Episode Summary: Mona Simpson – "The Rubber Stamp"

In this poignant episode of The Moth, celebrated author Mona Simpson shares an intimate and compelling narrative from her life, titled "The Rubber Stamp." Originally performed live in Los Angeles, the story delves deep into themes of family, identity, financial struggle, and the unexpected sources of salvation.

1. Early Struggles and Financial Hardship

Mona begins by painting a vivid picture of her upbringing in a single-parent household. Growing up in an unfurnished apartment, she and her mother faced persistent financial instability. Mona recounts the constant tension of living with limited resources:

Mona Simpson [03:30]: "We lived in literally an unfurnished apartment with no furniture in it and we had had the gas and electric turned off more than once."

She illustrates the omnipresent stress of financial constraints through memories like avoiding restaurant outings to prevent the sight of returned checks:

Mona Simpson [04:15]: "There were restaurants we didn't go to because we knew there would be a check penned up on a bulletin board that had been returned from the bank."

2. The College Application and Identity Crisis

As Mona navigates the college application process, she grapples with questions of identity and representation. Sitting on the carpeted stairs of her unfurnished apartment, she confronts the limitations of identity categories:

Mona Simpson [02:50]: "I went along I called Questions down to my mother. Mom, am I anything? What do you mean? Well, it says Asian American, African American, Hispanic, Native American. Does it say Syrian or Arab American? No."

Her mother's pragmatic approach to their situation contrasts with Mona's growing anxiety about their reliance on extended family for financial support:

Mona Simpson [06:00]: "She knew things that I didn't. That there were connections, networks that I couldn't understand yet."

3. Maternal Despair and Mona's Crisis

The narrative takes a darker turn as Mona describes her mother's mental health struggles and despair over their financial predicament. Her mother's ominous statements sow seeds of fear and uncertainty in Mona:

Mona Simpson [09:30]: "When I take you to college, I may not come home again. I may go somewhere else. You may not know me anymore."

Mona's fear intensifies, leading her to a psychiatrist whom she consults about her mother's hints at suicide:

Mona Simpson [11:45]: "I pulled out money from my pocket. The bills were curled up from being in my pocket and he refused to take any of my cash."

Despite this, Mona resolves to continue with her plans to attend Berkeley, driven by both necessity and a desire to support her mother.

4. The Unexpected Savior: A Bureaucratic Hand

In a twist of fate, Mona's financial future hinges not on her family's support, but on the intervention of a bureaucrat at Berkeley's Financial Aid Office. She narrates her encounter with the Director of Financial Aid, whose unexpected appreciation for her creative work leads to her scholarship approval:

Mona Simpson [15:10]: "He looked at me and said, I don't know much about literature, but these are the kind of stories I like to read... he rubber stamped my application and okayed my scholarship for four years."

This moment underscores the theme that sometimes, salvation comes from the most unexpected places, challenging Mona's earlier reliance on familial support.

5. Reflections on Family and Identity

Years later, Mona reflects on the lasting impact of these early experiences on her relationship with her father and her sense of identity. She describes the challenges of reconnecting with a father who had been absent for much of her life:

Mona Simpson [16:30]: "The more we tried to behave like a father and a daughter, the more ersatz the connection felt."

Through this reunion, Mona finds a semblance of beginning and energy, but also acknowledges the irreparable gaps shaped by her past:

Mona Simpson [17:00]: "In those connections I felt the energy of a beginning."

6. Conclusion: An Epic Journey Through Loss and Gain

Mona concludes by reflecting on her journey from fraught beginnings to unforeseen resolutions. She emphasizes that her path was epic and fraught, marked by both losses and gains:

Mona Simpson [16:00]: "The journey to the other side is epic and fraught and involves as many lives losses as gains."

Her story serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the intricate ways in which connections—both expected and random—shape our destinies.

Key Takeaways

• Financial Struggles: Mona's early life was marked by persistent financial instability, highlighting the challenges faced by single-parent households.

• Identity and Representation: The college application process forced Mona to confront issues of cultural identity and representation.

• Unexpected Salvation: Mona's academic future was secured not through traditional familial support but via the compassionate intervention of a bureaucrat.

• Complex Family Dynamics: Reconnecting with her father later in life revealed the complexities and gaps in familial relationships shaped by early hardships.

• Resilience and Growth: Despite numerous setbacks, Mona's journey underscores the resilience required to navigate life's unpredictable challenges.

Notable Quotes

• Mona Simpson [02:50]: "Does it say Syrian or Arab American? No. Well, just leave it be then."

• Mona Simpson [03:30]: "We lived in literally an unfurnished apartment with no furniture in it and we had had the gas and electric turned off more than once."

• Mona Simpson [09:30]: "When I take you to college, I may not come home again."

• Mona Simpson [15:10]: "He looked at me and said, I don't know much about literature, but these are the kind of stories I like to read."

• Mona Simpson [16:00]: "The journey to the other side is epic and fraught and involves as many lives losses as gains."

Mona Simpson’s "The Rubber Stamp" is a heartfelt exploration of the intersections between family, financial necessity, identity, and unexpected avenues of support. Her storytelling captures the emotional landscape of overcoming adversity and finding one's path through unpredictable turns of fate.