ZOO #0086 Lukas McCrary and Doug Uram

Summary

Podcast Summary: Zac Amico's Morning Zoo #86

Guests: Lukas McCrary & Doug Uram
Date: February 8, 2026
Network: GaS Digital

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Overview

This episode of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo brings the show’s signature blend of wild humor, degenerate camaraderie, and offbeat conversation. Zac welcomes first-timer Lucas McCrary (NYC-based comedian) and returning favorite Doug Uram (No Offense podcast). Together, they riff on recent comedy news, viral videos, strange addictions, wild stories from the worlds of strip clubs, reality TV, and more—delivering the irreverent, chaotic, and uncensored entertainment that defines Zac’s “morning radio gone wrong” format.

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1. Introductions, Comedy Plugs, & Old School Stage Names

[00:47–05:19]

• Zac enthusiastically introduces his guests, with warm banter and mutual admiration.
• Plugs for live shows:
  • Lucas: Performing in NYC at Fear City Comedy Club; hosts “Absolute Show” (a longform, Eric Andre-style talk show on YouTube).
  • Doug: Upcoming dates in Pennsylvania and New York, including Hershey Park.
  • Zac: Shows at Atlantic City’s Tropicana and more TBA; plugs GaS Digital and promo code for subscription.

Quote:
“Across the table from me, two very, very funny human beings... Doug Uram, how you doing, buddy?”
— Zac Amico [00:47]

• The hosts reminisce about the era when every comedian used outlandish stage names, sharing hilarious examples ("Steamroller," "Johnny Hollywood," "Bob Gonzo," etc.).
• Lucas is bemused by these characters, sparking generational comedy references, including a running joke about him being “just turned 12.”

Notable Moment:
Lucas asks if Brian Posehn is "the Bazinga guy from Big Bang Theory," prompting playful, generational ribbing. [05:04]

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2. Lewis Watch 2026 – Austin Comedy Brawl

[05:34–13:00]

• The crew reviews viral footage of Zac’s Real Ass Podcast co-host, Luis J. Gomez, getting into a street fight outside a comedy venue in Austin.
  • Video breakdown includes: the “mutual combat” lore in Texas, the roles of local comedy notables, and over-the-top martial arts posturing.
  • Shannon investigates legalities and “mutual combat” state myths.

Quote:
“This is the world’s shittiest Street Fighter level.”
— Zac Amico [08:40]

• The crew is particularly tickled by a cameo from a comic reportedly walking around with a giant anime sword.

Quote:
“Just a black guy with an anime sword walking in like the Sheriff of Nottingham…”
— Zac Amico [13:15]

[10:55] – “Leave me alone!” panic cries in the fight video become a running joke, emblematic of biter-to-chew chaos in comedy spaces.

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3. Wild Nights, Street Fights, & Comedy Scenes

[13:00–16:24]

• Further stories about the physicality of London nightlife ("way darker than I assumed…a lot of hooliganism"), clean European drugs (especially German ecstasy), and the bitter realities of working-class brawl culture.
• Doug and Zac reminisce about cartoonish street violence (“a lot of headbutts…soccer makes sense”) and the pride in European party drugs.

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4. Gross Confessions: Public Transit & Bodily Functions

[16:30–18:12]

• Zac and Doug share mortifying stories involving sneezing up mucus and public transit flatulence.
• Emphasize the paranoia and communal shame of being accused (“I assume everyone thinks it was me…”) and using body stereotypes as fart scapegoats.

Quote:
“I go find the fat guy, fart next to him…always works!”
— Lucas McCrary [18:12]

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5. My Strange Addiction: Eating Toenails

[19:55–23:28]

• The hosts watch and react to a viral clip from My Strange Addiction featuring a woman addicted to eating her own toenails.
• Lucas admits he once had the same habit (“Not in front of people. Not on camera, not on a show.”).
• Extended, grossly comedic confessions from all three, with Doug warning about nail-biter infections, Zac describing how he disposes of nail clippings, and everyone examining the “God’s toothpick” theory for toe clippings.

Notable Moment:
Zac posits the inevitable: “This says so much about men, because somebody got her pregnant twice.”
— Zac Amico [22:38]

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6. OnlyFans, Saudi “Yachting,” and Hollywood Scandals

[23:28–29:04]

• The crew debates whether the toenail-eater is building an OnlyFans brand, segueing to tabloid tropes and the “yachting” phenomenon (women paid by Saudi elites for extreme fetishes—allegedly including Kim Kardashian).
• Zac relays stories from the Cannes Film Festival, witnessing “ugliest dudes with the hottest women.”
• Speculation about how some actors, on their way up or down, get drawn into this luxury “yacht” circuit, threading in tales of Lindsay Lohan and celebrity transactional relationships.

Quote:
“It’s called yachting. When the gigs dry up... you take a little trip over to see your Saudi friends.”
— Zac Amico [25:27]

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7. The Poltergeist & Red Shoes Conspiracy

[26:44–32:11]

• Doug introduces the “Red Shoes” conspiracy: Hollywood pedophile elites allegedly signaling their crimes via red shoes (and referencing the Wizard of Oz).
• Zac details the strange history of Poltergeist child actress Heather O’Rourke (rumored trafficking, mysterious death), connecting it to industry abuse conspiracy lore.
• Shannon looks up and tries to explain the internet-born theory.

Quote:
“This is me at my most Kurt Metzger-y.”
— Zac Amico [29:08]

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8. Celebrity Child Abuse, Fame, and Industry Dark Sides

[32:13–35:03]

• The hosts grapple with the paradox of child stardom—why abusers would make children famous and how fame can be both reward and collateral.
• Discussion expands: Olsen twins’ 18th birthday countdowns, Hollywood’s culture of commodifying youth, and millennial awkwardness when former child stars attempt adult stardom.
• Jokes about “shrively” starlets, eating disorders, and hair-pulling disorders in high school.

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9. Bodies, TV Productions, and Food Competitions

[35:33–59:04]

• The inside story on the Breaking Bad house: attempts to sell for $4M (now slashed to $400K). Guests debate the economics of turning TV homes into Airbnbs, pawn off “latex pizza-throwing” as a tourist experience, and break down the infamous, whole-pizza-throw scene.
• Carnival game cheat codes revealed—from the “bucket backspin” to “Jacob’s Ladder” and claw machine hacks.
• Food Network reality shows are dissected for authenticity, with Zac admitting he once started drama by mistakenly claiming sous chefs do most of the work (“the blue-check chef community shared it 100,000 times”).

Quote:
“Some might say that TV in general is inaccurate…”
— Zac Amico [57:51]

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10. Viral Video Reactions & Strip Club Lore

[45:23–51:54]

• Crew laughs over a viral champagne blasting, agreement: “That’s a free meal, at least for her.” [47:15]
• Doug & Zac tell legendary stories about New Jersey strip clubs:
  • Satin Dolls (“Bada Bing” from The Sopranos) is disappointing (“full of dudes who wanna be in the Sopranos”).
  • Harem: BYOB, full nudity, fluorescent paint you spray on strippers, glowing tits, “the happiest place in the world.”

Quote:
“In New Jersey, if you sell alcohol, the girls can’t be naked at all. They have to be fully clothed.”
— Doug Uram [49:27]

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11. Weird News – Durian Devouring & the Most Chinese Story

[52:28–56:41]

• Zac introduces a “most Chinese story of the week”: Family devours 5.5kg of durian (notorious for its pungent, stinky aroma) at the airport after learning it’s banned on planes.
• Discussion of Asian travel meals, the hierarchy of stink on public transport, and the nasty details of durian’s texture (“like a mix of rotten onions, cheese, and turpentine…”).

Quote:
“Give me three boxes of Asian feet…”
— Zac Amico [55:31]

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12. Vow of Poverty: Where Are They Now—Alfalfa from The Little Rascals

[60:05–61:38]

• The group examines Bug Hall (Alfalfa actor) who has chosen “extreme Catholicism” and family isolation after a post-fame journey through addiction and run-ins with the law.
• Zac and Doug reflect on the frequency of child stars falling into odd or self-destructive lifestyles, with Drew Barrymore as the rare “survivor.”

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13. Sex, Generational Change, and “Eating Ain’t Cheating”

[62:00–67:52]

• Spirited debate about shifting sexual norms—condom use, cum shots, eating ass—and how “the rules” have changed since Gen X’s youth.
• Hilariously frank discussion of why ass-eating used to be taboo, why sharing drinks with friends is worse than rimming strangers, and whether eating out sex workers “counts” as cheating.

Quote:
“My friends always used to bust my balls. ‘You won’t share a bottle with me, but you’ll lick a girl’s asshole you just met?’ 100%.”
— Doug Uram [65:33]

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14. The Polyamorous Thai Fast Food Twins

[68:00–70:44]

• Shannon brings in a news story about a Thai woman openly living with and dating identical twin brothers whom she met at a fast food restaurant—complete with questions over paternity, OnlyFans speculation, and a possibly staged porn scenario.
• Zac wonders aloud about the legitimacy of the story, commenting on the improbable “giant Asian cans” visible in the viral image, and reminiscing about a friend who runs tours in North Korea.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Zac Amico [08:40]: “This is the world’s shittiest Street Fighter level.”
• Lucas McCrary [18:12]: “I go find the fat guy, fart next to him…always works!”
• Zac Amico [22:38]: “This says so much about men, because somebody got her pregnant twice.”
• Doug Uram [49:27]: “In New Jersey, if you sell alcohol, the girls can’t be naked at all. They have to be fully clothed.”
• Zac Amico [55:31]: “Give me three boxes of Asian feet…”
• Doug Uram [65:33]: “You wouldn’t share a bottle with me, but you’d lick a girl’s asshole you just met? 100%.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [05:34] – “Lewis Watch” Austin fight video breakdown
• [13:15] – Viral anime sword guy cameo in comedy fight
• [19:55] – My Strange Addiction: Eating Toenails segment
• [23:28] – Yachting and Hollywood “toilets” discussion
• [26:44] – Poltergeist saga and Red Shoes conspiracy
• [35:33] – Breaking Bad house as Airbnb: economics and fan ideas
• [45:23] – Champagne spraying viral video reaction
• [49:27] – NJ strip club striptease legalities
• [52:28] – The durian airport challenge: “most Chinese story”
• [60:05] – The Little Rascals’ Alfalfa–vow of poverty update
• [62:00] – Sex norms, generational changes, and “eating ain’t cheating”
• [68:00] – Thai woman dating identical twin brothers story

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Tone & Style

Unfiltered, quick-witted, and laid-back, with frequent raunchy asides, throwback pop culture references, and a balance of genuine curiosity with playful mockery. Zac steers the chaos with affectionate ribbing and the infectious energy of a real-life “morning zoo” host.

