Jill Donnelly (4:04)

Hi. Okay. This is a story about sabotaging your favorite person. So you know how we all have. We all have, like, our favorite people. Like, there are a lot of people you love and like and see on a regular basis, but then there's this super category of, like, your favorites. And my dad has always been way up there, way up in the favorite category. Like, the moment I was born, I was like, who's that guy? He seems like a keeper. Keep him around. He's great. He's great. He's the best. He's like a great combination between of, like, upstanding and really goofy, which I think is a great combo. He's a little history. He's like a computer guy, lives in upstate New York, real shy. He, like, drove a minivan until he got a Prius. You know, he's kind of that guy. And he's my favorite person. When I was four years old, my parents got A good divorce. And they had, like, joint. Joint custody. So, like, one week. One week. One week, right. And the weeks at my dad's were fun. They involved a ton of Star Trek and Danger Bay. I don't know if anyone remembers that show. Real exciting show. A lot of peanut butter and fluffernutter sandwiches. And the best part was, like, a ton of Motowns. So, like, that was a favorite activity. My dad, my brother and I would put on, like, the Big Chill album and do a lot of, like, dancing and singing. And we had a song that was our song, which was the song my girl, you know, like, dun dun dun dun dun dun I promise I won't sing too long Dun dun. Right. I got sunshine and when it got to my girl My girl My dad would always, like, put our names in a weird way, like Jill O. Mikey. Right? Like, kind of goofy. It was really great, guys. It was a really great life. But then my dad met someone. Jean. Okay, well, right from the get go, not a big fan. I was not a big fan. She didn't have her ears pierced. She was, like, more of a dog person than a cat person. Although, truth be told, she's also a cat person. So I can't, you know. But at the time, I was like, this is bad. She always could tell when I was lying, even about little things, you know, Like, I'd be like, I ate my yogurt and she'd be like, you're lying. And I was, you know, like, she could always tell the lies. We didn't hit it off, but I thought she was a passing fad. My dad, however, did not. My dad was really into her. They had, like, all the same politics, and they really, like, had so many great inside jokes and. And, you know, they just really fell in love. So two years into dating, Jean moves in, and my war of sabotage began. The first thing that happened. So Gene and my father are both Catholic. I am Jewish. That's a different story. And so I decided to wait until the spring that year. And I sat my dad down and I said, you know, dad, you say for Lent, you should really give up something. Something. You know, it means something to you. I think this year it might have to be Gene. I really think that's, like, the right Catholic thing to do. I mean, I don't know. I'm Jewish, but don't do it, okay? And he was like, no, I'm not doing that. So then they got engaged, and I was like, okay, we gotta amp up the resistance a little more. So I sat them Both down. And I said, listen, guys, I really don't think you should get married. I'm having these really terrible dreams about ruining your wedding. In the dreams, the priest is like, speak now or forever hold your peace. And I scream and I ruin it. Don't do it. Just hold off until I'm a little older. And Jean was like, are you lying? And I was like, yes. So the day the wedding comes, I'm nine years old, I'm dressed in pink, and the only thing left to do, I mean, it was the day of the wedding. The only thing left to do was to ruin their photos. So every time I felt like, I really do feel terrible about this, but every time the camera was on me, every time I felt like the photographer nearby, I would, like, look real mean or fake cry or something just so there would be documentation of how much I disliked what was happening. But the wedding happened despite my best efforts. And we went to the reception. And as I watched them dance their first dance, I had to, you know, put up the white flag. I realized I had lost. And it's not that I thought my parents would ever get back together. I kind of knew that that was a no go. But I had lost this great wacky bachelor whose only thing in life was his kids, whose favorite thing in life was his kids. And this time I cried for real watching them dance. I couldn't stand it. So I started to walk back to the kids table when suddenly I heard I got sunshine. And my brother grabbed my hand and we ran out onto the floor. And my shy Trekkie dad danced his heart out with his kids in front of all of our family and friends. That was 21 years ago. They are still married. In fact, this morning they sent me a little video, my dad and Jean, of them. This is my birthday. It's my birthday, guys. And they thank you. Oh, thank you. Don't let that influence your scores, okay? I didn't want to tell you, but. So they sent me a video this morning of both of them singing Happy Birthday in, like, old timey voices. Like, they're doing great. And what I've realized is I didn't lose my dad. He's always been there. He just got happier. Thank you.

