Episode Summary: "Boris Timanovsky: Pen Pal"
Podcast Information:
- Title: The Moth
- Host/Author: The Moth
- Episode: Boris Timanovsky: Pen Pal
- Release Date: November 29, 2010
Introduction
In this heartfelt installment of The Moth, Boris Timanovsky shares a personal narrative from his experiences as a father navigating the complexities of children's communication and cultural expectations. Recorded live at the Moth main stage in 2009 during the Penn World Voices Festival, the story delves into themes of responsibility, generational differences, and the unintended consequences of seemingly simple promises.
The Pen Pal Assignment
Boris begins by setting the scene of a business trip abroad, where after a long day, he and his colleagues seek refuge from work-related conversations through drinking and casual talk. It is during this relaxed evening that Vlad, a fellow traveler, mentions his nine-year-old daughter Julie's English class assignment to find a pen pal. Vlad requests if Boris’s eleven-year-old son, Joseph, would be interested in corresponding with Julie.
Boris (02:13): "And this guy Vlad says that his nine year old daughter Julie has an assignment in her English class to find a pen pal and he asked if my son Joseph would be willing to correspond with her. I said sure, of course he would."
Joseph's Reluctance
Upon returning to New York, Boris brings up the pen pal assignment with Joseph, only to be met with refusal. Joseph's silence on the matter puzzles Boris, who speculates that Joseph's reluctance stems from his education about romantic love and the responsibilities associated with it, contrasting fun activities like PlayStation gaming.
Boris (02:22): "Joseph is 11. And the way they teach him in school is romantic love is not a part of the curriculum yet. But on the other hand, they are already taught about abstinence and how sex leads to pregnancy, and pregnancy leads to additional responsibilities."
Taking Responsibility
Facing the prospect of breaking his promise to Vlad, Boris decides to take matters into his own hands. He creates a new Yahoo email account to facilitate the pen pal correspondence, hoping to bridge the gap for his son.
Boris (03:10): "But what am I gonna do? I don't want to break the promise that I'd already made to Vlad. So I thought, how hard can it be? I'll do it."
He diligently checks the inbox, only to find it empty at first, leading him to believe he might be free from the commitment. However, his hopes are dashed when he eventually receives an email from Julie.
Correspondence Challenges
Boris grapples with how to respond to Julie's simple, innocent questions. Late at night, under the influence of alcohol and fatigue, he struggles to compose a suitable reply. His resulting message is a blend of fanciful dreams and personal quirks, reflecting his internal conflict and desire to connect meaningfully.
Boris (04:10): "So I ended up writing to her that my favorite color is blue because it's the color of the ocean and I have a parrot, and when I do my homework, my parrot is sitting on my shoulder."
The next morning, instead of a reply from Julie, he finds spam, deepening his anxiety about the correspondence.
Reflections and Family Influence
As Boris reflects on his response, he delves into his childhood memories, recalling conversations with his family about his aspirations and cultural expectations. These memories highlight the tension between personal dreams and familial expectations, particularly regarding his desire to become a sea captain—a dream not widely supported within his family.
Boris (06:00): "I remember telling my parents that I want to be a sea captain. And my mom said that she's not aware of too many sea captains who are Jewish."
These reflections serve to underscore the personal barriers Boris faces in fulfilling his own dreams, juxtaposed against his attempts to support his son's social connections.
The Breakdown of Correspondence
As days pass without a response from Julie, Vlad contacts Boris to inform him that Julie no longer wishes to be Joseph’s pen pal. Concerned about Joseph’s feelings, Vlad asks if Boris has read any of Joseph's mail, to which Boris admits he hasn't. This revelation forces Boris to acknowledge the impact of his interference on the young boy's social life.
Boris (10:00): "He sent it back to me, and yes, he got it right. And I don't know how long an average pen pal relationship lasts, but I felt that hours had run its course, and this is how it ended."
Continuing Connections
Despite the initial breakdown, Boris maintains occasional communication with Vlad, providing updates about Joseph and humorously reinforcing the earlier fantasy of being a sea captain.
Boris (11:00): "Sometimes when Vlad calls, he asks me how his pen pal is doing and does he still want to be a sea captain? And I tell him that, yes, his pen pal still wants to be a sea captain very much."
This ongoing dialogue highlights the lasting effects of their brief correspondence and the whimsical dreams that persist despite life's practical challenges.
Conclusion
Boris Timanovsky's story encapsulates the delicate balance between honoring promises and respecting the autonomy of one's children. Through his narrative, listeners are invited to contemplate the unintended consequences of adult interventions in children's social lives and the enduring nature of childhood dreams amidst adult responsibilities.
Notable Quotes
- Boris (02:22): "Joseph is 11. And the way they teach him in school is romantic love is not a part of the curriculum yet."
- Boris (04:10): "So I ended up writing to her that my favorite color is blue because it's the color of the ocean and I have a parrot..."
- Boris (06:00): "I remember telling my parents that I want to be a sea captain."
- Boris (11:00): "Yes, his pen pal still wants to be a sea captain very much."
This detailed recounting by Boris Timanovsky provides a poignant look into the intersections of parenting, cultural expectations, and the innocent aspirations of youth, making "Pen Pal" a memorable and relatable story for The Moth audience.