Sorry That We're Stars w/ Jackie Schimmel

Summary

The Morgan Stewart Show

Episode: Sorry That We're Stars w/ Jackie Schimmel
Date: May 13, 2026
Host: Morgan Stewart
Guest: Jackie Schimmel

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Episode Overview

In this candid and spirited episode, Morgan Stewart returns to the podcast world with none other than Jackie Schimmel, host of The Bitch Bible. The conversation is a deep-dive into being unapologetically yourself, balancing motherhood, career pivots, relationships, grief, and those nuances of adulthood no one preps you for. Through their razor-sharp wit and infectious chemistry, Morgan and Jackie share personal stories and strong opinions on everything from podcasting and traveling solo, to maintaining marriages where you are unapologetically the "star" and the importance (and absurdity) of childhood and family dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcasting Realness, Friendship Dynamic, and The Birth of the Show

• History of Their Friendship – The chemistry works because they’re “the same font” but with slight variations.
  • “You've got 50% more Judaism, but that’s it...I’m like at 51%. I just didn’t finish the rest of it.” – Morgan (02:46)
• Starting (or Avoiding) Podcasts and TV
  • Jackie: "My advice to people starting a podcast is don't, because it's too late and weird. But for you, that's so not the case." (01:37)
  • On TV vs. podcasting: Both recount how they ended up in the other’s “dream” by default.
• Advice on Messy Beginnings
  • Jackie reassures Morgan about not over-curating: "There's something that's, like, beautifully attainable about a little clunk, especially in the first couple episodes. It feels uncurated." (04:00)
• Podcasting Logistics
  • Jackie records solo with no edits: "I'm talking to myself like a crazy person for 45 minutes..." (04:45)
  • "Fuck the internet and who cares?"—Jackie's philosophy after 14 years in podcasting (05:19)
  • Both agree: unfiltered, unedited is not only more authentic, but creates a stronger connection.

2. Motherhood: Children, Husband Dynamics, and Mornings

• Motherhood Reality Check
  • Jackie and Morgan discuss letting their kids wait in the morning—“You live here, like, thanks to me, so I’m just gonna like, take my time and get a matcha, and then I’ll get you when I see it fit.” – Jackie (07:40)
• Motherhood Joys and Humor
  • Jackie: "I said to him yesterday, I'm like, you know that I’m gonna eat your whole fucking face." (08:13)
  • On little Clyde calling her a "dirty bitch." (08:29)
• Children’s Features and Vanity
  • A riff on genetics, features, and insecurities, especially as filtered through the lens of strong mothers and daughters.

3. Beauty Routines, Facetune, and Extensions

• Facetune Antics & Fails
  • Both admit to failing at Facetune: “There was a gate behind me, and I was trying to do a little cinch, cinch, and the gate went askew, and I was like, girl, this is not for us.” – Jackie (06:37)
• Hair Extension Realities
  • “My housekeeper started to save them, and I was like, oh, no, you don’t. Those aren't going back in. We can just throw those away.” – Morgan (09:26)
  • Technical talk: K-tips vs. wefts, who can wear what, dedication to maintaining extension ‘souvenirs.’

4. Solo Travel: Recharging, Personality, and the Art of Being Alone

• Solo Paris Trips (25:21, 26:36)
  • Jackie describes her joy in traveling, shopping, and eating alone, crediting her “craving for solitude.”
  • “I am so excited...by the idea of, like, not talking to anyone or answering to anyone and doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it with my thoughts.” (26:03)
• Safety vs. Independence
  • "I dare someone to try to kidnap me. I will take them down, I will bite them, I will rip out their eyelashes. Like, I am so small and scrappy. I do not worry about it." (27:10)
• Contrast: Morgan’s discomfort with full solo travel, need for social context, and how some people are just wired differently.
• Personality Reflection
  • Jackie: "I have always been like that since I was, like, younger. I'd like cosplay social..." (27:42)

5. Touring, Public Speaking, and Staying In Your Lane

• Live Shows: Origins, Joys, and Disasters (17:37, 23:40)
  • Jackie relays tales of touring—some amazing, others disastrous (being booed in Vegas by David Guetta fans: "What do you walk away with, Chlamydia? Like, I started getting crazy." – 24:39)
• Audience Relationship and Career Sustainability
  • Both agree on focusing on current loyal fans rather than expansion for growth’s sake (18:38)
  • “I need the opposite of a publicist. I need to really lay low...I need to just stick with my people.” – Jackie (18:26)

6. The Podcast Landscape & Women in Podcasting

• Admired Podcast Hosts
  • Jackie shouts out other female hosts: Heather McMahon, the Toast girls, Taylor Strecker, Michelle Collins, Amy Poehler.
  • “We don’t need any more male podcasts. Also the worst. Please stop. You’re not prolific. Your takes are lukewarm on their best day. You’re not attractive; nobody wants to fuck you or listen to you.” (22:01)
• Cadence and Chemistry—Why tempo matters for good entertainment.

7. Marriage & Relationship Dynamics: Being the Star

• Star vs. Background Singer
  • "We are the stars and our husbands are more background singers." – Morgan (32:12)
  • Jackie: "Totally."
• Meeting Andrew, First Dates, and Marriage
  • The Sagabrush Cantina story: "He took me to a Mexican food restaurant and then to the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas. So just let that sit in for a second." – Jackie (33:40)
• Marriage Longevity
  • Married 8 years, together 15.
  • "I'm pretty sure I don't want him to know that [it's forever], cause...they can never get too comfortable." – Jackie (34:50)
• Andrew’s Career:
  • Songwriter/producer (Maroon 5, Kelly Clarkson, Thomas Rhett, One Direction) (35:06)

8. Family, Generational Longevity & Loss

• Grandparents and Longevity
  • Stories of grandmothers reaching 95, 101—and their “indestructibility.”
  • “They just will not die.” – Jackie (40:11)
• Personal Losses & Processing Grief (41:05–44:23)
  • Losing parents (Jackie lost her mom at 26, Andrew lost both his parents in two years).
  • Contrast in how Jackie and Andrew process grief. Jackie: "I'm a solo processor, which is probably why I can go travel by myself." (44:18)
  • On pretending for normalcy, like going to a blowout before her mother’s funeral:
    • “The day of my mother’s funeral, I went to the blow dry bar in West Hollywood and got a blow dry from a stranger and cosplayed my whole morning...All I wanted to do was feel normal.” (43:19)
• Parenting Philosophy & Tools from Childhood
  • The discussion of having “tools” from one’s parents and how that sets you up for perseverance through loss and adulthood.

9. Home Renovations, Design, and Material Obsessions

• Home/Yard Projects (51:11–55:12)
  • Both Morgan and Jackie are deep into home projects and obsessed with renovations.
  • Jackie: "I have every...everybody: a drainage engineer, architect, pool contractor, general contractor..." (53:59)
  • Pro tips: limestone stays bright in sun; travertine better for beige/color. (54:44)
  • “I will fucking leave my family for a hedge.” – Morgan (55:21)

10. Rapid Fire Round (55:46–58:04)

• Housewives vs. Kardashians?
  • "Housewives." – Jackie (55:51)
• Juicier Gossip: Group Chat or Family?
  • "Group chat drama." – Jackie (55:56)
• Designer Bag or Uninterrupted Sleep?
  • After debate: "I think it might be bag. I think I'm peeing all night anyway." – Jackie (56:21)
• Daily Rituals Jackie Will Not Give Up
  • "Martinis, a martini. Like I really..." – Jackie (56:49)
  • Detailed martini process: cold, vermouth spritzed, no olive juice, only Beluga or Belvedere vodka, blue cheese olives. (57:13 onward)
  • "Vodka is a pickling agent. We don't talk about it enough." – Jackie (57:54)
• Bravo marathon or True Crime?
  • “Bravo marathon, always. I'm living in the dark.” – Jackie (56:39)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On their dynamic:
  “We are both so funny, but we like each other so much. Genuinely...we are the same font.” — Morgan (02:29)

• On solo trips:
  “I crave solitude in a way I don’t even like talking about because it feels like I’m being shticky and it’s not real, but it’s the realest thing I’ll ever say.” — Jackie (25:27)

• On losing parents:
  "The day of my mother's funeral, I went to the blow dry bar...all I wanted to do was feel normal." – Jackie (43:19)

• On podcasting philosophy:
  "Fuck the Internet and who cares?...If I say something terrible, which is often, I feel like I get a little bit more wiggle room." – Jackie (05:19, 05:51)

• On beauty routines:
  "There was a gate behind me, and I was trying to do a little cinch, cinch, and the gate went askew, and I was like, girl, this is not for us." – Jackie (06:37)

• On UTI immunity:
  "I've never had a UTI...That's a huge accomplishment." — Both (36:53–37:05)

• On being the "star":
  "Sorry that we're stars. That’s what I say to everyone." — Morgan (29:02)

• On enduring trauma:
  “You can’t evolve to your most famous self without major trauma...You need a story. Everybody needs a story.” — Both (46:13, 46:16)

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Notable Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | Highlights | | ------------ | --------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------- | | 01:23–04:00 | Friendship chemistry & podcast beginnings| Why their dynamic works; unfiltered podcasting roots | | 07:18–08:38 | Their mornings as moms | Relatable, irreverent takes on parenting, breakfast routines | | 11:56–13:25 | Smoothie extravagance & home shops | Erewhon cubes, colostrum, home goods, anthropology anecdotes | | 17:37–24:39 | Touring and public speaking | Good shows vs. disasters, advice for live performances | | 25:21–29:44 | Solo travel philosophy | Jackie’s joy for Paris alone, personality insights | | 32:11–36:09 | Marriage & star-background dynamic | Meeting Andrew, relationship, being married to the “support” | | 41:05–47:14 | Grief, loss & family longevity | Losing parents, grandparent stories, processing trauma | | 51:11–55:12 | Home renovations, limestone vs travertine| Drainage engineers, property owner tips, yard strategy | | 55:46–58:04 | Rapid fire Q&A | Fun, revealing lightning round |

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Episode Tone

The episode is fast-paced, frank, irreverent, and deeply honest—marked by Morgan and Jackie’s signature blend of sardonic humor, emotional vulnerability, and cultural commentary. Banter is sharp but never mean-spirited, breaking down “celebrity” to its most relatable pieces.

