0113. Robbie Goodwin and Geo Perez

Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo #113 – Robbie Goodwin & Geo Perez

GaS Digital Network | May 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This raucous Monday-morning episode dives straight into the lowbrow, high-energy chaos typical of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo. Comic guests Robbie Goodwin and Geo Perez join Zac in New York City to riff on a string of bizarre news stories, public meltdowns, viral clips, and tales from their personal lives. The show refuses to take anything seriously, bouncing nimbly between dark humor, pop culture, disgusting real-life events, and classic comic camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. NYC Heat & Parade Disruption (02:00–05:16)

• Zac and his guests bemoan the early summer “sticky ball season” and share stories of waking up drenched in sweat.
• Zac details his morning commute, which was derailed by a Norwegian Pride Parade shutting down his neighborhood:

  “Yesterday, it took me 40 minutes to get a car because I did not realize my entire neighborhood was closed for a Norwegian pride parade, which, aesthetically, does not look great.” (03:02)

• The panel riffs on ethnic flag symbolism, block parties, and how parades can be unintentionally ominous.

2. Guest Plugs (05:19–06:38)

• Geo Perez: Promotes his podcast On the Gate on the GaS Digital Network.
• Robbie Goodwin: Invites listeners to his show Arena of Ideas, his NBA sub-show Wolf of Ball Street, and a set at Bibble Bash Comedy Bunker.
• Zac Amico: Announces taping a special in Austin, upcoming Michigan/Indiana tour dates, and subscription perks at GaS Digital.

3. Comedy Show Horror Stories (06:38–11:30)

• Zac and Robbie reminisce about their worst stand-up gigs opening for or following bands, including experiences being booed, having mics cut, and bombing in front of hostile crowds.

  “It’s the only time I’ve been straight up booed off stage. Like, they turned my mic off.” – Zac (08:43)

4. The ‘Pee Pee Poo Poo Man’ Returns (12:15–16:41)

• The “notorious vagrant” known as Pee Pee Poo Poo Man resurfaces with sexual assault charges, beyond his famed Toronto spree of hurling buckets of feces and urine (2019).
• Discussion includes dark comedy about “euphemisms for black guys,” why police can’t apprehend easily recognizable criminals, and practicalities of “community” buckets.

  “How bad are the cops that you can’t find the man with the bucket of shit?” – Zac (13:50)

5. Porta-Potties & Human Decency (15:21–16:41)

• Zac shares reality TV crew stories about wealthy homeowners renting porta-potties rather than allowing crews to use their bathrooms.
• Anecdotes about Central Park triathlon porta-potties overflowing, and philosophical musings on where the Pee Pee Poo Poo Man sources his ammunition.

6. 21 Valedictorians – Diversity or Dilution? (18:01–20:44)

• The group roasts the absurdity of Jericho, NY High School naming 21 valedictorians.
• Riffs on the yearbook photos (“It looks like a game of Guess Who”), expectations for the ceremony, and Asian/immigrant stereotypes.

  “My two favorites—bottom right looks 45 years old, that’s a real estate agent.” – Zac (19:01)

7. Sometimes the Bull Wins: Elephant Rampage Video (20:58–22:50)

• Recurring “animal revenge” segment spotlights an Indian elephant flipping out during a festival, leading to a debate on which animals are actually the “strongest in the world.”
• Highlights elephant intelligence, memory, and revenge.

8. “Dirt Cake” at Maine Charity Dinner (22:56–27:11)

• Students accidentally serve baked potting soil at a charity dinner, confusing sterilized dirt for dessert.
• Discussion of poverty cuisine: Haitian mud cookies, reasons for eating dirt, and the failings of the U.S. educational system.

  “That’s way better than when you read about a teacher’s husband jerking off in cookies.” – Zac (26:15)

9. Prison Connect & OnlyFans for Inmates (28:01–31:06)

• They review a prison dating site, debating motives of female inmates and comparing it to “bagging girls on the sex offender registry.”
• Geo explains that ripped inmates prey on “simps,” while Zac asks for transparency about each inmate’s crimes, especially laughing at before-and-after mugshots.

  “If that works, good for you.” – Zac (28:52)

10. Machete Incident at Grand Central—“Fuck Around and Find Out” (33:08–40:33)

• Bodycam footage analyzed: a mentally ill man (“Fox Fox 5”) menacing people with a machete at Grand Central, ultimately shot by police after numerous warnings.
• The hosts parody the cop’s patience and talk hip-hop, revealing the perpetrator was an aspiring rapper. Robbie notes, “His flow is really good.”

11. The Legend of Big Lurch: PCP & Cannibal Rap (42:33–52:14)

• Zac shares the story of “Big Lurch,” a 6’7” Texas rapper who killed and partially cannibalized his roommate’s girlfriend while high on PCP.

  “He ate her lungs because he said the devil was in her.” – Zac (47:12)

• Discussion of Southern rap scenes, the documentary Rhyme & Punishment, and how Zac got a signed CD from Lurch’s son after promoting the story on air.

12. The Evolution of Rap Consumption (53:33–56:04)

• Zac explains how various rap production styles relate to listening venues: West Coast = car systems (heavy bass), East Coast = headphones (lyrical, “Puffy/Biggie” sound), South = boombox/block parties.
• Ringtone rap and the monetization strategies of artists like Akon.

13. First Cell Phones, Teenage Crime, and Drug Dealing (56:04–65:27)

• The comics reminisce about getting first cell phones (Chirp, Boost Mobile), ringtones, and the reaction of schools.
• Geo shares wild stories of working for a closeted, swastika-tatted Cuban weed dealer with a disguised criminal empire.

14. Secret Gay Partners and Family Code Words (63:19–66:00)

• Discussion of old-timey euphemisms for gay couples (“lifelong bachelor”, "roommate", "granny shoes") and realization moments.
• Geo and Zac relate how family members would subtly reference sexuality.

15. Teen Takeover & Chipotle Brawl (66:20–70:09)

• Recap and analysis of a viral “Teen Takeover” turning into a melee in D.C.’s Chipotle.
• Questions about why malls are dying, the futility of charging negligent parents, and the fashion of modern youth ("hood goths").

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parades & community:
  “A lot of earth tones, a lot of Viking imagery... it was a parade down the one avenue, but it was like a good hour. I just sat in front of my house for an hour and I walked all the way around the parade twice.” – Zac (03:31)

• Zac on gig hell:
  “It's the only time I've been straight up booed off stage. Like, they turned my mic off.” (08:43) “And the lady that ran it goes, obviously, your comedy was not right for our audience. You were too mean. But how come you didn’t stay for your $20?” (11:30)

• Geo on street crime:
  “The N word doesn’t sting the same—it just takes it out. I’m like, he said it so many times, it has no effect now.” (09:40)

• On the “Pee Pee Poo Poo Man”:
  “You know, unruly teen, notorious vagrant—which definitely goes on the list of ways people won’t say black guy.” – Zac (12:15)

• Robbie on the NYC valedictorians pic:
  “It looks like a missing cases thing from the 90s.” (19:26)

• Zac, animal revenge:
  “We do love animal revenge here on the show... That does extend to other animals being held captive and forced to maybe wear silly outfits.” (20:58)

• On prison pen pals:
  “Which, by the way, if that works, good for you.” – Zac (28:51)

• On the machete incident bodycam:
  “This cop—I like. For every video where they say the cops are too aggressive, this guy is really going protocol on this.” – Zac (35:04)

• Big Lurch saga, Zac sums up:
  “He was standing in the street naked, covered in blood, screaming at the moon that he was the devil... he had eaten his roommate’s girlfriend’s lungs.” (46:25–47:12)

• Geo, on cell phones & old crime:
  “I used to sell weed for this closeted homosexual Cuban guy with a big swastika on his arm.” (58:27)

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Highlight Timestamps

• NYC Parades & Heat: 02:00–05:20
• Comedy Bomb Stories: 06:38–11:30
• Pee Pee Poo Poo Man Update: 12:15–16:41
• 21 Valedictorians Roasted: 18:01–20:44
• Elephant Attack Video: 20:58–22:50
• Maine "Dirt Cake": 22:56–27:11
• Prison Connect: 28:01–31:06
• Grand Central Machete Cop Footage: 33:08–40:33
• Big Lurch (Cannibal Rapper): 42:33–52:14
• Rap consumption & ringtones: 53:33–56:04
• Weed dealing stories: 58:27–64:59
• Teen “Chipotle Takeover": 66:20–70:09

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Tone & Final Thoughts

This episode is a freewheeling, irreverent blend of gallows humor, pop culture snark, and “I-can’t-believe-that-really-happened” stories. Zac, Robbie, and Geo lean into the taboo and absurd, but with the self-awareness and camaraderie that keeps the atmosphere lively, not mean-spirited.

