B (2:59)

Yeah.

A (3:00)

I don't think I could do it anymore.

C (3:01)

You might have to move on to kormas.

A (3:03)

I. I think. I think I gotta stick with my butter chicken and just be a basic.

C (3:08)

That might be it too, you know, that might be. I like to. Because a lot of. I mean, lamb. I don't really. Because some Indian restaurants, like, they. They can handle meats and stuff, but some of them, I feel like they just put it on the menu, but they, like, don't really ever.

A (3:22)

So halal lamb is one of my favorite things.

C (3:24)

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

A (3:26)

I have recently switched to. And I find this much better for my tum Tum. Some places just do lamb over salad, and I've eliminated the rice, and that has been much better. But even the halal card hot sauce, and I love hot sauce, has really been throwing me for a loop.

C (3:44)

Yeah. Damn.

A (3:45)

I think I've hit that age where I'm done make. I'm done. Whatever happens between mouth and whatever process used to occur is now I'm just shooting it out like a duck.

B (3:59)

I've never had Indian food really in my life. Yeah, I've never had it. And I lived in Edison for, like, five years.

C (4:04)

Whoa.

B (4:05)

Yeah. And I've never had it.

A (4:06)

I'll tell you, man, I. We did a garlic naan and some. Some biryani the other night. God damn, that's good.

B (4:14)

Yeah.

C (4:14)

Hits.

A (4:15)

And I even started eating it like an Indian person, where I tear up the non and don't use a fork.

C (4:20)

Gotta get in there.

A (4:21)

Yeah. I'm going full Zo run on this. I mean, like, the natives, dude, it's great. It's a fucking good piece of business. Yeah.

C (4:29)

I'm actually an aphrodisiac. I'm kidding.

A (4:32)

No, you're going to bed. You are going to bed. What? What. What are your favorite takeouts?

B (4:39)

I mean, I'm Italian and I'm in Jersey, so it's always pizza.

A (4:43)

Okay.

B (4:43)

Chinese. I get the same thing every time. I get boneless spare ribs, steamed pork dumplings, and maybe sometimes a wonton soup.

A (4:51)

Okay.

B (4:51)

That's my. My order from there. Anything else but door dash now. And I live in Asbury, so there's so many restaurants I can have, like, whatever I want now. It's just, like, about what? Travels well.

A (5:00)

Yes.

B (5:01)

Like, breakfast does not travel well.

A (5:02)

Brent Travel well. Fries don't travel well unless they pierce the top of the container.

C (5:10)

Oh. So the steam lets out.

A (5:11)

So they don't steam.

B (5:12)

Yeah. Anything wet.

A (5:14)

Yeah. Priya, what's your Chinese order?

C (5:18)

It is actually General Tso's tofu.

A (5:20)

Okay.

C (5:22)

I like broccoli and a garlic sauce. And I like egg drop soup. Egg drop soup.

A (5:26)

Okay. Very nice. I like shrimp fried rice. Banging shrimp fried rice lately. Been doing shrimp dumplings with hot mustard. And then I enjoy lately egg foo young.

C (5:46)

Oh, what is egg foo young? That's one of those things you see on the menu and you're like, what is that?

A (5:51)

An omelette, but also kind of fried. So it's like eggs and meat and onions and vegetables made into, like kind of an egg pancake.

C (6:02)

Okay.

A (6:03)

With a gravy over rice.

C (6:05)

Okay.

A (6:06)

I will fuck with lo mein if my chick's in the mood for it.

C (6:09)

Yeah, I gotta be in the mood

A (6:10)

for that shrimp fried rice. See my thing with lo mein, better the next day.

B (6:15)

I agree.

A (6:16)

Lo mein is the thing you put away, especially if it's in the plastic top container, not the classic box. Mm. Why are you laughing?

C (6:26)

I just love that the containers are part of it.

A (6:28)

Well, sometimes you get it in like a plastic snapshot, you.

C (6:32)

Yeah.

A (6:32)

And that holds really good. The box does not hold good.

B (6:36)

No. The juice gets in the paper.

A (6:38)

And I've also heard that the box is not supposed to stay a box.

B (6:42)

It's plate.

A (6:43)

Yeah, it's a plate.

C (6:44)

We were like, you're supposed to open it.

A (6:46)

Shannon, can you look up how you're supposed to actually use the Chinese? This is crazy. I found out this recently also. I did. Never knew that the ketchup cups at fast food places, you're supposed to widen.

B (7:01)

Wait, I didn't know that either.

A (7:02)

You know the cup you put like, ketchup in?

B (7:04)

Yeah.

A (7:05)

You can actually take those and they stretch out and become like a plate.

B (7:11)

Oh, I didn't know that.

C (7:12)

Like, you could put. Oh.

A (7:14)

So, Shannon, can you look up how to open a Chinese food box correctly? You know the box? The one like, if you buy like a hermit crab, it comes in that. Yeah. You win a hermit crab down the shore. They put it.

B (7:26)

That's right. Yes.

A (7:28)

Pretty cool trick with Panda Express meal. Some of you might know it, some of you don't. But every time you get meals like this, they're in boxes. It gets to the point when Dracula half of it.

C (7:39)

Heavy Russian accent.

A (7:40)

Because it's a box and it's not easy to eat on the bottom. So I'm going to show you something cool. Okay, let's open it up. And here's what I was talking about. So obviously you start eating this and it's easy to eat probably to the half of the box. And then it gets.

B (7:54)

And then it comes. Extremely difficult to eat.

A (7:57)

And try to get your chow mein or whatever you have there from the bottom of the box. And so the trick is that this box is actually becomes a plate. So what you have to do is actually just disassemble it from like, crazy, right? And that side right here.

C (8:15)

Check this out.

A (8:17)

And now look at this. This actually becomes a plate. Now check this out. You just make it like this.

C (8:26)

I feel like at the end of the video, he's gonna be like, and I invented these boxes.

A (8:30)

I'm gonna do the same with my orange.

B (8:32)

You can't finish it, though. Now you're.

C (8:34)

Yeah, that's true.

A (8:37)

I also watched a thing recently, why in sitcoms, everyone always eats Chinese food for every meal. It's because you don't have to eat. You can just put the chopsticks in the box and then the chopsticks to your mat. You hold up the box. So it's a way of not having to actually sit and eat the whole take. And that's why, like, Big Bang Theory and all these shows, everyone always gets Chinese friends.

B (9:04)

Easy to film.

A (9:05)

Yeah, because you don't have. You can't see the level of food in the container. Like, the same way they have to, like, refill drinks in between takes, which I fucking drives me. Continuity stuff drives me. Like, if I notice it, I'm out.

B (9:18)

Yeah.

A (9:19)

Like if I see somebody with a full glass and then it cuts and the glass is like, half empty, I'm like, ah, something. Do their goddamn job.

B (9:27)

You ever see the newspaper? There's like a newspaper that's in everything. They use the same prop newspaper. It's got the same.

A (9:33)

With the snack company from the office because they can't use. Or a lot of times you'll see the snacks all turned around in the vending machine. But they have a company that's a fake company. And I believe the Office Community and like, three other shows all have the same fake snack brand in the vending machines of the shows because they can't use. Obviously real trademarked were copyrighted. But yeah, there's something else. Funk. It was another, like, food hack that they showed with to keep continuity. I'll think of it in a few minutes. Let's get plugs out of the way. Mister. So, Coley, I know you got a special on YouTube. What do you want people to check out?

B (10:15)

You can check out the prom king on YouTube. I got a monthly show at Stress Factory called Factory Reset if you want to check that out. Next one is May 14th.

A (10:23)

That's it. Priya.

C (10:26)

It's Priya Blunts on Instagram and honestly, I had a great 420. We did that grand opening of the Tyson 2.0 Smoke Lounge in Brooklyn and we're actually running it back in June on June 18th. And that's the next one.

A (10:39)

Fantastic. That sounds like a lot of fun and it's going to be a great show. Please support that.

C (10:42)

Yeah.

A (10:43)

Hey, follow me on Instagram at zackisnotfunny. Punchup Live. Zachamiko for all my dates. Most importantly, May 23rd, I'm at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas taping my first half an hour special alongside Tim Butterly. 7pm and 9pm you can get tickets at the Creek in the Cave and if you're watching live, feel free to follow the show on all social medias. And if you really like it, go to gas digital.com today and use our promo code. Zac. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You save a little bit of money. You get the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite cash shows. You get access to the live chat and most importantly, you get our Friday bonus episode. That's right. We do three of these suckers a week and if you want all three, you gotta subscribe. But thank you so much. This is my last day here for a week. I am taking a week off to go work on a project that I cannot currently speak about. But I will be back next Wednesday. Thank you for your patience. I have never taken this long of a time off since I used to work on movies when it was the real podcast. So please forgive my absence and we'll make it up to you with some extra long episodes and some bonus shit when we come back pre on Friday. I I just subjected poor Brandon Collins to about 18 different brutal Indian deaths.

C (12:10)

Oh no,

A (12:13)

just people grabbing live wires, falling under trucks. I've been keeping my entire algorithm.

