people know how hard you guys kill on stage.”
• Zac reciprocates the love, thanks both guests, and wraps the episode.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “This is a collection of garbage.” —Zac (05:00)
• “It’s like a very National Geographic situation.” —Kyle (06:19)
• “If anybody ever broke into my house and I had a weapon but my wife was between me and that weapon, we’re both going to die.” —Zac (15:14)
• “I used it like three times and it went in a drawer and now it’s covered in cat hair and I’m never going to fuck it again.” —Zac, on the Quick Shot (32:12)
• “How much CTE do you have to have to miss the most obvious marketing thing right in front of you?” —Drew, on boxer-branded punch (36:38)
• “There’s something about my voice coming out of my face, on my body that when you hear me say to a cop, ‘the black guy’ – it’s not a good look for me.” —Zac (54:26)
• “I beat off in the car like almost every time I hit the highway, brother.” —Drew (61:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – Introductions and plugs
• 04:33 – White Crimes Matter clips commentary
• 14:00 – Guns in Philly vs. NY; self-defense debate
• 19:08 – Hotel routines and pillow strategies
• 24:21 – Masturbation stories and ‘Fleshlight’ review
• 37:05 – Cultural riffs: boxing, fruit punch, conservative subcultures
• 39:12 – Naming kids after classic albums
• 40:49 – Movie/TV recommendations and Jimmy Kimmel history
• 49:54 – Underage drinking schemes and childhood bad choices
• 51:24 – Zac's subway slow-jerker incident & police bureaucracy
• 57:20 – Public/blowjob sightings, car jerk-off saga
• 65:03 – Reaction to python dumpling cooking video
• 68:47 – Uber interview meltdown: real or fake?
• 73:13 – Final plugs and mutual comic appreciation

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Tone & Style

• Uncensored, brash, and self-deprecating throughout.
• Comedians riff freely and push the envelope on taboo topics—get ready for dark, surprising, and extremely frank humor.
• Frequent callbacks to “National Geographic” style commentary on trash culture.
• Plenty of Philly/Northeast working-class flavor in the banter and references.

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This episode is jam-packed with NSFW hilarity, candid discussions, and relentless, biting humor—a fitting encapsulation of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo at its wildest.

Transcript

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Fill her up.

[Zach Amico]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go Zach Amico's got a show Animals are here to play Choke some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre It's a morning suit. Well, holy moly, it's a Monday here at the Gas Digital Studios. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico, saying hi and welcome to Zak Amico's Morning Zoo. It's gonna be a great day. Across the table from me, an old regular and a new friend. Joining us from Garth's Gear garage, it is our new friend, Kyle Reagan. How you doing, dude?

[Kyle Reagan]

Sup, man? What's going on?

[Zach Amico]

How you doing, brother?

[Kyle Reagan]

I'm doing good, dude. Garth Skier Garage.

[Zach Amico]

Appreciate it.

[Drew Montana]

What is Garth Skier Garage?

[Kyle Reagan]

It's the thing I did, like, a long time ago, dude. I did it with my buddy. It was like a music review show.

[Zach Amico]

I'll take it.

[Kyle Reagan]

He's got kids. I pre. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Did you tell them to put that in Garth Skier Garage?

[Kyle Reagan]

I didn't tell anything.

[Zach Amico]

That's what it. On my paper. And next to him, pretty sick that that was the poll, though, next to him from Digital Bazooka and Do Reg and the deer tag, it was our great friend Drew Montana. How you doing, buddy? Rawr. That's right. Our boys bringing the full zoo theme.

[Kyle Reagan]

Full zoo.

[Zach Amico]

Much appreciated. Drew, I have to ask, do you think for all these years people have been saying you act like a white tiger?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, I'm more of an orange tiger with black stripes.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I mean?

[Drew Montana]

Black tiger with the orange ones.

[Zach Amico]

Well, you boys look absolutely great. Kyle, Rapid Philly. Good for you, buddy. Let's knock plugs out of the way. Kyle, what do you want people to check out, dog?

[Kyle Reagan]

Yo, do not check out Garth Skier Garage. No, no, you can check that out. Check that out. But I got a sketch show I did with my boys called. We changed the name Friendly Boys Club. Check that.

[Zach Amico]

Excellent. Check that out.

[Kyle Reagan]

Stand up clips, you know, just follow me on Instagram. Kyle Reagan Comedy.

[Zach Amico]

Give the boy a follow. Mr. Montana.

[Drew Montana]

Just check out Kyle Reagan Comedy. He's becoming an influencer.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, I am.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. I'm kind of giving up on everything else I got going on. I'm really just riding the Kyle Reagan train right now, brother. And then if you are possibly in Cincinnati, Toronto, Windsor, somewhere else in Canada, Raleigh, North Carolina. Baltimore, Detroit, Janesville, Wisconsin. I'm coming to all those places, so come hang out.

[Zach Amico]

Fantastic. Want to see me on the road? Follow me on Instagram. And Zach is not funny. Punch up that live Zach Amico for all my dates, including. That's right. I am taping my first half an hour May 23rd as part of the gas digital half an hour second season. May 23rd, myself and the wonderful Tim Butterly will be at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, each doing two shows to do our new half an hour tapings. And I'm really excited about it and thank you for all the positive feedback. And if you love this show, hey, head on over to gas digital.com today. We are constantly updating the website and making it more user friendly. And if you use my promo code, Zach, Zac, you get yourself a little bit of money off your subscription. You get episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get access to the live chat, the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite Gas Digital shows, and most importantly, our bonus Friday episode. We do three of these suckers a week, and if you want that Friday 1, you gotta subscribe. But regardless, thank you so much for watching the show, however you consume it. And Drew, I do want to compliment you. We did Story wars last week. It'll come out in a few weeks. Dude, you are a fucking funny man.

[Drew Montana]

I was telling everybody the same thing about you and Pete Lee. I. I never met Pete Lee before that night. New best friend unlocked. That guy's unbelievable.

[Zach Amico]

What a good time we had.

[Drew Montana]

And I think I've told people. I've tried to like, quote, like three jokes you had from Story Wars. The Amex thing is maybe the hardest. I don't want to ruin it, but

[Zach Amico]

goddamn, we had a really good time.

[Drew Montana]

It was so fun and it was

[Zach Amico]

a pleasure to be up there with you, buddy. You killing it. And so I found the new Instagram that I'm very excited to show people. And Sharon, this first one is from White Crimes Matter, right?

[Kyle Reagan]

Hell yeah.

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I found an Instagram called White Crimes Matter.

[Drew Montana]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And it is just white people fights.

[Drew Montana]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

They. This is a. This is a collection of garbage.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I thought it would be fun with my wonderful Philly guests.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

To break down some real garbage. People fight. Shannon. Let's enjoy the big homie. Don't worry about it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, yeah. A couple. Drew Montana's going at it twin and

[Drew Montana]

twin about the fight.

[Zach Amico]

What's up? You're not gangster, bro. I'm gangster.

[Kyle Reagan]

True.

[Zach Amico]

Pause oh, I'm so sorry. All right. A little late on the pause. More perfect.

[Drew Montana]

Wait, wait. He might come back from this.

[Shannon]

Do you want me to restart it?

[Zach Amico]

Restart it? Yeah. I was gonna say, what do we think happens here?

[Shannon]

I was writing at that very moment,

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, it's not your fault. And it was funny. Don't about it. Let's see it.

[Kyle Reagan]

It was perfect. Pause.

[Drew Montana]

Figure out who the it is. So these are two high level wigger fits

[Zach Amico]

the.

[Drew Montana]

The jeans with the. The running down Adidas stripe is a tough find. I don't know where you get those anymore. That's tough.

[Zach Amico]

And then I would say the other guy is dressed dramatically better.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, well, better.

[Zach Amico]

I don't. More fun.

[Kyle Reagan]

We got sort of the early 2000s wigger versus the modern day wigger.

[Drew Montana]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Which is like a. It's like a very National Geographic situation.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. This is. This is what we're doing. We are David Attenborough here.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We are seeing the weather in its true.

[Kyle Reagan]

In its form.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

The alpha. One of these is the alpha.

[Zach Amico]

Wigger and I, we're gonna find out real. As you saw from the clip. I think we know who is the

[Drew Montana]

guy on the right wearing big slippers? Is that what his shoes look?

[Shannon]

They're like teddy bear slippers.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. He's not ready.

[Drew Montana]

It's a crazy thing to scream I'm gangster in teddy bear slippers.

[Zach Amico]

Well, no, it's a great thing to scream in teddy bear slippers if you've won a fight while wearing teddy bear slippers.

[Drew Montana]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

However, here. I don't think it worked out.

[Kyle Reagan]

No, Shannon, getting knocked down teddy bear slippers is tough.

[Zach Amico]

What's up? You're not gangster, bro. I'm gangster. If I ever find you out here. Oh, he's up.

[Kyle Reagan]

He's back up.

[Drew Montana]

He's got his ass. Oh, that's the worst. When your girl sees you losing a fight. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Jacob, get up.

[Zach Amico]

That's it. That, that all the clips on this end with just this guy laughing. Let's go to white crimes matter. Let's see if we got another photo cameraman botch that. Yeah, that we. That was. That was.

[Shannon]

I also just followed this page. I love this.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Shannon, is this as good as it gets?

[Shannon]

Yes, I love it very much so

[Zach Amico]

let's see what we got here today.