If you’re unfamiliar with the show, expect a volatile mix of inside jokes, comedy-scene references, and riffs on poverty, addiction, and criminal misadventures that straddle the line between confessional and cartoonish. Not for the faint-hearted or easily offended—but a riotously honest snapshot of comics talking the wildest parts of news, nostalgia, and life.

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For more:

• [Robbie Goodwin: Arena of Ideas, Robbie Wood]
• [Geo Perez: On The Gate Podcast]
• [Zac Amico: Instagram @zachisnotfunny; touring dates]

Bonus for subscribers: Friday “Zoo” episode and archives at gasdigital.com (use promo code ZOO).

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Fill ER up.

[C]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's gotta show Animals are here to play jokes against you. Start your day. Tell the sandman no more sleep. Eat some eggs and cook some beef Map is waiting. Don't be shy. Stretch your legs and touch the sky. Grab a coffee and join the crew.

[B]

It's Akamiko.

[C]

Morning Sou.

[B]

Wake up. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. It is a fine and dandy Monday here in New York City. It's your other boy, the international superstar, Zach Amico. Welcome to the Morning Zoo. Thank you for being here. It is. Has officially gotten too hot in New York City.

[C]

Suddenly sticky ball season.

[B]

Out of nowhere, waking up sweaty. Feeling like there hasn't been like a

[C]

normal day all year.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. You'd be surprised with our weight difference. I guarantee you me and you sweat the same amount. I sweat a lot. For a skinny person, Sweaty, you probably run pretty.

[B]

I bet you do. I bet you. I bet with past proclivities.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You've thrown off your body temperature.

[D]

You know, I thought that like from going through withdrawal so many times I fucked up my body temper regulation. But I remember being like that even as a young kid. Like in the summertime, I'll just be drenched in sweat.

[B]

Yeah, it's miserable out. I apologize. It's my fault we are late. My car got stuck behind a fucking garbage truck this morning and the guy said fuck it. And Went around the block three times to get me. Yesterday, it took me 40 minutes to get a car because I did not realize my entire neighborhood was closed for a Norwegian pride parade, which I will tell you, aesthetically, does not look great.

[C]

No.

[D]

Yeah. A lot of earth tones, a lot

[B]

of Viking imagery, which I get. And if you want to support your culture, that's wonderful. However, Shannon, bring up the Norwegian flag.

[D]

Did anybody have, like, a Viking helmet, but instead of the horns, it was just two dildos?

[B]

No, it was a very family.

[C]

Lot of. A lot of Hitler Youth.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of families. A lot of classic cars, a lot of old people. But for some reason, I don't know why that reads a little weird.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It looks like a. A piece to a missing puzzle.

[B]

The.

[C]

The Albanian flag is the most sinister.

[B]

And that. Please bring that up. And the fact that it was going through an all Arab neighborhood almost felt like a take back of the night kind of takes this Sauron. So.

[D]

So it was like a block party.

[B]

No, it was a parade.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that is sinister. Jesus Christ. Action Bronson. No, it was. They shut down my entire neighborhood. Police cars on every block with barriers. And it was a parade down the one avenue, but it was like a good hour. I just sat in front of my house for an hour and I walked all the way around the parade twice. And every. I had six lifts in a row cancel on me.

[C]

That's so funny.

[D]

How far would you have to walk to get an Uber? Like, how much was it blocked off?

[B]

It was blocked off a long way. And then I wound up having to get out of the Uber and walk some more.

[D]

Zach's looking for a discount at this point.

[B]

Yeah, it was a real pain in the dick, but I have two great guests.

[C]

You had to go way out of your Norway.

[B]

Yes. Excellent.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for making this funny. I have two great guests today from the arena of Ideas and Robbie Wood, one of our favorites. Robbie Goodwin. How you doing, buddy?

[C]

What's up, Zach? It's great to be here.

[B]

It's great to have you. And next to him from on the Gate, our great friend, Gio Perez. How you doing, man?

[D]

I'm doing good, man. Thanks for having me.

[B]

You look good. I'm happy to have you. Let's get plugs out of the way. Gio, what do you want people to check out?

[D]

Follow me on Instagram gioperez86 and subscribe to my podcast, on the Gate. It's on here on the network, so if you're watching this, hop over and watch Our bonus episodes while you're at it. And that's about it.

[B]

Fantastic. Mr. Goodwin.

[C]

Yeah. Tomorrow I will be at the Bibble Bash Comedy Bunker. It's called something the Internet. It's produced by our friend Rebecca Trent. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Josh Gondelman is headlining. And tomorrow and otherwise. Yeah, Raise the port.

[D]

Call us.

[C]

Step into the arena of ideas with me and Dalton Pruitt. We're both mental gladiators going tet a tet. We spar with metaphors with us every Thursday at 7. And Robbie Wood. I've been doing the Wolf of Ball street which is a little sub show about the NBA. So until the. Until the finals are over. And yeah, check it out with. We do a, you know, fucking tune in. You guys tune in.

[B]

Support Raleigh and everything he does. If you're listening live. Hey, I'm taping my special this weekend.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

On Saturday I will be at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas. Myself and Tim Butterly each doing a half an hour special at 8pm and 10pm and we're gonna have some special guests doing warm up in between. Would love to see you out there. And then if you want to bring up go to my Instagram at Zach is not funny or punch up.live Zach Amico for my dates. If you want to bring that up for me real quick. I am going on tour. That's right. Myself and one crack amico will be in Michigan City on June 4th, South Bend, Indiana on the 5th, Kalamazoo on the 6th and Detroit whoop whoop on the 7th and I'll be doing a full headlining set and then Crack is going to be doing a full length concert.

[C]

I was wondering if music would go first or comedy would go.

[B]

Oh, comedy goes first.

[C]

I was wondering about that.

[B]

Trust me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I have opened for bands and I have gone in between bands and it is way different.

[C]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[B]

Also, hey, if you love the show, go to gas digital.com today. Use my promo code Zoo. Get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. Save a little bit of money off your subscription. You get access to the live chat and the archives. Thousands of episodes of all your favorite Gas shows from over the last decade. And most importantly, our Friday bonus episode. That's right. We do three of these suckers a week and if you want the Friday one, it's only for subscribers. But however you consume the show, thank you. Sincerely. You're the worst. I think my worst bomb was between bands. Yeah, I was young. I was. I Was only a couple of years in and I was too stupid to just go home.

[C]

Right. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Because they kept pushing me back and they actually, this band needs to go up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I wound up going up at like, one.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And it was not conducive, I'm sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's the, it's the only time I've been straight up booed off stage.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Like, they turned my mic off.

[C]

Why do you. Because I actually am now remembering I was at the prestigious Staten Island Comedy Festival. The fifth row comedy festival.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And I had to. And I had. And I went first on the comedy portion after a, like, pop band or punk band who, like, ended with a great Green Day cover. And I go up and I was like, oh, yeah. I didn't.

[B]

I'd never done it before.

[C]

I was like, you know, it's hyped up. This is great. I, I really bombed my dick off. It was crazy. Were you, Were you there? You might have been. It was. Yes, Yes. I think. Wait, maybe you were. I forget.

[B]

I think I, I was at one where you did Roast Battle at.

[C]

Oh, no, that wasn't it. That one was.

[B]

But a band opened for me on that one too.

[C]

Okay. That's hilarious.

[B]

I, I, that was. They had comics in between.

[C]

I remember I did one with you, but that wasn't it. It was in like a, it was like in a dive bar, kind of. It looked like the opening level of Guitar Hero. There's no way fucking comedy is going to go over well here. I mean. Yeah.

[D]

You guys ever have to, like, follow a rapper, like, on a rap show now?

[B]

I haven't.

[D]

Like, the N word doesn't sting the same. It just takes it out. I'm like, he said it so many times, it has no effect now.

[B]

I bet it would have. I did it. I bet mine got funny. Stinks still.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. My drops from the raptors with a bat. That's that kind of stake.

[C]

It helps it help supercharge your N words, having to watch a rapper before you went up.

[B]

Yeah. It's like the way Sonic spins on down a right.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[D]

It's not for me because, like, the rapper's usually Puerto Rican, so I'm like, ah, they're already used to it by now, right? I guess they could say it.

