Rebecca Nesson: Coming to Term - The Moth

Summary

Summary of The Moth Podcast Episode: "Rebecca Nesson: Coming to Term"

Introduction

In the episode titled "Coming to Term," storyteller Rebecca Nesson shares a deeply personal and transformative journey of marital strife, unexpected pregnancy, miscarriage, and eventual reconciliation. Her narrative intricately weaves themes of love, desperation, resilience, and the redemptive power of unexpected joys. This summary captures the essence of her story, highlighting key moments, emotional peaks, and poignant insights.

1. Initial Struggles After Childbirth

Rebecca begins her story by recounting the challenging period following the birth of her daughter, Nico.

Exhaustion and Fatigue: Despite Nico starting to sleep through the night, Rebecca found herself increasingly tired. "I was just feeling more and more exhausted and my progress on my dissertation had ground to a complete halt" ([02:02]).
Weight Gain Efforts: Her efforts to lose weight were thwarted despite using tools like the Wii Fit. "It was not like I wasn't trying to lose the weight" ([02:02]).

2. Marital Conflict Intensifies

Rebecca delves into the deteriorating relationship with her husband, Wayne, highlighting the strain that added to her challenges.

Constant Fighting: The couple found themselves arguing over trivial matters. "We were just Fighting about all kinds of things and just, you know, stupid things" ([02:02]).
Feeling Undervalued: Simple mistakes felt magnified, leading Rebecca to feel increasingly inadequate. "It didn't matter what I did, it was wrong" ([02:02]).
Desire to Escape: The mounting tension made Rebecca contemplate leaving, a decision she immediately regretted. "I told Wayne that I was leaving... I was trapped by my love for my amazing little daughter, Nico" ([02:02]).

3. The Miscarriage Incident

A pivotal moment in Rebecca's narrative is the unexpected miscarriage, which serves as a catalyst for change.

Sudden Health Scare: On a seemingly normal day, Rebecca experiences severe bleeding while at the 1369 Coffee Shop. "I rushed to the bathroom as fast as I could... my legs were completely covered in blood" ([02:02]).
Realization and Immediate Aftermath: Recognizing the gravity of the situation, she confronts the possibility of losing the baby. "I'm really sorry, but I think I just had a miscarriage" ([02:02]).
Emotional Turmoil: The incident leaves Rebecca feeling devastated and questioning her readiness for another child. "I was pretty devastated... How Could I bring another child into this unhappy, unprepared family?" ([02:02]).

4. Hospital Visit and Emotional Disconnect

Rebecca and Wayne navigate the hospital visit, highlighting their emotional disconnect despite the shared trauma.

Silent Journey: Walking to the birth center, Rebecca is acutely aware of the strained atmosphere. "Walking home silently with Wayne... I just felt so small" ([02:02]).
Limited Comfort: Even in the face of loss, comfort from Wayne remains elusive. "We just didn't know what to say to each other... I just couldn't really accept comfort from him" ([02:02]).

5. The Unexpected Ultrasound Revelation

In a twist of fate, Rebecca's story takes a hopeful turn during an ultrasound appointment.

Anticipation and Fear: As they await the ultrasound, Rebecca braces for further bad news. "I was trying to steel myself for it because it just seems like it's going to be such a terrible thing to see" ([02:02]).
Heartfelt Discovery: Contrary to expectations, the ultrasound reveals the baby's heartbeat is still present. "I think I see something moving... that's the baby's heartbeat. It looks like the baby's okay" ([02:02]).
Emotional Relief: The revelation brings unexpected joy and tears, renewing hope in their relationship. "The feeling of joy just washing over me... Wayne was crying" ([02:02]).

6. Healing Through Shared Experiences

Buoyed by the positive ultrasound results, Rebecca and Wayne embark on a journey to mend their relationship.

Celebratory Moments: They choose to celebrate their baby's health with simple pleasures, such as enjoying dim sum in Chinatown. "We decided to walk a few blocks into Chinatown and celebrate with some dim sum" ([02:02]).
Rebuilding Connection: Over the next seven months, shared meals and mutual enjoyment help them reconnect. "We start to have fun... really just starting to feel better" ([02:02]).

