0134. Joe Gorman and Alex Tomaselli

Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo – Episode #134: Joe Gorman & Alex Tomaselli
GaS Digital Network | August 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This mash-up episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo is classic drive-time chaos, filled with unfiltered humor and wild tangents. Joined by comedians Joe Gorman and Alex Tomaselli (from the "Super Celly Joe's" podcast), Zac serves up unscripted takes on animal misadventures, vintage porn plotlines, stoner stories, B-movie nostalgia, and the secret world of strip club buffets. The episode stays true to the show’s mission: twisted news, oddball observations, and an unvarnished look at counterculture comedic life.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Opening Banter & Guest Intros

[00:50–02:22]

• Zac sets the scene for a chaotic Monday, with the trio riffing on nursery rhymes and mashing up shows.
• Quick self-aware plug session where guests admit to podcasting lapses due to ketamine (Joe: "I haven't uploaded them recently, but I've been on a lot of ketamine. But I’m back!" – 02:03).
• Zac previews his hosting of the Gathering of the Juggalos and Juggalo Championship Wrestling.

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2. Pizza Porn & Animal Encounters

[03:16–08:18]

• Zac introduces a story of a fearless pizza delivery driver. Instead, the conversation turns into an extended riff on porn tropes.
  • Joe: "Remember when people used to have sex with the pizza delivery boy? Like, 'I don’t have enough money.'" (03:53)
  • Alex: "I have a very sensitive penis. Anything bad happens to it, I have to go to the doctor." (04:26)
• The group riffs on “Big Sausage Pizza” and delivery boy fantasies, with Alex recalling a real delivery: "She had a tank top and underwear. I just couldn’t even talk. I was like, this one's on the house." (05:13)
• They imagine prank-calling bloggers with strippers showing up:
  "Hope nobody sends a beautiful stripper to my house as a goof and forces her to have sex with me. That would be awful." – Joe (07:00)

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3. Wildlife Survival & Cultural Blunders

[08:18–10:18]

• Zac confesses frequent social media faux pas: "Now a bunch of Arab guys are mad at me... apparently they were like, 'My friend, that is not. That is Pakistan.'" (08:29)
• The hosts riff on bear encounters, survival tactics, and mnemonic rhymes for handling bear species:
  • "Brown, lay down. Black, fight back. White, good night." – Zac (10:39)

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4. Disney, Film Tangents & ‘Culture Wars’

[13:02–21:39]

• Extended Mortal Kombat and ‘90s/’00s movie nostalgia:
  • “I loved how they’d reframe the fight scene to look like the level first.” – Zac (15:30)
  • Critiques of childhood Disney movies for being ‘girl films’ and how Mulan “broke the mold." (19:25)
• Satirical bit about Mulan getting gender reassignment surgery in the live-action remake: “It actually ends with Mulan getting trans surgery so she can marry the general penis.” – Joe (20:22)
• They riff on Disney potentially recasting Mulan as black: "Mullenion." – Joe (21:01)
• The group discusses the nuances of ethnic slurs and comedy context, transitioning into stoner confessions.

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5. Edible Escapades & Stoner Adventures

[21:54–25:38]

• The hosts and guests share high-dose edible stories:
  • Zac: "I’m so high from last night, by the way." (21:54)
  • Joe: "I've been taking those Tyson chews… each one is 100mg." (22:11)
• Alex questions edible dosage accuracy: "Every time I eat regular edibles, they don't hit. But yours, I go to the moon." (24:39)
• Joe expounds on losing one’s tolerance: "I've never been so high that I’m, 'Whoa, I'm high.' I wish I could still get that high." (25:26)

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6. Snack Attacks, Road Food, and Wawa Rituals

[26:48–30:12]

• Animated debate over best high foods—cereal versus cereal on ice cream, granola trail mixes, and Wawa/Stewart’s upstate New York regional snacks.
  • "I do granola, mixed nuts and cranberries... so I don’t buy whore." – Zac (27:43)
  • “He got me into Snickerdoodles. Hot pretzel. Mac and cheese with cheesesteak meat.” – Zac (29:37)
• Turkey sandwiches pretending to be Thanksgiving-style meals come under fire: "That’s literally just a turkey sandwich." – Joe (30:07)

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7. Strip Clubs, Buffets, and Adult Stores

[30:18–34:16]

• Joe reminisces about the Gold Club strip club’s fried chicken buffet in San Francisco:
  • “I remember loading up at the buffet, ran into an old high school bully. I knew I’d see you here.” (32:02)
• Zac’s culinary standards: “All great strip clubs should smell like smoke. And I don’t want to eat where people are smoking.” (32:31)
• They lament Texas’s anti-cannabis and anti-porn crackdown:
  • “They made Delta 8 illegal just so ... if you’re smoking anything, now they can pop you.” – Joe (33:24)

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8. God, Comedy Counterculture & Disney Adult Gangs

[35:40–39:48]

• Satirical riffs on belief, atheism, and comedic ‘pendulum swings’ in society.
  • “There’s no God. You’ve never seen God. Wake up, children. If you have to use drugs to see God, give me some of those drugs ... I’ll see for real if there’s God.” – Joe (35:55)
• The group hatches the concept of Disney World “gangs”—grown Disney adults banding together:
  • “I’m part of the Epcot Gang. I protect children everywhere I go.” – Alex (39:29)
  • “Watch out, it’s the Southern Dandies.” – Zac (40:14)

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9. Theme Parks, Universal Studios, and Live Stunt Shows

[42:39–48:45]

• Theme park nostalgia: Universal Studios Spider-Man ride, Psycho House, Jaws, Waterworld, and the evolution of stunt shows:
  • “Do you remember the Terminator 2 experience? That was cool as shit.” – Joe (47:18)
  • Analysis of why live stunts grip us in an era of digital effects.
  • Roasts on Spider-Man: “The actors from Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark took more risks ... than Tom Holland did.” – Joe (48:46)

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10. Haunted Houses, Festival Rot, and Entertaining Tourists

[49:21–57:54]

• Zac recounts his work at haunted houses: “You get something called ‘Festival Rot'. And then you’re locked in a room for 12 hours a day with everyone else.” (49:56)
• Favorite scare tactics: Typhoid Mary room, soaking guests with sponges, and the Zodiac Killer mannequin room.
• Blurring the line between performance and gross-out: “One time I accidentally spit all my dip out in a kid’s face and he thought it was part of the act.” – Zac (52:47)
• Side story: the perils of working security at Show World, a Times Square porn shop, and witnessing open-air drug dealing.

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11. Jim Penis, Stigma & Dick Pic Strategies

[58:28–62:13]

• Discussion of the “Jim Penis” phenomenon (exercise-induced shrinkage).
  • "Jim penis sounds like a set of laws to keep black guys out of porn." – Zac (59:45)
  • “You want a guy with a couch penis ... just being sprawled out on the couch for hours on end consuming cookies.” – Joe (59:28)
  • On dick pics: "I've been using the same one for 12 years." – Zac (61:13)

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12. Dr. Dirty, Dirty Poems & Comedy Traditions

[62:13–67:44]

• Zac introduces “Dr. Dirty”—an old piano comic with raunchy rhymes, culminating in a group listening session to his “Ballad of Big Ass Lil and Yukon Pete.”
  • “This is something like everyone's uncle has to expose them to at some point.” – Joe (66:59)
• Zac laments he can’t book Dr. Dirty for Skankfest: “He doesn’t travel anymore. He only travels via bus.” (67:45)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “If you saw that bear, that little guy, wouldn't you go, ‘Oh, I bet there’s a mom?’ That’s what I would be like; I’m not worried about him.” – Zac Amico [09:29]
• “I’ve never been so high that I’m, ‘Whoa, I’m high.’ I wish I could still get that high.” – Joe Gorman [25:26]
• “All great strip clubs should smell like smoke. And I don’t want to eat where people are smoking.” – Zac Amico [32:31]
• “There’s no God. You’ve never seen God. Wake up, children.” – Joe Gorman [35:59]
• “I’m part of the Epcot Gang. I protect children everywhere I go.” – Alex Tomaselli [39:29]
• “Jim penis sounds like a set of laws to keep black guys out of porn.” – Zac Amico [59:45]
• “This is something like everyone’s uncle has to expose them to at some point.” – Joe Gorman [66:59]

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Segment Highlights & Timestamps

• 00:50–02:22 – Show Open, Guest Intros, Plugs
• 03:16–08:18 – Pizza Porn Riffing, Delivery Fantasies, Animal Stories
• 10:39 – Bear Survival Mnemonics
• 15:11–21:39 – Mortal Kombat & Disney Movie Satire
• 21:54–25:38 – Wild Edible Tales, High Anecdotes
• 26:48–30:12 – Snack and Road Food Philosophy
• 30:18–34:16 – Strip Club Buffets, Texas Drug Law Rants
• 35:40–39:48 – God, Comedy, and the Absurdity of Belief
• 42:39–48:45 – Theme Park & Stunt Show Nostalgia
• 49:21–57:54 – Haunted House & Festival Rot Stories
• 58:28–62:13 – Jim Penis, Dick Pics, and Working Out
• 62:13–67:44 – Dr. Dirty, Raunchy Song Closeout

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Episode Tone & Style

• Fast-paced, free-association comedy, blending raunch, self-deprecation, and nerd culture
• Less a news show, more a raucous hang with comedians riffing on shared experiences, subcultures, and bizarre headlines
• Language is purposely coarse and unfiltered, often veering towards the absurd and offensive; all in the ‘lovable degenerate’ GaS Digital tone

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For Newcomers

If you’ve never listened, expect an uncut, unruly flow of ideas — one moment it’s pizza porn, the next it’s edible-induced interdimensional paranoia or the anthropology of Wawa Gobbler sandwiches. The recurring theme: embrace the chaos, enjoy the ride, and never take anything (themselves included) too seriously.

