0121. Stephen DeMarco and Jimmy McCullough

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 0121 Guests: Stephen DeMarco & Jimmy McCullough | June 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

On this wild, rapid-fire episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo, Zac, joined by comedians Stephen DeMarco and Jimmy McCullough, delivers a hilarious deep-dive into the world of “bad” reality TV—especially those featuring little people—and launches into everything from infamous reality show tropes to personal stories about hookups, midget conventions, wild Uber rides, and the intersection of pop culture, sports, and working-class life. As always, the conversation bounces between unhinged, off-color humor and sharp, often nostalgic banter about formative experiences, generational differences, and the pure chaos of the modern world.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. Introductions & Plugs

[01:10 – 02:55]

• Zac welcomes first-time guests Stephen and Jimmy, quickly jumping into plug territory for their gigs and social media.
• Zac mentions finishing his stand-up special and plugs the GaS Digital subscription.
• Light ribbing and camaraderie set the tone.

2. Reality TV Rabbit Hole: Little People, Big Laughs

[02:57 – 15:39]

• Zac shares his “addiction” to offbeat reality TV—especially Little Women: Atlanta, describing it as “Real Housewives, but midgets…and in Atlanta.”
  • "More than half of them are professional twerkers...and they just shake their midget ass. And I'll tell you, I'm not opposed to it." —Zac [03:47]
• Tropes in reality TV discussed:
  • “Expositional fat friend” — the designated friend whose existence is to elicit reveals. [07:36]
  • “Sleepy black boyfriend” — always filmed in pajamas, disengaged, often for comic effect or perhaps to feed stereotypes.
• Notable Moment: The group describes their type in women, with Zac and Steven agreeing: “to me, a fat girl is just a tall midget” [04:30].
• Playful rankings and objectification of “tiny twins,” “left cheek and right cheek.”

3. TLC, Little People Culture, and Midget Orgies?

[15:40 – 18:11]

• Deep cut into TLC’s Little People, Big World — DUI, cheating scandals, and tall vs. short kids.
• Zac references Brad Williams’ joke that little people conventions are, essentially, orgies.
• Discussion on “outsiders” (non-little people) being discouraged at conventions: “They think you’re a fetishist...well, yeah, I am.” —Steven [17:34]

4. Wild Tales: Zac Makes Out with a Midget

[18:41 – 21:12]

• Zac recounts an encounter with a little person singer at a show: awkward interaction leads to the midget biting his friend, and then headbutting a bartender.
  • "She grabbed him by the collar and headbutted him in the nose and broke his nose." —Zac [19:48]

5. Sex, Age, and the Knicks Bar Scene

[21:55 – 23:01]

• Stephen discusses being twerked on by a “mature black woman” at a Knicks celebration, prompting laughs about generational gaps in club culture.

6. NYC Chaos: From Trump’s Election to Fourth of July Flags

[23:32 – 28:24]

• Zac reminisces about the “hysteria” after Trump’s win—stories of coworkers taking a “day to heal,” and family social media meltdowns.
• Anecdotes about Staten Island’s extreme flag patriotism and neighbor dramas.

7. Musing on Immigration & Ride-share Antics

[31:15 – 36:14]

• Tipping during the World Cup: restaurants posting signs explaining tipping to foreign soccer fans.
• Uber/Lyft stories: drivers feigning no-English or deafness to avoid conversation, awkward shared rides, and Zac’s repeated run-ins with an unlucky driver.
• Memorable Quote: “I had a very drunk gentleman try to service me in the back…he convinced himself I owned a record company because I had a Misfits bomber jacket.” —Zac [35:36]

8. Smuggling Tales & Penis Piercings

[38:18 – 46:44]

• Viral video: Brazilian woman pulls a massive gun from her vagina—panel in awe and disbelief.
  • "That's crazy, dude. That's like a Dirty Harry gun. Up the puss." —Zac [39:03]
• The crew riffs on drug smuggling techniques, and Steven shares accidentally “muling” weed when it was unnecessary.
• Zac discusses having a Prince Albert for 20 years, sizing up/down, and using it to mess with people at urinals.
  • "I will cling it on the side like a dinner bell...and I went, 'all done', backed out smiling." —Zac [46:42]

9. Politicians Say the Darndest Things: The “Farts” Gaffe

[48:43 – 50:59]

• The mayor of Toronto gives an emotional statement about a fallen officer but misspeaks: “They are very much in our…farts…” [49:15]
• Roasting ensues: “You definitely go home from the funeral, and somebody farts and they're like, ‘Dad.’” —Zac [50:05]

10. NBA, Stripper Pregnancies, and Drake’s Hot Sauce

[51:57 – 56:36]

• Athlete baby scandals: Mayweather and strippers, NBA groupies, and Drake allegedly using hot sauce in condoms to prevent paternity snares.
  • "Do the Drake. Put hot sauce in her pussy, dude." —Steven [52:14]

11. Generational Porn & Comedy Nostalgia

[60:27 – 68:17]

• Childhood gaming (GTA), sneaking peeks at VHS porn, and generational differences in nudity access.
• Stories of busted tapes, awkward parental walk-ins, and favorite old-school comics (Jim Breuer, John Pinette, Bob Marley).
  • "I've had VHS's that, if you rewound them too much, would start to warble." —Zac [65:28]

12. Comedy Industry, Touring, and SNL Days

[71:00 – 75:45]

• Zac and guests reminisce about the heyday of SNL-alumni club gigs, bad local openers still doing ’80s bits (“You heard of this game Ms. Pac Man?” —Local host [72:18]), and how showbiz has changed.
  • “When you pick a lane like that and you’re getting responses on both sides…It’s got to feel similar to when you were famous.” —Zac on Rob Schneider going political [73:10]

13. Blue-Collar World: Factory Falls & Settlement Schemes

[75:34 – 80:38]

• Hilarious but wincing video: factory worker falls through skylight and lands on his taint. Panel discusses working-class toughness and “when my settlement goes through” as the ultimate trash phrase.
  • "There's two statements that I know you're a bag of shit for: 'When I win the lottery' or 'when my settlement goes through.'" —Zac [77:32]

14. Impossible-to-Understand Gen Z Lingo

[81:24 – 84:40]

• Roast of young, social media-famous “Island Boy”-type, speaking in barely understandable slang and affect: “That’s not English…that’s people imitating being so up on lean.” —Zac [82:23]
• The viral “That bit gas” pineapple video is mocked for its meme-worthy delivery.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “To me, a fat girl is just a tall midget.” —Zac [04:30]
• “They introduced one of my favorite tropes never discussed enough: the expositional fat friend.” —Zac [07:36]
• “If you would have fucking got ogle midgets, this is the spot to be.” —Zac [13:59]
• “She grabbed him by the collar and headbutted him in the nose and broke his nose.” —Zac [19:48]
• “There's nothing I love so much I’d set a bus on fire.” —Zac [23:43]
• “I spent a few evenings with a dominatrix who was 4’10” —Zac [21:58]
• “That was like a ritual. Me and my friends...we’d smoke weed, load up GTA, blow an old lady’s face off...then go for a walk.” —Steven [61:02]
• “I had VHS’s that, if you rewound them too much, would start to warble.” —Zac [65:28]
• "That's a lose, lose. Sometimes you just wad up a bunch and throw it in there and go, this is a later problem." —Zac on bathroom troubles [43:09]
• “That's crazy, dude. That's like a Dirty Harry gun. Up the puss.” —Zac [39:03]
• “There's two statements that I know you're a bag of shit for: 'When I win the lottery' or 'when my settlement goes through.'” —Zac [77:32]

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Additional Highlights

• Riffs on pop, sports, and culture: Stripper pregnancies in the NBA, Drake’s hot sauce method, and generational differences in how boys discovered porn.
• Practical advice on keeping your cool after public embarrassment: “You fall, see who saw you.” —Jimmy [77:14]

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Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo at its rowdiest—raunchy, irreverent, but always quick-witted and unfiltered. Whether reminiscing about trash TV, riffing on sex and generational divides, or roasting viral oddities, the panel delivers a barrage of laughs, wild anecdotes, and old-school radio chaos.

For full context and the most out-of-pocket laughs, jump to:

• [03:20] Reality TV breakdown
• [19:47] Zac’s midget headbutt story
• [35:36] Uber “record company” adventure
• [39:03] Gun smuggling up the "puss"
• [49:15] Toronto mayor’s “farts” gaffe
• [72:18] The Ms. Pac Man standup debacle

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Support the guests:

• Stephen DeMarco: Instagram @theStephenDeMarco
• Jimmy McCullough: Gigging around NYC, check social media for updates

Zac Amico’s comedy special arriving late summer!

Transcript

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

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[Steven DeMarco]

Fill er up.

[Zach]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Akamiko]

Wake up, it's time to go Zakamiko's gotta show Animals are here to play Jokes and guests you start your day till the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the crew It's Akamiko Morning sou. Welcome.

[Zach]

Well, hello, it is a Monday here in New York City. We are coming to you live from the gas Digital studios. And it's me, your other boy, the international superstar saying welcome to the morning zoo. We are joined by two new friends to the program. Introducing for the first time ever here on the zoo, our new friends, Jimmy McCullough and Steven DeMarco. How you boys doing?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Good, man. How are you?

[Zach]

Thank you guys for being here, man.

[Sponsor Announcer]

What's up?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, thanks for having us, man. I'm pumped.

[Zach]

My pleasure. Thank you for being here. Let's knock plugs out of the way. Let people know who you are. Dates, social media, anything you want to plug, go nuts.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, Steven DeMarco. You follow me on Instagram at the Steven DeMarco. Not the tell me lies guy. And yeah, my dates are there. Put all my dates up there. Check me out.

[Jimmy McCullough]

My name is Jimmy McCullough. All over the city right now. Don't get too many dates yet, but doing some stuff with the Keem woods on the road, I'm not really sure what those dates are yet, but Delaware last week. Thank you.

[Zach]

Thank you guys for coming in. If you guys want to see me live, go to punch up dot live. Zach, I know I got Philly in the books coming up, I believe July 10th or 11th and then, hey, follow me on everything. I'm kind of getting back into the swing of things. Just did my special, looking at the fine cut of it this week. So expect that by the end of the summer. And if you like the show, go to gas digital.com today. Use that promo code ZOO Z O O. You save a little bit of cash, you get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get access to the live chat and the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite cash shows from the last decade plus you get Friday's exclusive bonus episode. We do three of these a week,

[Sponsor Announcer]

and if you want to see all three, you got to subscribe.

[Zach]

So thank you so much to however you consume the program. All right, guys, let's keep this exactly as the show should be. Let's start out with a preview for a new reality TV show. I am a sucker for bad reality TV show TV shows. My favorite of the last few years has been a show called Little Women of Atlanta.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Zach]

And it's essentially Real Housewives, but midgets.

[Shannon]

Nice.

[Zach]

And in Atlanta.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

Because they made Little Women of Hollywood. They went. You know, it would be great is these bitches were ratchet like these girls. I mean, because when you watch the other ones, they want to be like dancers and real people.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. You know, they have a dream.

[Zach]

These girls are. I mean, more than half of them. Them are professional twerkers.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

And they just shake their midget ass. And I'll tell you, I'm not opposed to it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Are they?

[Steven DeMarco]

I kind of like it.

[Zach]

They're pretty. All right.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Okay, Shannon, bring up the.