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Final Thoughts

If you enjoy raw, uncensored comic banter, strange-but-true news, and inside stories from the underbelly of showbiz and standup, this episode delivers wall-to-wall laughs and plenty of WTF moments—equal parts podcast insanity and drive-time nostalgia for a “radio gone wrong” era.

Plug:
Check out Doug Uram’s “No Offense” podcast and see Lucas McCrary’s sets at Fear City Comedy Club. For early, uncensored access and bonus content, subscribe at GaS Digital with promo code ZOO.

Transcript

[Unknown Speaker]

Fill her up.

[Zach Amico]

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Wake up, it's time to go Zach Amico's got a show Animals are here to play Choke some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the cre. Morning suit.

[Zach Amico]

Hello, and welcome to a fantastic Wednesday here on the Gas Digital Network. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico, happily welcoming you to another edition of the morning Zoo here on Gas Digital. Across the table from me, two very, very funny human beings from the no offense with Doug Uram podcast, our old friend, stalwart of the show for years, Doug Uram. How you doing, buddy?

[Doug Uram]

Hey, buddy, how are you?

[Zach Amico]

I'm doing excellent. It's great to see you.

[Doug Uram]

Great seeing you.

[Zach Amico]

I light up every day when I walk in here and see you. Thank you for being here.

[Doug Uram]

I do the same when I see you walk through those doors, buddy.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you, buddy. And next to him, somebody who is our first time on the show. We but very excited to have them very, very funny comic Lucas McCrary. How you doing today?

[Lucas McCrary]

I'm doing incredible and I couldn't be better. I'm here in the best city in the goddamn world.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, welcome. I know you're visiting and I appreciate your time very, very much. Let's knock plugs right out of the way. Lucas, what do you want people to check out? Dates, social media, anything you want.

[Lucas McCrary]

Dates. I'll be here in New York this weekend if this comes out before then at the Fear City Comedy Club. And check out absolute show on YouTube. It's a live talk show. I call it like long form. Eric Andre.

[Zach Amico]

Very, very fun.

[Doug Uram]

And Mr. Yuram, I will be in Hershey Park, Pennsylvania this Saturday and this Friday I'll be at don't tell in white plains. And March 21st, I'll be in Lion Hills, New York. I can't think of any other ones right now.

[Zach Amico]

Fantastic. I think I did that Hershey gig. Is that Jeff Paul?

[Doug Uram]

That's right.

[Zach Amico]

Very nice.

[Doug Uram]

What's it called?

[Zach Amico]

I don't remember, but I had a very good time.

[Doug Uram]

I heard it's great, but I can't remember.

[Zach Amico]

Fun gig, Easy peasy. I did that with the Steamroller. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Rich, Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, I haven't seen him in a long time.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, Lucas, you have missed out on the history of when you grow up around here doing comedy. You just meet Some real characters.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, he's the steamroller guy.

[Zach Amico]

It's his given name. I'll tell you in a second. Okay, let me get plugs out of the way. Hey, find me on Instagram. Zach is not funny. All my dates punch up that live Zach mika look like May 1st and 2nd at the Tropicana in Atlantic City, among some other gigs getting set up right now. And if you love this show, and we know you do, head on to gas digital.com today. Use my promo code, Zoo Z. Oh, you get all your episodes early ad free and uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives. Thousands of episodes, all your favorite GAS shows. And you get our Friday bonus episode.

[Doug Uram]

That's right.

[Zach Amico]

We do three of these a week. And if you want all three, you gotta subscribe. But regardless of how you consume the show, thank you for tuning in. And Lucas, to answer your question.

[Doug Uram]

The.

[Zach Amico]

Steamroller Krooshi is the person who booked me on my first paid gig, my first year of comedy.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And he is still going strong. He chose the steam. To me, Steamroller of Comedy does not sound like a good thing.

[Doug Uram]

No, no, no.

[Lucas McCrary]

Does he. Does he say Steamroller in his set?

[Zach Amico]

Not anymore.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It used to be on the flyer. Now I think he's dropped it. He comes from a day when everybody had names.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, Johnny Hollywood.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny Hollywood.

[Lucas McCrary]

I mean, Joe Hamburger.

[Zach Amico]

There was Bob Gonzo Jam and Jim Florentine.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, that's right. Yeah. He wore a leather jacket. He came on stage with a boombox. Yep, that's right. Oh, God, man.

[Zach Amico]

And then no one ever knows this one. Brian the Piranha Posein. I had no idea he was the back when Maria Bamford was a weird violin act. Oh, oh.

[Doug Uram]

And they say that that was the golden age of comedy. Get the out of here. That was horrendous. And then Bobby the Pitbull Slayton.

[Zach Amico]

Yep. Yeah, well, we got a lot of.

[Doug Uram]

Questions mentioned in a certain file.

[Lucas McCrary]

I can't wait to Google all these people later.

[Zach Amico]

Well, Brian Posay is very famous.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, yeah, Yeah, I know him.

[Zach Amico]

You don't know Brian Posayan. He was the Comedians. How old are you?

[Lucas McCrary]

I just turned 12.

[Zach Amico]

He was in the Comedians of Comedy with Patton and Zach Galifianakis.

[Lucas McCrary]

I know Zach Galifianakis, okay?

[Zach Amico]

You would think you would know him if you saw him. He was on Big Bang Theory and a bunch of other shit.

[Shannon]

Him?

[Lucas McCrary]

What?

[Zach Amico]

This guy?

[Lucas McCrary]

Was he the Bazinga guy? Oh, that guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he was on Just Shoot Me When Me And Doug were young. Yeah, Very, very funny comic.

[Doug Uram]

We were young Tykes.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wait, is he in the Star Wars? The new Star Wars?

[Zach Amico]

Yes, he is. He's something.

[Lucas McCrary]

You know what? I feel bad now.

[Zach Amico]

Don't worry about it.

[Lucas McCrary]

No, I. I open for.

[Doug Uram]

He's listening.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, okay.

[Doug Uram]

Were you open for him once?

[Lucas McCrary]

I opened for. But he. He. He kept napping between shows, and I would just bring him a Diet Coke every time.

[Zach Amico]

That sounds about right. Yeah, that sounds so.

[Lucas McCrary]

We didn't. We didn't have any rapport at all.

[Zach Amico]

I've had a. I've had headliners who were tired and they needed a Coke in the back. Well, unrelated, while you are here in beautiful sunny New York City, my cohort and my co host on the Real Ass podcast, my best friend Louis J. Gomez is down in Austin.

[Doug Uram]

I saw the videos.

[Zach Amico]

Very interesting. And he popped up in the wild, and I thought we would do a Little Lewis, watch 2026.

[Lucas McCrary]

Beautiful.

[Zach Amico]

Bring it up. Wherever he goes, there he is. Last night, I did see a video of a fight. Where do they hold the people for Kill Tony?

[Lucas McCrary]

Over at Shakespeare's.

[Zach Amico]

At Shakespeare?

[Lucas McCrary]

Yep. Oh, I saw that video. I saw the fight.

[Zach Amico]

So there was a big fight.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Which Shannon. We don't have that, do we?

[Shannon]

I do.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, so I saw that it seemed like a guy was definitely an aggressor, but I want to watch the video with you guys because I do think it has. And I don't know this person, but I would assume a real Austin comedy character makes a cameo. And it is my favorite part of the video. So let's just see the setup.

[Lucas McCrary]

I think I know what you're talking about.

[Zach Amico]

Well, this is Lewis outside.

[Doug Uram]

He caught a few boots before this.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's Shannon. Do you have the fight at the. The other place first?

[Shannon]

Oh, just. Just the guy himself. Yeah, I. I have to. I don't have that one Ready.

[Doug Uram]

Caught a nice thump.

[Zach Amico]

All right, so we'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it backwards. So I don't know. I guess he's just walking around starting shit now.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, I like that he said so. It's some context. This guy was starting fights all night.

[Zach Amico]

Wait, bring up Lewis, who's.

[Lucas McCrary]

And he said he got kicked out of the creek for cursing at my female friend. So Louis is making. So Rebecca, he's making sure that we know that he's standing up for women.

[Doug Uram]

Yes, of course, my female friend of color.

[Zach Amico]

Copy. Totally. Meet him outside. I did. After we squared up, he said he want to fight Anymore. Not my way to just start attacking someone who doesn't actually want to fight. Drunken, embarrassing behavior on my part for sure, but that's what happened. All right, let's see.

[Doug Uram]

They almost get hit by a car.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. In Texas, you can, like, fight to the death. I think it's legal. If you both didn't.

[Zach Amico]

We just look that up. Shannon the other day with Sid.

[Lucas McCrary]

Mutual combat.

[Shannon]

Yeah, I don't. I can look at. I have to look it up again. I don't feel like. I don't think Texas was one of them. There were, like, two of them.

[Zach Amico]

Sid Gantt was here, and he was convinced Pennsylvania was a mutual combat state. And it is not.

[Doug Uram]

No, it is not. It's not even a stand your ground state.

[Lucas McCrary]

I don't even consider it a state.

[Doug Uram]

I know Chicago is Chicago's, but so.

[Zach Amico]

So this is us keeping eyes on Lois while he's been. By the way, he's been in Austin for eight minutes. Yeah, he just landed.

[Doug Uram]

I mean, but that's on brand. Yeah, I mean, that's what you need, but we'll.

[Zach Amico]

We'll catch a little Lois in the wild.

[Lucas McCrary]

The stances are crazy.

[Zach Amico]

This is the world's shittiest street fighter level.

[Doug Uram]

The guy's lucky Lewis didn't just throw a hook as he walked away.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that was a big change in.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, that's Aldo. No, not Aldo. Sorry, wrong name.

[Doug Uram]

I don't know what stance that is.

[Zach Amico]

That is weird. Yeah, that is him trying to pretend like he's hurt, maybe.