[B]

Oh, man, I want to make a Sonic the Hedgehog joke so bad. Shannon, edit this out.

[C]

I just got it.

[D]

That's one of my favorite clips online.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, that was such a bad bomb, dude. I go up and I had to use the microphone of the band that was going after me. And it was one of those LL Cool J mama said, Knock youk Out.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Like, Bruce Buffer microphones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to hold it like this.

[C]

That's so sick. So it's hanging down. That's so funny.

[D]

How the fuck did that work? What if you were, like, short? Like, Brad Williams had to, like, stand on the screen.

[B]

Yeah, it was terrible.

[C]

So I give him a piggyback ride to do his.

[B]

I was getting booed.

[D]

Zach, we need you to do 15 more minutes under Brad Williams.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

can he just sit on my

[D]

shoulders with a trench coat over him?

[B]

I bombed so bad. I started turning around the crowd. And then I remember at one point I tried to go, bill Hicks. And I went, well, I have the microphone, and you're going to listen to what I. And then they turned the microphone off on me.

[C]

That's amazing.

[B]

And I threw the mic and I probably broke it. And I literally. I didn't even go backstage. I just jumped off the stage, walked out the front door, and got on the train.

[C]

Good for you.

[B]

And the lady that ran it goes, obviously, your comedy was not right for our audience. You were too mean. But how come you didn't stay for your $20? I was like, they were chasing me.

[C]

It was turning into a riot.

[B]

Yeah, it was fucking horrendous. So we've got a bunch of fun stuff today. We got some Michael Jackson stuff. We have got some animal attacks. I want to start with this, though. We have been following this gentleman, a notorious vagrant, which definitely goes on the list of ways people won't say black guy.

[D]

Right.

[B]

You know, unruly teen.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Yeah, Y. N. However you want to put it. Anyway, this gentleman is known as the Pee Pee Poo Poo Man. And he has been arrested again on horrifying new charges. Shannon, give us the skinny on the Pee Pee Poo Poo Man.

[E]

Okay, so he has been arrested for two sexual assault charges. One of them happened on May 9. A group of women were walking on the sidewalk. He approached them, made sexual advances toward one of them and grabbed her forearm and then allegedly sexually assaulted her. They don't go into more detail than that. And then he fled. A day later, he followed a woman into an office building and sexually assaulted her after approaching her from behind before running away again. The victims didn't sustain injuries, but he is back. And then, just in case anybody needs a refresher, of course, he was arrested for before the first one. Let's See, he was throwing buckets of liquefied feces at five random people. In Toronto in 2019, a young girl had a bucket full of waste and feces dumped on her. And then there was a. Let's see. Hold on one second. Sorry.

[B]

This guy has, like, chart like this. This is one of those, like. I can't believe they keep letting him

[C]

out if he wasn't black. I think this was just Andy Dick.

[E]

So it was a. In the span of four days, he attacked with the poop and pee, three women, one man and a child. That was the 2019 thing, and they did a documentary about it.

[B]

Now, my question is, how bad are the cops that you can't find the man with the bucket of shit in the first two days?

[C]

And they keep letting him out, like, all right, pee, pee, poo poo, man. We'll give you. We'll let you off a warning, but

[B]

don't do any more crimes and knock it off.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

How long does it take him to fill the bucket?

[C]

I bet he suffers for his art.

[B]

Yeah, I would assume it's quicker than you think.

[D]

It's like it takes him every three weeks to attack.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's got to recharge. No, it said he did it four times in three days.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

So he has access to, like, a lot of fiber. A lot of shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It might not just be all his shit.

[B]

It might not be. It might be a community bucket.

[D]

They do make Tent City bucket, dude.

[B]

They do make. Listen, though. He who's above shitting in a bucket may cast the first stone.

[D]

I mean, I'll shit on the floor if I have. I've shit in the woods a bunch of times.

[B]

They do make an attachment for Home Depot buckets that. Have a seat. Really?

[C]

Is that for construction workers?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. A lot of times people don't want you to shit in there, of course.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so sad.

[B]

That is. You know, I've had plenty people work. I would never tell somebody, you're not allowed to use my bathroom. Yeah, there it is.

[C]

Rude.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah, it is. It's like you're a human. You have to go to the bathroom. That's what it's for.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

If you make a mess, if you don't clean up and you make a mess, I'm going to fucking lose my mind. But if you're a human being. Yeah, you can shit in my house. Whatever. That's what the toilets for, right?

[C]

Sure.

[B]

One of the reality shows I worked on a very wealthy woman. It was a Small crew. It was like, maybe four people. And she would rent a porta potty and put it on her front lawn.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Because they were not allowed to piss in her house.

[C]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

And you know what? I gotta tell you, however bad it would be, I think having a porta potty on your front lawn is less appealing.

[C]

Yeah, that's a little grosser. But that's nice for her to run a porta potty. She didn't make him get the bucket.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

When I worked, it would have been

[D]

cheaper just to give him the bucket with the toilet.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Here's the bucket.

[B]

I worked on a. My dad used to work for the New York City triathlon doing water safety. And he would always get me, like, security or, like, event jobs. And one of my jobs, the morning of the. Try to cut the. The snaps off all the closed porta potties. And always, every year, somebody would break one open the night before. And I cannot tell you how quickly a porta potty in Central Park. And I'm talking like, we gotta duct tape it closed because it's over the seat.

[D]

That's probably where this guy gets his shit from.

[B]

It's. Oh. Like it was. People were going in, seeing and going, I can. It's got one more. You know how, like, when a garbage is, like, so full, people are stacking Shit.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That people were going in, going, I can hover. It's got one more in it.

[C]

I got one more in me.

[B]

All right. Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great [e-mail] home of the $60 kilo. That's right. Stop going to smoke shops, bodegas, or gas stations and getting a little bit of kratom at a time. And you don't even know what's in there when you go to yocratum.com today. They have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at Gas. If you don't use kratom, don't start on my account. But if you use Kratom for one of its many, many benefits, there's only one place in the world, and there's no promo code needed. Why, it's already the best deal in the world to kratom. 60 bucks for a whole kilo delivered right to your gosh darn door. So check them out today, guys. Yecratum.com Home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into the program. I Thought this. This just made me laugh. Maybe it's because I'm a racist. Long Island High School has record breaking 21 valedictorians. The 21 kids tied.

[D]

Where's this at?

[B]

Long Island.

[D]

What does it say? What town?

[B]

Shannon.

[E]

So it's. It's Jericho High School. It's in Nassau county.

[B]

And I just want to. I. Bringing up when they showed the 21 valedictorians really made me laugh. Shannon. I tweeted it looks like a game of Guess who. Hu. Question mark. Who?

[C]

Who put the pee pee in the coke?

[D]

Who is spelled W U.

[B]

And I got a big shout out

[C]

to hi, my name is Guess who.

[D]

Guess who.

[C]

My name is Guess who.

[B]

My two favorites, obviously, we've just. We. We've got our collection. The guy on the bottom right looks 45 years old.

[C]

That's just an.

[D]

That looks like a teacher.

[B]

That's. Dude, shady. Could you zoom? Possibly or you're not.

[C]

There's nothing wrong with looking 35 in high school, dude.

[B]

Look how fucking old this guy. That's a. That's a real estate agent.

[C]

That looks like the PBD podcast guy.

[B]

Really? My other favorites, I like top row, fourth in.

[D]

Yeah, he's staying really hard.

[B]

And then second row, second in. Could not look more evil.

[C]

Look at his forehead, dude. He's already balding in high school. That sucks, man.

[B]

And, yeah, I just think it's very. The whole valedictoria thing makes me laugh in general.

[C]

Yeah, I like that all of their pictures look from there. Like from 1995. Yeah, it looks like a missing cases thing from like the 90s.

[B]

Oh, it really does. Yeah. Like the victims.

[C]

Yeah, the. Yeah, the. The Wo Hop killer.

[D]

The middle one.

[C]

The wohom was their dance, right?

[B]

The Woho is their yearly. Their spring fling.

[D]

The third one from the right in the middle. It looks like a painting.

[B]

Yes, it does.

[C]

21 valedictorians. That's so.

[B]

I love that. If you look. Second row, five in the haircut. And now just continues over to the kid. Two over and the one above him. The barber is not doing a lot of work in this town.

[C]

No, right. They're all. They all have like the insane haircut.

[D]

I don't see a sharp hairline.