[Shannon]

Let's see this one. Woman using racial slurs and threatens ice.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, please. Oh, this is a carnival. This is not good. She actually just tried to run a camera with her kids.

[Kyle Reagan]

Be.

[Zach Amico]

There.

[Kyle Reagan]

It Is.

[Zach Amico]

What was the point of the bleep.

[Drew Montana]

We get it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Imagination.

[Zach Amico]

No, she assaulted me and my cat. I mean, not in front of the elven stand. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

You can't do this in front of the funnel cake, man.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude, that's your future.

[Zach Amico]

Dude.

[Kyle Reagan]

You're going to be paying child support to a chick like that at some point. Soon. Drill. Chick ripping an embalm at a carnival. Oh, yeah. That's in your wheelhouse.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Just me picking up my son from the carnival. Like, she said it again.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's mine for another few weeks. Said it again.

[Drew Montana]

She's either in a hospital or jail at all times.

[Zach Amico]

I think the most humiliating thing about when people have shared custody is when they hate each other so much that a mediator has to find an equidistant point. Yeah. Between their houses because both of them refuse to drive an extra minute.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. It's always in, like, an IHOP or.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. It's like an Olive Garden.

[Zach Amico]

I worked at a reality show and there was a couple there. Their meeting spot was a Piggly Wiggly because it was equidistant between the house of the grandma and the girl whose kid it was.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was the saddest because it was. It was so hard to end the fight with. I'll see you at the Piggly Wiggly. Yeah, yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Just meet me at the Santander bank at 7.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude.

[Zach Amico]

It's such a humiliating thing to know that we couldn't even have the decency to like, oh, I'll drop him off at you.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, right.

[Zach Amico]

And you pick him up by me.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude. A custody battle with the. In the backdrop of a Piggly Wiggly stuff look, but I love it. That's America, baby.

[Zach Amico]

That is. Any other good. You got any other suggestions from white people? White crimes matter.

[Shannon]

Let's try. Let's try this one. I just. I didn't listen to it with the sound, but this seems fun.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude. Actually, all you do.

[Zach Amico]

You said you would literally would cower instead of standing up for your values. You're a bro. How about you hit the gym and some bro.

[Drew Montana]

Look at your arms.

[Zach Amico]

You're a fight. Oh, yeah. Challenge.

[Kyle Reagan]

Can you grab that jacket I got you?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that was. That. That was a disappointment.

[Kyle Reagan]

You can't throw a crane kick at a guy and then tell him to chill out.

[Drew Montana]

Dude, going to jail for missing a kick and a punch. He threw two strikes, missed them both and got locked up. That sucks.

[Zach Amico]

Hey.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Now we're done. Oh, man. This is a porch beating

[Kyle Reagan]

against the Meth.

[Drew Montana]

Head.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Huh.

[Zach Amico]

The guy that responded on the eighth punch. This was a setup, too. They were. They were filming this jump. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Not in front of Meemaw.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That is the problem.

[Kyle Reagan]

She got in there with him. Pajamas.

[Drew Montana]

But also, that guy got a beating. Like a. Like he'd been around for a while. Like, he probably either hit their mom or had hit them when they were younger.

[Zach Amico]

I'm thinking this. This one all the way on the left. Oh, we got some Mexicans.

[Kyle Reagan]

There we go. A couple gringos snuck in the mix.

[Drew Montana]

Old head out here chasing. Yeah. That Mexican flag.

[Zach Amico]

All right. All right. He cleared him out.

[Kyle Reagan]

I actually think I was in that video. Get out of here.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Let's do one more from white people. Grimes. That one, I think, is just a guy yelling at protest. No. Yeah. This is just a guy yelling it.

[Drew Montana]

What's this one that's covered up? What's the one? You gotta to be, like, 18 to see it.

[Zach Amico]

That's a great call.

[Kyle Reagan]

There we go.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

This one's restricted. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Hey, look.

[Zach Amico]

I say, hey, look. I know.

[Drew Montana]

Oh, is he about to shoot him?

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Drew Montana]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. This is not a good look for us whites. I gotta tell you. We kind of look like garbage.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, yeah. That's a great look. Dude smoked him, huh?

[Zach Amico]

Oh. Oh. That was like duck hunt. The dog should have come out at the end holding him by the neck, dude.

[Kyle Reagan]

He made him do a swan dive.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Would he shoot him with the Men in Black gun? He lifted him off his feet.

[Zach Amico]

I think he was trying to.

[Drew Montana]

With the cricket gun.

[Zach Amico]

I think he was going full stride and got hit. First step.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, big. Yeah, that's. That's National Geographic. Water buffalo going down, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You know, you just don't.

[Kyle Reagan]

I mean, that guy's dead, right?

[Zach Amico]

Probably take a while. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. Yeah. Tough.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know, man. You just don't know who has a. Yeah. Like, I almost feel safer in New York.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because I'm like, nobody's got a gun. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

It's like London not allowed to have guns here. No. Out here, you'll get stabbed or, like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's very discouraged. I think a gun. An unregistered gun here, I think, is a minimum of 10. Is a 10 year minute.

[Drew Montana]

10 years. Yeah. And then I think, like, they add additional years on for, like, every bullet you have in the chamber. It's crazy out here.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

They really discourage it out here in Pennsylvania. They sell guns to anybody, unfortunately.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

I went in to buy my first. My first handgun that I bought. I was 21. I went into the. The police or the courthouse to like, get my license to carry. And it was like a 30 second application that you easily could lie on if you want to. There's no like fact checking or, like references. And then they call you back in like a week and they're like, come get it. And then you go, get a gun.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What was your first gun?

[Drew Montana]

Well, I had a shotgun when I turned 18 that my dad gave me, but I had a first gun I Bought was a Glock 19 classic. Yeah, it's a nice first gun.

[Zach Amico]

And what was that for? Protection to have in the car. The job.

[Drew Montana]

When I. No, when I first got it, I like, had the idea of like. Like, get my license to carry. I'm gonna have it in case something happens. But like the. I carried for maybe a year and now it just kind of sits in my room and I'm like, I guess if someone breaks into my house, I would regrettably shoot them. But the older I get, the less I want to shoot people. You know what I mean?

[Zach Amico]

I feel you on that.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I have my. I have my. I have a stick by the. I have a. Like a baton by the door and I have a couple knives. I don't have anything. I don't have anything. I realized the other day, and I know some comedian does a similar bit, so I don't want to step on anybody. Shit. But if anybody ever broke into my house and I had a weapon but my wife was. Between me and that weapon, we're both going to die.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because I don't think I can ask her to do. Is if I ask her to do something immediately, there's gonna be questions. There is absolutely no way I'm getting the thing I asked for in the amount of time that will save us.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because first of all, you know how, like, ADHD is a personality now. So first of all, I will go, honey, I need the gun. I would get what?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, why do you need the gun?

[Zach Amico]

And then I'll. Then I'll. Then I'll get this. You want gum? And I'll go, no, I need the gun. And then she'll explain to me about how she thought I said gum and why. That would be weird.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So now the person is still breaking. I would get, oh, I thought you said gum. And I'm like, you don't even chew gum.

[Kyle Reagan]

Why would you want getting by the intruder?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, the intruder is also, like, standing there with an ax. And she's like, but why do we need the gun.

[Zach Amico]

Why? What do you need it for? Please get me the gun. Why? Why? Why? And we would be dead.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

In a second. Like, unless the gun is in my hand, I'm fucked.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I don't really see a world where, like, maybe somebody's trying to break my door down and I have time to get it.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. I mean, also, I think unless you're doing like, like, you're consistently, like, training with a gun, there's almost like, no point to carry it. Because, like, most times where you would need a gun in, like, the streets, somebody already has a gun pointed at you. You know what I mean? So I'm not.

[Zach Amico]

The least I could do is go, I have a gun too. Would you like it?

[Drew Montana]

Right?

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, dude, I have guns. And I'm so unequipped to get into a gun battle with somebody.

[Drew Montana]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kyle Reagan]

I have no training.

[Drew Montana]

I went to the range and I'm really on accurate. If I got in a gunfight, it would be really bad for anybody within, like a thousand yards.

[Kyle Reagan]

I'm panicking. My hand will be shaking. I'm getting shot in the head for sure.

[Zach Amico]

But there's just no way I'm not going to put it to my head one night. There's no way I'm not going to go. I need to know what this feels like.

[Kyle Reagan]

You got to give it a try.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Is it cold? Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I'm going to have too many questions. I can't have it.

[Kyle Reagan]

A big part of guns is mouth feel.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

It's like when you got a headache. You put peas on your head when your head hurts sometimes. A gun.

[Zach Amico]

I keep my gun in the freezer for when I have a headache. They should get a gun, you know, like the. The toothbrushes that play music. Music? Yeah. Inside your head.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They should get a gun that plays, like a sad song. So if you want to kill yourself, you can only hear the music in your head.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yo, my gun's playing Billie Eilish right now. This is sick.

[Drew Montana]

My Bluetooth gun. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

And then, like, Bluetooth gun is sick. We might have to.

[Zach Amico]

Do you ever think, like, if you were gonna shoot yourself, do you ever feel bad for the people that would have to clean it up?

[Drew Montana]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's how I know there's empathy that lives in me. If I was gonna do it, I'm so embarrassed that they would have. First of all, because of my weight, I would have to, like, go to the first floor somewhere and do it. Cause I Don't wanna be the room.

