The Moth Podcast: "Shalom Auslander: Death Camp Blues"
Introduction
In the January 9, 2012 episode of The Moth podcast titled "Death Camp Blues," storyteller Shalom Auslander shares a deeply personal and introspective narrative that intertwines his family's history with his own emotional journey. The episode, falling under the holiday-themed collection "Home for the Holidays," explores themes of memory, trauma, and the healing power of laughter.
Background and Early Life
Shalom Auslander begins by providing context about his upbringing in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish community. He recounts his experiences in yeshivas (Orthodox religious schools) and the pervasive influence of Holocaust narratives:
"I was raised in an ultra Orthodox Jewish community and spent my childhood in yeshivas, which are Orthodox schools... all that graphic newsreelly, corpse pile, mass grave, horrifying imagery from a very young age." [02:20]
Auslander explains his aversion to Holocaust memorialization during his youth. Despite widespread discussions about Nazi atrocities, he personally chose to distance himself, influenced by his mother's penchant for misery and negativity:
"The only thing I hated more than Nazis was hating Nazis." [02:20]
The Decision to Visit Sachsenhausen
As Auslander approaches his 40th birthday, he feels compelled to confront his suppressed feelings by visiting a concentration camp. Initially considering Auschwitz, he opts for Sachsenhausen, a less notorious site, due to time constraints:
"I found myself in Berlin, and I was turning 40... I decided I had to go to a camp. Fortunately, there was Sachsenhausen just a half hour outside of Berlin." [02:20]
He invites a German acquaintance to accompany him, only to be declined. Her refusal is rooted in her frequent visits to various concentration camps as part of German educational practices, which inadvertently perpetuate anti-Semitic sentiments:
"She said, 'give yourself a day... skip the ovens.' Apparently, everyone goes and wants to see the ovens." [02:20]
Experience at Sachsenhausen
Upon arriving at Sachsenhausen, Auslander faces logistical frustrations. He encounters long lines and overcrowded exhibits, which heighten his irritation:
"I see the gates and there's that sign, 'Arbeit Macht Frei'... I'm already pissed off." [02:20]
Determined to visit the gas chambers—a place he associates with his worst nightmares—he navigates through apathetic crowds and unyielding queues. Despite his efforts, the gas chambers have been demolished by Nazis before their departure, leaving no trace:
"Turns out I never did see the gas chambers because the Nazis knocked them down before they left and there's nothing there to see." [02:20]
Emotional Breakthrough and Reflection
Frustrated and angry, Auslander exits the camp, cursing the inefficacy of the visit. However, as he walks away, a moment of profound realization overtakes him. Observing his reflection and the absurdity of his anger, he begins to laugh uncontrollably:
"I turn around and start laughing. Two words crossed my mind, not 'never again,' but 'Tanta Henny.'" [02:20]
Interweaving Family History
Auslander delves into a poignant family anecdote involving his great grandmother, Tanta Henny, who succumbed to Alzheimer's disease. He recounts a shiva (mourning ceremony) where his mother struggles to convey Henny's passing to her afflicted sister. The chaos and confusion culminate in Auslander’s uncontrollable laughter, which initially bemuses his mother:
"She says, 'What the hell is so funny?' And I just turned around and I laughed again." [02:20]
This story serves as a metaphor for his own emotional release. The shared laughter between him and his mother symbolizes a rare moment of connection, blending sorrow with humor as a coping mechanism:
"Laughter, particularly dark laughter, is a victory of sorts. It felt like a release... a liberating way." [02:20]
Conclusion and Insights
Auslander concludes by reflecting on the juxtaposition of his experiences at Sachsenhausen and his family’s history. He muses on the power of laughter to transcend trauma and the importance of finding common ground in the darkest of times:
"Laughter will set you free... that's what all these stories here tonight are in a certain way." [02:20]
The episode underscores the healing potential of humor amidst grief and the enduring impact of familial bonds in overcoming past traumas.
Notable Quotes
- "The only thing I hated more than Nazis was hating Nazis." – Shalom Auslander [02:20]
- "Laughter, particularly dark laughter, is a victory of sorts." – Shalom Auslander [02:20]
- "Laughter will set you free." – Shalom Auslander [02:20]
About Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander is an accomplished author known for his works such as "Beware of God," "Foreskin's Lament," and his forthcoming novel "A Tragedy." He is a regular contributor to NPR's This American Life and resides in upstate New York.
This summary captures the essence of Shalom Auslander's poignant and humorous recounting of his visit to a Nazi death camp, interlaced with personal family history. Auslander’s narrative highlights the complex interplay between memory, anger, and the unexpected solace found in laughter.