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Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laugh is waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the CRE It's a morning suit. Wake up.
B
Woohoo.
A
Woohoo indeed. Hello Gas Digital fans. It's your other boy, the international superstar cousin Zach saying welcome, welcome, welcome to the morning zoo. It's a fine Monday here at the Gas Digital Studios. I want to sincerely thank Trooper Shannon. After hours and hours of travel issues, still got her beautiful self here today. I know that was a big sacrifice and it shows how hard of a worker you are and how much you mean to all of us here at the studio. Thank you, Shannon. Thank you.
C
Thank you, Zach. I wouldn't miss your show.
A
You're very, very kind. Across the table from me, two very funny, talented people from that's Hot with Sabrina Piper. It's our good friend Sabrina Piper. How are you?
B
Hi, I'm well, how are you?
A
I'm great. You look beautiful.
B
Thank you. You look radiant as well.
A
Thank you. And another beautiful person right next to her, it's Damien Speranza. How you doing dog?
D
You're so sweet, Zach. Thank you. That made my day.
A
Oh, thank you guys for being here. Let's knock plugs right out of the way. Damien. What do you want people to check out my friend?
D
I got some road dates coming up, man. Just check out my website, damiensperanza.com see all the days, get tickets, come out and see me.
A
Sounds great. Sabrina.
B
I have no idea anymore. Who knows, Just follow me on everything.
A
Funny girl with tits, very fun Instagram. Zach is not funny. Punch up that live. Zach Amico for all my dates, had a great time at Littlefield in Brooklyn on Friday with Todd Barry. Thank you to those of you that came out to that got stuff coming up between now and most Importantly, my special May 23rd in Austin, Texas, the Creek in the Cave, myself and Tim Butterly. 7pm and 9pm tickets are up now on the Creek in the Cave website and we got some other stuff sprinkled in there as well. Most importantly, if you love the show, head on over to gas digital.com today. Use my promo code ZOO Z O O and you get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the archives thousands of episodes of all your favorite guest digital shows. You can interact with the live chat, and most importantly, you get to watch our Friday bonus episode. We do three of these a week, and if you want to watch the Friday one, it's only for subscribers, but regardless of how you consume the program, thank you so much. All right, guys, we have got maybe the moment that has set me to back. Are you aware of what happened?
D
Probably not.
A
So which part?
B
In which regard? In which industry? In which where? In which street?
A
Rebel Wilson's PR team.
D
Oh, boy.
A
Had a conversation, leaked, and some are interpreting it as a. An attempted assassin character assassination piece. Now, Rebel Wilson very, very vocal against Sasha Baron Cohen, saying a few years ago when she did one of his movies, he asked her to put his finger in her ass. In his ass? Her finger in his ass.
D
It sounds on brand, though, if you've ever seen.
A
And then they released the raw footage of him asking, to which he said, you're squeezing my ass too hard. You almost put your finger in my ass.
D
Oh, so not.
A
Okay.
D
Yeah, that'll. That's a little different.
A
Anyway, so she's apparently in some type of battle. Shannon. And please correct me as I move forward as a producer of a movie she worked on.
C
Yes, as a producer. I don't know if you. The. Let's see, the. Amanda Ghost is who they're going after. Job to play the audio.
A
Yeah. So this is her PR team, I believe, also the same team who has worked with a few other famous cases.
B
I have a question. Amanda Ghost, is that. Is that the PR person?
A
No, I believe that's the producer.
C
Producer.
B
Oh, that's the producer. Okay.
C
It says that co producer on Wilson's film, the Deb.
A
Okay. Oh, also talked about Rebel. Like, here's the. Here's the.
D
The deal with Rebel, and I think you, me and Brian and maybe Katie, since she'll write this thing. What we have to do is we.
A
The biggest piece here is that we
D
have to connect Amanda Ghost with Vlotnik. And I was just like, so basically what we need to do is we need to create a path where we expose Amanda Ghost. Amanda Ghost is like the new Heidi Fleiss. Like, she. She masquerades as a. The reason why she sucks so bad at music is because she's actually getting hookers for Vlotnik.
A
Right.
D
And that's what she does. She's a. She's a. She's an absolute madam, and that's why she's so lethal.
A
Blah, blah, blah.
D
But that's. He's right. Like, we can't just do, like, oh, She's a bitch. She sucks. It's like, it's got to be really, really heavy and connected to something that heavy. It's wild.
A
So I mean you to not. I get. Getting through a meeting or what you're saying we're going to expose. We're going to create a nat with. Now, some people are saying that these might be facts and they're trying to figure out their strategy. But the way he said that she's a madam and this. And they goes and blah, blah, blah. Makes it sound like. We'll fill in that part later.
D
Your imagination run wild. Put whatever you want in there and just have it sound good.
B
Yeah.
D
But I also think that I feel like this meeting is exact. And I'm not a political person, but I feel like this is politics. It's just taken from the political sphere now into entertainment. It's the same shit. They just come up with narratives. They try to frame things in certain ways to make them sound.
A
Essentially, it does sound that they're like, all right, how do we weaponize?
D
Right.
A
The cultural zeitgeist.
C
So this I just want to say real quick. So this guy, Jed Wallace, is the guy that we heard. He's the head of her public. Okay. Crisis. Public relations firm. And so what I'm thinking is that maybe these two already had a fight or maybe the movie is coming out bad or something, and she's trying to get out ahead of it by going after this.
A
Yes, that's. I believe, Exactly. She's having major disagreements with the producer of this movie. So they're trying to get ahead of it and villainize this person.
D
It's not my fault. It wasn't. She made it. You know, She's a bad person. Forget about the movie being shitty. She's just a bad person. Let's not talk about the movie. Right.
A
And it's just now, obviously, these people can't do PR ever again.
B
Oh, no. I have so much to say. I'm gonna be real.
A
Please.
B
I have so much to say. Let me first say, first of all, the madam I knew that was coming. That's why I sat back and I waited. Everyone's throwing that word around. They're flinging it, flinging it, flinging it now. All because of the Epstein files. That's it. It's just because these emails came out. People love to throw in Ladies of London. This past week, the new. The new thing that just came out, they're saying one of them is a madam. Not that many people can be madams. And if they Are they're coming here to make money off of it. Also, I don't think they're bad people twisting it.
D
I think a madam is good people, but go ahead.
B
It also has nothing to do with it. I mean, no offense to Rebel Wilson, but, like, I don't think she's going to be anyone's madam. People can't even take her seriously as an actor, and that's what she claims to be. So.
A
So this is probably above all of our age ranges, but, like, when Heidi Fleiss was a big thing in the news, the Hollywood madam, she was almost like a cool tabloid story.
D
Yeah.
A
Like, she's in my favorite music video of all time, Freak of the Week featuring Ron Jeremy, where they bum rush celebrities and try to get them to sing the chorus of the song. And Heidi Fleiss is one of them. Like, it's just a right. But it's great. It's like John Wayne Bopp. It does the freak. Grandpa monster does the freak. And she's, like, in it, like, partying at.
B
I don't know her.
A
Oh, she was a very. She was like her. I believe she was a famous madam and I believe her black book got leaked.
D
I was gonna say, didn't they make a movie about it? Yeah, yeah, they made a movie about it.
A
Yeah, her black book got leaked and a bunch of celebrities who were using her services got exposed. Yeah.
D
There she is.
B
Hey, look at Ghislaine's cousin. Yeah, look at that jaw.
A
But now I guess the idea of being a madam is more. Exactly. Now the idea is that it's like. Is lame.
D
Well, yeah, because now, like, like you said with the Epstein files, everybody's associated with, like, younger, impressionable people use buzzwords.
B
They're obsessed with buzzwords. I don't even know if it's political or if it's. Much as they want to be martyrs and they want to be like leaders, they want to be looked at as, like, oh, they're making a movement, a change or something. And it's like, what are you burying? What are you burying behind it?
A
Just for as progressive as she is. I remember a different Rebel Wilson. I remember a Rebel Wilson in a little film called Pain and Gain.
D
Oh, yeah.
