Podcast Summary: The Mel Robbins Podcast

Episode: How to Design Your Life (A Full Step-by-Step Process)
Host: Mel Robbins
Guest: Professor Debbie Millman
Date: September 8, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Mel Robbins and renowned designer and educator Professor Debbie Millman break down a powerful, actionable, step-by-step process for intentionally designing the life you want—no matter your age or circumstance. Drawing from Professor Millman’s 15 years of teaching life design and her own personal journey, the conversation explores shifting from living by default to living by design, the pivotal role of imagination and possibility, and how to navigate fears and doubts that hold us back. The episode comes with a free downloadable workbook to guide listeners through the process.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Essence of Life Design

• Intentionality Over Default:
  "If you don't intentionally design your life, you're going to end up living a life you never wanted." (Mel, 00:37)
• Design is About Deliberate Choices:
  "Designing your life is about intention. It's not about furniture, it's not about clothes, it's about making decisions about what you want your life to look and feel like and embody and then creating a plan to try and make that happen." (Debbie, 04:57)

2. The Life Design Process: Origins & Evolution

• The Influential Exercise:
  Debbie learned the exercise from Milton Glaser, who had students write an essay envisioning their ideal life five years into the future. Millman has adapted it for her own students, extending the visioning period to ten years to allow more flexibility and remove pressure towards "realism."
  "He asked us to write an essay five years in the future if we could have exactly the life that we wanted... And for some mysterious reason, this was an exercise that changed people’s lives." (Debbie, 10:10)
• Declaration Makes it Real:
  "It's one thing to write something and sort of hide it... It's another thing to almost admit that these are things that you want. And once you admit it out loud, there's a way that it somehow integrates into your own intentions." (Debbie, 13:56)

3. How To Do the Exercise: A Step-by-Step Guide

• Set the Scene:
  • Find a peaceful, uninterrupted space
  • Use whatever method (journal, phone, computer) feels right
  • Be honest, and allow for both excitement and discomfort
• The 'Time Travel' Visualization:
  "The first sentence I ask them all to start with is, 'It is [future date ten years ahead]. I open my eyes and...'" (Debbie, 20:51)
  • Visualize your life 10 years from now. Ignore logistics, process, or feasibility.
• Key Prompts to Explore (31:09 onward):
  • Where do you live?
  • What does your home look like?
  • Who are you with? (“What kind of love do you need?”)
  • What is your health like? (“How do you take up space?”)
  • What’s your relationship with money?
  • What have you developed mastery of?
  • What are five things you would do if you knew you would not fail? (38:34)
  • What are you telling yourself you can’t do that you actually can?
  • How do you define happiness?
• Let Impossibility Go:
  "This is not an exercise about process. I don't even want you to think about the process. I want you to think about the outcome." (Debbie, 22:20)
• Declaration and Community:
  • After writing, read the vision out loud to someone you trust or a community (if possible). It’s a powerful affirmation.
  • "When people hear other people share their dreams and hopes... it empowers them." (Debbie, 57:24)
• Reflection and Supersizing:
  • After sharing, revisit your essay and let hearing others’ dreams inspire you to ‘supersize’ your own.

4. Common Challenges and Mindset Shifts

• Fear of Failure/Humiliation:
  People avoid naming their true desires, fearing embarrassment or disappointment.
• Deservingness and Worthiness:
  "A lot of those are so self determined, and often they're determined at a very young age before we're really even conscious of making those decisions that then impact the rest of our lives." (Debbie, 13:56)
• Process & Probability vs. Possibility:
  "A lot of people make decisions based on what they think is going to be the most likely successful outcome... It's not about what's probable, it's about what's possible." (Debbie, 07:41)
• Comparison and External Expectations:
  Many design a life "they think they should want," influenced by social media or family expectations rather than their own dreams.

5. Adapting to Your Age and Circumstances

• Themes shift by decade:
  • 20s: job, relationship, home
  • 30s: family, children, mastery
  • 40s: creation, health, balance
  • 50s & 60s: time, legacy, second acts
    "Money and pets appear in every decade!" (Debbie, 51:18)
• This Exercise Is For Everyone:
  "I don't see any restrictions to hope." (Debbie, 71:13)
• Reframing Privilege:
  "It's not about luxury as much as it is about permission." (Debbie, 52:58)

6. From Vision to Action

• After Writing It Down:
  "Read it and put it away. Read it again in a year." (Debbie, 69:24)
  • Don’t obsess over controlling every outcome. Progress emerges organically as your intentions shape your decisions.
• Redesign Is Always Possible:
  "Redesigning is as much fun as designing." (Debbie, 72:27)
• Allow for Simplicity:
  "When I visualize that, it's painfully simple. It really is." (Mel, 47:03)

7. Practical Tips to Get Unstuck

• If you don’t know what you want:
  • Ask: Who are you jealous of? Who do you admire?
  • What can you learn from those feelings?
• Dream Big, Not Realistic:
  "No realism, no probability, no process." (Debbie, 69:12)
• On Fear:
  "Waiting for the fear to go away... But it doesn’t until you actually do it." (Mel & Debbie, 44:25)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It's not about determining what is probable. It's about determining what is possible."
  — Debbie, 07:41

• "It's another thing to almost admit that these are things that you want. And once you admit it out loud, there's a way that it somehow integrates into your own intentions."
  — Debbie, 13:56

• "Read it and put it away. Read it again in a year."
  — Debbie, 69:24

• "Redesigning is as much fun as designing in a lot of ways."
  — Debbie, 72:27

• "No, this is not about extravagant consumerism... The more content you are, the more of service you can be to others."
  — Debbie, 65:59

• "If not now, when?"
  — Debbie, 74:58

Important Timestamps

• 00:37 — Mel introduces the theme: designing your life with intention
• 04:57 — Debbie defines life design as a practice of intention and deliberate decision-making
• 10:10 — Debbie describes the origin of the life design exercise
• 20:51 — Debbie details how to “time travel” ten years ahead for the vision exercise
• 31:09 — Step-by-step prompts: home, love, health, money, mastery
• 38:34 — “What are five things you would do if you knew you would not fail?”
• 44:28 — The myth of waiting for fear to go away
• 57:24 — The importance of declaration: reading your dream vision aloud
• 69:24 — After writing: "Read it and put it away"
• 71:13 — "I don't see any restrictions to hope."
• 74:58 — Parting words: "If not now, when?"

Action Steps for Listeners

1. Download the Free Workbook:
   Get the step-by-step guide at melrobbins.com/designyourlife.
2. Carve Out Quiet Time:
   Find a peaceful place and time to do the exercise fully and honestly.
3. Visualize Without Limits:
   Picture your life 10 years in the future, starting your essay with “It is [date, 10 years from today]. I open my eyes and?”
4. Answer the Prompts:
   Where are you? What does it look and feel like? Who do you love? What are you doing?
5. Declare Your Vision:
   Read it aloud to a trusted friend or community. Then, reflect and ‘supersize’ your dream if you’re inspired.
6. Put it Away:
   Don’t obsess over the process. Revisit your vision a year from now to see what has naturally started to shift.
7. Repeat and Share:
   Encourage those you care about to do the exercise—with you or on their own.

Tone & Final Messages

The conversation is deeply encouraging, practical but not prescriptive, and suffused with warmth, humor, and hope. Mel and Debbie remind listeners that everyone—regardless of age, background, or current stuckness—can give themselves permission to imagine and pursue a better, more intentional life.

Mel’s closing thought:
“So go do it. And I will be waiting to welcome you in to the very next episode. ...I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life."

If not now, when?