C (12:20)

My favorite is a mother in law that pushes her now widowed daughter in law onto the burning body of her dead friend Shannon.

A (12:27)

If you can find it, bring it up.

B (12:28)

Holy shit.

A (12:29)

That's crazy.

C (12:29)

It started as our very common thing.

A (12:31)

Actually it started as our segment Indians versus Trains.

B (12:34)

Oh, I have seen it.

A (12:34)

Seen so many and I gotta tell you, trains having a hell of a season.

C (12:38)

I'm actually going to India for the first time in two weeks and my mom is like trying to mentally prepare me for it and I'm just like how bad could it be?

A (12:45)

Lady, I bet it's pretty bad.

B (12:47)

I've heard it's bad.

A (12:49)

I think. I'm sure there's nice or part. It's like you're gonna not be in like a street part.

C (12:56)

No.

A (12:57)

Yeah. You're gonna be in a nicer area.

B (12:58)

Don't you want to kind of see that if you're going? No, not at all.

C (13:01)

I want to see a little bit of the street shooting a little bit. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I feel like, like for example, if people come to New York, I'm like, how are you gonna come to New York and not go to the hood one time? You have to always go to the hood one time.

A (13:11)

I don't know, I don't wanna. I don't want to see the food carts where the guys are cutting open bread with their big toenail.

B (13:16)

Yeah, that's the worst.

A (13:17)

Or making. They're making non on their bellies.

C (13:21)

If you thought the vindaloo in America, you up. Oh my God.

A (13:25)

Imagine how I think that's half the reason they poop in the street because they don't have time to fly the toilet. My. So my travel. There's two things that keep me from traveling more. A, I don't want to do a long flight. So like even people are like, come do shows in Australia. I'm like, no, I would love to maybe one day if I could afford a first class seat. But I can't ride. I'm not doing economy to Australia. I'll kill myself.

B (13:55)

That's a miserable flight to. How long is that? Like 12 hours, 24 hours. Wow.

A (13:59)

Fuck that. Shannon. How long is it from New York to Australia? It could be 12 maybe. I could be wrong.

D (14:10)

It says it typically takes 22 to 28 hours.

A (14:13)

Jesus Christ.

B (14:15)

That's insane.

D (14:16)

But didn't they. I feel like didn't they just recently have a non stop flight? Maybe I'm wrong.

A (14:22)

I think so. But that's just so much dude. And fucking travel fucks me up. And I don't want to go anywhere where you poop in a hole.

B (14:30)

Something nuts. I had a fly recently. I was in. I was in Indiana and we had a layover in Chicago. So this whole time we booked the flights on American Airlines. There's like a picture of a plane on the tickets. We're like ready to go. So I go up to the front and I was like talking to the lady at the front because our seats got changed. Thought we got bumped up to first class. And she's like, oh, nobody told you it's an Airbus. So I'm like, all right, whatever. Like, it's just a smaller plane.

A (14:57)

It was Spirit.

B (14:58)

No, it was American Airlines.

A (14:59)

What the fuck is Airbus?

B (15:00)

We were sitting there, the gates opened, and there's a fucking bus, like a regular bus on the. Like, where the planes are. And we got on the bus and we drove there, but we booked flights. It was like the weirdest thing.

A (15:13)

And I never heard of that.

B (15:14)

I've never.

A (15:15)

And that's not an Airbus. That's a bus.

B (15:17)

That's a bus. That's a ground. Yeah.

A (15:19)

Yeah.

C (15:19)

That's ghetto.

B (15:20)

Yeah. We were all looking at each other, and it wasn't just. I was. It was me and Danny Braff. We were looking like, what the is this? And everybody in line was confused. Except, like, one guy. He was like, you thought you're gonna take a two and a half hour plane to Chicago. He's like, know it all. We were like, we don't know. We've never been here before. So it was like the weirdest thing. We ended up sitting on a bus.

A (15:37)

That would weird me out.

C (15:38)

Yeah.

A (15:39)

I was like, dude, I paid all this money so I didn't have to take.

C (15:41)

I went through TSA to get on a bus. Yeah.

B (15:44)

It was so odd. Then we just pulled up right to the o' Hare Airport. We got to walk down the hallway from home alone.

A (15:51)

Did they do, by the way, every time I have a layover in o' Hare that didn't do, every time I lay over in o' Hare and I have to go to another terminal, the entire time I've been there, I'm going.

B (16:03)

It's so crazy. You really feel like they did such a good job of getting that whole hall.

A (16:07)

So that's in my three least favorite airport, o'. Hare. I hate Denver. I hate sometimes lax.

B (16:16)

Really?

A (16:17)

LAX is lax sometimes, depending on what you fly you. I've. I've been so late that I've gotten the we're boarding text while I'm still in the Uber and gotten to my flight at lax. Like, you can get lucky. Wow. But then some are just like. Like, sometimes I feel like LaGuardia. It's like, why do I have to walk through an entire mall?

C (16:41)

I hate that. I hate that they make you walk through a mall to get to basically anything in this fucking country. You have to walk through a mall against everything.

A (16:50)

It's so much unnecessary. And then, like, I look around, I'm like, who forgot socks?

C (16:55)

Yeah.

A (16:56)

Who? Like, other than if you have a little kid and they're like, they want a Harry Potter book or something crazy. Because they're. They're driving you nuts and you want to shut them up. But, like, there's. I'm, like, looking at, like, who needs any?

C (17:07)

Like, you know, it fucks me up when they have, like, the Gucci store and you're like, who's casually buying Gucci on the luggage store?

A (17:14)

Weirds me out because I'm like, how'd you get here?

B (17:16)

Yeah, that's another weird thing.

A (17:19)

Which I guess maybe if your suitcase breaks or something, that makes sense. But I kind of want to. The next time I have a long layover, I want to get a massage because I'll pass by some of those and be like, that sounds nice. Yeah, that sounds real nice.

B (17:33)

I like the mall aspect of it for some reason, like, walking through. Because I remember, like, when I was a kid, just being at the airport meant vacation. So I'm like, at the peak of excitement at the airport. I got. I get taken back to there kind of. I feel like part of. Part of the world because everyone's in and out. So I like walking through and seeing how excited everybody is.

A (17:50)

I've never been an airport drinker, and I now that if I had a little more money, I think I. Because I just can't. I can't enjoy a 30 drink.

C (17:59)

It's not a good idea also because, like, when you fly, it's, like, very dehydrating for your body.

A (18:03)

And. Yeah.

C (18:04)

Apparently alcohol hits you quicker.

A (18:05)

Oh, yeah. Airplane drunk is different, you know, and

C (18:08)

so it's like, why are you put. I like to be, like, super. I'm a very healthy flyer. I love being super hydrated. I bring my own snacks and shit.

A (18:16)

I do, too. I bring. I call it my dry food. Yeah, that's what I bring. So it's so that I don't buy shit on the road. It's trail mix, but no. So it's mixed nuts, dried cranberries, and sunflower seeds.

C (18:32)

Oh, I'll make a whole salad and bring that with. I'll just, like, make a salad, cut up some fruit and too.

A (18:38)

I have no issue with that. I think that's completely above board. I think as long as you're conscientious. I had a professor once that said, you can eat in my classroom, but nothing swampy.

B (18:50)

That makes sense.

A (18:50)

And now swampy is such a great way to describe. Like, have you ever seen the video of, like, the black family? They have, like, an entire seafood boil on. First of all, how the fuck did you get that? I Can't bring a bottle of water and you got a catering tray full of boiling shrimp.

C (19:08)

So one time I did bring salmon curry to the airplane. Oh, wow. Everybody hated me. I don't really give a shit.

A (19:15)

Were we. What? What? Didn't we watch this the other day? The lady that made the sandwiches for her family on the plane, I had no issue with that.

C (19:21)

Yeah.

A (19:22)

In fact, I thought it was kind of cute.

C (19:23)

It was adorable.

B (19:24)

Sandwiches don't stink.

A (19:25)

Yeah, certain things. Yeah.

C (19:29)

I had to take the salmon curry because it was one of those, like, it's going to go bad if I don't just eat it and take it with me right now.

A (19:34)

Yeah. I just can't figure, like, when people bring, like, how the fuck did they get a seafood boil on the plane if I can't bring hairspray or fucking gel or, like, if I get pulled off every time for having makeup? And then they go, what's this? And I go, makeup. And they go, why do you have it? I go, I don't know. Because I'm a faggot. What do you think? What answer do you want?

B (19:58)

Yeah.

A (19:59)

This lady has fucking nine inch fingernails. It's got a fucking. Her. Her fingers are weapons. And she got an entire tray of boiling food onto the plane. I've seen people. I've seen black families with full catering trays online at tsa.

B (20:15)

Yeah.

A (20:16)

Like, with sternos and shit.

B (20:18)

Well, if they're like, you can't bring that on the plane. They just got to be like, why not? And then they can bring it up.