A
Where the entire joke is that the black guy makes a million billions of dollars and wants to fuck her. Yep. Is a plot point in the movie. First of all, painting game. Listen, I love my fast and my furious. I will see anything. I love shutting down. I love turning my brain off and going dumb. Movie, painting game on the outside. You Go, well, it's Mark Wahlberg and the Rock juiced to on limits of human capability. Yeah. Not humans. Like horse. Whatever. Yeah. Not human muscle growth. And you go, oh, it's a bodybuilding movie. No, it is a heist movie.
D
Right. A dumb heist movie where Mark Wahlberg
A
and the Rock kidnap Tony Shalhoub and hide him in a dildo factory.
B
Oh, it's a fun movie.
A
And the Rock hosts a community safety meeting while on cocaine. It is one of the funniest scenes I have ever seen in a film. And the whole joke with the black guy in the movie is, no matter how rich he gets, he still wants fat, white pussy.
D
I will say, with Rebel Wilson, it's kind of like the Jonah Hill thing. They got famous for being this one character in this one way, and then both of them were like, well, no, I just want to shed all this weight and try a different approach. And then things just don't work out as well.
B
Oh, but Jonah's talented.
A
Well, it is a big head. He's got a big, weird head.
B
Egotistically, as.
A
As a man with. I need to stay above a certain weight, so I don't tip.
D
So everything's just.
A
Yeah.
D
Proportionate.
A
I think it's because we've seen him because he's a moose and grandma's boy.
D
Yeah.
A
Like, you forgot in the grandma's boy commentary. I think Nick Swartz is like, Jonah gained 80 pounds to this role, like, just as a joke.
D
Right, right.
A
And then it's that, like, I feel like him and Wolf of Wall street is probably what his body is supposed to be like. Yeah, totally.
D
Yeah. He's not a thin, shredded guy.
B
He's just not a surfer. He doesn't know surf life.
D
Yeah.
A
Yeah. So it gets her. But I do. If we're going to talk about Rebel Wilson and Shannon, we might have to cut this. Can you please bring up Rebel Wilson's song in the Cats movie when I tell you. No, this is my. It's. This is gonna feel like an acid flashback. Is that you've never done acid. I saw Cats the movie with my lovely wife, and we decided to get the highest we've ever been to see a movie, because I don't know if you're familiar with the show Cats.
D
I am.
A
It is plotless.
D
Yes.
A
It is the royal rumble of musicals. Everyone comes out, says, this is who I am, and there's a winner at the end.
D
Yeah. Some songs mixed in. Yeah.
A
So when they made the movie, they realized there's no protagonist in the Play. So they added a character. Who's the main character.
B
Nice.
A
That you just follow this one cat around.
B
Okay.
A
Now, we had hotboxed our bathroom and taken edibles. I live two blocks from a movie theater. Halfway there, my wife turned to me in the middle of the street and said, why are all these people in our lobby?
D
Nice.
A
We made it into the film.
D
That's awesome.
A
There was five other people there. We were the only two when it ended.
B
Awesome.
A
At one point, I stood up during the movie and went, really? Because I couldn't believe it was still happening. My wife had to play with her phone the whole time because she was afraid she got lost in another dimension.
D
Nice.
A
Because of how bad this was. This movie was this director's apparently dream.
B
Yeah.
A
At no point do they confirm or even try to exhibit how big the fucking cats are supposed to be. Sometimes there's giant furniture. Sometimes they're people sized. At no point is there any continuity in how big these fucking cats are. And so now it starts off heavy. The Jellicoe cat song. Really feels like you're getting invaded.
D
Right?
A
I'm sorry. I'm going deep. Cats here today, guys. And now we're gonna get Rebel Wilson. Who? I'm pretty sure her. And who's the fat British late night host?
D
Oh, God, the one that did the singing karaoke in the car.
A
Yeah, yeah. He's also in it. Throughout the last third of the movie. It just cuts to them having, like, cat one liners that are not in the play. I'm pretty sure they had to do reshoots and go. This is unwatchable. We need to add like 20 minutes of jokes, which sounds like a nightmare. Then we get to Rebel Wilson. Already you're going to my on acid. We saw the unfinished version. The first version of the cgi. The hands weren't right. Some people slide their wedding rings on.
D
Nice.
A
Now, this is Rebel Wilson. She's the Gumby cat, right? Yes, dude. Drinking it.
C
When the day's hustle and bustle is
A
done, then the Gumby cats work is but hardly begun.
C
And when all the family's in bed
A
and asleep, I tuck up my skirts
B
to the basement of cream. I am deeply concerned.
A
Now there's gonna be a number of alarming things that happen here. Not good.
D
Gonna be.
B
And their manners should get killed. Because I would be okay with that.
D
I think that they gave her an ass.
A
Now these are mice. Way too small compared to the cat.
B
A thousand percent. Look at their tiny heads too.
A
To end the show. Now, I don't Understand the perspective here. But now it's going to get so much weirder.
B
How she's winded.
A
Oh yeah, that's the joke. I have a gumby cat in mind. Her name is Jenny.
D
I'm actually mad at you, Zach, for having this be part of today's show. Like I'm upset that we have to sit through this.
B
I concur.
D
Oh,
A
this. This isn't even touching the surface.
D
I don't want this to touch anything.
A
And that's what makes a gumby cat. That's what makes a gumby cat. But when the days. Shannon, can you forward to when she takes her skin off?
B
What?
D
Can we forward till we can take this video off?
A
Oh, wait. So hold on. These are roaches with children's faces.
D
The is happening right now. Is this what it's like to be on drugs?
A
Yes.
B
No.
A
Right. Dude, these are. She's now eating roaches with children's faces.
D
Wait, what the.
A
She's ripped her skin off and had another outfit under her skin.
D
And her skin underneath is bedazzled. Is that.
B
It's like a vajazzling.
A
What the hell is this now? It's a birthday cake full of roaches with children's faces. She has ripped her skin off. This is a nightmare.
D
This is awful. And you paid to see this?
A
I've seen this three times.
D
Why three times?
A
Cuz I watched it in the theaters once once at my house and another I made somebody else watch it.
D
You just like to hurt yourself is really what this comes down to.
B
You really do. Oh my God. This is stapling of the eyes. Stapling of the eyes.
D
Shannon, next time if he's going to put something like this on, don't ask me to come down here to do this.
C
I was not told beforehand.
D
This is.
A
And it's so fun.
B
Can I have a cry angle for next time?
A
Because poor Ian McKellen is in it and he's really trying to be a cat. He's like drinking milk out of a saucer. He's putting in the work and ever. Dude,
B
fuck.
A
Who's the sexy black guy everybody loves? They thought Michael B. Jordan, Idris Alba. He.
D
That's who I think is hot.
A
Just looks like a naked werewolf. He. They edit out his cock mark, but he just looks like a naked werewolf the whole movie.
D
I would have rather see where's that.
B
Yeah.
A
Every single part of it is. It's every single thing that can be wrong is wrong.
D
You could tell from that five minutes or it felt like a half hour fucking video.
B
I think that was probably 2 minutes and 45 seconds.
A
That was one song out of, like 15.
D
That was awful.
A
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D
Shannon, as a huge cat lover yourself, do you adore this movie?
C
I hate it. I also am not a huge musical fan. Okay, so, yeah, I hated all of that.
A
So when you think of Rebel Wilson, don't think about this suit. Think about her ripping her skin off and eating children roaches.
D
You ruined it for me. Because in my mind, I picture the Pitch Perfect Rebel Wilson. That's what I have all the time in my mind. And now I'm going to see that and I'm very upset about it.
A
Gumby Cat baby.
B
Did you like the Pitch Perfect Rebel?
D
I enjoyed all those movies. All of. Yeah, I can. I'm not. Yeah. I'm not too much of a man to say I enjoy the Pitch Perfect.
B
All right, let's do the cup challenge.
D
There's nothing I used to get that shit down.
A
Nothing wrong with it. I. I do not. I. If you asked me if I had a gun to my head and I had a list, perfect scripts, Mean Girls is going on there.
B
Yes.
D
Yeah. It's a fair, Fair assessment.
A
Perfect movie as far as, like, narrative. Yeah. Perfect movie. So there's nothing I don't. I don't believe in gendering art.
