0101. Ian Fidance and Josie Marcellino

Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo – Episode 101

Guests: Ian Fidance & Josie Marcellino
Release Date: April 3, 2026
Podcast Network: GaS Digital Network

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Episode Overview

On this rambunctious episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo, Zac is joined by comedians Ian Fidance and Josie Marcellino for a characteristically wild ride. The trio dive into the absurdities of indie wrestling, the evolution of viral internet culture, regional accent sexiness, legendary sandwiches, hookup tales, the legacy of Bob Barker, and jaw-dropping news stories—punctuated by raucous humor and brutally honest, often explicit, banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ian Fidance’s “Ian Do” Web Series

• Description: Ian discusses his YouTube/Your Mom’s House series "Ian Do: Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs," where he immerses himself in weird and demanding professions.
• Notable Segments:
  • Roadie for Haywire: “I was a roadie with them on the hottest day in New York…the guy next to me is so used to it, he’s just eating a sandwich” (02:00).
  • Comedy Mothership Security: “They let me like, wand people and I wore full head-to-toe tactical gear… I got lost in the mothership” (02:20).
  • Upcoming AEW Gig: “They’re going to show me how to do set design…then have one of the girls beat the shit out of me” (03:39).

2. Wrestling’s Most Absurd Gimmicks

• Luigi Primo: Discussion of the pizza-throwing wrestler and the joy of wild indie personas.
  • “He gets hired for parties just to do the character” (04:55)
  • “He does the aliyukin and throws a pizza, the guy’s like—yeah!” (05:06)
• Silly Moves & Gags:
  • Thumb in the Butt Train: “One guy put his thumb in the next guy’s butt and they made a train and walked around the entire ring” (09:35).
  • Wrestler Cocaine: “We have a wrestler named Cocaine…he dumps cocaine all over himself and goes crazy” (11:40).

3. Old School Internet & YouTube Humor

• Reminiscing about viral videos before ‘viral’ was even the term.
  • “Do you remember when YouTube came out and it was like, dude, you could put anything on there?” (05:57).
• Parodies & Career Sliding Doors:
  • “We should do more…but then I started drinking again. They went off and made all this” (06:21).

4. Announcing Tour Dates & Creative Projects

• Ian: “Citywide Fever” horror film premiere at Alamo Drafthouse (April 15), upcoming stand-up dates across the US and Canada (12:15).
• Josie: “I just got back into the country... follow me everywhere at Josie Marcelino” (13:13).
• Zac: First half-hour comedy taping at Creek in the Cave, Austin, May 23 (13:26).

5. Sexiest (and Least Sexy) American Regional Accents

• Guessing which regional accent is the “sexiest.”
  • Zac: “Not like a good southern accent, but like a cowboy…” (16:03)
  • Josie: “I think it’s New York…like classic New York accent you don’t hear anymore” (16:20)
  • Ian: “I love a Mississippi Delta accent…Chinese community picked up all the southern kind of…proclivities” (18:51)
• List Results (17:05):
  • #1: Southern American English; Others include Miami, NYC, Louisiana Cajun.
  • Least sexy: California, Boston, Great Lakes, Philadelphia (to Josie's chagrin), Appalachian English.

6. Sandwich & Regional Food Lore

• Regional favorites and aggressive sandwich discourse.
  • Zac: “Never doubt my sandwich knowledge. That’s all I know, baby…” (26:11)
  • Philly Cheesesteak: “Tony Luke’s.” – Zac. “Steve’s Prince of Steaks.” – Ian. “It’s Dalessandro’s or Angelo’s!” – Josie (26:23–26:32)
  • Sandwich meal-prep lamentations, and why old sandwiches are never as good (29:03).

7. Dating, Hookup Stories, & Bisexual Realness

• Josie shares being “officially over” her ex—thanks to a flirty double hookup:
  • “I’m officially…over my ex. And I’m out there again. It was two ladies that brought me past at the same time” (32:03–32:09)
  • Gender dynamics in dating: “Men are significantly easier. I’m terrified of women and also bad at having sex with them. I’m just too happy to be there” – Josie (33:31–33:41)
  • Acid-hot “Buffalo Wild Wings fingered” confession: “One time, this guy fingered me after we had B dubs. It hurt my sniz” (71:28).

8. Bob Barker Allegations & Daytime TV Nostalgia

• Revisiting the legacy of Bob Barker—recent posthumous allegations of racism and inappropriate behavior.
  • “He always said black men are the most diseased people on earth…” (55:51)
  • Zac’s measured take: “Those are two or three clips from thousands and thousands of clips…You can be, like, playful…but the ‘B on the card’ is a lot” (57:00–57:13).
  • Josie’s comedic rescue: “Maybe he was a big fan of huge asses, and the 'B' was for big old booty coming in…” (57:14–57:28).

9. Wild News Stories & Wacky Viral Clips

• Public indecency: “Man rubs genitals on woman’s head at grocery store”—disbelief and dark humor (59:29).
• Juggalo drama: Naked, pissing, masturbating man at Juggalo event—“Dude, the people are naming him on Facebook and shit... They should have stomped him out” (63:46).

10. Celebrity Mix-ups & Fat Blindness

• Zac: “Fat blindness is the last completely acceptable thing. I’d be so embarrassed if I mistook a black comic for another black comic. And I have, many times” (35:01).
• Ian: “I’ve signed autographs as Ari Shaffir…years and years ago in front of the cellar” (39:28).

11. Hot Food Challenges & Aftermath

• Zac: “When I did the hot chip challenge, that’s what made me want to stop doing hot stuff, is because I chugged water and it gave me hot piss” (72:06).
• Josie: “One time, this guy fingered me after we had B dubs. It hurt my sniz” (71:28).
• Ian: “Do you remember the guy, Shoenice?” – reference to notorious YouTube binge-drinker (73:19).

12. Daytime TV, Pranks & Classic Comedy

• Reminiscing on comforting TV routines, family habits, playful pranks, and the innocent cruelty of dad jokes (23:10–23:59; 49:03).

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Memorable Quotes

• Ian on Taxidermy:
  “You’re just supposed to do like, kind of a little whatever and I went a little too deep so it like opened it up so it was like stinking and I’m like, you know, gagging. And the guy next to me is so used to it, he’s like eating a sandwich…” (03:09)

• Josie on Micro-Culture Shock:
  “I feel like I’m listening to people speak a different language from me” (05:35)

• Zac on Sandwiches:
  “Take me somewhere, I’ll tell you about a goddamn sandwich” (26:17)

• Josie on Post-Breakup:
  “I’m officially…over my ex. And I’m out there again. It was two ladies that brought me past at the same time” (32:03–32:09)

• Zac on Celebrity Mix-ups:
  “Fat blindness is the last completely acceptable thing…if I mistook a black comic for another black comic, I’d be so embarrassed” (35:01)

• Ian on Shocking Hookups:
  “You ever have a gal squirt and you drink it like a dog trying to drink from a hose?” (33:45)

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Important Timestamps

• Ian Fidance’s “Ian Do” Jobs Rundown | 01:33–03:57
• Deep Dive: Luigi Primo & Indie Wrestling Gimmicks | 04:08–09:35
• Regional Accents: What’s Sexy & What’s Not | 15:55–18:51
• Deep Sandwich Knowledge Showdown | 26:11–29:03
• Double Hookup, Bisexuality & Dating Realness | 32:03–33:45
• Bob Barker Allegations Recap | 52:31–57:55
• Man Rubs Genitals on Woman’s Head News | 59:29–62:31
• Juggalo Event: Masturbating Man in Own Piss | 63:26–65:36
• Spiciest Foods & Hot Food Trauma Stories | 66:52–72:00
• Buffalo Wild Wings Fingered Story | 71:28–71:43
• Celebrity Mix-Ups & Fat Blindness | 35:01–40:32
• Classic Pranks and Family Antics | 49:03–50:03

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Tone and Energy

• Outrageously candid, gleefully inappropriate, shamelessly nerdy, and full of dirty, insightful, and self-deprecating humor.
• Zac’s warmth, Ian’s manic joy, and Josie’s vulnerable honesty make for a friendly chaos, perfect for GaS Digital’s self-branded “degenerate” zoo.

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This episode is a must-listen for fans of alt-comedy, pro wrestling, viral internet nostalgia, and unfiltered banter between sharp, self-aware comics. If you love discussions that are as likely to get sidetracked by food as by sex and pop-culture, welcome to the Morning Zoo.

Transcript

[A]

Fill her up.

[B]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[A]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre. Morning suit. Well, good morning and happy Monday. That's right. It's another beautiful day here in New York City at the Gas Digital Studios. It's me, your other boy, the international superstar Zack Amico. And, and thank you so much for tuning in to the morning zoo. Across the table from me, two of my favorite people in the world to broadcast with the effervescent, beautiful and talented Josie Marcelino is here today. How are you?

[B]

Yay.

[C]

I'm so good. I'm so happy to be here.

[A]

Thank you. And speaking of beautiful, effervescent and talented, from being Ian with Jordan as well as his web series, Ian do it is my great friend Ian Fydance. How you doing, bubble?

[B]

Hi, everybody. I'm doing very well. Zachy, how are you?

[A]

Good. I wanted to let you know I was just telling you I really am enjoying the series, man. Tell people about it.

