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- [00:00]
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- [01:09]
Dan Kennedy
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This podcast is brought to you by stamps.com these days you can get practically anything on demand, like this podcast. Did you know you can even get postage on demand@stamp stamps.com buy and print official US postage right from your own computer and printer. It's easy and convenient. Plus stamps.com will give you a digital scale. It'll automatically calculate the exact postage you need for any letter or package. You can print the postage directly onto envelopes or labels, or even plain paper. Then you just hand your mail to your mail carrier. There's no need for you to go to the post office and ever again, or even lease one of those expensive postage meters. Right now, there's a special offer for listeners of the Moth podcast, a no risk trial plus a $110 bonus offer that includes the digital scale and up to $55 free postage. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type moth. That's stamps.com and enter moth. This podcast is also brought to you by Audible.com the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For the Moth listeners, Audible is offering a free audiobook you may enjoy listening to all the Rave the Rise and Fall of Sean Fanning's Napster by Joseph Men. That's all the Rave. It's available from Audible. To try Audible free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.comthemoth that's audible.comthemoth this week we bring you two stories from our Story Slam series. And I'm pretty sure you already know that our Story Slams are our open mic storytelling competitions that we do in 13 different cities across the country. Now, the first story by Ivan Korayev was told live at our Grand Slam in New York last year. The theme of the night was Day of Reckoning.
- [03:21]
Ivan Korayev
My grandmother was an orphan. She was born in Bashkiriya, an area in central Russia, to a family of fundamental Muslims. And she lost both her parents by the age of three. And she was raised by her older brother. And when she turned 16, her older brother sold her off into an arranged marriage and he locked her up in a house with a man who paid to be her husband. And when that man came close enough to touch her, my grandmother pulled a knife to his throat and said, you come any closer and I'll kill you. And she escaped through the window of that house and she caught an overnight train to a tiny, tiny town called Aktabrsk. And that's where she spent the rest of her life. I grew up in a Russian city called Saratov. And every summer I would leave the city to spend three months with my grandmother. And she gave me all the care that she never got from her family. And she spoiled me and she coddled me and she fed and fed and fed me and she fed me. She fed me dumplings and hand rolled noodles and soup, and she baked me pies and roasted chicken and she made me fried dough laced with honey, and she brought me cherries that were wrapped in newspaper. And by the time August arrived, I was so chubby, I was so fat that even she began to make fun of me. And she'd say, vanichka, you are so fat. You are so fat. Can you even see your penis from behind your stomach when you go to the bathroom? And the rare days that I didn't spend eating with my grandmother, I played with the neighborhood boys. And all of them were older than me and they were tougher than me and they were stronger than me and they were meaner than me, and I really didn't fit in with them. But I remember this one day, I was playing with these four other boys and we spent the whole day building a fort. And we started really early in the morning and we were building it until late in the day. And by the time it was done, its walls were so thick. And it was such a massive story structure that it looked like it could withstand a hailstorm. And so we all filed in to celebrate inside the fort. And I was the last in line. And just as I was about to enter, the boy right in front of me turns around and looks at me, and he says, you can't come in. And I said, what do you mean I can't come in? I helped you build this. And he says, you can't come in. You should turn around and you should leave. And so I turn around and I walk away. And I walk up the four flights of stairs to our apartment, and I tell my grandmother what happened. And I see her face overcome with fury. And I know that she's just as angry at me for not standing up for myself as she is at the boys who bullied me. And she says, we're going to do something. And I get a little excited at the thought of revenge. And I say, what are we going to do? And she says, you be quiet and wait. And so the whole night we waited and we waited, and it got so late, and I was so tired. And finally, when it was pitch black outside, my grandmother goes to the kitchen. And I follow her to the kitchen. And I see her pick up the biggest kitchen knife and tuck it into the waistband of her dress. And I follow her out of the apartment and down the four flights of stairs. And when we come outside, it is so dark that all I can make out is the white shape of her dress and the knife that she's holding in her hand as she's running towards the fort. And I'm running after her, and I see her slip inside the fort. And then when I get closer, I hear the sound of breaking branches and snapping twigs and the sound of someone cutting through rope. And in the dark, I see this whole structure, the shadow of this mass, just collapse and cave in on itself. And my grandmother is still inside. She's doing this from the inside. And finally she emerges, and she's laughing so hard, and she's laughing so hard. And she doesn't care about being stealthy now. She yells at me. She says, run. And we turn around and we bolt. We bolt toward the apartment building. And she's running with this enormous butcher's knife, and I'm running after her. And we run up the four flights of stairs. We run back into our apartment, and she slams the door and she locks it behind her. And she heaves her body against the door, and we're both laughing. And when we're finally out of breath from laughing. We fall asleep in the living room. And I never found out if the boys actually suspected me. I never found out if they thought I was the perpetrator because I spent the rest of that summer hiding in my grandmother's apartment. But I am sure as hell that they never suspected a 65 year old woman who in the middle of the night picked up a knife and destroyed their fort. This fort that was built by a bunch of 12 year old children that she tore down to avenge her grandson and to stand up for the family that she now had. And to teach her grandson a lesson of how important it is to stand up for himself.
- [08:34]
Dan Kennedy
Ivan Kuriev grew up on the Russian Volga before moving to Massachusetts, Massachusetts with his parents at the age of 11. He enjoys spotting hawks along the highway, whistling with vibrato and criticizing others Russian accents. Ivan lives in New York where he works as a printmaker. The next story you're going to hear by Dina Perlman was told live at a Grand Slam in New York in 2002. The theme of the night was fish out of water.
