0123. Aaron Putnam and Jorge

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Episode 123 (Aaron Putnam & Jorge)

Date: June 28, 2026
Podcast: Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo (GaS Digital Network)
Host: Zac Amico
Guests: Aaron Putnam (comedian), Jorge (GaS Digital regular/producer)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo is classic “organized chaos,” mixing twisted takes on current weird news, carnivalesque bits, and authentic banter between comedians. Zac welcomes comedian Aaron Putnam (shifting from behind-the-scenes to the mic) and Jorge (GaS Digital network mainstay), and the trio embark on tangents about breakfast sandwiches, viral internet hijinks, substance abuse, amusement park disasters, family trauma, and the nuances of poorly-interpreted ethnic cuisine. There’s constant roasting, personal sharing, and authentic comedian camaraderie, delivering both laughs and sharp insights.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

Introductions & Plugs (02:00–04:00)

• Zac introduces Aaron and Jorge with trademark self-deprecation and warmth:
  • Notes Aaron is rarely on-mic, Jorge steps in after multiple cancellations (“Which means five different people canceled…” – Zac, 02:29).
  • The crew briefly plugs upcoming gigs and shows, including Zac’s Philadelphia dates and a 30th anniversary ECW wrestling watch party.

The Art of the Breakfast Sandwich (05:00–12:00)

• Regional takes on the ideal breakfast sandwich open a hilarious food debate.
• Jorge (LA native): Croissant, ham, cheese, jalapeño – but prefers breakfast burritos (05:38).
• Aaron (Detroit): “Bacon, egg, and cheese, ketchup. Hard roll” (05:54).
• Zac: Controversially loves a sausage, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel, with hot sauce or even cream cheese and jelly:
  • “Cream cheese and egg go way better than you think. That was my great grandfather’s go to: cream cheese omelette with grape jelly.” (06:21)
• The gang reviews the viral Jalen Brunson “bodega” order: everything bagel, egg & cheese, hash brown, spicy mayo, toasted, plus purple Doritos (07:12).
• Discussion of breakfast sandwich upgrades (hash browns on the sandwich, sweet and savory combos, exotic versions), plus a deep dive into nostalgia for simpler combos like cream cheese and jelly (08:12).
• Notable quote:
  • “People used to just get cream cheese and jelly on a roll. …I feel like I’ve never seen anyone eat it.” – Zac (08:12)

Viral Schemes: Sephora Points Scams (13:40–15:30)

• Zac introduces a viral video of men chatting up women at Sephora to steal their loyalty account numbers and redeem free cosmetics.
• Aaron: “The idea of just using some fat girl’s points on her…hilarious.”
• Jorge: “I feel like this is more ethical than regular cheating. If you’re just using other bitches’ points to get stuff for your girl.” (15:00)
• Zac labels the scam “Robin Hood-esque.”

Dustin Poirier Arrest Body-Cam: A Sobering Breakdown (15:51–23:40)

• Shannon plays footage of UFC fighter Dustin Poirier’s airport arrest after rowdy drunk behavior:
  • Zac: “Can these guys not fight somewhere? …If you’re a porn star, you can’t just whip your dick out…” (16:14)
  • The trio riff on impulse control and addiction, with Aaron discussing his own past alcoholism and how difficult it can be to “de-escalate” (19:05).
  • Brief sidenote on Ron Jeremy (“Not a great comic…and not in my experience”—Zac, 16:57).
  • Poirier’s friends leaving him during the airport debacle draws comedian scorn (“You don’t leave him behind, especially if he’s up”—Aaron, 22:38).
  • Notable quote: “You spend that night in a jail cell. What’s fucked up is it’s all PR shit…he regrets it, but he’s like, what do I do now?” – Aaron (20:06)

Real-Life Overdoses, Narcan Saves, and Substances (23:40–31:15)

• Zac shares a series of darkly comic experiences with public overdoses, Narcan deployments, and substance use:
  • Narcan at parade: “Dude, this guy…they Narcan a guy at the ticker tape parade…” (24:36)
  • Aaron, who now helps people in recovery: “Once you’ve been through it…they should have it [Narcan], you know?” (28:33)
  • Skank Fest emergency planning, stories of blackouts, and the dangers of mixing SSRIs and alcohol (Zac: “If I don’t take my Zoloft early and I take it in the afternoon, and then I drink too close to that—that is a bad mix for the boy.” 29:54)
• Notable quote:
  • “Now I’m not screaming in the middle of the night, but I’m also not coming and falling asleep.” – Zac, on SSRI side effects (31:29)

Amusement Park Mayhem (33:19–37:38)

• Recent spate of amusement park ride malfunctions:
  • Six Flags SkyScreamer breaks, leaving riders dangling 260 feet up (34:34).
  • Disney log flume incident—a 13-year-old climbs out and falls, but survives without major injury (36:17).
  • Discussion on the decline of “carnie” ride operators (“I have a theory, when they stopped using like carnies…everything’s more mediocre now.” – Aaron, 33:40)
  • The growing boldness of the public, injuries/deaths at shows, and generational changes in punk crowds.

Family Dinners, Ethnic Food, and Shared Trauma (39:00–51:00+)

• Burst of stories about multi-ethnic family traditions and dysfunctions:
  • Latin family dinners (long waits, “everything’s about the hang”), Zac’s Cuban grandfather declaring dogs "el diablo" (39:17), Irish family trauma dumps, mythologizing the dead (“My family, when someone dies, they’re a saint. I’m like, I know that guy; he’s a piece of shit.” – Aaron, 43:30).
  • Zac’s lament about his Italian family eating like the internet meme “what white people eat” (44:04); infamously bland “hot cha cha chicken” becomes running joke:
    • “Chicken breasts, with a jar of salsa on top…in the oven. Served with white rice and Tostitos.” – Zac, 45:44

Food Hot Takes: Dollar Pizza, Ethnic Appropriation, Burrito Do’s and Don’ts (49:00–52:00+)

• Lamenting Indian-owned dollar pizza spots (“If you walk into a dollar pizza place and it’s an Indian guy, walk the fuck out. Go find one with a Mexican.” – Zac, 49:38)
• Jorge calls out “gentrified” Mexican food for missing the soul of simplicity; praise for legit spots that serve cabeza and lengua.
• Debate on burrito fillings:
  • Zac dislikes fries in burritos: “I think it fucks up the texture.” (51:24)
• Tater tot nachos (“tachos”) and creative leftover pizza egg scrambles get the crew’s culinary endorsement.

Tony Baloney’s Pizza: Food Obsession and Comic Suffering (53:00–58:00)

• Jorge tried Tony Baloney’s famed “Asian chicken pizza” on Zac’s recommendation, sparking reminiscences:
  • Zac details comic Louis J. Gomez’s meltdown over a too-hot slice in the pandemic, ribbing Louis's impatience at restaurants.
  • Tension as Tony Baloney’s "DMs" only the hot female comics, not Zac: “That’s why I’m a Leonie’s man…they take care of me. That’s why I shout out my boys at Leonie’s because they take care of me. Tony Baloney, you fucking horned-up Italian!” (58:41)

Trailer Review & High School Imposter Documentary (59:00–61:38)

• Watch trailer for documentary “My Old School” about a grown man who enrolls in high school undercover, featuring Alan Cumming:
  • “He was playing absolutely everybody around him. Why? Why did you do it?” – Trailer (60:49)
  • Zac assigns the movie as show homework; look for follow-up next week.

