The Mel Robbins Podcast

Episode: "An Episode For Anyone Feeling Behind in Life"

Host: Mel Robbins
Guest: Rich Roll
Date: October 9, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode is a deeply moving conversation between Mel Robbins and her longtime friend, Rich Roll—endurance athlete, bestselling author, and host of the Rich Roll podcast. Together, they explore the journey of reinvention and prove, through Rich’s own story, that it’s never too late to change your life. They address feelings of being "behind," the perils of self-comparison, addiction and recovery, and how small, immediate actions can spark major transformation at any age.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reinvention at Any Age

• Main Message: No matter your age or circumstance, it's always possible to pivot and transform your life.
• Rich’s Story: Rich didn’t hit his athletic peak until 43, wrote his first book at 44, and launched his podcast at 45—after overcoming addiction and health crises.
  • Quote:

    "I didn't reach my athletic peak until I was 43. I didn’t write my first book until I was 44. I didn’t start my podcast until I was 45. At 30, I thought my life was over. At 52, I know it’s just beginning. Keep running, never give up and watch your kite soar." (Rich, 05:06)

• Life is not a race:
  • Quote:

    "Life is also long, and we’re not in a race. So stop measuring yourself against other people and figure out who you want to be." (Rich, 06:42)

2. The Trap of Self-Comparison & Social Pressure

• The lifelong impact of chasing external validation—grades, jobs, relationships, others’ approval.
• Social pressures create a sense of constant inadequacy and urgency.
  • Quote:

    "We are in a hurry all the time to get to some place... There's always some gold star to grab for, and we're measuring our self-worth against keeping up with our peers." (Rich, 05:31)

• Changing the narrative:
  • Quote:

    "It’s not too late. That story you tell yourself is just a story. It’s a template laid over your life that keeps you feeling bad about yourself." (Rich, 07:52)

3. Early Life and Roots of Insecurity

• Rich describes growing up shy, bullied, and desperately seeking approval. He became a “people pleaser," driven by the belief that love is transactional, earned through achievement.
• Swimming became Rich's refuge, a place where hard work could bridge talent gaps and where he felt safest.

4. Success and Hidden Unhappiness

• From Stanford swimmer to law school and a "successful" legal career, Rich was funneled into a prestigious but deeply unfulfilling life.
  • Quote:

    "What serves us also harms us when it’s out of balance... The implicit promise at the end of this funnel is: you will be happy, you will be fulfilled. But for me...it was a betrayal of who I fundamentally was." (Rich, 13:30)

5. Addiction and Hitting Rock Bottom

• Rich’s alcohol addiction became his way to cope with profound discomfort and misalignment in his life.
• The cycle of compulsion, shame, and powerlessness is common to many forms of addiction, not just substance abuse.
  • Quote:

    "Addiction is a spectrum disease...these are not the problem, they’re the solution to the problem." (Rich, 20:18)

  • Quote (on compulsion):

    "You keep doing that thing you can’t stop, even as it wreaks havoc on your life. That’s powerlessness." (Rich, 22:38)

Rock Bottom and Family Estrangement

• Rich describes losing relationships, his health, and his sense of self. Family cut him off, which was “the hardest, most painful thing” for everyone, but ultimately necessary.
  • Quote:

    "You can’t get somebody to change who doesn’t want to change. You cannot will willingness upon them." (Rich, 28:44)

  • On boundaries:

    "Love the individual, not the behavior." (Rich, 29:00)

What Triggers Change?

• It’s not always a headline-making disaster. Sometimes, it's a quiet moment when the pain of staying the same outstrips the fear of changing.
  • Quote:

    “People change when the pain of their circumstances exceeds the fear of finally doing something different.” (Rich, 26:56)

  • Notable Moment:

    Mel: "It feels hopeful that it doesn’t have to be the absolute worst day that sparks change, just the willingness to no longer tolerate your reality." (32:13)

6. Tools for Change: Mood Follows Action

• Change doesn't start with thinking; it starts with doing. Motivation comes after action, not before.
  • Quote:

    "Mood follows action...Take the action and enjoy the feeling as a consequence." (Rich, 50:44)

• The "Sliding Door" Moments: Recognize critical opportunities for action—don't wait until motivation appears; act immediately.
  • Summary Steps (53:02):
    1. Notice the moment when you realize you want to change.
    2. Promise yourself you’ll act the next time it comes.
    3. Act immediately, don’t wait until tomorrow.
    4. "Mood follows action"—let action pull you out of inertia.