[Zach]

The tiny twins before. Before we get into this new show. Let's show the boys the tiny twins. They're pretty. All right.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It sounds like Trump came up with that. Tiny twins.

[Zach]

There's two sets of twins on it. There's a tiny twins, and then there's left cheek and right cheek.

[Shannon]

Oh, wait, sorry, I brought up left cheek and right cheek.

[Zach]

All right, let's look at left cheek and right cheek first.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Left cheek and right cheek.

[Zach]

Perfect.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, boy. Man, they're pretty.

[Zach]

All right.

[Steven DeMarco]

The one on the right is a brick house. She can get it.

[Zach]

They're both. Okay, So I love a midge. I love because to me. Because I'm into thick tricks. And to me, a fat girl is just a tall midget.

[Steven DeMarco]

Damn right. Damn right.

[Zach]

It's the same proportion. I know what I like. I like women that are built like the sand monsters in Mario too. You know, just like. Like ass, titties, head. That's it.

[Steven DeMarco]

No, I'm the same way.

[Zach]

Yeah. I don't.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, like whatever. James Harden to. I. I have the same taste as, like most rappers. Yeah. You ever see a 2 Chains music video?

[Sponsor Announcer]

Of course.

[Steven DeMarco]

Those are my types of.

[Zach]

So that was, I think, a revelation for me was what music video channel did you. Or did you even have a channel by the time you were growing up?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, VH1. On YouTube, though.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, VH1. I was doing a lot of the. The YouTube. Was it vivo okay. Yeah, yeah. That was my.

[Zach]

How old are you guys?

[Jimmy McCullough]

I'm 24.

[Steven DeMarco]

I'm 29.

[Zach]

All right, so I'm 38. When I was in to date myself, we had MTV. MTV 2, VH1. That all still showed music videos. Yeah, MTV usually. Mostly only in the afternoon, but then there was a channel called the Box and the box was channel 99. It was music videos all day, but it was requests. So they would put all the call in music videos and you would call in and there would be a number you typed in for $5 to play with. To play whatever song you wanted.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's like the Apple Music monthly payment.

[Zach]

And I realized that I don't know what the reasoning was, but for some reason between 6 and like 7:30 in the morning, it would just be Ass Shaking video.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Didn't need any coffee.

[Zach]

Like, I had an alarm. Dude. It was the big Pimping video. Mystical Shake your ass and danger. It was like that era.

[Steven DeMarco]

Big Pimpin's a great one, by the way.

[Zach]

When they first. Well, there's a. The girl in Big Pimpin. I believe there's one Shaky ass too. Where it's the first time I think I had ever seen a really dark woman. Like.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Not like Halle Berry dark. Like she hasn't been unlocked yet.

[Steven DeMarco]

You can't see her.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Break a level.

[Zach]

So that to me was just prime jacket. That was to me, big sloppy black asses.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Chad, do you have the tiny twins? There we go. That's the other set. And now those are solid ones.

[Steven DeMarco]

I'd stack them on top of each other. You know what I mean, Oreo?

[Zach]

They say Andre the Giant did that once with five women.

[Steven DeMarco]

Is that true?

[Zach]

Put them. And they put a finger in each like this. Yeah. Baseball.

[Steven DeMarco]

I would do that with these girls. Jazz hands with them on my finger.

[Zach]

Yeah, of course. I would do the fingerboard tricks.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

I'd grind them and shit.

[Steven DeMarco]

Should I kick flip them?

[Jimmy McCullough]

That one comment. You're. You are beautiful ladies. Don't forget that. I wish I could meet you.

[Zach]

I love you both.

[Steven DeMarco]

And it's a woman named Tammy. You don't mean that.

[Zach]

Tammy. Tammy respects their struggle. Tammy's made some mistakes in life.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

Because the tiny twins, they. They introduced one of my favorite. I don't know if you guys fuck with reality tv. One of my favorite tropes that I think is not discussed enough. Yeah. Is. So there's two. There is the expositional fat friend. Every girl in any reality show has a Fat friend.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Who is only there to prompt her into discussing whatever the producer wants discussed.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

So she basically has a fat friend who desperately wants to be on tv.

[Steven DeMarco]

Kardashian.

[Zach]

Exactly. That would be a high level one.

[Steven DeMarco]

That's her role. She is the top of those.

[Zach]

Yeah. She would be the quintessential. But usually they have like a sloppy chick who's like their makeup artist.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Or like, you know, their fucking roadman. Just of some bullshit.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And they're always like, so what did

[Sponsor Announcer]

Devonte say to you?

[Zach]

Like, that kind of thing. Because there's somebody right off screen prompting them.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

Or my preferred favorite, the sleepy black boyfriend.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Lamar Odom.

[Zach]

And that is when one of the girls on the show has a black boyfriend who only filmed scenes in his pajamas and socks.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That was like Rob Kardashian on the

[Zach]

Crash and either in bed or playing Xbox.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes. Literally all three of those. That's all he did.

[Zach]

And that's the sleepy black. The sleep. I call the sleepy black boyfriend.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. There's a lot of those guys out there too.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Is a lot.

[Zach]

And I think it's vaguely racist because they could be like, hey, we're going out to dinner to shoot this. But they want to portray him as always in his pajamas.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. He's like, should I change? Like, actually, no.

[Sponsor Announcer]

No, you're fine like this.

[Zach]

Don't even look at her.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Don't play your game.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. When she asks you about something, be a dick about it.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

She's kind of a bitch, isn't she?

[Zach]

One of the tiny twins. It's got to be the first season.

[Sponsor Announcer]

She's like, me and my boyfriend have

[Zach]

been trying to get pregnant for the

[Sponsor Announcer]

last six months, and today I come back from the doctor and I am going to tell him I'm pregnant.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer 2]

And he.

[Zach]

And he's fucking playing Xbox and his socks, 2K. And she's like.

[Sponsor Announcer]

And the time went to the doctor and my test came back positive. I'm pregnant.

[Zach]

I'm going to have a baby. And he goes, you're what you want me to do about it? It's the best show ever. It's like they put a bunch of comedy writers in a room and went, what do you want to see midgets do?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Every episode.

[Jimmy McCullough]

What is he a little person too?

[John]

No.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, he's a normal guy.

[Zach]

All the boyfriends are normal sized dudes. And every season somebody gets pregnant. And the big thing is, is the baby gonna also be a midget?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

I mean, that's a huge that's all I'm thinking about now. I want to know now, was it a midget?

[Zach]

Funny enough, it died.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, that's the out. That's the other guess. Yeah, you go, it's either gonna be a midget or. Yeah, someone's dying.

[Zach]

Yeah, somebody's died here. So, like every episode, it's like they're like, today we're gonna paint the ceiling. But just something. There is no reason, you know, Today, Today.

[Sponsor Announcer]

What were some of the other ones?

[Zach]

It's always like, ride something big. Like, it's always something stupid.

[Steven DeMarco]

Something a midget shouldn't be doing immediately.

[Zach]

Anyway, so there's a new show now, Little Singles.

[Steven DeMarco]

Okay.

[Zach]

I thought we would watch the trailer, maybe rank some.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Please.

[Zach]

Let's see how we feel, please, about this new crop of midges popping up. He's got a fatty.

[Steven DeMarco]

That's a bro.

[John]

We always find a way to make it work.

[Steven DeMarco]

What's dwarfism?

[Jim Brewer]

What do you mean, what's dwarfism?

[Zach]

Yes, dwarfism is a. Gosh, a skeletal

[Jim Brewer]

dysplasia that people are born with. Dwarfism is like me.

[Zach]

Let's get this party started.

[John]

I'm John, and I'm bringing all my single friends to Palm Springs. This whole group met at the Little People of America convention, which is an annual convention for people with dwarfism. We live in an average sized world. We're having like a party party.

[Jim Brewer]

You don't need this lady just staring at us.

[John]

Yeah, she fully is our chance. Live without judgment here. We're all the same and it's finally a chance to feel normal. We have Stephanie. She's friends with the entire little community. Everyone knows Steph. She's single, and I would love for her to find the man of her dreams.

[Zach]

Oh, my God.

[John]

Sammy is the life of the party. Oh, he's a wild card. Jj is a guy's girl. Go, jj.

[Jim Brewer]

Go, jj.

[Akamiko]

Go, jj.

[Zach]

Go, jJ.

[John]

I mean, I just farted in front of her the other day and she didn't mind.

[Jim Brewer]

I really got a poop. Sorry, I just farted. I really got a poop.

[Zach]

She's a 10.

[Jim Brewer]

She's a 10.

[John]

Krista. She's like Disney princess.

[Jim Brewer]

They look like an angel.

[Steven DeMarco]

Looks like the tooth Fairy.

[Jim Brewer]

The Tooth Fairy.

[John]

Such a cute. I don't like that innocent woman. Well, innocent to a point.

[Jim Brewer]

You need to step up if you're not honest with her. I will be honest with her.

[John]

She has skeletons in her closet. Everyone does.

[Jim Brewer]

I'm starting to get a little crush on somebody. Who is it? How do you think we're gonna keep this thing a secret, and I just want to set some ground rules. Everyone has fun. No one gets hurt. I've never been with a little person, ever.

[Steven DeMarco]

There's a first for everything.

[Jim Brewer]

I know there's a first for everything.

[John]

I honestly have a convention. I haven't even told Sammy, Steph, or Krista. I know my friends will be upset that I wasn't honest with them.

[Jim Brewer]

I mean, if someone's lying, we all deserve to know the truth. I don't give a. I care about

[Steven DeMarco]

a 10 year friendship.

[Jim Brewer]

Stop playing games. It's not fair and it's not okay.

[Zach]

All right. What could be a secret? Unless he's like, I'm eight years old.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

What could be this revolutionary secret?

[Jimmy McCullough]

The life of the party is a 10 year old. That'd be so.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

First of all, I feel like every guy on here saw the Miz and Wee man and went, I'm done making a personality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when I. That's just who I am.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, I'll be honest, dude. I don't know if it's because I woke up late and I couldn't jerk off before I came here, but I'm horny for those ladies.

[Zach]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[Steven DeMarco]

They're hot as fuck. Am I tripping?

[Zach]

No, dude, there's something I. Listen, you came to the right place. If. If you would have fucking got ogle midgets.

[John]

Holy.

[Zach]

This is the spot to be. You've come to the right show.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Was that. That was a TL show?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, it's TLC.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Didn't they.

[Steven DeMarco]

What, you think NBC's making that?

[Jimmy McCullough]

What was the. You might know this because, you know, farmer stuff, like 10 years ago was the.

[Zach]

The family, Little people, big world. Yes, that was tlc.

[Steven DeMarco]

They had some secrets, didn't they?

[Zach]

Didn't the dad kept getting tiny DUIs.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach]

He would like, get pulled over with like an airplane bottle of Jack Daniels on his fucking tractor and he would just be falling out of it. Yeah, you can't drink and drive your mood. That's too many things.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I think he was cheating on her too.

[Steven DeMarco]

He was cheating on her? Yeah, of course he was cheating on her. Got a DUI in his toy Hummer.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Some of the. The kids end up not being.

[Zach]

Yeah, sounds like we're tall.

[Jimmy McCullough]

10 kids, right?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, some of them are tall. There's one tall. The oldest was a tall guy, regular guy, handsome. And he like, got jammed. Did he kill Somebody or something. He, like, did some up, and let's not even look it up. I'm pretty sure he killed a guy.

