0112. James Moss and Alaina Bamfield

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Zac Amico's Morning Zoo" – Episode 0112

Guests: James Moss & Alaina Bamfield
Air Date: May 17, 2026
Network: GaS Digital

---

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo delivers the trademark chaotic, off-color comedy with twisted takes on the week's weirdest news, personal stories, and wild tangents from comedians Zac Amico, James Moss (host of prank call show "Digital Bazooka"), and first-time guest comic Alaina Bamfield. The episode bounces through viral internet stories, fast-food lore, youthful pranks, and candid glimpses into the hosts’ upbringings, all wrapped in Zac’s irreverent, morning-zoo energy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Doordash "Victim" Update – TikTok, Voyeurism, and Social Media Scams

• Story: A woman Doordash driver posted a TikTok claiming she was sexually assaulted after delivering food to a “naked” man. New evidence suggests she filmed him sleeping in his own home, uninvited, and misrepresented the situation.
• Panel’s Take:
  • The group is highly critical of the woman’s narrative and the misuse of assault claims for social media clout.
  • Alaina (07:00): "I hate that shit so much, where they're like, 'I’m going to say I was sexually assaulted.'"
  • Zac notes the harm done to real assault victims by conflating legitimate cases with attention-seeking false claims.
• Legal Update: She’s now facing charges for unlawful surveillance.
• Reflection: The gender flip—what if a male driver filmed a naked female customer? “How quickly would he be vilified?” (Zac, 12:10).

2. Being Naked at Home, Peeping, & Childhood Anecdotes

• Stories: Naked window incidents spark debate about privacy. Zac and James recount voyeuristic stories from work and college, including watching people through apartment windows and the culture around “naked houses.”
• Anecdotes:
  • Discussion of growing up in homes with different attitudes about nudity ("naked mom house"), obsessive-compulsive parents, and strict cleanliness rules.
  • Notable quote:
    • Zac (22:13): "Not only did I tell you, mom tell me not to sit on the couch. You know, the way you would tell a dog to get off the couch. She snaps and points at the floor as you, Zachary, floor."
    • Alaina (21:47): "Oh my god!" in response to Zac's mom licking his hands for spaghetti sauce.

3. Secret Menus & Fast Food Lore

• Secret menus:
  • Zac explores a viral “Wawa secret menu code” (26:50), demystified by Shannon (producer) as simply tapping the goose logo.
  • Digression into fast food hacks (McGangbang, Meat Mountain at Arby’s, T-Rex at Wendy's), with Zac recounting being forced to eat monstrous menu items for a TV pilot.
  • Notable quote:
    • James (26:51): "This is how you get max ammo in a flying car."
• Industry empathy: Elena bemoans customer entitlement when ordering secret items (“You can’t just say ‘I want the Unicorn Cum’”—29:39).
• Mukbang tangents: Panel reacts to a video showing Arby’s Meat Mountain and debates the merits of Arby’s sauces, landing on horseradish as top choice (37:10–37:25).

4. Indians vs Trains/Trucks: Viral Fail Videos & Risk Culture

• Recurring bit: Live commentary on death-defying viral clips out of India, known as “Indians vs Trains.”
  • Panel breaks down accident videos—steamrollers, tractors, and train-selfie mishaps.
• Discussion:
  • These videos are so prevalent due to lax local safety regulations and a lack of awareness.
  • Panel is both darkly amused and appalled, repeatedly expressing shock at how many survive (46:43–47:03).
• Notable exchange:
  • Elena (45:00): "Yo, he got right up…wait, he's kinda hurt."
  • James (53:07): "Being a parent and seeing…the last video of your kid being…so stupid — you gotta be so pissed."

5. Alaina’s Unique Upbringing & Small-Town Pranks

• Alaina shares: Childhood in Michigan with a pot-farming, churchgoing dad, being the “smelly girl,” wrestling team anecdotes, and small-town troublemaking.
• Social impact of having a parent in weed business before it was "cool."
  • Alaina (48:21): "I was a really smelly child. I smelled like weed for most of my life, which wasn't cool until high school."
• Wrestling stories: Experiences as the only girl on the team, medal experiences, and the life-lesson-rich world of weight-class wrestling.

6. US High School Illiteracy Video

• Viral story: A Philadelphia high-schooler tests classmates' reading ability with a difficult sentence. The video goes viral; he's threatened with expulsion for “making the school look bad.”
• Panel consensus:
  • The test sentence is unusually pretentious for its purpose.
  • They mock the school for the overreaction and debate the prevalence of functional illiteracy.
  • Notable quote:
    • Zac (56:06): "I don't even know how to read." (Mimicking the struggling students)

7. Scorned Ex and the Lemon DoorDash Saga

• Story: Canadian woman sends her ex 1800+ lemons (and limes) via DoorDash, to "sour" his life after being told she "sours everything."
• PTSD claims: The ex and new girlfriend reportedly have trauma from yellow objects.
• Panel jokes:
  • Speculating about order minimums, tip etiquette, and how a “lemon guy” gets a reputation.

8. Personal “Psychological Warfare” Stories – Pranks & Revenge

• Personal histories:
  • Zac and Alaina recount small-town pranking traditions
    • "Mailboxing" (taking/stacking mailboxes at ex’s houses),
    • Lawn gnome swaps
    • Pumpkin “consumption”
    • Forking lawns and bolognaing cars.
    • “Piss pucks” (freezing cups of urine to prank people’s cars or mail slots).
• Legendary tale: The "Danny Alame" bay-window drive-by, a ritual light-blasting prank that lived on for years and decades, leading to a nostalgic adult reenactment on Thanksgiving (71:55–74:10).
  • Zac: "Just 30-something year old men…hanging out the car window…Danny Alame!"

9. Plugs & Closing – Alaina’s Special: “Untouchable”

• Alaina’s upcoming special:
  • “Untouchable” (out June 7th on Sam Tallent’s YouTube), a 30-minute special about her experience with Larry Nassar and the aftermath of trauma.
• Panel camaraderie: All hosts joke about shared trauma and “why we’re all here.”
• Closing banter: Zac thanks the guests, promising more chaos on the next episode.

---

Memorable Quotes

• Zac (11:17): "This sets an excellent precedent against what I would call people taking advantage of the culture we’re in for their own benefit…as opposed to doing it for the ladies."
• James (18:25): “If you’re leaving the windows open, you are welcoming it to a certain degree.”
• Elaina (48:34): "It was like cool amongst my family but it didn't do good things for me socially… I was stinky… had no boobs… and was on the wrestling team."
• Zac (69:10): “You can also, if you’re really evil, do piss plates. …A piss frisbee. A piss bee, if you will.”
• James (64:20): "You're in a job interview, and…the lemons show up. You try and use it—'cause your life has a lot of twists, you know?"

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Doordash TikTok Update & Legal Fallout: 05:24–14:45
• Nudity at Home, Peeping Through Windows, Zac’s Mom OCD: 13:03–22:34
• Secret Menus, Fast Food Fables: 25:43–39:00
• Indians vs Trains (and Heavy Machinery): 40:21–53:20
• Alaina’s Childhood, Wrestling and Weed Tales: 47:03–54:00
• US School Illiteracy Viral Video: 54:00–60:28
• Scorned Ex’s DoorDash Lemon Attacks: 60:32–64:40
• Legendary Pranks ("Mailboxing", "Piss Pucks", The Danny Alame Ritual): 64:41–74:10
• Plugs & Closing Banter (Alaina’s "Untouchable"): 74:43–75:25

---

Tone & Atmosphere

The mood is relentlessly comedic, irreverent, and off-the-cuff, with sincere moments peeking through amid pranks, scatological humor, and honest glimpses into the darker (or just dumber) corners of growing up. The trio bounce with genuine chemistry, always escalating the absurd with a willingness to mock themselves or share personal embarrassment.

---

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a concentrated dose of the unpredictable, uncensored fun that defines Zac Amico's Morning Zoo. Expect wild stories, bizarre viral news breakdowns, and a masterclass in the art of riffing on the dumbest (and darkest) things the internet, childhood, and America can offer—all served up with camaraderie and zero filter.

---

Further Listening/Watching

• Follow:
  • Zac Amico: @zackisnotfunny
  • James Moss: @ratboyjames (host of Digital Bazooka pod)
  • Alaina Bamfield: @alainabamfield (special “Untouchable” out June 7, 2026, on Sam Tallent’s YouTube)
• Subscribe for more "bonus" zoo chaos on GaS Digital.

---

Content warning: (as always for this show) – Themes of bodily humor, sexuality, trauma, drug use, and pranks described in vivid detail.

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

Most people don't realize how much of their personal information is bought and sold every day. Data brokers are making billions, pulling details about you from public records and the Internet, then packaging and selling it, usually without your consent. That's how your information lands in the hands of scammers, spammers and even stalkers. It's why you get endless robocalls and why ads seem to follow you everywhere. That's where Aura comes in. Aura actively removes your data from broker sites and keeps it off. They also instantly alert you if your information shows up in a breach or on the dark web. But Aura goes beyond data protection. With one app, you get a vpn, antivirus, password manager, spam call protection, dark web monitoring, and even up to $5 million in identity theft insurance. All backed by 24, 7 US based fraud support. Other companies might sell you just credit monitoring or a vpn. Aura gives you all of it together at the same price. Competitors charge for just one service. Start your free trial [e-mail] protected. Protect yourself [e-mail] protected.

[Zach Amico]

Fill ER up.

[James Moss]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Intro/Outro Voice]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's gotta show. Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's Zach Amico.

[James Moss]

Morning, Su.

[Intro/Outro Voice]

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

[Zach Amico]

Well, hello, hello, hello, hello and happy Wednesday. It's me, your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico, returning from my mighty exodus to the Los Angeles, California to host the morning zoo here at the Gas Digital Network. It's a beautiful New York day and I am joined by two beautiful people joining the show again. Haven't seen him in a while. Love to have him here. From Digital Bazooka, it's our good friend James Moss. How you doing, dog?

[James Moss]

Hey, Howdy. How you doing? Good to be back, buddy.