A (20:24)

It's fucking. I do enjoy a. It's one of the. To me, one bloody Mary on the plane or right before the plane is a real nice way to relax into the flight. The best Bloody Mary of my life. Lafayette Airport. Oh, Bloody Mary with slap your mama Cajun seasoning around the rim. And instead of regular garnish, fried okra. Interesting power move.

C (20:58)

Hell, yeah.

A (20:59)

So good. I immediately went on Amazon and bought every flavor of that seasoning.

B (21:03)

Slap your mama's good.

A (21:05)

Because I looked at it at the airport and it was like, twice as much as it was on Amazon. Have you had.

C (21:10)

I've had slapping, yeah.

A (21:12)

Yeah. God damn. I've been doing red beans and rice with andouille sausage a lot, and I do the slap your mama seasoning right in the rice.

B (21:20)

Yeah, it's so good. You could just. You don't even have to cook it with it. You just pour it right on.

A (21:23)

Oh, it's beautiful.

B (21:24)

Incredible.

A (21:24)

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D (22:47)

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I got distracted from it. I also. I thought you said like daughter in law and I wasn't sure exactly what I was searching. I put Indian pushing, daughter in law burning. That didn't bring me there. I wasn't sure exactly what to look for.

C (23:01)

I don't know if there's an ex, like a video per se.

A (23:04)

It's all right. We'll find. Let's. Let's check this out.

C (23:08)

It is a very common thing, though.

A (23:10)

JP Morgan, exec claims in lawsuit female boss drugged him and forced him into sex. Shannon.

D (23:17)

Okay, so this guy says that his female boss made his life a living hell ordering him to have sex with her and threatened to destroy his career when he wouldn't. He also said that she slipped him roofies repeatedly while at one point forcing him to have sex as she scolded him and made him cry. On another occasion.

A (23:39)

This is so hot.

C (23:40)

Somebody would pay for that.

A (23:41)

Yeah, this is so hot. By the way, isn't this a movie with Jennifer Aniston?

B (23:45)

Oh, yeah.

D (23:46)

Horrible bosses.

A (23:46)

Yeah.

D (23:47)

On another occasion, he said that she told him if he wanted a promotion to executive director he would have to earn it by pleasing her. On one event, he said that she grabbed his junk and ran her spit covered hands over his head and neck. At that function, he said, he said that she called him her little Arab boy toy. On another occasion, he claims he was busy. He claims that she offered to give him a quote birthday bj, dubbing him her little brown boy. Cool. Another time, she dropped a pen in front of his desk, bent down to pick it up and farted, caressed his leg and said, coolest boss ever.

C (24:32)

You're getting paid to get touched at work. Shut up, Sniff.

A (24:36)

This haji sounds like he was suffering

B (24:37)

for a very long time.

D (24:40)

So then she crossed his leg and said, oh, did you play basketball in college? I love basketball players. They get me so wet.

A (24:47)

This lady, this lady has to be atrocious. Looking for this to be a problem.

D (24:51)

I'll show you. One second.

B (24:51)

Let me just tell you, I think I saw this. She's not terrible.

D (24:55)

She's not terrible.

B (24:56)

Yeah, she's not bad.

D (24:57)

And then one time he refused to have drinks with her and she responded, if you don't fuck me soon, I'm going to ruin you. Never forget, I fucking own you.

A (25:06)

This is awesome.

B (25:07)

Yes you do.

C (25:08)

She needs. She should pivot into dominatrix career asap.

A (25:11)

Yeah, get on. Only fans lady.

B (25:14)

Yeah.

D (25:15)

Here, here's one picture of her. I'll find, I'll find something better.

A (25:18)

Oh, she's great.

C (25:20)

The.

A (25:21)

She's fantastic. What's wrong with her? What is he complaining?

C (25:25)

Why?

A (25:25)

If anything, this is just, you know, feminine. Like, we've made it guys. Yeah, yeah, we've made it now both. Now. It's not about men or women. It's about power. Yo.

C (25:36)

You know what I've been learning recently? Like be raping because I met so many men recently that were. That told me that they lost their virginity to much older women when they were very young to a point where they were like looking back on it now was a little problematic. At the time I was happy. But looking back on it now, like, it's problematic.

A (25:56)

I think I was very almost groomed another one. I think I was close and then I panicked because she, she was using some old pictures. It was a parent of a girl younger than me. I think maybe she was in eighth or ninth grade when I was a junior or senior in high school. And this is MySpace, like early MySpace. And this girl's mom added me. I didn't know the daughter. And this is. I had like a big mohawk and stuff. And she was like, I love Your rock and roll style. I'm a photographer and I want you to come to my house and do photo shoots.

C (26:36)

Oh my God.

A (26:37)

And then she would send me like kind of pretty suggestive stuff. And I remember showing my dad and my dad being like, this lady wants you to come over and fuck her. And then one day she pulled up in a minivan while I was walking with my friends and she was not the lady in the pictures. The pictures had to be 15 years old, really? And she was just like, hi, I'm.

C (27:01)

These are literal. These are. Oh, wow.

B (27:04)

How old were you?

A (27:05)

Sixteen.

B (27:05)

I still would have done it. Definitely super horny.

A (27:09)

If I wasn't getting my dick sucked occasionally, I would. Had I never gotten blown before, I probably would have done it.

B (27:18)

Yeah.

A (27:18)

But I already had a. Nothing special. But, you know, I think I had already had two or three chicks suck my dick. So I think I was just. I had enough clarity not to.

B (27:32)

Wow, that sucked, man. Nothing cool like that ever happened to me. No older ladies in high school.

A (27:37)

Oh, trust me, dude, this was not a good one.

B (27:38)

Nah.

C (27:39)

I just love how all these women, they're using the classic men's playbook though. Yeah, classic playbook. Photographer minivan. You know what I mean?

A (27:49)

Photographer is a creepy profession.

B (27:53)

I went to high school with this dude who I had no idea was a photographer. And he's like a good looking dude. He's kind of like ripped right after high school. Hadn't heard or talked from or seen him or anything for years. And then I saw like there's this video with millions of views and it was just him partying on this cruise ship with all these hot girls. And now he's a photographer and like he's. He's in different countries every week like with these model hot chicks and he's always like, post it. But he's in the pictures with them now, like grabbing them and shit. So it's not like. I don't think it was like a profession that he wanted to do. It's just like really working out for him.

C (28:29)

Wait, what's his name?

B (28:30)

I don't. Should I say? Yeah, he's. I mean, he's got a great.

C (28:34)

I might know him.

B (28:34)

Wild in a way. Darren.

C (28:36)

No, no.

B (28:37)

Yeah, wild in a way. He's got some great pictures on there.

A (28:39)

See, I. I have such a fear of being considered creepy that in all my interactions where I could have probably had any type of power play, I have specifically taken it away from myself to make the other person more so. Like I've been a Casting director on movies. The first thing I ask for is a girl assistant.

C (29:08)

Love it.

A (29:09)

Because A, I don't want the actresses to be like, oh, here's this fucking weird fat guy with a camera filming me. B, I don't want the aesthetics to be like, I'm collecting videotapes. So I always ask for a girl to do that to make them more comfortable. So I feel like in that line of work, you want a girl or you want a gay assistant.

C (29:34)

I feel like when you. People that want to get into photography sometimes do do it for creepy reasons and the camera just legitimizes them. You know what I mean? But I mean, it really depends what kind of photographer you are. Some people are fucking fantastic.

A (29:50)

Yeah, I did. Big J, had a similar job, which is why I think I pursued this because I was just. I was a young comic and I idolized Jay so much. I was a. I don't want to say security guard, but I was a something bodyguard. Something for a girl, a nude model. And she would do like Craigslist, kind of like not fuck. But she would do nude modeling and dudes would hire her. They would get a nice hotel room and take pictures of her naked. And my entire job was to wear a puffy coat and scowl. And she's like, I'll give you a hundred bucks. You just gotta come with. And she drove, which is great. And we would go and some middle aged dude, very obviously with a family like, you know, New Balances, black jeans, like the look.

B (30:45)

Yeah.

A (30:47)

And they would have all this expensive photography equipment. And my job was to stand there with her while she did all. So I just get to look at her naked the whole time. And then if the dude went too far and if she said no once and he asked again, my job was to hand on his shoulder, hand on the camera. No. Yeah, because I remember the one time he was like, I want you to spread your legs. And she's like, I don't do pink. I love that.

C (31:16)

That's. I guess that's the official term.

A (31:19)

A lot of. A lot of old timey campsites had like no pink rules unless it was a paid subscription. So she. I don't do pink. He's like, no, but you know, just like take your hand and like maybe spread your lips a little.

B (31:30)

Yeah, just maybe just do that.

A (31:32)

And she's like, no. And I had to do the hand on the shoulder. And he goes, oh, I see your bodyguard here does not want that.

B (31:38)

Yeah, you think it would have been even more intimidating if she was instead of the puffy jacket. She's like, you can wear your makeup and do your hair.

C (31:44)

I would have actually.

A (31:45)

That.

C (31:45)

That's actually.