B
Well, no, it was just. Because Pitch Perfect is like.
D
Go ahead, say it. What are you trying to say? Discuss.
B
I. I think the Fat Amy was not funny. That's it. I mean, we're talking about a movie from which one that was Rebel Wilson's
A
character, a couple of versions of.
B
I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. They milked it for, like, 14 movies.
D
Yeah.
B
I mean, listen, Mean Girls is a perfect script. And, hey, I'm a woman. That's coming from me. I'm not. Not knocking women's movies. And Tina Fey wrote the screenplay for Mean Girls 1010.
D
So I was. This is a little off topic, but I had done a run of shows in Alaska recently. I went to Glen Allen, Alaska, and they run that. So that town has no government. They are like, the guy told me, we're the last free town in this country. So they basically run their town like mean girls. If they don't like you, they just run you out of the town. They either ignore you during the snowstorms and don't help you, because out there, they get, like, three feet of snow at a clip.
B
Really?
D
And he's just like, yeah, we'll just let you starve. He's like, we won't help you if we don't think you should be here.
B
You guys, I think I should move.
D
It's crazy.
A
You have to look it up, isn't it? The ratio on women to men in Alaska is crazy, right?
D
Oh, yeah. There was one woman up front that, like, after show came up to me, and she's like, thank you. I needed to laugh. It's been a rough week. And her friend was like, oh, yeah. She had, like, to put three restraining orders on guys in the last, like, three months just because she's probably the most attractive person in that town. So she's just getting constantly hit on.
B
I'm not moving.
A
So, yeah, I want to say four men to every woman.
B
Oh, wow.
D
Well, dude, there was a guy. The.
A
There's a Very Funny Girl comic that used to have a line about living in Alaska. And the punchline was, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
D
Yeah, dude, it's rough. There was a. There was a guy, like, a table of, like, three guys that were all clearly, like, late 40s, early 50s, and all their wives were, like, early 30s, late 20s. It's like, that's because the picking is so, I guess, bad out there that the age gap isn't even an issue because you're just Trying to find someone.
A
Well, that and I think a lot of the guys have crazy dangerous jobs. Like you move out there and you're probably working eight months stints.
B
Yeah, but they're going on those boats.
D
The shows were. I mean, the people, if you ever get to go up there, man, they really are like, it's so much fun. They don't get offended by shit. All they care about is like, they want to show you their state. Like, oh yeah, come up, come see our state, but then get the fuck out. Like, they don't want the lower 48 to like stay. They just want to show you how pretty it is and then send you back home.
A
Yeah, I went as a kid. I would love to go as a grown up. I just remember how blue the water was.
D
Oh, yeah, gorgeous. The scenery, all of it, just cold as shit.
A
Yeah, I did a cruise when I was a kid. Oh, I'm from class. I'm from. I've been on. I've been on multiple childhood cruises. Are you kidding me?
B
That's my mom's dream. With money. She's still. The cruise to Alaska is her dream.
D
I heard it's. The cruises are great.
A
I mean, it was really pretty.
D
I love that. Like your life started with like cruises around Alaska and now it's Skank fest in New Orleans. Like you've really gone complete 180.
A
We did. Yeah. No, we did cruise when I was a kid. Those were, those were. I like a relaxing vacation. I. Unfortunately my family is of the let's plan a million things. If I'm on vacation and you schedule something I have to wake up at 6am for I'm gonna fucking kill you.
D
Yeah, I get it.
A
I hate it.
D
I just had vacation. Just took my kids on a cruise and it's like my friends are like, oh, you must be so rested from the cruise. I'm like, no, you have kids on like any kind of vacation. They just want to go all day long. Now which, which line? Royal Caribbean.
A
Okay, they don't have the. That's Carnival. It has the Guy Fieri Burgers, right?
D
Yeah. Carnival is just the Bronx on the water.
B
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A
It's the Guy Fieri Burger station. I mean, a pinnacle of white trash society.
B
I know this from you.
A
Yeah. When I did Ship Rock with big. Big J goes meet me in front of. And it was just Jay standing in front of Guy Fieri silhouette. It looked like, who's that? Pokemon. And dude, it was the best. The only thing is they have to burn the shit out of Everything. Because they don't want people getting the poops.
D
Yeah, we'll have to burn the shit out of the sheets on those boats too.
A
Fuck. I was just watching another cruise. It was, not surprisingly, a brawl on a cruise, but it was something. Oh yes, it was. Nevermind.
D
I swear it wasn't a brawl. Oh no, it was my bad.
A
These cruises, bit of a departure. I watched the video of two janitors getting a rat outside of a car. Out of a car. Trying to like sweep a rat out the door.
B
Yeah. What was his fucking name?
A
No, I'm just kidding, buddy. If the. It looks like a fucking capybara. If this thing was in gas digital, I think we would just let him have a show. Look at the size of this thing.
B
Ready?
D
Jesus.
B
Sorry. Automatic.
A
All right, he's coming your way. You're gonna see perspective of how big he is compared to that. And listen, I'm not picking this thing up.
D
No. Also, it's black.
A
He's not right here. I'm black. No, I'm blocking this. I think if this was in my apartment, I would just leave.
B
Yes, for sure.
D
This is beating up anybody's cat.
B
These cats. You can.
A
And sometime. It is open and cracked. There he is.
D
Then he said that such a cute way. There he is.
A
I would not recover from this emotionally.
B
I'm not recovering now.
A
Wait until you see the honk. That's a possum.
D
Jesus Christ. Look at him go.
A
Oh my, oh my.
D
Look at him go.
A
Get the out of here. I'll tell you what, that's the biggest rat I've ever seen.
B
Yeah, you think?
D
The BBC of the rat community right there, man.
A
I just wanted a crumb. I just want a little something. Jesus, look at his tail.
D
My. My ex. My ex wife got two rats for my kids as pets.
B
That's why she's your ex.
D
Oh yeah, they would. She's like, if we go on vacation, you're gonna watch them.
B
Nope, no, dingbat.
D
You can keep those things over there.
A
I. Rats sit for some. I would go to their house. They had two. And they paid me while they were on vacation to go every other day and like change everything. First of all, that's a stinky pet.
D
Yeah, it's terrible.
A
The tails are horrible. And then, dude, rat balls are fucking horrendous. John. Dude, the balls on these things.
D
It's like the bulldog from Van Wilder, dude.
A
It's fucking insane. And then there's gonna be immediate incest if you get a boy and a girl.
D
Yeah.
A
And now you got a bunch of retarded rats.
D
Yep. It's all awful. Everything about it is awful. It's not cute. It's not fun. I don't. My daughter would hold it.
A
Were they. What were the two. The ones I sat for were white.
D
One would know they were with red eyes. And I forgot their names already. Like they're in my mind. They were just never real.
A
So is the worst. What. Okay. What is more of a sign of I'm walking into a garbage person's house. Rat. Ferret. Loose bird. Fuck.
D
I don't. I'm gonna not put. I think I'm gonna knock ferret off the list. I think it's gotta be between the ferret is two.
B
I'm knocking ferret off the list.
A
Really? Ferret. I've been to some houses where ferrets had like little playground. Like the little like.
B
Oh, people love that in Brooklyn.
A
Yeah.
D
I think I'm gonna go loose bird. I'm gonna go loose bird.
A
Because they literally just like.
D
Cause they can shit on you. Like they're gonna be shitting on everything. At least rats are pretty much gonna be low level floor. Whatever.
B
I'm going for rat. Going for red. Cuz you could have like a parrot or something that flies around. It was so smart. If that's the bird flying around, they know not to. Cuz that's like a gross thing.
D
I'll give you the caveat of. Depends on the kind of bird.
B
There you go.
D
Cuz if it's an expensive exotic bird, it's like. All right, well this isn't going to be some shit bag on it.
B
A cockatoo.
A
No.
B
They want to keep it clean.
D
Or three if it's a. Yeah. Or a canary if it's a canary or something stupid like that.
B
Yeah. Now I thought you were going to maybe say tarantula and I was going to be like. I don't know. That's where I draw a lot. People have pets, but that could be okay.
D
Yeah. I wouldn't want one. But I don't associate trash with that. But I think you have a loose.