[C]

I like that the guy right next to the old guy just has a selfie. This is fucking grade school.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he didn't show up for picture day.

[C]

That's hilarious. Yeah, and I like that the two on the second row, that's the same guy twice.

[D]

I just thought it was the same guy with different Hairstyles.

[B]

I mean, can you imagine that name,

[C]

same guy

[B]

having to be there for the ceremony where they read out all their names?

[C]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

It's got to just sound like pans going down.

[D]

Yeah, that's like.

[C]

Yeah, well, they throw a bedtime bedpan down a window, whatever that old joke is.

[B]

All right, moving on. We do love animal revenge here on the show. It is the zoo. And we do a segment here called Sometimes the Bull Wins. That does extend to other animals that are being held captive and forced to maybe wear silly outfits. And this one is an elephant in India, I believe.

[D]

I thought we were going to watch prison videos.

[C]

This is open Michael Jordan clip.

[B]

This is an elephant in India that I believe has had enough of the silly outfits. Nice, Shannon.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I mean, if you. The safest place would kind of be on top.

[B]

Yeah, I think.

[D]

Oh, I just realized that was a guy on.

[B]

Yeah, this is pretty metal.

[C]

Are elephants, like, the strongest animal in the world?

[B]

I think by way.

[D]

I think hippos are the strongest.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I mean, they're just fucking people up.

[C]

Yeah. I heard elephants are one of the strongest. Maybe not the strongest, but it's, like, hard to piss them off. They're, like, really nice creatures.

[B]

Well, the thing the elephant never forgets thing, I believe is, like, they can remember you from years, like, if you fuck with them.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They have facial recognition.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

They are smart as fuck. Right? Like, them. And dolphins are hella smart.

[E]

The strongest animal is the African bush elephant. Number two, relative strength is the dung beetle.

[C]

The dung beetle.

[D]

Oh, because.

[B]

Yeah, by. Yeah, yeah, I guess, like. Like size to size ratio, right?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Like, yeah, that would be.

[B]

That's. Instead of blue BEETLE, they should. D.C. should have the dung beetle.

[C]

Dung beetle, yeah.

[B]

That would be sick.

[C]

That'd be cool.

[B]

That's peepee poopoo, man.

[C]

That's the dung. He's a dad.

[B]

He throws balls of. And now here's a fun one. Maine high school students accidentally served dirt at charity dinner. Shannon let us know how this possibly happened.

[E]

Okay, so the students, they were baking a batch of potting soil earlier this day for a science class experiment to determine the effect of sterilized soil on plant growth. So they had that kind of on the side. It was in a baking dish, and it was covered in foil, and it was set aside, like, near the stove area. And then there were, like, the other, like, empty bowls and stuff for the other supper items on the other side. And then they were kind of rushing to get everything ready for this dinner, and it was accidentally mixed in with the other items, and it said that three different students briefly put it in their mouths, thinking it was some sort of dessert item before they realized that it was the dirt. They said it was an accident, not a prank.

[B]

You know what? I don't think any of those valedictorians would have fell for that.

[C]

No, I don't think so.

[B]

How quickly into this happening, do you realize that this. That we're not in Ghana, where this is a delicacy, or Haiti? Yeah, yeah. Like, you have to know when you're. When they're cooking. Don't you go, yeah, these don't smell good.

[C]

And Maine has good food. Do you think that they know? But maybe they. I don't. I don't know. That's crazy. They are wood people up there. So I don't know.

[B]

And what.

[D]

Because I know in Haiti they make lemon. They made. They make lemon mud pies.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Which is just cakes of mud, like clean mud with lemon in it.

[C]

Wow. Ew.

[D]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Yeah, there's a few lemon.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a few impoverished countries that cook, like, dirt cookies.

[C]

Really? I didn't.

[B]

I think it's more just to fill you.

[C]

Oh, because it's like they're starving.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But so basically, was the sign. Michael, my question is, was the science class in the home EC room or where the home EC people trying to cook in the science room?

[D]

Yeah, they were using beakers, like.

[B]

Yeah. I have to think this is.

[D]

Well, they probably. The science people went into the kitchen to use the stuff, and they just left it there.

[B]

Yeah. You know what? That would make the most sense.

[D]

And then some idiots like, oh, look, somebody made a chocolate cake. Let's put some frosty. But did they put frosting. Did they at least, like.

[B]

I think they made it into cookies, right, Shannon?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh, that's even worse.

[E]

No, I don't think so. I think it was just like a hump, like a hunk of dirt in, like, a baking dish.

[B]

Oh, so it was like a loaf?

[E]

I think so, yeah.

[D]

Oh, pound cake. Yeah.

[B]

You're a idiot if you cut into that and don't know it's dirt.

[C]

How old are the kids? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is high school.

[D]

I feel like it would fall apart, too, if you try to, like, would

[C]

it stick any more Asians up there? For sure.

[D]

Did they add eggs to the dirt? Like, how does. What was the recipe behind that dirt cake?

[E]

Just. Just dirt. It was. They. They baked it just for the science experiment. They just, like, Baked the dirt.

[B]

Okay. So it was already pre baked for this experiment. Then they were rushing everything to the dinner and included the dirt. The cooked dirt.

[E]

Yeah. And it was in, like, a baking dish.

[B]

All right, that's pretty funny.

[C]

That is hilarious.

[B]

I mean, that's way better than, like, when you read about, like, some teacher's husband jerking off in cookies.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And serving it to the kids. That's just a. You know what? I chalked that up to a silly mistake.

[C]

Yeah. Sounds like a goofy mix up. A wacky. A wacky mix up.

[B]

Yeah. Is that a news story? Is that just a funny thing that happened that day?

[D]

No, that thing that's just kind of like. Just to show what this educational system in this country looks like. Where this is like, all right, let's. Let's bake dirt. And then you wonder why this country's right.

[C]

Or it's just the most eventful thing that happened in Maine that day.

[D]

Yeah, everybody was talking about it.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[D]

Did you hear about the dirt cake?

[B]

Oh, I'm very surprised. Nobody's suing.

[C]

Oh, man, they fucking put dirt in the cake, dude.

[D]

But who ate? Did they, like, send it out to people or did they find out in the kitchen?

[B]

I'd imagine it was served and people found out. That took a slice.

[E]

Yeah, it was served.

[C]

Soylent Green is dirt.

[B]

Yeah. I'm very surprised nobody's going to try and sue because I feel like you could get a case saying you're afraid to ever eat baked goods again.

[D]

That is true.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or you could say you're sick or something. I feel like there's a. If you were very litigious,

[D]

you'll find something.

[B]

I think. I think the right lawyer could really figure that one out pretty quick.

[C]

Get a lot of dirt on the case.

[D]

Yeah. We've got you for reimbursement. We gave you six real cookies.

[C]

It's basically poison when you think about it. Dirt. Navinsky.

[B]

Before we go into Michael Jackson stuff, which I love.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I did want to. Oh. Get two things. Geo. This is big. Just. This is just for you, bubba. We have been occasionally following Prison Connect, which is a dating service that's great. Where you can leave a number. And we've kind of boiled it down at this point. This is girls looking for losers to put money on their books. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Look for simps. They try and find. They, like, try and quickly, like, twerk or, like, they'll be like, I'm into this and that. They're definitely. They're not looking for a partner.

[C]

Right. They're taking advantage of horny guys.

[B]

They're seeing how many dudes will get them commissary.

[D]

It's. It's only felons.

[B]

100%.

[C]

Good.

[B]

Which, by the way, if that works, good for you.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

If that's how you can work the system.

[D]

I mean, I feel like women. Women in jail should be allowed to have onlyfans.

[B]

I have no issue with it.

[D]

And. And.

[C]

But let's get it up.

[D]

Yeah, but, like, they have. Where it's still, like, you know, labor. So, like, the state or the fed, the prison gets a good chunk of the money.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And then they get paid pennies on the dollar.

[B]

I'm good.

[D]

Everybody wins.

[C]

Everybody wins.

[B]

Yeah. I have no issue with it.

[D]

It's sweat equity.

[B]

How many dudes. How many ripped dudes in prison are playing, like, five fat chicks?

[D]

Oh, I've. Every one of them. Every. Every. When I was locked up, you go on the visiting floor, you just see this jack black dude with, like, dreads, and you're just waiting to see the monstrosity that comes through that. Waiting like, I already know. And then the thing is, they'll be like, yo, my girls, the way they

[C]

talk about her, Right?

[D]

You're like, oh, he's got a pretty white girl.

