Dr. Ethan Cross (10:14)

There's also ways of putting things in your environment to trigger positive experiences, like pictures of loved ones, which, you know, sounds so silly on the one hand, but we did this research years ago where we had people think about really painful experiences, and we had them then look at a picture of a loved one or a picture of someone else's loved one to see what are the implications of looking at your. What we call attachment figure, someone you're really connected to. And what we found is that looking at that person that you care about, this activates a sense that there are people in this world that support you, which sped up how quickly people recovered from a distressing experience. So after that research, I, like, went on a shopping spree for picture frames. And, like, all of my offices have pictures of my family and friends all around it.

Mel Robbins (11:09)

I love what he said. I want to read one of the things that he said. Looking at a person that you care about activates a sense that there are people in this world that support you, which speeds up how quickly you recover from a distressing experience. I mean, it's true, isn't it? And we know this, I mean, because you have photos of people you care about at work to get you through your stressful day and remind you that there's more to life than work. Right? But don't you love the reminder? I love the reminder, too. And so let's do it together. And where I like to go as a shortcut is I like to go to albums, whether it's shared albums or albums. And oh, my gosh, here is one that is called Kirby's Wedding. This is my cousin. I text with Kirby, like, back and forth, but I haven't. Have I not laid eyes on Kirby since her wedding? Oh, my God, now I'm making myself wrong. Stop, Mel, stop. That's not the point of our conversation today. I'm now scrolling through photos from Kirby's wedding. Oh, can you tell there's a smile on my face? Oh, my gosh, there's my Uncle Warren, and he passed away a year ago, and now I'm seeing his smiling face, which makes me miss him. Here is my cousin Kirby and my Uncle Duke, and she's being pulled in by a team of Clydesdale horses on this old wagon. I am smiling ear to ear, tiniest of habits to help you get a little energy boost and feel better right now. Stop checking out the news. Stop looking at the headlines. Use your phone for good. Open the camera, go right to the photo roll and just stare at it. For 30 seconds, when you look back, you remember the moments that made you feel something. Those pictures are more than photos. They are anchors to your life. They remind you of who you are, who you love, and the fact that even on the days you forget, you are building and living a beautiful life. So replay the good stuff. And that brings me to tiny little habit number two. Turn your kitchen into club night. I actually love this tiny habit and it's something that I've done for years. So let me just back up a little bit and kind of unpack how you do this and why this is important. Like you, my to do list, which I understand we now need to call a wish list. I can't remember who told us to do that, but your to do list is probably as long as the runner that you have on the floor of your kitchen. And whenever you got a to do list that you're just running through and it feels impossible, then you roll right from your day and right from work and right from the commute and right all the zoom calls into doing the next thing, which is cooking dinner and cleaning up the kitchen and feeding the dogs and making the grocery list. And the whole time that you're doing that, you're answering texts in one hand with your phone, then you're flipping the chicken with the other hand. You're not even present, right? Like you're just getting through it. Do you ever feel like that? Well, here's one amazingly simple and fun little fix that you can get into whenever you're in the kitchen. I don't care if you're doing dishes, you're making breakfast, you're throwing a lunch together, or you're cooking dinner for the entire soccer team that's piling into your house. Because it's your night to host the pre dinner before game night. Here's the fix. Turn on the energetic music. Uh huh. Turn that kitchen into a club. Anytime dishes are coming out, you know we're dancing. And here's why. There's something about flipping on music that creates an instant mood boost. It also snaps you into the present moment. I mean, just think about that. If you've got music going in the kitchen, you're typically not focused on work, are you? The moment your favorite song comes on, boom. Something shifts your mood lifts. You're like moonwalking through dinner. In fact, this new tiny little mood that you got because the music, I love Motown in a kitchen. I'll tell you why. Because everybody, if you're playing disco or Motown, you got grandparents, you got siblings, you Got kids, all age groups just start bobbing and weaving. You know the top songs that they play at a wedding that gets everybody dancing. That's your kitchen club music right there. Because what happens is that when that kind of music hits Tiny fix, your nervous system reacts to the rhythm of the music. You don't even have to do anything. Isn't that amazing? And don't you need that? Don't you need that little fix, that little lift? Doesn't it feel good to just for a second switch off that panicked to do list? I didn't get it all. Overthinking brain. Of course, it feels fantastic to do that. See, the music does it for you, even when you're just playing it in the background while you're wiping down the counters. So Tiny fix, turn on the music whenever you feel tired, whenever you're in the kitchen, you're cooking meal, prep dishes, unloading the dishwasher, feeding the dogs, cleaning off the counters, taking everybody's stuff that they put all over the counters and putting it into the little piles that you're then going to put on the stairs, doing the laundry, put on music. It fixes your mood. There was this landmark study done that was