The Mel Robbins Podcast

Episode: "World Leading Therapist: Why You Feel Stuck in Life & How to Get Unstuck"

Featuring: Mel Robbins & Lori Gottlieb
Release Date: November 24, 2025

Episode Overview

In this transformative episode, host Mel Robbins sits down with world-renowned therapist and bestselling author Lori Gottlieb ("Maybe You Should Talk to Someone") to explore how the stories we tell ourselves shape our lives, relationships, and sense of self. The conversation unpacks the psychological roots of feeling stuck and offers science-backed, actionable strategies to help you rewrite your inner narrative and unlock personal growth. The episode is filled with practical questions to ask yourself, real-world examples, and compassionate guidance aimed at helping listeners author a new, more empowering chapter of their lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Your Inner Narrative

[00:00–06:22]

• Mel: The person you talk to most is yourself. The ongoing stories in your head shape your reality and can hold you back from love, success, and fulfillment.
• Lori: The big promise—if you take this advice to heart, you’ll experience a profound shift in self-perception and how you relate to others. Immediate application is possible.

"You're going to do something that makes you feel differently about yourself. That has been true all along, but you have not been paying attention to it." — Lori Gottlieb [06:57]

2. Why We Stay Stuck: Externalizing Blame

[07:07–12:22]

• Most people want change but focus on changing others rather than themselves.
• Lori explains that real change happens by editing your own story and shifting your response to relationships, not by waiting for others to change.
• Visualizing conflict as a "dance"—if you change your steps, the dance itself changes.

"You can't change another person, but you can influence another person by doing something different." — Lori Gottlieb [12:15]

3. Understanding and Identifying Your Story

[12:49–24:25]

• Many don't realize they're carrying a story (e.g., “I’m the sensitive one,” “I’m lazy”) based on family labels, formative experiences, or past wounds.
• These stories lead to self-fulfilling prophecies and dictate life choices, often subconsciously.
• They’re often inherited from someone else’s story (parents, society), not your true self.

Key Exercise:
Ask yourself:

• "Is there something about what I’m experiencing right now that feels familiar?"
• As a follow-up: "As an adult, what can I do differently with this feeling?" [24:33]

4. Rewriting Your Narrative: Tools & Techniques

[24:53–45:49]

• Look for counter-evidence: When you feel rejected or not enough, intentionally seek out examples that challenge your negative narrative.
• Is it kind, true, and useful? Every story you tell yourself must meet these three criteria.
• Mel and Lori role-play how to apply these principles, even with deeply entrenched beliefs like "I’m not good enough" or "I can’t trust anyone."

“When we talk about, ‘I’m not good enough,’ ... Is it kind? No. Is it true? Probably not. Is it useful? Definitely not. If it doesn’t meet those criteria, it’s not worthy of being in the story.” — Lori Gottlieb [45:12]

5. Change and Loss Always Travel Together

[52:23–59:23]

• Making positive change always includes grieving for what’s lost, even if it was familiar but negative.
• Humans prefer miserable certainty over uncertain possibility; that’s why we often cling to familiar unhappiness.
• Lori recommends literally “talking to” or giving space to your feelings of grief or discomfort—it’s normal and necessary.

“The certainty of misery is better than the misery of uncertainty.” — Lori Gottlieb [53:12]

6. Owning and Editing Your Story in Relationships

[57:46–66:43]

• Many repeat familiar family dynamics (“you marry your unfinished business”) unconsciously looking to master or “fix” them in adulthood.
• When uncomfortable feelings arise (e.g., shame, anger, anxiety about change), don’t judge—observe, get curious, and show compassion to yourself.
• Facing and expressing these feelings (in therapy or solo exercises) helps loosen their grip, making new narratives possible.

“It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a person. If you don’t have complicated feelings like this, you’re not fully engaged in your humanity.” — Lori Gottlieb [63:55]

7. Identity and Lasting Change

[72:06–74:26]

• Drawing inspiration from “Atomic Habits,” Lori reinforces the importance of aligning your self-identity with the change you wish to make.
• The story you tell yourself—your “why”—becomes the engine behind transformation.
• Anxiety is a clue you’re living in the past or future, not present; use this as a story signal and redirect.

8. Understanding Partners and Relationships

[75:56–79:17]

• Partners give you their emotional “owner’s manual”—pay attention to cues about their needs and reactions rather than assuming everyone operates as you do.
• Applying curiosity and humility deepens connection and avoids misunderstandings.

9. Practical Listener Questions and Real-World Scenarios

[78:41–91:17]

• Nagging in Relationships: Instead of criticizing, invite open curiosity (“I’m wondering why...”) and pick your battles.
• Supporting Adult Children: Avoid criticizing their partners; instead, gently mirror what you observe and encourage activities that reconnect them to themselves, not just the partner.
• Boundaries: Boundaries are rules for yourself, not controlling rules for others. Consistently act in alignment with your boundaries, rather than expecting others to comply.

“Setting a boundary is a boundary that you set with yourself. What are you going to do, not what’s the other person going to do, if your request is not met?” — Lori Gottlieb [92:25]

10. Final Takeaways—Writing the Next Paragraph

[94:33–97:15]

• Start small. Identify one story you’re telling yourself that’s no longer serving you and write the next paragraph differently.
• You are the sole author of your narrative—not your parents, not society, not your past. Start with a single new sentence and let it lead you forward.

“You are the sole author of your life. ... So the question is, do you want to write a story about someone who is stuck ... or do you want to sit down and do the hard work of facing the blank page and writing a narrative about a character who created something unique and imperfectly beautiful?” — Lori Gottlieb [95:34]

Notable Quotes

• Mel Robbins:
  "If you take everything to heart that you taught us today ... their life will never be the same." [97:37]

• Lori Gottlieb:
  "If it's hysterical, it's historical." [22:47]

  "It doesn’t matter what the content is. He’s hearing, 'You’re bad, you’re disappointing me, you’re failing, you’re making me unhappy.' Who wants to hear that?" [80:59]

  "Change and loss travel together." [57:46]

Important Timestamps

• 06:22 — How taking this advice changes your life
• 12:15 — Explaining the “dance” metaphor in relationships
• 20:22 — Family labels & the formation of your self-story
• 24:33 — The two key questions for self-inquiry
• 29:25 — “Idiot compassion” vs. “wise compassion”
• 45:43 — The “is it kind, true, and useful” test
• 52:23 — Why change triggers grief, and it’s normal
• 72:06 — Embracing responsibility and agency for change
• 92:25 — The real meaning of boundaries

Episode Tone

• Warm, supportive, and direct (Mel’s signature style)
• Compassionate, encouraging, deeply practical advice (Lori’s expert yet relatable approach)
• Deep but accessible—full of relatable stories, humor, and actionable takeaways

Closing Challenge to Listeners

• Think of a story you’re telling yourself that no longer serves you.
• Write down the next paragraph of your life, on your own terms—starting with just one new, intentional sentence.

Recommended Homework:
Pick up a pen, identify your unhelpful story, and write the next sentence—start authoring a new, more empowering chapter in your life.

For more:
Read Lori Gottlieb's "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone" or explore her advice columns and podcasts for further guidance in rewriting your story.