Dave Mowers: The Burning of Atlanta

Summary

Summary of "Dave Mowers: The Burning of Atlanta"

Introduction

In the captivating episode titled "The Burning of Atlanta," featured on The Moth podcast, storyteller Dave Mowers recounts a tumultuous experience during his temporary employment at the Neuropsychiatric Surgery Unit of the Emory University Children's Hospital. Recorded live at The Moth main stage in 2003, this narrative delves deep into themes of deception, addiction, and unforeseen consequences, all intertwined with a fiery climax that forever changed Dave's life.

Background: Struggling with Addiction

Dave begins by painting a vivid picture of his life leading up to the job at Emory University. He confesses, “[06:45] I had this job for a year before that, which I rode around in a van in Florida. And it left me with nothing. No money, no skills, nothing but a habit. I called it my two by twelve habit. Two packs of cigarettes and twelve ounces of vodka every day.” This admission sets the stage for understanding his desperation and the lengths he would go to secure employment, even if it meant landing a job for which he was utterly unqualified.

Landing the Temp Job: A Web of Lies

Despite lacking the necessary skills, Dave somehow convinced the hospital to hire him by fabricating his qualifications. “[04:30] I somehow managed to convince them that I typed 80 words per minute and that I knew how to use WordPerfect.” Upon meeting his formidable boss, Livonia, Dave’s facade begins to crumble. Describing Livonia, he notes, “[05:15] She was this huge, enormous black woman, you know, and she was put together. I mean, this girl was done.” Her authoritative presence and unwavering standards quickly expose Dave’s deceit, especially when she confronts him about smelling like smoke: “[07:10] ‘Why do you smell like smoke?’ And I said, oh, my roommate's a chain smoker.”

The Descent: Struggling to Keep Up

As days pass, Dave’s inability to perform his duties becomes evident. His attempts to learn basic computer commands, such as "save" and "open," are fraught with anxiety and ineptitude. “[09:20] It was like, you have no money. You have no skills. You have no job.” This internal struggle is compounded by his addiction, leading him to seek solace in smoking even during work hours—a risky move that would have dire consequences.

Climactic Chaos: The Fire Incident

The tension reaches its peak when, overwhelmed by stress and fueled by addiction, Dave inadvertently sparks a fire in the office. “[10:45] I started to pull it together a little bit...and that's when I smelled this little acrid puff of chemical smoke.” Panic ensues as the fire alarm triggers, and the sprinklers activate, yet the fire remains stubbornly resilient. In a desperate bid to extinguish the flames, Dave resorts to pouring vodka on the fire, resulting in a dramatic and surreal scene: “[11:30] So I'm now looking at this flaming basket while the rain pours down.”

Unexpected Resolution: A Fireman's Intervention

Just as chaos seems insurmountable, a miraculous intervention occurs. A fireman named Bruce arrives, coincidentally sharing Dave’s first name. “[12:10] And he says, ‘What a coincidence. That's my name, too.’” Bruce not only helps extinguish the fire but also offers Dave assistance, including transporting him to the firehouse to file a report. Their ensuing dinner date, however, reveals the fragile nature of their brief connection: “[12:50] He said his day off was the following Tuesday. And he really did take me out to dinner...I maintained this illusion the whole time that my name was, in fact, Bruce.”

Conclusion: Reflections on Deception and Consequences

Dave concludes his story with a poignant realization of the precariousness of his deceit. His final interaction with Bruce underscores the complexities of his situation: “[12:55] And he said, ‘I could never seriously date a smoker.’” This rejection serves as a catalyst for Dave to reflect on the unsustainable nature of his fabrications and the inevitable unraveling of his lies. The narrative leaves listeners contemplating the intricate dance between truth and deception, and the unforeseen repercussions that arise when one attempts to manipulate reality to fit their desperate needs.

Notable Quotes

• “[06:45] I had this job for a year before that, which I rode around in a van in Florida. And it left me with nothing. No money, no skills, nothing but a habit. I called it my two by twelve habit. Two packs of cigarettes and twelve ounces of vodka every day.”

• “[04:30] I somehow managed to convince them that I typed 80 words per minute and that I knew how to use WordPerfect.”

• “[07:10] ‘Why do you smell like smoke?’ And I said, oh, my roommate's a chain smoker.”

• “[10:45] I started to pull it together a little bit...and that's when I smelled this little acrid puff of chemical smoke.”

• “[12:10] And he says, ‘What a coincidence. That's my name, too.’”

• “[12:55] And he said, ‘I could never seriously date a smoker.’”

Final Thoughts

Dave Mowers' story is a masterful blend of humor, tension, and raw honesty. Through his recounting, listeners are invited into a world where desperation leads to a cascade of unfortunate events, ultimately highlighting the human capacity for both error and redemption. This episode serves as a compelling reminder of the fragility of our constructed identities and the unpredictable nature of life's challenges.

