Kate Braestrup (4:29)

So Nina's mother came up to me and she said, chaplain, I think I have a problem. It's Nina. She says she wants to go and see Andy, her cousin. Well, I looked over at Nina, who was hanging by her knees from the swing set in her backyard. Her little pigtails are brushing the ground. I said, how old is Nina again? And her mom said, five. I said, wow. I mean, I should probably mention that cousin Andy was dead, which isn't the unusual part. I've been chaplain to the main warden service for about 13 years now. And in Maine, game wardens respond to fish and wildlife law. They enforce fish and wildlife law, but they respond to a whole variety of outdoor calamities. So snowmobile accidents, freshwater drownings, all terrain vehicle accidents, the occasional al fresco homicide or suicide. And when they think the outcome is likely to be a fatal. They ask their chaplain to go along. And I teach baby game wardens, new game wardens in the academy, about how to support bereaved people, which they are often called upon to do. And the example I usually use for them is personal. My first husband, Drew, was a state trooper, and he was killed in the line of duty in 1996. And as soon as I was told that he was dead, he died instantly when his cruiser was t boned by a truck. As soon as I was told that fact, I knew I wanted to go see him and take care of him. So I told the funeral director that. And the funeral director responded using a special voice that I think funeral directors learn in funeral parlor school. He said, yes, I understand. And then he went back to the funeral parlor, and he called the Maine State Police, and he said, I think you should know that your trooper's widow wants to see and dress and take care of the body herself. And the state police freaked out. So all night long, phone calls were ricocheting back and forth across Maine between the state police command staff and the funeral parlor and Tom, the trooper who had been specifically assigned to manage me. And in the morning, Tom arrived, and he said, kate, we're going to let you do this thing, but you have to take me with you. And we're going to bring Sergeant Drake and Sergeant Cunningham along as well. And my mom said, I'll go, too. Good old Mom. And Tom said, you know, because if we don't like what we see, we're going to take you out. And I pictured three troopers all drawing their sidearms in the funeral parlor. And I said, I think it's going to be. And mom was reassuring. She said, you know, she grew up on a farm. She's used to dead things. I had to fake absolute confidence in this. I didn't have absolute confidence because I'd never done this before, but I faked it. I took my mother by the hand, and she and I, surrounded by troopers, did a weird sort of perp walk up the street to the funeral parlor, where we were welcomed by the funeral director in his special voice. And they were all watching me as I walked into this cool room where Drew's body lay. And he was dead. But that's all. He was just dead. And it was okay. I was okay. So the troopers and my mother and the funeral director all left, and I had about 20 minutes alone with my husband's body, and then they all came back, and we got him dressed in his class A uniform, his dress uniform. And it was hard. I mean, if you've ever tried to get someone into a class A uniform when they're not cooperating, you know what I mean? But it was fine. It was actually. It was better than fine. It was actually kind of great. I mean, it was beautiful and sad and funny, and it was okay. But, you know, there are baby game wardens who need a less personal, maybe more biblical example. So I remind them that Mary Magdalene went to see and touch and anoint the body of Jesus, and she didn't have to overcome the protective skepticism of the disciples to do that. And when she got to the tomb and found it empty, she didn't have to justify her distress at finding the body gone. Well, nowadays we're sort of persuaded that it's the presence of the body, not its absence, that is most distressing. But in my experience, and I have a lot of experience by now, people are