How to Move On, Let Go of Past Mistakes, and Create a Better Future

Thu Jul 24 2025

Today’s episode is a deeply honest conversation about what it takes to let go of mistakes, forgive yourself, leave your past in the past, and create a new version of you. In this moving episode, Mel sits down with her friend Carl Lentz, a former megachurch pastor, who watched his life implode in real time. Carl doesn’t dodge the truth: His actions shattered trust, cost him his career, and nearly destroyed his family. But this is not a story about scandal. It’s about what you do after the worst moment of your life. It’s about the courage to face what you’ve done, to stop running, to forgive yourself — and to rebuild something stronger from the wreckage. Carl doesn’t pretend to have it all figured out. What he offers is honesty without excuses, wisdom forged in pain, and a raw invitation to stop letting your past dictate your future. If you’ve made mistakes, if you’re struggling to forgive someone, if you're trying to put the pieces back together, this conversation will...

Summary

The Mel Robbins Podcast: How to Move On, Let Go of Past Mistakes, and Create a Better Future

Release Date: July 24, 2025
Host: Mel Robbins
Guest: Carl Lentz
Duration: Approximately 72 minutes

1. Introduction

In this poignant episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel Robbins delves deep into the themes of forgiveness, accountability, and personal transformation. Joined by her longtime friend, Carl Lentz—a former megachurch pastor who faced a highly publicized downfall—Robbins explores the arduous journey of confronting past mistakes and paving the way toward a more fulfilling future.

2. Carl Lentz's Story: Rise and Fall (00:08 – 05:00)

Carl Lentz opens up about his spectacular rise as a prominent figure in the religious community and his subsequent dramatic fall. He recounts his role in co-founding Hillsong Church in New York City, amassing nearly 150,000 members and becoming a cultural icon between 2017 and 2019.

Carl Lentz (00:08): "You can't outrun it out, drink it out. Ignore it."

However, in 2020, Carl's life unraveled when he publicly admitted to an affair, leading to his termination from Hillsong Church. This scandal not only shattered his professional reputation but also strained his personal life, affecting his marriage and family deeply.

3. Facing and Owning Mistakes (02:48 – 10:05)

Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of confronting one's past to achieve healing and progress. She introduces Carl Lentz as a prime example of someone who took accountability for his actions, despite facing immense public scrutiny and personal loss.

Mel Robbins (02:50): "It's not the mistake that you made that defines you. It's what you do next."

Carl echoes this sentiment, highlighting that ignoring or hiding from one's mistakes only exacerbates the pain and hinders personal growth.

4. The Impact on Family and Reputation (10:05 – 18:06)

Carl delves into the profound impact his actions had on his family and reputation. He describes the immediate aftermath of his scandal—losing his home, being thrust into the spotlight of tabloid coverage, and the emotional toll it took on his children.

Carl Lentz (14:09): "When you have that in a marriage, you're in trouble. And she did what a strong woman would do, which is challenge me over and over again."

Despite the possibility of retreating from public life, Carl chose transparency, believing that his story could serve as a beacon of hope and transformation for others facing similar struggles.

5. Choosing to Heal and Rebuild (18:06 – 26:50)

Carl discusses the internal and external battles he faced during his downfall. He likens his experience to having "fractures" in his soul—personal issues that he attempted to outrun but ultimately could not escape.

Carl Lentz (18:39): "I had things in my private life that were really inconsistent with who I wanted to be and including, I cheated on my wife and broke our marriage vows."

Recognizing the destructive pattern he was entrenched in, Carl sought professional help, which was pivotal in his journey toward healing. He underscores the necessity of facing one's issues head-on rather than allowing them to fester and cause further harm.

6. The Role of Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness (53:08 – 57:03)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the concept of forgiveness—both from others and oneself. Carl shares his transformative moment where he realized that if a higher power could forgive him, so should he.

Carl Lentz (53:33): "Here's how you know somebody has forgiven themselves. They start to invest in the new version of who they are now."