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For Further Listening

• Listen to Jackie Schimmel (The Bitch Bible)
• Follow Morgan for upcoming parenting, relationship, and "real life" deep dives—often with a side of hilarious truth bombs

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

What's a booster?

[B]

Somebody that steal clothes from a store and sell at a discount price.

[A]

It's like community service.

[B]

I Love Boosters is the must see movie of the summer, starring Peke Palmer

[A]

and Demi Moore in a crazy heist

[B]

comedy set in the cutthroat fashion world.

[A]

The Velvet Gang, they're boosting from my stores.

[B]

Critics are hailing I Love Boosters as wildly hilarious and outrageous, provocative and really fun. Come on, let's take all of it. I Love Boosters.

[A]

Rated r. In theaters May 22nd.

[B]

Get tickets now.

[A]

Okay, so in order to support our show, we need the help of some great advertisers. Okay? And we want to make sure those advertisers are ones you guys are actually going to want to hear about, but we need to learn a little bit more about you to make that possible. Okay? So I need you to go to podsurvey.com morgan and take a quick anonymous, okay, Anonymous survey that will help us get to know you better. That way we can bring on advertisers you won't want to skip. Once you've completed the quick survey, you can enter for a Chance to win $100Amazon gift card. Terms and conditions apply. As again, that's podsurvey.com Morgan M O R G A N thank you.

[B]

Hey, everyone.

[A]

I'm Morgan Stewart, and welcome to the Morgan Stewart Show. I'm gonna be talking about pop culture, fashion, my personal life, and just a warning, I will be giving my opinions on everything. And those opinions are subject to change. Okay, now let's get into it. Jackie Schimmel.

[B]

Oh, hi.

[A]

Oh, hi.

[B]

How are you?

[A]

How are you?

[B]

I'm wonderful.

[A]

I'm so fucking thrilled you're here.

[B]

Can I tell you, I'm so happy to be here. And I'm so happ that you're doing this. You know, I've been telling you for years not to make this about me, but I have been telling you specifically.

[A]

And I don't say that.

[B]

I mean, overall, my advice to people starting a podcast is don't, because it's too late and weird. But for you, that's so not the case.

[A]

You have been telling me for 100 years. And the funny thing about us, our dichotomy and why this works so well, is because when we first met and got introduced, first of all, I found the photo of us when we first met. Oh, God.

[B]

What was that bad?

[A]

You looked phenomenal. You were in a navy blue crewneck T shirt, chic, sophisticated Hamptons. I was in a brown tank top with A brown satin bomber jacket. The nose was through the microphone.

[B]

I'm wearing a satin bomber jacket.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I'm gonna kill myself. Go ahead. Wow. Okay. Little on the nose. Bye. Thank you. Okay. You are wearing a woman in brown.

[A]

Yep. You also have to let me have this because I never laugh genuinely at anything anyone else says. And this was really. This is gonna be so good for me. Because it's hard, right? It's not easy.

[B]

No. Nobody is funny anymore. We're not talking about it enough.

[A]

It's crazy. But you know what's craz? We are both so funny, but we like each other so much. Genuinely.

[B]

Genuinely. Yes.

[A]

Isn't that interesting? Do you think about that ever?

[B]

What? Do you think that funny people typically don't like each other?

[A]

Well, we're like the same font.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Like, you got 50% more Judaism, but that's it. Yes, that's it. I'm like at 51%. I just didn't finish the rest of it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Boy, Mom.

[B]

No, we're totally in the same font.

[A]

We are the same font. And the funny thing is. You guys ready for this fun fact? Jackie, when I did nightly pop, Jackie filled in for me when I was on maternity leave. And Jackie, the whole time you were like, I do not want to do television.

[B]

No.

[A]

And you're the only person that has ever meant that. And I, up until now, when I fucking flaked, I never wanted to do a fucking podcast. And now I'm doing a fucking podcast. But I had to do a podcast because my television dreams were like, basically killed.

[B]

Honestly, I think hindsight 20, 26 months from now, you will be so happy that you did this. And you're gonna call me and you're gonna say, bitch, you were right.

[A]

I'm gonna say, I know, I know.

[B]

In my bomber jacket.

[A]

What else you were right about? When I called you, you were my first call. And I said, listen, I wanna re record my first episode. It's rambly as fuck. I can't stand it. It's not good. The dates were wrong. I didn't know when I got pregnant. I didn't know when I had the kid. I didn't know who the father. I didn't know anything about my life when I had to like recall it. And you were like, I promise you, you are going to re record it and you're gonna use the original. And I still was like, I just don't know. And typically I know that that was what I would do. But you were right about that too.

[B]

No, there's something that's, like, beautifully attainable about a little clunk, especially in the first couple episodes. It feels uncurated. And I feel like listeners of a podcast need that. Nobody's gonna give three eighths of a fuck that you don't remember the date of. You know, whatever.

[A]

Like, it's okay, right?

[B]

It just felt, like, honest. And I listened and I was like, this is a hit.

[A]

I'm obsessed with you.

[B]

This is a bop. Yeah.

[A]

Can we talk about the Bitch Bible?

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Okay. I wanna know logistics for a little bit, and then I have lots of things I wanna get into. Okay. You record once a week?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

By yourself?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

There is no one in the room.

[B]

No.

[A]

And you record how long?

[B]

Well, I don't do any edits, so, like, the length of the episode.

[A]

So you're talking to us for one hour.

[B]

I'm talking to myself like a crazy person for 45 minutes, usually around 56.

[A]

Are you drinking water?

[B]

Oh, yeah. She gets very, very parched.

[A]

Can we have water breaks during this episode?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, I can't do it. I have so many guests and I'm like, are we still talk? I'm dying.

[B]

I go into anaphylaxis pretty often because I'll say something like, super terrible. And then I think just my body responds and is like, you need to stop talking. And then I take a sip and then I keep going. And.

[A]

Yeah, but then. Okay, if you're not editing yourself, how does that work? Like, do you have anyone to run stuff by where you're like, okay, maybe I went a little too fucking far here. Or fuck the Internet and who cares?

[B]

Fuck the Internet and who cares? I'll tell you. So I have been doing this 14 years now. That was my.

[A]

See, you're a journalist. I was gonna ask you that.

[B]

14.

[A]

14.

[B]

Which is embarrassing.

[A]

Has it been the Bitch Bible for 14 years?

[B]

14 years.

[A]

I wanna eat my mic.

[B]

I wanna. By the way, I wanna eat my mic. I hate it. It's terrible. It's so long that it's, like, embarrassing. But I'll never stop because I genuinely love it. And I mean, granted, there was three and a half podcasts when I started and there was little to no feedback. I didn't have an iPhone. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I could say whatever the fuck I wanted. And it kind of, like, built the foundation where I couldn't edit because I didn't know how to edit and I had no one to edit. Right. So because of that, we've just never done edits. So if I say Something terrible, which is often I feel like I get a little bit more wiggle room. And I think that people don't feel the need to hold me as accountable. Accountable because they know, at bare minimum, that I'm not giving them, like, a slap sliced and diced version of something that I think sounds better.

[A]

So the way you podcast is the way I am with Facetune. Like, I don't know how to use it, so I don't use it. And I'm entering a place where, like, I need to start using it.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

I know exactly what you mean. I'm in the same boat. I remember trying to Facetune something like six and a half years ago, and there was a gate behind me, and I was trying to do a little cinch, cinch, and the gate went askew, and I was like, girl, this is not. This is not for us.

[A]

This is not for us. No.

[B]

There was, like, a palm tree in the back, and then it just caved in. And I know.

[A]

Forget it. They do have a little cleanup thing on the actual iPhone app now where, like, you go to a photo and you can do cleanup and you can do, like, the slightest little blur, which I'm finding because the laugh lines are starting to really come in. You look fresh as a fucking daisy. I told you. Off camera or. Sorry, Off. Off mic.

[B]

Off mic. She's addressing everybody.

[A]

There's a camera, too. I mean, whoa, the camera here is different from TV camera, but I'm fine. Okay, can we start with your morning?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I want to know what time you woke up.

[B]

I woke up this morning at, like, 7:15.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A sensible 7:15.

[A]

Okay. And is your man getting up before you?

[B]

It depends. We kind of trade off on who wakes up with the child.

[A]

With the child you're with. Fucking child. You have a literal child. I have a child in the world. Okay.

[B]

But we make him wait for us.

[A]

I agree. I think that's the best thing in the world to do. You can't be running.