published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Check this out. Followed hundreds of older adults over 21 years. I wanna just highlight that this is not a study that was done like one and done. They followed people for 21 years and as part of that study, they were measuring physical activity and they tested like 11 different types of physical activity, from cycling to swimming, golf and tennis, to try to understand what had the best health benefits and what had the greatest impact on reducing the risk of dementia. Guess what? Physical activity had the greatest benefit in terms of reducing the risk of dementia? Dancing. In fact, dancing was the only physical activity out of all 11 that reduced the risk of dementia. What? Dancing helps me reduce the risk of dementia. This is why dancing requires a number of things. Coordination, rhythm, memory, and sometimes social interactions. You know, like when you're both kind of dancing and doing that shoulder pop thing at each other, all of which stimulates neuroplasticity and it keeps your brain sharp. And there's so many other studies that agree with this finding that dancing boosts your executive function, your spatial reasoning and your visual memory. Plus, here's the thing, if you're probably doing it after dinner, you're probably doing it sober, which is pretty awesome, which means you're also reducing stress, you're increasing serotonin, and it lights up your brain's reward centers. These are the same ones that are activated when you laugh, when you fall in love, when you eat chocolate, when you do all kinds of other awesome things. So no, this tiny fix of turning the kitchen into a nightclub, making sure that you're dancing whenever you're doing dishes. This isn't about just checking another box on your wellness routine. This is about flipping dinner duty into dance therapy. It's about singing over the simmering tomato sauce for the pasta. It's about making a moment count that would otherwise just be part of the blur of stirring the sauce and texting and in a to do list and just not even being present. The tiny fix is the music's on, and then your body starts moving, and now you're giving yourself both a break. You're pulling yourself into the present. You're lifting yourself up. Your brain is healing and getting stronger. Your mood is lifting. Your nervous system is like. And all because you took your kitchen off the to do list and you turned it into a dance club. I do this all the time, and I absolutely love this fix, and I love being reminded of it. In fact, I'm sitting here going, oh, you know, there's some people coming over tonight. I think I'm gonna make a really good playlist today, and I'm gonna hit it. And they're not gonna know what hit them. Boom. Right when we're about to clean up. And everybody will help. I love this little fix. So let's move on to tiny fix number three for a tired world. First name basis. First name basis means everywhere you go, learn people's first names. Make an effort to do it, okay? Because when you do it, you not only create a stronger social connection between you and other people, it makes you instantly more likable and more influential in your personal and professional life. I kid you not. The return on the investment of doing this. I can't even quantify or qualify how big of a deal this is, okay? And almost nobody does this. Nobody really thinks about this tiny little switch. And it's everything. Use people's first names. Become the kind of person even when you're tired, even when you're overwhelmed. Just a simple little fix. Take a beat. What did you say your name was again? That's it. And then say it. It is so simple. Stop telling yourself you're not good at remembering names. That's not true. So stop saying it's hard to remember people's names and say to yourself, I'm going to fix this. I'm going to start learning people's first names. Because I now understand the benefit, and I understand that it's going to make me feel more energized and supported, even when I'm exhausted. Because when you say someone's name, as in you actually take a moment to speak it, and then you take a moment to remember it, here's what you're doing. You're sending a very clear message. You're saying, you matter. I see you, I value you. And it feels personal, it feels intentional. It makes you immediately seem warm, thoughtful, competent, a little bit sharper, more grounded and interested than everyone else in the room. This is one of my absolute secret weapons in life. And it's the tiniest things. The tiniest things. I feel connected to people wherever I go. Why? Because I know that if I just say, hey, I'm Mel. What's your name? People usually go, well, I know who you are. I'm like, well, I'm Mel. You know, I still say my name. What's your name? Oh, hi, Sam. I say their name back immediately. And that's one of the mistakes people make. Simple fix. When somebody says, I'm Mike, I'm Sally. I'm Janaya, I'm Rebecca, just say, hi, Janaya. It's nice to meet you. And then here's another simple tweak. You ready? Ask a question with their name immediately. Right? So you repeat the name back. Oh, well, hello, Marcus. It's nice to meet you. So, Marcus, tell me a little bit about. And here's another thing that I want you to steal. This is genius. Okay, so if there's a place that you go regularly, maybe it's a coffee shop, maybe it's a gym, maybe it is a grocery store, maybe there is a hair salon that you go to, could be anywhere. This simple fix is going to change your life. Wait till you hear this. All you do is you open up a contact in your phone and then anytime you meet somebody whose name you want to remember. Tiny Fix. Hi, I'm Mel. What's your name? Oh, Tony. Nice to meet you. So tell me, Tony, how long have you lived here? How long have you worked here? What's your favorite thing on the menu? Then when Tony walks away, you know what you're going to do? Or even with Tony in front of you, you're literally going to go to the notes section and you're going to write down, tony, nice guy, my height, glasses, big smile, waited