[Doug Uram]

I don't know that. I don't know what you would call that.

[Zach Amico]

It's more like he's, like, standing his ground. I'm standing.

[Doug Uram]

That's why I thought he was gonna pull out a gun after he said that.

[Zach Amico]

Come on, bro. Leave me alone. Come on, bro. It is awesome. Come on, bro.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's hilarious.

[Zach Amico]

Show me. Show me how you actually fight. You know I fight, right? You know I fight.

[Lucas McCrary]

Alone.

[Zach Amico]

Leave me alone, man. This is some real Hispanic posturing.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. That's a hood stance right there. Not even worried about the takedown.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's sugar legging Y. That's the same guy that'll yell no slams.

[Doug Uram]

No kicks.

[Zach Amico]

There's the Lewis. There he is. Oh, oh, I'm not getting that one. Leave me alone. I told her. Leave me the alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

[Doug Uram]

All right, these are panic screams.

[Zach Amico]

This is a panic. This is a man who has bit off more than he can chew.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Leave me the alone ass.

[Doug Uram]

And then as he walks away Rebecca doesn't care.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, come on.

[Doug Uram]

No, no, no.

[Zach Amico]

Rebecca's like, I run a business with this man.

[Lucas McCrary]

And the Creek in the cave, banner in the background.

[Zach Amico]

Perfect.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

This is great.

[Zach Amico]

This is doing for the Creek what Michael Richards did for.

[Doug Uram]

For. What was it again?

[Lucas McCrary]

The Laugh Factor.

[Doug Uram]

The Laugh Factory.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. With slightly less N words. Punk ass. You good, man.

[Doug Uram]

I think he just broke the record there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Thank you, Rebecca.

[Doug Uram]

He says her name in the video too.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. Thank you. Can we clip you? Have a good night. N word. So I can use that on the soundboard. Do we have the video of the guy's original? Just. Is it tense over there in the waiting room? Is everybody waiting for their big break?

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. I mean, so the scene, the people that are in waiting in that room, it's not really representative of what the scene is at all. You get people that show up just for that.

[Zach Amico]

Crazy people who think they're gonna do comedy for the first time and then be carried out on people's shoulders as a new national headline.

[Lucas McCrary]

And the issue is that happens sometimes, so they're not, like, fully out of their mind, you know?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

There's a lot of delusion walking in.

[Lucas McCrary]

A lot of delusion. And the delusion is rewarded.

[Zach Amico]

And the stakes are high.

[Lucas McCrary]

The stakes are high.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. All right, so is he the local, like, mentally ill comic that everybody knows that shows up to mics?

[Lucas McCrary]

I don't know this guy. I've never seen him before. But I wouldn't be surprised if he has, like, a reputation around. But also, I wouldn't be surprised if that was his first time there. And he was.

[Zach Amico]

By the way, your set recently was excellent.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, thank you.

[Zach Amico]

I just saw the clip of it, and you were very, very good.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Zach Amico]

So apparently. So this is the waiting room for Kill Tony, which, you know, you start moving in all the MMA comedians. Yeah, you're gonna get what you're gonna get.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Which is more people who think, oh, fighting in comedy. Two great tastes that taste great together.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, it goes great.

[Zach Amico]

Jiu jitsu and punchlines.

[Doug Uram]

He's auditioning for the next Skank Fest fight.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, let's see. Is this any guys Insurance says go vegan, sniff cocaine.

[Lucas McCrary]

Is this any of the same characters?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, just the afro guy.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Doug Uram]

With a durag.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He pops up. Now, my favorite part of the video is yet to happen. Now people are trying to be pretty. Now, my favorite part right here is sword. Just black guy with an anime sword walking in like the Sheriff of Nottingham. Does he Just now I have to ask you about the man with the sword.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay. So I'm like, 99% sure that's my friend Jay. Legend.

[Doug Uram]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

That's who was tagged in the comic.

[Lucas McCrary]

The guy was. Okay, great.

[Zach Amico]

Is there another black guy who carries a giant animatronic?

[Doug Uram]

No.

[Lucas McCrary]

So I've never seen Jay with the sword before.

[Zach Amico]

So we brought it out on the right night.

[Lucas McCrary]

I know. I know.

[Zach Amico]

Premonition.

[Lucas McCrary]

I know. He was prepared. So we have a group chat with all the mothership door guys, and people are saying it was him. And I was like, oh, shit, that's hilarious. Because he's. He's not really a sword guy.

[Zach Amico]

No. Tonight was the night to debut it.

[Doug Uram]

I guess I didn't think anybody was until that video.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Just walk around with fucking swords.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. I don't think. I think he got to use it at that point.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, yeah.

[Doug Uram]

I mean, now, how do you do a set without it?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Now you got to come every sort of guy.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I bet that's a pain in the ass.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Fly with it now that you have.

[Doug Uram]

To check it in. Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Sucks. Can you take it across state lines or is that.

[Zach Amico]

I don't know. I bet it depends on.

[Doug Uram]

I don't take a sword.

[Zach Amico]

You can take a sword.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You can't give us the legality of traveling with a sword. Maybe that's what we need. Maybe that's what everybody. Maybe that's the. Maybe that's the gun solution.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Like Knights Templar.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Back in the Borgia days.

[Shannon]

You can. In your checked baggage.

[Zach Amico]

Checked baggage bag.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay. Well, that's what they're doing in London. They don't. They all have knives and everyone's getting stabbed and shit.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, they're. They're very stabby over there.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Yeah. They like to poke.

[Zach Amico]

I. I will say the London nightlife scene was way darker than I assumed. It was a lot of fights.

[Lucas McCrary]

Really.

[Zach Amico]

It was a lot of hooliganism.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay. Well, I imagine it's, like, pretty. It's a lot younger since the drinking age is a lot younger there. Right.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I always feel. I'm 38, so I feel old at anything, like, now. But, yeah, it was a lot of brawls.

[Doug Uram]

Well, the hooligans love to fuck a fight, but they never brought out guns. They never stabbed each other. It's just like mutual combat. Like, we're gonna just beat each other.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of headbutts.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They love the fucking head. Well, soccer makes sense.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Can't use your hands.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it was very. The whole. I mean, the drug scene was great.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Everybody had everything. And, dude, everyone was so proud of how clean their drugs were.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah. Comes from Europe. Yeah, that's what I've always heard.

[Lucas McCrary]

For real?

[Doug Uram]

Germany has, like, the best ecstasy. It's the purest form.

[Lucas McCrary]

They make it in Germany.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, they're right there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they're, you know, they're pretty efficient.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, they're very innovative.

[Zach Amico]

Well, we have. We have more fun stuff to get into.

[Lucas McCrary]

Very clean. They're known for cleansing.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, there's. Oh, yeah, they're known. Pure. You want to. You want pure, you go to Germany.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. No Jews in that ecstasy, guys.

[Zach Amico]

All right, I apologize. I got the sneezes.

[Doug Uram]

Last year.

[Lucas McCrary]

Last year.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, you know, I sneezed on the subway the other day when it was packed. It was so embarrassing. I sneezed into my arm. But you know when you have, like, that clam that comes up when you. Dude, I fucking hawked up a clam.

[Zach Amico]

Right in the crooks. Oh, no, right in your wing.

[Doug Uram]

Black T shirt.

[Zach Amico]

Like, awful.

[Doug Uram]

So embarrassing.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's brutal.

[Zach Amico]

Years ago, I was coming back from SiriusXM and I'm sitting on the train.

[Lucas McCrary]

Brag.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. Well, I was taking the train, so I wasn't doing good. And I went to tie my shoe. And this was right when I started getting way too fat. And I know I can clock it because I went to tie my shoe, kicked myself in the stomach and farted. And I had headphones on, so I went. That might have not been loud. And I saw everyone jump. So I knew it was loud, but nobody turned around. And I went, all right, maybe nobody knew it was me.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then I'm full. Bliss. The music. Turn around. There was an old, old black guy sitting next to me. And this is all he did. That was a get off at the next stop, no matter how late I was. Yeah. I was getting off of the next stop and waiting for that next one.

[Doug Uram]

We're gonna switch cars right there. I don't care about the diseases on the handle.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I just.

[Doug Uram]

That's fucking.

[Zach Amico]

It was. Farting is a fact. Because everyone knows.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If anyone farts on an elevator and I'm on it.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I assume everyone thinks it was me.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Even if it wasn't you, they're gonna be like, I was the guy in a Garfield hat.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

They're gonna know I'm.

[Lucas McCrary]

I do that when I need to fart. I go Find the fat guy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Fart next to him.

[Zach Amico]

You know what? It's a great plan. Yeah, it's good every time. And I go, ew, ew, you fat piece of shit. Control yourself.

[Doug Uram]

You believe this?

[Zach Amico]

Hey, guys, real quick. You ever wake up in the morning and just feel soft? Like your coffee is warming your hands but not doing a damn thing for your balls or your brain? Well, that's why they created body Brain coffee. It's not just coffee, it's coffee with purpose. Specifically, testosterone packed with clinically backed ingredients. This isn't your girlfriend's oat milk latte. This is for men who want to get their edge back. In the gym, in the boardroom, and yeah, in the bedroom too. And it's not just about tea. Body brain is also built to dial in your focus, clarity and mood, thanks to lion's mane, Ashwagandha and L Theanine. So while your basic brew is giving you the jitters and a crash, Body brain coffee is helping you stay sharp, calm and locked in. All while supporting your natural testosterone levels. If you're serious about your energy, your mindset and your masculinity, it starts with what you put in your cup. You can save 15 today with the promo code [e-mail] that's Z O O 15 bodybraincoffee.com powerbraincoffee.com power your day, fuel your drive. Let's get back into the show. All right, well, if we're going to talk about gross, we can talk about the new season of My Strange Addiction. There's a new one and we've got a lovely Nubian goddess here and her addiction is pretty different. Shannon. Let's see it.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, God.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, dude. They really had to make sure they accidentally put eight feet.

[G]

I am single.

[Zach Amico]

By the way. Great body. Yeah. Beautiful girl.

[G]

This is my favorite part.

[Doug Uram]

Giant tits.

[Lucas McCrary]

Very, very. I noticed the boobs too.

[G]

I am a self employed mother to two beautiful daughters. Oh, yeah, be sweaty.