[B]

No, no, no. I'm like, you live here, like, thanks to me. So I'm just gonna, like, take my time and get a matcha, and then I'll get you when I see it fit.

[A]

100%.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So how old is Clyde?

[B]

He's two and a half, by the way.

[A]

Middle name Lion. Yeah. When I tried to be like, oh, Clyde Leon, I somehow, like, added an accent that I wasn't, which I love. I was literally like, from you. I was like, clyde Leon, what is happening? Okay. He's two and a half.

[B]

Two and a half.

[A]

Another thing we have in common. The cutest children.

[B]

It's so true.

[A]

What is? I will kill Clyde.

[B]

I know I will.

[A]

I will fucking kill him. What the fuck are you talking about?

[B]

I said to him yesterday, I'm like, you know that I'm gonna eat your whole fucking face.

[A]

Literally. The face you want to stick the head in. The mouth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The eyes.

[B]

I want to body slam him. Nope.

[A]

I can't stand that child. Looking so fucking sweet. But he's you. He looks just like you.

[B]

He's spicy.

[A]

He is so fucking cute.

[B]

He called me a dirty bitch last weekend.

[A]

Don't. My nipples got hard. I will listen if anyone talks to me like that. My God, Clyde. Hot dirty bitch. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he's two and a half. He's in a crib.

[B]

Yes. Oh. I'm keeping him in that jail cell for as long as you can as possible.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. And then you get him. So what are you doing? You're waking up. What are you having for breakfast?

[B]

What am I having for breakfast? This morning I had scrambled eggs, and she made a smoothie.

[A]

Oh, my God. What's in the smoothie?

[B]

I have all these frozen little trinket things. So I do frozen passion fruit, frozen coconut. I have smoothie cubes from Erewhon.

[A]

This is a $300 smoothie. Oh, oh, oh, okay.

[B]

Oh. Oh, my God. Can I have that?

[A]

Yeah, you can. Totally. By the way. And my real hair is going with it.

[B]

This is.

[A]

This is French crazy. Also, by the way, I love this. Every time I get my extensions done, they're like, this is so healthy. I'm like, my ha is coming out of my head. That's all my hair.

[B]

A K tip.

[A]

A K tip.

[B]

I love when a K tip goes rogue.

[A]

They're all over my house. My housekeeper started to save them, and I was like, oh, no, you don't. Those aren't going back in. We can just throw those away.

[B]

Don't you love, like. Don't you want to have, like, a public scene where you just grab one

[A]

and be like, God damn it, no, it's too much. But that is.

[B]

That is like.

[A]

That is 800 bucks.

[B]

Can I tell you something?

[A]

I paid for this.

[B]

My hair won't leave my head. They hang on for dear life. I will have a rat tail for six months.

[A]

Are you doing wefts?

[B]

Well, I've switched over to the wefts, but I did K tips forever, and I could have those in for 17 years. I've got Texture, Texture. Okay. So once those little. Those little claws sink into the Ashkenazi

[A]

scalp, oh, my God.

[B]

They're never leaving because I got fucked.

[A]

Cause I'm only half Ashkenazi. Right?

[B]

So you don't. You don't have the texture.

[A]

So that's why. That's what it is.

[B]

It's a gorgeous K tip. I'm. That's a souvenir.

[A]

Do you know what it is, though? I have, like, texture underneath, so it's very curly under with these weird straight pieces on top that don't blend, but very thin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then Ro has that, too, so I feel bad. But she got the better face, so she's gonna be okay. Oh, no, the face doesn't. It goes hard with that kid. I'm like, oh, you're gorgeous.

[B]

You're really beautiful, gorgeous children.

[A]

And, like, when she was a baby, I wasn't sure where we were going.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, is this gonna work out? And then it really is. And then I wasn't sure if she was gonna have my legs or his. And she has his. It's fine. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's fine. It's not bad. And you know what my mom said? She said it's more of a mix now.

[B]

Oh, great. Yeah. Okay, great. We love that.

[A]

Yeah. She has his feet. I'm fine with that, too.

[B]

That's totally fine.

[A]

You know, it doesn't matter. They say that the boys always take after the moms, and the girls always take after the dads.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was a big mix, so.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, no, Clyde's all me.

[A]

He's. He's so fucking cute. I have other questions for you, but we're just really moving on.

[B]

By the way, I. Are we podcasting? What's going on?

[A]

Can I tell you something? This is all I want to do. I just want to talk about real shit. But I want to go back to your smoothie, because I cut you off. And I am curious because I'm obsessed with people have for breakfast. Okay.

[B]

So I'll hit it with a little coconut water, hydrated.

[A]

By the way, the coconut water tastes like sperm. I know, right?

[B]

Yeah, it's ice. But when you balance it out with, like, the passion fruit cube, it works. It's fine. You just get it down.

[A]

Get it. Well, that's how we got here, right?

[B]

You get it down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then I'm gonna hit it with a little colostrum.

[A]

What is happening here? I know.

[B]

I'm crazy.

[A]

This is $2,000. This is so rich. Okay, Colo. What does colostrum do.

[B]

What is colostrum gun to my head? Not a clue.

[A]

Not a clue.

[B]

I have no idea. But I put a scoop in and I feel amazing about myself. Then I'm gonna hit it with protein powder with creatine. I've lost my mind, Morgan. I've lost my mind. I told you, I'm doing like a hyperbaric chamber. I don't know what the fuck's going on.

[A]

You know who used to do that?

[B]

Who? Michael Jackson. There we go. There you go.

[A]

With the monkey inside. He remember the pet monkey he had.

[B]

What was his name?

[A]

What is his name? Judas Weenie. Oh, my God.

[B]

What is his name? Bubbles. Bubbles.

[A]

Good job, everybody. Wow. Okay, okay. Creatine, protein, colostrum, coconut. Da, da, da.

[B]

A little tangerine juice. You know what it is?

[A]

Tangerine juice.

[B]

I'll hit it with a tangerine juice. Have you ever had an Orange Julius?

[A]

Yes. Isn't that frozen?

[B]

You know what else? Have you ever been to an Anthropology? I just, like, wonder this about you.

[A]

Yes, once, like, on South Beverly Drive. Cause I had to. A lot of scents coming in there.

[B]

I know why are.

[A]

What, do those exist? Oh, yeah.

[B]

No, I think about you a lot. Just in, like, the scope of the world. And, like, I want, like. Have you been to Home Goods? Yes. When you're a liar.

[A]

No, it was at the Grove, and I got.

[B]

They have a HomeGoods at the Grove? No.

[A]

They did Google it.

[B]

I can't imagine that. They had a homegoods at the house.

[A]

And I got a hide rug there.

[B]

Oh. Oh.

[A]

And I used it.

[B]

That's dark.

[A]

That's really dark. And it was like a light camel color. But I swear to God, there's a Home Goods at the Grove, like, in the parking lot area. Is that Home Goods?

[B]

I don't think so. Are you thinking of, like a CB2?

[A]

What's that? I'm kidding.

[B]

Oh, my God. I just got so excited. I almost slipped out of this fucking bar stool. That made me really, really happy. I was in an anthropology, like, not long ago, and I'm not really sure why. Sometimes I just need to buy things. I like making. I curate baskets for my housekeeper a lot, but she. She put the kibosh on it because, like, she'll be like, oh, I'm redoing my bathroom. And I'm like, I got you, girl. And then I go buy towels and I buy camp.

[A]

You're a. You're a homey person. You're like a very warm, thoughtful, sweet girl.

[B]

I don't know about that. I Just like to buy things. And I just. It's like a forced situation. I don't know how kind it really is because it's more for me than it is for her. Okay, so if we really, like, dial it back and peel the layers, like, is probably not.

[A]

Probably not. But still, you're doing something for someone else.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you're going to homego Anthropologie. But Anthropologie is what. What does it sell?

[B]

So there's clothes and then there's homeware. So I went and I bought her some cheese knives from Anthropologie that were kind of like, sabre adjacent, you know, and put them in a basket. And I was there and I was like, I wonder if Morgan Stewart's ever been to Anthropologie.

[A]

I think once. But what I'm really getting at here is how long have you had your housekeeper?

[B]

A very long time.

[A]

It's hard. It's hard to have one for a long time. This is becoming really, really. This is why people hate me. But it is, guys, because I am such a Virgo. Do we know your rising sign?

[B]

Oh, you're gonna love this. You're gonna have a field day with this.

[A]

Which, by the way, before you answer, this has been the longest I've gone without asking someone sign. Because I genuinely could listen to you talk all day long.

[B]

Oh, my God, I love you so much.

[A]

No. You're so funny and quick and smart.

[B]

I don't know about any of us.

[A]

You are. But, guys, we agree.

[B]

Double Leo with a Scorpio rising. I have to leave now. It's terrible.

[A]

I'm obsessed with Leos.

[B]

Okay, same. But a double Leo with a Scorpio rising, I feel like. That's terrible.

[A]

That is so strong.

[B]

It's too much.

[A]

What's your Venus in.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Do you have a co star?

[B]

Of course I do.

[A]

Let's get that up.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What's your man?

[B]

Aquarius.

[A]

Holy shit. Aquarius eating him alive. But Aquarius and Leo are the most compatible signs.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, they're very compatible.

[B]

You know, I've always dated Aquarius. I don't have the Co Star app, like, up to speed. I'm really sorry.

