High Wire: The Moth Radio Hour

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Moth Radio Hour — “High Wire”

Original Air Date: May 12, 2026
Host: Suzanne Rust
Stories by: Tiffany McKinney, Dave Lara, Martha McBryer, Arshia Kapadia

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Episode Overview

In this “High Wire” episode of The Moth Radio Hour, host Suzanne Rust brings together four poignant, true stories about the acts of balancing, risk-taking, and seeking equilibrium when life throws challenges our way. The episode explores themes of grief, identity, belonging, vulnerability, and resilience—showcasing the storytellers as they step onto their metaphorical (and sometimes literal) high wires.

“Life itself is a high wire act. We are constantly putting ourselves on the line, taking risks and searching for balance.”
—Suzanne Rust (02:26)

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Story 1: Tiffany McKinney — “Joining the Circus After Loss”

Told at: Detroit Moth Slam
Segment Begins: 03:06

Key Points & Insights

• Overwhelming Grief & Seeking Joy (03:13–04:16)

  • Tiffany’s husband and best friend of 22 years passed away, leading her into deep grief, where “every single day I was fighting for the will to live.”
  • Encouraged by friends, she tries to rediscover happiness—working with a trainer, taking swim lessons, and spontaneously signing up for circus classes after seeing a segment on Detroit Flyhouse.
  • “I could just see myself in this sparkly leotard. So I joined the circus.” (04:17)

• Humbling Circus Beginnings (04:17–07:58)

  • Tiffany describes her nerves and embarrassment at her first class, as she struggles to perform aerial silks—the “sparkly leotard fantasy” clashing with physical limitations and self-doubt.
  • “I managed to get like two feet off the ground... my foot is tangled up in the fabric, and it hurts. I’m embarrassed and sweating, and I’m out of breath.” (06:10)
  • She decides to leave, but upon reaching the parking lot has a pivotal moment: “As soon as my foot hit the parking lot, I felt the Lord speak to me and remind me that this was my story. Nobody in there knew that every single day I was fighting for the will to live.” (07:27)

• Perseverance & Small Victories (07:58–09:40)

  • Tiffany returns, pushing through the second half of class, tackling aerial hoops despite vertigo, age, and weight concerns.
  • “They even had to lower that hoop one foot just for me. But let me tell you something. By the time I pulled all 230 pounds up on that little metal hoop, the entire class was cheering for me...” (08:34)
  • She finishes the six-week course. The sparkly leotard dream is fulfilled—at a more realistic, joyful Target run.

Notable Quotes

• “This was my story and I get to walk it out however I choose.” (09:23)
• “Instead of hoping for a sparkly leotard, I just went to Target and bought one.” (09:38)

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Story 2: Dave Lara — “The Group: A Band of Brothers”

Told at: Moth Main Stage, New London, CT
Segment Begins: 10:45

Key Points & Insights

• From Emancipation to Enlistment (10:45–12:00)

  • Dave, orphaned at 17, is declared an adult by the courts and joins the Navy. As a gay man, he lives in fear during an era when homosexuality is criminalized.
  • “Being gay had laws against my existence... But I had no choice.” (11:09)

• Found Family on the Front Lines (12:00–15:25)

  • Assigned to medical duty in Vietnam, Dave quickly bonds with two other gay corpsmen, Matt and Joe—the trio form “The Group,” their chosen band of brothers amid war's chaos.
  • “It was the first time we had ever been around our own kind.” (13:29)
  • They inscribe their Zippo lighters with “The Group,” cementing their bond. “Our band of brothers got us through the worst of war: the pain, the suffering, and the dying.” (14:14)

• Love and Loss under Fire (15:25–19:48)

  • Dave recounts a tender confession with Matt: “Why haven’t we ever made love?” Matt asks. Dave responds with a kiss.
  • In a combat mission, Matt is killed by a rocket attack. Their love, unfulfilled, is heartbreakingly recognized by peers: “Nobody cared that two men could love each other. Not there... And then Matt died. He just died.” (18:53)

• Aftermath & Activism (19:48–22:59)

  • Discharged for being gay (“less than honorable”), Dave loses his medals and career.
  • “I went to Arlington, where Matt is buried, and I promised him I would do something to change the world so that men like he and I could serve honorably.” (21:13)
  • He becomes a gay rights activist and AIDS advocate, sharing the legacy of The Group.

• Reflection & Enduring Love (22:59–23:59)

  • “I’m not bitter. The Navy gave me more than it took. It gave me wisdom. It gave me Matt.” (23:53)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “In war you make friends fast. … The group became our band of brothers.” (12:36, 14:10)
• “If you don’t get going, it’s going to get blown up, too… He whispered, ‘The friendship’s over. Now go.’” (18:19)
• “I still have Matt’s Zippo. … It’s the same shape as his tombstone.” (23:46)

Epilogue: A Letter to Matt (24:42)

• Dave, speaking as an old man to Matt:

  “Don’t worry, my sweet boy. We would have had our chance at love. We did change society. Not completely, but enough that what you and I thought was impossible in our youth became real.” (24:53)

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Story 3: Martha McBryer — “All for the Sake of Belonging (and a Parachute)”

Told at: London Grand Slam
Segment Begins: 28:33

Key Points & Insights

• Outsider Status and Desperation (28:33–31:55)

  • Martha takes a community job in a small Scottish village, determined to win people over. Snubbed at every turn, her attempts to help are rebuffed.
  • “I thought, well, that’s not going to happen. ... It becomes evident I am round despised.” (28:38, 28:52)
  • Inadvertently promises to do a parachute jump for the town’s gala, despite crippling vertigo.

