Podcast Title: The Moth
Episode: Mike Birbiglia: There’s Something in My Bladder
Release Date: February 27, 2012
Host: Dan Kennedy

Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Moth, renowned comedian and storyteller Mike Birbiglia shares his deeply personal and humorous journey through a harrowing medical diagnosis. Titled "There’s Something in My Bladder," Birbiglia navigates the turbulent emotions and absurdities that arise when faced with a life-threatening health scare. This story, delivered with Birbiglia’s signature blend of vulnerability and wit, offers listeners a poignant exploration of fear, resilience, and the human spirit.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

Birbiglia begins by unveiling his lifelong struggle with hypochondria, humorously describing how a cancer diagnosis ironically validates his incessant health anxieties. He sets the stage with a relatable predicament:

“I have a story I'll tell you of red matter... When I was 19, I had a malignant tumor in my bladder. But it's funny. Stay with me because I'm a hypochondriac.” (03:00)

His candid admission not only establishes his vulnerability but also invites the audience into the chaotic mind of someone perpetually fearing the worst.

The Initial Shock: Blood in the Urine

The narrative intensifies as Birbiglia recounts the moment he discovers blood in his urine during a routine rest stop:

“There was blood in my pee, which I knew could mean, like, five things, and three of them mean I die.” (04:30)

This alarming discovery propels him into a maelstrom of fear and overthinking, illustrating how his hypochondria magnifies a typical medical issue into a life-threatening crisis.

A Misguided Medical Encounter

Birbiglia humorously details his first visit to the urologist, highlighting his naivety and the awkwardness of the situation:

“I felt so bad. I was like, sorry about the theatrics, you know, as though I had intended it, you know, like, this will be my big moment when he sticks his finger up my ass.” (06:15)

This humorous take on an uncomfortable medical procedure showcases Birbiglia’s ability to find levity in distressing circumstances, making his story both entertaining and relatable.

Undergoing the Cystoscopy and Hospitalization

The storyline progresses as Birbiglia undergoes a cystoscopy, a procedure he initially perceives as less daunting until the reality sets in:

“He went, you gotta come in tomorrow morning for what's called a cystoscopy... And I said, I feel like there was too much emphasis on the muffin and not enough emphasis on the fishing rod.” (07:00)

His vivid analogy underscores the unexpected fears that accompany medical examinations, transforming clinical terms into accessible and humorous imagery.

The situation escalates when complications arise during the procedure, leading to an unexpected hospitalization:

“I wake up in the recovery room, and I'm sky high with my mom... And my mom's mortified. She's like, shh. And I was like, do you hate me?” (08:30)

This moment captures the raw emotional turmoil and the strained dynamics that can surface in high-stress medical situations.

Facing the Possibility of Death

Birbiglia delves into the existential dread of awaiting his biopsy results, contemplating mortality with a mix of humor and sincerity:

“A week in my life I thought I might die, which is an incredible experience if you ever have the chance.” (09:00)

He reflects on the surreal experience of feeling connected to a higher power during moments of intense fear:

“When you think you're gonna die, you'll do anything. You start going to church a few times a week... I was brand loyal to Jesus, but I'm not stubborn.” (09:15)

The Positive Outcome and Lingering Fears

Relief washes over Birbiglia as he learns that the tumor was caught early, sparing him from further invasive treatments. However, the ordeal leaves a lasting impact:

“They found a malignant tumor from my bladder. But they caught it early enough so they didn't have to take any further action.” (09:40)

Despite the positive outcome, Birbiglia maintains his humorous outlook, balancing gratitude with his enduring anxieties:

“They said I had to come back for a cystoscopy while I'm awake. I know, but it's okay because afterwards I eat a muffin.” (09:50)

Conclusion

Mike Birbiglia’s "There’s Something in My Bladder" is a masterful blend of comedy and candid storytelling. Through his narrative, Birbiglia not only entertains but also provides profound insights into the human experience of fear, vulnerability, and the search for humor amidst adversity. His ability to transform a potentially traumatic medical crisis into a story of resilience and laughter resonates deeply, leaving listeners both moved and amused.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Hypochondriac Realization:

  “It was less funny at the time... Oh, my God.” (00:00)

• Blood in the Urine:

  “I knew could mean, like, five things, and three of them mean I die.” (04:30)

• Awkward Medical Procedure:

  “This will be my big moment when he sticks his finger up my ass.” (06:15)

• Hospital Recovery:

  “I'm sky high with my mom... Do you hate me?” (08:30)

• Considering Mortality:

  “A week in my life I thought I might die, which is an incredible experience if you ever have the chance.” (09:00)

• Humorous Outlook Post-Diagnosis:

  “It's okay because afterwards I eat a muffin.” (09:50)

Final Thoughts

Mike Birbiglia's storytelling prowess shines in this episode, offering a heartfelt and humorous exploration of a personal medical crisis. His ability to weave humor into moments of fear not only endears him to the audience but also provides a comforting reminder of the resilience inherent in the human spirit. For listeners seeking a blend of laughter and introspection, this episode of The Moth is both entertaining and enlightening.