[Zach Amico]

Good to have you. And next to him joining the show for the first time, but very excited to have her, it's Ms. Elena Bamfield. How are you?

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm good. How are you doing?

[Zach Amico]

I'm wonderful. Thank you so much. Let's get plugs out of the way. Elena, what do you want people to check out? Social media dates, anything you want my social media?

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm on Instagram at Elena Bamfield. I have a special coming out next month, June 7, on Sam Talon's YouTube channel. We're going to be doing a collab. So follow me on Instagram. Keep an eye out for that. I run a free weekly show every Tuesday at Artichoke in Brooklyn off the Jefferson L. Very good plug.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, you know how to plug. I love a good artichoke slice.

[Elena Bamfield]

It's good.

[Zach Amico]

Mr. Moss.

[James Moss]

Yeah. I'm doing shows all over. You can find me everywhere. RatboyJames. And check out the motherfucking podcast.

[Zach Amico]

Absolutely. Check out Digital Bazooka. So fucking funny.

[James Moss]

Best prank call show in the world. Everyone else is faking it. We're doing the real deal.

[Zach Amico]

I am. I really want to get both of you guys on with Jim Florentine.

[James Moss]

Who's that?

[Zach Amico]

The Crank Yankers.

[James Moss]

No, I'm kidding.

[Zach Amico]

I really thought you didn't. Not yet. I. I'm really. I really want to try and do a show with you guys and Florentine.

[James Moss]

Yes. Make it happen.

[Zach Amico]

And do dueling pranks.

[James Moss]

Oh, yeah. Do like a lightsaber duel. I'm into that.

[Zach Amico]

I think it would be super fun.

[James Moss]

Hey, guys, put them down.

[Zach Amico]

Follow me on Instagram @zackisnotfunny Punchup live. Zackamico for all my dates. I'm taping my special next week at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas on May 23rd. 8:00pm 10:00pm Myself and Tim Butterly. And then after that, I'm going on tour with my brother, Crack Amico. Let's go. We are doing four dates. Detroit, South Bend, a bunch. Tickets are on sale now. I will have a better plug for that when my brain works again in a couple days. I'm a little foggy. It's been a lot of work and a lot of fun and a lot of travel and I'm very, very thankful for all ya. If you love the show, go to gasdigital.com today. Use my promo code, ZOO Z O O. You save a little bit of money, you get your episod ad free and uncensored. You get access to the live chat as well as the archives. Thousands of episodes of all your favorite gas shows from over the years. And most importantly, you get our Friday bonus show. We do three of these a week and the only way to get the extra one is to subscribe. And thank you everyone for being patient with me while I took a few shows off to go work on the Roast of Kevin Hart. And thank you for everybody that watched and commented. All right guys, this first story is a bit of an update. So I want to see where you guys are on that. If you know about this story, did you Guys, catch. It was a. Probably a number of weeks ago right now. Shannon, the doordash broad.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I think it's a couple months ago, maybe.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so this has been a while. There was a girl who went on TikTok and said she was a doordash driver.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And she went to deliver a guy's food, and he was on his couch with his dick and balls out.

[Elena Bamfield]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

So she filmed it.

[James Moss]

She entered the home.

[Zach Amico]

She opened the door.

[Elena Bamfield]

Why?

[Zach Amico]

So she said the door was open.

[Elena Bamfield]

It was a jar.

[James Moss]

That's a classic move they do. I delivered pizzas. They would do that all the time

[Elena Bamfield]

and then have their dick and their balls in their hands.

[James Moss]

Just be within the threshold, naked. That's fair play. That's. I mean, it is part of the game.

[Zach Amico]

So she. So he's. I don't want to. So she films inside his house and films his address.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And puts it on TikTok.

[James Moss]

He's on Instagram live. Yo Chat. Look at this guy's dick chat.

[Zach Amico]

TikTok winds up taking it down a couple times. And she's trying to charge this guy, saying that he was waiting for. And this was a fetish or whatever.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Now come to find out the door was closed and he was asleep. Drunk.

[Elena Bamfield]

Holy shit.

[Intro/Outro Voice]

She.

[Zach Amico]

She kicked the door. No, it was. Leave that door.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

She saw him, I guess through a window or something and decided, I'm cashing in today, dude.

[Elena Bamfield]

I. I hate that shit so much. Where there's like, I'm going to say I was sexually assaulted.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no. She said. She said that this was sexual assault.

[Elena Bamfield]

It's fucking crazy.

[Zach Amico]

100% sexual assault. And I will. I will quote Shannon here, or in a roundabout way. Shannon basically said, not only is that wrong, I think it's offensive to women who have been sexually assaulted.

[Elena Bamfield]

Absolutely.

[Zach Amico]

Is to lump those things in together.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think is a really shitty thing.

[Elena Bamfield]

It really is.

[Zach Amico]

So this girl crashes out on social media that she is, you know, she's now a pariah in her head that she is now a victim of this. And when I say, you ever watch three seconds of somebody and go, oh, no, absolutely. Oh, she don't blink.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, there she is. She is medicated. So, Shannon, do we have any of that video stuff yet? Or do we have any of the old stuff so we can kind of get an idea?

[Shannon]

Oh, so I have this one where she's complaining about how she's the victim. Just a very short one.

[Zach Amico]

Great.

[Shannon]

And then I can find the other one.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, God. She looks insufferable. Fired me and the police are doing nothing. I lost my job. That was my only way to make

[Zach Amico]

money to pay my bills.

[Elena Bamfield]

Whoa.

[Zach Amico]

So this is the guy.

[James Moss]

Okay. He's not beating off. He is asleep.

[Elena Bamfield]

He's sleeping.

[Zach Amico]

So here's the deal. We have all. If we drink. I don't know anyone's situation. If you drink, if you smoke, whatever. If you. Or even if you just work long hours.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Sometimes you make a doordash or a grubhub or an Uber Eats and you're a little seepy seep by the time it gets there. I would say, now this guy is straight up. Said I was drunk and ordered food.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I bet he was like, I bet I can fucking knock one out real quick before Burger King gets here. And I'm like, wow, what a night.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah. Maybe that's the fetish. Like, how fast can I do it?

[Zach Amico]

So I had a friend growing up that used to take Tylenol PM and see if he could jerk off before he fell asleep. Like, he would, like, take, like, sleep medication.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And see if he could nut before he fell asleep trying to come before

[Elena Bamfield]

he meets the hat.

[James Moss]

I mean, it's got to take two hours for those to kick in.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I think he would really rock. He would ride the edge of it.

[James Moss]

Okay. Just, like, get right up to the line.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He had a good time with it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Was it Tylenol pm? That's the hat, man. Or is that something else? Benadryl.

[James Moss]

I've done that.

[Elena Bamfield]

Have you guys ro. Tripped.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

You take like 12 Benadryl and then just fight the urge to fall asleep. I remember just seeing, like, my. My door to my bedroom kept, like, slamming down on the ground.

[Elena Bamfield]

In a small town.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I robo tripped. And then I did a whole bottle of NyQuil once.

[Elena Bamfield]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And I will tell you, not fun.

[Elena Bamfield]

The NyQuil wasn't fun.

[Zach Amico]

No. It sits in you shitty. And then it gave me the d something bad. It gave me the runs.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And I was at my friend's girlfriend's house and convinced that I could. That there was part of the toilet I had not cleaned. So now I'm tired and tripping.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Scared to leave the bathroom. Just scrubbing the underside of the bowl. Convinced I had splashback.

[James Moss]

Dude, cleaning a foreign toilet is ugly work.

[Elena Bamfield]

Cleaning a. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I just remember people banging on the door, being like, you've been in there for 45 minutes. I'll be like, I'm almost done.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah. I'm trying to figure out if this is my shit or your shit?

[Zach Amico]

Like, it was.

[Elena Bamfield]

What do I clean up?

[Zach Amico]

I just didn't want to leave and then get a text like, did you shit everywhere?

[James Moss]

Yeah. You shit under my toilet? How could this have happened?

[Zach Amico]

Listen, there is no part of the toilet if I'm. If I'm going to. If I really got it. There is no part of my toilet doesn't get abused. Like, I have shits that look like Gwar just played.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's that band that, like, has the, like, blood coming. Okay. As a girl with hemorrhoids, I do feel that sentiment. Like, I'm just like, if it's ready enough, it will go just anywhere.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And so I guess. So. This girl has been indicted with a crime.

[Elena Bamfield]

Fucking good. Because you're wrong, lady.

[Zach Amico]

This sets an excellent precedent against what I would call people taking advantage of the culture we're in for their own benefit.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

As opposed to doing it for the ladies.

[Elena Bamfield]

Do it. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of that going around in society right now.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, you said it, not me. Shannon. Tell us about it.

[Shannon]

So she has pled not guilty to two felony charges. They are second degree unlawful surveillance and first degree dissemination of an unlawful surveillance image. And she is. Her next court date is June 5th.

[James Moss]

Those are fake charges. Free the queen.

[Elena Bamfield]

I was gonna say guilty.

[Zach Amico]

I bet she'll plead down to one. And it won't be a felony.

[Elena Bamfield]

It should be a felony, but it'll probably be a misdemeanor.

[Zach Amico]

And I. So I hate to be this guy, but I'm gonna do it. Devil's advocate it. Okay, imagine if it was a guy. Doordash driver filmed a naked lady asleep.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

How quickly would he be vilified?

[James Moss]

Right.

[Elena Bamfield]

So quickly.

[James Moss]

And where could I find that video?

[Elena Bamfield]

Also. Yes.

[James Moss]

Where specifically would it be?

[Intro/Outro Voice]

How fat of a woman?

[Elena Bamfield]

I also feel like this video. I feel like she just, like, saw a man naked laying on the couch, and she's like, I'm gonna, like, profit off of this.

[Zach Amico]

Yes.

[Elena Bamfield]

And I'm like, you're allowed to be naked in your home. That's crazy. I pay the rent. If I want to rub one out and order doordash, I will do that.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I had a boss when I. Many, many years ago when I was a telemarketer, my boss was the most. That Jewish lady possible.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Like, if you remember the. The family that takes care of him in eight Crazy nights.