[B]

I appreciate it. Dude. It's called Ian do an Odd Guy doing Odd Jobs. It's out every other Tuesday on my YouTube. YouTube.com/ian finance comedy. And I partnered with YMH. It's on their channel as well. And I go to different towns on the road. People teach me how to do their jobs. I do their jobs with them. It's like Dirty Jobs meets Simple Life meets like Daytime Insomn and I, I'm having a blast. I'm loving it. And the episode that comes out tomorrow, so with this punk band Haywire. And I was a roadie with them on the hottest day in New York over the summer and I did all their equipment and loaded in, loaded out. And then six months later I went and saw them in Jersey and I did merch with them and yeah, it's, it's a blast. I did security at the comedy mothership and, and they let me like wand people and I wore full head to toe tactical gear and I had like an American flag with a spear on it. I, I like got lost in the mothership and did like a Blair Witch. Like, I can't. Where's Joe? Don't tell Joe. Like, yeah, it was real. I'm having a blast with it. It's, it's so fun.

[C]

What's been the best job and the

[B]

worst job so far? I did. I was a pit boss to Terry Blacks in Austin and that was great because they gave us all free food, like $400 worth of food. It was incredible. I did taxidermy in Denver and that was fun, but really like meticulous. And I don't know if you've. Do you know anything about taxidermy?

[C]

You have to sew up their orifices. I know that.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you have to clean them out and. But I. When, when you're cutting the skin off, you're just supposed to do like kind of a little whatever and I went a little too deep so it like opened it up so it was like stinking and I'm like, you know, gagging. And the guy next to me is so used to it. He's like eating a sandwich. He's like, yeah, you'll get used to. I'm like, Jesus Christ, please help me. But yeah. Oh, dude. In May, I'm going down to a two day shoot in Salisbury, Maryland with aew and the first day they're going to show me how to do like set design and build the ring and all these like props and everything. I'm going to sit in the writers room and the next day they're going to do in ring stuff with me. Show me how to take a, a hit and a bump and help me cut a promo and I'm going to be one of guys in ring managers during a broadcast and then they're gonna have like one of the girls beat the shit out of me.

[A]

Dude, that's awesome.

[B]

I'm so stoked.

[A]

Yeah, I actually. The owner of aew, Tony Khan, just tweeted that he watches Juggalo Championship Wrestling every week.

[B]

No shit.

[A]

I was very happy to see.

[B]

Oh, that's amazing. I love AEW because they do stuff like that and they give like, like, didn't they do a thing with that Luigi pepperoni guy?

[A]

He's. They do use Luigi Primo. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By the way, is the most Austin. Austin guy in real life.

[B]

Really?

[A]

He is, he used to be in like noise bands.

[B]

Really?

[A]

We, we realized, we knew, we knew we had a bunch of mutual friends from when I used to play music.

[B]

Oh, that's great.

[A]

Yeah, he's like a straight up, like, I don't want to blow his cover, but yeah, he's like the most Austin.

[B]

He's from Austin.

[A]

I think he's from the west coast, but he lives in Austin now.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But He'll. He's got a great. Because he doesn't. The dream of wrestling is to get to do the shit. Not really have to wrestle that much.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So he gets hired for parties to not wrestle, just to do the character for rich people and, like, run around and, like, spin the pizza dough and shit.

[B]

Oh, it's incredible.

[A]

And he's the nicest guy.

[B]

I love how he does, like, the aliyukin and he, like, throws a pizza and the guy's like, yeah, yeah, he's a fucking.

[A]

He's so much fucking fun.

[B]

I feel like I would see him at that barbecue. Do you remember those? Texas. It came out years ago. It was. It was some guy in American flag bikini, and he's like, do you quack?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

When you duck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you. And then. And the biker just comes and smacks his balls. I feel like I would see Louie that. That guy at that barbecue just, like, spitting a pizza.

[C]

I feel like I'm listening to people speak a different language from me.

[A]

Oh, he's a.

[B]

He's a.

[A]

A wrestler whose gimmick is. He's a.

[B]

Can you pop him up? And also pop up the. Do you quack like a dick when you.

[A]

Yeah, that was a big viral video when we were young, dude.

[B]

That was like 2007 or some shit

[A]

before what we knew a viral video was. Yeah, that's when it was just a thing you shared.

[B]

Do you remember when YouTube came out and it was like, dude, you could put anything on there. And it's like, oh, what, so seven people can watch?

[A]

Yeah. I remember being excited because my band's. A video of my band had a thousand views, and we thought that was the craziest thing.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I mean, it was back then, like, the first time that you got, like, a thousand views. It's like, how else would you reach a thousand people? That's insane.

[B]

We did. We did a parody where I did, like, a Dennis Leary rant about our roommate. This was like, 2012. And it went kind of, like, viral on YouTube. And I like. Because my. My roommates were like, writers and videographers and directors. And so we did this thing, and it, like, went really well. And I was like, dude, let's. We should do more of this. And they're like, yeah, yeah, let's. Let's do this. And then when it came time to do more, I just started drinking again. And then they were like, well, we're not going to work with you if you keep drinking. And then they got signed to UTA and went off and made all this.

[A]

Well, we all have our own.

[B]

Well, just stay here and be a drunk.

[C]

But now you get to do taxidermy.

[B]

Yeah. So who's coming out on top?

[C]

Yeah, it all works out.

[A]

You have Luigi Primo.

[B]

Shannon's just in the booth dead.

[C]

There's a very.

[A]

Shannon and Jor are dead. They're both slumped over. There's a gas leak.

[C]

There's a very shocking photo of you, Lewis, Shannon and Natalie in the bathroom over the toilet. Not this one, the other one.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that. I don't go in that bathroom.

[C]

It's certainly Photoshopped.

[B]

That's amazing.

[C]

I hope, but it's crazy.

[B]

This guy is the most unexpected wrestling character ever.

[A]

Luigi Primo is an Italian semi pro wrestler who enters the ring dressed like a pizza chef and knocks opponents out

[B]

by throwing pizza dough at them.

[C]

Oh, that's great.

[A]

This guy is the most unexpected.

[B]

Oh, Aew. Come on, throw it. Throw it.

[A]

Well, this is. It's psychological. It's to distract the other guy, Right?

[B]

Throw it. Smack him with it. Ouija.

[A]

That's a distraction. Now he's watching. He's watching the pizza.

[B]

All right, come on.

[A]

Okay, we already saw that again.

[B]

Again. Oh, Luigi.

[A]

See, I love silly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There were guys that used to wrestle the Super Smash Brothers, and they had Nintendo controllers on their tights, and people would just pause them in the middle of the mat. Like, if you hit the button, they would pause.

[B]

Oh, that's incredible.

[A]

There was a guy, Chuck Taylor, that used to pull a fake grenade out and everyone would run away in slow motion and then it went out to explode. Everybody would take a bump. Like the whole. Everyone in the match would take a bump.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

There's been slow motion one.

[B]

But how long does that last? Because it's like. Okay, you get it.

[A]

You find variations on it, right? Or that eventually someone steals it and then, you know, you find ways to make it last. My favorite would be the. The Thumb in the butt train. What, all of a sudden?

[B]

I love wrestling.

[A]

Shannon, if you could find. It's like a nine person trip. And by the way, almost every person in the video eventually signed with wwe.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Oh, that rules.

[A]

And one guy put his thumb in the next guy's butt and then they made a train and walked around the entire ring.

[C]

Wrestling's not what I thought it was at all.

[A]

That's not that big.

[C]

Not that.

[A]

That's indie wrestling, where you can get away with, like, silly shit.

[C]

That's fun.

[B]

Who's that? Indie wrestler Invincible. Have you ever seen him?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I know who you're talking about. Yeah. Then there's also a guy. My favorite gimmick is the. The N word taker. It's just Black Undertaker. And he's the soul taker.

[B]

Oh, I thought he took the N word away from black people when it was.

[A]

Oh, here. Yeah, this is it. To hold tomato ciampa in place. Oh, and the fastball. And look at Liger.

[B]

Look at Liger.

[A]

This. This is.

[B]

So how do you win?

[A]

This is called the thumb and the bum. But now Jusha Thunder Liger is in the front. Is going to use the power of his cheeks.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

This is pwg. They did a lot of silly there.

[B]

What's PWG stand for?

[A]

Witty Willie Gay Pro Wrestling Gorilla.

[C]

This is exactly what I pictured your weekends to look like. That's. Yeah.

[A]

But. Yeah, and when it's a. When it's a white announcer, he's the soul taker. When they have a black announcer, he's N word taker.

[B]

They're trying to get me to announce a match.

[A]

That's what I do.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, I'm a commentator.

[B]

Maybe I should watch you to get, like, notes because I have no clue about anything. Would that be funnier? Would it be, like, disrespectful?

[A]

It would be way less disrespectful than if you were in the ring.

[B]

What?

[A]

I mean, if you're just gonna get beat up by a chick, that's fine.

[B]

Yeah, like, I'm gonna, like, run at her and she'll, like, body slam me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then I'll be like, thumb in the bum. Thumb.

[A]

Help. I had my ME announcing our wrestler Cocaine go viral again a couple weeks ago.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. We have a wrestler named Cocaine. And he. He, he. He dumps cocaine all over himself and goes crazy. He's the best. It's my friend Quentin. That's a great. Rules to which I have to. Every once in a while, my wife's like, what did you do last night? I'm like, I hung out with cocaine all night. And she'd be like, really? And I'll be like, the wrestler, the wrestler. The wrestler we're hanging out with, cooking. We got a bunch of funny, silly shit. So I guess. Ian, do you have anything else you want to plug before we get move on?