Transcript

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[Andy Borowitz]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast Podcast. I'm Andy Borowitz. The Moth features true stories told live without notes. All stories on the podcast are taken from our ongoing storytelling series in New York and Los Angeles and from our tour shows across the country. Visit themoth.org the story you are about to hear by Dave Mowers was recorded live at the Moth main stage in 2003. The theme of the night was Blue in the Face stories about smoke.

[Dave Mowers]

Hi, I'm Dave Mowers. The worst part of my temp job at the Neuropsychiatric Surgery Unit of the Emory University Children's Hospital was that you can't smoke. I mean, I smoke all the time. For me, smoking is more than smoking. It's religion. You know, in the morning when I light a match, I invoke the Goddess Pele, Goddess of Fire. And I swallow that fire and I control it. I ingest it, and I own it. And I breathe it out as smoke. You know, it's a primal illusion of control. And so there I was in this temp job and I couldn't smoke. To smoke you had to go out three sets of security doors that were activated with a card and then around the corner outside sliding doors to stand at the ashtray. I took a break like every 20 minutes, and it took 20 minutes to get there. So I was only working like 20 minutes a day. The only reason that I was even in Atlanta is because that's where the van stopped. I had this job for a year before that, which I rode around in a van in Florida. And it left me with nothing. No money, no skills, nothing but a habit. I called it my two by 12 habit. Two packs of cigarettes and 12 ounces of vodka every day. That's pretty much all I had. And so I needed this job because I had to pay for that. The second worst part of my job, my temp job at the Neuropsychiatric surgery unit of the Emory University Children's Hospital, is that I was completely unqualified for it. I somehow managed to convince them that I typed 80 words per minute and that I knew how to use wordperfect. It was a long time ago. And that I liked children and that I was comfortable in a smoke free environment. None of those things were true. So the real problem was that my boss, Livonia, was onto me from the start. She was this huge, enormous black woman, you know, and she was put together. I mean, this girl was done. She came up every morning from southeast Atlanta to keep Emory University running smoothly. And she had all her big black curves packed into these bold knit suits with bright primary colors. And her hair was done. It was a beaten up. The higher the hair, the closer to God. And every morning she got up at 4 o'clock in the morning to do this. And she had the nails. And I found her equally fascinating and terrifying. So on the first day she showed me to my cubicle and she told me that she was creating the annual report for the Emory University Neuropsychiatric Surgical Unit at the Emory University Children's Hospital and that my, my job was to input the curriculum vitae of all 50 doctors who worked there. And she asked me if I had any questions and I said, yeah, what's a curriculum vitae? And she didn't laugh at all. She just looked at me and said, it's an academic resume. And I said, oh, well, you know, academics were never my strong point. And she still didn't laugh. So I said, do you have any questions for me? And she said, yeah, why do you smell like smoke? And I said, oh, my roommate's a chain smoker. So that started out the two week job. And every day she would kind of march around behind me, bigger than me and scary saying, like, I want to see copies of your work thus far. And you know, I didn't know how to use the computer, so I'd have to make up a lie to send her out of the room and then call the help desk. And find out what to do. And so, you know, after the first day I learned the command for save, so that was good. And then after the third day, I learned the command for open so I didn't have to keep starting a new document every day. And after two weeks, on the last day, Livonia arrived early and she was right on my back. She was like, I want to see copies of the finished product, please. And I was like. And she wouldn't go away. And so I couldn't call the help desk, so I just started pressing F keys because that seemed to work. And nothing happened except the computer flashed and went black and then flashed and went black and then flashed and went black. Like black. And it was gone. All of it was gone, you know, and it wasn't like in the garbage or on the hard drive. It was gone. And you know, I was like, livonia, Livonia, I think I might need a little help here, you know? And she sat down and she tried everything she could think of and she could not pull it out. And she swiveled back around in that chair and she looked at me and said, I am going to kill you in that way that black girls say it where you believe them, you know? And I like, I started to beg. I was like, please don't kill me. Please, please God, don't kill me. Listen, I'll do anything. I will stay here all night and type it in. I swear to God, I will stay all weekend and type it in. Please don't kill me. Oh my God, please don't kill me. I'll do it for free, right? And she didn't have a choice. It was either she was going to type it in or I was going to type it in. So we came up with this plan where she locked me in the office at the end of the night and I was just going to type all night long, right? And then when I couldn't take it anymore, I could get out of the office and leave the doors locked and I'd meet her again the next morning and do it like for 16 hours on Saturday and 16 hours on Sunday. So on that Friday night I found myself around 9:30, typing with two fingers and crying. And I was like, is this going to kill me? Because I was realizing it would actually take two 40 hour work weeks to type this in, even if you did know how to type. And you know, it had been four hours since my last. I was shaking and crying and typing with two fingers. And finally I just decided, fuck