A (31:46)

Yeah, Wait, no, I had. I called it crack jacket. Yeah, I had a big footlocker, like, puff jacket that I got from a crackhead in my neighborhood. He walked up to me and said at the time, he goes. He goes, hey, man, you a 3XL? I was like, yep. He goes, you want to buy a jacket? And I went, maybe. And he goes, hold on. And he runs and he comes back with this like $300 goose down jacket from foot locker. There was a foot locker up the street, by the way, in the plastic, though, like unopened. And he's like, $40. I went, $25 and he went, deal. Wow. And that was my jacket the whole time. I sold tickets.

C (32:32)

Hell yeah.

A (32:32)

That was crack jacket. I would wear crack jacket because I looked. Because somebody once asked like, what's your job? And I was like, well, my job is to stand there and be like, don't fuck her. Don't try and fuck her. And they're like, what if he has a gun? And I'm like, then my job is to tickle his balls while he fucks her. Then I run out of the room. I don't care about this bitch for a second.

C (32:56)

I was actually gonna say. I was like. I was like, did. Did. Were you properly. Security guard? Did you know? Because I was like, what if it escalates?

A (33:06)

No, I never had a gun.

B (33:07)

Knife.

A (33:08)

No. I don't know. I don't think you could get away with stabbing someone. That seems prerequisite.

B (33:14)

It's true.

A (33:15)

I brought a knife to this man's hotel room while he was gonna take naked pictures of my friend. Yeah.

B (33:21)

You're just hoping something goes wrong so you can stab someone.

A (33:23)

Yeah, No, I. In all fairness, I should have had a taser or pepper spray, but that doesn't feel manly to carry.

B (33:30)

You made it out.

A (33:31)

Yeah, I was fine. I made my money.

B (33:32)

You intimidated the one guy you needed to intimidate. Yeah, the one.

A (33:35)

Yeah. Problem.

C (33:36)

It got done. And a lot of people are really not that tough in real life.

A (33:42)

Oh, I'm not at all.

C (33:43)

No, no, I just. I mean. But you know what I mean, like you. You would think that the way the Internet is with how people, they're so they just fire off or whatever. But then you see, you know, people in person, they're so non confrontational, nobody wants to deal with, so.

A (33:59)

Oh, the amount of people that have left shitty comments or messages to Me. And then I see them out in real life.

D (34:04)

Yeah.

A (34:05)

And they look at their fucking shoes.

C (34:07)

Yeah.

B (34:08)

Yeah.

A (34:08)

And I'm such a talker, too. I have no physical skills. I could not fight anyone. But the second I see somebody look at their shoes, I start talking shit quick. I'm a real cunt about it.

B (34:20)

It's different in person, man. And the people who are loud in person are usually like the. The biggest pussies ever. They just try to scare you away because they're loud.

A (34:27)

Yeah.

B (34:27)

Yeah. And it's never, never the case, Zach.

C (34:29)

I'm a piece of, too. If I. If that I saw somebody out and about, I like to be the person that comes up to them, smiles, and says hi. I love doing that. I love it.

B (34:37)

I try so hard not to talk shit, but it's so hard sometimes.

A (34:41)

I would never get in a fight for me unless it was, like, egregious. I have gotten in between other people's fights that I felt was bully. Like. I remember being on the train with my buddy one time is this drunk Mexican guy just obsessed with fucking yelling at this poor Chinese kid. And this poor Chinese kid got up, like, three different times and got on a different seat on the train. This guy would come over and keep talking shit at him so that I just went and stood between them. And then my buddy came with me, made, like, a wall. And the guy was like, what are you doing? We're like, I think you're done talking to him.

C (35:23)

Yeah.

A (35:23)

And like, why do you know? I'm like, no, it's just, you know, we're gonna get him to give him a chance to get off the train. And the guy wouldn't fight me.

C (35:32)

Hell, yeah.

A (35:33)

So I've stepped in. I've said this before recently on a show that I'm the White Trash Whisperer. I can end white trash bar fights real quick, which is. This is not how tonight ends. That's what I always say. I go, this isn't how tonight ends. We all go home and sleep in our own beds, Right? Like, how. Think about how happy you're gonna be if you get in that door and go to bed. And none of us went to jail. None of us got hit. We all just went home.

C (36:01)

Yeah.

A (36:02)

Think about how happy you're gonna be with that decision. And that really works more than you'd think.

B (36:08)

Ultimate reasoning.

C (36:10)

Yeah. No, for real. I. I feel like my. My. The guy I'm seeing right now is like the Hood whisperer. Because I did get into an altercation at a nightclub one time. Where it was like a guy trying to hit on me while I was standing at the bar. And I was just like, yeah, dude, just, you know, leave me the alone. Wouldn't leave me the alone. So when I escalate things, my I. It's. It's almost like a gut reaction. I spit in him. I spit on his face.

A (36:36)

Yeah, I've known girls like that.

C (36:38)

And so obviously, he starts like. And I'm just still calmly standing there at the bar like, why are you still here? Why are you still next to me? And the guy I'm seeing walked over, whispered something in his ear, and the guy just quietly exited the club.

A (36:52)

Is he a big guy?

C (36:54)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (36:55)

Muscular?

C (36:57)

Yeah.

A (36:57)

Good for you.

C (36:58)

Yeah. To this day, I don't know what

A (37:01)

he said, but probably for the best, for sure. If you want to fuck her, you gotta me. If you her, I get to you. That's the deal here. I don't want to out my friend, but I was hanging out with a chick one time, and she was my friend for you. Still my friend. And she is just as. She's half Puerto Rican, half Arab, and both those things spicy quick. That's extra spicy in altercations. And she's got a million. At the time, a million piercings just tattooed up to her eyeballs. Bajillion piercings. And she had groceries on her, and we were walking somewhere. This is awful. I'm so sorry. It was a group of African American women started making fun of her piercings, and she started yapping back on them.

C (37:52)

Oh, no.

A (37:53)

Oh, no. And they're like, what are you gonna do? And she reached in her bag and threw a bushel of bananas at them. And a cop saw it and went, ho, ho. The cops started laughing at them. And they're of course, like, bananas, you know? And she goes, here, have some bananas. And just threw a bushel of bananas. Whatever it is, like, four bananas on. She just threw, like, Mario Kart.

B (38:19)

How lucky to have that on you.

A (38:21)

It was so. And I just remember a cop seeing it going,

B (38:26)

that's cool. That. That guy. You could just whisper something. And the guy was so intimidated, and he walked away. Like, I dream of doing, like, badass like that, but would never work for me in real life. I just go up and they'd be like, why is Seth Green trying.

C (38:39)

Trying to Seth Green?

B (38:40)

I always feel like George McFly if I go to stick up for someone. Leave her alone.

A (38:45)

Oh, yeah, yeah.

B (38:46)

Are you gonna do.

A (38:47)

Oh, I have no. Yeah. I'm just gonna get beat up too yeah, exactly. Hey, you want to kick somebody else's

B (38:52)

ass, I'll take the beating.

A (38:54)

All right, here's a fun one. Food blogger makes translucent fried chicken that looks like glass sculptures. Shannon, explain this to us.

D (39:02)

I just thought this was so insane that I had to share it because it doesn't make any sense. There is a video. It's not in English. It's like a Chinese guy. But I'll show it to you just so you have, like, a better idea of it. I'll show it to you, then I'll kind of, like, explain. So he's like one of those, like, a molecular.

A (39:19)

So it's like fried chicken rock candy.

D (39:21)

No, no. So he actually, like, uses the chit. See, he's showing it.

A (39:25)

Okay.

D (39:25)

The chicken. He breaks it down and then kind of, like, puts it back together so it's still gonna taste somewhat like chicken at the end. He actually used chicken to do it. This is so disgusting.

B (39:37)

Yeah, I'm good on. I wouldn't eat that.

D (39:39)

I don't think it looks. It looks so fun after. I can't imagine it, like, being appetizing.

A (39:43)

It's A, not appetizing. B, like, skip forward a little.

B (39:46)

Let's take the parts that make it look delicious out.

C (39:48)

You know what I saw recently that was kind of like this? I saw a girl do glittery pink fried chicken. Did anybody else see the glittery pink fried chicken that makes.

A (40:00)

It has to make you glittery pink?

C (40:02)

Yes, but that's kind of fire.

B (40:03)

You take the gayest ever after you eat it.

A (40:05)

You take a unicorn.

B (40:06)

Yeah.

A (40:08)

Didn't that guy get arrested?

B (40:09)

Which guy?

A (40:10)

The guy. The Squatty potty guy.

B (40:12)

He got arrested.

A (40:13)

Was that at the Squatty Potty commercial? Was the unit the. The unicorn?

B (40:17)

I don't know. I don't think so. I've never. I didn't even know Squatty Potty had a commercial.

A (40:20)

I feel like somebody had a commercial with a. Something, a rainbow. They got arrested for being a bad boy.

B (40:28)

Oh, I did not know that.

A (40:31)

So my thing with it, it's all this extra work to have it still taste like chicken.

C (40:35)

Yeah.

A (40:36)

It just seems like a lot of unnecessary steps. If you want. You gotta. This is. No one asked for this.

C (40:43)

No one asked for this.