far, far more likely to regret not having seen the body than they are to wish they hadn't done it. So in the warden service, we're actually training our wardens to be pretty proactive about this, to really try to make room and make space within our operations for the family to be with the body. You know, give them a moment where all the strangers and officials get out of the way and let them take care of their own. And let me tell you, the mourners are gorgeous. They're gorgeous. They are brave and tender. A mother will smooth the hair back from her drowned son's forehead, and a dad will hold his hand. A spouse will bring a flower and put it on his breast and murmur, endearments. They're beautiful, but okay. Nina was five. She was five. And her cousin, her best friend Andy, was four. Okay, maybe Nina, you know, she didn't grow up on a farm. She's five. Maybe there's like a dead goldfish in her background somewhere. But if you're five, there's not a lot of background to work with. Suffer the little children to come unto me. That was this biblical phrase that kept going around in my head. Although, as the wardens and I kept assuring each other, the one good thing you could say about Andy's death was that he didn't suffer. He was killed instantly when an all terrain vehicle driven by a neighbor rolled over on him. And when we had cleared the scene that day, they had taken his body to the funeral parlor. And that was where Nina wanted to go to visit him. We want to protect her, her dad said, but her mom kept Saying, I know, but she's so sure. And finally I said, you know, you're her parents. You know her. You know what's right for her much better than I do. But I do believe it would be okay. I believe it would not hurt her more to see him. So three days later, I went back up to this little town because the family of Andy had asked me to preside over the service. So I got to the church a little early, and Nina's mom was there, and she was arranging stuff on the altar table. You know, photographs and Tonka trucks and teddy bear flowers. She said, I have to leave room for the box containing his ashes, but it's not a very big box. I said, so what did you do about Nina? I mean, did Nina go see Andy? Nina's mom said, let me tell you. Got in the car, drove her to the funeral parlor. Soon as we're in the parking lot, Nina's out of the car, striding across the parking lot. We had to scramble to keep up with her. And she goes in through the front door, past the funeral parlor guy. And we stopped her at the door of the cool room where Andy's little body lay. And we said, nina, we just want to make sure that you understand that Andy's not going to be able to talk to you. Yep, said Nina. Well, and you understand he's not going to move or get up. Yeah, yeah. And she opened the door, and in she went. And she walked right up to the dais where Andy's body lay covered by a quilt that his mom had made for him when he was a baby. And she walked right up to him, and she walked all the way around the dais, putting her hands on him to make sure he was all there. And then she put her head down on his chest and talked to him. And after about 10 minutes of this, her parents were awash in tears, and they'd kind of had enough, so they said, you know, Nina, are you ready to go? No, I'll tell you when I am. So she sang him a song, and she put his Fisher Price plastic telescope in his hand so that he could see anyone he wanted to see from heaven. And then she was okay, and she was done. But she said, he's not going to be getting up again, so I have to tuck him in. So she walked all the way around the dais again, tucking in the quilt. And then she put her hand on him and said, I love you, Andy Dandy. Goodbye. You can trust a human being with grief. That's what I tell the wardens, I tell them, just walk fearlessly into the house of mourning, for grief is just love squaring up to its oldest enemy. And after all these mortal human years, love is up to the challenge. But I don't have to fake confidence in this anymore because I have Nina. And now, with the gracious permission of Nina's family, so do you. Thank you.