A
Poor bird. Originally met my wife. I was not allowed to visit her family because they had three loose birds and they were all. Excuse me. They were all inbred because they kept trying to take the eggs away and then they would get mad. So I think one got the brother, got the sister pregnant and had a fucking weird fucked up bird.
D
They're just flying into walls.
A
So my aunt and uncle had a bird when I was a kid. And if you left the cage open it just went skull first into a like the amount of times I was a kid and didn't latch the thing right and you would just hear donk. But that's a bad pet. Don't get pets.
B
That I agree. I agree. There's a reason I never wanted one of those tiny little birds from PetSmart
A
like Chirp, Chirp, chirp. My aunt Barbara had a bird named Peaches that would whistle the Andy Griffith theme.
D
That's funny.
B
That's cute.
D
That's funny.
A
But yeah, I feel bird in general. But I guess if you have a room with a giant cage, that's cool, but loose bird that goes away, they will only put the birds away at night.
D
I want, if I ever get super rich where like, there's no such thing as repercussions, like Epstein island rich, I'm going to get a room full of red pandas. Like, I want a red panda so bad.
B
Can I come hang out when you do that?
A
Yeah, absolutely.
D
They're the cutest fucking thing.
A
Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Yo Kratom.com Home of the $60 kilo. If you do Kratom for one of its many benefits, this is where you got to get it. If you don't do Kratom, I don't want you to start on my account. But if you're going to get Kratom, there's only one place. Yo kratom.com they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the Gas Digital Network. There's no promo code needed. Why? It's already the best deal in the world of kratom. That's right. 60 bucks for a who kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door. Check them out today, guys. Yocratum.com Home of the $60 kilo. Let's get back into the show, baby.
D
I have, I have a friend that has a. I don't know what kind of monkey it is, but it's a decent, like, from the table up, it's a decent sized monkey. His whole, like, third bedroom is a giant cage. And when he bought it when it was little and cute and now it's so big, it's got the incisors, the fangs, whatever they're called.
A
They got to give him up.
D
He's no. They. No one knows he has.
B
Wait, where does he live?
D
I'm not.
A
I can't.
D
He'll freak out. But it's just.
B
Well, you already said it. I mean, you kind of have to say it after the show and tell us, but we already.
D
After the show. Absolutely.
A
Isn't Bubbles still alive?
B
That's what I was just thinking. That's what I was just thinking of.
A
Cuz I. I read something that Bubbles went everywhere with Michael Jackson.
B
Yes.
A
And then. Cuz when they get old is when they get mean.
B
Yes. You know, Justin Bieber took Bubbles for a bit.
A
I did not know that.
B
Yeah, he did.
D
I didn't know that either.
A
And I guess Bubbles bit somebody. And now Bubbles, I believe, is still alive. Just nasty as a motherfucker.
D
Well, this.
C
He is alive. He's believed to be 42 or 43 years old. And he is in retirement at the center for Great Apes in Florida.
D
Would you rescue a monkey, Shannon?
C
It depends on. If I had all the money in the world, I would rescue all the animals. I would put tents up for the giraffes for when it rains.
D
That's a cop out answer.
A
I asked specifically about monkeys.
D
Now we're shifting gears.
C
If I had the money and it needed to be rescued, yes, I would.
B
All right, what about just having it if it didn't you be rescued and you just wanted to like hang out with it?
C
Chen. So I wouldn't like. I don't. I wouldn't want it to be a chimp because I'd be one of these people that I wouldn't be able to let it go. But I also don't know why they don't ever like, fix them, you know, why Wouldn't that maybe. Wouldn't that make them not be aggressive,
D
a woman trying to fix something?
B
Actually, that's true.
C
Yeah. So I would, I would have it. I would find a vet that would fix it and then he'd be friendly with me forever.
B
I love that.
A
I don't know if they. I think they still get crazy strong though.
D
Yeah. Yeah, they're friendly.
C
And crazy stripe pit bulls. Crazy strong.
D
Not as strong as a monkey though, but like, yeah, chimps, gorilla, all. I mean gorillas obviously, but like even the smaller ones, like, yeah, they get into that high. Like they're just all muscle. There's no fat in those things. They're just solid muscle.
B
Hot of it.
D
Well, that's how the whole Jersey Shore gorilla thing came about. That's. That's right up your alley.
A
I'm trying to think if I could. Exotic. I mean, I. I know they're big rats, but I do love capybaras.
D
They're cute. You ever pet one? No.
A
I would love.
D
There's a couple places you go to pet. 1. I got the.
A
Are you familiar the name?
B
I need to see a picture, if that's okay.
A
Treasure bringing a copy bar.
B
Yeah, because I know it. I know that name.
D
And I'm like, they don't have the rat tail. They have a similar hair, I would say.
A
Yeah.
D
And the face isn't very red.
A
Somewhere between a big rat and a big hamster.
D
Yes.
B
Okay.
C
Oh, it's so cute.
B
I'd hang out with one. I have seen it on TikTok, and
A
they're big as fuck. And they also. They, like. I believe some zoos just let them kind of go place to place. The Australian zoo because they're comforting to other animals and make friends with other animals. So they're, like, just walking around. But there is a video online of. I think it's a chipper girl getting real mad. And he just launches one. He picks one up and he. I mean, he's got. It's like a Hail Mary.
D
Why would you do that to these women? Because you know that her and Shannon are very upset by what you just said.
A
Right into a crowd of people, too. No, he just launches it. Is it legal?
B
Did they catch him?
A
Probably. The gorilla. No, he was trapped.
B
Oh, but he was in a crowd of people.
A
Oh, the copy bar that he threw.
D
Yeah,
A
he hit somebody.
D
Somebody softened his landing.
A
That's good.
D
Yeah. I don't know if they're legal either.
A
I don't. Yeah. I mean, but we know plenty of people with.
B
Yeah, yeah.
D
Who's got the hookup?
A
Let's.
D
Let's do this.
A
We've had a snake handler or two in our day here. And then all the stories like. So I went to a parking lot in Minnesota. Oh, that sounds like a great place to do that.
D
Dude, the first time I went to Vegas for comedy, I got picked up by an Uber driver. And the guy was, like, basically telling me. He's like, I sell exotic animals. Coke and women.
B
Incredible.
D
I was like, that's crazy. I was, like, shooting out different animals. He's like, oh, I know a guy. Oh. And then I forgot which one it was. There was animal. I asked. He's like, I don't know a guy. He's like, but if I make a couple phone calls, I'm sure we'll find one.
A
I wonder if Skull guy still listens. So years ago, when I first started Spook Show, Me and Vega, a guy reached out who was a lawyer, but he was an amateur. Not amateur, but he collected human skulls.
B
I knew. I knew it was going there, and
A
he was like, yeah, I'll come on. And me and Faker thought he was going to bring skulls. Yeah, because, yeah, I was going to play with those. I was. I was going to do Three Stooges. Shit. I had plans also.
B
What's the point of him coming on without the skull?
A
He said he wouldn't bring them because there's legal issues. First of all, every story of how he got a skull was like, yeah, me and this guy would meet, like, in the parking lot of a playground. I'd be like, why? He's like, well, he doesn't know if I'm going to kill him for his skull. And I don't know if he's going to kill me for my skull. So we have to do them all in public. And he had to register as a certain religion that he legally could have them.
B
What was the religion?
A
Something not bad. Like, I want to say an offshoot of Buddhism.
D
Still, though, religious loopholes are amazing. Like, you think. You think about the tax loopholes of it. Like, start religious, have to pay tax on the building. But now there's this loophole. It's like, oh, it can have skulls.
B
Very Kardashian, Certain religion.
A
And I would love that.
D
So what, he didn't bring anything?
A
He just. No, no, he just came.
B
His own skull?
A
Please.
D
Yeah, like you wanted to hear what he had to say.
A
Yeah, he probably doesn't listen anymore.
B
No, he probably wanted your skulls. He was probably trying to figure it out. Like, how can I. Horror.
A
It's like all those.
D
You ever go to those museums? Like, the. Not horror museums, but, you know, I
A
mean, like, the Mooter. Like, the. The Not. What is it? Medical anomalies.