D (40:44)

It just. It's like his. Like, in his art form. And I did find the. The Squatty Potty commercial, if you want to see it.

A (40:49)

Yeah. Can you look up if the guy got any?

D (40:52)

He did. I remember he did. I'll look it up.

A (40:53)

Yeah. Look up what he got of a mystic Unicorn. Totally clean, totally cool and soft. Served straight from a sphincter. Oh, they're good at pooping. But you know who sucks at pooping? You do. That's because when you sit on the porcelain drone, his muscle puts a kink in a hose and stops from Ben and Jerry's from sliding out smoothly. Is that a problem? I don't know. Are hemorrhoids a problem sitting at this age? Hemorrhoids, bloating, constipation, and a buttload of other crap.

B (41:21)

I feel like that's happened to me every day.

A (41:23)

The glitter gets everywhere. But what happens when you go from a sit to a squat? Voila. This muscle relaxes and that krink goes away faster than Pegasus laying. Sweet sherbet dookie. Now your colon's open and ready for that. I know I literally just said, I don't want to go anywhere where I have to shit in a hole. But don't they say that is better? Like it just falls out of you? Yeah, I could see that.

C (41:46)

There's a lot of people that got a shit. They got to make it quick.

A (41:49)

I gotta wonder, like, do you put your back on the wall or do you just full Asian squat?

C (41:53)

I think it's just full Asian school.

A (41:55)

I can't. I couldn't keep myself up.

B (41:57)

I was like, I can't have to hold something. There'd have to be like, yeah, yeah.

A (42:01)

Like Subway bars.

B (42:02)

Yeah, yeah.

A (42:03)

I could see it if I could put my back on something, but I feel like everyone's gonna shit on that.

B (42:08)

But then you're doing a wall sit that's, like, not comfortable either.

A (42:10)

Yeah, but I said, people are gonna shit all over that wall then.

B (42:13)

Yeah, that's why, like, if you go hiking with your friends, you just gotta stand face to face and hold each other's hands, each other's eyes. That's healthier than the toilet. We're the only animals that use toilets.

A (42:24)

First one to laugh loses.

B (42:25)

Yeah, I'd be screwed. I'd be dying.

A (42:27)

I always send my wife whenever they have the two person toilets where you could face each other. Like they did it on snl, but then they really made one where it was like the Lovers toilet, where it's two toilets next to each other, facing, so you can, like, gaze into each other's eyes. One of the movies I did, we lived in a funeral home. And the girls room just had two toilets next to each other with no wall. And every girl that came was like, I am not doing that. And then after a month, everyone was like, yeah, we're gonna go take a. Yeah. Yeah, that one.

B (42:59)

Oh, wow. You're just right next to each other.

A (43:01)

You can arm wrestle. Yeah.

B (43:04)

Holding it. Hold on to each other to brace yourselves. It's different. I think for girls, such a thing

C (43:09)

is too close to your partner.

A (43:11)

So. Okay. My ex used to live in a house with a girl named Putty. And boy, was this girl a putty. Putty. I've talked about her before. Putty only dated. Putty was, like, in her 20s, and she only dated black guys that I could assume were between 35 and 85. I couldn't tell you. They were just.

B (43:32)

They look great.

A (43:33)

Just. Yeah, just cigarette hanging off the lip. Old black guys.

B (43:38)

Yeah.

A (43:39)

And her dad was a cop. And she had a baton in her passenger side door called the N word. Be good, stick. In case one of them got out of line, she could give him a good bop. And her and her boyfriend, when they lived in the house with all these girls, it was a dormitory. Her boyfriend lived there, just all black. I just lived in a house with all these chicks. And they would. Together.

C (44:03)

He was like. He was probably like, I'm gonna turn all these girls into my hoes. I'm gonna be a pimp.

B (44:07)

You'll see the chicks, the black guy

A (44:10)

and the chicks were the black guy and the girlfriend, Putty. They would. One would. And the other would smoke, and then they would switch, and they would sit in the bathroom and smoke cigs and shit together because he. He didn't want to go by himself because it was like a dorm and he's not supposed to be in the woman's room. Oh, but I can't imagine keeping like, dude, I thought my wife had already left for work this morning. And I shit with the door open, and I just see her walk back in, and I'm fucking halfway through a fucking vindaloop. Fucking sweating vindal poop. Yeah. And I'm just sitting. I look, I went, I'm so sorry. I thought you were gone already. She's like, no, it's fine, but get out of my way. I got to put my contacts in. Like, oh, good, romance is over.

B (44:55)

To put your contacts in while your eyes are tearing.

A (44:58)

Yeah. While taking a nuclear shit.

B (45:00)

Yeah.

A (45:00)

This poor woman. Oh, man, I already have the cat. The cat was not. Does not allow me to shit in peace. The cat passes me toys under the door.

C (45:10)

I'm dead.

A (45:11)

If I close the door to shit. He passes his. He has, like, mice and hair ties and shit. He passes them to me under the door. Be like, hey, you need a toy in here?

C (45:20)

You've been in there a while.

A (45:22)

I have heard that cats watch you shit as a natural thing because they do that for each other, because you're vulnerable. So if one cat shits, another will stand with its back to it. Oh, like a spotter to make sure nothing's coming for it.

B (45:37)

Yeah.

A (45:37)

That's why cats don't either touch their tummies because that's where the organs are and they're afraid of getting ripped up. That's also why a lot of cats have the big fat pouch there. Yeah, that's a primordial pouch.

B (45:48)

Primordial sack.

A (45:50)

Yeah, so you can't get to their guts right away. Yeah, so you can't get on the first. You can't get to their guts on the first bite.

B (45:57)

Yeah. I have two cats and that primordial sack. So weird. I had to google it because I was.

A (46:01)

Yeah. What the is play with it like a fat girl's arm? Like a fat girl's bingo wig.

B (46:07)

Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like.

A (46:09)

A huge.

B (46:10)

Feels like.

A (46:11)

Yes. A fat girl's bicep area.

B (46:15)

It looks like it, too.

A (46:17)

All right, moving on. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends@ycratom.com home of the $60 kilo. That's right. Stop going to smoke shops, bodegas, or gas stations and getting a little bit of kratom at a time. And you don't even know what's in there when you go to yocratom.com today. They have the best streams, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at Gas. If you don't use kratom, don't start on my account. But if you use kratom for one of its many, many benefits, there's only one place in the world, and there's no promo code needed. Why, it's already the best deal in the world to kratom. 60 bucks for a whole kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door. So check them out today, guys. Yocratum.com Home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into the program. Here's fun one NJ man ranked in crazy amount of money. Raked in crazy amount of money every day after setting up illegal weed vending machines.

D (47:17)

Yeah, so this guy had, like, this electronic vending machine. I'll show you. This is it here. And he was making about 20 grand a day.

C (47:26)

Wow.

A (47:26)

I'm sure he was. That's Great.

C (47:28)

Why the fuck didn't I think of that?

B (47:29)

Prices must have been great.

D (47:31)

And. But they were tracking him for a course of several months. And then he had three women. I'll show you three women also working with him. And he. They also got all of them.

A (47:44)

That these ladies are like unfortunate.

C (47:47)

These ladies are like. We got hired to refill a vending machine. We didn't know what we were doing.

A (47:52)

The lady on the left has a mouth like a ventriloquist.

B (47:54)

Oh my God. She looks like a comic though. I forget his name.

A (47:57)

She looks like Fat Joe Maki.

B (47:59)

That's exactly who I'm thinking of.

A (48:00)

Yes.

B (48:02)

Same mouth, the same valve and hair.

A (48:05)

Yeah. Oh, that's terrible. So I guess you can't do that because you have to be 21 and there's no way the machine can verify you. Right.

C (48:11)

Yeah.

D (48:12)

You also have to be like licensed.

A (48:13)

Yeah, of course.

C (48:14)

Yeah.

A (48:15)

They used to have cigarette machines then. Was it because they were in bars and you had to be 21 to be in there? Anyway.

B (48:22)

That makes sense.

C (48:22)

It does make sense.

B (48:23)

They were also old. They weren't even like, you know, like digital. You gotta pull the.

A (48:27)

Yeah.

B (48:27)

Thing. I could see that. I wish I could get weed out of a vending machine. So.

A (48:32)

It sounds so nice. I was trying to doordash it the other day.

B (48:36)

They have places that do that.

A (48:37)

I know. I found one. But the prices were.

B (48:39)

Yeah, they're ridiculous.

A (48:40)

They were so jacked up. I was like, I might as well just take a cab there. Save money.

B (48:45)

Yeah. It's been less, man. I. I wish though. It's. It's such a pain in the ass sometimes going to the dispensaries. The lines are crazy.

A (48:52)

You know, I have never gone to a legit dispensary in New York.

B (48:55)

Really?

A (48:56)

They're all so goddamn expensive. I rather go to a bodega that I know is going to get shut down soon or on the road. I buy, I go to if anywhere in the midwest or like once you get out of like major cities and you go to a dispensary, it's a always be like they look like fucking Mac stores. And like we're in Maine. I was buying 100 ounces.