[C]

Right?

[D]

And then they show up, and it was like, zach,

[B]

she's pretty white. She is pretty white. Listen, I have no.

[D]

And with the same outfit, too.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no issue. So I think it is. I think it's kind of making it fair. But that one popped up.

[D]

I was gonna be like, that's how I met my baby mother.

[C]

That's up.

[D]

That's fine. She's not white.

[C]

Thank you for correcting the record.

[B]

One popped up, and I gotta tell you, I could be convinced, dude, there's

[D]

some bad in jail.

[B]

Shannon.

[D]

Oh, man.

[C]

What's she getting into tonight?

[D]

I just. I like. Her titties were so beautiful. I just realized her face was burnt.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

No way.

[B]

By the way, those two pictures are definitely a before and after of something.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Which one's before? My only issue with this is I think it should list what they're in jail for.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Because if it's murder or if it's, like, burning a baby alive. Yeah.

[D]

You got to be careful. But if it's a sex offender, that's

[C]

what you go for, right?

[D]

Girls that are sex offenders.

[C]

That's pretty good.

[D]

Yeah. That's not even my idea. This guy came up with this whole. He comes up with different ways to bag girls online, and one of Them was. He's like, you go, you go to the sex offender registry list, filter out all the men and then you go through the list and he's like, you'll find somebody that's actually decent and you find information. You reach out on social media, Facebook. Then you start the cut and he shows in real time. But he's like a, you know, good looking black guy with dreads. It's easier for him than me, but he shows the like the progress of him going back and forth with these good. I'm like, this guy's a fucking genius.

[C]

That is smart.

[B]

Now what would a female sex offenders crime be like? Is that like.

[D]

Yeah, fucking a young kid. So it's just like, you know, they're horny, you know, they're sexual deviants and you're legal.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Not gonna go to jail.

[B]

Yeah, you show up with like a propeller hat and a lollipop.

[D]

I shaved my goatee.

[C]

Hey, babe, you wanna watch? Yo Gabba Gabba.

[B]

Do you want to take this into the bedroom and put on some buoy?

[C]

Matt Marin, you wanna go out with me?

[B]

Please.

[C]

I usually go out with sex offenders. Comedy faq.

[B]

I cut off my sweet.

[C]

I cut off my sweetie baby. Okay, you 15 and it's. We go in Japan.

[D]

Mr. Tween.

[B]

He's such a nice guy.

[C]

He's a very, very funny one of my good friends.

[B]

Okay, we got another one.

[F]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[B]

This goes in the fuck around and find out category.

[D]

Let's go.

[B]

Man with machete at Grand Central Station,

[D]

Dominican

[C]

is this Price is Right rules for yelling at the races.

[B]

Machete is indicative.

[C]

Machete.

[B]

But let's find out.

[D]

Shannon, Jose, Felipe. It's just of Washington Heights.

[C]

It's just Dalton. Yeah, I studied the play.

[E]

I'm gonna just play that body cam footage real quick.

[D]

I was working in the finca today. Well, still could be Dominican. Still possible.

[C]

That's true.

[D]

Or Haitian.

[B]

Okay, so they're pointing them out. This MTA guy wants no part of this. Put it down.

[D]

He said I. Well put down. I come from work. Bobby. What you want me to do?

[C]

Oh, Big T. Officer Big T. He's,

[D]

he's just doing a sketch and he just jumps in like he actually know what's going on.

[B]

We'll find it out.

[D]

The knife. Nobody wants to shoot you. Drop the knife.

[C]

This is like a. Which Call of Duty.

[D]

It's not a knife up. Piece of machete. Drop it.

[B]

Listen.

[D]

Get on the ground. Please. Get on the ground. Does he have a kick?

[B]

What is that?

[D]

Is that a Raiders tower?

[B]

Pause.

[D]

Talk about. Is he. Is he like a bull fight? Like he's got Matador.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's going to throw it up and then run. Like when you're trying to fool a dog.

[C]

The least scary Raiders f.

[B]

Now, Shannon. I know body cam footage makes your pussy wet.

[D]

I will say this is big white cock footage. I'm sorry.

[B]

This cop.

[D]

Terrible.

[B]

He's really giving this guy some leeway.

[D]

A lot. Yeah.

[C]

He said, please.

[B]

This cop I like. For every video where they say the cops are too aggressive.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This guy is really going protocol on this. Yeah.

[C]

This is one of the rare videos where Kumi would be mad at the white guy.

[B]

What do you do?

[C]

Shoot him already?

[D]

Like he's watching a movie? No, don't go in there. Don't go in there. Don't go in the room.

[B]

Ironically, he's yelling at a movie.

[C]

He's shooting at a screen.

[D]

He shoots the guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

There.

[C]

I did it for you.

[B]

Yeah. Turns out the guy had a previous domestic assault charge. What a piece of shit. Every.

[C]

Every.

[B]

Every time you point a finger. Mr. Kumi.

[D]

What people don't see in this video is that he jumped to turnstile first.

[B]

Can you go back to the stairs? Because I want to note how polite this cop is being the perfect dude. Drop the knife now.

[D]

Drop the knife. Drop the. Why are they covering his face?

[B]

Drop the knife.

[C]

I think his hands are in the west.

[D]

All right, I see him. They're covering a random person. He's to the right. I just saw the machete.

[C]

This is crazy.

[D]

Slow as. Oh, he has a poncho on. Yeah, it's a Raiders poncho. He should have shot him.

[C]

There's a Raiders. He got. They got the number one pick and they're wilding out already.

[D]

We're still not going to make it to the playoffs.

[C]

Jimmy Garoppolo was a bus.

[D]

Why did they move him to Vegas? This is also.

[C]

How did I. I used to live in Oakland. Why am I here?

[D]

We're gonna get you help. I'm losing. That is a pretty impressive machete, though.

[B]

Okay, we're gonna. I want to hear everything that said. Because the fact that the cop said we're gonna get you home.

[D]

No, he's gonna get you a New home. He means his new home.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah, dude. Damn.

[D]

No, I mean, dude, I. I don't want to give him too much credit because I feel like now with body cam footage and the blm, they're aware especially they're on, you know, they gotta watch their ass.

[B]

Now, before we start again, did you guys see my tweet the other day? What?

[D]

My mom texted, no, no, I'm not on Twitter. I gotta get on there more.

[B]

My mom just watched the Kevin Hart roast this weekend, but she hadn't watched it, and she's Zachary. People are very upset about the joke about George Foreman not being able to breathe.

[C]

George Foreman. I can't grill.

[D]

I can't grill.

[B]

It made me laugh, so I was like, you want to run that one by me again? George Foreman, the I can't breathe, I can't breathe guy. And it made me laugh so hard because now

[D]

this wasn't a roast. It was a grill.

[B]

Yeah. Well, all I can think is a, A now I want a George Floyd grill.

[C]

Yeah, the George Floyd.

[B]

You have to put your knee on it for the. The meat to cook all the way through in just 8 minutes and 36 seconds, a delicious steak.

[C]

It's a new man.

[D]

It's on an angle.

[B]

So, yes. Go back a little, Shannon, because I, I, I'm so impressed by this cop.

[D]

Before I do this, while we're on that topic with that whole drama where they were like, oh, it's all. They were complaining about the. The writers. So I was gonna take the picture that Shane posted, and I was gonna change you all guys like, AI change you to black people. I'm like, there you go. Better.

[B]

Somebody did that. Already did.

[D]

I'm such a hack.

[B]

So I, I had somebody did one of us is all black. And then somebody did one of us as all Hasidics. And that JP didn't change in that one, so. He's so funny. He looks like our manager.

[C]

He did look like your guys's manager too.

[B]

Shania, scroll it back a little and get down.

[D]

Dude, I'm not gonna ask you again. Please, please, please.

[B]

Put it down.

[C]

Dead down.

[D]

Please stop.

[B]

Please stop.

[D]

Stop.

[B]

Put it down.

[D]

Stop, stop. Watch, cross. Watch, watch, cross. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. Get down. I'm trying to get back to my coconut stand. We're going to get you home. I am Lucife. Stop.

[C]

You say I'm nice.

[B]

He said I'm Lucifer.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, you got to shoot. Cuff him, cuff him, cuff him. If anybody with mache says I'm Lucifer and I have a gun. You have to shoot him.

[B]

I.

[D]

You have to.

[B]

You got the Raiders.

