Lisa Lampanelli: Fat Girl, Interrupted

Summary

Summary of "The Moth" Podcast Episode: Lisa Lampanelli - Fat Girl, Interrupted

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Moth
• Host/Author: The Moth
• Episode: Lisa Lampanelli: Fat Girl, Interrupted
• Release Date: January 28, 2013

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Introduction to Lisa Lampanelli's Story

In the episode titled "Fat Girl, Interrupted," comedian Lisa Lampanelli shares a deeply personal and humorous account of her struggles with food addiction and tumultuous relationships. Lampanelli, known for her sharp wit and candid storytelling, takes listeners through pivotal moments in her life that shaped her journey toward self-discovery and transformation.

Battling Addictions: Food and Men

Lampanelli begins by candidly discussing her dual addictions: food and men. As an Italian, she humorously attributes her love for food to her heritage, stating,

"If you're Italian, you're addicted to food. If you're Italian, you eat till there's a death." ([02:46])

She elaborates on her unconventional eating habits, such as consuming whole limes and sticks of butter, which led to significant weight fluctuations over three decades—losing and gaining over 300 pounds. Complementing her food addiction, Lampanelli describes her pattern of dating "junk food" men, highlighting unsuccessful relationships with individuals like Andy, Pete, and Ross. Her humorous take underscores the tumultuous nature of her romantic life:

"If you're not gay anymore, how come we're not making out?" ([??:??])

Meeting Frank: A Turning Point

A pivotal moment in Lampanelli's story is meeting Frank D'Amico, an older comedian with a commanding presence. Lampanelli vividly recalls the first encounter:

"There was this comedian who was named Big Frank D'Amico. I saw in an instant why they called him Big Frank." ([06:15])

Frank's charm and humorous demeanor captivated her, leading to a swift courtship. Lampanelli reflects on the allure of Frank's "Tony Soprano swagger," a trait many women find irresistible. Their relationship flourished as Frank embodied both of her addictions—men and food—creating what Lampanelli initially believed was her ideal "fat, happy couple."

Challenges in the Relationship

Despite the initial harmony, challenges emerged as Frank's health deteriorated due to advanced diabetes. Lampanelli narrates the moment they realized the severity of his condition:

"The doctor says, dude, you have advanced diabetes. That toe has to come off." ([09:30])

Determined to support each other, Lampanelli insisted on a joint effort to lose weight and eliminate sugar from their lives. However, Frank's minimal commitment—opting only to give up soda—proved insufficient:

"He likes me the way I am, and I'm not gonna talk him out of it." ([13:10])

This disparity in their commitment led Lampanelli to question the viability of their relationship, ultimately deciding that she couldn't continue supporting Frank without his active participation in their mutual goals.

Rehab: Confronting Personal Demons

In an effort to reclaim control over her life, Lampanelli decides to enter Rosewood Ranch, a rehab facility focused on food issues. Her arrival is marked by humor and vulnerability:

"I put on this sundress that I found over to Target, and then I jiggle a lot. So I wore my Spanx." ([15:20])

At Rosewood Ranch, Lampanelli faces the stark reality of being the only overweight participant amidst a group of individuals grappling with anorexia and bulimia. Her humorous yet poignant reflections highlight the isolation and challenges she faced:

"I'm with an entire room of afters, and I'm a before. No one here is going to get me." ([17:45])

Through various rehab activities—from horse therapy to gym sessions—Lampanelli grapples with the program's methods and her own resistance to change. Her attempt to bring humor into the setting is met with resistance, forcing her to confront the seriousness of her situation:

"I can't be myself. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't be myself?" ([18:30])

Breaking Free and Personal Growth

As the rehab experience becomes increasingly unbearable, Lampanelli decides to leave prematurely. Her final realization underscores the importance of personal responsibility in overcoming addiction:

"I couldn't do it. He wasn't going to work on himself, and I could not see myself helping myself if he wasn't in the game." ([19:50])

In a twist of fate, Lampanelli discovers through email that Frank D'Amico has passed away. This revelation adds a layer of complexity to her emotional state, blending grief with the culmination of her efforts to change:

"There was nothing else I could say. I shut off the computer. I closed it. I got into bed..." ([20:10])

Conclusion: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Lampanelli's story in "Fat Girl, Interrupted" is a compelling blend of humor, tragedy, and resilience. Through her candid narrative, she explores the depths of personal struggle and the arduous path to self-improvement. Her ability to infuse humor into painful experiences not only entertains but also offers profound insights into the human condition.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• On Food Addiction:
  "If you're Italian, you're addicted to food. If you're Italian, you eat till there's a death." ([02:46])

