Malic White: The Pink Stallion

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Moth – "Malic White: The Pink Stallion"

Introduction

In the August 6, 2013 episode of The Moth podcast titled "Malic White: The Pink Stallion," storyteller Malik White shares a deeply personal and transformative narrative about identity, transition, and self-acceptance. Hosted by Dan Kennedy, this episode delves into Malik's journey of embracing his true self amidst societal challenges and personal transformations.

Story Overview

Malik White begins his story by introducing Layla, his cherished bicycle, which accompanied him when he moved to Chicago. Layla, described as "hazelnut colored and small framed" ([03:24]), symbolized Malik's initial identity. However, six months into his new life in Chicago, Malik began identifying as transgender, prompting significant changes in his life and his relationship with Layla.

As Malik transitioned, he adopted a male identity, changing his name and striving to "pass" as male. Despite his efforts—shaving his hair, deepening his voice, and adopting traditionally masculine behaviors—he faced persistent misgendering and discrimination. Instances such as being called "ma'am" by a grocery store cashier and derogatory terms like "dyke" from teenagers highlighted the challenges he faced ([04:15]).

The turning point in Malik's story occurs when Layla is stolen, forcing him to confront his inability to feel comfortable and authentic while riding a bike that didn't reflect his true self. Seizing this moment as an opportunity for change, Malik decides to purchase his first men's bike, symbolizing his evolving identity ([05:40]).

At the local bike shop, Malik is captivated by the Cutter, a black and gold men's bike that perfectly aligns with his vision of himself. However, upon discovering that the Cutter wasn't available in his size, the sales representative offers him a flamboyant pink and green women's bike. Despite his initial fear of the color pink and its potential to undermine his efforts to pass, Malik purchases the bike out of necessity ([07:10]).

Riding home on the "faggot bike," Malik encounters homophobic slurs from passersby. Surprisingly, he responds with a smile, realizing that he is passing, albeit in an unexpected way. These interactions lead to a profound "gender revelation"—Malik understands that he no longer needs to hide the feminine aspects of himself to be authentic and accepted. Embracing his true identity, Malik decides to keep the bike as it is, refusing to cover the pink with stickers or paint ([08:50]).

Three years into being openly transgender and one year with the "faggot bike," Malik celebrates his authentic self, proudly acknowledging that the bike represents who he truly is.

Key Themes and Discussions

1. Gender Identity and Transition

   • Malik's journey highlights the complexities and challenges of transitioning, emphasizing the emotional and social hurdles involved in aligning one's external identity with their internal sense of self.

2. Societal Challenges and Discrimination

   • The story underscores the persistent discrimination faced by transgender individuals, from misgendering to outright homophobic slurs, showcasing the societal obstacles to acceptance and authenticity.

3. Symbolism of the Bike

   • Layla and the Cutter represent different phases of Malik's identity. The transition from a feminine-presenting bike to the flamboyant "faggot bike" symbolizes Malik's struggle and eventual acceptance of a more authentic self.

4. Self-Acceptance and Authenticity

   • The narrative illustrates the journey towards self-acceptance, highlighting the importance of embracing one's true identity despite societal pressures and prejudices.

Notable Quotes

• Malik White ([03:24]):

  "Her name was Layla and she was my bike. But six months in, I started identifying as transgender and things with Layla got a little complicated."

• Malik White ([07:10]):

  "I was terrified of pink. Not because I didn't like it, but because pink or anything remotely feminine compromised my ability to pass."

• Malik White ([08:50]):

  "Somewhere along the way, I have what I like to call a gender revelation. I realized that I don't have to hide the feminine parts of myself to be seen as the person that I am."

• Malik White ([09:30]):

  "I am the kind of boy who rides a faggot bike. I want faggot bike to be who she is. Completely all hot pink and green and just a little bit scuffed and dented."

Insights and Conclusions

Malik White's story serves as a poignant exploration of the intersection between personal identity and societal expectations. It highlights the courage required to embrace one's true self in the face of adversity and underscores the importance of authenticity over conformity. Malik's decision to retain the "faggot bike" despite its nonconformity signifies a broader message of self-acceptance and the rejection of restrictive gender norms. His narrative encourages listeners to acknowledge and celebrate their unique identities, fostering a more inclusive and understanding society.

About the Storyteller

Malik White is a performer, storyteller, and gender warrior based in Chicago. He writes, directs, and performs new plays weekly with the Neo Futurist Theater Ensemble and has recently assistant directed the Ms. Neo pageant. Malik's writings have been featured in Bitch Magazine, Windy City Times, and the Huffington Post. His contributions to storytelling and advocacy make him a compelling and inspiring figure in the realm of personal narrative and gender discourse.

Conclusion

"The Pink Stallion" episode of The Moth podcast offers a compelling and heartfelt exploration of Malik White's journey toward self-discovery and acceptance. Through vivid storytelling and emotional depth, Malik provides listeners with an intimate glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of embracing one's true identity. This episode not only entertains but also educates and inspires, making it a standout contribution to The Moth's legacy of authentic and impactful storytelling.

