The Moth Podcast: Episode Summary - "Diavian Walters & Lori Gottlieb"

Release Date: May 25, 2018
Host/Author: The Moth
Episode Title: Diavian Walters & Lori Gottlieb
Description: This episode features two compelling true stories shared live on The Moth stage. Davion Walters narrates her personal journey with hair loss and self-acceptance, while Lori Gottlieb recounts her unconventional path to motherhood through sperm donation.

Section 1: Davion Walters' Hair Journey

Presenter: Diavion Walters
Location: High School Grand Islam, 2016
Timestamp: [02:10 – 08:31]

Overview:
Davion Walters shares an intimate and emotionally charged story about her struggle with partial alopecia during her childhood and adolescence. Her narrative delves into themes of self-identity, familial relationships, and the quest for self-acceptance.

Key Points and Discussions:

1. Early Struggles with Alopecia:

   • Davion reveals that her mother was the only one permitted to touch her hair due to partial alopecia, which resulted in bald spots. Initially deemed irreversible by doctors, her hair eventually regrew healthily thanks to her mother’s care.
   • Notable Quote: “There was no other option for me.” ([02:40])

2. Insecurity and Fear of Hair Styling:

   • The combination of alopecia and her naturally nappy hair made the act of combing or braiding her hair a source of anxiety, leading her to run and hide whenever she saw a comb.
   • Notable Quote: “I would run and hide under the bed.” ([03:15])

3. Transition to Relaxed Hair:

   • Frustrated with the ongoing struggle, Davion’s mother decided to give her a relaxer to straighten her hair, alleviating the daily tension but leaving Davion feeling disconnected from her natural hair texture.
   • Notable Quote: “So my hair is straight. And I like it for elementary school to, like, middle school.” ([04:10])

4. Embracing Natural Hair:

   • In ninth grade, inspired by natural hair YouTube videos, Davion embarked on a journey to revert to her natural curls. Attempting to cut her hair prematurely led to disappointment when her curls appeared shrunken and poofy.
   • Notable Quote: “Where are the curls? Like, my hair is no longer curly like I saw in the conditioner. It's poofy.” ([05:00])

5. Parental Reactions and Self-Acceptance:

   • After confiding in her parents, her father’s dismissive comment comparing her to a “mushroom” deeply affected her. However, her mother’s unwavering support reinforced her sense of self-worth despite external criticisms.
   • Notable Quote: “Your mom forever loves you no matter what you do. It's your dad that's the problem.” ([07:00])

6. Positive Reinforcement from Peers:

   • A turning point came when a Dominican friend complimented her coils, helping Davion appreciate her natural hair texture and fostering greater self-acceptance.
   • Notable Quote: “You should embrace your coils more. They're so beautiful.” ([07:30])

Insights and Conclusions: Davion’s story highlights the profound impact of familial relationships and societal perceptions on personal identity. Her journey from insecurity to self-acceptance underscores the importance of embracing one’s natural self, despite external pressures to conform.

Section 2: Interview with Mikaela Blythe

Participants: Davion Walters & Mikaela Blythe
Timestamp: [08:31 – 11:16]

Overview:
Post her storytelling, Davion engages in a thoughtful conversation with Mikaela Blythe, The Moth’s Director of Education and Community. They explore the evolution of her story and its broader social implications.

Key Points and Discussions:

1. Feedback from Family:

   • Mikaela inquires if Davion’s parents have heard her story. Davion explains that neither has, but she has shared it with her mother, who fully supports her perspective.
   • Notable Quote: “Cause my dad can be very stubborn, and he often says the first thing that comes into his mind.” ([09:02])

2. Evolution of the Story:

   • Davion discusses how her narrative has grown bolder over time, incorporating more political elements related to black women's hair and societal norms.
   • Notable Quote: “I can now address it and not feel like I'm going to say something wrong or someone's going to look like, why is she bringing race into this?” ([09:25])

3. Personal Growth and Empowerment:

   • Transitioning to natural hair was not just a physical change but also a pivotal moment in her personal development, fostering confidence and the willingness to share her story.
   • Notable Quote: “I told myself that you're gonna start telling yourself yes from now on.” ([09:15])

4. Current Relationship with Her Hair:

   • Davion reflects on her ongoing relationship with her hair, acknowledging its natural texture and the journey toward complete acceptance.
   • Notable Quote: “My hair is never gonna look like nap tools 85. And I'm completely okay with that.” ([10:00])

5. Visual Transformation:

   • Mikaela compliments Davion’s dyed red hair, noting its vibrant appearance and evolution, symbolizing her continued transformation and self-expression.
   • Notable Quote: “It does look amazing right now.” ([10:54])

Insights and Conclusions: The interview underscores the transformative power of embracing one's natural identity and the importance of sharing personal narratives to foster broader societal understanding and acceptance.