[C]

Poncho is still killing me.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, first of all, I think he's wearing a target.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Like you have. Obviously this is a mentally unbalanced person. If you're. If you're holding machete screaming, I am Lucifer right now. Shannon was his name actually Lucifer, because I could be.

[E]

No, but he was a rapper that was currently going under the name Fox Fox 5.

[D]

Can we listen to some of his music, please?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Can you find his music? Oh, dude. Imagine it's very unbalanced. Well, he's dead, right? He didn't. That was a fatal shot, right?

[E]

Yeah, he's dead.

[D]

Oh, damn.

[C]

Rest in peace.

[D]

Yeah. Rip sick if he just blows up now.

[C]

He already blew up.

[D]

His lungs blew up.

[B]

I mean. Yeah, it's. It's. I think just. Those guys are like, my life is so right now. Oh, yeah. Please go. Oh, he's good.

[C]

His flow is really good.

[D]

He's from Brooklyn. I can tell.

[C]

He's pretty good.

[D]

What a waste of time. Coming with the rated poncho. I got sat like the head honcho.

[C]

He's kind of got. He's got kind of childish Gambino flow a little bit.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like a meat. Look how out of it. The guy on the guy over his shoulder. Not the red hat.

[D]

Yeah. The light skinned guy.

[B]

Look at how out the of of Aon Crockett.

[D]

Look how he's reacting.

[C]

He's good, dude.

[B]

Look at the face on this guy behind him though. He is up.

[C]

I think. I think he's probably on crack.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

How he's nailing it so with such precision. That's pretty good. Good. Yeah.

[D]

That guy was good.

[C]

There's no room for lyrical rappers anymore.

[D]

No.

[B]

So now here's my question.

[D]

Killing them all off, getting shot, mentally

[B]

ill person off his meds.

[D]

Or promoting an album. Promoting an album.

[C]

Honestly.

[B]

Drug related psychosis, I'm gonna say.

[C]

Drug related psychosis, I'm gonna say.

[D]

Controversy sells, but not quite like death.

[B]

Do you think? PCP maybe? Or it could be.

[D]

It could have been pcp. I've seen people act like that on dust. It could be dust or like some synthetic type of drug.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

K2s. K2s is people up.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That looked like a K2 crew. Like those guys could have been smoking. Like the guys in the back. That looks like almost like a. Either opiate or a K2 high.

[C]

It's a K2 king.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, Rip Fox 5. That's the way to go out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now 10. Gee, I can't remember. Have we discussed my favorite rapper of all time, Big Lurch?

[D]

Not probably. Not on the podcast.

[B]

Okay, Robbie, are you familiar?

[C]

No, I'm not familiar.

[D]

I believe you told me about this.

[B]

This is a fun opportunity to use the. Use this opportunity. So I am particularly fond of Big Lurch. Shannon, could you bring up Big Lurch, Texas Boy. I think this would be a good.

[D]

Is this the redhead that says the N word?

[B]

No.

[D]

Oh, damn.

[B]

Who's that, though? Chrissy Mayer.

[C]

Now, she was on ketamine when she rapped.

[B]

Well, she was getting surgery.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[E]

Is it just the audio? Is that okay?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 100.

[C]

She's on the eight mile track.

[B]

I'll play a Little Texas Boy for you guys, see what you think.

[C]

You just know this guy's fat.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

No, he's not.

[D]

Skinny Asian guy.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Johnny tv, the guy that makes all the grills.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So that's Big Lurch. And I will give you a little backstory on him. He was with a group called Cosmic Slop Shop, who were.

[D]

Wait, is he white or black?

[B]

Oh, he's black.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

He's easily. All right, he's black with three B's. He's black. There he is.

[C]

Big Lurch.

[D]

It's like the no limit kind of. He looks like. What's the guy's name? Silk the Shocker.

[B]

So he. Cosmic Slob Shop. I guess they were adjacent to Mystical.

[D]

Okay, so that's from that same crew. That whole.

[B]

That whole crew? Yes. Mystical, by the way, back in jail for rape.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I think, like, doing, like, 30 years or something. He got, like, a crazy amount of time.

[B]

He. He fucked up, man. You don't.

[D]

Guys, I came here with my dick in my hand.

[B]

Danger.

[D]

Danger. He was warning everybody, man.

[B]

I gotta tell you, if I can give you one. If you're an aspiring or established rapper and you listen to the show a lot, to. Don't film your rapes. Yeah, just.

[D]

He filmed it.

[C]

Make sure to tell. That's a crack amico when you guys are on the road.

[B]

I believe it was a hairdresser that they had accused of stealing money.

[D]

Oh, she stole

[B]

it.

[C]

It was just.

[B]

But that was the first one.

[C]

And I believe that's street code.

[B]

If I'm right, that was the first time. And now this is a separate incident. Oh, he's not a nice man.

[C]

He's not.

[B]

So now he's got Big Lurch. Big Lurch, if I'm correct, was 6, 7. Yes. Didn't mean to do that.

[C]

You know that's called Lamelo Ball.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I didn't know that until recently.

[B]

And he has a couple records, one of which I have signed because his old manager sent it to me after I talked about him on a show.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

And the story of Big Lurch. There's a great documentary, if you want to watch it, called Rhyme and Punishment that's all about different rappers and why they're in prison. What happens is, middle of the night, cops get a call, and let's just say he had a presence in the neighborhood. And when they called, they said, was

[D]

he the only black guy living there?

[B]

Oh, no.

[D]

All right.

[B]

But he had attracted the attention of the police prior.

[D]

Gotcha.

[B]

And I believe the exact call was, it's Lurch.

[D]

It's a code.

[B]

And he was standing in the street naked, covered in blood, screaming at the moon that he was the devil.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

They go up into his apartment. I believe it's six cops to take him down, one on each limb and two on the dick. And that's my assumption. They go up, and he had eaten his roommate's girlfriend's lungs. He had cracked open her chest. Well, first he broke a knife off in her shoulder, and then he cracked her rib cage with his hands.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

And ate her lungs because he said that the devil was in her. And he was like. Kind of like jason Goes to Hell Rules. And he was on pcp, and he woke up and did not remember any of it. He's in jail for the rest of his life.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I told that story on a podcast. His manager sends me a signed cd. Very, very nice here. And then I get a message from his son, who says, we're. We're getting all of Lurch's records together. We're. We got the rights back, and we're going to put out a collection of all his music. And he goes, would you like to donate $20 for a CD? And I'm like, oh, I'll send 100. This is a scam and a Ruski. Of course I'm sending this guy $20 to find out how bad of a. How I'm getting ripped off. To me, this is putting $20 in a slot machine. Yeah, I know I'm losing it. I know I'm probably getting Nothing, but it's $20, and I want to watch the wheel spin, right?

[F]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to See if you could save some cash. Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[B]

So then he sends me nothing. I have gotten a message from this guy for years, every few months. And it's just the prayer hands emoji.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's trying to get dad out of prison. Can you send me $20?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

He must just spam it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

To hundreds of nerds. And he got me once, and it was worth it. Cause now I just have his son, and I just. And I never answer, but I just got a wall.

[D]

You know, it's his actual son.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely his son. Yeah. And it's just a wall of the prayer hand emojis. And be like, God bless you and thank you for spreading the word about my father. And, you know, he's a good man. He was caught up with drugs, and he just entertains the living hell out of me.

[C]

Yeah, that's funny. That's more entertainment than a slot machine.

[B]

Do we have any footage of Big lyric Shannon, I need you to understand what a monster this guy was. He's always got the bowler hat. He's got the deepest, scariest voice.

[C]

He sounds like a monster. All right, Joel.

[B]

I listen to that every time I go to Texas. That's the first song I put out of the Uber.

[C]

Yeah, that's fun. That was back in the. Was that back in, like, the chopped and screwed days of, like, rap?

[B]

I want to say that's so mystical. I was in high school, maybe middle school.

[C]

That's when everyone was, like, taking lean and doing deep voice. Look, there's kind of.

[B]

Yeah, but that was like, the South. That's when, like, the. Like. I almost want to put Nelly in that category. Originally.

[C]

It was a big part of that. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. That was kind of like Earth, like, 2000 to 2005.

[B]

I would almost.

[D]

Like, when the SAT. Like, I almost. When 50 blew up.

[C]

It was outcast.

[D]

That's when. Yeah, but outcast was, like, around the late 90s.

[B]

I would say Three Six Mafia might go in there. Yeah.

[D]

Sipping on some scissor.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Lil Wayne was a big part of that.