• Peer Pressure and the Jump (31:55–34:44)

  • Nicknamed “jumper,” pressure mounts as villagers warm to her.
  • The jump is terrifying, but she pushes through. “At 3,000ft, I jumped from the plane. My parachute opened and it was so blissful. It was wonderful.” (33:44)
  • A gust sends her far off course—landing 24 miles away and chased by a bull. Despite the ordeal, she raises £1,000 for charity.
  • Villagers’ attitudes revert after 48 hours; she later resigns.

• Bittersweet Reflection (34:44–35:00)

  • On a chance meeting years later, a former neighbor feigns nostalgia: “Oh, it’s so lovely to see you, what a shame you left. We always liked you.”

Notable Quotes

• “Would you rather be disliked or dead? ... Well, dead, obviously.” (32:25)
• “Here lies Martha. She was liked. I said, that would be great.” (32:37)
• “But within 48 hours they reverted back to hating me again.” (34:32)

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Story 4: Arshia Kapadia — “Lipstick and Loss”

Told at: Moth Main Stage, New Brunswick, NJ
Segment Begins: 37:45

Key Points & Insights

• A Mother’s Legacy (37:45–39:31)

  • Arshia’s mother, Ammi, was her world—a vibrant, single parent with a penchant for beautiful saris and an “addiction” to lipsticks.
  • The ritual of awaiting imported Max Factor lipsticks from a cousin in London is a cherished memory.

• Losing Her Mother at 13 (39:31–41:23)

  • Ammi dies of breast cancer, leaving Arshia floundering with grief and uncertainty about how to mourn.
  • Uplifting family care: “My eldest uncle Mamujan held me and said, ‘Take all the time you want tonight. No one will disturb you.’”

• The First Night Alone (41:23–44:22)

  • Grappling with unbearable loss, Arshia contemplates suicide, clutching secret rat poison: “All I wanted to do was ingest the whole goddamn fucking tube.” (44:19)
  • She remembers her mother’s last wish: “Promise me, Arshi, if anything were to happen to me, you’ll never do anything silly. You won’t take your own life.”
  • Her uncle finds her and encourages her to pray and seek mercy from God.

• Choosing Life, Finding Ritual (44:22–48:06)

  • At dawn, Arshia finds hope and puts away the poison. She stores her mother’s precious lipsticks in a jewelry box, saying a final farewell.

• Embracing What Remains (48:06–49:47)

  • Now an adult in New Jersey, she finds meaning in having her own formidable lipstick collection.
  • Bittersweet humor ties her story together:

    “I think that Ammi would have been really disappointed in my choice of lipstick shades...Hey, Ammi. I survived. I live to tell the tale.” (49:31)

Notable Quotes

• “How can God be the most merciful one when he was showing so much cruelty to me, a mere 13 year old?” (43:48)
• “If I let someone in, it means something. So losing her didn’t just shape my grief, it shaped my approach to life.” (49:30)

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Reflections & Episode Wrap-Up

The episode closes with Suzanne Rust reflecting on the lasting impact of loss, risk, and vulnerability posed by each storyteller, connecting their high wire acts—circus silks, love under fire, leaping from a plane, and enduring grief—to the everyday bravery needed for life’s balancing acts.

“Learning to live through loss and grief is one of the scariest high wire acts of all. Hold on to what matters, accept that some things will fade, and build trust carefully, but wholeheartedly when you find people who feel steady.”
—Arshia Kapadia (paraphrased by Suzanne Rust, 51:56)

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Memorable Episode Moments & Quotes

• Tiffany McKinney:

  “Nobody in there knew that every single day I was fighting for the will to live.” (07:27)

  “Life is still not what I expected it to be. It’s still messy. It’s still hard. I still have to be reminded that this is my story and I get to walk it out however I choose.” (09:23)

• Dave Lara:

  “My less than honorable discharge erased them from my service record. … I promised [Matt] I would do something to change the world so that men like he and I could serve honorably.” (21:04, 21:13)

  “I’m not bitter. The Navy gave me more than it took. It gave me wisdom. It gave me Matt.” (23:53)

  “Don’t worry, my sweet boy. We would have had our chance at love. We did change society.” (24:53)

• Martha McBryer:

  “The instructor said, your parachute should open. If it does not, punch. And your safety parachute should open. If that does not open, you will plunge to your death in eleven seconds. That seemed like a really long time.” (33:11)

  “I landed about 24 miles away in the grounds of a lesser known Scottish castle, and I was chased for some time by a rather troubled bull. But it was still one of the best experiences of my life.” (33:57)

• Arshia Kapadia:

  “Hey, Ammi. I survived. I live to tell the tale.” (49:47)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:26] — Host’s show theme introduction
• [03:06] — Tiffany McKinney: Joining the circus after loss
• [10:45] — Dave Lara: A hidden band of brothers during war
• [24:42] — Dave Lara: A letter to Matt
• [28:33] — Martha McBryer: Parachuting to belong
• [37:45] — Arshia Kapadia: Lipstick and letting go

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For Further Listening & Related Resources

• Photos, Extras, and More: themoth.org
• Community: Stories come from live Moth shows and workshops across the country.
• Directed by: Jody Powell, Larry Rosenberg
• Produced by: Jay Allison, Suzanne Rust, Atlantic Public Media

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This episode exemplifies the magic of true storytelling: vulnerability on the high wire—whether it’s soaring through air, surviving war, leaping into the unknown, or navigating the depths of loss. Each story is a balancing act, and a testament to the bravery of simply crossing to the other side.