[A]

Okay, we'll figure it out.

[B]

We're gonna figure it out. I'll let you know.

[A]

Okay, so Aquarius. Okay, what were you saying?

[B]

You're telling me something.

[A]

I'm eating two on this podcast.

[B]

What was I saying? Anthropology devil. Leo Scorpio.

[A]

You met your man housekeeper.

[B]

Bubbles, monkeys, hyperbaric chamber. I don't fucking know. And the fact. Here's another thing, another thing. I'd like to bring up the fact that Morgan. First of all, microplastics. Embarrassing. Secondly, she has hard boiled eggs in a Ziploc bag. Free balling. It is 96 degrees out.

[A]

Is it hot in here?

[B]

It's not hot in here, but the second you go outside, you're going to be omitting hard boiled eggs.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And microplastics.

[A]

Can I tell you something else?

[B]

That's the worst thing to travel with. Well, you have to get them down before you go outside.

[A]

I'm not doing that. Done with these.

[B]

It's a weird. It's a weird travel snack.

[A]

Weird, right? This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious or unsure, that's okay. Those feelings are more common than we think. May is mental health Awareness month. A good reminder you don't have to go through those feelings alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand and to support you can make all the difference. Whatever is keeping you up at night. Therapy with Better Help can help you check in with yourself and gain support from experienced professionals. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences and Better Help will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Feel confident knowing Better Help? Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] mortgage morgan stewart that's betterhelp.com morgan stewart in

[B]

the US there's a break in every 26 seconds.

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Visit simplysafe.com licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012. Do you public speak?

[B]

Well.

[A]

Well, you went on tour. Let's talk about tour.

[B]

I had a good time actually. I mean I vowed never to tour again. My last tour I was pretty level 10 miserable and it showed. You know, when you start turning on the audience, that is There to support you because you're just so miserable. It wasn'. But this last tour, I did, like, 20 shows and I had the time of my life. Anything to leave the family, really.

[A]

No, I don't understand. I understand that it's so nice to just be alone. Like, explain to me, when do you decide to go on tour? And 20 state, like, where are we going? And how long is this show? Like, walk me through every part of that.

[B]

Okay, so I originally agreed to do five. Five shows.

[A]

Who are you agreeing to this with?

[B]

Just, like, management and, like, touring agents and stuff.

[A]

Do you have a manager?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Do you have a publicist?

[B]

No.

[A]

I know. Why do. I don't need publicist.

[B]

I need whatever. The opposite of a publicist. I need to, like, really lay low. You know what I mean? Like, we don't need new. I don't need new listeners. I need to, like, just stick with my people. We don't need to bring new people into this space.

[A]

We are so aligned in our goals in that way. Like, I really want my current audience to be engaged. I don't need to go beyond that.

[B]

No, no, no. I find it to be kind of insulting when people are like, what's next? Like, what are the next. I'm like, I'm good right here, right now. I don't want to do anything different.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This is per. This is the sweet spot. We're not getting canceled. We've, like, rode the wave for 14 years. There you go. I can buy purses. Leave me the fuck alone.

[A]

So you've literally been doing this for well over a decade. Well, I don't say well over a decade, but well over a decade. And, like, I mean, there was literally no. But you are, like, one of the first.

[B]

There was no Spotify didn't exist. There were no categories. It was the best because there were quite literally five shows. So I was a receptionist at an investment bank. I was able to chart because, hot tip, there was no fucking shows. So, yeah, I was like, I made top 10. There's like, there's nine shows, so, yeah, you're gonna make the top 10. I'm like, I'm killing it.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'm gonna make, like, top 300.

[B]

No, no, no, you're gonna be great. I'm telling you.

[A]

What is the list? What is the list? Is there a list?

[B]

The list also don't matter anymore because they're not generated by overall download. So if you've been in the game a long time, like, it doesn't really fluctuate as much.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, you have real listeners.

[B]

Well, you could just like, buy placements and some of them too, but which is a good thing also.

[A]

Should I do that? They'll do that.

[B]

You won't need to.

[A]

They'll figure it out.

[B]

No, you won't need to.

[A]

Oh, have you seen the purple? Scary. The purple's scary.

[B]

It's a magenta.

[A]

It is a magenta.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It is counter. It's contrasting here.

[B]

It goes really well with my Las Vegas airport cut.

[A]

I'm obsessed with that cup.

[B]

I mean, she's lived so much life and I love it.

[A]

Can I tell you, I told you off camera, off mic, my mother in law has a lot of them. And when she started to bring over the red rhinestone solo cups, oh, my

[B]

God, I want them.

[A]

I have seven of them, large and small, for the kids.

[B]

Oh, I love that so much.

[A]

I'll get you some.

[B]

I'm a click away from a glue gun of a Dazzler. I am one week away. It's sad because it's true. You know this. You know this.

[A]

Okay. I got a glue gun and a Bedazzler. I feel like you don't mumble at all either. I have so many thoughts. I mumble a lot. I'm a mumbler. And my vocabulary needs to stretch because I can't emote. I can't, like, think.

[B]

Have you listened to other podcasts? No, I'm fine.

[A]

I've never listened to a podcast. Aside from your podcast.

[B]

You don't want to, by the way. Your ears will bleed.

[A]

Bleed.

[B]

There's so many bad ones.

[A]

Do you like anyone?

[B]

I think there's. Yes, I do. I think the girls in the space. Amy Poehler's is very sweet. Very, like, refreshing and easy listening.

[A]

It's sweet.

[B]

It is. It's like she's not some sweet conversation.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I've been saying for a long time that I like a certain look of cadence, like when I'm listening to something. We're fast girls, okay? So we need, like up tempo conversations. I think there's so many great, great girls in the space.

[A]

Okay. Wow. This is empowering you, obviously. Yes.

[B]

Humble as ever. Heather McMahon star.

[A]

A big star.

[B]

The Toast girls have been doing it for fucking ever. Their cadence is up. They're killers.

[A]

I love them. I tried to get to go. We tried to do a swappy swap and the timing didn't work. But I love them.

[B]

The horsepower is there, the tempo is there. Taylor Strecker's great. I mean, there's like, Michelle Collins is a low key star. A high key star. Like, the cadence is just there. Okay. I'm into that tons. I mean, the girls are holding it down. Like, we don't need any more male podcasts. Also the worst.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Like, please stop. Please stop. You're not prolific. Your takes are lukewarm on their best day.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're not attractive.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Nobody wants to fuck you or listen to you. Thank you so much.

[A]

And on that note, touring.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I wanna know. I genuinely am very fascinated because you hauled ass with Clyde in tow.

[B]

Yeah, we did. He came with me to about, like, half of the shows. And then I had to give him the hook because she liked those lights a little too much.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. She was really too into it.

[B]

She was too into it. And I kind of. At first, I only agreed to go to locations that I could tolerate, that I could digest.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

So, like, I could go there. I could go to the Rosewood in D.C. you know? Like, I was like, all right. And then after five shows, they're like, okay, let's add a couple. Let's add a couple.

[A]

So where were the first five shows? Like, where are we going? I think Santa Barbara.

[B]

We were in Montecito. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Miramar Beach.

[A]

Are we the only ones that are gonna laugh at this pod? Cause I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Like, this is so in my world right now. Miramar beach kills me. Fucking kills me.

[B]

Caruso was there. I did. What were my first ones. I feel like I went to dc, which was fine. And then I went to Boston. I went to New York. I had to be in Boston anyways. Cause Andrew had a thing there. Okay. I did Boston, New York, Philadelphia. Okay, okay.

[A]

And then you did a lot more.

[B]

And then I did la. And then I did. Oh, my God, I've done. I watched.

[A]

Why didn't I come to la?

[B]

I don't know. I probably didn't want to, like, inconvenience you.

[A]

No, I'm there next time.

[B]

It was fun.

[A]

But then what is a live show? Like, like, what are you doing? Are you just. Are you doing, like, walk me through

[B]

the entire version of all of them? Like, the first one, I just got out there and free balled, which was a disaster.

[A]

A disaster.

[B]

Nobody ever needs to be doing that. No one needs to go rogue behind a mic. I'm like, I got this. I've been doing this for years. No, it was terrible. I remember I did, like a music festival and I was added late And I was heckling. It was in Vegas. It was called Life is Beautiful. It was like David Guetta was headlining. And then this dumb bitch.

[A]

That is crazy.

[B]

Crazy. And it was the only air conditioned venue, so.

[A]

Not the only air conditioned.

[B]

It was the only air conditioned inside venue. So while all of these Reno bros were waiting for David Guetta, okay, they all came to my. Because they needed to, like, recalibrate, okay?

[A]

They need to cool down.

[B]

They needed to cool down. And if you. If you were me and you saw the sea of Oakley sunglasses and tank tops, okay, you would have just dropped dead. And they were booing me from three minutes in. You know what I mean? Like, it was not working. This was not my demographic. And I was like, you know, what do you think I give a fuck? And then I started getting activated.

[A]

Oh, getting nasty. I fucking love it.

[B]

You started getting really nasty. And I was like, I have a question for you. I'm like, first of all, y' all are ugly. Secondly, do you think I give a flying fuck if you think this is funny? I get paid regardless. I've got 36 minutes left on the clock. I could do the ABCs 400 times, right? And I still walk away with a check. What do you walk away with, Chlamydia? Like, I started getting crazy.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Crazy. Okay.