[Zach]

Yeah. Oh, man. Reality brings out, bro.

[Steven DeMarco]

By the way, for the Knicks games, there's a tiny woman who's like, under four foot. Tiny. And she went to Madison Square Garden.

[Zach]

Oh, in the. In the. The little bike, right?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes. And then she was just twerking all night for money she made.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Did you think I'd see it?

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got a little. I saw a bunch of videos of black guys following her.

[Steven DeMarco]

Two black guys were like, what up, mom?

[Zach]

There is nothing a black guy with a cell phone will not record.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

If a black guy sees him and needs to express it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

It will be filmed vertically.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, honestly, the black guys liking the midget kind of proves your theory.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

You know that.

[Zach]

I mean, it's all the. The. The ratios are all there.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

And it is a lot of ass, but not an intimidating amount of ass because relatively, I have enough dick.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

That I can make that work.

[Steven DeMarco]

You can get it in there?

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah. I don't have to do math on it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Do the angles.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I'm not sitting there with a protractor and a boner.

[Sponsor Announcer]

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[Zach]

And you don't even know what's in

[Sponsor Announcer]

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[Zach]

of everything we do here at Gas.

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[Zach]

program, but I got to say, I'm. I'm in 100% on the show. I'm going to be watching.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach]

Somebody's fucking.

[Steven DeMarco]

Someone's fucking.

[Zach]

I want to know. I think Brad Williams said those major conventions Are just fuck parties, really.

[Steven DeMarco]

They get.

[Zach]

They go there and just go.

[Jimmy McCullough]

The birth rate.

[Zach]

Exactly. Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Can you pull up as a normal.

[Zach]

So it's discouraged.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Converting.

[Zach]

Discouraged because they think you're a fetishist.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, yeah, I am.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yes.

[Zach]

But it is discouraged. I remember when MTV did True Life. I'm a little person. The one girl had a normal sized boyfriend and he went to the convention and all the other women were like, get him out of here.

[Steven DeMarco]

The women were men. I feel like the men were.

[Zach]

The dudes were like, definitely not into it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

But I think the chicks, they don't like feeling like an object.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, of course. They're like, it's because I'm tiny.

[Zach]

As opposed to at the convention where they're like, it's finally a level play. Like, I'm not a fetish here.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

And supposedly. Yeah, Brad Williams said that, like, there's just orgies. Like.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Eight midget orgies. Which is great because it's one bed.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, here, do you know how, like the famous thing where the kids stack each other.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

Could you do like a reversal of that to sneak into the ninja convention?

[Zach]

Oh, you just.

[Steven DeMarco]

You.

[Zach]

You paint yourself up like a Megazord.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Don't open my jacket.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. I'm actually just walking on my knees.

[Zach]

Oh, like dorf. Yeah, that's the move.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

You glue shoes to your knees.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, no, I'm not six three.

[Jimmy McCullough]

No stilts under here.

[Sponsor Announcer]

It's gotta be.

[Zach]

I'm trying to think. I hooked. I made out with a midget.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Whoa.

[Steven DeMarco]

No way.

[Zach]

Many moons ago.

[Steven DeMarco]

How did that happen? Where'd you meet?

[Zach]

She was a singer in a band I was doing a show with.

[Steven DeMarco]

Whoa.

[Zach]

And then it got weird because she knocked her beer over and couldn't bend over to get it. And I didn't pick up on that fast enough. So I just watched her beer pour out on the floor. And she's like, why wouldn't you get that? I'm like, why wouldn't you get that? She's like, I can't bend over.

[Steven DeMarco]

Wait, they can't.

[Zach]

She had like boots on.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, gotcha.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Okay.

[Zach]

And she was stuck vertical. She then got.

[Steven DeMarco]

Ha.

[Zach]

I know this girl. She got hat. She was. She at the time, like, to party.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

She got drunk, bit my friend and broke skin on the ankle. And I told. Yeah, yeah. Angrily bit him. And I told him to get it tattooed in of the teeth. Who has a midget bite?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

And then I told him the next full moon he was going to be A midget, of course.

[Steven DeMarco]

Slowly just starts.

[Zach]

And then I watched her get cut off by the bartender after biting that guy.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And the partner's like, I can't serve you anymore. You're drunk. And she's like, oh, okay. Can I tell you something? And he leaned over the bar, and she grabbed him by the collar and headbutted him in the nose and broke his nose and then got thrown out of the bar.

[Steven DeMarco]

That's a sexy girl, man.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's insane.

[Zach]

Yeah, she was a singer of a band called Castle Grayskull.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude, they probably have thick skulls.

[Zach]

Oh, boy.

[Steven DeMarco]

Right?

[Zach]

Yeah, it's all head, dude.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, that's like.

[Zach]

Oh, she knew that headbutt, dude. Yeah, she knew that headbutt was the move.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach]

It was not like, you ever watch a soccer hooligan throw a headbutt and you're like, oh, he's been.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

That's. He's been waiting.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Like, he got up one day and was like, I'm hitting somebody with a fucking headbutt.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, you.

[Zach]

She literally. She went with that big midget head went back, and she just fucking. Right on the bridge of the nose. Fucking clock this guy.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God. Bleeding.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah. She fucked him up.

[Steven DeMarco]

What's funny about that is for her to headbutt him, she would have to stand on a stool.

[Sponsor Announcer]

She was.

[Zach]

She was on the bar and she called him down. Just can't. I tell you something?

[Jimmy McCullough]

She got up the stool.

[Zach]

She got up and she got him to lean down and cracked him.

[Steven DeMarco]

She climbed, bro. He should be smarter. If a midget's climbing to get up to your face.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

There's no good reason.

[Steven DeMarco]

You can't let him near your face, dude. If they're getting up, you gotta go, man.

[Zach]

Yeah. You gotta take the high ground. Like Star Wars.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Bro, that bartender's Anakin.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer 2]

Were you.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Were you with them the whole night?

[Zach]

I was peripherally around for all of this.

[Jimmy McCullough]

How many. Like, how many drinks does it take for them to get.

[Steven DeMarco]

Midgets can drink, I heard. I'll put that on the record. I heard they have higher tolerance than you think.

[Zach]

I think the height to weight ratio does play in. Yeah, she had. Had. I mean, this girl had had a couple cocktails. Yeah, I've seen. I've seen it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Well, she said water, you know.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, you know, it's like, midgets are hot, but, you know, it's really a girl who's, like, almost a midget. You ever seen one of those, like,

[Jimmy McCullough]

a regular that just, like, they're like,

[Zach]

foot just hits the. The top.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's like, not technically a midget, but, yeah, I have.

[Zach]

I spent a few evenings with a dominatrix who was 410.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, God, that's.

[Zach]

And that was pretty gnarly.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

You're tiny. What are you.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I'm like, just under five. 1.

[Jimmy McCullough]

What up?

[Shannon]

She got one of those almost little people.

[Zach]

Is she caked up? Shan's caked up.

[Shannon]

I'm also 75 years old.

[Zach]

No, Shannon's caked up. Shannon downplays it. He puts on a hoodie and acts like, yeah, Shannon's got.

[Steven DeMarco]

Also, 75 isn't going to curb me, I'm sure. Women.

[Zach]

Shannon. Shannon's got to go.

[Steven DeMarco]

I'm all about that guilt puss. Dude, I'm sorry.

[Zach]

Ever had a grandma?

[Steven DeMarco]

Never had a. I had a. I. Okay. So I believe I had a grandma. Twerk on me at the Nick Celebration.

[Zach]

Excellent.

[Steven DeMarco]

At that bar we went to, it was a mature black woman. Oh, yeah, definitely. Like 50 or 60.

[Zach]

Yeah. Chances are.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude, she threw.

[Zach]

I'm not taking the under on her not being a grandma.

[Steven DeMarco]

The chances that she's a grandma is 100%.

[Zach]

And it's that she was out at the next celebration.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes, she might have been.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It was a midtown bar. She's probably going back to Long island after.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

You were there. We. He walked through the crowd. She tried to twerk on Jimmy. Jimmy was kind of racist about it. Yeah, seriously. I walked through. She threw it on me, and I just went like this. And then all the black dudes were like, yeah, go white. And then I. I left. I was like, I gotta go. And she looked back, and she was like, you ain't going nowhere. I'm like, listen, I gotta go. Very aggressive.

[Jimmy McCullough]

And I. I bought us two beers. It was 30 bucks. I was like, let's get out of here.

[Zach]

That I know.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Insane.

[Zach]

I can't justify it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

No, there's no way to. Yeah.

[Zach]

I was watching videos of people going ape, and it's just like.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I love so many things. There's nothing I love that would make me want to set a bus on fire.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, but do I. It's.

[Sponsor Announcer]

I get.

[Zach]

I get the. The primal.

[Steven DeMarco]

No, I think, honestly, I went out.

[Zach]

I have no interest in being. And also, I'm old. Like, if I was in my 20s, I'd be like, all right, I want to see the chaos. Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

I wanted to be part of it. I want. I was really wanted to see a. Kids in a Spurs Jersey and just kick them into the street.

[Zach]

I think the last great day. I wish I had gone out to see New York City chaos was I wish I had gone to Union Square to watch fat girls cry when Trump won again.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, God, that's the best.

[Zach]

Because nothing.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Listen, do I like him? No. But there is nothing funnier. I don't want to be then watching a fat liberal woman break down at the idea.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, it's funny about that.

[Zach]

They were not right.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

That more than half the country disagreed with them on a binary question.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's funny is ironically, you kind of look like the most famous lady.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah. 100%. Yes, I am aware. Yes. I do have that look about me. I could probably go get. I could probably go sweep up some.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, for sure.

[Zach]

Yeah. If I said I was non binary, like, I'm just. Hey, I just started transitioning.

[John]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I'm still working on. And I could be either way.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I could really pick a post.

[Steven DeMarco]

Bro, you should have went to Union Square that day and just been like, I lost my rights. I can't believe this.

[Zach]

I worked at viacob at the time and the first time T Bird won, they sent a group email that no one had to come into work the next day if they needed the day to heal.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God.

[Zach]

And I was like, laughing hysterically.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

With like, one other dude. And it was just all these people crying. I remember one gay guy crying and I'm like, what are you fucking crying about? He's like, I mean, I'm just afraid Trump's going to make it illegal for me to exist. And I'm like, you're so low on his priorities.

[Steven DeMarco]

He doesn't give a fuck.

[Zach]

He doesn't give a. He. The only person whose dick he cares about is his. He could not give a shit about.

[Steven DeMarco]

And also, that doesn't mean that's it. He's going to make it illegal for me to exist.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

What's that even mean?

[Zach]

It's just everyone wants to be a victim.

[Steven DeMarco]

It was funny. My mom was. My mom's super liberal and she was like, if Trump wins this picture.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Hair.

[John]

Right.

[Steven DeMarco]

What's up?

[Jimmy McCullough]

She's pink hair.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. My mom has pink hair my whole life, like through elementary school. Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

My mom was at Union Square.

[Zach]

Yeah. She comes to the meetings.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. But she would post Trump stuff on Facebook and she. I told her, I was like, I'm not going to vote. She's like, if he wins and you don't vote, he might Come get me. I'm like, mom, I'm going to check you into a hospital. You're. Why would you come up?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Your mom.