7. Reinventing Health—and Self-Respect

• Post-rehab, Rich found himself overweight and unhealthy, despite 8 years of sobriety and career "success."

• Crucial Turning Point:

  • He describes an episode struggling to walk up stairs at age 39, an echo of his earlier “willingness” to change.
  • He started with a “radical” change in diet and committed to plant-based nutrition, which triggered a domino effect of positive habits.
  • Quote:

    "One act of self-esteem begets another. Self-esteem is a product of performing esteemable acts on behalf of yourself." (Rich, 57:38)

• Rediscovering joy through movement and health, reminding himself, "What made you happy as a kid? I need that in my life." (59:31)

8. The Power of Micro-Actions

• "Even the most unbelievable personal transformations are a function of tiny actions, repeated relentlessly and consistently over a sustained period of time." (Rich, 79:16)
• You don’t need to quit your job or make sweeping changes—focus on what brings you joy and honor it with small, daily actions.

9. The Role of Relationships and Dignity

• Rich credits his wife Julie as the anchor through financial crisis and uncertainty in his 40s.
  • Anecdote: Facing repossession, Julie greeted the repo man with kindness and dignity.
  • Quote:

    "Just because they're taking these things away doesn't mean they're entitled to rob me of my humanity." (Julie, 73:56 recounted by Rich)

  • It's not the externals (job, house, car) that define worth.

10. Letting Go of Suffering and Embracing Joy

• Rich reflects on how suffering and striving served him until they no longer did. Major surgery forced a slowing down and reevaluation.
  • Quote:

    "Good job with the suffering, dude. But now it's not your friend so much. It's getting in the way of what life is really about, which is your connection with other people." (Rich, 67:22)

  • Lesson:

    "There is no race." (Rich, 68:50)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "[Stop] measuring yourself against all these other people and figure out who you want to be." (Rich, 06:42)
• "Addiction is a spectrum disease...these are not the problem. These are the solution to the problem." (Rich, 20:18)
• "The universe kind of lets you know when you’re off your path...it knocks louder and louder until it derails your life to the extent you’re willing to listen." (Rich, 15:58)
• "Self-esteem is a product of performing esteemable acts...on behalf of yourself." (Rich, 57:38)
• "Health is the foundation upon which the rest of your life is built." (Rich, 62:26)
• "When the heart is pure, the universe will conspire to support you." (Rich, 70:54)
• "The only way through this is forward. We're not going back." (Julie—recounted by Rich, 73:56)
• "No matter the circumstances of your life, whatever is holding you back or keeping you stuck can be overcome." (Rich, 80:18)

Important Timestamps

• 04:06: Rich Roll introduces the episode’s promise—untapped potential at any age.
• 05:06: Rich reads his inspiring post: “I didn’t reach my athletic peak until I was 43…”
• 13:30: The dark side of striving for traditional success.
• 15:58: Recognizing you’re living someone else’s plan—“the knock” from the universe.
• 20:18: Addiction as a spectrum and universal compulsion.
• 24:19: Daily life in the depths of addiction.
• 32:39: Pain as a teacher and gateway to willingness.
• 50:44: "Mood follows action"—the core tool for behavior change.
• 57:38: The importance of self-respect and esteemable acts.
• 61:46: From despair to elite endurance athlete in his 40s.
• 67:22: The shift from embracing suffering to making space for joy.
• 73:56: Julie's wisdom about dignity and self-worth during hardship.
• 79:16: The power of incremental, contrary actions.
• 80:18: Rich's parting words—every obstacle can be overcome.

Actionable Takeaways

• Notice & act when the desire for change appears—don’t wait or ruminate.
• Micro actions matter: Transformations are the product of many small, consistent steps.
• Mood follows action: Don’t wait to feel ready; act and let motivation catch up.
• Own your path: Stop measuring by external standards; measure by your purpose and joy.
• Embrace dignity: Never let circumstances strip away your self-respect or humanity.
• Hold a vision for yourself and others—even when things get hard, believe in a future self or loved one’s capacity to change.

Closing Words

Rich Roll’s story, as illuminated by Mel’s compassionate interviewing, is a testament to resilience, the power of immediate action, and the never-too-late truth of personal evolution. Whether you're facing addiction, lost in circumstance, or simply feel "behind," this episode makes clear: the next chapter of your life begins the moment you decide to act.

If you listen to one episode when you’re feeling stuck, let it be this one. Let Rich and Mel’s stories, warmth, and tools be your invitation to begin again—right now.