[Doug Uram]

No. Oh, God damn it.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, is she biting her nails?

[Zach Amico]

She is eating her toenails.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, my God.

[G]

And I'm addicted to eating toenails.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, it's that she eats them off the.

[G]

I eat my nails every day. When I see, you know, how does she have any lift growing in? I just go straight for it and just start biting on.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay. Can I be honest? I used to do this.

[Doug Uram]

Bite your toes.

[Zach Amico]

Not in front of people.

[Lucas McCrary]

No, not in front of you. Not on camera, not on a show.

[Zach Amico]

That's fucking nasty.

[Doug Uram]

It's even gross alone. I wouldn't know the fact that I bite my toenails and that would gross me the fuck out.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, if I could reach, I would think about it.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, God.

[Zach Amico]

I bite my nails and I pick my toenails and my wife gets mad at me because then I just throw them behind the couch.

[Doug Uram]

Well, yeah, that's a problem when you have throwing them behind the couch fucking piled up. You see the cat's batting it around.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, you just, you know, you pop. The toenail's a little long. You bend it backwards and you take it.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. And you can, like, chew on the nail, too. It's fun.

[Doug Uram]

That is.

[Lucas McCrary]

You can get food out of your teeth.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's God's toothpick.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. I did get. I once was chewing on my toenail all night and I got sick the next day.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Yeah. The bacteria in there. I had a girl who used to bite her nails and she used to get infections in the back of her throat from the bacteria in her nails.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I think that's it. Well, you stop dating a plumber.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Well, I mean, she was half Italian, half Puerto Rican, so.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Okay, let's watch more. Do we have more of this lady? So good.

[G]

I have been eating toenails for about 26 years now. I started eating toenails when I was about 8 or 9 years old.

[Doug Uram]

What's her colon look like? Just cut up.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Do those get digested or does it come out like corn?

[Doug Uram]

I mean, they are.

[G]

When I do bite my toenails, I bite them till there's no more nails to bite enough to eat them. So sometimes I end up, like, you know, bleeding and feening. I will still go and keep biting them so I can have something to eat on.

[Zach Amico]

Now.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

This says so much about men. Because somebody got her pregnant twice.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or two different guys got her pregnant.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

I mean, but how would you know?

[Zach Amico]

You would know in the middle of days. I bet it comes out. I bet if she's willing enough to do this on the show, I bet she brings it up quick.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Or maybe. Maybe this is like the new how she's like, marketing her only fans.

[Zach Amico]

You know, we think about that. Like, a lot of these, like, fake, like, articles like, I'm a 20 year old and I'm gonna lose my. It's like, no, you're starting porn and you have a creative publicist.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because they're always on this exact same, like, X biz.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, it's always like, Breaking news story we just made up about a lady.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. She's willing to lose her virginity. Any takers?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Where are the richest Indian men?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

We want to make her into a Saudi Arabian toilet. Did you hear about that? You know about that, right? You don't know about that?

[Zach Amico]

No, no, I don't know.

[Doug Uram]

The content girls that these Saudi Arabian, like, higher up princes and shit like that are paying these girls. Apparently Kim Kardashian was one of them, too.

[Zach Amico]

Supposedly.

[Doug Uram]

Supposedly. Allegedly that they would go over there and they'd pay these girls a boatload of cash so they could shit and piss on them.

[Lucas McCrary]

How much cash?

[Doug Uram]

Enough. A lot.

[Zach Amico]

Like, I mean, enough that we would be. Enough that all of us would be like, yeah, all right, Go ahead, Haji.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. One log on the chest equals rent paid for the rest of my life.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So it's called yachting.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they got yachting.

[Lucas McCrary]

We got docking.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So they do yachting at, like. So when I went to the Cannes Film Festival, all these yachts pulled up.

[Lucas McCrary]

Brag.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, boy. And it was years ago. I was. I was a street urchin, but it was like 30 of us splitting Airbnb for five people. It was bad. And all these yachts pulled up and guys, I don't know how I've said it before. When we were watching WWE the other day. I don't know how to swim other than their sheiks.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like the guys with the cheeks princes. Yeah. They got the flowing robes and the fucking. The thing on their head that looks like a tablecloth in an Italian restaurant.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. Looks like they're about to be crocheted on.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. And, dude, the women that they had with them were in. They were the ugliest dudes with the hottest women I've ever seen. They had to be Kabillionaires.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And what I've heard is it's either on your way up, you get pulled into the yachting or you get pulled on the way down. So, like a. Not to name someone in particular, but like a Lindsay Lohan type. Oh, that's right.

[Doug Uram]

She spent a lot of time in Saudi Arabia when the.

[Zach Amico]

When the. The gigs dry up, or you have a, you know, a period where you're not making movies.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You take a little trip over to see your Saudi friends and. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

It's like, let's say you make a movie called I Know who Killed Me and nobody watches it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

And then you're making a trip.

[Zach Amico]

I'm the only person who saw that in theaters.

[Doug Uram]

Were you really? Yes. Was there anybody there?

[Zach Amico]

Me and the girl I was with.

[Doug Uram]

That movie was so bad. I think Dakota Fanning is gonna be the next Saudi Arabian toilet. Did you know that pile of shit she just put out?

[Zach Amico]

What is it?

[Doug Uram]

It's like called. Oh, fuck. She's like. She's like stuck in this time warp and this lady shows up at her house and says, like, you're gonna die and stuff like that. And then it's pretty much like that movie with, with the slow walking std. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, the. It follows.

[Doug Uram]

It follows. It's kind of a play off of that and she has to pass it on. What's it called?

[Shannon]

Vicious is her most recent movie.

[Doug Uram]

Is that what it is?

[Shannon]

That's. It's. It's Dakota Fanning's most recent movie. It's a recent one, right?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I get weirded out by. I, I. Some never really sits right for me when girls get famous super young and then they try to become hot actresses. Well, it's like, I remember when you were five.

[Doug Uram]

Well, it's like everything we know now, like everything that's coming out, you know, that these young girls were tossed around. And then there's the conspiracy theory about the girl from Poltergeist.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

That she was just.

[Lucas McCrary]

Conspiracy theory.

[Doug Uram]

Well, apparently. What was her fucking name? I'm blanking on her name. Right.

[Zach Amico]

So the little girl for Poltergeist, the blonde headed, whose name escapes me as well right now, Shannon, if you could help us out.

[Doug Uram]

What the hell is her name?

[Zach Amico]

We're gonna get it.

[Shannon]

Heather o'. Rourke.

[Zach Amico]

Heather o'. Rourke. So she was discovered in a weird way, which is she was having lunch with her mom.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And Spielberg was producing Poltergeist. He was probably really directing it.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But the studio didn't want him to put his name on a horror movie while he was making all these giant hits, so he hired Toby Hooper from Texas Chainsaw. Well, many people think Steven Spielberg really directed Poltergeist.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he walked up to them, it was like, you would be perfect for my movie.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

So the Poltergeist series is kind of plagued with tragedies. One of the people from the first movie died. The priest in the second movie died.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Now they found out while they were filming Poltergeist that all these skeletons they thought were props in the pool were real cadavers from India.

[Lucas McCrary]

Are you serious?

[Doug Uram]

They were cheaper than.

[Zach Amico]

They were cheaper than prop skeletons.

[Lucas McCrary]

Are you serious?

[Zach Amico]

So they found that when the whole movie is about desecrating bodies and that it gives you a poltergeist, a curse. They were fucking around with real bodies.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And so she died after or during the end of the third one.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And her death is suspicious. Yeah, because she. She basically. She's not a sepsis. Right?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. And she had. She had internal blockage in her. In her. In her intestines. That there was blockage.

[Shannon]

It also says she had. She had a congenital issue that led to it.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. It was called being fucked by Spielberg.

[Zach Amico]

A lot of people think that she may have been a victim of child trafficking. And of course it could have just been a disease. But it does look like she got fucked in the ass to death.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, it does. It definitely looks like. Especially like I said, given what we know now, like hearing about all these.

[Zach Amico]

And when you look at. So I believe it all falls under what? The Red Shoes Conspiracy.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, that's right.

[Zach Amico]

Sean, can you give us a basic idea? Have you heard of the Red Shoes thing?

[Lucas McCrary]

No.

[Zach Amico]

So certain.

[Lucas McCrary]

I'm learning so much. This is awesome.

[Zach Amico]

If you go deep into this is me at my most Kurt Matskuri.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The Red Shoes Conspiracy is that certain pedophile elites that not only maybe sacrifice children, possibly eat them, they wear their skin as shoes. And it's the Red Shoe conspiracy.

[Doug Uram]

And that was the whole thing with wizard of Oz too. It was like a wink and a nod to the pedophiles with the red ruby slippers.

[Lucas McCrary]

Why? Why do they do that?

[Zach Amico]

It's like.

[Doug Uram]

Like an open secret kind of.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I think it's like the same reason, like white supremacists wear the red shoelaces when they spill blood for their race. It's like a tip off to other people.

[Lucas McCrary]

So these are like. What are these shoes? It's like their Hell's feet.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, can you bring up the. Or there has to be something to it, right?

[Lucas McCrary]

Are they like sewn to look like Jordans or something? Or is it just like.

[Zach Amico]

I think they're usually like dress shoes.

[Lucas McCrary]

Dress shoes. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

But I could be wrong.

[Lucas McCrary]

So it's like the leather in the dress shoe is made from children.

[Zach Amico]

Suppose. I mean, that's a very deep, dark conspiracy.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, is there anything online about the Red Shoes Conspiracy?

[Shannon]

I'm trying to like, settle on something that makes a little bit of sense here. So I switched over to Chad GPT and it says it's an Internet born theory claiming that powerful elites secretly signal involvement in child exploitation, abuse, or Cult activity by wearing red shoes. Like many modern conspiracy pulls together symbolism, blah, blah, blah. And then here's a. I don't know if these pictures are just getty images, but it says the theory mainly emerged from French corners of social media. I don't know.

[Lucas McCrary]

Whatever.

[Shannon]

It says Pizza Gate style claims. I don't know. I'm just trying to.

[Doug Uram]

Funny how they mentioned Pizza Gate in there too.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, the pizza. There's a lot of pizza that Epstein.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, there's pizza, bagels, hot dogs. You name it, they had it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they were getting well fed over there.