[Steven DeMarco]

Cuz she's talking, she goes, everyone knows I'm against Trump. He doesn't care.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think for your mom being upstate, she definitely feels like alone.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah. People hate my mom because she's anti, not hate.

[Zach]

But you know, there are parts of my family used to live in Staten Island.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And my wife's family at the house next to theirs had a. I don't know how to put it. A house decal. Like the intel. Forgive me, my phone's beeping. The entire fucking house was an American flag decal.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, that's sick.

[Zach]

Like the whole thing. They got a wraparound American flag decal

[Steven DeMarco]

permanently put on the house like it's a cyber truck. Yeah, dude, cyber truck.

[Zach]

Like it was a 22 year old black kid's coffin. Like they got the rap job and I loved it. And they were so mad. Like.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And these people were just fucking out. Fucking blasted. Oh, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Seriously.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah. Because they, their neighborhood had Shannon. You know the neighborhood I'm talking about that has the Fourth of July parade.

[Shannon]

Yeah. Is that new door? Yeah.

[Zach]

They have the, I guess the country's oldest Fourth of July parade. And they take it very seriously. To the point where my sister in law had like a vintage American because she's like a kooky goth broad. She's like the mom from Beetlejuice.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And she had a vintage American flag and her neighbors put a new one on her front door, folded up with a note that said it was disrespectful to America to hang up an old flag. That makes no sense that it needs to be a new, untarnished flag.

[Steven DeMarco]

Bro, they love their country.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That, that flag's been through a lot.

[Zach]

I thought that too.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

So they wound up. You ever watch somebody just quit social media because they can't stop arguing?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

She was one of those. She literally just fought with her family members on Facebook.

[John]

Yes.

[Zach]

Until she deleted all her social media.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

And now when I visit, there's just this bubble.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Where they have only like the. He was on a boat and he threw a baby off of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you listen to a lady who called a hotline once, you know how many crazy. If you opened up a hotline about any celebrity.

[John]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And said, tip, if this man raped you in front of Satan.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Zach]

Call us.

[Steven DeMarco]

Someone's gonna say yes.

[Zach]

First of all, you're Gonna get a million pranks.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yep.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And you're gonna get 500 schizophrenic people.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Also, by the way, can we. If I've raped anyone in front of Satan, drop it. Yeah, drop in the comments, Marco. So, yeah, if I did that, I just want to know my baby. My name is Jimmy McCullough.

[Zach]

Yeah, it's.

[Jim Brewer]

Sure.

[Zach]

I don't like the guy, but, like, we don't need to make up either.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude, the white. Did you guys see the fight last night? The UFC fight and the White House lawn?

[Zach]

I did not. You heard it was.

[Steven DeMarco]

That got. I. I saw highlights that got out of control.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Hear what the fighter said?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, dude.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

That one made. Feel bad. Well, it's just like. And I love saying she's a man, but. Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Who doesn't love saying Big Mike?

[Steven DeMarco]

But it's the most fun.

[Zach]

It's very funny. It's very funny.

[Steven DeMarco]

But for some reason, when I was on the White House lawn, I was like, I don't know, man. That's too. It's too much.

[Zach]

It did have. And listen, I love gaudy. I love redneck shit. It did have a hint of idiocracy to it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

No, that's. That's what I'm saying.

[Zach]

With the. The. The dirt bikes, the studs of the cars, and it's like.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Was it. It was two nights.

[Zach]

I think there was something else last night. The fight was last night.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

The dirt bike stuff was.

[Zach]

I think it was during the day.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

They were, like, jumping shit.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Wow.

[Steven DeMarco]

But dirt bike is very stupid. I mean, so many. Yeah. People die.

[Zach]

You know, it's especially funny that, like, as you remove us as a cultural identity, the biggest sports league in the world is going on right now.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Sort of go, nah, let's just have a bunch of guys punch each other.

[Steven DeMarco]

I know. Yeah, that'll be good. Yeah. The World Cup.

[Zach]

I do love that restaurants in Jersey are having to put up. Why. Why you tip signs?

[Steven DeMarco]

Wait, really? Because you're not being tipped from all the.

[Zach]

From all the. All the people coming in for the Cup. They're putting up notices like, oh, yeah, what tipping means. Why? It's customary. Why? How to do the math on it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. So that they can do the math.

[Zach]

So that they can't pretend because they know the tip.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, I see a lot of Brazil shirts out there, so that makes sense.

[Zach]

They know. They know to tip. They're just not. They're gonna go, I'm gonna pretend I don't speak English. Yeah, it's like when you go talk to a Chinese person that, you know, speaks English and they do the dual face.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Like, fuck you.

[Zach]

I know.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Literally last week I got an Uber and I said, hey, what's up, man? Do you have a charger?

[Steven DeMarco]

No.

[Jimmy McCullough]

No English. I like, all right, all right. Charger, no English. Probably drove for like another 15 minutes. Got stuck at a red light. This homeless lady comes to the door, knocks on the window, is asking for money. He goes, sorry, I don't have any cash. I was like, you motherfucker. This whole time.

[John]

They.

[Zach]

Oh, they pull that.

[Sponsor Announcer]

I get a lot of ones that say they're deaf.

[Zach]

And then I get in there, hey, how are you?

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God, I thought you were fucking.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Why did I get up on the. On the.

[Zach]

Yeah, I'll say your driver is deaf or hard of hearing. Please communicate through text only. And then I get it. And they're always like, hey, how you doing, dude?

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God. I wouldn't want a driver who's deaf. Doesn't that seem.

[Zach]

I'll take. I mean, half of them are on fucking headphones or having a conversation anyway.

[Steven DeMarco]

Point. Speaking in Farsi.

[Zach]

Yeah. Did I tell you about the driver I had the other day who remembered me?

[Shannon]

I. Yes, that. The accident.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a car. The guy goes, I have you. A few months ago, I get in. Big accident.

[Sponsor Announcer]

New car.

[Zach]

New car, very nice.

[Sponsor Announcer]

They pay.

[Zach]

And then I was like, this guy's going to get hit in the car. Yeah, there's no way I don't get this guy hit again. And we're going. We're going to the fucking airport. He got rear ended. And I went, hey, man, if you ever get me again, just don't accept the. Yeah, don't turn me down. I'm sorry. This one's on me.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I think with the first time you were with him, it was an accident to. Twice.

[Zach]

Twice.

[Akamiko]

Wow.

[Zach]

Times Getting rear ended really wasn't his fault.

[Steven DeMarco]

It's very aggressive. Chinese guy. Another chance at driving, though.

[Zach]

I've been in a lot of bad ones. Yeah, I'll take Chinese guy. I'll take Chinese guy. Depending on the car.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Chinese guy, passenger van, Top notch. Uber. No.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Top notch.

[Steven DeMarco]

Okay.

[Zach]

They've been dropping. They've been driving the passenger van.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, forever.

[Zach]

For 40 years.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

That's been their job.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Tesla. I get nervous.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Anything new, I get nervous. And then, of course, no matter how progressive you are, when you see it's a woman.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. The worst drivers are the African guys because they Pull up on an E bike. Yo, dude, get done. What the.

[Zach]

You can't drive and eat rice with your hands.

[Steven DeMarco]

He's bowing towards Mecca. I'm like, eyes on the road, please.

[Zach]

I do miss the chaos of the Uber share.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's not a thing anymore.

[Zach]

It is, but it's not really worth it anymore. It used to be like a legit 20 or $30 less. Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And now it's like, almost the same.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, bro. Last time I got into an Uber share, it was late as fuck, 2am this woman gets in, falls asleep on my shoulder, and when we get to her location, she wakes up and takes freaks the out. She goes, who the are you? And then she's like, what's going? Why are you in my Uber? I'm like, it's a share. She goes, I don't think I ordered a share. I was like, bro, you fell asleep. I was doing the nice guy thing too, where I go, all right, you can sleep. And she woke up. She's like, are you assaulting me?

[Zach]

I. I've had drunk people get in and say, it's not a share.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

Chris Vega, the comic, has a great story of pulling up at the Marcy projects and a girl in her pajamas gets in at 3 in the morning. Very obviously a guy called an Uber for her.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And she goes, what are you doing in this car? It's a share. She goes, he got me a share. Oh, hell no.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Screaming at him.

[Steven DeMarco]

Why do they do that? I feel like. Like this lady, I feel like she knew she got a share. She just wanted to act like she wasn't in, that she's probably hammered and

[Jimmy McCullough]

thought it was wait and save.

[Steven DeMarco]

Maybe even.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's the. Pretty much the same price.

[Steven DeMarco]

I think she's trying to hide her brokenness, though.

[Zach]

I think sometimes you just click in the lowest number.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

When you're hammered.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, true.

[Zach]

And I had a. I've talked ad nauseam about it, so I won't. But I had. I had a very drunk gentleman try to service me the back.

[Steven DeMarco]

In the back of one.

[Zach]

Yeah. He was blacked out. He was out. He convinced himself I owned a record company because I had a misfits bomber jacket on. And he kept falling asleep. Where am I? And I go, you're in an Uber. And be like, all right, so what do you do? And I would go advertise, like, I'd never want to start a conversation. And he's like, oh, okay. And then he goes, tell me about your record company. And I was like, I don't own a record company because. Yeah, you're the president of a record company. I was like, no, I'm not. Then he tried to give me coke, which, had there not been a driver in the car, might have been a different story. Whatever he had did not work.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And then he started massaging my inner thigh and asked if there was anything he could do to make the ride more comfortable for me.

[Steven DeMarco]

You're like, actually, that would be great.

[Zach]

I looked at the driver and he looked at me and went. And then we got rid of him and he called the driver 10 times after to ask if we would come up for dinner.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God.

[Zach]

So I think he was looking to get plowed out.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. That dude was like, please, I need

[Zach]

a fucking for bed. Shout out. Sebastian.

[Steven DeMarco]

His name.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Oh, yeah, Sebastian.

[Zach]

I'd never met another one. I've only met Sebastian's.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, I was gonna say it. Everybody.

[Zach]

Sebastian.

[Steven DeMarco]

It's like, you own a record company, don't you? I want to get into music. Yeah.

[Zach]

He was like a hipster Russian kid.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God.

[Zach]

Definitely hiding it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Poor press guy.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Hey, guys, real quick.

[Zach]

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[Zach]

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[Zach]

All right, we got a bunch of other silly shit I want to look at real quick. This one really made me laugh. This is a Brazilian woman being searched by the police. And I just want to commend. When you got a down bitch, you've got a down bitch. And this woman is what I would call a ride or die Shannon. Oh, wait.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, God.

[Zach]

Dude, look at the size of that gun she had shoved up. Oh, look, she's taking it out.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, he's doing the squat.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, man, that's huge. That's a Desert Eagle.

[Zach]

Dude, that's crazy. That's like a dirty hat. Well, it is a Dirty Harry gun.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Now,

[Zach]

that's a crazy.

[Jimmy McCullough]

What's the big gun in Fortnite? Exactly like that.

[Zach]

That's like a decal on it. It's like a derringer. Like, that's a crazy gun.

[Steven DeMarco]

I hope that thing was on safety. Holy Barrel up the puss.

[Zach]

That's crazy, dude.

[Sponsor Announcer]

And by the way, that means she hadn't had it there in a rush.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes. Yeah.

[Zach]

Like, there was like, oh, shit, the cops are here. She's like, I got you, Miho.