• Describing Frank's Presence:
  "I saw in an instant why they called him Big Frank." ([06:15])

• On Relationship Challenges:
  "He likes me the way I am, and I'm not gonna talk him out of it." ([13:10])

• Entering Rehab:
  "So I show up, I'm sweating my ass off, I get out of the car..." ([15:20])

• Facing Isolation in Rehab:
  "I'm with an entire room of afters, and I'm a before. No one here is going to get me." ([17:45])

• Realizing the Need for Change:
  "I can't be myself. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't be myself?" ([18:30])

• Discovering Frank's Passing:
  "There was nothing else I could say. I shut off the computer. I closed it. I got into bed..." ([20:10])

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Conclusion

Lisa Lampanelli's "Fat Girl, Interrupted" is a testament to the power of storytelling in the face of adversity. Through laughter and tears, Lampanelli invites listeners into her world, offering a relatable and inspiring narrative of overcoming personal demons and embracing change.

Transcript

[Lisa Lampanelli]

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[Dan Kennedy]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This podcast is brought to you by stamps.com with your busy schedule, we're sure making trips to the post office is the last thing you have time for. Did you know with stamps.com you can buy and print official US postage right from your own computer and printer? It's easy and convenient. Plus stamps.com will give you a digital scale. It automatically calculates the exact postage you need for any letter or package. You print the postage directly onto envelopes, labels, or even plain paper. Then just hand your mail to your mail carrier. There's no need for you to go to the post office again or even lease one of those expensive, expensive postage meters. Right now there's a special offer for listeners of the Moth podcast, a no risk trial plus a $110 bonus offer that includes the digital scale and up to $55 free postage. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com and click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Then type in moth. That's stamps.com Enter moth okay, so let's get to this week's story. This week's story is. Man, this is awesome. Actually, if you thought you overate during the holidays, this story just might change your outlook. It's by Lisa Lampanelli and she told it live at the moth in 2011. The theme of the night was Moth Eaten Food. Adventures of Epic Port.

[Lisa Lampanelli]