D
Yeah, like, all that kind of stuff. Like, they get all that shit. Like, there's just.
A
Oh, the. So the mooter's in Philly. It's awesome. It's a medical anomalies museum. You could fuck around all. It's tiny, but you could have all. Like, they have drawers and shit. You just fuck around all day. But when you walk in chance if you can find this, the first thing you see is a wall of. It's like the biggest skull collection. But there's a warning, and there's this warning. The labels on these are from a past time and we would not.
B
Oh, no.
A
Use the terms.
B
Oh, no.
A
That they have been chronicled on exact.
D
Dude, there was a.
A
So it's like, idiot, Jew, retard, Gypsy.
D
Dude. I. I went to Idaho and it was. I went to, like, look at their, like, oldest penitentiary or whatever. And there's a sign as you're walking in. They're like, we haven't changed the writings on the wall. So there are offensive slurs and things like that from, like, you know, back in the day. And you just have to be ready to read, like, all the different stuff on the wall.
A
The funny thing this was. It was like a scientific.
D
Yeah, it's so funny.
A
Shaggy.
B
Do you think you find that I have the wall?
A
It's just the walls.
C
Okay. Because I just can't see, like, what's written.
A
That's what you walk into.
D
That's fully intact. Like, they look in good shape.
A
Yeah, it's cool.
D
Now, if you're into this, right, like, if this is your thing and you meet a woman, how long do you wait before you're like, do you want to go see the skull museum with me, or do you just throw it out there?
B
Depends on the woman. Depends on the woman.
A
But I'm throwing out pretty early. In my experience, you throw it out pretty earlier in a relationship and make it a one day we'll do this thing and then make a vacation out of it.
D
Okay, ladies, how do you feel about that? If a guy was, like, wanted to take you there, would you worry right
A
away, or would you be like, oh,
D
he's got different interests?
B
It depends on the taste. Like, if we have the same taste, if we where we are into horror.
A
You personally.
B
Oh, me personally? Are you kidding me? I almost passed out. I just crossed myself in a Jewish star.
D
Shannon, what about you?
B
I just cleanse my energy, my aura. That's how you do it.
C
Oh, if this is, like, early dating, I would be like, you are there. You have an issue. Like, you're a serial killer. If it's. If it's someone who I know for a long period of time that knows that I might find this interesting. It's a different thing.
D
So we're at precept. Post sex. Like, pre sex. You bring this up, it's a problem. Post sex, you give him a chance.
B
Like, if this is a bumble date and somebody goes, yeah, meet me here. I'm gonna take you on a museum date. And they give me the address, and I show up, and it's this museum I know he's gonna wear me as a skin later on. I'm gonna be his light post or something.
C
Or he's like a grave digger as a hobby.
B
Yeah.
A
Can you look up some of the exhibits at the Mooter? It's a fun day, man. The first thing you see when you walk, one of the other first things you see is they have an iron lung.
D
Oh, shit.
A
And you get to see what those.
B
Oh, my God.
A
So it's like the thing where just the person's head would stick out. Oh, my God. Last guy just died in the French movie that was still in one of those.
D
I just love.
A
You see the size of it. Dude, you can't believe how big it is.
D
I just love that for like two minutes both girls were just bashing the museum and.
A
Exactly. No, no.
D
It's a lot of fun, guys.
A
It's a fun day.
D
It's gonna be an awesome time.
A
It was a great day. It's right by the food hall.
D
Oh.
A
So you go get some good.
B
Your appetite is really good.
A
Get some pretzels, some sausages.
D
I'm seeing some behind the scenes footage here where you just make Shannon go to this thing with you.
A
Shannon would love it. Shannon would have so much fun.
C
I would go with you, Zach. Yeah, I would go. I would go with, like, Shannon.
D
Well, that case bring Sabrina so she freaks out.
A
Jack, you tell us some of the experiences.
B
I'd probably like it if I was scared. Honestly.
A
At the.
C
The mooter, I just. I keep seeing random pictures, but I. And they just seem to be like. Of babies. But I'm just trying to find a list of what they actually are.
B
I'll tell you. A museum. We'd all have fun at the Mob museum.
D
Yes, yes.
B
Vegas. We'd have a great time.
D
I almost went when I was there. I didn't have time.
B
There you go.
C
Okay, I can maybe do this.
B
So this is.
C
These are historical boxes of old vaccines.
B
What's that?
C
A human head from the night from 1930s.
B
No.
C
Tonics and serums used during the Civil War. Skeletal remains of a fetus.
A
This is a great day.
C
Various milagros or votive offerings items. Religious folk charms.
D
So many lungs and breasts.
B
It looks like those are not tits. Are they tits?
C
Were they tits that seem like they were?
A
This is the death cast of the original Siamese twins. Jesus.
B
Oh, jewelry. I could deal with this.
D
It's actually made from humans.
B
I actually like. No, I was just a Ganga watch list. It's organs.
C
I don't know what this is.
B
I want the tiara.
A
The jewelry collection of a lady was born with a very rare disease.
C
Okay.
D
Oh, imagine giving birth to that.
A
Dude, that sucks. You're that. And you have a cleft pallet. How much does God hate that one kid?
B
We actually know a bunch of people who look like this
C
cholera stuff. Oh, it just depicted there was somebody
B
on the red carpet who looked like this last night at the Oscars. Please don't say their feet are hands.
D
Arthritis.
A
Human hands.
D
Arthritic fingers. I don't know.
A
Gout.
B
Gout dick.
A
Embalming kit from the 20th century. That's all cool shit, dude. That's a fun day.
C
So please.
A
A mummified woman who's exhumed in Philadelphia in 75. This corpse is unique because a fatty substance called attic Kapoor in case of the remains. Essentially turning her into soap.
D
By the way, every click on a cross thing is getting me kicked under the table. I just want you guys to know
A
that that's my dick.
D
I'll take it then.
B
I didn't know it was done. It's not done yet. Shannon. This is great.
A
More soap lady.
D
Yeah, that is.
B
Oh, my God.
A
Genital warts on a necklace.
D
Okay.
B
I kind of want to see this. Wow.
C
Brain stuff.
A
Brains. Yeah. And then they have a lot of like drawers where like it'll be a brain, but like all slices. So you could like pull. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends at Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Having cigars in the house is a sign of a classy lady or gentleman. It shows you're a person of affluence and taste things that I am not. Luckily, our friend at Small Batch Cigar have idiots like me covered. They have free shipping on every order with almost every order arriving within two to three days in the continental United States. It's the most thorough packaging in the industry. It comes with that Boveda pack. So your cigars come super, super fresh. They have an amazing selection of rare, limited and hard to find cigars. And you earn 5% rewards points instantly. So head on over to smallbatch cigar.com today. And most people click the new button first to shop the newest arrivals. And you can use our discount code. Gas 10G10 for 10% off. Plus those 5% rewards points. Check them out today, guys. Small Batch Cigar. Simple, fast small batch. Let's get back into the show.
D
It was so when I had a ball cancer, they had to take one and then they send you like this report at the end there. They tell you what you can do after surgery, blah, blah, blah. But they also show you a picture of it, like cut open so you can see where the cancer was inside your nut.
A
Nice.
D
Yeah, I was. That was awkward. That was awkward to see.
A
Do you have one night or did you get a. I just got One,
D
I didn't want to get the fake plastic in there.
A
Why would you.
B
That makes sense.
A
Something wrong with that?
D
Women don't even know.
B
No, we don't notice that.
A
Yeah, you got to be a real ball girl.
B
Yeah.
D
Yeah.
A
Really?
D
The ball worship for you to be
A
like, you know what?
D
We're missing something. Yeah.
B
You know what? You know what?
C
If.
B
If anything, less smelly. Less smelly it is.
C
And.
B
And the plastic.
A
I mean, probably the same. The same amount of sack.
D
I mean, can we just not act like I smell down there? How about that one? How about we just remove that from the table completely?
B
Are you trying to kill me? I thought we were really good friends.
A
I'm having a blast. I don't know what you're talking about. This is fun as. All right, well, you will not show the pig cooking video. I wanted to show Shannon. We'll save that for the other one. But Sabrina and I have very similar taste, and I know Shannon does as well. We love a good, controversial woman story.
