The Mel Robbins Podcast

Episode: “If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed, You Need to Hear This”

Host: Mel Robbins
Date: October 20, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives deeply into understanding the difference between stress and overwhelm, why it matters, and how you can take actionable steps to regain control when life feels like “just too much.” Mel brings in two renowned medical experts, Dr. K (Harvard-trained psychiatrist, known as HealthyGamer) and Dr. Aditi Nerurkar (Harvard stress and burnout expert), to explain the science behind these states and walks you step-by-step through four science-backed strategies to pull yourself out of overwhelm and reset your mind and body.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Stress vs. Overwhelm (04:22 – 10:27)

• Stress is about pressure and often linked to things you can manage, sometimes motivating and productive.
• Overwhelm is a threshold phenomenon—where accumulated stress or demands exceed your capacity to cope, leaving you immobilized, unable to think, and out of control.

“Stress is just pressure that you feel... Stress sometimes can be a really good thing. Overwhelm is way bigger... you’ve hit your threshold. You can’t keep up, you can’t think, you can’t prioritize.”
— Mel Robbins [06:41]

2. Medical Perspective on Overwhelm (09:47 – 10:27, 15:20 – 21:16)

• Dr. K:
  • Overwhelm is not simply from “too much” but from too many out-of-control demands (passive challenges) and too few that you actively choose.
  • Overwhelm is a sense of losing agency over your own life.

“You don’t feel overwhelmed from dealing with too much. You get overwhelmed when many of the things that you’re dealing with are out of your control. Overwhelm isn’t about being too weak… It’s about carrying too many challenges you didn’t choose and too few that you did.”
— Dr. K [09:58]

• Dr. Aditi Nerurkar:
  • Outlines two types of stress: “adaptive” (healthy, motivating) and “maladaptive” (dysfunctional, chronic).
  • Chronic stress shifts brain control from the prefrontal cortex (executive function) to the amygdala (survival mode), triggering “psychological flooding.”
  • In overwhelm, the prefrontal cortex (planning, organizing) goes offline.

“When you feel that sense of overwhelm, what’s happening to you… is psychological flooding… The human brain is expertly designed to handle short bursts of stress… But when it goes past a certain threshold, that’s when that feeling of overwhelm can really set in.”
— Dr. Aditi [17:46]

3. Why the Difference Matters (10:27 – 15:20, 20:30 – 21:16)

• Using the wrong coping tool keeps you stuck; stress and overwhelm require different strategies.
• Overwhelm is a “system shutdown”—not a character flaw, but a biological response.

“Once you embrace the truth that these moments of overwhelm and even the stress that you feel… these are biological responses… you can stop judging yourself… You’re not supposed to handle it all.”
— Mel Robbins [20:30]

The Four Steps to Escape Overwhelm

Step 1: Label What You’re Feeling (22:29 – 24:53)

• Identify whether you’re experiencing stress (manageable pressure) or true overwhelm (exceeding capacity, loss of focus/control).
• Self-awareness is the essential first move.

Step 2: Biological Reset — Breathe (26:24 – 31:34)

• Engage your breath as a tool to reset your nervous system; it’s the only physiological function with both voluntary and involuntary control.
• Use cyclic breathing (physiological sigh):
  • Two quick inhales through your nose, then a long, slow exhale through your mouth.
  • Repeat for 1–5 minutes.

“The reason your breath can be so helpful … is because your breath is the only physiological mechanism in your body that is under voluntary and involuntary control.”
— Dr. Aditi [26:24]

“When life’s too much, just double in, then flush… Two quick inhales through your nose, and one long exhale through your mouth.”
— Mel Robbins [27:23]

• This technique toggles your nervous system from “fight or flight” (sympathetic) to “rest and digest” (parasympathetic).

“Your breath can be the toggle between these two systems [sympathetic/parasympathetic]… Simply by taking a few slow, deep breaths.”
— Dr. Aditi [30:38]

Step 3: Mental Reset — Brain Dump (36:28 – 41:51)

• Get everything out of your head: tasks, worries, fears, reminders, and emotional clutter.
• Write it all down—don’t organize or edit.
• A 2025 meta-analysis and a Baylor University study show that writing down “unfinished tasks” helps reduce mental strain and even helps you fall asleep faster.

“Your brain is not a storage unit, it’s a processor. When you use it to hold onto everything… you’re clogging up your brain.”
— Mel Robbins [39:05]

“If you offload the things you’re thinking about… your brain can literally let it go and drift into sleep.”
— Mel Robbins [43:28]

Step 4: Add One Active Challenge Back In (48:21 – 53:00)

• Key Insight from Dr. K: Overwhelm’s intensity depends on the ratio of “passive” (unchosen/out of control) to “active” (chosen/meaningful) challenges.
• When overwhelmed, our instinct is to drop activities that matter to us, increasing passive load and reducing the sense of control.
• The counterintuitive solution: add back one thing you actually want to do, no matter how small.

“Whether your brain feels overwhelmed is not based on the number of things you are dealing with. It is based on the ratio of passive challenges to active challenges.”
— Dr. K [48:59]

“The real solution is to take on more active challenges, start to take control of a single thing in your life.”
— Dr. K [51:14]

• Examples: writing every morning, walking every day, reading for 10 minutes, taking a lunch break—anything you choose for you.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Overwhelm is what happens when stress goes unchecked for so many days and weeks that you simply shut down.”
  — Mel Robbins [07:10]

• “You’re not crazy. You’re not lazy. Stress and overwhelm are biological responses… You and I, we’re not robots… You are designed to juggle, but not to juggle knives forever.”
  — Mel Robbins [21:00]

• “The solution isn’t to cut back… the real solution is to take on more active challenges, start to take control of a single thing in your life.”
  — Dr. K [51:14]

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 04:22 — Difference: Stress vs. Overwhelm explained
• 09:47 — Dr. K defines the medical/biological roots of overwhelm
• 15:20 — Dr. Aditi on “good” vs. “bad” stress
• 17:46 — Prefrontal cortex vs. amygdala and psychological flooding
• 20:30 — Overwhelm, self-judgment, and accepting your biology
• 26:24 — Biological reset: Why breath works
• 27:23 — Mel demonstrates the “double in and flush” breath
• 30:14 — How breath toggles your nervous system
• 36:28 — Brain dump/cognitive offloading technique
• 41:51 — Research on brain dumping and sleep (Zeigarnik effect)
• 48:21 — Dr. K on passive vs. active challenges and sense of control
• 51:14 — Adding back an “active challenge” as the antidote to overwhelm

Tools and Strategies Recap

To break the cycle of overwhelm, follow these four steps:

1. Label It — Am I stressed or truly overwhelmed?
2. Biological Reset with Cyclic Breathing — Two quick inhales, one long exhale
3. Mental Reset with a Brain Dump — Write it all out, don’t organize, just empty your mind
4. Balance with an Active Challenge — Add back one thing you want to do for yourself

Final Takeaway

Understanding the clear medical and psychological differences between stress and overwhelm is critical to choosing the right tools for relief. Overwhelm is not a personal failing but a sign of a system at capacity. Use Mel’s four steps to regain clarity, reset your biology, declutter your mind, and gently reintroduce control into your life. You’ll emerge calmer, clearer, and better equipped to face what life throws at you.

“As your friend, I love you and I believe in you and your ability to create a better life... Practice these four steps—it’s not only going to make you feel better, it’s going to help you build the life you want.”

— Mel Robbins [55:50]