[A]

Not kidding, okay?

[B]

I started, like, heckling, and then we did, like, a Q and A. And these guys were like, what the fuck? And then we're screaming at each other, and I'm like, I'm never touring again. This is it for me. I'm in Reno.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

It was terrible.

[A]

I really am fascinated by you, because now I'm thinking about all the times I've thought about you and haven't told you because you literally do solo trips to Paris all the time.

[B]

What? I used to go every three months. How do you.

[A]

What makes a person want to do a solo trip? I can't go to the bathroom alone.

[B]

Oh, no. I, like, crave solitude in a way that I don't even like talking about because it feels like I'm being shticky and it's not real, but it's the realest thing I'll ever see.

[A]

Has this always been you?

[B]

Always? Always.

[A]

Have you taken a solo trip before Paris?

[B]

Paris? Oh, yeah.

[A]

To where?

[B]

I guess I would go to, like, Palm Springs. I mean, I didn't really have, like, the financial flexibility until more recently to, like, go take a luxury trip by myself.

[A]

Fucking love financial flexibility.

[B]

But, like, Santa Barbara, you know? I mean, abroad. I'M always going to Paris, though. Like, I'm always going to Paris.

[A]

So you're flying alone, you're staying alone, you're walking around alone, you're taking yourself to eat. What else are you doing?

[B]

Shopping. Shopping, Biking. I love to have a couple drinks and get on a vehicle of some sort. I'll get on a scooter, I'll get on a bike. I let the wind fly in my K tips and just do my thing. Like, I love. I am so excited, like, genuinely by the idea of, like, not talking to anyone or answering to anyone and doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it with my thoughts. Like, it's so fun to me.

[A]

So we have such.

[B]

I go to drinks by myself.

[A]

What?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Where do you like to stay? Can you say yes?

[B]

Okay. So last time I stayed at Phuket's. Don't love the location. It's a little. It's a little close to just kind of like the stuff, the biz, the busyness. I stay. I've stayed at La Burgundy a million times, which is like a very small hotel.

[A]

Write that down.

[B]

Jessica Rue Saint Honor. It's like I'm butchering that. It's right behind the Ritz. It's next to Chanel headquarters. We love that it's on a small street. If you're going alone, a great place to stay. I love the Rosewood Hotel Kryllon. It's the best. I love that location. I'm a first. First district kind of gal.

[A]

So you have no anxiety about being alone?

[B]

Not at all. I dare someone to try to kidnap me. I will take them down, I will bite them, I will rip out their eyelashes. Like, I am so small and scrappy. I do not worry about it.

[A]

I honestly feel like that is one of the coolest things in the world to be able to be alone. I'm really good about being alone with myself. I need the solitude in very small doses. But being able to travel abroad, oh, no. Like, love. Get on a plane alone, which I can do, by the way, but, like, go to restaurants alone. If I traveled alone to Paris, I would be in my room until 5 o' clock and I would order room service. And I would not be able to figure. I can't even Google Maps by. I don't even know where my. Where my Dropbox is on my phone.

[B]

Yeah, no, I. I have always been like that since I was, like, younger. I'd like cosplay social. I'd be like, yeah, sleepover, sure thing, girly. And then I was, like, dying inside. I'm like, when can I go home? I just want to, like, really lock in. Tunnel vision. Just me, myself, and I. I feel like that might be a personality disorder thing.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

You know what it is? It's a safety thing. I feel safe and totally in control when I'm alone. There's no outside factors. I'm very capable. I know where I'm going, I'm decisive, and I just get to do exactly what I want. It's very selfish and narcissistic.

[A]

I don't think it's narcissistic, by the way. When did that become such. That's like, our trend word over the last five years. And no one knows what it means.

[B]

It's very true. Because it's kind of like, all encompassing.

[A]

Like, now everyone's like, well, yeah, he was a narcissist bitch. You don't know what the fuck that means.

[B]

Yeah, like, let's run it back.

[A]

Let's run it back. What do you mean? Like, that a narcissist, in my opinion, and tell me if I'm right, is somebody that basically want. See, I can't even do it. Somebody. It is somebody in your life that wants you to perform at their. For them in terms of, like, they want you to do well, to see how it reflects on them.

[B]

Everything revolves around them.

[A]

Everything revolves around them.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, my God. And we're narcissists.

[A]

And am I a narcissist?

[B]

No, no. Are you?

[A]

But not in a cheeky way. Like, am I. Because everything goes back to me.

[B]

Same.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, we're sorry that we're stars.

[A]

Sorry that we're stars. That's what I say to everyone. You know what? My phone's called Star of the World and what else it's supposed to be called. Every time I have to connect to the WI Fi, they're like, what are you? I'm like, well, you have to ask? It's Star of the World.

[B]

Yeah, obviously.

[A]

I'm like, also on Star of the World number five. Yes.

[B]

Now it's perfect. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Fucking Paris alone is so. I literally don't think I could ever do that. But if you ever want to have, like, adjacent solo trips. Yes, we can do that.

[B]

Okay. I would love that.

[A]

So she's like, I don't want that to happen. No, no, no.

[B]

It's good because I put parameters on Heather. She doesn't really respect them, but put parameters in.

[A]

Okay. How was that, trip?

[B]

Oh, amazing. Like, we. We fight, we bicker, we yell at each other. She wants to go try new things. She wants to go to new places. She's trying to get me to go to fucking the Latin Quarter. I'm like, I'm good.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

She wants to go wait in line for a falafel that she saw on TikTok. I said, hey, guess what? We're not doing that. I'm not going there. I don't want to go. I don't want to wait in the line. Like, I'm. We're not doing this. Please do.

[A]

Today someone asks me to go and get a falafel.

[B]

I said, we are in fucking Paris. She's like, we already went there last time we were here. I'm like, yeah, no, I know. This is where we're going to lunch. The food's not good. No, but this is. We go to lunch. Okay.

[A]

I cannot.

[B]

Le Avenue sucks.

[A]

We're gonna go, by the way. It sucks, but so good. But we. But you have to go. You have to go outside and say,

[B]

we've been there already. Yeah, I know, bitch. I know. We're gonna go back.

[A]

I can't. With Heather. She's so fucking funny. Remember our Nobu stay? We stayed at the hotel. Nobu hotel.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We had a paid. We all had a paid sponsorship deal three ways, and we all got to stay at that really pretty hotel that was actually a really fun. I last minute, decided to go.

[B]

Also staying in the broom closet. Literally.

[A]

Where was. I had a good room. You had.

[B]

I had the best room.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Oh, my God. And then you left early, and I was gonna take over your room, but I thought that would be tacky.

[A]

No, you should have taken over. Why did I leave early?

[B]

You had your period.

[A]

I did. Yeah. And I was single, newly single. And I think I was a little weird, but I didn't seem weird, right?

[B]

No.

[A]

No Going back to me.

[B]

No, not at all.

[A]

Like, can you remember how I was about five, seven, eight years ago? How long ago was that now? Seven years ago. I've been married five years. So seven years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Seven or eight years ago. Folks knew the colonel approved of his new Honey Chili crisp and jalapeno ranch sauces the moment he tasted them and said, that's right. No notes. Just absolute silence. Turns out some flavors don't need explaining, they just need dipping. It's saucy season at KFC with new Honey Chili Crisp and jalapeno Ranch. Get dipping with a boneless crisp bucket today.

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promo code sxm Outdoor deterrence requires a Simplisafe active guard outdoor protection plan starting at $49.99. Visit simplisafe.com licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012. Can we talk about Andrew?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay, so I think also something that's similar between us is that we have. We are the stars and our husbands are more background singers.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Right. They're stars in their own right. They sprinkle in their own way. They sparkle, sprinkle, sparkle in their own way. But they definitely play to us.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Is that your dynamic with Andrew?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He could not be sweeter.

[B]

He's the sweetest guy.

[A]

How did you meet him? I met him at a bar where

[B]

I met him, actually. So my best childhood friend Dan went to college. I know Dan Kramer.

[A]

Is Dan gay and bald?

[B]

No, that's Max.

[A]

I love Max.

[B]

Max is perfect.

[A]

Max is so funny and such a good vibe.

[B]

He's the best vibe, best energy. Like no one has ever kicked him out of a room. Like everybody wants to be best friends.

[A]

I love him.

[B]

So warm. Dan I am have known since I was 4 years old. And he went to Berklee College of Music with Andrew.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know. So he like, did the John Mayer thing?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, Andrew's so musician. Like, he's so that. Okay. So you met him at a bar? Mm. How long ago was this?

[B]

I met him at a bar. How old am I?

[A]

Okay, no, we don't need to do age on the show. But like, just how long are like

[B]

14, 15 years ago? Mm. Mm. Yeah. Mm.

[A]

And you've been together ever since?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So did you know when you first met him?

[B]

No.

[A]

Did you not?

[B]

Not really.

[A]

Kind of.

[B]

No, not really.

[A]

So how did the whole relationship.

[B]

He will say different, obviously.

[A]

Obviously he has to. But like. So what did he did he asked you for your number?

[B]

He asked me for my number. Sweet.

[A]

Andrew asked you for your number?

[B]

Yes, asked me for my number. And he was like, I'm here with my friends. I should get back to them. But let me get your number. We should hang out sometime. And I was like, ew.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

And then I Went out with him like, four days later. And it made no sense. Like, he took me. Oh, God, it was terrible. He took me to, like, he took me to a Mexican food restaurant and then to the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas. So just let that sit in for a second. Terrible.