[James Moss]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

My wig. It was that lady.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Every day, she would order. This is. She would order from the same deli where we knew no one spoke English.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And her, her order was, I need an iced coffee, not hazelnut. I'm allergic. And a blt Noel. Just the B and the tea. And they would fuck it up every day.

[James Moss]

Yeah. They're back there just making pancakes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. They don't know what the fuck this lady first they would send her hazelnut every time because she said hazelnut more than she said coffee.

[Elena Bamfield]

Why are you fucking mentioning it? That's how I feel as a service worker.

[Zach Amico]

And then. Yeah. BLT Noel.

[James Moss]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

one time we're saying we were in Manhattan on like 30 something and it was all businesses and there were apartments across the street and somebody's work and they go, hey, look, that man's naked cleaning his house now. And we're all watching. This guy's just walking around the house naked, vacuuming. She called the police.

[Elena Bamfield]

What?

[Zach Amico]

And said, I run a business. There's a man, he's completely nude cleaning his home. And the cops went, he's in your office. And she went, no, not even close. He's across the street in his apartment.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And the cop literally went, ma', am,

[Elena Bamfield]

don't look tough nuts, lady.

[Zach Amico]

And she goes, this is a viola. I mean, there's women that work here. You got to go to his house and tell him to put some clothes on. And they went, no, that's his right. Ma', am, you actually don't have the right to look in his window.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, that's creepy.

[Zach Amico]

And it was like a scream, screaming fight with the police.

[James Moss]

Is that the rule? Like, if you're like. I mean, if you have like a big window and you're just like in front of it naked, like looking at people walking by. That can't be right.

[Elena Bamfield]

I feel like it's okay if you don't live by a school.

[Zach Amico]

I think so also. This is like the 20th floor.

[James Moss]

Okay. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

I think if you have a first or second floor, you should be watching the nudity and people can walk by. That's one thing.

[James Moss]

I love the stop and look when I see someone. Like, even if I'm like, that's a guy, like, maybe about to take his shirt off. I'll watch for a while.

[Elena Bamfield]

I look in apartments.

[James Moss]

Yeah, for sure. Like, what's that? Ikea. Love it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Do you guys remember when Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor did that boxing match?

[Zach Amico]

For sure.

[Elena Bamfield]

I watched that through a window

[Zach Amico]

my first night of college. We all sat and watched a kid just fucking rail this Asian broad.

[James Moss]

Oh, my God, so sick.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, just take her to town.

[James Moss]

Like really stray fuck through the window.

[Zach Amico]

But we. I mean. I mean, it was like a 20 minute. We just watched him.

[James Moss]

You're in a folding chair. You got like a setup.

[Zach Amico]

Next day, first class, 10am that motherfucker walks in and sits there and we all went.

[James Moss]

You do like the basketball high five line by him.

[Zach Amico]

And he's looking at us and we're like, what? We're like. I went. I think somebody went. She playing an Asian girl as late. He goes, yeah. Why? We all saw.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God, that'd be my nightmare.

[Zach Amico]

So there used to be a. And Shannon knows about this. There was a guy who managed all myself, Jay Lewis, Dave. At a time Patrice and Voss and Bonnie. And he was very instrumental in getting me into stand up. And I will always thank him for that. He at times could be a bit scrupulous. He lacked maybe a bit of moral fiber.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[James Moss]

Okay. Bad boy.

[Zach Amico]

Very quick to turn a situation to his own benefit.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Not a little little.

[James Moss]

That's like this lady.

[Zach Amico]

A little quick and loose with the truth.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And he had an apartment not too far from here that was on the. It had a second rooftop. So it was like one rooftop, but then almost like a patio.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

On the fourth floor.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Where he had part. We would do fourth of July there every year. But the thing is, it's a fourth floor roof and all the buildings are like 20 floors.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So at night you can sit on like, the deck chairs up there and see into everything.

[Elena Bamfield]

Damn.

[James Moss]

Love it.

[Zach Amico]

And the amount of people that don't know, the amount of extremely famous comedians that have seen that have sat there smoking cigarettes and watching people fuck.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or watching naked people. And we know there was one chick that was in on it because she started showering towards the window.

[James Moss]

Oh, my God, that's so funny. So I look at Big J out there eating a hot dog, just like putting conditioner on her pants.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. If I can tell you some of the famous, like, people that are like, I really famous now.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That we usually just sit up and it's not the best activity, but damn, it was fun at the time.

[James Moss]

Like, if you're leaving the windows open, you are welcoming it to a certain degree.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

I don't think that's insane.

[Elena Bamfield]

Agree.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I think it's a shame on me, shame on you kind of thing. It's an equal, I think.

[Elena Bamfield]

I think no harm, no foul.

[Zach Amico]

I don't really care.

[Elena Bamfield]

It's fine.

[Zach Amico]

The one thing that was weird was there was a naked family and we had to Turn our chairs.

[Elena Bamfield]

Why would there be a naked family?

[Zach Amico]

We don't know. But there was a family that one day came home and it was. They all started stripping. Did you guys know the second they

[Elena Bamfield]

got in the door household.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Elena Bamfield]

Have you heard about this phenomenon of people that, like, they're like, oh, did you grow up with, like, a naked mom house? And I'm like, absolutely fucking not.

[Zach Amico]

I know people that have.

[James Moss]

I've heard of the naked mom.

[Elena Bamfield]

Crazy.

[Zach Amico]

I've heard black moms.

[James Moss]

That's what I was about to say, are naked. That's what I was talking.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of my black friends have said my mom used to walk around with her titties out.

[Elena Bamfield]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

My mom would.

[Elena Bamfield]

My mom was white. She had them crying.

[Zach Amico]

I believe that.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah. Thank you.

[James Moss]

Yeah. By that.

[Elena Bamfield]

People don't.

[Zach Amico]

My mom would run in a towel out of the bathroom into the. Into her bedroom and slam the door.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she would always announce it.

[James Moss]

Oh, I'm coming through now. Like that type of.

[Zach Amico]

Zachary, turn your head.

[James Moss]

You did the black mom voice for your mom.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, that's my mom.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And then. But the funny thing. So my mom definitely has ocd and she, like, cleans like crazy. So my mom would clean her way out of the house every time we left in the morning. Like, scrub the floor. Oh, backwards.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Into, like, to the door. To the door. So as my mom would just be in a towel, she would go, put your fucking shoes on and go wait for me. So I would have to sit at the bottom of the stairs for 20 minutes so that my mom could clean that. To drop me off.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And come right back.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

In case in those 15 minutes, a burglar broke in and they saw that

[Elena Bamfield]

your house wasn't clean, and they saw

[Zach Amico]

that our floors were wet, and they didn't tell the other burglars an embarrass her.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's awesome.

[Zach Amico]

That was. Zachary, go put your fucking shoes on.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And to this. The last time I visited as a. I'm 38, so I think I was 37.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

My mom actually said started doing stuff and went, zachary, go put your shoes on. And I'm sitting there, I looked at my wife, I went, I think I have to put my shoes on. She was. And what? I went, sit at the bottom of the stairs until my mom's ready.

[James Moss]

She's gonna do the reverse squeegee. We have to wait at the bottom of the stairs.

[Zach Amico]

The last time I went. I went. We went for dinner, we had my homeworks. The Olive Garden. We had Olive Garden lasagna.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Because that's what we're doing.

[Elena Bamfield]

Those little deep fried ones.

[Zach Amico]

No, the tray.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, the tray. I love the deep fried ones.

[Zach Amico]

I hate it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Really?

[Zach Amico]

I hate. But I grew up with real Italian food. I grew up with Italian people.

[Elena Bamfield]

I see.

[Zach Amico]

I grew up with casseroles and no, my mom can't cook for shit. But I grew up with other Italian family members. And literally I announced to my wife, she goes, I put it in the oven. She goes, I haven't used the oven in years. I use it for storage. So I get up from the table after dinner and my mom goes, hold on, let me look at your hands for spaghetti sauce. And as a 37 year old man, I just went. And my wife and my grandmother laughed in my face.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God.

[James Moss]

Your mom licks off sauce like a dog.

[Zach Amico]

And then I went into the living room and I went to sit down. She goes, zachary, sit on the fucking floor. I'm not allowed on the couch.

[Elena Bamfield]

You're not allowed on the couch?

[Zach Amico]

I'm not allowed on the couch. I'm like having a big dog.

[James Moss]

Yeah, you're just a stray. They brought it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

I love my mom to death. If she spoke to me like that in front of my lady, I might have to swing on her. She tried cleaning sauce off my hands.

[Zach Amico]

Not only did I tell you, mom tell me not to sit on the couch. You know, the way you would tell a dog to get off the couch. She snaps and points at the floor as you, Zachary, floor. Oh my God.

[James Moss]

You curl up in the little dog.

[Zach Amico]

And it is because When I was 13, I was very Hot Topic, okay? And I had pants with snaps on the back and it poked a pin sized hole in the couch. And ever since then, if I walk in the door, my mom goes, zachary, what the hell kind of pants you got on?

[Elena Bamfield]

I love that your mom so has ocd. Because that is a thing. That's a thing for her. And she's like, you now cannot sit on the couch.

[Zach Amico]

And I have not been allowed on the couch.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

This is so funny. You're like the goth kid from Sopranos.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm aj. Yeah, yeah.

[James Moss]

Hey, what are you doing?

[Elena Bamfield]

You're fucking.

[Zach Amico]

You're embarrassment to me, not Adrian.

[James Moss]

You look like a Puerto Rican whore.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, finish that. Don't like a Puerto Rican who. But yes, that very close that my loves to you. Is that because of that? And then this had to happen. I think I was right. When me and my wife Got together, somebody in the family passed away. It was her. The first funeral she went to, not even before it. Actually, it was before it. And my grandmother stepped in bird shit after the funeral and accidentally got in my mom's car.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, no.

[James Moss]

Oh, hell no.

[Zach Amico]

So to this day, at every funeral, my mom, as we get in the car, goes, check your shoes. To fucking birdpiece.

