The Moth Podcast Summary: "Marvin Gelfand: Anger"
Episode Title: Marvin Gelfand: Anger
Host/Author: The Moth
Release Date: February 14, 2011
Recorded Live: 2006 at The Moth Annual Members Show
Theme: The Seven Deadly Sins – Anger
Introduction
In this episode of The Moth podcast, storyteller Marvin Gelfand delves into the complex emotions surrounding anger within familial relationships. Recorded live in 2006, Marvin's narrative explores his tumultuous upbringing, the challenges of marrying outside his cultural norms, and the transformative power of love in overcoming deep-seated anger.
Marvin’s Family Background
Marvin begins by painting a vivid picture of his early life within a large, tightly-knit Bronx Jewish family. He describes his family's dynamics as "backstabbing, petty fights, screaming," which fostered an environment he found oppressive and bewildering. This oppressive atmosphere ignited his early desire to escape:
"My escape was not particularly clever. First it was books... and sports. I wasn't a bad baseball player, not very good, but determined." [04:30]
Marvin emphasizes his strategic withdrawal through education and personal interests, which were highly valued in Jewish immigrant culture as pathways to success and upward mobility.
Meeting May Abihara
Marvin recounts the pivotal moment when he met May Abihara, a Japanese American woman he encountered at the Columbia Library in 1955. May's background was marked by hardship, having survived a concentration camp during World War II and suffering from "soliosis pretty badly." Despite their cultural differences and her self-described identity as a "heathen," Marvin felt an immediate and profound connection:
"It was instant love for me, plus something from Chaucer... 'Love conquers all.'" [06:10]
The relationship challenged Marvin's preconceptions and ignited his romantic side, leading him to propose marriage even before fully severing ties with his family.
Overcoming Family Anger
Marvin details the intense backlash from his family upon announcing his marriage to May. The anger he experienced was so profound that he likens it to an impending "World War Three":
"Anger isn't the word. It was as furious as the World War Three that a lot of people expected to come around the corner." [07:25]
This familial rejection manifested in a metaphorical "iron door" that shut out his new life with May. The resistance stemmed from historical tensions post-World War II, adding layers of prejudice and cultural misunderstanding to the familial discord.
Life Together and Reconciliation
Despite the initial estrangement, Marvin and May built a life based on mutual respect and shared passions. They became educators and parents to two sons, whose resemblance to May bridged cultural gaps within Marvin's family. Marvin reflects on the gradual thawing of family relations:
"For years and years, the amiable trivia lasted. The anger in the family never relapsed." [10:15]
Marvin illustrates moments of reconciliation at family events like bar mitzvahs and weddings, where his temper flared initially but was tempered by May's "great generosity of spirit." Her anthropologist perspective allowed her to navigate and diffuse tensions gracefully, fostering a fragile peace.
Conclusion and Reflections
Marvin concludes by celebrating the enduring love between him and May, which lasted nearly 45 years until her passing in 2005. He credits May with transcending the "mean bites of soul-shrinking anger" that once dominated his family interactions. The legacy of their relationship is encapsulated in a song that symbolizes their enduring bond:
"I'm yours, you're mine and in our hearts the happy ending starts... forevermore for me and May." [10:50]
Marvin's story is a testament to the transformative power of love and understanding in overcoming anger and animosity, ultimately fostering reconciliation and lasting familial bonds.
About Marvin Gelfand
Marvin Gelfand is a teacher, writer, and political activist from Brooklyn. His poignant storytelling in this episode highlights his journey from a conflicted youth to a reconciled adult, emphasizing the profound impact of personal relationships on overcoming societal and familial anger.
This summary encapsulates Marvin Gelfand's heartfelt narrative about navigating and overcoming anger within his family through love and understanding. His story serves as an inspiring example of how personal connections can bridge deep-seated conflicts.