Final Bits: Changing Language & Candid Sex Talk (62:28–63:33)

• Jorge claims modern teens call finger-banging “French fries.”
  • “French fries, all day.” – Aaron
  • “You don’t think about it…a lot of work done with that.” – Zac

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Food hot takes, personal favorite:
  • Zac on SSRI side effects and bleak humor:

    “Now I’m not screaming in the middle of the night, but I’m also not coming and falling asleep.” (31:29)

• Ethnic food appropriation:
  • “If you walk into a dollar pizza place and it’s an Indian guy, walk the fuck out.” – Zac (49:38)
• On the strength of simple poor-people food:
  • “It’s supposed to be poor people food. And then they charge up the wazoo here.” – Jorge (50:58)
• In defense of trauma-dump family dinners:
  • “My family has this thing where it’s like, when someone dies, they’re a saint. And I’m like, I know that guy, he’s a piece of shit.” – Aaron (43:30)
• On food safety and ingredient trust:
  • “Respect the product. So do not get a pie. But just a walking slice—yeah.” – Zac (50:04)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 02:00–04:00 – Introductions and show plugs
• 05:00–12:00 – Breakfast sandwich banter
• 13:40–15:30 – Sephora scam viral video
• 15:51–23:40 – Dustin Poirier's body-cam footage; addiction and impulse control
• 23:40–31:15 – Overdoses, Narcan, Zoloft & alcohol
• 33:19–37:38 – Amusement park ride horror stories
• 39:00–43:00 – Family dinners, trauma, cultural quirks
• 44:00–47:00 – “White people food,” hot-cha-cha chicken
• 49:00–52:00 – Ethnic food, dollar pizza, burrito fillings
• 53:00–58:00 – Tony Baloney’s pizza stories
• 59:00–61:38 – “My Old School” documentary trailer
• 62:28–63:33 – New slang: “French fries” for finger-banging

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Episode Style & Tone

• Loose, hilarious, and raw: Open discussion, dark humor, no sacred cows.
• Candid, camaraderie-driven: All three dig into their own family backgrounds, vices, and culinary biases.
• Unfiltered, unpredictable: Frequent asides, riffs, and callback jokes.
• Engaging for outsiders: Even first-time listeners will get a sense of inside-joke energy and real stand-up camaraderie.

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Who Should Listen

• Fans of raw, riff-heavy comedy podcasts
• Listeners who enjoy culinary debates and personal storytelling
• Those interested in the wilder side of comedian and NYC day-to-day life

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Next Week’s Teaser:
Zac and Shannon will discuss “My Old School”; write in or call the show if you watch!

Transcript

[A]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. Last year, I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself. When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anytime, anywhere. Living a busy life, navigating a long distance relationship, becoming a first stepfather, Talkspace made all of those journeys possible. I could speak with my therapist in the office. I could speak with my therapist in the comfort of my home. I was never alone. Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code SPACE80 at talk. Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show Animals are here to play Choke some guests to start your day Till the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coff and join the crew It's Zach Amico. Morning, suit. Well, good morning, good morning, good morning. It is another fine and dandy Wednesday here in New York City. City at the Gas Digital Studios. It's me, your other boy, the international superstar Zak Amico. And welcome to another edition of Zak Amico's Morning Zoo. I am joined by two new gentlemen to the show. One has been on tons of episodes, but never as a guest and one very glad to have him. Just went on tour with him. He did some of the shows with me and my brother Crack. Our good friend Aaron Putnam is here. How you doing, dog?

[B]

I'm doing well, brother. How are you?

[A]

I'm very good. Thank you for being here and making the transition from behind the scenes to in front of the mic, which means five different people canceled. Jorge is here. How you doing, man?

[C]

I'm good. I think it was like seven people, Shannon, if I recall. Including the people who were replacements.

[A]

Yes, every. It was. Shannon had a very rough morning. So I want everyone send positive, happy energy to Shannon because she put up with a lot of bullshit this morning and I know she works very, very hard and through new no fault of her own or the other people. She had a tough morning getting people here. So thank you for your hard work. Shannon. Let's knock plugs right out of the way. And what do you want people to check out?

[C]

Dog?

[B]

A lot of local spots this week and then I'm going to Louisiana on 17th of July, so that's about it.

[A]

Fantastic. Jorge.

[C]

All the shows I do on the network. The thing is Ding with Shannon and Figs, Madhouse Maddie Smith on the Gate with Derek and Gio and then High Society Radio with Chris and Chris Zach was just on. Very fun episode. Always a great time when you're around.

[A]

Thank you, buddy. Find me on Instagram @zackisnotfunnypunchup live. Zachamico for all my dates, I will be in beautiful Philadelphia July 10th at the Punchline myself, Rob Stant and Jim Gillespie. The following day I will be at a dispensary with ECW legend the Sandman, where we'll be doing a viewing party for the 30 year anniversary anniversary of ECW Heat Wave 96. So if you want to come see me and the Sandman get stoned and watch wrestling. Should be a pretty fun day. If you're watching the show and you love it. Well, go to gas digital.com today, use my promo code, Zoom. You save a little bit of money off your subscription. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get access to the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite guest shows. You get access to the live chat as well as you get Friday's bonus episode. We do do three of these a week and thank you so much for tuning in. I know I wasn't here on Monday. I sincerely apologize. I had to do some husband stuff and I had to make sure my wife was okay and I wanted to be there for her. So thank you for understanding that I was not here. And for those of you I'm sorry I missed an episode, but I swear to God, sometimes people miss work. You don't have to message me. I swear to God, sometimes people call out for things. All right, let's start at a fun one. All right. Well, this looks pretty God damn funny to me. Actually, I want to start with something else first. Aaron, where are you from originally?

[B]

Detroit, Michigan.

[A]

Excellent. Jorge.

[C]

Los Angeles, California.

[A]

Fantastic. So we all have very different opinions, I'm sure, on what is the ideal breakfast sandwich. So let's go around the horn ones because we're going to look at Jalen Brunson's choice. But I want to know what we Think Jorge.

[C]

So growing up, we had our donut shops where you'd get a croissant with ham, cheese, sometimes eggs, sometimes like jalapeno or something. That's my sandwich. But of course I prefer a breakfast burrito.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Sort of sandwich.

[B]

Always been bacon, egg and cheese. Ketchup.

[A]

Bacon, eggs, ketchup. Hard roll.

[B]

Hard roll, hard roll.

[A]

Okay. I. Cheese do. And I know this is sacrilegious. I like a sausage, egg and cheese on an everything bagel.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

With hot sauce. I do, of course, love the classic bacon, egg and cheese. And I think highly underrated bacon, egg, American cheese, hot sauce, a little bit of cream cheese.

[B]

I fuck with that for sure.

[A]

Cream cheese and egg go way better than you think. That was my grand. My great grandfather's go to breakfast cream cheese omelette with grape jelly.

[B]

You need the moist.

[C]

Oh, wait, with the grape jelly. Sounds delicious.

[A]

Cheese ammo. Grape jelly. That's.

[B]

That's some looser Vandross on a glazed donut. Yeah, let's it up. Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

There. That I'll tell you. Very good. But apparently Mr. Jalen Brunson has a bodega order that is starting a trend. Shannon, tell us about it.

[D]

Do you want me to tell it to you or do you want to see him say it?

[A]

Let's him say it. Why not? First of all, I'm not in the city. If I did have a bodega order each snap purple Doritos. And then we got everything bagel with

[B]

egg and cheese, hash brown, spicy mayo, toasted.

[A]

Yeah, that's a very good order.

[B]

I asked for the hash brown at a. At a bodega a couple days ago. They looked at me like it was crazy.

[C]

See, hash brown is key. It's for the same reason why sausage is kind of superior to bacon, egg and cheese. Because there's more surface area.

[A]

Do you think you can get hash brown on the sandwich or on the side?

[C]

I prefer on the sandwich.

[A]

For a McGriddle, yes. For a soft roll, I'd rather have the crunch separate.

[B]

Separate. Yeah. Because the ratio between all the shit, you know.

[A]

And by purple Doritos, he means the.

[C]

I believe. The sweet chili.

[A]

Yes, sweet chili. A good. A very solid Dorito.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I would say the gray bag Doritos, highly underrated.

[C]

The barbecue ones, a barbecue chip is always good. Like barbecue is a very consistent flavor, I believe.

[A]

And Pete's nothing wrong with that. I would say that is a solid order. And I bet whoever keeps him in shape has to keep him from getting that.

[B]

Getting that sandwich yeah, exactly.

[A]

Because that is a bad. That's a breakfast. Whatever. Hap. I saw Joey Diaz say this the other day. Remember? People used to just get cream cheese and jelly on a roll.

[B]

I grew up on that shit.

[A]

I feel like I've never seen anyone eat it.

[B]

English muffin, cream cheese, jelly, welfare meal every morning.

[A]

I've never seen anyone order it in my adult life.

[B]

Now I stopped doing it.