[Elena Bamfield]

Check your shoes. I love this part.

[Zach Amico]

And my mom checks everyone's shoes.

[James Moss]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Because her interpretation of someone we love dying. Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

Is.

[Zach Amico]

Is bird shit in the car.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Moss]

This is her version of grief. Yes. Just like holding someone's hand and being

[Elena Bamfield]

like the eighth stage.

[James Moss]

This is not going to be good for my car.

[Zach Amico]

All right, I got some trauma dumping done on that one. Hey, zoo files. Most men start losing testosterone around 30. Mars Men is here to help you fight back. Mars Men is designed to help unlock testosterone. Just take capsules daily in the morning with food, no synthetics, no needles. Mars Men has real ingredients like zinc, boron and vitamin D to support healthy T levels, natural energy and improve stamina. I love Mars Men because it's an easy, natural way to feel stronger and feel like I have more energy. Mars Men is made in the USA and third party lab tested with a 90 day risk free trial. You have to check it out for a limited time. Morning Zoo fans get 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts@ Mengotomars.com that's men go to Mars.com for 50% off for life and three free gifts when you check out. Mars Men is also available on Amazon. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them Zack Amico's Morning Zoo sent you. All right, let's get back into the show. Let's do a fun one. I think I've heard of this before, but I've never seen it in action. There's a guy who made a video that when you order at the kiosk at Wawa, there is a contra code type thing to put in that opens up a secret menu.

[Elena Bamfield]

What is with all these secret menus everywhere?

[Zach Amico]

I think it makes people feel like

[Elena Bamfield]

it must part of it, okay? Because I work at places like Starbucks and stuff like that. And I'm like, everyone, if people like ask about the secret menu, I'm like, I don't fucking know. I wouldn't know how to make anything off the secret menu either.

[Zach Amico]

I think it's marketing, okay? In a weird backwards way. Because what it does is it makes people want to go to the place

[Elena Bamfield]

and do it themselves.

[James Moss]

Because then you're in.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Do it yourself because you feel it. But then you're just getting them to order the same shit they were gonna get anyway. Like that whole, like, McDonald's secret menu. It's just fucking McDonald's.

[Elena Bamfield]

It's just McDonald's.

[Zach Amico]

Or the taco Bell one. Like there's no. Like, you could have done that. Yeah, we didn't need.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

A fucking instructional. Now, I will say Arby's Meat Mountain course with different color. But I love our course. So this guy said. And so, Shannon, can you bring up the video of this guy bringing up. And then if you could try and see what's on it? Because I know in the video they don't show what's on it. Up, up, down, down, up, up, down, up. And then this button in the corner and see, it unlocks a little vault.

[Elena Bamfield]

Whoa.

[James Moss]

This is how you get max ammo in a flying car.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

Oh, that's cool. There is a fun animation for it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Isn't that fun?

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So, Shannon, could you look up and see possibly what's on it?

[Shannon]

So one thing real quick is that when I did look it up, it said that it seems it's just tapping that small goose logo in the bottom left corner. That's what does it. You don't have to do the whole.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, so he just made a thing out of it.

[Shannon]

Yeah, he did a thing. And it says it's a historically featured items like birthday cake, milkshakes and smoothie smoothies. But it's usually limited time. Seasonal items such as rainbow bagels, customized drinks, and it's not always active.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's super fun.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

It makes it a little more exclusive that it's not always active.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

You know? Yeah. Being on a surprise like pulling up to the Wawa on the road trip and putting on your hacker gloves.

[Zach Amico]

There is nothing. When I found out you could put cheesesteak meat on your Mac and cheese at Wawa, that was a game changer.

[Elena Bamfield]

I didn't even know that they had Mac and cheese. And they don't have that in Michigan. We don't have Wawa in Michigan.

[Zach Amico]

And the. Yeah. When they have the seasonal cheesesteaks.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You can just get the meat and the cheese on top of Mac and cheese.

[Elena Bamfield]

That sounds good.

[Zach Amico]

And that is a. That is a good piece of business. Yeah.

[James Moss]

At the Wawa, I don't normally do the order because then it's like you get the receipt and you have to wait 10 minutes. I normally just Go for, like, whatever's sitting under the heat lamps.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

I'll take the, like, the spicy chicken that's been out for, like, two days. I'm chill with that.

[Zach Amico]

I'm fine with the pretzel. And the snickerdoodle cookie is exceptionally good.

[Elena Bamfield]

Ooh.

[Zach Amico]

My friend Alex Tomaselli turned me onto that.

[Elena Bamfield]

Ooh, I love Selly.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, that's my road dog.

[Elena Bamfield]

Awesome.

[Zach Amico]

I've said before that if you looked at me and Tomiselle on the road.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And didn't know we were comedians, you would think we are the cutest boyfriends.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, we've had days on the road that, like, if we were a gay couple.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, the last of us, like, we. Our day, like, on the road would be like, if we were both dying in bed holding hands. That would be the day we remembered. Like, I remember that day. We drove around looking at antique shops and comic book stores. And then we went and got hot dogs and smoked a joint in the park.

[Elena Bamfield]

Isn't the road so great?

[Zach Amico]

Thomas Deli's great, too. He's so much fun on the road. Some of the secret I get to see. I get the idea of it because it brings in people for sure. I could see it being very annoying as an employee.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They should probably warn you.

[Elena Bamfield]

They should warn you.

[Zach Amico]

Or if you're gonna come in with a request, you gotta have the instructions. Like, they can't come up. As you work at Starbucks, you can't be like, I want the fucking unicorn.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, I want the unicorn come. And then you're like, what is that? You know, how do I make that? Um, yeah. I think if it's regular items, it's totally fine. But they could have put something more fun on there than birthday cake.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

Like, I don't know. Yeah. Hitting anyone, like, any employee with just, like, a name of thing and then being upset they don't know what it is. Like, at Starbucks. Like, let me get the Cincinnati special.

[Zach Amico]

I've heard. I've definitely heard of people ordering. What is it, the T. Rex.

[James Moss]

I don't know the T. Rex.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know the T. Rex at Wendy's. Or I've also heard it called the meat cube.

[Elena Bamfield]

He's cute.

[Zach Amico]

It's like nine patties.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And it's called a T. Rex because you have to eat it like a T. Rex.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh. And they're square patties, so that's why it's a cube. I'm like, why would it be a cube?

[Zach Amico]

And then I've Talked about it ad nauseam. But Meat Mountain at Arby's was a revelation of flavor. I don't know if you're familiar.

[Elena Bamfield]

I've never had the Meat Mountain, but I love a classic beef and cheddar.

[James Moss]

Yeah, the seasoned curlies are mean, too.

[Elena Bamfield]

Curlies are good.

[James Moss]

I worked at a Whataburger back in the day, and I distinctly remember one kid coming in. It must have been like, 16, but like, one of the big, like, football 16 year olds. And he was like, what's. Like the. What's a thing that's not on the menu? And, like, the fry cook was just like, I don't know, we could do like, six of them. They just, like, stacked like. It was like, that's a. I mean, we only have burgers, but it's either that or a fish sandwich. So, yeah, we gave them the six of them.

[Zach Amico]

I did. I did a pilot for a TV show years ago, and they wanted me to do the thing. Was my character, everything I do, they want me to eat.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

They always, even if it's not in the script, somebody hands me chips or something because they want the fat guy to be eating in the scene. And I did a pilot where I had to have the MC 1035, which was a.

[James Moss]

It's your blood pressure.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. A MC. A sausage. MCM. Egg. Sausage. Egg McMuffin.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And double cheeseburger in one combined. And then later, I had to do the. What they call the McGang Bang now is just like a McChicken in a McDouble.

[James Moss]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

What it was then, or whoever's interpretation of it, was you get a Big Mac and three McChickens, and you throw the three breads out and replace them with McChicken patties.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So it's McChicken burger. McChicken burger. McChicken.

[James Moss]

Love it.

[Zach Amico]

And I had to eat one of those in a scene. Maybe the worst farts in history.

[Elena Bamfield]

How many takes do you like? How many takes did you have to do? And, like, do you like.

[Zach Amico]

I was trying to do the new

[Elena Bamfield]

one for the next scene.

[Zach Amico]

They had a second one that I did not break into. Okay, nice. Because I would take a fake big bite and then turn it in my hand.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, okay. I see the sandwich itself.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You have to cut. Because they wanted me to bite it. They wanted it on film. But I kind of had. Because I had another movie where I had to eat and I had, like, four roast beef sandwiches.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I wanted to die.

[Elena Bamfield]

Do they have, like, a spit bucket or something?

[Zach Amico]

They Call it a chow. A chow bucket.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay. Cause I'm assuming you eat every time. Like, actually eat it.

[Zach Amico]

I know they did that. Who the fuck did they?

[James Moss]

You just can't avoid doing dog stuff. Yeah, the chow bucket.

[Elena Bamfield]

The chow bucket.

[Zach Amico]

I think Jonah Hill did it to DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall street. Or it's another movie where they were eating sushi. And in the scene, Jonah Hill's supposed to eat the last piece. And in the take, he goes, no, you have it. Knowing that he would have to have. Cause it's Scorsese. That he would have to eat another 60 of that piece of sushi.

[Elena Bamfield]

Damn.

[Zach Amico]

And they said DiCaprio was just puking in between Seth. In between setups.

[James Moss]

That's awesome. I wonder how many goldfish he ate in that movie.

[Zach Amico]

He really did swallow that. Oh, no. I think that was cg, right?

[James Moss]

I have no idea. But the idea of doing that shot

[Zach Amico]

that many times, I think that might have been. He might have done it once. I know Jonah Hill got. Went to the hospital after.

[James Moss]

For the fish.

[Zach Amico]

No, because of all the vitamin B they snorted. That was the fake coke. He got, like, an infection.

[Elena Bamfield]

I was gonna say they probably had, like, high mercury from all the sushi, too.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Like.

[Elena Bamfield]

And, like, worms or something from.

[Zach Amico]

I know, whatever they use. I think it's vitamin B powder they use for fake coke.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they had snorted so much, I think he had gotten, like, a lung infection or something.