[A]

Did you have nachos?

[B]

It was the craziest thing. I was like, what do you do? There's like sawdust on the floor. We were just at a Mexican food restaurant, which is a weird move. Love Mexican food. But like, first date. We.

[A]

First date. That's like. That's like married two years and. Why are we uber.

[B]

Dammit. Why would we go to a cantina for drinks afterwards like that? Just like cuisine. Repetition. It's so stupid. Anyways, and then we were together ever since. Mm.

[A]

Okay. So you've been married how long?

[B]

We have been married eight years.

[A]

Where'd you get married?

[B]

In the Parker in Palm Springs.

[A]

Did you want to go alone to that or you were okay traveling with other people?

[B]

It was okay for him to show up for that. But I did go there a million times before I got married by myself.

[A]

By yourself?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Just to check it out.

[A]

Just to check it out and see if the vibe was good. Okay, so you've been married eight years?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Holy shit. I know.

[B]

It's so long.

[A]

Well, this is forever.

[B]

I'm pretty sure I don't want him to know that. Cause I'd like, you know. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, he can't be. They can never get too comfortable.

[B]

I had the craziest dream last night.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

Okay, so he goes to Nashville all the time because music.

[A]

He's successful. Well, why don't you say what Andrew does? Cause I don't think people really know a lot about Andrew.

[B]

He is a songwriter and a music producer.

[A]

Give some names, give some criteria, give some resume. Some people.

[B]

You've heard of Maroon 5, Kelly. Kelly Clarkson, Teddy Swims, Thomas Rhett, One Direction. Oh, my God. The fans go wild, everybody. Yeah. And he works really closely with Thomas Rhett, who is a country artist.

[A]

I know who Thomas Rhett is. Can you imagine if I didn't? I am, like, part country now.

[B]

You are?

[A]

My Last name is McGraw.

[B]

Oh, that's so true.

[A]

Is that crazy? Do you ever think I would be Morgan McGraw? Which kind of really works. Really? I can't even handle it. You hear, like, Morgan McGraw. The Coins chain. Like, it's just. It's just rich. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I had to balance row and gray with McGraw. Yeah.

[B]

That's hard.

[A]

That was hard. But I did it.

[B]

Yeah. You can't do, like, Susie Lu.

[A]

No, no. You can't do basically any other name except for the ones I chose. I was like, is it like, what other. Like, any other name all of a sudden becomes like, they're a country music star, right? Yeah. Like Kevin McGraw. Well, not that I ever thought of

[B]

Kevin, but, like, can you imagine?

[A]

No, I would. I wouldn't be me. What do you mean? That kid wouldn't exist. Gray McGraw.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

Gray McGraw was.

[B]

We're thinking Kevin.

[A]

Yeah. No,

[B]

that's crazy.

[A]

Am I drunk or are we talking about.

[B]

I don't even know what's worth Kevin or. I don't know, Jason.

[A]

We liked. We literally did. Was your name Easy Clyde? Did it just come to you?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm dying to put my foot up here, but I'm not going to.

[B]

I know. I'm dying to take my pants off, but I'm not going to. They're cutting off blood flow.

[A]

I always want to take my pants. I am always uncomfortable in my pants.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm not kidding. Like, I don't know what it is. Like, I have no balls. I've checked. And for some reason, they are always cheap. Just grundled up in there.

[B]

There's that. No, no, no. It's like something about the undercarriage. Cause you want. Not like the lift.

[A]

You want the lift, you want it. But then it's like it's suffocating.

[B]

You feel like it's like infection waiting to happen.

[A]

Waiting to happen. I've never had a uti, which is a fun fact about me. I have never had one.

[B]

Neither have I.

[A]

Wait, but.

[B]

And I just said that to someone three days ago. I said, do you want to know something fun about me? I've never had a uti.

[A]

Literally. That is a huge accomplishment, because everyone now is always like, uti. I'm like, don't look this sweet, sweetie. Cause never had one. Thank you. Never.

[B]

I don't even really know how you get one. You wear a bathing suit too long.

[A]

What is it, guys?

[B]

Brendan Google after sex? I.

[A]

By the way, the second. I'm peeing, like, 12 times.

[B]

No, me, too.

[A]

100%.

[B]

My grandmother just went to the emergency room because she had a UTI that was untreated and almost went septic. And I said, honey, I'm not joking. That's why the UTI is so prevalent. Cause she literally. It was five days ago. She was in the emergency room. And I said, what were you doing? Were you having an orgy in the community? Like Jacuzzi? How does a 95 year old woman get a UTI? Riddle me this. How does a 95 year old woman Get a UTI and then untreat and almost go septic and die before my weekend?

[A]

What was her symptoms? What were her symptoms?

[B]

Like, she was laying on the ground, like, foaming at the mouth, Incoherent, sweating, fever. I was like. Her caretaker calls me. I said, no, not. You need to tell her. I was like, low key. I am renovating my backyard so it wouldn't be the worst time. Cause I could probably upgrade the coda, you know what I mean?

[A]

No, I got it.

[B]

Materials are so expensive. Limestone. So expensive.

[A]

Can I tell you something? We'll get into that after.

[B]

Okay, so she's lying on the ground, she's foaming at the mouth, calls me,

[A]

okay, so hold, hold.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Judith. Sorry. Oh, love you. They get me water here. Okay.

[B]

Oh, my God. Glamour. Jesus. So what happened?

[A]

She's on the floor.

[B]

She's laying on the ground, foaming at the mouth, sweating, incoherent. Her caretaker calls me. I'm like, is everything okay? She's like, no. I said, what's going on? She says, she's not making sense. She has a fever. She's like dry heaving. I call 911, she gets to the hospital, they're like, oh, she has a uti. She's on the verge of sepsis. I call her, I say, gloria, the Oscars are on Sunday. You need to lock it up and get home and handle your fucking business. We're not doing this this weekend.

[A]

No, we're not.

[B]

We need to make it one year without a trauma. So we're not going out by way of uti. Like, you can't die from a uti. That's not acceptable. What will we say at the funeral?

[A]

Literally, she died on my time. And I'm fucking furious by the way. Everyone dying on my goddamn time. I'm fucking done with those people.

[B]

It's so disrespectful.

[A]

Disrespectful.

[B]

Okay, wait.

[A]

Holy shit. That is also. She's 95.

[B]

Yeah, and she's back and better than ever.

[A]

My grandmother. Another commonality that we have.

[B]

Big word.

[A]

Did you hear that? Thank you. Love it. 101 in two weeks. She had a stroke two months ago.

[B]

We can't take these bitches out.

[A]

And went to the hospital for a full week. Paralysis of the face. She's back in action.

[B]

No problem.

[A]

She is back in action. Smoking A cig every day. Having a gin and tonic, dyeing her hair, choosing out the salmon nail polish color that she's gonna have for her birthday.

[B]

No problem. It's insane. Insane.

[A]

It's insane.

[B]

It's insane.

[A]

I know.

[B]

My grandma and all of her sisters are like that. They're like.

[A]

How old are her sisters?

[B]

Oh, well, one of them was 105.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, her mother lived till 101. They all. They just will not die.

[A]

No, I can't even. Okay, so Gloria is whose mom?

[B]

My dad's mom.

[A]

Your dad's mom. And what about your mom's parents?

[B]

So my mom's real mom. Dead.

[A]

Was she adopted?

[B]

No, no, no, my mom's. So my grandma is essentially my mom's stepmom, but like my grandma still alive, still kicking.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Do you see her all the time.

[A]

And what about your grandfather?

[B]

Still alive.

[A]

How old?

[B]

86.

[A]

So not that old.

[B]

No, not that old.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then my. My paternal grandfather. Dead.

[A]

Very dead.

[B]

Super dead. But we were prepared for him to die. Like, I remember the conversation. It happened like 10 years too soon. They're like, you know, grandpa's unhealthy. He's got dialysis, the kidney, whatever. And then he just kept. He just kept coming back around.

[A]

Living.

[B]

Yeah, living, living. So that was a good run.

[A]

So you grew up with basically all grandparents.

[B]

Yes, got it. All grandparents on deck.

[A]

And then I spoke to Jacked about this. But what. How old were you when your mom passed away?

[B]

I was 20. 26. Almost 27.

[A]

Okay, how do. How. How did that go for you?

[B]

Was that great?

[A]

It's the worst. Huh?

[B]

Not great. And then, you know, Andrew and I got dealt, like, a relationship.

[A]

Were you together?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Tell me about the shit hand. I'm interested in that.

[B]

So we have. Listen to this. We. My son has three great grandparents alive and one grandparent alive. So he has more great grandparents than grandparents because they're all fucking dead. They all peaced out early.

[A]

It's so crazy.

[B]

It's so crazy. Andrew lost both of his parents in like two and a half years. Yeah.

[A]

When was this?

[B]

So his dad passed maybe like seven or eight months after our wedding. And then his mom passed from what, of all things, like pneumonia? Untreated, that. Okay. And then my mother in law passed from like, kidney failure.

[A]

Was any of this. Did you. Were you guys aware of any of this happening or was it sudden? For both.

[B]

It was sudden for both. And she passed like six months after Clyde was born. It's been a hoot.