D
Oh, boy.
A
And one of my favorites over the last few years is Natalia Grace, The girl whose family essentially tried to say the movie the Orphan was real.
B
Oh, yes.
A
And that they thought she was, like, in her late 20s when they got her as a child and she had pubic hair. Then you meet the dad, and he's fucking gayer than Cummin. John Waters mustache. This guy is such a flaming homo. And it's a story that just then she gets adopted by, like, a black preacher family. And then the second they get her, they're up to no good. Like, this bitch is fucking snake bit, and she is partying on the Gram. And we've got some modern. Natalia Gray's just chilling. Just stunting for the Gram.
B
Oh, yes, Shannon,
D
I'm into midgets, but not.
A
This is a weird, awkward shaped one.
B
Yeah, yeah, this definitely is.
A
Well, so she's. Yeah, she's got little foot Bigfoot thing
D
going on the uneven boot.
A
So, yeah, as her family, as this, these people adopted her. Then they thought she was an adult. Then they bought her an apartment, but she was a child and didn't know this. She was just, like, walking around the neighborhood asking for sandwiches. She also couldn't get up and down her own stairs.
B
And she had an accent, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A
Essentially, somebody saw the movie the Orphan and went, we get away with this.
D
That's hilarious.
A
And then they had to get, like, dental records and shit to show how old she really was because her birth certificate was, I think, fudge fake.
B
Yeah.
D
What was her accent. Where was she from?
A
Russia or something?
B
Yeah, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia.
A
And I guess they accused her of, like, being overtly sexual with neighbors.
D
Yeah, she was 37 and horny. What do you want?
A
No, she was a child. She was a weird shaped child. Do we have any more of her?
B
Shannon and I.
C
Do you want me to, like, go through her this Instagram?
B
Oh, yes, please.
C
And by the way, she didn't have an accent, so, like, they. They found her. They got her from an orphanage in the Ukraine, but she just came straight here. So, like, she never actually, like, adopted.
A
Okay, we're mixing the movie.
B
We are. We are.
C
In real life, she didn't have it. Even though she may have a different type of accent now, thanks to the last family that adopted her.
A
Her.
B
Okay, there we go. Yeah.
C
Jumps out at you.
B
Oh, my God. She looks like someone we know. I'll tell you after.
C
I'm also pretty sure she's still with that English guy that. That last.
B
His boyfriend.
D
How many followers does this person have? I'm going be pissed off if she got, like 150,000 followers.
C
I don't think she has a lot. No, not even 10,000. I wonder if this is her real, real account.
B
That has to be her.
A
I mean, these are definitely videos of her.
B
Wait, she does voices? Wait, she does voices. We have to see her impression. Voices in my head. Oh, no, never mind. It's bad. Tick tocks. But she's not doing it with anyone. So where is her bestie?
D
She's permanently doing the hood lean right now.
A
Big shoe, little shoe, Big shoe, little shoe.
D
This is still less upsetting than the cat's video. I just want to.
B
I agree with that. Can I also say is that.
A
That's AI her in the news, right?
B
That has to be okay. Yeah.
A
Okay, wait, can we see her with the big dog?
B
I also love that she has two different amazing. She has two different sized feet, but not two different sized boobs. You know how rare that is?
C
I don't know what happened.
A
Don't worry about it, Shannon. Don't swear.
B
It's saving our souls.
D
The universe was like, you guys have done enough.
B
It's literally a. It's literally. It's like, no, you don't have to watch this crap.
A
Don't sweat it. All right, I got one or two more things I want to do here. Big fan of the Cameron family here on the show. Specifically, Kirk Cameron makes Jesus movies now.
D
Yep.
A
Big fan. Just watched his brother made a movie called Money Plane starring Edge from the wwe okay. And sounds like a hit. Kelsey Grammer for people don't know who that is. That's Frasier.
D
That's your boy.
A
And he plays Kelsey Grammar. Oh, what's his cash something his the worst character name in the history of film. Shannon. What is Kelsey Grammer's name? The wrong plane. By the way, they say money plane 80,000 times a day.
C
Darius the Rumble.
A
Grouch the Third. Darius Grouch the Third. AKA the Rumble.
D
Okay.
B
Incredible.
D
Yeah. I mean that's.
B
I'd accidentally a guy that sounded like that.
A
Darius Grouch.
B
Darius Grouch the Rumble.
A
The Rumble.
B
The Rumble. The Rumble.
D
I wonder how he got his nickname.
B
I would like to know.
A
Bing. Anyway, Candace Cameron, also part of the family, who we remember from Full House.
D
Yes.
A
And she claims she attended with her husband.
B
Yes.
A
A demonic SNM party. Exposing Hollywood. Shannon.
B
Really weird, embarrassing moments. Although I I, I shouldn't say embarrassing for me, they were painful of going to places where I thought like, oh, this person's a friend and I'm going to be cool and do this and Yeah. I went to a party once with Val because we were married and it ended up being this underground party that was an S M, like sex thing that was so dark and demonic. And we walked in and my eyeballs were popping out of my head because I saw stuff I've never seen before in my life. And I'm looking at Val going like, how. How are we here? What is happening? And the one person that invited us, but we made a hard U turn. Yeah. And walked right out of there and it just was like so slimy and weird. And I was like, we're going to pause before we ever say yes to going out with that friend again. We just had no idea what we were walking into. And it was so disgusting and gross.
D
Very judgmental. Just saying.
A
So rude.
B
She's rude. She's always rude.
A
I have a lot of opinions about this and I would love your take as well.
B
Yes.
A
A. Was it a sex party or was it a party where they had some weird art piece performance people do at a stage show? Second question. I have attended a few S and M events in my life.
D
Shocking.
A
A younger Zach would partake. Sometimes they don't start you off.
D
I was thinking the same thing.
B
I agree. I agree.
A
Whatever your third level. So usually in my experience, there are floors, if not at least hallways, where the further you go, the weirder it gets, 100%. Usually the ones I've attended the first floor, the first thing you go to is more or less. A dance night?
D
Yeah, like a bar.
A
A bar dance night. That's where, of course, DJ the hang. Of course, Shannon, Arkansas friend, Kevin Carpet from over the years. You guys will look at me like I'm a crazy person. Kevin Carpet is a man who I've done. I've seen. I don't know, I've never spoken. He would never talk to me because he didn't like me, and I don't like him.
B
Anyone who doesn't like you, I don't like them.
A
Kevin Carp. So there was two different guys when I moved to New York that would go to goth nights wrapped up in a carpet. Oh, and usually. Yep, there we go. Here's him in.
B
Oh, I hate this guy. I know him and I hate him.
A
The guy in there that likes to be stepped on. So I don't know if this is. I know there's more than one Kevin carpet or there's more than one carpet man, but he used to do this.
B
He used to do this a couple blocks from my apartment.
D
And you stepped on him.
B
Do you know how much I would jump over him? I would not do his fetish. No, I knew what he was doing. And I would tell people around. He would be outside the old Crate and Barrel. That was right on Houston, on that corner outside the BDFM trance.
A
How dare BDSM trains.
B
Bdsm. Oh, that was good. I'm kicking myself.
A
When I would go to goth clubs, there would be a man in a carpet, but he would put himself at the base of the bar so that girls would have to stand on them to order drinks. But then I would go stand on him and he would ask me to move. And a few times, because he was wrapped up and I knew he couldn't get out, I would, like, force snuggle. I would like. I would like koala around him. And he hated me.
D
Oh, my God.
A
But that would be the extent. Like, then you get to the second floor and items are introduced. You know, the big X where you get whipped on, you know what you think.
D
Candles to do, little hot wax on bodies.
B
Kind of like in the museum of Sex. Like, once you get up to that second floor of games, you go, oh, you can do fun stuff here. And then you keep going. You're like, oh, it's getting weirder.
A
But that is all like, basically what you would picture in a movie or TV show for an S and M party. Then usually beyond that is for real enthusiasts, Right? So for me, I'm wondering, did they walk into the third or. Yes, they Went through the whole goddamn thing.