[Elena Bamfield]

You can get. One time when I was a. I was a latchkey kid and my brother brought me. Remember the Flintstone vitamins? They tasted really good. He brought me one. He brought me the pack of them, and I opened them and just gave him the whole thing. And he ate all of them. And kids can die of vitamin B12 overdose.

[Zach Amico]

Ghost. I did not know my mother pass

[Elena Bamfield]

out on the floor. And I just. I don't know what I thought was happening. I thought maybe he was, like, procuring superpowers or some, but my mom had to take him to the hospital. It was really bad.

[James Moss]

Oh, my God. He had 40 of the dinosaurs and

[Elena Bamfield]

then he pissed neon green for two weeks.

[James Moss]

It turned green.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's sick.

[Elena Bamfield]

And now he's the fastest welder on his line. So I do think I might have done something good there, but.

[Zach Amico]

Holy, that's sick.

[Elena Bamfield]

But you can die. You can die.

[Zach Amico]

That is a fun one. Thank you.

[Elena Bamfield]

Of course.

[Zach Amico]

Channing, just for old times sakes, show them Meat Mountain, please. So it started as Arby's had this campaign where it was like, we're gonna have all types of meat. Like, we're not roast beef anymore. It's gonna be.

[Elena Bamfield]

Well, we got the meats.

[Zach Amico]

We got chicken, we got bacon, we got pastrami. We got everything.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So they made an ad that was all of it on one bun.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

That was not ever on the menu,

[Elena Bamfield]

but it was for the advertisement.

[Zach Amico]

But then somebody online asked for it, and it became like, a viral thing. I know. When I ordered it, the lady went back into the kitchen, and then a manager came out and went, did you see this on the Internet? I went, yep.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then they went, we ain't got a box big enough. I went, cool.

[James Moss]

Just put it loose in the bag.

[Zach Amico]

They took two boxes and Frankensteined it for me. That's great. And then at the end, they went, can we watch you eat it it? And I said, no, I will be eating this in my underpants. There it is. Let's say it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Wow.

[Guest]

Last video, we tried the 21 hamburger.

[Zach Amico]

It was 11 when I got it

[Guest]

in the comments, asked me to try. Since we're here, let's try some other items. This is the potato cakes.

[Elena Bamfield]

I love potato cakes.

[Shannon]

Sorry, I didn't realize I was gonna do it.

[James Moss]

That's all right.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's right.

[Guest]

That's your crunch.

[James Moss]

Do not skip through the mukbang.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Way better than the McDonald's hash brown. And keep in mind, three, by the

[Zach Amico]

way, KFC has the potato wedges back.

[Guest]

Do they have the best coleslaw? Next, let's try their Mac and cheese.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Guest]

It's pretty good. White cheddar cheese.

[Zach Amico]

I'll watch Asian guy. Watch it. Eat anything in this car.

[Guest]

This one costs $20, and it weighs. Yes, one pound. All right, here we go.

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Guest]

Looks like they added every single meat inside the restaurant into this sandwich. We're talking roasted beef, corned beef, ham, turkey, chicken tenders. So added in some bacon. So my biggest complaint is they didn't work together well. Would I choose this over to 21?

[James Moss]

When he bit into it, it sounded like he was falling through ice. Yes.

[Zach Amico]

I will say it needed sauce. Yeah, it was a lot of dry.

[Elena Bamfield]

That. That's it.

[Zach Amico]

It needed the. The Arby's or the horsey sauce. I'm a horsey sauce boy.

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm a horsey sauce girl, too. I don't like the Arby's or like the red sauce that they put on.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Elena Bamfield]

It's fine.

[Zach Amico]

But I. I like horseradish a lot.

[Elena Bamfield]

I like hors. I feel like I don't know what the RV sauce is like, what the red sauce is, but it adds, like, a palette to the meal that I was not. I don't like ketchup. And I think that might be why I don't like the sauce. Where I'm like, this is, like, ruining the flavor palette.

[Zach Amico]

It's like, also, shout out, this is what a great company Arby's is. And I. I am an aficionado, but I will say this is a great company. Chris Vega, my. My best friend from High Society radio had a family member who had fallen. It was a husband of one of his family members, fell very ill, and it was terminal. And that guy's favorite thing in the world was Arby's sauce. The red sauce.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he couldn't. He was sick and he couldn't travel. He wasn't near an Arby's, and he's like, I just want to go to Arby's.

[Elena Bamfield]

He was sick and he wasn't near an Arby's. He's in a really bad spot.

[James Moss]

How could this happen to me?

[Zach Amico]

He was in a place where people couldn't, like, drive and get it for him.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, he was far enough away. I think he was in a hospital.

[Elena Bamfield]

Got it.

[Zach Amico]

And Chris Tolt wrote a letter to Arby's, and they sent a case of Arby's sauce to the guys. Let's go to the guy's house.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's awesome.

[Zach Amico]

And said, here, you never run out again.

[Elena Bamfield]

And that's. And that's why I. I am a patron of Arby's. Everyone groans in the car when you bring it up. And you're like, dude, it's good you guys don't want curly fries. And friendship. The.

[Zach Amico]

You know, there's something about a place that says, this is what we do.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we don't around with other.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, I like it.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know how you feel, Mr. Moss.

[James Moss]

The fatally ill Arby's thing is so funny.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, it's a real chicken and egg situation. Was he fatally ill because he loved Arby's that much?

[James Moss]

Being on my deathbed, being like, please just promise you'll spread my ashes at Meat Mountain is where I want to be.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think that's a very acceptable request.

[Elena Bamfield]

If you ask me, that's like, deathbed wish. I need Arby's sauce now. Pretty reasonable.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think it's pretty great.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we are moving on. Hey, guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the Morning and just feel soft. Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain. Well, that's why they created Body Brain Coffee. It's not just coffee, it's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and yeah, in the bedroom too. And it's not just about tea. Body Brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity and mood, thanks to lion's mane, ashwagandha and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body Brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm and locked in, all while supporting your natural testosterone levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15% today with the promo code ZOO15 bodybraincoffee.com that's Z O O [e-mail] powerbraincoffee.com power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the show. You know, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

[Elena Bamfield]

We have a.

[Zach Amico]

We have a segment on this show and we've been doing it a lot lately, so I apologize, but it is really just. This is what my algorithm is now and we have a little game on the show called Indians versus Trains.

[James Moss]

Yes.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay. I saw this on a recent episode.

[James Moss]

I feel like I'm going to be good at this.

[Zach Amico]

So far, trains are having a hell of a season.

[James Moss]

Yeah. Trains are set at like plus 1200, I think.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If I'm throwing money down. Safe bet trains.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

Yeah. Betting on Indians is like betting on the jets.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody online said what was. They have. It's like watching hamsters figure shit out. So what I've read more. I've gone into it. I've watched videos explaining why there's so many of these accident videos.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And it's because there's a lack of safety regulations.

[James Moss]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

So like we technically, like a lot of the areas, they get hit by trains or like knocked over by shit or like knocked over touch electric wires and shit.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We would be blocked from that by modern safety stuff.

[James Moss]

Just an orange bar that does this slowly.

[Zach Amico]

Or there'd be a giant sign or there'd be a security guard or something. It would be a much less accessible area.

[Elena Bamfield]

I guess I'm like People aren't like, hey, we've seen people touch that and they get electrocuted. Don't touch it.

[Zach Amico]

Who knows?

[Elena Bamfield]

I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

But we have.

[Elena Bamfield]

Seems crazy.

[Zach Amico]

We have.

[James Moss]

We have to risk it. Like, they're like, yeah. You see a train and you're like, maybe Bob's and Vagene are on that train.

[Zach Amico]

Or like, I got this selfie. If I take a selfie.

[James Moss]

Yeah. Doing it, like, right by the train.

[Zach Amico]

As the train up behind me. I'm getting some gene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. I'm commenting on every fucking white girl's picture tonight. So he's got three videos today. First, Indian versus Steamroller.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So let's see how it goes.

[James Moss]

The double scooter. No, it's fine. No, they're actually fine. I've. Yeah, this. They like it. It's good.

[Elena Bamfield]

No way.

[James Moss]

They're just. They're asleep. It's fine.

[Elena Bamfield]

God, I feel like my mom watching ridiculousness.

[James Moss]

There was a part of me that they would be like, cartoon flat.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

Well, that was the child. That was the kid.

[Zach Amico]

I think it was a lady.

[James Moss]

It was two people.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay, I'm sorry. No one is moving fast enough.

[James Moss]

Yeah. This is a standard one steamroller, one moped road.

[Zach Amico]

Well, so here's the thing. That road is obviously being constructed.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

That's their new road.

[Zach Amico]

That is. That's the road. That's the news.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Guys, we're getting a road.

[James Moss]

Yeah. This is huge.

[Zach Amico]

And I would say the scooter couple got a little impatient.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They went, oh, a road. Let's try it out. So let's say. Let's see that one more time. Let's see. At what point do they know we were fucked? Steamrolling And I see what.

[Elena Bamfield]

Obviously, how much does a steamroller.

[Zach Amico]

So if you look at the dirt. Look at the dirt on the side. What happened is that's not steamrolled yet.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So it's gravel. He went to go around.

[James Moss]

You tried to turn on loose grass

[Zach Amico]

and had no traction.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

Yeah. Now you have toothpaste legs.

[Elena Bamfield]

No, and it was that. It's that ridge right there.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude.

[James Moss]

Being on top of bro and getting flat at the same time sucks so bad.

[Elena Bamfield]

That sucks so hard.

[James Moss]

Oh, this is how conjoined twins get made.

[Elena Bamfield]

Do we know?

[Zach Amico]

I don't. I have a distinct feeling.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That they're not.

[Elena Bamfield]

It looked way too dry for a steamroller.

[James Moss]

Yeah. It's an arid climate, for sure.

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm like, do they not have blood in their body? I. I was expecting More of like a juice pouch situation. Yeah, yeah.

[James Moss]

Like kick flipping onto a ketchup packet.

[Zach Amico]

I'd imagine it was all internal.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah. And that's a problem. You strike dirt bikes when I was younger, and that's just you're using.

