0135. Dave Temple

Summary

Zac Amico's Morning Zoo – Ep. 135 with Dave Temple

Date: August 9, 2026
Host: Zac Amico
Guest: Dave Temple
Podcast Network: GaS Digital Network

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Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo delivers the usual blend of offbeat comedy, pop culture riffs, and unfiltered conversations. Zac welcomes comedian and close friend Dave Temple (host of “No Need for Apologies”) for a rapid-fire journey through nostalgia, race-coded cartoons, internet hate, psychological discomfort, conspiracy theories, horror classics, and tattoo innovations. The pair expertly balance their signature chaotic humor with genuine insights about everything from childhood movies to the Illuminati and Stephen King.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Blackness” of Ninja Turtles & Racial Coding in Cartoons

00:31–06:14

• Zac starts with a fan complaint about his long-running joke that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are “black.”
  • Zac: “I’ve always thought they were kind of black.” (01:21)
• Dave and Zac riff on how the turtles’ streetwise NYC upbringing, hip-hop vibes, and coded “chill” traits feel rooted in Black culture.
  • Dave: “I've never seen white kids stand around and go 'bacon n cheese, bacon cheese'...” (02:32)
• Discussion expands to racially coded cartoon characters (e.g., Skeeter from “Doug,” Arthur) and the implicit "whiteness" or "blackness" baked into otherwise nonhuman or blue/green figures.

2. Nerd Rage: Internet Fandom and Harry Potter in Prison

06:21–08:05

• The hosts laugh at obsessive fandoms about Harry Potter and how online outrage feeds the algorithm.
  • Zac: “I couldn't give a fuck about Harry Potter... Some comics joke about everyone in prison reads Harry Potter…” (06:53)
• They relate how Harry Potter’s increasing reading level makes it accessible for low-income or incarcerated people as an entry point to rekindle their reading skills.

3. Silence, Military Parents, and Sensory Overload

09:00–14:23

• The duo discuss their need for background noise—rooted in childhoods around industrial or military environments.
  • Zac: “To me, the sound of a lack of like a silence is blaring.” (10:19)
• Compare military habits of constant low background noise with the existential discomfort of true silence, referencing the “silent room” museum exhibit where most people can't last a minute.
• Dave introduces a story about the anxiety of crossing Louisiana’s 22-mile Lake Pontchartrain Causeway, tying it back to people’s discomfort with emptiness.

4. Outwitting with Science: Columbus and Twain

14:50–17:40

• Zac recalls the Christopher Columbus eclipse ruse—using foreknowledge of a lunar eclipse to trick indigenous people.
  • Dave ties this to Mark Twain’s “Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” where knowledge of an eclipse saves the protagonist.
• Shannon fact-checks and fleshes out the historical accuracy.

5. Beauty Pageants for Goats—and Cross-Cultural Online Hate

17:47–20:05

• Zac discusses catching internet heat for jokes about a goat beauty pageant (mistakenly saying it was in the Middle East vs. Pakistan).
• The guys make fun of cultural quirks, anthropomorphizing goats and camels in viral videos, and recount Joe Camel’s “phallic” design controversy.

6. Subconscious Branding & The Lizard Brain

20:05–22:09

• Discuss urban legends around subliminal sexual imagery in branding, like McDonald’s arches operating on a primal psychological level.

7. Nostalgia Fatigue: Movie Sequels That Disappoint

22:09–24:27

• Both rant about modern Hollywood's overreliance on sequels and nostalgia.
  • Zac: “Happy Gilmore 2 broke my heart. Half the movie was clips from the first one.” (22:54)
  • Dave: “Goonies was my shit, but I know they're gonna fucking ruin it.” (23:18)
• Zac shares the Goonies-Jurassic Park Easter egg linking Newman’s costumes to Goonies characters.

8. Racial Slurs & Humiliating Nicknames

24:29–26:17

• Dave discusses using "Goonies" as a term akin to a slur for white kids.
• Both reminisce about receiving humiliating nicknames from neighborhood kids and how deeply that stung.

9. Obscure and Overlooked Childhood Movies

26:17–32:50

• The guys reminisce about not having cable as kids, missing cult classics like "Monster Squad," and seeing bits at friends’ houses.
• Dive into “Frankenstein” as misunderstood—a discussion blending literary analysis and personal feelings.

10. AI, Grief, and “Reanimating” Lost Loved Ones

31:10–32:13

• Dave shares a deeply personal story about using AI to animate old photos of his late mother, creating a bittersweet alternate reality.
  • Dave: “...we’re smiling, nuzzling each other, like it is the epitome of love. It's everything I've ever wanted from my mom.” (31:56)
  • Zac relates with thoughts on nostalgia and memory.

11. Stephen King: The “Shining” Thread and Horror Literature

32:33–47:24

• Both nerd out about Stephen King’s universe, with Zac arguing that the common thread is psychic powers (“the shine”).
• Talk about how elites (fictional and possibly real) manipulate and outlive the rest of the world—“the true Illuminati are vampires who just keep surviving.”
• Bill Gates’ alleged land acquisitions for climate catastrophe and how the world is “bought and sold generations ago.”

12. Billionaire Oddities, Secrets, and Sex Rooms

47:24–52:08

• The conversation turns to how elites like Bill Gates, Michael Jackson, and others maintain perverse or secretive habits, including rumors, alarm systems, and secret rooms.
• Zac riffs on serial killer H.H. Holmes designing a murder mansion no one but him could navigate.

13. Early Sex Education: Teachers, Condoms, and Disgust

54:17–57:59

• Hilarious and weird stories of sex education, with butch gym teachers stretching condoms onto their arms to debunk “too big” excuses.
  • Dave: “She goes, ladies, if he's bigger than this, he needs to be with a H…” (57:04)
• The duo debate whether Magnums are real or just marketing—with stories of accidental bravado.

14. The Future of Painless Tattoos

60:32–67:24

• Shannon introduces a real news story about a UK startup making “stamp” tattoos with micro-needles—pain-free and blood-free.
• The group debates whether this is “cheating” the rite of passage; they agree the disposable, semi-permanent version for concerts could be cool.
• Zac draws a line between tough “old-school” tattoo cred and the fashionization of tattoos today.
  • Zac: “I resent the people getting full back pieces while they're put under... that's cheating, man.” (63:49)
• They talk trends (UV, white ink, women with full sleeves), and the evolution of tattoo culture.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Ninja Turtles & Racial Coding:

  • Zac: “Not that I’ve been like, oh, those are black guys in there… but, yeah, they're black kids hanging out in Manhattan.” (04:31)
  • Dave: “It was definitely a more hip hop themed soundtrack. By the second movie, a lot more hip hop than anything else.” (03:34)

• On Harry Potter Literacy:

  • Zac: “Books start at a third-grade reading level and get harder… for lower income groups, it’s kind of like a way to ease you back into reading.” (07:19)

• On Silence:

  • Zac: “To me, the sound of a lack of like a silence is blaring.” (10:19)

• On Nostalgic Sequels:

  • Zac: “Man, that second [Coming to America] movie stunk… Half the movie was clips from the first one.” (22:09, 22:54)

• On Childhood Nicknames:

  • Zac: “Used to call me Baby Huey. It hurt my feelings.” (25:32)

• On AI and Grief:

  • Dave: “It's everything I want to see. Everything I’ve ever wanted from my mom… it's wild.” (31:56)

• On Billionaire Paranoia:

  • Dave: “That's gotta be an incredibly hard way to live—with that kind of paranoia…” (49:21)

• On Painless Tattoos:

  • Zac: “I resent the people… getting full back pieces while they're put under. That's cheating, man. You gotta earn it.” (63:49)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:31–06:14 – The "Blackness" of Ninja Turtles, racial coding in cartoons
• 06:21–08:05 – Fandom/narrative wars: Harry Potter, reading in prison
• 10:19–12:57 – Silence, sensory environments, military upbringings
• 14:50–17:40 – Columbus eclipse story; Mark Twain connections
• 22:09–24:27 – Movie sequels fatigue and missed nostalgia
• 24:29–26:17 – Playground nicknames as “racial slurs”
• 31:10–32:13 – AI “reanimating” photos and grief
• 32:33–47:24 – Stephen King, Illuminati, vampires, and the Elite
• 54:17–57:59 – Sex ed horror stories: gym teachers, condoms, and adolescence
• 60:32–67:24 – Pain-free tattoos and tattoo culture evolution

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Episode Tone & Highlights

The tone is irreverently comedic, hopping from absurd childhood observations to darkly funny takes on society, with moments of real candor and depth. The chemistry between Zac and Dave keeps the show bouncing from high-energy roast to genuine philosophical musing. Expect laughter, nostalgia bombs, a few uncomfortable truths, and plenty of NSFW honesty—exactly the “unhinged” zeitgeist Morning Zoo promises.