Transcript

[Alex Tomaselli]

Fill her up.

[Zach Amico]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play Jokes and guests to start your day. Till the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coff and join the crew It's Akamiko Morning too.

[Zach Amico]

Hello, hello, hello. It is just another manic Monday here in New York City, coming to you live from the Gas Digital Studios. It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. I forgot the rest of that.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Went to bed, bumped his head.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Didn't wake up in the morning. Well, here we go. It's gonna be a great day here on the Morning Zoo because we all got up and it's gonna be a fun one because across the table from me from the Super Sally Joe's podcast. That's right, today is a mashup episode. It is. Our great friends Joe Gorman and Alex Tomaselli. How you doing, boys?

[Joe Gorman]

What's up, dude? What's up? Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Survived.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Thank you for being here. How's everybody feeling?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Great, man.

[Joe Gorman]

I would say reinvigorated. Zachary Clue. Careful.

[Zach Amico]

Tightrope. Word.

[Joe Gorman]

You better believe it.

[Zach Amico]

Well, thank you for being here. Let's knock plugs right out of the way. Thomas Alley.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, just follow me at super at silly Selly on Instagram and check out our podcast, super celly Joe's on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes, whatever.

[Zach Amico]

Wonderful, Mr. Gorman.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, man. As always, you can follow me online at Joe W. Gorman. And I have an amazing podcast with my good friend Alexander called Super Sally Joe's. Follow us on YouTube, iTunes, wherever you get your podcast. We have two in the backlog. I haven't uploaded them recently, but I've been on a lot of ketamine. But I'm back.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, he's back, baby. I got 2 of the backlog too. Right now. I gotta go to the bathroom after the show. Guys, follow me on Instagram. Zach is not funny. Punch up that live Zachamiko for all my dates. I got my special coming out this month and also I will be at the gathering of the Juggalos, hosting the main stage Thursday, Juggalo championship wrestling. And then I believe I'm hosting the second stage one day as well. So come hang out. Should be a lot of fun. And hey, if you enjoy this program, go to gas digital.com today. Use my promo code Zoo. You save a little bit of money. Your episodes, early ad, free and uncensored. You get access to our live chat and the archives. Thousands of hours of all your favorite gas shows from the last decade. And you get our Friday bonus episode. Joe was there for the last one where I belted out some goddamn show tunes.

[Joe Gorman]

It moved me.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I appreciate you very much. And thank you guys for watching the program. All right, boys, you know how this work. You've been here before. We got a bunch of silly shit to look at today. So let's start with this fun animal story. No one gets hurt. Oh, pizza delivery driver goes above and beyond to deliver this pizza with no fear.

[Joe Gorman]

All right, bear pit bull.

[Zach Amico]

One second, Zach. No problem, man. Emu.

[Joe Gorman]

Remember when, like, people used to have sex with the pizza delivery boy? When they're like, oh, I don't have enough money.

[Zach Amico]

Big sausage pizza.

[Joe Gorman]

I wish I always got mad with big sausage pizza, cuz, like, damn, there's no way they'll be able to eat the pizza afterwards. This guy's had been all over it.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, sure you can.

[Joe Gorman]

I mean, I'm gonna need.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody ate that pizza. That pizza did not go in the garden.

[Joe Gorman]

He always carries it, like, at his. Like, he carries it, like, horizontal, like, hey, did somebody order a big pizza?

[Zach Amico]

I would be afraid of poking my dick with the little ottoman.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I'd also be afraid of what the grease could do to your penis.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Right?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, I have a very sensitive penis. Anything bad happens to it, I have to go to the doctor.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Whoa.

[Joe Gorman]

My pubes smell like anchovies, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Now I gotta shoot a scene.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Do you think they used a cold pizza on purpose so he didn't burn his pecker?

[Joe Gorman]

They had to absolutely just.

[Zach Amico]

That's the thing. They got crafty and then they, like, put one aside.

[Joe Gorman]

The hardest part of shooting those scenes is convincing the delivery boy to pull out his dick on film.

[Zach Amico]

Well, they are documentaries.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it's. It's.

[Zach Amico]

They're all crazy how they all have giant.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it's, it's. It's union.

[Zach Amico]

That is a pizza delivery boy job. All right, all right, whip it out. One last thing.

[Alex Tomaselli]

As a former pizza delivery boy, that was the number one fantasy.

[Joe Gorman]

Did. Did it ever happen?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I thought you were going to say that was the job required.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh, no, I wish. No. I did have a girl once answer in her, like, she had like a tank top in her underwear only and it was liter. She's like, how much? And I was just like, Just couldn't even talk. I was like, like, this One's on the house.

[Joe Gorman]

Gorgeous.

[Alex Tomaselli]

She's so hot.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Price? One little kiss on the cheek.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I wish.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Come on in.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, Come on.

[Zach Amico]

This is such a big pizza. I can't finish it by myself.

[Joe Gorman]

That's a big pizza.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, I ordered this with extra sausage.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, you mean this sausage?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Your sizzle comes on.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, I can't. I can't take it back. I'm already here.

[Alex Tomaselli]

My boss will understand.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Old man Sarah Goose is gonna have me out for it if I don't come back with 13.50. This is my last chance.

[Joe Gorman]

There needed to be, like, one situation where it was, like, a prank call where somebody ordered a pizza to the. A guy's house. It was like, oh, yeah, an extra sausage. Wink, wink. And then it's like some dude comes. It's like, what the. I didn't order a pizza. It's like, you sure you didn't get big sausage? Guy's like, no, I. I.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Get out of here before I kill you, dude.

[Zach Amico]

That would be great to do to, like, some blogger. Check. Yeah, that.

[Joe Gorman]

Be. That be a prank. Stripogram is probably, like, the best prank out there. That seems underutilized. Probably because it's so much money.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That it's probably dangerous. And you probably got to clear it, like, for.

[Joe Gorman]

For maybe the. The people receiving a boner with that stripper.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

I think.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I think the people, though, receiving the call are like, we have to make sure this is above board. We can't just because that. You're right. That would. It would be the wild west. If that was legal. You could just do that all the time.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You would just send them to, like, a biker's house. Yeah. This would happen for gunshots.

[Joe Gorman]

Gosh, I hope no one does that to me. I hope nobody sends a beautiful stripper to my house as a goof and force her to have sex with me. That would be awful.

[Zach Amico]

I like how you're assuming it's a girl.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

A man stripper. No such thing exists. I'm sorry, officer, do you need me to turn the volume down or something?

[Zach Amico]

It would be sweet if a girl showed up. She's like, I heard you ordered this with.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah,

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Brooklyn.

[Joe Gorman]

Hey, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Best of both worlds.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, this is a five star, seamless order right now.

[Zach Amico]

No, you can see the seam. Oh, dude.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Oh, man.

[Zach Amico]

So do we have this pizza delivery?

[Joe Gorman]

Here we go. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's not too scary. Thank you.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Thank you.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Watch out.

[Zach Amico]

Just be cool.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I can set my car alarm.

[Joe Gorman]

The neighbor, the. No, he wants the People, they're like, oh,

[Alex Tomaselli]

bear too?

[Joe Gorman]

Well, yeah, it's like a little brown bear. It's not gonna. You know, it's. It's funny because, like, everyone just. I think as a city folk, we're like, whoa, look out. But for those kinds of folks, that's just another. That's just another day in Northern Ontario.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, let's play a game we like to play called Forgive Zach's ignorance.

[Joe Gorman]

Okay?

[Zach Amico]

I'm not very smart. I find that out every few weeks.

[Joe Gorman]

Don't say that.

[Zach Amico]

When we put up a clip.

[Joe Gorman]

Don't say that.

[Zach Amico]

And now a bunch of Arab guys are mad at me. Who cares for showing a goat butt beauty pageant.

[Joe Gorman]

And they were like, how dare you?

[Zach Amico]

And apparently they were like, my friend, that is not. That is Pakistan. And I'm like, oh, fuck, sorry.

[Joe Gorman]

The other country. That smells fucking awful.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

My bad.

[Zach Amico]

Oopsie daisy. Yeah, sorry. Fucking wrong convenience. Fucking sorry. Wrong gas station.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you, come again.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Grow up.

[Joe Gorman]

Your culture is a joke.

[Zach Amico]

In America, I saw a man in a dress holding a goat with a fat ass, smiling. I fucking threw. I could throw a dart. I know which side of the world to hit.

[Alex Tomaselli]

All doctors over there, by the way.

[Zach Amico]

Also, Scottish and Irish do count as metadrasses. Who? Goats.

[Joe Gorman]

A cultural thing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, different, you know?