[B]

Well, he was part of Hot Boys New Orleans, but he was my first.

[D]

It was a him Juvenile. The Hot Boys.

[B]

When I. I remember Jelly Roll was in the mix. Yeah. I remember Lil Wayne as the guy

[D]

who had blue whatever.

[B]

The outro on Back that Ass Up. Oh, Was he on.

[C]

Was he on that song?

[B]

After you back it up.

[D]

The best part of this song.

[B]

Yeah, Back that ass. That was. That was the best part of this song.

[D]

He was 16 when that beat for Back that Ass.

[B]

Was he.

[D]

Yeah, I think he was a 16. Maybe 16, 17. Look that up, Shannon. But he was young when that song came out.

[C]

The beat for that song is actually fucking awesome. Yeah, it's like. It has like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's similar to the found song.

[C]

Yeah, it is a little bit. Yeah.

[B]

They both have, like, the really pretty violin.

[C]

Yeah. I was like Kanye influence.

[E]

I found him in the background of a perfect slop video. I believe this is him in the back, right?

[D]

No.

[B]

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say yeah.

[C]

Just looking like Black Slender Man. Damn, he should have played basketball.

[B]

Look at the size of this guy.

[D]

Damn.

[B]

Now imagine cops having to break him down on pcp.

[D]

Yeah, I was gonna take it to. Probably took a couple.

[C]

It looks like Kevin Durant in the middle.

[D]

Is that Lamar Odom?

[B]

That is a big, scary boy. All right, I'm glad we got this fun lesson.

[D]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

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[D]

Gio.

[B]

While I'm speaking completely out of my ass on hip hop, have I ever told you the long deep dive I went in on explaining the different regions of rap sounds based on how they're consumed.

[D]

What do you mean? As far as like the. Like the southwest New York.

[B]

Because west coast rap was designed to be listened to on car speakers.

[D]

I think you've told me about this.

[B]

So that's why you get the heavy bass. Right. And then the east coast rap was designed to be listened to on headphones. Oh, so that's the Puffy Biggie sound.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the south was boomboxes for like block parties.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you go into when now rap is commercialized and what's primarily called a ringtone. Rap has no bass.

[D]

Yeah. Cause it's all about the fucking.

[B]

Because it's supposed to be played out of your cell phone at a duane read at two in the morning while you hold a baby. And the song, I would say is like the epitome of that Lil Wayne lollipop.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[D]

Akon was big on that.

[B]

Yeah, he was ahead on that. Yeah, he figured that out quick.

[D]

He was just like, I'm making songs just for ringtones.

[B]

Yeah. He's like, I don't give a. But he goes, there can be a 20 second clip of this.

[C]

That's crazy. Yeah.

[D]

Because he's like, we make like pennies on. On an album, but you make a dollar. Make a dollar off of each rink. It all goes to them.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

And the label gets. Doesn't get.

[C]

That's when ringtones are crazy. Frog was huge.

[B]

Yeah. Everybody was down for people that are younger than us. Yeah. Ringtone like the. Everybody. And they were a dollar each, I think.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

$2 each. And you would download the. And everybody had like a collection.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And like that would be. People's phones would go off and it would always be hilarious.

[D]

But I remember because before, remember they had. It was almost like that video game sound version of the song. Yeah. And then when they gave you the actual song, eventually, that's when I was just like, this is. It was cool at first, but when you hear somebody now like somebody's phone go off and it's a song, I look at them like with disgust. I was like, what the fuck is wrong?

[C]

I kind of actually now I'm thinking, I want to bring this back. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I remember when I was a janitor, my boss Tommy downloaded the song who could it be Now? As his ringtone and he thought it was the funniest joke. He would literally walk into place and be like, hey, call me. And then he would hold his phone up and be like, who could it be?

[D]

You get it?

[C]

That's so funny.

[B]

And he would then just walk into another room and go call me. And he would just go around the building like it was the greatest. Like, he was so proud of himself.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, that's how it was in the beginning. Like, you have your phone out, hoping somebody calls you. Everybody gets to hear your ringtone because

[C]

it's like a bit.

[B]

Yeah. And then. So we're all around. How old are you?

[D]

I'm 39.

[B]

Okay. So I'm 38. The. When cell phone. When people first started getting cell phones, the flip outs teachers would have when a phone went off in class, like, it. It was like, you had a gun.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Why do you have that? And it's so funny now because I was just like, why don't you say no? Like, give me a phone. No.

[C]

No.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What's.

[D]

Like, it was my property.

[B]

No, sorry. It went off once.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, kids now, though. Every single kid in school, like either eighth grade and up, has a cell phone. Everybody has.

[B]

I didn't get a phone until my. Right before college.

[C]

By the time I was in middle school, everybody had a phone.

[B]

How old are you?

[C]

I'm 34.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's about right. Yeah. I would say maybe half the kids had phones when I was in high school and I got one right before college.

[C]

Yeah. My parents, like reluctantly gave it to me. Like, they just like gave me one.

[B]

What was your first phone?

[C]

It was like a flip phone. Like just a shitty flip.

[D]

Yeah, I had the Chirp phones, the boost.

[C]

Where you at?

[B]

Yeah, I had a Nokia Flip with.

[C]

Yeah, I played Snake on that shit.

[B]

And little. You could have little pictures.

[C]

Yeah, I should have known. I get addicted to smartphones because I like, got Internet on that phone. It was like the shittiest Internet ever. But I like, was so stoked on

[D]

it, I figured I had first.

[B]

I remember figuring out how to update MySpace on it.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[D]

It takes like three hours to load the front page.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah. It would take forever to load.

[C]

But I was like, yeah. I was so cool.

[D]

I was realized the first cell phone, I was 16, and I don't know if I told you, but I used to sell weed for this closeted homosexual Cuban guy with a big swastika on his arm.

[B]

Great.

[D]

Yeah. And he got. He gave me my first phone because I was selling weed for him. So he gave me that chirp phone.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Wait, how did you know he was closeted?

[D]

Well, he wasn't.

[B]

Did you ever ask about the swastika?

[D]

No. He saw me looking at it once. And because we was in the backyard, he had a shirt off. And I was. He's like. He's like, I did five years in the German prison. And I was like, I'm not gonna, like, ask any follow up questions after that because I was only like 16 at the time.

[B]

That's. I. I don't feel like that's a real story because I feel like swastikas would get you in more trouble in Germany. Oh, the swastika is, like, illegal in Germany.

[D]

I mean, they're in jail.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's an accident.

[D]

This swastikas. This mad swastikas. In regular prison.

[B]

No, no, I get it. In regular prison, but in Germany, it's like a crime. It's an additional crime.

[D]

That's probably why he did the five years.

[B]

It could be.

[D]

But I felt like he was trying

[B]

to sum that up for me.

[D]

He was somebody's bitch. That's what I feel like. He was part of something. And they.

[B]

They branded him.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And he had a lot of money. He wouldn't tell me what he got from. All he would say was, he worked for a guy for 15 years and when he, like, he stopped, the guy gave him the house and like two cars and a bunch of money. And I know he had this money because when he caught the first fed charge, he was letting me read, like, all the paperwork and it said one of the things said they. They froze $7 million. He had an account.

[B]

Whoa.

[D]

And I remember he. That's when he grabbed the paperback for me, and I was just like, wait,

[C]

what to get the charge for?

[D]

It was conspiracy because we were selling weed.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

So one of the guys that we were selling to was confidential informant, and they were investigating him, but he just by chance got pulled over, like, with $60,000 in his car. So that. That was local police. And that kind of fucked up the investigation.

[C]

Oh, really?

[D]

So me and his brother, which was his boyfriend, right, and my friend who introduced me to him, all ran to the house. Once he called us and said he was getting arrested. And we took all the guns and drugs out. It took us like 10 minutes to get everything out. This guy had no lie, like 50 guns and 20 of them is like. This is like military grade type of weapons.

[B]

Did you work for Gustavo for breaking?

[D]

I think he was Panamanian.

[C]

Yeah. His dad was the bell guy.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

Yeah, dude. He had like, stash. He had like, town cars that were equipped with, like hydraulic pump stash boxes with like, false, like, Backs and. And you would have to like. So that was like my job. The guy comes from Canada and he'll have like 30 to 40 pounds. And then I would have to put like the radio station to a certain dial. Hit the hazards. There's a button on the, on the rear view mirror. And then once all that, all those four things, I just hit the windshield button. And then you just hear. And then the seat lifts up and then it's just a whole. There's a false back where it's just a bunch of vacuum sealed pounds that are like covered in car oil for the dogs.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

That that was. It took me an hour to un. Because I have to cut the Saran Wrap off with like gloves and take off all the like plastic that's covered in the car oil. So it's just like a pain in the ass. But I made, you know, decent money for a 16 year old.