[Lucas McCrary]

Well, he's in New York. What do you expect? Okay, I have two questions, please. Okay, so first, if you're gonna abuse a child, if you're gonna fuck her in the butt, why would you make her a movie star?

[Doug Uram]

Because that's how that.

[Zach Amico]

Collateral.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, collateral.

[Zach Amico]

Probably also to, like, get the family to trust you. Like, we've given us so much.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. I mean, look at the whole silent on the set. I mean, their parents were sitting there like, yeah, you bring your kid over here, this nice little Drake character, and we'll pay you a couple shekels. Don't worry about it. He'll pay your rent for the rest of your life and your mortgage and your bills.

[Zach Amico]

And then plus, like, if you're a pedophile, wouldn't you want to fuck the most famous kid?

[Doug Uram]

That's true. You have Heather o' Rourke as a notch on your belt. That was a big one in the 80s.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's like Heather Locke. That's. Yeah, that's like getting Pam Anderson prime 93.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zach Amico]

If you're. If you're a pedophile. Yeah, you want the. You want the elites.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. Diamond stud for that one.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. What do you want to some African kid or you want to Urkel?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, exactly. That's a good point. You want the Olsen twins or you just want this Peruvian child?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, come on.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, that's two notches.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, cut it out.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's four shoes.

[Zach Amico]

I love when people now are looking a bunch of people on deep dive Instagram. And I won't. It's just black Instagram. Think Bob Saget is a pedophile, okay? And they use the clip of him from the Aristocrats telling the Aristocrats joke. And they're like, what, man? Think this is funny? Who joked like this?

[Doug Uram]

There was a whole.

[Zach Amico]

They gotta investigate this, man. And I'm like. And people are like, this is from a documentary. Documentary about what?

[Doug Uram]

About that joke.

[Zach Amico]

That joke. I don't get it. Yeah. It's a lot of people going like, they gotta ask them Olsen twins what was happening.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, dude, they. Well, don't forget the Olsen twins had an open countdown in magazines, Time magazine, websites. Yeah. Of when they were gonna turn 18.

[Zach Amico]

Britney Spears too. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

When they hit it made the fucking cover of Teen magazine. Like finally 18. It's like. Oh, God.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It would be different. It's that they're weird. Like alien looking.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. Well, as they got older, they started to look like Gollum from fucking.

[Zach Amico]

They look like Bagley. Well, they look like what you call when they hit E.T. in the closet and dressed them like an old lady.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah. They look like shriveled up aliens. And for some reason, and this goes hand in hand with eating disorders and psychiatric drugs. They had though that real thin, stringy hair.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Which when you could see a woman's scalp. I always feel so bad for them, but when it's self caused, I'm like, you're.

[Zach Amico]

That might be. I. I went to high school to girl that pulled her hair out.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. That was a big one. That was. We had every. I feel like every high school had one of them that would just yank her hair out of her head and just had the raw. And every time she'd walk past, like, yeah, yeah, look, there she is.

[Lucas McCrary]

Now the opposite's happening. Because Millie Bobby Brown, she turned. She's an adult now. And the last season of Stranger Things, they're still trying to make her look like a child.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, they have to strap those puppies. That would do when she's in that chamber.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

There must be a team of people.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Fucking strapping those things down.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So that she doesn't have tits when she's underwater.

[Doug Uram]

Saran Wrap just.

[Zach Amico]

They have to have her in like three layers of boost. That poor girl.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Having a play, dude, that's such a weird curse.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Getting stuck playing young like that.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Then you have these. And it just so happens, luck of the draw, she happened to have giant tits. Like, that's so much harder to do.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, back in the day they would have lopped them.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Didn't they do that to Punky Brewster?

[Doug Uram]

They did.

[Zach Amico]

I think she got a. I think she got a reduction. And she still got big cans.

[Doug Uram]

That one I don't know about.

[Zach Amico]

That's an interesting solemn fry, I believe. Got a reduction.

[Doug Uram]

Well, because they wanted to play young.

[Zach Amico]

I think because she's 15 on the show, she's supposed to be Younger. And she had cans.

[Doug Uram]

Wow.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Shannon]

She had a reduction at around 15 or 16, but she was at 38 double D. So she had back pain and discomfort from the size.

[Doug Uram]

Holy.

[Shannon]

At 15?

[Doug Uram]

16.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

God. Jesus Christ. Well, there. That spoils a lot of fucking production plans. There goes a few things out of the script.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Dude, look at that.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, wow. That sucks.

[Zach Amico]

I love you, Doug.

[Doug Uram]

All right, well, speaking of Marilyn Manson.

[Zach Amico]

Speaking of TV stuff, I don't know if you guys have heard, the lady who owns the Breaking Bad house fucking hates.

[Doug Uram]

I heard that.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

People taking pictures, and they, like. She, like, chases them off. This is my house. I think she put up gates and shit, so you can't get close to it.

[Lucas McCrary]

I went there once.

[Zach Amico]

Was she there?

[Lucas McCrary]

She was. Yeah. She was standing out there, and I was trying to take a selfie, and I felt so awkward with her just staring at me, and I just did it as quick as possible and got out of there.

[Zach Amico]

So she had the house up for sale for 4 million, and they have had to slash it all the way to $400,000.

[Doug Uram]

I saw that this morning.

[Lucas McCrary]

Damn.

[Doug Uram]

Well, she also wanted to turn it into a museum, but zoning laws wouldn't let her do it.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, man.

[Doug Uram]

So that got slapped down.

[Zach Amico]

So, Shannon, tell us the info on this.

[Shannon]

So it seems like the house was listed by a realtor who sells, like, quote, celebrity houses or famous properties. So he's the one that chose the number of 4 million and was trying to, like, sell it as, you know, oh, a museum or all this fun stuff. But, you know, like Doug said, in real life, that's not possible. So after a while being on the market, they dropped it down to 400k, but they said it can be used as, like, one of those, like, novelty Airbnbs.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, then that's the move. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be good.

[Doug Uram]

That's what.

[Lucas McCrary]

I would definitely stay in that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that would be cool as fuck, especially if they got some shit.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It can't be that hard.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. The issue is the inside doesn't look like it in the show because all the inside was. Was a set.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Was the pool real? Did he really have a pool back there?

[Lucas McCrary]

I think the pool. The pool was back there. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Backyard's not bad.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's it. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So I would say you dress up the inside the best you can.

[Doug Uram]

Inside is actually a lot nicer than the fucking show.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Gloomy and dark.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. You can change the interior, make it look more like.

[Zach Amico]

I think. Yeah, you Put money into the interior and just turn to stay at the Walter White House.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Might even, like, hide meth in it or something. If you find the fake meth, you could get a prize.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Like blue Jolly Ranchers.

[Doug Uram]

Rock candy.

[Zach Amico]

It is. Well, it's rock candy in the show.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is it?

[Lucas McCrary]

That's awesome.

[Doug Uram]

That would be.

[Zach Amico]

So what I would do. People staying there. Hundred dollars a shot, and you get to. You get a latex pizza, and you get one. $100 a shot to take a video of you trying to throw the pizza on the roof like Walton. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

There'd have to be a catch because latex will stick to roof tiles a lot easier.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, not like a cook. Like, not like, literally, like a. Like a prop. Oh, oh, oh. You know what I mean?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Threw it. It was in the box, and he threw it, like, while holding.

[Doug Uram]

Out of the fucking box.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was. Well, first they had to get a pizza uncut.

[Lucas McCrary]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

Because the people. I was like, why the fuck is that pizza whole?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, that's. I never noticed that. That's a great point.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It doesn't fall, but he nails it in, like, a take.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, yeah. And they weren't expecting to do.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, they were. I think they were. They had, like, 100 pizzas ready.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

I never. I don't know why I never put that together. The pizza really isn't cut.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Son of a bitch.

[Zach Amico]

So I think. Yeah, you get. So my friend Luigi Primo's a wrestler. He's the guy that spins the pizza dough the whole match.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, and he.

[Zach Amico]

Those are like, prop. Those are like rubber people. Play again. Maybe this is the whole scene, so.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Go to the end when he throws it.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. I think they explain it in the show, saying that it's like some promo that the pizza place does.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think they do.

[Doug Uram]

Wasn't that a wink and a nod to the Sopranos, that scene?

[Zach Amico]

I think so.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. That's great.

[Zach Amico]

See how I say you get. So he. The. My friend that does the pizza thing. Those are like. Like. Like latex. Like, they snap and. Yeah, he has a few of them, I would say. Yeah, you. You get a couple pizzas.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think $100 is the. The. The price.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

To have it worth your while or.

[Doug Uram]

You stay there for free that night.

[Zach Amico]

If you get it.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah. If you get it in one shot.

[Zach Amico]

But it's $100 a shot. Oh. Oh, I thought you.

[Doug Uram]

I thought you meant that they win $100.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, it's $100.

[Doug Uram]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

But you get a video of you doing it and your friends can take pictures. But $100 a throw?

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's not bad because if you're going all the way there, you're probably going to spend the hundred, I feel like hundreds. The exact amount.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because it's. It's enough money, but it's not enough where you're like, I'm just going to ruin my life if I spend a hundred dollars. And enough that you. If you miss, you're like, fuck it, throw another 100 on.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take a nice gamble.

[Lucas McCrary]

If that was. If that was offered when I was there, I would have done it.

[Zach Amico]

Right?

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

What do you think?

[Doug Uram]

$100 seems good.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, your thoughts?

[Shannon]

I like the idea, but I think then maybe this is going to encourage people to, like, sneak and throw real pizzas when you're not paying attention. It's gonna, like, remind people of this and they're just gonna trash the house with pizzas.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. The.

[Lucas McCrary]

The pizzas was that lady's villain story.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Because apparently she loved having, like, people come by and that it was the Walter White House. And then people. The episode dropped and then people started throwing pizzas on there. And then she'd be turned into a villain.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I bet that's a pain in the ass. That's a good villain. If people were throwing whole pizzas on my house every day.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

First of all, I'd be very frustrated. I would live on the roof. I would be on the roof with a table at a diaper.

[Doug Uram]

Bring one with sausage next time.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, you throw up a 2 liter. Hey. Hey, buddy. Garlic knots. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Stuffed crust next time.

[Zach Amico]

Come on, buddy.

[Doug Uram]

Do you rig the roof like a carnival game? Like you grease it?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Slippery roof.