on me on this date. You put a little note in. That's it. I do this all the time. In fact, there's a Place I go in Boston all the time, and there are two guys that are outside running all the parking, and they greet everybody when they come in. Shout out to Marty. Shout out to Harrison. I also love Thomas, who says hello once you get inside. How I learned their name, how I learned the name of their kids, this exact technique when I first met them. Hi, I'm Mel. Oh, Harrison. Great to meet you. So, Harrison, how long have you worked here? Boom. As soon as I walk in, in my notes, Harrison, big smile, bald, handsome dude my age gives the best hugs. Now I know Harrison. The next time I pull up, I pull up my notes. Oh, yeah, Harrison and Marty, the two guys I met last time. And I remind myself of their name. And the coolest thing in the world is this. When you walk into that coffee shop, you walk into that restaurant, you walk into that dry cleaner, you walk into that farm stand, and you have just looked at your notes, and you have reminded yourself of the people that you've already met. You're now walking into a place, and you feel connected. And here's what you're gonna do. When you walk in, you walk right in. You say, hey, Marty, it's great to see you. It's Mel. Offer up your name. But when you say somebody else's name, there is so much research here, it's crazy. First of all, when somebody hears their name, it's not just emotional. You remembered by name. Wow. I must have made an impression. I must be important to you. And the truth is, you are important to me because I took the time to write it down in my Notes app, and that shows. But it doesn't just have an emotional impact on the person whose name you're saying. It has a biological one. See, there are studies, including one from researchers at Rutgers Medical School, that show that hearing your own name, it lights up your brain in the same areas that process identity, memory, and attention. It pulls people in and keeps them focused. When you use someone's name and you use it well, you come across as someone who's engaged, somebody who's organized, somebody who's a leader. Right? Don't you credit that with people. Oh, God, you're good with names. What does that mean about somebody when they're, quote, good with names? Which, by the way, just means you remembered my name. When somebody tells you you're good with names, it makes an impression, which is why this tiny little fix, and I've given you all the little tricks. Ask their name, repeat their name with a question, then write that sucker down. Nobody said you Couldn't take notes. It's one of the fastest ways to build trust, to command attention, and to leave a great impression. Because if you remember them, you better believe they're going to remember you. And here's the best part. Anyone can do this. This is not a special skill. This is not about a script. You just have to want to remember it, that's all. In fact, I believe in this so much that we did the Let Them the tour this spring, which was extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary. We are absolutely gonna take that sucker out again in 2026. I cannot wait to see you in real life. But everybody who worked the tour, we had a name tag. Why? Because when you're working with a crew of 35 people traveling all over the place, it's nice to be called by your name. I personally wish we all wore name tags in life because it'd make it a lot easier for all of us to feel acknowledged. But you can make this tiny fix, and I will tell you that in a tired, disconnected world, this fix does something magical. And if you're like me and you forget things, here's another thing I want to tell you. We're so freaked out about not remembering people's names, but the truth is this. If you've met somebody a couple times and you simply have the grace to say, I am so embarrassed to ask you this, but I am working on remembering people's names. What was your name again? And then when they tell you, there's nothing wrong with saying, phil, let me take a moment because I'm going to write this down. I'm not going to forget your name again. Thank you for being so gracious. Just think about how you feel when somebody does that for you. Instead of that thing where they kind of talk to you, but you can kind of sense that they don't really know your name and they're just making small talk. If you were to even just say, I know we've met, I'm super embarrassed. I'm trying to get better with remembering names. Remind me what your name is. You can be like, oh, yeah, that's what I thought it was. I was just too embarrassed to guess. Thank you. I'm gonna write this down real quick. That's part of what I'm learning. I promise you that is gonna make a hugely important impression on that person, and you'll never forget their name again. That's how you implement that tiny fix. Now let's talk about the fourth tiny fix. The power of showing up. You think about somebody, say something. Someone's going through something. Show up. That's what you do in life. It's standing in your friend's driveway when they had a hard day just because you wanted to stop by and say hi. It's about bringing coffee to the waiting room before somebody's surgery just to sit with the family. It's sitting on the edge of a bed with someone who just got dumped and bringing a pint of ice cream and two spoons. That's my favorite one. It not only works, it works better than expected. See, showing up isn't about obligation. It's about love. And here's the catch. This is the reason why this fix is so important. Even when you're tired and overwhelmed. If showing up is about love, it's not just love for the other person. There's also a boost of love that you get in return. And most of us miss this. You know, you show up out of obligation. You gotta go to the funeral. You gotta go to that birthday party. You gotta show up at your best friend's son's track meet for the qualifiers, and you kinda don't want to. We can be honest with each other because we're friends, right? But have you