Transcript

[Chloe Salmon]

Hey, it's Chloe Salmon from the Moth. As a story director, I talk to a lot of people who say they want to tell a story but don't know where to start. A tip I give them get specific what's a moment that meant something to you? Your first home run? That road trip with your dad? The time you bombed at the talent show? Start there, then build on that foundation. You can find tips to help you identify those moments, along with prompts to inspire them in the Moth's new guided journal, My My Life and Stories. Whether you want to find your own story, reflect on your life, or even give it as a gift, you can order your [e-mail] My Life and Stories. That's TheMost.org My Life and Stories.

[Tiffany McKinney]

You know that thing where you get an amazing pair of shoes at a really great price and want to tell everyone about it?

[Suzanne Rust]

Yeah. So do we.

[Tiffany McKinney]

Here at Designer Shoe Warehouse. We'll give you something to brag about, like the latest styles from brands you love or the trends everyone's obsessing over,

[Suzanne Rust]

or shoes that make you feel like, well, you. So go ahead, show off a little.

[Tiffany McKinney]

Find shoes that get you and prices

[Suzanne Rust]

that get your budget.

[Tiffany McKinney]

Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today.

[Suzanne Rust]

DSW let us surprise you.

[Alltrails Narrator]

We all belong outside. We are drawn to nature. It calls to us. Whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes, nature makes all of our lives richer, calmer, and frankly, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With Alltrails, you can discover trails nearby or trails worth traveling to and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. Whether you're looking for a laid back, walk with family or something more adventurous to get your heart pumping, Alltrails gives you the tools you need to get out there and find your outside. Download the free app today and make the most of your summer with AllTrails.

[Suzanne Rust]

This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Suzanne Rust. You don't have to join the circus to perform acts of bravura. Life itself is a high wire act. We are constantly putting ourselves on the line, taking risks and searching for balance. This episode features stories about finding your equilibrium when life knocks you sideways. Sometimes you just have to stay, step out on that wire and be brave enough to go across. But sometimes, like our first teller, you just have to join the circus. This story was told by Tiffany McKinney at a Detroit slam. Here's Tiffany live at the Moth.

[Tiffany McKinney]

Okay, I'm gonna get close, not touch the mic.

[Suzanne Rust]

All right.

[Tiffany McKinney]

Hey, this is scary. Okay. I woke up one morning, opened my eyes, and waited. I knew this morning would be the same as every other morning had been for the past two months. My husband and best friend of 22 years had passed away, and I waited for grief to greet me. I waited for my brain to start the same argument, to just stay in the bed and not get up. But I did. I got up, and it was Monday. I checked my cell phone, and I smiled. My group of girlfriends, they were texting me, giving me messages of encouragement, telling me they were proud of me and sending me memes of hoops, of fire, someone taming a lion, and a lady in a sparkly leotard flying through the air. The week prior, I had decided I had to do something to make myself feel better, something to help me find joy. And I was working with a personal trainer. I had signed up for a swim class when I saw a local news segment interviewing the owner of the Detroit Flyhouse Circus.

[Suzanne Rust]

Yes.

[Tiffany McKinney]