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For More

• Dave Temple’s “No Need for Apologies”: Mondays, 6pm EST, GaS Digital
• Zac Amico on Instagram: @zacisnotfunny
• Special Note: Zac's upcoming half-hour special drops August 22 on YouTube.
• Bonus Episodes: For ad-free, early, and uncensored content, join GaS Digital with promo code ZOO.

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Transcript

[A]

Fill her up.

[B]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes against you Start your day till the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coff and join the crew It's a Miko morning soon. Well, hello, hello, hello. It is a wild and wonderful Wednesday here in New York City. We're coming to you from the Gas Digital Studios. And it's me, your other boy, the international superstar Zack Amico. And thank you so much for tuning in to the Morning Zoo. Across the table from me, this man needs no other guest. One of my oldest friends in comedy. You know him from no need for Apologies. Also here on the network, it's Dave Temple.

[A]

What up, Zach? How you doing, man?

[B]

I'm fucking. I'm happy to have you, you know. I, I, I, I, I thank the world to you. So thank you very much for being here.

[A]

Same here, buddy. Like, the respect is mutual, man.

[B]

Thank you. That's very kind of you. I wanted. We were just talking. I got my Ninja Turtle on the desk.

[A]

I see. And the right one.

[B]

Raphael and I had a fan. Very. They meant it in a nice way, but they were definitely having nerd rage. And they said to me to stop saying that Ninja Turtles are black. That they are American turtles raised by a Japanese man, a Japanese rat, and to stop saying that Ninja Turtles are a. Not that they're black.

[A]

Yeah, but were you doing it almost like an invisible man kind of thing on some. Like, just their treatment in New York City and how they have to live. Is why you're calling them black or what?

[B]

I've just always thought they were kind of black.

[A]

Okay. The last cartoon version where they were all New Yorked out.

[B]

I think I might have had that in mind.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen white kids stand around and go, bacon n cheese, Bacon cheese.

[B]

But like, even old Ninja Turtles. Cowabunga. Radical, dude. Ninja Turtles. That's the voice black guys do when they make fun of how they think white guys talk when they hang out.

[A]

So the Turtles, I believe they're imitating white people.

[B]

I believe they informed black culture on how they think white people talk when we're, like, playing hacky sack.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or, like paying taxes or whatever we do.

[A]

That would also make sense of Vanilla's Ice's need to get down with them. On the second movie.

[B]

See this awful and I know you and Derek have a great affirmation for the Turtles, but to me, they've always been. Yeah, they grew up in New York City. They were kind of street kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Black people like, karate.

[A]

The hip hop. It was definitely a more hip hop themed soundtrack. You know what I mean? Definitely. By the second movie, it was a lot more hip hop than, you know, anything else.

[B]

They saw the first movie and everyone went, we gotta take their weapons away.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Cause that's not fair. And I've always. Not that I've been like, oh, those are black guys in there.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But just. And I know Lemaire does this bit very well on stage where he says that, you know, like, Arthur is black.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Skeeter from Doug, you know, he's so black. He's blue. I kind of get it. Like, even there's, like, certain. Like, I get that. That's. Even though they're not color, like colored in brown.

[A]

Yeah, that.

[B]

Yeah. That's kind of the representation of a different race. And yes, I do believe. Think Skeeter's the black friend.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

[B]

And to me, always, the Ninja Turtles were kind of. I don't want to say black coated, but like. Yeah, they're black kids hanging out in Manhattan.

[A]

It's funny, even with the Italian names, it's still just like long made up names, you know? Yeah.

[B]

It's names they picked out day of.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They saw those names. Yeah. They went with a theme.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, they have one parent. They're raised by their grandpa.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, it's like the. Cause it's kind of like the menace to society thing also, where they're just like, you know, their one thing is just violence, you know, Even though they're chill, they're kids and everything, it's like. Yeah, they go out and they fight, you know.

[B]

The only thing that keeps me from saying they're fully black is they never ordered a pizza and then just beat the shit out of the guy and

[A]

kept the pizza movie, though he did not tip. Never pay full price for late pizza, man.

[B]

And then like, yeah, they kind of. The way they have to kind of be underground and be super aware of their surroundings.

[A]

Yeah, definitely. That's what I thought you were going at. Aspect of like, hey, if I'm gonna go catch a movie midtown, you know what I mean? Let me put a hat on it. Just so I don't, you know, call

[B]

does not attract any attention.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the Japanese thing, which is also Fascinating to get, like, because they weren't. They had. Other than Splinter, they had no affinity to Japan. They were born here in New York. You know what I mean? Like, Splinter came over from Japan, but, you know, he found them in the sewer. They were New Yorkers, you know?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I guess I don't think the guy was trying to be like, you're a piece of shit. I think he was having nerd rage.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nerds are. Well, you know what's funny? I think now every group is raised. Cause right now we even have a clip that's doing pretty well just talking about Harry Potter, Harry Potter. And these motherfuckers are in here. It's clear this motherfucker didn't read the book.

[B]

He'll fucking.

[A]

And I mean, it's like, hey, the outrage is working. It makes the video do more numbers in the algorithm. But, I mean, this isn't a serious topic. You know what I mean? I can't even weigh in on it. I don't know enough about Harry Potter to watch these motherfuckers just fight in the comments.

[B]

I couldn't give a fuck about Harry Potter. But I know some comics joke about how everyone in prison reads Harry Potter. And I do think there's something for lower income groups to have an affinity for Harry Potter because the books start at a third grade reading level and get harder. So I think it was gonna be your first series you tackle.

[A]

Right, Right. You can't believe you finished it. Now you want to keep going.

[B]

But you're also kind of not learning to read, but you're challenging yourself slowly over time as opposed to. I think if one of the later. If the book started out with the same verbiage as they end up with people all, like, tons of people would tap out. Oh, wow.

[A]

I've never read the books. It's funny. We have them in the house.

[B]

Try reading the first one. You're like, oh, this is for Cho. Like, this is, like, too easy. Like, this is. I'm reading a children's book.

[A]

Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then as you go on, it gets a little darker. The words get a little bigger. So I do think, especially if you're low income or God forbid, in prison, this is kind of like a way to ease you back into reading.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you have, like. Because it's like, dude, have you ever tried to read the Bible? It's a tough.

[A]

I tried reading it during the pandemic, and I did not make it all. I made it, like, through most of The Old Testament.

[B]

Like, yeah, I'll audiobook it.

[A]

Even with that, I fell asleep.

[B]

There's. I want it so bad. There's Dennis. Was it Dennis Raider? There's a serial killer who was a giant guy. And he. His job in prison he wound up taking was recording audio stuff for blind people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So he would read the paper. He did flowers for Algernon. And he's like a brutal serial killer. And supposedly there exists a His Bible.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

And I want it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That would be something. I pop out of the middle of the night.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I try and scare myself, see if I. See if I can bring him back.

[A]

See if it'll convert you. If anybody could convert you. It's a serial killer. Right?