[Drew Montana]

Killing yourself on the third floor is selfish.

[Zach Amico]

It really is. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

I would be embarrassed on a sectional.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So I think if I did it, I would have to do it at a hotel on the first floor. And I think I would have to do it in the bathroom in the pool.

[Drew Montana]

You leave it at tips.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. You gotta leave a pretty sick tip.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You live like an omsari. Like a couple hundo.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, a couple hundo.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I mean, I do that now because. Yeah, I live like shit in hotels.

[Drew Montana]

It's like $12. You're like, sorry, this was.

[Kyle Reagan]

Wish it could have been $12 in a nature Valley bar.

[Zach Amico]

I've left. I think the most tip I've ever left is like just short of a hundred for. But that was because I was in a room for a week and I fucked it up.

[Kyle Reagan]

And that's no suicide.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, it was pretty bad. It might have been worse.

[Drew Montana]

It smells like a suicide.

[Zach Amico]

It might have been. Yeah, some of it might have been worse than the suicide. I'm. I don't know how you. If you guys are in a hotel room, just you and you have two beds, you're using both beds, right? Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And one bed is for sleeping.

[Kyle Reagan]

One bed is for come.

[Zach Amico]

One bed is for jerking off and eating messy food. Yeah. I've eaten buffalo wings without a napkin, sitting in the other bed and just wipe my mouth with the sheets.

[Drew Montana]

The more I'm thinking that's also your beat off bed. It's the buffalo window.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, well, yeah, that's. That's. That's not blue cheese.

[Kyle Reagan]

The more I'm thinking about it, the more I might want to get that set up at home, to be honest with you.

[Zach Amico]

The old double bed, it seems kind of nice. Yeah, it's. The best is jerking off of that bed, putting the sheet over it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then just falling into the other bed and going to sleep. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Once a year I'd have to light it on fire.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. That's kind of a sick move. Double bed. You a double bed man now or what?

[Drew Montana]

I could double bed. I got. I'm a like a. What's the word? A lot of pillows guy. Lately I've like, I got. I keep adding pillows to the collection, so I might need a second bed. I got six pillows.

[Zach Amico]

What's the pillow setup, though? Do you. How do you use them?

[Drew Montana]

I really don't even use four of them. I just sleep with one and then another one on top of it and then either on my back or on my side, and then the other four kind of just sit there.

[Zach Amico]

Now, as a big man, you ever do pillow between the knees?

[Drew Montana]

I like that, but it gets hot sometimes.

[Kyle Reagan]

I got to. I haven't done it.

[Zach Amico]

I think I've got to really sometimes. Get the cake out of your back.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, I might have to fudgeing. Give that a spin. Or like, one of the. Don't they have, like, the body pillows?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Spoon with it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I do two pillows under the head.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

One between the knees. And I like to sleep on my left side with my left arm out. And I will sometimes cuddle a pillow. Have a. Have another pillow next to me if. If Mrs. Amico is not home.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, that's nice. I like the. The idea of being, like, surrounded by I. Dude, the other night, actually, after Story Wars, I. I fell asleep with a Lindor chocolate in my hand. Like those little chocolate balls.

[Kyle Reagan]

Classic. I've done it.

[Drew Montana]

We've all been there and. But I woke up and it. It somehow I have like, silky pillowcases and they've been falling off my pillows lately. It's pissing me off. I gotta get new ones.

[Kyle Reagan]

But are you leaving a chocolate on your bed?

[Drew Montana]

Like, I had a melted chocolate ball that was like, in my pillow and all over my sheets. It looked like I myself after Story Wars.

[Zach Amico]

It was crazy.

[Drew Montana]

I woke up and I was like, what the happened? Then I remembered I saw the rapper. I was like, oh, thank God, Lindor. But for a second I thought, like. Because also it was up by my head. So I had like a quick moment when I first woke up. I'm like, did I wake up, do a full 180 shit. And then go back to sleep? But yeah, luckily, Lindor.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, like the way Curly runs in a circle on the floor?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Like a dog chasing it. You know how dogs, like, circle the bed three times before they lay down? Yeah. I did one of those. And.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, morning, zoo fans. If you're trying to eat clean, you have to check out Green Chef. Green Chef delivers real farm sourced ingredients with over 40 customizable weekly recipes. Every Green Chef box comes with certified organic produce and responsibly sourced proteins and seafood. The stuff they sent me and Mrs. Amico has been fun. Nominal. We had some scallops the other night that absolutely blew our minds. We made it a fun little date night cooked together. The recipes were super easy. Everything we had was right there. And we really, really enjoy Green Chef. So let Green Chef do the research, meal planning, and grocery shopping while you enjoy low prep. Low Mess meals for any lifestyle. So right now go to greenchef.com 50zoo and use that code 50zoo to get 50% off your first month. Then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code 5 0z O [e-mail] 50zoo. Check them out. Let them know what you think and let us know what you think. To love Green Chef. Let's get back into the show. What's your pillow?

[Kyle Reagan]

Such my pillow situation. I'm a. I'm just a two pillow guy. You know, keep it simple. If I do a body pillow, honestly, I'm a single guy. I can't get into it because it's like 48 hours after having it. I'm that thing.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. You know, makes me miss her.

[Zach Amico]

I like when hotels have the long pillow that goes all the way across the bed. Yeah, that to me, that's the body. That's the, the snuggle pillow.

[Drew Montana]

I'm that thing like it's a mermaid.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I mean? That's the snuggle pillow. To me. That's.

[Kyle Reagan]

And that's a pillow, though.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it's. Listen. Yeah, they're all. They're all.

[Kyle Reagan]

Fuck.

[Zach Amico]

Every pillow is exceptional though.

[Kyle Reagan]

You can start putting that one in positions.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Bend it in half. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

You can hit a pillow with its ass up the air.

[Kyle Reagan]

I have a pillow riding me. Reverse cowgirl.

[Drew Montana]

Toot that thing up pillow.

[Zach Amico]

When's the last time you've been walked in on jerking off?

[Drew Montana]

When I was young, like probably 9th, 10th grade. I remember I was. I was laying down in my IS when my grandma used to live with us and then she moved out. So we just had an extra bedroom in the house and I put my Xbox in there and it was just an Xbox, a TV and a gamer chair and nothing else. And I remember I was laying down on the floor jerking off. And it was. I was jerking off so hard and it was not the porn. I was jerking off to imagination. I was jerking off so hard that it felt like I was in one of those sensory deprivation tanks. Like I felt like I was like floating at one point.

[Kyle Reagan]

You're on dmt.

[Drew Montana]

And my dad, my dad like came in the room to be like, drew, your mom wants you. But my eyes were closed and I was beaten off. So I like, I kind of heard it, but I didn't hear it. And then he yelled it a second time. He's like, drew, your mom wants you. And I'm just like, huh? And then, yeah, I went downstairs. He didn't he never told anyone. Thank God.

[Zach Amico]

Did he?

[Kyle Reagan]

Just for him looking at you, what happened? I think was he, like, outside the door?

[Drew Montana]

He, like, peeked his head in, but he definitely saw me beating off.

[Kyle Reagan]

Did. I've never been fully. Fully caught. I've. I've kind of gotten out of it, but I had one that was pretty brutal, not getting caught in the act. When I was younger, I fucking jerked off and, you know, just kind of let it lay where it's, you know, stay where it lay right on the top of the sheets, dude. You know, and I just kind of went back to bed, and then my, like, dad came in the door and was like. He was pissed. He's like, yo, dude, you gotta take the trash out today or some. And then he looked down, saw the fresh. Fresh specimen, dude. And was like, dude, what the is that? I, like, I was, like, half asleep. I'm like. So I couldn't think of an excuse. I was just like.

[Drew Montana]

Like, I had to spit it out. It was too much.

[Kyle Reagan]

I should have said sneezed or something, but I just went with the truth.

[Zach Amico]

I spilled cum everywhere.

[Kyle Reagan]

Sorry.

[Drew Montana]

I couldn't swallow it all down. I'm sorry.

[Kyle Reagan]

So crazy. Come. Just fell out of my penis. No, I was like, dude, I. I was like, honestly, I just busted a nut. And my dad looked at me, he's like, you're a pig. And then just walked out. So that was pretty tough on my wife.

[Zach Amico]

Twice in the last year.

[Drew Montana]

She walked in on you?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, because I was just jerking off with the door open, and she was, like, watching TV in another room, and I'm just lost. And then I got walked in on by a roommate. And the worst part was I had no plausible deniability because he told our other roommate that I was jerking off. Rodeo grip? Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Like this. Yeah, I've always heard that as French style.

[Zach Amico]

I've heard rodeo grip. And, yeah, that used to be a move for me. I used to go some Aquaphor, lube it up, and then go rodeo style. Wow. And almost squeeze at the bottom and bring it up to the top.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude, Aquaphor. You're really treating yourself.

[Zach Amico]

I had a big television for my tattoos.

[Drew Montana]

Doing, like, the empty toothpaste maneuver.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Squeezing it all the way.

[Zach Amico]

And that's how I got walked in on edit. My other video was like, did you tell John? Fucking cat. Jerking off. I'm like, I don't know. Then he goes, he said you had rodeo grip. I'm like, God damn it. He got me good then. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

I knew it, dude. Aquaphor, huh? I've never jerked off with a four.