[A]

It goes out of style, I guess. Went out of style?

[C]

Yeah. It's because it's not trendy.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You know, like, who wants to get a basic thing? Everybody wants to load up their sandwiches. Aki Way type beat, you know? But a good classic Americana thing like that. Just simple. Hard to beat.

[A]

Shannon, when you still ate meat. What was your. What was your breakfast?

[D]

I did when I was, like, much younger, like in high school. I was thinking about this earlier. We used to get, like, an everything bagel, cream cheese and bacon.

[A]

Okay. Another excellent choice.

[D]

Yeah. But now I just do. I do like egg and cheese on and everything.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I don't hate his order, though.

[A]

No. I think it's a very solid piece of business.

[B]

Once in a while, just bacon and cream cheese. Toasted bagel is fire. It's like.

[A]

So when I started, Paco, who works here, got me into getting a blueberry bagel, but asked them to cut it in half and put it on the griddle.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And do that.

[C]

Okay. I like. I like a blueberry bagel or like a cinnamon, like a sweet bagel.

[A]

Yeah. But you cut it down the middle, a little bit of butter, get it on the griddle so that it caramelizes and gets a crust on it. Nice piece.

[B]

What about half salt, half like raisin? Like, so you get the sweet savory.

[A]

I could. I could fuck with that.

[B]

The salt, I mean, it goes together.

[A]

I like a cornbread muffin a lot in the morning. Yeah, I think that's my cornbread or blueberries, my go to. But there's a place by me now that does a French toast bagel. And that sausage, egg and cheese is solid because it's almost like a modified McGriddle.

[B]

I was surprised, but in Harlem, I got a breakfast sandwich at this place, Israeli breakfast sandwich. I thought I was gonna hate it, but it was omelette inside with tahini, jalapenos, and, like, greens and shit. It was actually pretty funny.

[A]

That does sound very good.

[B]

It was so healthy. I was like, this tastes good. But, you know, I was reluctant.

[A]

Yeah. There's a very Jewish deli by me called Shellsky's. And they do a Szechuan peppercorn bagel.

[B]

Yeah, they know what the fuck's going on.

[A]

That fucks hard. I know I've brought this up before Shannon, but can we show the boys the. What was the name? Oh, I'm trying to remember the chicken sandwich I had on the road that blew my tits off. Raise the Roost is the name of the place.

[B]

No, I think I know that one. So the biscuits.

[A]

And it's a biscuit big. Like chick fil. A sized chick fil. A chicken patty, egg and cheese.

[B]

It's ridiculous.

[A]

And it's, like, connected to convenience stores. It's like a second party store. Hold that. And the Bojangles. Blueberry biscuit, sausage, egg and cheese.

[B]

Sounds racist.

[C]

I got a Bojangles breakfast one time before going to the airport and it completely ruined the rest of my travel. Which it was delicious at the time, but for whatever reason, it was just too good for my system.

[A]

It probably.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That sits here like concrete.

[B]

Dude, you busted it up there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, there it is.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Dude, that. Is that. That chicken sandwich, specifically? You don't think chicken and egg should go together?

[B]

They do it all day.

[C]

I love chicken and eggs. Like, one of my go to's for, like, making top ramen is sometimes I'll go get chicken nuggets from whatever's closest to me and I'll dice those up even more. Or do like, dino nuggets and then crack an egg in there and just whip that up.

[B]

It's chicken Katsu.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah. You would think they would be counterintuitive because it's two different life cycles, but a great piece of business. All right. Hey, Zoo files. If you're looking for a better habit, you have to try Ultra Pouches. Ultra Pouches help you unwind with no nicotine and no caffeine. With a blend of nootropics and vitamins built for focus and mental clarity, Ultra pouches power you through the workday workouts and on the go. Ultra Pouches stay hydrated and don't dry your mouth out. They're a delicious, nutritious way to satisfy those cravings. There's no dizziness, no stomach rumbles, just clean energy and five great flavors. Cool mint, wintergreen, tropical watermelon, and the all new Blue Razz. You guys know me. I love my pouches. I love to have a little extra kick in the morning when I get up. And I gotta tell you, that Blue Razz is something else. If you already love Ultra pouches. Check out their brand new Sleep Pouc pouches built for clean, natural rest. Pick up some Ultra pouches today and see what the buzz is about. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. Morning Zoo fans can use Code Zoo Z o o to get 15% off@take ultra.com. that's take ultra.com for 15 off with code Zoo. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them Zach Amico's Morning Zoo sent you. All right, let's get back into the show. Moving on. I wanted to do this one. Listen, if this is a fake video, I fell for it because it really made me laugh. And if it is a fake, I do want these guys to get the attention for it. It's such a funny thing to do. This is men getting women's phone numbers at Sephora and using them for nefarious purposes. And this, if this is real, it's very funny. If it's fake, it's very funny. Shannon, I was wondering like, if I could like get your number. If you like shop at Sephora a

[B]

lot, it's like low key, the way to go.

[A]

So I appreciate it. Thank you guys so much.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

yeah, let's go.

[A]

That covered it.

[C]

Yeah, perfect.

[A]

I was wondering, so the idea they have presented, which is to go to Sephora, mack on some, I would say they purposely picked. Yeah, a chunky woman.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Mack on a bitch, get the phone number, then immediately turn around and use her Sephora points to get free shit.

[B]

It's like right in front of her face, it's happening.

[A]

I'd imagine you wait for her to leave and you come back. Yeah, it's so funny. So like I said, cuz like the amount of free shit my chick gets from Sephora for just constantly buying, like she comes and she gets a free gift every. She gets like a big thing in the mail for her birthday every year for free. Like bitches put money into Sephora.

[B]

I've been in there more times than I can count with my wife. It's fucking like that's her spot.

[A]

And like they rack up. It's like the way when comics talk about getting airline points, you know, they

[B]

love them, they're in it.

[A]

So the idea of just using some fat girl's points on her, she looks so funny. She's like, yeah, it's such a funny thing.

[C]

Especially like, I feel like this is more ethical than regular cheating. If you're just using other Bitches points to get stuff for your girl.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Like. Yeah, it's like Robin Hood.

[B]

That's romantic.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You get to hit on bitches and then bring the spoils back to your woman.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But Sephora also, I think, has men some cologne and shit. That's why it is funnier to. It's way funny. It is. It's like big. Honey, I was just doing it for you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And that's. I. Listen, if anybody wants to try that, please write into us, let us know if it works. All right, let's look at this fighter. How do you say this? Shannon Poirier. Yes, Dustin Poirier has been arrested at an airport. I believe he has already admitted to having some substance abuse issues. Let's see how this goes. Shannon.

[D]

Sorry, I just had to refresh the video.

[A]

No problem.

[D]

He did say that since he's quit fighting, that he's kind of, like, turned to the bottle and after this incident, he's realizing he needs help. Okay, here you go.

[A]

Getting arrested at the airport. Yeah.

[D]

We don't necessarily 100% know what happened before, but he kind of said afterwards that he was, like, roughhousing with his boys on the plane and that's why he got kicked off. Kicked off.

[A]

Can these guys not fight somewhere? No, you're in public. I mean, or a podcast studio. Like, stop.

[B]

But all. If all you do is kick people, you get stopped.

[A]

I know, but Jesus Christ. Know where you are. Like, okay, if you're a porn star, you can't just whip your dick out of. Whip your dick out at women. So if you're a fighter, I don't care. Like, you can't just fight everywhere you are because you're a fighter. Ron Jeremy went to jail because he didn't know the line.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And trust me, he did not know the line. I've met him a few times. He's a problem.

[B]

I open for him. Is crazy.

[A]

Not a great comic. No, not a great comic, and not in my experience. I only met him post what I think is dementia.

[B]

I think he's definitely. Yeah, there's some damage because one of

[A]

the last time I hung out with him, I was doing a show and I asked if he wanted to do a guest spot. Yeah, he couldn't have been less interested, right? And he goes, now we're going to drive up to the Catskills and see what shows are going on over there. And I went, what? He goes, we're going to go, you know, go up to the clubs at the Catskills. And work on our material.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, oh, you have no idea where you are or what year it is.

[B]

Yeah. Dirty Dancing. What are we doing over here?