[B]

You know, it's good background. Like, sometimes I don't want to listen to something I know the words to or that I'm going to want to engage with. I just want a droning noise of talking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it's. I mean, I know it's because I grew up on top of my dad's welding shop, so there's always people working underneath. When I was a baby.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

I can't. My dad can't do silence. Cause he grew up on top of that shop.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, we need. I need a window open. I need traffic going by.

[A]

You know what's funny? Was your dad a military guy?

[B]

No, no. He was in the. The naval reserves.

[A]

But that's what I think I've learned this. Or.

[B]

Excuse me, Naval. I'm an idiot coast guard.

[A]

Okay. I recently learned this. That. That was a military thing because my dad always had, like a radio plane soft, you know, just. Just for noise. And I remember telling somebody about that and it was like, was your dad in military? I was like, yeah, he's in the Air Force. He was like, yeah, yeah. That's the thing. Like, they always keep, like, a little bit of noise just going in the background so that they could just get through being in their post all day or some sort of mundane job like welding or something, where they just gotta be, I'm here all day. It's a beautiful day outside. I'm not going anywhere. I'm probably gonna be here by myself all day, you know what I mean? And just gotta get through it.

[B]

To me, the sound of a lack of like a silence is blaring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, if there's nothing. Nothing. That almost to me is more jarring and loud than if I had something playing softly.

[A]

Have you heard of that thing? I think they have it in a museum here, there is, like, a room that you can go into where it's just absolute silence to see how long you can stay in there for.

[B]

I think it's got, like, tons of

[A]

soundproofing, and you're just in there. And they say, like, most people can't last, like, a minute in there, you know, which is like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd be curious to see how long I could.

[B]

It's almost like a haunted hotel room.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You come out. You didn't know how long you were in there for. That would freak me out, dude.

[A]

Yeah. What is that about silence, though? Is it because it's you. You're just alone with yourself?

[B]

Like, I think you start to hear things. So, like, nothing drives me crazy. So if I'm congested and if I can hear the whoosh in my ears of, like, being. Think about how crazy that drives you.

[A]

You just made it the whoosh. Cause I'm thinking, as a fetus, you're in your mother's womb, and you hear blood rushing, her heartbeat, everything. So, like. Yeah. You go through your first nine or ten months of any kind of cognitive anything hearing that the dead silence is crazy. It makes no sense.

[B]

And then also, I think you hear shit that your mind might not pick up on. So if it's. If you're in that absence of sound, I think you hear your blood pressure. I think you hear your breathing. I think you hear every time you sniffle, every time you move. I think you hear parts of you. Yeah. That you have blocked.

[A]

And then you. Once you become aware of them, now you're just working, right? Like, if you're aware that now your blood is flowing, and you're like, wait, is it supposed to flow like that? Has it always been that slow? It's like, when.

[B]

Don't think about breathing.

[A]

Right, right, right. And then. Am I doing it right? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then you go. And then like, 20. Like, when you get super high, and you're like, oh, I have to remember to breathe. And then you'll just go.

[A]

That's also another thing I want to try. Have you heard about this bridge in Louisiana? It's like the longest bridge that goes over a body of water, and a lot of people can't make it. Like, you just get out there, and after a while, there's just nothing. And people end up panicking, and they have to get towed off of the bridge because for some reason, they can't even drive anymore. You know what I mean? It's like you were Driving the whole time, but all of a sudden, just being out there with nothing but just water and clouds, you just start freaking the fuck out.

[B]

And there's barriers on either side.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's just a straight shot of a bridge, apparently. And it goes over that Golf, whatever that Golf is. In Louisiana. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That thing right there. Yeah. What is that called? Lake Pontchartrain. The causeway. Yeah.

[B]

The Lake Pontchartrain causeway is a fixed link composed of two parallel bridges in southeastern Louisiana. The longer the bridges is 22 miles approximately. Yeah, look at that. Some of the longest bridge over water. I bet that would be a lot.

[A]

Yeah, it's just nothing out there.

[B]

Once you're in the middle, you can't probably, you know. Have you ever, like, been on a cruise ship and you're like, fuck, oh,

[A]

yeah, I'm done with cruise. I can't do it. I didn't even do a long cruise. I did a day cruise, a little day ghetto cruise. I think we left from Miami and went to the Bahamas, the Grand Bahama Island. And you're just looking out there and you're just like, what the fuck? Like, and thank God we had calm waters and everything. But even seeing a storm off in the distance, you ever see a storm off in the distance and just see, like, lightning, it's nowhere near you, but you're just like, what the fuck is that? You know, like.

[B]

And you can't process. Like, that could be here in 10 minutes or that could be a day away.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I don't. My eyes do not know how to judge this.

[A]

I have no. Like, I've realized now I would have not made it as a caveman, like, not understanding things and just, you know, weird shit. Like, even now when we get, like, the red skies or the haze from Canadian fires, you know what I mean? And it's like, what the fuck was that? Like as a caveman, where just one day, it's just red and hazy for like a week, and you have no explanation.

[B]

Oh, dude, I read this Christopher Columbus. I think it was Christopher Columbus. Dude, this is such a fucking ice cold move. He's leaving for some trip. He's with Native American, you know, indigenous people, and he's like, hey, we don't have food. Can we have, you know, this amount of supplies? And they were about to, I think, go into winter. And they're like, no, every single thing we have is allotted to get us through this winter. And he goes, listen, I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm a God. And if you don't have. And Shannon, please double check this. Make sure I got it right. If you don't give us what we need, I'm gonna turn the sky red. Because he had astronomers that said they had a blood moon coming.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

And he's like, if you don't. To prove my power, if we don't have this fucking supplies, I'm going to turn the sky red and kill everything here.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So when it turned red, all the natives flipped out and they're like, give him what he wants and figure it out.

[A]

That makes me wonder what came first when they say, like, art imitates life. I've been on a huge reading binge these past couple of months. I read all the time, but this has been like, extra because I've been trying to catch up on a bunch of stuff that my mom tried to make me read. And I'm like, so Mark Twain. I've been on a tear of Mark Twain. And he had a book, a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's court. Similar story. He is a foreman of like a welding shop in like late 1800s or something like that. You know, one of his workers challenges him to a fight, knocks him over the head with a lead pipe. He fucking wakes up back in time like the early easing. King Arthur's court.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But because he knows his history and his astronomy, he gets into something, he's about to be beheaded. And he does the same thing. Like, you guys don't do this, I promise you I will fucking. I will block out the sun. And as he says that an eclipse has happened, but he knew it was happening. And then everyone just fucking put their arms down and was like, holy shit. And then he became royalty. And he was just like the smartest guy in that time who just took over King Arthur's court because he was from the future.

[B]

Shane, did I get that story kind of correct? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[C]

So, yes, just about right. Except that he claimed that they were making his God angry.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. He knew that a lunar eclipse was about to appear. So he's like, you're pissing off my God. So you have to like work with us here. And then when the moon turned red, as he predicted, they brought all of their provisions.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

Diabolical.

[A]

Before some history nerd got in. Your fucking comments. Yeah, you motherfucker. That's not how that goes at all.

[B]

I've gotten the Middle Eastern contingent a little upset with me this week. Cause we showed a goat beauty pageant and I don't know if you know this about.

[A]

What is there to be upset about? It exists. You didn't make it.

[B]

I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm fat. Uh huh. And a lot of people are very upset about how fat I am talking about it. And apparently the mistake I made was that it was in Pakistan, not the Middle East. I don't know, man. There's a bunch of guys with dresses, goats with. You've seen the goats with the fat asses, right?

[A]

Wait, is real? Oh, yes, yes, the goats, they hang and they jiggle. Yes, I have seen them.