[Joe Gorman]

It's like how there's also pyramids in Mexico.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Different. Yeah. It's like when you get different skins for your Fortnite character.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

It's a vibe. It's just the same vibe.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, same vibe.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If you saw that bear, that little guy, wouldn't you go, oh, I bet there's a mom.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's what I would be like. I wouldn't be worried about him.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, right.

[Zach Amico]

I'm worried that there's a mom that's gonna come my up.

[Joe Gorman]

Right. Well, it's like if they're standing on their hind legs, that's when you're like, oh, yeah. Oh, watch out now. I never went to Boy Scouts.

[Alex Tomaselli]

No.

[Joe Gorman]

So I don't have those kind of survival things, but I think you're supposed to make yourself large in front of those dumb.

[Zach Amico]

Step one. Check. Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Cartoon.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. You're supposed to puffer fish on land.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, Done.

[Zach Amico]

I've been preparing for this moment my whole life.

[Joe Gorman]

It's like grizzly bears.

[Zach Amico]

Ever since I taught spongebob to drive.

[Alex Tomaselli]

What is it when a. Whatever force meets an immovable object.

[Zach Amico]

Oh,

[Alex Tomaselli]

wait a minute.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it's like brown bears. You're supposed to, like, make yourself big.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

And like grizzlies, you're supposed to play dead.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

And like black bears, you can just, like, kind of scare them off because, like, they're vegetarian.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. They're less hostile. But yeah, grizzlies or brown bears just. I wouldn't. I would have gotten out of the car. I'm not like, no, Joe, I think

[Zach Amico]

you got that wrong.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. We've done. We've done this a bunch of times. It's brown, lay down. Black fight back. White, good night.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Right. Black fight back. Because they. They're easily scared.

[Joe Gorman]

That's also for the skin color of people.

[Zach Amico]

Is it?

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, if it's white. Good night. I'd have sex with a white person.

[Zach Amico]

And then you say goodnight.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, I say good night.

[Zach Amico]

You say goodnight before you have something.

[Joe Gorman]

Fifteen seconds later, I say good night. Good night.

[Zach Amico]

You say good night first.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Let me make sure I say goodnight because I don't know how long I have.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no. I thought you just have a bit of chokehold.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, the long kiss. Good night.

[Zach Amico]

I'll see you in your treat.

[Joe Gorman]

Bears are scary, though.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. They. You up, dude.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. Hairless bears are the scariest. I think all animals are scariest when they're hairless. Yeah, Dogs are scary. Hairless.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Cats look insane.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I love hairless.

[Joe Gorman]

Mr. Bigglesworth.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. I had an ex who had hairless cats. They were the best.

[Joe Gorman]

Look at that. Look at that scary thing. If Saw that no one's getting their pizza.

[Alex Tomaselli]

He looks like he got in a fight with the Roadrunner or something.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it looks like a Looney Tune. When they smoke a cigar and it turns out to be a stick of dynamite, he looks embarrass.

[Zach Amico]

Why does he have a haircut?

[Joe Gorman]

It didn't. Isn't it like he's like, hold on,

[Zach Amico]

I don't want to look stupid.

[Joe Gorman]

Isn't it like the same issue that Will Smith's wife has where they just like alopecia. Where they just, like, lose their hair?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You keep that bear's name out.

[Joe Gorman]

Bear's name out. Keep Yogi's name out your mouth.

[Zach Amico]

I may have been working on a. A roast at one point, and there was a thing that was being pitched around that was a fake in memoriam.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was going to be people that weren't there, but why they weren't there. And I pitched three times. Jada Pickett Smith home washing her hair. She just. A room full of people not laughing.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, man, that's so good.

[Zach Amico]

Nothing. I think they all do like, oh, no, that's gonna piss somebody off.

[Joe Gorman]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

That's the problem with making fun of a handy. A woman's handicap.

[Joe Gorman]

But is it like, really a handicap

[Zach Amico]

for a black woman to be bald? No.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

A black woman who needs a wig.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Base level.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, that happens all the time. That's like a.

[Zach Amico]

If you need to tell people you have that disease after, like years of having it, it doesn't count.

[Joe Gorman]

Also, like the tamest fucking joke, you know, he could have been like, oh, look, this bitch just got out of chemo. But he didn't. He was like, oh, she's preparing for GI Jane. One of like, let's. Let's be real Demi Moore at one of her fuckable. Such a great little body in that.

[Zach Amico]

Jada Pinkett Smith looking like Gandhi.

[Joe Gorman]

Now Gandhi's a bad guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Looking like Dawson from Street Fighter. You know she gonna slap me from five rows back. Hey, guys, if you don't want to be a big fat slob like me and you've got weight loss goals, it's time to actually hit them. Weight loss by HIMS is designed to support you every step of the way. Hims offers access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the WeGovy pill and WeGovy pen. Hims connects you with a licensed provider 100% online, with a care team to support you in losing weight and keeping it off. If prescribed, your medication is delivered to your door. No insurance necessary. Hims make it simple to find GLP1 care that fits you and your wallet with a personalized treatment plan and unlimited dosage changes as needed. Are you ready to reach your goals? Visit himss.comamico to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. That's hims.com Am I CEO hims.com/amico Weight loss by hims is not available in all 50 states. WeGovy is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk as. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, WeGovy clinical study information, and restrictions, visit hims.com let's get back into the show. Do that Street Fighter looks awesome.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

I just saw Mortal Kombat 2.

[Zach Amico]

I loved it.

[Joe Gorman]

I thought it was so fucking cool.

[Zach Amico]

It was not a great film, but.

[Joe Gorman]

No.

[Zach Amico]

And it Was that what I wanted?

[Alex Tomaselli]

No, I. Yeah, I went in, I was like, if people's heads explode, that's what I want.

[Joe Gorman]

Johnny Cage was so good in that movie. I thought it was so much fun.

[Zach Amico]

I loved it, man. I loved how they would reframe the fight scene and look like the level first.

[Joe Gorman]

And they filmed in the style where like, you even saw them, like, straight away.

[Zach Amico]

Well, yeah, no, that's what I mean. It would reframe the shot.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And like, they were actually looked like the game for a second.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. And like, they were actually like levels that you would have fought in. Like the original mk. Yeah, that was. I. I thought it was so much.

[Zach Amico]

I was so glad they killed the guy from the first.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They corrected everything and brutally and unapologetically.

[Alex Tomaselli]

They're like, oh, see his face?

[Zach Amico]

And then threw him in the ass.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Like, nothing left.

[Zach Amico]

It's like they. Like he never existed. And then they were just like, he died.

[Joe Gorman]

H. All right. Cuz it was like as soon as he said, like, I said goodbye to my wife and my child and I don't know if I'll see them again, it's like, oh, this guy's gone. Bye, dude. Like, yeah. I couldn't even remember his name. And at no point do they ever incorporate his character into the video games, which is a sign of like, okay, people have accepted you where they retroactively add a character to the video games. They never did that with that. What his name? Cole or something.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

What? I mean, his fault. He's a good martial artist, but he could have just been a good scorpion. They didn't need to make it, or

[Alex Tomaselli]

they could have just kept him as Liu Kang.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I don't know why they had.

[Joe Gorman]

I do wish that he did more with Liu Kang, cuz, like, he kind of like, just like, left after. He's like, I see my destiny now. I got to get the out of here.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Also very Mortal Kombat, though.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

That's what they do in the game.

[Joe Gorman]

It was fun. It was a fun movie.

[Zach Amico]

I got to be honest with you. I really hope they have Shock and Quad. She kill him.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh, that.

[Zach Amico]

You remember the tie? That it was zombie Liu Kang for a game.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh, yeah. The chains.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it opened up with them.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Armageddon.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. That's a good one.

[Joe Gorman]

Damn, dude. There's so much MK lore. It's crazy that, you know, it's like. It's like. It's more than just a simple fighting game.

[Zach Amico]

I'm a big Baraka guy.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I feel like I got a nice amount of Baraka.

[Joe Gorman]

Baraka had a great role too. It was fun. It was.

[Zach Amico]

I was so upset. They. I felt like they wasted Reptile in the first one.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. And Goro, to be honest, they squandered Goro.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, he's supposed to be a. He's supposed to be the hardest character in the original game.

[Joe Gorman]

And, like, of all the. They were bringing back all these characters. Like, of all the characters they could have resurrected, like, Prince Gora would have been.

[Zach Amico]

But now I'm hoping we get Kentaro Night Wolf.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh, I mean, yeah, hopefully.

[Zach Amico]

I hope we get Cabal.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, you would like Cabal.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And then the robots. We got to do robots. Yeah, yeah. We got to do the kinetic ones, right?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Cyrax. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then there's.

[Joe Gorman]

Who was that. Yeah, who was that centaur guy that also showed up in Mortal Kombat Annihilation.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Minotaur or something. And then there's Kintaro the tiger 1.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, how wet is your.

[Joe Gorman]

So wet, dude. Hearing, like, three cool guys talk about video games like this.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Just the lore, too.

[Zach Amico]

I remember we haven't gotten into the game or the film.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. I remember seeing Mortal Kombat Annihilation in theaters, and that was the first time I was like, oh, I wasted my money as, like, a kid. As a kid to realize, like, oh, a movie. This movie sucks. And, like, I didn't. I was like, what the fuck is this? It was mind blowing as a child to like, realize like. Like a movie you couldn't think. Could Fudgeing suck.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Sucked because I even like. Like the Batman sequels, like, Batman and Robin and shit. Like, I was a dumb fucking kid. But Mortal Kombat Annihilation, like, wait, this isn't fucking good. What the fuck?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Trailing you. The first movie I saw that, I was like, wow, that was really bad.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, you know what? I don't think it counts because I was a kid, but I fell asleep during Pocahontas. I remember being like, I don't. I don't. It's not my thing.