[Zach Amico]

Or as they call them in India, bikes.

[Elena Bamfield]

Bike. But that's a classic case of road wheels on gravel.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

Does not have the traction it needs.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so now we have another one. Shannon, I got to tell you, I forgot which one. This is the Looney Tunes.

[Shannon]

It is Indian versus a tractor type vehicle.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so let's check this out.

[Elena Bamfield]

I feel like the Indian could have this one. That's.

[James Moss]

Oh, it ramped up all the way over him.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's crazy.

[James Moss]

Oh, that's great. He got air. That's.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, wait, he's kind of hurt. I was like, yo, he got right up.

[Zach Amico]

It is pretty crazy. He got out.

[Elena Bamfield]

That sucks so hard.

[James Moss]

Oh, seeing you clapping for him and then he starts walking like a baby deer made me very happy.

[Zach Amico]

Listen, I can't believe his ankles aren't shattered.

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm rooting for the Indians.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no, his leg is hanging off. Oh, it's so his right leg. Watch that again. Watch his right leg. When he gets up, he's standing on his ankle.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, yeah. Goodbye, meniscus.

[James Moss]

Yeah. This is how every running back that tears their ACL goes to the sideline.

[Elena Bamfield]

He's just like, ah, dude, shit. This has happened to me on a quad before. Like, just foot gets stuck under the wheel, and all of a sudden you're underneath a vehicle. Scariest fucking feeling ever. I, like, don't even have anything funny to say other than I'm like, it's terrifying to be down there.

[Zach Amico]

High school wrestling coach rode a motorcycle, and he had a young son. And I remember when the son was very little, the son was on the back of the motorcycle, and he put his leg in between the wheel and the contraption, and his leg went all the way in it. And the only way to get him out was to back it up.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, I had a. I had my leg. I don't know if you guys can see this. Do you see this, like, scar right here? A little bit I had was riding my dirt bike around. My dad was super cool, and he, like, didn't mow half of our yard and made it. He grew pot in our house. So he would take the, like, pots of dirt and put them into big piles for us and then take a skid steer and make them into, like, dirt bike jumps. So we had Like a motocross track in the back. And it was raining and I went to go take a turn.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I wonder what he was doing when he got that idea.

[Elena Bamfield]

Trimming weed and dreaming of a better life for his children. But no, the throttle, the twisty throttle got stuck in the dirt and my leg was stuck between the wheel and like, the spoiler. And the wheel just went through my jeans onto my leg and I had like a big hole.

[Zach Amico]

How bad was it?

[Elena Bamfield]

It was pretty. No, my parents didn't really do the hospital unless you were like, something was sticking out. We weren't like a doctor family, but it was mostly just a rash, like a really severe road rash. But I started exclusively riding quads after that. Like four wheelers.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, that'll do it.

[Elena Bamfield]

It was scary as well.

[Zach Amico]

Tell me a little more about Europe. You seem to be a very unique upbringing.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, I grew up in Michigan. When I was 11, my, like, the recession happened and my dad lost his job, and then he just started, like, Michigan legalized medicinal marijuana. The same, like in 2008. So my dad started doing that, and he did that for like 18 years. He just recently started working at, like, a warehouse or whatever because he's also like a huge Christian and he feels like God doesn't like the pot stuff. I grew up with a God fearing pot farmer for a dad.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Elena Bamfield]

So that was interesting. But I think the law in Michigan was you could have 12 plants per patient, and you could have up to 12 patients. You could have up to 144 marijuana plants in your house. But my dad didn't do that.

[James Moss]

We had like 60 per patient. Was he like a patient?

[Elena Bamfield]

So a doctor or technically you're like a caregiver? Like when it first was legal, because it's recreationally legalized now, but when my dad was doing it, he was like a caregiver for the state. And so you are legally required to give them one to three ounces off of each plant that you're growing for them.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Elena Bamfield]

And then everything else you can, like, sell to the dispensary or give to your cousins to sell on the street or whatever, you know? But yes, I was like a really smelly child. I smelled like weed for most of my life, which wasn't cool until high school.

[Zach Amico]

And did people come to you all the time? But come on, I know you're now.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, they did. And I was like, you guys were mean to me this whole time. But whatever, we can flip it. And I was also. I was stinky. And then you Mentioned wrestling. I was on the wrestling team for one year in middle school.

[Zach Amico]

Oh hell yeah. Dude.

[Elena Bamfield]

It was like cool amongst my family but like it didn't do good things for me socially, if that makes any sense. I smelled bad and I had no boobs and I was on the wrestling team and so everyone's like, you are a smelly lesbian. And I was like, oh my God,

[Zach Amico]

no. As someone watching because I grew up wrestling.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Watching your friends realize they had a wrestle. A girl.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Was a day.

[Elena Bamfield]

It was. My brother wrestled too. And I remember he would get so pissed because I was 67 pounds in eighth grade. So I was like small. There was like maybe one or two people at every competition that I could even wrestle. So I get a medal every time.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

My brother would have to beat 16 kids just to get a medal. Oh man. So many rides home of me just being like hahaha, look at my stuff. And he's bawling in the back.

[Zach Amico]

Like I remember because it would always be like, you know, the first like whatever the lowest weight class was or the second lowest would be the one who wrestled a girl. And I would always say listen man, you don't got to be worried there's a tiny girl.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If I got to wrestle a girl, get scared. And then one day a girl wrestled 170 something and was about to bump up to 189. And I wrestled 215 and I was getting nervous.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Moss]

Getting close.

[Elena Bamfield]

Girls are flexible. I mean girls are good at wrestling.

[Zach Amico]

Well, so this girl was real. She was a Spanish.

[Elena Bamfield]

Broader beast.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, this girl was Spanish. Her brother was the heavyweight. He fucked me up big. Spanish. And the thing with wrestling is like you weigh in but like the amount of weight that you could watch somebody put on in a morning if they haven't had any water in them.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I mean this kid's weighing in at like to wrestle 275. He's weighing in 274.6.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he's got a cooler.

[James Moss]

Oh, he's just pounding milks of food

[Zach Amico]

and candy and like. Because he's gotta get his sugar back and like. And so he's What? You're not facing the 275 pound like you're.

[James Moss]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You're facing a big boy.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And she was shaped like him, but I think she wrestled one whatever 172 and she wrestled my friend Jordan. And I remember he just couldn't do anything with it. She was all ass.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And that low center of gravity yeah. You're not gonna flip her.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You're not gonna grab her leg and knock her over.

[James Moss]

Hips too wide.

[Zach Amico]

So the kid, she got. We were in a tournament, I think, freshman or sophomore year, and it was the open grand tournament. And this big hips. She had a headlock that'd fucking turn you.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This kid did not want to wrestle her, and she fucking headlocked him. And she took those big fucking Spanish hips, checked him.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And, dude, she drove a man into the earth.

[Elena Bamfield]

Fuck.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, there was.

[Elena Bamfield]

Let's go.

[Zach Amico]

She hit so hard the whole. Because it's a tournament. So there's like, five matches going on at once. Usually the whole place went silent.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Just the crash, and then you just hear the ref go, take and pin. And my old drunk coach goes, somebody's joined an indoor track. Oh, look at us having fun. All right, we got one or two more things before we get out of here.

[Shannon]

We actually do have the Indian versus trains.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yes, we do. Thank you.

[James Moss]

That was a close one. Thank God.

[Elena Bamfield]

Thank God.

[Zach Amico]

Thank God, Shannon.

[James Moss]

So this is this. Yeah. Classic selfie video. He's trying to be close.

[Zach Amico]

No, you fool.

[James Moss]

Yeah. Great polo.

[Zach Amico]

Whoa,

[Elena Bamfield]

bro.

[Zach Amico]

You know, he's the silly Billy, too.

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm like, I missed it.

[Zach Amico]

Listen, he's the one being a silly billy.

[James Moss]

Yeah, he's. Yeah, he's getting a little closer. He's the Daredevil.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God.

[James Moss]

No, I. I saw an article about this. He's fine. He's totally fine. Thank you.

[Elena Bamfield]

Thank you.

[James Moss]

Yeah, the train got a concussion. The kid's just fine.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the train's in eight pieces. That's a. Yeah. That's got to be it, huh?

[Elena Bamfield]

Holy shit.

[Zach Amico]

Even if you live through that, there's no way you can get a blow to the head like that.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Dysfunction.

[Elena Bamfield]

No. No. You. I would hope. I would be dead after that.

[James Moss]

I think being a parent and seeing, like, the last video of your kid being. Him being so stupid. You've got to be so pissed.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. If he's flossing on train tracks.

[James Moss]

We like Fortnite. We like Fortn. Yeah. It just gets cut in two.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's crazy that you gotta. Oh, man, we fucked up, huh?

[Elena Bamfield]

I would try and get that scrub from the Internet. I'd be like, I can't. No one can know my kid was like this.

[James Moss]

Yeah. It wasn't a. He got picked up by a big bird or something. Don't worry about it.

[Zach Amico]

I have a feeling getting scrubbed in general in India is a bit of a difficult thing.

[Intro/Outro Voice]

Yeah, it's not their forte.

[Zach Amico]

All right. This is gonna be borderline, and I want to be apprehensive about this because I don't want to make it racial, but there's a video that went viral of a teenager in Philadelphia handing out a piece of paper to read to his classmates.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And he's basically arguing that his high school classmates are illiterate.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And it's like, these are not. It's a bit of a convoluted sentence.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But word for word, you should be able to get it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

I think if you're in high school.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then I went into it. A lot of people in America are functionally illiterate.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yes, I've heard that.

[Zach Amico]

Way more than you think.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like a third.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

That's why they have pictures of the food everywhere.

[Zach Amico]

And it did not occur to me that you could graduate high school not being able to read me either, because

[Elena Bamfield]

I feel like everyone I graduated with could read.

[James Moss]

I'll fucking brag about it.

[Zach Amico]

So the headline here. I'll just read the headline. Philadelphia teen who exposed his classmates inability to read or comprehend simple sentences is now being threatened with expulsion, not graduating, and being barred from promotion.