Dan Kennedy (10:12)

Jill is an actress and improviser at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, where she performs regularly with ASCAT and only in la. Her recent TV credits include Arrested Development and hello Ladies. In her other life, Jill is a student at the UCLA Fielding School of Public Health, where she's pursuing a master's degree in health policy. And management. Okay, so the second story that you're going to hear is by Tim Manley, and it was told live at one of our story slams here in New York City last year. The theme of the night was mothers.

Tim Manley (10:51)

When I was six years old, I was tiny, and I was so sickly pale that I was the kind of white that's like, so white that it's more like a light purple. I kind of looked like a frail albino Oompa Loompa. I was sick, and for months I'd had a fever and I'd been coughing like a coal miner. I probably looked like I. Or sounded like I was smoking like two packs a day or something. But the problem was that we didn't have any money or health insurance to take me to the doctor. My parents had just gotten divorced. My mother moved into a little house. So I was just sick kid sitting there. But then my aunt says to my mom, all right, I'll give you the 70 bucks. Take him to Dr. Haltman. So we go to Dr. Haltman. Dr. Haltman's a terrifying man. He has a face of stone and a voice like a dragon. But I, as a six year old, read a lot of stories that were fantasy stories. So I knew that scary things happen to the hero, but if the hero was courageous, he would be okay. I also knew that heroes had sidekicks, So I was very excited to have my mother with me at the doctor. And we go to Dr. Haughtman, and he breathes fire on me, and I knock it away with my shield. And he also runs some X rays and blood work and stuff. And he says to my mom, tim has complications of pneumonia and a collapsed lung. Yes. And my mother says, what are the complications? And Dr. Hammond says, we're not sure. So we would like to send him to the hospital. And so we go into the car. And I am fearless. And the reason that I'm fearless is because I'm with my mother. And I know that with my mother, we're in this together. And I know that we're in this together because she said it to us all the time. Because me and my older brothers, we shared a bedroom. My oldest brother on the top bunk, my middle brother on the lower bunk. And I'd be on a pullout mattress. And some nights, our mother would lay a blanket next to that, and she'd come and hang out with us, and she'd be like, tell me embarrassing stories about your father's new wife. And we would be like. And we would be like, oh, she's got the most absurd laugh in the world. It sounds like there's a cartoon ambulance in her throat. And it was true. It was completely absurd. And our mother would say, oh, you guys are so sweet. Please don't tell anyone I ever asked you to do that. And so then. And then our mother would. I swear, our mother would say, but, you know, because things were tough for us. We just left our father. And she would say, but don't worry, you guys. We're all in this together. So whatever happens, don't worry. We're all in this together. So, going to the hospital, I'm like, I'm fearless. We're all in this together. And then we get to the hospital, and I have my own room, like a king. And I look around the room, and there's all these tubes and things everywhere. And suddenly I'm like, okay. Actually, mom, there's one thing I'm scared about. It's these. I don't want them to put any tubes in me. And my mom says, don't worry. They won't put any tubes in you. And then the nurse comes in, and she says, okay, Tim, it's time for your first shot. And I say, ma, that sounds like a small metal tube. And my mom says, what if I give you a dollar every time they give you a shot? And I say, okay, yeah, a dollar. That's fine, because I'm a hero. But I'm also a shrewd businessman. And so they run some tests, and me and my mom have a ton of fun in the hospital. We play hangman, and I beat her in every single game. We also play a game called shoot the rabbits on the wallpaper with a water gun, which I invented. Child genius. And in between all these fun games me and my mom are doing, they're running a bunch of tests on us. And at some point, the doctors come in and they say, okay. We've run some tests, and we found a mass in Tim's lung. And my mother says, what is the mass? And I think they finally found the source of my superpowers.