All my life I've had two addictions. The first one is food. I'm Italian. If you're Italian, you're addicted to food. If you're Italian, you eat till there's a death. But I didn't eat just normal, typical Italian food like meatballs and sausage. I was a middle child, so I'd show off by eating weird shit. Like I'd get limes and eat the whole thing. I'd eat sticks of butter. Sadly, this behavior caught up to me in college and I gained the customary freshman 40. And honestly, throughout the next 30 years, I lost and gained over 300 pounds. My other addiction was men. Now, bad enough I ate bad food. I dated the junk food of men. There was Andy, whose favorite book was the Fountainhead. Yeah. There was Pete, who gave himself tattoos in jail. And of course, there was I'm not gay Anymore Ross. Really? If you're not gay anymore, how come we're not making out? And we're watching Annie get yout Gun, the limited edition. One day I met Frank. When I used to play the clubs in New York City. I'd always noticed there was this old, old model Cadillac driving around the block, right? One day, the car stops, door opens with a big squeak. And out walks this comedian who was named Big Frank D'Amico. I saw in an instant why they called him Big Frank. Frank was £400. I am not exaggerating. To put it in perspective for you, that is 17 Sarah Jessica Parkers. He gets out and it's really cute. He has on a leather vest. So I say to him, hey, I like your vest. And without missing him. Yeah, there are no cows left in Pennsylvania. It's so cool. Like, the guy can laugh at himself. So I'm loving it. He asks me out and I have to say yes because guess why. Ends up he had been driving around the block for a month waiting for me to come out. And nothing says love like stalking. It was great. I said to myself, wait a minute. He's been stalking me? That means he thinks I'm cute. Maybe this dieting bullshit is wrong. Maybe we could be that fat, happy couple that I've always dreamed about being. He likes me the way I am, and I'm not gonna talk him out of it. Me and Frank would go out and let me tell you something. He wasn't technically in the mob, but he had that Tony Soprano swagger, you know? And the mob shit is very sexy. Women love that. We like to feel like a guy could kill us in our sleep if we get out of line one Day he even leans over to me and goes, hey, if you ever need something, don't worry about. I'm connecting. I'm like, yeah, you're connected to a fork, you fat fuck. But you know what's cool? He laughed at it. He could laugh. His skin was as thick as his neck. We had so much fun. And then I'm thinking to myself, oh, my God, this guy combines my two addictions. He's a guy and he has the food thing. So we had to move in together. Frank was like, one stop shopping. He was like, that store in the country, you know, the one that sells ice cream and live bait. It's kind of disgusting, but it worked for me. So we lived together for like a year, right? And everything's going good. And one day Frank said, oh, my God, my toe's bothering me. I look down and it is blackish green and scaly and freaking disgusting. So I go, you're going to the doctor right now. Get in the goddamn car. And he goes, no. And I go, get in. We go to the doctors and the doctor says, dude, you have advanced diabetes. That toe has to come off. Oh, my God. We're on the way home. It's total silence, totally tense. And I go, you know what, Frank? I'm going to be a team player. We're both going to get off this bullshit. We're both going to lose weight. I'm cleaning out all the cupboards. Nothing with sugar is going to be in that house. Frank looks at me and he goes, you know what? I decided what I'm going to do. I'm giving up soda. And I'm like, soda? He's like, yeah, it's got a lot of sugar in it. And I go, yeah, so does everything else in the house, you asshole. And I'm Frank, you know what? I am a woman with very high standards. I have a seven toe minimum. And you're getting dangerously close. I mean, here's a guy who's getting things cut off, and yet he's only willing to make a tiny change. And then I thought to myself, I'm being delusional all along. This idea of the fat happy couple is not going to work. One day I'm flying home from a gig and I hear the stewardess come on the intercom and she's making those announcements, right? And she says, if you're traveling with someone who's dependent on you, make sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself and then on them. And I'm like, wow. If I was traveling with Frank, I literally would have to physically help him put on that mask. And that's what I had to do in life. And I couldn't do it. He wasn't going to work on himself, and I could not see myself helping myself if he wasn't in the game. When I got home, the plane landed, I didn't unpack, and I moved out. Frank honestly was really a gentleman about it. I said, hey, we gotta split up. He wished me the best, and he goes, you know what? If you ever need somebody, I know a couple of guys. And I'm like, yeah, Ben and Jerry, you piece of shit. So now that I had broken up with him, I gotta do something drastic. I'm like, okay, I really have to work on myself. This is no good. So I think rehab. So I go, ooh, that seems to help people. So I Google food rehab and up pops this joint called Rosewood Ranch where they help you with food issues, right? I'm like, call my manager. I said, can I have 28 days off? She's like, why 28 days? I. I said, well, I seen the movie with Sandra Bullock and it's very impactful. So she says, you can go May 16th after Carnegie Hall. I forget that Wickenburg, Arizona In May is 115 degrees. Yeah. People are like, oh, it's a dry heat. Yeah. Really? So's an oven, but I don't want to put my freaking head in it. I get all dressed up. Cause I want to show up in rehab. Kind of cute, you know? So I put on this sundress that I found over to Target, and then I jiggle a lot. So I wore my spanx. Now, for you straight guys, Spanx are these things, these industrial strength girdles and tights that squeeze you in so you don't jiggle. It is the fat woman's equivalent of a bald guy's comb over. So I show up, I'm sweating my ass off, I get out of the car, but thank God I arrive right in time for dinner. So the nutritionist meets me and she's like, this is Bridget. She's going to show you how to eat. And I'm like, have you freaking looked at me? I'm ahead of the game, bitch. But the one thing I notice about this chick Bridget, she is totally thin, she looked beautiful. And I'm like, wow, I'm not gonna get attached to her. She's clearly here on her last day. So we go into the dining room and it's this huge, huge banquet table. Like Thanksgiving, you know. We walk in and I Look down this long table and it's one chick skinnier than the next. And I'm like, holy shit, I gotta be in the wrong place. I'm the only fat bitch here. I sit down, I'm a little shaken. I looked to my right and I said, so, what are you in for? She goes, I'm anorexic.

Oh, fuck.