ever forced yourself to show up to something that you really didn't want to go to and been mad that you actually did? Never. Never. You always feel better about yourself and better about your relationships when you show up. And none of us ever want to. Why? It's not because we don't care. It's because we're exhausted. And that's why. This is one of those tiny fixes that is a reminder of who you actually are. Because you are the kind of person that shows up. And showing up is one of the best ways to connect with the people that you care about. And I agree it takes a lot of energy, especially when you're already tired. But I still want you to make this fix because what you get back is so much more energizing than you realize. I just did this recently by going to support a friend of mine who had her new baby. And you know what I wanted to do? Change the baby's diaper. Why? Well, because that's so fun, and it's a nice thing to be able to do for the new mom and dad. Here, I got this one. I've changed lots of diapers in my time. I can handle this one if you're comfortable with it. One mom to another. It's showing up for the moment, not because you're supposed to. The tiny fix is because you understand what everyone is starving for connection and support. And the support that you give is also support that you gain. Here's what the research says about this tiny fix of showing up. Research shows that your presence during life's pivotal moments, like showing up at a wedding or a funeral, or even sending that simple I'm thinking about you text. It does more than just mark an occasion. It strengthens bonds, builds trust, provides the emotional scaffolding that helps us navigate the highs and lows of life. And it doesn't have to be fancy. A simple text can mean the world to somebody. You know, in fact, I have a really good friend. He's been very public about this, so I can share it. Rich Roll Fantastic podcast. The Rich Roll Podcast. He is a dear friend of mine and a mentor and just I love this man. And he was getting a very, I don't know if you'd call it serious back surgery. I think all back surgeries are serious. But he was getting something fused in his back. And this is a guy who's an ultra marathoner. So the idea of having back surgery must have been terrifying. And it was a very complicated surgery. I was at my first stop for Let Them the tour. It was at the moment where I was panic stricken because I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into and the rehearsals were terrifying. And I was in this mindset where I was thinking, this is a major mistake. Why did I agree to put on a fricking Broadway show for my podcast? This is the dumbest thing I could have done. I was in a spiral of doubt and I was scrolling Yes, I doom scroll occasionally on social media. And I saw Rich's post about his surgery and I knew that he was going in for surgery. But the social media post reminded me, oh my God, it's happening tomorrow. I immediately texted him. In fact, let me pull up the text that I sent him. Let me find this. Oh, this is so nice. Hey Rich, I just tried to call you. I'm writing because I want you to know your back surgery is going to go well and I would be nervous too. Please know when you wake up, the world is going to wrap its arms around you and you are going to be okay. You have too much to do and the world needs you, especially now. You will be protected. Your surgeons understand the assignment and the stakes and you will come out of this stronger and more free and able to make a difference. And we need you to do that in the world right now. I just want you to know you're loved and you have so many friends like me who are sending you tons of positive energy to both you and your family. So relax into this. You're going to be protected and held through the surgery. You do not need to respond. I love you. That was a nice text, Mel. That was really nice. And then I sent him another short one, sending you a big hug and lots of loving energy. I saw this and thought of you. It's a meme of somebody recovering from back surgery who's doing all these backflips. It's really hilarious, like, meme. And I'm like, please don't laugh too hard. You're supposed to be recovering again. Short note made all the difference. He sent me a beautiful voice memo back after he was out of the hospital. And I'm telling you this because you stop and think, okay, should I send, Should I not send this? Is it okay to send this now? It's always okay. Always okay. And studies show that receiving a short note has a much bigger impact than you. And I realize why. I'll tell you why. Because when the person receives it, they know that people care about them. They know that people are thinking about them. Every time an old friend texts you and is like, oh my gosh, I just saw this and thought of you. Don't you have a boost of positivity? Of course you do. And you and I sit there and think, oh, it's not gonna make a difference. Oh, I'll do it later. It's not gonna be awkward. You're not gonna say the wrong thing. The research is so cool here about this tiny fix. If you're thinking of the person, reach out. If they're going through something, show up. And showing up can mean physically. It can mean send a voice memo. It can mean send flowers. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Chicago published a study in Psychological Science, a top peer reviewed journal. And in this study, they asked participants to write a letter of gratitude to someone who had done something kind for them. Just a quick note. We're not talking some fancy, like, tome here. And then they asked the writers to predict how the recipient would feel if they got this short little letter of gratitude. Well, here's what happened. The writers, they thought the note would feel awkward. They were worried that a note of gratitude out of the blue would make the other person feel uncomfortable. Boy, were they wrong. Boy, did they underestimate the impact of this tiny little fix. Because when the recipients got those notes, holy. They felt seen, surprised, deeply valued. In other words, it works. Tiny fix. Show up. That's what you do in life. It not only works, it works better than expected. And the act of writing these letters had another beneficial effect on the writers themselves. Check this out. Simply engaging in writing a quick note of gratitude led to increased positive emotions and a greater sense of well being among the letter writers. What does this suggest? It suggests that showing up, that expressing gratitude, reaching out when you think of somebody, not only strengthens your social bonds, but it also enhances your happiness and emotional state. Just by writing the letter. I want to just hover on that. See, you're so tired, you don't think you have anything to give. What's amazing about this research is what you give, you receive in return. Not from the other person thanking you, but because by simply sending the text or showing up or sending the flowers or writing the letter, you boost your own happiness and emotional state. That's how I felt when I was texting my buddy Rich. Because I'm like, I feel good knowing that I'm taking a moment in the middle of this craziness and this spiral of insecurity to show up as the kind of person I know that I am, somebody who's supportive, somebody who shows up for my friends, somebody who reaches out no matter what I've got going on in my own life. Because when somebody's struggling or they're feeling alone in the world, they're not looking for perfection. All anybody needs is proof that they matter to someone. That's what a simple note can be. That is the power of it. And that's also this tiny fix of showing up. It could be a call, a voice memo, a card, a text, a hug, a batch of cookies or paper plates on the doorstep of somebody who just got surgery. And the last thing they need to be doing is cooking and doing dishes. Mark the moment. Because the most powerful words are the ones that you actually say when you write it down. You make it real. And I want to give you a very real example of how much of a difference a handwritten note can make. And I want to give you a very real example of how much of a difference a handwritten note can make. And the note I'm about to read to you is from our friends at Amica Insurance. Susan is a representative for Amica, and she got word from Meg that her mom had passed away. Now, Meg's mom was a longtime Amica client who Susan, the Ameca representative, had worked with over the years. Susan did not hesitate to reach out and share her condolences with Meg and her family. By writing them. A handwritten letter wasn't fancy. It was timely and it was thoughtful. Now, Meg, receiving this letter from her mother's Amica Insurance representative, blown away. So blown away that she shared the note with her brother Peter. He was so moved, he wrote back to Susan, and I want to read to you his response to Susan's handwritten letter. Dear Susan, my sister Meg just sent me a photo of the note which you sent to her regarding the passing of our mother. We are so grateful for your thoughtfulness. Our mother was one to write notes, all kinds of notes, always handwritten. Unfortunately, it is a nearly lost art and life skill which demonstrates class, elegance, gratitude, humanity, and humility. It is such a pleasant surprise, particularly in today's world, to receive a note like yours, maybe even more so, from a business enterprise with which we and our mom would typically feel as though we were nothing more than an account or a number. We are very appreciative. And then he went on to say, you've given me a glimmer of hope today that there are still people in this world who will thoughtfully pause for a moment to consider others whom they may not even know or who have known personally. In my opinion, it speaks volumes of you, your leadership, your service toward others and your customers, and to your company itself. Wow. Bravo. Thanks again. I mean, first of all, what a beautiful thing for Susan, the Ameca representative, to do to remember their mom and a note to her children. And it's a simple fix, isn't it? I get that we're all tired. I get that we have that moment where we're like, should I, shouldn't I? Will it make a difference? Of course it makes a difference. You just heard the difference it makes. And what I think is so awesome about this story is it illustrates what the research says. You not only underestimate the impact it's going to have on the person receiving the letter, but look at the reflection that Peter had about the person who took the time to send the letter. So write the note. Make it real. Make it personal. Make someone feel remembered and regarded. And in doing so, you're reminded of what really matters. I want to thank Amica for not only sponsoring this episode, but also sharing this story. Because this story is exactly what we're talking about. The tiniest of fixes for a tired world. Fixes that lift us all up. Visit amica.com today. As they say at Amica, empathy is our best policy. And that brings me to tiny fix number five. In a tired world. Cheer like it's Yours. What does that mean? That means that when someone else is winning, cheer as if it's your win too. And we just talked about how it can be hard to show up for people when they're going through something difficult. That's true. And we talked about this fix of the importance of showing up, sending the note, and sending the text. But here's something that you don't hear people talk about enough. How easy it is to vanish when somebody else is winning. Mm. Mm. You know, somebody shares a win. They get a promotion, they publish a big creative project, they go on a great date, or they finally booked the dentist appointment that they've been putting off for, like, a year. And what do we do? Eh, we just shrug our shoulders, we say, good for you, and then we move on. Cool, we say. And then we change the subject. Or maybe somebody posts something online and it goes crazy viral. Or they get into their dream school and we say, oh, that's awesome. And then we say nothing