[Drew Montana]

What's that, like, pretty good, probably pretty good.

[Zach Amico]

It's a good one. It's a good one. It doesn't. You know how, like, lotion, like, dries out eventually?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This. It's more like. It's closer to lube. It stays.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

For the duration.

[Drew Montana]

I jerked off with olive oil one time, and I remember Popeye was pissed.

[Kyle Reagan]

Holy.

[Drew Montana]

No, I was.

[Zach Amico]

I was like, get away from that wigger.

[Drew Montana]

I was gonna beat off on the couch, but I was like, I don't know who's coming home and what time, so I'll go upstairs to beat off. And then I got halfway up the stairs, and I was like, let me try and beat off with olive oil. I don't know why I just thought of it, and I grabbed the olive oil, went upstairs, beat off, whatever. But there's nothing sadder than, like, cleaning come off your hand and then, like, putting it on the towel. No. And then you have to, like, look at the bottle of olive oil just on your bedroom dresser. Like, there's no reason for olive oil to be in the room other than me being a Disgusting.

[Kyle Reagan]

That gun's looking good, right?

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. The gun starts to look a little tasty.

[Zach Amico]

After that, the gun starts talking to you.

[Drew Montana]

Also, I kind of got caught. Not, like, in the act, but I remember I played basketball with, like, some friends one time. It was, like, seven, eight years ago, and I went up to my. With my neighbor, and he had. I was hooked up to his Bluetooth speaker while I was. While we were playing ball. And then I went upstairs, and I was showering, and I was beating off in the shower, and I put porn on. And I remember I couldn't hear it. I turned the volume to, like, full volume to the point where I could hear it through the floor speaker. It was so loud. And I was like, oh, shit. And then he called me immediately. He's like, now you up there jerking off, dog? I was like, no, no, no. Somebody sent me something. I had to. I had to click a link.

[Kyle Reagan]

This video.

[Zach Amico]

I've been tethered to the TV once

[Drew Montana]

or twice in my life, just watching it for, like, four minutes. I'm like, no, no, no. I don't know what that was.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, it's pretty scary when you don't hear the volume, and you're like, wait, what isn't? Just, like, playing right now?

[Zach Amico]

You're like, oh, Jorge, friend in the booth, when's the last time you got caught? I don't think I've been caught since like middle school. I remember one time I was at my grandparents house and they had their. The computer like in the front room and it was only me and I think my grandpa and he was asleep. So I'm like, obviously he was asleep in the back. I'm like, obviously, I'm gonna jerk off right now. And I think. I don't remember if it was my mom or my grandma got home earlier than I expected. So the door was opening. And then. So here's the door and there's me at the computer and I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Completely obvious. With like lotion right there and a towel, like a little hand. And put your dick in your grandpa's hand and you're like, he's molesting me. Obviously that's the smart thing to do. But yeah, I think that's the only time I ever got caught.

[Drew Montana]

Shannon, when's the last time you got caught? And whisper it, please.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I don't know that I've ever gotten caught.

[Zach Amico]

Girls can always say, like, I was scratching.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, true.

[Zach Amico]

Unless like their leg spread with a toy.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But if they're like my face and

[Drew Montana]

the inside of my asshole, if they're

[Zach Amico]

face down, which I feel like a lot of the girls I know jerk off. Like, like just digging in.

[Kyle Reagan]

Wait, they're like face down?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. On their stomach, like digging in.

[Drew Montana]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Or. Or they'll lay back with the spread. I think it depends on the lady.

[Kyle Reagan]

On your stomach is like, is that real routine?

[Zach Amico]

I think that way they can kind of like hump it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh.

[Drew Montana]

Most girls I've asked about how they jerk off. They do. Did you watch the Winter Olympics at all where the figure skaters put the one leg over their head? They do that and then I don't think pussy with the other.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, what's. And of course you don't have to say anything that you don't want to or would embarrass you because I respect and love you.

[Shannon]

Thanks.

[Zach Amico]

Are you face up, face down? What are we doing here?

[Shannon]

It depends. And then it depends if like an item is being used or not.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. That's fair.

[Shannon]

Item. Yeah, because an item, then it would be face up.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. But sometimes if it's. If it's manual.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Face down, I think so that's sort

[Kyle Reagan]

of my story too. We got an item in here or what?

[Drew Montana]

We get the device out.

[Zach Amico]

Do not knock the fleshlight. Quick shot.

[Kyle Reagan]

There's a quick shot.

[Zach Amico]

The quick shot is the open ended one.

[Kyle Reagan]

Whoa.

[Zach Amico]

So your dick Comes back out the other side.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, not mine. Mine's tucked in.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Dude.

[Zach Amico]

And it's got like a plastic wrap on. It's like basically like a sleeve and it's got like a plastic shell. Well, dude, it was so good the first time I put my dick in it because my chick goes, wait till I get home to try it. And the second shoes out the door, I was like, I'm a fuck this thing. Yeah, it was. It felt so good to put my dick in it. You know like when your heart skips a beat when you cheat and you're like, I'm being bad.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm fucking up my life. That's what I thought. I literally felt like I was cheating. Oh my God, it was so fucking. Thank God I have no refractory, like, ambition because like I used it like three times and it went in a drawer and now it's covered in cat hair and I'm never going to fuck it again.

[Kyle Reagan]

This might be the single handedly fucking best sales pitch for a Fleshlight I've ever.

[Zach Amico]

I couldn't believe how much I liked it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Is there. Is there like a post nut clarity thing with a flashlight or are you still think.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude, you're sitting there with a fucking device.

[Zach Amico]

Here's the thing about the quick shot. You can still come in a towel.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because your dick is on the other side. As opposed to classic Fleshlight. Where you gotta. Where now I gotta go to the sink.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or I gotta let it a fucking petri dish start growing.

[Drew Montana]

Is the quick shot adjustable or.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think. Shannon. Bring it out with Verbocare.

[Shannon]

Help is always ready before, during, and after your stay.

[Zach Amico]

We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great

[Shannon]

trip starts with peace of mind, day or night. VRBoCare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, Support is ready whenever you reach out.

[Zach Amico]

From the moment you book to the moment you. You head home.

[Shannon]

We're here to help things run smoothly because a great trip starts with the right support. And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[Zach Amico]

They're not a sponsor, they haven't been in years. But they did fuck with us for a while. Yes, that's exactly what it looks like. That thing, the. The. Yeah, that, that's.

[Kyle Reagan]

It looks like somebody cut it in half a Dazani bottle and.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, dude, it's, it's.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, it looks like a percolator from my Bong, dude.

[Zach Amico]

The dual end caps to reveal the soft, fleshy entry points. Experience the textured inner surface from either end for maximum enjoyment and minimal cleaning. The quick shot is the perfect tool for supplementing blow jobs or for solo use.

[Drew Montana]

And you're getting to the. You're getting in and out of that thing.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Wow. Okay.

[Kyle Reagan]

I thought that said quick shot vintage for a second. Yeah, the old vintage quick shot.

[Zach Amico]

And then I will say when a. When you. When you've got a friend do it for you. That thing, you.

[Drew Montana]

You can do it like lady in the tramp style.

[Zach Amico]

No, Just getting jerked off with it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Car ride home. Couple quick shots.

[Drew Montana]

Me and you.

[Zach Amico]

Dude. Dude, the getting a speed jack with one of those.

[Drew Montana]

Can you put your penis on one end and someone else's penis on the other end?

[Zach Amico]

I guess if you had a long enough one. Yes.

[Kyle Reagan]

Chinese finger trap style.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I believe it's called. In the gay community, it would be called docking.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Is when you put one guy's foreskin over yours and jerk each other off.

[Drew Montana]

So one would have to be unser.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that is. That is the caveat. Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

That sucks.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I guess you could kind of. With the quick shot, I guess you could take turns kind of like, you know, like the things that. The carts that used to go up the railroad. And it would be like up and down. Yeah, I guess, like, if you timed it.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. We're see sawing the quick shot.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. It was like two guys cutting down an old tree. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

A couple lumberjacks getting after it is.

[Zach Amico]

It isn't if it's my house. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Holy.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. You gotta wear this exact outfit to size the quick shot.

[Kyle Reagan]

You do a couple quick shots.

[Zach Amico]

Don't act like it doesn't sound like a good afternoon.

[Drew Montana]

No, we're doing it. We're going to catch his deli and then we're gonna two side a quick shot after this.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's a. That's a nap. I would not want to drive home after that. I can't hit. That's too much.

[Drew Montana]

Can we get a third percolator on this thing and get Zach involved?

[Zach Amico]

A good nut and a cat's his deli sandwich.

[Kyle Reagan]

Dude, a belly full of pastrami and a quick shot. Sounds like a day to me.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, I'm not getting up from that. That's my day is over.

[Drew Montana]

I think I'm Tyson punch.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, man.

[Drew Montana]

I'm not no 8 second count. I'm sleep.

[Zach Amico]

You know, with all the product placement and endorsements they do it Is crazy that there has not been a boxer that's come out with his own brand of punch.

[Drew Montana]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Hawaiian Punch kind of thing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Like. Like a fruit punch?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Why? What?

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Drew Montana]

Dumbasses. How much CTE do you have to have to miss the most obvious marketing thing right in front of you?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's like there's every. Every rap snack, every. Everybody's got a thing, and there's not a boxer. Sponsored fruit punch is crazy. Yeah. George Foreman, maybe because it's fruit. They don't want the name fruit in it.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, well, they can do Hawaiian punch. There's Hawaiian boxers.

