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Toyota Advertiser (1:08)

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Dan Kennedy (2:10)

I'm Dan Kennedy. Okay, here's some news. Join the Moth at New Belgium Brewery's Tour de Fat in Chicago's Palmer Square at 1pm on July 21 for your chance to tell a story at the show. Submit your one line pitch via email to tourdefatthemoth.org you can also check out the Moth website for event details. Okay, so now let's get to this week's story. This week's story is by Joe Lemonne and it was told live when the Moth visited Boston in 2007. Here's Joe.

Joe Lemonne (2:46)

Hey everybody. Hey kid I'm scanning my exam perfectly content in the knowledge that I think I've answered every question right, but not sure and wanting to make absolutely, positively sure it's correct. And I look up and I think, now I imagined it. So I'm about ready to get up and hand my test in, thinking I did very well on my Latin examination. And all of a sudden I hear, psst. Hey, kid. Again. And now I'm sort of focused on it, and I knew it came from behind me, so I quickly look up, see if Father Vai has seen any of this going on, and making sure that the coast is clear. And when I'm sure that he hasn't noticed anything, I look back, and there's this kid behind me with this inquisitive look. And in the quietest of voices, he says, hey, kid, what's the answer to number six? Now, a little bit of background information here. At this point in my life, I'm a sophomore in high school, and I'm a complete introvert. And, you know, I always do what I'm told. I never get in trouble. Most of the time, people don't even know I exist. And that's just the way I like it. Now, I don't know if this was a sign of things to come or if it was who I truly am, but for some unknown reason, maybe it was the look on his face of desperation. I actually take my entire Latin exam and hand it to him. You should have seen the look on his face. So he kind of looks at me and he's like, all right. He writes all the answers down, and I'm just sitting there with no test in front of me for one, maybe two minutes, which is an eternity when you're an introvert in a Jesuit high school with a mad priest looking at you, right? So he hands it back to me. Didn't get caught. Hand the exam in. He walks in, he hands his in, and we're walking out of class, and he comes running up, and he's like, hey, kid, what's your name? My name's Joe. Hey, my name's Lou. That took balls to do what you did. But. But I want you to know something. I'm a good student. I study all the time. I was down vacationing with my parents in Florida, and our plane got delayed. But I really do study, and I didn't get a chance to. Have you had lunch yet. Lou and I have been the best of friends for the last 25 years. Now, being born in Boston and as a male in Boston, you're indoctrinated into the sports culture, everything. Celtics, Bruins, Red Sox. Yes. Okay. So, you know, I'm a huge Red Sox fan, and I think the reason why I'm a huge Red Sox fan is I have very fond memories of my dad and me going to games. And my dad is old world Sicilian, and he's arm's length, and, you know, three boys in the family. He's never told any one of us that he loves us, so. But at games, I always felt his love because we would interact. We would talk about plays, we would talk about players, we would talk about Fenway Park. You know, he would pay 25 cents for bleacher seats back when he was a young boy. And he would get all pissed off that this new guy, Carl Yaskremski, was trying to take over for Ted Williams. That would really piss him off. So, you know, as a Red Sox fan and a lifetime Red Sox fan, you know, there's a lot of. There's a lot of pain associated with that. All right, so let's go to 2001. My friend Lou has landed an incredible job as chief marketing guru for the New England Patriots. Now, the New England Patriots at the time are also another tragic bad luck team. Bad ownership, bad teams, bad stadium, the whole nine yards, just awful. And he's working for them in that role, and they're building a new stadium in 2001, and they're trying to turn the whole franchise around with new ownership and whatnot. So I go and visit him, and he says, hey, do you want to take a tour of the new stadium? And I'm like, sure. So we put on the hard hats, we jump in the golf cart, and we drive out to the stadium. And they built a new stadium right next to the old one. So we were right there. So he's sort of going around and he's pointing to what's going where, and, you know, all these funky new age things that are going on. And all of a sudden we hear this big crash and banging. And we look up and this whole bunch of staging is falling on top of us. I dive out of the way. He's not so lucky, right? I jump up, he's on the ground. There's blood everywhere. Well, a big two by four with these huge six inch nails came down and it went right through his hand and into his neck. So I'm screaming, construction workers are everywhere. We call, you know, the ambulance comes, they take him to the hospital. I follow the ambulance to the hospital, and you know, the emergency room Doctors take the nail out. They say he's very lucky. He could have bled to death an inch or two either way. And he asked the emergency room doctors for the nail. And so, you know, a few weeks later, after he's recovered, we're out with a bunch of friends, and we're joking