[Joe Gorman]

I think Hunchback of not.

[Zach Amico]

I might be getting too. I might have been getting too old for Disney at that point, but it was still one of those things where you're like, a kid and you see every Disney movie.

[Joe Gorman]

You see. Pocahontas was like. As a guy, I was like, oh, that's a girl's film because it has, like, a girl name in it. Like Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Snow White, Pocahontas. Those are fucking girl movies.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You know what broke Mulan? Really broke that. Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Because she had a sword and she killed Chinese people.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, she had a sword on the COVID I was like, wait, she has a sword?

[Joe Gorman]

This bitch got a fucking sword. Hold the phone. Hold the phone. And you got Eddie Murphy playing a traditional Chinese dragon.

[Alex Tomaselli]

And you got the guy in it. When he finds out she's a girl, he's mad.

[Joe Gorman]

He's pissed.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. He's like, oh, it's a. I thought she was a guy.

[Joe Gorman]

I was gonna bang this twink. And now I have to have sex with a. Disgusting.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Leave her in the Snow.

[Joe Gorman]

That was actually like, kind of like the first, like, kind of gay rights movie in a lot of ways. And like, trans.

[Zach Amico]

Wasn't it kind of just one of the boys, but as a. Oh, yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Sort of. She's the man.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Did you see the live action remake?

[Alex Tomaselli]

No. No.

[Joe Gorman]

It actually ends with Mulan getting trans surgery so she can marry the general penis.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

It's like, no, they got rid of Moose. Yeah. They got r. Call her penis Mushu that they attach. They're like, we're just going to take some. This unused labia skin and reattach. They take out, like, a katana to cut it up, too. It's crazy, man. Disney's a little off kilter.

[Zach Amico]

Damn, Mulan. They done turn your into a dick. I've done this one before. I. I have to apol. I have to apologize. But they are doing Mulan. They're gonna recast her as black.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, nice Mullenion.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yes. Dude,

[Zach Amico]

that's the best that one's ever gone. Yeah, dude, it's like, I've done that, like, five times.

[Joe Gorman]

It's a. It's a. It's a great. It hits. It hits.

[Zach Amico]

Not always.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Did you do it in front of, like, black comics?

[Zach Amico]

Of course they did.

[Joe Gorman]

They love it, dude.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, they pretend they don't.

[Joe Gorman]

They're gonna pretend. What's that mean? What's that word?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, no, I don't know if that's universal. I mean, I guess if you grew up with Spike Lee, I feel like

[Joe Gorman]

you kind of understand, like, you know, it's not like a good thing. You know, just like the way.

[Zach Amico]

It's not a bad thing. Eggplants are delicious.

[Joe Gorman]

Mulion.

[Zach Amico]

Eggplants are a delicious. A delicious plant. They're great in Parmesan. They're great by themselves.

[Joe Gorman]

It's how the inflection of how it's said.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, the.

[Joe Gorman]

The. The intent behind the word is sometimes important.

[Zach Amico]

I'm so high from last night, by the way.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, God, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You did it again.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Edibles.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I had like, three peach rings and a 20 milligram other thing, and damn, you're crazy. And I had a big electrolyte water

[Joe Gorman]

and oh, boy, I've been taking those Tyson chews and they're like 100 milligrams.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, those are chicken nuggets.

[Joe Gorman]

You're feasting.

[Zach Amico]

Well, what are they? Oh, the Tyson. The ear gum.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, yeah, the ear gummies.

[Zach Amico]

Does. That's Prius. Does a show out of his dispensary. Oh, are they good? Are those.

[Joe Gorman]

I like them. Like, they're great.

[Zach Amico]

What are they?

[Joe Gorman]

It's just like.

[Alex Tomaselli]

No.

[Zach Amico]

What milligram?

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, they're like 100 milligrams each. So it's like 600 milligrams in a pack. A thousand milligrams in a pack.

[Zach Amico]

So like, you do the whole hundred?

[Joe Gorman]

I take like a. I take. Hell yeah. Yeah. Like. Like one little ear is like 100 milligrams.

[Zach Amico]

That's too much for me.

[Joe Gorman]

That's not too bad. You gotta pace it.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Really. That's too much.

[Zach Amico]

100 sounds like too much.

[Joe Gorman]

Without even thinking about how much do you normally take when you.

[Zach Amico]

50 is good. Last night I overindulged, okay?

[Joe Gorman]

Because like most it was three in

[Zach Amico]

the morning and I couldn't sleep.

[Joe Gorman]

Okay, all right.

[Zach Amico]

I was like, all right, let's, let's, let's beat this at the pass.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. I love waking up still high. One time I ate a God. They probably don't have them out here, but on like the west coast there were like these. I'm trying to think of their name, but it was like a thousand milligrams.

[Zach Amico]

The Los Gumis Romanos.

[Joe Gorman]

No, but it was similar to that and that their, their mascot is like a cow with a third eye. And I remember I was living in California. I was on my way to New York to see go to a family reunion, and I ate the entire edible at work. And I started getting high at work. And I was like, oh, okay, well, I better go home because my mom's gonna drive me to the airport. I go home high as and I watch two episodes of the Cleveland show. And then my mom drives me to the airport. I'm super. I'm like insanely high. But I get through tsa. I get, I get on the plane and as, like, the plane is doing the pre check announcements. That's when I doze off. And the next thing I hear is like, welcome to New York City. And I woke up and my eyes were like, bloodshot red. And my dad picks me up at the airport. He's like, what's going on? And I said, I think there was. I got some allergies on the plane. I'm like, 25, and I'm afraid of getting yelled at by my dad. But, like, I was, like, high as. And then, like, I had to go to the bathroom at the hotel. Took a whole bathroom, smelled like weed because of the. And I was like, okay, they have to know. And he was like, what did you do? Just chill, man. I'm living three days. I was high for, like, a day and a half. It was awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I've had a few of those recently.

[Joe Gorman]

Get your money's worth. I. I like it.

[Alex Tomaselli]

So I feel like your labels are wrong, because every time I eat, like, regular edibles, they don't hit. But yours, you're like, this is 50 milligrams, and I just. I go to the moon.

[Joe Gorman]

It's like. Is like. I think, like, all. There's not, like, a universal way of measuring edibles. It's all kind of like it should be about this much. Like, it's not like, a calorie where it's like, each grape is, like, 5 calories. It's like, it should be about 5 milligrams inedible. But maybe some had, like, closer to 15 milligrams, and maybe one has closer to 1 milligram, and you don't know which one you're getting. It's tough.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. No, I have knocked you out a few times. Pete Angelo, too. Yeah, Pete Angelo was. Pete Angelo fell asleep with his boots on. He's also fully dressed. He was so mad at me. He's like, there's no way. This is.

[Alex Tomaselli]

He's built for, like, war, too. So it's like.

[Joe Gorman]

I mean. Yeah, like a bulletproof vest, essentially. I. I've never been, like, so high that I'm. I wish I could still get that high where I'm like, whoa, I'm high.

[Zach Amico]

But I. I do. I get, like, something schizophrenic.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, damn.

[Zach Amico]

I'm living multiple realities at once.

[Joe Gorman]

Sometimes I. I'm. Sometimes if I'm. I cough a little too much, I'm like, oh, I better sit down. I'm getting a little lightheaded. But I don't know if that's just from, like, lack of oxygen to my brain or. Yeah, psychedelics, man.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Whenever I get schizophrenic thoughts, like, oh, the cops are coming, that's when I. I have to. Whenever I get those, I then rethink, and I go, oh, I'm really high, Sally.

[Joe Gorman]

Whenever you think that the cops are coming, take a look in the mirror and look at that beautiful porcelain white skin and know that the cops are here to protect you and. And to ensure that nothing bad will ever happen.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. They heard you were really high. They wanted to make sure you're safe.

[Joe Gorman]

Excuse me, sir, do you have enough water here? You have access to pizza delivery?

[Alex Tomaselli]

They bring me snacks.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, that's a cop should do.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Damn, dude. Instead of, like, busting people, it's like if you're. If you're drunk in public, a cop has to give you, like, a bottle

[Zach Amico]

of water and make sure, like, you're chill serial stat.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. Damn, dude. Hey, Mandami, stop this Shaira law and. And. And make cops be nice just to me specifically when I'm up in public. Yeah, you know, that'd be nice. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Cereal when you're high. Dry cereal.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh. Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, milk cereal.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, milk cereal.

[Joe Gorman]

How about a little. How about a little cereal on top of ice cream?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I've done it. Hell, yeah, I've done it. I did.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. That's different.

[Zach Amico]

Recently, I did Golden Grams on top of ice cream.

[Joe Gorman]

That's a banger. That's good.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I was wonderful.

[Joe Gorman]

If you. If you have the patience. If you take out all the marshmallows and lucky Charms and put that over ice cream, that's pretty good too.

[Zach Amico]

You're a sick man. Yeah. You're gourd.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Kelly can have the. The grains and the raisins. I mean, the good.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Here, it's just a box of raisins and the raisin.