[Zach Amico]

Manny Pacquiao.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, he's Hawaiian or something. He's Punch. Hawaiian Punch.

[Kyle Reagan]

Manny Pacquiao beating up a gay guy. Call it fruit punch.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, there you go. Jack Chan can do fruit punch.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's marketing, fellas.

[Zach Amico]

Jackie Chan, notorious homophobe, never spoken about. I believe, Shannon, if you could look that up. I believe. Disowned a child for being gay. For being gay. Because he's, like, a face of, like, the conservative move.

[Kyle Reagan]

Like, Chinese conservative.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. He looked at China right now. He's like, listen, we're going off the rails with this counterculture. There's too much. This. This is like Sodom and Gomorrah over here.

[Kyle Reagan]

America's like. We're just still sort of, like, pitching the whole black conservative thing. We got to give them a little bit of time before Chinese conservatives starts.

[Zach Amico]

See, I grew up with a lot of Cuban people, and that's as conservative as you could get.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Oh, yeah, they're very conservative because the

[Zach Amico]

fucking Bay of Pigs happened. They realized that Kennedy fucked them, and they have never forgiven a Democrat ever since then.

[Drew Montana]

Asians. Asians are pretty conservative, too, I think, especially, like, rich Asians.

[Zach Amico]

I would assume so.

[Kyle Reagan]

Crazy rich.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, did you find anything about Jackie Chan?

[Shannon]

Okay, so I found that the child that he. He disinherited one of his children, but it was his.

[Drew Montana]

That's a very Asian way to say I got rid of a child. I dishonor my child.

[Shannon]

It says he's not formerly disowned him. It's JC Chan. That it's estimated a $400 million fortune. And it said that it was following. Following his 2014 drug conviction. The gay child is his daughter Etta. And it doesn't say. I don't see anything specifically about him publicly saying anything about her.

[Drew Montana]

So he disinherited his son because he had a drug conviction?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I guess that's also over there. That's a pretty Bad.

[Drew Montana]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

If you name your kid jc, he's going to have a drug convict problem. Yeah, that's a drug problem.

[Zach Amico]

I assume his name is Jackie Chan. Chan.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, that's a good point.

[Drew Montana]

Jackie. Cocaine.

[Kyle Reagan]

Double Chan. Yeah, it's got a bad case of Double Chan.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody I. I reach with somebody you tweeted last night. Let's bring. Let's not shame people for naming their kids after 10 out of 10 albums. Like the best albums of all time. And I was joking. A kid named Journey's greatest hits of Eco. What would. I was trying to think what would your 10 out of if you had to name a kid after a perfect alb. Because to me it would be doggy style or word of mouth. Amico.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. The black album Montana.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's actually sick.

[Zach Amico]

That's a pretty dark side of the moon, Montana. Yeah, that works.

[Drew Montana]

The real is back, Montana. It's a great album. My beautiful dark twisted fantasy Montana.

[Zach Amico]

College.

[Kyle Reagan]

College dropout Montana. That's his future too.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Return of the dragon Montana. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Having cigars in the house is a sign of affluence and class. Two things I don't have. But Small Batch Cigar makes me look much better than I really am. They have free shipping on every order with almost every order arriving within two to three days in the continental United States. It comes with that Boveda pack. So everything is super fresh. In fact, they have the most thorough packaging in the industry. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly with your purchase. So head on over to smallbatch cigar.com and most people click the new button first to shop our newest arrivals. And you can use my discount code, GAS10. That's GAS10 to get 10 off plus those 5% rewards points. So check them out today. Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Let's get back into the show.

[Drew Montana]

I just watched Last Dragon for the first time the other day. Unbelievable movie.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Absolutely.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. I always. I always knew who Bruce Leroy was just from like the folklore around it. But I'd never seen just a guy walking around in the most ridiculous outfits and rice hats and whooping ass in Harlem kind of rules.

[Zach Amico]

Kind of. There's a. Because we do Black History Month on my movie show. Yeah. There's something about the time when all black people had some kung fu training.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Whether or not it was real. But there was a point where Black people knew karate.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was a great time to be alive.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. It was mostly them putting on the outfit.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It was 90%.

[Kyle Reagan]

The outfit was 90% outfit. But the rest was. You know.

[Zach Amico]

I always forget the name of it. Have you ever seen the Jackie Chan movie where he's a detective on a cruise ship?

[Drew Montana]

Yes. What? I forget the name of it. What is it?

[Zach Amico]

It's so. God. And he's hungry. The whole. He can't. He every. It's like a running joke that every time he gets food, it gets knocked out of his head. So he's just hungry. The whole movie.

[Shannon]

City Hunter.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. Thank you. That's. That's the one that has the Street Fighter game.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He gets knocked into a Street Fighter machine. It comes out as Chun Li.

[Kyle Reagan]

I don't know this one. I gotta. I gotta give this one a spin.

[Zach Amico]

It's really good. It's really, really good.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So old.

[Kyle Reagan]

Like what?

[Zach Amico]

Like one of the early Jackie J. Yeah. Yeah.

[Shannon]

It's 93.

[Zach Amico]

What?

[Shannon]

93.

[Zach Amico]

93. Okay. It's really good.

[Drew Montana]

It's a banger I really like. You've seen Windy City Heat, I'm sure. Zach.

[Zach Amico]

Of course.

[Drew Montana]

Have you seen Windy City Heat? Very fun stuff. It's like a. How would you describe it? It's kind of like a movie inside a movie.

[Zach Amico]

So essentially, there's this crazy guy.

[Drew Montana]

He's been doing open mics for, like, 15 years.

[Zach Amico]

And his friends convince him with. Kimmel's involved.

[Drew Montana]

Jimmy Kimmel and, like, Adam Carolla are, like, two of the main, like, guys in it. But they convince him that he's got casted for this other movie.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

And that he has to, like, shoot all these scenes for. He thinks he's gonna be, like, a Hollywood star, but the whole movie is them filming him and them with him. But there's a. There's an ongoing joke in that movie where they keep bringing him food while he's on set and just bringing him, like. Like, he gets done doing something and they bring him, like, a tray of sandwiches. He's like, I'm not hungry. He gets so mad.

[Kyle Reagan]

Is it like a documentary or is it like a movie?

[Zach Amico]

So it is a real. It is a. A document where basically they're praying this guy into thinking he's gonna become a movie star. And they continually make it worse and worse for him.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then reveal at the end that it was a fake movie.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The.

[Drew Montana]

The funniest one is crushed. He's kind of crushed, and he's kind of ruined. To this Day for it. He's, like, running for office in New Jersey. He's a psycho. But he. There's a scene in the movie where they keep. They keep, like, throwing him into an actual pile of shit. There's, like, a stunt he has to do. And they're, like, throwing him into a dumpster full of, like, shit and garbage. And he. He's like, what the. They do it, like, 30 times. He's like, what the. Why do I gotta keep doing this? They're like, oh, if you wanted a stunt man, you could have just got one. He's like, I didn't know I could get a stuntman. So he signs up for a stuntman, and then like, an hour later, they have a scene where he has to. They tell him that he's having sex with a girl. But they're like, it's a real sex scene. Like, you're gonna. It's like an insanely hot girl. And he's. They get him, like, all the way up to the point where he's about to her, and then they go, all right, cut. Bring in the stuntman. He's like, what the. I didn't know it was a stunt.

[Kyle Reagan]

Wait, so this was Jimmy Kimmel?

[Drew Montana]

Kimmel's, like, earlier with him.

[Zach Amico]

It's early era, I think, when Corolla might have still been. When. Excuse me. When Kimmel was still on the Man Show.

[Drew Montana]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Always. It might be before that when he was a radio guy, maybe.

[Drew Montana]

I think it was like 90s or, like early 2000s.

[Zach Amico]

So Jimmy Kimmel was on the radio. He was the sports guy on something.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he did a bit where he was gonna box and Adam Carolla is who gave him his boxing lessons. And I think that's how their relationship kind of started.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So it's. I want to say, around that era.

[Shannon]

So the man show ended in 2004, and this movie came out in 2006.

[Zach Amico]

Really? I thought it was earlier than that.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, shit.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, well, thank you for correcting me, Shannon. I appreciate it.

[Shannon]

I feel like it's about the same time.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that.

[Kyle Reagan]

It's so funny for Jimmy Kimmel to be, like, really into politics after he filmed a movie ruining a guy's life.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. He also did blackface is called the best Carl Malone I've ever seen. He's better than the real Carl Malone, I'll tell you that.

[Zach Amico]

And then they replaced him with the guy who runs America now on the Man Show.

[Drew Montana]

Who's that?

[Zach Amico]

The second man show was Rogan and Stanhope oh yeah, I did.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. I forgot that I might have to

[Kyle Reagan]

go give that another watch.

[Zach Amico]

It's pretty fun. So there's parts of it that are dog shit.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But then there's parts of it that are the man show boy really holds up. I don't know if you remember him. He was a little fat kid.

[Kyle Reagan]

Not.

[Zach Amico]

And they would.

[Kyle Reagan]

Not was.

[Zach Amico]

No, but he was a little fat kid and they would have him like with a earpiece.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he would do shit like you hit on ladies. He would stand outside of the store and ask people to buy him beer.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, I remember that shit like back

[Zach Amico]

when that was funny. I can't imagine getting away with that now. Having a little kid ask to get buy you beer.