I'm like, what are you in for? Bulimic shit. I choke down my little paltry amount of food. I'm about to get up from the table and go sulk. And all of a sudden, a girl across the table from me, she goes, meal processing time. I was in at a 2 and I was out at a 7. I'm exactly where God wants me to be. I'm like, what is this fucking cunt talking about? What she's talking about is the hunger scale. See, you have to say how hungry you were when you started on a scale of 1 to 10, and how satisfied you were at the end. Right then, I'm exactly where God wants me to be. Is an affirmation. Now, I, for one, I'm sorry, I've always found affirmations total bullshit because they just make you feel worse because you know what you're saying to yourself ain't true. Honestly, if you have to look in a mirror and say you're pretty, chances are you're freaking ugly. So everybody's going around the table and, like, it's closing in on me. It's my first day and I don't know what to say. So I picked these random numbers. I'm like, I was in at a three, which, I'll be honest with you people, I was in at a six because I was smart enough to stop at Wendy's on the way there. And I go, I was out at an eight. And then I go, I can do this one meal at a time. See what I did there? I took the AA phrase one day at a time and adapted it to food rehab situations. Well, those little skinny girls, they grasped their bony little hands in glee and they clapped. It was my first day and I was already a headliner in rehab. I'm about to get up and finally escape. And the whole table in unison, I swear to God, yells, rosewood cheer. I do what it takes. I am worthwhile. I persevere. I face my fears. Woo, boogety boogity boogity boogity rah. Gotta do it, gotta do it, gotta do it. Dit dit cha cha. Yeah. And they did that shit every God damn meal. I was like, where am I? I'm with an entire room of afters, and I'm a before. No one here is going to get me. They clearly all drank the Kool Aid. I run to my room and I'm like, guess who will get this and totally understand is Frank. I call him up, I get his machine, and I leave a voicemail. I'm like, frank, you ain't going to believe where I am. Call me back. It got worse every day. These people tested me all day. 5am, equine therapy, where you have to go with a horse and lift a hoof. I don't know why you teach yourself a slogan or some shit. Just buy me the book. A slogan, stupid. And that horse. It's 5am he's taunting me. And I'm hungry with that fat feed baggies looking at me. Then we get to go to the gym. Now, let me tell you something. A lot of these girls are over exercisers. They're not allowed to work out a lot. So they can work out for only 20 minutes. Well, I made the mistake of being on the treadmill 25. And I got yelled at in front of everybody. And I'm like, listen, douchebag, over exercising is clearly not my issue. Then we got to go to the pool. Now listen, I know this is politically incorrect, but I don't care. Anorexics look freaking awesome in bikinis. I was so jealous. Every day I felt so out of place. You know, I'd be there in my one piece Delta Burke swimsuit. It exists. They sell them at Lord and the Tailor, right? I make it through 21 days, and it was one of those trying days that I seriously was about to go off a ledge around dinner time. It got even worse because I noticed that I had lost my Serenity Rock. Now, a Serenity Rock is where they give you a rock when you're in the joint and they give it to you and it says something happy on it like peace and dream. And I know it sounds corny, but I swear to God, I used to feel in my pocket when I felt doubt. And I'd kind of remember why I was there. Well, I'm really upset. I go out to the smoking pit. I don't smoke, but all the cool girls who are always in the smoking pep. So I go out and I'm bummed about my rock and I'm telling the girls there and I said, you know what? Maybe I could spin this into a positive. Maybe I should come out with a line of rocks of my own that say Stuff that I'd really say to people. You know, they could say like, you're worthless, total loser. That's not your real father. And out of nowhere, this one girl goes to me, don't be funny in here. They don't like it. They know you use humor to hide your feelings. And I'm like, okay, wait a minute. I can't eat. I'm an insult comic. I can't make fun of anybody. I can't even make anybody laugh. I can't be myself. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't be myself? I'm like, okay, made it through 21 days. I have had it. I am so out of here. I run to my room and I'm like, I gotta leave. I start packing and I start thinking about Frank. And I go, you know what? Why didn't that fat bastard call me back? I call him up again. Nothing. I check my voicemail. No message. I'm totally pissed off. I'm like, what's he mad at? He should be calling me. What? Oh, we found out. I talked about him on the Tonight Show. Big deal. Come couple of fat jokes, whatever. Let it slide off. Okay, so I'm totally upset. I go to my email box and I see there's one email in the whole box. It says, Big Frank D'Amico died June 1. There was nothing else I could say. I shut off the computer. I closed it. I got into bed, I pulled the covers up, but not before I set my alarm. I had to get up at 5am I had a date with a horse. Thank you everybody.

[Dan Kennedy]

Lisa Lampanelli is known as comedy's lovable queen of mean. Her HBO special Long Live the Queen was the second highest rated comedy special in HBO's history. The Moth is a non profit organization, so consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a Moth member. And you can do [e-mail] Dan Kennedy.

[Lisa Lampanelli]

Is a writer and performer living in New York. Follow him on Twitter ankennedynyc.

[Dan Kennedy]

Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story story worthy week Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the radio Hour are presented by prx, the public radio exchange helping make public radio more public at prx. Org.