[Elena Bamfield]

What?

[Zach Amico]

Because they said that he's basically trying to make the school look bad and his classmates look bad. Shan, do we have the original?

[Shannon]

Yes, I have. I have both of them.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. Let's. Let's. Let's watch it, and you guys can see the sentence. Read the indiscar for me.

[Elena Bamfield]

She wore a suit.

[Zach Amico]

Clothes that were.

[Elena Bamfield]

No. Who's this for?

[Zach Amico]

Extraordinary, but somewhat. Ger. Explain what that means. I don't know. She were a sah of that were extraordinary. Whatever, bro. But somewhat. What does that mean? She wore a lot. Wait, she wore.

[Elena Bamfield]

Bro.

[James Moss]

I don't know, bro.

[Zach Amico]

Can you take the card back, please?

[Elena Bamfield]

She wore a. To wear a silhouette of.

[James Moss]

She got silhouette.

[Elena Bamfield]

That word.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know that word.

[James Moss]

I don't even know how to read.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know why I did. She wore a silhouette of clues that were extraordinary, but somewhat. Gosh, I will say Ghosh is not easy.

[James Moss]

Yeah, I think I learned G, like, two weeks ago. I still, like, wouldn't use it in a sentence.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know what this is.

[James Moss]

They are reading.

[Elena Bamfield]

They're struggling with war. They're saying were.

[James Moss]

Yeah, that is true.

[Zach Amico]

So that is a shitty sentence. Yeah, I will immediately say, because I don't think I could tell you what that sentence means.

[Elena Bamfield]

What was it? She wore a silhouette.

[Zach Amico]

Bring it up. She wore a silhouette. Of clothes that were extraordinary but somewhat gauche.

[Elena Bamfield]

Same like imagining, like she's.

[Zach Amico]

How do you wear a silhouette of clothing?

[Elena Bamfield]

I imagine it's like a. Like a sheer, see through sort of dress.

[Zach Amico]

It is a shitty sentence.

[James Moss]

It is very. It's very flawed.

[Zach Amico]

It's a pretentious, shitty sentence.

[James Moss]

Like, really, like, what he's saying is like, oh, my classmates don't understand poetry.

[Elena Bamfield]

It's like, I think not being able to comprehend it is more normal than not being able to just read it.

[Zach Amico]

I think silhouette is.

[Elena Bamfield]

You should be able to sound out words.

[Zach Amico]

Gauche is hard.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Silhouette, I think you should know by then.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And extraordinary. You should definitely know. But I have a feeling it has not popped up on any of the report cards.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

Come on now.

[Zach Amico]

So now Talishan, this kid's being threatened, saying that they don't want him to graduate now, right?

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Elena Bamfield]

He's the only one that can read.

[Shannon]

I know. And I do have this second video

[Zach Amico]

if you want to see it.

[Elena Bamfield]

What the fuck does that say? Why am I reading this? No, I'm not reading this. This is a whole bunch of.

[Zach Amico]

The colonel asked in choir to accommodate the governor's schedule. Asking a choir to accommodate to the governor's schedule. Right. In your own words, there's a governor's schedule. And so the colonel is asking.

[Elena Bamfield]

The colonel is asking a fire to accommodate to it.

[Zach Amico]

In your own words. I don't know, bro.

[Elena Bamfield]

The colonel asked. Asked the choir to accommodate the governor's schedule.

[Intro/Outro Voice]

All right.

[Zach Amico]

What does that mean?

[Elena Bamfield]

Right?

[Zach Amico]

They ask the people to sing.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, drawn on beard on pause.

[Zach Amico]

Does she have, like, jaw surgery? Yeah.

[James Moss]

This is crazy.

[Elena Bamfield]

Is that a fake beard?

[Zach Amico]

I think that's like. Did she have her jaw wired?

[Elena Bamfield]

Maybe. I don't know. I've never seen. That's intentional.

[Zach Amico]

She also have a giant head wound.

[James Moss]

She's cosplaying as like four US Presidents is what that wants.

[Elena Bamfield]

You might be right. She actually does have something on her head. Maybe she.

[Zach Amico]

She's hurt and she's the one that got it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, this nailed it. I won't lie, Colonel.

[Zach Amico]

Lady got hit by a train and she still hit it.

[Elena Bamfield]

She got ran over by a damn steamroller and she still got it.

[Zach Amico]

All right, keep it moving. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at you kratom, home of the 60 kilo. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, if you do create them. If you don't, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many benefits, there's only one place on earth to get it from and that's yocratum.com because they have the best strains, the best customer service and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at Gas Digital. So stop going to bodega smoke shops and gas stations. Getting a little bit of kratom at a time. You don't even know what's in there because yocratum.com has you covered. There's no promo code needed. It's already the best deal in the world to kratom. $60 for a full kilo delivered right to your door. So check them out, let them know you love them, tell them we sent you. And that's our great [e-mail] home of the 60 kilo. Let's get back into the program to accommodate the governor's schedule. There we go. The ex acquired a comment. I don't know. I don't know, bro.

[Elena Bamfield]

It means this is a painful accident

[Zach Amico]

to read a schedule to like.

[Elena Bamfield]

I mean, the colonel asked the choir to accommodate the governor's schedule.

[Zach Amico]

What does that mean?

[Elena Bamfield]

To sing with the Governor?

[James Moss]

Yeah, I mean, kinda fair play. I think they did better.

[Zach Amico]

They did way better. Without silhouette and extraordinary.

[James Moss]

This was, this was pitched as they cannot read, which is just not.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, this is better. Yeah, this is much better. It's like Shannon, do we have any story here or. He's just saying that.

[Shannon]

He's just saying that.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, all right.

[Elena Bamfield]

Probably ain't even fucking true. They're probably not doing anything about it. He just needs more clout.

[Zach Amico]

We have one more doordash and this is very interesting to me. This is a 32 year old woman in Canada who had to plead guilty to psychological warfare.

[Elena Bamfield]

She pled guilty as the perpetrator.

[Zach Amico]

Perpetrator.

[James Moss]

Okay, that's not a crime. That's something like your girlfriend does to you.

[Zach Amico]

No, this is something your ex girlfriend does. And when I tell you. What is it? Hell. What's the term? Hell? No, no. Hell like a woman scorned.

[James Moss]

Right.

[Elena Bamfield]

Hell hath no fear.

[Zach Amico]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn. Thank you very, very much. Of course, this is a woman who I guess got broken up with and decided to send reminders to her ex, Shannon. Give us the scoop.

[Shannon]

Okay, so at least according to this, this article, she sent 1847 orders of exactly one lemon via DoorDash to her ex boyfriend. Apparently it seems like she, he at one point told her she like sours everything, makes everything sour and so she's trying to, like, get revenge on him, and then they. They break it down here.

[Zach Amico]

This is the funny part.

[Shannon]

1400 standard yellow lemons, 41 Meyer's lemons, 14 limes, and one single bergamot. Is that how you say it?

[Elena Bamfield]

I'm gonna be honest. I've never known what a bergamot is other than soap.

[Shannon]

Is it like a little. One of those little orange things?

[Elena Bamfield]

It must be like an apricot. I don't know.

[James Moss]

So she was doing like a food pun because they showered, but it got

[Zach Amico]

to the point where all the doordash people would be like, oh, is it the lemon lady?

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah. Wait, I'm sorry. Is she tipping on these orders?

[Zach Amico]

I don't know if she is.

[Elena Bamfield]

I have no problem with it.

[James Moss]

I mean, what's 20 of a lemon?

[Zach Amico]

But the funny. Well, isn't there also a minimum?

[Elena Bamfield]

Is there a minimum? There's 100.

[Zach Amico]

You can't order a lemon.

[Elena Bamfield]

You cannot have that.

[Zach Amico]

I feel like most places have a 10 to 15 minimum.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, I don't know. I. I think on a doordash, I think Gopuff is probably the only place you could order, like one thing I don't know, actually notice 20, 26. I think if you got the money, you can do whatever the you want.

[Shannon]

Shannon, I. So I can look it up for doordash right now. Like with Uber Eats, it's usually if you're not meeting the minimum, you just like, pay the extra.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, but I'll double check the difference.

[Zach Amico]

But so the, the charge. So she was not just sending it to him. He had a girlfriend and now they're claiming that it. They have PTSD and that the girlfriend, the new girlfriend, has a fear of the color yellow.

[Elena Bamfield]

What a. How. What happened? Do we have any. Why is she doing like.

[Zach Amico]

He apparently broke up with her and said she sours every situation and that's.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's the only information that we have.

[Zach Amico]

And that she decided, oh, you don't like sour shit. Yeah, I'm going to send you 1800 fucking lemons.

[Shannon]

She also sent one to him during a job interview and one to the hospital while he was visiting his father.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's a little extreme.

[Shannon]

It says he blocked her on every. Every platform after lemon number 14. Hey, I don't know about. I don't know how many of these, like, little details are actually true, but I did verify it. Seems like the whole story is true. I just don't know about these little details that she used 11 burner DoorDash accounts. One driver said, like, just they would refer to him as the lemon guy.

[James Moss]

Hilarious.

[Shannon]

And, yeah. His new partner. Fear of yellow.

[James Moss]

I love that moment. Like, you're in a job interview, and, like, the. The lemons show up, and you try and, like, you still try and use it as if it's something that you plan. It's like, yeah, so I got lemons. Because your life has a lot of twists, you know?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You always want to be prepared.

[Elena Bamfield]

Have you guys had anything of this moniker happen to you? Like, what's the craziest thing an ex has done?

[Zach Amico]

Because I know it's destroyed all my.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay, that's, like, normal crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Moss]

I mean, I think all, you know, just, like, regular girl stuff. Just like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. She had a friend put all my stuff in a box and run it over and set it on fire.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, wow.

[James Moss]

Whoa.