[B]

Yeah. April 15th. I have a movie coming out at Alamo Drafthouse all across the country. The premieres April 15, Downtown Brooklyn, Alamo Drafthouse. I will be there. We're doing a panel Q and a Afterwards, it's called Citywide Fever. It's a horror feature film. It's really great and it goes national in all Alamo Drafthouse theaters. And then they're going to do a rollout and some other theaters as well. April 15th, check it out. Citywide Fever is the name of the movie. And I'm on the road starting again April 10th and 11th, Hartford, Connecticut. And then I'm in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Long Beach, New York, Point Pleasant, New Jersey. And then May 6th, I'm at the Hollywood Improv for Netflix is a joke fest. Infinites.com for all my tickets and Ian doing our guy doing odd jobs every other Tuesday. YouTube.com ianfinancecomedy Fantastic.

[C]

Ms. Marcelino, I just got back into the country and I completely forgot to line up any dates or anything for myself. So I will be around. I'll figure something out. Just follow me everywhere at Josie Marcelino and I will post when I'm places.

[A]

Fantastic. Follow me on Instagram @ZackisNotFunny. All my dates at Punchup Live. Zackamico doing my first half an hour taping at the Creek in the Cave May 23rd in Austin, Texas, myself and Tim Butterly. 7pm and 9pm tickets available now. And if you love the show, head on over to gasdigital.com today. Use my promo code ZOO, and you get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You save money off your subscription. You get access to the live chat, the archives, thousands of hours of gas digital shows from over the last decade that aren't available anywhere else. And you get our Friday bonus episode. That's right. We do three of these a week. And if you want all three, you gotta subscribe. But thank you so much. However you consume the program. Let's start with this.

[B]

That's gonna be great, by the way.

[A]

Oh, Tim, Very excited.

[B]

Half hours.

[A]

Thank you. I ran it Friday night at a brewery in Jersey.

[B]

I'm stoked.

[A]

I had a very, very good time.

[B]

That's great.

[C]

Are they doing there at the taping? You're gonna rule.

[B]

Are they doing. What is this like when. When they did it at Cutting Room. Yes, they're doing a bunch of specials.

[A]

Yeah. So Friday is Sam Tripoli and Kim Congdon, Saturdays me and Tim. And Sunday is Aaron Berg and another person whose name escapes me. I apologize, but. And then Louis is going to do Warm up.

[B]

Oh, that's great.

[A]

So it's going to be. Everybody's going to be down there. They're doing story wars at the Mothership that weekend. Oh, wow. So everybody from GAS will be down there. It'll be super, super fun. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great [e-mail] home of the $60 kilo. That's right. Stop going to smoke shops, bodegas, or gas stations and getting a little bit of Kratom at a time. And you don't even know what's in there when you go to yocratom.com today. They have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at gas. If you don't use Kratom, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many, many benefits, there's only one place in the world, and there's no promo code needed. Why, it's already the best deal in the world to kratom. 60 bucks for a whole kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door. So check them out today, guys. Yo. Kratom.com Home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into the program. So we'll start with this. Today, Americans find this regional accent to be the sexiest.

[B]

Philadelphia.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say Texas regional.

[C]

Like in America.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. If it's an American accent, I think it might be a. Not like a good Southern accent, but like a cowboy, Like a stoic Texas accent.

[B]

I'm thinking it's gonna be like, like a Southern, like Charleston.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

South Carolina. Like that kind of draw.

[C]

I think it's New York. Like the, like, deep Queens of the Bronx. Like that old, like, classic New York accent that you don't really hear anymore.

[A]

Oh, I think, I think I'm just so opposed to it.

[C]

I think it's wrong as a Philadelphian. I think they're incorrect for thinking that. But it, there's something about it when you hear it.

[A]

I, I, I used to hook up with a girl from Providence. I've done this in my actual. She literally. She talked like Peter Griffin.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I remember one time she was. I'm wicked fucking horny for you.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

So you've never come as hard since in your life?

[A]

It was brutal.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

That was his ejector button.

[A]

Shannon, what are you. What, what can you tell us?

[D]

All right, so I'm gonna give you first, the top five sexiest. I'll start from the last one, and I'm going to give you the least sexy after. So number five Not. Not exactly sure what this means. General American. Okay, number four, Miami English. So I guess that's like Hispanic accent. Okay, number three, New York City English.

[A]

Whoa.

[D]

Number two, Louisiana Cajun English.

[B]

What?

[D]

And number one, Bobby Boucher is the second.

[A]

She's.

[B]

She angry because she got too much penis in her mouth.

[D]

And number one is ejaculation.

[B]

Ejaculation.

[A]

I'm sorry, Chad.

[D]

Number one is Southern American English.

[A]

Yeah, that one clocks. Yeah. Because you know what? You never consider about Southern. It's an English accent.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yeah, that's like, what? Yeah, that's what the English used to sound like.

[A]

The Southern accent is more an English accent than it is an American accent. That's.

[B]

That's English.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Now do it in English.

[B]

I do declare.

[A]

So there's parts. There's islands off of the south that have been so untouched that the people there still have British accents.

[C]

In Virginia, there's one, like, right near the Chesapeake that like. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because the community has been so the name of it. But yeah, insulated that they still have their English accents, like, hard to understand

[C]

because it's like the old timey English

[A]

accents and it sounds more Southern. What? Because that's why they're both so easy to do, because they're the same voice with different cadence.

[B]

Interesting. I love a Mississippi Delta accent. Have you ever seen that documentary on the Chinese Mississippi Delta?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's a Chinese community that came over, you know, like, a long time ago, and they just, like, picked up all the Southern kind of, you know, accents and, and proclivities and everything. And so you have, like, these Chinese Asian grandmothers speaking in, like, a Southern, very thick, like, accent. And it just makes me want them to be my grandma.

[A]

Your Chinese Southern grandma.

[B]

So I do. That sounds like an old TV show. I, I. Dude, it's so warm and welcoming. If you could pop it up. It's like, really, like, your brain takes a minute to. To put it all together.

[A]

You have to decipher it. Like, when a black guy has an English accent.

[B]

Makes sense. Yeah.

[A]

Dude, you know what I was watching the other day? It fucked me up. I was watching a scene from Blackadder. It was a British TV show, like a dark comedy, and it was Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie both speaking in their regular accents. Whoa. Every time I fucking see House speak in his real voice, I'm like, house, why are you talking like that?

[B]

Dude, I didn't know Gillian Anderson Scully from X Files is. I think she's like, South African. She has a accent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Blew My mind. I found this out, like, last week. I was like, this is some reason.

[A]

Hugh Laurie, especially being British, it is weird. It fucks me up every time.

[C]

I loved House so much that it's the same. Like, when I see him actually talk for real, it's like, that's how I

[B]

feel about Idris Alba.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Black guys speaking in a British accent in general is off putting for the first few sentences.

[C]

Well, if you. If you can use. Or if you can do an Irish accent, you can do Jamaican and vice versa. Like, if you can do Jamaican, you can do Irish. Because they're the same in the same way that.

[B]

Oh, it's right near the beach, mon.

[C]

That's what they say. Like, they both say tree. Like, that's because tree. They brought. When they brought, you know, slaves down to the Caribbean, they also brought Irish people, and Irish people taught them how to speak English, and that eventually became patois.

[A]

Now I gotta do Jamaican. Katie boy. Oh, you wanna smoke a spliff with me, mun?

[B]

Right down by the beach. Kingston, Jamaica, mon.

[A]

Have another red stripe.

[B]

Look at all these beautiful white women.

[A]

Can I sell you some ganja? That's. That's better than racist. Katie Boyle, my old character, who I had to stop doing.

[B]

That's cease and desist for.

[A]

Yeah. Katie asked me politely to stop doing it. Because when you Googled Katie Boyle for a while, one of the. No, it would feel racist.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

For people trying to find my impression.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And she was like, please stop. I don't understand why you do that, dude.

[B]

They're not people. Des Bishop is Irish, but he speaks fluent Mandarin.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And. But he sometimes goes into, like, a Chinese accent, and it's very, very funny to see all of that coming out of one man's face.

[A]

Yes. It's. I can't. There's a fucking real. There's a funny roast comic from Britain who did a joke the other day. He just. I gave my girlfriend a Chinese brand the other day. I went, you look fat. He goes, now, I know I can't do the accent without the eyes, but neither can they. Oh, my God, Shannon. What were we bringing up the. The Mississippi Chinese?

[D]

Oh, sorry. Hold on. Let me go back to that.

[A]

What did you have prepared?

[D]

Oh, I. I had a Hugh Laurie doing an interview.

[A]

Sure. Okay. One shoe.

[B]

That was dirty.

[A]

Care about the left one? I've never cared.

[B]

Yeah, it's a stranger to me.

[C]

No, it's a stranger to you.

[B]

Yeah, I know what I meant by that.

[A]

Well, we'll look.

[C]

Look into it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But thank you for being here, and congratulations on the huge success of House.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

It's doing very well.

[B]

Daytime talk show. The original podcast.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. Do we use. That would be. Because everyone talks about prices right. When they were sick. But my mom was a junkie for those daytime shows, so I. It was just fucking Regis and Kathie Lee, Rosie o' Donnell and the View.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And I knew those, dude. Those were I. To this day, those are comforting.

[C]

That's Maury for me.

[B]

Ricky Lake for me.