[B]

Yeah, it was a beauty pageant of those and we were joking about. Oh, dude, those things are. Yeah, those things are fucking. Dude, that's a tough day.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what's going on over there. I don't know what countries these are, but I know I've seen those videos also where the guys, they're wearing those full garbs with the ring things on the head and they are harassing these camels where the camels always look just stressed out.

[B]

Yeah, they look like the ones in Aladdin who spit when you hop on the hump.

[A]

And the camels are always making this horrible noises.

[B]

Ah, ah.

[A]

And you're like, what has happened? Yeah.

[B]

You know, my cousin used to sell cigarettes. Did they ever. I read a thing recently that there was a thing that Joe Camel was supposed to look like a dick on purpose.

[A]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[B]

And the way he. His nose hangs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Was purposefully phallic.

[A]

I can see that animators weren't being paid well back then.

[B]

Janet. Am I crazy about that

[A]

Joe Camel?

[C]

So I know that that's a thing that people have like compared it to, but it says that he was not meant to look like penis. He was just meant to look cool.

[B]

Well, obviously, I mean, if you put a. If you put sunglasses on any dick and balls, it is pretty cool. Especially if you put a cigarette between the dick and the balls.

[A]

Yeah, those little googly eyes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, would you like to be my friend? He's pretty cool.

[C]

It says that a famous psychologist in the 90s pointed out that it has a resemblance, but it was unintentional.

[B]

Yeah, I've brought this up on the show before. Some people think the McDonald's arches are kind of playing into the caveman lizard brain of either a butt or boobs.

[A]

I would say it is a pretty.

[B]

And that's why you recognize it from that far away.

[A]

Yeah, it's a pretty ill shapen butt.

[B]

You know, it Is a. There's something about that exact curvature with the two humps that we kind of associate either breasts or butts with, which is funny.

[A]

You ever seen coming to America, the styles thing, and obviously the black version. So it's a bit more.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just wish they would have acknowledged why the old men were the same age and everyone else got older.

[A]

I don't think they think, like, it's weird the way movie makers work now, man. But this waiting forever to make a sequel is really getting out of hand because there's so many good stories already out there. And they lure us in with these sequels that we know aren't gonna be good. And we still go see it.

[B]

Yeah. Because they get the nostalgia monster in you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they go, this is gonna be like this. This is gonna be like. I mean, I. I don't think this was as egregious, maybe for you, but Happy Gilmore 2 broke my heart.

[A]

I didn't even go see that.

[B]

Listen, he's hit or miss. I know it's for kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But man, it was just half of the movie was clips from the first one.

[A]

Yeah, that's how it is, though. It's the same jokes from the other. So it's like you're not even making a new movie. It was the same thing with that Bill and Ted reboot where it was just like, you just made them girls and did all of the same jokes, you know, like, they'll probably get me this year. I still haven't heard a release date, but, you know, they were supposed to do a sequel to Goonies this year.

[B]

Oh, I don't know about that.

[A]

Yeah, and I'll go see it, because Goonies was my shit, but I know they're gonna fucking ruin it.

[B]

All right, I will give you a Goonies, A piece of trivia that I don't think you know.

[A]

Go ahead, try me.

[B]

Let's go, Shannon. Please search Dennis Nedry. N E D R Y Goonies. Dennis Nedry is Newman from Seinfeld in Jurassic Park. His three outfits that he wears in Jurassic park are all different Goonies characters.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So when he gets hit by the velociraptor, he's wearing. Oh, I thought he was wearing chunks. Outfit with the red thing, but okay. Yeah. When he gets hit with the velociraptor, that's Corey meeting with the guy to show dust that he's got on. What's the name? And I never put the Corey Feldman thing together when he's in there with the Members Only jacket.

[B]

But that's wild, right?

[A]

That is wild. Did someone do that intentionally as an Easter egg?

[B]

I think it's crazy if it's three coincidences in the three scenes he's in.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. I guess maybe he got to choose his own wardrobe and he's.

[B]

No, I'd imagine that was somebody's bit.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

That was a little something for somebody.

[A]

Yeah. I'll never forget during the pandemic when we were doing, like, Zoom podcasts and stuff, I was doing Kurt Metzger's podcast, and we had actually. We had actually came up with the idea that Goonies is probably the only racial slur for white people that you could kind of throw around. And it might hit as hard as the N word.

[B]

I mean, it's pretty sweet. It is pretty sweet. There's something about a hood person calling you an antiquated fictional character.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That hurts so bad. When I was a kid, there was a guy that used to call me Spanky from Little Rascals. And when I got older, there was a group of hood kids that Used to call me Baby Huey.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It hurt my feelings so bad.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Cause it really was like, oh, God, they got me so good.

[A]

Yeah. Cause you know the reference. You get it? You know what I mean? And that's the thing. It's like, I'm in your world. I'm in your world. But yeah, the way they hurl it at each other. Especially when Troy gets the bucket up and he gets his sweater back and he goes, annie, you goony.

[B]

I'm more of a Monster Squad kind of guy. But hey, we all have our. We all have our films.

[A]

Monster Squad was hard for me to get to. I remember that movie with Fred Savage, but it was. I didn't have cable growing.

[B]

You're thinking of Little Monsters.

[A]

Oh, okay, yeah.

[B]

Fred Savage and Howie Mandel, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[B]

No, Monster Squad is a Goonies esque group of kids who have a monster club. And all the universal monsters accidentally wind up in their town and they need to fight Dracula.

[A]

Who is in that movie? I have heard of that movie, but who is that?

[B]

Not a ton of famous people.

[A]

Okay, okay. Because it sounds. It's oddly very similar to the Lost Boys.

[B]

It could be. Yeah. But this is like a kid's kids, like little kids riding bikes. Clubhouse kind of.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And does. Oh, the only person I can think of. It is Wolfman is Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.

[A]

I know that scene also. Kick him in the nuts. Yeah.

[B]

Wolfman's got nards.

[A]

Wolfman's got nards. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those movies that were like classics for the kids in the late 80s and 90s, they were always hard for me to get to because I didn't have cable. I would go to friends houses and it'd be like a quick, hey, we're just coming in to get something to drink and then we're going back outside. And like, they had houses where the TV would just be on so you'd see it. Or like, maybe they got younger siblings or cousins that are like in the house. They're not coming out yet, but they're in the house watching it. I'm like, oh, is this that movie? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, let's go outside. I'm like, fuck, I'd really rather stay in and watch that. And they're like, I've seen a movie a hundred times. Yeah, but I never saw it. I never saw it.

[B]

Monster Squad's a banger. I would, as a. As an adult would suggest it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anybody famous in it? Oh, yeah. Michael Faustino. I don't remember him. He must be a periphery.

[C]

I also think that's a different. I think that's David Faustino's picture.

[B]

Yes, it is. That is David Foster. Thank you. You're right. That is Horace, but it's pretty. Horace is the fat kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that. It is. It is a banger.

[A]

Which speaking.

[B]

And it's also got Nazi connotations.

[C]

Ah.

[B]

So there's a. They're scared of an old man. And then later he takes them in and you find out he's a good guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But they very subtly hint. You see his tattoo, and he's basically like, yes. This isn't the first time I've had a fight. Evil.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's a banger.

[A]

They always.

[B]

Yeah, that's one of my guaranteed crime movies.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Guaranteed. Because. Yeah, Frank. I have affinity for Frankenstein.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Something. I've always just emotionally liked Frankenstein as a story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Frankenstein kind of befriends them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So I get a little emotional.