[B]

Yeah. And now it's leave. Now it's. Now it's completely legal.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

It's weed.

[B]

Like, honestly, it sounds so weird now, right?

[C]

Really weird.

[D]

I think. Well, I think more than a pound is, is still a crime though, personal use. I think you still can't have like. I think it's still like a. I

[B]

think it's state to state, right?

[D]

Yeah. Because then Texas is still illegal, right?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Texas. They still look at you pretty if you smoke a joint on the street with your big Puerto Rican friends.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Outside of the hotel. They still, they still. They poo poo on it.

[D]

Yeah. I'm guessing that's Louis. And I will say this. When I moved to the South, I didn't realize people in New York always smoked like it was illegal anyways because cops didn't really give a fuck. As long as you're not blowing it in their face, they don't care. So when I would go to other states, people look at me like I had a gun. Like I was just waving a gun in the head like, yo, dude, you can't do that here. I'm like, be all right. And I had no idea that in other states they will arrest you for that.

[B]

Yeah, Lewis and I were outside. I think we were in Georgia doing a show. And we were sitting outside the hotel smoking. And people came up and they're like, what are you doing? Really Smoking? They're like, that's crazy illegal here still. Wherever we were, it was like hilarious.

[D]

What are you doing with that Puerto Rican?

[C]

Are you in trouble, sir?

[B]

Okay, blank twice.

[D]

Is he holding you hostage?

[B]

Yeah, it's so funny. I'm. I'm still entertained by the fact that his brother was the lover. I love old timey. Like my roommate. And the roommates. Yeah.

[D]

There was like, certain things that, like, while working with them, I was like realizing, right. Because I. I was never really allowed in the house. I had. I just basically hung out in the backyard from 10:00pm to 6:00am wow. And basically just watched the house. And the first time I went into the house, I realized there was only one bedroom. It was a huge house, but there was no other bedrooms. And the second thing was one time

[B]

they sucked each other's cops.

[D]

Yeah. The second time I caught him. Now the second time they had bathroom. I went to use the bathroom, and they had bathrobes hanging, and one was a Cuban flag and the other one was a Puerto Rican flag. And I was like, oh, they're not brothers, they're gay. That was just like the aha moment. I'm just taking a.

[B]

Like, oh, yeah.

[C]

And then you're just like Hank and Breaking Bad. Really realizing his Heisenberg, he finally kind

[D]

of like, said, like, when I came home the last time from jail in 2016, I had bumped into my friend who introduced me to him. He's like, hey, you know, he has this chimney company if you want to go work, have a legit job. And then while I was talking to him, we were just catching up on and he goes like, he mentioned the guys at Carmelo, and he's like. He's like, well, you know, by now me and him. And I was just like, yeah, I kind of got it when I saw the. The ropes. So I was like. The first time he actually said. Because he would say a lot of homophobic shit around me. So that's. I was like, maybe he's not gay.

[C]

Classic.

[B]

Yeah, I grew up, my.

[D]

My guy's a fucking faggot.

[B]

My grandparents had friends, Billy and Johnny, and they were best. They were lifelong best friends. And then I think there's another. So we had somebody else who's a lady, and she lives with her best friends, and they shared a bed. So I think even as a kid, I was putting it together, right? But it is very funny when people are like, lifelong bachelor, or like, here's my aunt, she's gonna bring her best friend to Thanksgiving.

[C]

The roommate, he's such a handsome, eligible bachelor. I don't know why he doesn't settle down.

[B]

Growing up, my family always called lesbians granny shoes because my grandma wore Birkenstocks all the time. And my Family wouldn't say. Everything was. Are they a little.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So anybody. If a woman came over as a lesbian, somebody would go, is she a little granny shoes? Or my favorite. Anytime I made a friend, my mom would go, is he a little retarded?

[C]

Little sugar in the tank every.

[D]

Because I had a gay cousin. And everybody'd be like, he's a little weird. Just a word that used back. He's weird.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he's. You approach it in a way. All right, we'll do one more thing before we're out of. Here's a fun. We'll do. We'll say Michael Jackson for another day. Here's a fun one.

[C]

I know. So excited.

[B]

Team Takeover descends into wild brawl inside D.C. chipotle feds promised to charge ignorant parents. What does this teen take over? Do they, like, text and say, where. Where Invading Chipotle? Or is it just.

[D]

It might be. It could be just.

[B]

Is it like a flash mob that goes out of control or is it like just a bunch of kids are hanging out?

[D]

Yeah, it could just be. It just spreads like wildfire was like, yo, we're all here.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They just.

[B]

So let's check it out.

[E]

I have a few different clips here.

[B]

Oh, great.

[D]

Oh, hell yeah. Good God. It's more just like a fight than a take.

[C]

Yeah. This is just a. I don't even

[B]

understand who's fighting who. All this poor family with the little girl. Oh, dude, what do you do? You just put her in the corner and hold and put your back to them, Right?

[D]

I'm standing behind the food line.

[C]

Yeah. They're not going to hurt white people.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

This is. This is the. This is the time as a parent, you get behind the food line and just start picking at the barbacora Barbacoa beef while nobody's paying attention.

[C]

Right.

[D]

So you'll be safe and, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They skimp on it anyways.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, the high chair is a diabolical weapon.

[D]

I've seen the high chair go flying many times. Chairs and high chairs. That's. That's the go to weapon. Those girls are smart. They're behind the window.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[D]

Where's Chud the builder when you need them?

[C]

You know, Chud does not rhyme with Bob. This is my biggest problem with him.

[B]

Shannon, is there one more?

[E]

I thought I had another one. It was just that.

[B]

And. Yeah. What is the. What is the deal with. They want to charge parents so.

[E]

Because they are all underage there. Yeah. They were talking about going after the parents so that they can give them a more severe punishment.

[B]

Is this why we don't have malls? Like, I understand we don't have malls because of online shopping.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But is this part of the reason malls are.

[C]

I think it's more Amazon.

[B]

Yeah. Because it feels like the only time you hear about them all ever.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Is riots.

[D]

Yeah. But the thing is, right, if they're gonna charge the parents, don't they have to find them first to.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

yeah, that's. That's a whole. That's a whole to do.

[C]

Yeah. Some dad in Florida is like, what the. Who is this?

[D]

Who the is this?

[B]

Can I ask Tyreek?

[D]

What?

[B]

Can I ask?

[D]

I haven't heard that in 16 years.

[B]

Can I ask an extremely ignorant question?

[C]

Go ahead.

[B]

The all black with the hoodie, Is that a preemptive we're going out, like, to cause shit, or is that just what kids are wearing?

[D]

I think the same. Like, the reason I would wear all black is because it would just match. You know what I mean? You just don't have a lot of clothes options. So if everything's black, it all matches.

[C]

Yeah. That's like a popular look.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that okay?

[C]

It's like a Playboy cardi. Like, they dress like a little emo. The. The kids these days.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

They're hood goths.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Makeup. They use the Pooh Shiesty masks. Yeah, that's their. That's their makeup.

[C]

If they were a little wider, they just do that in, like, fucking mosh pits.

[B]

Yeah, we used to with.

[D]

With the high chair.

[B]

In my day, we called them ghetto bats. That. We had ghetto bats. Oh, what was it? Fat Goth girls were? Blubber bats or Hampires?

[D]

Empire is good.

[B]

And we had another one. I came.

[D]

Right.

[B]

All right. Anyway, that's the show today. Thank you guys so much to my wonderful guest, Robbie Goodwin. Check out Robbie Wood and the arena of Ideas. Shout out Dalton Pruitt. I still love you so much.

[D]

Yeah, man, we miss you.

[B]

You gotta miss you like hell.

[C]

But he always talks about you very highly, so.

[B]

Well, that's. That's Suboxone. But shout out. Dalton, you know I love you dearly and I can't wait for you.

[C]

To the man of a million pounds dollar.

[B]

I can't wait for you to be back amongst your peers because you rule, dude. And thank you to Geo Perez. Check out on the gate. And thank you to everybody in the booth. And we'll be back on Wednesday with another episode of the Morning Zoo. Goodbye.

[C]

Goodbye. Grab a coffee and join the crew.

[F]

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