[Joe Gorman]

I'm taking the honey bunches. You take the oats.

[Zach Amico]

We eat a lot of granola. I know it sounds like. Not real.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I bought a. A big bag of granola and one in the house and one for my backpack.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Nice.

[Joe Gorman]

Granola's great.

[Zach Amico]

So that I don't. I've been trying eat my dry food. I call it my dry food.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I do granola mix nuts and cranberries.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, that's good.

[Zach Amico]

They take a big bag of it on the road with me now, so I don't buy hore.

[Joe Gorman]

That's good.

[Zach Amico]

Sunflower seeds sometimes, too.

[Joe Gorman]

That's dis. That's.

[Zach Amico]

But they always sink to the bottom.

[Joe Gorman]

But it is fun to eat on the road, though. Yeah. It's like stopping at a wawa.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, I was about to say it.

[Joe Gorman]

Or Italian. Chevy.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Stewart's. Upstate New York has a lot. Stewart's has a lock. A Monopoly.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I did. I did stewards every few miles.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Stewart. Stewart. Stewart, Stewart. Stewart's.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Anywhere that has a custom Arnold Palmer.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Oh,

[Alex Tomaselli]

you're. You're in that.

[Zach Amico]

In that place right now, Thinking about it, Thomas. Ellie seen me buy some putrid on the road. What was that? Chicken sandwich.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. You're gonna get that. It was. It was like the one sitting on the grate.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

All day.

[Zach Amico]

It was bad.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I said, oh, you're gonna get that, huh? You said, yeah, that's awesome. It's only. It's gonna be so bad coming out.

[Joe Gorman]

I get it. Wall was. I get the Italian sub with pepperoni.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You just stole my. He just stole my. He heard me say it.

[Joe Gorman]

I was telling you about this. You were like, gosh, there's a lot of stuff here.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Everyone could rewind. He just heard him steal it.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You walk in and like, what's a Hawaiian foggy?

[Joe Gorman]

What is this? What is all this stuff? Where do I even start? And I'm like, stick with me, kid.

[Zach Amico]

Well, you press the buttons. You press the buttons, and a person with clinical depression makes it in front of you.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You do it. Is never happy.

[Joe Gorman]

Everyone's inconvenienced.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Snickerdoodle and then the chicken.

[Zach Amico]

That's the lady that makes your sandwich.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, I get the chicken bites, too.

[Joe Gorman]

Damn.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I know my Wawa orders at the Teeth, dude.

[Zach Amico]

He got me into the Snickerdoodles. Hot pretzel.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Mac and cheese with cheesesteak meat.

[Alex Tomaselli]

And if it's November, you get the.

[Zach Amico]

The Gobbler. Oh, yeah. I mean, come on.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, the Gobbler is great.

[Zach Amico]

I went. Dude, there was a place by me the other day that had a Thanksgiving sandwich like all men, but it was just turkey and cranberry.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, what the.

[Zach Amico]

It needs stuffing. No mash. No, man.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You got to talk to the managers.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's not.

[Joe Gorman]

That's. That's a. That's just a turkey sandwich.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Gorman]

That's literally just a turkey sandwich.

[Zach Amico]

That's a waste. It's a waste. I don't like it.

[Joe Gorman]

Dress it up. It's almost Christmas.

[Zach Amico]

Big thing on the road is anytime a place just says eat.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Secret sauce with an era. It was just eat with an arrow.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or, yeah, our meat sauce. Try our meat sauce. Try our famous meat sauce.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. Whenever we're on the road, we stop by any. Any place that has a sign that says Triple X live girls inside.

[Zach Amico]

For now.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, just stop by. Let's. Let me go. A little pit stop, Selly.

[Alex Tomaselli]

It's always a weeknight, though, if you know what I mean.

[Joe Gorman]

It's a little rough as a. We got the. Oh, we got the afternoon shift now.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Girl's got a freaking scar.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

She's like, you want to see me pop out my fake eye, amputee?

[Zach Amico]

I've only been to one, like, concrete build. Like the. The ones that like, have no onage. Oh, and those are like the porn stores.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

And I found it very unsettling.

[Joe Gorman]

It's very. It is, it's. It's a weird thing. You got to go to the ones that have like, the buffet.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think that there was.

[Joe Gorman]

There was a good one in San Francisco. It was called the Gold Club.

[Zach Amico]

Well, that's a strip club. Yeah, I'm talking about a porn store.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, a porn store.

[Zach Amico]

You know, I. I think the first time I went to Jumbos, there was food.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I didn't eat.

[Joe Gorman]

Really. You gotta find like, if they have like a good. Like they had really good fried chicken as the Gold Club. And it was like 20 bucks and an all you can eat buffet. And you could see women and they were only topless because they served alcohol. So it was like a little more classy. So you'd see like a lot like the finance bros on their lunch break, you know, googling women, closing deals. And I remember I went there one time and I was like loading up on the buffet and it was like I ran into like one of my old high school bullies. I was like, I knew I'd see you here. It's like two in the afternoon, fried chicken at the Gold Club buffet. I'm like, ah, you got me.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I knew the type of kid you were.

[Joe Gorman]

I knew. I actually knew you were actually kind of cool. I just need to beat the out of you relentlessly to bring it out.

[Zach Amico]

I've never. I will. I'm not opposed to the idea. I would definitely go breakfast buffet over. Anything else you got eggs, separate room, Sausage, Separate room. Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

It was like right there on the main floor too.

[Alex Tomaselli]

It's just the waft.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You know what I mean? The wafting of their genitals.

[Zach Amico]

And my issue with it is I think all great strip clubs should smell like smoke. And I don't want to eat where people are smoking.

[Joe Gorman]

That's smart.

[Zach Amico]

Or at least that. Like that much.

[Joe Gorman]

I haven't. Yeah, it's. I mean, as a baby of the 80s, I. There was like a. The tail end of like, you know, smoking or non at restaurants was like a big thing. And usually we were non smoking, but whenever we were at like a family reunion or something, we'd have to do smoking because everyone was like a little siggy Poo smoker. And now, ironically, I'm the only one in my family that smokes, but I smoke marijuana, which actually makes me healthier and stronger and cooler and sexier.

[Zach Amico]

Well, it's a felony now in Texas.

[Joe Gorman]

Well, that's why I'm never going to Texas ever again. I'm staying in the greatest state in the world.

[Zach Amico]

Way to go, comedy lemmings.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Thanks for your jail time.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, Delta 8's illegal there.

[Joe Gorman]

Well, they made Delta 8 illegal just so that way they could say, like, if you're smoking anything now, they can pop you. You know, you can't even say, like, oh, this is just marijuana, or this is just Delta 8. They're like, well, everything's illegal because this is Texas, where surprisingly, nobody has any rights, even though they like to go out there. And it's like, well, I'm gonna own a gun and I'm gonna own a ranch. It's like, nobody wants that. People just want to do drugs. We just want to do drugs. I don't want to wear a cowboy hat. I don't want to wear jeans. I don't want to suck the dick of certain communities. And I certainly don't want to support our government, which is like, you have to do that now at the mothership. You have to be like, yeah, J.D. vance and Donald Trump are cool. And like, they're not. They're taking away our rights. My right to do drugs and watch pornography, dude. Yeah, it's insane. You have to, like, have an idea to watch porn in. In Texas. Suck my dick, dude.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Come on.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

How are these kids gonna learn, dude?

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, you gotta watch, like, porn. You gotta smoke weed. And if you don't do that every day, every waking minute of your life, you will never make it as a stand up comedian. All right? Because eventually all these guys in Austin, they're gonna get assassinated. And then what's gonna happen? You're not gonna have any support structure.

[Zach Amico]

You don't think they got more exploding microphones coming?

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, I know they do.

[Zach Amico]

They got in trans patsies that they need. Patsy's the name of the trans kid.

[Joe Gorman]

Somebody. Somebody's gonna.

[Zach Amico]

He knows. He works with Snickerdoodle. He's playing. He's planning his manifest. It's a wool manifesto.

[Joe Gorman]

But that's like. That's like Muslim culture. Not smoking weed, not watching porn. Women, they're Muslims in Texas. Enjoy. Enjoy fucking being a little Muslim out there. And you have to fucking pray to God.

[Alex Tomaselli]

They have to get there, like, God's late.

[Joe Gorman]

Acting like Oh, I fucking believe in. Rogan's talking about going to church. Get the fuck church.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you have to. You have to pray five times a day towards the mothership. You have to stop whatever. You have to stop whatever podcast you're on.

[Alex Tomaselli]

DMT and bow.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Put down your print, put down your mat and face the mothership for five minutes of silent prayer.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Have you. I think you've even been on the other side of these conversations. There's a lot of hop comics lately being like, yeah, just like, I don't think dinosaurs are real, but then they believe in God.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. At least dinosaurs are cool.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. Or at least there's some even. There's some evidence. Even if you don't believe in it, it's there. You might be like, oh, those are plastic.

[Joe Gorman]

Whatever.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, but there's. There. There's no good faking evidence. There's no faking God.

[Joe Gorman]

There's no God.

[Alex Tomaselli]

There's no God.

[Joe Gorman]

There is no God.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You've never seen God.

[Joe Gorman]

Wake up, children.

[Alex Tomaselli]

It's been on drugs.