So I said, ooh. But what I was really impressed about is they had Ariel silks. And I don't know if you know what that is, but it's the fabric in the air. You see the fancy ladies up there in their sparkly costumes swinging through the air, and I could just see myself in the sparkly leotard. So I joined the circus. That Monday was to be my first day of circus training. So I put on my T shirt and my leggings, the uniform of circus people, I guess, and went down to the Detroit Flyhouse Circus. So when I got there, I mean, it was just a warehouse. I wasn't impressed, but I don't know what I expected to see, but I was still excited. And there was about a group of eight of us. And as you can imagine, we were a very eclectic group down there, ready to take circus classes. And so they divided the class up into two groups. And my group started first on the aerial silks. And you could see the silk in the air. It was so beautiful. It's purple. And the instructor walks over and pulls the cord, and, I mean, it just dramatically, like, flowed from the ceiling. It was so beautiful, and I was so excited. So we stood in a line, and the instructor told us. He taught us how to hold and mount the fabric and pull ourselves up. So I'm standing last in the line of four people. And one by one, first person goes up, wraps their Arm up, wraps their foot up and pulls themselves up the air. So eventually, it's my turn. Now, these people, some of them apparently had had circus training prior to that day because they were up there spinning and doing all kind of flips and tricks, and I'm mesmerized, not thinking, eventually it's going to be my turn. But once I grabbed onto the rope and I felt, you know, felt the weight of myself, like, I promise you, it was not until that point that I actually thought about it, and, like, reality crashed. It, like, slapped me in the face. And I'm thinking, first of all, I'm heavy. Second of all, I mean, I'm probably the oldest one in this room. I was older than everybody, including that little instructor, and I'm out of shape, but I'm there now. So I'm holding on and I'm trying to pull myself up. And as I'm trying, I managed to get, like, two feet off the ground, but my foot is tangled up in the fabric, and it's squeezing it so tightly, and it hurts. So I kind of fumble my way down, and I'm embarrassed and I'm sweating, okay, And I'm out of breath, but everybody is kind of gracious, and we just go with it. And the instructor continues to tell us how to do these other tricks on the silks. And every time I'm last in the line of four, and these people just get up there and spin around and make it look so easy. And it's my turn, and I'm out of breath, and I'm out of shape, and I'm so embarrassed. So about an hour in, we take a break, and at this point, I am just overwhelmed. I'm so humiliated, and I'm still sweating. And I just decided, first of all, I couldn't look anybody in the face. So I just said, keep your head down, get your purse, get in the car, go home. So I grabbed my purse, I walked out the door, I got into the parking lot, and I promise you, as soon as my foot hit the parking lot, I felt the Lord speak to me and remind me that this was my story. Nobody in there knew that every single day I was fighting for the will to live. Nobody knew how hard it was, and nobody else had that story. And I wasn't going to let them take this little bit of joy from me. So I wiped my face, I turned around and went back to the circus. So the second half of class, we still have to finish the class. The second half of class, we learned tricks on a hoop now, when I signed up for this, in my mind, I thought, what? Hula hoop? Because I see ladies at the circus using a hula hoop. No, no. This is a thin metal hoop hanging about 5ft off the ground from this thick rope, right?

[Martha McBryer]

And.

[Tiffany McKinney]

Oh, God, here we go. I'm thinking, I'm gonna have my Rocky moment. This is gonna be it. But that's not what happened. So the instructor starts again and he's telling us how to, you know, get up on this hoop or whatever. And again, I'm last in the line of four people. And it's just as hard. I'm struggling, I'm sweating. They even had to lower that hoop down one foot just for me. But let me tell you something. By the time I pulled all £230 up on that little metal hoop, the entire class was cheering for me, including the instructor. Okay. I almost cried. I was so excited. So I just. I had my moment. I took it, I closed my eyes and I leaned back and I pictured myself in this sparkly leotard. And when I opened my eyes, the little instructor is standing there. He's like, you want me to take your picture? No, sir. I know this does not look like anything like what it does in my head. Just leave me be. So needless to say, life is still not what I expected it to be. It's still messy. It's still hard. I still have to be reminded that this is my story and I get to walk it out however I choose. But I know how to find joy, even in the hard things. And while I finished that six week class, I did not return to the circus. Instead of hoping for a sparkly leotard, I just went to Target and bought one.

[Suzanne Rust]

That was Tiffany McKinney. She is an entrepreneur and speaker. Tiffany has given up the hoops and silks, but she has other goals. Every day, she looks for people she can encourage. She feels privileged to share the knowledge that hard things, terrible things, can happen. But she believes that you can still find joy on the other side of it. On that note, Tiffany says that she is on a never ending quest for a pina colada and a palm tree. To see a photo of Tiffany, head to themoth.org in the radio Extra. There are moments in life when just being who you are is an extreme act of bravery, an act of defiance. Our next story was told by Dave Lara, who shared it at a moth main stage in New London, Connecticut, where we partner with Gard Art Center. Here's Dave.

[Dave Lara]

In the olden days, it was mostly men that went to war. And in fact the term band of brothers comes from that old time period. They were men that had similar life experiences. Wives, children, regular jobs. They were drinking buddies. And you can depend on these band of brothers to get you through the worst that war threw at you. My mother died and an absent father made a life changing event for me. I was 17 and the juvenile courts of Los Angeles declared me an adult. They called me emancipated. So I took my emancipated ass and I joined the Navy. But I didn't have a band of brothers. I was a criminal. Being gay had laws against my existence. There were penalties that included jail,

[Arshia Kapadia]

whether

[Dave Lara]

