The Mel Robbins Podcast
Episode: Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships
Host: Mel Robbins
Date: November 27, 2025
Episode Overview
In this episode, Mel Robbins unpacks the science and practical power of gratitude—not as a clichéd call to “just be thankful,” but as an act of defiance and rewiring your mind in a chaotic world. Supported by research and guest experts, Mel teaches three easy, actionable tools that can help listeners feel calmer, more present, and improve their relationships. She incorporates insights from Dr. Tara Swart Bieber, Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, and Dr. Daniel Amen to make the case that small gratitude practices can create lasting change in your mental and physical health.
Main Themes and Purpose
- Redefining Gratitude: Mel challenges the overused, surface-level versions of gratitude and reframes it as a powerful tool to fight back against modern negativity and overwhelm.
- Intention Over Positivity: Rather than pushing “toxic positivity,” Mel espouses intentional, research-backed acts of noticing and appreciating the good—even (and especially) during hard times.
- Practical, Science-Backed Tools: The episode dives into three foolproof, approachable techniques anyone can use, supported by scientific studies and personal stories.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Gratitude as an Act of Defiance
(00:00–09:58)
- Mel acknowledges skepticism about gratitude but reframes it as a mindset shift and an intentional act that can combat the brain’s negativity bias.
- “The madness in the world is rewiring your mind and your body for negativity. Gratitude is how you fight back.” – Mel Robbins [00:45]
- Practicing gratitude helps you notice what’s going right in your world, eases stress, and grounds you in the present, rather than letting external chaos dictate your mood and thoughts.
2. Why Gratitude Works: The Brain Science
(09:58–11:20)
- Dr. Aditi Nerurkar explains that gratitude practices use “cognitive reframing” to help make positive events stickier in your brain than negative events—a reversal of the usual tendency to dwell on what’s wrong.
- “When negative experiences become sticky in the brain like Velcro... when you start practicing gratitude, it’s cognitive reframing. What you focus on grows, so you shift your perspective.” – Dr. Nerurkar [10:00]
- Evidence shows even one minute daily of gratitude can reduce stress, burnout, and even silence your inner critic by quieting the amygdala.
The Three (Research-Backed) Tools
Tool 1: The Unsent Gratitude Letter
(11:20–21:53)
- How It Works: Once a week, write a one-page letter to someone you’re grateful for. Don’t worry about sending it—just the act helps you shift your mindset.
- The Science: Indiana University study led by Dr. Joel Wong found people in therapy who wrote one gratitude letter/week had dramatically reduced depression & anxiety—even 12 weeks later.
- Three groups: therapy only, journaling stress, and writing gratitude letters. Only the gratitude letter group showed these extended benefits.
- Personal Story: Mel describes writing an unsent letter to her husband and to her producer, Amy, illustrating how the exercise softened her own stress and irritation.
- How-to prompts:
- What did they do?
- Why did it matter?
- How did it affect you?
- Memorable Quote:
- “Being able to write it down helps you remember all the ways someone as important as Amy comes through for you... Gratitude and the unsent letter, it’s how you find your way back to each other.” – Mel [17:00]
- Action Step: Write a letter to one person each week. Be specific and heartfelt. Send it if you want, but it’s most important that you write it.
Tool 2: The 3-Minute Night Journal
(22:33–33:42)
- How It Works: Keep a notebook by your bed. Each night, write down three small things you’re grateful for—no need for big moments or deep thoughts.
- The Science: Dr. Laura Redwine’s study (UCSD) with early heart failure patients showed nightly gratitude journaling improved stress markers, inflammation, heart rate variability, and sleep quality.
- Neuroscientist Perspective: Dr. Daniel Amen and Mel both use this practice—reviewing the day for what went well trains the brain to find positives, helping the mind settle at night.
- Memorable Moment:
- “We're just going to take the cognitive reframing Zamboni of gratitude, we're going to wipe all that out.” – Mel [26:00]
- Alternate Morning Method:
- Dr. Tara Swart Bieber’s wake-up ritual: Before anything else, she soaks into gratitude for her bed, pillow, and the sensory moment, breathing deeply to anchor herself in positivity before facing the day.