C (49:20)

Yeah.

A (49:21)

And that was just like their regular day sale.

C (49:23)

It's the. The taxes in New York is what really it up. You know Phoenix has some of the best priced and best weed I've in the country. Like if in my opinion.

A (49:33)

Okay. I did not know that they got it.

C (49:35)

Yeah. Arizona's had legal. Do you do the Drinks once in a while. It depends. I like, like a low dose drink.

A (49:42)

Oh Yeah, I get 10, you know, I saw once the other day, there were hundreds and I was like, are you nuts?

C (49:48)

It's too much nuts.

B (49:49)

I went to a dispensary once. I was in Connecticut and I ran out of weed and I just typed in dispensary on my phone. I drove to this place, I parked and I get in line, like the line was outside. I'm like, it, I need weed. And everybody in line looked up, like just weird looking, like fish hook in their eye. Like just weird looking people. And I'm like, man, this must be really good weed. And then I get inside and it's like the same thing. Like there's a lady checking IDs and doing paperwork and I'm like, something about this doesn't seem right. It was a fucking methadone clinic. I didn't realize.

A (50:17)

Oh no. Yeah.

B (50:18)

Until I got up to the front and I was like, oh, I'm in the wrong spot. This is too strong for me. There was a dispensary down the street and I was like telling everybody in the dispensary what happened. They're like, it's crazy because you just type in dispensary, that's the first thing that pops up.

A (50:30)

Yeah, no, I can see that.

B (50:31)

Yeah, Yeah. I had no idea.

A (50:32)

I used to feel so intimidated. Like when I first, when I first went to LA and we go to the dispensary. I was like, there's no way I could walk out of here with this. I would still feel guilty.

C (50:42)

Yeah, definitely used to feel weird.

A (50:43)

I. I've flown home with an ounce in my bag.

C (50:47)

I remember, I remember when Denver, Denver was like the first place to, to do recreational. Legalized for recreational. So that year, 4, 4 20, I went to the Cannabis cup in Denver. I was like, I was like 19 or some and I was like, this is crazy. We're all just outside taking dabs and shit. This is insane.

A (51:08)

I remember the first week weed was legal in New York. Recreationally. I was outside of a bar smoking a joint and a cop pulled up and I put it out in my hand and burnt my hand. And then I just went. What did you do that for?

B (51:20)

Yeah,

A (51:23)

shout out Cannabis cup, I believe. Third place winner, Milky Way Genetics. Our good friends who bring us amico666. Oh, the weed strain of a new generation.

C (51:34)

I had you. I had the Amigo 666.

A (51:37)

Yes, you have.

B (51:38)

Yeah.

A (51:38)

Yes, you Shannon, go on Instagram, Milky Way Genetics1. We'll give them a shout out. Our boy Dakota out there winning cannabis cups. Taking good care of your boys here at Gas Digital. Very, very kind man. Very talented man. And I gotta tell you, some of that. Amenko666 looking real nice. Yep. Oh, you need to follow so you can see some of it, right? See if there are any good there. I click that white one. Yeah, I think that might be me. Wow, that's you. That's awesome. No, the flower.

B (52:08)

So white. Holy.

A (52:09)

Yep, there. That's a Miko 666 right there.

B (52:13)

That's some frosty weed you got.

C (52:15)

Yeah, that's some pretty.

A (52:16)

Yeah, he's got a big warehouse and pretty good stuff. I've had no complaints.

B (52:22)

Have you guys been arrested for weed?

A (52:23)

Never.

C (52:24)

Never.

B (52:24)

I got arrested three times for weed.

A (52:26)

Jesus.

B (52:27)

Super annoying.

A (52:28)

What? Yeah, driving.

B (52:30)

Driving home from Atlantic City and I got pulled over because I didn't use my turn signal and they searched my car. I had a whole eighth in my ceiling. Like, you tuck it under your ceiling, they don't check. Or your gas cap. That doesn't matter anymore because it's legal most places. But yeah, we got. We got arrested because they found a little tiny nug on the back seat of my car. And I. We spent the night in jail. And I'm in the room and the cop walked in and he's like, I gotta. You gotta take your pants off. Because they had to search me, right? So I was like, this is like my worst fear. I don't want to get R'd in jail. So I'm in the holding cell and I'm like, taking my. I had to, like, take my pants off. And he's like, you gotta spread your cheeks. I'm like, this is. I'm gonna kill myself, probably. This is horrible. But luckily he stayed. Like, I thought they had a, like, you know, fucking look. He was like, on the other side of the. I. Well, either they. He didn't even do the flashlight. I think my ass was just so gross. He was like this. He just got out. He was like, this kid's gross. And he didn't. He didn't touch it or anything. But, like, when I got back to my car, they, like, ransack your car. They don't give a. Yeah, they were like, I had a condom in there. They opened the condom. They're like looking through a sealed condom for weed. It's like these guys were desperate and they found, like a little nug and

A (53:46)

I got it, and they didn't find the Thing in the ceiling.

B (53:47)

They didn't find anything in the ceiling. Now, nobody checks for that because it's sealed. You gotta, like, pull it a little bit to rip it off to tuck it in. But I still had all that weed back when it was illegal. I think I was only like 21. I didn't even want it anymore. I was, like, so ashamed of myself.

C (53:59)

Was this in Jersey?

B (54:00)

This is in Jersey.

A (54:02)

Favorite smugglings I've heard is my grandma smuggled Cuban cigars in the plastic things. Tampons come in.

C (54:09)

I love it.

A (54:10)

I just remember my grandma flying back with a bunch of tampons.

C (54:13)

She just dispensed me.

A (54:14)

Like, why did she have.

B (54:15)

Right in her mouth?

A (54:16)

Yeah, and. Yeah, she emptied them all out and put Cubans in for my uncle.

B (54:20)

That's pretty cool.

A (54:21)

And then I went on a cool cruise with very, very close to gas Digital comedian and his girlfriend, who smoke a lot of weed at the time. And they rolled an entire pack of cigarettes worth of pre rolls, bought a carton of cigarettes, put that pack in the middle, and then closed the carton and the pack back up with nail polish glue, so it looked like a sealed carton of cigarettes.

B (54:51)

My buddy had a liquor store and they were going on a cruise, and you can't bring hard liquor, but you could bring wine. So he would open up wine bottles, pour them out, fill them with liquor, and then seal them at the liquor store because he had the sealer. Like just bottles with them. That's brilliant.

A (55:05)

Yeah, I've seen the. The pouches.

B (55:08)

I've seen that too. Where you just pour it all in the pouch. It goes on your body.

A (55:12)

I think you can also put it in your bag. Like if you have a false bottom on your bag. You know what I'm talking about? It's like almost like something that. Like a bottle, a box of wine would come in.

C (55:21)

Yeah, I've seen those.

A (55:22)

I think that would be my. Oh, my other favorite, Pantera. The band used to empty nyquil bottles and refill them with Jagermeister and put the. Or Listerine too, I think.

C (55:35)

You know what.

A (55:35)

And then put. That's when you can still bring liquid on planes, though not to.

C (55:39)

This might go in. But like, if you're ever traveling with Never traveled powders, obviously, everybody knows that. But if you have a, you know, bag of cocaine or whatever, put it in a nasal spray bottle.

A (55:48)

I've heard of that. I've heard that with ketamine too.

C (55:50)

Yeah, same.

A (55:51)

Yeah, I've heard that. And then whatchamacall. Whenever I Travel with edibles. And I know they're legal now, but I would always just buy three other candies and put them in a Ziploc bag and shake it up and just know which ones were weed, hopefully. Yeah, sometimes you fuck up.

C (56:07)

Yeah.

A (56:07)

Sometimes you have a little candy on the plane and then.

B (56:10)

I love edibles. The shitty part about edibles in New Jersey, though, is they don't. You can't buy over a hundred milligrams, but that's, like. It goes for. If the pack has to be 100 milligrams. Like, I need at least 25. I smoke a lot of weed, so you could only get, like, 10. So it gets so expensive because you're, like, doubling up all the time because you can't get anything over a certain amount. That's the worst, dude.

A (56:30)

I was in Illinois and somebody bought us. I think it was $10, and it was a 500 milligram hockey puck with indentations on it to slice it like a pizza, but it was about this big. It was a wheel with triangles. And I want to say it was 500 and it was 10 bucks.

C (56:50)

That's insane.

A (56:50)

Oh, that's crazy.

B (56:51)

I like the. I like the mushroom chocolates like that.

A (56:53)

Yeah.

B (56:54)

Where they have a little serrated part. So you know what? You're taking the.

A (56:58)

Right upstairs from here. There used to be a smoke shop, and it shut down, and they definitely got raided.

B (57:05)

Yeah.

A (57:06)

Because I would go in and. Because the move is you go in, you look around and you ask if they have mushrooms, and they go, no, my friend. And you wait for everyone else to leave and you go, but really, you have mushrooms. And then the fucking thing would come down.

B (57:22)

Yeah.