Jill Donnelly (14:27)

And.

Tim Manley (14:27)

And the doctors say, we're not sure. That's why we'd like to send him to Schneider's Children's Hospital. They specialize in diseases that happen to children. My mom says, what diseases that happen to children might you think that Tim might have? And I think the ability to fly. And they say, leukemia. So we get in the car, and we drive over to Schneider's Children's Hospital. And we get there, and my mom says, look, the whole first floor is this whole playroom for kids. It's just kids here. And I see that there's a kid in a wheelchair, and her feet are curled inward and she has a scarf on her head. And I look to my mom and I say, mom, why does that girl look like that? And my mother doesn't answer me. And we go upstairs. And again, I have my own room, but for some reason, it feels more like a cell and less like a king's chamber this time. And the doctors come in and they say, we would like to biopsy the mass in Tim's lung. And I don't know what a biopsy is, but I assume it involves tubes. So I'm frightened. And I look at my mother and my sidekick, and my sidekick looks at me, and she turns to the doctor and she says, is there anything you can do besides biopsying? And I swear I have no idea. And I've asked my mother. Neither of us understand this, but the doctor says, well, the only thing that might prevent us needing to biopsy it is if Tim can cough up a large enough piece of mucus for us. So my mother and I now have our mission. In the next 24 hours, they're gonna biopsy me in the morning if I can't knock up a giant loogie. So we set up. We decide. We're like, okay, we have, like, a secret password. If I have a loogie in my throat, I'm gonna go. And then she'll know. And so all night I'm dreaming. Please, there'd be a giant loogie in my throat. But the morning comes and I don't get one. And then I can hear the doctor's feet coming down the hall, and I can hear their tubes for the biopsy. And finally. And then I look at my mom and she looks at me and I go. And she goes, boom. Smacks me on the back, and I hock up a giant brown and green loogie. And she literally. We scream and she cries and she hugs me. And the doctor comes in, takes away the loogie. They run a test on it. It's negative for whatever they're looking for. And they. Yes, thank you. And they don't have to biopsy anything. They don't have to do anything. Within a few days, my fever and cough are gone. The mass in my lung mysteriously disappears. I get to go home. And the craziest thing is, we never get a bill from the hospital. I have no idea. Okay, 15 second epilogue. Or I don't know. So I'm having wine with my mother recently and this comes up and I ask her about it and she says very solemnly, she's very upset, obviously, and she says, there was a black cloud following me in those years. And I say to her, I say, no, I disagree. Everything turned out fine. I didn't have leukemia. Somebody paid all our hospital bills. It was like someone was carrying us. But I realized looking at her face that actually I have absolutely no idea what she went through thinking that her child might die while she was in the hospital. And that my thought that actually everything was great is just the naive thought of a child who's had such an incredible mother that even when there was a black cloud over them, that she was like an umbrella that protected her children. So that all that I would ever remember is all the great things and all the fun things, and that all that I could do is be so grateful for my mother today. So thank you so much. Thanks everyone.

Dan Kennedy (17:53)

Tim Manley is a writer and illustrator. His first book, Alice in Tumblrland and Other Fairy Tales for a New Generation, is out now from Penguin. And don't forget, we have a great range of CDs, T shirts, moth mugs, and of course, our first ever book. And they all make perfect gifts for the holidays. Even though our producers, Paul and Jenna, reminded me at the beginning of this session that nothing is perfect, which I thought was a little bit of a dim view. You guys, you two should sort of cheer up, go to store.themath.org and get your holiday shopping done today. And here's another thing. The Moth main Stage is returning to the Paramount Theater in Austin on Wednesday, December 11th. For tickets and for a list of all of our upcoming tour stops, visit themoth.org Our podcast host, Dan Kennedy, is.

Jill Donnelly (18:47)

A writer and performer living in New York and author of the new novel American Spirit. Available now.

Dan Kennedy (18:54)

Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast Audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make Public Radio more public@prx.org.