[A]

All right, so let's see this body cam footage. Shannon. Let's go, big dog.

[B]

Let's go, big dog.

[A]

What's going on? What's up, bunch of hoes? Let's go, let's go. Yeah, pull me off the plane. All my boys went to the crib.

[B]

Now what?

[A]

And this is why he got you dusting. Party, man.

[C]

You, bro.

[B]

You and her. Her. I'll fight you right now.

[A]

No, I don't want to fight, bro. I'll go with you right now.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I don't want to fight. Let's go. Radio happy. Tell him. Tell him. Come on. A couple years. It's going to be bad, bro. It's going to be bad.

[B]

Oh, bro, bro, bro.

[A]

What's up, bro?

[B]

Relax.

[A]

I don't think he wants to fight.

[C]

Is that Delta? Oh, he has Delta.

[B]

They don't take.

[A]

These ladies are just leaving.

[B]

Above my pay grade.

[A]

Relax, bro, relax. Just relax. Give me a good one. Pause. So I I in a few body cam videos or even fight videos recently, your back's against the wall. At a certain point. You're in the airport, you're not getting out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not fixing that. You're not talking your way out of this. You have now gone over the line.

[B]

You're making it worse. Every minute.

[A]

Every minute is it that it's. They've already gone, so now they might as well go full hot like whole hog on it. Or are they just that dumb that they can't de escalate in their brains?

[B]

I think they don't know what to do because that's so out of pocket. And like, I'm an alcoholic and I know how I used to be. Like when you fucking on one.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I guess I'm just a happier drunk than that.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I just. Like yesterday we were on Friday show, we watch a fight at the check in line at a Carnival cruise and it's like 40 people going, we were about to be on vacation.

[B]

That's how they started.

[A]

And now we're all going to like, we've now ruined 40 vacations that I'm sure people worked hard. You know, like you saved up, you fucking booked your ticket, you took off or whatever. And now just because you can't have impulse control.

[B]

Tough.

[A]

And you woke up that morning going, I'm going on vacation. And you spent that night in a jail cell.

[B]

Yeah. What's fucked up. It's all PR shit. Because he's got to say, sorry, he does have a problem. But he's like, what do I do now? It's just one of that. It's one of those things. Of course he regrets it.

[A]

And so the friends are all gone. He has been. But now you're trapped. Like, I don't understand what you do when you get banned from the airport. Like, how do you get back? Do you just take a. But you got to take a bus.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Greyhound.

[A]

That sucks, dude. That sucks so much. Just rent a car, I guess.

[C]

Yeah. Get a nice tour of the country that way. Nice scenic route everywhere.

[A]

I was saying. I said on the. I'll say in Frank street train. Very underrated form of travel.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's too indirect, though. Like, you have to have a. It's so chaotic. And also, it's more expensive than flying. Most cases.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So there's room, though.

[B]

I mean, I even know, like, you don't. I've been refused on a flight by saying the C word. Like, I went that far. And they. They wait for you to do it, and then you're done. And I couldn't get on that flight. I had to get from Cleveland to New York, and I fucked it up by.

[A]

And how did you wind up getting to New York?

[B]

I ended up driving, running a car, Me and Razor Wodney. That sucked.

[A]

So you were banned from the airport.

[B]

Just basically, you're not getting on this flight. And then like, I couldn't get another flight to. Time to get back to where I need to go. So it was just. But yeah, they're waiting for you. So that is like. I mean, arrest him.

[A]

Probably 100. You threatened to fight, right?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, even provoke now it's provoking. Is like a felony or whatever. You can't just tell someone you're gonna whip their ass.

[A]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our great friends at Yo Kratom, home of the $60 kilo. If you use Kratom. If you don't, don't start on my account. But if you do use Kratom, there's only one place to get it from, and that's yocratum.com why? Because they have the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network. So stop going to bodega smoke shops and gas stations and get a little bit of Kratom at a time. When you go to Yo Kratom and get A whole kilo delivered right to your door for just bucks. There's no promo code needed because it's already the best deal in the world of Kratom. Check them out. Let them know you love them, because I know I do. Yo. Kratom.com. home of the $60 kilo. Yeah. All right. So can we. Can we finish this? Shannon, this guy's a ufc. What's going on, bro?

[B]

This boy should have got off with him.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think you don't leave him behind, especially if he's up.

[B]

Yeah, you don't ride like that.

[A]

You did a great job.

[C]

At least he's nice about it.

[A]

Oh, you know, he's a problem, too, because they had to do the two pairs of handcuffs. Did you see that?

[B]

It's a beast.

[C]

Yeah, that guy's a champion. That guy's scary as.

[A]

Oh, at least he did de escalate.

[C]

Yeah, a little.

[A]

Once he was handcuffed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think once he saw a cop. Cop, you saw his demeanor change.

[C]

Well, as somebody who knows a lot of mentally ill people, sometimes it is like you need to get shocked out of whatever state you're in and for you to calm down.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And so, like, when something like that happens, like, oh, there's multiple police officers and people are threatening to tase me and stuff, then you go, that did not phase him.

[B]

The tase.

[A]

I think now the tase didn't, but multiple costs. I think he went, oh, I'm the problem? Yes. And that was, like, almost. It looked sobering to see all the cops come.

[B]

It's almost like someone pulled out the violin thing. And he just, like, calm. You know, the thing. He's like, whoa.

[A]

I was the other day coming home, and I was calling an Uber, and I was over by Penn Station, and I almost tripped over what I thought was a dead body. And I don't know if it was a World cup fan who celebrated a little too hard, but they were definitely leaning on a barricade. They went with it, but then they went under another barricade and a car vulnerable. And they were face down, not moving. And just people around them were like, has anyone called 911? And they all just went, no. And I wound up flagging the cop. And then a bunch of cops came, and once I got in my car, I saw them lifting them up. And he wasn't dead, but he looked pretty close.

[B]

Fell out.

[A]

It was a. I would have said it was a 50. 50.

[B]

Yeah. They might have had to Narcan him or something.

[A]

Yeah, I think that was. Did you see the guy that Narcanned at the parade?

[B]

No, but I've Narcan enough people. I know what they. What it does.

[A]

Dude, this guy. It's this. They Narcan a guy at the. The ticker tape parade. Chad, do you have that to get up, bro? Hey, man, you gotta get up, bro. So this is wild.

[B]

Yeah. Dirty weed, probably.

[A]

So the cops won't let people help him. He's on top of a structure.

[B]

I'm just gonna climb up there.

[A]

I swear to God. They're gonna tell you to get off. Well, then Teddy's gonna die. Oh, no. Damn. We really follow the rules out here. We got.

[B]

I'm sorry, man.

[A]

That guy's passed out. That guy's passed out, man. Yeah, the cops are just gonna let the guy die up there?

[B]

Anything for no paperwork. Come on, man.

[C]

See this? I think Poirier is right. I think you should be able to do trial by combat against police. If I win, I could do whatever I want.

[A]

Hey, man, you gotta get up, bro. You gotta get up, bro.

[C]

Hey, man, you gotta get up, bro. Hey, man, you gotta get up, bro.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think that's dirty weed. I think he was.

[B]

Yeah. If that cop doesn't have Narcan and throw up to him, that's what's.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Well, luckily. Luckily, this angel has Narcan.

[B]

Let's go, New York.

[A]

That's all I thought this whole time.

[B]

Of course he's filming it.

[A]

Also, he does immediately try and kiss this woman, which is hilarious.

[B]

I got a point on that.

[A]

I. I would. Yeah. We'll finish it. We'll get to. Come on.

[C]

Don't play, brother. You got to get.

[A]

This is like a movie.

[B]

It's epic.

[A]

By the way, Not a cop.

[C]

All regular people.

[A]

All civilians. Cops couldn't.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

Well, on.

[C]

Hold on, hold on.

[B]

Thank you. To be that high and get up there is crazy. I don't even.

[A]

I understand. The cops have a job to do, but you got to. You got to get up, bro. There's got to be a party. That's like. I got to. This is literally what I'm here for.

[B]

This is like when you have to not list. It's like, you have to help people. And with Narcan and. Dude, I have Naran people. And they wake up. It's like they're mad first.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They're high. And if he's an experienced user, he's like, the fuck. And that's tried to kiss her because you snap out of you like, I'm good now. They're like, no, you're going to the hospital, you know.