A (57:22)

And it would be like a full. They had Wonka bars and all this great ship. And I remember one time I went in there and it was a new guy working, and I waited for everybody to leave. I was like, hey, man, I need some of the mushrooms from up there. And he goes, no, my friend, we do not carry just the marijuana only. And then I hear from the back, oh, okay.

B (57:43)

Jersey has that, too. But the code word is, I'd like to make a donation.

A (57:46)

Ah.

B (57:47)

Pull out a shoebox full of shit. They had. They had mushrooms. I know one place, because around here somewhere had DMT pens.

C (57:54)

What?

B (57:55)

That was nuts. I didn't get. I did DMT before, but not out of the pen, I'm sure.

A (57:58)

How fucking old and sad I am. I remember going to the bodega and buying unmarked cigarettes. Yeah.

B (58:04)

Lucy's.

A (58:05)

No. Whole packs with no stickers on them.

B (58:07)

Oh, wow.

A (58:08)

And it would be a whole. They would be under the bodega by my old apartment. You would go in and go, I'd like to buy cigarettes. And I go, no, under the counter. And he would have a giant box of no label nothings. And they would be like three bucks a pack.

B (58:23)

My cousin went to prison for that.

A (58:25)

Nice.

B (58:26)

He went to jail. Well, that's what they told us. It was. I. I told my dad. I was like, that's really what he went for. And he's like, that's what he told you?

A (58:31)

And I was like, yeah.

B (58:32)

And he goes, then, yeah.

C (58:33)

Sometimes when you. The. The places they sell the cheap packs, you know that they're. They're fake. They're either fake or they're from out of town. Yeah, yeah. Cuz that doesn't have, like the little. You know, they have the little label.

A (58:44)

Yeah, whatever.

C (58:45)

The New York stamp or whatever. So they wouldn't have that stamp tax free. It's the Pete Angelo tax invasion your cousin probably went to.

B (58:52)

It's probably with tax free cigarettes.

A (58:53)

Y. Pete Angelo was telling me that back when he went to China. He said everyone smokes there. And packs are like 2 bucks. But it's customary to give someone a gift when you meet them for the first time. And they saw he smoked, so he just came back with like, a duffel bag full of Chinese. Of deadly Chinese cigarettes.

C (59:11)

Wow.

B (59:12)

Yo, are they more deadly?

C (59:13)

They're so harsh. I've had Korean and Chinese cigarettes. They're so harsh. I've also had Korean cigarettes that are, like, fruity flavored.

A (59:20)

Well, yeah, they can still do flavors. And, like, I think they could, because you can't do, like, what were the goth clothes you can't do anymore?

C (59:27)

I loved those.

A (59:28)

They were so good. I told you about going to the. The Res to go get cigs when I was living in Buffalo. No, I don't think so. You can go to the reservation and get cheap cigs.

C (59:39)

Oh.

A (59:39)

But if you meet someone that lives on the res, they get their discount. So we had a security guard on our movie who was one of the actress's dads. His name was Pat. He literally looked like he worked standing in front of a cigar store. He couldn't look more like an old, sad, weathered Native American man. And everyone in the movie smokes because there's nothing to do for hours. You hurry up and wait. So every. If you have a tool belt on a movie, half your job is to smoke cigarettes and flirt with the makeup girls. Is you Ever looking for an electrician on a movie set? He's having a cigarette with some whore in the makeup department, I promise. And no one's working. And we sent him out with a passenger van, and everyone put in carton orders because we were getting, I think, $22 cartons. Wow, that's crazy. And at the end of it, he's like, and I bought something for you boys, too, because we gave him a cut. And he hands us a plastic trash bag filled to the top with cigarettes, right? And we're smoking for, like, two or three days. And I only smoke when I work on movies because so I don't kill somebody. And I was smoking two or three days in, and my producer's fucking yakking up blood. He's coughing, he's spitting out blood loogies. And we go, pat, dang. You know, it's very nice you gave us these, but what the fuck did you give us? And he goes, they make those at night from the floor sweepings.

B (61:09)

Oh, not the floor sweeping.

A (61:11)

They would sweep the floor. Whatever was on the floor for the day could have been whatever was on your shoes. If something broke, you guys were smoking,

B (61:19)

like, fingernails and shit.

A (61:21)

And then they would make whatever tobacco was on the floor, they would sweep it into the machine and roll that to give out for free. Oh, my God. I think we did all did irreputable damage to our lungs that week.

B (61:33)

Holy shit. Like smoking glass and stuff like that.

A (61:36)

Oh, yeah, there was some bad shit in there. All right, we'll do one or two more things before we get out of here. Facebook post helps track down man suspected of masturbating on the road.

D (61:48)

Okay.

A (61:48)

This is the one advantage women definitely have over men. Covert masturbation. A woman could masturbate with a jacket on her lap, and no one would know if she could keep her shit together.

D (62:02)

So this is the guy. And so apparently a woman was driving on the highway and passed this guy and noticed that his pants were down and he was pushing himself.

A (62:14)

And at one point. Is she just nosy?

D (62:16)

Yeah, it's just like, you're not hurting.

C (62:17)

Mind your business. Yeah, yeah.

B (62:19)

He's in the privacy of his own car.

A (62:20)

Yeah. I had a friend who's crashed his car three times masturbating while driving.

B (62:24)

Oh, that's bad.

A (62:25)

And then he became a woman, and it made more sense.

B (62:27)

All right. Yeah.

C (62:30)

Because of the masturbating.

A (62:31)

Yeah, yeah. It was just a bad driver because it's a woman. That's my same friend who gave himself a hemorrhoid because he put a flashlight up his butt because it looked like the same size as his dick. And he wanted to know what it was like to get anal from himself.

C (62:44)

Wow. Okay.

B (62:46)

This guy sounds like he shouldn't drive.

C (62:48)

I respect that. That's not gay.

A (62:50)

Oh, I didn't. Yeah. I don't think he's gay at all. I think he's just curious. But then, as has happened to me many times in my life, person I'm very close with has made the switch. I got two best friends and two hookups that have gone the other way.

C (63:08)

Wow.

A (63:09)

Four people, four close within all friends at the same time. So my drummer from my band and another member, Contagious, have become women. And then two of the girls I used to hook up with in college are men now.

C (63:25)

Damn.

A (63:26)

And every single one of them clocks every single one of them. I'm like, man, I should have saw that coming.

B (63:32)

Yeah.

C (63:32)

I feel like I have a similar situation, but the people are dead. Yeah.

B (63:37)

I worked at a TGI Fridays. The whole kitchen was trans.

A (63:40)

Wow.

B (63:40)

All of them. And they had crazy names. Like, one was named JLo, and one was Mia. And Mia was like. I didn't know at first. She was always winking at me. And. And I'm like, oh, man. I was like, I think I told one of the workers. I'm like, I think Mia likes me. She was like, you mean Ignacio? Yeah, she probably does.

A (63:55)

Oh, no.

B (63:56)

I was like, I didn't know that.

A (63:58)

Oh, man. Nacho is not the name of a

B (63:59)

lady you want to Ignacio.

A (64:02)

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the one girl really makes sense. And I mean this in the nicest way possible. Her asshole did a lot of the heavy lifting. So it was kind of a gay relationship anyway, because it was mostly oral and anal.

B (64:17)

How come?

A (64:18)

I don't know. She liked butt stuff. She liked butt stuff the first time we hooked up. Oh, yeah. There was vaginal sex quite a bit. But the first time we hooked up, I skipped the vagina.

C (64:28)

Whoa. And she was cool with that.

A (64:30)

It was her call.

C (64:32)

Whoa.

A (64:32)

Because I had said I had never had butt sex before, and so you fuck me in the ass. And there was another girl there, and that girl said, this was a sharing. This is a little too much. But there was a shared discussion. So I had the one girl bent over the other. The one girl's in a chair. The other girl was bent over her, and I was having sex in the butt with this girl. And then I pulled out and the other girl started blowing me. And the girl whose butt it was turned around and went, ew. Even she wasn't down there. She went, ugh. And I went, I know. She's like, I would have done it. And it was her butt. She goes, I would have done it because it's my ass. But, like, you don't go ass to mouth with a third party. Yeah. What are you, nuts?

C (65:19)

Damn, that's bad.

B (65:21)

When. During someone's like, yeah, that was a rough one. You know, you were able to. I don't even know if I would have stayed hard. I would have been in such shock.

A (65:28)

Well, I needed the other girl to blow me for a reason. That girl is a lot of group stuff, though. Yeah, that girl was a lot. Like, if I had friends over, I would always ask. Not like, I'd be like, hey, and this is Steve. Like, I'd be like, you wanna. And the amount of. Yeah, it was. It was pretty consistent.

C (65:46)

She sounds like she has a very strong immune system.

A (65:49)

Yes. And what he does now, and he's. I think he does open mics in la.

C (65:54)

Wow.

A (65:56)

So that'll be a fun one to happen to me. One that'll be a. That'll be a fun reveal. One day you run into each other. Oh, no. I. I always think, what if they do kill Tony?

B (66:04)

Oh, yeah.

A (66:06)

And they go, I actually used to sleep with a comedian who was one of the judges on the show. Because I'm. That's gonna happen. If that happened, like, I'm gonna get named.