[A]

Yeah, that was. That was a little too much. I think my family are creatures of habit. It's. It's. They still have dinner every night at 6. I love that on the dot because Jeopardy's on at seven.

[B]

My grandparents were like that. Jeopardy. And then Wheel of Fortune.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had a crush on Vanna White.

[A]

Still holds up. Yeah. And then Pat Sage. Pat Sajak. Stutter is a fucking dime.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Whoa. I think she's gonna. She's gonna replace her. I think she's gonna replace her one day.

[B]

Pat Sajak's daughter will be the.

[C]

Vanna White. Still at it.

[A]

I've seen her recently. Yeah.

[B]

I had a crush on my babysitter, and that's how she's.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Very pretty.

[C]

Very pretty woman.

[A]

Well, you had a crush on your babysitter?

[B]

Oh, I had a crush on my babysitter, and that was the only way I could, like, say I liked someone. So I would just watch Wheel of Fortune and be like, I wish Vanna White was my babysitter.

[A]

All right, Chad, let's bring up this Mississippi Chinese deal.

[D]

Okay. I'm not sure if I found the right thing yet. I'm gonna click through a couple things with you guys here.

[B]

This is not it today.

[D]

Sorry. That's hood Asian grandma.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Hood Asian grandma.

[C]

In the first part of this series, Disposable and politically voiceless.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

But with harsh.

[A]

That's not a great clip. Right away,

[C]

There were the whites and

[B]

the blacks and the Chinese. We all stayed in our lanes and we were fine until we crossed over.

[A]

Pause.

[B]

I love.

[A]

If there's one thing Chinese people are not good at, it's in staying in a lane.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Boom. Got one.

[B]

How comforting is that?

[A]

No, that is beautiful.

[C]

Yeah. That's what America is supposed to be.

[A]

And then what is the Midwestern sandwich that has egg for young on it? Isn't there, like, a very, like, middle America comfort food sandwich? And one of the things on it is an egg for young Patty? Am I Crazy Jorge. Have you heard of this? I have not. Shannon, look it up. Some Midwestern, say, the St. Paul sandwich. Iconic Midwestern Chinese American dish native to St. Louis, Missouri. Featuring an egg foo young patty, eggs, mung bean sprouts and onions. Served between white bread with mayo, lettuce, tomato and pickles. Created in the 40s. Staple in St. Louis Chinese restaurants. Often available with added pork, chicken, or shrimp.

[C]

I'll never doubt you about a sandwich again.

[A]

Never doubt my sandwich knowledge. That's all I. That's all I know, baby.

[C]

Fair enough.

[A]

Take me somewhere, I'll tell you about a goddamn sandwich.

[C]

All right, what's your Philly cheesesteak, then? What's the best Philly cheesesteak in your opinion?

[A]

Tony? Luke's?

[B]

Steve, Princess sticks.

[C]

You're both wrong.

[A]

Go ahead.

[C]

That's okay.

[A]

No, go ahead.

[C]

No, it's Dallas Sandros or Angelo's, but that's fine.

[B]

Alessandro's. It's. It's great. But I. I don't know. Steve, Princess steaks.

[C]

In fairness, I have not tried that.

[B]

Oh, you got to. It's incredible. I used to love gyms, but it's just not the.

[C]

Yeah, the same.

[B]

But the only thing that's open 24 hours is Geno's and Pat.

[C]

No, Oregon is also open 24 hours, and they're really good, too.

[B]

You ever have Del Campos?

[C]

No.

[B]

In Old City.

[C]

No, it's real good. Okay. Actually, maybe is that near the. The tavern that the always sunny guy owns?

[B]

I don't know. It's near the Continental, maybe. No.

[C]

Maybe.

[A]

No. My regional sandwich is always going to be the Stinger from Buffalo.

[B]

What's the Stinger?

[A]

It is a higgy with cheesesteak meat and Buffalo chicken fingers chopped up.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I love a classic lettuce, tomato, oil and vinegar.

[B]

I love a classic Bobby.

[A]

What's which?

[B]

Turkey Bobby. It's turkey. Turkey sub with cranberry sauce and a little bit of mayonnaise. Oh, so kind of like a Thanksgiving leftover sandwich?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that's like a light gobbler, kind of.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

And it's got.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Horrific.

[A]

Oh, buddy.

[B]

Oh, God. The way it's dripping down his fingers.

[C]

I hate it.

[B]

I hate getting my hands dirty when I eat.

[A]

Well, that's why you eat it in the paper.

[C]

Yeah, that was a crazy. But then it leaks through deal with paper.

[A]

See, that's how you know Ian sober. Because when you're drunk, you don't care.

[B]

I know, I know. I. I was just in Hudson Valley up In, like, Saugerties, New York, in my buddy's cabin. And there's this great sandwich shop called Circle W Market. And they have a big mural on the side that says, enjoy every sandwich. Warren's Yvonne.

[A]

Oh, sick.

[B]

And. Oh, I forget what's on it, but one of the sandwiches I get is so good. Before I left and drove back to the city, I got four of them, and I've just been eating these sandwiches, like, cutting them in half, eating them for five days.

[A]

Oh, I did that the last one. The last time I could get a gobbler, I brought like, three home.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I'll do that. Joey Roses. I'll get like, a couple sandwiches and then just eat them throughout the week.

[A]

That my Leonie's order is my wife's. Like, you can get sandwiches again.

[C]

Yeah, you're.

[A]

You don't need to get three and make sandwich.

[B]

Scarcity mentality.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Meal prep. Being sandwiches you ordered days ago is crazy.

[A]

Whatever you put them, they're wrapped up in plastic and foil.

[C]

It does. They don't keep like that.

[B]

Yeah, she's right.

[C]

It doesn't matter. They don't.

[B]

I got one sitting in my fridge. I'm like, well, I missed a window on this.

[C]

You did.

[B]

The other night, I. Dude, I just. I had a spot at 7:15 and then another one at 1:45am on Saturday. So I went to the one spot and then I went home. I went grocery shopping, I cooked dinner, I meal prepped, I went to the gym and I showered and then went. I had like a whole day in between, but I meal prepped and made like, all my meals for, like, half the week. And instead of that, I've just been eating these fucking sandwiches.

[A]

I just.

[B]

So I. I laughed really hard at the end of that because I knew the story wasn't funny and I was trying to drum up some sort of.

[C]

No, it just made me revert inward and I was like, I also do that. I will meal prep healthy food and then I'll just eat garbage that I've ordered. Yeah, it's. Yeah, no, that was a moment of reflection.

[A]

Uber Eats fucks my butt.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I will get a notification that something is a bogo. And then I go, well, that's a great deal.

[C]

You should turn off notifications.

[A]

That's a great deal. Yeah, they'll just be like, oh, really? The. The Marisa Tomei at Leone's is two for one. Yeah, I guess that's what we're doing. And they're so big and they're so good. It's so perfect.

[B]

Dude, I hate getting my hands dirty. But we. I went up to the woods with my chick and we. It got these sandwiches and then we went on, like, a long hike. And then we got in the car and we just started eating them. And I just had it, like, all in my face and hands. I was like, oh, I hate this so much. It's like, dreading. It gets, like, in your beer. I hate it. I hate getting my hands dirty when I eat out, dude, I'll eat mussels with a fork and, like, spoon and spread them open and cut the muscles out. I can't do it.

[A]

You're a much more delicate man than

[B]

I. Yeah, that's when, like, my gay side comes out when I'm like, I don't want to get my fingers dirty when. When I eat.

[A]

But then in the bedroom, they get pretty dirty.

[C]

Well, you know what? No. As a lady, that's very nice if your hands are not dirty from eating prior to anything in the bedroom.

[A]

One of the hottest things I've ever, ever witnessed. Have you ever seen a chick bite off her acrylic nail so she can finger another girl?

[C]

Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen it.

[A]

What?

[C]

Pretty up close and personal, if I'm being real.

[B]

Oh, is this an in joke? Did you watch?

[A]

No, no, no. This is something I witnessed.

[B]

What?

[A]

Conk. And then she didn't want to hurt her.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, in, like, a movie or in real life?

[A]

Real life.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's been a while since I've been a dirty dog. I'm like, oh, yeah.

[A]

It's been forever for me.

[B]

I don't even think I ever.

[C]

It's been so long since I've done that, Josie. So long since I fingered a lady.

[A]

Have you been a Hosey?

[C]

It's Shannon.

[B]

Put a light on Josie.

[C]

I'm officially. And I mean this. This time, I'm officially over my ex. For real? Yeah, real now. And like, now it was a guy. We were together for, like, five years, and now I'm over him for sure. And I'm like, I'm out there again.

[A]

And it was a lady that. That brought you past?

[C]

I was a lady that brought me. It was two ladies that brought me

[A]

past at the same time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah. And then go off.

[B]

Josie and the Pussycats Tell us.

[C]

And then please.

[B]

And then make eye contact with the gorilla when you do it.

[C]

And then, you know, since then, there's been. There's been some. I've been going on dates. I'm having a nice time.

[A]

Men and women.

[C]

Yeah, I. I think in terms of like a relationship, this sounds so misogynistic. So I don't want to say this, but it's real that like, in terms of a relationship, I think I need a guy like, for that, like, emotional connection.

[A]

Well, who's gonna decide what to have for dinner?

[C]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. But then no. And in terms of who I'm hooking

[A]

up with, that's either one.