- [09:07]
Dina Perlman
For three years, I worked as a typist at Bellevue Hospital while waiting for my acting career to happen. And I would start every glorious morning with Page Six of the New York Post, which is a nightly chronicle of where the successful actors are hanging out. And I would look at the names of these places, the Om and Spa and Conscience Point. And I would think to myself, I would think, you fool, what are you doing here? If you had any brain in your head, you'd get a job at a place like that. Somewhere where you could network, you know, making the connections, waitressing at Mercer Kitchen or Bond Street. Because here at Bellevue Hospital, amidst, amidst the convicts and the crazies, there's no chance of your running into a really interesting director. But then I remembered. I remembered, no, because I'm just not that hip. I don't belong with the hip people. I belong in an office. Because I do. I'm the office girl. Like, that's fine. Like from those old movies. Remember the old office drill? Yes, Mr. Peterson. Right away, Mr. Peterson. Coffee, Mr. Peterson.
- [10:34]
Dan Kennedy
Ding.
- [10:36]
Dina Perlman
And that's fine. It's fine. But the office girl, she doesn't make it onto Page Six of the New York Post. Nobody cares who the office girl is canoodling with. The office girl waits for two hours online to get into club exit, offers to. Offers to blow all the bouncers and still doesn't make the list. Now, one day I'm leaving work. Now, generally, when the Elevator doors open to the lobby of Bellevue Hospital. They open to truly a tableau of human horror. Oh, there are people standing around swatting. Swatting at nothing. What is it, dear? What is it? Picking at sores, you know, with the. Picking at picket and hollering and the lobby of Bellevue Hospital. It's where the diseases of the world, where they all meet. Think of it, if you will. It is the epicenter of disease. Truly, it is the vortex of sick is there this particular day. The elevator doors open to reveal Antonio Sabato Jr. Calvin Klein underwear model, you know, big picture, Times Square in his underpants, good looking man, you know, And I wanted to call somebody's attention, you know, I want to say. Hey, hey, hey. No, leave it alone. Leave it alone. I want to tell you. Come on, come on, it's a big day here. Don't you see, everybody? There's a celebrity in our mid. But. But no. No one would care. No, because everyone here is very busy picking and swatting and shifting. And it was then. It was then that I knew that he was there to rescue me. You are Dina Perlman. Yes. Yes, you are. Oh, I'm so glad I find you. You're not supposed to be here. Somebody in the office, they make a clerical error, you know who's supposed to be here? And you're really gonna laugh because it's funny when you think Lizzy Grubman is supposed to be here. You come with me, honey. You come with me. I have the black limousine, we go to parties. And he starts to approach me. And the next thing you know, he has lifted me up, Officer and a Gentleman style. And I'm Deborah Winger and I'm floating at a belt and everybody's rooting for me. You know, all the crazies are even the craziest, you know, the ashtray tells me to kill the ash. What the. Go, Dina. Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. You know, and I'm saying my goodbyes. Goodbye, Everybody. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. President, saying goodbye. What really happened? So the next day I go in to work and I have my day old buttered roll and my watery coffee, and of course, the Post, which I of course flip open to page six so I can see what Gwyneth's up to. And there appeared the following item. March 10, 1999. Friend of Skivvy's model stabbed. A friend of Antonio Sabato Jr. Was stabbed in the stomach yesterday at the China Club. Robert D'Angelo, 39, of Long island was brought to Bellevue Hospital. Let me read Bellevue Hospital. Ladies and gentlemen, I was there. I was at that party. I was on the list.
- [14:55]
Dan Kennedy
Dina is an actress, comedian and writer in New York. She's been seen on Sex and the City and in three Spike Lee movies. Deen has been performing with the moth since 2002 and is currently at work on a memoir. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times bestsellers. To try audible free for 30 days and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com and we have this word from our sponsor. The people you work with the most aren't always the people that you see every day. You've got co workers on the go in different offices. You've got clients spread across the country or maybe around the globe. To work efficiently today, you need to have a stronger connection to your team to build trust, stay focused and brainstorm. Use GoToMeeting with HD faces the powerfully simple way to meet online and see each other face to face. With GoToMeeting, your team is always just a click away. You can share the same screen to collaborate in real time, and with a webcam, you can turn your online meeting into an HD video conference. It feels like you're in the same room even when you're miles apart. Plus, with GoToMeeting, you can launch or join a meeting from anywhere using your computer, smartphone or tablet. You can even present now from your iPad. Try GoToMeeting free for 30 days. For this special offer, visit GoToMeeting.com Click on the Try it Free button and use the promo code MOTH. Remember, use the promo code MOTH GoToMeeting Meeting is believing and there's still time to bid on our auction. Items include Moth favorite Edgar Oliver recording your voicemail or answering machine. That would be pretty sweet if you've ever heard any of Edgar's stories. A week stay in the south of France. That's going to be pretty nice. Even the opportunity to host the podcast with me, Dan Kennedy, for a week. So I think you just decided you don't want to go to France. The auction is online and runs until May 16, so go to bidding for good.comthemost and get your bids in. Join the Moth at New Belgium Breweries Tour de fat in Washington, D.C. on June 1 for your chance to tell a story at the show. Just submit your one line pitch via email to tourdefattemoth.org and you can check themoth.org for all the event details. Hope to see you there. Dressing freaky and riding bikes and vans and beer are things you like. The most fun fundraiser around the Tour de Fact. New Bell Jump back in town. Also, one more thing. The Moth Main Stage is coming to Kalamazoo, Michigan on Wednesday, May 22nd. That's presented by Michigan Public Radio. For ticketing information and for a list of all of our upcoming tour stops, visit themoth.org Our podcast host, Dan Kennedy.
- [18:09]
Dina Perlman
Is a writer and performer living in New York and author of the new novel American Spirit, available May 28.
- [18:17]
Dan Kennedy
Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more public at prx. Org.