Dan Kennedy (18:19)

Kate Braestrup is an award winning Author and since 2001 she's served as chaplain to the Maine Warden service, joining game wardens as they search for those who have lost their way and offering comfort to those who wait for for their loved ones to be rescued. So our second story is from our Miami story Slam, one of our newer story Slam Cities. Actually, we just started that one recently and I feel like this fits pretty well with the audience slips from earlier. Since the theme of the night was love hurts. Here's a story from Pilar Simon.

Pilar Simon (19:00)

So it was my freshman year at college and I saw I fell in love with the back of his head. First. We were in a government class and he had this blonde hair and he was just so smart. He was an rotc, so he was very fit. And so I start falling for him. And I'm like, this guy's cute. I want to figure out a way to talk to him. So one day we start talking and we find out we're both Catholic. We both go to mass and he says, you know, you should really check out the 11pm Mass. It's very solemn, very quiet, you know, you can really get your thoughts together. And I am not a solemn or quiet person. So that is the opposite of any kind of Mass I would go to. I go to the really loud, cheesy one where everyone claps and. And I said, yeah, that's exactly what I like. So I start going to 11pm solemn mass, you know, just so I can see him. And we talk after mass. And I'm thinking, he's falling in love with me. You know, we have these moments we go to massacre. This is such a spiritual connection. So I'm basically thinking, I tell my roommate, like, you know, we're dating, we're dating. So then a few months into it, he says, I'm going to be leading a retreat. Do you want to lead with me? And I'm thinking like, we're engaged, obviously. He's like, you know, it might take a lot of time. We're going to have to meet every week. And I'm like, this is a serious relationship. You know, I know he's shy he doesn't want to say it, but, you know, we're obviously on the same page. So we meet every week and we plan and, you know, in the dorm room. And so after a few weeks of this, I tell my roommate. I'm like, this is the night. Like, you know, we've been. I'm clearly getting the vibe he really likes me. I really like him. I think I'm just going to tell him. I'm going to tell him I like him because it's just too awkward. There's too much tension. You know, we're always going to each other's dorm rooms. Like, something's got to happen. So I get to his dorm room, we're working on stuff, and he says to me, I have something I want to say to you. And I'm thinking, like, this is it. Like, this is what I've been waiting for. We are so on the same page. And I said, me, too. I said, but you go first. Thank God. I said, you go first. So I'm, like, getting really nervous and emotional.

Kate Braestrup (21:33)

This is it.

Pilar Simon (21:33)

This is it. I knew it. And he says, this is not easy for me to say. And I'm like, of course not. How would it be? And he's like, but I've known for a while. Me, too. And he's like, I've been praying about it. I'm like, well, maybe. Yeah, I've been praying about it. And he says, I'm gonna be a priest. Like, never. I had played out this scenario so many times with my roommate, with my friends. We had talked about it. Like, what could he say? What could I say? Never did I ever imagine he would say no. He actually said, I feel called to be a priest. So you can't be like, that bitch, that other girl, you know, you can't be like, why have you been leading me on? You can't say any of that. I was like, you know, I feel cheated on. Like, all those nights and mass. Like, I thought, like, we were in mass, I was thinking of him, he's thinking of me. No, he's like, thinking of God, like, how he should be in mass, right? So then he turns to me and he says, what is it that you wanted to say? And I'm just like, thank God. Thank God I did not go first. Thank God I did not go first. And I just said, no. I just wanted to say that it's been really great working with you. I said, I'm really happy for you. Not. Not really happy for you. But at the same time, I can't be like, mad. So I said, you know, how long have you known? He's like, you know, for this whole year. Really. All those times I was in mass, I was really thinking about it. So I'm like, okay, all right, all right, fast forward. Five years later, I graduate. I decide to do a volunteer program in South America. I'm working in a very rural village, and I get this email from this guy who also had gone to a Jesuit Catholic university who says, you know, I want to meet other Americans. Can I come and meet you and the other volunteer? And I'm like, sure, come over, meet us. So he comes over, we spend the day together, and I am in love. I am like, oh, my God, this is it. This is the one. But then I start thinking, he's a good person. He wants to help the poor. He's smart. I'm like, he's gonna be a Jesuit like the other one. I'm like, for sure. And I'm like, I'm not gonna do this again. So I said to him, I know we've only known each other for like an hour, but I said, have you ever considered becoming a Jesuit, which is a type of priest? And he says, that's actually what I'm doing here in South America. I'm trying to figure out if that's my calling. So the good news for me and our future baby is that that was not his call.

Dan Kennedy (24:55)

A great story there from Pilar Simon. Pilar is a licensed clinical social worker who had never told a story in public before winning the Miami Moth Story Slam. And you know, if you ever want to attend one of our live Moth shows or if you'd like to tell a story of your own live, you can Visit us@themost.org you can get tickets and information for all of our upcoming tour shows. You can also pitch us a story right there on the website, so check it out.

Stitch Fix Advertiser (25:24)

Themost.org Dan Kennedy is author of the books Loser Goes First. Rock on and American Spirit. He's a regular host and performer with the Moth when he's not on Twitter.

Dan Kennedy (25:36)

The Moth Podcast is produced by Whitney Jones. Moth events are recorded by Argo Studios in New York City supervised by Paul Rueest. The Moth Podcast and the Moth Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx. Org. Thanks to all of you for listening. We hope you have a story worthy week.