else. Or worse, we stay silent because we think it's not our news to care about it, to celebrate it. Or worse, you actually feel jealous or confronted by it. But science says otherwise. See, this is a tiny fix that is a massive change in your life. There is a concept in psychology called capitalization. Capitalization means responding actively and constructively when someone shares something good. There is this saying that you know who your friends are based on who you share good news with. The people you share good news with are the people that you trust will celebrate the good news with. You notice there are lots of people in your life that you don't share good news with because you don't think that they're gonna cheer for you as if there's a win. Now, I want you to stop and think as you're nodding along and going, that's true. I can't share my wins with a lot of people in my life. Cause I know they're not celebrating me. Well, let me ask you this. Are you celebrating your friends? Because you might just be one of those people in life. I used to be this person that when people were winning, I felt like I was losing. That when other people got something good, I'd be like, wait, I don't have anything good. I don't want to celebrate the fact that you're in a new relationship because it means I'm not going to be in a new relationship. I don't want to celebrate the fact that you just were able to renovate your kitchen because it means I'm not renovating my Kitchen. This is a tiny fix that changed my life. Learning how to live life, understanding that other people's wins are not your losses. And in fact, you want to be the kind of person that cheers loudly for other people's wins. Because the more you cheer for others, the more others cheer for you. And you need that in life. See, when you don't respond to good news, you kind of like, oh, that's great. You brush it off. You change the subject. You stay quiet. It can hurt the relationship. Why? Because silence in response to someone else's engagement or pregnancy announcement or the fact that they've met someone amazing or they've gotten a new job or they finally were able to buy the car of their dreams. You know what that feels like when you're silent disinterest or worse, disapproval. And you've probably felt that where you've had something great going on, and then nobody's, like, celebrating authentically with you and you're like, okay, wait a minute. Am I sounding like I'm bragging? Do they not care? Do I not deserve this? Are they jealous? And this isn't just a theory. One of the most fascinating studies on this comes from psychologist Dr. Shelly Gable at UC Santa Barbara. Her team looked at married couples and found that how they responded to each other's good news was a stronger predictor of the relationship satisfaction than how they responded to the hard stuff. Let me say that again. How you celebrate to the wins matters way more than how you handle bad days. Check this out. Being loud and proud of your friends. Being celebratory during the good times. The way you show up in moments of joy signals something deeper. I'm in this with you. I'm not threatened by you. I am proud of you. Your happiness is my happiness. Your success matters to me. You deserve this. I want you to stop and think. Do you have a friend or a family member that makes you feel that way? They are proud of your success. They are cheering you on. They're the one with the cowbells and the signs at everything that you do. Doesn't it feel so good to have people like that in your life? Here's the tiny fix. Be that person in people's lives. Be the person that is in it with others. Be the person that is proud of other people's success. Be. Be the person. Celebrate everybody else's wins like it's yours. Your sister gets pregnant before you do. Be the first one to clap. Your friend meets somebody fabulous after a divorce. While you're still going through yours. Shout the loudest, because it means you can too. Be the one who texts back, tell me everything. Be the person who says, I am so glad you told me. That is amazing. You deserve that. That makes me so happy. That one sentence shifts your entire relationship. Because in saying that, you've just told them, I'm with you. So let me ask you this question. Who could you text today? Who's winning in your life? Who just had something amazing happen? Who is doing something that maybe makes you a little jealous like you wish it was you? Can you make a little fix and authentically say, I love your new kitchen? I love it. It is gorgeous. If I could afford to do it right now, it would look just like that. But I'm so excited to come over and cook in yours. I love you. I want you to cheer like it's yours. Tiny fix for a tired world that lifts you up, deepens your relationships, and honestly changes who you are. Because when you can start doing this and celebrating the good things for others, I promise you, good things come more quickly to you because you are opening up. I know this is gonna sound woo woo, but you are opening up this energy field that allows it to flow to others and back to you. Let's move on to tiny little fix number six. And this one is gold. Tiny fix. Be an eight minute friend. Okay, an eight minute friend. I'm gonna explain what an eight minute friend is, but let's start with the little lie that you tell yourself, even if you don't wanna say it out loud. Someday I'll have more time. I'll call my friend when I have more time. It takes a lot of time to catch up with somebody in order to connect with a friend. I gotta have an hour. I gotta see them in person. I gotta make plans. I gotta go out to dinner. I gotta do something. No, no, no, no, no, no. Researchers call this a time surplus fantasy. It's this notion that, okay, life is gonna magically slow down. The calendar is gonna clear up. I'm gonna finally be able to catch up with that friend that I miss. Problem that time doesn't exist and it never comes. And both you and your friends are doing it. Dr. Robert Waldinger, Harvard psychiatrist, director of