- “I’m not letting my spirit, my brain kick in. I’m just doing—going straight to gratitude. So I can’t even think about anything else.” – Dr. Swart Bieber [34:55]
- Action Step: Each night, jot three specific things you’re grateful for. If you prefer mornings, savor your surroundings and call out what you appreciate before your day begins.
Tool 3: The Gratitude Group Text
(45:12–54:10)
- How It Works: Use your phone for good—drop a “gratitude bomb” in any text or Slack group. Could be as simple as “I appreciated how you helped with that project” or “Thank you for making me laugh today.”
- The Science: Study by Dr. Shelley Kerr (Griffith University, Australia) with people waiting for therapy: a gratitude group that journaled daily about things they were grateful for reported lower depression and higher positivity, with lasting effects weeks later.
- Acts of kindness also helped, but the reflective aspect of gratitude had the biggest effect.
- Real-World Example: Mel observes her own work texts with producer Tracy have become transactional, then describes how a single gratitude text shifts the tone for the whole team—and even spawns a company-wide Slack channel for victories and celebrations.
- Memorable Quote:
- “You don’t even have to announce it… drop a little gratitude into the text chain. It brings light into the middle of a hard week or a hard day. And the best part? It’s so fast, it doesn’t ask anything of you except for honesty and a little generosity.” – Mel [50:00]
- Action Step: Once a day, add a note of genuine gratitude in your text conversations. For extra support, start a group text dedicated to the practice.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “Gratitude is an act of defiance in a world that's trying to gaslight you into thinking you have no power and that there's nothing in the world that's good. It's simply not true.” – Mel Robbins [02:00]
- “What you focus on grows… So even if negative and positive are happening at the same rate, when you are feeling a sense of stress, you are focused primarily on the negative… By practicing gratitude... the negative experiences may happen, but it slides off.” – Dr. Aditi Nerurkar [10:00]
- “The moment I started writing about what Chris has done for me this season… something softened inside me. I didn’t even give him the letter. What I experienced was more for me—to help me recenter myself.” – Mel Robbins [12:15]
- “We're just going to take the cognitive reframing Zamboni of gratitude, we're going to wipe all that out by directing our mind to just reflect back on what went well.” – Mel Robbins [26:00]
- “I’m not letting my spirit, my brain kick in. I’m just doing—going straight to gratitude. So I can’t even think about anything else.” – Dr. Tara Swart Bieber [34:55]
Timestamps for Major Segments
- 00:00–09:58: Mel introduces why gratitude matters, framing it as a radical act, not a cliché.
- 09:58–11:20: Dr. Nerurkar on cognitive reframing and stickiness of negativity.
- 11:20–21:53: Tool 1: The Unsent Letter – instructions, research, and Mel’s personal examples.
- 22:33–33:42: Tool 2: The Three-Minute Night Journal – instructions, research, and alternative morning ritual with Dr. Tara Swart Bieber.
- 33:42–35:11: Dr. Tara’s morning routine and the brain science explained.
- 45:12–54:10: Tool 3: The Gratitude Group Text—how to apply it, the scientific backing, and Mel’s team experience.
- 54:10–End: Recap of tools, encouragement, and closing thoughts.
Key Takeaways
- Gratitude rewires your mind—it’s not about ignoring hardship but shifting how you process what’s happening around you.
- Three simple, research-backed tools can meaningfully improve mood, stress, physical health, and relationships:
- The Unsent Letter
- The 3-Minute Night Journal (or Dr. Tara’s morning gratitude ritual)
- The Gratitude Group Text
- Consistency, intention, and specificity matter most; doing what feels right for you is the key.
- Gratitude is contagious—sharing it helps you and those around you.
Mel’s Parting Words
- “This is not toxic positivity… it is about protecting yourself from the onslaught of negativity.”
- “You just need one small shift: one letter, three lines in a journal, one little drop of gratitude in a text message to a friend. That’s how you begin. That’s how you interrupt the stress. It’s how you start noticing your life again.” [55:25]
- “If you do that, the change is going to start within you and ripple outside of you and you are going to start to feel like your life is getting better.” [56:30]
For More Resources
- Connect on Instagram: @melrobbins
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