Transcript

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[Apple Watch Representative]

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[Dan Kennedy]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks, with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For the Moth listeners, Audible is offering a free audiobook to give you a chance to try out their service. You might like listening to Jim Gaffigan read his hilarious new book, dad Is Fat. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth that's audible.com the moth the story you're about to hear by Malik White was told live in Chicago last year. The theme of the night was life in the bike lane, and for that show we partnered with the New Belgium Brewery on the Tour de Fat and we're excited to tell you we have two more Tour de Fat shows coming up this summer. One in Fort Collins, Colorado on Saturday, August 31, and then another one in San Francisco on Saturday, September 21, for your chance to tell a story at the show, just submit your one line pitch via email to tourdefattemoth.org and you can check the moth.org site for event details. If dressing freaky and riding bikes and bands and beer are things you like, the most fun fundraiser around the Tour de Fact New bell jumps back in town. Okay, so now let's get to this week's story. And oh, don't be alarmed if you hear birds and sirens, because we recorded this one outside.

[Malik White]

She came with me when I moved to Chicago. She was kind of hazelnut colored and small framed like me, and we were perfect for each other for a while. Her name was Layla and she was my bike. But six months in, I started identifying as transgender and things with Layla got a little complicated. That means that despite being biologically female, I identify somewhere on the masculine end of the gender spectrum. And while being a beer bellied, football watching dude has clearly just never been in the cards for me, I did change my name. I asked everybody to call me he instead of she. And I tried desperately to pass as male. So that meant shaving off all of my hair, speaking in a voice an octave deeper than my normal range, and turning on the boy's charms to no avail because the grocery store cashier still called me ma'am, teenagers still called me a dyke. And on the rare occasion when I did pass, I couldn't get into bars because bouncers tended to think I was a 10 year old boy. You can probably tell. And I blamed Layla. I mean, when people saw me riding around on my little girl bike, they saw a girl. So I was heartbroken the day that Layla was stolen. But I decided to seize the moment as an opportunity to buy my first men's bike. One that reflected the person I was becoming. So, 4th of July weekend last summer, the local bike shop announces a sale on Schwinn hybrids. And I go there with just enough cash to get me one way on the bus because I made a promise to myself that I was going to buy a bike that day and I was going to ride at home. So I walk in and the sales guy greets me with a How can I help you, sir? Ma'am, Sir. But I'm not even paying attention because I'm making a beeline for the bike in the corner. The bike that is everything I want. It's black and gold and badass. And unlike most men's bikes, which have names like Ranger or Mountain Cub, this one is called the Cutter. So the sales guy sees me Salivating over this bike. And he goes into the back room to get me the extra small frame size, and he comes back empty handed. And he says, I'm sorry, sir, ma'am. Looks like Schwinn doesn't make this bike in your size. But we carry the women's model. And I think, screw it if it's black and gold and called the Cutter. Like, who cares about the shape of the frame? I need to have this bike. And he goes into the back room, and he wheels out the flashiest, most garish, awful bike I have ever seen in my life. The back half of the frame is lime green, the seat is speckled with polka dots, and the entire front half of the bike, including the front wheel, is hot pink. I was terrified of pink. Not because I didn't like it, but because pink or anything remotely feminine compromised my ability to pass. But I promised myself I would buy a bike that day, and I needed two wheels to get home. So I just took a deep breath and said, okay, I'll take it. And on that ride home, I made many promises to myself. Promises that I would cover the pink with strategically placed stickers. Promises that eventually I'd just spray paint the whole thing black. And while fellow commuters were checking out my flashy new wheels, I cringed when I thought about what they saw. A girl riding a very girly bike. And then I heard it. Faggot. I hit the brakes. I turn around. I'm looking for the jerk who's probably harassing some poor little femme boy jogging in his short shorts. And I don't see anybody. And then I hear, nice bike, faggot. I realize he's talking to me. And I am elated. I mean, I do not condone homophobic slurs. And I am fully aware that when someone calls you faggot in the mean way, you do not smile. But I did. I was smiling because I was finally passing, just not in the way I expected. So I compose my face, and I keep going. And then I hear somebody else say, his bike is so gay. And I get a few more comments like that on my way home. And somewhere along the way, I. I have what I like to call a gender revelation. I realized that I don't have to hide the feminine parts of myself to be seen as the person that I am. And I realized that I don't want to be trapped in anybody's gender box, not even the male one. So over the next few months, I started wearing a rhinestone stud in my right earlobe. I bought hot pink skinny jeans. I realized that I'm the kind of boy who wears his hair a little bit long and listens to Elton John. I am the kind of boy who rides a faggot bike. I recently celebrated my three year anniversary of being openly trans and my one year anniversary with faggot bike. And no, I never ended up covering the pink with stickers or spray paint because I want faggot bike to be who she is. Completely all hot pink and green and just a little bit scuffed and dented. Thanks.

[Dan Kennedy]

Malik White is a performer, storyteller and gender warrior for Chicago, where Malick writes, directs and performs new plays every week with the Neo Futurist Theater Ensemble. Most recently, Malick assistant directed the Ms. Neo pageant. Malick's writing has been published in Bitch Magazine, Windy City Times, and the Huffington Post. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times bestsellers. To try Audible free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth and here's a note for our listeners in Australia. The Moth is opening the Melbourne Writers Festival in Melbourne, Australia on August 22. For ticking in information and for a list of all of our upcoming tour stops, visit themoth.org Our podcast host, Dan.

[Malik White]

Kennedy, is a writer and performer living in New York and author of the new novel American Spirit.

[Rosetta Stone Representative]

Available now.

[Dan Kennedy]

Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the Radio Hour are presented by Pete prx, the Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more [e-mail].