[A]

It's Crazy. You and I have had, like, parallel lives. It's just so. And I wonder, like, personality wise, I feel like, like we are the type that you just persevere. No matter how horrific a circumstance is. You just are like, well, I have to get through this. Yeah.

[B]

You know what? Like, I definitely. It's funny because Andrew and I have handled things quite differently. He's definitely more of a feeling. He. He sat with it, he processed. Like, he really grieved and I did too. But we did it in two completely different ways. Like, I'm very much so. Like, I don't know, I felt like I just wanted to like, live, live, live. Afterwards, I was like, okay, the worst thing has happened. I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna have a really good time. Which is crazy. Can I tell you the craziest thing ever that I don't even know that I've said publicly? The day of my mother's funeral, I went to the blow dry bar in West Hollywood and got a blow dry from a stranger and cosplayed my whole morning. She's like, what are you up to, girly girl? I'm like, just wanted to feel cute today.

[A]

Shut the fuck.

[B]

I'm making conversation. Yeah. I'm about to go, like, put on a black jumpsuit and sit shiva. And I'm just kikiing with the girls in West Hollywood like a crazy person. Because all I wanted to do was feel normal. I didn't want sympathy. I didn't wanna ruminate in it. I didn't wanna walk into a room and people would be like, how are you? Are you okay? Like, I didn't want the shoulder, you know, the shoulder pad.

[A]

The shoulder 100% with the chin askew.

[B]

I went and moved to London.

[A]

Did you move to London? I went to With Andrew.

[B]

With Andrew.

[A]

Cause he was working there. Yeah. Yeah, I knew that.

[B]

I left like three and a half weeks later. I was like, bye, Jesus. And I left. And it was the best thing for me because I was able to just like, solo process. I'm a solo processor, which is probably why I'm a weirdo and can go travel by myself. Because I need quiet and clarity to like, put the pieces together. I'm more. I don't. I don't know what the word is. Like, I feel like I get deeply logistical when things like this happen.

[A]

You want to fix things and you want to control things that you can control.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Well, that's because you had no control over what happened.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah, I'm very much like that. And I've become way more OCD and way more neurotic and controlling about things that don't matter. Like, if things are getting cleaned properly. Probably because I had so much loss. And I think all of you, me and Andrew, have had, like, so much loss in such a short period of time. Like, my brother died from pneumonia in July. It is literally. What month is it? March.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Literally less than two years. And I'm just sort of like. And you also, I think. And you probably feel this way, but I always anticipated, like, what it would feel like for somebody to die. Yeah. But when somebody. When it just, like, happened. Like, your life is one way, right? For so long.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you're like, okay, well, the natural order is you're gonna die when you're really old and you're gonna meet my children and be with them till they're 20 and whatever. And then your life is totally different.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Halfway through, sort of our life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, 26 is really young to lose a parent. Very, very young. You're, like, figuring shit out. Like, I obviously lost my dad in my 30s, but it was still. I'm like, wait, what? Like this. But now I feel like the worst has happened.

[B]

Yeah. And I feel like it gives you a level of perspective and grit.

[A]

That grit.

[B]

It gives you grit. And it's not. I mean, it is the worst thing, but it also. It's okay. Do you know what I mean? I always say that to people. I'm like, it's gonna be okay. Like, it hurts. It stings. But what are you. What are you supposed to do? Like, draw the shades and listen to Goo Goo Dolls crying and doors? Goo Goo Dolls is triggering, by the way, because.

[A]

Yeah, that is very triggering.

[B]

Like, mom, what were you like in the 90s? Well, first of all, my mom's dead. Secondly, like, we've ruined the cuckoo dolls.

[A]

I also love that it's good for our material.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Do you know what I mean? Like, it was really selfless of them to just kind of kick it, because then we get to talk about that. And that makes us edgy.

[B]

Oh, I know. Gives us depth.

[A]

Depth. And we also.

[B]

Dimension.

[A]

Dimension. We can't evolve to our most famous self without major trauma.

[B]

You need a story. Everybody needs a story.

[A]

And I had not a lot of story. And now I have a book. Ton of fuck stories.

[B]

The same. I was like, my life, my childhood was great.

[A]

Everything was great. Parents loved. Were you parents together? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[B]

Happily married. I had a great situation. But honestly, like, the foundation. I feel like I had the tools to deal. Don't you feel that way?

[A]

I feel that way and I think about that all the time. Yeah.

[B]

Like, imagine not having the tools.

[A]

The tools are very important. I think about that with my kids because I'm choosing where Ro's going to kindergarten now, and it's between two schools, and I really feel like I sort of went like this. Like, I, like, didn't really go to college. Consist. I mean, I didn't finish it. I wasn't great at school. I kind of was, like, really out for, like, fun and partying and, like, hanging out and, like, didn't have, like, a clear trajectory of my life. And everybody that I went to school with that was, like, getting straight A's or valedictorian of the class and going to college, they're all fucking idiots and have nothing going the fuck on. And I like. And that was because of the balance and the tools that my parents instilled in me. They were there for me through every single thing.

[B]

Same.

[A]

And that is ultimately what your children need.

[B]

Yeah, the tools. Because it doesn't matter if you get into Yale and this, that the other

[A]

kid and you die or whatever.

[B]

Exactly. And it's so, so true. I felt the same way. I always joke that I was hugged too much as a child.

[A]

Oh, my God. The hug.

[B]

So much hugging.

[A]

The asking you what's wrong when you're slamming the door in their face and you're like, fuck off.

[B]

No, totally. Like, there was a lapse of, like, love and nurturing and, like, memories and, like, just, like, good, good feelings. Good goodness.

[A]

Okay. But your mom met Andrew.

[B]

Oh, obsessed. Yes.

[A]

Okay, I like that. That's nice.

[B]

Obsessed. Obsessed.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like that was a huge part of, like, my dad obviously knew Jordan when we were first together for a little bit. But then I also truly believe that I had Gray as close as I did to Ro. So he could meet both of them.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. That's amazing.

[A]

Have you talked to a medium? I ask everybody this. I have to stop asking these questions.

[B]

I met with Teresa Caputo.

[A]

Oh, my God. So did Chloe Cornet.

[B]

And it was kind of wild. And I'm, like, kind of cynical about that stuff, but she told me a couple things, and I was like, okay, gotta go. Like, freaked me out.

[A]

Did you meet her privately or, like, on the show?

[B]

Oh, no, I met privately.

[A]

Are you gonna have me on your show?

[B]

I'm. Yes, of course. Dying to. Don't wanna overwork and burden you, but

[A]

I'm so into it.

[B]

No, you have to.

[A]

How often do you have to. Guests. We're pivoting from death. Yeah, okay. Sharp words. We're like, okay, Joyce of Utah. We got it. Okay. We're gonna move on from the dead. The dead folks.

[B]

We're done. Not super often. You will find this. You just never know what you're getting into.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And I also don't wanna. But you know who I really wanna

[B]

have on the show?

[A]

Kristin Wiig.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, well, she's gonna be great.

[A]

Who's your dream guest? Ooh, look at me.

[B]

No, literally, no one. I'm.

[A]

You don't wanna.

[B]

No, I don't.

[A]

No one.

[B]

I can't think of one person.

[A]

Can I tell you something more horrific than any?

[B]

If you lose another piece of hair, I'll die.

[A]

I need him for New York because she couldn't get me in, which is fucking bullshit, by the way. I have to go to a lunch after this. Could you kill yourself? Could you die?

[B]

With who? This girl.

[A]

This woman that I like wanted to get an invite for something, so I thought I was gonna finagle, and I got the invite yesterday. I'm like, well, then why the fuck do I gotta go to fucking lunch now?

[B]

You have to go razzle dazzle, izzle. I have to go razzle this.

[A]

I'd rather have sepsis. I'd rather have utterly. Yeah, I rather have a utm.

[B]

That's so terrible. I'm so sorry.

[A]

And not, like, in a lunch that I can, like, chill. Like a lunch that I have to be engaged in. But I brought flats in my car. Like, I just got a little dizzy.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I got dizzy by proxy.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That's so much output.

[A]

So much fucking output.

[B]

I'm going to the Pasadena Antique center afterwards.

[A]

Are you really?

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Do you go to the Rose bowl for jeans? Jeans?

[B]

No, I don't do the Rose Bowl. It's too early and there's. I can't do that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I need, like, a curated environment with, like, a chopped salad next door. I can't do that.

[A]

Okay. So are you going to dinner during the week? Are you going out?

[B]

No.

[A]

Absolutely never, right?

[B]

No, never. Not unless it, like, financially benefits me.

[A]

Right. That's what I'm thinking about. Stuff now. Like, I'm not going to stuff unless they are either paying me. Like, I'm. When people are like, oh, come to this, like, hair event, bitch. Are you writing a check? No. Like, I'm not just showing up for you and converting for your ass.

[B]

No, it's not happening.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

I'm not going to a brand dinner. I'm not doing any of that. Like that. You will never find me there. If you see me at any type of a brand dinner. Unless it's like a friend brand, obviously. But if I'm just at a chapstick dinner, you have to call the cops. Something's wrong. Right. I'm 100% not going out to dinner during the week.

[A]

Do you like that I have a photo and my show name or should I just do the show name? I was thinking about that.

[B]

No, I think this is good.

[A]

You sure?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Right? It just came to my mind. No, no, no.

[B]

Yes, this is good.

