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To Anyone Going Through a Breakup: How to Heal a Broken Heart & Move On

The Mel Robbins Podcast

Published: Thu Dec 05 2024

If you’re going through a breakup, or someone you love is, this episode is dedicated to you. Mel is sharing the #1 cure for your broken heart, and is here to help you navigate the incredibly difficult process of moving forward after a breakup. This is also a resource to share with anyone in your life who is going through heartbreak. In this episode, Mel is joined by her daughter Sawyer, who recently went through the biggest breakup of her life. They reveal research-backed strategies and the real, raw emotions of going through loss and grief, and together, they walk you through the painful task of learning how to live without someone you loved. If you're ready for guidance on healing and moving forward, this episode is for you. Get a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory, which she mentions in this episode. For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, listen to this on...

Summary

The Mel Robbins Podcast: "To Anyone Going Through a Breakup: How to Heal a Broken Heart & Move On"

Host: Mel Robbins
Guest: Sawyer Robbins (Mel's daughter)
Release Date: December 5, 2024
Duration: Approximately 92 minutes

1. Introduction to the Breakup Survival Guide

In this deeply personal episode, Mel Robbins opens up about her daughter Sawyer's painful breakup, which became the catalyst for creating the Breakup Survival Guide. Mel shares the emotional turmoil her family experienced and emphasizes the importance of processing heartbreak rather than merely pushing through it.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [00:00]: "The fact is, as painful as these experiences are, you can move through it. And on the other side of it is an unbelievably powerful, wiser and more loving version of you."

2. Understanding the Breakup Process

Mel and Sawyer delve into the neurological and psychological aspects of experiencing a breakup. They explain that a breakup isn't just an emotional event but a neurological restructuring where one's life patterns intertwined with the ex-partner are untangled. This process mirrors the stages of grief experienced when losing a loved one.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [17:08]: "It hurts so deeply because everything about them is intertwined in your nervous system... You're so used to talking to them every day."

3. The No Contact Rule

A cornerstone of the Survival Guide is the "No Contact for 30 Days" rule. Mel's therapist, Anne Davin, advises that any form of contact—be it messaging, viewing photos, or listening to voice memos—can reignite old emotional patterns, hindering the healing process.

Notable Quote:
Sawyer Robbins [27:45]: "When our therapist Anne told me the day after I got my heart broken this time around that you cannot reach out for 30 days... it was really effective advice."

4. Dispelling the Myth of Closure

Mel challenges the conventional pursuit of closure, suggesting that true healing comes from internal processing rather than seeking external validation or explanations from the ex-partner. Closure is portrayed as an internal journey rather than an external endpoint.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [32:51]: "Closure you think is just going to somehow reset your nervous system and you're going to be fine... It doesn't actually happen because that work is internal."

5. Six Actionable Steps for Healing

Mel and Sawyer outline six practical steps to aid in healing from a breakup:

  1. Remove Triggers from Your Environment: Eliminate physical reminders like photos, playlists, or personal items that constantly bring the ex to mind.

    Sawyer Robbins [61:55]: "Remove their photos, get them out of the digital frames... any physical reminder of them fires up your nervous system."

  2. Give Your Bedroom a Makeover: Redesigning personal spaces can signify a new beginning and help break old associations.

    Sawyer Robbins [62:26]: "Move your bed to another angle or part of your room... it's a fun project that makes you feel like you are changing your environment."

  3. Fill Your Calendar with Engaging Activities: Actively plan outings, classes, or events to rediscover joy and distract from lingering thoughts of the ex.

    Mel Robbins [65:03]: "Fill your calendar with things you're actually excited about versus filling your calendar with work or obligations."

  4. Pick a Personal Challenge: Engage in activities that provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment beyond the relationship.

    Mel Robbins [66:32]: "Pick a challenge you've always wanted to do... it gives you purpose that is beyond that person you're getting over."

  5. Seek Support Proactively: Reach out to friends and family for companionship and assistance, ensuring you don't isolate yourself.

    Mel Robbins [64:01]: "Reach out proactively and let people know what is happening... showing up in person goes a lot farther than just sending a text."

  6. Ask Reflective Questions: Contemplate how you would live your life knowing that the love of your life is just around the corner, encouraging forward-thinking and self-discovery.

    Sawyer Robbins [67:39]: "If someone told you, hey, in approximately 75 days, the love of your life is going to walk into the coffee shop... what would you do in the next 75 days?"

6. Listener Questions and Expert Advice

The episode features insightful listener questions, with Mel and Sawyer providing compassionate and practical advice:

  • Gabrielle (25): Struggles with "what ifs" and comparisons when meeting new people.

    Advice: Focus on self-discovery rather than seeking the perfect partner immediately. Embrace the 80/20 rule—prioritize what truly matters in relationships over fleeting fears and comparisons.

    Mel Robbins [71:02]: "I'm dating to learn more about myself... one person at a time, the right person for me is going to show up."

  • Yuna (29): Finds dating after a bad breakup emotionally challenging.

    Advice: Ensure you've fully processed the previous breakup before venturing into new relationships. Seek meaningful connections rather than using dating as a means to an end.

    Mel Robbins [75:36]: "You need to let her leave, and you have to accept reality that this is over... your life is not going to begin until you let her live hers."

  • Tim (27): Feels compelled to live his life for his ex, leading to unhealthy behaviors.

    Advice: Adhere strictly to the no-contact rule and focus on rebuilding your life independently. Engage in the Survival Guide's steps to reclaim your autonomy and happiness.

    Mel Robbins [81:55]: "Your life is not going to begin until you let her live hers... you have to let her go and set yourself free."

7. Conclusion: Embracing a Brighter Future

Mel and Sawyer wrap up the episode with heartfelt encouragement, reinforcing the message that while the journey through heartbreak is arduous, it culminates in personal growth and the promise of future love. They emphasize the importance of self-compassion, patience, and the utilization of the Survival Guide's tools to navigate the healing process.

Notable Quote:
Mel Robbins [90:17]: "It's going to get better and you are going to meet somebody amazing... the greatest love of your life is on the road ahead."

Key Takeaways

  • Processing vs. Pushing Through: True healing involves understanding and processing emotions rather than merely enduring them.

  • No Contact is Crucial: Establishing a period of no contact is essential to break old emotional ties and facilitate healing.

  • Environmental Changes Aid Recovery: Redesigning personal spaces and removing triggers can significantly aid in moving forward.

  • Self-Discovery Over Seeking Closure: Focusing on personal growth and self-awareness paves the way for healthier future relationships.

  • Support Systems are Vital: Engaging with supportive friends and family members can provide the necessary encouragement during tough times.

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone navigating the tumultuous waters of a breakup. Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical steps, Mel and Sawyer Robbins provide listeners with the tools and motivation to heal, grow, and ultimately embrace a brighter future.

Note: The episode contains advertisements and sponsor messages, which have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the core content.

No transcript available.