[Joe Gorman]

You've never seen God. And you know what? If you have to use drugs to. To see God, give me some of those drugs. Give me. I'll. Give me some of those drugs and I'll. I'll. I'll see for real if there's God. Because I've done dmt. I never saw God. And that's supposed to be the one that makes you see God. I've done shrooms and it made me chill.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

And it made me empathetic. But I wasn't like, we're all children of God. I'm like, we should just all chill out because we're gonna die soon and what's all this?

[Alex Tomaselli]

And then there's nothing, you know?

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I was thinking probably the pendulum swim swinging, though, because for how long was comedy like, that is like us, Jeanine Garofalo and David Cross and Bill Maher.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, God's not real. What are you, a baby child?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Baby brain that does suck. Those people who suck.

[Joe Gorman]

But, like, it's.

[Zach Amico]

There is no God. You're wrong. That's my Belmore.

[Joe Gorman]

No God, new rule, no God.

[Zach Amico]

You're wrong.

[Joe Gorman]

New rule, new rule, no God.

[Zach Amico]

So I think it's just the pendulum. So, like, that was the comedic Stan, you know, your Stanhope. You're probably before that Rogan. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

It's. It's a. Comedy should always be counterculture. It should always be against, like, what. What does the mainstream think? Well, we think the opposite, but I

[Zach Amico]

don't Know, I. I pop in my belangvall every once in a while. Connect with the Lord.

[Joe Gorman]

What is it? My. My. My parents love Nate Bargazzi. They love Nate Bargazi.

[Zach Amico]

He's very likable.

[Joe Gorman]

He's a charming dude. And it's like. It's like I. Listening to his comedy, I'm like, oh, this is like. This is literally like what they say when it's like, clean comedy for everybody.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Where it's like, oh, anyone can just plug this in and listen to it.

[Zach Amico]

And it's like, no wonder he's starting a theme park.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, I would start a theme park. That'd be cool. But it would be like that one where they made that documentary on where all those people were getting killed.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Horror Land from Goosebumps.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it's like you saw a waiver. It's like, we can kill you.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's just a big Joe's head you walk into.

[Joe Gorman]

It's like there. Like, what are they just immediately pumping weed smoke into it?

[Zach Amico]

They have a bunch of midgets, but with giant heads with him.

[Joe Gorman]

Like how Disneyland is always perpetually, like, pumping out the smell of cookies. Yeah, we do that. But it's like body odor and marijuana and stale beer.

[Zach Amico]

I do that anyway. Yeah, Yeah, I do that naturally.

[Joe Gorman]

I'm just on a treadmill, like, fuming the entire theme park.

[Zach Amico]

And they do that in Disney with all different foods. So, like, if you're, like, 20 yards away from popcorn, they'll pump in a popcorn smell. So then you go, popcorn. And then you see it and you're like, oh, that must be the popcorn I smelled.

[Joe Gorman]

That'd be good.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Smart.

[Joe Gorman]

We should go to Disneyland, dude.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Let's do it. Let's do it and really sell the Disney adult.

[Joe Gorman]

Just really take a bunch of shrooms.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You think we could get some Disney adult puss?

[Joe Gorman]

Yes.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Find some single Disney.

[Joe Gorman]

But do you want it? That's the thing.

[Zach Amico]

Most of them are double.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. They don't look like Aurora or Ariel, dude.

[Alex Tomaselli]

No, they're, you know, look like. They look like you two.

[Joe Gorman]

Yes. If you're lucky.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Put me. Put me in a baby doll dress and some fucking. Some library lady glasses and then, like,

[Joe Gorman]

male Disney adults that either look like us or, like the toughest dude. Like, Like. Like those bikers in recovery type.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Yeah. I have 85 mickeys.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. I'm part of the Epcot gang.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I protect children everywhere I go.

[Joe Gorman]

Goofy's Warriors. I'm part of. I'm part of Donald's. Admiral Donald's Admiral Brigade or some like that. Damn, dude.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude, that's a great. There has to. That has to exist.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, 100. I know. There's definitely, like gangs of Disneyland and they have, like, different.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Walt Warriors.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Like the warriors that like the baseball.

[Joe Gorman]

It's literally like the war.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

The baseball dandies or whatever they are,

[Joe Gorman]

they should make a.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I hate my life, dude.

[Zach Amico]

We're Southern dandies. Oh, it would appear young gentlemen on the wrong side of town. I would hate for this to come to fifth cup.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, that would be awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Watch out. It's the Southern dandies.

[Joe Gorman]

They remake the warriors as Disney adults. And like, we gotta get to the monorail before sundown.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, you gotta get to Epcot. Yeah, we gotta get to the thing.

[Joe Gorman]

I remember those earlier commercials where it was like Mickey Mouse on top of the Epcot center waving, and it pulled away and you're like, whoa, that looks really cool. And then you go to the Epcot center and it's a educational thing. That sucked. Did you ever. Do you ever go to Epcot? Don't waste your fucking time. It's such an educational thing. It's like, this is how people, the world react. And it's like they don't even have rides or anything.

[Zach Amico]

Animal Kingdom's hot as shit.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, fuck that, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Make it more water park rules. Blizzard Beach.

[Joe Gorman]

What is it something I don't. I remember.

[Zach Amico]

That was a good water park.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Is this at Disney World still?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

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[Joe Gorman]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

O R L and la.

[Alex Tomaselli]

No, I didn't.

[Joe Gorman]

I think that's just coincidence though.

[Zach Amico]

Probably.

[Joe Gorman]

I think that's just somebody was high like us and we're like, did you. Because like every day it's like, okay. It's like everyone. Every time somebody says it's like, oh, okay, cool. It's like. But I don't think that was conscious. I think it's like.

[Zach Amico]

I remember liking Universal much better when I was a kid.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Universal.

[Joe Gorman]

Universal was cool and. Because like Universal had that. Did you go on the Spider man ride?

[Zach Amico]

No, that was before I did the Psycho House.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, that's cool.

[Zach Amico]

That was really, really good. The site was a psycho. It was supposed to be. It's Psycho. And then that they're gonna show a 3D version of. I think Dial M for Murder. That they're gonna show us. Because it was gonna be in 3D. Then it wasn't. But we have 3D footage. But then the birds break the screen open and the birds attack.

[Joe Gorman]

That's cool.

[Zach Amico]

Dude. It was awesome.

[Joe Gorman]

And they had the. The Jaws. Yes, that one was too. Where it was like, oh, we're just. This is just like a regular trip.

[Shannon]

And then.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, it's Jaws.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Look out. And Water World.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Is that the Water World one's still awesome.

[Zach Amico]

Awesome. Didn't they. I think they changed that to like John Wick or something.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Really? That's. That's cool too.

[Zach Amico]

Or like something else. But they're like live stunt shows.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, yeah, those stunt shows were. They used to do that with Indiana Jones in Disney World.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. And then he got run over by the ball and now they changed it.

[Joe Gorman]

It actually does happen.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Did he really? How bad did he get hurt from that?

[Zach Amico]

It didn't. Look, I can't. Right. They said it was like really heavy, but then like they looked like they were kind of tossing it around, controlling it. Yeah, I don't know. I'm sure it hurt him.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, I just.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

I'm curious.

[Joe Gorman]

Well, a real Indiana Jones would have gotten away, so, I mean, that's on Him.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I agree. I know. I'll there. Maybe it's a Pirates ride now. Shannon, can you look up if the. What the Water World show has become? If it's not the same thing. I know the rest. Wrestler Christopher Daniels used to do it on his offseason. That'd be fun because they used to shoot TNA in Orlando.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. To have, like, those audiences were always there, and it's like, in beautiful Orlando, dude.

[Zach Amico]

It's crazy how little money they made. I watched a shoot with awesome Cog and she was like, there were girls with titles on the roster who still had bartending shifts.

[Joe Gorman]

Damn.

[Zach Amico]

Can you imagine being on TV and then you're bartending and your shows on?

[Joe Gorman]

I mean, that's kind of like what we.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's what happened to the impractical jokers the first year they were on. They were. They all still had day jobs.

[Joe Gorman]

Like, what was it like? Kyle Kanane, when he was doing, like, voiceovers for Comedy Central, he was still, like, bartending. And even though he had all this stuff going for him, you know, it's probably even harder now with his honest. Not even a Comedy Central. Like, it's just harder to get, like, a. A measurement of success now. It's all about what's on the Internet,

[Zach Amico]

you know, I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail]. oh, man, I'm high. I'm sorry.

[Joe Gorman]

It's okay, baby. We're all high.

[Alex Tomaselli]

It feels like you've gotten higher. This show. Remember the last one we did? You were like, all right, we.

[Joe Gorman]

It's like it's slowly diffusing through his bloodstream, getting him.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You seem like you're having a great time.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, I'm having a blast. Shannon, do we find out the.

[Shannon]

So it says the water World show is still happening.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, cool.

[Shannon]

But they also have the Born stunt Tacular.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Born. That's what.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Chad, can you look at that? Dude, I watched some of that. I. Yeah, it was sick. Chad, can you bring that up?

[Joe Gorman]

That's cool, dude.

[Alex Tomaselli]

John Wick is a good idea, though, but that's, it's probably too violent.