around, and I'm like, why? Why'd you ask for the nail? And he's like, I just wanted to remember how lucky I was. So we named him Lucky Louie. And so we're hanging out and we're drinking, and we go out all the time. And he's like, what should I do with the nail? And we're trying to come up with some ideas. So I'm. How about if you try and give some of that good luck that you have to the New England Patriots? Why don't you go hide the nail in the stadium? And he's like, that's stupid enough that it might work. That sounds like fun. I'll go do it. So he has access to the stadium. He goes and he hides the nail in the stadium. And in 2001, the Patriots, the first four games, go one and three. And, you know, he's like, yeah, the stupid nail. And then all of a sudden, the Patriots go on an unbelievable run, and they win the Super Bowl. So we're like, hey, the damn. We're joking around like two jerks, right? And so now 2002 rolls around, and they're in the news that it's the first time in the new stadium, and they're going to demolish the old stadium. So he goes and takes the nail out of the old stadium, and they demolish it, and he leaves the nail on his desk for the 2002 season. The Patriots don't even make. Don't even make the playoffs. So 2003 rolls around, he's like, you know what? I'm gonna put the nail in the new stadium, see what happens. And I'm like, yeah, I think that's a great idea. So 2003, the Patriots go 2 and 2 the first four games. Then they go on this unbelievable historic run, and they win the Super Bowl. So we're like, the nail. Holy crap. Are you kidding me? And so he's like, I'm leaving the nail until something. Until they lose. This is unbelievable. And so I give him this look because my brain is now working right? And he knows. And he looks at me, he goes, what? And it's that I have an idea look. And I'm like, obviously, the nail is magic. I said, what? If we put the nail in Fenway Park. And he's like, aghast. He's like, it's too much to ask her. The nail. It's the curse. We're talking the curse, Joe. And I'm like, I know, but we have an obligation as Bostonians, Red Sox fans, and as human beings to hide that nail in Fenway Park. And he's like, all right, all right, let's do it. Now, the trick is, how do we do it? So he goes and gets the nail from the stadium. And, you know, we're lucky because he's the chief marketing guy at the Patriots, so he has all the friends in the other sports. So he calls someone in the marketing group at the Red Sox, and he's like, listen, hey, I got a client who's gonna buy. Who wants to buy these massive amounts of tickets, and we can work a deal. He's interested in Fenway, but he wants to see the park. Can we arrange a tour? Yeah, sure. No problem, Lou. So we walk in, and I'm like, oh, God, I'm, like, scared to death. And a couple of marketing people come, they take us on a little tour, and they're like, listen, we got a big meeting, but, you know, we'll be right back, and, you know, we'll have lunch. We'll do the whole nine yards. You can go anywhere you want in Fenway Park. What you can't go near is the Green Monster. Everybody familiar with the Green Monster? The big. Okay, all right. So of course, they leave, and Lou and I look at each other, and where's the safest place for the nail? The Green Monster, Right? So we're kind of like, walking around left field. La da da, da da. And I'm like, okay, give me the nail. I'll run in the door. I'll hide it real quick and come back out, and you watch. And before I know it, he goes, no, I'll do it. And I'm like, lou, don't you got a great job? You'll get. I'm the idiot friend. You could just see he was an idiot. I can't believe he did what he did. So he runs in before I could start, and I'm like, again, 12 minutes go by. It's attorneys, maintenance people walking around. Hey, what are you doing around here? Lou comes out. They don't see him. Hey, you know, you got to leave left field here. And we leave, and he's, like, sweating, out of breath. Okay, I hid the nail behind some pipes. It's safe. So now it's 2004. You know the Red Sox, you barely make the playoffs. They're a wild card. They playing the Yankees first round. We're like, yeah, the nail, the nail, the nail. They go down.03. And he's like, I told you it was too much to ask her to nail right? And I'm like, oh, man, it's not a magic nail. And then the Yankees collapsed. The worst sports franchise history flop in. Unbelievable. So we're watching game seven and they're about to win game seven of the Yankees. And they win it. And we're with a whole bunch of friends and all, me and Lou, the two jerks are doing, we're jumping up and down. It's the nail, the nail. And our friends are like, what? What are you talking about? Nothing, Nothing. I'm like, oh, oh my God right now. My dad's 82 years old. I've seen him cry twice in his life. Once when our dog died and the second when the Red Sox won the World Series. And Lou and I are drunk up at the parade and it's raining and it's kind of cold and we're feeling good and we're happy. And I look at him and I'm like, I can't believe you did what you did. You could have lost your job. And he sort of turned to me and he gave me this knowing look and he's like, are you kidding me? The first time I ever met you, what you did, you could have gotten expelled from school. That's what best friends do for each other. And I love you like a brother. Well, Lou, I love you too. Thanks.