B
Yes, they did. That was such a lie about the U turn Bullshit.
D
They walk.
A
And by the way, you walk in, you're gonna leave without seeing what the. We're here.
D
Yeah, 100% God is here. Just pray for forgiveness later.
B
And they would also want to see if they know anyone who's doing these egregious acts. How could they? Because they would want not want them in their lives.
D
I'd walk through the whole place, check it all out.
A
Yeah, I gotta know.
B
Yeah. I also, if I was so her level of being crazy and like, you know, she's a Jesus freak, I'd record her and be like, and this is all Hollywood demonic and I'm leaving. She's such a bullshitter.
D
Or here's the other thing. She could have went with her husband. Someone in that place recognized her.
A
And now she's doing pr.
D
We gotta get the out.
B
That's good.
D
I'm a religious family and we can't be seen here.
A
Yeah, my goat mask fell off.
D
Yeah.
B
Can I be real? So I went to. And I think you know this. So my cousin, I love her so much. But she did have a ceremony called a collaring instead of a wedding. You know what that is? Do you know what that is?
A
Please? Yes.
C
Okay.
B
So she and her partner at the time, who, you know, surprised they're not together anymore, went through a process where they were dating a bunch of other girls. And he was Daddy. And daddy was going to marry her, but because they weren't really getting married, they were going to put a collar on her and then get matching tattoos at the end to solidify it.
A
Good.
B
And she got walked out. Yeah, it's beautiful. And she got walked out on chains by the other girlfriends. Yeah. Natalie to Chico. We recorded the whole thing. And Natalie was the only respectful one of our whole group who actually paid attention. So she could back me up on this. When you say when you walk into these events, like my cousins, God bless her, just like her bat mitzvah. It was like, oh, you can get a little yarmul for your head in this. It was like you get a custom mask when you walk in. And I thought that was beautiful. So maybe Candace just like skipped over the mask part and she was like, we're just going to walk in. Like, once people see my face, they're going to be like it. And she didn't grab her mask and she didn't go all the way. Eyes wide.
A
How rude.
B
And how rude. It's a theme. It's a Theme party. If there's one thing she should know by being on, like, the View and all those other stupid shows, it's a theme.
A
I now love the idea of Nat at a dog wedding.
B
Wait, not only that, but the dog, actually, my cousin's dog was going crazy, and Max and I are on mushrooms.
A
Probably very confused.
B
Oh, yeah. Well, we were talking to the dog telepathically and we were like, the dog is saying no. We're saying, saying no. And we're cracking up. We're recording the whole thing. She's like, people can hear you. And we're right in the front. We're like, basically at the reception, whatever.
A
Not watching a gay S M dog wedding.
B
She went to go see, I'm going.
A
Oh, wow, the bride's such a good girl. Oh, beans. Oh, wow.
B
Oh, wow.
A
Look, she's got a bunch of nipples.
B
Sabrina, you and your cousin kind of have similar nipples.
A
Oh, she's giving me belly. Whoa. Oh, wow.
B
Your cousin's really nice.
A
Oh, hamburgers. I forgot a gift.
B
We did not forget a gift. We were nice. We did the champagne tower. We did it all. But I will tell you this. It was in an old school's basement.
C
Church.
B
Church, school, basement. And they rented out in Brooklyn. And when you walk in, it was normal originally. It has all the masks and one thing and condoms, hundreds of condoms. And the other thing, which, by the way, we're the only ones to take them by the dozen. And then you walk in and it's a relaxing setting at first. Then you take the next step to the next level and it's a dance floor and the dj, and then you keep going and you get the cuddle puddle floor where you have a giant rug down for anyone to snuggle. Well, nobody did that except for me, who was laughing my ass off through the whole thing while my cousin got flogged in the other room by some bdsm.
D
Best wedding ever.
B
And then the other room, they were showing their new porn, which I didn't know, but they were launching their. Their porn. And it was an entire wall of TVs, and it was their thing, just going on loop. And good thing that I didn't walk in, but they didn't give a warning. I was the only family member who shut up. Which I was, like, rude of everyone else, but maybe a little progressive of me. Maybe a little too progressive.
D
All right, so if I get Shannon, if we get to 55 and we're not married, can we just have this kind of wedding? Can we just get in there? Just.
C
We have to go over some of the details, though.
D
All right.
C
I'm not loving all of this, but, like, take. Take away from it.
B
Can you not. Shannon, can you not show your own dress?
A
This lesbian S M wedding didn't work out.
B
Can you believe it? Can you believe it? With Daddy, who did comedy for, like, six months.
A
Oh, good.
B
And recognized me from an open mic. Are you kidding me?
A
How great.
D
I wouldn't want to be called Daddy. I don't like. I've been called Poppy. Poppy's fine. I don't want to.
B
Poppy's hot.
D
Daddy.
B
Daddy. A little bit Daddy. I'm like, I know your dad. That's my Uncle Mark. Back the up.
D
Yeah, I don't like that at all.
A
But there are layers.
B
There are layers. There are layers. Like, you go or you don't Said
A
many a time on the show, I had a friend who would dabble directing videos for the industry, and he dated a girl for a while, and they had the daddy kitten thing. Oh. And they would shoot. He would shoot videos of her for her websites. And they had flats in the apartment so that they could set up rooms. And on one side of the flats, it was a dungeon, and the other side of the flats, it was a little girl's bedroom.
B
Ew. No sickos.
A
She would literally. You would go over there, and she'd be like, riding Daddy in a light bright.
B
That makes me angry. That makes me angry. Somebody who's lost their father in their teenage years.
A
I remember one time getting in the car, she looked at me, she goes, daddy got me juice boxes. And I always be like, oh, no. Like, listen, lady, I get it. You've been molested a lot.
B
Yeah. That has to be it.
A
Don't. Well, I say, whenever girls talk with the baby voice.
D
Yeah.
A
That's them telling you how old they were when they were molested.
D
I could see that.
A
And now they're frozen in that voice.
D
Imagine being the guy that, like, a girl calls him Daddy, and he immediately gets hard. And he learned that day about himself that he likes to be called that. Like, that's crazy. You ever had a guy call you bitch in the bedroom?
B
I've had a guy called me bitch outside the bedroom.
D
Yeah, but I'm talking about in the intimate moments.
B
No, I don't think so.
A
Actually, Shannon,
C
say it again. Sorry.
D
Have you. Have you ever had a guy in the bedroom call you?
A
Listen.
B
Hey, listen up.
D
But, like, in the throes of passion.
C
Yes. That's. That doesn't. That's. That doesn't necessarily yeah.
B
Shannon's been waiting for the right guy to come around and call her a stupid. Throw her down for, like, years now.
C
No, don't. Yeah, I don't love. I don't love those.
A
Okay.
B
All right. A stupid.
A
Oh, boy.
D
Here we go.
A
Light bulb.
B
Wait, I do. I have one more thing to say about this snl. I was invited to another. And I feel like Jorge knows this too, and can back me up. I was invited to another S M party. This one from a different person that I'm pretty sure is recording everything.
A
Creepy.
B
Creepy. But they did it in the. In the name of Purim. If you guys don't know what that is. It's like the Jewish Halloween. It's pretty crazy. So you had to dress up, but the theme was Eyes Wide Shut took place at this guy's penthouse.
D
And you said another. How many of these have you been invited to?
B
You know what? This guy actually has invited me to a few.
D
He just really wants to see your boobs.
B
That's not. He is not interested in me.
A
Really?
B
No. I'm a woman.
A
Okay.
D
But don't gay. I mean, I've also gay men that appreciate boobs, too.
B
He has a girlfriend now.
D
Oh, so maybe not fully gay then.
A
Yeah, we'll see.
D
That's. Yeah. All right.
B
I don't know.
A
Jewish. Eyes wide show.
B
Jewish. Very Jewish.
A
Wallet shut. Shot while it's closed.
D
Shut. That was great.
B
13, 500amonth.
D
Let me ask you something.
B
If that was the address a place that is a penthouse that is about almost $14,000 a month in rent, would you really go and get naked if you were invited with all these other people, including Andrew Cuomo's daughter, Bella Cuomo? Would you gonna go? I wouldn't go. I didn't go.