[B]

Yeah, I relate to that. I need a woman in a relationship and then I, I haven't. I think I'm. I'm off just hookups in general. Yeah, I'm like over it. But I think it is easier to hook up with the same sex because you're kind of.

[C]

No, it's not.

[B]

What? No, but that's what you were saying.

[A]

I feel like more agenda based.

[C]

I think it's probably easier to hook up with men is what I think is the reality of.

[B]

But you're hooking up women.

[C]

I'm hooking up with.

[B]

With whom?

[C]

Well, I'm not hooking up what I did, but I'm not. Like, I don't hook up often, but like sexually I'm attracted to both.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Equally.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Men are significantly easier. I'm terrified of women and I'm also bad at having sex with them. Like, I am doing my best, but I'm just too happy to be there.

[A]

You're just a pillow princess.

[C]

Just so. No, I want to get in there and do it. I just don't know what I'm doing.

[B]

You ever, you ever have a gal squirt and you drink it like a dog trying to drink from a hose?

[C]

No. I've made a lady squirt.

[B]

You haven't lived.

[C]

But I haven't tried to drink it. It's pee. It's pee.

[B]

If, if they, if they don't pee for a while, it's. It can get a little. But when I'm. I my.

[C]

You make them pee on you first and then you make them squishy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You gotta get out of their system.

[C]

Gotcha.

[B]

We were cooking over the fire. We. We made, we made a fire and we were cooking like steak and veggies. And we were at the grocery store and I was like, what veggies should we get? She's like, asparagus. Actually, no, I don't want to squirt and have it be pee and sticky. And I was like, ah, thank you very much.

[C]

I watched Joanna angel pee all over the other studio. That. And like, that was the night Harrington and Chris Vega learned that squirt is not. Sometimes it's just pee. Especially important.

[B]

Sometimes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But sometimes it is a magical juice that I think women keep it like a camelback or something.

[A]

Shannon, did I send you my great humiliation from last week? I did a show at Governor's Bohemia.

[B]

Congrats.

[A]

Thank you. Humble brag. And Joanna angel was the host.

[B]

Oh, boy. And sweet as pie.

[A]

The sweetest girl. I've known her for forever because I used to work for a guy that directed her movies. And then I met her again through comedy. I've done SDR with her. She did Naked Rose two years ago. She judged, and then she hosted the show. Spent all night hanging out with her. I gave her some tips on how to host and then posted a group picture. And she tagged Zach from Jackass. It's the. I'm telling you, fat blindness is the la. Because we. I talked to him about it because he's my boy. But fat blindness is the last completely acceptable thing. Like, I would be so embarrassed if I mistook a black comic for another black comic. And I have many times. Even if it was, like, a girl with brown hair and glasses, if I called her the wrong girl, I'd be like, I'm so sorry.

[B]

I mistook two Asian comics for the same. And I saw one of the girls coming, and I was like, Andrea. And she was like, I'm Leslie. And I go, and I'm racist. I'm so sorry.

[C]

So there was a. He's in New York now, but there's a very funny comic named Sahib Singh, and he's from Baltimore originally, and he's Indian, but he, you know, he's from here. Like, he talks like a normal white guy. The first time I ever saw him do comedy, the first few minutes of him doing his bit, he, like, did it in a thick Indian accent. And then he just dropped. And he was like, nah, I don't really talk like that. And it just. It was so silly. But it, like, killed when he did it in the room. And then I took my friend to see another show later, and there was an Indian guy that got up, and I was like, he's going to drop the accent. Hang on. Thickest Indian accent in the world. And I was like, he'll drop it. And then he didn't for, like, the whole thing. And I was like, that was interesting. And I realized later I had thought that they were the same guy for years. Completely different. Looking at him side by side. Couldn't visually be more different. I just how often do you encounter. Nevermind. Anyway.

[A]

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[C]

But you remember.

[B]

New read, Neruda, Care Bear Williams.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Do you remember him?

[A]

Yes, I do.

[B]

Dude. For like two years he would call me Jim Twos and he, I never corrected him like, Jim, what's up, Jim? Blah, blah. And then one time we were like in a circle. We were all like snapping and everything. And then someone, someone said like, Ian or something. He's like, ian, oh. And I was like, yeah. He's like, why the didn't you correct me? I was like, I. I don't know. You just, you're like drunk and high every time. And I did once. You forgot. And he's like, damn, I'm sorry. And I go, no. So I've confused you guys so many times. I felt like it was like, you

[C]

know, just treated him like a dad with dementia. You just fed into it.

[B]

Oh, sure. Yes. Good to see you. I'm Jim.

[A]

It hurt my soul so bad.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I get, I get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're both big fat guys with tattoos.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But sometimes you're like in a rush and something will pop up and you hit the wrong button.

[A]

That's what Vegas said that she probably just puts. Yeah. Say the first one.

[B]

I've done that. Where I've tagged the wrong people before and it's not personal or anything. It's just like sometimes things pop up and then you like don't have service or something and it gets like convoluted. I wouldn't take it personal.

[C]

You can't look like anyone else. There's no one else that looks.

[A]

I. Well, A the blue meaning. Yes, I. I've signed autographs as the blue meaning.

[B]

I said, autographs is Ari Shafir. That's years and years ago in front of the seller.

[A]

Zach Ass was telling me he was at the airport once and he was going to miss his flight because TSA was too long. And somebody spotted him and goes. He goes, yeah. And they took him through security, put him on a cart, took him to his game. Like, hey, I'm just such a big fan. I'm like, dude, thank you so much. You fucking got me in my gig. You know what? I. And they're like, nah, man. I'm just so excited. Telling my friends I met Stavros.

[C]

Oh, my God, that's amazing.

[A]

And then he just said, cool, man. He didn't want to blow it for him.

[B]

That's amazing.

[C]

You sure did.

[A]

But, yeah, I was at a gas station with the wrestlers and a bunch, and they didn't recognize any of them. And then be at the end of the line, like, are you and I. Because whenever. Whenever anybody goes, are you? I always go. I give a little nod because now I want to see who they think I am. And, like, are you the blue meaning? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all took pictures with me, and I signed autographs because I knew there was another van full of wrestlers coming next. And they all took out their phones like, we just met the blue meaning. And then they showed pictures of me.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

My aunt. My great aunt Tookie. She looked like Elizabeth Taylor. And people would come up and ask for autograph, and she would sign a Tookie.

[A]

That's fun. That's so fun. Yeah. Because now they have to figure out who.

[D]

Who.

[A]

Who did I beat?

[B]

Who the. I didn't know Elizabeth to. His nickname was Tookie.

[A]

Did we have another thing you were pulling up, Shannon, or I forget.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

We.

[D]

We. I don't know if you want to go back this far, but I had the. The list of the least sexiest actors.

[A]

Yes, please. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Okay. So number four, Boston.

[A]

It's got to be.

[D]

Okay, that's. So number five is California English. Number four is Boston. Number three is Great Lakes accent. I don't know.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's almost like the Sarah Palin.

[B]

Yeah. I want you to comment me. Don't you know.

[A]

Yeah, the Fargo.

[D]

Okay. Number two. Sorry, Josie. Philadelphia accent.

[C]

That's okay.

[D]

And then number one is Appalachian English. Isn't that just, like inbred speak?

[C]

Kind of. That's West Virginian. Like, yeah, it Sounds like Southern, but

[B]

if you watch the wild wonderful whites or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what was that guy's name? He was like the tap dancing mountain man.

[A]

Jesco.

[B]

Jesco. Yeah. Jesco White.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That accent is wild.

[A]

Yeah. That's a tough one to get over.

[B]

You better stop making my eggs. Slime is sloppy eggs.

[A]

As a person who has a wild, wonderful white Virginia tattoo.

[B]

Yes, you do.

[A]

Yeah. Where?

[B]

Which one?

[A]

What does it say underneath the Taco Bell logo? They took her baby. Oh, oh, oh.

[B]

When she yells out at the Taco Bell. At the Taco Bell.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know that. That's great. Holy shit. They took her baby.

[A]

Cps.

[B]

CPS took her baby.

[A]

I was between that and a middle finger that just said Dennis. Is this the little kid? The little kid that's, like, bouncing off the walls?

[B]

Oh, yeah. And he's, like, drinking, like, soda, sugar water.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's like, dennis is this hot stain.

[A]

If I see Dennis, I blow his head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For people that know what we're talking about, it's the greatest documentary ever on

[B]

the world's most notoriously, like, white trash.

[A]

Notoriously white trash criminal family. It starts with the. And I've said it before. I apologize. The D. Yeah, here we go. Go ahead.

[B]

But he's not famous.

[C]

Or his nut quit. Custom, bub quail. I'm gonna bust your ass so hard. I let him go down on a bay with them.

[B]

Then I hate Dennis.

[A]

We're not talking.

[B]

Oh, that poor kid doesn't have a chance.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that kid.

[C]

God, that reminds me of home.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yep, yep.

[B]

You're the killed out mom.

[C]

No, just. That was my. Everybody in my hometown was that.

[B]

What part of Phil are you from?

[C]

I'm not. I'm from Maryland. From, like, Carroll county, north central Maryland, but like, the super rural in the woods part. And then I moved to Philly.

[B]

But your accent is Philly. When did you move to Philly?

[C]

My. I moved to Philly four years ago.

[B]

Hilarious.

[C]

My accent evolved into Philly. It's embarrassing. It was without trying.

[A]

Did it. Did you have the Maryland.