[Shannon]

But they were. They were also riding on, like, a little motorcycle. So she was, like, sitting on it. On it. Okay, because it says that. I looked at the story after, and it said that the cops were tipped off that they had, like, an unregistered gun. And so they were pulled over while they were riding this motorcycle. And it was in her inner puss.

[Steven DeMarco]

Good for her, on pulling out herself, not making the cops do it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Wait, Shannon, Was she, like, on the run or something?

[Shannon]

They claim that they had the gun because one of their family members had been robbed recently. So I guess someone just, like, ratted them out.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. Get the biggest gun possible.

[Zach]

Yeah. Get the same.

[Steven DeMarco]

Keep it in your.

[Zach]

And just shove it at your puss.

[Steven DeMarco]

Imagine sleeping at night next to your girl.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I cannot afford to save.

[Steven DeMarco]

Put it in my.

[Zach]

Yeah, that. But, yeah, that is a great draw. Yeah, that's how you have to work on your draw.

[Steven DeMarco]

What's the lock? A quick draw out of the Red Dead style.

[Zach]

It spins a few times.

[Steven DeMarco]

Her juice is just coming off as it shoots.

[Zach]

That can't be good for the gun. No, it's.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Water drowned.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah, it's.

[Zach]

Yeah, you gotta rest up the barrel.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Exactly.

[Zach]

Yeah. You want to put it in a baggie?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get that in a bag.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they're for.

[Steven DeMarco]

Holy fuck.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That is a rib condom.

[Zach]

How much do you think condoms are used for? Non sex? Like, they're used for smuggling as opposed to they're used for actual sex? I feel like that is the go to move for swallowing.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Condom Swallow it or shoving up the butt.

[Zach]

I don't think I have the gag reflex to swallow a condom full of some.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

No.

[Zach]

I would get it in my mouth and go, this is a condom.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Zach]

I can't uncon. This can't be. Not a condom in my mouth right now.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Definitely does not taste good. Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

I remember one time I took a flight to Massachusetts and I was bringing weed. So I put it in my butt.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

You serious?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. And then, like, in. Halfway in. And the rest was. I couldn't get the whole thing up there.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

When I got that, when I got to Massachusetts, I learned I didn't have to do that. It was legal there. I just put weed in my butt for no reason.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I feel like they're fine with it nowadays. I used to put it in. Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

This was two years ago.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. Now it doesn't.

[Zach]

Now I just put it in my check bag.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. It's fine.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I've never had an issue.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

I still put it in my butt. Just in case.

[Zach]

Just in case. Why not? I've had time. This is embarrassing. I believe I've heard. I've referred. I've heard Bobby Lee refer to it as the. The Korean tail.

[Jim Brewer]

Okay.

[Zach]

Every once in a while, I may have a dump that does some damage.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And I remember Robin. Big. Big used to say, he put it in.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude. I still do this.

[Zach]

If I got. If I. It's a little. I just know either I got some blood.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yep.

[Zach]

Or no matter how many wipes, like they say on Parks and Rec, it's like trying to wipe away a brown marker.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach]

It's like, I know that no matter how much I attend to this.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

It's not. It's a Lose, lose.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You gotta do this.

[Zach]

Sometimes I'll get in the shower. Oh, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. I'm a hairy guy, man. I have all the methods I do stuck.

[Zach]

I. I'm a big fan of washcloth in the shower. One for up.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Yep.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's great. One foot up is key, though. You know, Game.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, if you're out in public, no bathroom.

[Zach]

Yeah. Sometimes you just wad up a bunch and throw it in there and go, this is a later problem.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

You go.

[Steven DeMarco]

I'm gonna save 10 minutes.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

But then you go to TSA and you go. They're probably gonna wonder about this.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. A black lady's like, what the fuck is that?

[Zach]

I had to get ts. I got. I got a full Adam. Oh. Where I was at JSK the other day, and my dick ring set it off.

[Steven DeMarco]

Why, you got a dick ring?

[Zach]

Yeah, it was an old man and he said, what's this? And he pointed at the machine. And I just went, I have my penis pierced. And he went, all right, dude, by

[Steven DeMarco]

the way, if you want us, don't by the way. But if you did want to smuggle a bomb through the tsa, and they go, what is. Just say gay to the black dude. You're like, I get through, man. Go, go.

[Zach]

I've had two different old men go. I got to do the back of the hand. And they just do my dick.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Which, whatever.

[John]

I get it.

[Zach]

I brought the thing.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I did have one young black guy go, nah, son, not today. And walk around the entire terminal punching his hand. I watched him think about when his bills were due.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's metal.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.

[Steven DeMarco]

Is it in the hole?

[Zach]

Yeah, through the head.

[Steven DeMarco]

And may I ask a couple of follow ups?

[Zach]

Of course.

[Steven DeMarco]

I've never met a man with a. What's the jizz?

[Zach]

Like, is that.

[Steven DeMarco]

Does it come out unless you put your finger. They're like when you finger over a hose.

[Zach]

No, it's the same.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's like a Chernobyl water. Just a little, little bit of metal.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's the same.

[Steven DeMarco]

What is. Is the increased pleasure for the woman.

[Zach]

I don't care. Yeah, that's never been.

[Steven DeMarco]

So you're just like, I'm that.

[Zach]

I've always wanted it since I knew you could do it.

[Steven DeMarco]

It's kind of like very alpha.

[Zach]

It always made sense to me.

[Steven DeMarco]

Put a hole in your piece.

[John]

How long.

[Jimmy McCullough]

How long have you had it?

[Zach]

Since I'm 18. I'm 38. Whoa. I've had it sanded up to a two. No, I got it. I'm back down to an eight.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

Okay. The two is a little cumbersome.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Too much?

[Zach]

Yeah, it was a lot. It was. It was. It was a fucking honking piece of metal.

[Jimmy McCullough]

So like, the two was like, like.

[Zach]

No, like. I don't know. Shannon, just bring up a two gauge.

[Steven DeMarco]

Can we see a. Yeah. Can you show us a Pierce pin?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Did it hurt?

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, very bad.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, did you hold on to it when you're like.

[Zach]

No, no. Two gauge, 2G space, CBR ring.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude, you are so strong.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's awesome.

[Steven DeMarco]

You like? I feel like when a woman gives birth, that's how I feel about you kissing the penis. I'm like, you're so brave.

[Zach]

No, I was just out of my mind.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It wasn't a C section, bro.

[Steven DeMarco]

I would at least put like, coke on my dick.

[Zach]

Yeah, that was. That was what I had.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, man.

[Zach]

If it was in my nose, it would be hard to talk to me.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, okay.

[Zach]

Like, that's the way I would describe it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Hard to eat.

[Zach]

Yeah. If it. No, you would look at me and be like, that's stupid.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Like, it's. I would look like a Ninja Turtle villain.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

If that was in my face at any point.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay, so that was a two.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I'm back down to an eight, so it's probably a third of that width.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Steven DeMarco]

I wish I could commit to bits because I would love to just put that in my penis just to show it to my girl and have her freak the out.

[Zach]

There we go. I've had times. The only time I've used it to frighten a stranger is if I'm at a urinal and there's a dude that I could tell is already weirded out by me. Yes, I will cling it on the side like a dinner bell. And one time a guy was just staring at me and he's looking at me, and I could tell he just hated my aura. I finished pissing and I banged it on the side and I went, ding, ting, ting.

[Sponsor Announcer]

All done.

[Zach]

And backed out smiling. And I went, that guy has to tell somebody that that happened now because I was leaving. I knew I was leaving that building.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And I don't think anything I did was illegal.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

But now he just has to carry. Like, he has to tell other people in his life.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. That.

[Zach]

That happened.

[Steven DeMarco]

Like, you're a prison guard. You're like, Time to eat, boys.

[Zach]

Jenner served.

[John]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Holy fuck, dude. Oh, God.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

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[Zach]

all right, so God bless this Brazilian woman with the gun up.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Good for her. Man. That is. That is a down.

[Zach]

This is a real fun one. This is a mayor discussing a police officer who was just murdered and she has a bit of a slip of the tongue.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

Shannon.

[Jim Brewer]

There are no words that can ease the pain of the family, the loved ones and the colleagues across the service. They are very much in our thoughts as they face this profound loss.

[Zach]

Remn if your family loses your cop dad. And here's Mayor Noodles over here.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude.

[Zach]

I'm sure that on the news in Toronto.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. And our thoughts.

[Zach]

They must be just walking.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Mix up Fs and Ts. No, that's Ls and Rs.

[Shannon]

Right?

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

It's not at all. It's not at all. She just got. That was just. She was thinking about farts. That lady's like, oh, the fart.

[Steven DeMarco]

She's like, I got to. How did the cop die?

[Zach]

I believe he was murdered in the line of duty.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God.

[Zach]

To hit the farts, that must be like. If that's your family, you definitely at the funeral are like, he's in our farts.

[Steven DeMarco]

Absolutely.

[Zach]

You. You definitely go home from the funeral. You're in the car and somebody farts and they're like, dad.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, that's him coming back now.

[Steven DeMarco]

I would fart every time I farted for a week. I. I'd be like, one up. That's for Pops. That's for Pops.

[Zach]

That's. That's a tough one to come back from.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God. Are they killing her online for this?

[Zach]

It's not that bad.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I think she has other policies that she's currently having a rougher time with. Toronto's becoming a bit of a.

[Steven DeMarco]

As soon as that happened, she was like, fuck, I got to change the news. We're going to start giving money for gender affirming care.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. What is, what's her title?

[Zach]

I believe that's the Mayor of Toronto.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, wow.

[Zach]

Right, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Yes.

[Zach]

Mayor of the fair.

[Steven DeMarco]

The fair. Farts, dude. Farts.

[Jimmy McCullough]

The fair of farts.

[Zach]

I Wonder if that could be a love.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Is that defamation?

[Zach]

Like, you've made my husband's death a laughingstock.

[Steven DeMarco]

Probably wouldn't you want that?

[Zach]

You know what I mean? He probably wouldn't.

[Steven DeMarco]

Okay. I've been having this debate. It's like, should you laugh at the.

[Zach]

You know, it's pretty hard to get shot as a cop in Toronto, right?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, I would think so. They have. You think they'd get stabbed, Right?

[Sponsor Announcer]

It's like. Yeah.

[Zach]

When there's no guns, it's already a sad story.

[Steven DeMarco]

I grew up across the lake from Toronto.

[Zach]

Okay.

[Steven DeMarco]

And Canadians would always come over. Yeah. Canadians would always come over and be like, we're so jealous you guys have guns. Which was very awesome to me.

[Jimmy McCullough]

They don't have.

[Steven DeMarco]

No.

[Zach]

Apparently.

[Steven DeMarco]

No.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Or this king carries.

[Steven DeMarco]

I don't think so. No.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

Yeah. It's a different set of laws up there.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I saw James Harden got arrested for having a gun.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Talk about midget strippers. That guy would love those.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

James Harden loves strippers, dude. Yeah. He had a gun.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I feel like.

[Steven DeMarco]

What's like Mitchell on the next Mitchell Robinson.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. I feel like he would love some midgets in his big, big trucks.

[Steven DeMarco]

The American country.

[Zach]

Mayweather just get caught having a baby with a stripper.

[Steven DeMarco]

Probably that dude loves him too.

[Zach]

I think Mayweather just got got and he's getting got for like 40 grand a month.

