The Mel Robbins Podcast: "Stop Doubting Yourself: 5 Tips to Boost Your Confidence"

Release Date: December 14, 2024
Host: Mel Robbins
Podcast Description: You can change your life and Mel Robbins will show you how.

Introduction

In this empowering episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, host Mel Robbins delves deep into the concept of confidence, dispelling common myths and providing actionable strategies to build and sustain it. Addressing numerous listener questions, Mel emphasizes that confidence is not an innate trait but a skill that can be cultivated through intentional actions and mindset shifts.

Understanding Confidence

Mel begins by challenging the common perception that confident individuals are naturally born with it. She asserts:

"Confidence isn't just something that some people are born with. It is built over time." (00:54)

Mel shares her personal journey, highlighting that her outward confidence was once mere façade, masking deep-seated insecurities. She differentiates between superficial bravado and genuine, grounded confidence rooted in self-belief and internal connection.

Key Points: Definition and Research

Confidence as a Skill
Mel defines confidence not as a feeling but as an action:

"Confidence is the willingness to try. Confidence is an action." (08:21)

This definition is grounded in extensive research from social psychologists and neuroscientists. Mel explains the "confidence competence loop," where each act of trying—regardless of immediate success—builds competence and, consequently, confidence over time.

The Confidence Competence Loop
When you try something new, you either succeed or fail, but in both cases, you learn. This learning reduces self-doubt and resistance, fostering a cycle where increased competency leads to heightened confidence.

Building Confidence: Five Tools

Mel outlines five practical tools to develop confidence:

1. Take Action (33:41)

   • The 5-Second Rule: When experiencing self-doubt, count down from five and move decisively.

   "5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You start counting backwards... It's an act of courage." (38:20)

2. Create an Alter Ego (33:41)

   • Power of Objectivity: Visualize a future self or an inspiring figure (e.g., Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) to distance from current fears and self-doubt.

   "What would the Rock do in this situation?" (40:55)

3. Prepare (33:41)

   • Practice Makes Prepared: Rehearse scenarios to reduce anxiety and build competence.

   "Practice doesn't make perfect. Practice prepares you." (44:10)

4. Mindset Reframe (33:41)

   • Why It's Worth Trying: Shift focus from potential failure to the value of each experience as preparation for future success.

   "Everything that you do in life is preparing you for something that hasn't happened yet." (46:15)

5. Focus on Yourself (33:41)

   • Self-Centric Growth: Prioritize personal development over external validation.

   "Look right back in the mirror because you are the one person that you're going to spend your whole life with." (50:30)

Myths About Confidence

Mel debunks three prevalent myths:

1. Confident People are the Loudest and Most Extroverted (33:41)

   • Truth: Confidence is independent of personality traits. Many confident individuals are quiet and introverted.

   "Confidence has nothing to do with swagger. It’s about being willing to try." (34:10)

2. Confidence is Built When You're Winning (33:41)

   • Truth: True confidence is forged during challenging times, not during periods of ease.

   "Confidence is like steel. It's forged in the fire of your life." (35:15)

3. You Can Lose Confidence (33:41)

   • Truth: Confidence cannot be lost; rather, it can be obscured by self-doubt and inaction.

   "Confidence is the willingness to try. If you're willing to try, you haven't lost confidence." (36:40)

Listener Questions and Mel’s Responses

1. Heather's Question: Building Confidence in a New Role
Heather: "I'm curious if you would consider doing a podcast on confidence and actionable steps to gain confidence. For instance, in the workplace, when your role has expanded and currently are doing big things, but do not always feel confident or in line with the idea that you want and deserve to be there in that role." (07:37)

Mel’s Response:
Mel emphasizes that confidence in a new role stems from action. She encourages Heather to leverage the 5-Second Rule to overcome self-doubt and step into her leadership position with willingness to try, thereby building competence and confidence over time.

Notable Quote:

"Confidence is the willingness to try." (08:21)

2. Alex's Question: Thriving Around High Achievers as an Introvert
Alex: "Can you talk about how to thrive around high achievers when you're not naturally an extrovert or someone with great confidence? I'm trying to succeed at university, and this is something I find super challenging." (33:41)

Mel’s Response:
Mel reassures Alex that confidence is not linked to being extroverted. She encourages embracing her quiet nature while using the defined confidence tools to contribute effectively. Mel debunks the myth that confident people are always loud, stressing that true confidence is about willingness to try and act, regardless of personality.

Notable Quote:

"Confident people are very often the quiet people in the room." (34:10)
"Confidence is the willingness to try." (38:20)

3. Sky's Question: Self-Confidence and Social Media
Sky: "I would really love for you to talk about self-confidence and the relationship among my generation, which is generation Z, along with younger generations and honestly, everyone on how social media and technology in general can kind of get in the way of your own personal self-growth." (54:27)

Mel’s Response:
Mel applauds Sky for her self-awareness in disconnecting from detrimental social media habits. She advises listeners to curate their social media presence intentionally, focusing on accounts that inspire and uplift rather than those that foster self-doubt. Mel highlights the importance of controlling one's attention and the impact of social media on confidence.

Notable Quote:

"Social media is not good or bad. I think how we use it is terrible." (55:07)
"Only follow people and accounts and content that help you, that inspire you, that lift you up." (55:50)

Personal Stories and Insights

Mel’s Journey with Public Speaking
Mel shares her transformation from a terrified public speaker to a renowned speaker:

"You are witnessing a 21-minute long panic attack. That was the first official speech I had ever given in my entire life." (21:33)
"By being willing to try, by taking the actions over and over... I went from somebody who was terrified of public speaking to becoming one of the most talented, respected, and requested and booked public speakers in the entire world." (25:09)

Uber Driver Anecdote
Mel recounts a conversation with an Uber driver named Heather, who wanted to buy her own home but lacked confidence. Through their dialogue, Mel illustrates the power of redefining confidence as an action, inspiring Heather to take the first steps toward her goal.

"Confidence is being willing to try, being willing to step towards something before you feel ready." (08:21)
"Most of these are going to be complete crap, but there will be 1, 2, 3, 4 videos in there that will give you the next right step." (08:21)

Conclusion

Mel Robbins wraps up the episode by reinforcing the idea that confidence is accessible to everyone through deliberate action and mindset shifts. She encourages listeners to embrace discomfort, take consistent actions, and focus on personal growth rather than external validation. Mel's heartfelt message underscores the importance of self-belief and the transformative power of being willing to try.

"Confidence is your birthright. It is a skill that you build, it is a habit that you keep." (50:30)
"In case nobody else tells you, I'm going to tell you that I love you. I believe in you." (55:07)

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Confidence is a skill:

  "Confidence isn't just something that some people are born with. It is built over time." (00:54)

• Definition of Confidence:

  "Confidence is the willingness to try. Confidence is an action." (08:21)

• Overcoming Public Speaking Fear:

  "Confidence is what you're building over time." (25:09)

• Social Media and Confidence:

  "Only follow people and accounts and content that help you, that inspire you, that lift you up." (55:50)

• Final Empowering Message:

  "Confidence is your birthright. It is a skill that you build, it is a habit that you keep." (50:30)
  "I'm going to tell you that I love you. I believe in you." (55:07)

This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone looking to enhance their confidence by adopting practical tools, challenging misconceptions, and embracing a proactive approach to personal development. Mel Robbins' blend of personal anecdotes, research-backed strategies, and genuine encouragement provides listeners with the necessary framework to transform self-doubt into unwavering confidence.