[A]

Yeah. One of my very good friends is a fireman, and his best friend is a medic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they have many narcissistries.

[B]

It's just crazy.

[A]

He said that if somebody's a real dick, they have pretty damn fun with it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, they're basically. Yeah. It's. It's fucking brutal job.

[A]

A lot of them puke right away, right?

[B]

Puke. And they get like. You know, it's like the heroin is still in there, so it kills that high. But then. Then the DT set in right away. So you're basically, like, feening, too. So it's. You're all fucked. Yeah. It's horrible.

[A]

At a wrestling show in Vegas last year. Very. I got to remember her name. I'll remember it later. But she. A girl in the crowd went down. She OD'd. And the wrestler after her batch ran and had Narcan in her bag and saved her in the. In the. In the building.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's quick like that, man.

[B]

Man. I mean, it's like, once you've been through it, like. And now I'm doing that again a little bit, helping people. It's like, I usually have it on me. It's because it's like, you have to. It's just like they should have it, you know?

[C]

Yeah. Like, all, like, little Crest Funk shows I go to. Everybody has, like. There's, like, a little station. Yeah. People are like, if we got you, if something happens, and.

[B]

Because it's all about time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Do we have a Narcan? I'm sure we do it Skank Fest, right?

[C]

Yes, we do.

[A]

Have we had to use it?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Shannon, do you know if we've ever Narcan somebody?

[D]

Not that I know of. I feel like that's impossible. It hasn't happened, but I haven't heard about it.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think I remember it. I haven't seen it. I mean, it's pretty impressive. We've had as few issues as we have.

[B]

I mean, I won't say his name, but I talked to someone who's a good friend of mine at Skank Fest two years ago, and he did not remember it. He was sitting next to me for 20 minutes, and he goes, hey. And I go, are you okay? You know what I mean? But, yeah. I don't know. His eye up.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, hey, you know, I've been there. It Happens to the best of us.

[B]

I mean, I used to always.

[A]

Someone was blacked out on stage.

[B]

I get home, my wallet's still in my pocket. Over a year, I'm like, how'd I get here? I don't know.

[A]

Just some of us. Some of us. Some of us worry their friends and family because they. They blacked out on stage naked, dressed as Shrek. No, it happens. It happens to the. You know, I. I've learned my lesson on that one, which is I'm still very new to being on Zoloft.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if I don't take my Zoloft early and I take it in the afternoon, and then I drink too close to that. That is a bad mix for the boy mixes.

[B]

Yeah. It's fucked. Yeah.

[A]

And my. The lights go out quick.

[B]

The SSRIs.

[A]

Yeah. So I've got a. My therapist and I had a discussion with. Now I have a Zoloft alarm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even if I'm asleep, I get up and take it at 10 in the morning.

[B]

So it works the right way.

[C]

Like a woman's birth control. Yes.

[A]

Well, because if I take it, say I have a day where I get up super late or a day I get up super early. If those are back to back, it could be like 36 hours in between me taking it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's when your boy gets a little silly.

[B]

Is that messing with your.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your unit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I heard that's like. They tried to put me on some shit. And, like, I think my wife was like, what'd you say it's gonna do? What? She's like, he can stay crazy.

[A]

Yeah, I got it. There's another alternative to it that I think I'm gonna try. But, yeah, it's been a.

[B]

Well, some people are like, you don't bust. I'm like, I'm old. I want to bust.

[A]

Like, that has been the issue, dude.

[B]

I won't, because I'll give up. I mean, I'm a quitter. Like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. I've never given up on jerking off until the last year or two since I've been on this all up.

[B]

Your elbow hurts. You're like, fuck it.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not. Whatever. I'm gonna watch people play Sonic.

[B]

They got. They got to come up with better science. I mean. I mean, people are not gonna want.

[A]

Well, it's just now miserable for a different reason.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I got. It's like getting sober and it's like, if you're not happy. Joyce. And freeze. Like, why did I Get sober to be miserable. You know what I mean?

[A]

That's exactly same. Yeah. Now I'm not screaming in the middle of the night, but I'm also not coming and falling asleep.

[B]

I'm not waking up in the street, but I'm just solving problems and answering questions.

[A]

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[C]

I mean, I feel like statistically it has to happen more so than it does at least. Like, especially now that's been recorded because I grew up near Knott's Berry Farm, Six Flags Disneyland. And every time somebody would go, they have a story of like, oh, we got stuck at this whatever, whatever ride. So. But it's just 10, 15 years ago we didn't have social media as big as it was.

[B]

I have a theory that when they stopped using like carnies, like the dudes that stab each other with screwdrivers and smoke crack after they run the Rides. They have exchange students. So all of a sudden it's like, it's Giuseppe for me. It's. It's like really mediocre now. And a lot more problems. Those guys know how to do that. I don't know. It seems like the amusement park world has went into, like. And it's like those guys give a. Even though they're up, that's their life.

[C]

It's like going to a diner and getting a young waitress. You're like the woman who has teeth,

[B]

cigarettes, Bobby Kelly's words. I go in a restaurant, he's like, all the waitress are too skinny. I'm not eating here. The food sucks.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Stuff like that. It's just like they're not supposed to be serving the.

[A]

You know, nothing makes me know I'm gonna have a good meal more than a old man.

[B]

Wait, dude, I. I find a chubby old man, I go, where's the sandwich? And he's like, right over there.

[A]

70 year old man, waiter in a suit like this guy's.

[B]

You're eating great. Yeah. That's who you need to be with.

[A]

So let's see this, this. How do these people get stuck?

[D]

Shannon, I'll show it to you. Then I'll give you a little more information, y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Why the are we stuck up here, bro?

[C]

Oh, those suck.

[B]

Dude. Is that the. No, those.

[C]

That,

[B]

that I grew up near Cedar Point, which is like, people live for that.

[A]

I'm not doing it no more.

[C]

See, I love a coaster. I love like a drop. But those things where you have nothing saving you, that's just. That's up.

[B]

You actually can die. Are those ones, you know, the ones that lean all the way over like a rocking boat that goes all the way up, like you're almost above.

[C]

Oh, I love those.

[B]

I almost. Yeah, it's almost my pants.

[C]

And how long out my mouth.

[A]

How long were they stuck up there, Shannon? Did it say so?

[D]

Yeah, they were only stuck there for 10 minutes.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Only 10. And six flags. At first, when the video posted, they tried to say that that's a video from last year. But eventually they had to confirm that it was from June 14th. And they said that it was just a technical delay. And then shortly after everyone was brought back to the ground, the ride continued. Everybody was fine.

[C]

There was just a technical delay. The rest, reviewing it to make sure. Good.

[A]

Shannon, I believe someone fell out of a water ride at Disney this week as well.

[C]

Oh, yeah, the log ride.

[A]

The log ride, right. And they have footage. A kid climbed out the back and went down the waterfall.

[B]

There's metal in there. There's fucking just death.

[A]

Whatever that water is, it's got to be brutal. That's got to be steaming with gross disregard for it.

[B]

It's probably. Everything's in there. It's disgusting.

[A]

Baby, here we go. So it's a footage of a phone book. Yeah. Kid came out and he goes down.

[B]

What a lunatic.

[C]

No, boy. Oh, especially because that's all the little rollers for the ride. So you're just getting fucked up.

[B]

What the fuck, Shannon?

[A]

Do we have any story how they got out? What happened to them?

[D]

Let me see. Give me one second.

[A]

Take your time. I feel like there's just been a lot of amusement park chicanery in general.

[C]

I feel nobody has common decency anymore because the same thing I like live events is the same thing just out in the street.

[A]

Didn't the guy die at the Garden this week?

[C]

Oh, yeah, the. The Goose show.

[A]

Yeah, guy jumped.

[B]

What's like punk shows now? Like, I went saw Ministry. It's like people my age, like, they're playing. All of a sudden, like, last minute I go, the pit was so safe because it was like, a bunch of people my age are like, we're having fun. But then I dropped my wallet. Like, stop. We got credit cards. Like, that kind of love now. Kids are like, elbows, no necks, you know, beating each other up at shows.