I was in or outside of the military. There were witch hunts looking for me and my kind. But I had no choice. I made it through boot camp and was assigned to hospital core school to become sort of a nurse. Not quite a doctor, but most definitely a bedpan washer. I joke, of course. A hospital corpsman does what a doctor does to save a man's life in the field. After I finish, I got orders to the USS Repose, a hospital ship off the coast of Vietnam. Most of my time would be on that ship. I was lucky. I remember it was raining when I landed in Vietnam. And with the red mud and green uniforms of the Marines, everything became sepia toned like in the movie wizard of Oz with its friends of Dorothy's. My ship wasn't on station, so I, I had to spend like 12 days up at an aid station near the DMZ called Dong Ha. Two corpsmen, Matt and Joe were assigned to me and got me up to speed on my temporary duties. Matt was a short, stocky, blond, cute little fucker. And he was battle hardened and strong that was in love. Joe, big burly Polish guy. Well, he had a droll sense of humor. He was so much fun to be around. They happened to be gay. Yeah, even then we had gay dar. It usually started with the question, so do you have a girlfriend? In war you make friends fast. And so as I reported to my ship, we agreed that we were going to get together somehow. And that opportunity came quick. The repose. My hospital ship was scheduled to spend R and R in Hong Kong for New Year's Eve. Joe and Matt got the time off, joined me and two other gays that I'd found on the ship at the Hong Kong Hilton. We rented a double suite and we spent the whole night talking about what it was like being gay. It was the first time we had ever been around our own kind. When the others went back to bed. Finally, Matt and I stayed up talking. Seriously, if two men could make a life together, society said that we were either insane or criminals. We didn't even know if our love was valid. Man eventually went to bed saying he just wished he could find someone to love. It was there that we called ourselves the Group. And that's with a capital T. Based on a novel by Mary McCarthy, it's the story, a very campy story of women who meet at Vassar. And then we follow them through their life. The principal themes being job discrimination, sexism, and men like us. It was rough because. I always lose my train of thought at some point. Oh, yeah. The group became our band of brothers. We had shared experiences, things that we knew about. And like our straight compatriots, our band of brothers got us through the worst of war. The pain, the suffering and the dying. It was a tradition at the time for sailors to buy Zippo lighters and have their ship name, their. Their job title, their base etched on those lighters. We had ours etched with the group, and our bond was sealed. I mentioned Band of Brothers because we were seeing the worst of war. Matt and Joe, every day at Dong Ha, were under constant rocket attacks. I, on the ship, was seeing suffering and pain. It became routine for men to die in my hands. My 13 months were up and I once again joined Matt and Joe at Dong Ha to spend my last week in Vietnam before going back to the world. Second day I was there, Matt and I found ourselves alone as we came off a shift. And he said, david, why haven't we ever made love? I laughed and I go, dude, we haven't had a chance. But he asked, you want to, don't you? And I leaned in and kissed him. A few days later, a dust off. A medevac was needed at a base very close to the dmz. It was called Cantien. And the unit up there were known as the Walking Dead. Matt went on one chopper, I went on another. Joe was already up there. We landed and we began to load the wounded. A rocket hit the chopper that Matt had come in on and he was standing at the door and was blown several feet. I ran to him. I knew he was dying. And as I looked at him, he had glistening tears in his eyes. And I told him, I wish we could have been lovers. I love you, Matt. I love you, Joe. And some marines were gathered around. Nobody cared that two men could love each other. Not there. And then Matt died. He just died. I bent my head on his chest Crying, I could hear Joe say, come on, Dave, you gotta go. He pointed to the chop where I'd come in on. He said, it's a rotor. Blades are spinning like crazy. If you don't get going, it's going to get blown up too. I just stared at him. He grabbed my chin and he made me look at him. And he goes, you've been here long enough. You know how this works. And then he whispered, the friendship's over. Now go. I searched Matt's pockets looking for that Zippo, the one inscribed with the group and its capital T. It was 1967, and when I went home, I was alone and in pain. And I don't remember anything of my trip. Going back to the world in 1970, the witch had caught up with me. I was stationed at Quantico, Virginia, and I was discharged for the crime of being a homosexual. It was less than honorable. I packed my uniforms and the five medals I had been awarded into my sea bag, and as I left the base for the last time, I threw it into a dumpster. I had been so proud of my medals, but my less than honorable discharge erased them from my service record. I went to Arlington, where Matt is buried, and I promised him I would do something to change the world so that men like he and I could serve honorably. In the 1970s, I became a soldier in the gay rights movement and I helped establish the first gay men's service center in Los angeles. In the 80s, I joined an AIDS activist group called Act up and we were petitioning the government to find treatments for the disease. And in the 2000s, I became members of veterans groups of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans to show by my presence that you could survive what war does to you. I still have met Zippo. It's the same shape as his tombstone, like all the headstones there at Arlington. But you know what? I'm not bitter. The Navy gave me more than it took. It gave me wisdom. It gave me Matt. And I have kept Matt's lighter as a reminder of the best time of my life and of a man I still love. Than.

[Suzanne Rust]

That was Dave Lara. Dave came to us through the Moss community program via a workshop that we held with veterans in media and entertainment. Dave, who writes, novels and performs, describes himself As a retired 79 year old Mexican Jewish high school dropout who is trying to stay relevant. While Dave says he can't do all that he used to, he still considers himself an activist. He still shows up in veteran circles, sharing the story of the group, making sure people know that Men like them were always there and died for this country just like everyone else.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've been asked, what would I say to Matt if I could sit down with him right now? This is such a painful question. Do I speak to him as the young man I was or the old man I've become? Because he is forever young to me, I'll answer as the old man. And I would lean into my friend Matt and say, don't worry, my sweet boy. We would have had our chance at love. We did change society. Not completely, but enough that what you and I thought was impossible in our youth became real. The journey was brutal. Our small band of brothers, the group, those men didn't achieve acceptance for themselves in life. They never found the strength to fight society. They could not break out of the mole that they had built for themselves. But I did. And I know you would have been right beside me as I fought every single day for the rights and respect you and I deserved. I love you, Matt. I always will.

[Suzanne Rust]

That was Dave Lara. To see some photos of Dave from the time of his story, go to our website, themoth.org. In a moment. Pushing the limits and pushing your luck when the Moth Radio hour continues.

[Jay Allison]

The moth radio hour is produced by Atlantic public media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Where is Daredevil?

[Dave Lara]

I'm right here.