[A]

But let me show you. Cause it was also YouTube tube.

[B]

No, no, no. Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

100%. It's. It feels too it. No, this is good. This is flushed out.

[A]

I literally. Cuz it's starting to pop up everywhere. And I was like, I don't know if people think I think that photo's that good, but it's the one I submitted because I didn't have another option.

[B]

No, it's perfect.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's clean but not sterile.

[A]

Got it. Let's talk about your construction in your yard.

[B]

Talk about it.

[A]

I want to talk about it because I'm going to redo my bathroom. I'm going to do a cold punch in a sauna and I'm going to do a closet because I don't have a closet.

[B]

That's hard to believe.

[A]

No, I have like a room with racks. It is so dark. Are we running out of time? We're at 51.

[B]

Time flies when you're having fun. Kill me.

[A]

By the way, are you going to be a recurring guess? Is that annoying?

[B]

No, I would love to. I would love that. By the way, like, this is so easy for me. I love you so much.

[A]

I love. I can't even tell you. I feel like so common Zen in my spot. But you have to tell me. Okay. I want to know about the yard. I want to know about the yard. We'll end on the yard. Because I'm obsessed with yard and I'm like, I want to know the deal here.

[B]

Okay. So my backyard, my house is absolutely gorgeous. I've done everything. And we were going to do the yard right when we moved in. And Andrew's like, why would we do that now? Like we should do that. We should do everything on the inside.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Before we have children. And then we can do the yard because it is the biggest project. So where I live is like not in the mountains. But like, we.

[A]

There's mountain adjacent.

[B]

It's Santa Monica, Malibu mountain range. It's beautiful. It's. It's gorgeous. It's serene. I have frogs. I have to. I have. I have a zoo in my backyard. Okay. Like, there's. We have animals. We have animals.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I woke up six months ago and there was 30 goats in my yard because they hopped the fence because they have to clear it out for the brush. The property behind is, like, in the. So I had goats in my yard.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

That's what we're dealing with. There's horses in my neighborhood.

[A]

Got it. Oh, you know what can I tell you? I love all animals.

[B]

Animals.

[A]

Don't love a horse.

[B]

I like the allure of seeing a horse when you drive to my house.

[A]

Yes. But you don't wanna get on one.

[B]

No, I don't wanna get on one.

[A]

That's crazy. No, like, for sport. Why isn't your title Back to the yard? So you're doing the outside of the fucking yard.

[B]

Back to the yard. We are starting in, like two weeks. It's gonna be a catastrophe. It's gonna be a year. It's so much work. It's going to be disgusting.

[A]

But I.

[B]

But I'm so excited. And I low key, like, love construction.

[A]

I do too. I love it.

[B]

I love. I love materials. I love tiles. I love, like, I just. I love it. I love all of it.

[A]

How does Andrew deal with it?

[B]

He's kind of stressed a little bit. He just kind of really asks a lot of really unnecessary questions. And he likes to be, like, involved.

[A]

Don't be involved.

[B]

He likes to know how things work.

[A]

Oh, my God, the men.

[B]

I'm like, we hired a drainage engineer. Why don't you go do what you fucking do, right? Why don't you go pick up a guitar and fuck off? We don't need to know the inner workings of a French drain system. Would you like to be a drain engineer? Do you want to be a drain engineer? So why do we just do it? And it's also like, we're paying a flat fee and an hourly on top of that. So every dumb fuck question costs about $38. I literally do the math. And then I Venmo request him. I'm like, you need to pay me for the time that you wasted while we were trying to execute things.

[A]

Execute. Oh, my fucking God. So you have a architect and you have.

[B]

I have a drainage engineer. I have an architect. I have a pool contractor. I have a general contractor. I have every. Everybody so Are you ripping the pool

[A]

out and redoing it?

[B]

Everything.

[A]

Holy God.

[B]

Everything. And it's like, it's. I mean, this is. I'm not being disgusting, but it's kind of like a large piece of property.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Are you upset?

[A]

No, I can't even. I got blurry eyed. I love it.

[B]

It's a lot.

[A]

It's a lot. Yeah. I'm going to go into that too. And I have to do the backyard as well, a little bit, which is just like, you know, it's never a good time, but we just got to hit it, you know? You got to hit it. Yeah, I have.

[B]

Limestone. Prices are going up, baby.

[A]

Travertine. All of it.

[B]

My whole.

[A]

Can I tell you to be careful? A little tip, guys. Because of property, to property owner, write this down. Limestone. I put it all in my backyard because my dad did my yard. You know, he was an architect. Contractor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it bleached out so badly that it is so bright. You cannot go in my yard without sunglasses. So be mindful of that.

[B]

So you see, travertine's a little bit more. A little more color.

[A]

It's a little bit more beigey and it's. But limestone is more beautiful. And you should do limestone. But it definitely is very. How bright is the yard? My assistant's like, yeah, it's very bright.

[B]

Cause I was thinking I was doing, like, a travertine, like, checkerboard vignette for this outdoor, like, little fireplace area. Oh, my God. Okay. But then I want it to be creamy. I don't want it to be. I don't want it to be gray.

[A]

I think you should do limestone. But if limestone is in direct sun, it will be so bright.

[B]

I have a lot of greenery. Like, so much grass.

[A]

Holy shit. You just deposited money into my account. Like the greenery. A hedge. I will fucking leave my family for a hedge.

[B]

I have protected oak trees.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

So many of them protected.

[A]

We're doing ASMR at this point. I can't. By the way. I love an oak tree. Reminds me of my dad.

[B]

Is that.

[A]

Cause we talked about all the dead people in our life for a long time.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Okay, let's do some rapid fire. Yay. We said goodbye. But we're back. We're back. Okay. But the episode was great, so we're just. We want more.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Potential rapid. Oh, not potential. Just the rapid fire.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Housewives of a Kardashians.

[B]

Housewives.

[A]

Which gossip is juicier? Group chat drama or family drama?

[B]

What ooh Ooh. I would say group chat. Drama.

[A]

I agree. Are you ready for this one? Oh, yeah.

[B]

I thought you wanted me to elaborate.

[A]

No, no. Are you kidding? We have to leave. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Designer bag or uninterrupted sleep?

[B]

Oh, that's very difficult.

[A]

I know. Take a second. Don't rush. I know. Cause I'm even struggling.

[B]

Am I gonna go to anthropology and buy a Bottega dupe? I don't think so.

[A]

I think it's bag.

[B]

I think it might be bag. I think I'm peeing all night anyway.

[A]

I am peeing.

[B]

I have demons in my brain. I'm waking up. I've got sleep paralysis all the time.

[A]

I'm waking up at 2 o' clock every night.

[B]

Bare minimum, we should have a cute bag.

[A]

There you go. Okay. Okay. Bravo marathon or true crime binge? Well, I guess you answered that right.

[B]

Bravo marathon, always. I'm living in the dark.

[A]

Okay, Same. A daily ritual. You refuse to give up. Am I mumbling? You refuse to give up.

[B]

Martinez, a martini. Like I really.

[A]

Tell me your martini. What is it? Do you make it skate?

[B]

Oh, I make it fucking skate. I'm Christina Yamaguchi. Is that her name?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So I take my cup, I spray it with vermouth. I have like an atomizer.

[A]

Like a vintage perfume. Yep.

[B]

I spray it. I freeze the cup.

[A]

No. Does it break the cup? No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

It is Christie Yamaguchi. There we go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I use a very unattractive shaker. But it's the best. It's the elevated craft shaker. Ice Beluga vodka or Belvedere. Those are the only two options. I do not keep the vodka in the freezer. That is an amateur move. We need dilution in order to make it skate. You need room temperature vodka because you need to shake it over a shit ton of ice. And that's how you get those ice crystals. We're shaking. We're not adding any olive juice.

[A]

No, none.

[B]

Zero.

[A]

So just straight vodka right now with this cold. With a spritzed glass.

[B]

With a spritzed glass and blue cheese olives. And that's it. Heaven on earth.

[A]

Can I tell you I don't even like martinis. But the way you've described it, I need to have that. Could I just do an olive? Not a blue cheese. Cuz I don't like cheese.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's honestly a pickling agent. Vodka is a pickling agent. We don't talk about it enough.

[A]

It re you the last time I had vodka. I was like, off the walls. And now I do tequila. But maybe. Maybe I need to switch back.

[B]

It's really. It's very nice.

[A]

You know what's gonna happen if we don't stop? We're gonna segue into another episode.

[B]

I don't know. We're obsessed with the cut the lights. Yeah.

[A]

The Morgan Stewart show is produced by Sirius XM and me, Morgan Stewart. Our audio engineer is Brendan Burns. Our videographer is Kim Cohen, and our video editor is Shannon Joy Rogers. Our executive producers are Cody Fisher and Adam Sachs. Siriusxm podcasts. Traditional home security only alerts you after a break in.

[B]

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[A]

outdoor protection plan starting at 49.99amonth. Visit simplisafe.com licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012. You wouldn't take financial advice from a 72 hours in a single day alpha influencer, would you? Same goes if you're in a car accident or any accident. Who you choose matters. That's why Morgan and Morgan exists. They're the largest injury law firm in America, and they've built a reputation by actually winning cases, not just talking about it. Over a thousand lawyers across all 50 states and $30 billion recovered injured. Go to forthepeople.com podcast. That's forthepeople.com podcast.