the longest running study on happiness in history. This is that study at Harvard that's gone 83 years. He is the fourth director of this study. He's also one of your most favorite guests that has appeared on this podcast. He has a book out called the Good Life. And in his book he says, quote, most busy people tend to think that in some unspecified future, like when I'm retired, we'll have a time surplus where we'll be able to connect with old friends. Here's the truth. The time surplus is not coming. You don't magically get more time. The connection that's going to happen out in the future isn't happening unless you schedule it now. And it doesn't take as much time as you think. That brings me to the tiny fix. I want you to think about creating friendship on purpose and staying connected on purpose by being, quote, an eight minute friend. Okay, what does that mean? Well, first of all, this idea comes from an article that was written by a reporter named Jancy Dunn. This was a massive article in the New York Times a couple years ago that was all about the power of making an 8 minute phone call to a friend. And now you'll see it all over social media, people talking about the eight minute call. But it comes from this article in the New York Times. And once I read it, it just was a tiniest of a fix in a busy world that changed the way I think about staying connected to friends. Because like you, I was making this mistake of thinking, I gotta have an hour, I gotta make plans in the future, we gotta find time to go out to dinner. No you don't. All you need to quickly check in on somebody is eight minutes. In eight minutes you can hear somebody's voice, you can ask how they're doing, you can tell them you were thinking about them. And the other cool thing about adopting this tiny little fix of being an 8 minute friend is that when you connect with somebody and you're like, hey, I got eight minutes, I thought of you. I'm on my way to an appointment, I just wanted to catch up real quick. And I'll tell you, 50% of the time, after making an eight minute call, I have a follow up date in a calendar to see a person in real life. That's why this matters. Because we're all thinking about the people that we care about and we're all lying to ourselves saying that in the future we're going to have some unbelievable amount of time. Suddenly we're gonna have hours of time to catch up with friends. Suddenly our calendars are gonna be clear. Suddenly your schedule and their schedule is gonna perfectly align and you're gonna find time to get together consistently. It's not happening. It's not happening unless you make it happen. And so a tiny fix that changed my life is thinking about, do I have eight minutes? If I have Eight minutes in between things, I have eight minutes to connect with a friend. And so whenever I'm driving, this is my favorite hack. When I'm out running errands, I'm an eight minute friend. I make phone calls to my friends hand free of course. And I just catch up and I say, hey, I was on my way somewhere, I had just a few minutes and I thought, I just wanted to hear your voice and say hi and how much I miss you and catch up in between these two appointments. And here's the wild part. This tiny fix rewires your brain. So let's talk about the science. There was this recent study with researchers collaborating across four different countries that found that even a brief, sincere little social interaction like that, like a quick phone call, stimulates the release of oxytocin. How cool is that? Now, oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone or the cuddle chemical. But it's so much more than that. If your 8 minute call stimulates the release of oxytocin, let me tell you what just happened for you. Lower stress boost of resilience improves your health. 18 minute phone call makes both you and the person that you call feel better. So begs the question, who can you call for eight minutes today? You'll thank me later, I promise. And that brings me to the tiny fix number seven for a tired world. And that is an awe walk. This next one, brilliant. Here it is. Go outside, walk around for three minutes and look for something that makes you go, wow. Researchers have found that going out on a walk and taking in something that brings a sense of awe. Or putting your back up against a tree or the forehead, or lay down on the grass, stare up at the clouds. Found that just a few minutes of experiencing awe has measurable impact and effects on your brain. Your stress drops, your mood lifts. You feel more present, less self focused and more connected to the world. It is scientifically proven because awe pulls you out of your head. Look up at the sky and just take in the details. I mean, it almost looks like something perfectly photoshopped, only its nature. Or the tree that's way older than you. Just stop for a minute and think, wow, this tree has stood the test of time. Imagine how deep its roots must go into that ground. Or birds flying in formation like they practiced it. Or maybe there's art or architecture that just makes you stop and take it in. A mural in a city that stops you in your tracks. A building that makes you go, wow, who designed that? I wonder how old that is. I wonder who Lives there. This is what you call an awe walk. That's the whole awe walk thing. The whole point of this tiny fix for a tired world is to get you out of the rat race and the stress loop. In fact, a good friend of mine, his name is Charlemagne Tha God. He is a radio hall of famer, a New York Times bestselling author, a serial entrepreneur, and one of the co hosts of the single most popular morning radio show in the world, none other than the Breakfast Club. He has incorporated this into his day to day life. It may surprise you to know that yes, Charlemagne, the God, he's doing an awe walk, or in his case, an awe lay down in the backyard all the time. Just hear him talk about the impact of taking a moment to lay down in the grass in his backyard to hug a tree. Yes, hug a tree and how it makes him feel.