[Jay Allison]

Don't miss the return of Marvel television's Daredevil Born again.

[Tiffany McKinney]

So what's next?

[Arshia Kapadia]

I feel liberated. We're gonna take this city back over

[Dave Lara]

medicated in an all new season.

[Jay Allison]

Now streaming only on Disney plus.

[Tiffany McKinney]

They're hunting us.

[Alltrails Narrator]

It's time we started hunting them.

[Dave Lara]

I can work with them.

[Arshia Kapadia]

This should be tons of fun.

[Dave Lara]

Marvel Television's Daredevil Born again. Now streaming only on Disney pl. A new way to sweetgreen meat wraps

[Suzanne Rust]

handheld, hearty and made for life on the move. With bold, chef crafted flavors, fresh Ingredients and over 40 grams of protein, they're

[Dave Lara]

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[Suzanne Rust]

Try wraps today in the app [e-mail] available at all participating locations.

[Jay Allison]

You can't reason with the sun. Trust us, we've tried. This summer, it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute. Columbia's omnishade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless. But so is our gear. Level up your [e-mail] to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion. You're welcome, Columbia. Engineered for whatever.

[Suzanne Rust]

This is the Moth Radio Hour and I'm your host, Suzanne Rust. How far would you go to get your colleagues to like you? Martha McBryer went full tilt and she shared her adventure at a London Grand Slam. Here's Martha live at the Mall.

[Martha McBryer]

Everybody likes me. I am so nice. I'm actually scary and I've always been proud of that. And in 2004, I took a community development job in a little Scottish village called Tweker. I was advised not to take the job. I was told they don't like outsiders, they will not like you. And I thought, well, that's not going to happen. So. So I start the job and it becomes evident that I'm round despised. I tried everything to please them. They wanted to learn first aid. I set up a 12 week course. None of them attended. A guy had a heart attack in the foyer of the centre and I got the blame. I set up a break dancing class for the young people and the trainer left because the kids defecated on the bonnet of his car. I asked the women in the mother and toddlers group if they would not smoke round the babies and they sent round a petition demanding I stopped interfering. It was very, very stressful. One morning one of the committee came in and said, we're holding a gala in a few weeks. We do it every year to raise funds. Can you bake? And I can't say that I can't bake because this will be another reason they've got to hate me. And before I even knew what I had said, I said, oh, I'm not doing a bake sale, I'm doing a parachute jump. I've got a lot of sponsors. So she said, I'll tell the rest of the committee. They all came in and they said, would you like to choose the gala queen? The ultimate respect. I had won them over one small issue. I suffer from severe vertigo. I am terrified of heights. I can't even look up at a balcony. That's how badly it affects me. But I can't back out. And I tell my sister and she says, are you crazy? This is so dangerous. Why would you do that? She says, come on, would you rather be disliked or dead? And I said, well, dead obviously. She says, okay, I'll go and get a headstone tomorrow. Here lies Martha. She was liked. I said, that would be great. So the people in the village all start being nice to me. They bring me lunch, we have banter. They give me a nickname, jumper, so I cannot back out. The time comes to do the jump. I do two days of safety training, and the instructor said, your parachute should open if it does not punch, and your safety parachute should open if that does not open, you will plunge to your death in 11 seconds. That seemed like a really long time. I saw the plane. It was about the size of a coffee table and it had no door. So I vomited for two hours. But I went in and I was crying, sobbing with fear. But at 3,000ft, I jumped from the plan. And my parachute opened, and it was so blissful. It was wonderful. And I came over all Louis Armstrong, and I said, oh, Scotland's really pretty and I can fly. And just at that, a quite powerful gust of wind blew me and I couldn't steer past it. And I thought, yeah, this is when I die. But I landed about 24 miles away in the grounds of a lesser known Scottish castle, and I was chased for some time by a rather troubled bull. But it was still one of the best experiences of my life and I raised a thousand pounds. But within 48 hours, they reverted back to hating me again. So I resigned and they got me a leaving card with no signatures in it. And a few years later, I met one of them in town and she said, oh, it's so lovely to see you. What a shame you left. We always liked you. Thank you.

[Suzanne Rust]

That was Martha McBryer, a Scot living in London whose passions are belly dancing, watching true crime, and critiquing the neighbor's recycling. After losing her hearing, she struggled with confidence until she discovered the power of true storytelling. Martha said that the moth gave her her voice back. When Martha reflects on that event, she said that the first thing that comes to mind is an entire feeling of peace while she was in the air. And how that moved her to tears. But then she cringes when she remembers that she did something that dramatic to get people to like her. Her last brave act was a hill walk with a friend up Ben Lomond Mountain in Scotland. With inadequate equipment, no sense of direction, and a false sense of optimism, even when she slipped and fried, fell and dangled from a snowy rock, sobbing with fear, Martha said that she didn't have the heart to tell her friend that she really wasn't enjoying the experience. In a moment, a story of lipstick and memories, when the Moth Radio Hour.

[Jay Allison]

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

[Suzanne Rust]

Tomorrow morning is knocking.