[Joe Gorman]

They should have different, I think. Well, I think, like, with Jason Bourne, like, Jason Bourne was more hand to hand type and John Wick was just like, anything in my vicinity is a weapon.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

I'm thinking. Yeah. Yeah, I'm John Wick.

[Zach Amico]

I think that's the one I've seen clips of. And it was sick.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, I bet this shit's still fun. This shit's fun.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. Some people are wild, dude.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. They have something to prove. Look at that. Whoa. Okay, that's cool.

[Alex Tomaselli]

He also did a lot with cars. I wonder if they have a car thing in this.

[Joe Gorman]

Do you remember the, the Terminator 2.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yes.

[Joe Gorman]

Experience that. Cool as.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, this is what I think when

[Alex Tomaselli]

I see that was a little sequel.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, that's cool. It's like a combination of, like, Why are you wearing a mask? You afraid of COVID

[Alex Tomaselli]

Was this.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, this is like Covid shit. So it's like, that's why there's no

[Alex Tomaselli]

people in the audience. Audience really, either.

[Zach Amico]

Well, this is probably just an advertisement.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Oh, he got hit, dude.

[Joe Gorman]

No, he almost got hit.

[Zach Amico]

Sick.

[Joe Gorman]

Interesting. I, I, this is shot in a cool way.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Okay.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I don't know if he ever did stuff like that or whatever.

[Joe Gorman]

Ah, that's cool. That's cool. It, it's, it's stupid, but if I was high as, which I would be if I'm doing anything out, like, I would be blown away by the.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, come on. That's cool. As.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, that's, it's, they're really utilizing, like, the screens and everything.

[Alex Tomaselli]

It's movie magic in front of your eyes live.

[Joe Gorman]

And it's also just like, I think it's like we're, as a society, we're so starved to see, like, actual stunts that have some level of risk because everything's in front of a blue, blue screen now. So. Yeah, it doesn't like Spider Man. You're not gonna see him act. You don't see Tom Holland actually, like, risking spraining his wrist or anything right now.

[Zach Amico]

That's why we have Tom Cruise.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. The actors from Spider Man Turn off the Dark took more risks as Spider man than Tom Holland did.

[Zach Amico]

All right, thank you.

[Joe Gorman]

That's cool. Yeah, we just get mesmerized by this. Should we go, should we do that? Should we see the Jason Bourne?

[Zach Amico]

It looks pretty awesome.

[Joe Gorman]

It looks cool. Should we, should we do a little tour to Orlando?

[Zach Amico]

I think they're gonna open up a permanent universal horror Nights in Vegas.

[Joe Gorman]

That'd be fun.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I'd love that.

[Joe Gorman]

Because Horror Nights was the one everyone would go out to. That was like, the big deal.

[Alex Tomaselli]

The haunted graveyard at Six Flags, too. That was awesome.

[Joe Gorman]

Shit's scary, dude. Shit's, like, scary.

[Zach Amico]

That's my one job. I, I. Sometimes I'm like, I couldn't do another season when I used to work at the haunts.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I couldn't do another season especially, like, and still do this because the hours. And then it just shreds your voice because you're not only, like, screaming, you're with, like, fake smoke. And you're also locked in a thing with a bunch. Like, you get sick, I'd imagine. Like, I. Compared to, like, what I call when you leave, like, a festival or a concert, I call it Festival Rot.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you just. You get something.

[Joe Gorman]

You just, like, have all, like, this new fucking bacteria in your skin.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. And it's like that. But then you're locked in a room for 12 hours a day with everyone else. That's sick. But it's a great job. It's pretty. Pretty goddamn great. I mean, it's frustrating. And on nights where. Because there would be nights at the haunt where we had a minute, so you had to do your act and get them out the door in a minute. You had a minute turnaround. So, like, you're never, like. You're literally done talking to one group and the next one's coming in.

[Joe Gorman]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And that's, like, for, like, seven hours.

[Joe Gorman]

That's a lot.

[Zach Amico]

You get one swing that breaks you for a half an hour.

[Joe Gorman]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And they have everyone's costumes and they'll tap you out and you can go, like, take a shit and smoke real quick and come back.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

But, like, you're like, you're dead. And then the week of Halloween, you show up at, like, 2pm and you're out at 4am Damn. And they work you. I bet it was pretty fun.

[Joe Gorman]

It sounds like a lot of fun. It sounds like something. And, like, it seems like, you know, it's a seasonal gig, so, you know, it's like, yeah, let me put in, like, 100 effort.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But then you're just dead for the first half of November.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I think you lose work.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

You have to take, like, a week off of recovery.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Because I swear I was still a telemarketer and I had to take two weeks off because I couldn't speak.

[Joe Gorman]

But those day jobs, it was so fun. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Just getting to scare people yeah, we

[Joe Gorman]

got to do this stuff instead of just like a regular corporate job, you know?

[Zach Amico]

It's like we can't remember the poor comic. They tried to hire a comedian to entertain the line and he just bombed every night. It was awful. It was a terrible way to do comedy for people waiting in line.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

But you could do a little crowd work, loosen them up. Like, what are you excited to see? Oh, they cancel that one. Just kidding.

[Zach Amico]

I would have just said, I think you're better off just bombing on purpose and doing street jokes.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And almost like Crypt Keeper in it. Yeah. I rather just go up and read, like, puns than really try and do, like. So relationships are weird.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. At least make it like horror centric.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Some of those are stinky nights. We had food, like sponsors. Every once in a while it would be dumpling night. Oh, yeah. 40 actors full of nothing but pot stickers.

[Alex Tomaselli]

A lot of farts, huh?

[Zach Amico]

Dude, you could it. It hit you as you walked in.

[Joe Gorman]

It was positively ghoulish.

[Zach Amico]

It was so bad, one time I accidentally spit all my dip out in the kid's face and he thought it was part of the act.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, that's funny.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's gross. They do that here. But no, I accidentally just spit a water dip in his face.

[Alex Tomaselli]

That's so nasty, dude. Oh, that's disgusting.

[Zach Amico]

There was one a couple times I was. They had. I was called the Typhoid Mary Room. And it was just all sick people. This is pre covered, obviously.

[Joe Gorman]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we were all just coughing in, like, nightgowns and, like, sores and stuff. And I was supposed to. They gave me like this big thing of wet sponges, like little cut up sponges. And I was supposed to go and throw them at the back of people's heads, but I would just dip all the sponges in water and go and squeeze them real hard. It's so many people tried to fight me.

[Joe Gorman]

That's so good.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it was the best.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah. Getting people wet.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. On the back of their neck. And I would go,

[Alex Tomaselli]

and they see you and they're like, oh.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, they would be so pissed.

[Joe Gorman]

This.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That. And then. Yeah. I was the zodiac killer, which was super. This is when I was much thinner and it was me and six mannequins dressed exactly like me in, like, fishing suits with hoods on. And I. There was a strobe light blasting music. And you had to walk through us.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, that is.

[Zach Amico]

And I could go wherever I wanted to. And my favorite thing was I would just not do anything. I would just let them walk through and they would be so. It would be so much worse that if, like, the second person, I would, you know, I would just let him walk through and they knew at least one of us was real. And then sometimes I would follow the last person out, like, Scooby Doo.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, that's good.

[Zach Amico]

And I would just join the group. And then the last person, I go, ting, tink, tink. And wait for him to turn around.

[Alex Tomaselli]

That's good.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that was fun, man. That was a good game.

[Joe Gorman]

Spooky.

[Zach Amico]

And by out the al. Yeah, the alligator was the fucking fun.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That was so fucking silly. And then, like, people I knew would come in and I get to do a whole, like, soda brought in a chick. Oh, this is like forever and a million years ago. But, like, comics would come in, I would be super pumped, like, put on my show. They all knew me as like a ticket guy still. And I was like, hey, moving on up. I got a job in the entertainment industry. I don't know how people do it full time. I had a friend that worked at Timescare, the one that was where Show World used to be.

[Joe Gorman]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And it was like a year round, by the way. Nobody went. It was a terrible business. Yeah. And I had friends that said it was the worst job ever. But my buddy was talking to me about it. He said, they're in, they're going through. And one of the animatronics comes out and people are like, oh, that's not scary. And then it shot fire at them and they went, ah. And they ran out. Like, that was awesome. And the second they got out there, like, that is not supposed to shoot fire. We're gonna need to close this part. It was just on fire.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, that's all. It's like, oh, man. That guy with the ax chasing us through the hallways was scariest. Like, what guy with an ax, yo, What? There's been a guy with an ax chasing people down the hallways in 20 years.

[Zach Amico]

And I, I, I, I don't think I've told this one in a while. My buddy was working there as a security guard. And. But Show World was there too, the porn store. And he was security guard there. And they're like, hey, we need you to work a shift in Show World. He's like, I don't do that. Like, that's not. I work here at the haunted house. And they're like, hey, we're down at security guard at Show World. And I don't think I'm gonna get anybody trouble Telling this. He goes down and they said, you need to watch this aisle. What a weird. Why am I watching an aisle of a porn store? And then a crack dealer came in. No, he was supposed to watch him because he had a deal with the store. And he had to sit and make sure people went in and left and went in and left. And he had to control the line. And he said that they had crack dealer set up in the back. And they formed a. It was obvious. Everyone knew this was his spot. And he just worked. He said he just stood there all night. And then at one point, the crack dealer goes, what kind of gun you got on you? And he's like, I. You don't have a gun. It was like Breaking Bad. He's like, you don't have a gun. Or better call Sar. Whatever. When they hire Mike for the baseball card thing, you don't have a gun. He's like, man, we got to get you a gun. And just starts grabbing guns out of his bag. And my friend's like, making minimum wage.