[A]

Frankenstein is a good story, man. I read that book, too, during the pandemic, man. It's wild. Because I read the book. I've never seen the movies. I always knew of it, but I wasn't into horror shit when I was a kid, so Frankenstein didn't do it for me. I really didn't understand the difference between Frankenstein and Herman Monster for years. And then I decided to read a book. And the book is like, well, first

[B]

of all, you pick up the book and you're like, why are they in fucking Antarctica?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? You know what I mean? So you don't know where it's going. That's what's so weird about it. Where. That's what got me into, like, all right, I will read the book and then watch the movie. Like, even now, I haven't seen the Odyssey. Cause I'm like, I'm gonna go read the book first. Even if I don't see it in all this shit. It's just because I've become one of those people. I don't talk to people that way. But I understand that the movie is always gonna be way better than the book. Like Jurassic park, way better than a fucking movie. You know what I mean? Like. But yeah, same thing with Frankenstein. It's just that concept of understanding the monster's emotions, which almost doesn't even feel right, calling him a monster because he's not. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, he was made and promises were made, you know?

[B]

What?

[A]

I mean, it was like, hey, he's. He's here. And, you know, you promised me a companion. That's the only reason why I'm doing this shit.

[B]

And I gotta say, over ambitious. Make a little one first and make sure you can control him. Why'd you make him huge?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're asking for trouble.

[A]

I think it was just because it was easier to do all of the nerve endings and stuff like that. You know what I mean? But, yeah, yeah, you're 100% right. And that's the thing. Dr. Frankenstein, technically is the villain. You're the idiot who went off and did all of this weird, psycho medical experimentation shit, robbing graves and stealing body parts. Like, you're the fucking freak, you know what I mean? The monster had a heart of gold,

[B]

you know, you should read Herbert west. Reanimator by H.P. lovecraft.

[A]

Okay. Reanimator.

[B]

Yeah. It's a medical student who kind of starts to experiment with. He has, like, a syringe full of stuff that if you're very recently passed, he can get you back.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

But it. You know, it started. You start to test it.

[A]

Dude. Okay, so I went down a weird rabbit hole of playing with AI once my mom died and reanimating some pictures. And it's freaky, like. And it's weird the way it does it because it'll give it to you 10 seconds at a time. It'll just make the pictures kind of start moving and coming along. You can add whatever song you want to it. And my wife even had to tell me. She was like, stop, stop. You know what I mean? I'm like, well, you know what I mean? But it is weird. Like, you are reanimating a picture, you know, this picture was from fucking, like, 1985. And she's like, yeah, you're up to 30 seconds. Like, this is a slippery slope.

[D]

Stop, stop.

[B]

Yeah, that could be addictive and very. You could form a bond with it, almost like. You could almost rewrite your memories.

[A]

Especially because me and my mom didn't have a good relationship. So in this picture, I mean, we're just. When it reanimates us, we're smiling, nuzzling each other, like it is the epitome of love. It's everything I want to see. It's everything I've ever wanted from my mom. You know what I mean? It's, like, wild.

[B]

Yeah. I would need to see my mom, like, looking annoyed at me while I try and show her a Wolverine figure. I do think you would like Rihanna. I Think you would like a number of. Lovecraft is really, really good. If you're gonna. Old horror. Lovecraft is a banger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then there's a few short Stephen Kings I would give you.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

And I'm very. I love Stephen King, but there's some of the. I think his strength is in between 15 and about 120 pages. Anything after that he kind of gets up his own ass a little.

[A]

Yeah, he's all fucking drunk or he's

[B]

just overly descriptive or I don't. I don't fucking need to know. Like, I keep it short.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes the over description is what makes it good. But yeah, I get what you talk.

[B]

So that for me works in American Psycho. Mm. I don't know if you've read American Psycho.

[A]

I haven't read it.

[B]

American Psycho. You get frustrated reading it because he's such a fucking prick. And he's also like. So like in the movie when he does his morning routine in the book, that's like 15 pages of describing every product, where he found it, what it does, how he uses it. And then he'll go like. They'll just be in the middle of the book. A track by track review of a CD that he likes. Wow.

[A]

Wow. Yeah.

[B]

And you're like, this guy sucks.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it makes it much different.

[A]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back.

[B]

So I thought it would be fun

[A]

if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] switch upfront payment

[B]

$45 for three months, $90 for six. Six months or $180 for a 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms I do. I don't like in certain movies where the killer's too cool.

[A]

Yeah. Let me ask you this. It's on topic, but a little changing gears. Do you think in Home alone Kevin McCallister is getting ready scene is homage to that? Because they always try to say Kevin McAllister is kind of psychopathic.

[B]

No, I think it was before. I don't think the dates work or. What was home alone 90s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to say American Psycho is 90s.

[A]

Oh, is it? Okay, that's a later movie. That's not an 80s movie.

[B]

Oh, no. American Psycho. The book is 90s and then the movies. 2000s, I want to say.

[A]

Really? The woman.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. I don't know why, I always thought that was like an old, old movie.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

American Psycho came out in 2000. Home alone, 1990. Really?

[A]

Holy shit. All right. I was way off with that.

[B]

I do like the idea in Home Alone that Kevin's dad prepared him for all that.

[A]

I've never heard this fan.

[B]

There's a fan theory that his dad is some type of paramilitary or CIA.

[A]

Because they never talk what he does for a living. Yeah.

[B]

And he's buying 14 tickets. 14 tickets for first class.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. And he's. And they specifically say he's paying.

[A]

And they also opened the door back up for him after the flight was closed.

[B]

Yeah, they say that he's like CIA, paramilitary something. And that he's been training Kevin on survival stuff. And then supposedly in the first draft of Home Alone. What's the uncle's name?

[A]

Frank.

[B]

Uncle Frank is friends with the Wet Bandits and tips them off and basically, I believe, is supposed to get a cut of the hall.

[A]

It's always the people closest to you, isn't it? Jesus.

[B]

Fuck. Uncle Frank might be the most unlikable.

[A]

Yeah, he's a piece of shit.

[B]

He is the fucking. From him stealing the salt and pepper shakers on the plane. So you act like you've been here before. My grandpa, my dad's dad used to do that at nice restaurants if they had red or velvet cloth napkins. Yeah, because he would tie them to the back of steel beams on his truck as flags so that people would.

[A]

So they don't rip apart.

[B]

Well, so that people would see, you gotta tie a. Like, if you have a steel beam that goes off the back of the truck, like so far, you hang a flag off of it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So that A, you can see it out the rear view and B, so that people are aware of it.

[A]

They don't run right into the back of it. Yeah.

[B]

And I remember I had to be a kid my entire. There was a senior citizen home and they used to go to Atlantic City every month. They got banned from the trip because they stopped at a buffet and the old people stole every single piece of silverware. Salt and pepper plates. They robbed the place to the point where our old folks home was banned from that trip.

[A]

Jesus Christ, I do love them.

[B]

Listen, I had no issue with stealing a little. But if you're. If it's stuff you got in the house already, and you're just stealing to like, ooh, this is free. Because I. Have you noticed some hotels now, if you go to a hotel, they go. They put a list of what everything's gonna cost if it's not there when you leave.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Which is. Cause it's funny, I remember I tried to get into that once, like, trying to get to take the bathrobes and stuff from the hotels. And then. Yeah, they started charging you for that.

[B]

And you're like, well, now they'll just put up. Oh, thank you. We're glad you enjoy our. You know this. If you would like to keep the robe, that will be $40.

[A]

Right, right, right, right. Which is also. I remember I used to do a bit about that too. Cause it was like, you're not ready for a robe. Like, meaning at the hotel, they wash and bleach the robe regularly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just hang it up on the back of your bathroom door. You don't even let it dry properly. It starts to fucking stink.

[B]

Not ready to have one. I've never had a robe. I don't think I've ever washed. I think I've had three robes and they've all just gone in the garbage once they got too gross.

[A]

Yeah, you're not ready for that. Robe life, man. Robe life is something different.

[B]

Nah, I'm still. Basketball shorts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not ready for a robe. I got grown up today.

[A]

That was always a funny concept, too, that you would wear a robe to go outside and collect the paper. You know what I mean? Like, that's what the robe was for, to cover up your PJs as you went out and picked up the paper. Maybe took the trash out or brought the cans in. Yeah, that was all it was for.