[Steven DeMarco]

God, it's so funny when these guys keep falling for the pregnant, like, just keep fucking up. Do the Drake. Put hot sauce in her pussy, dude. Do whatever.

[Zach]

I mean, make sure she. Mayweather. It must be such an astronomical amount of money.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Where he's like, I couldn't possibly chip away at this.

[Steven DeMarco]

Right.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I can just be real reckless with my comb.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

And then pay it.

[Zach]

True.

[Steven DeMarco]

Also, the strippers probably like, I want a million a month.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

She's so much holding. Yeah.

[Zach]

She's got him in guard.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

And he can't read, so he's just signing, you know.

[John]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Was it a thing that, like, girls that would, like, get with Drake would, like, puncture like a hole.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. That's why I started doing the hot sauce.

[Zach]

Yeah. Well, they. I believe he said that they were scooping them out of the garbage.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Putting them back in and like, flavor popping them back in. So he put hot sauce in it to kill it. But I'm pretty sure. That necessary. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Air kills come pretty quick. I think you've got like a five to ten minute window.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. That's Good to know.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

If it drips down, it's like, it's okay.

[Zach]

Yeah, whatever.

[Jimmy McCullough]

By the time it gets there, it's.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Not even the.

[Zach]

The flavor also might have very athletic comb.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Zach]

It might be real resilient.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, you're really getting the shot.

[Zach]

It's not one of my loads that's. It's stopping at BUC EE's on the way.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, bro, my come dies before it comes out. Yeah.

[Zach]

I do not shoot loads.

[Akamiko]

Dude.

[Zach]

My gum dribbles out like you're feeding an old person.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Dude. I remember I had sex like a handful of times in high school, but I always had a condom on.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I've been the, you know, the bit never came. So I genuinely was like, I think I'm gay. And then I remember the first time I had sex with no condom. I swear to God, one piece of went over the girl's head like onto the top couch so much and I was like, I'm so straight.

[Zach]

Dude.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That was awesome.

[Zach]

Yeah. Condom suck.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

It is funny for strippers to flavor pop the c from a celebrity. I heard that gay guys do that too. Just cuz they're so gay and love just flavor popping in their ass.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. No, I don't know, I don't get

[Sponsor Announcer]

like why would you.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I don't know. Why would you want a kid with someone that does not want to give with you?

[Zach]

Because they get great. There's girls that just hang out at the hotel they know the NBA is going to be at.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And just go, well he's six, seven.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, bro. I would do that if I was

[Zach]

a girl because they're, they're, they're getting crazy checks.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

And by the way, the girls don't want the kid either.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Dude.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's what I'm saying.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

They're not having the kid because they're like. I just, I feel like I'd be such a good mother.

[Zach]

No.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

They're gone. I'm done.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

With this.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I'm done getting dressed up. I'm done going out. I'm done sitting at a table with bottle service.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

Some at 22 year old can bust a nut in me.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And I'm gonna wear sweatpants forever.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, dude, it's funny because it will be like a lot of times it's like women in their late 30s, early 40s trying to get like NBA stars who are like 21 and those guys are easy to fool.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

If a MILF wanted my comment 20, Dude, I would have like so many kids, dude. I'd be like, dude, I feel like

[Jimmy McCullough]

Wemby probably let someone keep his commentary the game the other night.

[Steven DeMarco]

No.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I can't believe he walked out without shaking hands and then he.

[Steven DeMarco]

Did that piss you off?

[Jimmy McCullough]

He's a loser, dude.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, well, he's French. No one brings us up. He's a. He's arrogant because he's French.

[Zach]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[Steven DeMarco]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Didn't he, like, drop the. The mic on the post game?

[Steven DeMarco]

He did, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It was like, see you never. Some shit.

[Steven DeMarco]

It's funny. He's so tall that no one unders. No one realized how arrogant he's being up there. Like, if he sat. When he sits down and does an interview, you go, oh, this guy's fucking arrogant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's always been that way.

[Zach]

Isn't that just like. Other than very rare occasions, if you're going to be exceptional at something.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

You're probably kind of a narcissist. Like, they say Jordan's the worst person ever to be around.

[Steven DeMarco]

So bad.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Like, people, like, dreaded having to do social things with him.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah. Especially. Jordan is a monster from the bat. I mean, Larry Bird used to call guys the N word. I'm pretty sure, dude, like, NBA stars are like.

[Jimmy McCullough]

When someone's wearing three in shorts. Yeah. Bulge is coming out, bro.

[Steven DeMarco]

Imagine a white. You're black, and a white guy calls you the N word while they're dropping. Dropping 50 points on you. That's goddess.

[Zach]

I mean, if anybody's earned it, it's that guy. If that's.

[Jim Brewer]

If.

[Zach]

If there was a way to get the past, it is technically to just dunk on them 40 and over.

[Steven DeMarco]

If you drop 40 points or over, fucking let it fly. Yeah.

[Zach]

You get it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

I think Tony Hawk hears it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Really cool. I agree.

[Sponsor Announcer]

I think Tony Hawk gets it in a.

[Zach]

Not in a. He gets it in, like, a friendship.

[Steven DeMarco]

Sure, sure.

[Zach]

Because he is. Okay. I think there's definitely a subset of white guys that black people with hard.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

And Tony Hawk's in there.

[Zach]

I go, Tony Hawk.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Mr. Bean.

[Steven DeMarco]

Love Mr. Bean.

[Zach]

Black people with Mr. Bean.

[Jim Brewer]

Hard.

[Steven DeMarco]

I was always wondering who's watching this Mr. Pinch.

[Zach]

And there's an. Oh, Jeff Hardy.

[Steven DeMarco]

That for sure. Dude. They love the shorts, man.

[Zach]

They love the. The. The John Cena, too.

[Sponsor Announcer]

John Cena.

[Zach]

Yes and no.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

Jeff Hardy.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, that's him.

[Zach]

Jeff. It's. It's. There's something very specific.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

About the colors and the.

[John]

The.

[Zach]

The. The Jumping the rest. The, the. The recklessness.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Like they. They fuck with him hard.

[Steven DeMarco]

I. I could see that.

[Zach]

I could see like, Mr. I've seen OK with Karen, our office manager, about this. When you talk to black people, they all know Mr. Bean.

[Sponsor Announcer]

It's because it was on PBS

[Steven DeMarco]

and

[Zach]

people that grew up without cable had limited comedy options. And that was a funny slapstick thing that was on for free.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah. Tony Hawk. Imagine the next Tony Hawk, pro skater. You know the intros to the games. It's the eyeball, the steak, the kid gets pulled in the suit.

[Zach]

You gotta collect the letters and it's the N word.

[Steven DeMarco]

You're grinding. You're like. I don't see the, er. Oh, no, it's an A.

[Zach]

We're good, we're good, we're good. That's a different difficulty meter.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Ten stars.

[Zach]

Oh, you found the secret, er, tape.

[Steven DeMarco]

I open the new Grand Theft Auto game. You can do that?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Dude, what is that coming out?

[Zach]

I don't know if it is. I know. I think it will. I think it will be teased again forever. Again?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, I think it said maybe November or something, but I doubt it.

[Zach]

I think they lost a huge opportunity because I pictured what the trailer should be.

[Steven DeMarco]

And what is that?

[Zach]

Okay, stay with me here. Make a little movie screen in your mind.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Okay. And all you got to have gta and then the six in Roman numerals.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Vi.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And then it fills in CE City. Tip. And it's Vice City now.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, fuck, that's sick as hell.

[Zach]

So it's six, but then the six is also the Vice.

[Steven DeMarco]

Vice City. Yeah. That's awesome.

[Zach]

And that's it. And it just starts in the 80s footage and you see the levels from Vice City and then you see them in HD now.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And what all those places have become since the 80s, you use the Ray Liotta character as, like he just died or whatever. Y. And you're like his cousin or something that's coming to clean up. And all the rival gangs are fighting for his territory.

[Steven DeMarco]

That would go so hard. That's great.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I think they did too much with the trailer, actually. I agree with you. It's too much. I don't need showing off what they made.

[Zach]

I feel like I just want to. But I miss. And this is going to sound lame. Vice City was a fun story.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, it was Liberty City too.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I didn't get that out of some of the later one. Like, I didn't. Switching between the people. I didn't.

[Steven DeMarco]

I didn't like that at all. Yeah, I didn't care for it.

[Zach]

I don't like all the. Like, I could go a little easier on the missions.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

A little more. Just have fun a little more.

[John]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Play it the way you want to play, because how many people really play it and how many people really play for 10 minutes and then go online? All right. I'm fucking blown shit up.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. All the time, I'm seeing how many

[Zach]

cops it takes to. I'm finding the best possible spot. You sit with a bazooka.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

And seeing how many helicopters I could take before they killed me.

[Steven DeMarco]

That was like a ritual. Me and my friends would get out of High School. GTA 5 was out, go home. We'd smoke weed. We loaded up, we grabbed the sniper. We zoom in all the way on an old lady's face. We blow it off, and then we go, all right, you guys want to go for a walk?

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That was the funniest.

[Steven DeMarco]

We just stopped playing.

[Jimmy McCullough]

My. My house was the house that had all the games. And my friends with, like, Catholic parents would come over and be like. Like, come on, let me play. Like, they don't let me play at home. And I'm like, now it's my turn. You died.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, dude. About gta, I remember my friend found out that our other friend's mom let us play, and his dad showed up just to be like, you're a terrible mother. How, like, scorned this woman. He was like, I heard they're killing strippers at your house.

[Zach]

My Cuban grandma. That's all she got from it. I remember her at the time. I hear about this game. Or you kill prostitute. I'm like. I went, yeah, you technically can. Yeah. And she goes. I was like, well, you don't have to. You just can.

[Steven DeMarco]

You can't. It's enough.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Just give her your money.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. And you don't only kill prostitutes. I mean, sure, every now and then you throw some dynamite on them and.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Come on.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I remember one time I was, like, probably in, like, seventh grade, and I was playing alone, and I was, like, in the strip club. Like, the game just came out, like, 2013, and there's three discs that came in. The Xbox.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Or two. You know, you get both. Both in. Took forever to download, and it finally downloaded. I went straight to the strip club, and my dad came down to, like, do laundry, and I think he just looked at me, looked at. Looked at the screen and was just

[Steven DeMarco]

like, all right, Yeah, I found my son Looking at digital titties.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I was alone.

[Zach]

Oh, no.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I was just part of the mission.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dark basement.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Literally. I was in the basement just ripping it alone.

[Steven DeMarco]

You're sitting on the washer.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Big box tv.

[Zach]

I remember my dad specifically. If I was gonna watch a horror movie, he's like, is there gonna be titties in this?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Yeah, about an hour. And he'll be like, I'll be back.

[John]

Yeah.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Zach]

He's not gonna sit and watch some Italian horror movie with like. Yeah. I was already watching, like obscure Italian horror.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

When I was like 13.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

My dad was like, just call me when there's gonna be titties. I'm not watching this with you.

[Steven DeMarco]

My dad say my dad loved western movies, so he'd always just rent a western movie that had titties in it. You just find one. It's awesome. I so many western.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I used to pause the Wolf of Wall street scene with her naked on the. That was. That was all I needed.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, I did that with Knocked Up. There's a scene where they go to Vegas.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

And such a great rack. I remember I recorded it on the DirecTV. And then my mom worked at night, so she was sleeping during the day. And my. I was just in the living room because I thought no one was home. Just with the tits on the screen, you know? And my little sister walked in. Oh. And ran up and told my mom

[Jimmy McCullough]

I used to order. I forget the. It's like a porn star before, like pornhub and everything. Katie something.