7. Birth of Charlie and Family Renewal

The culmination of Rebecca's story is the birth of her second daughter, Charlie, symbolizing a new beginning for the family.

Healthy Arrival: Charlie is born healthy, a testament to the family's resilience and renewed bond. "By the time that our daughter Charlie was born healthy seven months later, I knew that it had taken her one gigantic, really scary and shocking event" ([02:02]).
Family Harmony: The family's transformation is underscored by the shared struggle and subsequent happiness. "She was born into the happy and healthy family that she deserved" ([02:02]).

Notable Quotes

"It was not like I wasn't trying to lose the weight." ([02:02])
"We were just Fighting about all kinds of things and just, you know, stupid things." ([02:02])
"I was trapped by my love for my amazing little daughter, Nico." ([02:02])
_"The feeling of joy just washing over me." _([02:02])

Insights and Themes

Rebecca's narrative highlights several profound themes:

Resilience in the Face of Adversity: Despite overwhelming challenges, Rebecca and Wayne find a path to healing.
The Fragility of Relationships: The story underscores how stress and unmet expectations can strain even the most loving relationships.
Unexpected Joys: Moments of profound loss can pave the way for unexpected happiness and renewal.
The Power of Shared Experiences: Bonding over shared joys and sorrows can rebuild and strengthen familial ties.

Conclusion

"Coming to Term" is a poignant testament to the complexities of family life, the depths of personal struggle, and the enduring strength of love. Rebecca Nesson's story serves as an inspiration, illustrating that even in the darkest moments, there is potential for healing and new beginnings. Her journey from despair to joy offers valuable insights into the human spirit's capacity to overcome and rebuild.

Additional Information

Rebecca Nesson is a multifaceted individual—a computer programmer, urban forager, gardener, biker mom, and more—residing in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She contributes to the Public Radio Exchange by developing applications, including the Moth app available for iPhone and Android users.

Closing Remarks by Host

Dan Kennedy, the host, provides information about upcoming Moth events and sponsors, encouraging listeners to engage with The Moth's live storytelling experiences. He concludes by expressing gratitude to the audience and wishing them a "story worthy week."

This detailed summary encapsulates Rebecca Nesson's compelling story as shared on The Moth podcast, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

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Dan Kennedy (1:09)

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 100,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For the Moth listeners, Audible is offering a free audiobook to give you a chance to try out their service. You may like listening to stories written and read by some of our recent storytellers like Nathan Englander and Gillian Lauren. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth that's audible.com themoth the story the story you're about to hear by Rebecca Nessen was told live in Boston this past spring. The theme of the show that night was Learning Curves.

Rebecca Nessen (2:02)