[B]

I think I mentioned this before. I think about, like, my dad would work all day, come home and put on another pair of jeans and a dress shirt and sit down at the dinner table, tucked in. Yeah.

[A]

Just to eat dinner with you guys.

[B]

I mean, usually he had another thing he was going through.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

He must have really didn't like spending time with us.

[A]

Oh, he's just.

[B]

He found a lot of shit to do.

[A]

Yeah, but he's probably just old school like that. Cause I always think about that too.

[B]

Like, but my grandpa ate dinner in his boxers.

[A]

Right. Well, he was done. But, like. Okay. Were you guys. You wore shoes in the house? No, no. Like, I always think about that shoes

[B]

were not allowed on. Cause so we had to go. We lived in an apartment. Shoes had to Be downstairs.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Shoes were not even allowed in the floor we lived on.

[A]

That was always confusing in 90s television and movies for me. Like, for example, like, Home Alone, this kid is fucking putting on a sweater with a button up underneath of it. He's Home Alone, like, and he's still. Shoes, belt, everything. It was, like, fascinating. And the same old shows. Like, Full House. These girls would be, like, in their beds, you know, with their shoes on, just hanging out, talking, you know. Kemi Gibbler comes over and jumps on the bed with the shoes on to talk to dj and it was like.

[B]

And then comes Dan Schneider and he says, you get those little piggies out for Daddy. No more shoes on Nickelodeon.

[A]

Yeah, get those.

[B]

Stretch those little guys out. Take a picture. Tweet it to me.

[A]

Yeah, I'm just now learning about that guy, too. I didn't know much about him.

[B]

Oh, I'm gonna restore the Schneiderverse.

[A]

Restore.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

I see the Nickelodeon on the side of the Ninja Turtles. Yeah.

[B]

Restore the Schneiderverse, baby. He did nothing wrong.

[A]

You know what's crazy? I just read Jenny McCurdy's book, McCarthy. McCarthy. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, this guy was a piece of shit, but your mom was the bigger piece of shit.

[B]

Are we thinking about the girl that

[A]

was on the show with.

[B]

Oh, I'm thinking of Jenny McCarthy from years before.

[A]

No, lady fucking McCurdy or something like that. She was on the show with Ariana Grande. Thank you. Jeanette McCurdy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She was talking about her mom. Served her up to this dude. You know what I mean?

[B]

I think they all do, though.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

People dropped their kids off at Michael's house.

[A]

Dude. Okay, do you remember Howard Stern had a New Year's Eve pageant that he did? 1993.

[B]

Butt Bongo Fiesta.

[A]

No, it was just New Year's Rotten Eve.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

It was a New Year's Eve celebration pageant that he did in Newark, New Jersey. But the opening skit was him dressed up as Michael Jackson, and it was a dwarf playing a child. But the whole skit was the parents dropping him off. And he was literally referring to the parents as Mr. And Mrs. Stupid. You know what I mean? And he's like, yeah, come on in, Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. And he's doing all of this perverted stuff to this dwarf. And then the parents kind of walk in, like, oh, my God, what's happening? Like, as they walk in, he's got, like, electrodes on the kid's nipples and jamming stuff up his ass. And the parents are like, what is going on here? And he was like, oh, I was just writing you guys a check for $50,000. You know what I mean? He hands it over and then like, the show starts by him taking a television set and plugging it in the kid's ass. And it turns the TV on and then it goes into the pageant, you know what I mean? But it was like, that was 1993. And Howard was on point making a sketch about, like, the parents dropped these fucking kids off.

[B]

You'd be surprised how many angry comments you will get for Michael Jackson jokes to this day. Yeah, yeah, I'll be like, I've even been like, he had an alarm system for the room in case people were coming to his bedroom. People were like, yeah, he's rich. Yes, he had security.

[A]

But okay, in his defense, in Mike's defense, there was somewhere there was a catalog where he could call up and order that. You know what I mean? Like, that's the same as like the guy Matt Lauer, when he had the button under his desk.

[B]

Don't tell me that doesn't sound awesome. Any guy here would love to. If you had a dude. Not even an office. You've got a man cave.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If you could lock the door from your lazy. I want one of those chairs that has the fridge in the side.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And if that had a button for leave me alone. Not to lock people in. Just to go.

[A]

Just to leave me alone. I think the closest we had access to that stuff was the SkyMall magazine back in the day. And then I think once they took that out of airplanes, wherever they market these things to people. Yeah, now it's not on the.

[B]

Now it's for the elite.

[A]

Yeah. We're not on the pay grade of getting advertised. These things that are clearly.

[B]

That must be a sweet catalog, though. The modern pervert. I have no issue with that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's just living life high on the hog.

[A]

Right. It's just a bunch of Mexicans that just show up and just install a thing. Yeah, it's ready.

[B]

I mean, there's gotta be. If anybody has a dungeon or a sex room. You hired a contractor. Somebody made that. Somebody installed that one way mirror.

[A]

Yeah, With a warranty. Zach.

[B]

Yeah. In case they tested it out. He called and went, hey, I'm pretty sure I can still see me jerking off through the other side because there was a serial. I talk about serial killers way too much.

[D]

I'm sorry.

[B]

H.H. holmes. Yeah, he was like a World Fair era serial killer. And his big thing was he had a giant house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That he killed people in. But he would hire and fire contractors so much that nobody had a blueprint but him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he would do things where, like, you would have a stairway and a door, and it would just be a wall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And his big thing was he had a room where you could see in and he could hit whatever he had to hit, and it would take all the air out of the room and he could watch you just choke. Like space.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

But he had so many contractors over the years that he would have one person do one thing. Fire them, go, ah, the last guy fucked. Can you do this for me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he kept it so that only he knew how to get around.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Do you remember that movie? This is an old one. Drew Barrymore, the Firestarter.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

And remember that weird facility that they were in, just doing experiments on people to see if they had any talents? And it's like. Yeah, these guys are just like. Yeah, I have a lab where I test people like this, you know?

[B]

So there's a later King book called the Institute that I almost thought was a sequel to Firestarter for most of it, because it mostly takes place in one of those where they have all these kids and they're testing their psychic abilities and they're using them to fight wars.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And so there's a. Talking about King. There's an underlying theory that basically the through line of all Stephen King is the shine the Shining ability, and that everyone. That at least someone in almost everything has some type of that. So, like, the mom and the daughter in Pet Sematary have it carry the telekinesis. The. The. The black guy in it remembers everything when nobody else can. Yeah, yeah. They have these, like, access to these psychic powers that are more or less. If you break down the entire Stephen King universe, it's psychics and not psychics.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

[B]

Even when you go to, like, doctor Sleep, it's like a war. They're finding the last. It's like a vampire clan. But they're finding whoever's left that has the shine to eat their souls and get their power.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I truly. I think that's the thing, too. Like, as far as what we believe is the Illuminati, like the true unidentified rich, rich people of the world, I think they're just vampires. Just vampires that have just been here forever. And they're like, yeah, I know the stock market, you know, I'm gonna make A fucking money. But I can't die. And I really don't need to be known.

[B]

I mean, bought and sold. I mean, how long did you. How many times should Dick Cheney have died? Yeah, like he was a week away from head in the jar.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I do think, I am very much of the belief that our world was bought and sold generations ago and we are now under whatever plan we're under.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And that all this shit is show business.

[A]

Yeah, I've even read some, some sci fi about that. Where most of us are just organs to be harvested for the elites that need to live forever. You know what I mean? And yeah, we come here and we mature and all that, but then the minute we die, she's like, thank you. I needed that organization.

[B]

You know, I think it's more. The super elite are aware that there's going to be destructive events in the next hundred years and they are divvying up what they know will be left. So have I brought up the Bill Gates buying land thing to you? Bill Gates loves buying farmland.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Big proponent of it. If you take a map of the farmland he's buying and you superimpose it with a map of what will be left of America in the result of a catastrophic temperature weather event that is all the polar ice caps melt. He is buying all the farmland that won't be underwater because he wants to control the food supply.