[Joe Gorman]

The haunted house employee now he's like a crack regulator.

[Zach Amico]

No, he did one night. He was not built for that life.

[Joe Gorman]

That's a. That's a big commitment.

[Zach Amico]

I assure you that. No, that. Shout out Stewart, we love you.

[Joe Gorman]

Stuart the freak.

[Zach Amico]

The frequently mentioned Stewart. All right, we'll do one or two more things. Oh, I want to do this. So I need. I need you to know when I say this, I'm using the word Jim G Y M. G Y M Because it could be confusing.

[Joe Gorman]

Gotcha.

[Zach Amico]

Jim Penis is real. Says nurse. Oh, I didn't want you to think he was like John Pork.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, right. No, no.

[Zach Amico]

There's a guy named Jim Penis, and he's real.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Jim Penis.

[Zach Amico]

So Jim Penis is real.

[Joe Gorman]

That does sound like a porn name.

[Zach Amico]

Terrible.

[Joe Gorman]

The least creative tar read. And. Oh, Jim Penis.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we were at a. It was five minutes before lunch.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it's like we were fugitive. Figuring out, like, an alias.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm tired, man. What are you today? I don't know. Jim Penis.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

Back to me, Shannon. Tell us about it.

[Shannon]

So the term gym penis refers to the phenomenon, referring to the shrinkage that occurs after a workout session. So basically, like, all of your muscles are getting pumped, so the blood in your penis area is taken away. And it says sometimes it can cause, quote, turtling or the penis to, like, go inside a bit.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Makes sense.

[Shannon]

But that it goes back to normal.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's my excuse. I work out too Hard.

[Joe Gorman]

That's it. I'm too shredded. Ladies, stay away from these gym bros with their gym penis. You want to. You want a guy with a couch penis where the cat. The penis is all big from just being sprawled out on the couch for hours on end consuming cookies.

[Zach Amico]

Jim penis sounds like a set of laws to keep black eyes out of porn.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, it's one of those Jim penis laws.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

No.

[Joe Gorman]

No black guys in this porn.

[Zach Amico]

We're still under the Jim penis proclamation.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, they ruined basketball. We can't let him ruin porn.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, do you have any opinions?

[Shannon]

I. I don't. It's not something I've ever experienced with, like, a guy after working out.

[Zach Amico]

Aj, as someone who's worked out, tell us about it.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, I think it's a real thing.

[Joe Gorman]

The only guy in this room who's working, we need you to weigh in on.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I would say, like, I bike, but. And, like, run. But there's, like, If I walk out the same.

[Joe Gorman]

If I walk up a flight of stairs, my penis will completely be sucked into my body and I'm just like a. A dangling pair of child's testicles.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, but who, like, right after a workout is, like, running over to their gay guys.

[Joe Gorman]

Gay guys have sex immediately, dude. That's why, like, they either have, like, their own gyms because they have sex in the steam.

[Zach Amico]

Trying to take nudes when they still have a pump on, or a girl's

[Alex Tomaselli]

demanding it, and he's like, oh, stop, wait.

[Zach Amico]

And she's like, no, you don't need

[Joe Gorman]

to do it, like, right after the gym. You can just like, bang out, like, five push ups and then be like,

[Alex Tomaselli]

yeah, maybe it's just.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, that's why you should just always have, like, a dick pic on reserve that you don't need to, like, oh, I better get the lighting right. Like, have one good one.

[Zach Amico]

I've been using the same one for 12 years.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, I've been using cellies. I don't know. This makes it easier.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I've never since. Still haven't sent a dick picture.

[Joe Gorman]

He says that. I've never since I've seen it. You've sent it to women. You're like, hey, look at this. Better watch out. You better do exactly what I say.

[Zach Amico]

No, I've never said, the name's Sally. Now do what I telly.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I might have to do that just for fun.

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah, just. Just. Oh, just for funsies. No. No Jim penis here, babe.

[Zach Amico]

No. Hello. Have you met my friend Jim?

[Joe Gorman]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

Penis.

[Joe Gorman]

This dude's hung like a Lazy guy.

[Zach Amico]

This guy's hug. Like he's never worked out a day in his life. Damn, look at that meat.

[Joe Gorman]

Look at this. He's packing. Man's never touched a free weight in his life.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, no. Buffet Cox in town. Have you ever listened to Dr. Dirty? No. Do you know Dr. Dirty?

[Alex Tomaselli]

Yeah, I think. Isn't he always at Mohegan Sun? Yeah, yeah. He's like a staple there. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Dr. Dirty is an old man with a piano who sings filthy songs.

[Joe Gorman]

Hell yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He is one of my favorite human beings. My wife will not allow him to be played in the. In the homestead.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Sells out like.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

Crushes.

[Zach Amico]

Huge act. And he does not. He does like songs, but like parody songs, but of like, you know, like itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini. Like songs you would know. And then he also does long poems and it's Yukon Pete. Oh, is. It's. I think it's big. Yeah, it's Big Ass Lil and Yukon Pete. And it's just this long poem about like the. The. The girl with the tightest pussy in the world versus the guy with the biggest.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they have to have a competition. Can we end on that, Shannon? Big Ass Little. The. The Ballad of Big Ass Lil and Yukon Pete.

[Alex Tomaselli]

It's on YouTube.

[Zach Amico]

I guarantee it is. I know it is because I definitely have it in a playlist. And for those of you watching, thank you for tuning in to the Morning Zoo. My guests have been the wonderful, lovely, hilarious Joe Gorman and Alex Tomaselli. Please check out Super Celly Joe's and we'll end the episode listening to this.

[Shannon]

Can you just. I just want you to look and make sure I'm picking the right one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Big Ass Lil and Yukon Pete.

[Joe Gorman]

Nice.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah. Those are a bunch of the poems from the bunch of years, you know.

[Alex Tomaselli]

You know what I don't have?

[Guest/Additional Voice]

I don't. I didn't put the original Big Ass Lil and Yukon Pete on there.

[Zach Amico]

All right.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Oh, wait.

[Zach Amico]

Can we do it with an audit and pick a different one? I rather. If there's one where he does it with a crowd, I apologize. It's the first one.

[Alex Tomaselli]

One probably with good old comics. Roadhouse in the background. Everyone's favorite club.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah, I know. Rides, bicycles and out seats. Your. Your s. Your sister's cunt parts are starting to disturb the seagull.

[Joe Gorman]

That's cool. Like when most people are retired, he's still out doing his.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

What do you come.

[Zach Amico]

The trashiest audience of all time. Oh, it has to be Connecticut.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I Was there this past weekend. It was.

[Joe Gorman]

It was rough.

[Alex Tomaselli]

I had a good time but the audience was trash. Such a night.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

I've been known to repeat the B. A big ass L I knew was a village queen the whore you'd ever seen While some girls fuck with grace and E's little blue dick like the summer breeze. But when she fucked, she fucked her keeps she piled her victims up in heaps. There was a rumor on that town that no man could put Lil's ass down. But way up north where twin rivers meet Lived a one bald half breed named Yukon Pete. Pete was a dirty motherless soul who fucked bear, sheep and woodchuckles. He grabbed her ass and performed. Ah fuck I ass dragging. 16 hours of that red hot me. The scene was set at Windy Mill by the brickshith house. I am a hill. All the ladies came for a real side seat Just to watch that half breeze they can meet well they and they and they for hours uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers. Little did front flips, back flip stunts all unknown to most common cunts but

[Zach Amico]

pe

[Guest/Additional Voice]

and kept on pumping in poor dick. Then little gay Pete or I'll squeeze that Dropped that half breed to his knees. But he came back with a Yukon grunt that popped out her eyes and splittered. Nice. Yeah.

[Joe Gorman]

Hell yeah. This is something like everyone's uncle has to expose them to at some point.

[Guest/Additional Voice]

On my horn.

[Joe Gorman]

That's definitely something like your uncle's like,

[Zach Amico]

hey, a very funny thing to put on when he starts doing Frosty the Snowman. Change it if you're in mixed company because it's called Leroy the big Lipped. All right, we're going to finish the show. People are way too excited to sing along live. There's a video of him doing it with a black waitress walking around like very scary, furious. But yeah, check out Dr. Dirty. Who? I've tried to get him to book on Skankfest every year.

[Joe Gorman]

Oh damn.

[Zach Amico]

He doesn't travel anymore.

[Joe Gorman]

I mean he's probably up there in age.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think he only travels via bus. But if you want to listen to something great. Years ago on Ona they took him to the Steinway store where they sell like, you know, between 80,000 and $300,000 pianos and had him just start doing his songs down there and saw how long they could get kicked until they got kicked out of the steinway.

[Joe Gorman]

Probably like 30 seconds.

[Zach Amico]

It's way longer than you think. Oh, but check that out. Thank you again to Joe and Alex and we will be back on Wednesday here on the mornings. You. Goodbye.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down. Just like a favorite Obi's clown. Grab a coffee and join the crew. It's Acomb Go Morning too. It's Acomico morning too.