Section 3: Lori Gottlieb's Journey to Motherhood

Presenter: Lori Gottlieb
Location: Moth Main Stage, Aspen, Colorado
Timestamp: [11:50 – 26:39]

Overview:
Lori Gottlieb recounts her heartfelt and humorous quest to become a mother as a single woman at 37. Her story navigates the complexities of using sperm donation, the emotional rollercoaster of selecting a donor, and the eventual joy of motherhood.

Key Points and Discussions:

1. Desire for Motherhood:

   • At 37, freshly out of a three-year relationship, Lori is determined to have a child but reluctant to enter a new marriage hastily.
   • Notable Quote: “I really wanted to have a baby, but I didn't want to just marry the next guy who came along.” ([11:52])

2. Exploring Sperm Donor Options:

   • With her friend Julie's encouragement, Lori begins researching sperm donor services, navigating the variety from high-end cryobanks to more affordable options.
   • Notable Quote: “These mating sites, as I started calling them, ranged from high-end FDA registered cryobanks to, believe it or not, discount sperm providers.” ([12:30])

3. Trusting the Lab Girls:

   • Lori finds solace in the honest assessments provided by the ‘lab girls’ at sperm banks, particularly Maureen, who offers candid evaluations of potential donors.
   • Notable Quote: “I trusted her to tell me the truth and tell it like it was.” ([14:00])

4. Therapeutic Guidance:

   • Consulting her therapist, Lori grapples with her attraction patterns, realizing the importance of making healthier choices in selecting a donor.
   • Notable Quote: “How is having a baby with a married man any less creepy than having a baby with a teenager in college?” ([16:10])

5. The Candidate Andrew:

   • Lori meets Andrew, a 27-year-old Harvard filmmaker, through an unconventional approach after her preferred donor was out of stock. Their initial meetings evolve into a complex relationship.
   • Notable Quote: “My plan is that I'm going to make small talk for a few minutes... and then I'm going to launch into my prepared speech.” ([20:30])

6. Awkward Proposal and Rejection:

   • Attempting to ask Andrew to be her sperm donor in a coffee shop leads to an awkward interaction where he mistakenly perceives the meeting as a date, ultimately rejecting her proposal.
   • Notable Quote: “Look, I am 38 years old and I really want to have a baby. And I'm wondering if you would maybe consider donating some sperm.” ([24:00])

7. Emotional Turmoil and Resilience:

   • Devastated by Andrew’s rejection, Lori takes a hiatus from her search for a donor but eventually regains hope when her initial preferred donor’s sperm becomes available again.
   • Notable Quote: “This magical child is the whole package that I'd been searching for all along.” ([26:10])

8. Joy of Motherhood:

   • Lori embraces motherhood, sharing the whimsical moment of reading a specialized book to her son, who affectionately comments on his unique conception story.
   • Notable Quote: “I am so cool.” ([26:30])

Insights and Conclusions: Lori’s narrative beautifully encapsulates the unpredictability of life’s journeys and the importance of resilience and hope. Her story emphasizes that the path to fulfillment often involves unexpected turns, ultimately leading to profound personal joy and realization.

Conclusion

This episode of The Moth Podcast offers two poignant and inspiring stories that delve into personal growth, self-acceptance, and the pursuit of life's dreams despite obstacles. Davion Walters’ heartfelt journey with her hair and identity, coupled with Lori Gottlieb’s earnest quest for motherhood, provide listeners with deep insights into overcoming personal struggles and embracing one's true self.

Additional Information:

• Davion Walters: A born and bred Brooklynite and psychology major at Mercy College, aspiring to be an art therapist and actively involved in The Moth’s education program.
• Lori Gottlieb: A psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author, and weekly columnist for the Atlantic’s "Dear Therapist." Her forthcoming book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, expands on her experiences and insights into therapy and personal growth.

For more stories and live event information, visit The Moth’s website.

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, introductions, and non-content sections to focus solely on the rich narratives presented by the storytellers.