B (66:16)

How would you handle it? How would you.

A (66:18)

Whatever. I didn't do anything wrong.

B (66:19)

Yeah. But, like, would you. Would you be pissed or.

A (66:21)

No, No, I wasn't. I didn't know my wife yet.

C (66:24)

Yeah, that's a girl in the butt.

B (66:25)

Yeah, that's true. I thought so.

A (66:27)

Yeah. I say the other way around because one of the people I used to double team her with was my friend that's now a lady. So I'm so progressive. I don't count that as a guy. Guy, girl, threesome. That is time. I've been with two beautiful women. Yeah. The power of progression, baby. He didn't know it yet. They didn't know it yet.

C (66:45)

They didn't know.

A (66:46)

But that was just me and two women having a great time now, was it my friend with a giant banging this chick in front of me? Yes.

C (66:52)

They Freaky Friday genders through.

A (66:54)

They did. Isn't that crazy? They both switched. Yeah.

B (66:57)

They were pro. She was probably like, I knew I needed to change. When I suck some guy's dick who was just ass my friend, I knew things were getting A little higher.

A (67:05)

Oh, that girl was. That was. This is another reveal. That was. That was a gummer.

B (67:13)

No teeth.

A (67:14)

Took her teeth out. Yeah. Welcome to the jungle. Most likely.

C (67:20)

Was there meth involved?

A (67:22)

No. I believe a degenerative bone disorder. Her dad was a dentist, and he had to pull all her teeth and give her dentures because she had some type of degenerative thing where her teeth wouldn't last. And I saw her eating pizza with a fork and knife. I'm like, what the are you doing? I don't know. And that girl had to blow me. And I gotta tell you, Gummer. Overrated.

C (67:44)

Overrated, because I was gonna say, now gums are sharp. It would give me something good to look forward to in old age. You know your firehead I have in

B (67:54)

the cup while you were banging her.

A (67:55)

No, she had them out already. I've. I've gotten a Gummer and a Blumpkin and both were not up to stuff.

C (68:03)

Oh, that's what that double toilet is for.

A (68:05)

Yeah.

C (68:05)

For Blumpkin hour.

A (68:06)

Yes, I did receive a Blumpkin, and it feels way more like taking a. Than getting your dick sucked.

B (68:12)

Yeah. How was the. I feel like the Blumpkin is very dependent on the you're about to take.

A (68:17)

It felt like inside.

C (68:19)

It wasn't a vindaloosha.

A (68:20)

My. No, it was a salad. It was a log. But it felt like inside, my pelvis was being pulled both ways.

B (68:28)

You need the squatty potty.

A (68:30)

Yeah. No, my knees would have been in her tits, but yeah. So it was like. It felt way more like shitting than getting blown. I don't think I had the mental capacity to focus on one and not the other. And then all I was thinking was like, oh, this poor woman.

B (68:45)

Yeah.

A (68:45)

What an animal.

C (68:47)

Trooper.

A (68:48)

Oh, without a doubt. Hall of famer. But, yeah, that's a tough order. You know, it's bad when guys wouldn't get one.

B (68:57)

Yes.

A (68:58)

Let alone a girl doing that.

C (69:00)

That's true. That's so valid.

B (69:02)

I don't.

A (69:02)

Hey, you know, sometimes I'd get shy

B (69:05)

and wouldn't be able to shit. I'd be like, I don't know what part to concentrate on.

A (69:08)

You'd be more worried about not shitting, not getting hard.

B (69:11)

Well, I feel like if I. I'm. It's my responsibility to shit if I'm getting a blumpkin. And I feel like that part I wouldn't be able to deliver.

A (69:17)

Little stage shy.

B (69:18)

Yeah, I'd be stage shy. I'd be like, her chin's right. Right there.

A (69:21)

Yeah.

B (69:22)

You know?

A (69:24)

Yeah.

B (69:24)

Like, you ever pull your pants up after a and you're like, oof.

A (69:27)

Oh, yeah.

B (69:28)

The air just hits you.

A (69:29)

Yeah, yeah.

B (69:30)

She's getting it straight from the tap. If she's giving you a blumpkin.

A (69:32)

Yeah, that is super close. I don't even. I like a little butt play, but I get very nervous. I usually ask to shower first or dude wipes at least.

B (69:42)

Yes.

C (69:43)

Do guys balls fall in the water a little.

B (69:47)

You're like 80.

A (69:48)

Oh, no. I, I.

B (69:49)

Your balls touch the water.

A (69:50)

Summertime.

B (69:51)

Oh, yeah. Because they leave, they get further away from your body when it's hot.

A (69:54)

Yeah, yeah. Your body, with your body temperature, your balls has to stay a certain temperature. So your sac expands and contracts according to your body temperature. And I've had a few hot summer days where I sat down on the ball and I was steeping. I had a full. Like I was fully both balls in the. And by the way, that'll, that'll fucking wake you up. Yeah, that'll. That'll shoot your day.

B (70:16)

Going to wash your balls in the sink after.

A (70:18)

Oh, 100%. Yeah.

B (70:19)

I never, ever, ever.

A (70:21)

Sometimes it's riding your log like a canoe,

B (70:25)

big lady's legs just hanging over it. Yeah, I've never, I don't think I've ever left my house in the last 15 years without baby powder on my balls.

A (70:33)

Good for you. That's a man. That, that's, that's a good man.

B (70:36)

It just, it makes the day so much better.

A (70:39)

I travel with the, the dude wipes and a few other things, and that's usually my move now.

B (70:44)

Baby powder?

A (70:45)

No, no, not baby powder. I do the wipes more. Yeah, yeah. Baby powders if it's hot.

B (70:49)

Yeah.

A (70:50)

Winter. I'm not a baby powder guy.

B (70:52)

Even in the cold.

A (70:52)

I need it sometimes. You need it sometimes. For me, it's not my balls. It's the space between my thigh and my balls.

B (71:01)

Yes.

A (71:02)

That's the issue.

B (71:03)

That's like, they're like gullies. They just, they're wet.

A (71:07)

I've had, I've had times where I go to touch my wife's face and she goes, no, your hands smell like balls. You're scratching your ball. I just, she's like, I know you were scratching your balls because I can smell balls on your head. Don't touch me.

B (71:16)

It's so adorable. You go to touch her face and she just gets like.

A (71:19)

So, yeah, I gotta do like, I gotta do the thing from Face off. Closing the eyes or like, just stroke her. She's like, Your hands smell like balls.

B (71:29)

She's like, I'm getting vinegar and barbecue.

A (71:33)

No, it's. For me, it's bad roast beef.

C (71:36)

Oh.

B (71:36)

Like someone opened up like an Oscar Mayer pack.

A (71:39)

You know what I like, we could probably end on this. I like. I might be a fetish. So I like armpits. I like smelling girls armpits sometimes. And I like a little bit when girls smell like a sub. A blimpy. Like the oil and like some girls, BO is a little oil and vinegar and do you remember blimpy?

B (72:03)

Yes. I understand that.

A (72:05)

It's that exact combination that I feel like certain girls armpits get. And that kind of turns me off.

B (72:12)

It's because it's real.

A (72:13)

Yeah.

B (72:14)

It's because they. It's. There's. It doesn't smell like cotton candy or like lilac or whatever lotion. It's like, that's you, and there's nothing you can do.

A (72:21)

What's your recipe?

C (72:23)

I'm trying to. So actually, when you eat a lot of it, when you do eat a lot of spices, they do come through your pores.

A (72:29)

Oh, 100. I eat garlic whenever I'm sick, and I can. I can smell it on me.

C (72:33)

Like, my. My sweat does come off, like, slightly. Like a slightly spicy. Almost like a wasabi.

A (72:39)

It's hot. I eat full cloves of garlic whenever I feel like I'm gonna get a cold. And then I can definitely smell it on me.

B (72:48)

I say I eat a lot of garlic, so it's probably. Probably smelling it all the time.

A (72:52)

My. My wife is. Her thinks it's horrendous. I'll eat a whole clove. Like, I'll just. I'll pick it apart and sit there and eat it. It's good for you, and it usually really helps.

B (73:02)

You ever put it in your socks? They say put it in your socks.

A (73:04)

I have not. But I have heard. I've heard of an onion as well.

B (73:07)

Yeah, that's like. Everybody swears by it. They're like, hey, you got to put onions in your socks.

C (73:11)

What does it do?

B (73:12)

It's like detoxes. It brings all the toxins out of you because your feet sweat. So it'll like, make your feet sweat more.

A (73:19)

All right, we're going to try it. We're going to come back here. We're going to try it. We learned a lot today. Thank you to my guests, Priya, Blunts and Mike to call it. Shannon, that timer is correct, right? The 110.

D (73:29)

Yep.

A (73:30)

Okay, so then we're all good. Thank you guys so much. Thank you to my wonderful guests. And I'm taking a week off, so I'll see you on Wednesday. Goodbye. Guys. Grab a coffee and join the crew. Amico Morning two. Exact. Amico Morning two.