[Steven DeMarco]

Kendra Lust.

[Jimmy McCullough]

No.

[Steven DeMarco]

Julianne Mia Khalifa.

[Zach]

You're thinking. I know. It's the girl from Zach and Mary Make a porno.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Zach]

Katie.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Zach]

Shannon, if you could bring it up. Very, very hot.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Not Morgan.

[Zach]

Yes. Katie.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Is it?

[Zach]

Yeah, I want to say it is.

[Steven DeMarco]

She used to do a TV show on hbo talking about blowjobs. Yeah. I'd stay up to watch that too.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was some you could buy. And I used to just blame it on my older brother, cuz it would come in my dad's card, bro.

[Steven DeMarco]

My dad would. My dad would.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's Katie Morgan.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, dude. My dad would buy them on the DirecTV. This happened like twice. My dad would buy them in the middle of the night, and then my mom would get it on the bill.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

And he kept blaming me. My dad was like, it's Steve. My mom's. And it was like a Ebony film.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

My mom's like, did you buy this? You know, 20 ebony. I was like, no. And I'm 16. So she doesn't believe me. So I had to, I had to catch my dad in the act to prove to my mother it wasn't me. And I got his ass too.

[Zach]

Jerking off with cocoa butter.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

For real, dude.

[Zach]

Dad's like. Dad's like an African incense and jerking off with cocoa bro.

[Steven DeMarco]

We live on a grape farm in the middle of nowhere and my dad's watching. It's like. You would just. Would never have guessed it. Stupid.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Get the hell out of here.

[Steven DeMarco]

Was it.

[Jimmy McCullough]

What is it? What does that mean?

[Sponsor Announcer]

Dad, why does it smell like Jaquar Noir in here?

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's what your mother had.

[Zach]

It's like, there's Tennessee bottle flies in his head. I'm with my. Yeah, yeah, not now.

[Steven DeMarco]

Chain on.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Just my Republican dad. I'm like, dude, there's no black women in town. How do you. Did you stumble across this? Yeah, that was hard. And I didn't want to catch him, but I had to for my honor, of course. You know.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, I get that.

[Zach]

See, I'm such a generation different than you guys. I had VHS's.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, shit.

[Zach]

That would, if you rewound them too much on a scene, would start to warble.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And I recently tried to watch a copy of a movie I had in high school on a crtv.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And in every sex scene, it would start to come off the hinges in the VHS and start to like. Because I had rewound the first time I had ever seen a doggy style sex scene.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I had rewound it 800 times.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And just stood off, jerking off to the same 20 seconds, of course, for years.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You know the scene from American Pie that was like the.

[Steven DeMarco]

Where he. The pie?

[Jimmy McCullough]

No, where he's. They like all leave the house and he's never drinking.

[John]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

And they catch him.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. He's like, I, I, me and my friends have never laughed so hard when they just did a, A close up shot of just his toes curling. So funny.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I forget why. It was like the grandma left or

[Steven DeMarco]

something, came back, killed her. She died.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Remember when the writing movies was that easy? Yeah.

[Zach]

I mean, there was an old lady in a movie. You're like, oh, she's gonna die.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, let's kill this.

[Zach]

She's gonna die. Hilariously.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach]

That's one of the funniest. That seventies show. Like the first season when you meet Red's mom and she's just a cunt. Yes to Kitty. And then they get in the car, he goes, you know, would it kill

[Sponsor Announcer]

you to be nice for once.

[Zach]

And she just drops dead. In the first episode, she said, yeah, yeah. Oh, so. And then he has to drive the body back. Like hereditary.

[Steven DeMarco]

The guy who wrote that shows From My Town. Oh, Dinner with him. It was sick.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I. I walked past. What's his name? Red.

[Steven DeMarco]

Kurt.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah. Cartwood. Smith.

[Steven DeMarco]

Smith.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. I was at Broadway one night, and he would just walk by with a cane, bro.

[Steven DeMarco]

The guy who wrote. His name's Mark Brazil, told a story where he came up in the Comedy Store with Kinison at La Jolla, and

[Jimmy McCullough]

he was like, really?

[Steven DeMarco]

Kinison? And there's a night where Kinison pulled an Uzi on him and accused him of his girlfriend.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Jesus Christ.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Have you ever done.

[Zach]

I have not.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I. I used to live in. I really want to do that room. I used to live in San Diego.

[Zach]

I have not. I know. I'm trying to set it up.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Up.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's awesome. I saw my f. It's like a. I saw my first show there when I was, like, 18. Who was it?

[Steven DeMarco]

Tell me your favorite comic, by the way.

[Jimmy McCullough]

My favorite probably Sodor. Honestly.

[Steven DeMarco]

No, no, no. Come on. Old guy. First comic he saw. Who you love.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. Sebastian.

[Steven DeMarco]

Not Sebastian. You told me once. It made me laugh. The guy from Das and Confused.

[Shannon]

What the.

[Steven DeMarco]

That guy's name say? Say Jim Brewer. Oh, yeah, yeah, he told me.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Jim.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

No, Jim.

[Zach]

He's from Half Baked.

[Steven DeMarco]

Half Baked?

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

With Chappelle.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

No, Jim Brewer just had. It was. I recently found out it was his JFL tape. It was just. It's such a good bit about being, like, the bouncer of a stomach.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That, like.

[Zach]

And then. Yeah. And shows up.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Zach]

Okay, man. Come on. Nobody's looking, man.

[Jimmy McCullough]

So good.

[Steven DeMarco]

I thought that was an embarrassing best comic. That's why I brought him.

[Zach]

Okay, now maybe.

[John]

Now maybe.

[Zach]

He is definitely a. A post Covid crazy person.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

That. It's like. It's like that, like, Rob Schneider thing where it's like.

[Sponsor Announcer]

That's insane.

[Zach]

This wasn't really clicking for me. Yeah. So let me be a pundit in personality more than I am funny. Like.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

It's a lot of the same shit on the left.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Where it's like, well, I'm not getting huge laughs, so let me go for Clapter.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Where these people go, oh, yes, he's right. Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, good point.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And there's nothing, like. I don't want to see somebody make. Good point. Like, no, yeah. I don't want to have some drinks and watch somebody say stuff I agree with. Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Especially, I guess, if you're a Republican. I mean, that would be nice, you know?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, he's right. Well, that's kind of Ross.

[Zach]

No, Brewer was the man.

[Akamiko]

Brewer.

[Zach]

What? So, yeah, Brewer was with Barry Katz, who's a famous agent.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

If you've ever watched. If you ever watch his pod. If you ever watch an agent talk. Awesome. You gotta make yourself undeniable.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, I love saying that.

[Zach]

So Brewer had this idea for, like, a rock star tour, and he wanted a tour bus and a band and promote it like a rock show. Derek Katz set it all up. They had it ready to go. He drops Brewer a few months later. Rock show. Dane Cook. Oh, dude, the whole Dane Cook thing was just Jim Brewer's tour and they gave it to somebody else.

[Steven DeMarco]

Whoa.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Holy.

[John]

I know.

[Jimmy McCullough]

He would do, like, the AC dc. Yeah. A couple years ago.

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had, like, a full band for a little while.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

That was fun. And he was great. When he would be out on a. Yeah. Like, he. He would just come in and cry.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

He's just so fucking weird.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I loved him. Yeah. I still do. So.

[Zach]

Yeah, No, I like. I watch old. Old timey, like. Yeah, I'll watch. So my favorites are John Panette.

[Shannon]

Okay.

[Zach]

And Kevin Meaney. But I'll watch. Like, have you ever heard of, like, Bob Nelson?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah. No, you know, I feel like something that's kind of slept on him, but also Bob Marley.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You ever seen him?

[Zach]

Yeah, yeah. People love him.

[Jimmy McCullough]

He's so good.

[Steven DeMarco]

No, he's got, like.

[Zach]

He almost has the Family Guy accent.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

He's got the very thick Boston.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, I like that.

[Zach]

Murdered, though.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And like, Bob Nelson with the fucking football player thing. He. It's basically when you do shitty, the more you guys do, like, rogue, like, hotel clubs, like, you're gonna be like, this is. I know. Bananas. And Poughkeepsie was like that for a little while. They would have all the old signage.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And have Polaroids of all the comics.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, sick.

[Zach]

So it'd be like, you know, Kevin, me. But they would, like, write a line from their acts like, you go home now. Dennis Miller.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dennis Miller. Yeah.

[Zach]

Gaffigan with hair.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah. Young Gaffigan.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach]

So you would see that.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And those are. Those aren't bad get. I kind of romanticized. I just love doing a show where I can go back to my room between shows.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

And not have to sit in the green room.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

That Is so nice.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Why? What's wrong with the.

[Zach]

I just want to be alone sometimes.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I get it.

[Zach]

Especially if there's, like, that hour and a half gap.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. That's a long time.

[Zach]

Whereas, like, there's an hour between shows and then you go. Your feet, you know, the host and then the guest. Guest spot.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I'd rather just fucking.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah. And then the local guy opening is like, hey, Zach, can we go talk

[Sponsor Announcer]

in the green room?

[Zach]

Worse on that one. Local opener.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Older lady. And I remember the show very specifically. Had to be in the last five or six years.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I'm featuring Lewis headlining because he's much funnier than me. And better. Comedy lady that's hosting mid-50s.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

You could tell she had not changed her act since the day she started. Yeah. Oh, her act. I swear to God, this was a real jumping off. This is a transition in her act. She goes, you guys heard of this game Ms. Pac Man?

[Steven DeMarco]

Like, it just came out.

[Zach]

And everyone's like, yeah. She's like, that's me on my period. I'm not. And then starts running across the stage eating, oh, God, that's me on my period. I'm Ms. Pac Man. And then moved on to a new bitch.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Rob Schneider, everybody.

[Zach]

I want to. I heard. I heard. It's a video. Great video of Schneider opening for Adam Sandler and just going hard. Political and bombing.

[Steven DeMarco]

I saw that.

[Zach]

And you hear. And you hear Sandler on the. God. Mike go. That's all right, buddy. You hear Sandler just enough stage. Yeah, that's enough. Enough with this horseshit.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Dude.

[Steven DeMarco]

It's awesome that Sandler stands by him still. Like, he probably still brings him on the road after.

[Zach]

Yeah, he does.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I think. I mean, that's. That's cool.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, that's.

[Jimmy McCullough]

He knows. I'm sure Rob Steiner's not a bad guy, like, at heart.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah. But it's just.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Bro, calm down. You don't need to do all.

[Zach]

I think you get seduced by the attention again.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And when you pick a lane like that and you're getting responses on both sides, you're getting the victory all.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

From whoever you're pissing off. And you're getting the praise. Yeah. It's got to feel similar to when you were famous and then.

[Steven DeMarco]

Sure, absolutely.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And you were. Because there is no, like, being on SNL in the 90s and being on SNL now. Like, you're on SNL in the 90s every weekend. You weren't on SNL.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

You could Sell out.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

A college, easily a big club. And the whole weekend just off of. I'm on snl.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

Now there's people on SNL where I'm like, I don't know if they do comedy, like.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Zach]

I don't think they could do an hour. Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

But it's like a guy, Michael Longfellow, like, he doesn't have like a crazy. Like, if Adam Sandler was Just try to like reverse it.