He emphasizes that forgiveness is a conscious decision and requires ongoing effort and support. Merely uttering the words "I forgive myself" is insufficient without tangible actions that reflect this newfound self-acceptance.

7. Overcoming Shame and Embracing Change (43:36 – 48:00)

The conversation delves into the debilitating nature of shame and its impact on one's ability to move forward. Carl offers profound insights into distinguishing between shame and remorse, advocating for a shift in focus from self-condemnation to proactive change.

Carl Lentz (43:36): "Shame is all about stuff you cannot control. You cannot control what people think about you."

He encourages listeners to release the shackles of shame by acknowledging their worth and committing to personal growth, thereby reclaiming their narrative and fostering resilience.

8. Practical Tools and Advice for Listeners (48:00 – 66:18)

Carl provides actionable strategies for overcoming past mistakes and fostering self-forgiveness:

Stop Digging: Recognize when you're continuously exacerbating your problems and take steps to halt this destructive behavior.

Carl Lentz (27:04): "The first thing you need to do is stop digging. Put the shovel down."
Invest in the New You: Focus on building a better version of yourself through consistent effort and positive actions.

Carl Lentz (53:08): "I forgive myself. I'm going to let that go."
Seek Support: Engage with therapy, prayer, meditation, and supportive communities to maintain your journey toward healing.
Control Your Narrative: Take ownership of your story by consciously deciding how you want your future to unfold, irrespective of past mistakes.

Carl Lentz (66:18): "You control your story. Nobody else can write it for you."

9. Conclusion and Parting Words (66:18 – End)

As the episode wraps up, Carl and Mel Robbins reinforce the message of self-worth, resilience, and the continuous journey of personal development. Carl leaves listeners with a powerful affirmation of their inherent value and the limitless potential for growth and redemption.

Carl Lentz (67:36): "You are such a gift in my life, and the world is such a better place because you're in it."

Mel Robbins concludes by reiterating the transformative potential of embracing one's flaws and actively working towards a brighter future.

Key Takeaways

Accountability is Crucial: Facing and owning up to one's mistakes is the first step toward healing and personal growth.
Forgiveness is a Process: Self-forgiveness requires conscious effort, support, and a commitment to becoming a better version of oneself.
Shame vs. Remorse: Understanding the difference between shame and remorse can empower individuals to let go of self-condemnation and embrace change.
Control Your Narrative: Regardless of past actions, individuals have the power to shape their future and define their own story.
Seek Support: Engaging with therapeutic practices, supportive communities, and personal reflection are essential for overcoming past traumas and mistakes.

Notable Quotes

Carl Lentz (00:08): "You can't outrun it out, drink it out. Ignore it."
Mel Robbins (02:50): "It's not the mistake that you made that defines you. It's what you do next."
Carl Lentz (14:09): "We're gonna teach you how to look at it all differently and forgive yourself."
Carl Lentz (53:33): "Here's how you know somebody has forgiven themselves. They start to invest in the new version of who they are now."
Carl Lentz (67:36): "You are such a gift in my life, and the world is such a better place because you're in it."

Conclusion

This episode serves as a compelling narrative on the power of vulnerability, accountability, and the relentless pursuit of personal betterment. Through Carl Lentz's candid recounting of his struggles and successes, listeners are offered both inspiration and practical guidance on how to navigate their own journeys toward forgiveness and a brighter future.

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Transcript

Mel Robbins (0:00)

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

Carl Lentz (0:08)

Are there things from your past that you're trying to outrun? Or a chapter of your life that you just don't want to talk about or think about anymore? A moment you regret so deeply? Maybe it was a lie, a betrayal, a decision you can't undo. Maybe you hurt someone. Or maybe the person that you hurt was yourself. Whatever it is, I'm going to tell you something. You can't outrun it out, drink it out. Ignore it. And if you're tired of feeling the way to shame or guilt, or just unsure if you'll ever feel happy again, let's talk about it. Let's talk about what it actually takes to forgive yourself when you mess up. And I'm not talking about like a oops, I made a mistake kind of way. I'm talking about the real gut wrenching I hurt people I love kind of way. This conversation today is about those moments that split your life into a before and after. Here's the truth. You can't heal what you won't face, and you can't move forward by pretending the past never happened. Today, you and I are going to dive deep into the heart of what it means to own your mistakes when you know what you did was wrong, and finally forgive yourself and move on.