It was when my daughter Nico was five months old that things really started to go downhill for me. She had just started to sleep through the night and I felt like I should be feeling less tired, but instead I was just feeling more and more exhausted and my progress on my dissertation had ground to a complete halt. And I was fat and I had been, you know, it's not like I wasn't trying to lose the weight. My husband Wayne had gotten me this Wii Fit and I would get on it each day and this little cute animated version of me would tell me, yes, you are getting f. But worst part of it at all was that Wayne and I were really, really not getting along. We were just Fighting about all kinds of things and just, you know, stupid things. It would be like I dripped water on the floor after I took a shower, or I didn't remember to turn the windshield wipers off when I parked the car. And I just felt like, didn't matter what I did, it was wrong. And I just felt like I was being kicked when I was down. And I was feeling pretty miserable. And over the course of the next two months, it just got worse and worse. I was still feeling really exhausted and I was still getting fatter. My dissertation was still exactly the same length and we were fighting almost every single day. And I was just starting to think about escaping. And I would think back to what it was like the summer before Nico was born. And everything was so good. Wayne had just moved back from Chicago. He'd gotten a really great postdoc and we'd found this like, you know, more or less affordable apartment in a lively part of East Cambridge. And we were so excited to become parents. And we were talking about it and planning and just feeling, you know, congratulatory to ourselves that when it came to big decisions and, you know, serious perspectives on things, we just always seemed to agree and we always had. And now here we were in our kitchen under this way too yellow light and smelling the cloying smell of the laundry detergent of our neighbors coming up from the basement and through our kitchen window. And we were fighting in this really angry stage whisper again about something stupid like why is it that I cannot remember to put the long handled spoons in the right place in the dishwasher and why don't I care? And it just crossed some kind of a line for me. And I told Wayne that I was leaving. And then I just collapsed in tears on a chair because I knew that it wasn't true and he knew that it wasn't true. I couldn't leave. I was trapped. I was trapped by my love for my amazing little daughter, Nico. And I was so ashamed of the decision that I had made and of thinking that we were ready to do this, that we were ready to start a family. And now here we were and we weren't ready and I couldn't do it. And I went to bed really sad and angry that night. And the next morning I. I found out I was pregnant. So as you can imagine, I was pretty devastated. I went through the next two weeks in a sort of like resigned zombieish state, just running over and over in my mind the dismal set of options that I had and thinking about how Could I bring another child into this unhappy, unprepared family? And then this one day, this absolutely gorgeous day in September, I happened to have the morning to myself. And so I packed up my laptop and I walked to the 1369 Coffee Shop in Inman Square. And I sat down in the coffee shop among the whole laptop set that was there. And I was feeling pretty good. I was getting some work done and I was actually just feeling pretty normal when I felt something really unnormal start to happen to me. And so I got up and I rushed to the bathroom as fast as I could, but by the time I got there, I was covered, My legs were completely covered in blood. And luckily I was pretty shocked. So I wasn't really thinking about the magnitude of what had happened. I was just thinking about, you know, oh my God, I'm in this coffee shop bathroom covered in blood and I don't have a sweatshirt that I can cover up with. I have nothing to clean up. And so I just cleaned myself up as best as I could. I cleaned the bathroom up and then I kind of like sidled out of the bathroom up to where the espresso machine was where this girl was working. And I said, I'm really sorry, but I think I just had a miscarriage. In your bathroom. Can I use your phone? And so five minutes later, I'm walking down Cambridge street to the birth center and I'm just really aware of all of these people's eyes on me because my pants are soaked in blood. And it is sinking in what has happened. And I'm thinking to myself, but isn't this what you wanted? I mean, hadn't you kind of secretly been hoping for this to happen? And if so, why does it feel so sad and awful? So when I get to the birth center, Wayne had rushed to meet me there. And I look at him and I can just see the pain and sadness and worry on his face also. But we just didn't know what to say to each other. And I just couldn't really accept comfort from him. But so this nurse gave me these gigantic XXL green nurses scrubs to replace my pants and then showed us in to see the midwife. And the midwife told us that yes, when you bleed that much, the baby's gone, but that we had this regularly scheduled ultrasound later that afternoon and she wanted us to go so that they could see what was left. Walking home silently with Wayne in these gigantic pants, I just felt so small. Two hours later, we're back and we're waiting for this ultrasound, and I'm trying to steel myself for it because it just seems like it's going to be such a terrible thing to see. And at least the ultrasounds are these, like, totally indecipherable, indistinct things. So maybe I won't really be able to tell what I'm looking at. But as the image swims into view on the screen in front of me and I'm looking at it, I'm really hesitant to say anything, but I just have to. And I say to the technician, I think I see something moving. And she says, yes, that's the baby's heartbeat. It looks like the baby's okay. And, oh my God, the feeling of joy just washing over me. And Wayne was crying, and I was just, you know, so surprised at the unexpected result and also at my unexpected reaction to it. But when you have that kind of bleeding, everything is not okay. So the next Monday, we go downtown to the hospital for a special ultrasound, and the doctor checks to make sure that the baby's still okay. And when he tells us that it is, we decided to walk a few blocks into Chinatown and celebrate with some dim sum. And the following Monday, it's the same thing all over again. And over the course of the next seven months, we start to have fun. We're eating an obscene amount of shrimp noodles and shumai and starting to enjoy each other's company again and really just starting to feel better. So that by the time that our daughter Charlie was born healthy seven months later, I knew that it had taken her one gigantic, really scary and shocking event. And then seven months of dim sum dates engineered from inside the womb to ensure that she was born into the happy and healthy family that she deserved. And she was. Thanks.