Charlemagne Tha God (56:39)

Just take your shoes off, walk on the ground. Put your forehead up against the tree. Lean your back against the tree. Lay down on your belly if you want to, just lay. If you want to lay on your back, lay on your back on the ground. Just take a few deep breaths. Look up at the sun, look up at the sky. And I guarantee you, if you allow yourself, no phone, no distractions, I guarantee you, you will feel some type of release.

Mel Robbins (57:03)

And Charlemagne's right, you will feel released. And research says it's even simpler than getting outside. Because awe can sneak up on you in the middle of a Tuesday if you allow it. If you allow it. Like if you really tune into the music that's playing at the cafe or playing in your earbuds and all of a sudden this one note hits you and you feel it vibrating in your chest. That's awe. Here's another one. I'm constantly in a state of awe that I could sit here above my garage in Southern Vermont, and through the magic of technology and the hard work of this team, that I could be speaking to you wherever you are in the world right now, that you are taking me in your car, or you and I are going for a walk together, or I'm sitting with you at work or in your home. Isn't that amazing? Whenever I stop and think about how remarkable it is that we get to spend time together, I just feel my heart open up a little bit. That's so cool. That's the whole point of this seventh tiny fix for a tired world. Allow it to change you. Because that's the point of awe. When you allow yourself to be mesmerized by what's happening around You. That moment makes you feel smaller in a really good way, like you're part of something bigger and not just stuck in this same loop of the same old, same old. And here's the sneaky part. Once you do this a few times, your brain starts to look for these little moments of awe to hit more often. Because you're using nature. You're using grass, you're using trees. You're using the beauty around you when you live in a city to train you to pull yourself out of autopilot. So instead of getting whiplash because the week is yet again flying by and nothing feels real and your to do list feels never ending, you're starting to have these tiny little fixes, these moments of interruption where you allow awe in. It's three minutes. Lay down on the grass. Take a breath. Let the sky change your mood. I mean, it's way better than anything on your phone, which is just going to stress you out. And isn't that the point of all this? These seven tiny fixes for a tired life. It's not about overhauling your life. It's about coming back to it piece by piece, one small fix at a time. Because it's the tiniest shifts that reconnect you with what matters. Because what matters hasn't changed at all. Life just got so busy that you got disconnected from what matters. It's not the big moves that save us. It's the tiny fixes that remind us of who we actually are and what truly matters. Yes, these seven fixes are very simple. And no, they're not going to solve everything you're dealing with. But they shift something important. They change what it feels like to be you as you're living your life. So today, pick just one of the seven tiny little fixes. One small fix that reminds you of who you are and makes your life feel a little bit more like yours again. And in case no one else tells you today, let me be the person to tell you. I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I am certain that the seven things that we talked about today will absolutely help you do that. All righty. I'll be waiting to welcome you in to the very next episode. The moment you hit play. I'll see you there. All right, let's start. Let's try. Okay, here we go. So if the garage is going up, we're going to get another one. Here we go. Are they going out? Are they coming in? It looked like Chris was coming in, but Perfect. It's absolutely perfect. I gotta get. I gotta learn how to do vocal warm ups. So I'm not frying myself. Do you want me to do that again? It was good. Okay. Why don't we get some Earl Gray, aim with some honey so I don't. So I have. Yikes. Sorry, I'm trying to breathe into my diaphragm down here. I gotta figure out a warm up routine. Oh, oh, give me another name. What's another, like, good name. Great job. Aim on that. Great job. So much fun. Great job, guys. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher. Thank you again to our exclusive insurance partner, Amica. I loved sharing these seven tiny fixes that make me feel better. And they made me feel better and more energized just sharing them with you. If you take one thing from this episode, it has to be this. The smallest thingswriting, a note, making a quick call, showing up when it matters will make you feel a little more energized, connected, and excited about life and more like yourself again. What I love about these tiny fixes is they don't only make you feel good, they also make the people around you feel good. And honestly, that's exactly the kind of service Amica delivers to their customers. They're not just selling insurance, they're creating peace of mind. Their representatives take the time to understand your needs, walk you through your options, and help you make smart, confident choices. Amica has been doing this since 1907. They're the oldest automobile mutual insurer in the United States. That means they're powered by you, the policyholder, not by shareholders. And it shows 95% of customers who bundle auto and home insurance with Amica stays with them year after year. Why? Because they focus on you, your needs, your life, your protection. If you want an insurance company that truly believes in empathy, service, and showing up when it counts, visit amica.com today. As they say at Amica, empathy is our best policy.