Liz Winstead (3:09)

I especially hate those people because I used to be one of those people until I took a trip to Morocco. And it was an impulsive trip to Morocco. I wasn't initially in the plan. It was my very, very dear friend Sharon and a woman she didn't know.

Meredith (3:26)

Very well and I didn't know at all named Meredith.

Liz Winstead (3:29)

So we planned a short dinner to make sure we were all on board with having this amazing cultural experience in Morocco at a Moroccan restaurant in Tribeca. And we got down to the brass tacks quickly. We all decided, yes, it needed to be cultural, and everyone hated Coldplay. And then we got drunk. So our first day in Morocco, as we are planning our big authentic adventure, I pull out the rough guide and toss it on the bed. And Meredith tosses out the Louis Vuitton.

Meredith (4:06)

Guidebook, which I didn't know there was.

Liz Winstead (4:09)

A Louis Vuitton guidebook. I didn't know Louis Vuitton made anything but fake purses. And I hoped she didn't plan on searching for fake purses across the whole of Morocco. So my face went into a panic, and I stared at Sharon with a thousand daggers, and she realized she had to fix this. So she frantically picks up the rough guide and tries to desperately find something that will sort of suit my authenticness and Meredith's Louis Vuittonishness. And she scores something called the hammam. And she starts reading from the rough guide, and she's like, the hamam. It is a traditional Moroccan bathhouse where a rough, abrasive glove is used. It can be an exhilarating experience. So she convinces us that bath house means spirit spa and abrasive means exfoliation. She sold all of us. And so off we go. Our guides show up at noon, and we speak no Arabic at all. And the guides speak very little English. So between this talking sort of thing, saying authentic and spa and please take us, they say, okay, we'll take you to the Ramadan. And we think, that sounds very authentic, the Ramadan. And we get in a cab, and we go. And 10 minutes later, we are at the Ramada Inn. So I'm more seething, more daggers now with everyone around me, and I'm just like, you have to make this work. You have to make this work. It was so we're like, yeah, no, no. We want to go where actual Moroccan ladies go to have their ladies day at the spa. The Ha Mom Spa. Ha. Mom spa. And. Oh, okay, okay, okay. We have it now. So we get back in the cab and we drive around and we end up at the walled city of the medina. And this seems pretty awesome. No cars can go in. You have to go in by foot. So we walk through the gates and we see that this seems pretty authentic. And we're, we're weaving past goats hanging in carts of dates and we don't know where we're going. And it's. The walls are maybe two people wide at any time and we don't know where we're going. And it seems really cool in Indiana Jonesy. And all of a sudden we turn down an alley and we see a.

Meredith (6:38)

Woman at the very end of the alley. And we walk towards her.

Liz Winstead (6:40)

And as we get closer to her, she's one of those women who's so sun faced you can't tell if she's 30 or 65. And she's only wearing a Seattle Seahawks.

Meredith (6:51)

Tank top.

Liz Winstead (6:54)

Nothing else. Beside her is a giant pile of shoes and bras and pants and abayas, those big black robes that Muslim women wear. And she talks to her guides very quickly and they have some kind of worked out plan. And the guides come back and say it will cost two Durham. And we pull out our laminated plastic translating money things and it's a quarter. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm kind of psyched. This seems super authentic. It's a quarter and I'm kind of psyched. And Sharon's pretty psyched and Meredith's like, do you think they have lockers? So our guides whisk off and we're standing with this woman who speaks no English at all, only Arabic. And she just takes off the Seahawks tank top and throws it on the ground. And we look at her and we look at each other. And it's soon realized that this is also the changing room and the entrance to the spa. And so I'm thinking, come on, it's fun. What can go wrong being a naked western woman at a door of a spa in an alleyway? It costs a quarter. So we go in through the door and it's this 13th century, dark, dank place where I look around, there's women everywhere on the floor. And around the perimeter of this big room is about 30 showers. And above the showers are windows, which.

Meredith (8:28)

Is the only light that comes in.