A
I've gotten naked on people's roofs. Yeah.
D
For free. I'm getting naked for free in many places.
B
Wow. We are not thinking the same way
D
when the AC stops working in here in the summer. I've been wanting to get naked at the table. So it's not. It doesn't take much.
B
I haven't gotten naked in front of a crowd.
A
Yes.
B
Or here. I'm just saying I wouldn't be on a camera. Well, you left that part especially well. I know. I feel like I said it a bunch right now.
A
No, but we weren't. We weren't connecting the statements.
B
Okay. I think.
A
It's not that you didn't say I'm
B
very Jewish and there are parties that I get invited to. There's always freaky Jews And a bunch of my friends, they're, you know, God bless them, nice girls, their horse. And they've told me about guys who are very religious that they've up with that they get pissed on and they do other things. They cheat. Well, now I think there's like something else we have to watch for, and it includes all of these parties. And I'm just saying, even if you don't think it's recorded, if you're paying almost 14, 000amonth for rent and you invite a bunch of Jews you your house for a pom sex party. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe it's recorded.
D
I've never been asked to go to a pom sex party.
A
Yeah, I can't say.
B
I don't know.
A
You know, they said they only had enough lube for one night.
B
Well, they were doing circumcisions. And imagine I hooked up with my mouth tired dude. Imagine I hooked up with Bella Cuomo with that.
A
That would have.
B
That would have been crazy.
D
I'd want to see that video there.
B
I think a bunch of people would, including Netanyahu.
A
Shannon, do you remember years ago, the comic that stole one of the Bush twins IDs?
C
Let me look this up.
B
Was it Jenna Bush? Because she was working around Broadway.
A
It was when the Bush twins were like. It's when GW was going.
D
I almost went out with Barbara Bush when he was in. She was going to Yale. We met at Yale.
B
You went to Yale?
D
No, no, she was going to Yale. I worked at Toad's Place as the head bouncer, which is the Yale bar.
B
Oh, that makes sense.
D
And I met her and we were hitting it off and then Secret Service scared me away.
B
But you look like Secret Service.
D
Not back then.
A
There was a comic. I can't remember who the fuck it was, but he had a story about how he went out with, I believe, the twins. And this is all alleged.
B
Okay.
A
And they were up to no good. And she accidentally left her ID because they were using it to cut lines.
B
Yeah, of course.
A
And I want to say Secret Service got him the next day and got her id.
D
I'm sure they did.
A
He wasn't allowed to tell it. I think they told him to delete it. And Shannon, do you remember any of this?
C
The more you're telling it, the more it's sparking a memory. I can't remember who it was, though.
A
I feel like they were told they had to stop saying dude.
D
There's the Secret Service next level, man. They had female Secret Service agents in the Club back then when I was, you know, when I met Barbara and everything that looked like college students. You had no idea. I mean, the amount of people that were surrounding this.
A
Yeah, like the girl they used to kill Jason.
D
Yeah, There you go. Yeah. It's just.
A
It's insane.
D
You don't even know how many of them there are.
B
And then that's like FBI agents, too.
D
They squashed it real quick with me and her. It was not allowed.
A
Now I had a feeling.
B
Wow. Have we ever gone political? Any of us ever hooked up with the political people?
A
No.
B
That's so crazy, because I could have been a Kennedy and here I am at the table.
A
I will tell you.
B
Are you going crazy?
A
No, I can figure this one out.
B
I know you could.
A
I went to a, like, junior leaders of government kind of thing when I was in middle school, high school, where it was like all like, you know, like, they would be like debates and you would run for office. It was like basically like mini government. And thinking back on was the gayest group of, like, it was the every dude, I think that went almost collectively became a closeted conservative.
B
Yeah, that sounds right.
A
Because I'm thinking about now the gay shit that happened on that trip and then confirmed other gay things I found out happened on that same trip just among our group. And I'm trying to think. I think. I think it was a future Faggots of America meeting.
D
Closeted Republicans are my favorite.
B
Oh, they're the best.
D
I have a story, but I think we have to wrap up.
A
Yeah, I think we do too. You see that? What is it? Grindr crashes with RNCs.
D
Oh, yeah.
A
Yeah. And I believe it also crashed at the Charlie Kirk funeral.
B
Yes.
D
Hell of a time was had by.
A
All right, guys, Damon is right. We are going to wrap this one up. Thank you so much for my wonderful guest, Sabrina Piper. Check out, that's hot. Please check out Damien on the Road. Incredibly funny comic. We're very lucky to have him. And thank you so much for tuning in. We will be back this Wednesday here on the old Morning Zoo. Goodbye. Grab a call bear and join the crew. It's Akamiko Morning too. It's Akamiko Morning 2.
B
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This episode of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo delivers the usual dose of twisted morning radio chaos, spotlighting the weirdest celebrity news, wild anecdotes, and unfiltered banter among comedians. Joined by Sabrina Piper and Damien Speranza, Zac explores recent scandals, pop culture oddities, infamous film scenes, animal tales, and dives deep into the culture of unconventional parties and collectibles. True to form, the episode balances irreverence, honest opinion, and pure comic mischief.
[03:16 – 08:56]
[09:35 – 19:12]
[26:19 – 32:05]
[32:33 – 38:40]
[38:44 – 45:44]
[46:22 – 47:35]
[47:36 – 51:57]
[52:11 – 53:11]
[53:11 – 62:24]
[62:24 – 65:07]
[65:09 – 68:01]
[68:08 – 70:59]
[70:22 – 71:21]
On PR strategy:
*D (Damien): "...they just come up with narratives. They try to frame things in certain ways to make them sound..." [06:22]
On "Cats" horror:
*A (Zac): "She has ripped her skin off. This is a nightmare." [18:11]
*D (Damien): “This is still less upsetting than the cat’s video. I just want to…” [51:23]
On weird pets:
*A (Zac): “What is more of a sign of I'm walking into a garbage person's house? Rat? Ferret? Loose bird?” [29:07]
*D (Damien): “I'm gonna go loose bird... because they can shit on you.” [30:08]
On S&M parties:
*A (Zac): “Usually in my experience, there are floors… where the further you go, the weirder it gets...” [55:13]
*B (Sabrina): "It's a theme. If there's one thing she should know by being on like, The View and all those other stupid shows, it's a theme." [60:17]
On collectible skulls:
*A (Zac): “Every story of how he got a skull was like, ‘me and this guy would meet in a playground. ...He doesn't know if I'm going to kill him for his skull, and I don't know if he's going to kill me for mine.’” [38:07]
On “daddy” in the bedroom:
*D (Damien): “I wouldn't want to be called Daddy. I've been called Poppy. Poppy’s fine.” [62:52]
*B (Sabrina): “‘Daddy.’ I'm like, I know your dad. That's my Uncle Mark. Back the fuck up.” [62:59]
On junior government trips:
*A (Zac): “I think it was a future Faggots of America meeting.” [71:19]
| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|-------------------------------------------| | 03:16 | Rebel Wilson PR drama | | 09:35 | Pain and Gain, Rebel Wilson, Cats movie | | 26:19 | Huge rat video, pet ranking | | 32:33 | Exotic pets, monkeys, skull collection | | 38:44 | Mütter Museum and weird exhibits | | 46:22 | Testicular cancer & plastic balls | | 47:36 | Natalia Grace’s “Orphan” controversy | | 52:11 | “Money Plane” and Kelsey Grammer | | 53:11 | Candace Cameron’s S&M party claims | | 62:24 | “Daddy,” “Bitch,” sexual role-play talk | | 65:09 | Purim S&M party and privacy concerns | | 68:08 | Bush twins, Yale bar, Secret Service | | 70:22 | Junior government, “closeted conservatives” |
This episode typifies Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo: a rollicking blend of odd Hollywood dirt, deep cuts from pop and fringe culture, and the raw wit of NYC’s comedy underbelly. From dissecting PR conspiracies and meme-worthy films, to tales of weird pets and sex party etiquette, Sabrina Piper and Damien Speranza deliver punchy banter while Zac guides the chaos. If you missed it live, this detailed summary has you covered—madams, midgets, rats, skulls, and all.