[Zach Amico]

Regular.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know, burn all my things. Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

Do you guys want to hear something crazy? I did 100%. I. Okay, so. And I can say this now because I've looked it up, Shannon. I don't know if you want to look up the laws on mailboxing and if it's when the statute of limitations ends, but I'm pretty sure we're out of it. But one time in high school, we used to wait because I'm from a small town and there's not a lot to do, so we would wait until it would rain, and then instead of, like, you know, classic mailboxing with the baseball bag. Yeah. So we would go. And you can grab the, like, post from the bottom after it rains and, like, wiggle it out of the ground, and you can, like, just take someone's whole address and just take it and put it in the back of a truck. So one time, me and my friends, we got, like, 12 mailboxes, and then we put them at the end of an ex's driveway, and we, like, made them into a wall. So his mom. This was in high school. His mom couldn't go to work the next day. And it turns out if you do stuff like that with mailboxes, males. Felony.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

I didn't know if the male was. I just thought this was so funny.

[James Moss]

It is funny.

[Elena Bamfield]

It is funny.

[Zach Amico]

It's not not funny.

[Elena Bamfield]

The Michigan State police showed up, and there was 12 mailboxes stacked at the end of the driveway, and she accused me of doing it for so many years, and I said, no, no, no, no, no. And then I finally found out the statute of limitation is over on it, and I'm. I'm like, Fuck you, lady. I did do that.

[Zach Amico]

That's awesome.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, because your son sucks.

[Zach Amico]

Can I just. In hindsight, how much funnier it would be to just change everybody's mailboxes.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God.

[James Moss]

Oh. Just do the old rules.

[Elena Bamfield]

I wish I had a time machine. And you just put them in different. Oh, we didn't even think of that.

[Zach Amico]

Because then everyone's lives.

[Elena Bamfield]

I wish you were there.

[Zach Amico]

Would be so difficult for so many days.

[Elena Bamfield]

It would.

[Zach Amico]

To figure out who has who. Everyone would have everybody's mail. Yeah, it would be a nightmare.

[Elena Bamfield]

We did do a couple times. We would take someone's mailbox and put it on their front porch.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Elena Bamfield]

So then when they would come out in the morning, their mailbox would be.

[Zach Amico]

So we would do that with lawn gnomes.

[Elena Bamfield]

Ooh, wait, where are you from that

[Zach Amico]

lawn gnomes jersey from Narnia.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

We would take a lawn gnome off one person's house and then go put it. Take another lawn gnome and we would switch them.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay. And then wait to see how long.

[Zach Amico]

Wait for somebody to come to school and be like, do you have my lawn nut? Like, my mom's pissed.

[Elena Bamfield]

My mom's pissed.

[Zach Amico]

It's always. It was always my mom's piss. Because then they have to figure out, are they moving?

[Elena Bamfield]

Are.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, are they coming to life? Are they sentient?

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

If these things have souls, you have to tell me.

[Zach Amico]

My uncle used to. I woke up to it one morning because my aunt and uncle used to live next door to me. My uncle and his friends, on Mischief Night, they called it pumpkin consumption. And they would drive through a town, get everyone's pumpkins, and pick one friend to cover their entire property.

[Elena Bamfield]

Damn.

[James Moss]

Very funny.

[Zach Amico]

So not only is everyone mad, their pumpkins are gone. Yeah, they know where they are.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah, they know.

[Zach Amico]

And they did it to my Uncle Jesus right before he got married.

[Elena Bamfield]

Right before he got like.

[Zach Amico]

I remember being a little kid and my dad being like, you gotta see these pumpkins. My dad being like, jesus, house is covered in pumpkins.

[Elena Bamfield]

People used to do forking in my.

[Zach Amico]

What's that?

[Elena Bamfield]

You. Where you take, like, plastic forks and you stick them in people's lawns. Sometimes you do it, like, through, like, newspaper, but it just, like, up their life because they're like, mowing over plastic forks and for weeks and weeks and weeks. And then when it rains, the. The newspaper gets all, like, papered into the grass.

[Zach Amico]

I did not know that one. That's brutal.

[Elena Bamfield]

Why we did that to each other.

[Zach Amico]

Evil people.

[Elena Bamfield]

I guess so. Their town's only like 3, 000 people.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know why we're all like baloney on people's cars. Oh, because it eats the paint.

[Elena Bamfield]

Does it like eggs do, too? Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, if you, like, slice, you can make somebody's car, like a slightly polka dot.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If they don't catch it in time

[James Moss]

with slices of bologna.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Oscar wire bologna. And you just poke it out the car.

[James Moss]

This is unbelievable.

[Elena Bamfield]

Baloney dots. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We had a cut. We had piss pox, which I've talked about a million times.

[Elena Bamfield]

What is it?

[Zach Amico]

You get a tray of Dixie cups.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And you pee just about this much in each one.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And throw it in the freezer.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Now you have piss pox.

[James Moss]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Piss pox and piss pucks are excellent because you can put them in people's mail slots in their front door at night, and then they have to go,

[James Moss]

how did someone piss into my mailbox in my house?

[Zach Amico]

Because they think you put your dick through the mail slot and took a pee. But anytime. Oh, yeah, we would make piss pucks and put them, like, through. If people had their windows down a little in their car, and people be like, how did someone piss inside my car?

[Elena Bamfield]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

The piss puck was a big one.

[Elena Bamfield]

Piss puck is innovative, dude.

[Zach Amico]

You can also, if you're really evil, do piss plates.

[Elena Bamfield]

Piss plate.

[James Moss]

That's like, just a wider one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You almost make a piss frisbee. A piss bee, if you will. And yeah, you can slide that under somebody's door. Whatever you want to do.

[James Moss]

Throw it to someone at the beach.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

You'll go off. Just hit them with the piss disc.

[Zach Amico]

I would be lying if I said we'd never be the kid with a piss puck from a moving vehicle. And no, my favorite, for people that have been listening to the show for years. I know. I repeat myself a ton. I see that. I see that comment a lot. I do. But I like telling people my funny, stupid friend stories. So if you heard this one before, fast forward and the show's gonna be over. Did you guys. What did you talk about? Psychological warfare. Ours was. We just picked a guy, had no interaction with him ever. Didn't know him perfectly. Okay. Guy never said a mean thing. Almost a. I would call him an npc.

[James Moss]

Yeah. Just regular folks.

[Zach Amico]

Just a dude that was in our high school that none of us really knew his name. I'm gonna just use the fuck. His name was Danny Alame.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And the reason we picked Danny Alame is because there is a giant hill in our town. And so we used to. No, there's nothing doing. The town I grew up in. So people would just drive the same circle. And there was one spot where you could stop and smoke, and then there was a parking lot everybody stopped at called the pit. Okay. But then they. They. They turned the pit into a rec center, so we didn't have the pit anymore.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So people. We would call it the seacock is 500.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

People would just drive in a circle all night and see who else was out.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

When you went down that hill, at the bottom of it was Danny Alame's house. And he had all bay windows. And we realized that as you hit your brights coming down the hill.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It illuminated his entire house. Like, blinding light.

[James Moss]

So you can see his whole family naked through the.

[Zach Amico]

So we started at the end of the night. The last thing we would do is come screaming down this hill screaming, danny Alame. And light up his whole house.

[James Moss]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And then we told somebody about it, and they did it.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So then one Monday, Danny Allen comes, and he knew it was us.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he goes, guys, my dad works in the morning, and, like, he screams. He thinks, like, you're my friends.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And he keeps saying, your friends keep waking me up, and my mom's screaming at me and crying and, like, you're, like, ruining my life. And we're like, all right, we won't do it anymore. So we do it every weekend. Every weekend. Right.

[James Moss]

It's hard in his position. You can't, like, convince your parents, like, no, those are my enemies.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So then we got another group of people to start doing. So now there's three separate cars of people doing it. There's patrols every night. And then one night, we. We all meet up, and we're like, let's all do it in a row. Let's calculate an attack.

[Elena Bamfield]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

First car goes. And we immediately. It was right when we first all got cell phones. Don't go, don't go, don't go. Though we would go up. The entire side of the block was cop cars.

[Elena Bamfield]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

So we're like, we're done doing Danny Alamek, right?

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We got together for Thanksgiving a few years ago.

[Elena Bamfield]

Shut up.

[Zach Amico]

And we're at a bar, and we're leaving with Alameh. No. No.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So we'd never hung out with him. I don't know. I don't know the guy.

[James Moss]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

I'm with my friends that used to do that, and I'm like, are we gonna drive by Danny Alame's house on the way back and they go, oh yeah. And just 30 something year old men hanging out the car window. Daddy, I don't know if he lives there. I don't think his parents live there. But we just woke up that house.

[James Moss]

That's so fun.

[Elena Bamfield]

That's so great.

[Zach Amico]

It's all I ever. I want to do it like now.

[Elena Bamfield]

I bet it felt so good. Did it feel good? Like nostalgic.

[Zach Amico]

It was so fucking fun.

[James Moss]

Almost like it was like nice for him to see the lights come through the window and he's like, ah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Memories by Weezer starts playing Graduation by Vitamin C. All right, I think that is today's show. I want to thank our amazing guest, James Moss. Please listen to Digital Bazooka and Elena Bamfield. So fucking funny. Great first appearance. Thank you. She got a special coming out on Sam Talents YouTube. What's the name of the special?

[Elena Bamfield]

It's called Untouchable. It's kind of like a. It's like a 30 minute special about getting molested by Larry Nassar. If you guys remember that Olympic gymnastics doctor that was like pedophile or whatever.

[James Moss]

Oh, yeah.

[Elena Bamfield]

So it's like trigger warning.

[Zach Amico]

Wow. Well, holy shit.

[James Moss]

Sounds like a hoot.

[Zach Amico]

Well, way to secure another appearance on the show by holding that one close to the vest.

[Elena Bamfield]

I didn't know when to say it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no, I.

[James Moss]

Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Say it. Thank you. I'm so glad I asked.

[James Moss]

Did I redo my plugs? I was also molested.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yes, we were all molested.

[Zach Amico]

There's a reason we're all here.

[Elena Bamfield]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. You were incredible so far. Funny. And we will be back on Friday. Goodbye.

[Intro/Outro Voice]

Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down. Just like the favorite OB clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's a Miko morning too. It's a Miko work, work morning.