[Drew Montana]

Well, yeah, especially like after the like recently all like the Epstein shit came out. It'd be crazy for any kid to be asking me for anything.

[Zach Amico]

I might see a kid, I remember being in high school and be like, man, why can't these people just be cool?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And now as an adult, I'm like, oh my God, if a kid asked me to buy them beer, I know I would be mortified.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. Where is your mother? Yeah, I. I had a kid asked me to buy him backwoods one time. It was like a Wawa or he asked me to like buy him like a Dutch or like Swishers or something. But I was just like, I remember being that kid when I was younger and I remember when it would work, it would feel so cool. It would. I'd like at the time I'd be like, that's the coolest guy ever. But as an adult, I'm like, I would be the lamest guy ever if I just bought a stranger 16 year old backwoods. That'd be crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it would be kind of gross.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

You're a rotten dude. But when you're a kid, like, you're like that guy.

[Drew Montana]

I'm like that guy.

[Zach Amico]

The only worst person than that is a guy who buys teenage girls liquor.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah. There were some girls in my high school that were in full relationships with those guys.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

It was tough. Tough. Look, we were like, yeah, we're getting 40s out of it. That's cool.

[Zach Amico]

We had a friend that just looked 50 since he was 13 and he would just go to the liquor store for everybody.

[Kyle Reagan]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. My friend Corey, he looks like John Lovitz, but he has looked like a 40 year old man since we were little kids.

[Kyle Reagan]

And he wouldn't get carded.

[Zach Amico]

Never. Yeah. I remember because he was in the plays with us. Like, with the musicals.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he played an older guy, so they made his hair gray in it. And I remember my grandma asking which one of my teachers.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Played that role in the play. Damn, dude. I have the funny. So I remember. So it was me and Corey. And we went. There was a liquor store in North Bergen we used to drive to because they would serve us.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And Corey would just go in with everybody. We'd do like an order for the group. And we go in. And it was back. Like, we were so young. We all wanted, like, Mike's hard lemonades. Right. And Corey lived in this place called Harmon Cove. And it was like a gated community. But the police couldn't come in unless they were called. So they just had vampires. They had a security guard in a golf cart. But if you figured out his route, you pretty much knew where to hang out and drink.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you were never gonna have cops come.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's sick.

[Zach Amico]

So we go to the liquor store with Corey, and Corey had a pickup truck. And usually I would lay in the back of it while two people were in the front. But this time, so we've got all the booze at our feet in the truck. And we had our friend Keith laying in the back. And we're going down this giant hill in Sea Caucus. And Corey goes. I'm gonna stop short. So that Keith hits his head on the back of the truck. He goes down the hill, stops it, doesn't realize there's a bump. So he stops short, hits the bump. Keith is laying with his feet towards us. So with his head towards the back of the truck, he goes easily a foot and a half in the air. And both his boots come through the back window of the truck. Holy shit. And kick us both in the back of the head. And glass goes everywhere. Right. So now we're two 16 year olds or 17 year olds or whatever we are. And a truck packed to the entire front is packed in cases of booze.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we are covered in broken glass.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, fuck.

[Zach Amico]

So we immediately kick Keith out. We're like, you're fucked.

[Kyle Reagan]

You walk with the guy who shattered the window.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. We're like, get out.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's pretty rough.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Fuck you. You're done. We got bigger fish to fry now.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I'm very embarrassed by this, but I will incriminate myself. So Corey's freaking out. How are we gonna tell? Because he's got to go home.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And what are we gonna tell? My mom and I had to pull a Hail Mary And I had to blame local black children. And I went, I'm gonna take the lead on this. And I said, we were at Burger King and we were online, and there were a bunch of kids behind us talking. And I got in an argument with them, and they left. And as we got back to the truck, we saw them running away.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we think that they. They punched through the back of the truck. And his mom went and said exactly what you think she said. Dropped one.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you still have to pay for it. But, you know, this wasn't really your guys's fault. Be careful about who.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know, be careful about who you get in fights with out there, because you never know what they're gonna do.

[Drew Montana]

Avoid burger king after 10.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's pulling out a charizard, Dude.

[Zach Amico]

I had to. I had. It was a. It was.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I don't feel good about it.

[Kyle Reagan]

No, but I think you should feel fine about it.

[Drew Montana]

Everyone gets one, you know?

[Zach Amico]

You get one, right?

[Drew Montana]

You get one.

[Zach Amico]

It wasn't like I told the cops, Right. Like, if I. If I had lied to the police.

[Kyle Reagan]

You pointed out kids.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Like, drive around. They're like, it's those guys.

[Drew Montana]

It's not like you're that the. The from the Duke Lacrosse House, but you know what? I mean, you. You got out of a thing and

[Zach Amico]

it wasn't real people.

[Drew Montana]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

I just made up.

[Drew Montana]

Right, Right.

[Kyle Reagan]

They're real people.

[Zach Amico]

But I've only told the police on someone once, ever. And immediately regretted it.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

You called the police on somebody?

[Zach Amico]

No, I went and got police.

[Kyle Reagan]

Really.

[Zach Amico]

And it was such a waste of time and effort and was only humiliating for me.

[Kyle Reagan]

This is what happened.

[Zach Amico]

36th street subway platform. Probably 10, 11 o' clock at night. I'm standing on the platform waiting for my train, and across from me is a large homeless, I'm assuming, black gentleman, blue sweats, hoodie, sweatpants. Sweatpants around his knees. Slow jerking. The biggest, blackest day. I mean, so black that I think it absorbed the light from around it.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was insane. It was cobalt. He had a graphite penis, and it was huge. And it wasn't that he was jerking, is that he was slow jerking with a look of terror on his face.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, it just looked slow because he had to go so far up and back.

[Zach Amico]

It was a long stroke, but he was looking like this, like he was gonna cry looking around, and I'm like, oh, that's scary.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I take a few steps down, and he's just going, yeah. And the platform was full of, like, ladies and people with kids and, like, it was just a bad look.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So I see two cops the other end of the platform, and I go get him, and I'm like, hey, guys, I'm sorry to bother you.

[Kyle Reagan]

Well, some of you wanted to check out down there. It's pretty sick.

[Drew Montana]

But there's a guy on the other, like, graphite penises.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, there's a guy on the. You got to see the. On this. Listen, I don't care what you do with them, but I just need somebody else to see this.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's pure black carbon fiber.

[Drew Montana]

Taste that. Man's penis.

[Zach Amico]

I was like, this guy jerking off on the other end there.

[Kyle Reagan]

They Mace it.

[Zach Amico]

They would spit it back out at them.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, it's eating right through it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like when Yoshi eats a fireball and spits it back.

[Drew Montana]

They just put one cuff on the penis, one on, like, a bike lock.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You stuck. And so they both put on gloves, and one starts walking. Eddie. And this is all happening at once. So I'll tell them both separately. But this is. Both things are happening at once. The one that starts walking goes, what does he look like? I was like, he's the guy on the end of the first. I'll be like, the one jerking off.

[Kyle Reagan]

What does he look like? The guy with the gigantic black penis.

[Zach Amico]

I went, he's got on dark blue sweatshirt. He goes, he's got a hoodie and dark blue sweats. But now people are watching because they saw me approach the cops. So now everyone's looking at me, and he's going, what does he look like? I went, he's got on dark blue sweats. He goes, what does he look like? And I get frustrated and I just go, the black guy. And now there's something about my voice coming out of my face, on my body that when you hear me say to a cop, the black guy. The black guy.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's not becoming. No, he becoming, but it is not. It's not a good look for me. So now everyone just saw me go off the police and got like. I'm like, there's a black man down here.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

While this is happening, the other cop goes, all right, I'm gonna need to see some id. I went, what? He goes, I need your id. He goes, I'm gonna fill out a report. I went, I don't care what you do with him. I just thought you might wanna know.

[Drew Montana]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

And he goes, well, if you don't give me id, I can't fill out a report. And there's nothing we can do, so you're gonna need to come down to the station with us and fill out a report. And I went, I don't care if he goes to jail. I just want you to scare him. Yeah, I was gonna say spook. Just scared. Like, tell him to knock it off. And now the cop goes, well, what do you feel unsafe? And he's making, like, a thing of it. And I go, I guess a little.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And in front of all the people who are now gathered, he goes, all right, well, if you want, I'll stand with you until the train comes, so you're not scared anymore, really. And I fucking went, yeah, do that then. And I made him stand with me.

[Kyle Reagan]

Was the guy in the background?

[Zach Amico]

He's probably. He was across the other end of the platform. He was all the way, like, almost.

[Kyle Reagan]

Did the cop get eyes on him that you were like, yo, check it out, dude.

[Zach Amico]

He went over to him. He must have put it away before then. But then luckily they tried to talk to him.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he wasn't making no sentences. He was, jibba jabba hibba dibba zah. And then they lost it. And then he went to get on the train, turned around and sat back down. And they. They went, where are you going? And he's like. And they're like, ah, shit, he's crazy. We gotta deal with this. They went, all right, sir, have a good night. I was like, all right, thank you.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Geez.

[Zach Amico]

But it just made me feel like such a piece of shit.

[Drew Montana]

No, in that situation, I think you're supposed to.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. See something, say something.

[Drew Montana]

Right.