[A]

Yeah, they do like the crowd killing thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They're not punk, they're jocks. They suck.

[A]

Yeah. They just want to hurt somebody.

[D]

So it says that the kid, 13 years old, he actually climbed out of the ride and then fell. But it said he was brought to the hospital and he didn't suffer any serious injury. Injuries and was released later that day.

[B]

Hell of a story.

[A]

He's definitely banned for life, though.

[C]

Especially at 13. You're too young to have a good concept of. Even if it was fun or a good experience. Like, it's not. As you're not old enough to be like, this is what made it fun. You're just like, oh, I got in trouble.

[A]

Oh, that's. I'm thinking about you seeing Ministry. I saw Devo recently and all I was thinking was like. Because it was like a bunch of like, elderly people. Yeah. In the Devo shit. And I was thinking, oh, yeah, I love Devo. But there's definitely kids out there who like Devo's. That thing Grandpa loves.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[A]

Oh, why does Grandpa have that silly red helmet? He likes this band from.

[B]

To them I'm Gonna look it up. Yeah.

[A]

It's got to be like, somebody like it. Like Chubby Checker.

[B]

Yeah. Like the real niche for them.

[A]

They're like, it's got to be wild.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Because I even saw my Cuban grandpa. No matter what any he life upset him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every. Whatever it was. If you watched a Pixar movie, he was upset by it. Like, no matter what it was, he found a reason to be mad at it. And one day we're having dinner and he goes, zach, what is this? Ramon. I got a Ramon shirt on. He goes, what? This is horrible. Why? What is this? And my grandma, out of nowhere goes, emilio. They're a band from the past. I saw them. They were looking at their records on Antique Roadshow.

[B]

My God. Give him the whole lowdown.

[A]

Yeah, he just. He was. No matter what I wore.

[B]

I get it. When you're older, you've seen a lot of shit and you're just kind of

[A]

like, oh, he was a miserable prick. As he should have been. He was. Castro had him in one of the secret jails for a while. He earned it. But, man, life upset him. Life upset. One of his sons. Got a beautiful golden retriever. I mean, the nicest, happiest dog the day came to his house. He goes, oh, my God. El diablo.

[B]

El Diablo.

[A]

That's what he called a happy golden retriever.

[B]

He's like, you are the devil.

[C]

All dogs are the devil to Latin people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, my Latin side of the family, too. It's like, we could never have a dog because, like, the couch had, like, clean, like, in. My sister's more Mexican than me, where it's like hair, like dog. She's like, hey, you know. So, yeah, they live. They outside. They like dogs, but they want them outside. Yes.

[C]

My aunt, like, everybody on my dad's side of the family has dogs except for her. And, like, it's one of those. She'll run out of anywhere that she sees a dog. If there's dog hair, what the going on, she'll freak the out. It's pretty funny to watch sometimes, but it's really sad at the same time.

[A]

Now here's. So this is what my Cuban side of the family would do. I want to know if it's a Latin thing or just them thing. They would invite us over for dinner, say like five o'. Clock. They wouldn't have started dinner yet.

[B]

No, it's all hang.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you would sit for now. And then they would start dinner. And that was like an hour and a half, two hours.

[B]

Cooking everything.

[A]

They didn't have a tv.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yeah. Everything's about to hang with land.

[A]

Like I the most boring little kid because I was the only kid.

[B]

Everybody comes too. It's like everyone's involved, you know what I mean? So it's good.

[A]

But it's like I was the only child. That and the TV was in the basement and I wasn't allowed down there.

[B]

Ah, rules.

[A]

And then I just met my Hank Hill ass dad. My. My dad is the fun police sometimes, right? He. We would go to. It was Esther Amelia's house. My dad would literally just walk into the basement, cross his arms and go to sleep the entire time and then eat dinner and leave.

[B]

Yeah, like that's what I'm doing.

[A]

Yeah. And I eventually started doing that too because it's just sitting for hours.

[C]

There's always the dad chairs. Like there's always a place for dads to nap unless there's food and then the kids to sleep when they get too tired. But nobody wants to leave because it's an all night affair. You're getting there before food's done. So that way you can like sort of congregate and then you're. After food's done, everybody's drinking. And after everybody's drinking, everybody's saying goodbye for like two hours. Like that's how like growing up and then moving on to like things where there's like a social hang after a comedy show, a concert, whatever. That's just what I grew up with because everything's about the late night hang and who can be last, who can out, you know, out drink, who can outdo whatever. Like that's just our culture.

[A]

We didn't. They wasn't really allowed to drink. A few drinks would go, a little wine would go around and then Esther would start singing hymns. Lot of, a lot of Jesus y stuff. Yeah, that. That tended to be the end of the evening.

[B]

There was always a fight at our house. I'd be like, one uncle would end up like one one year. It was like my uncle had one door that was red on a green car and he busted a 40 over this guy's head. And then they were painting the door in the backyard like they weren't gonna know his car. It's like there's always a fight and shit.

[C]

Yeah. My dad's one of like, hide your uncle. My dad's one of 5 billion kids and none of. There hasn't been more than three fourths of them together in one room since like my grandma died. Because there's always Beefs between everybody. And every time there is a party, there's always that one. Something gets said where then you next. You know, people are separated. And then the next event, oh, this person's not here for that reason. I love it.

[A]

I think all. I think everybody does that, but just in their own way. My wife's family is all Irish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that if they're together, it's just trauma dumping.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It's just remembering who was a piece of when. Who got molested.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who was a bad uncle who was abusive, who was a drunk who beat their wife.

[B]

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[A]

I mean, yeah, I. I missed out, man. I had. I had Italian family that didn't cook.

[B]

What the.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No Sunday gravy.

[A]

No, none of that. My. We didn't do any of that.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I got. I got. I got up.

[B]

That hurt. That hurts, right? Yeah, for sure. So what was the cuisine? What was the white.

[A]

White people ever.

[B]

Chicken Alicante.

[A]

If you look at the stuff my family ate, it looks like the meme of what white people eat. Like, my family serves things that are varying shades of beige, bro.

[B]

Tuna fish on toasted bread with the gravy thing on top. Just eat that shit. Whatever it is, it's real.

[A]

So we've got over a few of my mom's classics, but these are the two I always bring up. Tortellini salad cold, which is not what you think it is.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Guess not.

[A]

It is. She would cook tortellinis, take them out, chill them, and put them over pre done dull salad mix. So not tortellini salad like it looks

[B]

like a Halloween eyeball.

[A]

So it's Just salad mix like greens and carrots, couple carrots, little slivers with cold tortellinis on it, cheese in it, salad dressing.

[B]

Tortellini with cheese.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

With ranch.

[C]

There's nothing good about this ranch.

[A]

Creamy Italian.

[C]

If anything, you eat around the tortellini. Cause that's just gross to bite into when it's cold.

[A]

Terrible.

[B]

So then the cheese is like all congealed and disgusted. Oh, fuck.

[A]

And then my wife was luckily there for this. The last time my mom made it, she warned the rest of the table that the creamy Italian dressing was very spicy. And to watch out, watch how much you use because it's quote unquote, got a real kick.

[B]

Got a real kick.

[A]

And then the one I always bring up is hot cha cha chicken, which my mom made, I would say once a week. And that was chicken breasts with a can of. With a jar of salsa on top. Put in the oven.

[B]

No sear. Just put in the oven.

[A]

Just in the oven.

[B]

You know what that does.

[A]

And then served with white rice and tostitos.

[B]

Tostitos might save it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The crunch at least.

[C]

Yeah. Just chips and rice. But is it like minute rice?

[A]

It's white. Just plain white rice.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

No, no spice.

[A]

No, no, no seasoning. No, just plain white rice. Salsa, Baked chicken.

[B]

So you were just super wanting to go out to eat all the time then. Probably.

[A]

One time we had to throw it out because my mom accidentally bought medium salsa instead of mild. And my dad and mom said it was inedible.

[B]

Too spicy.

[A]

Too spicy.

[B]

Some paste medium. Was too spicy.

[A]

Paste medium. I mean, really.