[C]

So I did. I kind of had a little bit of a Baltimore.

[A]

Baltimore. Baltimore.

[C]

And so then they're really interchangeable Baltimore and Philly. So it's.

[B]

It's Delaware's Sue.

[A]

I think the best Baltimore accent ever was Kathy Bates on American Horror Story.

[C]

I actually didn't see it.

[A]

She's the bearded lady in Freak show, and she. She's got all thick Baltimore accent.

[C]

It's.

[A]

Yeah, really good.

[B]

I rewatched Misery the other day.

[A]

So fucking good.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Amazing.

[A]

And that's a. That's Rob Reiman, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that's why his. His production company was Castle Rock, who produced Seinfeld.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you. Fucking Misery is so fucking good. And the book is so much creepier. Really did the end of. So it's essentially the same. But the thing you find out in the book is. So she bleeds to death, but what they tell him that they found her halfway back to the house with a chainsaw, and she was gonna cut him up with a chainsaw, and then she bled to death in the snow.

[B]

So he killed her outside.

[A]

No, he killed her inside. And he didn't know she woke up.

[B]

Oh, and she went to get the

[A]

chainsaw and she went to get the chainsaw and passed out and died in the yard.

[C]

Oh, she went to rip his ass raw.

[A]

Yes, exactly. And then also in the book. What? In the book, she cuts his feet off.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

I think. And she doesn't hobble him. I think she's sad.

[B]

She's so sad when she shoots a police officer. He was just trying to help.

[A]

I. Very rarely when a cop dies in a movie, it's like. It's like that line in the Reservoir Dogs. I killed a bunch of cops. Any real people? No,

[B]

I like it.

[A]

I always feel like when cops and hookers die in movies, it's like.

[B]

I don't like the second part.

[A]

Oh, come on.

[B]

No, the hookers need to live. What's wrong with that?

[A]

They're serial killer.

[C]

Father, I'm sorry. As somebody who I know has enjoyed a hook hooker once in his life or twice, you. You're fine with hookers dying?

[A]

Yeah, but I never paid her enough that I was gonna kill her after. That's what some of them. That's just what they do. They're serial killer fodder.

[C]

That's.

[B]

I mean, no, I want Team Josie.

[C]

I've met some very nice hookers in my day.

[A]

Sure. Who hasn't? God bless them, who hasn't?

[B]

One time I got a detox, and there's this prostitute in there named Darlene. And I was driving on Route 13 in Delaware, and I saw her on the side of the road, and I picked her up to give her a ride home. And when I dropped her off, she was like, oh, Ian, this is so sweet. You want me to suck your dick? I was like, no, Darlene, you don't have to. She goes, oh, thank you. It was a free Ride. I go, yeah. And she goes, he's such an angel. She walked away and I never saw her again.

[C]

Oh, that breaks my heart.

[A]

Yeah, that is. Sure, we all have met a hooker with a heart of gold, but you know, there's been. I watch a lot of. Lot lizard videos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's just like itchy ladies holding their phone.

[B]

Doesn't mean they deserve to die.

[A]

I didn't say they deserve it. You just like cops don't deserve to die either. I guess.

[C]

I.

[B]

What about. I never feel bad in horror movies when like the cocky guy dies. That's. That's when it's.

[A]

That's by design though.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But then the hooker, like the slut dies. That's sad.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We need hookers and sluts.

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

But that's kind of the, the narrative of the horror film because their modern day fairy tale, or you know what, they're telling you not to misbehave. So they punish people who do drugs, who are promiscuous. It's the same as like.

[B]

And that's why the lives.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, because they're the modern version of like old wives tales or something bad. The same. You know, the guy with the hood.

[C]

Kill the black people first.

[A]

I don't think that's true.

[C]

Get what you're saying, but that's like

[A]

the old like urban legend. You know, the guy with us.

[C]

Yeah, it's usually just one guy.

[A]

The guy with the hook that, you know, kills the lovers on whatever. Everybody has the urban legend.

[B]

Well, what about. I know what you did last summer.

[A]

Well, they killed a guy. Yeah, they.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But he comes back and kills everyone. Was there a meaning behind that?

[C]

Yeah. Don't kill a guy.

[A]

And yeah, call the cops if you had a guy. Don't drunk drive.

[B]

That movie always confused who they killed that guy's son or who did they kill.

[A]

Something like that. I can't remember. I read the book.

[B]

Jennifer loves you. It's boobs really took me out of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good God.

[A]

Yeah, that was a pretty solid one. I told you. Spinning around when I saw that movie. My dad had one of those hooks in his shop and he put it under my pillow.

[B]

Shut the.

[A]

So when I woke up in the middle of the night, I woke up with a hook in my bed.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

Yeah. That's how you make this, by the way.

[B]

Yeah, my. My mom and dad went to see Silence of the Lambs and my dad was like, I'll go out and start the car. And he hid under the, under the car and Grabbed her leg when she

[A]

came up to the door. My dad.

[B]

I got it from. My dad used to beat my mom. Oh, God.

[C]

He was Italian.

[B]

Used to hide hookers in the basement.

[C]

He was Italian.

[A]

My dad used to sneak into my mom's car, and it was a dial radio, and he would turn the volume all the way up.

[C]

It's just good clean fun.

[A]

So when she started the car, the more the radio would blast around.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

That's just good old fashioned. Good old fashioned pranks for the sake of pranks. No filming, no putting it online.

[A]

Well, the funny thing, he never saw it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, it wasn't for you.

[C]

That there was gonna be a payoff.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

Can you imagine being one of those couples that pranks each other all the time? Those are for Tick tock. And you have to do it over and over, and then, like, it fries your central nervous system. And you can never relax in your own home.

[A]

I'm convinced all those are set up.

[C]

Well, they.

[B]

I mean, set up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That they shoot a bunch in a day.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they know it's coming.

[B]

Would you ever see the couple that fills balloons with, like, shaving.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Sour cream. Shaving.

[A]

Yeah. And they'll shoot, like, a little arrow at it.

[B]

Cleanup would infuriate me.

[A]

Those are, like, when it's a house full of dudes and they'll, like, throw a guy's mattress in the pool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With him on it and shit like that.

[C]

I think initially when they first started, they were probably real.

[A]

And then they have to make more content.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It like, you can't survive like that.

[A]

I like the group that always puts suction cups on the bald guy's head. They have one friend, these bald, and they'll just shoot arrows and shit at him from, like, the balcony. Or they'll put an ice cream cone on his head all the time and go angry Rhino.

[C]

We have a different algorithm, but that does sound fun.

[A]

That is my. That is one of my. All right, we're moving on. Hey, guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft, like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee. It's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and. Yeah. In the bedroom, too. And it's not just about tea. Body brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity and mood. Thanks to Lion's Mane, Ashwagandha and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm and locked in. All while supporting your natural testosterone levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code [e-mail] that's Z O O [e-mail] powerbraincoffee.com power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the show. Have you guys seen them? That they are now coming after Bob Barker.

[B]

What for?

[C]

Oh, please don't.

[A]

Sexual harassment and racist allegations. Shannon, what do we want to watch first?

[B]

So I actually did watch you've Got Allegations. Come on down.

[D]

Actually did watch both parts of the documentary about it. So I think I have all the answers for you. So, but this first one, the first half is going to be maybe pedophilia and then. And then the second part is going to go a little bit into racism and then the second video is racism.

[A]

Okay, great. How. How long have you paused for that now? Because this is old timey footage. I could not tell you if that girl is 14 or 27.

[B]

Yeah, she definitely works in a diner.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I just don't know the hairstyle, but she could be one of those.

[B]

I think he's gonna ask. I think he's gonna find out.

[A]

Oh. Oh, he is.

[B]

What happens, Shannon?

[C]

Years since I was little, watching prices. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. I've been waiting for it.

[C]

That woman has the craziest teeth I've ever seen.

[A]

I beg your pardon?

[C]

You look great.

[A]

I couldn't hear you.

[B]

You're very handsome. Thank you.

[A]

Denise, there's no sense of going on with this game. If you have anything else you wish to say.

[B]

This is fun banter.

[A]

How old are you? Just right. All right.

[B]

That's a silly, silly thing, right?

[C]

That. I mean, he was clearly making a joke.

[A]

He was having fun with it. It was a different time.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now the other allegation, because you notice how he was with her.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Very touchy feely.

[B]

Right.

[A]

There was a rumor that Bob Barker did not particularly like to be touched by black people.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And we have this right here. And I listen. I don't know, it could have been the Day. It could have been her personality. But wait, can we. Do we have the end of that other one? Yeah,

[B]

That's fun. Or is it personal?

[C]

Oh, that's.

[B]

He's got a hugger at the end to make it okay. Oh, no.

[A]

All right, let's go to the other explanation video, Shannon.

[D]

So I'm. I'm not sure how much they cover in this video, so it's going to tell you a little bit about it. So of the original three, like, barkers, beauties, models, whatever, one of them, Diane, at some point after his wife passes away, these two start kind of. Kind of banging, I guess. Unclear if it's consensual or not because there are lots of lawsuits. Whatever. And then at one point, he found out that Diane, that model he was sleeping with, slept with a lot of famous people, including a bunch of black dudes. And he didn't love that. And so I'll play for.

[B]

Come on down for a smack. Has no idea that he has had sex with a woman who has had sex with black men. Bob has always said that black men are the most diseased people on earth.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

And then I started to hear that

[B]

they were only allowed to have two black contestants on the show at a time. Oh, no.

