In this episode of the Modern Warrior Podcast, host Gavin Meenan sits down with Doireann (“Dern”) O’Connor, a self-described “party child” from a Laois farm, to trace her journey from the youngest of five on a busy family farm to a creative life built around music, performance, and following what actually feels true for her. They talk about growing up surrounded by older siblings with “massive personalities,” discovering a love for singing, dancing and musicals, and the tension between choosing a “pensionable job” in primary teaching and pursuing a more uncertain artistic path.

Doireann shares how moving into a cottage alone during COVID, joining a wedding band, and later travelling solo through Mexico and Colombia helped her “come back” to herself. She talks candidly about giving up alcohol, learning to be fully herself in social situations without it, navigating other people’s judgments, and finding a new level, “neutral” sense of contentment. The conversation also explores dealing with gossip, being consistent without attaching to outcomes, the discomfort of the unknown, and her plans for a new podcast, Dating with Dern, where real single people share their stories about love.

Shownotes

Growing up on a farm in Laois as the youngest of five, “the mistake of the family” with an eight-year gap to the next sibling
Being “spoiled” by older brothers and sisters and feeling like the “party child” and “little show pony”
A creative, slightly “cracked” family: musical, theatrical parents and siblings who are expressive, into music and dance, and running their own businesses
Balancing encouragement to “do you” with nudges toward a “pensionable job” and “cold hard cash”
Studying music and dance in college, then primary teaching as a backup route
Realizing the impact of gossip and other people’s perceptions after leaving college, and how that led her to “dampen down” and “do the norm”
Breaking out of people-pleasing, deciding “nothing matters, nobody cares” and making decisions not based on others’ opinions
The importance of being uncomfortable, stepping into the unknown, and “consistency without expectation”
Leaving teaching during COVID, moving alone into a cottage, being afraid of the dark, and learning to live on her own
Auditioning for “everything,” joining a wedding and events band, moving to Dublin when others were moving out, and gigging “nonstop” for years
Feeling she was “ready to move on” from the band, still having the “itch to travel,” and heading solo to Mexico and Colombia
Giving up alcohol in October, getting “sick of feeling sad” after nights out, and deciding “I can actually not feel like this again”
Experiencing social occasions, travel, and meeting people completely sober—and realizing she can “do anything now” without alcohol
Describing life without alcohol as having fewer extreme highs/lows and feeling more “neutral,” where “when there’s a high, you know it’s real”
Not wanting to be judged differently for not drinking, and preferring people not even realize she’s sober on a night out
Talking about external validation, attention, and how alcohol can be used to access parts of yourself you’re afraid to own
Her “eat, pray, love journey” feeling in Mexico and Colombia: rediscovering that she loves talking to people, remembering “who you are,” and seeing people with “nothing” who are deeply content
Wanting contentment more than constant happiness and not attaching to either happiness or sadness when they arise
Her fears about plant medicines and drugs that “alter your brain chemistry,” and being afraid they might trigger something in her
Using time away, sobriety, and travel as a complete “breakdown and buildup” process
Current projects and what’s next: social media content and launching Dating with Dern, a podcast for single people sharing real stories about love and dating
Where to find her online: Instagram @OConnorDerren and TikTok @DerrenOC

Memorable Quotes

“I think you can take the girl out of Leish, but you can’t take Leish out of the girl.”
Doireann
“I was the mistake of the family… eight years later, I’m like, ‘Let’s party.’”
Doireann
“Once a bugger, always a bugger, basically.”
Doireann
“Everything kind of teaches you something. I just don’t believe in leaving anything behind.”
Doireann
“Consistency without expectation… as long as you’re consistent doing something that you enjoy doing and not expecting really anything to happen… things will just naturally happen.”
Doireann
“The unknown, I feel, is where things happen… you need to feel that uncomfortable feeling in order to kind of move forward.”
Doireann
“Nothing matters. Nobody cares. Just do whatever it is you want to do, as long as you’re not hurting anybody else.”
Doireann
“I was too afraid to try because I was too afraid to fail.”
Doireann
“Without alcohol, I’ve just been so productive.”
Doireann
“There’s no extreme lows or there’s no extreme highs really, but you’re just level… neutral. But then when there’s a high, you know it’s real.”
Doireann
“You don’t need anything… and you’re just like, ‘This is grand.’”
Doireann
“I was so sick of feeling sad kind of from alcohol. I just said to myself, ‘I can actually not feel like this again.’”
Doireann
“It was dodgy enough without alcohol, to be honest… adding that on top of it, I was like, I don’t need this now.”
Doireann
“I was so exposed… it was just me there meeting people and then kind of falling back in love with myself.”
Doireann
“I’ve never felt more myself. I’m just like, I actually don’t care anymore. And what you see is what you get.”
Doireann
“I think happiness is an emotion, sadness is an emotion, but just to be content with where you are… and not attach yourself to either one.”

Episode #191 From Farm Girl to “Dating with Dern”: Doireann O’Connor on Letting Go, Sobriety & Starting Again

Powered by Wave AI