[A]

You know what's funny? As impressive as that is, that's also gotta be an incredibly hard way to live with that kind of paranoia with that kind. You know what I mean? That's like the Big Short. You ever seen the Big Short where he's like, I know this is happening, Keep going. Bet on it, bet on it. And you know, he fucking almost lost his mind waiting for it to fucking happen. You know what I mean? And you're just sitting there waiting for the polar ice caps to melt and hoping you're investing in it.

[B]

I think it's way more calculated than that. I think they know when it's coming. Because we did a thing recently where when Bill Gates was like getting ready to like appear places he would have mannequins with outfits and he based his clothing on Mr. Rogers so that people would trust him.

[A]

Yeah, but that's the thing. Even at that. What would be even the point in buying new shoes? What would be the point? He doesn't like put wearing a shirt, you know, you just know like he wears.

[B]

He specifically designs himself to not like. It's the opposite of Steve Jobs. He wanted to look super sleek.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And like, kind of futuristic and cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, I'm just a regular guy who's going to Epstein island and I gotta figure out how to drug my wife. Cause she can't know I brought home an std again.

[A]

Talk about.

[B]

By the way, we just know that. That, like, he definitely was drugging Melinda.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

To get like, whatever. When he gave her the clap for the millionth time. Jeez, by the way, you're a billionaire. I don't give a shit.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Go fuck if they're of age.

[A]

If. Yeah, yeah. She's your wife, she's your property. You own her.

[B]

Oh, I meant the hookers.

[A]

The hookers.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. If they're underage, of course it's an issue. But like Stephen Hawking, like, in having whores around.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He's the smartest man in the world. He figured out what he likes.

[A]

I just watched this black and white old movie, a Tubi movie. Well, I found it on Tubi, but it's an old black and white movie called Bad Girls do Cry. And it was that concept of even back then, women kind of being sold into sex slavery and being controlled by injecting them with heroin. So that they're just full on addicts. And then they're like, yeah, now you need me to keep, you know, from getting sick. And yeah, it was weird because it was a lot of slow black and white dressing scenes. That's what most of it. It was like softcore porn, I guess, hardcore for that time. But it's just these girls just getting dressed and with their stupid. What's that thing called when they. The garter. Yeah, they hold the stockings up. You know what I mean? Like the weirdest underwear.

[B]

Well, back in the day, they used to tour medical films because that was the only way you would see nudity.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So it would be like the miracle of birth. And they would advertise, like, you'd get a truck that came to town and be like, next week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then they would personally get people to protest it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that everybody in town wanted to go. But then they had an intermission where they would have either someone dressed as a doctor or a nurse come out with a fake with a book and be like, if you want to know more, or there's pictures in here. And half of it was under the guise of medical, Half of it was because it was the only way to see naked people.

[A]

Yeah, dude, the miracle Birthday me up, man. Cause it started this obsession with me that you never know what a woman's vagina is gonna look like. They would show these plain Jane Women in the 80s glasses with the big old nerdy frames. You know what I mean? And then it's just this huge, hairy, stretched out Super Bowl.

[B]

These are the women that volunteered. So you're getting some hippie, dippy bitches when they're like, oh, yeah, show my vagina splitting open to the world, by the way, while someone's in the room with a 35 millimeter, someone's going, There's a. There's a. There's an AC. If there's an AC, while your pussy's open and you're going, yeah. By the way, I'm not doing this for the money. I'm doing this for educational purposes.

[A]

Right, right. It was strange to me, man, but it showed me something different. Where it was just like, you didn't know that a woman that looks like that could look like that down there. You know what I mean? And, yeah, I just became kind of, like, obsessed because I was never let down. My entire life, a woman's vagina has never, ever. I've never peeled the panties off a woman and was like, yep, that's exactly how I thought it was gonna look like it's always been.

[B]

You gotta fuck more fat chicks, dude.

[A]

No. Even with fat chicks, you're like, whoa, that's new.

[B]

They're compact. They're composite. It's all in there. Yeah. Shannon, what did you. What was your sex ed. Miracle of birth type of video you saw?

[C]

I don't remember seeing this video. Like, I've looked it up when it's come up on shows before, but I don't remember them showing us a video. I think it was just, like, diagrams and stuff.

[B]

I remember in 8th, 7th, or 8th grade, they called everybody to the gym, and our gym split in half, and all the boys went on one side and we watched some horseshit. And all the girls left with deodorant and pads and stuff like that. And that was like the first. That was like the first, like. I want to say. I don't want to call it, like, yeah, sexual. Like reproductive health class.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then, yeah, we had. It would be one of the semesters of gym every year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And our teacher was so gross.

[A]

Let's talk about it.

[B]

She was the volleyball teacher, which already very lesbian coded.

[A]

Yeah, buddy.

[B]

And I'm talking tracksuit. Like, yes. This lady dressed. I'd never seen. I don't think I've ever Seen this woman in anything but a tracksuit and a whistle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she had a husband. And she started talking about when she gave birth. And she's like, well, we noticed I had a lot of discharge. And I just remember being like, I don't think I'm gay.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't want nothing to do with that. Our same deal. Ms. Nagle, I'll never forget. Cause I reference Ms. Nagle now to this day in my life. Like, there are things that I'll say about sex or sex education. And my wife would be like, who the fuck taught you that? And I'm like, Ms. Nagle. And Ms. Nagle was just this old lady. She literally looked like the guy from dodgeball. That's like, if you could dodge a wrench, you could dodge a ball. You know what I mean? She had the same grizzled.

[B]

She looked like rip torn.

[A]

Yeah. But same deal. Tracksuit, just, like, crowded bottom teeth. And that was it. Like, up top was all gums and stuff like that. She smoked on breakfast. She was the. She did coach something, if it wasn't volleyball or it was something that she coached. But then she was also the gym teacher. And then somehow that doubled as sex ed. And I never forget, by the way, those two.

[B]

Like, the fact that those two jobs, one comes with the other is crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Are you the worst teacher? Also, would you like to tell kids how their genitals work?

[A]

Yeah. Cause even at that time in middle

[B]

school, shouldn't the biology teacher do that?

[A]

I have no idea. I just remember even our guy gym teacher, he was like a war vet. Like, half of his chest had been blown off from him diving on a grenade. And it was just like, he really didn't want to be here with us at all, you know? So it was the gym teachers. They were cool because they were so disinterested, they didn't give a fuck. But I'll never forget Ms. Nagel one day showing us condoms and showing us how to, you know, put condoms on a banana and shit like that. And then one day she goes, now, ladies, the guys are gonna sit here and tell you, oh, I don't wanna put on a condom. It's too tight. I'm too big for condoms. She takes the condom and she puts her hand in it and stretches it down her whole arm. And she goes, ladies, if he's bigger than this, he needs to be with a H. She was just so matter of fact and just done with that shit. I love Ms. Nagel to this day. She kept It. She kept it real.

[B]

And by the way, that's a regular condom, not a Magnum.

[A]

Yeah, it was just a regular.

[B]

Regular license. All marketing.

[A]

Yeah, I think they're all regular. I honestly do think that they're all the same condom.

[B]

I would only agree with you because I know once I wore a Magnum.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I should not have, really. And it was not. It didn't fall off.

[A]

What did it do?

[B]

It stayed on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was intact. It was not an issue.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I felt like it was gonna come off, like, right. Like two strokes in, it would just be in her.

[A]

That's happened with regular condoms, though. You know what I mean? And I think the condom falling off, it doesn't necessarily have to do with you not being big so much as her being too big and you losing interest.

[B]

Oh, really? I think sometimes it could be you're not 100% hard and she's not 100% wet yet. And it grips it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That was the joke I was making. She's too big and I'm losing interest.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I mistook it. I apologize.