[Doug Uram]

Use the prop pizza to show how good, like, look. It's easy. And then the rest of them are just not like, built like this one here.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You have trap. You have treads on yours.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Zach Amico]

Underside of sneakers.

[Doug Uram]

Exactly. Like how for some reason those carnival guys are always so good at the games. And then you try and you suck every time.

[Zach Amico]

Do you ever watch people show you how to do the hacks for carnival games?

[Lucas McCrary]

No.

[Zach Amico]

So there's the one where it looks super. Just throw the softball in the bucket.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah. That with the. The wicker basket.

[Zach Amico]

And it pops back out all the time. There's guys that show how to put backspin on it, which is how they do it. So basically you put backspin on it. So then when it bounces, it bounces back into the bucket.

[Doug Uram]

Oh. Oh. You know, I heard I always lose.

[Lucas McCrary]

I heard the. The ultimate scheme is not even that the games you can't win, it's that the things that you win aren't ever worth what you pay to play the game.

[Zach Amico]

No, absolutely.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Lucas McCrary]

So if you win, you're still losing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. They get them wholesale, and people see the big ones. But you get that when you win, like, three times. Yeah. You get like a mustache comb.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. You get the miniature version of what the big thing is.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

You get a little pink gorilla or a little banana. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then. Cause there's the backspin one. The one I saw people show how to do was the one that's the ladder on two strings. You know what I'm talking about? No, It'll be like almost a bouncy castle.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Where you're walking on it.

[Zach Amico]

And it's a. I don't know what to call it. It's a ladder, Shannon. You know what I'm talking about. It's like a ladder on two strings with the rungs in between. And it's like a very specific way you have to do it, or it twists and you go upside down.

[Lucas McCrary]

Do they call it Jacob's ladder? They might sound like that.

[Zach Amico]

That's also a penis piercing.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

It's when you get a bunch of bar. So this is a very ridiculous way to show penis. But Jacob's ladder is if you get a bunch of bars up and down the bottom of the shaft. That's called the Jacobs.

[Doug Uram]

Oh. Does it stop you, that thing?

[Zach Amico]

Yes, this thing. Go ahead.

[Lucas McCrary]

I thought we were looking at the.

[Unknown Speaker]

Ladder climbing carnival game, so I invited him to my local. Local fair to see if he could beat this carnival game. Now, as you can see, you have to have both feet on the red thing and hit the button. Now, the goal was to get two wins back to back for this ginormous prize. The carnival worker said that this prize has been sitting on this game for over five years. Nobody has won this prize. That big dog in the middle. Here's his second attempt. Did he get it? Let's do a slow mo replay. Both feet have to be on the red and hitting the button. The carnival worker untied a prize he hasn't given away in five years. Check out Cedar couple on TikTok.

[Zach Amico]

He spent $8 on that five years ago.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. That is fucking.

[Zach Amico]

They show people how to do it, though. It's like a distribution. Like you have to move at the Same time. Because if you take weight off one side.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That's how you flips. Yeah. Oh, but they show. There's, like, people. I watch people that show how to do the claw machines, everything.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, fucking horrendous.

[Zach Amico]

Well, they say you're not supposed to use the claw to pick up. You're supposed to use the claw to nudge it to the side. And then when you go to pick it up, when it drops, it falls in.

[Doug Uram]

So you got to play multiple times.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Shadows to show it.

[Lucas McCrary]

A lot of core strength. Wow.

[Zach Amico]

There we go.

[Doug Uram]

That was fucking simple.

[Zach Amico]

It's not duped.

[Doug Uram]

No, it's not at all. But he made it look like it was the easiest fucking game at the game. Jeez.

[Zach Amico]

It's carney math, baby. They all know how to beat their games.

[Doug Uram]

God bless those meth heads. Seriously.

[Zach Amico]

All right, moving on. Waitress. Blast. Shouty in the face with pressured champagne. And her reaction is priceless. This is, of course, from cnn. It's from World Sl. Oh, you.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God. Oh, she's so mad.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man. I want to watch it again. I'm. She contained herself pretty well.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, that would hurt. Hurt.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, she got her hair wet.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, now you gotta undo those braids.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, man.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, I know this bitch didn't just spray me with champagne.

[Zach Amico]

Is it that she's going. Keep your shit together and you get a free bottle of champagne. Keep your shit together and you get a free bottle of champagne. Yeah, well, don't freak out right now. Don't get kicked out of this restaurant for a giant response to a mistake.

[Doug Uram]

I mean, it's not like it's never happened to it before.

[Zach Amico]

But that's a free meal, I'm sure.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, that's a free meal. No tip. Well, that was.

[Zach Amico]

That was gonna be regardless.

[Lucas McCrary]

With the right lawyer, you could get a. You could get a bag from that.

[Zach Amico]

Did the cork hit her?

[Lucas McCrary]

It looked like it did.

[Doug Uram]

I thought she just had her thumb over where.

[Zach Amico]

Chad, let's hear one more time.

[Doug Uram]

You didn't hear the pop.

[Zach Amico]

I think you might have to have the cork out to have that thing in.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, you might be right. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. There was no popping.

[Zach Amico]

I didn't hear like a. Shannon, you've served before. What? That's at least a free bottle, right?

[Shannon]

Absolutely. Especially they have it recorded.

[Lucas McCrary]

If they didn't have it recorded, would you have fought him on it?

[Shannon]

Because. Well, I mean, it is in her hair, but I don't know. People.

[Lucas McCrary]

That was in your hair when you came in.

[Zach Amico]

I Thought your name was Champagne. Yeah, That's a free. Free drink. If not a free bottle. If not a free. I'd say that might be a free meal, at least for her. It's not for the party if it's on tape like that.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

You know what? Spread that out, if you're smart, for free meals for a year at that place.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yep.

[Doug Uram]

Plus free bottle service.

[Zach Amico]

Mm.

[Lucas McCrary]

All right. And get the lady fired.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

So what?

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, but champagne's meant to be sprayed everywhere.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, we see it all the time, popping bottles.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. She was bent over, shaking her ass. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

It would be okay if there was dollar bills following that champagne spray. Everything's okay. It's just a fucking rap video at that point.

[Zach Amico]

I want one of those. They make the guns. Those look super fun. The champagne, like, water gun. You put the bottle in upside down.

[Doug Uram]

They make.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's nice.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Shannon, look it up. They make that, and they make the.

[Lucas McCrary]

Find one where someone's shaking their ass, too.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Do you remember. Do you remember Harem in New Jersey? It was a strip club that was across.

[Zach Amico]

I've talked about it so many times.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, you have been there.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's, of course, a crazy name for a strip club.

[Doug Uram]

Dude, Harem was fucking nuts.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Doug Uram]

You could pay, like, an extra 10 bucks and you could spray paint on the women.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

For $10.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's awesome.

[Zach Amico]

We'll go over her but a second.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, that looks fun.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Doug Uram]

Of course. That looks somewhere in Saudi Arabia. Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

See the yachts parked up?

[Zach Amico]

Harem we've gone over for. So there's Harem and Satin Dolls are like a block from each other. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Satin Dolls is the Bada Bing from Sopranos.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

And you would think, well, I gotta. But Satin Dolls sucks dick.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Really?

[Doug Uram]

Because it's a gentleman's club.

[Zach Amico]

It is full of dudes who want to be in the Sopranos.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Act like they're in the mob.

[Zach Amico]

And when the Sopranos has naked ladies, they're on the bar. They're up there with you at the real Satin Dolls. It's a giant rectangle of a bar, and the girls are inside it on stages. And then they walk the perimeter of the bar and stare at you until you give them money.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God.

[Doug Uram]

In New Jersey, there's a law, if you sell alcohol, the girls can't be naked at all. They have to be fully clothed.

[Lucas McCrary]

So they don't have their boobs out.

[Doug Uram]

No.

[Zach Amico]

They are in either pasties or tiny Bras and thongs.

[Lucas McCrary]

And you don't see no hole.

[Zach Amico]

Nothing.

[Doug Uram]

Zero hole to be had.

[Zach Amico]

However, just a block away.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That is at Harem, which is byob.

[Lucas McCrary]

Haram's. Not in New Jersey.

[Doug Uram]

No, it's right around the block.

[Zach Amico]

It's the same.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh. Since it's byob, they can be nude.

[Zach Amico]

It's byob. You know, bring a six pack in, you bring a cooler in, bring a bottle of liquor.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

It's like maybe 20, 30 bucks to get in. And when I say these women are in a pit.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

When you think strip club, you think they're on a stage and you're sitting at the base of it. Yeah. You are on a stool with a table in front of you around the perimeter of what looks like a tiny basketball court.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God.

[Doug Uram]

Tiny basketball court. And a locker room shower right above them.

[Zach Amico]

Yep.

[Doug Uram]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

These girls, while the quality differs.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, for sure. There's definitely a few C section scars.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Like a tit and a hook.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But they. Yeah, they're just completely naked.

[Doug Uram]

And instead of a shotgirl, they would come around with little bottles of paint that you could buy for $10 that you could squirt on the stripper as they're in one of these showers. So they could shower the paint off.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God. Paint.

[Doug Uram]

And then they would shut the lights off in the place and give you the glow in the dark paint so you could spray it on the girls when the lights are on and all you see is just like glowing tits in the fucking dark. It was.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's beautiful.

[Doug Uram]

Debaucherous place.

[Lucas McCrary]

That's.

[Zach Amico]

I've never seen a fight there, though.

[Doug Uram]

Never. I mean, well, it's the happiest place in the world.

[Zach Amico]

It's just.

[Doug Uram]

Would you fight.

[Zach Amico]

I can only say it's really chill. Hispanic guys. Yeah, it's Hispanic guy. It's really hard to see them get. Because they're so happy. And. Yeah, I've never seen if. I've never seen agro. Like, if you take a seat from somebody, like, oh, yeah, my friend's sitting there you go, oh, no problem.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's not like one of those, like. Oh, it's beautiful.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Here's a can of Dutch boy. Have fun.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Throw it right at the stripper when you're done. That's okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Me and my friends have all had our cards turned off there. Every time I've used the ATM there. Fucking bank of America.

[Doug Uram]

That gives you a call the next day.

[Zach Amico]

No, they shut my card off.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Every time they go, can't take out money. And then I get a call, hi, were you taking out this much money? Yes. Yes, I was.