[B]

My wife is too. Like I told her, I was like, it sounds shitty, but it's like not being able to eat the same food when I'm making a beautiful meal. I can't put chili flakes in a cacio pepe or something. I'm like, what am I doing? It sucks.

[A]

The one time. This is a very. My aunt made turkey fricassee once. And all day she talked about, I got these big ass olives. You gotta see these fucking olives. Everyone takes one bite and everyone spits it out. They were habanero stuffed olives and she made it in the pressure cooker. What? So it was. Or a crock pot. Excuse me? Like, so it was habanero's in the food for six hours of crock pot fire.

[C]

That's everything too. That's. That you have to throw out.

[A]

That I will admit was too hot to eat.

[B]

Yeah, that's. It ruins the food. Yeah.

[A]

I could see one in there. Yeah, but the whole jar really got you.

[B]

Yeah. Wingstop in Harlem. Like just whatever. Who's. Different stores, different people working. I got the habanero ones. It was like gravy amount of sauce on. I couldn't even eat. I took one bite. I'm like, that's gonna hiccups. Like, this is crazy.

[A]

I don't know if this is a black thing, but I've gotten very into lemon pepper wings.

[B]

Lemon pepper. That is a black thing. And very good.

[A]

Really good. Yeah, like, way better.

[B]

They call all the places, they call it crack wings. That's the nickname for them. But it's old bay and then lemon pepper.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's just like double fried. So they're just dry rub. They're pretty sick.

[A]

Very nice. Very nice. Detroit pizza place just opened by me and I got so excited.

[B]

We were gonna get what you call the Buddies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember?

[A]

And it closed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But this place, it's not quite Detroit. I would say it's somewhere between Detroit pizza and a Sicilian. But I knew I was gonna like it because they were there. Halal. And they do a gyro one.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Hell yeah.

[A]

And that is one of my. If I am ever on the road and a place I can tell is a Greek place that also does a pizza place, but it's also Greek food.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

White piece, gyro meat, tomato, onion, and then you dip it in white sauce.

[B]

So tzatziki. And white sauce is like what, like ricotta or something? Or like just a white pie. Yeah, white pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds good.

[A]

And this, they did a deep dish. One of that. That's awesome.

[B]

Hungry.

[A]

Ah, that guy. My wife was very, very apprehensive because she does not trust places that do more than one thing.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

She never trust it.

[B]

And I knew for the diners, when they're like, we have lobster and we have pancakes.

[A]

She never trusted. But I know. Yeah, I know. See, Arabs in the. Arabs, Muslims, Mexicans, great pizza.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Indians, bad pizza.

[B]

There's a thing going on in Chicago right now where I don't know what happened when ice came around, and this is my theory, but all these burrito places keep popping up. And I walk to the counter and all of a sudden it's an Indian dude and it's fine, but like, they don't know how to make burritos. And I'm like, you're fucking the shit up, dude.

[A]

I mean, Indian dollar pizza stinks. Yeah.

[B]

But they get in the game. They. They hear it and they're like, let's go. We'll open them up.

[A]

You know they're there. It's that if. If you walk into a dollar pizza place and it's an Indian guy, walk the fuck out. Walk out. Go find one with a Mexican.

[B]

Yeah, for real.

[A]

And Jorge, I don't mean that in a. In a derogatory way.

[C]

No, I mean, we need you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's the whole reason why I'm here.

[A]

Yeah. Just don't. Don't fucking. And I have no problem with dollar pizza. Sometimes you do realize they're definitely getting expired ingredients and respect the product.

[B]

Respect the product.

[A]

So do not get a pie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But just a walking slice. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I have a problem with misappropriated food. I like, you can do something like a biminbap, but if you're gonna put. Make it like avocado toast white, like you've just destroyed someone's food, don't call it a biminb. You know what I mean? Because it's confusing when you're trying to order food.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Sucks being a foodie, it's.

[C]

That's one thing I hate about Mexican food. In a lot of places where it's very bougie and very gentrified, where instead of just getting tortilla meat, cilantro, onions, it'll be like, you know, a butternut. Butternut squash tortilla with like pickled whatever on like a minced bullshit vegan. I'm like, what the fuck's going on, dude? And they're all like, like, nicely presented. But that's not how it's supposed to be.

[B]

But Latin's eat clean too. It's like, if you're really eating good Mexican food, like, I'll do like a whole thing of pinto beans, but then a bowl of that with tortillas with a little cheese and then like cil, onion. So there's crunch, lime, everything. And that's how it's.

[C]

It's supposed to be poor people food. And then they charge up the wazoo here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And for this inferior product, for me,

[A]

I know I'm going to like Mexican food. If they have cabeza.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

If they have lingua, if they have cabeza, anything like that, I know it's real and that's always what I get. But question Jorge, and you can tell me if I'm crazy. As far as burritos, I don't like when they put the fries in them. I think it fucks up the texture.

[B]

Yeah. Lettuce too. That texture with the burrito is no good.

[A]

I don't think burritos should have fries in them.

[C]

Lettuce no good. But fries are good, if that's what you're seeking out.

[A]

If you're looking for a California style, I guess.

[C]

Yeah. Because it's good. It's greasy, it's disgusting. You're getting it dirty. You're probably fucked up when you're ordering it. But in terms like a regular burrito.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All you need is some rice, some beans, meat.

[A]

I'll get rid of the rice. All I want is beans and cheese.

[B]

Beans, cheese, meat, sour cream.

[C]

The only reason you add the rice, though, is because. Is to justify having a large tortilla.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then it also serves as a nice base to capture all, like the salsa or whatever else. That's why you have a lot of rice.

[B]

You said breakfast burrito. I am a fan of the tater tot in the breakfast burrito because that crunch is fire. I make that at home. Like, I'll do tater tots with like a frittata, you know what I mean? So you get all the textures.

[C]

Tater tots are one of my favorite things because they can. You can have them anytime.

[A]

Big fan of tachos.

[C]

Tachos are good.

[A]

I don't know that tater tot nachos.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. You do tater tots in the oven. Then you do some chili and some cheese, tomato, sour cream.

[B]

I had some crabs.

[A]

I've heard them called Irish nachos.

[B]

Nice. I've had some crab Rangoon nachos. So these wontons, I was up on those. I was like, these are sick noise. Yeah. I was like, make taking all the work out of the rangoon just like a big pile of.

[A]

My friend made crab Rangoon pizza and General Tso's pizza. They used to live above a Chinese place. And for New Year's one day they got a pizza stone and went down to the Chinese place and brought it up. And we made. It was like two different Chinese pizzas. They were so fucking fun.

[B]

Here's a good hack. Pepperoni pizza from the night before. Chop it up, start sauteing it in butter. Add the eggs, and then you have crunchy pieces of bread with the pepperoni and the cheese. It's fucking fire.

[C]

All right.

[B]

So when you get fucked up at night, you eat the pizza in the morning. Chop distilled, chop it all up, throw it in there. Boom. Then add the Chihuahua cheese. You're ready to go.

[C]

Hey. I was going to say, on your recommendation, I went to Tony Baloney's Yes. And they had some sort of Asian chicken pizza that I.

[A]

Yes, they did.

[C]

And it was so fucking good.

[B]

Really.

[C]

I didn't. I forget what it was, but it had, like, the chicken, the sauce, some scallions, a little bit of the.

[A]

Shannon, bring up the Tony Baloney.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Have you had Tony Baloney?

[B]

I'm going right after. After I see this, I think.

[A]

Okay. Tony Baloney is. Is a game changer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They have stores in Jersey City, Hoboken, and Atlantic City. It is a little expensive, but will change your day.

[B]

Which stop is it close to? Grove, Journal Square City.

[A]

I'm not sure which one.

[C]

I went to the one in Hoboken, and it's, like, pretty close.

[A]

It's close to the path.

[B]

Okay, nice.

[A]

Shannon, you want to bring up that Tony Baloney's menu? There we go.

[B]

I've seen this on YouTube.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I watch food all the time. I'm like, franken.

[A]

Let's see, what was the one that Jorge had? A lobster roll. Get out of here. Baloney bucks.

[B]

Was that a truffle one with creme fraiche or something?

[A]

Everything they do, they do a shave ribeye on garlic bread with mozzarella. That's really amazing.

[C]

And, like, the pizza slice itself is really good. I like the. That a good crust.