[C]

This summer, don't squeeze in.

[A]

Spread out.

[C]

Find homes big enough for your whole guest list on vrbo. That's vacation rentals.

[A]

Done.

[C]

Right. Book your stay now.

[A]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail].

[B]

all right, well, let's get plugs out of the way. Hit that plug Music temple. What do you want people to check out?

[A]

Check out my podcast here on the network. No need for apologies. Mondays at 6:00pm Eastern Standard Time. Follow me on all social media platforms. I'm Dave Temple. That's it right now, man. I gotta work on getting back on the road. I took a break, but I'll figure something out here with comedy.

[B]

Very good. Follow me on Instagram. Zach is not funny. Punch up that live slash. Zach Amico. I will be at the gathering of the Juggalos the end of this month in Missouri. And I've got my first ever half an hour special coming out on YouTube, I believe on the 22nd. So please. Thank you. Check that Out. And if you're watching the show live and you want to support, go to Punch Punch. I'm tired. Gas digital.com use my promo code Zoo. You get your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You save money off your subscription. You get access to the live chat as well as the archives. Thousands of episodes of your favorite Gas shows not available anywhere else from over the last decade. And you get our Friday bonus episode. And thank you very much for watching the show. All right, quite. Let's see how we feel about this. UK based startup launches world's first painless permanent tattoo system. Is this real, Shannon?

[C]

It is real, but at this time it's kind of for like small. It's almost like a skin stamp. So you can show this. So it's just like a. It's. They use the same technology as like for women, like micro needling.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And so it's just these tiny little bitty needles and they make it in this like little stamp and then they put it on you and it has to sit for about 15 minutes and as soon as they remove it, it's like you see the imprint a little bit, but it takes 24 to 48 hours for it to like expand and like really show its full darkness in your skin. So right now it's just like these like tiny. Hold on. Sorry. These like just tiny little things like this little heart. I can show you the video if you want.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But they are planning on working with tattoo artists to make like bigger options.

[B]

Oh, that's gonna. There's gonna be some really uncreative, bad tattoos that you get from that.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

I don't hate the idea.

[D]

I'm CEO and co founder of Cyphax Technologies. Our technology is a new way of delivering tattoos in a pain free, blood free way without the need for any aftercare. Our technology is based on micro needles. We manufacture them in house. We have a design software where users can design their tattoos. They send the file to us and we manufacture a tattoo patch which is based on those micro needles which they can apply to themselves. The skill level to apply these tattoos is extremely low. So anyone can essentially be a tattoo artist. So since anyone can become a tattoo artist with our technology, it is quite interesting to partner with artists, musicians and other creators to design unique tattoos with them for them. And we can apply them easily at events just like this conference. At the moment we only do permanent tattoos, but we are planning to do also semi permanent tattoos that disappear after about a year. In the future, we're also looking into Sort of high tech tattoos using special inks. For example, inks that can indicate your temperature, inks that indicate your glucose levels. Invisible inks that are only visible in UV black light.

[B]

All right, I already saw that little ghost. And I was like, all right, that's kind of cool.

[A]

Yeah. But that guy, he is wasting his talent. He should be a James Bond villain.

[B]

Yes, he should. I love the. I've. I've wanted. I've seen the UV ink for years and I'm always just convinced we gotta know more. But like, I don't trust that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I love the UV tattoos. I think they're so cool looking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I just feel like in 10 years, people that have them are gonna be rotting.

[A]

So what attracts you to this? Is it the painless aspect of it or.

[B]

Dude, I'm getting like. As I thought one day I'd be like, I'm so tattooed up, you can't bother me every single time. Now I'm like, this hurts, this hurts, this sucks. I have flop sweat every single time. And by the end of it, I'm like, this blows. Why do I do this? And then the next day I'm like, this is awesome. I need another one.

[A]

That is funny, dude. Yeah, I think that is the closest thing men will of childbirth. It was like, this fucking sucks. But as soon as it's done, you're like, I could go for another one. You know what I mean? Like, I feel the same way. I don't have, like, I have a few, but I'm like, I don't have like a lot. And every time sometimes I think, yeah, I should do more. And then when I get it, you're

[B]

like, yeah, this glows. And then I really, I get why you would do it, But I really resent the people that are getting like full back pieces while they're put under. Yeah, yeah, that's cheating, man. You gotta earn.

[A]

Like, I think though, that that is the thing that we ruined with our generation, ruined with tattoo culture, you know what I mean? Was like, it just became a fashion thing. It wasn't even menacing anymore. You know what I mean? Remember when tattoos kinda used to be scary? It's like, oh, this guy's either a sailor or he's been to prison. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like I said the way I used to get weed when I moved to Brooklyn, if I met a guy with face tattoos, I would go, hi, are you a tattoo artist? And if they said no, I would go, cool, I would like to buy drugs. And now you meet someone With a face tattoo and they're like a barista or like they suck.

[A]

Yeah. The Island Boys and tattoos all over their face and you're like, what are you, what are you guys going for? What is that?

[B]

Shannon, how do you feel? I say it's cheating, right?

[C]

I. I agree. I even think like unless you're like a. An old man or old lady or something, you know, like sometimes people get like a cancer thing or whatever and if you want to use a numbing cream, I guess that's okay in those situation. But like regular able bodied people, I think you have to earn it.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. What I like what the guy said about these, the little ones. We're partnering with musicians and events, so I think that'll be the thing. Like, you know, 50, 100 bucks. You'll get a tattoo of the band's logo at the show. It takes five minutes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, right? Or.

[B]

And I do like the idea of the semi, the hour, the one that goes in a year. Because then you could always get it redone and you love it. Yeah, I kind of like that. And plus you can get a girl's name and fuck her and then it's gone with a year. Baby, I got your name on my heart, yeah. Cause you own my heart.

[A]

I did that once as a kid. This was a girl's name. And my high school girlfriend, I had to get it covered up because that didn't last.

[B]

When I was a kid, I had Penn and Teller had a book of tricks and one was Penn said that he used to get girls names tattooed without ink in them so that it would just scar up and look like a tattoo.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then if they stayed, they never stayed together long enough for the girls to figure out he didn't really get it tattooed on them. Wow. I do like the white ink tattoos. I think those are classy looking sometimes. Shannon, white ink.

[A]

Oh, white ink. I don't think, I think I've ever seen it.

[B]

They're very subtle, but they're classy looking.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

But I'm also just a fucking piece of garbage loser who just. I love. Yeah, there it is.

[A]

It's just a white. Oh, but it's all white. That is pretty cool.

[B]

Yeah. And that nice.

[A]

It's very girly. It's very dangerous.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't want it, but I

[A]

think it looks nice. Yeah.

[B]

Shannon, look up.

[A]

UV that's crazy how you could just get lured in by a girl tattoos. Like, remember that, like when the girls had the. Like these are all cool now. But remember Back when girls were getting, like, the full sleeves, like, Shannon, you got a full sleeve, right? It's all color.

[C]

Yeah, well, it's mostly black and gray and then a few color accents.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, but that was like the. That was like, the wildest thing, when girls just started showing up with full sleeves and you're just like, oh, I'm a pussy. Or. Yeah.

[B]

Or like a full sternum piece.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you sick bitch. Yeah, that. It's like, do I need to get tattoos to fuck this girl? Like, I felt like you couldn't even approach a girl full of tattoos if you didn't have enough ink, you know?

[B]

Yeah. But then you meet a lot of them and you're like, what do you do? Like, I did a tattoo artist. Of course you do. All right, guys, that's our show. Thank you so much to my wonderful guest, Dave Temple. Check out no need for Apology. Support him on the road. And we'll be back this Friday with Molly vivant and Tim McLaughlin. Bye. Bye. Noon is morning time to him Papa Mako Chug it down just like your favorite OB, A, C, B and join

[A]

the crew

[B]

It's AO morning, too It's a miko morning.