[Jim Brewer]

Right.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Like, Adam Sandler would have probably a million followers just back then being on SNL. I think Michael Longfellow has just like just over 100k or something. He's so funny. Yeah. He's such a good stand up. Yeah, but he. I feel like he didn't get recognized for that.

[Zach]

Yeah, but those were like. They used to have, like, those like, monsters. Snl. Like, like big colleges. And it would be Norm.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Jay Moore, I think, Colin Quinn. Yes. Daryl Hammond. Like those type, like big, big Brewer. Like all those guys. And they would like, sell out like the col. Like, not just like a club, like a big theater.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Zach]

But then people wouldn't know. They would only know snl.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

So if they were dirty, they would get fired.

[John]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach]

This is a great story they're telling. Norm. Don't. Don't be dirty and don't talk any. Don't say anything about gay people.

[Steven DeMarco]

Love this. Yeah, I know.

[Zach]

Yeah, it is opener. It's like, what's it like being gay?

[Sponsor Announcer]

Huh?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Getting fucked in the ass by another man.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Weird, huh?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. Apparently there's, like, kids in the audience.

[Zach]

It was parents weekend.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's awesome.

[Steven DeMarco]

He's the goat for that.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, I love that.

[Zach]

All right, we'll do one more thing and we'll get out of here. All right, Here's a fun video to end on. More gun Pussy man falls from factory roof and has bad landing. Shannon.

[Jimmy McCullough]

So he doesn't die?

[Zach]

No, but we haven't picked if that's better or not.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, God.

[Steven DeMarco]

Protecting people in places. Here's a man dying.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, shit. Oh, my fucking God.

[Steven DeMarco]

He's gonna walk that off.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Where's his leg? Oh, it's still there.

[Zach]

I think we have a better. Do we have him actually falling on his.

[Jimmy McCullough]

There we go.

[Zach]

Here it is.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, he was on the roof.

[Shannon]

Yeah, that's just showing that. So he fell through a skylight.

[Zach]

Yes. Oh, I want you to watch the landing.

[Steven DeMarco]

Dude, that thing went up his ass, I think.

[Zach]

Yes.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, nuts on the thing.

[Zach]

He landed Nuts first. He landed nuts and tank first.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You can't even feel the nuts.

[Steven DeMarco]

Because I've never seen someone fall only on their.

[Zach]

Like, that's got to be a bad day at work.

[Steven DeMarco]

Terrible.

[Zach]

Everyone knows, like, where's Steve?

[Steven DeMarco]

But that's the thing about factory workers. They're good at taking those falls. Like, I used to watch like that.

[Zach]

That's. I'm not coming in anymore fall, right?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

That's like, bro, I am fucking playing GTA 5 home and shooting old people in the face all day.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's like a Peter when he fell off the roof.

[Steven DeMarco]

I've worked construction jobs. I've seen dudes fall off ladders like that and just. Just get up quickly.

[John]

Oh.

[Steven DeMarco]

You know, like, some of those dudes can take a fall.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I think it's just like.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You work all day for your whole life.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You get. You like. You know, with the power washing. I get shit over my hands. I'm cutting myself all the time.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

If I fell off a roof, I think I would. I'd probably stay there for a second on the floor.

[Zach]

I would see who saw.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who saw that.

[Zach]

I know a couple people. Of course it is the. There's two white trash. If you're a garbage person in general. Let's take white out of it. There's two statements that I know you're a bag of shit for.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Which is either if you start a sentence with when I win the lottery and then explain a dream you have. Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

It's never gonna happen.

[Zach]

Instead of you saying, when I earn this month, when I. Yeah.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Work.

[Zach]

Earn this money or come up with something that earns me this money. It is when I win the lottery.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Which is a big. My family statement.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Dude.

[Jimmy McCullough]

My dad says it every time he plays.

[Zach]

Or when my settlement goes through.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes, yes. The labor falls in a Walmart.

[Zach]

Yeah. When I'm. When I'm waiting on my saddle, that's how you know you're dealing with a real piece of shit.

[Steven DeMarco]

A scumbag.

[Zach]

Yeah. Because that means that there is an insurance agent following them around and taking pictures.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach]

Going. Do they drop the cane when no one's there? Because I knew somebody that fell off a roof at a construction site and broke his back and it took like three years for him to get the settlement.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And he knew, like, he would just see people get out of vans and be like, is he wearing his neck brace?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Does he have his cane? Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. You gotta be.

[Sponsor Announcer]

They'll spend the money.

[Zach]

They would have spent to pay you off. To not pay you off.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, absolutely. Just following you. You gotta be on at all times.

[Jimmy McCullough]

There's this guy in my hometown that walks around with the cane but doesn't need it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, I got a couple of those.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I remember I do power washing on Long Island. I went to clean his house one time, I gave him an estimate, and he started pointing at things that needed to be cleaned with the cane. I wonder if that's.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, he looked around, he's like, today, let's do that. I wonder if that's what it is.

[Zach]

Yeah. I always said that the. The definition of garbage is somebody's waiting on a settlement. Somebody would start sentence with one lottery. Or if you have a friend or family member who's been hit by a train.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, yeah, that'd be you, bro. I. My family farms on a. They put a train through a backyard somewhere.

[Zach]

Like, that's a little different.

[Steven DeMarco]

So close.

[Zach]

Yeah, that's a little different.

[Steven DeMarco]

It fucked. Sucks, dude. But we are good. One of us is gonna get hit by a car for sure. It's only been cats so far. Cats and dogs.

[Zach]

Okay.

[Steven DeMarco]

Pretty soon we'll get. We'll get a person on there. Dude. What's funny about that fall is that dude fell through the roof. So for a couple seconds he's like. And then he lands on his dick. He's like.

[Jim Brewer]

Oh.

[Zach]

Well, the thing is, when you fall like that, it doesn't feel like you're falling.

[Jimmy McCullough]

It's so quick.

[Zach]

It feels like the floor is coming up at you.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, that's interesting. That's terrifying.

[Zach]

And you don't process it, right?

[Jimmy McCullough]

There's nothing you could do. Yeah.

[Zach]

And you're. You're on the floor before you, like. Yeah, I fell through the metal grating on the stairs a couple years ago because they had, like, wet cardboard in between the rails.

[Steven DeMarco]

Oh, my God.

[Zach]

And it was just the size of my foot.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And I fell through like Winnie the Pooh.

[Jimmy McCullough]

So one foot, dude.

[Zach]

And I landed on my taint. And I was furious. Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

You're like, is my piercing okay?

[Jimmy McCullough]

Oh, my God.

[Zach]

I yelled at the poor dude. The guy was trying to help me out and I screamed, don't touch me. Somebody from down here come up and lift me out of it.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Just my one fat leg dangling out of the ceiling.

[Steven DeMarco]

Well, it's funny is when you're in a moment like that, you are frustrated and someone's trying.

[Zach]

You don't know who to be mad at.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes. My body was. We drone jump. There's a lake. We jumped off a break wall and we're trying to swim back because ladder wasn't there. And he was struggling and he looked like he was drowning and he was about to drown. And some woman on the break wall goes, he's drowning, he's drowning. And he got. He was like, shut up. I'm not drowning. He was like, mad.

[Zach]

Yeah. Because you're already mad and frustrated and now you don't want people to look at you.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, she's pointing at you.

[Zach]

There's nothing worse than eating in public.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And then somebody tried old, old person like, let me help you, Shawny. And you're like, get away from me.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, I'm fine. This is so funny. Someone's trying to save your life and you're like,

[Zach]

before we get out of here, impossible to understand. Guys, new hairstyle, Shannon. And we'll get out on this.

[Shannon]

But I hate this so, so, so much.

[Zach]

Oh, so this is one of the island boys, right? No, no, it isn't.

[Shannon]

That's going to be them.

[Zach]

All right, so this guy, he's got a new haircut, but I. I sent it to Shannon. I could not tell you what this. If I didn't have subtitles here.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah.

[Zach]

I wouldn't tell you. This is English.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, they all talk like that, by the way. These guys don't come in with my life. I just took they wit and put

[Akamiko]

back in my head.

[Zach]

That's why they bout. But I'm not.

[Steven DeMarco]

I quit. I said, they stand. They still put in my hair.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I don't know what that was.

[Zach]

There can't be. That's not a affectation.

[Sponsor Announcer]

That's not English.

[Zach]

No, that's me. Like, that's almost like they're imitating people who are so up on lean.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes, yes, That's.

[Zach]

Now they are not enunciating.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Zach]

Because I don't know. Did you guys see the. The white kid that tried the pineapple? He goes, that big guy that.

[Steven DeMarco]

No, no, no. What's up about that? Is those kids like that kid right there, his father is probably like the healthcare CEO.

[Jim Brewer]

Yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Killed like all their dads are rich.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah, of course. How else can you afford to do that?

[Zach]

Like that.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah. But then that means you coached yourself to talk like a retard.

[Jimmy McCullough]

I always say people that talk like that, straight ego.

[Steven DeMarco]

Nobody talks like that.

[Jimmy McCullough]

You talk like that to sound cool. So you're thinking about.

[Zach]

It's like when black guys do this. They go, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I know you're. That's not your. Yeah, you're. You're copying someone you saw in a movie.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

If I met that kid, I would sell him coke with fentanyl in it.

[Zach]

100%.

[Steven DeMarco]

I would have two bags. Bags for good guys and bags for dudes.

[Zach]

Like, you happen to have the.

[Jim Brewer]

The.

[Zach]

The dabby guy, like the white kid trying the. We'll leave on this.

[Jimmy McCullough]

The.

[Zach]

You've seen the Kool Aid Pineapples that are, like, the big hit right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They. I have loved watching wiggers try them.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes.

[Akamiko]

Yeah.

[Zach]

Because they. They want. They, like, lick their lips and they like. And this one kid tries it, and I'm told he's saying that bitch Gas.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Okay.

[Zach]

But it is none of those. He just goes, that big Gas.

[John]

Yeah.

[Zach]

And I can't figure out what he was like, because I know he went home and was like, father, I tried a delicious treat.

[Steven DeMarco]

Yes, exactly.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Have you had Kool Aid Pine?

[Zach]

This is exactly the kid. Maybe I tell him.

[John]

That, Big guy.

[Zach]

Oh, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

Appreciate it, bro.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yes, sir.

[Jimmy McCullough]

Yo, is that a drug deal that big?

[Zach]

Gas that big?

[Steven DeMarco]

Yeah, but also, he might be, like, doing that for safety. Like, who's ever selling that to him, you know? Like, the guy who's selling it is a hood dude, for sure.

[Zach]

500 a pineapple. 500. Wallet inspector.

[Akamiko]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steven DeMarco]

He's trying to get a discount. He's like, maybe if I talk like him.

[Jimmy McCullough]

That's a good idea.

[Zach]

All right, guys, that is today's show. Please support Jimmy McCullough and Stephen DeMarco. Go see him live.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Thank you so much to our friends in the booth.

[Zach]

And we'll be back on Wednesday here on the old Morning Zoo. Goodbye,

[Akamiko]

OB and join the crew. It's Acamiko morning, too. It's Acamiko morning, too.