[Chloe Salmon]

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[Suzanne Rust]

How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink? Or a sweet vanilla smooth caramel, maybe? Or white chocolate mocha? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits Find

[Chloe Salmon]

Starbucks Frappuccino drinks for wherever you buy your groceries.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Dave Lara]

But that's weird.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Chloe Salmon]

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[Suzanne Rust]

this is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Suzanne Rust. As we end this hour, we have a final exploration of the ways in which life continually challenges us to find our balance and recalibrate. Our last story was told by Arshia Kapadia, who shared it at a main stage in New Brunswick where we partnered with the State Theater, New Jersey. Here's Arshia live at the mall. Good evening.

[Arshia Kapadia]

How are you doing today? So my name is Archie and I'm made in Bombay, India, where I spent most of my life. I'm an only child and my mom was a single parent, a teacher. Ammi had a deep love for life and all the finer things in life. Her saree collection was absolutely beautiful. She collected sarees from all over India. Her jewelry collection was fabulous, much coveted. She actually had so many incredible pieces that all of her cousins often borrowed some of them and never returned it. So maybe I should follow up on that. I remember the house was never empty. She loved cooking. She loved feeding people. Sometimes people were almost sitting on top of each other fighting for that last scoop of biryani. But I think not a lot of people are aware of this, that Ammi had a secret addiction. She was a lover of lipsticks. Her eyes lit up like diamonds when she saw a tube of lipstick. Shiny, creamy, beautiful, glistening, just waiting to be applied. Her favorite colors were the darker reds, the maroons, the rusts. Shinier the better, I think was her motto. But I think what she really wanted and lusted were those elusive foreign brands that we didn't get in India back then. They came encased in these shimmery golden tubes. And you were dependent on your foreign relatives to, you know, hustle them into the country for you. So she had made a pact with one of her cousins who lived in London. His name was Khalik. Khalik Uncle. We Indians call everybody uncle and auntie. So just roll with that. So Khalig uncle came over the Christmas holidays every year, and without fail he would bring one of her favorite brands, which was Max Factor. Right before he arrived, a letter would arrive in the mail in which he would write, my dear Nasima, I'm coming as usual over the Christmas holidays and I'm bringing the latest shade of Max Factor with me. Ammi would be counting down the days, and along with her, so would I. Ami passed away when I was 13. She had stage three breast cancer and she didn't survive that very long. Within a year she was gone. It was imminent, since she passed away at around 10pm in the night. And it's customary to bury the dead after one of the five obligatory prayers in the Islamic tradition. It was decided that we would bury her in the morning after the first prayer of the day. So we brought Ami's body home and it was kept on these huge chunks of dry ice in the room that I shared with her. I remember standing in that room, seeing her body and wondering, what should I do now? Was there some playbook that people forgot to give me? What should a 13 year old do? Should I be like lamenting, crying my heart out? Or should I be all strong and silent and pretend to be this really strong, stoic girl? I didn't know my mother. She has four brothers and it was decided that they would raise me after her death. So I remember my eldest uncle, who I call Mamujan. He came into the room at this point. He came over and he held me and he said, arshi, take all the time you want tonight. No one will disturb you. I remember standing in that room wondering what to do. People kept drifting in and out of the room to pay their last respects to her, but also to check in on me. But they left me alone, mostly to my own thoughts. They say the darkest hour of the night is right before dawn. I was dreading dawn. I was hoping the sun would never rise. The night was stretching endlessly ahead of me. And at some point, I think I dozed off. And then I heard the birds chirping, the first glimmer of sunshine through the curtains. I got up from the floor and I walked over to Ami's dressing table. I looked at her precious lipsticks and I wondered, what will become of you now? Then I heard my eldest uncle, Mamujan, quietly tiptoe into the room. He came over to me and he said, it's time. In that moment, all I wanted to do was run back to Ami's dressing table, grab one of her favorite lipsticks, and paint her red lips one more time just before she left the house. So I asked my uncle, may I? And he said, sorry, waiter, but that's not allowed. Just say a quiet prayer and let her go. So I said, surely we belong to the Almighty and to him we shall return. And they took her away. The next night after Amir's passing away was the longest night of my life. Grief was everywhere I looked. Even the pillows were crying. I remember my Nani, my maternal grandmother, she told me once, you know, Arushi, God is so merciful, right? Before he sends the angel of death to take someone's life, he. He first sends the archangel grape. Gabriel. You know why he does that? Because he doesn't want to scare the servant with the face of death. He just wants to give folks a gentle heads up. Okay, maybe I love my grandmother, but this story doesn't make any sense. How can God be the most merciful one when he was showing so much cruelty to me, a mere 13 year old. I didn't know what to do. But maybe, maybe, just maybe, let's consider this. Maybe that was the grand plan. That Ammi would go first and then this beautiful angel Gabriel would show up and take me to her, to the other side. That would just work out perfectly. Because I didn't want to live without her. Not for a single minute.