Mel Robbins (1:30)

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Carl Lentz (2:48)

Hey it's your friend Mel and welcome.

Mel Robbins (2:50)

To the Mel Robbins Podcast.

Carl Lentz (2:51)

I'm absolutely thrilled that you're here and it is always such an honor to spend time with you and to be Together. And if you're a new listener, I also wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family because you made time to listen to this particular episode. I know you're the kind of person who truly values real, deep conversations that make you think differently about yourself, about your life. And the conversation we're about to have today, oh, my gosh, it is going to be incredible because we're gonna be talking about, what do you do after you truly, royally screw things up? Is forgiveness even possible? See, in our Boston studios today, I have the perfect person to help you and me think about forgiveness and how you rebuild after making so many mistakes in. The reason why he's the perfect person is because he's had to do this himself. I'm going to introduce you to a very good friend of mine. And when you hear who this person is, it may even surprise you. Wait, Mel Robbins is good friends with this guy? I am. And by the time you're done listening to the conversation today, you'll understand why it takes a lot of courage to be the kind of person who can admit to what you've done wrong and take accountability for making it right. To face yourself in the mirror, to go out in public or show up at school or work or with your friends or your family when you've done something really wrong or you've ruined your reputation or you hurt the people that you care about most. And that's exactly what my friend Carl Lentz has had to do after destroying the life he had built just five years ago. Now, I didn't know him back then. I only met him a few years ago. But let me tell you a little bit about who he was then. Carl was one of the most recognizable megachurch pastors in the world. He co founded the church Hillsong in New York City, and then he built it from scratch to be almost 150,000 members strong. I mean, in 2017, 2018, 2019, Carl was a cultural icon. He was in the news all the time because he was disrupting what everybody thought a Christian church should be like. I mean, there he was up in front of the pews, dressed in leather and skinny jeans, and he's all tatted up and rock and roll music is blaring. And from the outside, boy, did it look like he was on top of the world. I mean, he couldn't be more blessed. And then in 2020, it all fell apart in a spectacular train wreck of his own making. He was publicly fired from the church he built. And according to the press release, it was due to, quote, unquote, leadership issues and breaches of trust. It was all over the tabloids. This married megachurch pastor and father of three beloved by so many, had been having an affair with someone in the church. He lost his job, his reputation, almost every single friend he had. His family lost their housing, and he lost the life he had built because of the choices he had made. And he couldn't outrun this. I mean, there were docuseries made about this thing. He was trending all over the news. Carl owns the mistakes he made. He takes full accountability for what he's done wrong. And today, he'll tell you what it feels like to feel like you're driving a locomotive and it's about to hit the wall and you can't stop it. The dread, the weight of it, the anxiety, the secrecy, the arrogance, the lies that you tell yourself and everyone around you. But the reason that I invited him to be here today with you and me is because of what he did after the wreckage. I love that he owns what he did and that he's leaned into the worst things that he's done to extract some of the biggest lessons anyone could learn about life. I love the way that he and his wife and his three children lean toward each other, because it's so easy, isn't it, to lean away from people when things get hard. And I also love what they've taken from it as a family and how the entire experience in the past five years have changed him for the better. If you've ever screwed up and gotten fired or lied or cheated on somebody or had a relationship end or done something that you regret, I'm going to tell you something. It's not the mistake that you made that defines you. It's what you do next. And today we're going to flip the way that you think about it on its head. We're going to teach you how to look at it all differently and forgive yourself. And you're going to learn how to turn the page, take accountability for what went wrong. Learn what you need to learn, forgive yourself, and move on. So please help me welcome my friend Carl to the Mel Robbins podcast. Carlins, I am so excited that you are here. Thank you for jumping on a plane. Thank you for being here in Boston. I am just. I know that this is going to be a transformational conversation.