[Doug Uram]

$800 and then $310. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Did you buy coke and stripper money in the wrong order?

[Doug Uram]

Yes, I did.

[Zach Amico]

How did you know?

[Doug Uram]

I wanted to be prepared.

[Zach Amico]

All right, here's a fun one. And what I would say is the most Chinese story of the week.

[Lucas McCrary]

Is this a segment every week?

[Zach Amico]

No, but it should be.

[Lucas McCrary]

This is awesome.

[Zach Amico]

A Chinese family goes viral. Not in the way they usually do.

[Doug Uram]

Not mask viral, like SARS, after devouring.

[Zach Amico]

Five and a half kilograms of durian in under 30 minutes outside an airport after they learn their special treat is banned from airports. So durian is the incredibly smelly fruit that's like, almost like a fermented, like, rotten smell.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

And in many countries where it is popular, it is unethical or at least genuinely frowned upon, if not straight up illegal to eat it on like a bus.

[Lucas McCrary]

Right.

[Zach Amico]

In a theater.

[Doug Uram]

And the smellier the better. Yeah, that's. It costs more money the more it smells like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

And I don't know your interactions with Asian people on public transportation. They love a good stinky meal.

[Doug Uram]

They do, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Something soupy. A lot of like boiled eggs in plastic bags.

[Doug Uram]

A lot of fermented cabbage.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, A lot of stuff that's all delicious, I'm sure, but not exactly social contract. To be eaten on a packed subway or bus.

[Doug Uram]

Or those half formed chicks in the hard boiled egg. Yeah, that's a classic one. It's a big one in Chinatown.

[Zach Amico]

And so this family has all this durian and they find out you cannot travel with it. Cause I think they're going on an international flight.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, good.

[Zach Amico]

So rather than blow this giant amount of stinky fruit, they just muscle it.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, imagine having to sit next and.

[Zach Amico]

Then get on the plane. So let's watch it, Shannon.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, great.

[H]

His family went viral after finishing 5.5kg of.

[Zach Amico]

Look how much.

[H]

Just 30 minutes outside Chiang Mai International Airport.

[Doug Uram]

He looks happy to eat it.

[H]

Since durians are banned on flights, traveler Lee and his family ate box after box on the spot, with each member remaining reportedly consuming four to five pieces to avoid wasting the pungent fruit. According to Lee, his father bought the durians that morning, planning for the family to enjoy them before heading to the airport. But after several stops and other meals along the way, the boxes of durian remained untouched, leaving the family to eat them all. Upon arrival, Lee admitted the experience left him exhausted. The family finished all the Durian in just 30 minutes and boarded their flight still carrying the fruit's strong aroma.

[Lucas McCrary]

It looks pretty good.

[H]

I never want to see durian again. He joked, apologizing to fellow passengers for the lingering smell during boarding.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah, it's okay.

[H]

Don't miss what's trending?

[Doug Uram]

Asian feed. Was that the name?

[Zach Amico]

That's the original name of durian.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, oh.

[Zach Amico]

Give me three boxes of Asian feed so I would. I've heard it described as almost somewhere between a fruit and a cheese.

[Doug Uram]

That's fucking disgusting.

[Zach Amico]

And I think texturally it fucks people up. I think one of the few things I've seen. Andrew Zimmerman, enemy of the show. Zimmerman. I never remember. Enemy knows King of the fruits has a complex and intense flavor profile. Described as sweet, creamy custard with notes of almond, garlic, onion and cheese. It is a soft, thick and pudding like texture.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

It's pungent smell often contrasts with its sweet, rich taste, which often described as an acquired yet addictive flavor experience. Go down to smell extremely strong and pungent. Often described as a mix of rotten onions, cheese, and turpentine. The smell is so intense it is banned in many public spaces in Southeast Asia. By the way, is it Andrew Zimmerman or Andrew Zimmerman? I can't remember who.

[Doug Uram]

I think it was Zimmerman.

[Shannon]

Zimmern.

[Zach Amico]

Zimmern. And Zimmerman is who shot Trayvon. Trayvon Martin, Right.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I always forget those two. I always get those two crazy mixed up.

[Lucas McCrary]

Why is he enemy of the show?

[Zach Amico]

I talked some inaccurate shit about cooking shows.

[Doug Uram]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Because I'm an idiot. And sometimes when people tell me things, I just think it's a fact. And then I let it be a fact in my head for years and then I repeat it like I know what I'm talking about. Because I'm an idiot and a fraud. Yeah. Because I'm a blowhard. Know it all. Yeah. And I said that sous chefs do a lot of the food on cooking competition shows.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And the cooking chef, the. The blue check mark chef community shared it 100,000 times. And I got. I got a talking to from a number of food celebrities.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

Including Andrew Zimmern.

[Doug Uram]

It almost feels like what you said is true if they reacted that harshly.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Like to cover up exactly what you said.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yep.

[Zach Amico]

Some would think that.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. That's what it feels like.

[Zach Amico]

I wouldn't. Because I don't want another. I don't want that smoke.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I watch a lot of Food Network. These are my friends yelling at me.

[Doug Uram]

But some might say that what you said was 100% accurate.

[Zach Amico]

Well, some might say that TV in general is inaccurate. Shannon, did you watch the thing about how long the Traders challenges take?

[Shannon]

No, I haven't. Let me try to find it.

[Zach Amico]

Hours. But it's an hour on the clock. Yeah, but they have to get all the right shots and get the story so they official because it's. They're playing for real money. So legally, they have to have a clock. They stop the clock the whole time and reset and get this shot. And get this shot. I just watched the thing. They were like, many people are exhausted from an hour challenge a day, and they're like, oh, no. They were out there for four hours.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, so what you said is true.

[Zach Amico]

That's just a different.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

What show is that?

[Zach Amico]

The Traders.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It's essentially mafia in a mansion. Me and Janet are obsessed with it.

[Lucas McCrary]

Okay. I had a friend who was on MasterChef, and his was legitimate. The time was legitimate.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. I think their choosing process of who got through was not legitimate. I think it was based on, like, following and stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Well, I think that story. I mean, anytime you watch any of these competition shows.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

There's always one person who makes, like, dirt cupcakes from wherever they're from. And, like, I will show them how we cook in my country.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then they're like, all right, first challenge, cheeseburgers and fries.

[Doug Uram]

He goes, oh, have a sad sob story. Their family was hacked up by a warring tribe.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody. Somebody's wife died of triple cancer, and he's got 85 kids now that. That he cooks for every day. And that made him realize he was gonna cook for her.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like, yeah, yeah. You know, he's making it.

[Doug Uram]

This recipe was made in the old country that nobody eats anymore. It's cabbage water in bratwurst. My aunt died in the Holocaust.

[Zach Amico]

Thank you. That'd be the worst plating ever.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, exactly. Be like, well, it's extra burnt.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. These are Auschwitz potizers. All right, let's finish out strong. We got a couple silly things, but let's look at. You know what? This one has been interesting to me. We keep skipping it. Luke, you're a little young for this one, so I apologize. Doug, you remember the Little Rascals movie?

[Doug Uram]

Of course.

[Lucas McCrary]

I've seen that movie.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. With T. Bird as the dad of the rich kid Donald Trump. Oh, but the kid who played Alfalfa. Right. Bug Hall. Have you seen. He has taken a vow of poverty, and he's some religious nut. He's got five Kids out in the middle of nowhere. And he's spreading this story about his lifestyle choice in Shannon.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow. I know lots of people have taken.

[Zach Amico]

A vow of poverty, you see, it's called doing comedy.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Shannon]

So this is what he looks like now. And where's the cowlick?

[Zach Amico]

Wow.

[Shannon]

So he had.

[Lucas McCrary]

I mean, he looks good strong.

[Shannon]

I think he said already that he had like several run ins with the law. I think meth, booze.

[Zach Amico]

What era of Nick Mullen is this?

[Shannon]

And so, yeah, now he lives with his family and he said it's a version of like extreme Catholicism that they believe in. So they're basically like living off the grid. Him and I believe there are five kids.

[Zach Amico]

Check on those kids.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, boy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Was he touch funny too? Was that brought him into this whole thing.

[Zach Amico]

I never see a child actor go crazy and nothing.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, Something happened there.

[Zach Amico]

Something happened.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

With Two and a Half Men is a fucking crazy Christian too, isn't really? Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Well, then. Or you could go the other way. Become like Amanda Bynes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Just be whatever the fuck that is and have hair like Lego people.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Whatever that fiasco was, it ain't good. Really Come out unscathed like Drew Barrymore.

[Doug Uram]

That's always one that I wondered about.

[Zach Amico]

You know why? It's because she hit rock bottom early.

[Doug Uram]

She did.

[Lucas McCrary]

What was her rock bottom?

[Zach Amico]

She was on Coke at like 9. Yeah. She was in like Studio 54.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God.

[Doug Uram]

Nine years old. She would sneak out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. She was going hard.

[Lucas McCrary]

Studio 54. I feel like there's going to be stuff that comes out where there's like a pedophilia ring going on because they're letting kids hang out in there doing drugs and.

[Doug Uram]

And stuff. Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, I've heard stories back in the day that they had just Saran Wrap on the walls because people didn't use condoms yet.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

So you just Saran Wrap your dick before you. Yeah. A random person. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Those are a lot easier to sneak off than a condom.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Saran Wrap. Oh, it slid off.

[Zach Amico]

I had a friend that got a girl pregnant because he tried to fuck her with Saran Wrap.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

I almost said his name. You're lucky I didn't. O'. Neill. I. Mike, shout out. Shout out to my bo.

[Lucas McCrary]

Why would you still come inside if you're using Saran Wrap? I use a condom and I still.

[Doug Uram]

Use an airtight seal.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, if I use a condom, I still don't come inside. I'm too scared, man.

[Doug Uram]

No, I thought that was the whole Point of using a condom.

[Lucas McCrary]

I know.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you would.

[Lucas McCrary]

I'm too scared.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I would.

[Doug Uram]

You know, if I was wearing a bag.

[Shannon]

Why not?

[Zach Amico]

I think we came up at a different time.

[Doug Uram]

That's true. Yeah, we did.

[Zach Amico]

I think now with the advent of the Internet, many, many young women almost consider getting calmed on part of the experience thing.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. Is that even. How old are you?