[Suzanne Rust]

But

[Arshia Kapadia]

I sat down waiting for Gabriel. No sign of him. And then I remembered my plan B. Oh yeah, I had a plan B. I'm an only child, remember? We always have a plan B. Unknown to anyone else, I had secretly acquired a tube of rat poison. It was called ratol paste and was easily available back in those days in Indian homes. It was hiding under the bed. And now I was clutching it in my hand. And in that moment, all I wanted to do was ingest the whole goddamn fucking tube. Just do it, Arshi, says the voice in my head. Your mother is dead. She's never going to come back. She's never going to find out. And even if she does, it's going to be too late. It's now or never. And then I hear a soft voice in my head. It's hers, she says. Promise me, Arshi, if anything were to happen to me, you'll never do anything silly. You won't take your own life. You have to promise me. My mother, of course. She knew me so well. That was her dying wish. Oh, but come on. She's dead, right? Says the voice. You can do this. My head is going to burst into a million pieces. And then my eldest Uncle Mamujan walks into the room again. He holds me close to him. He pats me and he says, I know you're going through so much right now. Words are not easy. There are no words to console you. You need help. Ask God for help. Ask for his forgiveness. Ask for his mercy. Start praying. Sure I do need help. But forgiveness? Why should I be the one asking God for forgiveness? He should be the one asking me for my forgiveness. In fact, he should be begging me for my forgiveness and not the other way round. Oh, Arshi, you'll have so much time to have your one on one with God. Now is not the time for arguments. Just be the obedient little Indian girl you are and start praying. Maybe Gabriel will show up. Maybe God will have mercy on you. Okay? So I start praying. La ilailant. The night is just ending and I can feel the darkness closing in on me. I think I pass out on the floor at some point. And then I hear the first birds chirping, the glimmer of sunshine. The curtains start moving. No sign of Gabriel. He didn't show up. Maybe he forgot about me. Maybe he doesn't care enough. Or he became busy with chores because he's like working for so many different gods. I don't know. But the message is clear. I have to live. No one is going to come save me. Slowly, I find my legs. I get up, I slide the rat poison back under the bed and I make my way to Ammi's dressing table. One by one, I pick up her lipsticks and I put them away in one of her favorite jewelry boxes. I close the lid and I say, khuda afizami. Farewell. I never open that box again. I look at it from time to time, but I just let it be. I now live in New Jersey. No prizes for guessing that I have a pretty formidable lipstick collection of my own. Now I remember the first time I walked into a Sephora and I bought a beautiful shade of Chanel lipstick. Clean, creamy, glistening, just waiting to be applied. It cost me more than $30. Didn't even bat an eyelid. Didn't convert it into Indian rupees. Just paid up. Oh, Ami. I thought you must be so proud of me. But I haven't really gravitated towards the shiny reds, pinks, you know, the brighter colors that she loved. I'm more of a nude girl myself, so I think that Ammi would have been really disappointed in my choice of lipstick shades. Hey, Ammi. I survived. I live to tell the tale. It's okay, Arshi. Beta, why can't you tell this tale wearing shiny red lipstick Indian parents There's no winning. But I tried, Ammi. I really tried.

[Suzanne Rust]

That was Arshiya Kapadia. Arshiya is a global communications leader, storyteller and mother of twins who has lived across three continents but is now based in the New York Tri State area. Arshia holds a Master in Film and television, and back in India she was a journalist and nonfiction TV producer, creating some of the country's most iconic shows, including MTV Style Check and Lifes like that. She believes the best stories are the ones we live first and rewrite later. Obviously, I had to know what her favorite lipstick was. These days, she said, it's a matte crayon lipstick from an Indian brand called Sugar in the Shade Lily Aldrin, a deep pink mauve color. I was on the subway the other day and watched a mother lovingly apply some lip gloss to her young teen daughter's lips. She then took out a mirror from her bag so that the girl could admire herself and they both smiled at the reflection. It was a beautiful, intimate moment that really made me miss my mother, who died when I was just 21. I think that learning to live through loss and grief is one of the scariest high wire acts of all. Losing my mother at a young age really shaped me and I wonder how it shaped Arshia. She said that it made her realize early on that nothing is guaranteed. Not people, not time, not even memories. In Arshia's words, when you're afraid of forgetting the sound of someone's voice, you start looking for something tangible to hold onto. When the person you rely on most disappears so suddenly a part of you learns to keep some distance. It's not cynicism, it's self protection, but it's also made me intentional about the relationships I do have. If I let someone in, it means something. So losing her didn't just shape my grief, it shaped my approach to life. Hold on to what matters, accept that some things will fade and build trust carefully but wholeheartedly when you find people who feel steady. Those are the words of Arshiya Kapadia. That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour. Thanks to all of our storytellers for being brave enough to step out on the high wire and share their stories. And to all of you for spending some time with us today. We appreciate you and hope you'll join us next time.

[Jay Allison]

This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison and Suzanne Rust, who also hosted the show co producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch. The stories were directed by Jody Powell and Larry Rosenberg. The Moths leadership team includes Christina Norman, Marina Cluce, Sarah Austin Jeuness, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Sarah Jane Johnson and Patricia Urenia. Dave Lara came to us through the Moths Community program via a workshop that we held with veterans in media and entertainment. Moth stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the Storytellers. Our theme music is by the Drift. Other music in this hour is from Epidemic Sound Podcast music production support from Davey Sumner. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including Executive producer Leah Rees Dennis. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story and to learn all about the Moth, go to our website themoth.org.

[Suzanne Rust]

Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho. Look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals

[Chloe Salmon]

that can keep up with you, and

[Suzanne Rust]

hang some string lights to give your

[Chloe Salmon]

patio a glow up.

[Arshia Kapadia]

Spring's calling.

[Chloe Salmon]

Ross, work your magic.