[D]

And to let Marca know the race of the contestant that's a about to come on down, they would have the letter B for car.

[C]

Didn't care to be that close to somebody that was not white.

[B]

Oh, a black contestant may try to hug Bob Barker, and he would kind

[D]

of shrink away from them.

[B]

No. Oh, don't attack.

[C]

Attack me.

[B]

Oh, Bob.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Spay. New to your pets. Unless they're black. Kill them. Stay new to the blacks. I mean, pets.

[A]

Yeah. I don't want to accuse him of anything, but just based on those clips,

[B]

I'm glad Happy Gilmore kicked his ass.

[A]

No, he didn't. Bob Barker him up.

[B]

Well, you got a few good ones.

[A]

I don't want it because those are curated clips. Those are two or three clips from thousands and thousands of clips.

[B]

You can be, like, playful.

[A]

Yeah, I.

[B]

The B on the card is a bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The be on the card is a lot. And a terrible system. Maybe really easy to decide.

[B]

Let's hear Josie out.

[C]

Maybe he was a big fan of huge asses. And the B was like, you got a big juicy butt coming in.

[B]

Yeah. Were racist and thought it.

[C]

And they were like, that must for big old booty. And back then, black people, like white girls didn't have butts back then. See, it was actually a beautiful Thing.

[B]

Come on, prove it wrong.

[A]

You know what? We don't know. We really don't know.

[C]

We don't.

[A]

And they wait until after he was dead for all this to come out. So we'll never know. Yeah, we'll never know. But from those videos, it doesn't look good.

[C]

It doesn't look great.

[A]

It doesn't look great.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Doesn't look good.

[C]

It doesn't look.

[A]

But you know who would never pull that? Drew Carey.

[B]

Pat Sajak.

[A]

Drew Carey. A man of the people.

[B]

Drew Carey's great. He's one of the first stand up specials I saw.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. My. My mom got me VHS tapes from Sears and it was like, Drew Carey, Tim Allen. There was a Bill Hicks tape.

[A]

And

[B]

Paula Poundstone and Ellen. Those are the first, like, my first exposure to stand Up.

[A]

Mine was Bill Cosby himself. And Jeff Foxworthy might be a redneck.

[B]

Makes sense.

[A]

Yeah. Both clock. No. When I was really little and these really clock, it was John Panett and Kevin Meaney. Oh, wow. Cause I had those routines when I was little. I could do all their bits. You go home now. You eat four hour. Eat broccoli vegetable. You so big, you scare my wife. I tried phone sex once. My penis got stuck in the nine.

[B]

Joke about getting pulled over when it was raining. And. And the cop, like, comes up to the window and he's. And he's like, I love watching them get covered in rain. And he's like, the cop goes, do you know why I pulled you over? And Drew goes, do you know why? I was speeding.

[A]

We'll get one or two more things out of here before we're done. Let's see this. Man rubs genitals on woman's head at grocery store.

[B]

Oh, I was just at the grocery store. I didn't know they were watching.

[A]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[C]

This is so much more sinister than I imagined.

[A]

Oh. Oh, no. Oh. A woman was seen being sexually assault traffic in whole Foods incident happened this Monday at the Valencia.

[B]

And he took him out.

[A]

Yeah. That's a. Wow.

[B]

You can't even make. Make an excuse.

[C]

No.

[B]

What happened to the guy? Did someone beat the out of him?

[A]

Did they catch him? No. It says, if you have any information, please contact Deputy.

[B]

He got. What is she doing?

[C]

Girl kill him.

[A]

What?

[B]

Let's see the rest of the video. How does she respond?

[C]

She's probably just stunned.

[B]

Well, it looks like she's gonna have to buy more shampoo.

[D]

They didn't. They didn't catch him. It said that. I guess. Deputies responded after So I don't know, like, how she went about this. That maybe she went and was like, can you check the cameras from a few minutes ago or something? Because we don't. We don't see her reaction.

[C]

She's probably like, there's no way that that's what happened. And.

[B]

Yeah, the shock of everything.

[C]

There's no way. Yeah.

[B]

Did you ever see the video? The guy that jerks off at a. On a woman at a grocery store and he, like, runs away and the woman's like, he just came on me. And no one, like, believes her.

[A]

No, but I definitely believe it.

[C]

What the hell is wrong with you guys?

[A]

I can't imagine being able to keep an erection in public like that.

[B]

I mean, I can't imagine popping on command.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Anything.

[B]

She didn't even have to call me boy or anything.

[A]

Yeah, of course. It's for sure.

[C]

Like. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Breaking the law horribly and sexually assaulting woman.

[C]

I know. I nailed it. Yeah, I know. I cracked the code.

[A]

Guys, I think this guy's kind of some kind of pervert. Yes. Me. He got something wrong.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, the kink, Shane. But I think that there's something wrong with this guy.

[A]

Yeah, this guy's all up in the head or something. If he can come like that. Terrible.

[B]

Oh, that sucks that the woman didn't have a chance.

[A]

I understand the shock thing because it sounds so lame until you are the victim of being groped and you really. I got my ass squeezed by an Asian businessman on the subway and I turned around, he said no, got off the train, and I swear to God, for three minutes I was frozen.

[B]

Yeah, because you're like, did that happen?

[A]

Because I was processing.

[B]

I can't believe that you freeze. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[C]

You freeze when it happens.

[A]

And I couldn't believe it. It's happened to me twice. And both were Asian men.

[B]

Has that ever happened to you, Jersey?

[A]

I would assume so, yeah.

[C]

You get groped as a lady.

[B]

I've been to Skankf.

[C]

Skank Fest, actually. Dead ass. I crowd surf at Skankfest. No. No groping. Nothing inappropriate at all. And I had never crowd surfed anywhere else. And I was like, oh, it's always like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I crowd surfed its system of a down. And it was not like that. No, it was not like that.

[B]

I can't believe you went to a system of a down.

[C]

I did. And it was not like that.

[B]

Really? That's horrible.

[C]

Yeah. No, you.

[A]

You just.

[C]

Everything you just felt up completely. And I was like, that's why, like

[B]

hardcore shows and everything? If that happens, the person's getting the shit kicked out of them.

[A]

Yeah, very much so. You know, there was a. Just as a. As a fun off the. So there was an event this weekend called Juggle Ohio. And it wasn't icp, but it was all like associated kind of bands and the big. So I'm gonna. I'm in a bunch of like Facebook groups now with Juggalos that have added me and I just get to watch their post event drama, which is always incredible. And there was a guy who. There's just pictures of him and I don't know, Shannon, if you're gonna be able to find it. Big, big heavy guy, Hitler mustache, laying in his own piss naked. Jerking off at the cops.

[B]

Laying down, jerking off. On his back.

[A]

On his back jerking off. And the cops just threw a coat over him so people wouldn't see and then arrested him. Yep, there he is.

[C]

Oh, that's not what I pictured. That's so much worse. He looks like a creature.

[B]

All right, show the video.

[A]

There's just these pictures and dude, the people, like people are naming him on Facebook and shit. And like we should have stomped him out.

[C]

Juggalo drama is insane.

[A]

Dude. It's every event they have something that they're all gug ho.

[B]

First time I ever got a gun pulled on me is by a Juggalo.

[A]

I believe it.

[B]

Frightland2002 Middletown, DE Crazy.

[A]

There's always, you know, this. Somebody's accused of something. Somebody had this somebody fucking. They. They have so much inner drama of their own. Shit. Yeah. At the gathering this year, I know they beat the shit out of a guy who was filming Pedophile. Yeah. They said he was filming girls in the shower.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, I don't know. Don't shower at the gathering of the truck.

[C]

I will never victim blame. But no, you shouldn't go there. Just shouldn't go.

[A]

It always amazes me when people bring their kids. I'm like, I don't think I should be here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But I would assume this guy was on all the drugs and just couldn't handle it.

[B]

This guy probably thought he was back at his like Red Roof Inn or something.

[A]

That's a hundred. So the first time me and Jay went to the gathering, we got on a golf cart and we're like, let's just do a lap of the rounds. And I saw a one armed woman who was topless. I saw what looked like a eight month pregnant woman drinking beer and smoking a cig. And then a man Fully masturbating in a field on his back, basketball shorts whacking it. Nobody around him. But I was convinced he must have just been rolling his face off and had no idea he was outside.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I've been pretty. I've never been.

[B]

I've been picked up by the cops drunk, and I thought I was in my apartment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Parked in the middle of a fucking four lane highway.

[C]

I've never been. I've never been that out of it to not know I am.

[A]

It happens sometimes, you know. That's what happened to Rip Torn.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Rip Torn broke into a bank and he thought it was his house.

[C]

Who's Rip Torn?

[A]

The actor. He was.

[B]

He was in Men in Black.

[A]

He was in Men in Black. He's in Freddy Got Fingered. Yeah. He's the. He's don Geist on 30 Rock.

[C]

Who is he in Men in Black?

[A]

The. Like one of the FBI agents. Like the older guy you would recognize. Yeah, him.

[C]

Him.

[A]

Yeah. He got caught. He got found drunk in a bank. And when they woke him up, he's like, what are you doing in my house? Now you do find out it was one of those old timey banks that looks like a house. But still.

[B]

He was living in a country in western town.

[A]

No, he was living in. Because somebody called it oday about it. I remember this. It's like a town of alcoholics where they don't have cell service and everyone's hammered all day.