[A]

You probably know them, Aaron, from the taco Pizza.

[B]

Yeah, that's like.

[A]

They do that. That's, like, their famous thing. Because there's a taco place across the street they collab with.

[C]

I think it might have been the one on the bottom left corner, the Supreme.

[B]

They put any head cheese on the pizzas.

[A]

And then there's the swine fighter is the giant pepperoni. And then that one, the oy vey, is a brisket.

[B]

One brisket. So they're roasting all that.

[A]

Everything they do is amazing. I talked about them for years. Then I got Louis to go where he immediately embarrassed us. It was during the pandemic. We were in Atlantic City, me, him, and Faga, and I'm kind of like, dude, we got to try this place. It's the pandemic. So it's like all the chairs were not out. It was just kind of empty. Lewis walks in, and this is when he walks in in front of the police. Just goes, not impressed. And then he orders sandwiches and slices for us, but he goes, but I would like a slice for me right now, if you could heat that up for me. So then we're waiting, and he literally goes like, it sucks. What's the big deal? We're At Chicken Wing. And he's yelling at me. And he goes, and she didn't put my slicer. She's gonna give me my slicer and everything else. I wanted a hot slice right now. And she didn't even listen. And then he goes, ding. And she goes, sir, your slice. And I know what she was doing because she definitely. I watched more than one person do this to Louis, which is overheat his food because they know he's gonna burn his mouth. And I've watched more than one cashier do this to him because the way he asked was not polite. And, dude, he goes. He bites into it.

[B]

He goes, I've been with them.

[A]

I mean, the funniest was the snacking bacon.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

We're on the road. We stop at Dunkin Donuts. It's before shows. It's like seven o' clock at night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we go to Dunkin and Lewis gets a coffee and the snacking bacon. And the lady gives it to him cold. And he goes, oh, this is supposed to be served warm. Which he's correct. And she goes, no, it's not. And he goes, no, you're supposed to warm it up. And she goes, no, I don't know. And he goes. He goes, I go to Dunkin Donuts all over the country. It's supposed to. They serve snacking bacon warm. And she goes, would you like me to warm it up? Yeah, dude. She must have nuked this thing. He gets in the car. He's now retelling me what happened. I was like, listen, I go to all Dunkin Donuts all over the world. I think I know a snack base. And as he's doing it, he goes to slap a piece of the bacon into his mouth. And when I say it was white hot, it burnt his lip, has grease on it, severely, immediately flicked. And he just spits bacon everywhere. All over the console, all over the windshield. And I was like, I get you. She warmed it up for you, huh?

[B]

Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, man. I've been with him when he's like, fucking. I'll just get off my Amex if it's fucking. If I don't like it, I'll fucking just call Amex. And they're like, yes, sir, it's fine. He's like, I'll call Amex.

[A]

I watched an entire deli do Lewis when he walked out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because he was being a problem. And then I watched a bunch of people just do, not knowing what it was, do the Lewis voice.

[B]

That old Brigazzi joke. It's like a McDonald's. It's like that shit's been going on for 25 years.

[A]

Just what a joy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So great to watch.

[A]

The funnest person to go on the road with, whether or not he needs to be.

[B]

He gets hot, he gets heated.

[A]

But, yeah, he. He immediately hated. Then when we had Tony Baloney's, he was deep in on it. We talked about it for a year. And then Natalie Cuomo went once, and Tony Baloney was in her goddamn DMs. Do you want to make a video here? Do you want to make content here? You're so funny. I talked about you for goddamn half a decade. Tony Baloney. You don't let me in the goddamn kitchen. That's why I'm a Leonie's man. That's why I shout out my boys at Leonie's, because they take care of me. They don't go fucking only hitting up ladies. Fucking Tony Baloney. You fucking goddamn horny Italian.

[B]

Don't be so shallow.

[A]

Fucking dirty dago dick. I was so mad when they headed her up. I've been talking about this goddamn place for years.

[B]

She doesn't eat pizza.

[A]

No.

[B]

The fuck.

[A]

All right, one more thing. Before we get out of here, let's check out this documentary trailer. Supposedly, this movie, this dot coming out is a mind fuck. And I want you guys to check it out. It's not like gross or anything, but it's basically. What's the Drew Barrymore movie where she pretends to be in high school again? Never been kissed.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

So this is a dude who apparently, as an adult, decided to redo high school. Shannon, kill him.

[D]

By the way, this is. It is out already. It came out in 2022, this documentary, so we can watch it.

[A]

Thank you. Can we just begin with your name?

[B]

You would have known me as Brandon Lee. I remember my first day at Bearstone Academy.

[A]

It was junior year, day one. The classroom door opened and there he was.

[B]

He was quite gaunt looking and he was really pale.

[A]

He had a briefcase, funny hair, glasses. He was one of the better pupils. Just an all round nice guy. One of the pleasures of teaching lies

[B]

in watching young people grow up. Brandon Lee acts as if he's been

[A]

a pupil of Bearstein Academy from the very beginning.

[B]

Hiding in plain sight. It's about the best place you can hide.

[A]

Police found that Lee had two passports.

[B]

People thought he might be a spy. And that was when he said, my

[C]

name is isn't Brandon Lee, and I'm

[B]

not who you think I am.

[A]

What?

[B]

They're human beings. But to me, they were just a means to an end. There was no crime committed. Technically.

[A]

Was it morally acceptable? It's a story which is seemingly never ending.

[B]

He was playing absolutely everybody around him. Why? Why you did.

[A]

Did you do it?

[B]

What would possess someone to do that?

[C]

It was an obsession.

[B]

If you really want to prevail, you have to do the unimaginable.

[A]

So for those listening, that was Alan Cumming playing the. The main guy. Because he won't do the documentary. Shannon, do you want to make this homework? We should both watch this and talk about it in a week or two. What do you say?

[D]

100%.

[A]

All right. So we're gonna check out my old school. People want to watch it at home. We will make it a point of discussion on next week's show. So if you guys want to write in, maybe we'll even open up the phone lines for that one. Shannon, if the phones work by then.

[D]

Okay, the phone. The phones are working again. And it does say you might. It's 299, but it's available on Apple TV, Amazon Prime, Google Play.

[A]

Perfect. So if anybody wants to watch it. I think that looks awesome.

[B]

Just yesterday. Meg, I want to watch a doc and I didn't know the that was.

[A]

Yeah, that looks baller.

[C]

I think it's a nice story. Like he said, it's not a crime. A little immoral. I mean, as long as he's not doing anything nefarious.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I bet.

[A]

I bet there's.

[B]

Why doesn't have something else going on? It's kind of wild.

[A]

I mean, come on. You got to play a little stink finger. What's the point of going back to high school?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Second base, baby.

[C]

Kids calling it French fries nowadays.

[B]

Finger banging.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

French fries.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I gotta ask.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

French fries.

[A]

What's that about? Because, like, the way you dip them.

[C]

Finger. Finger. French fry.

[A]

Oh, I was thinking the way you dip them into ketchup.

[C]

That too. And the sounds.

[A]

That's what? She's on her period.

[C]

Yeah. Love it.

[A]

French fry. Finger. Oh, wow, that's cool. What's a blowjob?

[C]

I don't know. I didn't stick around long enough to find out.

[A]

I don't know. I just think I had to stop fingering her before she woke up.

[B]

French fries all day. Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, man. Fingering.

[B]

It's the best. Underrated.

[A]

You don't think about it.

[B]

A lot of work done with that.

[A]

Yeah. You know, Thumbs, the first girl I ever went down on as she took her jeans off, said, sorry, I had a lot of onions today. Oh. And then for the first six, and then I hook up with another girl for months, and I was convinced all vaginas stunk like onions. And I think, you know, like the bag of sand line in 40. Oh, Virginia, I think my friends are talking. I was like, yeah, you know, just like, it smells like onions.

[B]

Never stop me.

[A]

All right, guys, that is today's episode. Thank you to my wonderful guests, Jorge and Aaron Putnam.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And we got a bonus episode coming on Friday. Thank you so much for tuning in. We'll be back then. Goodbye, Your favorite ob a call bed and join the crew. It's acamiko morning, too. It's acamiko morning, too.