[Kyle Reagan]

A lot of bureaucracy involved to get a guy just to put his cock away.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, well, because they were like, yeah, well, you know, you just fill out a report. You need to come down to the station. We'll give you a court date, and you need to press charges.

[Drew Montana]

If I'm in public and I see a guy playing with a bomb or his penis, I'm getting the police. Other than that, I'm kind of. I don't really care.

[Zach Amico]

But also. So, like, I've seen dudes jerk off before. This was not. Yeah, that. Like. So there's a guy we used to call player two because he used to fall. He used to wear a Luigi hat, and he would fall asleep hammered at the ninth street station across the bench, but he would fall asleep jerking off. So you would just hit this hard corner to get to your train, and there would just be a Mexican guy in a Luigi hat asleep with his cock in his Hand. That's just funny.

[Kyle Reagan]

Hey, listen, I've been there, brother.

[Zach Amico]

You know, that's just funny. That's.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

As a. That's not hurting anybody. Even if a chick sees that, it's inappropriate.

[Drew Montana]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

But he's not jerking off at her. Cox.

[Kyle Reagan]

A little less scary, too, I'm imagining.

[Zach Amico]

Way less scary. Yeah. The other guys had. He had a mushroom or two. Yeah. To jerk off into the air while, like, yelling and, like, looking wild eyed. That, to me is a. Alert the police situation.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

Something about a slow jerk is menacing too.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it wasn't to come.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It was to, like, evade demons.

[Drew Montana]

Right. You're edging yourself in public. That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Public edge is a tough one. Yeah.

[Kyle Reagan]

You got to get that thing out, you know, I need some fast motion. Get that thing out. Dude.

[Drew Montana]

I don't think I've ever seen a guy beaten off in public. I've seen a homeless guy take a. In public. I saw a guy getting sucked off. When I was. I remember I was walking to my car one time. There's like, this side street right next to my house that I always park on because it's. It's free parking. And so I like. I got out of my house, I rounded the corner, and there was just a guy standing there. Face a woman on her knees. And for a second, I like, I turned around, I was like, whoa, my bad. And I, like, turned back toward the house. And then I was like, what am I doing? I'm going to my car. This guy's face a lady outside. I'm gonna keep going to my car. But for a second, I like, felt like I walked in on. I'm so sorry, sir.

[Zach Amico]

Blow. Drop a clock out here on these streets.

[Kyle Reagan]

Was it full sight, like, on the sidewalk?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, it was right on that Latana street there. Yeah. You know, and. But yeah, right on the sidewalk.

[Kyle Reagan]

And he's giving it to Face street, though.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. That is the. On Latana Street. Yeah. I'm Face.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's the chick's name, too.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man. Imagine what it's like getting blown on the Rocky steps.

[Drew Montana]

Would that be nice?

[Kyle Reagan]

That's a flex. I don't know if it's ever been done, to be honest.

[Drew Montana]

If you do, it

[Zach Amico]

had to have been done.

[Drew Montana]

You gotta do it in this outfit.

[Zach Amico]

With boxing, there's no way it hasn't happened.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah, but the Rocky steps are so, like. It's such a touristy, like, high profile thing.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody's had the ball.

[Kyle Reagan]

Late night. Late night. Somebody's gotten blown on somebody's on it for sure.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. 100 had to have me and Vegas.

[Drew Montana]

Right before I come. I say this is the final countdown.

[Zach Amico]

Me and Figure were driving. We were in Harlem and there was a roundabout and there was a guy, a homeless guy getting blown by, I would assume was a homeless woman. I would even bet it was a transaction of some kind. Yeah. And this guy was fully naked. Johnny Cock getting blown. And then he had the chick bent over and he was opening up her asshole for cars to see and he was smacking her ass and spreading her ass and apart.

[Kyle Reagan]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And like pointing at it and be like, yeah, that's a guy. Like, that is the king of New York.

[Kyle Reagan]

I'm.

[Zach Amico]

I don't.

[Kyle Reagan]

I'm not getting like blown fully naked in my home quite often.

[Zach Amico]

You know what I mean?

[Kyle Reagan]

Like, I've usually got a shirt on in the comfort of my home on the street that's confident.

[Drew Montana]

Actually fully covered except my penis. It's like a Saudi Arabian woman's eyes.

[Kyle Reagan]

I'm in this outfit usually.

[Zach Amico]

I'm trying to think other. I've caught. Oh, I think I've seen on long road trips. I definitely, I definitely saw a lady masturbating once. She had her foot up on the dashboard in traffic. That was pretty sweet. Yeah, I got caught getting blown in the back seat of my friend's car. He had a hatchback and a truck went by and hit the horn.

[Kyle Reagan]

Your buddy just was like he was

[Zach Amico]

in the front seat with a girl.

[Drew Montana]

I always wondered that if I'm a. So I drive a Volkswagen Jet. It's low to the ground. If I'm beating off in the car and a truck drives by me, could they see?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

Oh shit. Well, I beat off in the car like almost every time I hit the highway, brother.

[Kyle Reagan]

Are you really beaten off that often in the fucking car?

[Drew Montana]

Well, anything, anything over like a two hour drive, like I'll say anything over two and a half. Because if I'm driving to New York, I'm not beaten. But if I'm going to like Washington D.C. or something like upstate New York.

[Kyle Reagan]

Holy shit.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, I'm jerking off.

[Kyle Reagan]

I've only caught a couple.

[Zach Amico]

How weird does it make it for everybody else in the car?

[Drew Montana]

Everyone close your eyes. Turn the music up.

[Kyle Reagan]

Family road trip.

[Zach Amico]

No, family load trip.

[Kyle Reagan]

Family load trip, dude.

[Drew Montana]

Sometimes when you're on like a four hour car ride, you get unnecessarily horny and you kind of have to do it, you know what I mean? That's also. It's the only Time that I really jerk off to imagination still. Because any other time I can watch something, you know.

[Zach Amico]

Your dad's not going to walk in.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, he better be running real fast if he wants to catch me this time doing 80 and be off.

[Zach Amico]

I had a friend who, who had crashed his car three different times because he was masturbating on the highway. Really?

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, I did.

[Kyle Reagan]

That guy might not need to go to jail.

[Zach Amico]

Actually, that guy's a lady now.

[Drew Montana]

I hit a mailbox one time because I was beaten off and driving. This was in the middle of nowhere, upstate New York. And it was, it was one of those like mailboxes that's. There's no like guardrail or anything. So it was just like a hill that went up into somebody's lawn. Or like the lawn was the. Or the hill was the lawn. But I. Yeah, I was just beating off too hard and I fucking kind of lost it for a second and I slid up into the hill, smoked the mailbox and then got right back on the road. And then I drove by it the next day in my mom's car. My mom was driving me somewhere and I remember she was like, oh, somebody hit the Morris's mailbox. And I'm like, that's crazy.

[Kyle Reagan]

So it was me.

[Zach Amico]

What is the. Obviously hand on your dick, but what's the wheel hand?

[Drew Montana]

Left.

[Zach Amico]

Well, obvious, but are you going like up top?

[Drew Montana]

Oh yeah. Noon and 6.

[Zach Amico]

That sounds so that sounds like patting your head and rubbing your belly.

[Drew Montana]

It's easier. But even that, it's. That's like one of those things that was drilled into our mind that we can't do. But it's not that hard, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. But now switch. Yeah, you're.

[Drew Montana]

Ah, shit. No, I can't. You're right. I just got real good at the right handed one. I was like, I'm a genius. You know what?

[Zach Amico]

That's from jerking off while driving. Yeah, that's mind over matter right there. Hey guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at you Kratom. Home of the 60 kilo. If you do Kratom, if you don't do Kratom, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many benefits, the only place on earth to get it is yocratum.com. they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the Gas Digital Network. There's no promo code needed whatsoever because it's already the best deal in the world to kratom. A whole kilo delivered right to your door for just 60 smackers. Guys, yo, Kratom is the best. They've taken care of us for years and we love them. You should love them too. Let's go. Today, yocratum.com home of the 60 kilo. Let's get back into the show.

[Kyle Reagan]

Were you like, were you mid boss when you smoked the mailbox or is it kind of?

[Drew Montana]

No, I hadn't busted yet. When I hit the mailbox, I.

[Zach Amico]

Which sucked because you still come after you hit the mailbox.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, because when you. When you smoke the mailbox. When you smoke a mailbox, it kind of makes you. Yeah, it makes your dick feel a little soft for a second. No, it's like a big distraction. So I had to work it all the way back up. Do extra lap around the block.

[Kyle Reagan]

Wow, you must have been fucking disgustingly horny if you went and got your dick back hard against smoking a mailbox.

[Drew Montana]

Story of my life, brother.

[Kyle Reagan]

Oh, boy.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we got. Before we wrap up today, I had two little things I wanted to watch. And one, because I have Mr. Bob Frogdanovich.

[Drew Montana]

Bogdan Frogdanovich.

[Zach Amico]

Bogdan Fragdonovich. We have been watching a lot of iguana cooking videos from the iguanas that are falling out of the trees in Florida.

[Drew Montana]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Cold snap.

[Kyle Reagan]

Hell, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we've been watching some people prepare other non traditional meals.

[Drew Montana]

I like this.

[Zach Amico]

And I thought I would share this with Drew, one of my favorite connoisseurs and one of my favorite men of nature.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This is a man making python dumplings.