Liz Winstead (8:30)

And so I'm thinking, oh, this must be where you wait before you go get your spa treatment. And so I'm still like, okay, this could be awesome. And we begin a game of what I will call spa charades. Here to forth, because I don't know what's going on. And so the spa stress, I guess we'll call her, just signals down on the heads of the two of my friends to crouch. So they crouch, and I'm left standing. And then, what do you know, this big bucket of liquid comes rushing from behind me. And it's water. I think it's the temperature of pee, so I'm assuming it's water. I'm praying that it's water. And then I'm wet with something. And then she starts kind of a gesture that was sort of like an acid get these spiders off of me kind of thing on the arms. Which turns out meant time for the rough textured glove or rock or bag of glass or whatever it was she started scraping me down with. So the scraping begins, and, boy, I don't have any dead skin left or any skin left at all. And then it's down to the floor. And she gestures in this kind of safe kind of mode. This get on the floor. And I was like, okay. And I was like, I don't feel safe. This feels like a scared straight program for people addicted to spas. So I'm laying on the floor and I look and I realize that I am on a pitch and all of the water from the showers is now coming towards me. But my discovery was not only were we there, it was shaving day at the spa. So this water is carrying a tsunami of fur from all the ladies shaving and coming right at my face. So I'm trying to avoid it sliding back and forth on my stomach like the worst game of Asteroids ever. The Spastris takes this as another part of our charades game. Thinks I want my stomach exfoliated. So she summons over a woman who was like 6:2 and looked like she could have played for the Seattle Seahawks. And this woman takes my arms and the Spastrist takes my legs, and they start like a cheese grater, going back and forth on my stomach on this craggy floor. So now that I am dermis free, it is time for what I guess we'll call the anal polish, where a bar of soap appears from nowhere. And I'm. And then my anus is shiny like a new dime. And I'm just. I didn't see where the soap came from. I was assuming it was one of those fancy soaps that you see at Barney's, you know, the black soap, the mystical soap. The soap, in fact, was so Mystical that it was the soap they also used to wash your hair with. So with no skin and all soaked up, Boom. Another water assault comes, and I am rinsed off, and that is the end of my treatment. So I get up and I go to crouch with my two girlfriends, who now look like they are victims of some sort of documentary of a sanitarium gone horribly wrong.

Meredith (12:01)

And I look, and they get up and they walk away from me to the showers, basically saying, fuck this. And as I watch them go to the showers, I just stood crouched, and I observed the entire room. And what I watched in the entire room were groups of women in twos and threes washing each other's hair and bathing each other, laughing, having really intimate moments. And I thought to myself, what an asshole. Like, that is what this place is. It's a place for women to come and take everything off and need each other. And then I thought, I wonder what these women thought of me. Why did they think we came here and expected them to wash us?

Liz Winstead (12:58)

I can only imagine the communication that went on between my guides and these women. Like, I don't know what these Western assholes want. Just take the rock and scrub them down.

Meredith (13:05)

I don't know. But I was so jealous watching these women. And I remember doing that as a young girl. I remember going to slumber parties and scratching each other's arms and scratching each other's backs and confiding in each other. But we grew out of that. Somehow these women were creating lifelong bonds. And in America, we create reality shows where we pit women against each other. I so longed at that moment to have friends who wanted to just bathe me and wash me and connect with me. And after we left that trip, I made that very important decision that the women that I was going to invite into my life were women who weren't afraid to wash my hair.

Dan Kennedy (14:02)

Liz Winstead is the co creator and former head writer of the Daily show and co founder of Air America Radio. Liz's first book, Liz Free or Die, will be released by Riverhead Books on May 10th. For more information, visit LizWinstead.com or follow her on Twitter zwinstead. That's with two z's. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks, with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times bestsellers. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth Our podcast host, Dan.

Apple Advertiser (14:47)

Kennedy is the author of the book Rock An Office Power Ballad. Learn more@rockonthebook.com thanks to all of you.

Dan Kennedy (14:54)

For listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more public@prx.org.