Episode Summary: Bliss Broyard – "Ashes in the Closet"
Podcast: The Moth
Host: The Moth
Storyteller: Bliss Broyard
Recorded At: The Moth Main Stage, 2004
Release Date: August 23, 2010
Theme of the Night: Stories on Her Day
Introduction
In this poignant episode of The Moth, storyteller Bliss Broyard shares a deeply personal narrative titled "Ashes in the Closet." Recorded live in 2004 at The Moth main stage, her story delves into the complexities of family secrets, racial identity, and the tumultuous dynamics between her parents. Bliss's recounting is a heartfelt exploration of uncovering hidden truths about her father's past and the lasting impact it had on her family.
Setting the Stage: Family Dynamics and Mother's Day
Bliss begins by reminiscing about her family life in Fairfield, Connecticut, highlighting the close-knit nature of her immediate family—herself, her brother Todd, and her parents. As she narrates the events leading up to Mother's Day in 1979, Bliss paints a picture of domestic bliss intertwined with underlying tensions.
Bliss Broyard [02:57]: “Holidays were already a pretty big deal in our house, you know, and a lot of hours spent in front of the fireplace, and my mom would make a gourmet meal.”
Bliss recalls her father's intention to make that Mother's Day special by gifting their mother a pair of elegant sea urchin-shaped gold earrings from Tiffany's. Despite her reservations about the conservative nature of the gift, she masks her true feelings to support her father's desire to honor her mother.
The Mother's Day Presentation: A Fractured Moment
The evening takes an unexpected turn when her father, in an uncharacteristic display of anger, throws the Tiffany's box across the kitchen floor. This moment of outburst shatters the evening's harmony and leaves Bliss bewildered.
Bliss Broyard [07:25]: “It was pretty much ruined.”
The incident is further compounded when Bliss's mother, in the dead of night, rummages through the refrigerator in a state of panic, leading Bliss to uncover a chaotic scene that hints at deeper family issues.
Unveiling the Secret: Father's Hidden Past
The crux of Bliss's story revolves around the revelation of her father's hidden racial identity. Through a series of events, including the discovery of ashes in his study and her mother's eventual disclosure, Bliss learns that her father was of mixed race—part black.
Bliss Broyard [12:15]: “Your father's part black. That's it. That's all.”
This revelation prompts Bliss to grapple with questions about her father's motivations. Was his secrecy a product of his experiences growing up in a racially tense environment, or was it a measure to protect his children from potential prejudice? Bliss reflects on her father's internal struggles and the societal pressures that may have influenced his decisions.
Father's Death and Lingering Mysteries
Bliss's narrative progresses to her father's battle with prostate cancer, culminating in his death. Only after his passing does Bliss learn that her father had a long-held secret about his heritage, which she never had the chance to discuss with him.
Bliss Broyard [13:45]: “He wrote an essay about his own parents and his relationship to them. He wondered how we would look upon him after he was gone.”
Bliss touches upon the unfinished conversations and unresolved emotions that linger after her father's death, highlighting the enduring impact of his concealed identity on her understanding of family and self.
Reflections and Insights: Understanding a Complex Legacy
In the closing segments of her story, Bliss contemplates the multifaceted reasons behind her father's secrecy. She considers the historical context of his upbringing in the racially divided South and Brooklyn, as well as the possible personal motivations to shield his family from societal prejudices.
Bliss Broyard [14:35]: “I suspect it's a little bit of all of those things. But I do know that it wasn't coldness that I think my father felt towards his family.”
Bliss acknowledges the intricate interplay of love, fear, and societal expectations that shaped her father's actions. Her story underscores the profound effects of hidden truths on familial relationships and personal identity.
Conclusion
Bliss Broyard's "Ashes in the Closet" is a moving testament to the enduring complexities of family secrets and the quest for understanding one's heritage. Through her vivid storytelling, Bliss invites listeners to reflect on the hidden narratives that shape our lives and the importance of uncovering and confronting the truths that lie beneath the surface.
Notable Quotes
- Bliss Broyard [02:57]: “Holidays were already a pretty big deal in our house...”
- Bliss Broyard [07:25]: “It was pretty much ruined.”
- Bliss Broyard [12:15]: “Your father's part black. That's it. That's all.”
- Bliss Broyard [14:35]: “I suspect it's a little bit of all of those things...”
About Bliss Broyard
Bliss Broyard is the author of the critically acclaimed family memoir A Story of Race and Family Secrets, published by Little Brown. Her work has been featured in Best American Short Stories, the Pushcart Prize Anthology, and The Art of the Essay, among other prestigious publications. Bliss resides in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and children, continuing to explore and share her intricate family narratives.
This episode of The Moth masterfully captures the intricate dance between personal revelation and familial bonds, offering listeners a profound narrative on identity, secrecy, and reconciliation.