[Drew Montana]

Oh, okay. I've never had snake turn this invasive

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Burmese python into delicious python pot sticker dumplings. But first, let me show you how we caught this guy. Burmese pythons are an invasive species here in South Florida that can be found in the Florida Everglades. They compete with our native wildlife, and because of their large size, they don't have many natural predators. And while my best friend and I were driving through the Everglades at night, we came across this one that was getting ready to cross the road. So I decided to catch it.

[Zach Amico]

Snake hunting in slides is pretty ballsy.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah,

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Drew Montana]

I don't with snakes. These guys are crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, you gotta get it by its neck. I know.

[Kyle Reagan]

Classic.

[Zach Amico]

Thanks for the wildly. A feminine man.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

In pink shorts and slides Is just no fear.

[Shannon]

Got it.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

One last Burmese python in the Everglades.

[Zach Amico]

It's huge.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Captured Burmese pythons have to be euthanized. Here in the state of Florida. But that doesn't mean they have to go to waste.

[Kyle Reagan]

This guy is sassy.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Ended up measuring in just a little over 8ft long.

[Drew Montana]

Zesty ass python hunter.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Like to let anything go to waste, so I immediately got to work. The skin is going to be in a future video making wallets, but today we're going to focus on the python meat. Similarly to swordfish, python meat can have high levels of mercury, so you don't want to make it into a staple part of your diet. But in moderation, it is safe to eat, and there's a lot of meat on it. Now it's time to get to cooking. First, in a blender, food processor, or meat grinder, you want to grind some of the python meat. After that's done, it should look something like this. Next.

[Zach Amico]

And that's what they make chicken nuggets out of, right?

[Kyle Reagan]

Python meat for sure.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Ground python meat. And then it was time to make the dumplings. First, we want to add a teaspoon of our filling to the center of the dumpling wrapper. Then use your fingers to wet the edges. That way it'll stick. Fold it over carefully and crimp the edges with a fork so that it all stays together. After I was done, I had two full trays of dumplings. Next, you want to push them down in a pan with a little bit of oil. That way they can stand up, and you want to wait until the bottom of them gets nice and golden brown.

[Kyle Reagan]

This guy's being real professional about dumplings that are filled with python.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Cover them to let them steam for the next five minutes. After five minutes, you can go ahead and remove the lid, let the water evaporate and the bottoms crisp up again, and then they're ready to serve. While I waited for those to finish cooking, I made a quick and easy dipping sauce sauce. And just like that, we have homemade python pot sticker dumplings from scratch. These look good and they smell good, but now it's time to see how they taste. First bite of python pot stickers.

[Zach Amico]

Five Sounds good.

[Kyle Reagan]

That's good.

[Zach Amico]

All the flavors of the filling, you got to feel powerful catching that thing.

[Drew Montana]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then turning it into a treat.

[Kyle Reagan]

When you. When you said a guy was making python dumplings, I. I don't want to seem racist, but I 100% assumed he was Asian.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. That seems like using the skin to make wallets. Yeah, That's Asian ingenuity.

[Kyle Reagan]

I was not expecting him to look like that.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we're going to Close off on this today. This is very Chan. Lewis didn't want to do the thing with Darby Allin. Right.

[Shannon]

It's not something that was in our chat.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, cool. So the rest of Darby Allin, kind of a weirdo little punk goth guy, does a lot of crazy stunt type bomb goes through glass. He actually just climbed. He was gonna. I don't know if he did. I think he did. He climbed Everest in a wrestling match. No, just to do it. Yeah, he does like extreme sports.

[Drew Montana]

Like I'm going off the top rope.

[Zach Amico]

No, he did. I think he climbed Everest. He does like stunts and stuff. Pretty cool, dude.

[Drew Montana]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And he was recently getting interviewed while on FaceTime in an Uber. And this was what happened when he was trying to do his interview in the Uber. And I would love everyone's opinions, including the booth. Go ahead, Tucson for AEW collision. We got this program going on. Can we expect to see like, Matt, one second? I hate to interrupt, like your AA or like therapy session or.

[Drew Montana]

But it's kind of rude of you

[Zach Amico]

to be on speakerphone, like in someone tuber. Is it cool if I finish?

[Drew Montana]

Look, man, I've been driving since 5am I'm tired. Like, can you just put the phone up? Like it's a little rude.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

This is like an interview.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we're like on. We're on national TV right now.

[Kyle Reagan]

Just doing an interview here real quick.

[Drew Montana]

I don't care.

[Zach Amico]

I make like 15 an hour.

[Drew Montana]

Like, I don't care here.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, but you want five stars.

[Drew Montana]

This is like.

[Zach Amico]

This is one star behavior.

[Kyle Reagan]

Is this your AA sponsor or something?

[Drew Montana]

No, it's.

[Zach Amico]

It's not an AA sponsor. I don't care. Can you just put the phone away? I knew. I knew at this face pain is Jean Simmons saying, like, you were going to be trouble. Like, yeah, yeah,

[Kyle Reagan]

that's one star behavior.

[Zach Amico]

That's crazy. And honestly, a lift driver would not drive like that. I'm sorry.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

I'm not trying to get.

[Zach Amico]

Take me to Tucson.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah, yeah, take him to Tucson.

[Zach Amico]

So we could be doing AEW live here, buddy. Real. I'm over this. Getting out of my car now. Let me see. We're in the middle of the highway. Get out.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Out.

[Zach Amico]

Go. Get out of my car. We're in the middle of the high. See, Lyft driver didn't do this,

[Kyle Reagan]

Huh?

[Zach Amico]

I wanted that truck to smoke him so bad. I'm in the middle of the highway, so.

[Drew Montana]

Hold on.

[Zach Amico]

Let me go over here. It's kind of loud. He drove off on you. It looked like he drove off on you.

[Kyle Reagan]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He drove off on you. He's gone. So what were we saying? Because I gotta find it. I. I love you, dude. That's an autistic man, right?

[Drew Montana]

The guy that snapped. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Zach Amico]

That's. That's.

[Kyle Reagan]

Do we think it was faked?

[Shannon]

Yes. This is so fake.

[Zach Amico]

You think so? I think so.

[Shannon]

I think it's so fake. Just the way that the guy was talking to him. No Uber driver would say that. They always want their five stars. I think this is ridiculously fake. Yeah, I think so.

[Kyle Reagan]

Although autistic guys do kind of talk like they're acting all the time, like, staged.

[Zach Amico]

I do think he has the cadence of an autistic person who's trying to mimic what a person would say, who was right.

[Drew Montana]

Yeah. And the spaz at the end kind of convinced me because it did sound fake at first, but if he didn't, if it isn't fake, then he really sold it. Like, he really went for the get out. Like, that's crazy.

[Kyle Reagan]

The spaz kind of made me think that was kind of the thing that, like, pushed it over. I thought, this guy's fucking faking it.

[Drew Montana]

This guy's a fraud.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like, to me, the spaz felt real. Shannon, why do you think it's fake?

[Shannon]

It's just the vibe that I got, especially from the beginning. Everybody's reaction from it like this. It didn't spark any sort of, like, retaliatory. Retaliatory, like, tone from this guy at all. They're all just laughing about just. It seems. Yeah, it seems staged.

[Kyle Reagan]

All right, I'm with you, Shannon. Me and you.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe I got. Got entirely possible.

[Shannon]

I'm Googling it. There was something that came up on Reddit where it said, obviously it's fake, but there was like. There was something, an article that was there that got pulled. So I don't know what people are sharing about it otherwise.

[Zach Amico]

If you have an opinion, leave it in the comments. Let us know if you think that was fake and I'm an idiot. Those things are not mutually exclusive. You can also think I'm an idiot, and I'm right on this one. But regardless, I am stupid. But let us know in the comments what you think. I want to thank my guest, Drew Montana and Kyle Reagan. Please, Reagan, please support Do Reg and the Deer Tag. Digital Bazooka. What was your sketch thing again?

[Drew Montana]

Darth's Garage.

[Kyle Reagan]

No, don't ever look that up. No, I'm just kidding. Look at fucking Friendly Boys Club. Check it out.

[Zach Amico]

So check that out. Thank you. These two beautiful animals.

[Drew Montana]

And Zach, I'm excited for your album. Not to to keep it going, but you and Tim are two of the funniest people to ever try to do comedy or to do comedy. And I feel like not enough people know people know how good you guys are, like on podcasts, and not enough people know how hard you guys kill on stage. So I'm very excited. Especially they put the two of you together. Can't wait for it.

[Zach Amico]

That's really kind of you, man. Thank you so much, man. You made my day with that. Please support these guys and we'll see you on Wednesday here on the zoo. Goodbye. The fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him Papa may go chug it down just like the favorite obese clown. Grab a call bear and join the crew. It's Akamiko morning too. It's Akamiko morning too. Early birds always rise to the occasion

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

for summer vacation planning because early gets

[Zach Amico]

you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

and save over $120. Rise and shine average savings 141 select homes only.

[Zach Amico]

You know what they say.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Early bird gets the ultimate vacation home.

[Zach Amico]

Book early and save over $120 with

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

VRBO because early gets you closer to the action, whether it's waves lapping at

[Zach Amico]

the shore or snoozing in a hammock that overlooks.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Well, whatever you want it to so

[Zach Amico]

you can all enjoy the payoff come summer with VRBO's early booking deals. Rise and shine average savings $141 select homes only.