[Lucas McCrary]

29.

[Doug Uram]

Was that it? Like. Yeah. So, yeah. Obviously younger than us. Is that. Did they even suggest condoms anymore?

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah, it's like hit or miss. Yeah, sometimes.

[Doug Uram]

Yep. Yep. That is a different time.

[Zach Amico]

And then think about our dad's time when like girls fucked but you couldn't get a blowjob.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah. Pre aids. Well, that's also because everybody had a fucking nest. But also you did not want to go down on anybody. Yeah.

[Lucas McCrary]

Back then you didn't have to make the woman come. So it's kind of win game.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, still down if you saw.

[Doug Uram]

That's news to me. What do you mean? They could do that.

[Zach Amico]

But. Yeah, I feel like before a certain age, I think the. The cum shot was not as. Shannon, not to. Don't, don't. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to because I respect you and I don't want you to have to say anything you don't want to. Were you raised in an environment where the cum shot was regular or was that like an extra special?

[Shannon]

Maybe, Maybe extra special. Yeah. I don't remember that really being a popular thing.

[Zach Amico]

I'm not trying to age you or try to.

[Shannon]

No, I'm the oldest one here.

[Zach Amico]

Or try to try to say that you're not a beautiful sexual being.

[Shannon]

I'm not.

[Zach Amico]

But I feel like you were of a different time.

[Shannon]

Yeah. Yeah. I think that was just like stuff you see in movies, not stuff that happened in real life.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, that, that. And again, feet. That's a new one. That wasn't big. When I was young, nobody cared about feet. That became.

[Zach Amico]

Well, guys, didn't. I. I don't remember everyone talking about eating ass.

[Doug Uram]

That's true.

[Zach Amico]

I remember being I feeling like a goddamn.

[Doug Uram]

Exactly.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

You thought that you were the only one doing it. You would even bring it up to your friends about eating and they'd be like, absolutely not. That's disgusting.

[Zach Amico]

The amount of girls I had definitely be like, oh, I don't do. Whoa.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, it's a nice shock to the system.

[Zach Amico]

Now all of a sudden you've got request. I remember my uncle Jesus, who I told him once I showed him A picture of a girl.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's like. I was like, oh, yeah, I ate her asses. And he goes, you do what? Yeah, you're gonna get a disease.

[Doug Uram]

Completely foreign. Yeah. They thought you were gonna turn into Michael Douglas.

[Zach Amico]

I thought it was, I think, unheard of. It might go also with, like, that old school, like, guinea.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, yeah. Not to go down on a girl because it's gay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

They think if you suck a pussy, you would suck anything.

[Zach Amico]

You might as well look at man's asshole.

[Doug Uram]

Exactly right. That's exactly right. My friends always used to bust my balls because I wouldn't share, like, cups or bottles with them, but. And then they'd go, you wouldn't share a bottle with me, but you would lick a girl's asshole who you just met?

[Zach Amico]

100%.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I would. And you always knew the girls that weren't ever prepared for it.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Their vaginas were shaved, but their asshole was just.

[Zach Amico]

That's an old big J joke that I was just barbed wire. But they don't know to shave their assholes yet. And that the hair over their butthole looks like it has an evil plan.

[Doug Uram]

Looks like arches, like when you walk through. When the Romans would salute the winner in the gladiator stadium and the swords would be overcrossing. That's exactly what it would look like.

[Zach Amico]

Hey. He who hasn't eaten the hooker's asshole at four in the morning can cast the first stone. That's how I see it.

[Doug Uram]

Exactly.

[Lucas McCrary]

But you are eating hookers.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, not Doug. No, I remember. I've eaten a hooker's. After my friend waved goodbye and walked out the door.

[Doug Uram]

Like, I remember there was. There was a girl I was dating and her. I don't know how, like, I. I didn't go into details and I don't know how this little detail came out. This girl I was dating, her husband got caught cheating and apparently his wife catches up. I think it was through texts or, like phone logs or something like that. And his thing was to not always the hookers, but just go down on them.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Doug Uram]

And I don't know how that tidbit comes out to your wife. It's bad enough he got caught cheating. Yeah, yeah, you. Then he. I don't know if he confessed or she found out somehow.

[Zach Amico]

Did he try the classic eating ain't cheating defense?

[Doug Uram]

What's that?

[Zach Amico]

Did he try the eating ain't cheating defense?

[Doug Uram]

What's that?

[Zach Amico]

Eating ain't cheating.

[Lucas McCrary]

Eating.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Doug Uram]

Dude, I had no Idea what you said just there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Doug Uram]

That's the thing. You know what?

[Lucas McCrary]

Maybe if the locked up, it's not.

[Doug Uram]

Cheating, but if you feel. I mean, as a. As a wife who got cheated on, you would almost feel worse. Knowing your husband, he didn't even need to nut.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he just wanted to go down.

[Doug Uram]

On some rancid hooker in a Red Roof Inn in Edison, New Jersey.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. He just missed the romance. Yeah. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

He just missed the fact that these girls shave and his wife stopped years ago. That's all he missed.

[Lucas McCrary]

That feels more like emotional cheating.

[Zach Amico]

It does. It really does.

[Doug Uram]

Kind of does. Yeah, you're right.

[Zach Amico]

It would be like your wife finding out, like you have an addiction, taking hookers out to eat.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah, that is that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Expensive dinners.

[Doug Uram]

I don't fuck them. We just go to the movies and we have long talks in my car.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, we read books together.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

All right, we're gonna end it on this. This woman is dating identical twin brothers. Shannon, that's.

[Doug Uram]

That's amazing.

[Shannon]

So this lady or girl, she met both twin brothers working at a fast food restaurant. This is in Thailand. She's 20. They're all 24. And she. I. I guess, like, she offered her number to both of them when she first met them a month later.

[Zach Amico]

Or she was like, I just gave.

[Shannon]

You my number a month later. They both texted her back at the same time, and she texted them both back, went on dates with both of them, and then neither one of them kind of like backed away from it. And she likes them both, and now they all live together and they're happy.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, no. So how would you know which baby belongs to who?

[Zach Amico]

You know, I believe a lady did just give birth to twins with two different fathers.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Doug Uram]

Like a twins.

[Zach Amico]

It's a. It's a. I think it's a medical anomaly. Like, it very rarely happens.

[Doug Uram]

I know Animals do that. And so do cats. Cats do it. Deer do it. They could have multiple fathers in a different kitten batch.

[Lucas McCrary]

I mean, imagine that your wife has twins and the first baby comes out white, and then you're like, all right, we're good. And then the second one comes out black.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, that's got to be nerve wracking.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. I wonder which one was earlier.

[Zach Amico]

Listen, the black hooky. Sorry, sorry, I lost track of time in there, man. What time is. I'm supposed to be here.

[Doug Uram]

Guess which one was born 10 minutes earlier?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Shit.

[Zach Amico]

Sorry, my cell phone got turned off. I was in there.

[Doug Uram]

The cab didn't show up.

[Zach Amico]

Do we have a Picture of any or anything.

[Doug Uram]

Oh, they're Asian.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Is that was Thailand?

[Shannon]

Did she say that?

[Lucas McCrary]

So who even, who even knows if they're twins?

[Zach Amico]

Those might just be two guys she met.

[Lucas McCrary]

Ye.

[Zach Amico]

I don't think we have any definitive information.

[Doug Uram]

By the way, different girls.

[Zach Amico]

This is a porn.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because what Asian girl? Bring that back up.

[Doug Uram]

She's very white.

[Zach Amico]

Look at those cans.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Come on. That's, that's. I think that's what Luke was saying earlier. This is an only fans.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Well, it's like that, that Korean chick that escaped North Korea. That was on Rogan.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug Uram]

Giant fucking Asian cans. Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Those are unicorns.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah. That's, that's a rarity. That when she was given the. I'm like, how could anybody focus on this interview? That's. And they let her escape. That's why they were so obsessed with not letting it go.

[Lucas McCrary]

She should have let those escape.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Doug Uram]

They wanted to breed her. They're like, we need to make more of this.

[Zach Amico]

I've, I, I, I've told you. I have a buddy that goes to North Korea, right?

[Lucas McCrary]

No, for real.

[Zach Amico]

He runs tourism in North Korea. He's gone a couple times.

[Lucas McCrary]

Oh my God.

[Zach Amico]

And it's, it seems odd.

[Doug Uram]

Is he scared?

[Zach Amico]

No, he's, he has like some weird. He got citizen dual citizenship from some tiny country that works with them.

[Doug Uram]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So he's legally, like, I think he's the first American that's allowed to go back and forth.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

And he was running a tourism thing for a couple countries and he went over there, I think twice.

[Doug Uram]

What secrets does he, this guy fucking have?

[Zach Amico]

Like, how is that He's a fucking good businessman.

[Doug Uram]

I guess so.

[Lucas McCrary]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, he said so they do like a. And you're not allowed to sell. Like, if you're a tourist, you're not allowed to like, have a camera. Like, they'll, they'll take pictures for you that you get. Oh, my God. But you're not allowed to just walk around with a camera. Yeah. And he was telling me that I guess there was gonna be like a big town wide dance. Like they have the whole town, like, dance for people. And he said that they were on a bus going to their next location and he saw all the families on their lawns with the dad, like, running. Dance rehearsal.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

They don't want to be the family that fucks up the dance. Yeah. That's pressure.

[Lucas McCrary]

Wow.

[Zach Amico]

He said everywhere they were, they were like. And there's so much food for everyone. Yeah, there's food everywhere.

[Doug Uram]

All over the place. We gotta keep these dancers nourished. We don't want them turned in an ankle.

[Zach Amico]

All right, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Please support the no offense with Doug Uram show. Check out Doug Uram. And we got Lucas is going to be here again at what was the club you're at this weekend?

[Lucas McCrary]

Fear City Comedy club.

[Zach Amico]

And this is Aaron live. So if you are available, please come hang out. See Lucas. They're very, very funny and I really thank you for your time. Thank you so much. And we will be back on Friday for the bonus episode here on the old morning Zoo.

[Intro/Outro Announcer]

Goodbye fun's begun no sleeping in noon is morning time to papa mako chug it down just like the favorite old be clown Grab a call bear and join the crew It's a go morning suit it's a morning too.