[B]

Heaven.

[A]

Yes. All right. Let's get out of here with this. All right. We'll do this Thousand dollar spice challenge. Shannon.

[B]

What?

[D]

One second. Sorry.

[C]

You're saying spice Channel Challenge. Challenge.

[B]

Oh, I thought you said channel. I would give a thousand dollars to go back to only being able to get hard at squiggle bro porn. Oh, God. See how it takes on a TH000

[A]

US Texas hot chicken grand opening. There's $1,000 to eat this hot chicken.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Cool you down a little bit.

[B]

Cool you down a little bit. Not a white in sight.

[A]

We're not built for it.

[C]

Yeah. I don't want to even be around something that makes black people react like this. I love spice, but not like this.

[B]

You're not a big pot guy, Zach.

[A]

I am, but not this kind. So you know who's built for this? Indians.

[C]

Thai people.

[A]

Indians and Asians.

[B]

That guy looks like he's a little bit in him.

[A]

There's a. There's a show. It's the same show that did the. The Cheese Wheel that goes down the mountain. They did one on it was like a pepper eating contest. But they're eating like the crazy ones, like the Scotch Bonnets and pepper X and all that, like wild shit. And there's an Indian lady that just annihilates everyone.

[C]

I want to enjoy my food.

[B]

You ever see the guy take a bong rip of a Carolina Reaper?

[A]

That. Yes.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah, he packs a Carolina Reaper. It's got. He had to have internal damage show Josie. Yeah.

[C]

How does that not kill you?

[B]

There's got to be a follow up video on this guy.

[A]

I'm sure he was like, have you

[B]

ever seen the videos of the guys getting branded?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it like goes through their chest. And then people are like, what happened? What happened? And some guy like, is like, that's my friend. He ended up, blah, blah, blah, like, we gotta have a follow up video on this guy.

[A]

I would assume he has major internal damage. I mean, he did upload it.

[B]

Oh, again, okay, so hear me out. Smoking a Carolina Reaper and possibly rubbing

[C]

your eyes after touching one are probably

[B]

the only ways you could realistically get

[A]

pyro vision from tsu.

[D]

Sorry. I think.

[B]

I think that's pyrovision.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Is that what that guy has? Pyrovision?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Sounds like the name of a early Def Leppard album.

[A]

I would assume that guy hurt himself deeply.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you might actually be able to get burns from that.

[B]

Can you look up pyrovision?

[A]

That might just be a. I mean,

[C]

I. I've like smoked weed before and have had my lungs hurt because it was too.

[B]

Yeah, I used to be able to smoke spliffs, but ripping like a bong hit would get. I would just like cough till I was.

[A]

So when I did the. The Satan's toe challenge, the. It's. It was a 9 million Scoville lollipop.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

And my strength.

[C]

I want you to stop hurting yourself.

[A]

Oh, no, I'm done. I'm after I did the one chip. I'm done with hot challenges.

[C]

Okay, what's one chip?

[A]

It was the one chip challenge. It was like a chip in a little coffin box.

[C]

It's just one chip, but it's like super.

[A]

And they had to take it off the market because a kid died when he ate it. Anywho, I did a lollipop and the challenge to keep it in your mouth for five minutes. And my strategy was to keep it on one side of my mouth the whole time so that I had another side of my mouth to kind of like sp. Focus on. But what happened was it kind of went numb and I started drooling and I had burns on my face the next day.

[B]

From the drool.

[A]

From the drool. And then my buddy Doug, who I did it with, he wiped his mouth and then his hair back, and he had a handprint in burns on his forehead the next day. Oh, yeah, it was. It fucked us up.

[C]

When I was 17, I got fingered after we had buffalo wild wings, just like we were talking about earlier. I've never known pain like that in my life. And now everybody that any. Anything, even if we're just gonna kiss, you gotta clean your fucking hands. I'm not. I'm not rolling with it.

[A]

Josie should be on every podcast.

[C]

Just. Sorry.

[A]

Just to have a story.

[C]

No, because I swear to God, I saw a comment the other day that was just like, this bitch has therapy hour on every. And I'm like, it's not. That's not a traumatizing thing. That's silly. You get fingered after you eat buffalo wings. That's a funny thing.

[B]

I don't think I'm.

[A]

It's funny. So happy.

[B]

I don't think I have any stories that match this.

[A]

Hilarious. I'm so happy. It's hilarious. It's that it just. We're like. I had all eyeballs. Yeah. One time, this guy fingered me after we had B dubs. It hurt my sniz.

[B]

How long did it take for you to get your, like, ph back and not have a buffalo wild wing?

[C]

It was. That was painful for a while. It was painful for, like, the rest of the day.

[A]

Did you ice it?

[C]

No.

[A]

Had him poured milk on it. Yeah.

[C]

Tried to shower it. Tried to. Try to.

[A]

Now water makes it worse. You got it.

[C]

Yeah, it does. Water does make it worse.

[A]

You know, it really helps with the hot stuff. Salt.

[C]

I'm not putting salt.

[A]

I didn't.

[B]

It's like a jellyfish sting. You got to have someone pee on it.

[A]

Yeah. You know what? That would have been the move. But that. So when I did the hot chip challenge, that's what made me want to stop doing hot stuff, is because I chugged water and it gave me hot piss.

[C]

That went. So there was a show in Baltimore, I had just started comedy, but they ripped off hot ones. Basically where they were like, you eat a hot wing and then you do your set. But the night that I did it, they forgot the wings. So they just had us do, like, a full spoonful of this hot sauce and then do our set. And I. I like a little bit of spicy. That was Insane. Like, I was chugging milk throughout my set because I couldn't get through it. Like, I was just coughing. And then the next somebody was like, tomorrow is going to suck. And I didn't know what they meant, and it sucked. Yeah, it was awful.

[B]

Today pepper spray with, like, Carolina reapers today have, like, Scoville level pepper spray.

[A]

I don't know. I have no idea. I feel like Carolina Reaper would, like. Because if you rub your eyes. Yeah, like, you're up.

[C]

I don't think. I think.

[B]

I feel like I want to know what happened to that guy.

[C]

Yeah, can we go?

[A]

I mean, he. He uploaded it, presumably.

[C]

Or maybe that guy's his buddy.

[B]

Do you remember the guy? Shoe? Nice.

[A]

Who's that?

[B]

Some guy that would, like, drink vodka on camera and lived in a motel. And then people would be like, drink this. And he'd do it just to, like, make videos and try to make money.

[C]

Was this like a Tyler Durden situation for you?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, I used to before I heard relapse. I'd watch him and be like, yeah, he can do it. I can do it.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Window shopping. You know, I haven't seen it's. I haven't seen Shoot Shoot nights in years, but I don't know if that guy's alive. But he would, like, do stuff because I think somebody dared this guy, like, you should do this. So they're like, oh, Internet points. Okay. It's like, you just do this until you're dead, and then no one updates you on anything.

[A]

So YouTube has a rule against binge drinking and they demonetize you if you upload chugging alcohol. And I know that because I have seen the unreleased Badlands booker Alcohol Challenges. He played them on the TV here once and he did 4 40s in five minutes, I think.

[B]

What?

[A]

Oh, my God. And the other was, you know, like the giant Jaeger. Like the handle of Jaeger. Yeah. He did it in one chug, and we were like, how'd you feel after that? He's like, man, I took like a six hour nap. Oh, but he's so big. I think he could just do it.

[B]

A nap?

[A]

Yeah. I would be dead. Ah, I don't know. Were you a Jaeger guy when you were drunk?

[B]

No, I was a Canadian club whiskey, Crystal palace vodka guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Cheap rock gut.

[A]

Yeah, that'll do.

[B]

Yeah. For a minute. I like Goldschlager because it tasted like Christmas, but I was like, I. Yeah, I didn't really do Jaeger. I mean, I would do, like, Jaeger bombs Sometimes, but, you know, wasn't really into it.

[A]

Shannon, you served a lot of Jaeger bombs in your day. I bet I have.

[D]

I used to do them a lot, too, like, while working.

[A]

And now. Does it make you sick thinking about it?

[D]

Not that I have a Jaeger on its own. I'll gag a little bit. Things like Hennessy, like dark scotches, make me gag a little bit.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Hennessy tastes like jet fuel.

[A]

I do not care for it.

[C]

I don't think I've had. I don't think I've ever had Hennessy. I don't think I've ever had Jaeger. I don't drink a hell of a lot.

[A]

I never had.

[B]

I never had a martini. I never had an iced martini. I never had, like, any.

[A]

Those are classy people drinks to me.

[C]

Yeah, you were like, give me the hand sanitizer, let's go.

[B]

Give me the.

[A]

Next time you do a. We do a power hour, we should get a little Jaeger in there.

[D]

Oh, boy. Okay, okay.

[A]

We'll do some Jaeger bombs in the power hour. What do you say? We'll see. We'll see if we can finally. Keep me drunk on that.

[B]

Yeah, and then Zach's gonna go hang out with his wrestler friend cocaine.

[A]

That is not true, Ian. All right, we're gonna end the show there. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you to my guests, Josie Marcelino and Ian Fydance. And we'll be back this Wednesday here on the Morning Zoo. Goodbye. The fun's begun. No sleeping in. Noon is morning time to him pop. Just like the favorite ob a call back and join the crew. It's Akamiko morning, too. It's Acamiko morning jewelry.