it, I'm having a cigarette. So I reached into my bag and I got a Camel Light 100. And I invoked the goddess Pele. And I breathed out and I started to pull it together a little bit. So now I was typing with one finger and crying and smoking. And I was ashing into this styrofoam cup that I'd used for coffee. And I sort of pulled it together and I started to type out tristriptophilic suturing. And that's when I smelled this little acrid puff of chemic smoke. And I looked down and saw that my match had burned through the coffee cup. And that's when I became aware of, like, the white smoke billowing up from the waste paper basket. It fell into the wastepaper basket and caught fire. And so just when I saw the smoke, that's when the alarm went off, blah, blah, blah, blah, really loud. And I was kind of panic stricken. I looked around and then I was like, okay, okay, just do something. So I, like, picked it up and I started to run around looking for a way to put it out. And that's when the sprinklers came on and just deluged the whole room with water. Yet the basket continued to flower with flame. And I found myself running between all three desks. You know, my desk, Livonia desk, reception desk, nothing. And this water would not put out the basket no matter how I held it. So I threw it down and I grabbed the only liquid I could find, the bottle of vodka from my bag, and I poured it out. And poof. So I'm now looking at this FL flaming basket while the rain pours down. And that's when I heard the electric pop of fire from the keyboard because the computer was on. And so it electrocuted right in the rain. And I just started crying. And I wanted to get out, but I thought, if I get out, I'm out. And I started to cry. And that's when I heard this ripping sound. And there was an axe coming through the door, hacking out that electronic security swiper. And the guts poured out on either side of the door frame. And the door swung open. And like a miracle from God, the rain stopped. And backlit in fluorescent light was the silhouette of this enormous fireman. And he looks and he's just a silhouette. And he says, is there a fire here? And I just lost my shit. I was like, yes, please help me. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's all about in the water. And this fireman opened his arms and held me, and I could feel my face press against his T shirt. You know, the mounds in his chest. And I was like, oh, my God. And he goes, you got a name, guy? And I said, yes, Bruce. My name is Bruce. And he goes, what a coincidence. That's my name, too. And I was like, oh, my God. And all the other firemen came in, like, slushing into the water, and they were like, is there a fire? And Bruce goes, there was an electrical fire, but Bruce here put it out. Like, he covered for me. And I was like, thanks, Bruce. And he said, so we're going to need to take a statement from you down at the firehouse. Where do you live? And I said, midtown, by the park, which is code for gay, gay, gay. And he goes, what a coincidence. I live down there, too. I was like, oh, my God. And he's like, listen, why don't I. I'll drive you down to the firehouse, take the report, and then I'll drop you off at home, all right? And I was like, thank you. And so, like, I gathered up all the incriminating evidence. The burned coffee cup and the cigarettes and the matches and the bottle of vodka, and I threw it in my bag, and I waded out through all three, hacked open security doors with the primal illusion of hope. You know, I thought, okay, I have no money. I have no skills. I have no job. Livonia will kill me if she finds me. But I have a date with a fireman, a gay fireman. And I got outside, and I immediately lit up a Camel Light 100. And that's when the Datsun B210 pulled up. And in the. I remember it pulled up underneath the spill of the light outside in the parking lot. And Livonia spilled out because she was on the call list for the alarm, you know, and she spilled out wearing purple sweatpants, and her hair was not done. It was down and out and all over the place. And she came screaming up the block at me and saw me, was like, oh, no, you. You are so fired. And I ran. I ran away from Emory University. But I did meet Bruce at the fire, at the fire department. And I gave a report, and he said his day off was the following Tuesday. And he really did take me out to dinner. And we went to dinner at a place called Vickery's, and I had 12 ounces of vodka. And I maintained this illusion the whole time that my name was, in fact, Bruce, and that I had, in fact, worked it out with the neuropsychiatric surgery unit of the Emory University Children's Hospital, and that they weren't going to press charges. And at the end of the night I thought it was going great and he walked me to my door and at the door he held me one more time and I like leaned into him and I thought, this is great, he's coming inside. And I said, so why don't you come in? And he said, oh no, I'm sorry. I could never seriously date a smoker.

[Andy Borowitz]

After a 20 year career in the theater, Dave Mowers is now a psychotherapist working with trauma patients. The Moth is a non profit organization. Consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a moth [e-mail] you can also buy moth stories on CD, including today's story, which is featured on Blue in the Stories about Smoke.

[Dave Mowers]

Our Podcast host, Andy Borowitz is a.

[Andy Borowitz]

Comedian, actor and writer whose work appears.

[Dave Mowers]

Regularly in the New Yorker, the New.

[Andy Borowitz]

York times [e-mail] don't miss the Moth in Milwaukee on Saturday, June 6 with host Andy Borowitz. The night will feature stories by Tom Farley and others. Tickets are on sale [e-mail] thanks to Maz Swift for our podcast music and please tell us what you thought of today's episode. What would you like to hear more of or less of? Email us@podcast themoth.org thanks to all of you for listening. We hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Network Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more [e-mail].